September 26, 2024 • 16 mins
Can true strength coexist with vulnerability? Explore how men can balance emotional expression with intellectual understanding in today’s complex relational dynamics. We promise an engaging discussion where we'll tackle the often-misunderstood balance between showing emotions and maintaining resilience. Through practical insights, we’ll explore when it’s appropriate to express emotions and how this impacts those around us. Discover the difference between intellectualized empathy and genuine emotional connection, and why allowing yourself to be vulnerable is the key to deeper and more meaningful relationships.
Join us as we dissect the intricate interplay between emotions and resilience, emphasizing the significance of self-awareness and balance in a man's life. We’ll look at how modern comforts may be hindering the development of true strength and leadership, and why pushing against resistance—whether physically at the gym or emotionally in relationships—is essential for growth. As we step into the new year, we'll challenge you to embrace your roles as leaders and caretakers, all while maintaining humility and fostering genuine connections with others. Don't miss this episode if you’re ready to foster a healthier, more connected relational space by engaging both your intellect and emotions effectively.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Hello and welcome to Dating, Marriage and Divorce
Conversations, where we analyze,navigate and troubleshoot all
stages of your romantic life.
I'm your host, Igor Meiselman,a divorce attorney turned
relationship coach.
Igor Meiselman, a divorceattorney turned relationship
coach.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show.
Today we have one final episode, episode five, on relationships
, and today we're going to takea new slant on the entire
conversation Maybe it'd besurprising to some of you and
the topic we want to talk abouttoday is what does it mean to be
a man in a relationship?
Of course, we also could havetalked about what it means to be
a woman, but I wanted today tobe dedicated to this topic.
It's a very prevalent questionthat comes up by both men and
(00:58):
women husbands and wives thatcome to work with me, and I
think it's a question that'sreally worthwhile to explore
because there's lots ofcomplexities in what this means
and many times people are reallybaffled by how to deal with
this topic, how to grapple withthe gender and assignment of
roles from the genderperspective.
(01:21):
Women are curious what menshould do, men are curious what
men should do, and I want toshare to some degree, just from
experience of seeing what goeson in my office and some from my
own understandings of how do weapproach this type of a topic.
There are lots of complexities,there are lots of minefields in
(01:41):
navigating this intersection ofwhat it means to be a man and
what it means to be in arelationship, and we'll try to
take a little bite out of areally significant major
conversation and see where wecan cover today.
So let's begin when the topicof manhood is brought up.
Almost inevitably, what'sbrought up along with this topic
(02:03):
is also the question ofintellect and emotions.
What is their place in therelational space?
For instance, is it a problemif I'm an emotional man?
Is it a problem if I'mintellectualizing everything?
Do I live too much in my head?
And my answer is going to be atleast at baseline is we're
always striving for a balance.
(02:24):
Be at least at baseline iswe're always striving for a
balance.
We're always striving for ahealthy expression of all
dimensions of ourselves.
That means that there is a timeto be emotional, there is a
time to be intellectual,figuring out when to do which.
That's the challenge of living.
That's the aspect of our livesthat requires wisdom,
(02:44):
discernment, understanding ofhow to apply, how to step into
these different dimensions ofwho we are.
For example, often I got aquestion is as a man, is it okay
for me to cry in front of mywife or in front of my children?
And my answer is well, itdepends on why you're crying.
If there is financial strugglesin the family and you just sit
(03:06):
there bawling your eyes out infront of your kids, guess what.
It's going to send a messagewe're not safe.
Not, we're not safe with ourdaddy, but our life, our world,
is not safe because daddy is thecaptain of the ship and if he
is right now crying and makes itfeel like we're heading,
towards an iceberg and we're inthe Titanic, that's going to
(03:27):
create a very unsettling feeling.
But if it's a time of mourning,like, for example, tisha B'Av,
right the saddest day of theyear on the Jewish calendar or a
tragedy happens or, god forbid,somebody passes away in the
family and a man is taking timeto mourn and to grieve, it's a
very healthy expression ofemotion to cry and just to share
(03:50):
what is happening.
And not only that, it's atremendous lesson if you're a
father to your children to showthem that there's such a thing
as healthy emotions and thatthere is a right time and place
to emote and to share where youare.
