December 24, 2024 • 28 mins
What if the key to navigating and choreographing intimate scenes in film and TV was akin to planning a meticulously safe stunt sequence? Join us as we engage with Erin Tillman—certified intimacy coordinator and sex educator—who reveals the significance of her role that emerged in the wake of the Me Too movement. Erin highlights the critical parallels between intimacy coordination and stunt choreography, emphasizing the industry's previous neglect of this essential aspect. Her deep dive into the choreography of intimate scenes showcases her dedication to creating respectful environments and ensuring performers' safety. Erin's extensive background in sexuality education shines through, reflecting her passion for establishing clear boundaries and consent in all settings.
Guide to consent:
https://theconsentguidebook.com/
Host KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage), Erin (@datingadvicegirl)
Support the Show.
Daz It Daz All is written by KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage) and Produced by KC Carnage and Rick Barrio Dill (@rickbarriodill). Associate producer Bri Coorey (@bri_beats), Audio and Video Engineering and Studio facilities provided by S.L.A.P. Studios LA (@SLAPStudiosLA) with distribution through our collective for social progress and cultural expression, SLAP the Network. (@SLAPtheNetwork.com)
If you have any ideas for a show you want to see or hear, email us at info@SLAPtheNetwork.com and as always, you can go to dazitdazall.com and sign up there to make sure you never miss a thing...
See you next show!
Daz It Daz All is written by KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage) and Produced by KC Carnage and Rick Barrio Dill (@rickbarriodill). Associate producer Bri Coorey (@bri_beats), Audio and Video Engineering and Studio facilities provided by S.L.A.P. Studios LA (@SLAPStudiosLA) with distribution through our collective for social progress and cultural expression, SLAP the Network. (@SLAPtheNetwork.com)
If you have any ideas for a show you want to see or hear, email us at info@SLAPtheNetwork.com and as always, you can go to dazitdazall.com and sign up there to make sure you never miss a thing...
See you next show!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
That position.
As intimacy coordinator.
I've been certified and trainedto make sure that the
performers feel safe in a sexscene or in a nudity scene.
You know there's a lot thatgoes into that.
I also do some choreographyaround it, which is so fun.
So it's almost like what astunt coordinator is to stunts
which, if you think abouteverything you've ever watched,
how was this never a thing onsets before?
(00:22):
That's crazy.
Some of the things I've seenthrough the decades.
It's like smiling.
Never let that crown tear, shestays thriving.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
That's it.
That's all.
That's it.
That's all, that's it.
That's all, that's it.
That's all.
Is that really it, though?
What up, what up?
What up?
Welcome to.
That's it.
That's All.
Y'all know me, kasey, and todaywe're gonna have Erin Tillman on
.
She's gonna, that's all.
Y'all know me, kasey, and todaywe're going to have Erin
Tillman on.
She's going to be talking aboutall of her background and
(01:09):
consent, sexuality,relationships, all that good
stuff, because she's definitelyan expert and, as you know,
we're an opinionated podcastthrough the lens of black women
and black creators.
I'm just going to give a littlebackground on her.
She's going to do the most ofit because she's here to talk
about herself.
I to give a little backgroundon her.
She's going to do the most ofit because she's here to talk
(01:29):
about herself.
I don't really need to do allthe talking, but, um, she's a
certified intimacy coordinator.
She's a sex certified sexeducator.
Um, she's also created aconsent guidebook that is easy
to follow from over 30 expertsestablishing boundaries,
respecting boundaries, all ofthat.
So let's just dig into it.
Yes, um, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Thanks for having me, you're welcome you're welcome.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I just want to dive in ready to dig right into it,
because it's such an interestingsubject where someone can be
like okay, this is somethingthat we need to talk about and
I'm going to be the one to talkabout it and not only am I going
to talk about it, I'm going towrite a book for you to follow
it yeah so, um Erin, let us knowa little bit about you.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, yeah.
So, gosh, where do I start?
So I've been in, so I am acertified sex educator,
certified intimacy coordinator.
First, let me tell you whatthat is for those out there who
don't know what that is.
So, coming out of the Me Toomovement in 2018, 2019, there
were a lot of things that cameout a la Harvey Weinstein, bill
Cosby, like all these things onproductions Right, right, right,
(02:25):
exactly.
And so, funny enough, theindustry is like, oh, maybe we
should make sure performers feelsafer when they're in a nude
scene or kissing scene or sexscene on set.
So, essentially, that positionas intimacy coordinator, I've
been certified and trained tomake sure that the performers
feel safe in a sex scene or in anudity scene.
You know there's a lot thatgoes into that.
(02:47):
I also do some choreographyaround it, which is so fun.
So it's almost like what astunt coordinator is to stunts
which, if you think abouteverything you've ever watched,
how was this never a thing onsets before?
That's crazy.
Some of the things I've seenthrough the decades.
It's like.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I can't believe crazy some of the things I've seen
through the decades.
It's like I can't believethey're doing it with no yes
guidance.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yes, and typically, like a lot of actors I work with
are saying they're reallyexcited that that's a thing
because usually they would haveto just figure it out by
themselves.
Like somehow productions anddirectors and producers just
assume that an actor knows howto fake a threesome scene or
whatever the thing is.
It's like why are we puttingthat on a performer to figure
out by themselves?
So that's part of what I do.
(03:28):
Um, I'm working, working on acouple of shows.
My first two feature films arebeing released right now and
next month, which I'm superexcited about.
So it's my first time in thecredits, like I know, I know
it's good.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
So like how are you creating these things?
Are these based on experiences?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Great question, is it ?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
based on, like being around your friends.
It's like, hmm, that looks good, that looks cool.
Let me see how I canchoreograph that.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
That's a great question.
So yes, so the other piecebefore I got certified a couple
years ago to do that, I also I'ma certified sex educator, so
I've been through a lot ofcertifications and trainings
over the last decade around kinkand BDSM, polyamory,
non-monogamy, identity,sexuality all so many of the
things yes, some of it isexperiential as well.
(04:20):
I've been invited to a lot ofinteresting events and parties.
I have a lot of friends who arein the Burning man crowd as
well.
So you know, partially becausemy interests have been varied
and I'm very curious I also am aqueer woman, queer black woman,
which is a very uniqueexperience being a queer black
woman.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Okay, we can talk about that too.
We can.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
We're going to do it, we'll put a pin in it.
(05:08):
But yeah, so many things.
But so, yeah, I mean I've beenlucky that I've had access to a
lot of spaces where I have beenable to to observe and
participate, and were run in tomake safe spaces for people who
want to explore their ownsexuality and and learn so, oh
my goodness.
