June 30, 2023 • 25 mins
Do you remember the flutter of excitement, the spark of connection when you first met someone special? That's the magical season of courtship that can be rekindled at any age and any stage of your relationship. Join me, Igor Meystelman, for a heartfelt exploration of the seasons of relationships. We'll journey through love and intimacy, acceptance and celebration in the context of our older selves, proving that courtship isn't just for the young. I'll also share insights on how marriages evolve, cycling through multiple seasons, and how we can introduce and experience new seasons at any stage.
Now, what if I told you that just like nature, relationships also have their seasons? The seasons of life and relationships are interconnected, and recognizing this can help us make the most of each stage. Together, we'll uncover how to recognize the growth happening beneath the surface and navigate these seasons in a more meaningful way. I'll guide you on how to use universal truths to gain insight and understanding, emphasizing the importance of looking within and connecting with our deepest roots. Let's embark on this journey together as it will lead us to a better understanding of our relational selves.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hello and welcome to dating, marriage and divorce
conversations where we analyze,navigate and troubleshoot all
stages of your romantic life.
I'm your host, Igor Meystelman,a divorce attorney turned
relationship coach.
Hello everybody and welcomeback to the show.
(00:31):
This episode is something thatI almost want to call a pot
that's been boiling for a verylong time and finally ready to
boil over, thanks to a number ofreally supporting friends and
colleagues.
I decided to make a jump intoreally going to the depth of my
own journey, why I'm here, why Ichoose to spend time this way
(00:53):
and how I'm hoping to influencethe world around me and help
others improve their relationalselves.
And I'm really going to referto this journey as the journey
of seasons of a relationship.
You see, what I've come to see,working both as a divorce
attorney and now as arelationship coach and a
therapist, is that really ourlives, especially our relational
(01:18):
lives, very much go throughseasons.
And just like the winter givesus this sense of everything is
sleeping and dormant and we'renot sure what's going to be,
we're not sure what life isgoing to present, so, too, same
thing happens in our relationallives.
There's this sense of thingsare sleeping, i'm not sure where
(01:38):
I am.
I'm not sure where I'm going towind up.
I'm not sure what the journeyof my love life is going to look
like.
I'm going to be surprised bysprouting buds that come into
being And, just like on the treeand on all kinds of growth, i
start seeing these littlebudding things, these little
(02:01):
green, all sorts of colors,things that begin to come to
life and week after week theybecome bigger and bigger.
Next thing I know they'reflowers budding and there's all
kinds of scents and beautiful,enjoyable fragrances emanating
from these sprouting things thatonce seemed dead.
(02:22):
Birds are flying and all kindsof bugs and bees are attracted
to these blossoming behaviorsthat the nature seems to present
to us.
And so the same happens in ourown world.
I'm walking around, i'm goingthrough my life, i go to work, i
take care of my chores and allof a sudden I encounter someone
(02:45):
and something inside him beginsto shift and move and becomes
vibrant and awake, and I'mcraving that scintillating
experience.
Something in my inner world isbeginning to light up and come
to life, and I'm looking forwardto the morning and I'm looking
forward to exploring the day andexploring that other person and
(03:07):
myself and how our interactionsare impacting us and our inner
worlds.
And I find myself in the midstof spring, of my own love, life.
And as that journey continuesand I settle into the adventure,
all of a sudden I find myselfin full swing, full blossom.
My life makes sense, i lookforward to the morning, i look
(03:31):
forward to the experience of theday and I could say to myself
maybe it's just endorphins andit's just my hormones are acting
out and that's it.
There's nothing to it.
And yet you ask any person,they'll tell you there's
something more taking place,something magical is happening.
I'm in the midst of thatmagical journey of blossoming,
(03:54):
of enjoyment.
Life is real, life ismeaningful, life is special and
life with you is special Andsomething about the relationship
and my own existence that takeson this deeply meaningful
awakeness, it becomes musical.
I feel the musical, my soul.
I can't touch it, i cannotreduce it to mathematical
(04:17):
formula, i cannot give it thatfull, tangible expression.
It's like the wind.
I cannot see it, but I feel itand God for some reason imbued
us and infused into us that wewould have these experiences.
I was reading recently a bookabout relationships and about
how to grow and become a betterspouse, and the author mentions.
(04:41):
Why is it that in the story ofAvraham that the angels come to
visit him and they tell himwhere is your wife?
and the commentaries explainthat they wanted to bring out in
view more love between thesetwo people.
Who are these two people?
A 99 year old man and an 89year old woman.
(05:05):
And yet the courtship goes on.
The experience of deep love, ofconnection, of the sensation
and feeling of cravingconnection continues to live on,
even in an older body.
