September 17, 2025 • 42 mins
In this deeply moving episode of the Dead America Podcast, host Ed Watters speaks with Julie Barth—author, mother of six, and founder of the nonprofit Colin James Barth Outreach. Julie shares her powerful journey through grief and trauma, including the heartbreaking loss of her husband and the challenges of raising a special needs child. Her story is one of resilience, purpose, and unwavering commitment to helping women in crisis.
Julie opens up about the emotional toll of navigating abusive relationships and the importance of trusting one’s instincts when systems fail to provide meaningful support. She highlights the systemic gaps that leave many women vulnerable and explains how her nonprofit offers a tailored, proactive approach to intervention—designed to help women before they lose everything.
This episode sheds light on the strength it takes to rebuild after tragedy and the critical role that community and support systems play in that process. Julie’s insights offer hope and practical guidance for women facing adversity, as well as for those who want to be part of the solution.
Whether you're experiencing grief, supporting someone through trauma, or seeking ways to empower others, this conversation is a must-listen. Julie Barth’s story is a testament to the power of compassion, advocacy, and healing.
00:00 Introduction: The Importance of Backup Plans
00:54 Meet Julie Barth: Author, Mother, and Nonprofit Founder
01:20 Julie Barth's Personal Journey and Mission
02:47 Understanding Abuse Prevention
05:36 Challenges in Asking for Help
08:49 The Impact of Personal Tragedy
15:53 Starting the Nonprofit: CJB Outreach
20:30 Systemic Issues and the Need for Change
40:44 Final Thoughts and Call to Action
https://www.juliebarthauthor.net
Social media links
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You know, I think it's so crazy thatwhen star athletes, right, when they
wanna join the NBI or they wanna,everyone says to them, Okay, but
you have to have a backup plan.
You know, I know this is your dream.
I know that you're very good atwhat you do, and I know where this
is, this, your heart is at, butyou have to have a backup plan.
We tell athletes
(00:43):
that.
Today, we are speaking with Julie Barth.
She is an author, she is the mother ofsix, and also she's the founder of a
nonprofit, Colin James Barth Outreach.
(01:07):
Julie, could you pleaseintroduce yourself?
Let people know just a littlemore about you, please.
Sure.
Um, my name again is Julie Barthand, um, I have six children, which
usually defines someone a little bit.
Um, I, um, have a special needs daughter,I am a, I was a very young widow, and, um,
I was, um, in a very abusive relationship.
(01:30):
Um, so I combined all of thoseexperiences and my hope is to, um,
help people everywhere with, um,trauma and grief and, and all these
different experiences I went through.
Um, just in helping, you know, make acommunity of people who, um, I guess
are kinder to one another and, andput their, um, you know, put their
(01:54):
best face forward, um, and keep,you know, keep trudging along, and
more thrive than survive, I guess.
I feel like sometimes we can allfeel like we're just surviving,
um, but we're only here once, soI think thriving is the way to go.
Yeah.
That's hard to do at times, especiallyin the world, because everybody makes
(02:15):
it feel like such a competition.
So yeah.
When we open up and we invite others in,it really becomes a whole different world.
And I enjoy doing that now.
I, in the past, would avoid that.
So, so often I would fleefrom a situation like that.
(02:40):
So this is a new thing for me, butit's such a pleasant change for sure.
So my first question to you is, what dothey mean when they say abuse prevention?
(03:00):
What is your thoughtand explanation on that?
Um, well, you know, when someonesays abuse prevention, um, I think
that almost might put it backon the victim a little bit more.
That sounds as if you know their every,I get there are signs of it, don't
get me wrong, but it's not like whenyou're being abused, um, someone comes
(03:22):
right out the gate and says to you,I'm going to act really nice right
now, but then I'm going to lure youin and I'm gonna keep getting meaner.
Um, I guess if there's a positive toabuse prevention, it's to, um, and what
I, what I speak about is like your househas a house alarm, your car has a car
alarm, your brain has a natural alarm.
(03:44):
And when you get those like funnyfeelings, you know, like something's
not right here, something's not addingup, um, your body tells you when you're
in a, a dangerous situation, a toxicsituation, or one that really, you just,
for whatever reason, should flee, getout of, or find a, a different path.
Um, I think it's, prevention would beabout learning to listen to what your
(04:07):
inner soul is telling you rather than tomake excuses to go with the status quo
'cause it's easier.
Because, you know, I, that oldphrase that, The devil you know.
Um, but the devil youknow is still the devil.
And, um, unless you can,then it's, it's hard.
I mean, you don't even know you'rein these abusive situations, um,
(04:30):
you know, emotionally, I think.
But when you allow to just like sit withyourself and listen to what you're, you
know, you get all of, it, it's not justyour brain, it's like your entire body.
I got to the point whereI couldn't get out of bed.
I, you know, my muscles weretight, my, everything in my body
was saying like, this is toxic.
You need to do something.
(04:51):
But instead of, um, hearing thatalarm and putting action to it,
I heard the alarm and I froze.
And I think that's what we alltend to do is just like freeze.
And alarms aren't meant to make youstop, they are meant to make you act.
So, you know, that's, that's how I seeabuse prevention is to, you know, we
(05:12):
teach children about good touches and badtouches and, and I think what we really
need to teach them more is like, listento what your, your body is telling you,
listen to what your brain is telling you.
If it feels wrong inany situation, get out.
Do something, find safety,you know, move, act.
And I think that's reallythe crux of all of it.
(05:33):
Yeah, I, I like that a lot.
So another, another big question wouldbe, How do people actually ask for help
when they're in a situation like that?
It's really hard.
Um, because usually when you're ina situation such as mine, you know,
people have sat on the sidelines.
(05:53):
Probably the average woman, it takes'em seven times to actually leave.
Or actually the averageperson, I shouldn't, I'm
not excluding this to women.
Um, but it takes you seven times to actand try and leave, and then you go back.
And I think the problem is that you've,you've talked to people, you, you
know, you usually ruminate so muchover these situations, but you know,
(06:15):
the minute they step in and they saysomething, like they try and help
you, you're very defensive about it.
So you do get to a point where youlook around and you think, If I
tell, you know, like everybody knows
I've been hiding it.
We've all been playing this like a pretendgame where you don't know, I don't know.
Um, so you almost feel ashamed.
And like if I go to someone and I say,I need help, you, you worry about the,
(06:39):
you know, proverbial I told you so.
Um, you're worriedyou're gonna look stupid.
Um, but in the end, what my philosophyon it is, it doesn't matter.
People think, how you think, what'sgood for you, and stop worrying so
much about what other people think.
Then you're putting yourself firstand you'll find a way, you know, to
(06:59):
find those resources that will helpyou rather than avoid the ones that
you know are so toxic to you, becausethey're all just a part of your world.
You just need to break outta that cycle.
So I would say go to a third party,go to somebody who doesn't know
anything about your situation.
And that's kind of what our charity wasformed on is, you know, I can't tell
(07:20):
my friends, I can't tell my family.
And I, and you usually leave your family,you leave your friends, um, you've
isolated yourself because you're just so
focused on trying to fix it.
And sometimes just even, you know,going to somebody you don't know
and saying, All right, here'sthe situation I'm dealing with.
What is your opinion?
What do you think I should do?
And finding someonewho's been there before.
(07:41):
Um, and it doesn't matter if they believeyou, 'cause that's also a big thing.
Like, well, what ifthey don't believe you?
It doesn't matter.
If you need help for whatever reasonthat is, you know, then you find,
someone will help you regardlessof whether you're to blame or not.
And don't let those feelings ofguilt and shame and blame, um,
(08:01):
stop you from doing what you knowyou should do in these situations.
Yeah.
Finding comfort in yourself is hardto do at times because I, I think we
measure ourselves on the wrong things.
Society has taught us systematic waysof living instead of our more natural,
(08:25):
caring, loving nature of family tribe.
And, uh, we're, we're definitely ina situation, we're hurting out there.
That's an odd way to start thepodcast, but I, I, that's really
been going over my mind since yourinformation came across the desk.
(08:49):
So let's get back into your storynow and let's cover, you lost your
first husband and this startedyou on your journey, I take it.
That must have been overwhelmingto lose someone with four
(09:14):
children and then try to restart.
What was that like for you, Julie?
Um, well, just to back up a little, um,it actually started with my daughter.
So I have a twenty-four,she's twenty-four now.
Um, but she has primordial dwarfism,which is a type of dwarfism.
