August 6, 2025 • 38 mins
In this powerful episode of the Dead America Podcast, host Ed Watters sits down with Tywanah Evette—spiritual strategist, trauma recovery facilitator, and bestselling author—to explore her transformative journey from personal trauma to public advocacy and healing.
Tywanah bravely recounts her early experiences of abuse and the profound emotional toll they had on her life. Through resilience and deep inner work, she found her calling as a healer and medium, guiding others on their path toward wholeness. She opens up about founding the Heal Her Summit and the Why Movement, both powerful platforms created to amplify the voices of abuse survivors and equip women with the tools needed for recovery and self-discovery.
In this episode, Tywanah emphasizes the significance of emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and self-care as key components of healing. She shares practical strategies for women looking to transform their pain into purpose and reframe their life stories with strength and clarity.
Listeners will walk away with renewed hope, greater compassion, and the inspiration to pursue spiritual growth and advocacy through adversity. This episode is a must-watch for anyone navigating trauma, supporting survivors, or seeking deeper healing and empowerment.
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Email: tywanah@blackbutterflygoddess.com
Website: Https://www.blackbutterflygoddess.com
HealHER Summit & WHY Movement Website (May 16-18, 2025 9am-6pm EST): Https://www.healHER.biz
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
It, it takes emotional intelligenceand, um, if you do not do your
healing work, you don't have it.
I raised my three children with theemotional intelligence of a fifteen- year-
old, because that's where it stopped.
That was my biggest trauma,
and that's where it stops.
(00:54):
Today, we're speaking with Tywanah Evette.
She is a spiritual strategist,a trauma recovery facilitator,
a woman's advocate, bestsellingauthor, and an inspirational speaker.
Tywanah, could you pleaseintroduce yourself?
Let people know just a littlemore about you, please.
(01:14):
Thank you so much, and thankyou for having me here today.
I'm really excited about this.
Um, so I, I am actually afourth generation, um, intuitive
healer and psychic medium.
Um, I help women to heal their trauma,you know, from any abuse, neglect,
(01:36):
um, or even just the kids going offto college and not having an identity.
Um, and find their purposeand step into their power.
Um, I am also the creator of theHeal Her Summit coming up next week.
And the, uh, book that, um, I amcreating, another one, it's called Why.
(01:59):
Which is a book of women's,why they didn't report abuse.
That's awesome.
I, I really like what you're doing,it's awesome that you're helping
women that struggle with these things.
Uh, many women are struggling out there.
Our society is just really negativeanymore and I, I think we need to pull
(02:26):
together and come together as a nation,as people, and put an end to this abuse.
So you've got a very interestingstory and it's heart, it's heart
wrenching, you know, so could youplease just tell people your story?
(02:48):
I'm just gonna shut up and let you go.
Absolutely, it's my pleasure.
Um, it, it is a sad story, buthealing from it is amazing.
And helping other women is just beautiful.
But I, my father, um, when Iwas nine years old, my natural
(03:10):
father came looking for me.
I never knew that the father my momhad remarried wasn't my father, because
daddy always made me feel like I was his.
And he always made me feellike I could do anything.
And when daddy was in mylife, I remember being happy.
But one day this man shows up atmy grandmother's house and, um,
(03:35):
my grandmother calls my motherand lets her know that my natural
father came looking for me.
So I met him a weeklater and his girlfriend.
And when his girlfriend walkedin my nana's house, you know,
I greeted her with a hug.
She was warm and beautiful.
And when I saw him, I hidbehind my grandmother.
(03:58):
Um, I knew then something was off.
And he had bought me a bunch ofpretty dresses and things like that.
I never wanted to wear them, I felt icky.
Mom had a nervous breakdownshortly after that and lost her
job 'cause her and daddy split up.
(04:20):
And we moved to Seattle for alittle while and I was really happy
there with my aunt and my uncle.
And she decided to go to nursing schooland so she sent me to live with my father.
The night that I arrived,I was sitting on the bed,
I was ten years old, I, Iremember I had a white dress on.
(04:43):
And, um, his girlfriend, she walkspast the bedroom to the door and
she's got like baskets and trash bags.
They were arguing andshe goes, Baby, I tried.
I'll be back every week to do your hair.
So that night I cry myself to sleepbecause I miss my mother, I'm in this
(05:05):
house with this strange man, I don't likehis energy, and, um, miss Jean is gone.
And, um, my father came in that roomthat night and took my virginity,
that went on for five years.
He threatened and bullied my motherinto remarrying him by using his
(05:29):
status in the church and his statuswith the Department of Immigration
to say he would take me permanently.
She'd never seen me again.
So she remarried himunder those circumstances.
But she was a nurse, so she worked nights.
And, um, the abuse went on for five yearsuntil I had a positive pregnancy test.
(05:57):
Um,
I did not tell my mother.
I shared with my best friend inhigh school that I was pregnant,
she assumed it was my boyfriend'swho had never touched me.
And she went with meto release that child.
(06:18):
Um, I held that secret thirty-two years.
I was, uh, mom had a terminal diagnosisshortly after, and when I shared with
her the abuse, not the pregnancy, Ijust said he was being inappropriate.
(06:41):
She didn't know what todo, she was dying, um,
she couldn't, she had no job, shehad nothing, she couldn't support me.
So I went and lived in the NewYork City group home system.
I found comfort in becoming amother at eighteen, um, by choice.
(07:03):
And, um,
shortly after that, when I was twenty-one,I married, of course, an abusive man.
Because what do I know about,you know, normal good people.
You know, I'm, I'm too traumatizedto understand good people
anymore 'cause daddy was gone.