So everything I do is notmainstream in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I mean, you created your own niche, in a sense yes,
thank you with within that.
You'd be surprised how manytimes people create their own
niche and you're like wait, wait, we did.
Why didn't we have that before?
Because that makes a lot ofsense.
So, when it comes down to likesafety and consent, let's talk
about your consent guidebook.
Because you know consent is keyand I think that has been
(05:39):
talked about out loud a lot morein the recent years yes, it has
been obviously yes, um, let'stalk about how you dove into
that and yeah, yeah, I mean, youknow it's also interconnected.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So funny.
I was talking to one of ourmutual friends recently and we
were we're both kind of startingthis new ventures that are
parallel and we're both likegosh, all these things we've
done.
I've been in los angeles 20years, worked in tv and film 20
years as well, and it's likesometimes you do like gig work
or a gig and you're like justtaking money.
You're like I got to pay billsand you don't really see how
it's going to fit all togetherand it's like, wow, all the
(06:13):
things I've done whether it wasworking in events or working as
a stand-in on sets or wardrobeor just all these things pieced
together and led me to thisplace Consent and boundaries
specifically.
So you know, I've been verylucky that in my life I've had a
lot of very strong women.
I've had a lot of reallysupportive men in my life Like
(06:34):
more, like friends, a lot ofreally supportive men, friends.
I have had some unsavoryexperiences.
Who hasn't honestly, especiallyworking in entertainment and
being, you know, in differentspaces where there's power
dynamics?
But all that to say, you know,I just feel like I've.
When the Me Too movementhappened, it was very clear that
(06:55):
a lot of people didn't learnanything about this and we
assume that everyone had sex edor that everyone had, like, good
role models or had, had, youknow, parental figures that
taught them.
You know, quote, unquote, rightfrom wrong.
But that's subjective.
Don't do it, you know, or thator that told me that to do it
right, and I was just like Idon't want to be no.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I knew for me I don't want to be a teen mom.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I don't like these dusty boys, I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Mean like I'm waiting for my husband.
That's when I slip me away,like I've always lived in this
fairytale, like dreamland, thatlike clearly at 36, realizing
that that doesn't exist.
But we're here now I can say Iprobably saved myself a lot of
heartaches, a lot of STDs, a lotof stuff like that, but I get
it.
So we're going into the role ofcreating that guidebook and
(07:45):
you're talking about.
You had a lot of support aroundyou.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
So these stories I'm assuming there were stories
coming to you yeah, Giving youideas.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Yes, yes.
And also, again, it isn't fornothing that I grew up with a
lot of very strong women in mylife who gave me a strong sense
of self, with a lot of verystrong women in my life who gave
me a strong sense of self.
I'm an only child too, so Ithink I always kind of navigated
things by myself and kind ofhad a strong presence.
Also, yeah, Dusty Boyz, I wasalways like I don't know, I'm
(08:17):
worth my time?
Probably not, Are you?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
now.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Right, and so you know, as I was.
You know I was a few years intothe sexuality profession at
that point, started off as adating coach in my sexuality
branch of what I do, and I wasjust meeting a lot of colleagues
who had a lot of differenttakes on like consent and
boundaries, and how they learnedabout it or didn't learn about
it.
And especially being in LosAngeles, like people are living
(08:41):
in a very in all different kindsof ways in a beautiful way,
consensually, and so I was justlearning all these, especially
like being in BDSM and kink.
I feel like I learned moreabout consent and boundaries in
that scene than anywhere else.
Like, like I'm putting in thatbucket, uh, some of my sexuality
trainings, some of my traumatrainings.
(09:02):
I learned more about consent,and still do, in kink and that
is shocking to me and it'sreally unfortunate in a lot of
ways, because kink is not, firstof all, most people aren't into
it or know what it is, and it'snot a mainstream thing that
everyone can learn.
So how is it that we'relearning this fundamental thing
from this like counterculturegroup of individuals?
(09:23):
So, anyway, that, to say, 2018happened, I was like, oh,
clearly people don't know aboutboundaries, basic boundaries,
and I started writing andhonestly, I was like there's so
many times when I was writingthe book where I was like I
don't know if I know what I'mtalking about, I don't know if
anyone's gonna read this.
I'm also very aware thateverything I do and sexuality,
identity, everything's evolvingso rapidly.
(09:43):
So as I was writing it, I'mlike, well, it's gonna be
obsolete in a year.
But I was like I can't let thatstop me.
So I did publish it and I'mvery proud of it.
Like you mentioned before, Ihave 30 other experts adding
advice in the book because,again, like for me, like I I'm
of the of the thinking thatanyone who says that they're the
authority on something, I don'ttrust it.
It's Me neither.
It's like right, you got tohave a variety of experiences, a
(10:05):
variety of trainings.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Because there's so many ways to get to Z.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Yes, Like you can start at J, you can start at E,
you can start at whatever.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yes, but it's very interesting that that's
something that you went forbecause, like I said, like we,
especially as women, right?
Speaker 1 (10:22):
especially as black women right, Especially as black
women.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
There was a taught to like.
You don't say things.
Yes, you know you keep it, youstay strong, you keep it inside,
you know you keep it.
And then, if you're in a blackhome, black southern home what?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
stays in the home.
Stays in the home, okay.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
You know, I just recently had, like this
conversation with my mom aboutan instance within our family
and I was like, no, that's theirtruth.
They should feel comfortablespeaking their truth.
And the conversation was well,it's not going to solve anything
and it happened so long ago.
I say it happened so long ago,but that doesn't mean it is not
affecting their present.
Absolutely yeah, and that'swhat I don't think a lot of your
(10:58):
, and I know understand why.
Yeah, there was a lot of likeskeletons in those closets back
in the day.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
They weren't able to be open.
They didn't want to be.
We definitely have a lot morefreedom.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Yes, In that aspect.
But it's like it was such acrazy conversation because it
was also like bridging the gaps,yeah, and it was felt like, you
know, I had to educate her alittle bit.
Like Mom, you deal with a lotof your trauma.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
And.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
I'm sure that you would be healed a little bit
more if you didn't live in themindset of like I'm keeping it
to my grave.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
There's so much there .
I mean, like you said, there'sso much with black culture and
like we're somehow protectingthe family to not bring things
up or talk about things which Ifeel like does do a lot of harm.
And things up or talk aboutthings which I feel like does do
a lot of harm, and yeah, I meanlike I feel like Gen Z
especially, like I feel like I'mlearning from Gen Z.
I think they're great, they'rejust way more open about stuff.
(11:49):
I also feel like we're in anage of transparency, like
there's a lot happening rightnow in like entertainment
currently, which I don't want toget into right now.
