January 7, 2025 • 55 mins
What if the key to a fulfilling relationship lies in balancing autonomy with connection? This episode promises an engaging exploration into the intricate dance of love and personal growth. Breona Dewitt and Ellen Branch share heartfelt stories from their own lives—Breona’s transformation from five years of singledom to a committed relationship, and Ellen’s journey through a recent breakup. Through their experiences, we uncover the importance of daily commitment, mutual support, and celebrating personal victories, even in the face of heartache.
Host KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage), Breona Dewitt (@denasha.bre) and Ellen Branch (@simply_ellen_holistic)
Daz It Daz All is written by KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage) and Produced by KC Carnage and Rick Barrio Dill (@rickbarriodill). Associate producer Bri Coorey (@bri_beats), Audio and Video Engineering and Studio facilities provided by S.L.A.P. Studios LA (@SLAPStudiosLA) with distribution through our collective for social progress and cultural expression, SLAP the Network. (@SLAPtheNetwork.com)
If you have any ideas for a show you want to see or hear, email us at info@SLAPtheNetwork.com and as always, you can go to dazitdazall.com and sign up there to make sure you never miss a thing...
See you next show!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I think, at the end of the day, all of us, as far as
men and women in general, allwant the same things in some
form or another.
It's just how much of eachperson needs.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
We all want the same things.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
We all want somebody supportive, we all want somebody
romantic, we all want somebodywho's in our corner fighting for
us.
We all want someone who we canwork together with, so I feel
like it's all we all on the sameteam.
No matter all these podcastsand all these snippets and all
the stuff you see online.
It's so divisive for men andwomen, especially black men and
women, and it's just like it'snot necessary.
(00:33):
That's it, that's all.
That's it.
That's all.
That's it.
That's all, that's it, that'sall.
Black excellence at its finest.
How that skin glows.
She's a true diamond With theworld right out back.
She's still smiling, never leftthat crown till she stays
thriving.
That's it, that's all.
(00:55):
That's it, that's all.
Keep it real.
That's it, that's all.
That's it, that's all.
Is that really it, though?
What up, what up, what up?
(01:32):
Welcome to.
That's it, that's all, myfriends, and it's not like the
usual when I'm interviewingpeople, I like to really like
dig into our lives and figureout what we've been going on and
what's been going on with usand things like that, and today,
I think the common thread orthe common topic that's been
popping up is that we're all indifferent stages of
relationships, whether it's youknow myself getting out of a
relationship and navigating.
You know situationships andmaybe I do like it, maybe I
don't.
Whether you know Brie is movingin with her boyfriend soon.
Ellen has gone through almostI'm going to call it divorce die
(01:55):
, die.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Die, kill her.
She's going through a breakupand now she's navigating a new
relationship.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Navigating dating and all of that shit, yeah, and now
she's navigating a newrelationship Navigating dating
and all of that shit.
Yeah, a lot of those thingskind of tie into, you know,
growth and how we want to showup in these new situations.
So let's just dive into it.
What's been going on?
Girls, we missed you.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
I missed y'all too.
I know it's been a minute.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
As you came in last time I was like damn, she even
asked me to do a.
But you know, you know whatlife be, life in.
It's okay I be in and out, buty'all know, you know you guys
are like rotating Y'all,basically the other hosts.
Where's my chick?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Where's mine?
That's another conversation foranother day, but yeah, so let's
just jump into it.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Where are you guys at now?
How y'all been.
You got your new boo.
You got a new boo.
Um, let's get into it.
How's that girl go ahead, brie,for me it's been.
It's been mostly good.
It's been an adjustment,because I have been single for
five years five and a half yearsand I was enjoying that.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Um, get blued out you know, single them it's a good
place to be.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
You know me, so I was enjoying that, and you know me,
I like to have my own space andmy own like.
But now, like dating a man whois dating with intention Me and
you talked about this it'smoving a lot faster than I'm
used to because I'm datingpeople who want to stay in
situations.
Or like who don't really wantnothing serious.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Go with the flow.
Go with the flow.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Just want to see where life takes us, and I just
realized now that I'm getting toa point where, like I don't
want to date anybody who doeseverything with the flow.
I need you to choose me everyday and show up for me every day
.
That, um, and like I said,things move a little faster than
I'm used to, but I'm enjoyingthe ride.
I'm enjoying the journey.
Um, some so definitely somelearning curves and some bumps,
(03:49):
but we get.
We get through it.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
How about you other?
Um, okay, first of all, I wantto say rip to 2023.
Everything that happened in itis out of my life.
But Breakups Are hard because,like, physically breaking up
(04:12):
with somebody is the easy part,right, so telling them you're
not talking to them or leavingthem physically Is the easy part
, and I think the emotional parttakes a little bit longer.
And what they say about, likewomen say, when they decide they
want to break up with you, theybreak up with you emotionally
first, like for me it was theopposite, like I broke up
physically and then my emotionslike met me up at my current
(04:34):
state where I am about that.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
That's actually, that's actually a good like, um,
like what do I want to say?
That's actually a good way ofthinking about it, because that
typically doesn't happen thatway you do True, let me go back,
let me take that back.
Look like I do what.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I do in the sauce be dripping.
So we are, I do what I do andthe sauce be dripping, so it is
what it is.
I'm not mad at you Because Iknow it.
So we already know.
We already know.
We always said about Ella.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
She got the juice.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Y'all know what it is .
Speaker 1 (05:11):
But sprinkle some of that on me.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Sprinkle, sprinkle, yeah, because baby she got the
juice.
There you go.
All of that that's for y'all.
No, but really a big transition.
And in that I was kind of likewhere you were as far as like I
enjoy my space, like I'm doinggood for myself, I've created a
lifestyle that makes me feelpeace and comfort at home, and
then I'm still I want to be withsomebody right, like that is
(05:35):
the intention, the dating withintention, like I always knew
that I wanted to get married.
And every person that I've beenwith I've been like yo, like is
this something you want to do?
And they'll be like, oh, Idon't know, male, female, don't
matter.
But being where I am now inlife, like I'm be 33 this year,
I want, I want what I want andit's time for me to make the
necessary sacrifices for it.
(05:56):
And if that means that you knowcertain aspects of my life have
to, you know, be a little chillout, I Certain aspects of my
life have to, you know, be alittle chill out, I'm cool with
that.
I'm cool with that.
But I think the guy I'm datingnow is cool.
He's very different from theprevious relationships I've been
in.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
So I like him.
He's very nice.
I think that, like, generallyfor me, what ends up happening?
I think my learning lessons asfar as like, what ends up
happening, I think my learninglessons as far as like, I
realized that I'm way morefocused and I get a lot more
done when I'm not inrelationships.
And I think it's like you,ellen, like I, like I.
You know I love to be the wife.
(06:36):
Like I love to do all the thingsand take care of all the people
and do the dinner parties andstuff like that, and I think I
lose sight and what my purposeis.
Sometimes, because I do get alittle bit lazier, I find myself
like waiting for you to gethome and do all these things and
I can't think a lot.
So I have been kind of I dohave a friend that, like you
know, I'll hang out with or likego on little vacations or
(06:58):
whatever, and I realized thatmaybe that's where I like to be,
where I can have my ownautonomy, because I do know that
, like, maybe my purposenecessarily isn't the
relationship, it's therelationship I have with many
people, not many men in thatsense, but like, maybe my form
of relationship is therelationship I have with my
friends, my family, my friend,you know, like and not getting
(07:20):
like caught up and get caught upin it because I have noticed
that anytime I've been in like acommitted relationship, I've
slowed down and I don't likethat.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Maybe you're choosing the wrong person.
That's true, that's true.
And the fact that, like we werejust having this conversation
maybe yeah, maybe a few hoursago.
It's like we've been pushingourselves for so long and at
some point it feels good to havesomebody who's like yo look,
you ain't you can go do that,but that ain't gonna keep you
from being able to live how youwant to live, right, like I want
you to follow your dreams, butI also like integrating that
(07:54):
into the life you want.
I think that that's thepossibility over balance.
No, absolutely.
How was it?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
how has it been for you like navigate a new city um
and I don't do anything in thisnew city.
As of yet One, because I don'tlike the cold.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
It hasn't warmed up yet.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I mean it'll get like 70 one day and it'll be raining
for three days, but also too.
I just think that everythinghappens for a reason.
I feel like LA, I love LA, Ican do whatever I want in this
city.
I can go anywhere I want inthis city.
I can go anywhere I want, geton any list, I want, be up
wherever right.
And I feel like, even with that, there was a lot of people
(08:32):
pulling me in a lot ofdirections, whether it was
relationships or just friends orpeople saying, oh you, good at
this, you should try this, oryou should do this, or this
should look this way, or youshould do whatever.
And I feel like, even with the,it's really giving me a lot of
time to sit with myself and,like I said, focus on my show,
focus on my next moves, focus onmy career and focus on, like
(08:52):
you know, the relationship I dowant you know because, like,
like y'all, like I also kind ofwas that person that was like
let's see where it goes, like Ican't even blame it.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
I could even blame it on them.
We've all done it too Likelet's go with the flow.
When you meet somebody whodoesn't deserve, go with the
flow, right, and you be like youknow what.
But I haven't quite identifiedthat because I have.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I've been like kind of a in my relationships too,
like you know what I mean.
Like just like I've gotten intosome good ones and don't get me
wrong like I think that the menthat I have been, whatever
reason why it didn't work, Idon't think that they
disrespected me, I don't thinkthat they weren't good to me.
I don't think that was theissues.
I think that my issue is that,like I am a bold, big
(09:30):
personality, I do like thingsthe way I want them.
I am very particular, so it, Ithink, more so, it was me trying
.
Well, what I have to do, Ithink, is try to find the
compromise and the balance ofstill being me and being in this
relationship, and I don't thinkI quite figured that out yet.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Yeah, I think that's a hard thing for a lot of people
, like not losing themselves inthe relationship, and I think it
takes you being with someonewho doesn't want to change you
right because they, at somelevel y'all both done some work
to where y'all could come intothe relationship and not be out
here like doing no crazy shitbecause they say that look
because you know I'll be onstages, I'll be around, and
they'll be like oh, you did sogood, oh you this, oh, I want
(10:08):
this, and they get you and it'slike they try to strip down oh
well, you're out a little late,or?
you know, okay, that's mylifestyle.
Like yeah, you knew what it waswhen you got with me.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Exactly, men, men, that's one thing about men that
I feel like they're really badat doing that.
Um, you see how I was when youmet me.
You see what I was doing whenyou met me and then you tried to
water me down.
Once we're in a relationship,you can't do that yeah if me
being a like, for example, youbeing a singer and being out
late is something that bothersyou, why would you talk to a
(10:39):
singer who does late night showslike?
Why would like you know youknow her lifestyle?
If you know that's gonna be aproblem for you later, why are
you wasting my time?
or our time because you knowthey see a thing like they see.
It's like one of those thingsespecially I, Especially I don't
know.
I mean, I think this happens toany woman that has a really
good aura about themselves.
They see that people love them.
They see they have good friends.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
They want a piece of that.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
They see that they have good family and they want a
piece of it and once they getit and you allow that door to
open.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
They fumble their bed .
Speaker 1 (11:05):
They fumble their bed because it's kind of like oh, I
got you.
Like you said something aboutthe other day, about the and
then the love bombing.
That's the first thing the lovebombing.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And I don't even think they realize it, and I'm
not using the terminology aroundlike describing narcissists to
say that this is how all men are, but I think that for the
majority of guys who arephysical, like love language
people, when they first meet you, all they want to do is be on
you, all they want to do is besaying how beautiful you are.
All they want to do is betelling you all these beautiful
things, but then, once they getyou and you water down because
(11:34):
they done told you about allthese things that they don't
like about you, then it's oh,you know, I'm not attracted to
you anymore.