And so that experience of love,romantic connection, is not
(05:26):
just something that happens inthese 20 year old bodies that
are craving intimacy, affection,acceptance, celebration.
No, it goes on through all ofour lives, and that season is
available to all of us at allphases of our journeys While we
are young and building families,while our children growing up
(05:49):
and even while we become emptynesters.
And we may wonder now what'snext?
Is our season of ourrelationship is dying?
Are we heading back to winter?
And the reality is is theseasons of relationship are
available in all ages, in allstages, and as we'll explore
this further, we'll see that itdoesn't just something that
(06:11):
takes place based on our ages,it's something that we can
experience, introduce into ourlives at any stage, at any age.
And just like Avram was able toexperience, at 99 years old
again, those scintillatingsensations of as if a young man
(06:32):
again and his wife as if a youngwoman again, we also go through
these stages in life, and manymarriages will go through
multiple seasons, many timesover, and find themselves
wondering again I'm in spring,again I'm in June, i'm in the
summer, i'm in the thick of myjourney of blossoming
(06:55):
relationship.
And, of course, as all summerscome to an end and the leaves on
the trees begin to turn yellowand red in all kinds of
beautiful colors, we discoverthat once again we're standing
at the threshold of the fall ofthe time, when everything seems
to begin again to wither, to dieaway, to go back to sleep, to
(07:21):
return back to Mother Nature andresume its cycle of dying,
losing vitality, settling backinto that dormant place.
And as leaf after leaf fallsoff the tree and again we find
(07:44):
ourselves standing, feelinglifeless, feeling something's
missing again, there's againthis dead space between us.
My spouse and I are lackingthat vibrancy that we felt when
we were dating or that we feltwhen we were under the chapa,
(08:04):
and these things are againslowly going back to sleep and
again I'm in my dormant stage oflife.
I close my eyes, the snowsettles and again it feels like
everything has come back to astill standing, still moment.
And it's precisely during thosemoments that we forget, and
(08:27):
that is why it's so importantthat we are reminded that, as I
stand here in the midst of mywinter if that's where I find
myself that the once before Iwas in this place, maybe in a
more shallow way, maybe withless recognition, maybe with
less awareness, but I was here,i was in this place, which means
(08:50):
this will pass and spring willcome and summer blossom will
once again be present, and I canremind myself that this moment
is not here forever.
This moment is not gonna behere to stay and to trap me for
(09:11):
all time.
This moment will pass.
The question is, what will I dowith this moment?
This moment is here for areason.
God wants me to experience theseasons of my relationship for a
reason, and maybe, as I cyclethrough each season over and
over again, i won't justidentify the steps that I
(09:34):
treaded here before, but maybe Iwill begin to hear the words of
wisdom, the those treaded stepswanna say back to me.
And this time, as I step backinto those steps, i will be a
little bit wiser, i'll be alittle bit more aware, i'll be a
(09:55):
little more sensitive, i'll bea little more curious.
As I re-engage the spring, asthe winter once again passes and
the smell begins to melt, whatbuds are waiting to blossom
underneath that snow that waswaiting dormant?
Is it exactly the same replicaof me from a year ago Or now?
(10:21):
the blossom is wiser, is deeper, it's more meaningful, it's
more ready for deeper connection, deeper understanding, and I
will be there with it as Iexperience myself in that more
deeper, intimate way than I wasjust a year ago.
(10:46):
Why am I being given opportunityto go through yet another cycle
, through yet another seasons ofmy own life and my relational
life?
Will I take this opportunity?
or will I just say I'm thereunder so much snow, there's so
much that's sleeping, that's somuch missing, so much I wish
(11:09):
there was a wake?
Or can I pause and say tomyself there's so much more to
discover, there's so much moreto take advantage of, as I will
emerge once again in the nextupcoming spring that will follow
by the summer and during thatseason, i will grab the
opportunity I will reach, i willgive myself a chance to have a
(11:33):
fuller, deeper, more meaningfulexpression and through that
expression, the world will speakback to me through my children,
through my spouse, through myfriends.
The universal reach out andspeak back to me from the deeper
place, because I've becomedeeper and now I've become a
vessel that can hold more depthand therefore I can access the
(11:57):
deeper layers of the universe.
Or do I want to remain stuck inmy shallow place?
Do I want to just say all thereis is snow and I can't access
any more depth?
All there is is this what I see, what means?
the eye, the shallow, narrow,limited version of myself, the
constricted me that cannot finda way to give voice or give
(12:21):
fuller, meaningful expression.
Can I conceive my life past thatphase?
Can I connect to the buds thatare blossoming and now producing
once again, more fruits, richer, sweeter fruits?
And that's something thatdoesn't just happen overnight.