And when she was born, um, we travel,I traveled the country, you know, going
(09:38):
over forty different, um, hospitals.
It wasn't, um, it wasn't a comedy oferrors, it was straight up errors.
So whatever had gotten her to, um,the birth circumstances that she
was in, um, was just a cascade ofmedical malpractice and problems.
And so right as she was starting toget better, um, and we had had, we had
(09:59):
our older child and then we had hertwo young, that's when Colin fell ill.
So not only was I dealing, you know,we had, the, the youngest was six
months, the oldest was ten, and then thespecial needs daughter in the middle.
And, um, I was told, you know, hehad gone back and forth to the doctor
and, uh, he went to the hospitalone day and within two hours of him
(10:23):
being there, I, we found out thathe had stage four pancreatic cancer.
And about two, two days later, wewere told, He has two weeks to live.
Go take him home, let himsay goodbye to his kids.
And I was, you know, when you're in thatfight or flight situation and you're,
I was running on adrenaline, truly,and cortisol just from my daughter.
(10:44):
So when I was presented with that, Ithought, Well, I'm not gonna, I'm not
going to believe what you're telling me.
He is not gonna go.
You know, we're gonna, we're gonna.
His mother was, had ovarian cancer.
She beat it.
And I was just kind of onautopilot, you know, let's fix this.
Let's, we're gonna find the right guy.
And we, we did, he, he lived sixteenmonths, which some of them were
(11:07):
a blessing and others a curse.
But it, it was a lot, itwas a lot of juggling.
And like I said, I thinka lot of autopilot.
Um, I, I didn't think, I just did.
You know, there wasn't a point inmy day where I was like, you know, I
think I'm going to, it was one thing,and then I forget another thing, and
oh, I gotta get the kids and oh, thelaundry and, oh, I forgot about Colin.
(11:27):
Um, so I would say it was probablysixteen months of, um, literally,
I, I remember very little of it.
So if, when people askme, How did you survive?
I guess my answer was, I just did.
I, I didn't think there wasan option not to survive.
So somehow your brain just goes onautopilot and you fix what you can, and
you try and ignore what you can't fix.
(11:51):
Yeah.
This is one of the biggest fearsthat I have as a husband, is leaving
my wife in a situation like that.
And also, then your story goes into yournext marriage and it gets traumatic there.
And it, it's really disturbingthat people have to go through
(12:14):
these things, but you did.
So what was that next stage like?
I think that the first stage, youknow, when you talk about, um, you're
not opened to other people, I, I thinkI had lived, you know, four or five
years now with Tatum, um, my daughterwith special needs and, and Colin just
(12:35):
being in this bubble of I gotta do it.
I gotta take care of it.
And if I let people in or I let themhelp, it was all gonna go, you know,
I had to micromanage every little bit.
'Cause if I let any of it fall,then I'd, I'd be in trouble.
So after he passed away, I had let goof all my friends, I had let go of all
my family, I'd really just isolatedmyself and I didn't want to revisit it.
(12:59):
Um, it was sixteen months of watching,you know, him die every single day.
So people that weren't in the homethat didn't have to watch it, their
grieving process started when he died.
And I had already been grievingfor, you know, sixteen months
and I was almost like, I'm donegrieving when they just started.
So there was a lot of, um, I guessI felt like everyone was looking
(13:23):
at me like, why aren't you sadder?
Like, how are you just moving on?
How are you, you know, why aren't you,you know, basically, why aren't you
just not getting outta bed and so sad?
And I had sat in sadness for so longthat I just couldn't do it anymore.
So I kind of just packed him away andthought if I didn't deal with him and
(13:45):
didn't think about it, I could justalmost take a vacation or just move
along and not be Julie Barth anymore.
So I think that that was the perfectsetup for someone to come into my life
and take advantage of that and use all ofthose weaknesses and all the grief and,
you know, sadness that I had, against me.
(14:05):
Um, I tend to be apleaser by nature anyway.
And he didn't wanna know aboutme, he didn't want to, he didn't
want me to talk about it, which Iwas just fine not talking about.
Um, but after a certain point, you know,I think that that was a perfect storm for
him to, like I said, take advantage of me.
To use all of that, um, toturn on me and to make me, you
(14:29):
know, to control me, I guess.
So in not taking the time to grieveand, you know, I know everybody
would say that to me, like, You'venot even taken the time to grieve.
And it used to bother me 'cause I waslike, How do you know what I've done?
Um, did I?
I don't know.
Should I have?
I don't know.
I am where I am, I've beenthrough what I've been through.
Uh, I had two more beautiful daughtersand now I am on this mission to make
(14:51):
sure, you know, women aren't put inthat position again if I can help it.
So, you know, I, I'm grateful for everydecision I made, I don't regret them.
Even if they didn't turn outthe way that I wanted them to.
Um, it's made me who I am and I'm,I'm gonna make a positive out of it.
And so I, you know, that'skind of how I dealt with it.
(15:13):
Whether that was right or wrong, itwas, I did what I did when I could.
And I think people in my situation,that's kind of my message is
don't beat yourself up, you know?
You do what you do when you'represented with a challenge and
with the best of intentions.
And whether it works out or not, you hadthe best of intentions to begin with.
(15:33):
Yeah, that's why it's so importantto know how to ask for help and
identify when you need the help.
And that's why it's kind of awesomewhat you're doing out there, providing
that transitional help, if you will,to individuals in need of that.
Could you talk to us about that servicethat you provide through your nonprofit?
(15:59):
So it started, um, just last year,so we're, it's still evolving.
Um, my, my hope is to find, uh, so I'vebeen in many different situations, you
know, I've been this special needs mom,which comes with its own emotional and
financial burdens, I've been a widow, I'vebeen, um, the caregiver to a terminally
ill husband, I've been, you know, thedivorced woman who's, you know, fighting
(16:22):
for custody against a narcissist.
So our organization was based onthe premise, you know, in America
it's almost as if you cannot gethelp unless you have nothing left.
And I get that.
And I appreciate all thosecharities out there, I do.
They do great work.
If I need to flee my home, if I,you know, if my house burns down,
(16:43):
there are places that you cango and many great organizations.
But when you're in the situations thatI've been in, I was not destitute, I
did not lose my home, but I needed help.
And unless I lost everything, it wasalmost like, Well, you have a house.
But I couldn't make my mortgage, you know?
Well, you have a car.
Yeah, but I can't make the car payment.
(17:04):
So in a, you know, when, when thesedivorce situations happen, the average
man's, uh, life, life situationgoes down ten percent financially.
The average woman's goesdown forty-four percent.
Yes, she typically gets the house.
But when you think about that,she gets the house, she gets the
children, and she gets the mortgage.
So even if he's paying child support,he's getting a $700 rental, she's still
(17:29):
stuck with a $2,500 mortgage and you'renot getting compensated for all that.
And if you haven't worked, then you'retrying to get a job and everyone's saying,
Well, where's your work experience?
Well, I've been a stay-at-homemom for ten years.
And what, they're like, Well, whathave you been doing for ten years?
When I've, I've been devoting my lifeto, you know, organizing a house,
(17:50):
taking, you know, your counselor,your, your therapist, your, you know,
you're running a home, your finances,you're, you're paying bills, you're
doing all of these things, but youenter the workforce and people look
at you like, Where have you been?
You don't know anything, you're, youdon't have any marketable skills, but
you're, you're supposed to go out andget a full-time job to support a family.
(18:13):
You're not being supported anymore, insome cases, you're not getting anything.
And you know, then you'rejust left to your own device
and there's nowhere to turn.
You know, like I said, I used toshow up for certain programs and I
would look around and think, Oh mygosh, I just drove up with my Volvo.
I don't deserve this.
But even though I was driving aVolvo, I could not pay my bills.
(18:34):
I could not protect my children.
So again, our organization is based onthe premise that we don't want women to
have to lose everything to get something.
So we're taking women-led householdswho find themselves at a time of crisis,
whether that means divorce, whether thatmeans, there's many reasons that you
can become head of household suddenly.
(18:56):
Um, your, you know, one, twoincomes goes down to one or your
zero income goes down to zero.
And we want to do things to providea bridge to get them, you know, jobs
that are actually, you know, um,in, in line with their education
and their, and their training.
And, and, and meaningful jobs, not justa, not just a, you know, a weekly pay.
(19:21):
We want them to feel solidand secure and confident.
So we kind of work on all ends.
You know, we take each situation.