You know there's a concept outthere of intellectualized
empathy.
The idea behind that isbasically, you can either be
(04:12):
empathetic or you can make meinto an intellectualized concept
.
So if I say to you oh yeah,you're feeling hurt.
Yeah, I could see why you'refeeling hurt.
Yeah, it's hurtful, now there'ssome validation.
There is, I guess, a smallsliver of empathy, but I'm still
talking to you as if you're aconcept, as opposed to talking
to you from a place of genuinelyconnecting to the emotion,
(04:35):
right.
And so if you're sharingsomething with me and I sit
there and I listen and I make aface that is attentive and is
empathetic and is trying toconvey I feel where you are, I
want to be with you in yourspace and that conveyance shows
I'm willing to be vulnerablewith you, I want to be close
with you.
That's where a sense ofrelationship and connection is
(04:58):
nurtured and blossomed.
But if I just simply say yeah,yeah, you know people get hurt,
you know, yeah, what happened toyou can happen to other people,
it's understandable.
I'm keeping a certain distancefrom genuinely connecting with
the other person and instead I'mjust having an intellectually
or conceptually relationshipwith them, but not connecting
with them.
Emotion is what connects us.
(05:19):
Our intellect is what allows usto see things as concepts.
So my wife, my children can bea concept to me, or I can
actually go down into theirworld and relate to them, step
into their space and try to havea real grasp and understanding
of what is going on for them.
And this is the battle of theintellect and emotion, because
by default, many men will run totheir intellect, they'll resort
(05:43):
to staying in the intellectualspaces and therefore having the
relationship exist as a concept,and so that experience will
deprive the relationship ofcloseness that it needs, and men
are often left wondering well,what's the problem?
I did listen to you.
I offered solutions.
There's a good one.
It's the classic move by a man.
(06:05):
Right, a woman comes over toemote and the husband starts
offering solutions, and theproblem is that nobody cares
about your opinions, nobodycares about your solutions, not
your wife, not your children.
What we're cravingoverwhelmingly is to receive
emotional closeness, and that'svalidation and empathy, and it's
a hard thing for a man to do.
For many men, naturally, thatis not their default.
(06:28):
So, right, somebody shares aproblem, just wanting to receive
a supportive, compassionate,listening ear.
Instead, what they're met withis well, why don't you do it
like this?
Well, didn't I tell you thiswould be a good approach?
Well, I told you not to do that.
That's why now you got this andthat's why you're now dealing
with the problem you have.
But if you would listen to me,things would be very different.
(06:50):
The thing about this approach isgoing to allow for connection,
closeness, bonding, openness, towant to discuss further the
situation.
None of this creates connection, and so for those men for whom
intellect is the dominant force,the thing through which they
channel, filter their perceptionof the world, the challenge
(07:11):
that's presented is how can Istep out of this mode of being
and step into other dimensionsthat God gave me capacity to
experience, and that is agenuine compassion, ability to
see the other person's humanityand just meet them there where
they are, be there in that space, rather than immediately run to
(07:32):
offer solutions, advice, input.
Just don't do that Silence,that voice, and just be present.
And even though it's tough atfirst, but with time we can
train these muscles, compassioncan be developed.
It's a godly attribute andtherefore it's actually what
we're meant to emulate.
And if that's what is expectedof us to do, if that's what God
(07:56):
is calling upon us to do, thatmeans that he also gave us the
seeds, the potentials of thecapacity to do so.
And so we must pursue and makeit our mission to want to live
out all of the dimensions ofourselves, to be a complete
human being and give fullexpression to who we are in all
of our realms, intellect andemotion.
Now, what about emotional men?
The challenge for them that I'mfinding and it's interesting in
this generation, it seems.
(08:17):
I never looked up anystatistics, but it seems like
more and more that this qualityof an emotional man is beginning
to appear.
And the challenge I think, forthose men will become how do I
make sure that the emotionsdon't hijack me?
