March 17, 2025 • 60 mins
Join us for a special episode of the Dead America Podcast where we delve into the serious and pressing issue of sexual violence. Hosts Ed Watters and his wife, Theresa, share their personal experiences with sexual abuse and discuss the long-lasting impacts it has on survivors. The episode highlights the importance of education, open communication, and the role of organizations like RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) in providing support and resources for survivors. Learn about different types of sexual violence, the challenges faced by victims, especially men and boys, and the importance of reporting and standing up against sexual assaults. This episode is part of Podcasthon and aims to raise awareness and support for RAINN's mission.
00:00 Introduction: The Power of Education
00:54 Special Episode Announcement
01:27 Highlighting RAINN's Mission
03:11 Personal Stories of Struggle and Healing
08:11 The Importance of Communication
21:21 Understanding Sexual Violence
33:19 Sexual Assault of Men and Boys
36:01 Intimate Partner Sexual Violence
40:42 Incest: Breaking the Silence
44:57 Drug Facilitated Sexual Assault
47:02 Statistics and the Criminal Justice System
57:51 Final Thoughts and Call to Action
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
To overcome, you must educate.
Educate not only yourself, buteducate anyone seeking to learn.
We are all Dead America,we can all learn something.
To learn, we must challengewhat we already understand.
(00:25):
The way we do that isthrough conversation.
Sometimes we have conversations withothers, however, some of the best
conversations happen with ourselves.
Reach out and challenge yourself; let'sdive in and learn something new right now.
(00:54):
Today, we have a differentsort of episode for you.
It is not our regular day,nor is it our regular format.
I am especially excited today becausetoday I have with me my wife, Theresa.
Theresa, can you say hi?
(01:16):
Hello.
All right.
Now, today we are presenting anepisode in conjunction with Podcasthon.
And we chose the non profitorganization to support, RAINN.
Let me highlight you on RAINN's mission.
(01:39):
RAINN is an acronym, stands for Rape,Abuse, and Incest National Network.
RAINN is the nation's largestanti sexual violence organization.
RAINN created and operates theNational Sexual Assault Hotline.
(02:00):
You can reach them twenty-fourhours a day at 1-800- 656-HOPE.
That's 4673.
1-800-656-4673. You can also chat withthem online at rainn, R, A, I, N, N .org.
(02:26):
In partnership with more than 1, 000 localsexual assault service providers across
the country and operates the DOD SafeHelpline for the Department of Defense.
RAINN also carries out programsto prevent sexual violence,
help survivors, and ensure thatperpetrators are brought to justice.
(02:53):
This is why we, as a couple,chose to come together to
support RAINN during Podcasthon.
Without further ado, let'sget into today's episode.
Every sixty-eight seconds, anAmerican is sexually assaulted.
(03:17):
And every nine minutes,that victim is a child.
Meanwhile, only 25 out of every 1, 000perpetrators will end up in prison.
Do we see something wrong with that?
Every day, hundreds of Americansare affected by sexual violence.
(03:44):
This doesn't just mean thevictim, I'm talking ripple effect.
And this can carry on forever,generation after generation.
And as long as nobody is willing tostand up and really look at the scope
(04:06):
of this problem, victims of sexualviolence, child and teen victims,
they will continue to be harmed.
And generations to come willbe affected by that harm.
(04:27):
My wife, Theresa, she wentthrough major assaults as a child.
And I can say after many, manyyears of struggling, we are finally
starting to get a grip on theproblems that we face as a couple.
(04:55):
Not only because of hersexual predator, but my own.
I faced sexual predators of my own,my family, and outside of the family.
(05:16):
Theresa,
how did it make you feel all of thoseyears because of your sexual predator?
Angry, hurt, humiliated, kind of, theymake you want to feel like you're the
(05:40):
only one that it's happening to, soyou don't want to speak out to anybody.
Or else, or else they intimidate youand make you afraid to speak out.
So when we met,
we kind of had an idea ofwhat each other went through.
(06:04):
But all those years, there wasthis closet effect with us.
And we really didn't communicateeffectively about our problems.
And that really escalatedinto some bad times for us.
(06:26):
What
did it make you feel like whenI was part of those problems?
Well, I guess I'd say confused.
I felt like maybe I was unlovableand that you didn't love me because
(06:52):
my dad gave me the message thatnobody was ever going to love me.
So that created a lot ofconfusion and contention
because I was thinking the thingsthat you were doing were because
it was something I was doing.
(07:17):
Yeah, that's big right there.
You know that, because that was also inmy mind with what I was going through.
And I did not realize that until, heck, wewere in our fifties at that point in time.
And that's when I really startedunderstanding deeper into, not
(07:41):
only your problems, because Iwas avoiding my own at the same
time, kind of, I guess I would say
trying to avoid them, becauseof what we've learned now about
that shame/guilt associationwith problems that we go through.
(08:06):
So I, I really think that's big.
You know, after going through all of that,do you think there's a better way that we
could have communicated with each otherabout what was happening in our life?
Yeah.
(08:27):
Um, I think the biggest thing was
fear because we were afraid ofwhat each other would think about
us if we opened up and talkedabout what happened with us and,
losing family members and thingslike that because of how we
(08:51):
felt and how we understood.
Yeah, I guess, and a lot of it was notknowing how to communicate it properly.
I mean, you get so much anger andconfusion, you tend to just want to
lash out instead of slow down andthink about what you want to say.
(09:14):
That was big because, you know, thatputs you kind of in that repetitive
loop and you only get so far in theconversation and then it collapses.
So we, we spent years in that cycleand understanding how to get out
(09:37):
of it wasn't easy for either of us.
Because we found no help anywhereto explain these things in any way.
I'm really glad that you got intopodcasting because through your
podcasting, you was able to speak withsome psychologists and counselors and
(10:02):
find some good self help books that weordered and we've been going through.
And it's been helping us to identifyour feelings and emotions and to
be able to speak about the thingsthat we've went through without,
(10:23):
you know, a bunch of embarrassment.
And more understanding about what it isthat we went through and how our families
affected the way we felt about ourselves.
Yeah, not only our families, buteverything and everyone around us.
(10:46):
That brings up my muddy shoe, of course.
You know, life is like a muddy trail andpeople, places, and things in our life,
that's the mud that we're walking through.
And that can get very heavybecause sometimes we don't
(11:08):
know how to deal with it.
Well, just like if you're on a muddytrail, there's rocks and tree branches
that you can wipe that mud off.
And really, we found out wipingthat mud off, making it lighter
and easier to walk the mud, it,it really does make a difference.
(11:31):
So in essence, what we're dealing with is
finding out it's okay to letpeople, places, and things go.
We get bound up in these things and it canreally make our personal life a struggle
because we really looked at all of thatstuff as guidance because we don't know.
(12:01):
There's not a manual for any of this.
And, and, you know, whenyou go through these
sexual assaults and sexual immoralities,all of these things that really hurt
(12:27):
because you don't feel that the peopleclosest to you should treat us that way.
But through our walk, we've found that
people are only doing what people do.
(12:47):
And you know, sometimes
it's, it's your choice whether youforgive them or let them go for a while.
Uh, it's really interesting thewalk that you have to do to help
recover after sexual assault.