If you come to me, oh, you need abridge loan, you know, until you can
get to a place where, um, you know,you can pick up your, your mortgage.
So we're trying, what we're doing iswe're trying to almost not be a cookie
cutter charity where you just, youknow, we, we give this, this, or this.
(19:46):
It's more, you come to us, we're almostconsultants, I figure out what you need.
'Cause most of the time you don't evenknow what you need or where to start.
And we kind of say, Okay, well,we're gonna get you a financial
planner, we're gonna get you this.
Um, so that's, we're, and I hate tosay like a concierge service, um, but
you know what, like I said, Women workso hard in and out of the home, and
(20:08):
when tragedy happens, there is nothingfor them until they lose everything.
And they shouldn't have towork so hard, lose everything,
and then have someone step in.
And as a society, doesn't it make moresense that we stop them from the spiral
into poverty and we help support them sothat they are, you know, fully functional
(20:29):
and their children are protected.
I don't understand why our society'slike, okay, once you make a vow of poverty
now, we'll give you just this amount.
But we're gonna give you just this amount.
And if you try and make any moremoney, we're gonna take it all away.
It's, it's set up to keep yousubmissive, it's set up to put you
in your place, and, and you get stuckand there's no way to get out of it.
(20:50):
It's just a horrible cycle andwe're trying to break those cycles.
So, sorry I went on and on.
But I have my soap box, I guess.
No, that's, that's beautiful.
You know, they hit you atyour most vulnerable time.
And many women are in that situation.
(21:14):
My wife, she really didn't understandhow to even run a household, do a
budget, and it caused a lot of problems.
So we've been diligently workingon educating her in case I go.
I, I want her secure and toknow how to make it in life
(21:37):
without being so vulnerable.
She's gonna be vulnerable enough justunder the stress of, you know, the grief.
And, and this, there's so many othersituations that put women, and,
and men, you know, we, we all livelife, but the vulnerable aspect here
(22:01):
we're highlighting is with women.
And it, it is a critical issue inour society and there needs to be
more people addressing the issue.
And a lot of nonprofits, when they start,they have great intention and somehow
(22:23):
they grow and they get bloated, andthen it's all about administrative cost.
And so keeping it smaller and like aconcierge service is exactly what we need.
We need people that are like-mindedand caring about the individual instead
(22:44):
of how to make the payroll for thebloated nonprofit that they've built.
So there, there are problems with allof that, but there are great nonprofits
out there doing the right thing.
And really it's about doing your homeworkand educating yourself about the mission
(23:07):
statement and what they're providing.
And then you can actually go deeperinto grabbing up financials and seeing
where the money is being placed.
So if, if you really wanna get seriousabout helping, you have to find the
people that are doing the right things inthe right ways so we can actually help.
(23:33):
Because I, I feel that a lot of thesystematic approach to these problems
have created a perpetual system driventowards keeping the problem existing.
The same with the medical industryand so many others that we loop into.
(23:56):
Well, they're the experts.
Let 'em do it.
Just give them the money to do it.
You have to be.
Yeah.
If it isn't broken, don'tfix it kind of system.
Yeah.
Exactly.
You, you have to hold yourselfaccountable where you are putting
your time, effort, and money.
(24:18):
And is it really what you expectfrom your time, effort, and money?
What do you think about all that?
I, I think, uh, youcouldn't be more spot on.
Um, you know, and when I say to youthat we're an evolving charity, um,
we are evolving because I refuse toreally put, you know, put it to good use
(24:41):
until I know exactly what we're doing.
I am not gonna waste resources.
If somebody's out there doing it,then why would I reinvent the wheel?
It is just me literally, andI'm not even kidding about it.
Um, I, you know, got, putthe board members together,
but I'm the driving force.
And I keep kind of tryingto mold it and where can we
really make a difference here?
(25:02):
And people are, you know, Well,you have to start fundraising.
And I keep telling them, Iwill not fundraise until I know
where those funds are going.
And right now I don't need them.
Because right now what I need isa plan, I need to make networks,
I need to make connections.
And I am under the belief thatthe best, best way that I can help
right now is through telling mystory, being out there, and making
(25:25):
people aware and being available.
If somebody calls me, I might notbe able to provide them with, you
know, money per se, I might not.
But personally, but I, I am thatperson that believes if, if you do
enough research, you will find it.
Unfortunately, when you hitcrisis, you don't have time to
sit around and do the research.
(25:46):
And it's not easy to do.
I mean, there are so many,it's like a scholarship.
You know, you have to have this parameter,you have to have that parameter.
You either, you know, youcan't make too much money.
You have to be poverty level and
do all these calculations.
And, you know, all you're doingis like, Hey, I'm just trying to
make it to the end of the day.
I don't have time for that.
So you just move along and you,you know, put it on a credit card
(26:07):
and then the next thing you know,you're $150,000 in, in debt.
And then where do you go?
Okay, great.
Guess what, I'm poor now.
I have nothing.
Oh, thanks for stepping in.
So, you know, it is a cycle.
and, you know, to go back to kind of whatyou were saying before in like systematic
and how we think about things, you know,I think it's so crazy that when star
(26:29):
athletes, right, when they wanna join theNBI or they wanna, everyone says to them,
Okay, but you have to have a backup plan.
You know, I know this is your dream.
I know that you're very good atwhat you do, and I know where this
is, this, your heart is at, butyou have to have a backup plan.
We tell athletes that, but we don't tellstay at mom, uh, stay at home moms that.
We don't prepare them.
We don't say, all right, I knowthat you're in a great marriage
(26:51):
right now and, you know, you'reearning a whole bunch of money.
You know, young peopledon't think about the end.
You know, divorce, maybeyou never get to divorce.
I never.
Colin was the love of my life.
I, I, I don't believe wewould've ever gotten divorced.
But he fell ill when we werethirty-three years old with four kids.
I was not, he was a bordereddown on the board of, or trader
(27:11):
down on the board of trade.
I was not expecting him to fall ill.
We did not have savings.
We were in our thirties, you know?
Luckily, we had a great communityaround us that stepped up to help.
But I was a very fortunate person.
And if I did not have that community, ifI had not grown up in that hometown, if
I did not have family, you know, I don't,I don't know where we would've been.
(27:33):
And I, you know, I, I made a video lastnight that I put out there, because
again, uh, our charity is just evolving.
I'm trying to figure out where I'm at.
And I said that, you know, It's kind ofodd when people say, Why is it the CJB,
you know, Outreach because it's for women.
You know, the Colin James Barth.
And I believe that there's no greater wayto honor him than to take care of women
(27:57):
because that's what he wanted to do.
He would've, he was so sad that hecouldn't take care of his family, of
his wife, put us in a situation ofcrisis, although he didn't put us there.
And to know that his name is, youknow, the name that we're using
to try and find a way to protectfamilies, protect women, to make it
easier for them when he couldn't.
I, I would hope I, I, I know thathe would be very honored by that.
(28:21):
Yeah, I, I'm definitely sure he is.
And, you know, that, that takesa strong mentality and it takes
strength to step up against this,whatever it is we're living in.
And it gets confusing at times.
(28:42):
So being a single mother,it, it's difficult.
And what you're doing is going to helpa lot of, especially young women, they,
they get emotional when things go wrong alot of the times and then they feel lost.
(29:08):
And if, if you're more emotionallystabilized during that hard time in
your life by somebody that can juststep up and say, Hey, I'm here for you.
It, it doesn't necessarily have tobe money and that's the big thing.
(29:29):
Our, our time is thatvalue, is that not correct?
Yeah.
And I think as women, you know,we are pretty much taught to
dig in your heels, get it done.
You know, like no one'sgoing to get it done for you.
We're, we're taught very early, here'swhat you have to do, get it done.
So when, when you're emotionally, as yousaid, distraught, you've got children
(29:51):
looking to you, you've got all thesethings going on, it's very hard to roll
back, make a list and check it off.
You know, you're just in crisis mode.
You're just going, going, going.
But if someone comes to you andsays, All right, today, I need you
to call the Social Security Office,I need you to fill out this form.
I need you to, we're gonnaget you a financial planner.
You need to take, if someone givesyou the steps, you get it done.
(30:15):
Because you're like, Okay, nowI know what, and it gives you a
sense of control in the situation.
Like, okay, I can't controlthat my husband has cancer.
I can't control that mydaughter has special needs.
