May 11, 2024 • 29 mins
Have you ever found yourself gasping for air in the whirlwind of daily chaos? That's exactly where I was, until I discovered the magic of a simple breath. Hey, KC Carnage here, and on today's show, we're getting real about the lifelines we cling to in the storm of life. With the help of Porcelynn and Ellen, we tear down the walls to reveal the raw truth of our personal quests for happiness. We dig into the earthy goodness of hiking, the rhythms of daily routines, and the soulful exhales in breathing exercises that keep us afloat amidst the turmoil. Together, we're challenging the noise and finding solace in the practices that anchor us to who we truly are.
Host KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage), Porcelynn (@luvporcelynn) and Ellen Branch (@simply_ellen_yoga)
Daz It Daz All is written by KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage) and Produced by KC Carnage and Rick Barrio Dill (@rickbarriodill). Associate producer Bri Coorey (@bri_beats), Audio and Video Engineering and Studio facilities provided by S.L.A.P. Studios LA (@SLAPStudiosLA) with distribution through our collective for social progress and cultural expression, SLAP the Network. (@SLAPtheNetwork.com)
If you have any ideas for a show you want to see or hear, email us at info@SLAPtheNetwork.com and as always, you can go to dazitdazall.com and sign up there to make sure you never miss a thing...
See you next show!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Yeah, I do my breathing exercises because it's
super important for me, becauseit can get out of hand.
So if I don't want any littleaccidents to happen, I rebuke
that.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
But I have to take breaths.
Aries, okay, I'm a Leo, so Ifeel you, I feel you, I feel it.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Yes, Is it like a place you like to go?
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I just stop wherever I am and breathe in through the
nose, out through the mouth.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Breathing in positivity.
Breathing stays thriving.
That's it, that's all.
That's it, that's all.
Keep it real.
That's it, that's all.
That's it, that's all.
Is that really it, though?
What up, what up, what up, whatup?
Welcome back.
This is that's it, that's All.
Y'all know me, kc Carnage.
I'm your host today.
We have Porcelain on the show,Hi, and we have Ellen on the
(01:07):
show.
Whoop, whoop.
I was gone for a minute.
Now I'm back.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Oh, she said she a veteran.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
She said I'm back bitches, okay, cool.
So you know, I've been in avery organic mode lately and you
know, you think about, like,what you want to talk about, how
what was going to know thediscussion is going to be about,
and what I came to is it's likegetting back to you.
Right?
I feel, personally, there'sbeen a shift that's been
happening in my life where it'slike I'm remembering all the
(01:33):
things that make me happy, I'mremembering all the things that
keep me motivated.
I'm trying to stay the courseand also listen to what the
signs are giving me.
So I want to talk about thattoday.
Like, so how y'all week been?
Like, have y'all felt any ofthat shifting?
Or like, have you felt likeyou've had to, like, do things
to remember who you are?
Speaker 2 (01:56):
okay, I know that.
Look you go first.
Okay, um, so for me, I thinkthe last I would say maybe last
like three weeks it's beencreating a good routine for
myself.
You know, getting up, makingmyself breakfast, doing
(02:16):
something to get back to my body, whether it be tea, you know
banana, oatmeal, whatever thevibe is, and then, um, you know,
working.
I thank god I'm having anopportunity to work from home,
so that's been a one because Iwasn't doing that for a year and
a half.
So now congratulations got ourown schedule.
Yeah, that's a blessing and Ithink that's afforded me a lot
of free time.
(02:37):
So I get to work out and spendmore time at home and, you know,
cooking and just creating some,some good space for myself,
that's awesome Me personally.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
I've been hiking.
I have a friend we hike everyThursday and Friday at Culver
City Stairs.
That's been feeding my soul.
It's been helping me reconnectto the focused, driven person
that I once was.
Just you know, climbing thestairs, which is not easy If
(03:07):
you're not Already active and inshape, and it proves to me
Every time that you know Ain'tno mountain High enough.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
It's also like it's like mind over body, like your
body Is meant to do things thatyour mind Will trick you Out of
doing.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Isn't that the crazy thing?
It's gonna to be talking thewhole time.
It's loud and it's trying todistract you.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
It's trying to distract you, it'd be that inner
voice that's like you can't doit.
Your brain be telling you thatand in reality you're capable of
so much more.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
I was talking to Ellen the other day.
I'm moving and in the midst ofmy move the thing was I was just
like everybody just wanted toknow oh, you're moving, what are
you doing, what it's going overthe book, just all these
fucking questions, and I'm likenobody's offering me a job to
wear, no one's telling me youshould stay, because this is
like no one's giving menecessarily solutions, they're
(03:54):
just trying to be nosy.
So I literally had to blockeverything out.
It's just kind of like I don't.
I'm in a space right now.
I'm not trying to answernobody's questions, because I
feel like when, when people areasking you questions, that, even
though they're doing it out oflove and like to be to like you
know, act like they're.
Or I would say, act like, butlike make sure that they're in
(04:15):
your life and ask you questionschecking up on you, I get that.
But it's also a point whereit's just kind of like sometimes
, depending on how much theyinfluence you, you can change
your mind.
You can have a whole plan, awhole plan.
You knocked it out.
You don't research this planfor weeks, right, and one person
can just question it, or youlook on their faces and it'll
(04:36):
really make you doubt your ownshit.
So I think, like, personally,one of the things that I've been
doing is literally blockingeverybody out, like if it ain't
on my like.
I tell you about my scheduleall the time.
I say, if it's not on myschedule, if it's not a part of
today's plan, it can't happen.
Stick to the plan, right.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yeah, definitely.
I'm all for blocking in everysense mentally, physically,
online, spiritually, emotionally.
I mean, if you have to shutpeople out so you can stay
focused, then that's priorityfor sure.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
I have no problem doing that and communicating
that right like not just beinglike ghosts.
You know I'm saying, but hey yolook yeah, I need some space
deuces out.
See you in a bit, but on thecontrary.
Why, though?
Because there's a, there'sexpectations around friendship
and relationships that we haveto be willing to communicate
when things are changing.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Absolutely, and I agree with that.
But also, too, what I'm saying,like I guess what my version
right now is that why you knowwhat I mean.
Like, why am I putting youahead of what I need to do right
now?
Because it may hinder arelationship.
Because if the foundation wasstrong enough, you, my friend,
would say she probably needssome time.
(05:47):
Right now she's not acting howshe would normally, how I know
her to act, and if she is theperson I know she's gonna be,
she'll come back.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I expect that from people too, like I shouldn't
always have to explain to youwhat I'm doing, why I'm doing,
why I'm doing it, becausesometimes I just need to fucking
do it yes, I get that, but ifsomeone asks you and says, hey,
you know, I'm noticing this,like is everything okay, saying
not saying I'm fine and notbeing fine, and then ghosting,
that's what I mean as far aslike communication.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
I mean I and I understand that and I get that
and in a nice world, like youknow, in healthy communication
but I also.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
This is what we strive for.