How can I practice working onexpressing myself in a way that
the emotion doesn't just simplyoverrun my world and I am sort
(08:39):
of uncontrollable bowl of energythat overflows and dominates
conversations and sort of sets atone in my relationships,
especially my romanticrelationship, where I make it
very difficult for my partner ormy spouse to be able to even
convey what they're goingthrough, because I'm overrunning
them with lots of emotion,right Emotion bombing, and the
(09:01):
other person just doesn't havecapacity to hold space for that
type of overwhelming energeticpresence.
And part of the conversationhas to involve not only well,
what's my spouse supposed to doto comfort my emotions.
Part of the question has to bewell, what are you willing to do
to comfort your own emotions?
And things like self care, selfdiscipline, resilience and self
(09:23):
esteem become an exceptionallyimportant concepts that must be
grappled with, must be dealtwith, and unless they are dealt
with there's really no way tocome to a place of a true
resolve to have balancedemotional intellectual world,
true resolve to have balancedemotional, intellectual world,
internal world.
What becomes is that emotion.
(09:45):
It becomes the calling and thesort of the mission statement of
how I relate to the world.
It's all about my emotions.
Approximately 400 years ago,between four and 500 years ago,
lived a famous philosopher inWestern Europe by the name of
Rene Descartes.
Descartes famously said I think, therefore, I am, and it really
was born out of his attempt tophilosophically explain our
(10:07):
consciousness and proof for ourexistence.
Like how do you know you'reawake right now?
I had a funny question to askhow do you know you're listening
to this podcast right now?
And this statement I think,therefore, I am cogito ergo sum
in Latin today may have anequivalent in a very twisted way
, following statement I feel,therefore, I am, and if we go
(10:29):
even one step further in thisgeneration, for many people it's
I feel, therefore, I am right.
In other words, it's a strangephenomenon of allowing emotional
experiences to become thedominant narrative of what goes
on in our worlds, and what itmeans for me right now to be me
and what it means for me to dealwith the world right now is
(10:52):
going to be defined dominantlyby how I'm feeling.
That is such a dangerous spaceto occupy because emotions are
fleeting, emotions aresubjective and they come and go.
They only know present.
Emotions could care less aboutfuture planning.
Emotions only understand thismoment and they want to
experience either soothing orcomforting experience or
(11:15):
connection in this moment andcould care less about the future
.
And so to be able to flag this,give this self-awareness and
then figure out how can Iredirect my emotional world and,
while, on one hand, comfort itand listen to it it should not
be denied.
Denying would only make itworse.
Ignoring emotions will oftengenerate even more intense
(11:36):
emotions.
There's ways to work through ina healthy way, dealing with our
emotions, but to let them becomethe dominant area is, I think,
where there's a lot of problem,and for a lot of men, this
becomes the sort of the hill todie on.
This is how I feel.
My feelings must be validated,my feelings must be acknowledged
and a lot of I almost want tosay childish behaviors that are
(11:58):
born out of this lack of balancebetween emotion and intellect.
All of a sudden, my wifeessentially becomes my mother
and she needs to pamper me andtake care of me and tuck me into
bed.
Versus accepting that part ofbecoming a man, part of manhood,
is braving the wildernessfacing the world and building
(12:19):
resilience, raving thewilderness, facing the world and
building resilience, being ableto remain focused while I'm in
storms of life, not crumbling,not falling apart.
And without getting right nowtoo much into this conversation,
there is something to be saidabout the cushy, comforting
culture of the Western world,and everything that this world
has created for us createdsoftness in us.
(12:39):
Everything that this world hascreated for us created softness
in us and is preventing man frombecoming man and instead
remaining in this unrealisticexpectations, cushy comforting
existence, rather thanunderstanding that our powers
won't reveal them to us unlessthey are challenged.
We do not become who we'remeant to be without experiencing
(13:01):
a push against resistance.
Muscles only grow when you'rein the gym in pain, aching and
uncomfortable and yet doinganother rep.
That's when the muscles grow.
And yet, when it comes to ouremotional muscles, the moment I
could fall apart, the moment Icould be comforted or be
comfortable, that's the onlytime I could function Somebody
(13:21):
was jokingly telling to me youknow, if my coffee is not
perfectly hot in the morning andthe car seat is not perfectly
warmed up or cooled off, get outof bed and walk into my vehicle
.
I'm going to wait until alltemperatures internal and
external temperatures are allperfectly set, and until then I
can't function.