(07:24):
And, um, he was very abusive,I had two children by him.
That ended in divorce because I was heldat gunpoint while he described how he
was gonna take the children's life andhis own and leave me with that memory.
(07:45):
I got away, the kids and I got away.
And, um, I married another manwho was verbally abusive and threw
me and my kids on the street.
So I took a break.
I'm like, Okay, there's a pattern here.
And I took a four year break, and I investin myself, and I'm doing Pilates, and I'm,
I'm, I'm feeling good and I'm doing well.
(08:08):
I had gone to therapy, you know,I really felt good about myself.
So I took a chance on datingagain, and I meet this
charismatic fourth grade teacher.
And I'm like, Yes, I finally healed.
How can I get much betterthan a fourth grade teacher?
That man stole my soul.
(08:31):
He would belittle and berate mefor three days at a time, taking
me to the point of a seizure andthen saying, Go take your medicine.
Because I have epilepsy.
I was never good enough, I was neverpretty enough, I was never this
enough, I never did that enough.
He was the first person
(08:52):
when I met him that I realized I hadnever loved anyone, no man, except him.
I loved his son, who is oneof the biggest, brightest bits
of sunshine in this world.
He and I were very, very close.
(09:13):
And
I shared with him what happened, hewas the first person I opened up to.
He took that story to school andhim and the teachers had a good
laugh about it, even though they'remandated to report things like that.
And he took it to his family andhim and his family had a good laugh
(09:35):
about it, even though his sister is adomestic violence advocate here in DC.
I had to come to DC, my sisterlost her husband suddenly.
And when I got back
the next day, I took an entirebottle of pills with hot coffee.
(09:57):
Drank vinegar to make them meltand went and laid in the woods.
I was tired, I was tired.
But if anybody here believes in theancestral plane, that's where I was taken.
Where I saw daddy and mom.
(10:18):
And mom told me I had tocome back, I had a purpose.
She told me women were waiting for me.
I didn't understand it, and thenshe pushed me back in my body.
I went on a very long healing journey.
I moved up to DC to help my sister,they had a six month old cane corso.
(10:39):
She had no idea what to do with him.
And, um, she was devastated.
I had never seen my sister jello, shewas jello when she lost her soulmate.
Um, my sister's this type A, youknow, kind of congresswoman type.
(10:59):
And to see her on the edge of thebed where she didn't even know
how to put her stockings on, Ididn't know how to process that.
I stayed with my sister foreight months until she healed.
But while I lived with her,that's when I knew I was a healer.
Because while I was losing everythingand everyone around me, she was healing.
(11:22):
I was filtering her emotions, and eventhe dog's sometimes, his emotions.
I helped him heal as well.
I moved into my apartment, mymother's voice got undeniably loud.
And last February she said,It is time to use your voice.
(11:43):
And I'm like, To do what?
And I look on Facebook and there'sa call for podcasts, and I'm not
even in any of the groups yet.
You know, I, I just happenedto open it and here it is.
And I'm like, Okay, you're funny lady.
And um, it was the first time, itwas the first time that I announced
(12:06):
to the world that I'm a healer,
I'm a medium.
And I spoke my truth and it felt good.
And every time after that I got strongerand stronger and stronger and less
(12:26):
and less afraid to speak my truth.
Even though my children didn'twanna be a part of my lives
understandably at the time.
I, I understood theirdecision, I respected it.
I just, you know, I would sendHappy Birthday, I would send money,
you know, cards, things like that,and let them have their space.
(12:48):
They were all adults when this happened.
And, um, I haven't shut upsince, and I won't, I won't.
Hey, that, that's awesome.
(13:09):
You know, Tywanah, a lot of peopleneed to find that passion to
share and that guidance to give.
Because there's so many people outthere taking and they take and they
take, but nobody wants to give.
And that's what our world needs somuch right now, is people to give back.
(13:32):
And that's what we're doing hereat the Dead America Podcast, we,
we believe in stories and the,the enlightenment that people can
get out of stories and experience.
Every one of us has that experienceand it is so important to share,
(13:55):
that relieves us emotionally.
And it, it allows us to loveagain, it, it really helps.
So there's a lot of women out therethat need to discover how to come to
the forward position of life and sharewhat's going on, my wife included.
(14:20):
She went through similar thingsin her childhood, and it's taken
fifty-five, fifty-six years toreally start getting a, or a grasp
on what is happening in her life.
(14:43):
So how do women get out of the emotionalstate and into that advocate state where
they can start sharing their story?
First of all, you, you need help.
Um, I had no support system, but myhealing journey was designed that way
(15:06):
so that I could teach how to heal.
Um, you first have to acknowledgeit within yourself because I walked
around with a smile for all of thistime while I was screaming inside.
I had to sit and acknowledgethat this actually happened,
(15:29):
with me, first.
Before you begin sharing with theworld, you have to process it yourself.
Um,
seek help, seek guidance, um, be it acoach, therapist, you know, if, if you
have a strong support system, great.
(15:51):
Um, but I had no support system,um, other than my ancestors.
I will never discredit them.
Yeah, for that time.
But, um, you gotta be honest and youhave to seek the guidance and then
you have to start taking baby steps.
(16:12):
You, you may not be able totell the big tragedy, right?
You may not be able to, I,like, I couldn't tell my
family until the end of 2023.
My family didn't know.
I told my best friend and she lostthe feeling in her knees and fell
(16:33):
because she was like, I can't believeyou didn't tell me, I was with you.
Um, but you have to beginsharing in little bits.
So even if I didn't tell the big story,I started sharing tiny bits of myself.