But I can control, you know, when Tatumwas in the hospital and I was, you know,
just thirty, um, I, I couldn't get heroutta the hospital because she had a
(30:36):
trach and I couldn't get state aid.
And my insurance company was tellingme it's not a medical necessity
to have a nurse, but that hospitalwas telling me you can't get
her out until you have a nurse.
So I ended up on the news and I waslike, and I was going after the insurance
company 'cause I was like, How can theysay this is not medically necessary?
Well, of course, you know they do.
This whole, um, it was in Chicago.
(30:58):
It was a big deal to me,maybe not to anybody else.
But we went after Blue Cross/BlueShield and nothing happened.
You know, she came home, I got herhome through the grace of God and, you
know, a, a great little organizationthat I found in, in Chicago.
But I did talk to someone severalmonths later, someone set me up with
her because her son had a trach.
And I remember saying to her,Okay, I know that he is only
(31:19):
like three weeks old right now.
You have to get in, you haveto go to this, you know,
needs for special children.
And she said, Oh no, we, wedon't have to worry about that.
She's like, some woman was on thenews about, you know, six months ago
going after the insurance companyand they've changed the policy
now where if a baby has a trach.
And I was like, That is theuniverse, you know, like.
And ever since that moment I remembersaying, Okay, maybe this, and if
(31:43):
we could all think like this, maybethat is not going to benefit me like
right now, me, you know, fosteringother women who are going through
crisis, that might not benefit me.
I might not make a living out of doing it.
I might not become CEO, like yousaid, of a huge corporation, and
run it and pay myself a good salary.
But, you know, if I can make a differencein someone else's world to make their
(32:06):
load lighter and it doesn't, youknow, it will add to my life because
I know that I'm purpose driven.
I know that I'm making somethingpositive outta something that
was really hard to go through.
Then if we could all be a little bitmore like that, then we wouldn't have
to go through all these hurdles allthe time with, you know, whether that's
bureaucracy or systematic, whatever.
You know, if some person just standsup and says, you know, This isn't
(32:28):
right, this is not the way it shouldbe, and I'm going to do what I can
to change it, I, I, I can't imaginehow quickly the world would change.
Just one, one person every day saying,You know, this doesn't work for me.
I'm gonna find a better system.
I'm gonna find a better way,and I'm gonna resist against it.
And if you don't like me, 'causethat's gonna be a thing, you know,
I'm gonna be a burning feminist,or I'm gonna, you know, be a man
(32:48):
hater, whatever it is, I don't care.
Like I care more about what,what, really, I'm here, what
my purpose here is on earth.
And I believe that's whyI've been through all this.
And I'm listening to whatmy soul is telling me, and
this is what it's telling me.
Just like it did when I got on thenews to fight for Tatum's trach and
(33:09):
getting her out of the hospital.
I like that spirit a lot, Julie.
You know, currently right now, we,we have been fighting this system.
And I've been working with mylocal Congress representative.
And just yesterday, I, I had anextreme long day, but the wins
(33:36):
just went boom, boom, boom, boom.
Because I had the strength tojust say, No, this is not right.
You're not going to do this, andI'll take it to the next level.
And it took six months, well, actuallynine months, but it's resolved.
(34:01):
And if, if you let the system grind you,it's gonna grind the next person, and
the next person, and the next person.
So, myself, they wanted to close mycongressional folder, this case is closed.
I told them, No, I'm not done yet.
(34:22):
Keep that case open because Ihave a lot more to say and a
lot more to do about this issue.
And now after that stacked upwin, that was enough to fuel
my next stage of development.
Because after so many lossesand you get just a single win,
(34:49):
it's ah, this great feeling.
But when you get four and five stackedone right on top of the other, that
makes you feel like King Kong andyou wanna go for the next round.
And really that's what these broken peoplethat need help can feel like, and it's
(35:12):
because of people that care like you.
So is there anything that you'dlike to add to our conversation
that we haven't spoke about today?
Um, I don't think so.
I mean, I just think it's, um, youknow, I've never been a feminist
and sometimes I hear myselftalk and I'm like, Who is that?
(35:35):
Because I always kind of felt likenobody's gonna keep me down, you know?
And I grew up, you know, Igrew up in the seventies.
I, generation X is the first generation ofwomen who were taught that you can do it
all, you can work and you can be at home.
And it sounded like a greatidea, I'm sure at the time.
But you know, we were the firstgeneration that it was like, what do you
(35:55):
mean you don't work out of the house?
What do you mean you'rejust focusing on your kids?
And there was shame in being home.
So, you know, I think that it's asocietal, hopefully it's, women should
be able to do what women feel theirnecessity is and where they feel they
can provide the most, whether that'sat home, whether that's in a boardroom,
(36:16):
there should be no shame on either side.
And I just hope that the conversationstarts to change, where, you
know, being at home is not lazy.
Going to work is not neglectful.
And women can just do whatthey're supposed to do in the
world and nobody judges them.
'Cause I feel like we're alwaysso incredibly judged and it,
we, we judge ourselves moreharshly probably than anyone.
(36:39):
And you know, that was my experiences.
You know, everything I went through,you know, leaving my family, and I, I, I
thought my friends didn't like me anymore.
I thought that they were judging me.
I thought, but to be quite honest,no one was judging me half as
hardly as, as I was judging myself.
So that's another part of mymission is, like, women, yes,
(37:01):
of course we can do it all.
We are strong, we are independent, we aresmart, but we shouldn't have to do it all.
And we shouldn't have to feellike we have to do it all.
So yes, when you start talkingabout asking for help, it's a
very hard thing for a woman to do.
And I know I'm making a generalization,but I've talked to enough women,
especially in these situations where it ishard to ask for help, but it shouldn't be.
(37:25):
Because when people ask me for help andI'm able to help them, that not only makes
them feel good, it makes me feel good.
It makes me feel fulfilled.
When you talk about these winsthat, you know, you've had, when I,
when someone reaches out to me andsays, and people I know, you know,
I didn't know this was going on withyou, it's going on in my home too.
Like, that feeds me.
(37:46):
That, that heals me, It heals them.
And then we can, you know, twoare much stronger than one.
Three are much, you know, and themore you can join with people to
do the right thing, it's so mucheasier than doing the wrong thing.
You know, a lot of people waste alot of energy doing the wrong thing.
It takes a lot less energyto just do the right thing.
(38:07):
Yeah.
Well, it, it's like a cornucopiabasket, it takes a lot of different
things to go inside that basketto make it look and feel right.
And that's what we are as asociety, and we forgot about that.
It's okay to be you, and especially women.
(38:32):
You know, I, I wanna just say it'snot a competition against men.
And men if you are feeling that it's acompetition, you need to check yourself.
We, we should be supportive of eachother and be happy when those wins
(38:53):
come for somebody else, becauseyou'll get those wins yourself.
Just play your part and do your thing.
And most of all, I really feel thateveryone has a purpose and a place.
Don't be ashamed to findout who and what you are.
(39:16):
Because there's some intelligent womenthat could change our world and we need
them to be bold and brave about it.
So I encourage that, I,I think it's much needed.
Because what women are being toldthey are, I can guarantee it's not.
(39:39):
And, and we really need to take,take a hold of that as a society.
So,
Yeah.
And, and you wanna say that I have twoboys and they're amazing and I've seen
them go through some hardships as malesthat I would not wanna conquer either.
(39:59):
So I am, I would, it is not a comparison.
And men have a whole hostof other systematic issues
that are hardships as well.
So I'm not excluding anyone.
I just know my experiences can be betterused to help people that are in my shoes,
and I've never been in a man's shoes.
But to be honest, I, I don't want to be.
(40:21):
Not in a bad way, but weall have our hardships.
So I'm glad that you spoke tothat because I'm definitely
not alienating the hardships orchallenges that men face either.
Right.
Yeah.
You know, and it's, it's good toknow where our strengths and our
weaknesses are, and that, that willprevent a lot of those divisions.
(40:44):
So Julie, I could speak withyou for hours about this.
You're doing wonderful things.
How can people get in touch with you,work with you, and also do you have
a call to action for our listeners?
I do.
So if you go to mywebsite@juliebarthauthor.net,
(41:05):
um, I have different tabs for ourcharity, which is the CJB Outreach.
Um, you can also go tothe cjboutreach.org.
But again, if you go tojuliebarthauthor.net, it has all of the
different things that you can access.
You can get involved, you can reachout to me and I'm the one manning it,
again, I'm a one man team right now.