How do we reach such a bottomof existence of a man, the one
(13:43):
who's meant to be the captain ofthe ship, the general of his
army, the leader of his flock?
And that is what we're calledupon to do and, in some ways, to
confront the challenge that'sposed by the life of the Western
world that is cushioning andtaking away our development and
journey of becoming men withself-resilience, with
(14:04):
self-esteem, with confidence,with ability to confront life in
all of its matters, in physical, in spiritual, and becoming a
complete human being.
A world of having an eternalworld that has an emotional,
intellectual dimensions, in ahealthy balance, and then
approaching the world andbraving the wilderness and
(14:24):
taking on the challenges of lifethrough that balanced approach.
And yes, sometimes it's timefor a rest and there needs to be
a pause, right?
That's why there's a sayingright, there has to be a.
Muscles need a rest betweenworkouts.
That's why you can't do the sameworkout every day because that
when the muscles are resting,that's when they're growing, and
so too, emotionally andspiritually.
Of course there have to bebreaks, of course there needs to
(14:44):
be time for self-care,relaxation.
But when we engage life, to beable to see that there has to be
a complete man and ability toengage that life and working on
becoming more and more fearless,powerful, resilient, humble,
fighting the arrogance, fightingthe fragile ego that lives
(15:06):
inside each one of us, somethingthat's so hard to walk away
from.
That ego drives our protectiveforces, our criticism and
judgment of others, all there toprotect us and to be able to
walk away from it and insteadfocus on living a life of
service, how to become thestrongest, best version of
myself, while keeping myselfhumble and connected to others
(15:28):
genuinely, effectively,emotionally, spiritually and, of
course, intellectually at theright time.
And so, as we head into thisnew year, I think the tremendous
opportunity to ask one smallthing I can do to work on my
manhood in any of these realmstaking care of my physical
health, working on building moreself-esteem and more confidence
and, by going through thatjourney, to become a more
(15:49):
complete human being and, as aman, to bring to the
relationships of my life all thepotentials that those
relationships will need from me.
The power of being a man andbeing a leader can create so
much positive impact in so manyrealms of our lives, but only we
can take that first step ofmaking the choice to become the
man we're meant to be.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Thank you for joining us today For questions,
comments, topics you'd like tohear more about, or to try our
24-week relationship challenge.
Email us atrelationshipreimagined at gmail.
Hello and welcome to Dating, Marriage and Divorce
Conversations, where we analyze,navigate and troubleshoot all
stages of your romantic life.
I'm your host, Igor Meiselman,a divorce attorney turned
relationship coach.
Igor Meiselman, a divorceattorney turned relationship
coach.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show.
Today we have one final episode, episode five, on relationships
, and today we're going to takea new slant on the entire
conversation Maybe it'd besurprising to some of you and
the topic we want to talk abouttoday is what does it mean to be
a man in a relationship?
Of course, we also could havetalked about what it means to be
a woman, but I wanted today tobe dedicated to this topic.
It's a very prevalent questionthat comes up by both men and
(00:58):
women husbands and wives thatcome to work with me, and I
think it's a question that'sreally worthwhile to explore
because there's lots ofcomplexities in what this means
and many times people are reallybaffled by how to deal with
this topic, how to grapple withthe gender and assignment of
roles from the genderperspective.
(01:21):
Women are curious what menshould do, men are curious what
men should do, and I want toshare to some degree, just from
experience of seeing what goeson in my office and some from my
own understandings of how do weapproach this type of a topic.
There are lots of complexities,there are lots of minefields in
(01:41):
navigating this intersection ofwhat it means to be a man and
what it means to be in arelationship, and we'll try to
take a little bite out of areally significant major
conversation and see where wecan cover today.
So let's begin when the topicof manhood is brought up.
Almost inevitably, what'sbrought up along with this topic
(02:03):
is also the question ofintellect and emotions.
What is their place in therelational space?
For instance, is it a problemif I'm an emotional man?
Is it a problem if I'mintellectualizing everything?
Do I live too much in my head?
And my answer is going to be atleast at baseline is we're
always striving for a balance.
(02:24):
Be at least at baseline iswe're always striving for a
balance.