(16:53):
Um, I did have kind of a part-timecoach, um, and she would advise me
as best as she could, but my journeywas designed for me to be alone.
Um, but the, the, the first step,the first step is acknowledgement.
You have to acknowledge that hurt.
(17:16):
The second step is, we all have aninner child and that inner child is
the one who took over when trauma wastoo much for the 3D body to handle.
She's the one, or he's the onethat stepped forward and took that.
Even though you may have the memoryand the physical functions of it,
(17:38):
it is because of that inner child.
Um, journaling, essential.
It's essential to get it down on paperbecause when you reread that, that's
when you realize this is your truth.
That's when you realize, I,I, I did go through that.
But in that journaling and in thatacknowledgement comes strength because
(18:03):
that's when you realize I survived that.
Then you have to releasethe victim mindset,
the woe is me.
I behave this way, the excuses, I behavethis way because this happened to me.
You have to release that.
(18:26):
Yes.
Um, and once you release that you canstand tall and brave and begin to share,
even if it's not worldwide like I'm doing.
Even if it's with your family andyour friends and your support system.
Um, but those are the first threesteps and they are essential.
(18:52):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really, that's good advice.
Tackling it, it, you need to find support.
And a lot of people, they, they areafraid to ask for help when that is
one of the most critical steps ofrecovery is when you need help, you
(19:17):
need to acknowledge you need help.
So I found podcasting and podcastinggave me the ability to find out who I
was and it's given me the ability tostep forward with a voice and learn, by
(19:41):
baby steps, how to advocate for others.
And once I started doing that, it reallymade me feel like I was worth, myself,
you know, I had a worth of value whereI did not understand my value before.
(20:03):
So understanding you do have a gift anda, a purpose, and finding it is important.
What's guidance to try to findthat purpose in your life?
What are those underlying, youknow, steps that we have to
(20:28):
take to step into that purpose?
Your pain is your purpose.
It's that simple.
Your pain is your purpose.
We, we, we don't go throughthese things for nothing.
Your pain is your purpose.
(20:49):
The very thing that I carried shamefor my entire life is the very
thing that makes me beautiful.
It's the very thing that heals women.
It was my pain.
It was the agony, my trauma.
(21:13):
You turn that into your purpose.
Your purpose is not to be agraphic designer for Google.
That's no one's purpose,that's someone else's vision.
Your purpose is yours alone.
We were born with it,we will leave with it.
But it's your pain.
(21:37):
It's that simple.
But we overcomplicate it.
I like that a lot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's a lot of complications in lifeand understanding that you control these
by putting boundaries on your life, thepeople, the places, the things, you know?
(22:03):
Because those three things, people,places, and things, they control you.
And if you learn to control that,that is when you find golden, you
know, everything becomes clear.
So, so,
(22:24):
I, it's so funny you said people,places, and things, because
that's what I teach on my TikToks.
I always tell them your boundaries needto be with people, places, and things.
Amen.
Uh, okay.
So let me share with youmy muddy shoe theory.
(22:45):
It, it's, life is like, you're a muddyshoe, and life is a muddy path, and
life is, people, places, and things,that's the mud that collects on you.
And if you've ever walked down a muddytrail, you know how heavy it gets.
(23:08):
It gets thick and it can build up.
You learn quickly to wipe thatmud off and scrape it away.
The good mud, the good people,places and things, they're gonna
stay up in the tread of your shoe.
And you can't get rid of thatunless you hose it out and really
(23:28):
get aggressive to get rid of that.
So life is like a muddy shoe walkingdown a trail, you need to find a rock,
a stick, uh, whatever, and get rid ofthat mud because that will allow you
to be lighter, cleaner, and it, it willallow you to finish without being tired.
(23:57):
So I like to share that with people.
So Tywanah, could you tell us about theHeal Her Summit and the Why Movement?
Yes, the Heal Her Summit of GlobalMovement for Survivors of Abuse is
a summit that starts next Friday.
(24:19):
Um, I've been working, I can't eventell you how hard to put this together,
but this came straight from the divine.
This was not something I wanted to do.
Um, when I heard it, my, my motheris always on my right side, so
when she said, Summit, I said, Nothanks, and continued on my day.
(24:44):
And the next day she goes, Summit.
And I said, See, I'mtalking at three next week.
It's on my calendar.
And I continued on with my day.
And you remember parents backin the day when we didn't do our
chores, how they would wake usup in the middle of the night?
1:31 AM, it feels like something'sbrushing, you know, like this close
(25:08):
to me and I hear Summit and I'mlike, Oh God, are you kidding me?
Like, this happens in the afterlife too?
I thought this was over.
And I got up and it literallyjust flowed through me.
I had no name, no title, nowhat, what is it supposed to be?
(25:28):
And it all just came to me and by thenext morning, the website was done.
I called my bestie and she'slike, What are we doing?
And so it is free, we've gotspeakers from all over the world.
It is going to be powerful and impactful.
(25:51):
We have dropped the ugly dividebetween religion and spirituality,
and we are coming together.
For the purpose of giving women optionsand showing them that they can heal.
But the most interesting thingabout it is all of us were abused
(26:19):
and so, or have sufferedgreat, great traumas.
And we all have different specialtiesand modalities, we've got, you know,
uh, people who are in church, we'vegot people who are Buddhist, we've got
people who are spiritual, and we are justall coming together to love on women.
(26:40):
And there are going to be, I can'teven tell you how many freebies,
downloads, free consultations,
um, free classes, free courses.
Um, I've got mental health specialiststhat, that are providing all these
resources that, that are unknown.