Oh, I'm sorry, I cheated.
Or oh, da da, da, da, da, da,da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
da, da, da, da da, kind of like.
Feel each other out over beinglike I like you.
(11:54):
I like you the best.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Let's go out, let's do this, let's do that so, brie,
you're about to move in withyour man.
Sweet, how was that transitionlike?
What are you feeling about that?
I'm feeling a little nervousbecause I know me and what I'm
say.
We get into an argument or afight or whatever.
I, at least now, for example,we are, we are in a fight.
(12:16):
Right now, for example, I cango to my place, I can cool off,
I can whatever In the moment Ican't.
There's no way for me to run.
We're in the house together.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Are you planning on getting a one?
Speaker 1 (12:24):
bedroom or two bedroom?
Yeah, we're moving into hisplace because he has rent
control.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Okay, so it's a one bedroom.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
It's a one bedroom.
So it's like girl girl, it'slike when I'm mad, I need space,
but he's the one that wants tokeep talking right then.
And there I'm like baby, I'mgoing to blow up on you if you
just keep pounding it.
Give me a second.
So I don't know how that'sgoing to work, but we do, like I
(12:51):
said, our dynamic works.
I take care of the home, I cook, we do all that kind of stuff.
He's the cleaner, like he likesto keep the place like, so we
balance each other out.
It's like it's perfect.
But, um, there's definitelylike gonna be some growing pains
with that.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
um, just pick like a safe word like when you get to
the point where you can't hearnothing else, just be like I
don't know.
Yeah, I've been working onjapanese cherry blossom and I've
been working on my angerbecause you know, I go from zero
to 100 in literally two seconds, so I've been working on that.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
When I feel myself building up.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
When's the last?
Speaker 1 (13:23):
time you lived with a partner?
Um, my last relationship wassix and a half years ago, ooh,
so I've been by myself thiswhole time in my own apartment.
So again it's going to be a—what?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
kind of hobbies do you have now that will help you
if you do need to get away.
That are like healthy.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
I've been in the gym consistently for the last year.
That's definitely my thing.
One thing that does work,though he works overnight, so I
do have like the nights.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Okay, so you can run above a bath and be in there by
yourself.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
You mad at him, so I definitely have my time to
decompress while he's gone, sothat it does work, and then
during the day he's asleep, okay?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
okay, I do have my.
So, ellen, how is?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
it um navigating this new relationship like because
you know we have our late nighttalks and you know I realize
that I am socially awkward inthe best way right?
Speaker 2 (14:18):
yes, because, because it's like I think it's because
I grew up being like a tomboyand then a little bit of nerd,
so it's like that's still likesocial awkwardness that I don't
know the things that I haven'tpracticed, the things that women
are supposed to do inrelationships a lot, yeah, and
that's something that I don'treally feel bad about, but at
the same time, I do, now thatI'm trying to figure that shit
(14:41):
out.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Well, if you're trying to be a wife, you don't
have to.
No, no, no.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
See, I can be domesticated.
That's one thing, Like keepingthe house clean, cooking all
that stuff.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
But in public around.
So, for example no, no, becauseI'm going to tell my story girl
.
I'm going to tell my story,Tell your story.
I wasn't going to tell yourstory.
I'm like that's not what I'mtalking about.
No, I wasn't going to tell yourstory.
I was going to tell you anexample that we had spoke about,
but not the story.
But go ahead.
Oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
But no, I was just going to say basically that it's
you type thing and like I've,always been like whatever like
whatever you'll be fine, butthen I realized that that builds
like resentment, because mostguys are physical so they want
you to be on them or they wantto be on you or they want you to
like do different things, likemaking plates or freaking,
giving you a cup of water thatyou drinking out of, like to me.
(15:33):
That's so like cater to him,that's stuff that I would do as
a wife and I think that I've inmy mind I've drawn a line of
like girlfriend, getting to knowyou, deciding if I like you and
shit that I would do as a wife,and that's the part that I
understand that's that is fairthat's the part that makes me
feel he does have to be able tosee those wifely qualities in
(15:54):
you, bare minimum qualities.
I'm giving you a snippet.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
It's funny that you say that because, like we're
talking about like you know, wealways talk about making men
earn us right.
Yeah, why like so?
So what is the correlationbetween saying that these are
these are what I think I shoulddo as a girlfriend?
This is what I think I shoulddo as a wife?
If you want to see me do wifelythings, what do you need to do?
What's my expectation for youas a man to get me there?
(16:19):
It's not just a ring.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
That's what I'm saying, that's what I'm
wondering.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
I think for me I am who I am.
I don't really differentiatewhat girlfriend duties and
wifely duties, except for whenit comes to maybe money or stuff
like that or big decisions.
But as far as catering to myman, that's just me.
I don't know how to turn thatoff.
If I'm cooking, I'm making yourplate, I'm bringing your food
(16:44):
out.
I don't know how to turn thatside of me off.
It's just who I am.
I had to realize that.
It's like I just have to choosebetter men who appreciate.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
It's like I can't stop who I am.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
I can appreciate.
It's like I can't stop who I am.
I can't stop it is who it iswho I am.
I'm gonna keep doing it.
So I just have to choose menthat appreciate that in me and
not take advantage of that.
Yeah, we just gotta choosebetter partners and it's
honestly, we ignore a lot of redflags with these, with men and
in general, and it's like I'vestopped doing that.
You play my face once.
Maybe you're gone yeah, no Ifeel you on that, like I
definitely, especially majorthings.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
I don't, I don't, let's just slide and I kind of
agree.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
I agree with, I guess , both of what you guys are
saying.
I do the thing that there's alevel of like you're courting me
, you came to me, right, and Ifeel like as like, if we're, if
we're talking about likedomestication and just basically
, like you know, gender rolesper se, like you are the hunter,
right, hunt me, you know.
And when I mean hunt me, nothunt me like in a creepy way,
(17:41):
but like show me that like apredator, you know like show me
your interest in little things,and I don't mean just taking me
to dinner in a movie.
I'm talking like if you're, ifyou're really interested in me
and we're having genuineconversations, you'll know
little things that I like.
Whether it's like you know, Iused to go to the movies to
watch black and white films on aSaturday.
You know you would think thatthis person that is interested
(18:03):
in you was like, hey, you knowwhat, maybe I could take her to
this black and white.
She ain't been in a while.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
I start to look for little things like that, over
the grand gestures, because,like, I've been fortunate enough
to be able to do and afford thethings that I want to do.
So I'm not quite don't get mewrong, I'm not saying I'm not
going to block my blessings.
There's a rich man out therethat want me, come on, get me.
But I typically look for thoselittle things like are you
paying attention?
And that's what I fall in lovewith a lot of the times and
(18:29):
maybe that's why I end up,because it's like it's that
difference between a man thatmay not have much but you know
they pay attention a little bitmore.
Yeah, they're thoughtful,they're thoughtful because
that's what they have to offer.
That's priceless, yeah, andthat's priceless but, like for
(18:49):
me, that's what I've beenlooking for and I feel like I
think in a relationship dating.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
I realize I have to slow down and allow them to do,
because I know that sometimes Ijump the gun.
That's what you said to me whenwe were talking that night.
You was like just don't saynothing back If he say he want
to do this, da, da, da, justdon't say nothing back.
And I'm like girl it's hard forme because I witnessed my mom
not saying anything Like youknow what I'm saying when she
was married.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
But you were very headstrong, so I don't think
that anybody will walk over you.
You would not let that happen.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Nah, yes, but you're the pick and choose about it.
That's what I'm saying pick andchoose, but I understand.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
You know.
Now she's expressing it likejust knowing you.
I do understand, like if youdidn't worry or you weren't
really float like that in ourfriend group, like we call you
daddy for a reason.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
I don't be making people's plates and shit, right,
I be opening doors and pullingout luggage.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
So is it like a reprogramming you feeling that
you feel like you are trying todo in your body, mind and spirit
?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
no-transcript because I like get older, I'm like I
don't care if you, I don't wantyou to do something like
elaborate and like flamboyant.
Yeah, because to me it's theday-to-day stuff, it's the stuff
that eases my worry and ninetimes out of ten it's stuff that
I don't want to do, likewashing dishes, so like I love
that about my partner like I'llcook.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I'll cook, have the whole spread out, bring him his
drinks, bring him, like you needanything else, baby, blah, blah
, I'm good, babe, he'll eat,we'll eat together.
He'll clear, he'll take up allthe plates, put everything in
the kitchen and that's a goodman, right I?
Love that.
Yeah, I'm like thank you, likethat kind of stuff I love
because that's long, that'slongevity, that's knowing that
it's.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Y'all are a team and y'all are gonna work.
He can't boil water.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
But he'll do that like that's okay and that's, and
that's a set I like I don'tmind cooking, so I don't mind
either so I'm like but he doesthat.
He gets right up and go rightin the kitchen and wash all the
dishes.
I don't have to ever have toask, I don't have to have to
like, he just automatically doesit and I love that.
Um, you know, even it was evenwhen it was dinners at my house
he would do it, yeah so I lovethat.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, that's good.
That's good and I think whenyou mentioned, you mentioned
different things that you'relooking for.
I definitely am looking forconsistency, because the whole
that like I mentioned before,the love bombing thing, where it
always happens early on, afterabout month three, that's when
you start to see who the personreally is well, it's funny that
you say that, because I think Iwas talking.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
I think I was actually talking to Bree Bree
back there, the other day.
Producer Bree no, bree, bree,zaddy Bree producer Bree
producer Bree yeah hey, producerBree, I was talking to producer
Bree and we were asking aboutyou know things like kind of
like in the same realm, and Iwas talking to Producer Bree and
we were asking about you knowthings like kind of like in the
same realm, and I was like evenyou know the guy that I'm kind
of talking to, you know, like myfriend and I'm keeping that
(22:02):
term very loose like my friendis that one thing I haven't been
able to do before is actuallytake things slow, like you know,
like it's usually like you likesomebody, y'all together for
two weeks and then y'alltogether.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
And then she's there every day, every day, every day
there's been a beauty about meliving there, him living here.
We'll go on a little trip.
I'll come here.
We'll spend a day or twotogether.
It allows.
I don't think I can recall thelast time I was able to miss my
partner and I didn't realize howvaluable that was y'all doing
work to see each other right,and it's actually you know, like
(22:37):
, okay, you want to come outhere.
I'm like, okay, cool, sometimesyou can't even get a to come
over that lives around thecorner, and let alone like
somebody holding an attention,you know, to holding your
attention 3,000 miles away, youknow.
So I've never been in that kindof phase and I kind of like it
here.
So it's like moving forward.
It's like I don't have to do gofrom zero to a hundred right
(22:59):
away, because I am, you know, Iam kind of traditional in a
sense, where I do want you tocourt me and I gotta allow you
to do that.
I can't say second date, oh,let me make you a play.
You want to stay the night?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
exactly, and that's why I'm moving how I'm moving.
I'm intentionally moving slowtoo.
I'm like, no, like you can'tspend the night, and you have
that right, because you just gotout of a major relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
So that's definitely you know.
And then you being lonely, it'seasy to just have someone in
your space and just allow theminto your space all the time
because you want to fill thatvoid immediately.
But you have to heal first fromthose things and that's part of
the reason why I feel like I'vebeen single for six years.
My that's part of the reasonwhy I feel like I've been single
for six years.
My last relationship was reallybad physically, emotionally
abusive.
(23:39):
So it took some time to undo alot of that trauma.
And I realized when I wasdating there's certain things
like oh shit, I got to work onthat Because I shouldn't be
getting this mad this fast.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I shouldn't be getting.
It was triggering.
Still for you, I was triggeredby almost everything.
I was like, oh no, baby.
I was triggered by almosteverything.
I was like, oh no, baby, yougot to fix this.