(13:10):
Well, personally, you know, throughoutmy childhood, it was always pushed
on me, you know, expected ofme that oh, you should forgive.
And, you know, it's okay if you don'twant to be around, especially if they're
a family member, if you don't want tobe around them, you don't have to be.
(13:35):
And it's okay to nothave them in your life.
And to me, forgiveness isn'tsomething that can be expected of
you or make you feel guilty about.
It is something for you to, tocome to a place where you can just
(13:55):
let it go and live your life ashappy as possible that you can.
Yeah, that's big right there.
You know, because it isultimately your choice.
And that's your power rightthere against the perpetrator.
(14:17):
You, you feel stuck.
I mean, really, because finances orwhatever, there's always something
that makes you get into thatStockholm Syndrome type thing where
you feel like you have to be there.
(14:38):
And that's not the case at all once youempower yourself with your own choice.
Like with me and you, I don'tmake your choices, you have
to make your own choices.
But we found out that those choicesthat you make, you have to actually
(15:00):
live up to and be accountable for.
And that goes for me too.
You know, once you step into thatownership position of, no, this is
my life and only I can drive the bus.
And this is a good time to,you know, throw that Drive
(15:26):
Your Own Darn Bus by Julia out.
And, you know, we will actuallythrow a link to that in the
show notes for today's episode.
Because this is one of the bigthings that helped us understand
(15:47):
getting into that driver's seat.
Especially you.
You know, because this is a gal thattook time to really outline those,
those things that are important.
So how important were those books andeven the podcasts that we listened to?
(16:14):
Well, speaking of books,another good one is called The
Courage to Heal by Laura Davis.
And if you want you canput a link to that one too.
Yep.
And
I find them really important becausethey taught me a lot of stuff
(16:34):
about dealing with triggers, anddealing with emotions, and how to
communicate them appropriately, and
how to just take care of yourself.
(16:54):
And like I said, the podcasts werereally helpful because they helped us
to find and learn about these books.
Yeah, you know, when I started thepodcast, I was still so angry about
(17:16):
everything that happened to me.
You know, not only my injury, butlosing my mother, and, you know,
losing like my manhood, I felt.
I, I, I just felt that everything Ihad to give was, you know, tied up
(17:37):
into fixing things and going to workand being that head of maintenance.
And then when I lost it all, it was,it really put me through turmoil.
So,
you know, podcasting really helpedme release and figure out that
(18:03):
we're not alone in any of this.
Not only was I going through, you know,the issues with my own life, I was still
dealing with the responsibility for youand my leadership role in our family.
(18:25):
And not understanding how I was goingto be able to provide that is huge.
But yet I take that particular time asthe moment I was crushed into rubble.
And then God started putting in His mixto create that solid foundation where
(18:51):
I can now stand on truth and logic andreally understand, my position is much
less than what I really thought it was.
And I, I think if people understandthat they have to give some things up
(19:18):
to achieve happiness, it's really big.
Now with all of that beingsaid, our struggles and our
life has been filled with this
(19:38):
sexual,
I don't even know what to call it,
Dysfunction?
Dysfunction.
That's a good word for it.
You know, because we didn't know halfas much as, not even a quarter of
(20:02):
the amount that we thought we knew.
And when we were seventeen and readyto dive into life together, that,
that was a big part of steppingout of that old troubled life.
(20:22):
And we put expectations on our new lifebefore we even knew who and what we were.
So
why I highlight that is because of theripple effect in the sexual assault and
(20:46):
violence, especially against children.
We, we could carry on and giveso many stories about this, but I
really think that it's importantto highlight what RAINN does and
some of the definitions that arerelated to a lot of this dysfunction.
(21:12):
So let's take some time here, unless youhave anything else to add at this time.
No.
OK.
So let's take and look at some ofthis, the types of sexual violence.
(21:34):
All of this can be found onrainn.org, that's R, A, I, N, N.org.
The website that they have is veryinformative and it is loaded with
resources and information to help youcombat the sexual violence in your world.
(22:01):
The term sexual violence is anall encompassing, non legal term
that refers to crimes like sexualassault, rape, and sexual abuse.
Many of these crimes are describedbelow and we're going to look
(22:22):
at a few of these in detail.
Number one, sexual assault.
Number two, child sexual abuse.
Three, sexual assault of men and boys.
Number four, Intimatepartner sexual violence.
(22:46):
Number five, incest.
Number six, drugfacilitated sexual assault.
So, let's dive in andlook at some of those.
First, sexual assault.
Sexual assault can takemany different forms.
(23:09):
But one thing remains the same,it's never the victim's fault.
That's so true, as we foundout, because that, you know, can
sometimes make people feel thatthere's something wrong with them.
Yeah.
Some people have a lot of guiltand or shame, and it keeps them
(23:36):
from wanting to talk about it.
And even, they feel guilt because they'reafraid, like, it might split their parents
up and they might get the blame, or
Big one.
you know, or they didsomething to cause it.
(23:57):
And
these people need to know that,you know, they did not do anything
to cause what happened to them.
You know, and to even carry that further,
I, I have questions about thementality of the perpetrators.
(24:23):
And, you know, it's definitein our experience that
it really felt malicious in many ways.
How your perpetrator kind of cameagainst us after we got married
(24:48):
and you were out of the house, youknow, the, the vile tactics just
kept coming instead of support.
We got shamed, and, uh,
Judged.
(25:09):
judged, and mocked, ridiculed.
It, it, it really is a pointin time that is confusing.
And, you know, being young andgetting married, for that to happen,
(25:32):
it was just very confusing andconflicting in many ways because
being young, you know, some of that blamewent on to you because it was your family.
You know, and that, that was really wrongfor me to think because, you know, you had
(26:00):
nothing to do with what they were doing.
But I didn't have that.
Just kind of felt stuck because
I continued to let it happen, so in a wayyou felt like you had to continue to let
(26:22):
it happen because you didn't want to causea rift and then cause me to be angry.
But you know, that's when I figuredout, you know, it's not wrong to
separate you from, separate yourselffrom someone who's causing you harm
(26:43):
so you can feel safe and protected andhave peace and calm in your own family.
I mean, you don't have to putyourself through that hurt just
because they are a family member.
And that's good advice because it tookyou until you were in your fifties
(27:06):
Yeah.
to figure that out.
And, you know,
trying to figure out how to helpyou see that, was very frustrating.
Well, that goes into,well, this person claimed,
(27:30):
after all the abuse happened, theydecide, oh, they're a Christian.
And there was a lot of guiltplaced on me about forgiving.
Oh, you're not a goodperson if you don't forgive.
And you'll go to hellif you don't forgive.
And that's why I was saying,Forgiveness can't be expected
(27:54):
or, put a lot of guilt on you.
You have to be able to heal and cometo a place of forgiveness on your own.
Yeah, you can never tell when theforgiveness is going to happen.
So you really just have to heal yourself.
(28:17):
It's not up to other people to make youhappy, you have to do that yourself.
We've made a poster to hang onyour wall to remind you of that.
So let's get back into the list.
Uh, it says, what is sexual assault?
(28:39):
I think this is good here.