We're always striving for ahealthy expression of all
dimensions of ourselves.
That means that there is a timeto be emotional, there is a
time to be intellectual,figuring out when to do which.
That's the challenge of living.
That's the aspect of our livesthat requires wisdom,
(02:44):
discernment, understanding ofhow to apply, how to step into
these different dimensions ofwho we are.
For example, often I got aquestion is as a man, is it okay
for me to cry in front of mywife or in front of my children?
And my answer is well, itdepends on why you're crying.
If there is financial strugglesin the family and you just sit
(03:06):
there bawling your eyes out infront of your kids, guess what.
It's going to send a messagewe're not safe.
Not, we're not safe with ourdaddy, but our life, our world,
is not safe because daddy is thecaptain of the ship and if he
is right now crying and makes itfeel like we're heading,
towards an iceberg and we're inthe Titanic, that's going to
(03:27):
create a very unsettling feeling.
But if it's a time of mourning,like, for example, tisha B'Av,
right the saddest day of theyear on the Jewish calendar or a
tragedy happens or, god forbid,somebody passes away in the
family and a man is taking timeto mourn and to grieve, it's a
very healthy expression ofemotion to cry and just to share
(03:50):
what is happening.
And not only that, it's atremendous lesson if you're a
father to your children to showthem that there's such a thing
as healthy emotions and thatthere is a right time and place
to emote and to share where youare.
You know there's a concept outthere of intellectualized
empathy.
The idea behind that isbasically, you can either be
(04:12):
empathetic or you can make meinto an intellectualized concept
.
So if I say to you oh yeah,you're feeling hurt.
Yeah, I could see why you'refeeling hurt.
Yeah, it's hurtful, now there'ssome validation.
There is, I guess, a smallsliver of empathy, but I'm still
talking to you as if you're aconcept, as opposed to talking
to you from a place of genuinelyconnecting to the emotion,
(04:35):
right.
And so if you're sharingsomething with me and I sit
there and I listen and I make aface that is attentive and is
empathetic and is trying toconvey I feel where you are, I
want to be with you in yourspace and that conveyance shows
I'm willing to be vulnerablewith you, I want to be close
with you.
That's where a sense ofrelationship and connection is
(04:58):
nurtured and blossomed.
But if I just simply say yeah,yeah, you know people get hurt,
you know, yeah, what happened toyou can happen to other people,
it's understandable.
I'm keeping a certain distancefrom genuinely connecting with
the other person and instead I'mjust having an intellectually
or conceptually relationshipwith them, but not connecting
with them.
Emotion is what connects us.
(05:19):
Our intellect is what allows usto see things as concepts.
So my wife, my children can bea concept to me, or I can
actually go down into theirworld and relate to them, step
into their space and try to havea real grasp and understanding
of what is going on for them.
And this is the battle of theintellect and emotion, because
by default, many men will run totheir intellect, they'll resort
(05:43):
to staying in the intellectualspaces and therefore having the
relationship exist as a concept,and so that experience will
deprive the relationship ofcloseness that it needs, and men
are often left wondering well,what's the problem?
I did listen to you.
I offered solutions.
There's a good one.
It's the classic move by a man.
(06:05):
Right, a woman comes over toemote and the husband starts
offering solutions, and theproblem is that nobody cares
about your opinions, nobodycares about your solutions, not
your wife, not your children.
What we're cravingoverwhelmingly is to receive
emotional closeness, and that'svalidation and empathy, and it's
a hard thing for a man to do.
For many men, naturally, thatis not their default.
(06:28):
So, right, somebody shares aproblem, just wanting to receive
a supportive, compassionate,listening ear.
Instead, what they're met withis well, why don't you do it
like this?
Well, didn't I tell you thiswould be a good approach?
Well, I told you not to do that.
That's why now you got this andthat's why you're now dealing
with the problem you have.
But if you would listen to me,things would be very different.
(06:50):
The thing about this approach isgoing to allow for connection,
closeness, bonding, openness, towant to discuss further the
situation.