(41:26):
So if you need help, again, I don't knowif I can provide you the exact resources
myself, but I will find out who can.
And that's my job.
Um, the other thing is that my daughter,the one that's special needs, she sells
her art online and the proceeds fromher art go to fuel the CJB outreach.
So if you see something you like,um, you know, you can put it on
any t-shirt or, you know, whatever.
(41:48):
Uh, so if you'd like to supportus, there are many ways you can.
And again, if you needhelp, do not hesitate.
Please reach out to us.
It's been a pleasurespeaking with you, Julie.
And I wanna say one more time,thank you for what you're doing.
Well, thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Thank you for joining us today.
(42:09):
If you found this podcast enlightening,entertaining, educational in any way,
please share, like, subscribe, and joinus right back here next week for another
great episode of the Dead America Podcast.
I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoyyour afternoon wherever you might be.
You know, I think it's so crazy thatwhen star athletes, right, when they
wanna join the NBI or they wanna,everyone says to them, Okay, but
you have to have a backup plan.
You know, I know this is your dream.
I know that you're very good atwhat you do, and I know where this
is, this, your heart is at, butyou have to have a backup plan.
We tell athletes
(00:43):
that.
Today, we are speaking with Julie Barth.
She is an author, she is the mother ofsix, and also she's the founder of a
nonprofit, Colin James Barth Outreach.
(01:07):
Julie, could you pleaseintroduce yourself?
Let people know just a littlemore about you, please.
Sure.
Um, my name again is Julie Barthand, um, I have six children, which
usually defines someone a little bit.
Um, I, um, have a special needs daughter,I am a, I was a very young widow, and, um,
I was, um, in a very abusive relationship.
(01:30):
Um, so I combined all of thoseexperiences and my hope is to, um,
help people everywhere with, um,trauma and grief and, and all these
different experiences I went through.
Um, just in helping, you know, make acommunity of people who, um, I guess
are kinder to one another and, andput their, um, you know, put their
(01:54):
best face forward, um, and keep,you know, keep trudging along, and
more thrive than survive, I guess.
I feel like sometimes we can allfeel like we're just surviving,
um, but we're only here once, soI think thriving is the way to go.
Yeah.
That's hard to do at times, especiallyin the world, because everybody makes
(02:15):
it feel like such a competition.
So yeah.
When we open up and we invite others in,it really becomes a whole different world.
And I enjoy doing that now.
I, in the past, would avoid that.
So, so often I would fleefrom a situation like that.
(02:40):
So this is a new thing for me, butit's such a pleasant change for sure.
So my first question to you is, what dothey mean when they say abuse prevention?
(03:00):
What is your thoughtand explanation on that?
Um, well, you know, when someonesays abuse prevention, um, I think
that almost might put it backon the victim a little bit more.
That sounds as if you know their every,I get there are signs of it, don't
get me wrong, but it's not like whenyou're being abused, um, someone comes
(03:22):
right out the gate and says to you,I'm going to act really nice right
now, but then I'm going to lure youin and I'm gonna keep getting meaner.
Um, I guess if there's a positive toabuse prevention, it's to, um, and what
I, what I speak about is like your househas a house alarm, your car has a car
alarm, your brain has a natural alarm.
(03:44):
And when you get those like funnyfeelings, you know, like something's
not right here, something's not addingup, um, your body tells you when you're
in a, a dangerous situation, a toxicsituation, or one that really, you just,
for whatever reason, should flee, getout of, or find a, a different path.
Um, I think it's, prevention would beabout learning to listen to what your
(04:07):
inner soul is telling you rather than tomake excuses to go with the status quo
'cause it's easier.
Because, you know, I, that oldphrase that, The devil you know.
Um, but the devil youknow is still the devil.
And, um, unless you can,then it's, it's hard.
I mean, you don't even know you'rein these abusive situations, um,
(04:30):
you know, emotionally, I think.
But when you allow to just like sit withyourself and listen to what you're, you
know, you get all of, it, it's not justyour brain, it's like your entire body.
I got to the point whereI couldn't get out of bed.
I, you know, my muscles weretight, my, everything in my body
was saying like, this is toxic.
You need to do something.
(04:51):
But instead of, um, hearing thatalarm and putting action to it,
I heard the alarm and I froze.
And I think that's what we alltend to do is just like freeze.
And alarms aren't meant to make youstop, they are meant to make you act.
So, you know, that's, that's how I seeabuse prevention is to, you know, we
(05:12):
teach children about good touches and badtouches and, and I think what we really
need to teach them more is like, listento what your, your body is telling you,
listen to what your brain is telling you.
If it feels wrong inany situation, get out.
Do something, find safety,you know, move, act.
And I think that's reallythe crux of all of it.
(05:33):
Yeah, I, I like that a lot.
So another, another big question wouldbe, How do people actually ask for help
when they're in a situation like that?
It's really hard.
Um, because usually when you're ina situation such as mine, you know,
people have sat on the sidelines.
(05:53):
Probably the average woman, it takes'em seven times to actually leave.
Or actually the averageperson, I shouldn't, I'm
not excluding this to women.
Um, but it takes you seven times to actand try and leave, and then you go back.
And I think the problem is that you've,you've talked to people, you, you
know, you usually ruminate so muchover these situations, but you know,
(06:15):
the minute they step in and they saysomething, like they try and help
you, you're very defensive about it.
So you do get to a point where youlook around and you think, If I
tell, you know, like everybody knows
I've been hiding it.
We've all been playing this like a pretendgame where you don't know, I don't know.
Um, so you almost feel ashamed.
And like if I go to someone and I say,I need help, you, you worry about the,
(06:39):
you know, proverbial I told you so.
Um, you're worriedyou're gonna look stupid.
Um, but in the end, what my philosophyon it is, it doesn't matter.
People think, how you think, what'sgood for you, and stop worrying so
much about what other people think.
Then you're putting yourself firstand you'll find a way, you know, to
(06:59):
find those resources that will helpyou rather than avoid the ones that
you know are so toxic to you, becausethey're all just a part of your world.
You just need to break outta that cycle.
So I would say go to a third party,go to somebody who doesn't know
anything about your situation.
And that's kind of what our charity wasformed on is, you know, I can't tell
(07:20):
my friends, I can't tell my family.
And I, and you usually leave your family,you leave your friends, um, you've
isolated yourself because you're just so
focused on trying to fix it.
And sometimes just even, you know,going to somebody you don't know
and saying, All right, here'sthe situation I'm dealing with.
What is your opinion?
What do you think I should do?
And finding someonewho's been there before.
(07:41):
Um, and it doesn't matter if they believeyou, 'cause that's also a big thing.
Like, well, what ifthey don't believe you?
It doesn't matter.
If you need help for whatever reasonthat is, you know, then you find,
someone will help you regardlessof whether you're to blame or not.
And don't let those feelings ofguilt and shame and blame, um,
(08:01):
stop you from doing what you knowyou should do in these situations.
Yeah.
Finding comfort in yourself is hardto do at times because I, I think we
measure ourselves on the wrong things.
Society has taught us systematic waysof living instead of our more natural,
(08:25):
caring, loving nature of family tribe.
And, uh, we're, we're definitely ina situation, we're hurting out there.
That's an odd way to start thepodcast, but I, I, that's really
been going over my mind since yourinformation came across the desk.
(08:49):
So let's get back into your storynow and let's cover, you lost your
first husband and this startedyou on your journey, I take it.
That must have been overwhelmingto lose someone with four
(09:14):
children and then try to restart.
What was that like for you, Julie?
Um, well, just to back up a little, um,it actually started with my daughter.
So I have a twenty-four,she's twenty-four now.
Um, but she has primordial dwarfism,which is a type of dwarfism.
And when she was born, um, we travel,I traveled the country, you know, going
(09:38):
over forty different, um, hospitals.
It wasn't, um, it wasn't a comedy oferrors, it was straight up errors.
So whatever had gotten her to, um,the birth circumstances that she
was in, um, was just a cascade ofmedical malpractice and problems.
And so right as she was starting toget better, um, and we had had, we had
(09:59):
our older child and then we had hertwo young, that's when Colin fell ill.
So not only was I dealing, you know,we had, the, the youngest was six
months, the oldest was ten, and then thespecial needs daughter in the middle.
And, um, I was told, you know, hehad gone back and forth to the doctor
and, uh, he went to the hospitalone day and within two hours of him
(10:23):
being there, I, we found out thathe had stage four pancreatic cancer.