We strive for that, but I wantpeople to know, like, okay, so
for example, my friend wastalking to me over the phone.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
She was talking about her niece.
Her niece is five years old,right, she's a she's a toddler
and she's getting in her toddlermode but they come from like a
caribbean family and, um, she,though her mom, felt like she
was being disrespect.
You know, the kid was beingdisrespectful and on her and she
was trying to explain to likewhat's your feelings, like
(06:53):
what's going on, becausesometimes it is okay to just
right now.
I don't have to be nice.
Why do I always have to be nice?
why do I always have to be this.
You know what I mean.
It's okay when there's ahealthy balance, but I I just
think that, like the reason whypeople are so pent up and have
so much anxiety, because peopleare making other people feel
like their emotions or how theyfeel right.
This moment is wrong because itaffects them so strongly.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Yeah, I mean, I can see that perspective.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I had a similar situation with a friend who I
was FaceTiming.
We were best friends since likehigh school and I was
facetiming him just back to backto back for weeks and he just
was not answering and I'm like Itook it very personally.
You know, and it goes back towhat you said about you know,
when you do have a long-termrelationship, you have some type
(07:42):
of expectation.
Now, after like the 20th call,he was like oh um, I just need a
mental health break right now,and then I see him continuing to
do all the other things that hewas doing online like having a
ball yeah so I took itpersonally and I was like he
can't be working on his mentalhealth.
He's outside, but people work ontheir mental health, how they
work on the mental health.
But he did eventually saysomething like give me something
(08:04):
.
And even at that point I wasvery upset.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
But, um, I'm a little older, a little wiser now and
I'm like okay but he circledback he did tell me go back and
he was struggling and itprobably was hard for him to say
it it is hard, and that's whatpeople don't understand too,
like people are dealing withtheir own demons, like to to
have that much.
And bringing that back to youknow the subject.
It's like when you have thatemotional tie to somebody, they
(08:29):
can really put you in a tug ofwar and really drop you off,
like well, there's relationshipsor not?
You got you, you worried aboutover this, over here, and
there's a whole path over herefor you, but you can't think
straight.
You know we're here for you,but you can't think straight,
you know.
And so like it is a healthybalance to try to find, you know
, a happy medium between, likerespecting people's opinions,
(08:50):
their space, their feelings, butalso trying not to have that
trump your feelings and thenmake yourself feel guilty
because you have those feelings,like those are your feelings,
trust and believe they don'tfeel guilty.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
So I think there's like a level of like
accountability, like, even if weuse the example of your friend
Porcelain, like if I'm callingyou and we have a relationship
and you are not there when Ineed you.
The same level could be flippedback where, if you, if he
needed you, were you willing toput your needs as Casey saying
(09:24):
is not good over or under hisand then be like, oh well, let
me pick the phone up because youcould have needed a mental
health break.
You could have been feeling sometype of way.
But now there's an opportunityfor you to deepen your
relationship.
If you love this person orwhether it doesn't matter what
the content of the relationshipis.
If there's love there, there'sopportunity to grow and support
(09:44):
each other in that and I'm nottalking about a trauma bond, I'm
talking about actually beinglike hey, I see you, I recognize
what you're going through.
I don't you to experience italone.
I'm going through shit too.
But let's find space to youknow, just be a little more like
emotionally aware and matureand willing to just be like.
You could just text me space oryou can just text me an empty
(10:04):
text message and I know thatmeans you don't want to talk
right but it doesn't need to bethis up in the air, where your,
your anxiety is up here, becausehe just doesn't want to text
you.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
I don't want to talk right now, right that's all I
need, and I got a little pettyand he came around and he
started facetiming and I Idefinitely have not, even to
this moment, answered.
So just with your response I'mlike all right, I'm going to
FaceTime him when I leave, butI've been ignoring his FaceTimes
and just responding to him onsocial media because that's what
(10:36):
he was doing to me and I hopehe's watching this podcast,
right now I'm not going to sayher name, but I'm going to
FaceTime you tonight after this.
But we are being petty and Ilove you.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
I'm definitely, but yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Look at this reconciliation.
That's all it takes.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
She is on her reconciliation period.
I'm still in my petty phase.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Right and it's all good.
I had a dude move to a wholeother state.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
He came back to LA and going to hit me with a hey
you you.
I said what's up, let me tellyou.
I said we ain't been on no heyyou term since you left.
What are you talking about?
Like, what are you talkingabout?
So I'm gonna keep this the sameway.
I got stuff to do.
I'll talk to you when I can.
Just because you're in towndoesn't mean I'm gonna drop
everything that I'm doing, likeyou know what I mean.
(11:17):
Man, I'm in petty season.
I've been on one all day y'allgonna watch this episode.
It's like, okay, let me telly'all something Stop having
people Play with y'all.
Like I'm so tired, like I feltlike I've been in a space when
people just Trying to play withyou Just poking the bear, poking
the bear.
Guess what?
You woke the motherfucking bearup.
She's up.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Rawr bitch.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Hibernation season over.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
She is woke.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
But that's what we were talking about earlier.
Just like you know, that's whatScorpio season bring, Like all
that like rebirth energy.
That don't fuck with me.
I'm out here and try me if youwant to.
You're going to get stunned,right.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
It's.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Scorpio, like that's a scorpion, like that legit is
what you're feeling.
You're feeling that energy, sojust lean into it.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
But you know, a little grace go a long way, I am
not in a graceful period.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Y'all are like the total opposite.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
I am not, and the crazy part is like I'm not
really like this it's like on anormal.
I'm chill I'm so chill.
But today let me tell y'allsomething.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Today and the winds got the wind.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
I just feel like I've had, like I've I've gotten rid
of a lot of weight around me.
I've cleared space, I'vecleared energy and right now I
would say it's the most clearestI've been thinking and feeling
in a long time, like I don'thave that same cloud over my
head.
And I was talking about like Idid mad shit today.
I got everything on my listdone today.
(12:38):
I'm here talking to y'all whoop, whoop, you know, and so like,
yeah, the energy.
So I'm, I'm, I'm sending someof that y'all way.
I feel like I'm about tocombust.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I receive it, I receive it.
I just I feel like sometimesI'm the person that's like
always feeling that kind of likecombustible way and I have to
like put a cold towel overmyself.
Okay, calm down, ellen, calmdown.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yeah, I do my breathing exercises because it's
super important for me, becauseit can get out of hand.
So if I don't want any littleaccidents to happen, I rebuke
that.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
But I have to take breaths.
Aries, okay, I'm a Leo, so Ifeel you, I feel it, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Your breath?
Did you breath with you?
Is there like a place you liketo go?
I just stop wherever I am andbreathe in through the nose, out
through the mouth.
Um, breathing in positivity,breathing out negativity, and um
, what can we do?