The term sexual assault refers tosexual contact or behavior that occurs
without explicit consent of the victim.
Some forms of sexual assault include, butnot limited to, attempted rape, fondling
(29:04):
or unwanted sexual touching, forcing avictim to perform sexual acts such as oral
sex or penetrating the perpetrator's body.
Penetration of the victim'sbody, also known as rape.
(29:24):
And I want to add to that a little bit.
I think that just the gestureof calling out, you know, it's
called cat calling, I think.
You know, and men and women do it now.
It, it, where they just think thatit's alright to, Hey, that's some fine
(29:48):
ass, or something like that, you know?
That also should be consideredsexual abuse or sexual assault,
you know, it's unwanted and it'sa sexual gesture towards someone.
(30:08):
So once we start really divingin, we can actually understand
you have to control how you think,act, and feel in this world today.
Uh, next, child sexual abuse.
(30:32):
When a perpetrator intentionallyharms a minor physically,
psychologically, sexually,or by acts of neglect, the
crime is known as child abuse.
What is child sexual abuse?
(30:52):
Child sexual abuse is a formof child abuse that includes
sexual activity with a minor.
A child cannot consent to anyform of sexual activity, period.
When a perpetrator engages with achild this way, they are committing
(31:13):
a crime that can have lastingeffects on the victim for years.
Child sexual abuse does notneed to include physical contact
between a perpetrator and a child.
Some forms of child sexual abuse include,but are not limited to, exhibitionism, or
(31:38):
exposing oneself to a minor, fondling,
intercourse, masturbation inthe presence of a minor or
forcing the minor to masturbate.
Obscene conversations, phone calls,text messages, or digital interaction.
(32:02):
Producing, owning, or sharingpornographic images or movies of a child.
Sex of any kind with a minorincluding vaginal, oral, or anal.
Sex trafficking, any other contact ofsexual nature that involves a minor.
(32:28):
And the page goes on, and I thinkthis is really important to highlight.
What do perpetrators ofchild sexual abuse look like?
That's pretty easy.
You can't really tell, youknow, but there is a lot of
(32:50):
information here that outlines it.
So again, we are on rainn.org.
R, A, I, N, N.org.
And we are sharing informationabout sexual abuse and rape, these
(33:12):
violent things that happen to us.
Let's carry on.
Sexual assault of men and boys.
Sexual assault can happen to anyone.
Men and boys who have been sexuallyassaulted or abused may have many of
(33:34):
the same feelings and reactions asother survivors of sexual assault,
but they may also face some additionalchallenges because of social attitudes
and stereotypes about men and masculinity.
I can tell you this is big and justlike any other of that shame, guilt,
(34:00):
men are subject to that same feeling.
But I really feel that it's muchharder for us to just come to grasp
with what has actually happened to us.
And that's my own opinion.
I don't want to under play anyabuse, especially to children.
(34:26):
But just by nature and thatmasculinity profile stereotyping,
it does have this weight to it.
And I'm sure any sort of rape does,but I think more men really need
(34:48):
to stand up and highlight theirhistory with this type of abuse.
I think it can help other menand boys come out of the hurt and
hate that this can really cause.
(35:12):
There's a lot of information on RAINNabout this and, you know, it also says
the same thing, who are the perpetratorsof sexual assault against men and boys?
Well, over ninety percent of childrenand teen survivors know the perpetrator
(35:34):
who abused or assaulted them.
Among adult survivors of rape,eighty percent know the perpetrator.
Sexual offenders may use physicalforce or coercion tactics
to facilitate their crimes.
The next up is, intimatepartner sexual violence.
(36:01):
Sexual violence most often is perpetratedby someone a survivor knows, and this
includes intimate partner relationships.
There are many different terms torefer to sexual violence that occurs
within intimate partnerships, includingintimate partner sexual violence,
(36:25):
domestic violence, intimate partnerrape, marital rape, and spousal rape.
No matter what term is used or howthe relationship is defined, it
is never okay to engage in sexualactivity without someone's consent.
(36:47):
I think this is big here.
You know, because for a long time, just mebeing able to touch you in a sexual way,
it bothered you at times.
And this is another one of thoseripple things as we get in deeper
(37:10):
to what this actually does.
You still, to this day, sometimesdon't like to be touched.
And for a long time, that made me angry.
You know, it was offensive to me,it hurt me and I felt that you
(37:33):
somehow had something against me.
However, I did not take intoaccount what had happened and how
that could make you feel that way.
So I really think that it's important forcouples to realize, to give that space and
(37:59):
time and recognize and actually outlineto your partner, this is your body and
your space and yes, I want to honor that.
Yeah.
And I think another thing where that,that is important, where communication
(38:21):
is concerned is, for the person thatexperienced that to open up to their
partner and say, you know, thisisn't anything personal against you,
but I'm just feeling triggered, orhaving a bad day or a bad time, or
something stirred up a bad memory.
(38:46):
I'm just not feeling like Iwant to be touched right now.
So to open up and communicate thatway, I think would help a lot.
Yeah, I agree.
You know, uh, communication.
Especially when that hasoccurred in your life is really
(39:08):
at the utmost of importance.
Because you need to know who yourpartner is, the, the deep, dark secrets.
They can't be secret.
They have to come out so yourpartner understands who you are.
(39:29):
Without that knowledge,
you're really battling some things andyou don't know what you're battling.
So, you know, to be intimate withyour partner is a very positive thing.
(39:49):
But because of sexual violence, rape,you know, just these intolerable
things that occur in our life,
it can be very difficult laterin life when you want to be
intimate with your partner.
And restoring that, it does really takethat buffer zone and really letting your
(40:19):
partner know that, Hey, I understand.
It's okay.
And take that time to trust meand understand I'm here for you.
I think it's really big.
Let's move on to the next one.
(40:41):
This is a big one.
Incest.
If you've ever experienced sexual abuseby a family member, you are not alone.
And what happened toyou is not your fault.
While it may be difficult to talkabout, you should know that it is
(41:01):
an issue that impacts many people.
The majority of juvenile victims know theperpetrator, and approximately thirty-four
percent of perpetrators in cases ofchild sexual abuse are family members.
(41:24):
While incest is often underreported,RAINN frequently offers support to
survivors of incest of all ages throughthe National Sexual Assault Hotline.
If you want to talk to someoneconfidentially about what you
are going through, visit online.
(41:49):
rainn.org anytime, 24/7, to speakwith a RAINN support specialist.
What is incest?
The term incest refers to sexualcontact between family members.
(42:10):
Laws vary from state to state regardingwhat constitutes crimes of incest, child
sexual abuse, sexual assault, and rape.
Regardless of state laws, unwantedsexual contact from a family member can
have lasting effects on the survivor.
(42:35):
I can tell you from my family'sexperience, this breaks families apart.
And it
puts a distrust in thevictim and the perpetrator.
(43:01):
It's really funny how that mightsound, but it is very true.
Once that occurs, there'sa distrust factor.
And
it goes back to that shame, guilt,kind of pulling the covers over things,
(43:26):
hiding it, sweeping it under the rug.
And, and incest is very hard to dealwith, especially when the parents
themselves have been molested and abused.
(43:49):
And that gets back into that generationalcurse, it just keeps happening.