They're not like on the nationalregistry for, for women to heal, um,
(27:02):
to find, you know, shelter if theyneed it and, and things like that.
So we, there are a lot of us comingtogether for this and, um, we've
had our bumps in the road, but
the right people
are coming together with the rightenergy to just love on whoever's there,
(27:26):
whoever's watching, and let them know thatwe are all out here fighting for them.
Um, through the summit, I'm working onthe summit again, and my mother goes, Why?
And I said, I don't know why.
We have that kind of relationship and
(27:48):
it hit me.
It hit me.
And so I added it to the summit page.
And it is, I am collecting 500women's whys to place in an anthology.
I just want one sentence.
(28:11):
Why didn't you report it?
Everybody asks us that.
Nobody asks the offender anyquestions, they get away with whatever.
But the people who are traumatized, thesurvivors, 'cause we're not victims,
are the ones who are asked why.
(28:31):
Why this, why that?
And so I am collecting 500 women's whys,I am meeting with publishers, but I also
know how to self-publish if we need to.
And the proceeds from the bookare going back to the survivors.
That is not my money, it is not my trauma.
(28:52):
Um, each page will have one woman'sWhy, because I'm giving her that voice.
I don't want her mixed up in between.
I want the impact to be that great.
You're taking up the page, you'retaking up space, and this is
(29:13):
your chance to use your voice.
And they can use pen names, Idon't care if they use SpongeBob
Squarepants as their pen name.
I'm the only one, my, my, my threecolleagues and I, um, the, the, the three
women who are on my team voluntarily, whodonate their time, their money, and their
(29:38):
energy to the causes because they believein my purpose, we are the only ones who
will know who that woman actually is andonly so that she can receive her check.
I like that a lot.
You know, just thatsimplicity of your why.
(30:02):
You know, if you can figure that onestatement out, you can move mountains.
And that's what you're doingwith this movement here.
So I congratulate you and I applaud you,and I encourage you to keep doing it.
This is only the start is this not?
So you, you intend more tocome, of these summits then?
(30:28):
The summits, yes.
And the Why Movement, yes.
Um, I am right now doing my studies to,um, find out the proper way to begin a
nonprofit to help women who have beenabused have the resources to heal.
Because the first thing thatoffenders do is affect the finances.
(30:53):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That, that's big.
And you know, men,
men, they, they can be men,let's just leave it at that.
And, you know, so the, the pointbehind that is, women, you are people.
(31:16):
You have a purpose and it'sa very powerful purpose.
Without you, there is none of usbecause you are the womb of society.
And men, to you, you need to understandthat and cherish these people.
(31:38):
So we are different, men andwomen, but we live and cohabitate
together and we need each other.
So the best way to understandeach other is communication.
Stop ignoring each other andstart talking to each other.
(31:58):
I find that to be one of the biggesttroubles that we have as society is
learning to communicate with each other.
What's your thoughts on that, Tywanah?
Well, it takes emotional intelligence.
It, it takes emotional intelligenceand, um, if you do not do your
(32:19):
healing work, you don't have it.
I raised my three children withthe emotional intelligence of
a fifteen-year-old, becausethat's where it stopped.
That was my biggest trauma,and that's where it stops.
So we have a bunch of, you know,traumatized gentlemen out here who, you
(32:41):
know, either their mothers turn theminto narcissists or, you know, they,
they don't wanna deal with their traumaand, and they act like five-year-olds.
Um, so just as much as we need toheal, men need people to heal them too.
And, and, and I am very connectedto a gentleman who does heal men.
(33:04):
So, you know, I, it, it's not like Ican't refer them to their healing as well.
Um, but it, it, it takeshealing on both sides.
I mean, especially, you know, when we'redivorcing, and, and we've got kids from a
previous marriage, and there's all thesecomplications and things involved in life
(33:26):
now that weren't there forty years ago.
So gentlemen are, you know,rising up in this movement of
they want their grandmothers back.
And women are not saying we have a,a problem being in that space, we're
just saying we want to feel safe.
(33:49):
We want to feel protected.
A lot of us went out and got jobsand, and climbed the corporate ladder,
not because we wanted to leave ourchildren with a babysitter but because
we didn't feel safe or protected.
(34:12):
I like that a lot.
You know, that, that truthright there, men need to hear.
And you know, stepping upand being responsible, that's
really what it's about.
And that emotional intelligence is key.
(34:32):
And yes, you're so right.
There's so many young men, lost,misguided, and it's up to us as a
society to bring that back to the center.
And I, I really see a lot of peopletaking part and helping bring that back.
I, I really see a movement starting.
(34:55):
Do you feel that?
Yeah, I feel the inertia of it.
Yes, I do.
Yeah, that, that's really good.
So Tywanah, is there anything thatwe've missed that you think we
should discuss before we end this?
No.
We, we just have to heal ourhurts, we have to heal our hurts.
(35:17):
You can't go around, um, I use theimage of a backpack full of bricks or a,
remember those old storage locker trunks?
I, I always tell my clients, You'vegot this trunk in your subconscious
and you've put clothes, and cinderblocks, and concrete, and you're,
and you're trying to hide it, right?
(35:38):
It will never hide, it's always gonna comeback in some way, shape, form, or fashion.
It's going to show up.
So let's chip away at it, openup Pandora's box, get it out,
clean everything out, and replaceit with goodness and self-love.
(35:58):
Um, so, and I use thechakra system to do it, so
Yeah.
Good, good.
You know, it, it's okay to be broken.
Uh, all, all you need to do isfind the glue to put yourself back
together, and that glue is gonna bethose people, places, and things.