One together, breathing inpositivity.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Yeah, so you're thinking whatever color that
brings you happiness and lightit could be a white light, it
could be yellow light, whateveryour favorite color is and then,
when you're breathing out, itneeds to be dark and smoky,
because that's the energy thatwe're releasing, all right so
first we're going to take ourfirst breath, in through the
nose, out through the mouth,together and release fuck that
(14:00):
nigga breath number two into thenose, in through the nose
Positivity, wealth, health,happiness, love, light,
abundance, true love, respectand appreciation for one another
.
And we're going to breathe Allthe darkness out, and this is
the one that counts In throughthe nose, hold and out.
(14:25):
That's how you do that.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yes, good job.
That felt great.
Thank you, that felt great.
Did you do it too success?
That's what I'm talking aboutgetting back to you finding the
things that make you happy.
Okay.
So I'll ask this what is aweird thing that makes you happy
?
That a you don't want anybodyto know or you do, but like by
(14:51):
yourself, like you by yourselfwhat's a weird habit?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
but it makes you extremely happy, oh my positive
affirmations in the mirror umwith but is that strange though,
is it?
Speaker 3 (15:03):
no?
No, it's not insecure girl Iguess she brought it to the
world.
I'm talking about someone'slife like nobody.
I mean.
You don't gotta tell me if youdon't wanna let it out.
I'm trying to think.
I know a lot of people think.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I'm weird because I have a lot of sticky notes all
over my walls.
Is there something that I dofor myself or do to myself, just
whatever makes you happy, okay.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Oh man, I mean, I like popping pimples.
That's the first thing thatcame to mind when you said that.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
First, of all I can't front.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
You said something that's weird.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
First of all, I mean it makes me happy.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
There's actually a fast time of mine, I mean
anything gross like that.
Okay, so one of the weirdthings I'm trying to.
You asked me.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
No, no one of the weird things that like brings me
.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Like that doesn't make me happy, but I'm like yeah
, got you Is when a fly getscaught in my blinds and I smash
it.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Hey, whatever works.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
And I'm like wiping up, it's like like it's inside.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
I'm like yeah, you should have got it here, cause
that's my thing, don't?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
I hate flies Like cause you know they well, first
of all, they would be okay,cause they know, here's the
thing they they sit on the wall.
If they stayed on the wallthey'd be all right, and they
want to be in my face, so nowyou gots to go.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
You have violated.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
Period Violation, like when mosquitoes bite you in
the face.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
That is a violation.
I've gotten one on my forehead.
That's such a violation.
It went right in.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
Wait, do you know the other one?
When they bite you on the toe,will you bend that, yes, or?
Speaker 2 (16:39):
you get an ant bite.
That'd be the one bite on yourtoe.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
let me tell you something these insects, man,
these insects, anyway, we okay,I'm sorry what?
Speaker 1 (16:49):
is a cherished memory of you guys, like when you,
when you think about it reallybrings you a lot of warmth I'm
gonna say the family picture Itook with my family because I
was raised my dad wasn't in thehouse and after hurricane
katrina he moved to atlanta andthat's when we were not forced
to build a relationship.
We had opportunity to build arelationship in my adult years
(17:10):
and I always wanted the perfectChristmas where we had all the
family members there.
So my dad actually came one yearand we took a family photo and
that's one of those like superprecious moments for me, because
I was able to just live out achild moment in adult life and I
still have the picture to thisday my hair was gray and crazy
and I was a little rock star andthe rest of my family's all
(17:31):
perfect but we got the picture.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
She's like yeah, dude party on.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Yeah, that's exactly how it looks a memory that
brings me joy.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Come on, you had time to think about it.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
You knew you was next .
No, I've been thinking about itand I really had to dig.
And that's kind of scary whenyou have to dig, okay.
So I would say, oh, okay, beingin Bali with my friends, okay,
I'm sure we had a good time.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
We had a good time.
We had a good time.
Aw man, Whenever I'm out withmy friends, even when we went to
Houston, I just love going andhanging out with the besties
having fun.
Because we would be looking ateverybody else, have fun and be
like I love you.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Oh my God, that's my moment.
I'd be getting all sent, butthat's fine, because it's okay.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I would have to say family moments.
For me, like my family, we usedto do potlucks.
Like my grandmother's house waslike an open door policy and I
think that's a big reason why Ilike to host, I like to cook a
lot because, like, growing up wehad potlucks every friday.
We had like car parties,christmas and thanksgiving, like
it was a big thing and peoplelike you had the first family,
like we had people comingthrough there all day, like my
(18:42):
house was the place to be at andso like those bring me happy,
like it brings back to like thatinner child and it goes.
You know, it's full circle likethese things about like getting
back to who you were, thisthing that you remember, things
that made you feel good, thingsthat made you sad things that
you recognize right because thatalso brings me back to that
child like state where this islike I get giddy around certain
holidays.
I get giddy when, like, there'sa family reunion or somebody's
(19:04):
wedding.
It's like yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
I can have fun with my family, you know.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
But I also cherish those moments because my family
is also very spread out in everydifferent state.
So it's that one occasion whereeverybody's there Like I
remember my cousin, my baby'scousin, the reason why I miss
Bali my baby's cousin.
So I only have two firstcousins.
So we kind of like me, mybrother, my sister and my two
(19:30):
cousins.
We kind of grew up likebrothers and sisters and she's
the youngest and she's the firstperson to get married.
So I was like I can't miss this.
Yeah, no, of course, yeah so,but when I got there, I hadn't
seen one of my, my cousins sincemaybe I graduated high school
and this is like I'm 35, thiswas like 18.
When I saw her, I literally ranand jumped on her like that was
my boo, like she's thebabysitter.
There's an older cousin she'sthe babysitters and everything,
and I have not seen her and itwas just so good.
So those, those the kind ofmemories that make me happy like
(19:53):
like fan warm family becausewe're so separated and we're not
like necessarily supertight-knit, but when we get
together.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
It's a, it's like.
It's like y'all wasn't amillion miles away.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Yeah, Okay.
So I feel like we all trying tobe on our fitness journey and
stuff like that oh yeah, Right,Working out Okay.
So what was your general motivefor it?
Like a vain one?
What for?
Working out yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
When I saw the last podcast, this podcast, that one,
I saw things, and also in thisnew music video that that I'm in
Shout out to Blake.
She has a video.
Hey, blake, you gotta come onthe show, blake, oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
Yeah, she said come on.
Do you know who I'm talkingabout?
I don't know, but I know a lotof people that know her.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Okay, yeah, and I met her once.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Through another friend.
When we went to, we went to theClassic Cat.
She had red hair at the timeyeah, I met her briefly but like
I always see her videos andsomething she just she brings so
much light oh well, yeah, heck,yeah, okay, so I'll be putting
that together.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
She definitely needs to come here.
Um, but I was a security guardofficer in her video and I, just
when I saw my face, I was likeI, I looked like I was expecting
in the face so I'm like okay,not expecting in the face.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
you know, it looked like I was carrying I the face.