And that's why it's so importantthat we all figure out how to talk
about these things with each other.
We can prevent a lotof this from occurring
(44:13):
by educating others.
And that's what we're doingtoday, discussing this.
This was not easy for Theresa toactually record an episode with me.
But it does show you that through thathard work and baby stepping it in, you
(44:37):
can find that comfort, that safe zonewhere you can start releasing it and
exploring more comfort in your life.
And there's many ways to do that.
Let's go on a little more here.
The next is, drugfacilitated sexual assault.
(45:04):
In cases of drug facilitated sexualassault, survivors often blame themselves.
Remember, you are not to blame.
You are the only one allowedto make choices for your body.
Using drugs or alcohol is neveran excuse for assault and does
(45:29):
not mean that it was your fault.
What is drug facilitated sexual assault?
Drug facilitated sexual assaultoccurs when alcohol or drugs are
used to compromise an individual'sability to consent to sexual activity.
(45:54):
These substances make it easier for aperpetrator to commit sexual assault
because they lower inhibitions,reduce a person's ability to
resist, and can prevent them fromremembering details of the assault.
(46:14):
Drugs and alcohol can cause diminishedcapacity, a legal term that varies
in definition from state to state.
You may have heard the term daterape drugs to refer to substances
that perpetrators use to commitsexual assault, such as roofies.
(46:37):
Alcohol is the most commonsubstance used to perpetrate
drug facilitated sexual assault.
Drug facilitated sexual assaultcan happen to anyone, by anyone,
whether the perpetrator is anintimate partner, stranger, or
(46:58):
someone you've known for a lifetime.
How often does sexual assaultoccur in the United States?
The number of people victimizedeach year: inmates, 80,600 were
sexually assaulted or raped.
(47:22):
Children, 60,000 were victims ofsubstantiated or indicated sexual abuse.
General public, 433,648Americans twelve and older, were
(47:47):
sexually assaulted or raped.
The military, 18,900, experiencedunwanted sexual contact.
Nine out of every tenvictims of rape are female.
(48:12):
17. 7 million American women as of 1998.
Ten
percent are male.
2. 78 million American men as of 1998.
Here's a breakdown of locationswhere sexual assault occurs.
(48:38):
The majority of sexual assaultsoccur at or near the victim's home.
Fifty-five percent at ornear the victim's home.
Fifteen percent in an open public space.
Twelve percent at ornear a relative's home.
(49:00):
Ten percent in an enclosed but publicarea, such as a parking lot or a garage.
Eight percent on school property.
I just want to say something right here,because it's saying a lot of them occurs
(49:22):
in a victim's home or a relative's home.
And when victims are in a spacewhere they're in a lot of denial,
it opens this up to continue.
Because when they become adultsand have children of their own,
(49:48):
then they go to family gatheringsor they allow the perpetrators to,
uh, babysit or take their childrento places like outings or whatever.
(50:09):
And I just want to say, It'sokay to not let that happen.
You can, you shouldprotect your children and
Put boundaries and say, No, it's not okayfor you to babysit my child or to take
my child somewhere, you know, like a zooor whatever they want to take them to.
(50:39):
You should never leave your childrenalone with somebody like that.
Yes, you are ultimatelyresponsible for your children.
And it should be you or your spouse,that, that's the only people that
should be alone with your children.
(51:00):
And you know, there are so many morestatistics to just compound the problem.
You know, it's, it's everywhere.
It happens to rich, poor, strong, weak,able, disabled, you know, it's across
(51:22):
all genders, it extends all race.
There are no boundaries orlimits to the problems occurring
because of sexual assault.
As we said at the very beginning,every sixty-eight seconds an
(51:43):
American is sexually assaulted.
The majority of sexual assaultvictims are under thirty.
Fifteen percent age twelve to seventeen.
Fifty-four
percent of sexual assaultvictims, eighteen to thirty-four.
(52:09):
Twenty-eight percentthirty-five to sixty-four.
And then three percent
age sixty-five plus.
It's also known that womenand girls experience sexual
violence at higher rates.
(52:30):
One out of every six American womenhas been the victim of an attempted
or completed rape in her lifetime.
14. 8 percent completed, 2.
8 percent attempted.
Men and boys are alsoaffected by sexual violence.
(52:55):
Males, age eighteen to twenty-four,who are college students, are
approximately five times more likelythan non students of the same age to
be victim of rape or sexual assault.
I find that kind of interesting.
Is that because of thecollege environment?
(53:18):
It's, it's a question to bethinking about and asking.
Native Americans are at the greatest risk
of sexual violence.
On average, American Indiansage twelve and older experience
5,900 sexual assaults per year.
(53:41):
Every nine minutes, Child ProtectiveServices substantiates or finds evidence
for a claim of child sexual abuse.
Of all victims under eighteen, two outof three are ages twelve to seventeen.
(54:02):
About the predators, half of thepredators are thirty or older.
Twenty-five percent aretwenty-one through twenty-nine.
Nine percent are eighteen through twenty.
(54:25):
And there's a whopping fifteenpercent are seventeen or younger.
Now this is very interesting here also.
The race of perpetrators.
A lot of people often assume thatblacks are the higher percentile
(54:46):
when it comes to crimes like this.
That is not true.
Fifty-seven percent are white, whileonly twenty-seven percent are black.
More than half of all alleged rapistshave at least one prior conviction.
(55:10):
Suspects who are released pretrial often commit new crimes.
With that being said, the criminaljustice system statistics state
the vast majority of perpetratorswill not go to jail or prison.
(55:31):
Out of every 1, 000 sexual assaults,975 perpetrators will walk free.
Out of 1, 000 assault and battery crimes,
627 are reported to police, and only 255
(55:58):
reports lead to arrest.
On campus sexual violence statistics.
Women, age eighteen to twenty-four, areat an elevated risk of sexual violence.
(56:19):
Sexual violence is more prevalentat college compared to other crimes.
College age victims of sexual violenceoften do not report to law enforcement.
I think that's very importantthat people understand reporting
(56:43):
these things is very important.
No matter who it is, why it is.
If we are unwilling to standup against this sort of thing,
it's only going to get worseand worse as time goes on.
(57:10):
There's a lot of argument thatI've heard, well, you can't
report it if somebody's innocent.
But I've found out that that's reallythe job of the justice system to find
out who's guilty, who's innocent.
(57:32):
And if we're unwilling to use thesystem, or the mechanisms that
we've established by law, thenthese perpetrators have already won.
With that being said,
(57:55):
I really feel that it is veryimportant to highlight this type
of subject in our world today.
And I want to say thank you to mybeautiful wife, Theresa, for stepping
up to the plate and helping me highlightthese problems because I don't think
(58:19):
I would have done it without her.
So in closing, do you haveanything else you want to share
about any of this, Theresa?
Well, I just add to what you weresaying about we need to stand up and,
(58:41):
for ourselves and speak out, you know,even if you can't get a family member
to believe you or listen to you, thereare other people to reach out like
this rainn.org, or a teacher, a pastor,a close friend or a friend's family.
(59:06):
Somebody to reach outto or even the police.
Just whoever you can get to listen to you.
Yeah, because sometimes it isvery difficult to navigate.