But you know, I just feel likethere's so much enabling and
secrecy and not even just forconsent, like even for people in
(12:11):
their own truth.
There's so many people who feellike they can't live to be who
they actually are because ofthey have to conform to an idea
of what you're supposed to be at36 or 44.
Or, you know, you got to getmarried, you got to do the
relationship escalator, meetsomebody, get married, have
babies, when maybe you don'twant that at all or maybe you
know, I have a lot of.
(12:31):
I do some coaching as well.
I also speak on collegecampuses and you know it's
people of all ages and in allgenerations.
Really, I think we're in aplace where people are really
trying to find their truth andreally live authentically
without some outside opinion oroutside pressure to do this
thing.
We can't get into religionbecause that's a massive
(12:51):
conversation.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
That's a whole other conversation.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
But that plays into this as well.
A lot of times for so manypeople you know, of like how
they feel, like they're not okayor sinning or not, like gonna
go to heaven or whatever thething is?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
was being a sex educator something you always
wanted to be like?
Is that what like you went toschool for?
Like you were like no.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
I have an undergrad in marketing.
But no, I mean, you know, I, I,you know, I think about this a
lot and I'm actually asked thatquestion quite a bit, you know.
I mean there probably is somefundamental family, parental
reason, or, you know, I was alate bloomer, like I didn't have
my first like boyfriend orsexual experience, so I was like
(13:28):
, oh gosh, like 19, which islate for some people.
Um, I feel like there's a lotlike a lot of my educator
friends were also late bloomers.
So I think there's somethingattached to that of like maybe
we felt like we missed something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so, like, later on in life,we're like, well, I'm gonna
explore everything now, you know, and, and some of us to the
(13:49):
point where we're like we'regonna study it and we're gonna
get certifications about itbecause we love it that much and
we're learning so much aboutourselves.
So, yeah, it wasn't, it wasn'tever a path that I, I thought I
was gonna go down.
I mean, I honestly moved to LAin 2020, oh my god.
2003.
Um got into TV and film invarious ways and then, 10 years
(14:10):
in, I just there was just likeall these like sets and
productions I was on.
There were always conversationsabout sexuality and dating and
how dating was so hard in LA andyou know finding the one and,
like all these things, wait wait, wait.
So I was just saying like I justI think I just it was like kind
of a fun thing.
I started a blog before.
Blogging was a huge thing.
(14:31):
I started really old right nowand like started like doing
interviews.
I had access to red carpets atone point so I was interviewing
celebrities about like like givelike, if they're married, give
dating advice to people outthere who aren't married yet,
and that kind of started a wholething.
It was just for fun and at somepoint I was like you know, I
actually want to like learn morelike clinical stuff around this
(14:51):
.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
So that's how I have it okay, dope, dope, so like
okay, so we're gonna go back yes, yes, dating coach situation
what, what?
Like your stats, like, couldyou be a matchmaker?
Do you think you were that good?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I was a matchmaker Actually.
Yes, I worked for a matchmakingagency here in LA for a few
months.
Oh my God, like again likeeight years ago.
I loved the job so much, it wasso much fun.
It was like, literally, I waslike, oh my gosh, I found my
calling.
This is before all the sexeducator stuff and intimacy
coordinator stuff, and thecompany I worked for was not a
(15:22):
good fit.
It was very much heavily basedon sales and, for me, at my at
my core, like I really wanted tolike, really help people find
people they were in alignmentwith and like, not based on you
paid Right, right, exactly.
So, yeah, I was a matchmaker.
You know, I I did so,matchmaker.
I started this blog.
At some point, I became adating coach.
(15:43):
So, yeah, I mean, the biggestthings I've seen in my dating
coaching in LA primarily is thatpeople aren't really clear
about what they want in terms ofidentities, in terms of who's
gonna make them happy or whatkind of style of relationship.
(16:04):
A lot of people aren't aware ofall the options either, though,
because, again, we're horriblein this country about all this,
I didn't know all the optionsyes, I came to LA I said you are
what a hula wala like.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
What does that mean?
Speaker 1 (16:18):
yes, yes, I got.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
I you know like I get the whole being non-educated
about the different aspects ofwhat you want and how you want
it yes.
And the parameters of wantingit, yes, and if your partner is
going to want it, so Idefinitely can contest to that,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Yeah, but it's hard and you know, and also it can
evolve Like you know what youwant in five years and that's
okay.
But just having moreconversations to normalize that
you don't have to do it one wayor the way your parents did it
or the way your friends aredoing it.
We have a luxury of certaincities like LA Atlanta could be
(16:51):
similar New York where thosecities really you can feel more
safe and comfortable to live,however you want.
I come from a small town inOhio where I didn't.
When you were asking like how Igot into this, I didn't know
anything about any of thisgrowing up, none of it.
My mom is a retired professorso I get the brainy part from
her.
But, like you know, I learnedlater being in environments that
(17:13):
were are very open-minded andembrace you however you are.
That is very lucky.
Shout out to the people wholive in smaller towns or more
conservative areas.
It is harder and I don't wantto just go find yourself.
It is very challengingdepending on where you are and
what your household is.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
I mean, I grew up in a very I wouldn't say it was
liberal, but it was a small townand it was very, like you know,
upper, you know whatever.
And we were very diverse.
Yeah, and you know, I went toHBCU, yeah, in Maryland.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Yes so.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I was around.
You know inner city childrenthat I haven't been around
before.
Yeah so it was a different likethere's so many ways to find
yourself and like create aversion of yourself that you can
be proud of.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
And have integrity behind, and a lot of it does
have to do with your identityand your sexuality.
Most of it is that I think.
I think, people get a littletweaked out because they don't
know what they want or how toyou know what I mean.
So, it's like, especially withchildren.
It saddens me to see theratings of suicides go up
(18:21):
because, a conversation can'teven be had.
But if you think about it, isthat these parents don't know
how to have the conversation.
So we can't quite necessarilyalways blame the parents, right,
because it's like you don'tknow what you're not taught
right you're seeked to learnthat's right.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
That's right and it's scary.
It's scary for a parent.
Like you know, I'm not.
I don't have kids.
I can imagine I have a lot offriends who have kids and, like
you know, they're luckily thepeople I know who have kids are
embracing their kids choices andlike them speaking their truths
, but that's not the case allthe time and you know it is
(18:55):
anyway like there needs to besome level of autonomy that that
kids can feel safe to expressthemselves, you know, without
feeling like there's no otheranswer.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Do you ever give any advice for parents to talk to
their children?
I don't have you been in thatrealm before.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I try to stay away from under 18 only because you
know I because I do do work,that is, you know around, you
know adults that are naked on TVand film sets and things that
revolve around sexuality.