So I'm like okay, oh notexpecting in the face child.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
You know it looked like I was carrying.
I'm like, okay, so we're goingto start.
I know exactly what we're goingto do.
You said a vain reason.
So the last two times I sawmyself on camera, I'm like, okay
, yeah, so I've been consistent,that's good.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Can we go?
Speaker 3 (21:18):
before you, but I've always had a little foo pop.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Oh my God, I hate the way you say that You're a woman
.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
I've always had a little foo pop.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
I want it to go away.
I want it going so bad.
I just really want it to goaway.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
It's going to go away .
Speaker 3 (21:40):
No, it's going to go away, because now I'm in the
mode that I'm going to make itgo away.
But it was just one of thosethings.
I was athlete growing up so Inever really had to worry about
me working out or dancing like Inever had to worry about it.
Now I gotta worry about it andit's getting out there.
And I was telling ellen beforeI said see, I can't do it.
I only have a certain amount oflevel I can do because I don't
have no ass and I'm about to bewalking around with with a big
(22:01):
old belly and then no ass likethat shit looks weird, like at
least like be even.
You know what I mean.
Like if you have some bootyback there, you got a little
room you know what I mean likeno, it don't work.
It don't work because that's mybaby, my little poop out it is
melting away girl.
As we speak, as we speak, weeating good.
That's the application.
(22:27):
Let it go.
Have y'all seen that one tiktokshow it don't got nothing to do
with me, fuck it.
It don't got nothing to do withme, it don't got nothing to do,
fuck it.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
I was like yo, that's not the funniest it's real so
for me, I just wanna to lookgood Having sex.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Definitely.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
There are parts of me that one day want to do like
Record myself or like see whatthat looks like.
But I've never been like 100%comfortable With every part of
my body, so that once I get tothat point, come on.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
That's so true.
I have an opportunity to mybody, so that once I get to that
, point.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Come on, we can Fuck it up, fuck it up, fuck it up
From the back, from the side,all over.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
That's so true, I have an opportunity to have sex
with someone I'm attracted to,but part of me not doing that
which is actually working in myfavor, because I want him to
wait a lot longer is that I'mlike ooh, I'm not all the way
comfortable with how I looknaked just standing, so let
alone all these positions.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
Boozy face, I always know how I feel about my body
when I'm having sex, dependingon how dim the light is or not.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
For real, when I'm feeling myself.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
The light is on.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Yeah, and that's, it's light on season.
It's light on season, Like youknow, like I'm so celibate.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
It might be me but if I'm like this, I look raggedy,
but we trying to fuck.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
I'm turning the lights off.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Feel me, you better hear my voice La da, da, la da
da, la, da, da, la da da La, da,da, la, da da she song.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
That's how it be.
So I feel you on that, I feelyou on that, yeah, yeah, that's
my goal.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Definitely feel you on that.
I feel you on that, well youknow, sorry, I had to bring it
up like that because I really,truly believe that I was like I
really I really enjoy talkingabout this because, like just
the laughter that ensues whenyou really start to figure out
yourself right, and it's likeyou really, your parents really
told us like you're not going toreally know yourself until you
know yourself Like you know.
You think you know yourselfright now, like you really do.
(24:35):
Yeah, you might have reached 18.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
But you're like the woman I was when I was a
teenager, as I am now.
I was about to say the peoplewho peak when they're teenagers
accept themselves after thatphase, so like.
I don't think I peaked at 15,16.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
I just peaked today.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
I still haven't peaked.
I'm not even close to a peak.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
KC.
I peaked today.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Today is day one of forever.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Y'all stay on notice, I'm not playing with y'all,
don't play with me.
But all in all, y'all know Ilike to leave A message on my
show.
This one was just more so Forus to have fun and you know,
really tap into that and also,too Like this is a feminine
space, right.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
I love it.
I love being here.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Jazz it Jazz all Okay .
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Shout it out, but like it's really a feminine
space, and for me it's importantto have just conversations.
Not everything has to be thiswoe is me.
It really can just be ustalking and feeling good, and
not only feeling good aboutourselves but loving on one
another, and so that's why it'sbeen nice to mix up my friend
(25:43):
groups and mix up places,because when y'all sit down on
the couch, don't y'all feel likefriends See?
Speaker 1 (25:58):
I've been real.
Personally, I feel like friendsstalking is real, y'all yeah
it's like bruh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
I do got one more thing before we wrap this up.
One of the the things aboutprotecting your peace getting
back to you is protecting yourmotherfucking peace, and
Insta-stalking is real, dude.
I purposely leave people onscene so I can show you that I'm
looking at it and still notresponding.
How many of those do you need?
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Don't talk to me.
Don't talk to me.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
I feel like blocking you is too easy.
I want you to know.
I seen this message.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wish I had a T on it.
You know what you?
Speaker 2 (26:34):
can do the vanish mode.
It's when you scroll up toomany times, when you miss.
Basically, any message that yousee after you turn vanish mode
on goes away once you close themessenger.
Oh, that's that sneaky shitwell it's if you want to have a
conversation with somebody butyou don't really want to have a
(26:55):
conversation with them so thatcould be.
I see your message, but I gotyou on vanish mode.
Don't talk to me and thenthat's it.
Once you close it, it's doneright, right.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Well, all in all, I really enjoyed today's episode.
Thank you thank you.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Thank you.
Thank you, ellen.
You're welcome, my dear.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Thank you, porcelain, but y'all know I like to leave
a message at the end of my shows, and what would you guys say to
the people out there, or maybeto your younger self, about
being able to tap in and gettingback to who you are and why
that's important?
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Okay, it's okay.
Take your time, time the thingsthat bring you joy are the
things that make you feel likewarm and fuzzy on the inside.
So whatever that is for you,lean into it.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
As long as it's healthy and safe, you're not
hurting yourself or nobody else,keep doing it what I would tell
my younger self I'm thinkingabout the 17 year old who wanted
it all is Keep going till youhit the dirt, don't stop for
anybody, and no more breaks Likewhat we said we're going to do.
(28:00):
We're going to do it, we'regoing to enjoy it and you'll be
a success because you kept going.
So that's my word of the day.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Okay, so my word of the day is unleash that
motherfucking beast.
And this is like y'all.
I know this is not me.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Y'all said you said Gemini energy.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
But I really feel like you have to unlock.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
Unlock your beast, because here's the thing the
world is waiting for you, it isset up for you to succeed and
you have to make the choice.
People think that it's going tojust be handed to you, it's
going to be rolled out.
People are broke, hungry andtired, trying to make their
dreams happen.
And for those who also have torecognize when you do have a
(28:44):
little bit of advantage don'twaste that advantage, because
there's people out there thatare really struggling to get
what they need to get done.
So unlock that beach, stay inyour stride, be the best you can
be and protect your peace.
If you guys enjoyed this showand you have any questions,
comments, concerns, please don'thesitate to like, subscribe and
share.