Well, not sometimes, always.
And help is always a blessing.
(59:27):
Yeah.
Alright.
With that, I ask that you go torainn.org, that's R, A, I, N, N.org.
Support them, and support each otherby getting involved, standing up.
And
(59:49):
thank you for listening and have agreat afternoon no matter where you are.
Thank you for joining us today.
If you found this podcast enlightening,entertaining, educational in any way,
please share, like, subscribe, and joinus right back here next week for another
(01:00:14):
great episode of the Dead America Podcast.
I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoyyour afternoon wherever you might be.
To overcome, you must educate.
Educate not only yourself, buteducate anyone seeking to learn.
We are all Dead America,we can all learn something.
To learn, we must challengewhat we already understand.
(00:25):
The way we do that isthrough conversation.
Sometimes we have conversations withothers, however, some of the best
conversations happen with ourselves.
Reach out and challenge yourself; let'sdive in and learn something new right now.
(00:54):
Today, we have a differentsort of episode for you.
It is not our regular day,nor is it our regular format.
I am especially excited today becausetoday I have with me my wife, Theresa.
Theresa, can you say hi?
(01:16):
Hello.
All right.
Now, today we are presenting anepisode in conjunction with Podcasthon.
And we chose the non profitorganization to support, RAINN.
Let me highlight you on RAINN's mission.
(01:39):
RAINN is an acronym, stands for Rape,Abuse, and Incest National Network.
RAINN is the nation's largestanti sexual violence organization.
RAINN created and operates theNational Sexual Assault Hotline.
(02:00):
You can reach them twenty-fourhours a day at 1-800- 656-HOPE.
That's 4673.
1-800-656-4673. You can also chat withthem online at rainn, R, A, I, N, N .org.
(02:26):
In partnership with more than 1, 000 localsexual assault service providers across
the country and operates the DOD SafeHelpline for the Department of Defense.
RAINN also carries out programsto prevent sexual violence,
help survivors, and ensure thatperpetrators are brought to justice.
(02:53):
This is why we, as a couple,chose to come together to
support RAINN during Podcasthon.
Without further ado, let'sget into today's episode.
Every sixty-eight seconds, anAmerican is sexually assaulted.
(03:17):
And every nine minutes,that victim is a child.
Meanwhile, only 25 out of every 1, 000perpetrators will end up in prison.
Do we see something wrong with that?
Every day, hundreds of Americansare affected by sexual violence.
(03:44):
This doesn't just mean thevictim, I'm talking ripple effect.
And this can carry on forever,generation after generation.
And as long as nobody is willing tostand up and really look at the scope
(04:06):
of this problem, victims of sexualviolence, child and teen victims,
they will continue to be harmed.
And generations to come willbe affected by that harm.
(04:27):
My wife, Theresa, she wentthrough major assaults as a child.
And I can say after many, manyyears of struggling, we are finally
starting to get a grip on theproblems that we face as a couple.
(04:55):
Not only because of hersexual predator, but my own.
I faced sexual predators of my own,my family, and outside of the family.
(05:16):
Theresa,
how did it make you feel all of thoseyears because of your sexual predator?
Angry, hurt, humiliated, kind of, theymake you want to feel like you're the
(05:40):
only one that it's happening to, soyou don't want to speak out to anybody.
Or else, or else they intimidate youand make you afraid to speak out.
So when we met,
we kind of had an idea ofwhat each other went through.
(06:04):
But all those years, there wasthis closet effect with us.
And we really didn't communicateeffectively about our problems.
And that really escalatedinto some bad times for us.
(06:26):
What
did it make you feel like whenI was part of those problems?
Well, I guess I'd say confused.
I felt like maybe I was unlovableand that you didn't love me because
(06:52):
my dad gave me the message thatnobody was ever going to love me.
So that created a lot ofconfusion and contention
because I was thinking the thingsthat you were doing were because
it was something I was doing.
(07:17):
Yeah, that's big right there.
You know that, because that was also inmy mind with what I was going through.
And I did not realize that until, heck, wewere in our fifties at that point in time.
And that's when I really startedunderstanding deeper into, not
(07:41):
only your problems, because Iwas avoiding my own at the same
time, kind of, I guess I would say
trying to avoid them, becauseof what we've learned now about
that shame/guilt associationwith problems that we go through.
(08:06):
So I, I really think that's big.
You know, after going through all of that,do you think there's a better way that we
could have communicated with each otherabout what was happening in our life?
Yeah.
(08:27):
Um, I think the biggest thing was
fear because we were afraid ofwhat each other would think about
us if we opened up and talkedabout what happened with us and,
losing family members and thingslike that because of how we
(08:51):
felt and how we understood.
Yeah, I guess, and a lot of it was notknowing how to communicate it properly.
I mean, you get so much anger andconfusion, you tend to just want to
lash out instead of slow down andthink about what you want to say.
(09:14):
That was big because, you know, thatputs you kind of in that repetitive
loop and you only get so far in theconversation and then it collapses.
So we, we spent years in that cycleand understanding how to get out
(09:37):
of it wasn't easy for either of us.
Because we found no help anywhereto explain these things in any way.
I'm really glad that you got intopodcasting because through your
podcasting, you was able to speak withsome psychologists and counselors and
(10:02):
find some good self help books that weordered and we've been going through.
And it's been helping us to identifyour feelings and emotions and to
be able to speak about the thingsthat we've went through without,
(10:23):
you know, a bunch of embarrassment.
And more understanding about what it isthat we went through and how our families
affected the way we felt about ourselves.
Yeah, not only our families, buteverything and everyone around us.
(10:46):
That brings up my muddy shoe, of course.
You know, life is like a muddy trail andpeople, places, and things in our life,
that's the mud that we're walking through.
And that can get very heavybecause sometimes we don't
(11:08):
know how to deal with it.
Well, just like if you're on a muddytrail, there's rocks and tree branches
that you can wipe that mud off.
And really, we found out wipingthat mud off, making it lighter
and easier to walk the mud, it,it really does make a difference.
(11:31):
So in essence, what we're dealing with is
finding out it's okay to letpeople, places, and things go.
We get bound up in these things and it canreally make our personal life a struggle
because we really looked at all of thatstuff as guidance because we don't know.
(12:01):
There's not a manual for any of this.
And, and, you know, whenyou go through these
sexual assaults and sexual immoralities,all of these things that really hurt
(12:27):
because you don't feel that the peopleclosest to you should treat us that way.
But through our walk, we've found that
people are only doing what people do.
(12:47):
And you know, sometimes
it's, it's your choice whether youforgive them or let them go for a while.
Uh, it's really interesting thewalk that you have to do to help
recover after sexual assault.
(13:10):
Well, personally, you know, throughoutmy childhood, it was always pushed
on me, you know, expected ofme that oh, you should forgive.
And, you know, it's okay if you don'twant to be around, especially if they're
a family member, if you don't want tobe around them, you don't have to be.
(13:35):
And it's okay to nothave them in your life.
And to me, forgiveness isn'tsomething that can be expected of
you or make you feel guilty about.
It is something for you to, tocome to a place where you can just
(13:55):
let it go and live your life ashappy as possible that you can.
Yeah, that's big right there.