(36:20):
Find the right people, the rightplaces, and the right things to put
in your life, and that's glue thatwill bind you in the right way.
So I really,
yeah, I really loveconversations like this.
(36:41):
Go ahead.
The book that I am in, um, the bookthat my story is in, my story is called
Kintsugi, um, The Making of a Goddess.
And it's a Japanese art where whena ceramic bowl falls and cracks,
they put it back together with gold.
It becomes more valuable than it ever was.
(37:05):
And so my cracks are filled with gold now.
I've got the most amazing friends, don'thave a lot of 'em because I don't want
'em, um, but the ones that I have, thereis nothing they wouldn't do for me.
Um, so I have my gold, mycracks are full of gold.
(37:30):
That's awesome.
You know, and, and that is a, atreasure in your life when you
understand that simple thing.
Tywanah,
And my babies are healing.
Yes.
How can people find you, reach outto you, and get involved with you?
(37:53):
Black butterfly goddess on every socialmedia platform as well as my website.
Um, and then the summit isheal her, all one word, .biz.
You're a very powerful force andI appreciate what you're doing.
Thank you for sharing it here todaywith us on the Dead America Podcast.
(38:16):
Thank you.
Thank you for joining us today.
If you found this podcast enlightening,entertaining, educational in any way,
please share, like, subscribe, and joinus right back here next week for another
(38:36):
great episode of the Dead America Podcast.
I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoyyour afternoon wherever you might be.
It, it takes emotional intelligenceand, um, if you do not do your
healing work, you don't have it.
I raised my three children with theemotional intelligence of a fifteen- year-
old, because that's where it stopped.
That was my biggest trauma,
and that's where it stops.
(00:54):
Today, we're speaking with Tywanah Evette.
She is a spiritual strategist,a trauma recovery facilitator,
a woman's advocate, bestsellingauthor, and an inspirational speaker.
Tywanah, could you pleaseintroduce yourself?
Let people know just a littlemore about you, please.
(01:14):
Thank you so much, and thankyou for having me here today.
I'm really excited about this.
Um, so I, I am actually afourth generation, um, intuitive
healer and psychic medium.
Um, I help women to heal their trauma,you know, from any abuse, neglect,
(01:36):
um, or even just the kids going offto college and not having an identity.
Um, and find their purposeand step into their power.
Um, I am also the creator of theHeal Her Summit coming up next week.
And the, uh, book that, um, I amcreating, another one, it's called Why.
(01:59):
Which is a book of women's,why they didn't report abuse.
That's awesome.
I, I really like what you're doing,it's awesome that you're helping
women that struggle with these things.
Uh, many women are struggling out there.
Our society is just really negativeanymore and I, I think we need to pull
(02:26):
together and come together as a nation,as people, and put an end to this abuse.
So you've got a very interestingstory and it's heart, it's heart
wrenching, you know, so could youplease just tell people your story?
(02:48):
I'm just gonna shut up and let you go.
Absolutely, it's my pleasure.
Um, it, it is a sad story, buthealing from it is amazing.
And helping other women is just beautiful.
But I, my father, um, when Iwas nine years old, my natural
(03:10):
father came looking for me.
I never knew that the father my momhad remarried wasn't my father, because
daddy always made me feel like I was his.
And he always made me feellike I could do anything.
And when daddy was in mylife, I remember being happy.
But one day this man shows up atmy grandmother's house and, um,
(03:35):
my grandmother calls my motherand lets her know that my natural
father came looking for me.
So I met him a weeklater and his girlfriend.
And when his girlfriend walkedin my nana's house, you know,
I greeted her with a hug.
She was warm and beautiful.
And when I saw him, I hidbehind my grandmother.
(03:58):
Um, I knew then something was off.
And he had bought me a bunch ofpretty dresses and things like that.
I never wanted to wear them, I felt icky.
Mom had a nervous breakdownshortly after that and lost her
job 'cause her and daddy split up.
(04:20):
And we moved to Seattle for alittle while and I was really happy
there with my aunt and my uncle.
And she decided to go to nursing schooland so she sent me to live with my father.
The night that I arrived,I was sitting on the bed,
I was ten years old, I, Iremember I had a white dress on.
(04:43):
And, um, his girlfriend, she walkspast the bedroom to the door and
she's got like baskets and trash bags.
They were arguing andshe goes, Baby, I tried.
I'll be back every week to do your hair.
So that night I cry myself to sleepbecause I miss my mother, I'm in this
(05:05):
house with this strange man, I don't likehis energy, and, um, miss Jean is gone.
And, um, my father came in that roomthat night and took my virginity,
that went on for five years.
He threatened and bullied my motherinto remarrying him by using his
(05:29):
status in the church and his statuswith the Department of Immigration
to say he would take me permanently.
She'd never seen me again.
So she remarried himunder those circumstances.
But she was a nurse, so she worked nights.
And, um, the abuse went on for five yearsuntil I had a positive pregnancy test.
(05:57):
Um,
I did not tell my mother.
I shared with my best friend inhigh school that I was pregnant,
she assumed it was my boyfriend'swho had never touched me.
And she went with meto release that child.
(06:18):
Um, I held that secret thirty-two years.
I was, uh, mom had a terminal diagnosisshortly after, and when I shared with
her the abuse, not the pregnancy, Ijust said he was being inappropriate.
(06:41):
She didn't know what todo, she was dying, um,
she couldn't, she had no job, shehad nothing, she couldn't support me.
So I went and lived in the NewYork City group home system.
I found comfort in becoming amother at eighteen, um, by choice.
