September 2, 2024 • 15 mins
Can the key to overcoming relationship challenges be found in the divine? Join us for an enlightening discussion as we explore how our relationship with God can profoundly influence and elevate our interactions with others, especially during the spiritually significant month of Elul. We delve into the theme of faith and trust in the face of adversity, seeing these moments not as setbacks but as opportunities for growth and service. By embodying God's attributes, such as mercy, we can conquer life's obstacles and achieve genuine spiritual triumph.
As we navigate the path of personal growth, the importance of gratitude and honest self-reflection becomes clear. We encourage seeking feedback from those we trust and taking the time each day to appreciate the divine source that renews our energy. By emulating God's unconditional love and resilience, we can recommit to our spiritual journeys daily, using every challenge as a stepping stone toward deeper connections. With the messages of Elul as our guide, we prepare for the new year, embracing each moment as an opportunity for meaningful reflection and growth. Join us and discover how these ancient teachings can transform your relationships and spiritual life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Hello and welcome to Dating, Marriage and Divorce
Conversations, where we analyze,navigate and troubleshoot all
stages of your romantic life.
I'm your host, Igor Meiselman,a divorce attorney turned
relationship coach.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Hello everybody, back to the show.
For some of you, this is justthe end of August, beginning of
September.
We're heading into the fallseason.
For others, it is beginning ofthe month of Elul, a last month
in the Jewish calendar beforethe new year and which famously
(00:51):
stands for an abbreviation.
I am to my beloved and mybeloved is unto me, strongly
implying that this is a month ofrelationships, relationship
building, relationship repair,coming into that space, space of
relationships, relationshipbuilding, relationship repair,
coming into that space, space ofrelationships.
What kind of relationships do Iwant to have, particularly my
(01:12):
relationship with god, myrelationship with the almighty,
the all-powerful, the ultimaterelationship, in certain way the
relationship that is the goldstandard of many of my other
relationships.
And what goes on in thatrelationship very often is a
great indicator of what elsegoes on in the rest of my life.
(01:35):
And because this relationshipis the one where we feel tested
the most, where we often findourselves wanting to test the
most, it's really a great way tocheck in and find out.
How do we really look at ourrelationships?
Is there anything we're takingfor granted?
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Is there anything we're doing that?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
we really want a specific outcome, and that's
what's really driving thedecision, rather than turning to
the relationship and basing iton trust.
Rather than turning to therelationship and basing it on
trust, relying on the ultimatesource to take care of us, to
take care of our needs, and totrust that the outcomes that are
presented to us are there toserve us, to give us the best
(02:17):
opportunity to do what we'remeant to do with ourselves, with
our energies, with our efforts.
The ultimate challenge of therelationship is being able to
sit down and ask the followingquestion Can I serve God from
this place?
That's right.
Can I serve God from this place?
Very often, right, people willsay oh, I have faith in God, of
(02:38):
course.
Oh, you don't have to ask metwice.
Trust in God?
Yeah, very important, veryimportant.
But then the moment somethinggoes wrong whether it's a
business deal, whether it's thekids are acting out, whether a
dispute with one's spouse thenall of a sudden, everything
becomes.
(02:58):
Why is this happening to me?
How could this happen to me?
I don't deserve this treatment.
I deserve better, I deservemore.
And there's no pausing to eversay well, I am in this situation
and maybe there is a reason,maybe there is a purpose why I
(03:18):
am in this situation, and thequestion that should matter to
me is, instead of kicking andscreaming and resisting the
present resisting what is?
what is presented before meInstead to actually focus on
what can I do to really trulyaccept the moment, and then that
(03:40):
way I can ask myself thequestion that does matter, which
is how can I serve God fromthis place?
This also has a place.
This also has place in my life.
Moments of challenge,difficulty, struggle have a
place in one's life.
Moments of challenge are thereto help us grow, to change right
.
There's a reason why we say nopain, no gain.
(04:02):
All these things have realmeaning.
They're not just fluff, they'renot just empty words we're
saying just for the sake ofsaying something, to explain or
justify, to make things okay.