It's something that requireswork, diligence and coming
ultimately to a real, honestplace of looking ourselves in
(12:44):
the mirror and saying, wow, lookat this mature tree that's
blossoming, look at what I'mbecoming.
I'm not the person I was, and Idon't have to lie to myself
anymore.
I could just engage in honestconversation with myself.
My still, really, that threeyear old, budding, sapling,
(13:04):
vulnerable, weak tree.
And upon facing the storms oflife, the strong winds of
resistance that could just be soeasily uprooted, what do I feel
, if I'm really being honest, astronger trunk, stronger
existence that a wind can't justblow over easily anymore.
I have deep roots, i have strongroots.
(13:25):
No one sees them, and sometimesnot even me, and so I'm not
even aware of their presence.
But when I pause and really getfocused and I connect, i
realize with each season, as Icycled through life, through the
seasons of life, i didn't standstill, the roots continued
growing.
If there was something that wasconstant, that constant was my
(13:47):
never ending growing rootsTaking deeper hold and deeper
hold in the reality of life, inthe richness of the soil in
which they were standing.
And that richness, soil is life, life into which God blew,
meaning existence, vibrancy, andI'm getting to access it every
single day.
And so, as I see on the surfacewhat seems to be a never ending
(14:11):
cycle of dormant awakened, onlyto come back again to death and
dormancy States, but what I'mreally now discovering is,
underneath it, somethingcontinues to grow And that is my
rich roots of my existence, ofmy potential, and everything now
stands on these roots And whatcycles through the seasons?
(14:35):
stands on these growing deeper,thicker, enduring roots of my
being That I continue to takeonly a deeper hold.
And now I can't be shaken bythe world And as my relationship
with the world is growing, i'mgetting to access it may go
through moments of challenge andstruggle and I find myself in a
season of winter and we're sodisconnected.
(14:57):
I find myself in a season offall.
It just feels like things aredying, things are disintegrating
.
What's going to be with thisrelationship?
I'm able to pause, take a deepbreath and say you know what's
going to be with thisrelationship, like what always
was.
Spring will come and I'll beginto blossom And then, once again
, i will enjoy, i willappreciate the roots of my life,
(15:20):
of my life's work that arebeing produced.
And where are these rootsnourished from These fruits?
where are the fruits beingnourished from?
From the deep roots that everystep I took, every season I
would stood, continue tostrengthen, continue to grow,
continue to be here for me, tonurture me, to supply me with
(15:43):
the energy and all the things Ineed.
My inspiration, my focus, myresilience, my determination.
All these things continue tofeed from one place the
invisible roots.
Why didn't I make the worldwhere the roots would be visible
?
Why must the roots beunderground?
Perhaps there's a lesson thatwe're meant to learn Don't be
(16:04):
fooled by what you see with youreyes.
That's why there is eyesightand there is mind sight.
What do I see?
Do I only see what my eyes see,the external, or can I see with
my mind sight?
Can I see beyond?
just what's visible?
Just the snow on the ground,just the naked tree with no
(16:24):
leaves?
Can I see that?
what's presented to me on thesurface in some ways is a
distraction.
It's just here to give me someflavor of what's taking place.
But what really matters iswhat's going on underneath that
surface.
What really matters is that,despite enduring each one of
these seasons, there wassomething fundamental that
continued to take place,continued to endure, and that is
(16:47):
the deeper roots, the moreresilient, stronger roots that
continued to plant themselveswithin my world, that allow me
to continue to endure througheach season, to continue to draw
life from the adversity, todraw nutrients from resistance.
The challenge, the critique,the naysaying, all of these
(17:10):
things that should have taken medown.
Actually, i was able towithstand, why?
Because of what?
my roots, because my rootscontinue to deepen, and so, too,
happens during the seasons ofour relationships.
We can all hope for the spring,we can all crave for the summer
and hope that it comes into thepicture, but we have to remember
(17:31):
that there's no such thing assummer forever.
It just doesn't exist.
There's no such thing as winterforever.
The question which one do weemphasize, which one do we
energize And which one we givevery little attention, we give
little focus, and that's usuallyto the growth, to the
recommitment, to read thatdedication, that we come back
(17:52):
with that renewed, rejuvenatedsense of there can be a bright
future, there can be hope, therecan be more.
Instead of that experience, wefind ourselves constantly
searching, constantly trying tofind a way to make sense of our
lives, of the seasons of ourlives, of questioning never
(18:15):
ending.
Why is this going on?
Must it be this way?
Can there be something elseother than this?
And we're never pausing andasking what if this is exactly
where I'm supposed to be?
What if this is exactly whatI'm supposed to experience in
order to be able to become whatI'm supposed to become, and
(18:36):
these seasons are here to giveme a never ending flavor of how
we too, like nature, go throughthese natural, organic,
wholesome experiences.