I try not to talk too much orwith kids or have opinions about
kids, also because I don't havekids.
(19:32):
I just I don't know if it'sfair for me to, you know, have.
But if, if a parent did come tome and I've had some parents
just ask like you know what,like what is out there, like
what, what are some things thatI could be okay with my kid
exploring or do you haveresources for my kids?
That kind of thing, I can givethat but I don't feel like I'm
the best choice.
(19:52):
I've had people ask if I couldcome speak at high schools and
stuff.
I'm like maybe, but parentshave opinions and if I go to a
school some parents will notwant me there and I'm not trying
to open a can of worms there.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
I don't want it.
That is true.
That is true.
So, being that you pretty muchcreated your own niche in this
field, what do you think yourend game is?
Is there an end game, is therelike a goal, to say, like all
right, I did this, I createdthis, this is what it is?
What would that be?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Oh, my God, that's a great question.
You know I don, because Ididn't really plan all of this
either, but I do feel like Ihave existential crises,
questions sometimes for myself,because, let's just be honest,
this country does not value in amajor way in terms of funding,
(20:40):
in terms of money, in terms ofpay, what I do.
I'm lucky that, being attachedto television studios that you
know we do have backing, there'sa standard rate based on other
other like crafts, crafts peoplein the business.
So I, I, I do okay that way,but it's like always kind of
having to prove myself orconvince someone that what I do
(21:03):
is valid to the same degree asanother consultant is, or those
kinds of things.
So it's tricky.
So I think that it's going todepend on the longevity and how
seriously we're being taken assexuality professionals, as
intimacy coordinators, how longI want to do this or how it's
going to evolve, because Ireally I want.
I think that we all deservesome level of stability and
(21:24):
there is some level of.
Some people in my life call mean activist and you know, no
activists are rolling in themoney.
That's all I'm trying to say.
So I'm like ain't that thetruth?
so I'm trying to figure out likewhat, what is the longevity of
this?
What, what is my truth?
Speaker 2 (21:40):
like I want to also live a life where I'm following
my bliss, you know, not justteaching everyone else to find
their so I don't know now, wouldyou like teach a course, like
if somebody was like hey, I kindof want to do what you do.
I think this is important.
Have you taught any of thosekind of classes you know?
Speaker 1 (21:55):
not specifically.
Uh, do you mean like,specifically, like how to become
or do what I do?
Yeah, I've not done that, butthis is a great idea, casey,
thank you.
Um, I know I taught.
I mean I kind of I feel likepeople reach out to me all the
time and, like, when I quoteunquote, pick my brain or, you
know, ask where I got certifiedand trained for things, that
(22:15):
kind of stuff.
But I've not actually puttogether a course.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Interesting, interesting, interesting thank
you, we have time on our hands,all right.
So yeah, we're gonna play blackheart revoked and this is the
original flavor.
X better, bolder, bolder,blacker.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Okay, I'm ready.
Go boy.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Yes, Are you going to keep her black heart or get it
reversed?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Hopefully I'm keeping it.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
We're going to see, all right, where is the National
Memorial for Peace and Justice,a museum dedicated to the
victims of lynching, located AJackson, mississippi, b Atlanta,
georgia, c Montgomery, alabamaor D New Orleans, louisiana?
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Oh man, I think it's either B or C.
I'm going to go Atlanta.
It is Montgomery Alabama.
That was my second choice.
I would just always chooseAlabama.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
There's two states in America that I'm always going
to think the worst of is Alabamaand Mississippi.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Well, I'm going to say it's not revoked yet,
because I chose either B or C,so I was like it's one of the
two.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
One of those states.
Okay, okay, next one.
The CDC says that black womenare four times more likely to
die than white women doing thisChildbirth.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Oh, you didn't even have no, no, I know that one for
sure sex educator.
I already know d it was givingbirth, which is honestly one
reasons why I I have not hadkids, because it's why I don't
trust.
It's sad that's people out here, that is like it.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
yeah, that's a whole nother conversation.
That's right, a whole notherepisode, exactly, okay.
So in which production did theiconic John Witherspoon say the
secret is you got to coordinateA next Friday, b the Boondocks,
c the Wayans Brothers, dBoomerang.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Oh my God, you know, I want to say I want to.
Oh man, you want me to read thequestion again?
No, I think it's.
I'm going to go with Boomerang.
It was Boomerang, yes.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
You got the co-ordinate.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
All right, which?
This is too easy.
We're not doing that.
We're not doing that.
We're not doing that.
All right, you said you likethe music one.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
According to DMX, there was Brenda Lilitisha,
linda Felicia Dawn Lashawn Inezand who, oh my God, Shaquisha A,
b Alicia C, teresa D, lisa.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Oh my God.
No, you know what I'm going tosay.
B Alicia.
You know what I'm going to say.
B Alicia, you got it Okay.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
She's keeping her card y'all.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Okay, I'm keeping the card.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
This is going to be the last one, okay.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Last one Doing good, doing good.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Last one.
She got most of them right.
Yes, all right.
This is a funny one.
Who said y'all should takey'all black asses to Iraq and
help fight for our freedom?
A Charles Barkley, b Ben Carson, c Justice Clarence Thomas or D
(25:15):
, uncle Ruckus of Boondocks.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Who is A Charles Barkley?
He does say some things.
He says some things sometimes.
I think it's either A or D.
I'm going to go Wait.
Who is D, uncle Ruckus ofBoondocks?
Okay, I'm gonna go D you didgood.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Yes, guys, she keeps her card well.
Erin, I want to say thank youfor coming on the show and
sharing all your many gifts andknowledge with us.
I do, at the end of all of myshows, love to leave a message
to the viewers, or maybe youryounger self, about where you
are at today and if they wantedto get into what you're doing,
(25:56):
maybe in the future, what wouldyou say to them?
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Oh my gosh, wow, I mean I okay.
So I'll say definitely it's.
I feel like me and mycolleagues are fighting the good
fight.
I feel like me and mycolleagues are fighting the good
fight.
It's not an easy career becauseit is so new and not
appreciated fully, but it's veryfulfilling and I do feel like
I'm contributing to something, agreater good, and just helping
(26:20):
people just get to knowthemselves and also, again,
safety, consent and boundaries.
To my younger self I would saybuckle up, you're going to have
a lot of fun experiences.
It's not gonna be easy, um, andbut you'll find a lot of people
who, who, who are in alignmentand want to help you.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
So have fun with it well, there you have it, thank
you again aaron for coming on.
Thank you y'all.
If uh, where can they find you,erin?
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Yes, yes, yes.
You can find me on Instagram'sthe best place at
datingadvicegirl, atdatingadvicegrl that's the best
place.