You still pop off.
I still pop off a little bit,but I have definitely calmed
down.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
And that's what I was saying.
And I say that it's funnybecause we have our friends and
stuff like that, and people makeexcuses for certain things, for
certain reasons and it's notnecessarily like well, she can
always be like that.
And sometimes I'm like you know, there's still things that are
still triggering people that Ithink that it's also their
responsibility to say you knowwhat I didn't mean to get that
mad but that kind of triggeredme.
I don't know why.
(24:21):
I don't know where it came from.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
But like that takes a level of awareness A lot of
people don't have because theyhaven't like done the internal
work.
So it's also like just givingthem grace for where they are
Period, just where they areperiod.
Just this is where you are.
I receive that, I'm here withyou, so what is okay?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
so what?
Okay, so we're just.
We don't have a little likedream world.
What is your like dreamrelationship?
If you had a list of thingsthat you want it to be and what
it looks like, what does thatlook like we talking about?
Speaker 2 (24:50):
the person or the relationship in the dynamic.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
The whole thing, the whole.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Thing who child.
I need to think for a second.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
In my partner.
I want someone who pushes me,who motivates me.
I don't want to be complacentin life.
I don't want to be complacentin our relationship.
I want us to always challengeeach other and make each other
better.
I love a romantic man.
Romance you have to romance me.
That's how you know, that's howyou get to the soft spot of me.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
And you know what is romance, because I do have a
question.
I need to know, because this isthe awkward part of me Like
really, though, like for a woman, what is that supposed to be?
Speaker 1 (25:30):
like it's the little thing.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Oh, you mean A woman, you being romantic.
No, no, no, no.
A guy being romantic to you.
How would you know a guy'sbeing romantic?
I know that sounds like astupid question.
You know what?
Speaker 1 (25:39):
You don't know the little things, knowing the
little things that you like,like, for example, the other day
he came home with a chocolatebar Because they were on sale,
so he brought me a couple ofthem.
He's like I know this is yourfavorite candy and I brought it
home and he'll bring, or he'lllike, know that I like certain
things and bring it home to me.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Okay, because he said I like it.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Okay.
Or just even grand, justflowers taking me into nice
things.
Intimacy Okay, Even when we'relike out together like you
holding my hand or rubbing myleg.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
I don't like that it because you haven't had it and
it makes you uncomfortable.
My body likes it.
I'd be turned on.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
So why are you fighting it?
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I don't think I'm fighting it.
I think it's just a feeling oflike we can go to this bathroom
right now.
That's the thing In my mindthat's where I'd be at, but then
in the moment I think it's justmy anxiety.
I talk myself off of the ledgeof being a type of woman I love
that.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
So wait, finish your statement.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off.
I'm going to circle back tothat.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Let me know that you're attracted to me, that you
like me, that you know I lovethat kind of stuff, and as far
as like me showing it back, Ineed a man who also likes
affection as well because, I'm,I when I'm, when I really like
you.
You know, yeah, if I've everdated you and you didn't get an
(27:07):
affectionate side of me, I'msorry to tell you I probably
just didn't really like you likethat and I was trying to like
wait to see if feelings develop.
But if I like you, yeah, youwill know.
Yeah, because I just want to doall the things.
I want to be with you, I wantto hang out with you, I want to
take care of you, I want to dookay so what do you want to be
in this relationship, in thisdream land that you're in?
how do you want to show up?
I, you know I like, even thoughI could be a city girl
(27:30):
sometimes.
I am very domesticated, I amvery.
I love taking care of my, Ilove catering to my man, and you
know me waking up every morning, making breakfast and dinner,
and I want to live a soft life.
I don't want work.
To be honest, if I do work,it's it's the stuff that I want
to do, the stuff that thatfulfills me.
I just don't want to be anine-to-fiver just doing
(27:51):
whatever.
Um, I'd rather do somethingthat's fulfilling for me and I
would prefer to have a partnerwho pushes me to do those things
, because I can sometimes getcomplacent and comfortable when
I'm in either a job or arelationship or whatever that
feels good.
I'm not doing the things thatwill fill me in the long run.
(28:13):
So you want to be able to showup and be fulfilled, like you
said, like when you're in arelationship you feel so you
want to be able to show up andbe fulfilled, like you said,
when you're in a relationship.
You feel like you're not doing,you're not handling your boss.
I feel the same way sometimeswhen I'm in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
You give so much, you give so much.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
So I feel like I want a partner who, like, reminds me
, like hey, did you do that, didyou do this, did you get it
done?
And you receive it.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
And you receive it Because sometimes it's hard if
you don't really like the personor you don't you know, if you
feel a way.
It's hard to receive thatpositive, like critique and
feedback.
In the moments it's positivelike critique and feedback.
In the moments it's like well,why are you telling me that?
You know I've been trying to goto the gym, you know that type
of thing.
It's like, well, I'm just, youknow, trying to show love let
you remind you yeah, you have to.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
We have to sometimes realize that we can't be
defensive.
We have to realize that thisperson especially if you're
choosing the right partner, thisperson loves me so they're not
doing anything to well I meanthat's across the board.
Like I feel that too, like y'allknow, I can be off the hook.
Y'all know my delivery is notalways the best, but what I do,
what I can't appreciate about myfriends, is that, like in all,
whether we get mad or not, isthat y'all know where it's
(29:15):
coming from like you know what Imean and I feel like I.
I feel like, as a person, how Iwant to show up just in any
relationship, I won't even saylike a romantic relationship.
I pride myself on being afriend.
That will give it to youstraight.
But, give it to you straight,in a way where I do want to
provide maybe a suggestion of asolution.
I want to know you, to knowthat I love you.
(29:37):
I don't judge you, but sis likelet's break this down.
And also we'll sit with youhowever long you need me.
Like I will stay up If I couldbe dead, assass tired when I
open, if I feel like you stillneed me, I want to be there and
show up in that way and that'show I like to show up in the
world in general.
Like I just feel like there'sso much lack of understanding
(29:57):
and lack of care and peoplebrush you off and they're there
for whatever motive.
They want to be there for youand I've had that too.
Like I know people want to bearound me because of the things
I'm attached to and the accessthat I have to certain things.
But it's like I do appreciatethe you know y'all and I
appreciate my family andappreciate even.
You know I've had some despiteof.
(30:19):
You know, whether we'retogether or not, I've had some
good men in my life.
Like you know, there's and it'susually never a breakup of you
know they did something dirty tome or they did something low
down, like I've.
I've been fortunate to not havethat kind of breakup.
It's usually like I'm growing alittle faster and you're not
moving, or I actually physicallymoved or you had to physically
move.
(30:39):
I've met a lot of people um.
I've met a lot of right peopleat the wrong time.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
That's been my story.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
And I'm trying to, and I also feel like that has a
lot to do with me, like I'm alsoon the move as to why maybe I
am meeting these people like youknow, ships passing in the
night and I think that wasanother reason why I wanted to
move too.
Like I think maybe I'm ready tolay some roots you know,
somewhere and, you know, have ahouse and things like that, and
(31:11):
there's a level of independencythat I know my partner is going
to have to understand that Ihave, because when I'm in the
zone I won't be bothered.
Y'all know my attitude when Idon't want to be bothered.
I don't want to be bothered.
I'm snappy, I'm all that.
But I feel like, when it comesdown to it all the real core of
me, in whatever relationship Iam, I just want to show up in a
positive way for you and I feellike I need that same in return.
(31:32):
I need the encouragement, likeyou said.
I need somebody to push me andalso somebody to partner with me
and collab with me.
Can we?
I look at that stuff like it'snot enough for me anymore to, um
, have a partner that's good atbit and good in bed or can whine
and dime me like can we buildsome businesses?
Can?
we build some generationalwealth like what you got going
on.
That is where I'm at right nowand until I find that person
(31:54):
that can sit down and we have astraight up business meeting and
say, okay, what's going on,third quarter, what we got going
on like.
I don't think I'll be able toconnect that way, because I know
what I'm trying to achieve, andif my partner isn't trying to
achieve and just want to be likein a way, like just like, oh,
I'm here, I can't, I can't havethat.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Yeah, and I think when you were mentioning that,
it made me think of, like thegoal of being married is
different for different people,right?
So like you're saying is abusiness move, like we need to
be thinking about all of thisstuff.
And you're saying I want tocater to my man, I want to be
there, to be a wife and, youknow, be domestic in that way,
and like yes to all of thosethings, but also, like for me,
like I want little babies and Ifeel like that might be a reason
(32:36):
why I'm so not to take awayfrom either of you, but like I'm
so, like no, there are certainthings that I will give you
access to as a girlfriend.
So like no, there are certainthings that I will give you
access to as a girlfriend, partsof me, things that I'll do,
things I won't do, but then,like when it comes to wife, like
I am literally giving you mybody.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Mm-hmm, I don't want no cum snatches, so that's on my
vision board, that ain't on myvision board.
I'm teasing my vision boardthough, so hurry in.
So yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
And that's the thing, and that's where, like, I value
the relationships and the waysthat we are all different, but
we're all here trying to do thesame thing in a way.
So that's.
I think that might be thereason why I'm so like mm-mm.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
I think, at the end of the day, all of us pretty all
of us, as far as men and womenin general all want the same
things in some form or another.
It's just how much of eachperson needs we all want the
same things.
We all want somebody supportive,we all want somebody romantic,
we all want somebody who's inour corner fighting for us.
We all want someone who we canwork together with.
So I feel like it's all we allon the same team.
(33:38):
No matter all these podcastsand all these snippets and all
the stuff you see online.
It's so divisive for men andwomen, especially black men and
women, and it's just like it'snot necessary, right and we are.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
We need each other we need each other and we need
more black love we do need moreblack love women say they don't
need no man you do, or a partner, a partner in general.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
You need a partner.
Everybody like what they like.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
You know but I think it's.
I think it's somethingbeautiful about like, like
seeing two people that genuinelylike being around each other.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
I mean whether you are a spiritual person or a
religious person.
It is written in everythingthat individuals are not
supposed to walk the path alone.
We're supposed to be in a pair.
That's why there's a yin and ayang, that's why there's light
and day.
There's always a duality ineverything we do.
Yeah, everything we do.
If you think any importantnumbers, they're even numbers.
When you add them up, they'reeven 11,.
11 equals four, like everythingthat is symbolic is an even
(34:31):
number, because we supposed tohave a duality, and I think
that's where the brokennesscomes, where people feel like I
don't need, I don't need nobody,and the whole time you at home
crying every night, and that'sthe traumas.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Right, it's the trauma.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
We're so jaded.
People have to realize thatit's okay to have trauma, it's
okay to have been hurt, it'sokay to have gone through some
things, but as an adult you haveto make the decision to pick
those pieces up and heal on yourown.
You may never get that apology.
Never, you may never get thatclosure that you need.
(35:04):
But you have to do the work foryourself, to heal yourself, or
you will never find somebody andand when you do, you're gonna
sabotage.
You're gonna sabotage, you'regonna find somebody who's in the
same same situation and y'alltrauma bonding together and it's
a mess and it's just like takeyour time.
There's nothing wrong withtaking your time.
There's nothing wrong like.
I know people who have beentogether for a long time and
(35:25):
they were like this is my personand I do believe sometimes you
just know.
Yeah, but both of y'all gottaknow it ain't gonna work if just
one of y'all knows and stopfalling in love with potential.
Yeah, that's another thing.
Like we, everybody haspotential.
I need you fully potential.
I was like everybody haspotential, because what
potential is is the image ofthem in your head that you've
(35:47):
made up.
You can do that for anybody.
Everybody has potential.
Look at what they're showingyou, Look at what's in front of
your face, and I always say thisI'm like I had to learn.
I mean, obviously I've gonethrough relationships where I
ignore the hell of red flags.
Oh yeah, Me too.