Because through those moments ofwhat seems like disintegration,
dying, is actually what isnecessary in order for a blossom
(18:58):
into a bigger version of us tohappen, needs to take place.
This is necessary stop.
It's not a mistake, it's not anaccident, it's not a
coincidence.
God created us in this world tobe like that analogous tree, to
also ourselves experience astate where we feel like we're
dying, we feel like we'redisintegrating, only to discover
(19:21):
ourselves once again comingback to life.
And that, through thedisintegrating process, is how
we access our deeper realms, howwe access our deeper selves.
And there just won't be such athing as I was big today and
then tomorrow I just becamebigger, and it's just in a clear
, logical, mathematicalprogression.
(19:41):
No, that's why we fall, andwhen we get up, we are stronger.
And the only question will beleft is which will we emphasize?
Will we emphasize the fall Orwe're going to emphasize the
getting up every time after thefall?
Which person am I?
Am I the person that sees thefall?
Am I a person that sees gettingup after the fall.
(20:03):
And so too, as we go through theseasons.
And so some people, duringwinter, become depressed.
And some people during thewinter say I am bracing for the
spring, let me start preparingnow.
And so, too, some people,during the summer of their
seasons, of their relationship,find themselves feeling this is
amazing and they forget it willnot always be so and they don't
(20:26):
adequately prepare themselvesfor what is to come.
And when those storms of lighthit and the leaves begin to fall
or turn different colors, theystart becoming sad and depressed
.
And instead of realizing thatthe summer was also an
opportunity to settle themselvesfor those times when things
(20:47):
will be challenging and build arelationship in such a way that
the winter will just be a seasonrather than a permanent state,
instead of properly preparingthey got too carried away by the
spring and the summer and theydidn't give themselves a chance
to be adequately ready for thefall and the winter of the
(21:08):
seasons of a relationship.
What does a wise person do?
A wise person says I realizethat this relationship, like
other relationships, like my owninner journey, will go
continuously through theseseasons, and the more I take the
time during each season to beprepared for the predictable
(21:31):
seasons that are coming up aheadin life and therefore even
begin to enter a state whereeach season is enjoyable.
Each season can at least beappreciated and cherished for
what it is, which is.
Each one is an opportunity thatbrings its own perspective.
Each season is a chance for usto experience our humanity in
(21:55):
its full spectrum, because allof these aspects live within us.
We are at times in a state ofpotential, we are at times in a
state of actualization, andwe're at times where we just
pause and take stock and look atthe big picture and enjoy from
a place of serenity, a place offulfillment, only to find
(22:16):
ourselves once again workinghard, sweating and attempting to
recreate a vibrant life.
And all of that is onlypossible when we are pausing and
saying look at all of theseseasons that life brings, that
my relationships bring, and thatthrough each of the seasons I
am meant to actualize andrealize a different aspect of my
(22:40):
being.
And while things adornmentaround me and there's a sense of
a disconnect or a sense ofsomething's missing, i'm able to
say oh, there's something togain during this time as well.
And when things are in fullblossom, i realize that there's
something now for me to enjoyand to experience, but to know
(23:01):
that at one time the harvestwill be gathered and the next
seasons will come, and I couldbe ready for those seasons and
either celebrate them with thegains I've made or wonder what
new gains I am to make.
But I could see the depth ofthe wisdom within each season.
Not some of the seasons arecurses and some of the seasons
(23:21):
are blessings.
It's one complete package.
Can I step back and see thewisdom of the completion of it
all?
Or can I only fixate on how oneis a blessing and one is a
curse?
Can I see how each season is acompliment to the next, how
winter gives us ability toappreciate the summer and how
(23:46):
the blossoms of the spring aresuch beautiful compliments to
the withering and dying leavesof the fall?
Sometimes the relationship isamazing and sometimes they feel
complete and fulfilled andactualized through my
relationships and inspired.
And then there's that I feel sodisconnected because the
relationship is struggling andit's suffering.
(24:07):
And in those moments can Ipause and say this too is a
season And just like the season,other seasons will come.
Each season will give me anopportunity to explore a
different dimension of myselfand of my relationships, and
each time I enter a differentseason of my relationship, i can
take the opportunity to wonder,to question and to explore how
(24:32):
can this season give me thetools, the wisdom and insights I
need to come back and reengagemy relationship from a deeper,
more meaningful and morefulfilling place?
Each season is an opportunityto come back and once again ask
what is it that I didn't do thatI could do differently now?
What is it that was missinglast time around And this time I
(24:56):
could try to experiment withonce again, to prepare myself
and set myself up for anothersuccessful season ahead?