(29:04):
Again, we got Porcelain andEllen, and that's it.
That's all.
That's it.
That's all is written by me,kacey Carnage, and produced by
myself and Rick Barrio-Dill.
Associate producer Brie Corey,assistant producer Larissa
Donahoe, audio and videoengineering and studio
(29:26):
facilities provided by SlapStudios, la, with distribution
through our collective forsocial progress and cultural
expression, slap the network.
If you have any ideas for ashow you want to hear or see,
please email us at info at slapthe powercom and, as always, go
to desert, that's allcom andsign up there to make sure you
(29:47):
will never miss a thing.
See you next show.
Yeah, I do my breathing exercises because it's
super important for me, becauseit can get out of hand.
So if I don't want any littleaccidents to happen, I rebuke
that.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
But I have to take breaths.
Aries, okay, I'm a Leo, so Ifeel you, I feel you, I feel it.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Yes, Is it like a place you like to go?
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I just stop wherever I am and breathe in through the
nose, out through the mouth.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Breathing in positivity.
Breathing stays thriving.
That's it, that's all.
That's it, that's all.
Keep it real.
That's it, that's all.
That's it, that's all.
Is that really it, though?
What up, what up, what up, whatup?
Welcome back.
This is that's it, that's All.
Y'all know me, kc Carnage.
I'm your host today.
We have Porcelain on the show,Hi, and we have Ellen on the
(01:07):
show.
Whoop, whoop.
I was gone for a minute.
Now I'm back.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Oh, she said she a veteran.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
She said I'm back bitches, okay, cool.
So you know, I've been in avery organic mode lately and you
know, you think about, like,what you want to talk about, how
what was going to know thediscussion is going to be about,
and what I came to is it's likegetting back to you.
Right?
I feel, personally, there'sbeen a shift that's been
happening in my life where it'slike I'm remembering all the
(01:33):
things that make me happy, I'mremembering all the things that
keep me motivated.
I'm trying to stay the courseand also listen to what the
signs are giving me.
So I want to talk about thattoday.
Like, so how y'all week been?
Like, have y'all felt any ofthat shifting?
Or like, have you felt likeyou've had to, like, do things
to remember who you are?
Speaker 2 (01:56):
okay, I know that.
Look you go first.
Okay, um, so for me, I thinkthe last I would say maybe last
like three weeks it's beencreating a good routine for
myself.
You know, getting up, makingmyself breakfast, doing
(02:16):
something to get back to my body, whether it be tea, you know
banana, oatmeal, whatever thevibe is, and then, um, you know,
working.
I thank god I'm having anopportunity to work from home,
so that's been a one because Iwasn't doing that for a year and
a half.
So now congratulations got ourown schedule.
Yeah, that's a blessing and Ithink that's afforded me a lot
of free time.
(02:37):
So I get to work out and spendmore time at home and, you know,
cooking and just creating some,some good space for myself,
that's awesome Me personally.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
I've been hiking.
I have a friend we hike everyThursday and Friday at Culver
City Stairs.
That's been feeding my soul.
It's been helping me reconnectto the focused, driven person
that I once was.
Just you know, climbing thestairs, which is not easy If
(03:07):
you're not Already active and inshape, and it proves to me
Every time that you know Ain'tno mountain High enough.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
It's also like it's like mind over body, like your
body Is meant to do things thatyour mind Will trick you Out of
doing.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Isn't that the crazy thing?
It's gonna to be talking thewhole time.
It's loud and it's trying todistract you.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
It's trying to distract you, it'd be that inner
voice that's like you can't doit.
Your brain be telling you thatand in reality you're capable of
so much more.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
I was talking to Ellen the other day.
I'm moving and in the midst ofmy move the thing was I was just
like everybody just wanted toknow oh, you're moving, what are
you doing, what it's going overthe book, just all these
fucking questions, and I'm likenobody's offering me a job to
wear, no one's telling me youshould stay, because this is
like no one's giving menecessarily solutions, they're
(03:54):
just trying to be nosy.
So I literally had to blockeverything out.
It's just kind of like I don't.
I'm in a space right now.
I'm not trying to answernobody's questions, because I
feel like when, when people areasking you questions, that, even
though they're doing it out oflove and like to be to like you
know, act like they're.
Or I would say, act like, butlike make sure that they're in
(04:15):
your life and ask you questionschecking up on you, I get that.
But it's also a point whereit's just kind of like sometimes
, depending on how much theyinfluence you, you can change
your mind.
You can have a whole plan, awhole plan.
You knocked it out.
You don't research this planfor weeks, right, and one person
can just question it, or youlook on their faces and it'll
(04:36):
really make you doubt your ownshit.
So I think, like, personally,one of the things that I've been
doing is literally blockingeverybody out, like if it ain't
on my like.
I tell you about my scheduleall the time.
I say, if it's not on myschedule, if it's not a part of
today's plan, it can't happen.
Stick to the plan, right.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yeah, definitely.
I'm all for blocking in everysense mentally, physically,
online, spiritually, emotionally.
I mean, if you have to shutpeople out so you can stay
focused, then that's priorityfor sure.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
I have no problem doing that and communicating
that right like not just beinglike ghosts.
You know I'm saying, but hey yolook yeah, I need some space
deuces out.
See you in a bit, but on thecontrary.
Why, though?
Because there's a, there'sexpectations around friendship
and relationships that we haveto be willing to communicate
when things are changing.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Absolutely, and I agree with that.
But also, too, what I'm saying,like I guess what my version
right now is that why you knowwhat I mean.
Like, why am I putting youahead of what I need to do right
now?
Because it may hinder arelationship.
Because if the foundation wasstrong enough, you, my friend,
would say she probably needssome time.
(05:47):
Right now she's not acting howshe would normally, how I know
her to act, and if she is theperson I know she's gonna be,
she'll come back.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I expect that from people too, like I shouldn't
always have to explain to youwhat I'm doing, why I'm doing,
why I'm doing it, becausesometimes I just need to fucking
do it yes, I get that, but ifsomeone asks you and says, hey,
you know, I'm noticing this,like is everything okay, saying
not saying I'm fine and notbeing fine, and then ghosting,
that's what I mean as far aslike communication.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
I mean I and I understand that and I get that
and in a nice world, like youknow, in healthy communication
but I also.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
This is what we strive for.
We strive for that, but I wantpeople to know, like, okay, so
for example, my friend wastalking to me over the phone.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
She was talking about her niece.
Her niece is five years old,right, she's a she's a toddler
and she's getting in her toddlermode but they come from like a
caribbean family and, um, she,though her mom, felt like she
was being disrespect.
You know, the kid was beingdisrespectful and on her and she
was trying to explain to likewhat's your feelings, like
(06:53):
what's going on, becausesometimes it is okay to just
right now.
I don't have to be nice.
Why do I always have to be nice?
why do I always have to be this.
You know what I mean.