I didn't even know where thisman lived.
But we at this point, yeah,Thank you.
I let him up in my house andjust chill in my house.
(36:07):
I was like it's okay.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
I was like yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
So it's like I'm like we draw a lot of red flags.
Who the hell in my bed?
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who the hell in my bed?
Child, please Shoot my littleCOVID situation.
I know exactly where he lived.
He got sick during COVID and Iwas worried about him.
Couldn't figure out where hisapartment was.
I asked his neighbors like haveyou seen this?
Because he had disappeared offthe face of the earth.
I didn't know if he was dead ornot.
Oh my goodness, I'm like I wascrying girl.
I was messed up.
I was like where is he?
Because he had diabetes too.
(36:45):
So I'm like after it happened Iwas like that's a shame we've
been talking for months.
I should know exactly where youlive and it's so crazy because
even like we're talking aboutred flags now.
I remember asking him hey, ifanything happened to you, does
anybody know to call me?
He was like no, not really.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
And I was like but you've been in my house every
day for the last couple monthsand don't nobody know to call me
.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
So I was just like so you think that it's okay?
Honestly, I think that momentis when I kind of like my
feelings started kind ofdwindling, but again being
lonely.
You know, showing up I mean heshowed up in other ways that I
liked.
But like that made me think Adigger's goo Climbing up walls
(37:27):
when he was in her bed after hesaid he was leaving.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
That shit would piss me off.
What you trying, okay, okay,why.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Okay, go ahead.
Funny story.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
Okay, I'll tell that story.
You gotta tell that story, butgo ahead.
What was you gonna say LB?
No, go ahead, you gotta tellthat story.
Okay, so the third one.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
That shit pissed me off.
I just was like I just wasmoving, so I was in my feelings.
Like I was just in my feelings.
I really didn't want like, eventhough, like I felt, like most
people, when somebody is leaving, you want to be around them a
lot.
I had the the reverse effect,because I feel like our
conversations of him leaving wasnever about how we were going
(37:59):
to stay together.
What does our relationship looklike now?
It was just kind of like we'llsee whatever.
So I just kind of like startedpulling away.
So one night I decided to stayout.
I wasn't doing anything.
I was literally at my uncle'shouse.
That's a true story.
I wasn't out, doing anything.
We were up drinking, having agood time, I was dancing,
laughing, and he calls me.
I was like I told him I saidI'm not gonna be home.
(38:19):
I said I'm not gonna be lateand I forgot the thing.
So like you should probably gohome or I left the key or
something about what.
However, it happened, but hecouldn't get in my house, which
he usually is able to, and hecalled me back.
He's like you're not going tocome on.
I was like no, I don't reallyfeel like it, I just need.
I just need some time, like Ijust need to think I don't want
to be around you right now.
I just whatever he's like, allright, I'm thinking, wow, I'll
(38:45):
get back.
No, and I told him I was stayingthe night at my uncle's house
because that was the intention.
I was staying the night becausethat's exactly what I was going
to do, but like it got to belike four o'clock and I was
already up or like woke up froma nap and I was like I kind of
want to be in my own bed.
So I drove home.
It was like four o'clock in themorning and what's crazy about
the whole thing is that Ithought I left my key under the
(39:07):
mat for my front door and I didgo back in the house.
So this is what my trainingthought was.
So I was like, okay, the gateis the front gate is closed.
So I know I can jump the frontgate, but either my key is under
the mat that's why I was likemy key for my front door.
So I jumped over the fence andthe key you jumped over that
fence, girl.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Yes, I had to.
I had to girl because I wasn'tcoming home.
I feel it, but that's hard,yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
I wasn't coming, girl .
I've done it a couple times,yeah.
So I jumped over the fence andI went to, went upstairs, went
to go get my key and the keywasn't in the mat and because I
was kind of like still kind ofdrunk or whatever I said, did I
and I I was like maybe I put iton the little thing and lock
myself out.
But you know, I know how to getin my house.
I just got to climb up, youknow, drive my car, climb up the
(39:49):
little fire escape and then myside doors are always open.
So I do all that climb up thefire escape, I go park my car,
get in because I had to get theclicker, because that's why I
was going up there.
I had to get the clicker to letmy car in.
Let it's in the bed.
I'm like he looking at me likewhat you doing here.
(40:10):
I'm looking at him like whatyou doing here.
I thought didn't he come withthe fire escape?
Speaker 2 (40:14):
No.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
He didn't tell me that he got into my house,
because the whole point why hecouldn't get into my house is
because the front gate Because Iused to leave the key for him
under the mat and either thefront.
I would leave the front gateopen, but the front gate wasn't
open and he said he didn't feellike jumping the fence today, so
he's just going to go home.
Okay, that's what happened, soI'm thinking he was at home.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
He jumped the gate.
Okay, he never told me, andthat's why my key wasn't under
the mat, because he had it.
You see it all coming together.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
Yes house, so I get there.
I'm looking at him like whatyou doing here.
He's looking at me like whatyou doing here and like he's,
like it's four o'clock.
He's like I thought you weregonna stay at your uncle's house
.
I said, well, why don't youtell me you got in my house?
This is my apartment so likethat was really weird, and I
think that he was like trying tocatch you.
Bring somebody home, yeah buteven still, like how do you come
into my house, which wasanother red flag.
(41:04):
He probably didn't never have ahouse to go to, and I think you
really don't think.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
You really think he was homeless I've never been to
his house.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
Well, his I feel like the I I believe the living
situation that he said he hadbut he didn't want to live there
because his son and his son'sdaughter, girlfriend, his son's
girlfriend.
They all in one bedroom house.
He ain't nowhere for him to be.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
You know we're here to read so and then the only
time I went by his house.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
the only time I went by his house was like we parked
by his car because we switchedcars or whatever.
I had to take him to his car,but I never, ever went into his
house.
I only knew one friend.
I was like, how do I know?
Speaker 2 (41:39):
A lot of red flags.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
It was a lot of red flags, but like there was also a
lot of really good things abouthim too, that I kind of blended
and was just kind of likewhatever you know, he comes here
every night.
I know where he's at you know,what I mean and and I was just
like, but I honestly don't knowwhere you're at all day, because
I only see you at night timeand you know like when we do
friend things, you would show up, which I really liked.
(42:01):
You know what I mean likebecause for a long time you know
like I would be the single oneyou know, so it was nice to have
him around when we did ourfriend things.
But like you do, really you,you really be overlooking some
red fucking flags how many youlike somebody, how many red
flags before you be like?
Speaker 2 (42:16):
all right, the game is done now for me.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
I don't even, I don't let nothing slide like if it's
big, like you, don't get asecond chance for me for sure.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
um, what if it's like something you could talk
through and then you're like Idon't know, because it depends
on what it is, you gotta explainit.
If it's like something youcould talk through and then
you're like I don't know, itdepends on what it is, you got
to explain it.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
If it's a red flag, that, because some red flags
aren't just red flags for mebecause it's triggering.
It's just your personality, soit's just more, so like let me
see what you meant by that andthat can be clarified.
But if it's a red flag, likethat's the obvious red flag.
I've been dating for six monthsand I ain't never been to your
house and don't nobody know tocall me if something happened to
you.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
That's a big red flag .
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
Yeah, Because there's no reason to explain that.
Yeah, how you explain that awayLike nobody know, I'm your
girlfriend, I feel that yeah,you get hit you in the hospital
somewhere.
I'm supposed to just like andyou being that worried about you
.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
That's a red flag that you can't explain away.
So what about if you're datingsomebody and they don't call you
for a day or two days, or aweek or two weeks?
How long could you go?
Speaker 1 (43:17):
What's a safe way?
You got a day.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Day two.
I need an explanation.
A week, I'm done.
You got a good, solid eighthours.
I can do a day, I can do a day,because to to me it's like if
we talked on the phone when youwent to sleep or we texted
before you went to sleep, yousaid goodnight.
By the time I get up and spendmy 8 hours working.
If I haven't heard from you nowI'm thinking I'm in good
explanation.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
I can give you 24 hours because anything can
happen in 24 hours.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
That's generous.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
Let me tell you why you can be on the side of the
road.
Your phone died, you're dealingwith stuff.
You're just not thinking I cangive you a date that roll into
that second day.
I need an explanation of whathappened.
A week go by we done, we done.
Don't even call me.
Speaker 2 (43:56):
We done.
Don't even call me, okay, justask me for a free.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
I'll give you 24 hours because I've had a day
like that Stuff.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
that's past.
Speaker 1 (44:11):
I can't talk to nobody.
I can't, whatever I'm trying todeal.
I've had that kind of day, so Iunderstand a day.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
You get a day, that's it.
You get a day, that's it.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
For me that's a day, but anyway, this was a good
conversation.
Y'all I got to pick y'allbrains about.
You know where y'all are atwhat y'all are seeking.
Um, y'all y'all know that I dolike to leave little notes and
little messages to either youryounger self or the people out
(44:42):
in the world.
Um, what would you say tosomebody who is trying to
navigate a new relationship, notnecessarily with their partners
, but with themselves as well?
I would say write downeverything.
Write down the things you wantout of life, out of partners,
where you're non-negotiables.
What are your negotiables anddon't bend on them.
(45:05):
Stand on business.
Stand on business.
Do not ignore red flags.
It's just because you likesomebody does not mean that they
are the one for you.
Do not ignore the red flags,please, and you know.
And when we say that you knowexactly what we're talking about
, you've been in a situationwhere you know exactly what red
flags.
It's always different for eachsituation, but you know exactly
(45:26):
what we're talking about.
It's like, oh, I let it slide, Ilet it slide, I let it slide.
And for me I had to swallowthat.
My abusive relationship is likeI would have never even got hit
or been in a situation likethat if I had not ignored red
flags in the beginning.
I ignored so many things thatwould have never happened, so I
had to swallow that pill.
A lot of that was my fault.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Well, it's not your fault.
He decided to do what he did.
But yeah, but.
But I could have left longbefore it happened.
I feel like hindsight is 2020.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Yeah, but I definitely don't know a lot.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
But you know again, you know you know a lot, we can
control a lot.
What?
Speaker 1 (46:00):
happens to us.
Don't ignore the red flags.
How about you?
Speaker 2 (46:02):
yeah, um, you said younger self or the people
outside.
Okay, um, just like it's okayto not know and like be
exploring.
You don't have to have like allthe answers, you don't have to
know who you're gonna be or whatyou're gonna do in every
(46:24):
situation, um, and you mightsurprise yourself like um
positive and negative.
So, just you know, move withgrace, cause this day, this day
in life, ain't no joke, it ain'tfor the week.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
This one on this topic.
This one would have to be fromour younger selves, I think,
because I've had a strangerelationship with my dad, as far
as like not being loved by thefirst man.
Well, not feeling, I'm notgoing to say not, because I
can't say that he didn't love me.
That's his own feeling, but notbeing felt like I was loved by
the first man that should haveloved me.
(46:59):
I think I allowed a lot tohappen emotionally, just to feel
that love and chasing that love, and I think what I would say
to my younger self is thatyou're going to have so much
love around you.
Just be patient and don't swayfrom what you know you are and
(47:20):
live in your queendom, becauseit'll happen for you when it's
supposed to, and the journey isa part of the destination.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
It's not just getting there.
It's like you got to take thosesteps and know that everything
is going to fall into place.
I agree.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
Well, thanks Brie.
We always have Thanks Brie,thanks Ellen for coming on the
show.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
You're welcome Anytime.
We always have our girl talks.
Speaker 1 (47:42):
I love them here because you know they keep me
grounded.
But if you guys have anyquestions comments concerns if
you want to dig into theconversation a little bit more,
don't hesitate to like,subscribe, send a DM, whatever
you need to do Comments.
Comments.
Whatever you need to do to getto us If you want to continue
(48:03):
the conversation, we'll alwaysbe here.