The four seasons of ourrelationship lives.
They're not just there for usto re-experience over and over
again as if it's a never-endinggroundhog's day.
They're not just there for usto gather each season
opportunity to deepen anotherdimension of myself and of my
(25:19):
relationships.
I hope you enjoyed.
Thank you for joining us today.
For questions, comments, topicsyou'd like to hear more about
or to try out our 24 weekrelationship challenge, email us
at relationshipreimagined atgmail.
Hello and welcome to dating, marriage and divorce
conversations where we analyze,navigate and troubleshoot all
stages of your romantic life.
I'm your host, Igor Meystelman,a divorce attorney turned
relationship coach.
Hello everybody and welcomeback to the show.
(00:31):
This episode is something thatI almost want to call a pot
that's been boiling for a verylong time and finally ready to
boil over, thanks to a number ofreally supporting friends and
colleagues.
I decided to make a jump intoreally going to the depth of my
own journey, why I'm here, why Ichoose to spend time this way
(00:53):
and how I'm hoping to influencethe world around me and help
others improve their relationalselves.
And I'm really going to referto this journey as the journey
of seasons of a relationship.
You see, what I've come to see,working both as a divorce
attorney and now as arelationship coach and a
therapist, is that really ourlives, especially our relational
(01:18):
lives, very much go throughseasons.
And just like the winter givesus this sense of everything is
sleeping and dormant and we'renot sure what's going to be,
we're not sure what life isgoing to present, so, too, same
thing happens in our relationallives.
There's this sense of thingsare sleeping, i'm not sure where
(01:38):
I am.
I'm not sure where I'm going towind up.
I'm not sure what the journeyof my love life is going to look
like.
I'm going to be surprised bysprouting buds that come into
being And, just like on the treeand on all kinds of growth, i
start seeing these littlebudding things, these little
(02:01):
green, all sorts of colors,things that begin to come to
life and week after week theybecome bigger and bigger.
Next thing I know they'reflowers budding and there's all
kinds of scents and beautiful,enjoyable fragrances emanating
from these sprouting things thatonce seemed dead.
(02:22):
Birds are flying and all kindsof bugs and bees are attracted
to these blossoming behaviorsthat the nature seems to present
to us.
And so the same happens in ourown world.
I'm walking around, i'm goingthrough my life, i go to work, i
take care of my chores and allof a sudden I encounter someone
(02:45):
and something inside him beginsto shift and move and becomes
vibrant and awake, and I'mcraving that scintillating
experience.
Something in my inner world isbeginning to light up and come
to life, and I'm looking forwardto the morning and I'm looking
forward to exploring the day andexploring that other person and
(03:07):
myself and how our interactionsare impacting us and our inner
worlds.
And I find myself in the midstof spring, of my own love, life.
And as that journey continuesand I settle into the adventure,
all of a sudden I find myselfin full swing, full blossom.
My life makes sense, i lookforward to the morning, i look
(03:31):
forward to the experience of theday and I could say to myself
maybe it's just endorphins andit's just my hormones are acting
out and that's it.
There's nothing to it.
And yet you ask any person,they'll tell you there's
something more taking place,something magical is happening.
I'm in the midst of thatmagical journey of blossoming,
(03:54):
of enjoyment.
Life is real, life ismeaningful, life is special and
life with you is special Andsomething about the relationship
and my own existence that takeson this deeply meaningful
awakeness, it becomes musical.
I feel the musical, my soul.
I can't touch it, i cannotreduce it to mathematical
(04:17):
formula, i cannot give it thatfull, tangible expression.
It's like the wind.
I cannot see it, but I feel itand God for some reason imbued
us and infused into us that wewould have these experiences.
I was reading recently a bookabout relationships and about
how to grow and become a betterspouse, and the author mentions.
(04:41):
Why is it that in the story ofAvraham that the angels come to
visit him and they tell himwhere is your wife?
and the commentaries explainthat they wanted to bring out in
view more love between thesetwo people.
Who are these two people?
A 99 year old man and an 89year old woman.
(05:05):
And yet the courtship goes on.
The experience of deep love, ofconnection, of the sensation
and feeling of cravingconnection continues to live on,
even in an older body.
And so that experience of love,romantic connection, is not
(05:26):
just something that happens inthese 20 year old bodies that
are craving intimacy, affection,acceptance, celebration.
No, it goes on through all ofour lives, and that season is
available to all of us at allphases of our journeys While we
are young and building families,while our children growing up
(05:49):
and even while we become emptynesters.
And we may wonder now what'snext?
Is our season of ourrelationship is dying?
Are we heading back to winter?