(07:03):
And, um,
shortly after that, when I was twenty-one,I married, of course, an abusive man.
Because what do I know about,you know, normal good people.
You know, I'm, I'm too traumatizedto understand good people
anymore 'cause daddy was gone.
(07:24):
And, um, he was very abusive,I had two children by him.
That ended in divorce because I was heldat gunpoint while he described how he
was gonna take the children's life andhis own and leave me with that memory.
(07:45):
I got away, the kids and I got away.
And, um, I married another manwho was verbally abusive and threw
me and my kids on the street.
So I took a break.
I'm like, Okay, there's a pattern here.
And I took a four year break, and I investin myself, and I'm doing Pilates, and I'm,
I'm, I'm feeling good and I'm doing well.
(08:08):
I had gone to therapy, you know,I really felt good about myself.
So I took a chance on datingagain, and I meet this
charismatic fourth grade teacher.
And I'm like, Yes, I finally healed.
How can I get much betterthan a fourth grade teacher?
That man stole my soul.
(08:31):
He would belittle and berate mefor three days at a time, taking
me to the point of a seizure andthen saying, Go take your medicine.
Because I have epilepsy.
I was never good enough, I was neverpretty enough, I was never this
enough, I never did that enough.
He was the first person
(08:52):
when I met him that I realized I hadnever loved anyone, no man, except him.
I loved his son, who is oneof the biggest, brightest bits
of sunshine in this world.
He and I were very, very close.
(09:13):
And
I shared with him what happened, hewas the first person I opened up to.
He took that story to school andhim and the teachers had a good
laugh about it, even though they'remandated to report things like that.
And he took it to his family andhim and his family had a good laugh
(09:35):
about it, even though his sister is adomestic violence advocate here in DC.
I had to come to DC, my sisterlost her husband suddenly.
And when I got back
the next day, I took an entirebottle of pills with hot coffee.
(09:57):
Drank vinegar to make them meltand went and laid in the woods.
I was tired, I was tired.
But if anybody here believes in theancestral plane, that's where I was taken.
Where I saw daddy and mom.
(10:18):
And mom told me I had tocome back, I had a purpose.
She told me women were waiting for me.
I didn't understand it, and thenshe pushed me back in my body.
I went on a very long healing journey.
I moved up to DC to help my sister,they had a six month old cane corso.
(10:39):
She had no idea what to do with him.
And, um, she was devastated.
I had never seen my sister jello, shewas jello when she lost her soulmate.
Um, my sister's this type A, youknow, kind of congresswoman type.
(10:59):
And to see her on the edge of thebed where she didn't even know
how to put her stockings on, Ididn't know how to process that.
I stayed with my sister foreight months until she healed.
But while I lived with her,that's when I knew I was a healer.
Because while I was losing everythingand everyone around me, she was healing.
(11:22):
I was filtering her emotions, and eventhe dog's sometimes, his emotions.
I helped him heal as well.
I moved into my apartment, mymother's voice got undeniably loud.
And last February she said,It is time to use your voice.
(11:43):
And I'm like, To do what?
And I look on Facebook and there'sa call for podcasts, and I'm not
even in any of the groups yet.
You know, I, I just happenedto open it and here it is.
And I'm like, Okay, you're funny lady.
And um, it was the first time, itwas the first time that I announced
(12:06):
to the world that I'm a healer,
I'm a medium.
And I spoke my truth and it felt good.
And every time after that I got strongerand stronger and stronger and less
(12:26):
and less afraid to speak my truth.
Even though my children didn'twanna be a part of my lives
understandably at the time.
I, I understood theirdecision, I respected it.
I just, you know, I would sendHappy Birthday, I would send money,
you know, cards, things like that,and let them have their space.
(12:48):
They were all adults when this happened.
And, um, I haven't shut upsince, and I won't, I won't.
Hey, that, that's awesome.
(13:09):
You know, Tywanah, a lot of peopleneed to find that passion to
share and that guidance to give.
Because there's so many people outthere taking and they take and they
take, but nobody wants to give.
And that's what our world needs somuch right now, is people to give back.
(13:32):
And that's what we're doing hereat the Dead America Podcast, we,
we believe in stories and the,the enlightenment that people can
get out of stories and experience.
Every one of us has that experienceand it is so important to share,
(13:55):
that relieves us emotionally.
And it, it allows us to loveagain, it, it really helps.
So there's a lot of women out therethat need to discover how to come to
the forward position of life and sharewhat's going on, my wife included.
(14:20):
She went through similar thingsin her childhood, and it's taken
fifty-five, fifty-six years toreally start getting a, or a grasp
on what is happening in her life.
(14:43):
So how do women get out of the emotionalstate and into that advocate state where
they can start sharing their story?
First of all, you, you need help.
Um, I had no support system, but myhealing journey was designed that way
(15:06):
so that I could teach how to heal.
Um, you first have to acknowledgeit within yourself because I walked
around with a smile for all of thistime while I was screaming inside.
I had to sit and acknowledgethat this actually happened,
(15:29):
with me, first.
Before you begin sharing with theworld, you have to process it yourself.
Um,
seek help, seek guidance, um, be it acoach, therapist, you know, if, if you
have a strong support system, great.
(15:51):
Um, but I had no support system,um, other than my ancestors.
I will never discredit them.
Yeah, for that time.
But, um, you gotta be honest and youhave to seek the guidance and then
you have to start taking baby steps.
(16:12):
You, you may not be able totell the big tragedy, right?
You may not be able to, I,like, I couldn't tell my
family until the end of 2023.
My family didn't know.