And about two, two days later, wewere told, He has two weeks to live.
Go take him home, let himsay goodbye to his kids.
And I was, you know, when you're in thatfight or flight situation and you're,
I was running on adrenaline, truly,and cortisol just from my daughter.
(10:44):
So when I was presented with that, Ithought, Well, I'm not gonna, I'm not
going to believe what you're telling me.
He is not gonna go.
You know, we're gonna, we're gonna.
His mother was, had ovarian cancer.
She beat it.
And I was just kind of onautopilot, you know, let's fix this.
Let's, we're gonna find the right guy.
And we, we did, he, he lived sixteenmonths, which some of them were
(11:07):
a blessing and others a curse.
But it, it was a lot, itwas a lot of juggling.
And like I said, I thinka lot of autopilot.
Um, I, I didn't think, I just did.
You know, there wasn't a point inmy day where I was like, you know, I
think I'm going to, it was one thing,and then I forget another thing, and
oh, I gotta get the kids and oh, thelaundry and, oh, I forgot about Colin.
(11:27):
Um, so I would say it was probablysixteen months of, um, literally,
I, I remember very little of it.
So if, when people askme, How did you survive?
I guess my answer was, I just did.
I, I didn't think there wasan option not to survive.
So somehow your brain just goes onautopilot and you fix what you can, and
you try and ignore what you can't fix.
(11:51):
Yeah.
This is one of the biggest fearsthat I have as a husband, is leaving
my wife in a situation like that.
And also, then your story goes into yournext marriage and it gets traumatic there.
And it, it's really disturbingthat people have to go through
(12:14):
these things, but you did.
So what was that next stage like?
I think that the first stage, youknow, when you talk about, um, you're
not opened to other people, I, I thinkI had lived, you know, four or five
years now with Tatum, um, my daughterwith special needs and, and Colin just
(12:35):
being in this bubble of I gotta do it.
I gotta take care of it.
And if I let people in or I let themhelp, it was all gonna go, you know,
I had to micromanage every little bit.
'Cause if I let any of it fall,then I'd, I'd be in trouble.
So after he passed away, I had let goof all my friends, I had let go of all
my family, I'd really just isolatedmyself and I didn't want to revisit it.
(12:59):
Um, it was sixteen months of watching,you know, him die every single day.
So people that weren't in the homethat didn't have to watch it, their
grieving process started when he died.
And I had already been grievingfor, you know, sixteen months
and I was almost like, I'm donegrieving when they just started.
So there was a lot of, um, I guessI felt like everyone was looking
(13:23):
at me like, why aren't you sadder?
Like, how are you just moving on?
How are you, you know, why aren't you,you know, basically, why aren't you
just not getting outta bed and so sad?
And I had sat in sadness for so longthat I just couldn't do it anymore.
So I kind of just packed him away andthought if I didn't deal with him and
(13:45):
didn't think about it, I could justalmost take a vacation or just move
along and not be Julie Barth anymore.
So I think that that was the perfectsetup for someone to come into my life
and take advantage of that and use all ofthose weaknesses and all the grief and,
you know, sadness that I had, against me.
(14:05):
Um, I tend to be apleaser by nature anyway.
And he didn't wanna know aboutme, he didn't want to, he didn't
want me to talk about it, which Iwas just fine not talking about.
Um, but after a certain point, you know,I think that that was a perfect storm for
him to, like I said, take advantage of me.
To use all of that, um, toturn on me and to make me, you
(14:29):
know, to control me, I guess.
So in not taking the time to grieveand, you know, I know everybody
would say that to me, like, You'venot even taken the time to grieve.
And it used to bother me 'cause I waslike, How do you know what I've done?
Um, did I?
I don't know.
Should I have?
I don't know.
I am where I am, I've beenthrough what I've been through.
Uh, I had two more beautiful daughtersand now I am on this mission to make
(14:51):
sure, you know, women aren't put inthat position again if I can help it.
So, you know, I, I'm grateful for everydecision I made, I don't regret them.
Even if they didn't turn outthe way that I wanted them to.
Um, it's made me who I am and I'm,I'm gonna make a positive out of it.
And so I, you know, that'skind of how I dealt with it.
(15:13):
Whether that was right or wrong, itwas, I did what I did when I could.
And I think people in my situation,that's kind of my message is
don't beat yourself up, you know?
You do what you do when you'represented with a challenge and
with the best of intentions.
And whether it works out or not, you hadthe best of intentions to begin with.
(15:33):
Yeah, that's why it's so importantto know how to ask for help and
identify when you need the help.
And that's why it's kind of awesomewhat you're doing out there, providing
that transitional help, if you will,to individuals in need of that.
Could you talk to us about that servicethat you provide through your nonprofit?
(15:59):
So it started, um, just last year,so we're, it's still evolving.
Um, my, my hope is to find, uh, so I'vebeen in many different situations, you
know, I've been this special needs mom,which comes with its own emotional and
financial burdens, I've been a widow, I'vebeen, um, the caregiver to a terminally
ill husband, I've been, you know, thedivorced woman who's, you know, fighting
(16:22):
for custody against a narcissist.
So our organization was based onthe premise, you know, in America
it's almost as if you cannot gethelp unless you have nothing left.
And I get that.
And I appreciate all thosecharities out there, I do.
They do great work.
If I need to flee my home, if I,you know, if my house burns down,
(16:43):
there are places that you cango and many great organizations.
But when you're in the situations thatI've been in, I was not destitute, I
did not lose my home, but I needed help.
And unless I lost everything, it wasalmost like, Well, you have a house.
But I couldn't make my mortgage, you know?
Well, you have a car.
Yeah, but I can't make the car payment.
(17:04):
So in a, you know, when, when thesedivorce situations happen, the average
man's, uh, life, life situationgoes down ten percent financially.
The average woman's goesdown forty-four percent.
Yes, she typically gets the house.
But when you think about that,she gets the house, she gets the
children, and she gets the mortgage.
So even if he's paying child support,he's getting a $700 rental, she's still
(17:29):
stuck with a $2,500 mortgage and you'renot getting compensated for all that.
And if you haven't worked, then you'retrying to get a job and everyone's saying,
Well, where's your work experience?
Well, I've been a stay-at-homemom for ten years.
And what, they're like, Well, whathave you been doing for ten years?
When I've, I've been devoting my lifeto, you know, organizing a house,
(17:50):
taking, you know, your counselor,your, your therapist, your, you know,
you're running a home, your finances,you're, you're paying bills, you're
doing all of these things, but youenter the workforce and people look
at you like, Where have you been?
You don't know anything, you're, youdon't have any marketable skills, but
you're, you're supposed to go out andget a full-time job to support a family.
(18:13):
You're not being supported anymore, insome cases, you're not getting anything.
And you know, then you'rejust left to your own device
and there's nowhere to turn.
You know, like I said, I used toshow up for certain programs and I
would look around and think, Oh mygosh, I just drove up with my Volvo.
I don't deserve this.
But even though I was driving aVolvo, I could not pay my bills.
(18:34):
I could not protect my children.
So again, our organization is based onthe premise that we don't want women to
have to lose everything to get something.
So we're taking women-led householdswho find themselves at a time of crisis,
whether that means divorce, whether thatmeans, there's many reasons that you
can become head of household suddenly.
(18:56):
Um, your, you know, one, twoincomes goes down to one or your
zero income goes down to zero.
And we want to do things to providea bridge to get them, you know, jobs
that are actually, you know, um,in, in line with their education
and their, and their training.
And, and, and meaningful jobs, not justa, not just a, you know, a weekly pay.
(19:21):
We want them to feel solidand secure and confident.
So we kind of work on all ends.
You know, we take each situation.
If you come to me, oh, you need abridge loan, you know, until you can
get to a place where, um, you know,you can pick up your, your mortgage.
So we're trying, what we're doing iswe're trying to almost not be a cookie
cutter charity where you just, youknow, we, we give this, this, or this.
(19:46):
It's more, you come to us, we're almostconsultants, I figure out what you need.
'Cause most of the time you don't evenknow what you need or where to start.
And we kind of say, Okay, well,we're gonna get you a financial
planner, we're gonna get you this.
Um, so that's, we're, and I hate tosay like a concierge service, um, but
you know what, like I said, Women workso hard in and out of the home, and
(20:08):
when tragedy happens, there is nothingfor them until they lose everything.
And they shouldn't have towork so hard, lose everything,
and then have someone step in.