And the reality is is theseasons of relationship are
available in all ages, in allstages, and as we'll explore
this further, we'll see that itdoesn't just something that
(06:11):
takes place based on our ages,it's something that we can
experience, introduce into ourlives at any stage, at any age.
And just like Avram was able toexperience, at 99 years old
again, those scintillatingsensations of as if a young man
(06:32):
again and his wife as if a youngwoman again, we also go through
these stages in life, and manymarriages will go through
multiple seasons, many timesover, and find themselves
wondering again I'm in spring,again I'm in June, i'm in the
summer, i'm in the thick of myjourney of blossoming
(06:55):
relationship.
And, of course, as all summerscome to an end and the leaves on
the trees begin to turn yellowand red in all kinds of
beautiful colors, we discoverthat once again we're standing
at the threshold of the fall ofthe time, when everything seems
to begin again to wither, to dieaway, to go back to sleep, to
(07:21):
return back to Mother Nature andresume its cycle of dying,
losing vitality, settling backinto that dormant place.
And as leaf after leaf fallsoff the tree and again we find
(07:44):
ourselves standing, feelinglifeless, feeling something's
missing again, there's againthis dead space between us.
My spouse and I are lackingthat vibrancy that we felt when
we were dating or that we feltwhen we were under the chapa,
(08:04):
and these things are againslowly going back to sleep and
again I'm in my dormant stage oflife.
I close my eyes, the snowsettles and again it feels like
everything has come back to astill standing, still moment.
And it's precisely during thosemoments that we forget, and
(08:27):
that is why it's so importantthat we are reminded that, as I
stand here in the midst of mywinter if that's where I find
myself that the once before Iwas in this place, maybe in a
more shallow way, maybe withless recognition, maybe with
less awareness, but I was here,i was in this place, which means
(08:50):
this will pass and spring willcome and summer blossom will
once again be present, and I canremind myself that this moment
is not here forever.
This moment is not gonna behere to stay and to trap me for
(09:11):
all time.
This moment will pass.
The question is, what will I dowith this moment?
This moment is here for areason.
God wants me to experience theseasons of my relationship for a
reason, and maybe, as I cyclethrough each season over and
over again, i won't justidentify the steps that I
(09:34):
treaded here before, but maybe Iwill begin to hear the words of
wisdom, the those treaded stepswanna say back to me.
And this time, as I step backinto those steps, i will be a
little bit wiser, i'll be alittle bit more aware, i'll be a
(09:55):
little more sensitive, i'll bea little more curious.
As I re-engage the spring, asthe winter once again passes and
the smell begins to melt, whatbuds are waiting to blossom
underneath that snow that waswaiting dormant?
Is it exactly the same replicaof me from a year ago Or now?
(10:21):
the blossom is wiser, is deeper, it's more meaningful, it's
more ready for deeper connection, deeper understanding, and I
will be there with it as Iexperience myself in that more
deeper, intimate way than I wasjust a year ago.
(10:46):
Why am I being given opportunityto go through yet another cycle
, through yet another seasons ofmy own life and my relational
life?
Will I take this opportunity?
or will I just say I'm thereunder so much snow, there's so
much that's sleeping, that's somuch missing, so much I wish
(11:09):
there was a wake?
Or can I pause and say tomyself there's so much more to
discover, there's so much moreto take advantage of, as I will
emerge once again in the nextupcoming spring that will follow
by the summer and during thatseason, i will grab the
opportunity I will reach, i willgive myself a chance to have a
(11:33):
fuller, deeper, more meaningfulexpression and through that
expression, the world will speakback to me through my children,
through my spouse, through myfriends.
The universal reach out andspeak back to me from the deeper
place, because I've becomedeeper and now I've become a
vessel that can hold more depthand therefore I can access the
(11:57):
deeper layers of the universe.
Or do I want to remain stuck inmy shallow place?
Do I want to just say all thereis is snow and I can't access
any more depth?
All there is is this what I see, what means?
the eye, the shallow, narrow,limited version of myself, the
constricted me that cannot finda way to give voice or give
(12:21):
fuller, meaningful expression.
Can I conceive my life past thatphase?
Can I connect to the buds thatare blossoming and now producing
once again, more fruits, richer, sweeter fruits?
And that's something thatdoesn't just happen overnight.
It's something that requireswork, diligence and coming
ultimately to a real, honestplace of looking ourselves in
(12:44):
the mirror and saying, wow, lookat this mature tree that's
blossoming, look at what I'mbecoming.
I'm not the person I was, and Idon't have to lie to myself
anymore.
I could just engage in honestconversation with myself.
My still, really, that threeyear old, budding, sapling,
(13:04):
vulnerable, weak tree.