No, the mental pushes toactually think about this
difficult question, which is canI serve God from this place?
This place is also opportunityfor service.
(04:26):
Oh, my kids are not listeningto me, my spouse is not giving
me what I need or is giving me ahard time or is challenging me
in ways that is hard for me.
Great, this also is opportunityfor service.
Not only smooth magic carpetrides and fluffy moments of life
(04:48):
are opportunities for service.
Of life are opportunities forservice.
In fact, I would imagine I'mgoing to speculate that for God,
the sweetest moments of serviceare the moments where we were
stumbling and fumbling andfalling on our faces and
struggling being ourselves,being with ourselves, being with
(05:08):
others and being able to remainfocused and dedicated and
compassionate, which very nicelybrings us to the other, really,
really important point when itcomes to our relationship with
God, which is how can wepractice being godly beings, how
are we supposed to be like him?
And what's interesting is thathe actually mandates it.
(05:31):
How do I know this?
Well, it says so in the Bible.
Hashem says in the Torah, godsays that I want you to walk in
my ways.
That's very interesting,because I would imagine God
doesn't walk, nor does he haveways, and yet that is exactly
what is explicitly being statedWalk in his ways.
And the question is, how do Iwalk in his ways?
(05:51):
And God himself reveals to ushis 13 attributes of mercy.
There are 13 attributes that hesays.
When you emulate these things,when you behave, conduct
yourself the way I conductmyself with the world, when you
attempt to copy me, when you arebeing like me guess what?
In those moments you are beinglike me and those are the
(06:14):
moments when I actually feelconnection with you.
Because you are being like me,that means you are joining me in
living out the mission in thisworld that I set out for the
world to experience.
And I also set out into theworld challenges and obstacles
and things that will get in theway and will make it very
(06:35):
difficult to be able to be likeme and to walk in my ways.
But that's the whole point.
I want the victory to be thatsweet when you climb that
mountain through all the blood,sweat and tears and you get to
the other side of it all.
In that moment that's the realtriumph, that's the real
celebration.
(06:56):
It's not when it's just servedin a silver platter and when the
homeless person runs to you andsays here, sir ma'am, here's an
opportunity for you to be agood servant to God.
No, it's precisely when youlook and seek out those
opportunities, despite thechallenges, despite the
(07:16):
difficulties, despite theresistance, whether it's natural
from the inside, whether it'ssomething external going on that
makes it difficult, in order tobe able to be a giver, to be
other oriented, and yet that'sexactly what I'm calling on you
to do.
God is saying this is mymission.
I want you to try to use the 13attributes of mercy and to
(07:41):
recruit them for your service,and you will see that, as you
emulate me and you walk in myways, that is going to bring one
more closeness and relationshipbetween you and I, meaning God
and us humans and, at the sametime, also bring closeness
between us and our fellow man.
And that, calling that missionstatement, is what's going to be
(08:05):
the resounding voice for thenext month.
This month of Elul, of I am tomy beloved and my beloved is to
me, is going to be a month ofreally truly saying can I take
this time when, throughout theyear, so many things we're busy
with, so many things that arepulling on us, so many things
(08:26):
that are demanding our attention, and here's an opportunity
where we could just focus onthis relationship, on getting
this one bedrock, therelationship of true connection,
not just conditional,transactional interaction.
(08:57):
Well, god, if you do thesethings for me, then I will also
serve you.
Well, if these things work outwell, then I'll think about you.
God, when instead it's no, canyou also realize that I am with
you in those dark places?
Can you realize I am actuallywith you right now as you
struggle, as you deal withanxiety, as you deal with
(09:17):
depression, as you deal withsadness, as you deal with lack
of affection?
Can you realize that I am alsohere with you?
And this space is an opportunityfor you to express some spark
of your divine creation, yourdivine soul, looking to
integrate into itself all theremaining missing pieces, that
(09:39):
is seeking to combine to reachcompleteness.