Thanks for joining us today,and that's it.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
That's all.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
That's it.
That's all.
That's it.
That's all is written by me,casey Carnage, and produced by
myself and Rick Barrio Dill.
Associate producer Brie Corey.
Audio and video engineering andstudio facilities provided by
Slap Studios LA, withdistribution through our
collective Slap the Network.
If you have any ideas for ashow you want to hear or see,
(48:34):
please email us at info atslapthepowercom and, as always,
go to dazitdassallcom and signup there to make sure you will
never miss a thing.
See you next show.
I think, at the end of the day, all of us, as far as
men and women in general, allwant the same things in some
form or another.
It's just how much of eachperson needs.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
We all want the same things.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
We all want somebody supportive, we all want somebody
romantic, we all want somebodywho's in our corner fighting for
us.
We all want someone who we canwork together with, so I feel
like it's all we all on the sameteam.
No matter all these podcastsand all these snippets and all
the stuff you see online.
It's so divisive for men andwomen, especially black men and
women, and it's just like it'snot necessary.
(00:33):
That's it, that's all.
That's it.
That's all.
That's it.
That's all, that's it, that'sall.
Black excellence at its finest.
How that skin glows.
She's a true diamond With theworld right out back.
She's still smiling, never leftthat crown till she stays
thriving.
That's it, that's all.
(00:55):
That's it, that's all.
Keep it real.
That's it, that's all.
That's it, that's all.
Is that really it, though?
What up, what up, what up?
(01:32):
Welcome to.
That's it, that's all, myfriends, and it's not like the
usual when I'm interviewingpeople, I like to really like
dig into our lives and figureout what we've been going on and
what's been going on with usand things like that, and today,
I think the common thread orthe common topic that's been
popping up is that we're all indifferent stages of
relationships, whether it's youknow myself getting out of a
relationship and navigating.
You know situationships andmaybe I do like it, maybe I
don't.
Whether you know Brie is movingin with her boyfriend soon.
Ellen has gone through almostI'm going to call it divorce die
(01:55):
, die.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Die, kill her.
She's going through a breakupand now she's navigating a new
relationship.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Navigating dating and all of that shit, yeah, and now
she's navigating a newrelationship Navigating dating
and all of that shit.
Yeah, a lot of those thingskind of tie into, you know,
growth and how we want to showup in these new situations.
So let's just dive into it.
What's been going on?
Girls, we missed you.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
I missed y'all too.
I know it's been a minute.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
As you came in last time I was like damn, she even
asked me to do a.
But you know, you know whatlife be, life in.
It's okay I be in and out, buty'all know, you know you guys
are like rotating Y'all,basically the other hosts.
Where's my chick?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Where's mine?
That's another conversation foranother day, but yeah, so let's
just jump into it.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Where are you guys at now?
How y'all been.
You got your new boo.
You got a new boo.
Um, let's get into it.
How's that girl go ahead, brie,for me it's been.
It's been mostly good.
It's been an adjustment,because I have been single for
five years five and a half yearsand I was enjoying that.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Um, get blued out you know, single them it's a good
place to be.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
You know me, so I was enjoying that, and you know me,
I like to have my own space andmy own like.
But now, like dating a man whois dating with intention Me and
you talked about this it'smoving a lot faster than I'm
used to because I'm datingpeople who want to stay in
situations.
Or like who don't really wantnothing serious.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Go with the flow.
Go with the flow.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Just want to see where life takes us, and I just
realized now that I'm getting toa point where, like I don't
want to date anybody who doeseverything with the flow.
I need you to choose me everyday and show up for me every day
.
That, um, and like I said,things move a little faster than
I'm used to, but I'm enjoyingthe ride.
I'm enjoying the journey.
Um, some so definitely somelearning curves and some bumps,
(03:49):
but we get.
We get through it.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
How about you other?
Um, okay, first of all, I wantto say rip to 2023.
Everything that happened in itis out of my life.
But Breakups Are hard because,like, physically breaking up
(04:12):
with somebody is the easy part,right, so telling them you're
not talking to them or leavingthem physically Is the easy part
, and I think the emotional parttakes a little bit longer.
And what they say about, likewomen say, when they decide they
want to break up with you, theybreak up with you emotionally
first, like for me it was theopposite, like I broke up
physically and then my emotionslike met me up at my current
(04:34):
state where I am about that.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
That's actually, that's actually a good like, um,
like what do I want to say?
That's actually a good way ofthinking about it, because that
typically doesn't happen thatway you do True, let me go back,
let me take that back.
Look like I do what.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I do in the sauce be dripping.
So we are, I do what I do andthe sauce be dripping, so it is
what it is.
I'm not mad at you Because Iknow it.
So we already know.
We already know.
We always said about Ella.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
She got the juice.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Y'all know what it is .
Speaker 1 (05:11):
But sprinkle some of that on me.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Sprinkle, sprinkle, yeah, because baby she got the
juice.
There you go.
All of that that's for y'all.
No, but really a big transition.
And in that I was kind of likewhere you were as far as like I
enjoy my space, like I'm doinggood for myself, I've created a
lifestyle that makes me feelpeace and comfort at home, and
then I'm still I want to be withsomebody right, like that is
(05:35):
the intention, the dating withintention, like I always knew
that I wanted to get married.
And every person that I've beenwith I've been like yo, like is
this something you want to do?
And they'll be like, oh, Idon't know, male, female, don't
matter.
But being where I am now inlife, like I'm be 33 this year,
I want, I want what I want andit's time for me to make the
necessary sacrifices for it.
(05:56):
And if that means that you knowcertain aspects of my life have
to, you know, be a little chillout, I Certain aspects of my
life have to, you know, be alittle chill out, I'm cool with
that.
I'm cool with that.
But I think the guy I'm datingnow is cool.
He's very different from theprevious relationships I've been
in.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
So I like him.
He's very nice.
I think that, like, generallyfor me, what ends up happening?
I think my learning lessons asfar as like, what ends up
happening, I think my learninglessons as far as like, I
realized that I'm way morefocused and I get a lot more
done when I'm not inrelationships.
And I think it's like you,ellen, like I, like I.
You know I love to be the wife.
(06:36):
Like I love to do all the thingsand take care of all the people
and do the dinner parties andstuff like that, and I think I
lose sight and what my purposeis.
Sometimes, because I do get alittle bit lazier, I find myself
like waiting for you to gethome and do all these things and
I can't think a lot.
So I have been kind of I dohave a friend that, like you
know, I'll hang out with or likego on little vacations or
(06:58):
whatever, and I realized thatmaybe that's where I like to be,
where I can have my ownautonomy, because I do know that
, like, maybe my purposenecessarily isn't the
relationship, it's therelationship I have with many
people, not many men in thatsense, but like, maybe my form
of relationship is therelationship I have with my
friends, my family, my friend,you know, like and not getting
(07:20):
like caught up and get caught upin it because I have noticed
that anytime I've been in like acommitted relationship, I've
slowed down and I don't likethat.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Maybe you're choosing the wrong person.
That's true, that's true.
And the fact that, like we werejust having this conversation
maybe yeah, maybe a few hoursago.
It's like we've been pushingourselves for so long and at
some point it feels good to havesomebody who's like yo look,
you ain't you can go do that,but that ain't gonna keep you
from being able to live how youwant to live, right, like I want
you to follow your dreams, butI also like integrating that
(07:54):
into the life you want.
I think that that's thepossibility over balance.
No, absolutely.
How was it?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
how has it been for you like navigate a new city um
and I don't do anything in thisnew city.
As of yet One, because I don'tlike the cold.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
It hasn't warmed up yet.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I mean it'll get like 70 one day and it'll be raining
for three days, but also too.
I just think that everythinghappens for a reason.
I feel like LA, I love LA, Ican do whatever I want in this
city.
I can go anywhere I want inthis city.
I can go anywhere I want, geton any list, I want, be up
wherever right.
And I feel like, even with that, there was a lot of people
(08:32):
pulling me in a lot ofdirections, whether it was
relationships or just friends orpeople saying, oh you, good at
this, you should try this, oryou should do this, or this
should look this way, or youshould do whatever.
And I feel like, even with the,it's really giving me a lot of
time to sit with myself and,like I said, focus on my show,
focus on my next moves, focus onmy career and focus on, like
(08:52):
you know, the relationship I dowant you know because, like,
like y'all, like I also kind ofwas that person that was like
let's see where it goes, like Ican't even blame it.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
I could even blame it on them.
We've all done it too Likelet's go with the flow.
When you meet somebody whodoesn't deserve, go with the
flow, right, and you be like youknow what.
But I haven't quite identifiedthat because I have.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I've been like kind of a in my relationships too,
like you know what I mean.
Like just like I've gotten intosome good ones and don't get me
wrong like I think that the menthat I have been, whatever
reason why it didn't work, Idon't think that they
disrespected me, I don't thinkthat they weren't good to me.
I don't think that was theissues.
I think that my issue is that,like I am a bold, big
(09:30):
personality, I do like thingsthe way I want them.
I am very particular, so it, Ithink, more so, it was me trying
.
Well, what I have to do, Ithink, is try to find the
compromise and the balance ofstill being me and being in this
relationship, and I don't thinkI quite figured that out yet.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Yeah, I think that's a hard thing for a lot of people
, like not losing themselves inthe relationship, and I think it
takes you being with someonewho doesn't want to change you
right because they, at somelevel y'all both done some work
to where y'all could come intothe relationship and not be out
here like doing no crazy shitbecause they say that look
because you know I'll be onstages, I'll be around, and
they'll be like oh, you did sogood, oh you this, oh, I want
(10:08):
this, and they get you and it'slike they try to strip down oh
well, you're out a little late,or?
you know, okay, that's mylifestyle.
Like yeah, you knew what it waswhen you got with me.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Exactly, men, men, that's one thing about men that
I feel like they're really badat doing that.
Um, you see how I was when youmet me.
You see what I was doing whenyou met me and then you tried to
water me down.
Once we're in a relationship,you can't do that yeah if me
being a like, for example, youbeing a singer and being out
late is something that bothersyou, why would you talk to a
(10:39):
singer who does late night showslike?
Why would like you know youknow her lifestyle?
If you know that's gonna be aproblem for you later, why are
you wasting my time?
or our time because you knowthey see a thing like they see.
It's like one of those thingsespecially I, Especially I don't
know.
I mean, I think this happens toany woman that has a really
good aura about themselves.
They see that people love them.
They see they have good friends.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
They want a piece of that.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
They see that they have good family and they want a
piece of it and once they getit and you allow that door to
open.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
They fumble their bed .
Speaker 1 (11:05):
They fumble their bed because it's kind of like oh, I
got you.
Like you said something aboutthe other day, about the and
then the love bombing.
That's the first thing the lovebombing.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And I don't even think they realize it, and I'm
not using the terminology aroundlike describing narcissists to
say that this is how all men are, but I think that for the
majority of guys who arephysical, like love language
people, when they first meet you, all they want to do is be on
you, all they want to do is besaying how beautiful you are.
All they want to do is betelling you all these beautiful
things, but then, once they getyou and you water down because
(11:34):
they done told you about allthese things that they don't
like about you, then it's oh,you know, I'm not attracted to
you anymore.
Oh, I'm sorry, I cheated.
Or oh, da da, da, da, da, da,da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
da, da, da, da da, kind of like.
Feel each other out over beinglike I like you.
(11:54):
I like you the best.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Let's go out, let's do this, let's do that so, brie,
you're about to move in withyour man.
Sweet, how was that transitionlike?
What are you feeling about that?
I'm feeling a little nervousbecause I know me and what I'm
say.
We get into an argument or afight or whatever.
I, at least now, for example,we are, we are in a fight.
(12:16):
Right now, for example, I cango to my place, I can cool off,
I can whatever In the moment Ican't.