But also you can find me on mywebsite, erintillmancom.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
All right.
Well, there you have it, guys,If you guys enjoyed this episode
.
If you have any more questionsand you're wondering what
exactly is she talking about?
How can I get into this, Pleasedon't hesitate to.
You know.
Comment on our page, comment onher page.
Like, subscribe, share, do allthe things to get in contact
with us and thank you guys forbeing here and sharing your time
(27:20):
with us.
That's it, that's all.
That's it.
That's all is written by me,Kase Casey Carnage, and produced
by myself and Rick Barrio-Dill.
Associate producer, Brie Corey,Audio and video engineering and
studio facilities provided bySlap Studios LA, with
distribution through ourcollective Slap the Network.
If you have any ideas for ashow you want to hear or see,
(27:44):
please email us at info atslapphepowercom and, as always,
go to dazzitdazzallcom and signup there to make sure you will
never miss a thing.
See you next show.
That position.
As intimacy coordinator.
I've been certified and trainedto make sure that the
performers feel safe in a sexscene or in a nudity scene.
You know there's a lot thatgoes into that.
I also do some choreographyaround it, which is so fun.
So it's almost like what astunt coordinator is to stunts
which, if you think abouteverything you've ever watched,
how was this never a thing onsets before?
(00:22):
That's crazy.
Some of the things I've seenthrough the decades.
It's like smiling.
Never let that crown tear, shestays thriving.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
That's it.
That's all.
That's it.
That's all, that's it.
That's all, that's it.
That's all.
Is that really it, though?
What up, what up?
What up?
Welcome to.
That's it.
That's All.
Y'all know me, kasey, and todaywe're gonna have Erin Tillman on
.
She's gonna, that's all.
Y'all know me, kasey, and todaywe're going to have Erin
Tillman on.
She's going to be talking aboutall of her background and
(01:09):
consent, sexuality,relationships, all that good
stuff, because she's definitelyan expert and, as you know,
we're an opinionated podcastthrough the lens of black women
and black creators.
I'm just going to give a littlebackground on her.
She's going to do the most ofit because she's here to talk
about herself.
I to give a little backgroundon her.
She's going to do the most ofit because she's here to talk
(01:29):
about herself.
I don't really need to do allthe talking, but, um, she's a
certified intimacy coordinator.
She's a sex certified sexeducator.
Um, she's also created aconsent guidebook that is easy
to follow from over 30 expertsestablishing boundaries,
respecting boundaries, all ofthat.
So let's just dig into it.
Yes, um, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Thanks for having me, you're welcome you're welcome.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I just want to dive in ready to dig right into it,
because it's such an interestingsubject where someone can be
like okay, this is somethingthat we need to talk about and
I'm going to be the one to talkabout it and not only am I going
to talk about it, I'm going towrite a book for you to follow
it yeah so, um Erin, let us knowa little bit about you.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, yeah.
So, gosh, where do I start?
So I've been in, so I am acertified sex educator,
certified intimacy coordinator.
First, let me tell you whatthat is for those out there who
don't know what that is.
So, coming out of the Me Toomovement in 2018, 2019, there
were a lot of things that cameout a la Harvey Weinstein, bill
Cosby, like all these things onproductions Right, right, right,
(02:25):
exactly.
And so, funny enough, theindustry is like, oh, maybe we
should make sure performers feelsafer when they're in a nude
scene or kissing scene or sexscene on set.
So, essentially, that positionas intimacy coordinator, I've
been certified and trained tomake sure that the performers
feel safe in a sex scene or in anudity scene.
You know there's a lot thatgoes into that.
(02:47):
I also do some choreographyaround it, which is so fun.
So it's almost like what astunt coordinator is to stunts
which, if you think abouteverything you've ever watched,
how was this never a thing onsets before?
That's crazy.
Some of the things I've seenthrough the decades.
It's like.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I can't believe crazy some of the things I've seen
through the decades.
It's like I can't believethey're doing it with no yes
guidance.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yes, and typically, like a lot of actors I work with
are saying they're reallyexcited that that's a thing
because usually they would haveto just figure it out by
themselves.
Like somehow productions anddirectors and producers just
assume that an actor knows howto fake a threesome scene or
whatever the thing is.
It's like why are we puttingthat on a performer to figure
out by themselves?
So that's part of what I do.
(03:28):
Um, I'm working, working on acouple of shows.
My first two feature films arebeing released right now and
next month, which I'm superexcited about.
So it's my first time in thecredits, like I know, I know
it's good.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
So like how are you creating these things?
Are these based on experiences?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Great question, is it ?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
based on, like being around your friends.
It's like, hmm, that looks good, that looks cool.
Let me see how I canchoreograph that.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
That's a great question.
So yes, so the other piecebefore I got certified a couple
years ago to do that, I also I'ma certified sex educator, so
I've been through a lot ofcertifications and trainings
over the last decade around kinkand BDSM, polyamory,
non-monogamy, identity,sexuality all so many of the
things yes, some of it isexperiential as well.
(04:20):
I've been invited to a lot ofinteresting events and parties.
I have a lot of friends who arein the Burning man crowd as
well.
So you know, partially becausemy interests have been varied
and I'm very curious I also am aqueer woman, queer black woman,
which is a very uniqueexperience being a queer black
woman.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Okay, we can talk about that too.
We can.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
We're going to do it, we'll put a pin in it.
(05:08):
But yeah, so many things.
But so, yeah, I mean I've beenlucky that I've had access to a
lot of spaces where I have beenable to to observe and
participate, and were run in tomake safe spaces for people who
want to explore their ownsexuality and and learn so, oh
my goodness.
So everything I do is notmainstream in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I mean, you created your own niche, in a sense yes,
thank you with within that.
You'd be surprised how manytimes people create their own
niche and you're like wait, wait, we did.
Why didn't we have that before?
Because that makes a lot ofsense.
So, when it comes down to likesafety and consent, let's talk
about your consent guidebook.
Because you know consent is keyand I think that has been
(05:39):
talked about out loud a lot morein the recent years yes, it has
been obviously yes, um, let'stalk about how you dove into
that and yeah, yeah, I mean, youknow it's also interconnected.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So funny.
I was talking to one of ourmutual friends recently and we
were we're both kind of startingthis new ventures that are
parallel and we're both likegosh, all these things we've
done.
I've been in los angeles 20years, worked in tv and film 20
years as well, and it's likesometimes you do like gig work
or a gig and you're like justtaking money.
You're like I got to pay billsand you don't really see how
it's going to fit all togetherand it's like, wow, all the
(06:13):
things I've done whether it wasworking in events or working as
a stand-in on sets or wardrobeor just all these things pieced
together and led me to thisplace Consent and boundaries
specifically.