Because if I am being presentedI mean think about this if I'm
being presented with a specificchallenge, think about this If
I'm being presented with aspecific challenge, is it not
maybe in some way a proof that Iam meant to go through that
challenge?
That challenge is for me.
That challenge is meant to helpme actualize something in my
(10:00):
own potential that otherwisewill remain dormant and I'll
just never actualize or realizethis very important potential.
And so this is my opportunityto really develop and come to
lead some part of my journey andit's an important part of the
journey it's important to beable to recognize okay, here are
(10:22):
the areas where I'm still notdeveloped, here are the areas
where there is more work to do,and so it's time for me to dive
in.
It's time for me to focus onthat work and then really
explore, think about, maybespeak to somebody like a mentor
or a good friend or a partner,spouse, somebody sibling, parent
(10:45):
, anybody that we feel could behonest and objective about us in
helping us figuring out whatelse is still incomplete,
unresolved in our own journeys,that still needs to be addressed
, still needs to be taken careof right, what is still
remaining my unfinished business?
What?
Speaker 2 (11:05):
a great place to start than to say how do I?
Speaker 1 (11:08):
contact myself in the ultimate relationship.
I mean, come on, I wake upevery single day and when I wake
up, do I pause and say, whoa, Iwent to bed tired and I woke up
refreshed.
How did that happen?
How in the world did anexhausted body, without being
plugged into an outlet like abattery, wake up in the morning
(11:29):
fresh?
And maybe part of the answer isis that there was the ultimate
relationship waiting for me, god, who is every day renewing my
energy, renews my strength.
We say in our prayers right,that the soul, almost as if,
leaves the body, replenishesitself and comes back in.
So in the morning we could becopper first.
(11:49):
So it is to our journey to beable to pause and to have
genuine, sincere gratitude, tobe really, really filled with
appreciation for everything thathe's done for us.
And then it wasn't just athrowaway, it wasn't just so we
could have another day, just tooccupy space, just to doom,
(12:10):
scroll, you know, and dowhatever else we do.
There's just a wastefulexistence.
But he's saying to us look, I'mhere to give you this
unconditional love.
Why?
Because I want you to practicebeing like me.
I also want you to giveunconditional love.
I want you to focus on how youcan express these godly
(12:30):
attributes that are livingwithin you.
And, by the way, how amazing isthis right?
I can blow through the day.
I can have a difficult day,unpleasant, not productive, bad
in my relationships, and I wakeup the next morning.
What's God telling me with thatmessage?
What's the message, is it not?
Look at how much I believe inyou.
You messed up.
Don't worry about it, just getback up, shake it off and get
(12:51):
back on track.
That's the most important thingyou could do for yourself is
just get back on track.
It's nothing more valuable,it's nothing more important.
And the way I cherish you is toshow you that I want you to
have another opportunity,another shot at being able to
serve me in the right way, andthat is by showing you that you
can get up.
Even after falling.
You can still get up, you canstill do it, you can still have
(13:14):
an amazing day even afterfailures and falls.
Because that is the point ofthe journey is to be able to
recognize that there issomething that is so beyond our
faults and tribulations andtrials and challenges that lives
in us, and that is this divine,beautiful soul, the spark of
God that occupies our own innerworld and all God is asking for
(13:37):
is what gift can you share withme back?
Gift of hope, show me that youbelieve, show me that you're
still dedicated and you'rewilling to go through it all in
order to continue yourdedication, your journey of
commitment.
And if you show me that I knowthat you still believe in our
relationship and you stillacknowledge that our
relationship is real becauseyou're continuing to make the
(13:59):
effort and that's the ultimateexpression of our connection not
to just write it off or to justsay like, oh, this sucks, why
am I going through this?
This is so unfair.
Instead, to say there'ssomething for me to learn in
this place, something that'shappening now, is a moment of
growth opportunity.
(14:19):
It's a place where I can go toreflect, to contemplate and to
say to myself what does God wantme to learn and how does he
want me to serve him from thisplace?