There's no way for me to run.
We're in the house together.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Are you planning on getting a one?
Speaker 1 (12:24):
bedroom or two bedroom?
Yeah, we're moving into hisplace because he has rent
control.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Okay, so it's a one bedroom.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
It's a one bedroom.
So it's like girl girl, it'slike when I'm mad, I need space,
but he's the one that wants tokeep talking right then.
And there I'm like baby, I'mgoing to blow up on you if you
just keep pounding it.
Give me a second.
So I don't know how that'sgoing to work, but we do, like I
(12:51):
said, our dynamic works.
I take care of the home, I cook, we do all that kind of stuff.
He's the cleaner, like he likesto keep the place like, so we
balance each other out.
It's like it's perfect.
But, um, there's definitelylike gonna be some growing pains
with that.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
um, just pick like a safe word like when you get to
the point where you can't hearnothing else, just be like I
don't know.
Yeah, I've been working onjapanese cherry blossom and I've
been working on my angerbecause you know, I go from zero
to 100 in literally two seconds, so I've been working on that.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
When I feel myself building up.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
When's the last?
Speaker 1 (13:23):
time you lived with a partner?
Um, my last relationship wassix and a half years ago, ooh,
so I've been by myself thiswhole time in my own apartment.
So again it's going to be a—what?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
kind of hobbies do you have now that will help you
if you do need to get away.
That are like healthy.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
I've been in the gym consistently for the last year.
That's definitely my thing.
One thing that does work,though he works overnight, so I
do have like the nights.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Okay, so you can run above a bath and be in there by
yourself.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
You mad at him, so I definitely have my time to
decompress while he's gone, sothat it does work, and then
during the day he's asleep, okay?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
okay, I do have my.
So, ellen, how is?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
it um navigating this new relationship like because
you know we have our late nighttalks and you know I realize
that I am socially awkward inthe best way right?
Speaker 2 (14:18):
yes, because, because it's like I think it's because
I grew up being like a tomboyand then a little bit of nerd,
so it's like that's still likesocial awkwardness that I don't
know the things that I haven'tpracticed, the things that women
are supposed to do inrelationships a lot, yeah, and
that's something that I don'treally feel bad about, but at
the same time, I do, now thatI'm trying to figure that shit
(14:41):
out.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Well, if you're trying to be a wife, you don't
have to.
No, no, no.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
See, I can be domesticated.
That's one thing, Like keepingthe house clean, cooking all
that stuff.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
But in public around.
So, for example no, no, becauseI'm going to tell my story girl
.
I'm going to tell my story,Tell your story.
I wasn't going to tell yourstory.
I'm like that's not what I'mtalking about.
No, I wasn't going to tell yourstory.
I was going to tell you anexample that we had spoke about,
but not the story.
But go ahead.
Oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
But no, I was just going to say basically that it's
you type thing and like I've,always been like whatever like
whatever you'll be fine, butthen I realized that that builds
like resentment, because mostguys are physical so they want
you to be on them or they wantto be on you or they want you to
like do different things, likemaking plates or freaking,
giving you a cup of water thatyou drinking out of, like to me.
(15:33):
That's so like cater to him,that's stuff that I would do as
a wife and I think that I've inmy mind I've drawn a line of
like girlfriend, getting to knowyou, deciding if I like you and
shit that I would do as a wife,and that's the part that I
understand that's that is fairthat's the part that makes me
feel he does have to be able tosee those wifely qualities in
(15:54):
you, bare minimum qualities.
I'm giving you a snippet.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
It's funny that you say that because, like we're
talking about like you know, wealways talk about making men
earn us right.
Yeah, why like so?
So what is the correlationbetween saying that these are
these are what I think I shoulddo as a girlfriend?
This is what I think I shoulddo as a wife?
If you want to see me do wifelythings, what do you need to do?
What's my expectation for youas a man to get me there?
(16:19):
It's not just a ring.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
That's what I'm saying, that's what I'm
wondering.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
I think for me I am who I am.
I don't really differentiatewhat girlfriend duties and
wifely duties, except for whenit comes to maybe money or stuff
like that or big decisions.
But as far as catering to myman, that's just me.
I don't know how to turn thatoff.
If I'm cooking, I'm making yourplate, I'm bringing your food
(16:44):
out.
I don't know how to turn thatside of me off.
It's just who I am.
I had to realize that.
It's like I just have to choosebetter men who appreciate.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
It's like I can't stop who I am.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
I can appreciate.
It's like I can't stop who I am.
I can't stop it is who it iswho I am.
I'm gonna keep doing it.
So I just have to choose menthat appreciate that in me and
not take advantage of that.
Yeah, we just gotta choosebetter partners and it's
honestly, we ignore a lot of redflags with these, with men and
in general, and it's like I'vestopped doing that.
You play my face once.
Maybe you're gone yeah, no Ifeel you on that, like I
definitely, especially majorthings.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
I don't, I don't, let's just slide and I kind of
agree.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
I agree with, I guess , both of what you guys are
saying.
I do the thing that there's alevel of like you're courting me
, you came to me, right, and Ifeel like as like, if we're, if
we're talking about likedomestication and just basically
, like you know, gender rolesper se, like you are the hunter,
right, hunt me, you know.
And when I mean hunt me, nothunt me like in a creepy way,
(17:41):
but like show me that like apredator, you know like show me
your interest in little things,and I don't mean just taking me
to dinner in a movie.
I'm talking like if you're, ifyou're really interested in me
and we're having genuineconversations, you'll know
little things that I like.
Whether it's like you know, Iused to go to the movies to
watch black and white films on aSaturday.
You know you would think thatthis person that is interested
(18:03):
in you was like, hey, you knowwhat, maybe I could take her to
this black and white.
She ain't been in a while.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
I start to look for little things like that, over
the grand gestures, because,like, I've been fortunate enough
to be able to do and afford thethings that I want to do.
So I'm not quite don't get mewrong, I'm not saying I'm not
going to block my blessings.
There's a rich man out therethat want me, come on, get me.
But I typically look for thoselittle things like are you
paying attention?
And that's what I fall in lovewith a lot of the times and
(18:29):
maybe that's why I end up,because it's like it's that
difference between a man thatmay not have much but you know
they pay attention a little bitmore.
Yeah, they're thoughtful,they're thoughtful because
that's what they have to offer.
That's priceless, yeah, andthat's priceless but, like for
(18:49):
me, that's what I've beenlooking for and I feel like I
think in a relationship dating.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
I realize I have to slow down and allow them to do,
because I know that sometimes Ijump the gun.
That's what you said to me whenwe were talking that night.
You was like just don't saynothing back If he say he want
to do this, da, da, da, justdon't say nothing back.
And I'm like girl it's hard forme because I witnessed my mom
not saying anything Like youknow what I'm saying when she
was married.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
But you were very headstrong, so I don't think
that anybody will walk over you.
You would not let that happen.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Nah, yes, but you're the pick and choose about it.
That's what I'm saying pick andchoose, but I understand.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
You know.
Now she's expressing it likejust knowing you.
I do understand, like if youdidn't worry or you weren't
really float like that in ourfriend group, like we call you
daddy for a reason.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
I don't be making people's plates and shit, right,
I be opening doors and pullingout luggage.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
So is it like a reprogramming you feeling that
you feel like you are trying todo in your body, mind and spirit
?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
no-transcript because I like get older, I'm like I
don't care if you, I don't wantyou to do something like
elaborate and like flamboyant.
Yeah, because to me it's theday-to-day stuff, it's the stuff
that eases my worry and ninetimes out of ten it's stuff that
I don't want to do, likewashing dishes, so like I love
that about my partner like I'llcook.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I'll cook, have the whole spread out, bring him his
drinks, bring him, like you needanything else, baby, blah, blah
, I'm good, babe, he'll eat,we'll eat together.
He'll clear, he'll take up allthe plates, put everything in
the kitchen and that's a goodman, right I?
Love that.
Yeah, I'm like thank you, likethat kind of stuff I love
because that's long, that'slongevity, that's knowing that
it's.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Y'all are a team and y'all are gonna work.
He can't boil water.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
But he'll do that like that's okay and that's, and
that's a set I like I don'tmind cooking, so I don't mind
either so I'm like but he doesthat.
He gets right up and go rightin the kitchen and wash all the
dishes.
I don't have to ever have toask, I don't have to have to
like, he just automatically doesit and I love that.
Um, you know, even it was evenwhen it was dinners at my house
he would do it, yeah so I lovethat.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, that's good.
That's good and I think whenyou mentioned, you mentioned
different things that you'relooking for.
I definitely am looking forconsistency, because the whole
that like I mentioned before,the love bombing thing, where it
always happens early on, afterabout month three, that's when
you start to see who the personreally is well, it's funny that
you say that, because I think Iwas talking.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
I think I was actually talking to Bree Bree
back there, the other day.
Producer Bree no, bree, bree,zaddy Bree producer Bree
producer Bree yeah hey, producerBree, I was talking to producer
Bree and we were asking aboutyou know things like kind of
like in the same realm, and Iwas talking to Producer Bree and
we were asking about you knowthings like kind of like in the
same realm, and I was like evenyou know the guy that I'm kind
of talking to, you know, like myfriend and I'm keeping that
(22:02):
term very loose like my friendis that one thing I haven't been
able to do before is actuallytake things slow, like you know,
like it's usually like you likesomebody, y'all together for
two weeks and then y'alltogether.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
And then she's there every day, every day, every day
there's been a beauty about meliving there, him living here.
We'll go on a little trip.
I'll come here.
We'll spend a day or twotogether.
It allows.
I don't think I can recall thelast time I was able to miss my
partner and I didn't realize howvaluable that was y'all doing
work to see each other right,and it's actually you know, like
(22:37):
, okay, you want to come outhere.
I'm like, okay, cool, sometimesyou can't even get a to come
over that lives around thecorner, and let alone like
somebody holding an attention,you know, to holding your
attention 3,000 miles away, youknow.
So I've never been in that kindof phase and I kind of like it
here.
So it's like moving forward.
It's like I don't have to do gofrom zero to a hundred right
(22:59):
away, because I am, you know, Iam kind of traditional in a
sense, where I do want you tocourt me and I gotta allow you
to do that.
I can't say second date, oh,let me make you a play.
You want to stay the night?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
exactly, and that's why I'm moving how I'm moving.
I'm intentionally moving slowtoo.
I'm like, no, like you can'tspend the night, and you have
that right, because you just gotout of a major relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
So that's definitely you know.
And then you being lonely, it'seasy to just have someone in
your space and just allow theminto your space all the time
because you want to fill thatvoid immediately.
But you have to heal first fromthose things and that's part of
the reason why I feel like I'vebeen single for six years.
My that's part of the reasonwhy I feel like I've been single
for six years.
My last relationship was reallybad physically, emotionally
abusive.
(23:39):
So it took some time to undo alot of that trauma.
And I realized when I wasdating there's certain things
like oh shit, I got to work onthat Because I shouldn't be
getting this mad this fast.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I shouldn't be getting.
It was triggering.
Still for you, I was triggeredby almost everything.
I was like, oh no, baby.
I was triggered by almosteverything.
I was like, oh no, baby, yougot to fix this.
You still pop off.
I still pop off a little bit,but I have definitely calmed
down.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
And that's what I was saying.
And I say that it's funnybecause we have our friends and
stuff like that, and people makeexcuses for certain things, for
certain reasons and it's notnecessarily like well, she can
always be like that.
And sometimes I'm like you know, there's still things that are
still triggering people that Ithink that it's also their
responsibility to say you knowwhat I didn't mean to get that
mad but that kind of triggeredme.
I don't know why.
(24:21):
I don't know where it came from.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
But like that takes a level of awareness A lot of
people don't have because theyhaven't like done the internal
work.