It's okay when there's ahealthy balance, but I I just
think that, like the reason whypeople are so pent up and have
so much anxiety, because peopleare making other people feel
like their emotions or how theyfeel right.
This moment is wrong because itaffects them so strongly.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Yeah, I mean, I can see that perspective.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I had a similar situation with a friend who I
was FaceTiming.
We were best friends since likehigh school and I was
facetiming him just back to backto back for weeks and he just
was not answering and I'm like Itook it very personally.
You know, and it goes back towhat you said about you know,
when you do have a long-termrelationship, you have some type
(07:42):
of expectation.
Now, after like the 20th call,he was like oh um, I just need a
mental health break right now,and then I see him continuing to
do all the other things that hewas doing online like having a
ball yeah so I took itpersonally and I was like he
can't be working on his mentalhealth.
He's outside, but people work ontheir mental health, how they
work on the mental health.
But he did eventually saysomething like give me something
(08:04):
.
And even at that point I wasvery upset.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
But, um, I'm a little older, a little wiser now and
I'm like okay but he circledback he did tell me go back and
he was struggling and itprobably was hard for him to say
it it is hard, and that's whatpeople don't understand too,
like people are dealing withtheir own demons, like to to
have that much.
And bringing that back to youknow the subject.
It's like when you have thatemotional tie to somebody, they
(08:29):
can really put you in a tug ofwar and really drop you off,
like well, there's relationshipsor not?
You got you, you worried aboutover this, over here, and
there's a whole path over herefor you, but you can't think
straight.
You know we're here for you,but you can't think straight,
you know.
And so like it is a healthybalance to try to find, you know
, a happy medium between, likerespecting people's opinions,
(08:50):
their space, their feelings, butalso trying not to have that
trump your feelings and thenmake yourself feel guilty
because you have those feelings,like those are your feelings,
trust and believe they don'tfeel guilty.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
So I think there's like a level of like
accountability, like, even if weuse the example of your friend
Porcelain, like if I'm callingyou and we have a relationship
and you are not there when Ineed you.
The same level could be flippedback where, if you, if he
needed you, were you willing toput your needs as Casey saying
(09:24):
is not good over or under hisand then be like, oh well, let
me pick the phone up because youcould have needed a mental
health break.
You could have been feeling sometype of way.
But now there's an opportunityfor you to deepen your
relationship.
If you love this person orwhether it doesn't matter what
the content of the relationshipis.
If there's love there, there'sopportunity to grow and support
(09:44):
each other in that and I'm nottalking about a trauma bond, I'm
talking about actually beinglike hey, I see you, I recognize
what you're going through.
I don't you to experience italone.
I'm going through shit too.
But let's find space to youknow, just be a little more like
emotionally aware and matureand willing to just be like.
You could just text me space oryou can just text me an empty
(10:04):
text message and I know thatmeans you don't want to talk
right but it doesn't need to bethis up in the air, where your,
your anxiety is up here, becausehe just doesn't want to text
you.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
I don't want to talk right now, right that's all I
need, and I got a little pettyand he came around and he
started facetiming and I Idefinitely have not, even to
this moment, answered.
So just with your response I'mlike all right, I'm going to
FaceTime him when I leave, butI've been ignoring his FaceTimes
and just responding to him onsocial media because that's what
(10:36):
he was doing to me and I hopehe's watching this podcast,
right now I'm not going to sayher name, but I'm going to
FaceTime you tonight after this.
But we are being petty and Ilove you.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
I'm definitely, but yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Look at this reconciliation.
That's all it takes.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
She is on her reconciliation period.
I'm still in my petty phase.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Right and it's all good.
I had a dude move to a wholeother state.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
He came back to LA and going to hit me with a hey
you you.
I said what's up, let me tellyou.
I said we ain't been on no heyyou term since you left.
What are you talking about?
Like, what are you talkingabout?
So I'm gonna keep this the sameway.
I got stuff to do.
I'll talk to you when I can.
Just because you're in towndoesn't mean I'm gonna drop
everything that I'm doing, likeyou know what I mean.
(11:17):
Man, I'm in petty season.
I've been on one all day y'allgonna watch this episode.
It's like, okay, let me telly'all something Stop having
people Play with y'all.
Like I'm so tired, like I feltlike I've been in a space when
people just Trying to play withyou Just poking the bear, poking
the bear.
Guess what?
You woke the motherfucking bearup.
She's up.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Rawr bitch.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Hibernation season over.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
She is woke.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
But that's what we were talking about earlier.
Just like you know, that's whatScorpio season bring, Like all
that like rebirth energy.
That don't fuck with me.
I'm out here and try me if youwant to.
You're going to get stunned,right.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
It's.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Scorpio, like that's a scorpion, like that legit is
what you're feeling.
You're feeling that energy, sojust lean into it.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
But you know, a little grace go a long way, I am
not in a graceful period.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Y'all are like the total opposite.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
I am not, and the crazy part is like I'm not
really like this it's like on anormal.
I'm chill I'm so chill.
But today let me tell y'allsomething.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Today and the winds got the wind.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
I just feel like I've had, like I've I've gotten rid
of a lot of weight around me.
I've cleared space, I'vecleared energy and right now I
would say it's the most clearestI've been thinking and feeling
in a long time, like I don'thave that same cloud over my
head.
And I was talking about like Idid mad shit today.
I got everything on my listdone today.
(12:38):
I'm here talking to y'all whoop, whoop, you know, and so like,
yeah, the energy.
So I'm, I'm, I'm sending someof that y'all way.
I feel like I'm about tocombust.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I receive it, I receive it.
I just I feel like sometimesI'm the person that's like
always feeling that kind of likecombustible way and I have to
like put a cold towel overmyself.
Okay, calm down, ellen, calmdown.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yeah, I do my breathing exercises because it's
super important for me, becauseit can get out of hand.
So if I don't want any littleaccidents to happen, I rebuke
that.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
But I have to take breaths.
Aries, okay, I'm a Leo, so Ifeel you, I feel it, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Your breath?
Did you breath with you?
Is there like a place you liketo go?
I just stop wherever I am andbreathe in through the nose, out
through the mouth.
Um, breathing in positivity,breathing out negativity, and um
, what can we do?
One together, breathing inpositivity.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Yeah, so you're thinking whatever color that
brings you happiness and lightit could be a white light, it
could be yellow light, whateveryour favorite color is and then,
when you're breathing out, itneeds to be dark and smoky,
because that's the energy thatwe're releasing, all right so
first we're going to take ourfirst breath, in through the
nose, out through the mouth,together and release fuck that
(14:00):
nigga breath number two into thenose, in through the nose
Positivity, wealth, health,happiness, love, light,
abundance, true love, respectand appreciation for one another
.
And we're going to breathe Allthe darkness out, and this is
the one that counts In throughthe nose, hold and out.
(14:25):
That's how you do that.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yes, good job.
That felt great.
Thank you, that felt great.