In the weeks to come, I'mhoping we'll continue to explore
all these beautiful messagesthat the month of Elul has to
offer and we hope we can graball these opportunities before
(14:41):
the great day will arrive in amonth or so of the new year and
we'll get to celebrate the trulycoming close, face-to-face, so
to speak, with this ultimaterelationship that underlies and
builds up all of ourrelationships in our lives.
Hope you enjoy.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Thank you for joining us today.
For questions, comments, topicsyou'd like to hear more about,
or to try our 24-weekrelationship challenge, email us
at relationshipreimagined atgmail.
Hello and welcome to Dating, Marriage and Divorce
Conversations, where we analyze,navigate and troubleshoot all
stages of your romantic life.
I'm your host, Igor Meiselman,a divorce attorney turned
relationship coach.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Hello everybody, back to the show.
For some of you, this is justthe end of August, beginning of
September.
We're heading into the fallseason.
For others, it is beginning ofthe month of Elul, a last month
in the Jewish calendar beforethe new year and which famously
(00:51):
stands for an abbreviation.
I am to my beloved and mybeloved is unto me, strongly
implying that this is a month ofrelationships, relationship
building, relationship repair,coming into that space, space of
relationships, relationshipbuilding, relationship repair,
coming into that space, space ofrelationships.
What kind of relationships do Iwant to have, particularly my
(01:12):
relationship with god, myrelationship with the almighty,
the all-powerful, the ultimaterelationship, in certain way the
relationship that is the goldstandard of many of my other
relationships.
And what goes on in thatrelationship very often is a
great indicator of what elsegoes on in the rest of my life.
(01:35):
And because this relationshipis the one where we feel tested
the most, where we often findourselves wanting to test the
most, it's really a great way tocheck in and find out.
How do we really look at ourrelationships?
Is there anything we're takingfor granted?
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Is there anything we're doing that?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
we really want a specific outcome, and that's
what's really driving thedecision, rather than turning to
the relationship and basing iton trust.
Rather than turning to therelationship and basing it on
trust, relying on the ultimatesource to take care of us, to
take care of our needs, and totrust that the outcomes that are
presented to us are there toserve us, to give us the best
(02:17):
opportunity to do what we'remeant to do with ourselves, with
our energies, with our efforts.
The ultimate challenge of therelationship is being able to
sit down and ask the followingquestion Can I serve God from
this place?
That's right.
Can I serve God from this place?
Very often, right, people willsay oh, I have faith in God, of
(02:38):
course.
Oh, you don't have to ask metwice.
Trust in God?
Yeah, very important, veryimportant.
But then the moment somethinggoes wrong whether it's a
business deal, whether it's thekids are acting out, whether a
dispute with one's spouse thenall of a sudden, everything
becomes.
(02:58):
Why is this happening to me?
How could this happen to me?
I don't deserve this treatment.
I deserve better, I deservemore.
And there's no pausing to eversay well, I am in this situation
and maybe there is a reason,maybe there is a purpose why I
(03:18):
am in this situation, and thequestion that should matter to
me is, instead of kicking andscreaming and resisting the
present resisting what is?
what is presented before meInstead to actually focus on
what can I do to really trulyaccept the moment, and then that
(03:40):
way I can ask myself thequestion that does matter, which
is how can I serve God fromthis place?
This also has a place.
This also has place in my life.
Moments of challenge,difficulty, struggle have a
place in one's life.
Moments of challenge are thereto help us grow, to change right
.
There's a reason why we say nopain, no gain.
(04:02):
All these things have realmeaning.
They're not just fluff, they'renot just empty words we're
saying just for the sake ofsaying something, to explain or
justify, to make things okay.
No, the mental pushes toactually think about this
difficult question, which is canI serve God from this place?
This place is also opportunityfor service.
(04:26):
Oh, my kids are not listeningto me, my spouse is not giving
me what I need or is giving me ahard time or is challenging me
in ways that is hard for me.
Great, this also is opportunityfor service.
Not only smooth magic carpetrides and fluffy moments of life
(04:48):
are opportunities for service.
Of life are opportunities forservice.