You know, because it isultimately your choice.
And that's your power rightthere against the perpetrator.
(14:17):
You, you feel stuck.
I mean, really, because finances orwhatever, there's always something
that makes you get into thatStockholm Syndrome type thing where
you feel like you have to be there.
(14:38):
And that's not the case at all once youempower yourself with your own choice.
Like with me and you, I don'tmake your choices, you have
to make your own choices.
But we found out that those choicesthat you make, you have to actually
(15:00):
live up to and be accountable for.
And that goes for me too.
You know, once you step into thatownership position of, no, this is
my life and only I can drive the bus.
And this is a good time to,you know, throw that Drive
(15:26):
Your Own Darn Bus by Julia out.
And, you know, we will actuallythrow a link to that in the
show notes for today's episode.
Because this is one of the bigthings that helped us understand
(15:47):
getting into that driver's seat.
Especially you.
You know, because this is a gal thattook time to really outline those,
those things that are important.
So how important were those books andeven the podcasts that we listened to?
(16:14):
Well, speaking of books,another good one is called The
Courage to Heal by Laura Davis.
And if you want you canput a link to that one too.
Yep.
And
I find them really important becausethey taught me a lot of stuff
(16:34):
about dealing with triggers, anddealing with emotions, and how to
communicate them appropriately, and
how to just take care of yourself.
(16:54):
And like I said, the podcasts werereally helpful because they helped us
to find and learn about these books.
Yeah, you know, when I started thepodcast, I was still so angry about
(17:16):
everything that happened to me.
You know, not only my injury, butlosing my mother, and, you know,
losing like my manhood, I felt.
I, I, I just felt that everything Ihad to give was, you know, tied up
(17:37):
into fixing things and going to workand being that head of maintenance.
And then when I lost it all, it was,it really put me through turmoil.
So,
you know, podcasting really helpedme release and figure out that
(18:03):
we're not alone in any of this.
Not only was I going through, you know,the issues with my own life, I was still
dealing with the responsibility for youand my leadership role in our family.
(18:25):
And not understanding how I was goingto be able to provide that is huge.
But yet I take that particular time asthe moment I was crushed into rubble.
And then God started putting in His mixto create that solid foundation where
(18:51):
I can now stand on truth and logic andreally understand, my position is much
less than what I really thought it was.
And I, I think if people understandthat they have to give some things up
(19:18):
to achieve happiness, it's really big.
Now with all of that beingsaid, our struggles and our
life has been filled with this
(19:38):
sexual,
I don't even know what to call it,
Dysfunction?
Dysfunction.
That's a good word for it.
You know, because we didn't know halfas much as, not even a quarter of
(20:02):
the amount that we thought we knew.
And when we were seventeen and readyto dive into life together, that,
that was a big part of steppingout of that old troubled life.
(20:22):
And we put expectations on our new lifebefore we even knew who and what we were.
So
why I highlight that is because of theripple effect in the sexual assault and
(20:46):
violence, especially against children.
We, we could carry on and giveso many stories about this, but I
really think that it's importantto highlight what RAINN does and
some of the definitions that arerelated to a lot of this dysfunction.
(21:12):
So let's take some time here, unless youhave anything else to add at this time.
No.
OK.
So let's take and look at some ofthis, the types of sexual violence.
(21:34):
All of this can be found onrainn.org, that's R, A, I, N, N.org.
The website that they have is veryinformative and it is loaded with
resources and information to help youcombat the sexual violence in your world.
(22:01):
The term sexual violence is anall encompassing, non legal term
that refers to crimes like sexualassault, rape, and sexual abuse.
Many of these crimes are describedbelow and we're going to look
(22:22):
at a few of these in detail.
Number one, sexual assault.
Number two, child sexual abuse.
Three, sexual assault of men and boys.
Number four, Intimatepartner sexual violence.
(22:46):
Number five, incest.
Number six, drugfacilitated sexual assault.
So, let's dive in andlook at some of those.
First, sexual assault.
Sexual assault can takemany different forms.
(23:09):
But one thing remains the same,it's never the victim's fault.
That's so true, as we foundout, because that, you know, can
sometimes make people feel thatthere's something wrong with them.
Yeah.
Some people have a lot of guiltand or shame, and it keeps them
(23:36):
from wanting to talk about it.
And even, they feel guilt because they'reafraid, like, it might split their parents
up and they might get the blame, or
Big one.
you know, or they didsomething to cause it.
(23:57):
And
these people need to know that,you know, they did not do anything
to cause what happened to them.
You know, and to even carry that further,
I, I have questions about thementality of the perpetrators.
(24:23):
And, you know, it's definitein our experience that
it really felt malicious in many ways.
How your perpetrator kind of cameagainst us after we got married
(24:48):
and you were out of the house, youknow, the, the vile tactics just
kept coming instead of support.
We got shamed, and, uh,
Judged.
(25:09):
judged, and mocked, ridiculed.
It, it, it really is a pointin time that is confusing.
And, you know, being young andgetting married, for that to happen,
(25:32):
it was just very confusing andconflicting in many ways because
being young, you know, some of that blamewent on to you because it was your family.
You know, and that, that was really wrongfor me to think because, you know, you had
(26:00):
nothing to do with what they were doing.
But I didn't have that.
Just kind of felt stuck because
I continued to let it happen, so in a wayyou felt like you had to continue to let
(26:22):
it happen because you didn't want to causea rift and then cause me to be angry.
But you know, that's when I figuredout, you know, it's not wrong to
separate you from, separate yourselffrom someone who's causing you harm
(26:43):
so you can feel safe and protected andhave peace and calm in your own family.
I mean, you don't have to putyourself through that hurt just
because they are a family member.
And that's good advice because it tookyou until you were in your fifties
(27:06):
Yeah.
to figure that out.
And, you know,
trying to figure out how to helpyou see that, was very frustrating.
Well, that goes into,well, this person claimed,
(27:30):
after all the abuse happened, theydecide, oh, they're a Christian.
And there was a lot of guiltplaced on me about forgiving.
Oh, you're not a goodperson if you don't forgive.
And you'll go to hellif you don't forgive.
And that's why I was saying,Forgiveness can't be expected
(27:54):
or, put a lot of guilt on you.
You have to be able to heal and cometo a place of forgiveness on your own.
Yeah, you can never tell when theforgiveness is going to happen.
So you really just have to heal yourself.
(28:17):
It's not up to other people to make youhappy, you have to do that yourself.
We've made a poster to hang onyour wall to remind you of that.
So let's get back into the list.
Uh, it says, what is sexual assault?
(28:39):
I think this is good here.
The term sexual assault refers tosexual contact or behavior that occurs
without explicit consent of the victim.
Some forms of sexual assault include, butnot limited to, attempted rape, fondling
(29:04):
or unwanted sexual touching, forcing avictim to perform sexual acts such as oral
sex or penetrating the perpetrator's body.
Penetration of the victim'sbody, also known as rape.
(29:24):
And I want to add to that a little bit.
I think that just the gestureof calling out, you know, it's
called cat calling, I think.
You know, and men and women do it now.
It, it, where they just think thatit's alright to, Hey, that's some fine
(29:48):
ass, or something like that, you know?