And as a society, doesn't it make moresense that we stop them from the spiral
into poverty and we help support them sothat they are, you know, fully functional
(20:29):
and their children are protected.
I don't understand why our society'slike, okay, once you make a vow of poverty
now, we'll give you just this amount.
But we're gonna give you just this amount.
And if you try and make any moremoney, we're gonna take it all away.
It's, it's set up to keep yousubmissive, it's set up to put you
in your place, and, and you get stuckand there's no way to get out of it.
(20:50):
It's just a horrible cycle andwe're trying to break those cycles.
So, sorry I went on and on.
But I have my soap box, I guess.
No, that's, that's beautiful.
You know, they hit you atyour most vulnerable time.
And many women are in that situation.
(21:14):
My wife, she really didn't understandhow to even run a household, do a
budget, and it caused a lot of problems.
So we've been diligently workingon educating her in case I go.
I, I want her secure and toknow how to make it in life
(21:37):
without being so vulnerable.
She's gonna be vulnerable enough justunder the stress of, you know, the grief.
And, and this, there's so many othersituations that put women, and,
and men, you know, we, we all livelife, but the vulnerable aspect here
(22:01):
we're highlighting is with women.
And it, it is a critical issue inour society and there needs to be
more people addressing the issue.
And a lot of nonprofits, when they start,they have great intention and somehow
(22:23):
they grow and they get bloated, andthen it's all about administrative cost.
And so keeping it smaller and like aconcierge service is exactly what we need.
We need people that are like-mindedand caring about the individual instead
(22:44):
of how to make the payroll for thebloated nonprofit that they've built.
So there, there are problems with allof that, but there are great nonprofits
out there doing the right thing.
And really it's about doing your homeworkand educating yourself about the mission
(23:07):
statement and what they're providing.
And then you can actually go deeperinto grabbing up financials and seeing
where the money is being placed.
So if, if you really wanna get seriousabout helping, you have to find the
people that are doing the right things inthe right ways so we can actually help.
(23:33):
Because I, I feel that a lot of thesystematic approach to these problems
have created a perpetual system driventowards keeping the problem existing.
The same with the medical industryand so many others that we loop into.
(23:56):
Well, they're the experts.
Let 'em do it.
Just give them the money to do it.
You have to be.
Yeah.
If it isn't broken, don'tfix it kind of system.
Yeah.
Exactly.
You, you have to hold yourselfaccountable where you are putting
your time, effort, and money.
(24:18):
And is it really what you expectfrom your time, effort, and money?
What do you think about all that?
I, I think, uh, youcouldn't be more spot on.
Um, you know, and when I say to youthat we're an evolving charity, um,
we are evolving because I refuse toreally put, you know, put it to good use
(24:41):
until I know exactly what we're doing.
I am not gonna waste resources.
If somebody's out there doing it,then why would I reinvent the wheel?
It is just me literally, andI'm not even kidding about it.
Um, I, you know, got, putthe board members together,
but I'm the driving force.
And I keep kind of tryingto mold it and where can we
really make a difference here?
(25:02):
And people are, you know, Well,you have to start fundraising.
And I keep telling them, Iwill not fundraise until I know
where those funds are going.
And right now I don't need them.
Because right now what I need isa plan, I need to make networks,
I need to make connections.
And I am under the belief thatthe best, best way that I can help
right now is through telling mystory, being out there, and making
(25:25):
people aware and being available.
If somebody calls me, I might notbe able to provide them with, you
know, money per se, I might not.
But personally, but I, I am thatperson that believes if, if you do
enough research, you will find it.
Unfortunately, when you hitcrisis, you don't have time to
sit around and do the research.
(25:46):
And it's not easy to do.
I mean, there are so many,it's like a scholarship.
You know, you have to have this parameter,you have to have that parameter.
You either, you know, youcan't make too much money.
You have to be poverty level and
do all these calculations.
And, you know, all you're doingis like, Hey, I'm just trying to
make it to the end of the day.
I don't have time for that.
So you just move along and you,you know, put it on a credit card
(26:07):
and then the next thing you know,you're $150,000 in, in debt.
And then where do you go?
Okay, great.
Guess what, I'm poor now.
I have nothing.
Oh, thanks for stepping in.
So, you know, it is a cycle.
and, you know, to go back to kind of whatyou were saying before in like systematic
and how we think about things, you know,I think it's so crazy that when star
(26:29):
athletes, right, when they wanna join theNBI or they wanna, everyone says to them,
Okay, but you have to have a backup plan.
You know, I know this is your dream.
I know that you're very good atwhat you do, and I know where this
is, this, your heart is at, butyou have to have a backup plan.
We tell athletes that, but we don't tellstay at mom, uh, stay at home moms that.
We don't prepare them.
We don't say, all right, I knowthat you're in a great marriage
(26:51):
right now and, you know, you'reearning a whole bunch of money.
You know, young peopledon't think about the end.
You know, divorce, maybeyou never get to divorce.
I never.
Colin was the love of my life.
I, I, I don't believe wewould've ever gotten divorced.
But he fell ill when we werethirty-three years old with four kids.
I was not, he was a bordereddown on the board of, or trader
(27:11):
down on the board of trade.
I was not expecting him to fall ill.
We did not have savings.
We were in our thirties, you know?
Luckily, we had a great communityaround us that stepped up to help.
But I was a very fortunate person.
And if I did not have that community, ifI had not grown up in that hometown, if
I did not have family, you know, I don't,I don't know where we would've been.
(27:33):
And I, you know, I, I made a video lastnight that I put out there, because
again, uh, our charity is just evolving.
I'm trying to figure out where I'm at.
And I said that, you know, It's kind ofodd when people say, Why is it the CJB,
you know, Outreach because it's for women.
You know, the Colin James Barth.
And I believe that there's no greater wayto honor him than to take care of women
(27:57):
because that's what he wanted to do.
He would've, he was so sad that hecouldn't take care of his family, of
his wife, put us in a situation ofcrisis, although he didn't put us there.
And to know that his name is, youknow, the name that we're using
to try and find a way to protectfamilies, protect women, to make it
easier for them when he couldn't.
I, I would hope I, I, I know thathe would be very honored by that.
(28:21):
Yeah, I, I'm definitely sure he is.
And, you know, that, that takesa strong mentality and it takes
strength to step up against this,whatever it is we're living in.
And it gets confusing at times.
(28:42):
So being a single mother,it, it's difficult.
And what you're doing is going to helpa lot of, especially young women, they,
they get emotional when things go wrong alot of the times and then they feel lost.
(29:08):
And if, if you're more emotionallystabilized during that hard time in
your life by somebody that can juststep up and say, Hey, I'm here for you.
It, it doesn't necessarily have tobe money and that's the big thing.
(29:29):
Our, our time is thatvalue, is that not correct?
Yeah.
And I think as women, you know,we are pretty much taught to
dig in your heels, get it done.
You know, like no one'sgoing to get it done for you.
We're, we're taught very early, here'swhat you have to do, get it done.
So when, when you're emotionally, as yousaid, distraught, you've got children
(29:51):
looking to you, you've got all thesethings going on, it's very hard to roll
back, make a list and check it off.
You know, you're just in crisis mode.
You're just going, going, going.
But if someone comes to you andsays, All right, today, I need you
to call the Social Security Office,I need you to fill out this form.
I need you to, we're gonnaget you a financial planner.
You need to take, if someone givesyou the steps, you get it done.
(30:15):
Because you're like, Okay, nowI know what, and it gives you a
sense of control in the situation.
Like, okay, I can't controlthat my husband has cancer.
I can't control that mydaughter has special needs.
But I can control, you know, when Tatumwas in the hospital and I was, you know,
just thirty, um, I, I couldn't get heroutta the hospital because she had a
(30:36):
trach and I couldn't get state aid.
And my insurance company was tellingme it's not a medical necessity
to have a nurse, but that hospitalwas telling me you can't get
her out until you have a nurse.
So I ended up on the news and I waslike, and I was going after the insurance
company 'cause I was like, How can theysay this is not medically necessary?
Well, of course, you know they do.
This whole, um, it was in Chicago.
(30:58):
It was a big deal to me,maybe not to anybody else.
But we went after Blue Cross/BlueShield and nothing happened.
You know, she came home, I got herhome through the grace of God and, you
know, a, a great little organizationthat I found in, in Chicago.
But I did talk to someone severalmonths later, someone set me up with
her because her son had a trach.
And I remember saying to her,Okay, I know that he is only
(31:19):
like three weeks old right now.