So you know, I've been verylucky that in my life I've had a
lot of very strong women.
I've had a lot of reallysupportive men in my life Like
(06:34):
more, like friends, a lot ofreally supportive men, friends.
I have had some unsavoryexperiences.
Who hasn't honestly, especiallyworking in entertainment and
being, you know, in differentspaces where there's power
dynamics?
But all that to say, you know,I just feel like I've.
When the Me Too movementhappened, it was very clear that
(06:55):
a lot of people didn't learnanything about this and we
assume that everyone had sex edor that everyone had, like, good
role models or had, had, youknow, parental figures that
taught them.
You know, quote, unquote, rightfrom wrong.
But that's subjective.
Don't do it, you know, or thator that told me that to do it
right, and I was just like Idon't want to be no.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I knew for me I don't want to be a teen mom.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I don't like these dusty boys, I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Mean like I'm waiting for my husband.
That's when I slip me away,like I've always lived in this
fairytale, like dreamland, thatlike clearly at 36, realizing
that that doesn't exist.
But we're here now I can say Iprobably saved myself a lot of
heartaches, a lot of STDs, a lotof stuff like that, but I get
it.
So we're going into the role ofcreating that guidebook and
(07:45):
you're talking about.
You had a lot of support aroundyou.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
So these stories I'm assuming there were stories
coming to you yeah, Giving youideas.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Yes, yes.
And also, again, it isn't fornothing that I grew up with a
lot of very strong women in mylife who gave me a strong sense
of self, with a lot of verystrong women in my life who gave
me a strong sense of self.
I'm an only child too, so Ithink I always kind of navigated
things by myself and kind ofhad a strong presence.
Also, yeah, Dusty Boyz, I wasalways like I don't know, I'm
(08:17):
worth my time?
Probably not, Are you?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
now.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Right, and so you know, as I was.
You know I was a few years intothe sexuality profession at
that point, started off as adating coach in my sexuality
branch of what I do, and I wasjust meeting a lot of colleagues
who had a lot of differenttakes on like consent and
boundaries, and how they learnedabout it or didn't learn about
it.
And especially being in LosAngeles, like people are living
(08:41):
in a very in all different kindsof ways in a beautiful way,
consensually, and so I was justlearning all these, especially
like being in BDSM and kink.
I feel like I learned moreabout consent and boundaries in
that scene than anywhere else.
Like, like I'm putting in thatbucket, uh, some of my sexuality
trainings, some of my traumatrainings.
(09:02):
I learned more about consent,and still do, in kink and that
is shocking to me and it'sreally unfortunate in a lot of
ways, because kink is not, firstof all, most people aren't into
it or know what it is, and it'snot a mainstream thing that
everyone can learn.
So how is it that we'relearning this fundamental thing
from this like counterculturegroup of individuals?
(09:23):
So, anyway, that, to say, 2018happened, I was like, oh,
clearly people don't know aboutboundaries, basic boundaries,
and I started writing andhonestly, I was like there's so
many times when I was writingthe book where I was like I
don't know if I know what I'mtalking about, I don't know if
anyone's gonna read this.
I'm also very aware thateverything I do and sexuality,
identity, everything's evolvingso rapidly.
(09:43):
So as I was writing it, I'mlike, well, it's gonna be
obsolete in a year.
But I was like I can't let thatstop me.
So I did publish it and I'mvery proud of it.
Like you mentioned before, Ihave 30 other experts adding
advice in the book because,again, like for me, like I I'm
of the of the thinking thatanyone who says that they're the
authority on something, I don'ttrust it.
It's Me neither.
It's like right, you got tohave a variety of experiences, a
(10:05):
variety of trainings.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Because there's so many ways to get to Z.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Yes, Like you can start at J, you can start at E,
you can start at whatever.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yes, but it's very interesting that that's
something that you went forbecause, like I said, like we,
especially as women, right?
Speaker 1 (10:22):
especially as black women right, Especially as black
women.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
There was a taught to like.
You don't say things.
Yes, you know you keep it, youstay strong, you keep it inside,
you know you keep it.
And then, if you're in a blackhome, black southern home what?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
stays in the home.
Stays in the home, okay.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
You know, I just recently had, like this
conversation with my mom aboutan instance within our family
and I was like, no, that's theirtruth.
They should feel comfortablespeaking their truth.
And the conversation was well,it's not going to solve anything
and it happened so long ago.
I say it happened so long ago,but that doesn't mean it is not
affecting their present.
Absolutely yeah, and that'swhat I don't think a lot of your
(10:58):
, and I know understand why.
Yeah, there was a lot of likeskeletons in those closets back
in the day.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
They weren't able to be open.
They didn't want to be.
We definitely have a lot morefreedom.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Yes, In that aspect.
But it's like it was such acrazy conversation because it
was also like bridging the gaps,yeah, and it was felt like, you
know, I had to educate her alittle bit.
Like Mom, you deal with a lotof your trauma.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
And.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
I'm sure that you would be healed a little bit
more if you didn't live in themindset of like I'm keeping it
to my grave.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
There's so much there .
I mean, like you said, there'sso much with black culture and
like we're somehow protectingthe family to not bring things
up or talk about things which Ifeel like does do a lot of harm.
And things up or talk aboutthings which I feel like does do
a lot of harm, and yeah, I meanlike I feel like Gen Z
especially, like I feel like I'mlearning from Gen Z.
I think they're great, they'rejust way more open about stuff.
(11:49):
I also feel like we're in anage of transparency, like
there's a lot happening rightnow in like entertainment
currently, which I don't want toget into right now.
But you know, I just feel likethere's so much enabling and
secrecy and not even just forconsent, like even for people in
(12:11):
their own truth.
There's so many people who feellike they can't live to be who
they actually are because ofthey have to conform to an idea
of what you're supposed to be at36 or 44.
Or, you know, you got to getmarried, you got to do the
relationship escalator, meetsomebody, get married, have
babies, when maybe you don'twant that at all or maybe you
know, I have a lot of.
(12:31):
I do some coaching as well.
I also speak on collegecampuses and you know it's
people of all ages and in allgenerations.
Really, I think we're in aplace where people are really
trying to find their truth andreally live authentically
without some outside opinion oroutside pressure to do this
thing.
We can't get into religionbecause that's a massive
(12:51):
conversation.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
That's a whole other conversation.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
But that plays into this as well.
A lot of times for so manypeople you know, of like how
they feel, like they're not okayor sinning or not, like gonna
go to heaven or whatever thething is?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
was being a sex educator something you always
wanted to be like?