Did you do it too success?
That's what I'm talking aboutgetting back to you finding the
things that make you happy.
Okay.
So I'll ask this what is aweird thing that makes you happy
?
That a you don't want anybodyto know or you do, but like by
(14:51):
yourself, like you by yourselfwhat's a weird habit?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
but it makes you extremely happy, oh my positive
affirmations in the mirror umwith but is that strange though,
is it?
Speaker 3 (15:03):
no?
No, it's not insecure girl Iguess she brought it to the
world.
I'm talking about someone'slife like nobody.
I mean.
You don't gotta tell me if youdon't wanna let it out.
I'm trying to think.
I know a lot of people think.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I'm weird because I have a lot of sticky notes all
over my walls.
Is there something that I dofor myself or do to myself, just
whatever makes you happy, okay.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Oh man, I mean, I like popping pimples.
That's the first thing thatcame to mind when you said that.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
First, of all I can't front.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
You said something that's weird.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
First of all, I mean it makes me happy.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
There's actually a fast time of mine, I mean
anything gross like that.
Okay, so one of the weirdthings I'm trying to.
You asked me.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
No, no one of the weird things that like brings me
.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Like that doesn't make me happy, but I'm like yeah
, got you Is when a fly getscaught in my blinds and I smash
it.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Hey, whatever works.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
And I'm like wiping up, it's like like it's inside.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
I'm like yeah, you should have got it here, cause
that's my thing, don't?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
I hate flies Like cause you know they well, first
of all, they would be okay,cause they know, here's the
thing they they sit on the wall.
If they stayed on the wallthey'd be all right, and they
want to be in my face, so nowyou gots to go.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
You have violated.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
Period Violation, like when mosquitoes bite you in
the face.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
That is a violation.
I've gotten one on my forehead.
That's such a violation.
It went right in.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
Wait, do you know the other one?
When they bite you on the toe,will you bend that, yes, or?
Speaker 2 (16:39):
you get an ant bite.
That'd be the one bite on yourtoe.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
let me tell you something these insects, man,
these insects, anyway, we okay,I'm sorry what?
Speaker 1 (16:49):
is a cherished memory of you guys, like when you,
when you think about it reallybrings you a lot of warmth I'm
gonna say the family picture Itook with my family because I
was raised my dad wasn't in thehouse and after hurricane
katrina he moved to atlanta andthat's when we were not forced
to build a relationship.
We had opportunity to build arelationship in my adult years
(17:10):
and I always wanted the perfectChristmas where we had all the
family members there.
So my dad actually came one yearand we took a family photo and
that's one of those like superprecious moments for me, because
I was able to just live out achild moment in adult life and I
still have the picture to thisday my hair was gray and crazy
and I was a little rock star andthe rest of my family's all
(17:31):
perfect but we got the picture.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
She's like yeah, dude party on.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Yeah, that's exactly how it looks a memory that
brings me joy.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Come on, you had time to think about it.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
You knew you was next .
No, I've been thinking about itand I really had to dig.
And that's kind of scary whenyou have to dig, okay.
So I would say, oh, okay, beingin Bali with my friends, okay,
I'm sure we had a good time.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
We had a good time.
We had a good time.
Aw man, Whenever I'm out withmy friends, even when we went to
Houston, I just love going andhanging out with the besties
having fun.
Because we would be looking ateverybody else, have fun and be
like I love you.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Oh my God, that's my moment.
I'd be getting all sent, butthat's fine, because it's okay.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I would have to say family moments.
For me, like my family, we usedto do potlucks.
Like my grandmother's house waslike an open door policy and I
think that's a big reason why Ilike to host, I like to cook a
lot because, like, growing up wehad potlucks every friday.
We had like car parties,christmas and thanksgiving, like
it was a big thing and peoplelike you had the first family,
like we had people comingthrough there all day, like my
(18:42):
house was the place to be at andso like those bring me happy,
like it brings back to like thatinner child and it goes.
You know, it's full circle likethese things about like getting
back to who you were, thisthing that you remember, things
that made you feel good, thingsthat made you sad things that
you recognize right because thatalso brings me back to that
child like state where this islike I get giddy around certain
holidays.
I get giddy when, like, there'sa family reunion or somebody's
(19:04):
wedding.
It's like yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
I can have fun with my family, you know.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
But I also cherish those moments because my family
is also very spread out in everydifferent state.
So it's that one occasion whereeverybody's there Like I
remember my cousin, my baby'scousin, the reason why I miss
Bali my baby's cousin.
So I only have two firstcousins.
So we kind of like me, mybrother, my sister and my two
(19:30):
cousins.
We kind of grew up likebrothers and sisters and she's
the youngest and she's the firstperson to get married.
So I was like I can't miss this.
Yeah, no, of course, yeah so,but when I got there, I hadn't
seen one of my, my cousins sincemaybe I graduated high school
and this is like I'm 35, thiswas like 18.
When I saw her, I literally ranand jumped on her like that was
my boo, like she's thebabysitter.
There's an older cousin she'sthe babysitters and everything,
and I have not seen her and itwas just so good.
So those, those the kind ofmemories that make me happy like
(19:53):
like fan warm family becausewe're so separated and we're not
like necessarily supertight-knit, but when we get
together.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
It's a, it's like.
It's like y'all wasn't amillion miles away.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Yeah, Okay.
So I feel like we all trying tobe on our fitness journey and
stuff like that oh yeah, Right,Working out Okay.
So what was your general motivefor it?
Like a vain one?
What for?
Working out yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
When I saw the last podcast, this podcast, that one,
I saw things, and also in thisnew music video that that I'm in
Shout out to Blake.
She has a video.
Hey, blake, you gotta come onthe show, blake, oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
Yeah, she said come on.
Do you know who I'm talkingabout?
I don't know, but I know a lotof people that know her.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Okay, yeah, and I met her once.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Through another friend.
When we went to, we went to theClassic Cat.
She had red hair at the timeyeah, I met her briefly but like
I always see her videos andsomething she just she brings so
much light oh well, yeah, heck,yeah, okay, so I'll be putting
that together.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
She definitely needs to come here.
Um, but I was a security guardofficer in her video and I, just
when I saw my face, I was likeI, I looked like I was expecting
in the face so I'm like okay,not expecting in the face.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
you know, it looked like I was carrying I the face.
So I'm like okay, oh notexpecting in the face child.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
You know it looked like I was carrying.
I'm like, okay, so we're goingto start.
I know exactly what we're goingto do.
You said a vain reason.
So the last two times I sawmyself on camera, I'm like, okay
, yeah, so I've been consistent,that's good.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Can we go?
Speaker 3 (21:18):
before you, but I've always had a little foo pop.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Oh my God, I hate the way you say that You're a woman
.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
I've always had a little foo pop.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
I want it to go away.
I want it going so bad.
I just really want it to goaway.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
It's going to go away .