That also should be consideredsexual abuse or sexual assault,
you know, it's unwanted and it'sa sexual gesture towards someone.
(30:08):
So once we start really divingin, we can actually understand
you have to control how you think,act, and feel in this world today.
Uh, next, child sexual abuse.
(30:32):
When a perpetrator intentionallyharms a minor physically,
psychologically, sexually,or by acts of neglect, the
crime is known as child abuse.
What is child sexual abuse?
(30:52):
Child sexual abuse is a formof child abuse that includes
sexual activity with a minor.
A child cannot consent to anyform of sexual activity, period.
When a perpetrator engages with achild this way, they are committing
(31:13):
a crime that can have lastingeffects on the victim for years.
Child sexual abuse does notneed to include physical contact
between a perpetrator and a child.
Some forms of child sexual abuse include,but are not limited to, exhibitionism, or
(31:38):
exposing oneself to a minor, fondling,
intercourse, masturbation inthe presence of a minor or
forcing the minor to masturbate.
Obscene conversations, phone calls,text messages, or digital interaction.
(32:02):
Producing, owning, or sharingpornographic images or movies of a child.
Sex of any kind with a minorincluding vaginal, oral, or anal.
Sex trafficking, any other contact ofsexual nature that involves a minor.
(32:28):
And the page goes on, and I thinkthis is really important to highlight.
What do perpetrators ofchild sexual abuse look like?
That's pretty easy.
You can't really tell, youknow, but there is a lot of
(32:50):
information here that outlines it.
So again, we are on rainn.org.
R, A, I, N, N.org.
And we are sharing informationabout sexual abuse and rape, these
(33:12):
violent things that happen to us.
Let's carry on.
Sexual assault of men and boys.
Sexual assault can happen to anyone.
Men and boys who have been sexuallyassaulted or abused may have many of
(33:34):
the same feelings and reactions asother survivors of sexual assault,
but they may also face some additionalchallenges because of social attitudes
and stereotypes about men and masculinity.
I can tell you this is big and justlike any other of that shame, guilt,
(34:00):
men are subject to that same feeling.
But I really feel that it's muchharder for us to just come to grasp
with what has actually happened to us.
And that's my own opinion.
I don't want to under play anyabuse, especially to children.
(34:26):
But just by nature and thatmasculinity profile stereotyping,
it does have this weight to it.
And I'm sure any sort of rape does,but I think more men really need
(34:48):
to stand up and highlight theirhistory with this type of abuse.
I think it can help other menand boys come out of the hurt and
hate that this can really cause.
(35:12):
There's a lot of information on RAINNabout this and, you know, it also says
the same thing, who are the perpetratorsof sexual assault against men and boys?
Well, over ninety percent of childrenand teen survivors know the perpetrator
(35:34):
who abused or assaulted them.
Among adult survivors of rape,eighty percent know the perpetrator.
Sexual offenders may use physicalforce or coercion tactics
to facilitate their crimes.
The next up is, intimatepartner sexual violence.
(36:01):
Sexual violence most often is perpetratedby someone a survivor knows, and this
includes intimate partner relationships.
There are many different terms torefer to sexual violence that occurs
within intimate partnerships, includingintimate partner sexual violence,
(36:25):
domestic violence, intimate partnerrape, marital rape, and spousal rape.
No matter what term is used or howthe relationship is defined, it
is never okay to engage in sexualactivity without someone's consent.
(36:47):
I think this is big here.
You know, because for a long time, just mebeing able to touch you in a sexual way,
it bothered you at times.
And this is another one of thoseripple things as we get in deeper
(37:10):
to what this actually does.
You still, to this day, sometimesdon't like to be touched.
And for a long time, that made me angry.
You know, it was offensive to me,it hurt me and I felt that you
(37:33):
somehow had something against me.
However, I did not take intoaccount what had happened and how
that could make you feel that way.
So I really think that it's important forcouples to realize, to give that space and
(37:59):
time and recognize and actually outlineto your partner, this is your body and
your space and yes, I want to honor that.
Yeah.
And I think another thing where that,that is important, where communication
(38:21):
is concerned is, for the person thatexperienced that to open up to their
partner and say, you know, thisisn't anything personal against you,
but I'm just feeling triggered, orhaving a bad day or a bad time, or
something stirred up a bad memory.
(38:46):
I'm just not feeling like Iwant to be touched right now.
So to open up and communicate thatway, I think would help a lot.
Yeah, I agree.
You know, uh, communication.
Especially when that hasoccurred in your life is really
(39:08):
at the utmost of importance.
Because you need to know who yourpartner is, the, the deep, dark secrets.
They can't be secret.
They have to come out so yourpartner understands who you are.
(39:29):
Without that knowledge,
you're really battling some things andyou don't know what you're battling.
So, you know, to be intimate withyour partner is a very positive thing.
(39:49):
But because of sexual violence, rape,you know, just these intolerable
things that occur in our life,
it can be very difficult laterin life when you want to be
intimate with your partner.
And restoring that, it does really takethat buffer zone and really letting your
(40:19):
partner know that, Hey, I understand.
It's okay.
And take that time to trust meand understand I'm here for you.
I think it's really big.
Let's move on to the next one.
(40:41):
This is a big one.
Incest.
If you've ever experienced sexual abuseby a family member, you are not alone.
And what happened toyou is not your fault.
While it may be difficult to talkabout, you should know that it is
(41:01):
an issue that impacts many people.
The majority of juvenile victims know theperpetrator, and approximately thirty-four
percent of perpetrators in cases ofchild sexual abuse are family members.
(41:24):
While incest is often underreported,RAINN frequently offers support to
survivors of incest of all ages throughthe National Sexual Assault Hotline.
If you want to talk to someoneconfidentially about what you
are going through, visit online.
(41:49):
rainn.org anytime, 24/7, to speakwith a RAINN support specialist.
What is incest?
The term incest refers to sexualcontact between family members.
(42:10):
Laws vary from state to state regardingwhat constitutes crimes of incest, child
sexual abuse, sexual assault, and rape.
Regardless of state laws, unwantedsexual contact from a family member can
have lasting effects on the survivor.
(42:35):
I can tell you from my family'sexperience, this breaks families apart.
And it
puts a distrust in thevictim and the perpetrator.
(43:01):
It's really funny how that mightsound, but it is very true.
Once that occurs, there'sa distrust factor.
And
it goes back to that shame, guilt,kind of pulling the covers over things,
(43:26):
hiding it, sweeping it under the rug.
And, and incest is very hard to dealwith, especially when the parents
themselves have been molested and abused.
(43:49):
And that gets back into that generationalcurse, it just keeps happening.
And that's why it's so importantthat we all figure out how to talk
about these things with each other.
We can prevent a lotof this from occurring
(44:13):
by educating others.
And that's what we're doingtoday, discussing this.
This was not easy for Theresa toactually record an episode with me.
But it does show you that through thathard work and baby stepping it in, you
(44:37):
can find that comfort, that safe zonewhere you can start releasing it and
exploring more comfort in your life.
And there's many ways to do that.
Let's go on a little more here.
The next is, drugfacilitated sexual assault.
(45:04):
In cases of drug facilitated sexualassault, survivors often blame themselves.