None of this creates connection, and so for those men for whom
intellect is the dominant force,the thing through which they
channel, filter their perceptionof the world, the challenge
(07:11):
that's presented is how can Istep out of this mode of being
and step into other dimensionsthat God gave me capacity to
experience, and that is agenuine compassion, ability to
see the other person's humanityand just meet them there where
they are, be there in that space, rather than immediately run to
(07:32):
offer solutions, advice, input.
Just don't do that Silence,that voice, and just be present.
And even though it's tough atfirst, but with time we can
train these muscles, compassioncan be developed.
It's a godly attribute andtherefore it's actually what
we're meant to emulate.
And if that's what is expectedof us to do, if that's what God
(07:56):
is calling upon us to do, thatmeans that he also gave us the
seeds, the potentials of thecapacity to do so.
And so we must pursue and makeit our mission to want to live
out all of the dimensions ofourselves, to be a complete
human being and give fullexpression to who we are in all
of our realms, intellect andemotion.
Now, what about emotional men?
The challenge for them that I'mfinding and it's interesting in
this generation, it seems.
(08:17):
I never looked up anystatistics, but it seems like
more and more that this qualityof an emotional man is beginning
to appear.
And the challenge I think, forthose men will become how do I
make sure that the emotionsdon't hijack me?
How can I practice working onexpressing myself in a way that
the emotion doesn't just simplyoverrun my world and I am sort
(08:39):
of uncontrollable bowl of energythat overflows and dominates
conversations and sort of sets atone in my relationships,
especially my romanticrelationship, where I make it
very difficult for my partner ormy spouse to be able to even
convey what they're goingthrough, because I'm overrunning
them with lots of emotion,right Emotion bombing, and the
(09:01):
other person just doesn't havecapacity to hold space for that
type of overwhelming energeticpresence.
And part of the conversationhas to involve not only well,
what's my spouse supposed to doto comfort my emotions.
Part of the question has to bewell, what are you willing to do
to comfort your own emotions?
And things like self care, selfdiscipline, resilience and self
(09:23):
esteem become an exceptionallyimportant concepts that must be
grappled with, must be dealtwith, and unless they are dealt
with there's really no way tocome to a place of a true
resolve to have balancedemotional intellectual world,
true resolve to have balancedemotional, intellectual world,
internal world.
What becomes is that emotion.
(09:45):
It becomes the calling and thesort of the mission statement of
how I relate to the world.
It's all about my emotions.
Approximately 400 years ago,between four and 500 years ago,
lived a famous philosopher inWestern Europe by the name of
Rene Descartes.
Descartes famously said I think, therefore, I am, and it really
was born out of his attempt tophilosophically explain our
(10:07):
consciousness and proof for ourexistence.
Like how do you know you'reawake right now?
I had a funny question to askhow do you know you're listening
to this podcast right now?
And this statement I think,therefore, I am cogito ergo sum
in Latin today may have anequivalent in a very twisted way
, following statement I feel,therefore, I am, and if we go
(10:29):
even one step further in thisgeneration, for many people it's
I feel, therefore, I am right.
In other words, it's a strangephenomenon of allowing emotional
experiences to become thedominant narrative of what goes
on in our worlds, and what itmeans for me right now to be me
and what it means for me to dealwith the world right now is
(10:52):
going to be defined dominantlyby how I'm feeling.
That is such a dangerous spaceto occupy because emotions are
fleeting, emotions aresubjective and they come and go.
They only know present.
Emotions could care less aboutfuture planning.
Emotions only understand thismoment and they want to
experience either soothing orcomforting experience or
(11:15):
connection in this moment andcould care less about the future
.
And so to be able to flag this,give this self-awareness and
then figure out how can Iredirect my emotional world and,
while, on one hand, comfort itand listen to it it should not
be denied.
Denying would only make itworse.
Ignoring emotions will oftengenerate even more intense
(11:36):
emotions.
There's ways to work through ina healthy way, dealing with our
emotions, but to let them becomethe dominant area is, I think,
where there's a lot of problem,and for a lot of men, this
becomes the sort of the hill todie on.
This is how I feel.
My feelings must be validated,my feelings must be acknowledged
and a lot of I almost want tosay childish behaviors that are
(11:58):
born out of this lack of balancebetween emotion and intellect.
All of a sudden, my wifeessentially becomes my mother
and she needs to pamper me andtake care of me and tuck me into
bed.