I told my best friend and she lostthe feeling in her knees and fell
(16:33):
because she was like, I can't believeyou didn't tell me, I was with you.
Um, but you have to beginsharing in little bits.
So even if I didn't tell the big story,I started sharing tiny bits of myself.
(16:53):
Um, I did have kind of a part-timecoach, um, and she would advise me
as best as she could, but my journeywas designed for me to be alone.
Um, but the, the, the first step,the first step is acknowledgement.
You have to acknowledge that hurt.
(17:16):
The second step is, we all have aninner child and that inner child is
the one who took over when trauma wastoo much for the 3D body to handle.
She's the one, or he's the onethat stepped forward and took that.
Even though you may have the memoryand the physical functions of it,
(17:38):
it is because of that inner child.
Um, journaling, essential.
It's essential to get it down on paperbecause when you reread that, that's
when you realize this is your truth.
That's when you realize, I,I, I did go through that.
But in that journaling and in thatacknowledgement comes strength because
(18:03):
that's when you realize I survived that.
Then you have to releasethe victim mindset,
the woe is me.
I behave this way, the excuses, I behavethis way because this happened to me.
You have to release that.
(18:26):
Yes.
Um, and once you release that you canstand tall and brave and begin to share,
even if it's not worldwide like I'm doing.
Even if it's with your family andyour friends and your support system.
Um, but those are the first threesteps and they are essential.
(18:52):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really, that's good advice.
Tackling it, it, you need to find support.
And a lot of people, they, they areafraid to ask for help when that is
one of the most critical steps ofrecovery is when you need help, you
(19:17):
need to acknowledge you need help.
So I found podcasting and podcastinggave me the ability to find out who I
was and it's given me the ability tostep forward with a voice and learn, by
(19:41):
baby steps, how to advocate for others.
And once I started doing that, it reallymade me feel like I was worth, myself,
you know, I had a worth of value whereI did not understand my value before.
(20:03):
So understanding you do have a gift anda, a purpose, and finding it is important.
What's guidance to try to findthat purpose in your life?
What are those underlying, youknow, steps that we have to
(20:28):
take to step into that purpose?
Your pain is your purpose.
It's that simple.
Your pain is your purpose.
We, we, we don't go throughthese things for nothing.
Your pain is your purpose.
(20:49):
The very thing that I carried shamefor my entire life is the very
thing that makes me beautiful.
It's the very thing that heals women.
It was my pain.
It was the agony, my trauma.
(21:13):
You turn that into your purpose.
Your purpose is not to be agraphic designer for Google.
That's no one's purpose,that's someone else's vision.
Your purpose is yours alone.
We were born with it,we will leave with it.
But it's your pain.
(21:37):
It's that simple.
But we overcomplicate it.
I like that a lot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's a lot of complications in lifeand understanding that you control these
by putting boundaries on your life, thepeople, the places, the things, you know?
(22:03):
Because those three things, people,places, and things, they control you.
And if you learn to control that,that is when you find golden, you
know, everything becomes clear.
So, so,
(22:24):
I, it's so funny you said people,places, and things, because
that's what I teach on my TikToks.
I always tell them your boundaries needto be with people, places, and things.
Amen.
Uh, okay.
So let me share with youmy muddy shoe theory.
(22:45):
It, it's, life is like, you're a muddyshoe, and life is a muddy path, and
life is, people, places, and things,that's the mud that collects on you.
And if you've ever walked down a muddytrail, you know how heavy it gets.
(23:08):
It gets thick and it can build up.
You learn quickly to wipe thatmud off and scrape it away.
The good mud, the good people,places and things, they're gonna
stay up in the tread of your shoe.
And you can't get rid of thatunless you hose it out and really
(23:28):
get aggressive to get rid of that.
So life is like a muddy shoe walkingdown a trail, you need to find a rock,
a stick, uh, whatever, and get rid ofthat mud because that will allow you
to be lighter, cleaner, and it, it willallow you to finish without being tired.
(23:57):
So I like to share that with people.
So Tywanah, could you tell us about theHeal Her Summit and the Why Movement?
Yes, the Heal Her Summit of GlobalMovement for Survivors of Abuse is
a summit that starts next Friday.
(24:19):
Um, I've been working, I can't eventell you how hard to put this together,
but this came straight from the divine.
This was not something I wanted to do.
Um, when I heard it, my, my motheris always on my right side, so
when she said, Summit, I said, Nothanks, and continued on my day.
(24:44):
And the next day she goes, Summit.
And I said, See, I'mtalking at three next week.
It's on my calendar.
And I continued on with my day.
And you remember parents backin the day when we didn't do our
chores, how they would wake usup in the middle of the night?
1:31 AM, it feels like something'sbrushing, you know, like this close
(25:08):
to me and I hear Summit and I'mlike, Oh God, are you kidding me?
Like, this happens in the afterlife too?
I thought this was over.
And I got up and it literallyjust flowed through me.
I had no name, no title, nowhat, what is it supposed to be?
(25:28):
And it all just came to me and by thenext morning, the website was done.
I called my bestie and she'slike, What are we doing?
And so it is free, we've gotspeakers from all over the world.
It is going to be powerful and impactful.
(25:51):
We have dropped the ugly dividebetween religion and spirituality,
and we are coming together.
For the purpose of giving women optionsand showing them that they can heal.
But the most interesting thingabout it is all of us were abused
(26:19):
and so, or have sufferedgreat, great traumas.
And we all have different specialtiesand modalities, we've got, you know,
uh, people who are in church, we'vegot people who are Buddhist, we've got
people who are spiritual, and we are justall coming together to love on women.