In fact, I would imagine I'mgoing to speculate that for God,
the sweetest moments of serviceare the moments where we were
stumbling and fumbling andfalling on our faces and
struggling being ourselves,being with ourselves, being with
(05:08):
others and being able to remainfocused and dedicated and
compassionate, which very nicelybrings us to the other, really,
really important point when itcomes to our relationship with
God, which is how can wepractice being godly beings, how
are we supposed to be like him?
And what's interesting is thathe actually mandates it.
(05:31):
How do I know this?
Well, it says so in the Bible.
Hashem says in the Torah, godsays that I want you to walk in
my ways.
That's very interesting,because I would imagine God
doesn't walk, nor does he haveways, and yet that is exactly
what is explicitly being statedWalk in his ways.
And the question is, how do Iwalk in his ways?
(05:51):
And God himself reveals to ushis 13 attributes of mercy.
There are 13 attributes that hesays.
When you emulate these things,when you behave, conduct
yourself the way I conductmyself with the world, when you
attempt to copy me, when you arebeing like me guess what?
In those moments you are beinglike me and those are the
(06:14):
moments when I actually feelconnection with you.
Because you are being like me,that means you are joining me in
living out the mission in thisworld that I set out for the
world to experience.
And I also set out into theworld challenges and obstacles
and things that will get in theway and will make it very
(06:35):
difficult to be able to be likeme and to walk in my ways.
But that's the whole point.
I want the victory to be thatsweet when you climb that
mountain through all the blood,sweat and tears and you get to
the other side of it all.
In that moment that's the realtriumph, that's the real
celebration.
(06:56):
It's not when it's just servedin a silver platter and when the
homeless person runs to you andsays here, sir ma'am, here's an
opportunity for you to be agood servant to God.
No, it's precisely when youlook and seek out those
opportunities, despite thechallenges, despite the
(07:16):
difficulties, despite theresistance, whether it's natural
from the inside, whether it'ssomething external going on that
makes it difficult, in order tobe able to be a giver, to be
other oriented, and yet that'sexactly what I'm calling on you
to do.
God is saying this is mymission.
I want you to try to use the 13attributes of mercy and to
(07:41):
recruit them for your service,and you will see that, as you
emulate me and you walk in myways, that is going to bring one
more closeness and relationshipbetween you and I, meaning God
and us humans and, at the sametime, also bring closeness
between us and our fellow man.
And that, calling that missionstatement, is what's going to be
(08:05):
the resounding voice for thenext month.
This month of Elul, of I am tomy beloved and my beloved is to
me, is going to be a month ofreally truly saying can I take
this time when, throughout theyear, so many things we're busy
with, so many things that arepulling on us, so many things
(08:26):
that are demanding our attention, and here's an opportunity
where we could just focus onthis relationship, on getting
this one bedrock, therelationship of true connection,
not just conditional,transactional interaction.
(08:57):
Well, god, if you do thesethings for me, then I will also
serve you.
Well, if these things work outwell, then I'll think about you.
God, when instead it's no, canyou also realize that I am with
you in those dark places?
Can you realize I am actuallywith you right now as you
struggle, as you deal withanxiety, as you deal with
(09:17):
depression, as you deal withsadness, as you deal with lack
of affection?
Can you realize that I am alsohere with you?
And this space is an opportunityfor you to express some spark
of your divine creation, yourdivine soul, looking to
integrate into itself all theremaining missing pieces, that
(09:39):
is seeking to combine to reachcompleteness.
Because if I am being presentedI mean think about this if I'm
being presented with a specificchallenge, think about this If
I'm being presented with aspecific challenge, is it not
maybe in some way a proof that Iam meant to go through that
challenge?
That challenge is for me.
That challenge is meant to helpme actualize something in my
(10:00):
own potential that otherwisewill remain dormant and I'll
just never actualize or realizethis very important potential.
And so this is my opportunityto really develop and come to
lead some part of my journey andit's an important part of the
journey it's important to beable to recognize okay, here are
(10:22):
the areas where I'm still notdeveloped, here are the areas
where there is more work to do,and so it's time for me to dive
in.