Remember, you are not to blame.
You are the only one allowedto make choices for your body.
Using drugs or alcohol is neveran excuse for assault and does
(45:29):
not mean that it was your fault.
What is drug facilitated sexual assault?
Drug facilitated sexual assaultoccurs when alcohol or drugs are
used to compromise an individual'sability to consent to sexual activity.
(45:54):
These substances make it easier for aperpetrator to commit sexual assault
because they lower inhibitions,reduce a person's ability to
resist, and can prevent them fromremembering details of the assault.
(46:14):
Drugs and alcohol can cause diminishedcapacity, a legal term that varies
in definition from state to state.
You may have heard the term daterape drugs to refer to substances
that perpetrators use to commitsexual assault, such as roofies.
(46:37):
Alcohol is the most commonsubstance used to perpetrate
drug facilitated sexual assault.
Drug facilitated sexual assaultcan happen to anyone, by anyone,
whether the perpetrator is anintimate partner, stranger, or
(46:58):
someone you've known for a lifetime.
How often does sexual assaultoccur in the United States?
The number of people victimizedeach year: inmates, 80,600 were
sexually assaulted or raped.
(47:22):
Children, 60,000 were victims ofsubstantiated or indicated sexual abuse.
General public, 433,648Americans twelve and older, were
(47:47):
sexually assaulted or raped.
The military, 18,900, experiencedunwanted sexual contact.
Nine out of every tenvictims of rape are female.
(48:12):
17. 7 million American women as of 1998.
Ten
percent are male.
2. 78 million American men as of 1998.
Here's a breakdown of locationswhere sexual assault occurs.
(48:38):
The majority of sexual assaultsoccur at or near the victim's home.
Fifty-five percent at ornear the victim's home.
Fifteen percent in an open public space.
Twelve percent at ornear a relative's home.
(49:00):
Ten percent in an enclosed but publicarea, such as a parking lot or a garage.
Eight percent on school property.
I just want to say something right here,because it's saying a lot of them occurs
(49:22):
in a victim's home or a relative's home.
And when victims are in a spacewhere they're in a lot of denial,
it opens this up to continue.
Because when they become adultsand have children of their own,
(49:48):
then they go to family gatheringsor they allow the perpetrators to,
uh, babysit or take their childrento places like outings or whatever.
(50:09):
And I just want to say, It'sokay to not let that happen.
You can, you shouldprotect your children and
Put boundaries and say, No, it's not okayfor you to babysit my child or to take
my child somewhere, you know, like a zooor whatever they want to take them to.
(50:39):
You should never leave your childrenalone with somebody like that.
Yes, you are ultimatelyresponsible for your children.
And it should be you or your spouse,that, that's the only people that
should be alone with your children.
(51:00):
And you know, there are so many morestatistics to just compound the problem.
You know, it's, it's everywhere.
It happens to rich, poor, strong, weak,able, disabled, you know, it's across
(51:22):
all genders, it extends all race.
There are no boundaries orlimits to the problems occurring
because of sexual assault.
As we said at the very beginning,every sixty-eight seconds an
(51:43):
American is sexually assaulted.
The majority of sexual assaultvictims are under thirty.
Fifteen percent age twelve to seventeen.
Fifty-four
percent of sexual assaultvictims, eighteen to thirty-four.
(52:09):
Twenty-eight percentthirty-five to sixty-four.
And then three percent
age sixty-five plus.
It's also known that womenand girls experience sexual
violence at higher rates.
(52:30):
One out of every six American womenhas been the victim of an attempted
or completed rape in her lifetime.
14. 8 percent completed, 2.
8 percent attempted.
Men and boys are alsoaffected by sexual violence.
(52:55):
Males, age eighteen to twenty-four,who are college students, are
approximately five times more likelythan non students of the same age to
be victim of rape or sexual assault.
I find that kind of interesting.
Is that because of thecollege environment?
(53:18):
It's, it's a question to bethinking about and asking.
Native Americans are at the greatest risk
of sexual violence.
On average, American Indiansage twelve and older experience
5,900 sexual assaults per year.
(53:41):
Every nine minutes, Child ProtectiveServices substantiates or finds evidence
for a claim of child sexual abuse.
Of all victims under eighteen, two outof three are ages twelve to seventeen.
(54:02):
About the predators, half of thepredators are thirty or older.
Twenty-five percent aretwenty-one through twenty-nine.
Nine percent are eighteen through twenty.
(54:25):
And there's a whopping fifteenpercent are seventeen or younger.
Now this is very interesting here also.
The race of perpetrators.
A lot of people often assume thatblacks are the higher percentile
(54:46):
when it comes to crimes like this.
That is not true.
Fifty-seven percent are white, whileonly twenty-seven percent are black.
More than half of all alleged rapistshave at least one prior conviction.
(55:10):
Suspects who are released pretrial often commit new crimes.
With that being said, the criminaljustice system statistics state
the vast majority of perpetratorswill not go to jail or prison.
(55:31):
Out of every 1, 000 sexual assaults,975 perpetrators will walk free.
Out of 1, 000 assault and battery crimes,
627 are reported to police, and only 255
(55:58):
reports lead to arrest.
On campus sexual violence statistics.
Women, age eighteen to twenty-four, areat an elevated risk of sexual violence.
(56:19):
Sexual violence is more prevalentat college compared to other crimes.
College age victims of sexual violenceoften do not report to law enforcement.
I think that's very importantthat people understand reporting
(56:43):
these things is very important.
No matter who it is, why it is.
If we are unwilling to standup against this sort of thing,
it's only going to get worseand worse as time goes on.
(57:10):
There's a lot of argument thatI've heard, well, you can't
report it if somebody's innocent.
But I've found out that that's reallythe job of the justice system to find
out who's guilty, who's innocent.
(57:32):
And if we're unwilling to use thesystem, or the mechanisms that
we've established by law, thenthese perpetrators have already won.
With that being said,
(57:55):
I really feel that it is veryimportant to highlight this type
of subject in our world today.
And I want to say thank you to mybeautiful wife, Theresa, for stepping
up to the plate and helping me highlightthese problems because I don't think
(58:19):
I would have done it without her.
So in closing, do you haveanything else you want to share
about any of this, Theresa?
Well, I just add to what you weresaying about we need to stand up and,
(58:41):
for ourselves and speak out, you know,even if you can't get a family member
to believe you or listen to you, thereare other people to reach out like
this rainn.org, or a teacher, a pastor,a close friend or a friend's family.
(59:06):
Somebody to reach outto or even the police.
Just whoever you can get to listen to you.
Yeah, because sometimes it isvery difficult to navigate.
Well, not sometimes, always.
And help is always a blessing.
(59:27):
Yeah.
Alright.
With that, I ask that you go torainn.org, that's R, A, I, N, N.org.
Support them, and support each otherby getting involved, standing up.
And
(59:49):
thank you for listening and have agreat afternoon no matter where you are.
Thank you for joining us today.
If you found this podcast enlightening,entertaining, educational in any way,
please share, like, subscribe, and joinus right back here next week for another
(01:00:14):
great episode of the Dead America Podcast.
I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoyyour afternoon wherever you might be.
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