And upon facing the storms oflife, the strong winds of
resistance that could just be soeasily uprooted, what do I feel
, if I'm really being honest, astronger trunk, stronger
existence that a wind can't justblow over easily anymore.
I have deep roots, i have strongroots.
(13:25):
No one sees them, and sometimesnot even me, and so I'm not
even aware of their presence.
But when I pause and really getfocused and I connect, i
realize with each season, as Icycled through life, through the
seasons of life, i didn't standstill, the roots continued
growing.
If there was something that wasconstant, that constant was my
(13:47):
never ending growing rootsTaking deeper hold and deeper
hold in the reality of life, inthe richness of the soil in
which they were standing.
And that richness, soil is life, life into which God blew,
meaning existence, vibrancy, andI'm getting to access it every
single day.
And so, as I see on the surfacewhat seems to be a never ending
(14:11):
cycle of dormant awakened, onlyto come back again to death and
dormancy States, but what I'mreally now discovering is,
underneath it, somethingcontinues to grow And that is my
rich roots of my existence, ofmy potential, and everything now
stands on these roots And whatcycles through the seasons?
(14:35):
stands on these growing deeper,thicker, enduring roots of my
being That I continue to takeonly a deeper hold.
And now I can't be shaken bythe world And as my relationship
with the world is growing, i'mgetting to access it may go
through moments of challenge andstruggle and I find myself in a
season of winter and we're sodisconnected.
(14:57):
I find myself in a season offall.
It just feels like things aredying, things are disintegrating
.
What's going to be with thisrelationship?
I'm able to pause, take a deepbreath and say you know what's
going to be with thisrelationship, like what always
was.
Spring will come and I'll beginto blossom And then, once again
, i will enjoy, i willappreciate the roots of my life,
(15:20):
of my life's work that arebeing produced.
And where are these rootsnourished from These fruits?
where are the fruits beingnourished from?
From the deep roots that everystep I took, every season I
would stood, continue tostrengthen, continue to grow,
continue to be here for me, tonurture me, to supply me with
(15:43):
the energy and all the things Ineed.
My inspiration, my focus, myresilience, my determination.
All these things continue tofeed from one place the
invisible roots.
Why didn't I make the worldwhere the roots would be visible
?
Why must the roots beunderground?
Perhaps there's a lesson thatwe're meant to learn Don't be
(16:04):
fooled by what you see with youreyes.
That's why there is eyesightand there is mind sight.
What do I see?
Do I only see what my eyes see,the external, or can I see with
my mind sight?
Can I see beyond?
just what's visible?
Just the snow on the ground,just the naked tree with no
(16:24):
leaves?
Can I see that?
what's presented to me on thesurface in some ways is a
distraction.
It's just here to give me someflavor of what's taking place.
But what really matters iswhat's going on underneath that
surface.
What really matters is that,despite enduring each one of
these seasons, there wassomething fundamental that
continued to take place,continued to endure, and that is
(16:47):
the deeper roots, the moreresilient, stronger roots that
continued to plant themselveswithin my world, that allow me
to continue to endure througheach season, to continue to draw
life from the adversity, todraw nutrients from resistance.
The challenge, the critique,the naysaying, all of these
(17:10):
things that should have taken medown.
Actually, i was able towithstand, why?
Because of what?
my roots, because my rootscontinue to deepen, and so, too,
happens during the seasons ofour relationships.
We can all hope for the spring,we can all crave for the summer
and hope that it comes into thepicture, but we have to remember
(17:31):
that there's no such thing assummer forever.
It just doesn't exist.
There's no such thing as winterforever.
The question which one do weemphasize, which one do we
energize And which one we givevery little attention, we give
little focus, and that's usuallyto the growth, to the
recommitment, to read thatdedication, that we come back
(17:52):
with that renewed, rejuvenatedsense of there can be a bright
future, there can be hope, therecan be more.
Instead of that experience, wefind ourselves constantly
searching, constantly trying tofind a way to make sense of our
lives, of the seasons of ourlives, of questioning never
(18:15):
ending.
Why is this going on?
Must it be this way?
Can there be something elseother than this?
And we're never pausing andasking what if this is exactly
where I'm supposed to be?
What if this is exactly whatI'm supposed to experience in
order to be able to become whatI'm supposed to become, and
(18:36):
these seasons are here to giveme a never ending flavor of how
we too, like nature, go throughthese natural, organic,
wholesome experiences.
Because through those moments ofwhat seems like disintegration,
dying, is actually what isnecessary in order for a blossom
(18:58):
into a bigger version of us tohappen, needs to take place.
This is necessary stop.
It's not a mistake, it's not anaccident, it's not a
coincidence.
God created us in this world tobe like that analogous tree, to
also ourselves experience astate where we feel like we're
dying, we feel like we'redisintegrating, only to discover
(19:21):
ourselves once again comingback to life.