You have to get in, you haveto go to this, you know,
needs for special children.
And she said, Oh no, we, wedon't have to worry about that.
She's like, some woman was on thenews about, you know, six months ago
going after the insurance companyand they've changed the policy
now where if a baby has a trach.
And I was like, That is theuniverse, you know, like.
And ever since that moment I remembersaying, Okay, maybe this, and if
(31:43):
we could all think like this, maybethat is not going to benefit me like
right now, me, you know, fosteringother women who are going through
crisis, that might not benefit me.
I might not make a living out of doing it.
I might not become CEO, like yousaid, of a huge corporation, and
run it and pay myself a good salary.
But, you know, if I can make a differencein someone else's world to make their
(32:06):
load lighter and it doesn't, youknow, it will add to my life because
I know that I'm purpose driven.
I know that I'm making somethingpositive outta something that
was really hard to go through.
Then if we could all be a little bitmore like that, then we wouldn't have
to go through all these hurdles allthe time with, you know, whether that's
bureaucracy or systematic, whatever.
You know, if some person just standsup and says, you know, This isn't
(32:28):
right, this is not the way it shouldbe, and I'm going to do what I can
to change it, I, I, I can't imaginehow quickly the world would change.
Just one, one person every day saying,You know, this doesn't work for me.
I'm gonna find a better system.
I'm gonna find a better way,and I'm gonna resist against it.
And if you don't like me, 'causethat's gonna be a thing, you know,
I'm gonna be a burning feminist,or I'm gonna, you know, be a man
(32:48):
hater, whatever it is, I don't care.
Like I care more about what,what, really, I'm here, what
my purpose here is on earth.
And I believe that's whyI've been through all this.
And I'm listening to whatmy soul is telling me, and
this is what it's telling me.
Just like it did when I got on thenews to fight for Tatum's trach and
(33:09):
getting her out of the hospital.
I like that spirit a lot, Julie.
You know, currently right now, we,we have been fighting this system.
And I've been working with mylocal Congress representative.
And just yesterday, I, I had anextreme long day, but the wins
(33:36):
just went boom, boom, boom, boom.
Because I had the strength tojust say, No, this is not right.
You're not going to do this, andI'll take it to the next level.
And it took six months, well, actuallynine months, but it's resolved.
(34:01):
And if, if you let the system grind you,it's gonna grind the next person, and
the next person, and the next person.
So, myself, they wanted to close mycongressional folder, this case is closed.
I told them, No, I'm not done yet.
(34:22):
Keep that case open because Ihave a lot more to say and a
lot more to do about this issue.
And now after that stacked upwin, that was enough to fuel
my next stage of development.
Because after so many lossesand you get just a single win,
(34:49):
it's ah, this great feeling.
But when you get four and five stackedone right on top of the other, that
makes you feel like King Kong andyou wanna go for the next round.
And really that's what these broken peoplethat need help can feel like, and it's
(35:12):
because of people that care like you.
So is there anything that you'dlike to add to our conversation
that we haven't spoke about today?
Um, I don't think so.
I mean, I just think it's, um, youknow, I've never been a feminist
and sometimes I hear myselftalk and I'm like, Who is that?
(35:35):
Because I always kind of felt likenobody's gonna keep me down, you know?
And I grew up, you know, Igrew up in the seventies.
I, generation X is the first generation ofwomen who were taught that you can do it
all, you can work and you can be at home.
And it sounded like a greatidea, I'm sure at the time.
But you know, we were the firstgeneration that it was like, what do you
(35:55):
mean you don't work out of the house?
What do you mean you'rejust focusing on your kids?
And there was shame in being home.
So, you know, I think that it's asocietal, hopefully it's, women should
be able to do what women feel theirnecessity is and where they feel they
can provide the most, whether that'sat home, whether that's in a boardroom,
(36:16):
there should be no shame on either side.
And I just hope that the conversationstarts to change, where, you
know, being at home is not lazy.
Going to work is not neglectful.
And women can just do whatthey're supposed to do in the
world and nobody judges them.
'Cause I feel like we're alwaysso incredibly judged and it,
we, we judge ourselves moreharshly probably than anyone.
(36:39):
And you know, that was my experiences.
You know, everything I went through,you know, leaving my family, and I, I, I
thought my friends didn't like me anymore.
I thought that they were judging me.
I thought, but to be quite honest,no one was judging me half as
hardly as, as I was judging myself.
So that's another part of mymission is, like, women, yes,
(37:01):
of course we can do it all.
We are strong, we are independent, we aresmart, but we shouldn't have to do it all.
And we shouldn't have to feellike we have to do it all.
So yes, when you start talkingabout asking for help, it's a
very hard thing for a woman to do.
And I know I'm making a generalization,but I've talked to enough women,
especially in these situations where it ishard to ask for help, but it shouldn't be.
(37:25):
Because when people ask me for help andI'm able to help them, that not only makes
them feel good, it makes me feel good.
It makes me feel fulfilled.
When you talk about these winsthat, you know, you've had, when I,
when someone reaches out to me andsays, and people I know, you know,
I didn't know this was going on withyou, it's going on in my home too.
Like, that feeds me.
(37:46):
That, that heals me, It heals them.
And then we can, you know, twoare much stronger than one.
Three are much, you know, and themore you can join with people to
do the right thing, it's so mucheasier than doing the wrong thing.
You know, a lot of people waste alot of energy doing the wrong thing.
It takes a lot less energyto just do the right thing.
(38:07):
Yeah.
Well, it, it's like a cornucopiabasket, it takes a lot of different
things to go inside that basketto make it look and feel right.
And that's what we are as asociety, and we forgot about that.
It's okay to be you, and especially women.
(38:32):
You know, I, I wanna just say it'snot a competition against men.
And men if you are feeling that it's acompetition, you need to check yourself.
We, we should be supportive of eachother and be happy when those wins
(38:53):
come for somebody else, becauseyou'll get those wins yourself.
Just play your part and do your thing.
And most of all, I really feel thateveryone has a purpose and a place.
Don't be ashamed to findout who and what you are.
(39:16):
Because there's some intelligent womenthat could change our world and we need
them to be bold and brave about it.
So I encourage that, I,I think it's much needed.
Because what women are being toldthey are, I can guarantee it's not.
(39:39):
And, and we really need to take,take a hold of that as a society.
So,
Yeah.
And, and you wanna say that I have twoboys and they're amazing and I've seen
them go through some hardships as malesthat I would not wanna conquer either.
(39:59):
So I am, I would, it is not a comparison.
And men have a whole hostof other systematic issues
that are hardships as well.
So I'm not excluding anyone.
I just know my experiences can be betterused to help people that are in my shoes,
and I've never been in a man's shoes.
But to be honest, I, I don't want to be.
(40:21):
Not in a bad way, but weall have our hardships.
So I'm glad that you spoke tothat because I'm definitely
not alienating the hardships orchallenges that men face either.
Right.
Yeah.
You know, and it's, it's good toknow where our strengths and our
weaknesses are, and that, that willprevent a lot of those divisions.
(40:44):
So Julie, I could speak withyou for hours about this.
You're doing wonderful things.
How can people get in touch with you,work with you, and also do you have
a call to action for our listeners?
I do.
So if you go to mywebsite@juliebarthauthor.net,
(41:05):
um, I have different tabs for ourcharity, which is the CJB Outreach.
Um, you can also go tothe cjboutreach.org.
But again, if you go tojuliebarthauthor.net, it has all of the
different things that you can access.
You can get involved, you can reachout to me and I'm the one manning it,
again, I'm a one man team right now.
(41:26):
So if you need help, again, I don't knowif I can provide you the exact resources
myself, but I will find out who can.
And that's my job.
Um, the other thing is that my daughter,the one that's special needs, she sells
her art online and the proceeds fromher art go to fuel the CJB outreach.
So if you see something you like,um, you know, you can put it on
any t-shirt or, you know, whatever.
(41:48):
Uh, so if you'd like to supportus, there are many ways you can.
And again, if you needhelp, do not hesitate.
Please reach out to us.
It's been a pleasurespeaking with you, Julie.
And I wanna say one more time,thank you for what you're doing.
Well, thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Thank you for joining us today.
(42:09):
If you found this podcast enlightening,entertaining, educational in any way,
please share, like, subscribe, and joinus right back here next week for another
great episode of the Dead America Podcast.
I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoyyour afternoon wherever you might be.
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