Speaker 3 (21:40):
No, it's going to go away, because now I'm in the
mode that I'm going to make itgo away.
But it was just one of thosethings.
I was athlete growing up so Inever really had to worry about
me working out or dancing like Inever had to worry about it.
Now I gotta worry about it andit's getting out there.
And I was telling ellen beforeI said see, I can't do it.
I only have a certain amount oflevel I can do because I don't
have no ass and I'm about to bewalking around with with a big
(22:01):
old belly and then no ass likethat shit looks weird, like at
least like be even.
You know what I mean.
Like if you have some bootyback there, you got a little
room you know what I mean likeno, it don't work.
It don't work because that's mybaby, my little poop out it is
melting away girl.
As we speak, as we speak, weeating good.
That's the application.
(22:27):
Let it go.
Have y'all seen that one tiktokshow it don't got nothing to do
with me, fuck it.
It don't got nothing to do withme, it don't got nothing to do,
fuck it.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
I was like yo, that's not the funniest it's real so
for me, I just wanna to lookgood Having sex.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Definitely.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
There are parts of me that one day want to do like
Record myself or like see whatthat looks like.
But I've never been like 100%comfortable With every part of
my body, so that once I get tothat point, come on.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
That's so true.
I have an opportunity to mybody, so that once I get to that
, point.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Come on, we can Fuck it up, fuck it up, fuck it up
From the back, from the side,all over.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
That's so true, I have an opportunity to have sex
with someone I'm attracted to,but part of me not doing that
which is actually working in myfavor, because I want him to
wait a lot longer is that I'mlike ooh, I'm not all the way
comfortable with how I looknaked just standing, so let
alone all these positions.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
Boozy face, I always know how I feel about my body
when I'm having sex, dependingon how dim the light is or not.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
For real, when I'm feeling myself.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
The light is on.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Yeah, and that's, it's light on season.
It's light on season, Like youknow, like I'm so celibate.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
It might be me but if I'm like this, I look raggedy,
but we trying to fuck.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
I'm turning the lights off.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Feel me, you better hear my voice La da, da, la da
da, la, da, da, la da da La, da,da, la, da da she song.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
That's how it be.
So I feel you on that, I feelyou on that, yeah, yeah, that's
my goal.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Definitely feel you on that.
I feel you on that, well youknow, sorry, I had to bring it
up like that because I really,truly believe that I was like I
really I really enjoy talkingabout this because, like just
the laughter that ensues whenyou really start to figure out
yourself right, and it's likeyou really, your parents really
told us like you're not going toreally know yourself until you
know yourself Like you know.
You think you know yourselfright now, like you really do.
(24:35):
Yeah, you might have reached 18.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
But you're like the woman I was when I was a
teenager, as I am now.
I was about to say the peoplewho peak when they're teenagers
accept themselves after thatphase, so like.
I don't think I peaked at 15,16.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
I just peaked today.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
I still haven't peaked.
I'm not even close to a peak.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
KC.
I peaked today.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Today is day one of forever.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Y'all stay on notice, I'm not playing with y'all,
don't play with me.
But all in all, y'all know Ilike to leave A message on my
show.
This one was just more so Forus to have fun and you know,
really tap into that and also,too Like this is a feminine
space, right.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
I love it.
I love being here.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Jazz it Jazz all Okay .
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Shout it out, but like it's really a feminine
space, and for me it's importantto have just conversations.
Not everything has to be thiswoe is me.
It really can just be ustalking and feeling good, and
not only feeling good aboutourselves but loving on one
another, and so that's why it'sbeen nice to mix up my friend
(25:43):
groups and mix up places,because when y'all sit down on
the couch, don't y'all feel likefriends See?
Speaker 1 (25:58):
I've been real.
Personally, I feel like friendsstalking is real, y'all yeah
it's like bruh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
I do got one more thing before we wrap this up.
One of the the things aboutprotecting your peace getting
back to you is protecting yourmotherfucking peace, and
Insta-stalking is real, dude.
I purposely leave people onscene so I can show you that I'm
looking at it and still notresponding.
How many of those do you need?
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Don't talk to me.
Don't talk to me.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
I feel like blocking you is too easy.
I want you to know.
I seen this message.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wish I had a T on it.
You know what you?
Speaker 2 (26:34):
can do the vanish mode.
It's when you scroll up toomany times, when you miss.
Basically, any message that yousee after you turn vanish mode
on goes away once you close themessenger.
Oh, that's that sneaky shitwell it's if you want to have a
conversation with somebody butyou don't really want to have a
(26:55):
conversation with them so thatcould be.
I see your message, but I gotyou on vanish mode.
Don't talk to me and thenthat's it.
Once you close it, it's doneright, right.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Well, all in all, I really enjoyed today's episode.
Thank you thank you.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Thank you.
Thank you, ellen.
You're welcome, my dear.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Thank you, porcelain, but y'all know I like to leave
a message at the end of my shows, and what would you guys say to
the people out there, or maybeto your younger self, about
being able to tap in and gettingback to who you are and why
that's important?
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Okay, it's okay.
Take your time, time the thingsthat bring you joy are the
things that make you feel likewarm and fuzzy on the inside.
So whatever that is for you,lean into it.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
As long as it's healthy and safe, you're not
hurting yourself or nobody else,keep doing it what I would tell
my younger self I'm thinkingabout the 17 year old who wanted
it all is Keep going till youhit the dirt, don't stop for
anybody, and no more breaks Likewhat we said we're going to do.
(28:00):
We're going to do it, we'regoing to enjoy it and you'll be
a success because you kept going.
So that's my word of the day.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Okay, so my word of the day is unleash that
motherfucking beast.
And this is like y'all.
I know this is not me.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Y'all said you said Gemini energy.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
But I really feel like you have to unlock.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
Unlock your beast, because here's the thing the
world is waiting for you, it isset up for you to succeed and
you have to make the choice.
People think that it's going tojust be handed to you, it's
going to be rolled out.
People are broke, hungry andtired, trying to make their
dreams happen.
And for those who also have torecognize when you do have a
(28:44):
little bit of advantage don'twaste that advantage, because
there's people out there thatare really struggling to get
what they need to get done.
So unlock that beach, stay inyour stride, be the best you can
be and protect your peace.
If you guys enjoyed this showand you have any questions,
comments, concerns, please don'thesitate to like, subscribe and
share.
(29:04):
Again, we got Porcelain andEllen, and that's it.
That's all.
That's it.
That's all is written by me,kacey Carnage, and produced by
myself and Rick Barrio-Dill.
Associate producer Brie Corey,assistant producer Larissa
Donahoe, audio and videoengineering and studio
(29:26):
facilities provided by SlapStudios, la, with distribution
through our collective forsocial progress and cultural
expression, slap the network.
If you have any ideas for ashow you want to hear or see,
please email us at info at slapthe powercom and, as always, go
to desert, that's allcom andsign up there to make sure you
(29:47):
will never miss a thing.
See you next show.
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