Is that what like you went toschool for?
Like you were like no.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
I have an undergrad in marketing.
But no, I mean, you know, I, I,you know, I think about this a
lot and I'm actually asked thatquestion quite a bit, you know.
I mean there probably is somefundamental family, parental
reason, or, you know, I was alate bloomer, like I didn't have
my first like boyfriend orsexual experience, so I was like
(13:28):
, oh gosh, like 19, which islate for some people.
Um, I feel like there's a lotlike a lot of my educator
friends were also late bloomers.
So I think there's somethingattached to that of like maybe
we felt like we missed something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so, like, later on in life,we're like, well, I'm gonna
explore everything now, you know, and, and some of us to the
(13:49):
point where we're like we'regonna study it and we're gonna
get certifications about itbecause we love it that much and
we're learning so much aboutourselves.
So, yeah, it wasn't, it wasn'tever a path that I, I thought I
was gonna go down.
I mean, I honestly moved to LAin 2020, oh my god.
2003.
Um got into TV and film invarious ways and then, 10 years
(14:10):
in, I just there was just likeall these like sets and
productions I was on.
There were always conversationsabout sexuality and dating and
how dating was so hard in LA andyou know finding the one and,
like all these things, wait wait, wait.
So I was just saying like I justI think I just it was like kind
of a fun thing.
I started a blog before.
Blogging was a huge thing.
(14:31):
I started really old right nowand like started like doing
interviews.
I had access to red carpets atone point so I was interviewing
celebrities about like like givelike, if they're married, give
dating advice to people outthere who aren't married yet,
and that kind of started a wholething.
It was just for fun and at somepoint I was like you know, I
actually want to like learn morelike clinical stuff around this
(14:51):
.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
So that's how I have it okay, dope, dope, so like
okay, so we're gonna go back yes, yes, dating coach situation
what, what?
Like your stats, like, couldyou be a matchmaker?
Do you think you were that good?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I was a matchmaker Actually.
Yes, I worked for a matchmakingagency here in LA for a few
months.
Oh my God, like again likeeight years ago.
I loved the job so much, it wasso much fun.
It was like, literally, I waslike, oh my gosh, I found my
calling.
This is before all the sexeducator stuff and intimacy
coordinator stuff, and thecompany I worked for was not a
(15:22):
good fit.
It was very much heavily basedon sales and, for me, at my at
my core, like I really wanted tolike, really help people find
people they were in alignmentwith and like, not based on you
paid Right, right, exactly.
So, yeah, I was a matchmaker.
You know, I I did so,matchmaker.
I started this blog.
At some point, I became adating coach.
(15:43):
So, yeah, I mean, the biggestthings I've seen in my dating
coaching in LA primarily is thatpeople aren't really clear
about what they want in terms ofidentities, in terms of who's
gonna make them happy or whatkind of style of relationship.
(16:04):
A lot of people aren't aware ofall the options either, though,
because, again, we're horriblein this country about all this,
I didn't know all the optionsyes, I came to LA I said you are
what a hula wala like.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
What does that mean?
Speaker 1 (16:18):
yes, yes, I got.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
I you know like I get the whole being non-educated
about the different aspects ofwhat you want and how you want
it yes.
And the parameters of wantingit, yes, and if your partner is
going to want it, so Idefinitely can contest to that,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Yeah, but it's hard and you know, and also it can
evolve Like you know what youwant in five years and that's
okay.
But just having moreconversations to normalize that
you don't have to do it one wayor the way your parents did it
or the way your friends aredoing it.
We have a luxury of certaincities like LA Atlanta could be
(16:51):
similar New York where thosecities really you can feel more
safe and comfortable to live,however you want.
I come from a small town inOhio where I didn't.
When you were asking like how Igot into this, I didn't know
anything about any of thisgrowing up, none of it.
My mom is a retired professorso I get the brainy part from
her.
But, like you know, I learnedlater being in environments that
(17:13):
were are very open-minded andembrace you however you are.
That is very lucky.
Shout out to the people wholive in smaller towns or more
conservative areas.
It is harder and I don't wantto just go find yourself.
It is very challengingdepending on where you are and
what your household is.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
I mean, I grew up in a very I wouldn't say it was
liberal, but it was a small townand it was very, like you know,
upper, you know whatever.
And we were very diverse.
Yeah, and you know, I went toHBCU, yeah, in Maryland.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Yes so.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I was around.
You know inner city childrenthat I haven't been around
before.
Yeah so it was a different likethere's so many ways to find
yourself and like create aversion of yourself that you can
be proud of.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
And have integrity behind, and a lot of it does
have to do with your identityand your sexuality.
Most of it is that I think.
I think, people get a littletweaked out because they don't
know what they want or how toyou know what I mean.
So, it's like, especially withchildren.
It saddens me to see theratings of suicides go up
(18:21):
because, a conversation can'teven be had.
But if you think about it, isthat these parents don't know
how to have the conversation.
So we can't quite necessarilyalways blame the parents, right,
because it's like you don'tknow what you're not taught
right you're seeked to learnthat's right.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
That's right and it's scary.
It's scary for a parent.
Like you know, I'm not.
I don't have kids.
I can imagine I have a lot offriends who have kids and, like
you know, they're luckily thepeople I know who have kids are
embracing their kids choices andlike them speaking their truths
, but that's not the case allthe time and you know it is
(18:55):
anyway like there needs to besome level of autonomy that that
kids can feel safe to expressthemselves, you know, without
feeling like there's no otheranswer.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Do you ever give any advice for parents to talk to
their children?
I don't have you been in thatrealm before.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I try to stay away from under 18 only because you
know I because I do do work,that is, you know around, you
know adults that are naked on TVand film sets and things that
revolve around sexuality.
I try not to talk too much orwith kids or have opinions about
kids, also because I don't havekids.
(19:32):
I just I don't know if it'sfair for me to, you know, have.
But if, if a parent did come tome and I've had some parents
just ask like you know what,like what is out there, like
what, what are some things thatI could be okay with my kid
exploring or do you haveresources for my kids?
That kind of thing, I can givethat but I don't feel like I'm
the best choice.
(19:52):
I've had people ask if I couldcome speak at high schools and
stuff.
I'm like maybe, but parentshave opinions and if I go to a
school some parents will notwant me there and I'm not trying
to open a can of worms there.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
I don't want it.
That is true.
That is true.
So, being that you pretty muchcreated your own niche in this
field, what do you think yourend game is?
Is there an end game, is therelike a goal, to say, like all
right, I did this, I createdthis, this is what it is?
What would that be?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Oh, my God, that's a great question.