Versus accepting that part ofbecoming a man, part of manhood,
is braving the wildernessfacing the world and building
(12:19):
resilience, raving thewilderness, facing the world and
building resilience, being ableto remain focused while I'm in
storms of life, not crumbling,not falling apart.
And without getting right nowtoo much into this conversation,
there is something to be saidabout the cushy, comforting
culture of the Western world,and everything that this world
has created for us createdsoftness in us.
(12:39):
Everything that this world hascreated for us created softness
in us and is preventing man frombecoming man and instead
remaining in this unrealisticexpectations, cushy comforting
existence, rather thanunderstanding that our powers
won't reveal them to us unlessthey are challenged.
We do not become who we'remeant to be without experiencing
(13:01):
a push against resistance.
Muscles only grow when you'rein the gym in pain, aching and
uncomfortable and yet doinganother rep.
That's when the muscles grow.
And yet, when it comes to ouremotional muscles, the moment I
could fall apart, the moment Icould be comforted or be
comfortable, that's the onlytime I could function Somebody
(13:21):
was jokingly telling to me youknow, if my coffee is not
perfectly hot in the morning andthe car seat is not perfectly
warmed up or cooled off, get outof bed and walk into my vehicle
.
I'm going to wait until alltemperatures internal and
external temperatures are allperfectly set, and until then I
can't function.
How do we reach such a bottomof existence of a man, the one
(13:43):
who's meant to be the captain ofthe ship, the general of his
army, the leader of his flock?
And that is what we're calledupon to do and, in some ways, to
confront the challenge that'sposed by the life of the Western
world that is cushioning andtaking away our development and
journey of becoming men withself-resilience, with
(14:04):
self-esteem, with confidence,with ability to confront life in
all of its matters, in physical, in spiritual, and becoming a
complete human being.
A world of having an eternalworld that has an emotional,
intellectual dimensions, in ahealthy balance, and then
approaching the world andbraving the wilderness and
(14:24):
taking on the challenges of lifethrough that balanced approach.
And yes, sometimes it's timefor a rest and there needs to be
a pause, right?
That's why there's a sayingright, there has to be a.
Muscles need a rest betweenworkouts.
That's why you can't do the sameworkout every day because that
when the muscles are resting,that's when they're growing, and
so too, emotionally andspiritually.
Of course there have to bebreaks, of course there needs to
(14:44):
be time for self-care,relaxation.
But when we engage life, to beable to see that there has to be
a complete man and ability toengage that life and working on
becoming more and more fearless,powerful, resilient, humble,
fighting the arrogance, fightingthe fragile ego that lives
(15:06):
inside each one of us, somethingthat's so hard to walk away
from.
That ego drives our protectiveforces, our criticism and
judgment of others, all there toprotect us and to be able to
walk away from it and insteadfocus on living a life of
service, how to become thestrongest, best version of
myself, while keeping myselfhumble and connected to others
(15:28):
genuinely, effectively,emotionally, spiritually and, of
course, intellectually at theright time.
And so, as we head into thisnew year, I think the tremendous
opportunity to ask one smallthing I can do to work on my
manhood in any of these realmstaking care of my physical
health, working on building moreself-esteem and more confidence
and, by going through thatjourney, to become a more
(15:49):
complete human being and, as aman, to bring to the
relationships of my life all thepotentials that those
relationships will need from me.
The power of being a man andbeing a leader can create so
much positive impact in so manyrealms of our lives, but only we
can take that first step ofmaking the choice to become the
man we're meant to be.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Thank you for joining us today For questions,
comments, topics you'd like tohear more about, or to try our
24-week relationship challenge.
Email us atrelationshipreimagined at gmail.
Popular Podcasts
Fudd Around And Find Out
UConn basketball star Azzi Fudd brings her championship swag to iHeart Women’s Sports with Fudd Around and Find Out, a weekly podcast that takes fans along for the ride as Azzi spends her final year of college trying to reclaim the National Championship and prepare to be a first round WNBA draft pick. Ever wonder what it’s like to be a world-class athlete in the public spotlight while still managing schoolwork, friendships and family time? It’s time to Fudd Around and Find Out!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.