So it's also like just givingthem grace for where they are
Period, just where they areperiod.
Just this is where you are.
I receive that, I'm here withyou, so what is okay?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
so what?
Okay, so we're just.
We don't have a little likedream world.
What is your like dreamrelationship?
If you had a list of thingsthat you want it to be and what
it looks like, what does thatlook like we talking about?
Speaker 2 (24:50):
the person or the relationship in the dynamic.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
The whole thing, the whole.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Thing who child.
I need to think for a second.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
In my partner.
I want someone who pushes me,who motivates me.
I don't want to be complacentin life.
I don't want to be complacentin our relationship.
I want us to always challengeeach other and make each other
better.
I love a romantic man.
Romance you have to romance me.
That's how you know, that's howyou get to the soft spot of me.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
And you know what is romance, because I do have a
question.
I need to know, because this isthe awkward part of me Like
really, though, like for a woman, what is that supposed to be?
Speaker 1 (25:30):
like it's the little thing.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Oh, you mean A woman, you being romantic.
No, no, no, no.
A guy being romantic to you.
How would you know a guy'sbeing romantic?
I know that sounds like astupid question.
You know what?
Speaker 1 (25:39):
You don't know the little things, knowing the
little things that you like,like, for example, the other day
he came home with a chocolatebar Because they were on sale,
so he brought me a couple ofthem.
He's like I know this is yourfavorite candy and I brought it
home and he'll bring, or he'lllike, know that I like certain
things and bring it home to me.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Okay, because he said I like it.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Okay.
Or just even grand, justflowers taking me into nice
things.
Intimacy Okay, Even when we'relike out together like you
holding my hand or rubbing myleg.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
I don't like that it because you haven't had it and
it makes you uncomfortable.
My body likes it.
I'd be turned on.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
So why are you fighting it?
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I don't think I'm fighting it.
I think it's just a feeling oflike we can go to this bathroom
right now.
That's the thing In my mindthat's where I'd be at, but then
in the moment I think it's justmy anxiety.
I talk myself off of the ledgeof being a type of woman I love
that.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
So wait, finish your statement.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off.
I'm going to circle back tothat.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Let me know that you're attracted to me, that you
like me, that you know I lovethat kind of stuff, and as far
as like me showing it back, Ineed a man who also likes
affection as well because, I'm,I when I'm, when I really like
you.
You know, yeah, if I've everdated you and you didn't get an
(27:07):
affectionate side of me, I'msorry to tell you I probably
just didn't really like you likethat and I was trying to like
wait to see if feelings develop.
But if I like you, yeah, youwill know.
Yeah, because I just want to doall the things.
I want to be with you, I wantto hang out with you, I want to
take care of you, I want to dookay so what do you want to be
in this relationship, in thisdream land that you're in?
how do you want to show up?
I, you know I like, even thoughI could be a city girl
(27:30):
sometimes.
I am very domesticated, I amvery.
I love taking care of my, Ilove catering to my man, and you
know me waking up every morning, making breakfast and dinner,
and I want to live a soft life.
I don't want work.
To be honest, if I do work,it's it's the stuff that I want
to do, the stuff that thatfulfills me.
I just don't want to be anine-to-fiver just doing
(27:51):
whatever.
Um, I'd rather do somethingthat's fulfilling for me and I
would prefer to have a partnerwho pushes me to do those things
, because I can sometimes getcomplacent and comfortable when
I'm in either a job or arelationship or whatever that
feels good.
I'm not doing the things thatwill fill me in the long run.
(28:13):
So you want to be able to showup and be fulfilled, like you
said, like when you're in arelationship you feel so you
want to be able to show up andbe fulfilled, like you said,
when you're in a relationship.
You feel like you're not doing,you're not handling your boss.
I feel the same way sometimeswhen I'm in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
You give so much, you give so much.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
So I feel like I want a partner who, like, reminds me
, like hey, did you do that, didyou do this, did you get it
done?
And you receive it.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
And you receive it Because sometimes it's hard if
you don't really like the personor you don't you know, if you
feel a way.
It's hard to receive thatpositive, like critique and
feedback.
In the moments it's positivelike critique and feedback.
In the moments it's like well,why are you telling me that?
You know I've been trying to goto the gym, you know that type
of thing.
It's like, well, I'm just, youknow, trying to show love let
you remind you yeah, you have to.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
We have to sometimes realize that we can't be
defensive.
We have to realize that thisperson especially if you're
choosing the right partner, thisperson loves me so they're not
doing anything to well I meanthat's across the board.
Like I feel that too, like y'allknow, I can be off the hook.
Y'all know my delivery is notalways the best, but what I do,
what I can't appreciate about myfriends, is that, like in all,
whether we get mad or not, isthat y'all know where it's
(29:15):
coming from like you know what Imean and I feel like I.
I feel like, as a person, how Iwant to show up just in any
relationship, I won't even saylike a romantic relationship.
I pride myself on being afriend.
That will give it to youstraight.
But, give it to you straight,in a way where I do want to
provide maybe a suggestion of asolution.
I want to know you, to knowthat I love you.
(29:37):
I don't judge you, but sis likelet's break this down.
And also we'll sit with youhowever long you need me.
Like I will stay up If I couldbe dead, assass tired when I
open, if I feel like you stillneed me, I want to be there and
show up in that way and that'show I like to show up in the
world in general.
Like I just feel like there'sso much lack of understanding
(29:57):
and lack of care and peoplebrush you off and they're there
for whatever motive.
They want to be there for youand I've had that too.
Like I know people want to bearound me because of the things
I'm attached to and the accessthat I have to certain things.
But it's like I do appreciatethe you know y'all and I
appreciate my family andappreciate even.
You know I've had some despiteof.
(30:19):
You know, whether we'retogether or not, I've had some
good men in my life.
Like you know, there's and it'susually never a breakup of you
know they did something dirty tome or they did something low
down, like I've.
I've been fortunate to not havethat kind of breakup.
It's usually like I'm growing alittle faster and you're not
moving, or I actually physicallymoved or you had to physically
move.
(30:39):
I've met a lot of people um.
I've met a lot of right peopleat the wrong time.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
That's been my story.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
And I'm trying to, and I also feel like that has a
lot to do with me, like I'm alsoon the move as to why maybe I
am meeting these people like youknow, ships passing in the
night and I think that wasanother reason why I wanted to
move too.
Like I think maybe I'm ready tolay some roots you know,
somewhere and, you know, have ahouse and things like that, and
(31:11):
there's a level of independencythat I know my partner is going
to have to understand that Ihave, because when I'm in the
zone I won't be bothered.
Y'all know my attitude when Idon't want to be bothered.
I don't want to be bothered.
I'm snappy, I'm all that.
But I feel like, when it comesdown to it all the real core of
me, in whatever relationship Iam, I just want to show up in a
positive way for you and I feellike I need that same in return.
(31:32):
I need the encouragement, likeyou said.
I need somebody to push me andalso somebody to partner with me
and collab with me.
Can we?
I look at that stuff like it'snot enough for me anymore to, um
, have a partner that's good atbit and good in bed or can whine
and dime me like can we buildsome businesses?
Can?
we build some generationalwealth like what you got going
on.
That is where I'm at right nowand until I find that person
(31:54):
that can sit down and we have astraight up business meeting and
say, okay, what's going on,third quarter, what we got going
on like.
I don't think I'll be able toconnect that way, because I know
what I'm trying to achieve, andif my partner isn't trying to
achieve and just want to be likein a way, like just like, oh,
I'm here, I can't, I can't havethat.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Yeah, and I think when you were mentioning that,
it made me think of, like thegoal of being married is
different for different people,right?
So like you're saying is abusiness move, like we need to
be thinking about all of thisstuff.
And you're saying I want tocater to my man, I want to be
there, to be a wife and, youknow, be domestic in that way,
and like yes to all of thosethings, but also, like for me,
like I want little babies and Ifeel like that might be a reason
(32:36):
why I'm so not to take awayfrom either of you, but like I'm
so, like no, there are certainthings that I will give you
access to as a girlfriend.
So like no, there are certainthings that I will give you
access to as a girlfriend, partsof me, things that I'll do,
things I won't do, but then,like when it comes to wife, like
I am literally giving you mybody.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Mm-hmm, I don't want no cum snatches, so that's on my
vision board, that ain't on myvision board.
I'm teasing my vision boardthough, so hurry in.
So yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
And that's the thing, and that's where, like, I value
the relationships and the waysthat we are all different, but
we're all here trying to do thesame thing in a way.
So that's.
I think that might be thereason why I'm so like mm-mm.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
I think, at the end of the day, all of us pretty all
of us, as far as men and womenin general all want the same
things in some form or another.
It's just how much of eachperson needs we all want the
same things.
We all want somebody supportive,we all want somebody romantic,
we all want somebody who's inour corner fighting for us.
We all want someone who we canwork together with.
So I feel like it's all we allon the same team.
(33:38):
No matter all these podcastsand all these snippets and all
the stuff you see online.
It's so divisive for men andwomen, especially black men and
women, and it's just like it'snot necessary, right and we are.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
We need each other we need each other and we need
more black love we do need moreblack love women say they don't
need no man you do, or a partner, a partner in general.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
You need a partner.
Everybody like what they like.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
You know but I think it's.
I think it's somethingbeautiful about like, like
seeing two people that genuinelylike being around each other.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
I mean whether you are a spiritual person or a
religious person.
It is written in everythingthat individuals are not
supposed to walk the path alone.
We're supposed to be in a pair.
That's why there's a yin and ayang, that's why there's light
and day.
There's always a duality ineverything we do.
Yeah, everything we do.
If you think any importantnumbers, they're even numbers.
When you add them up, they'reeven 11,.
11 equals four, like everythingthat is symbolic is an even
(34:31):
number, because we supposed tohave a duality, and I think
that's where the brokennesscomes, where people feel like I
don't need, I don't need nobody,and the whole time you at home
crying every night, and that'sthe traumas.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Right, it's the trauma.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
We're so jaded.
People have to realize thatit's okay to have trauma, it's
okay to have been hurt, it'sokay to have gone through some
things, but as an adult you haveto make the decision to pick
those pieces up and heal on yourown.
You may never get that apology.
Never, you may never get thatclosure that you need.
(35:04):
But you have to do the work foryourself, to heal yourself, or
you will never find somebody andand when you do, you're gonna
sabotage.
You're gonna sabotage, you'regonna find somebody who's in the
same same situation and y'alltrauma bonding together and it's
a mess and it's just like takeyour time.
There's nothing wrong withtaking your time.
There's nothing wrong like.
I know people who have beentogether for a long time and
(35:25):
they were like this is my personand I do believe sometimes you
just know.
Yeah, but both of y'all gottaknow it ain't gonna work if just
one of y'all knows and stopfalling in love with potential.
Yeah, that's another thing.
Like we, everybody haspotential.
I need you fully potential.
I was like everybody haspotential, because what
potential is is the image ofthem in your head that you've
(35:47):
made up.
You can do that for anybody.
Everybody has potential.
Look at what they're showingyou, Look at what's in front of
your face, and I always say thisI'm like I had to learn.
I mean, obviously I've gonethrough relationships where I
ignore the hell of red flags.
Oh yeah, Me too.
I didn't even know where thisman lived.
But we at this point, yeah,Thank you.
I let him up in my house andjust chill in my house.
(36:07):
I was like it's okay.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
I was like yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
So it's like I'm like we draw a lot of red flags.
Who the hell in my bed?
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who the hell in my bed?
Child, please Shoot my littleCOVID situation.
I know exactly where he lived.
He got sick during COVID and Iwas worried about him.
Couldn't figure out where hisapartment was.
I asked his neighbors like haveyou seen this?
Because he had disappeared offthe face of the earth.
I didn't know if he was dead ornot.