And that, through thedisintegrating process, is how
we access our deeper realms, howwe access our deeper selves.
And there just won't be such athing as I was big today and
then tomorrow I just becamebigger, and it's just in a clear
, logical, mathematicalprogression.
(19:41):
No, that's why we fall, andwhen we get up, we are stronger.
And the only question will beleft is which will we emphasize?
Will we emphasize the fall Orwe're going to emphasize the
getting up every time after thefall?
Which person am I?
Am I the person that sees thefall?
Am I a person that sees gettingup after the fall.
(20:03):
And so too, as we go through theseasons.
And so some people, duringwinter, become depressed.
And some people during thewinter say I am bracing for the
spring, let me start preparingnow.
And so, too, some people,during the summer of their
seasons, of their relationship,find themselves feeling this is
amazing and they forget it willnot always be so and they don't
(20:26):
adequately prepare themselvesfor what is to come.
And when those storms of lighthit and the leaves begin to fall
or turn different colors, theystart becoming sad and depressed
.
And instead of realizing thatthe summer was also an
opportunity to settle themselvesfor those times when things
(20:47):
will be challenging and build arelationship in such a way that
the winter will just be a seasonrather than a permanent state,
instead of properly preparingthey got too carried away by the
spring and the summer and theydidn't give themselves a chance
to be adequately ready for thefall and the winter of the
(21:08):
seasons of a relationship.
What does a wise person do?
A wise person says I realizethat this relationship, like
other relationships, like my owninner journey, will go
continuously through theseseasons, and the more I take the
time during each season to beprepared for the predictable
(21:31):
seasons that are coming up aheadin life and therefore even
begin to enter a state whereeach season is enjoyable.
Each season can at least beappreciated and cherished for
what it is, which is.
Each one is an opportunity thatbrings its own perspective.
Each season is a chance for usto experience our humanity in
(21:55):
its full spectrum, because allof these aspects live within us.
We are at times in a state ofpotential, we are at times in a
state of actualization, andwe're at times where we just
pause and take stock and look atthe big picture and enjoy from
a place of serenity, a place offulfillment, only to find
(22:16):
ourselves once again workinghard, sweating and attempting to
recreate a vibrant life.
And all of that is onlypossible when we are pausing and
saying look at all of theseseasons that life brings, that
my relationships bring, and thatthrough each of the seasons I
am meant to actualize andrealize a different aspect of my
(22:40):
being.
And while things adornmentaround me and there's a sense of
a disconnect or a sense ofsomething's missing, i'm able to
say oh, there's something togain during this time as well.
And when things are in fullblossom, i realize that there's
something now for me to enjoyand to experience, but to know
(23:01):
that at one time the harvestwill be gathered and the next
seasons will come, and I couldbe ready for those seasons and
either celebrate them with thegains I've made or wonder what
new gains I am to make.
But I could see the depth ofthe wisdom within each season.
Not some of the seasons arecurses and some of the seasons
(23:21):
are blessings.
It's one complete package.
Can I step back and see thewisdom of the completion of it
all?
Or can I only fixate on how oneis a blessing and one is a
curse?
Can I see how each season is acompliment to the next, how
winter gives us ability toappreciate the summer and how
(23:46):
the blossoms of the spring aresuch beautiful compliments to
the withering and dying leavesof the fall?
Sometimes the relationship isamazing and sometimes they feel
complete and fulfilled andactualized through my
relationships and inspired.
And then there's that I feel sodisconnected because the
relationship is struggling andit's suffering.
(24:07):
And in those moments can Ipause and say this too is a
season And just like the season,other seasons will come.
Each season will give me anopportunity to explore a
different dimension of myselfand of my relationships, and
each time I enter a differentseason of my relationship, i can
take the opportunity to wonder,to question and to explore how
(24:32):
can this season give me thetools, the wisdom and insights I
need to come back and reengagemy relationship from a deeper,
more meaningful and morefulfilling place?
Each season is an opportunityto come back and once again ask
what is it that I didn't do thatI could do differently now?
What is it that was missinglast time around And this time I
(24:56):
could try to experiment withonce again, to prepare myself
and set myself up for anothersuccessful season ahead?
The four seasons of ourrelationship lives.
They're not just there for usto re-experience over and over
again as if it's a never-endinggroundhog's day.
They're not just there for usto gather each season
opportunity to deepen anotherdimension of myself and of my
(25:19):
relationships.
I hope you enjoyed.
Thank you for joining us today.
For questions, comments, topicsyou'd like to hear more about
or to try out our 24 weekrelationship challenge, email us
at relationshipreimagined atgmail.
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