It's time for me to focus onthat work and then really
explore, think about, maybespeak to somebody like a mentor
or a good friend or a partner,spouse, somebody sibling, parent
(10:45):
, anybody that we feel could behonest and objective about us in
helping us figuring out whatelse is still incomplete,
unresolved in our own journeys,that still needs to be addressed
, still needs to be taken careof right, what is still
remaining my unfinished business?
What?
Speaker 2 (11:05):
a great place to start than to say how do I?
Speaker 1 (11:08):
contact myself in the ultimate relationship.
I mean, come on, I wake upevery single day and when I wake
up, do I pause and say, whoa, Iwent to bed tired and I woke up
refreshed.
How did that happen?
How in the world did anexhausted body, without being
plugged into an outlet like abattery, wake up in the morning
(11:29):
fresh?
And maybe part of the answer isis that there was the ultimate
relationship waiting for me, god, who is every day renewing my
energy, renews my strength.
We say in our prayers right,that the soul, almost as if,
leaves the body, replenishesitself and comes back in.
So in the morning we could becopper first.
(11:49):
So it is to our journey to beable to pause and to have
genuine, sincere gratitude, tobe really, really filled with
appreciation for everything thathe's done for us.
And then it wasn't just athrowaway, it wasn't just so we
could have another day, just tooccupy space, just to doom,
(12:10):
scroll, you know, and dowhatever else we do.
There's just a wastefulexistence.
But he's saying to us look, I'mhere to give you this
unconditional love.
Why?
Because I want you to practicebeing like me.
I also want you to giveunconditional love.
I want you to focus on how youcan express these godly
(12:30):
attributes that are livingwithin you.
And, by the way, how amazing isthis right?
I can blow through the day.
I can have a difficult day,unpleasant, not productive, bad
in my relationships, and I wakeup the next morning.
What's God telling me with thatmessage?
What's the message, is it not?
Look at how much I believe inyou.
You messed up.
Don't worry about it, just getback up, shake it off and get
(12:51):
back on track.
That's the most important thingyou could do for yourself is
just get back on track.
It's nothing more valuable,it's nothing more important.
And the way I cherish you is toshow you that I want you to
have another opportunity,another shot at being able to
serve me in the right way, andthat is by showing you that you
can get up.
Even after falling.
You can still get up, you canstill do it, you can still have
(13:14):
an amazing day even afterfailures and falls.
Because that is the point ofthe journey is to be able to
recognize that there issomething that is so beyond our
faults and tribulations andtrials and challenges that lives
in us, and that is this divine,beautiful soul, the spark of
God that occupies our own innerworld and all God is asking for
(13:37):
is what gift can you share withme back?
Gift of hope, show me that youbelieve, show me that you're
still dedicated and you'rewilling to go through it all in
order to continue yourdedication, your journey of
commitment.
And if you show me that I knowthat you still believe in our
relationship and you stillacknowledge that our
relationship is real becauseyou're continuing to make the
(13:59):
effort and that's the ultimateexpression of our connection not
to just write it off or to justsay like, oh, this sucks, why
am I going through this?
This is so unfair.
Instead, to say there'ssomething for me to learn in
this place, something that'shappening now, is a moment of
growth opportunity.
(14:19):
It's a place where I can go toreflect, to contemplate and to
say to myself what does God wantme to learn and how does he
want me to serve him from thisplace?
In the weeks to come, I'mhoping we'll continue to explore
all these beautiful messagesthat the month of Elul has to
offer and we hope we can graball these opportunities before
(14:41):
the great day will arrive in amonth or so of the new year and
we'll get to celebrate the trulycoming close, face-to-face, so
to speak, with this ultimaterelationship that underlies and
builds up all of ourrelationships in our lives.
Hope you enjoy.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Thank you for joining us today.
For questions, comments, topicsyou'd like to hear more about,
or to try our 24-weekrelationship challenge, email us
at relationshipreimagined atgmail.
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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