Oh my goodness, I'm like I wascrying girl.
I was messed up.
I was like where is he?
Because he had diabetes too.
(36:45):
So I'm like after it happened Iwas like that's a shame we've
been talking for months.
I should know exactly where youlive and it's so crazy because
even like we're talking aboutred flags now.
I remember asking him hey, ifanything happened to you, does
anybody know to call me?
He was like no, not really.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
And I was like but you've been in my house every
day for the last couple monthsand don't nobody know to call me
.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
So I was just like so you think that it's okay?
Honestly, I think that momentis when I kind of like my
feelings started kind ofdwindling, but again being
lonely.
You know, showing up I mean heshowed up in other ways that I
liked.
But like that made me think Adigger's goo Climbing up walls
(37:27):
when he was in her bed after hesaid he was leaving.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
That shit would piss me off.
What you trying, okay, okay,why.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Okay, go ahead.
Funny story.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
Okay, I'll tell that story.
You gotta tell that story, butgo ahead.
What was you gonna say LB?
No, go ahead, you gotta tellthat story.
Okay, so the third one.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
That shit pissed me off.
I just was like I just wasmoving, so I was in my feelings.
Like I was just in my feelings.
I really didn't want like, eventhough, like I felt, like most
people, when somebody is leaving, you want to be around them a
lot.
I had the the reverse effect,because I feel like our
conversations of him leaving wasnever about how we were going
(37:59):
to stay together.
What does our relationship looklike now?
It was just kind of like we'llsee whatever.
So I just kind of like startedpulling away.
So one night I decided to stayout.
I wasn't doing anything.
I was literally at my uncle'shouse.
That's a true story.
I wasn't out, doing anything.
We were up drinking, having agood time, I was dancing,
laughing, and he calls me.
I was like I told him I saidI'm not gonna be home.
(38:19):
I said I'm not gonna be lateand I forgot the thing.
So like you should probably gohome or I left the key or
something about what.
However, it happened, but hecouldn't get in my house, which
he usually is able to, and hecalled me back.
He's like you're not going tocome on.
I was like no, I don't reallyfeel like it, I just need.
I just need some time, like Ijust need to think I don't want
to be around you right now.
I just whatever he's like, allright, I'm thinking, wow, I'll
(38:45):
get back.
No, and I told him I was stayingthe night at my uncle's house
because that was the intention.
I was staying the night becausethat's exactly what I was going
to do, but like it got to belike four o'clock and I was
already up or like woke up froma nap and I was like I kind of
want to be in my own bed.
So I drove home.
It was like four o'clock in themorning and what's crazy about
the whole thing is that Ithought I left my key under the
(39:07):
mat for my front door and I didgo back in the house.
So this is what my trainingthought was.
So I was like, okay, the gateis the front gate is closed.
So I know I can jump the frontgate, but either my key is under
the mat that's why I was likemy key for my front door.
So I jumped over the fence andthe key you jumped over that
fence, girl.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Yes, I had to.
I had to girl because I wasn'tcoming home.
I feel it, but that's hard,yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
I wasn't coming, girl .
I've done it a couple times,yeah.
So I jumped over the fence andI went to, went upstairs, went
to go get my key and the keywasn't in the mat and because I
was kind of like still kind ofdrunk or whatever I said, did I
and I I was like maybe I put iton the little thing and lock
myself out.
But you know, I know how to getin my house.
I just got to climb up, youknow, drive my car, climb up the
(39:49):
little fire escape and then myside doors are always open.
So I do all that climb up thefire escape, I go park my car,
get in because I had to get theclicker, because that's why I
was going up there.
I had to get the clicker to letmy car in.
Let it's in the bed.
I'm like he looking at me likewhat you doing here.
(40:10):
I'm looking at him like whatyou doing here.
I thought didn't he come withthe fire escape?
Speaker 2 (40:14):
No.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
He didn't tell me that he got into my house,
because the whole point why hecouldn't get into my house is
because the front gate Because Iused to leave the key for him
under the mat and either thefront.
I would leave the front gateopen, but the front gate wasn't
open and he said he didn't feellike jumping the fence today, so
he's just going to go home.
Okay, that's what happened, soI'm thinking he was at home.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
He jumped the gate.
Okay, he never told me, andthat's why my key wasn't under
the mat, because he had it.
You see it all coming together.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
Yes house, so I get there.
I'm looking at him like whatyou doing here.
He's looking at me like whatyou doing here and like he's,
like it's four o'clock.
He's like I thought you weregonna stay at your uncle's house
.
I said, well, why don't youtell me you got in my house?
This is my apartment so likethat was really weird, and I
think that he was like trying tocatch you.
Bring somebody home, yeah buteven still, like how do you come
into my house, which wasanother red flag.
(41:04):
He probably didn't never have ahouse to go to, and I think you
really don't think.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
You really think he was homeless I've never been to
his house.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
Well, his I feel like the I I believe the living
situation that he said he hadbut he didn't want to live there
because his son and his son'sdaughter, girlfriend, his son's
girlfriend.
They all in one bedroom house.
He ain't nowhere for him to be.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
You know we're here to read so and then the only
time I went by his house.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
the only time I went by his house was like we parked
by his car because we switchedcars or whatever.
I had to take him to his car,but I never, ever went into his
house.
I only knew one friend.
I was like, how do I know?
Speaker 2 (41:39):
A lot of red flags.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
It was a lot of red flags, but like there was also a
lot of really good things abouthim too, that I kind of blended
and was just kind of likewhatever you know, he comes here
every night.
I know where he's at you know,what I mean and and I was just
like, but I honestly don't knowwhere you're at all day, because
I only see you at night timeand you know like when we do
friend things, you would show up, which I really liked.
(42:01):
You know what I mean likebecause for a long time you know
like I would be the single oneyou know, so it was nice to have
him around when we did ourfriend things.
But like you do, really you,you really be overlooking some
red fucking flags how many youlike somebody, how many red
flags before you be like?
Speaker 2 (42:16):
all right, the game is done now for me.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
I don't even, I don't let nothing slide like if it's
big, like you, don't get asecond chance for me for sure.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
um, what if it's like something you could talk
through and then you're like Idon't know, because it depends
on what it is, you gotta explainit.
If it's like something youcould talk through and then
you're like I don't know, itdepends on what it is, you got
to explain it.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
If it's a red flag, that, because some red flags
aren't just red flags for mebecause it's triggering.
It's just your personality, soit's just more, so like let me
see what you meant by that andthat can be clarified.
But if it's a red flag, likethat's the obvious red flag.
I've been dating for six monthsand I ain't never been to your
house and don't nobody know tocall me if something happened to
you.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
That's a big red flag .
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
Yeah, Because there's no reason to explain that.
Yeah, how you explain that awayLike nobody know, I'm your
girlfriend, I feel that yeah,you get hit you in the hospital
somewhere.
I'm supposed to just like andyou being that worried about you
.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
That's a red flag that you can't explain away.
So what about if you're datingsomebody and they don't call you
for a day or two days, or aweek or two weeks?
How long could you go?
Speaker 1 (43:17):
What's a safe way?
You got a day.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Day two.
I need an explanation.
A week, I'm done.
You got a good, solid eighthours.
I can do a day, I can do a day,because to to me it's like if
we talked on the phone when youwent to sleep or we texted
before you went to sleep, yousaid goodnight.
By the time I get up and spendmy 8 hours working.
If I haven't heard from you nowI'm thinking I'm in good
explanation.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
I can give you 24 hours because anything can
happen in 24 hours.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
That's generous.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
Let me tell you why you can be on the side of the
road.
Your phone died, you're dealingwith stuff.
You're just not thinking I cangive you a date that roll into
that second day.
I need an explanation of whathappened.
A week go by we done, we done.
Don't even call me.
Speaker 2 (43:56):
We done.
Don't even call me, okay, justask me for a free.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
I'll give you 24 hours because I've had a day
like that Stuff.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
that's past.
Speaker 1 (44:11):
I can't talk to nobody.
I can't, whatever I'm trying todeal.
I've had that kind of day, so Iunderstand a day.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
You get a day, that's it.
You get a day, that's it.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
For me that's a day, but anyway, this was a good
conversation.
Y'all I got to pick y'allbrains about.
You know where y'all are atwhat y'all are seeking.
Um, y'all y'all know that I dolike to leave little notes and
little messages to either youryounger self or the people out
(44:42):
in the world.
Um, what would you say tosomebody who is trying to
navigate a new relationship, notnecessarily with their partners
, but with themselves as well?
I would say write downeverything.
Write down the things you wantout of life, out of partners,
where you're non-negotiables.
What are your negotiables anddon't bend on them.
(45:05):
Stand on business.
Stand on business.
Do not ignore red flags.
It's just because you likesomebody does not mean that they
are the one for you.
Do not ignore the red flags,please, and you know.
And when we say that you knowexactly what we're talking about
, you've been in a situationwhere you know exactly what red
flags.
It's always different for eachsituation, but you know exactly
(45:26):
what we're talking about.
It's like, oh, I let it slide, Ilet it slide, I let it slide.
And for me I had to swallowthat.
My abusive relationship is likeI would have never even got hit
or been in a situation likethat if I had not ignored red
flags in the beginning.
I ignored so many things thatwould have never happened, so I
had to swallow that pill.
A lot of that was my fault.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Well, it's not your fault.
He decided to do what he did.
But yeah, but.
But I could have left longbefore it happened.
I feel like hindsight is 2020.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Yeah, but I definitely don't know a lot.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
But you know again, you know you know a lot, we can
control a lot.
What?
Speaker 1 (46:00):
happens to us.
Don't ignore the red flags.
How about you?
Speaker 2 (46:02):
yeah, um, you said younger self or the people
outside.
Okay, um, just like it's okayto not know and like be
exploring.
You don't have to have like allthe answers, you don't have to
know who you're gonna be or whatyou're gonna do in every
(46:24):
situation, um, and you mightsurprise yourself like um
positive and negative.
So, just you know, move withgrace, cause this day, this day
in life, ain't no joke, it ain'tfor the week.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
This one on this topic.
This one would have to be fromour younger selves, I think,
because I've had a strangerelationship with my dad, as far
as like not being loved by thefirst man.
Well, not feeling, I'm notgoing to say not, because I
can't say that he didn't love me.
That's his own feeling, but notbeing felt like I was loved by
the first man that should haveloved me.
(46:59):
I think I allowed a lot tohappen emotionally, just to feel
that love and chasing that love, and I think what I would say
to my younger self is thatyou're going to have so much
love around you.
Just be patient and don't swayfrom what you know you are and
(47:20):
live in your queendom, becauseit'll happen for you when it's
supposed to, and the journey isa part of the destination.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
It's not just getting there.
It's like you got to take thosesteps and know that everything
is going to fall into place.
I agree.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
Well, thanks Brie.
We always have Thanks Brie,thanks Ellen for coming on the
show.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
You're welcome Anytime.
We always have our girl talks.
Speaker 1 (47:42):
I love them here because you know they keep me
grounded.
But if you guys have anyquestions comments concerns if
you want to dig into theconversation a little bit more,
don't hesitate to like,subscribe, send a DM, whatever
you need to do Comments.
Comments.
Whatever you need to do to getto us If you want to continue
(48:03):
the conversation, we'll alwaysbe here.
Thanks for joining us today,and that's it.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
That's all.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
That's it.
That's all.
That's it.
That's all is written by me,casey Carnage, and produced by
myself and Rick Barrio Dill.
Associate producer Brie Corey.
Audio and video engineering andstudio facilities provided by
Slap Studios LA, withdistribution through our
collective Slap the Network.
If you have any ideas for ashow you want to hear or see,
(48:34):
please email us at info atslapthepowercom and, as always,
go to dazitdassallcom and signup there to make sure you will
never miss a thing.
See you next show.
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