You know I don, because Ididn't really plan all of this
either, but I do feel like Ihave existential crises,
questions sometimes for myself,because, let's just be honest,
this country does not value in amajor way in terms of funding,
(20:40):
in terms of money, in terms ofpay, what I do.
I'm lucky that, being attachedto television studios that you
know we do have backing, there'sa standard rate based on other
other like crafts, crafts peoplein the business.
So I, I, I do okay that way,but it's like always kind of
having to prove myself orconvince someone that what I do
(21:03):
is valid to the same degree asanother consultant is, or those
kinds of things.
So it's tricky.
So I think that it's going todepend on the longevity and how
seriously we're being taken assexuality professionals, as
intimacy coordinators, how longI want to do this or how it's
going to evolve, because Ireally I want.
I think that we all deservesome level of stability and
(21:24):
there is some level of.
Some people in my life call mean activist and you know, no
activists are rolling in themoney.
That's all I'm trying to say.
So I'm like ain't that thetruth?
so I'm trying to figure out likewhat, what is the longevity of
this?
What, what is my truth?
Speaker 2 (21:40):
like I want to also live a life where I'm following
my bliss, you know, not justteaching everyone else to find
their so I don't know now, wouldyou like teach a course, like
if somebody was like hey, I kindof want to do what you do.
I think this is important.
Have you taught any of thosekind of classes you know?
Speaker 1 (21:55):
not specifically.
Uh, do you mean like,specifically, like how to become
or do what I do?
Yeah, I've not done that, butthis is a great idea, casey,
thank you.
Um, I know I taught.
I mean I kind of I feel likepeople reach out to me all the
time and, like, when I quoteunquote, pick my brain or, you
know, ask where I got certifiedand trained for things, that
(22:15):
kind of stuff.
But I've not actually puttogether a course.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Interesting, interesting, interesting thank
you, we have time on our hands,all right.
So yeah, we're gonna play blackheart revoked and this is the
original flavor.
X better, bolder, bolder,blacker.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Okay, I'm ready.
Go boy.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Yes, Are you going to keep her black heart or get it
reversed?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Hopefully I'm keeping it.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
We're going to see, all right, where is the National
Memorial for Peace and Justice,a museum dedicated to the
victims of lynching, located AJackson, mississippi, b Atlanta,
georgia, c Montgomery, alabamaor D New Orleans, louisiana?
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Oh man, I think it's either B or C.
I'm going to go Atlanta.
It is Montgomery Alabama.
That was my second choice.
I would just always chooseAlabama.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
There's two states in America that I'm always going
to think the worst of is Alabamaand Mississippi.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Well, I'm going to say it's not revoked yet,
because I chose either B or C,so I was like it's one of the
two.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
One of those states.
Okay, okay, next one.
The CDC says that black womenare four times more likely to
die than white women doing thisChildbirth.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Oh, you didn't even have no, no, I know that one for
sure sex educator.
I already know d it was givingbirth, which is honestly one
reasons why I I have not hadkids, because it's why I don't
trust.
It's sad that's people out here, that is like it.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
yeah, that's a whole nother conversation.
That's right, a whole notherepisode, exactly, okay.
So in which production did theiconic John Witherspoon say the
secret is you got to coordinateA next Friday, b the Boondocks,
c the Wayans Brothers, dBoomerang.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Oh my God, you know, I want to say I want to.
Oh man, you want me to read thequestion again?
No, I think it's.
I'm going to go with Boomerang.
It was Boomerang, yes.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
You got the co-ordinate.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
All right, which?
This is too easy.
We're not doing that.
We're not doing that.
We're not doing that.
All right, you said you likethe music one.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
According to DMX, there was Brenda Lilitisha,
linda Felicia Dawn Lashawn Inezand who, oh my God, Shaquisha A,
b Alicia C, teresa D, lisa.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Oh my God.
No, you know what I'm going tosay.
B Alicia.
You know what I'm going to say.
B Alicia, you got it Okay.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
She's keeping her card y'all.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Okay, I'm keeping the card.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
This is going to be the last one, okay.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Last one Doing good, doing good.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Last one.
She got most of them right.
Yes, all right.
This is a funny one.
Who said y'all should takey'all black asses to Iraq and
help fight for our freedom?
A Charles Barkley, b Ben Carson, c Justice Clarence Thomas or D
(25:15):
, uncle Ruckus of Boondocks.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Who is A Charles Barkley?
He does say some things.
He says some things sometimes.
I think it's either A or D.
I'm going to go Wait.
Who is D, uncle Ruckus ofBoondocks?
Okay, I'm gonna go D you didgood.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Yes, guys, she keeps her card well.
Erin, I want to say thank youfor coming on the show and
sharing all your many gifts andknowledge with us.
I do, at the end of all of myshows, love to leave a message
to the viewers, or maybe youryounger self, about where you
are at today and if they wantedto get into what you're doing,
(25:56):
maybe in the future, what wouldyou say to them?
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Oh my gosh, wow, I mean I okay.
So I'll say definitely it's.
I feel like me and mycolleagues are fighting the good
fight.
I feel like me and mycolleagues are fighting the good
fight.
It's not an easy career becauseit is so new and not
appreciated fully, but it's veryfulfilling and I do feel like
I'm contributing to something, agreater good, and just helping
(26:20):
people just get to knowthemselves and also, again,
safety, consent and boundaries.
To my younger self I would saybuckle up, you're going to have
a lot of fun experiences.
It's not gonna be easy, um, andbut you'll find a lot of people
who, who, who are in alignmentand want to help you.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
So have fun with it well, there you have it, thank
you again aaron for coming on.
Thank you y'all.
If uh, where can they find you,erin?
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Yes, yes, yes.
You can find me on Instagram'sthe best place at
datingadvicegirl, atdatingadvicegrl that's the best
place.
But also you can find me on mywebsite, erintillmancom.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
All right.
Well, there you have it, guys,If you guys enjoyed this episode
.
If you have any more questionsand you're wondering what
exactly is she talking about?
How can I get into this, Pleasedon't hesitate to.
You know.
Comment on our page, comment onher page.
Like, subscribe, share, do allthe things to get in contact
with us and thank you guys forbeing here and sharing your time
(27:20):
with us.
That's it, that's all.
That's it.
That's all is written by me,Kase Casey Carnage, and produced
by myself and Rick Barrio-Dill.
Associate producer, Brie Corey,Audio and video engineering and
studio facilities provided bySlap Studios LA, with
distribution through ourcollective Slap the Network.
If you have any ideas for ashow you want to hear or see,
(27:44):
please email us at info atslapphepowercom and, as always,
go to dazzitdazzallcom and signup there to make sure you will
never miss a thing.
See you next show.
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