(26:40):
And there are going to be, I can'teven tell you how many freebies,
downloads, free consultations,
um, free classes, free courses.
Um, I've got mental health specialiststhat, that are providing all these
resources that, that are unknown.
They're not like on the nationalregistry for, for women to heal, um,
(27:02):
to find, you know, shelter if theyneed it and, and things like that.
So we, there are a lot of us comingtogether for this and, um, we've
had our bumps in the road, but
the right people
are coming together with the rightenergy to just love on whoever's there,
(27:26):
whoever's watching, and let them know thatwe are all out here fighting for them.
Um, through the summit, I'm working onthe summit again, and my mother goes, Why?
And I said, I don't know why.
We have that kind of relationship and
(27:48):
it hit me.
It hit me.
And so I added it to the summit page.
And it is, I am collecting 500women's whys to place in an anthology.
I just want one sentence.
(28:11):
Why didn't you report it?
Everybody asks us that.
Nobody asks the offender anyquestions, they get away with whatever.
But the people who are traumatized, thesurvivors, 'cause we're not victims,
are the ones who are asked why.
(28:31):
Why this, why that?
And so I am collecting 500 women's whys,I am meeting with publishers, but I also
know how to self-publish if we need to.
And the proceeds from the bookare going back to the survivors.
That is not my money, it is not my trauma.
(28:52):
Um, each page will have one woman'sWhy, because I'm giving her that voice.
I don't want her mixed up in between.
I want the impact to be that great.
You're taking up the page, you'retaking up space, and this is
(29:13):
your chance to use your voice.
And they can use pen names, Idon't care if they use SpongeBob
Squarepants as their pen name.
I'm the only one, my, my, my threecolleagues and I, um, the, the, the three
women who are on my team voluntarily, whodonate their time, their money, and their
(29:38):
energy to the causes because they believein my purpose, we are the only ones who
will know who that woman actually is andonly so that she can receive her check.
I like that a lot.
You know, just thatsimplicity of your why.
(30:02):
You know, if you can figure that onestatement out, you can move mountains.
And that's what you're doingwith this movement here.
So I congratulate you and I applaud you,and I encourage you to keep doing it.
This is only the start is this not?
So you, you intend more tocome, of these summits then?
(30:28):
The summits, yes.
And the Why Movement, yes.
Um, I am right now doing my studies to,um, find out the proper way to begin a
nonprofit to help women who have beenabused have the resources to heal.
Because the first thing thatoffenders do is affect the finances.
(30:53):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That, that's big.
And you know, men,
men, they, they can be men,let's just leave it at that.
And, you know, so the, the pointbehind that is, women, you are people.
(31:16):
You have a purpose and it'sa very powerful purpose.
Without you, there is none of usbecause you are the womb of society.
And men, to you, you need to understandthat and cherish these people.
(31:38):
So we are different, men andwomen, but we live and cohabitate
together and we need each other.
So the best way to understandeach other is communication.
Stop ignoring each other andstart talking to each other.
(31:58):
I find that to be one of the biggesttroubles that we have as society is
learning to communicate with each other.
What's your thoughts on that, Tywanah?
Well, it takes emotional intelligence.
It, it takes emotional intelligenceand, um, if you do not do your
(32:19):
healing work, you don't have it.
I raised my three children withthe emotional intelligence of
a fifteen-year-old, becausethat's where it stopped.
That was my biggest trauma,and that's where it stops.
So we have a bunch of, you know,traumatized gentlemen out here who, you
(32:41):
know, either their mothers turn theminto narcissists or, you know, they,
they don't wanna deal with their traumaand, and they act like five-year-olds.
Um, so just as much as we need toheal, men need people to heal them too.
And, and, and I am very connectedto a gentleman who does heal men.
(33:04):
So, you know, I, it, it's not like Ican't refer them to their healing as well.
Um, but it, it, it takeshealing on both sides.
I mean, especially, you know, when we'redivorcing, and, and we've got kids from a
previous marriage, and there's all thesecomplications and things involved in life
(33:26):
now that weren't there forty years ago.
So gentlemen are, you know,rising up in this movement of
they want their grandmothers back.
And women are not saying we have a,a problem being in that space, we're
just saying we want to feel safe.
(33:49):
We want to feel protected.
A lot of us went out and got jobsand, and climbed the corporate ladder,
not because we wanted to leave ourchildren with a babysitter but because
we didn't feel safe or protected.
(34:12):
I like that a lot.
You know, that, that truthright there, men need to hear.
And you know, stepping upand being responsible, that's
really what it's about.
And that emotional intelligence is key.
(34:32):
And yes, you're so right.
There's so many young men, lost,misguided, and it's up to us as a
society to bring that back to the center.
And I, I really see a lot of peopletaking part and helping bring that back.
I, I really see a movement starting.
(34:55):
Do you feel that?
Yeah, I feel the inertia of it.
Yes, I do.
Yeah, that, that's really good.
So Tywanah, is there anything thatwe've missed that you think we
should discuss before we end this?
No.
We, we just have to heal ourhurts, we have to heal our hurts.
(35:17):
You can't go around, um, I use theimage of a backpack full of bricks or a,
remember those old storage locker trunks?
I, I always tell my clients, You'vegot this trunk in your subconscious
and you've put clothes, and cinderblocks, and concrete, and you're,
and you're trying to hide it, right?
(35:38):
It will never hide, it's always gonna comeback in some way, shape, form, or fashion.
It's going to show up.
So let's chip away at it, openup Pandora's box, get it out,
clean everything out, and replaceit with goodness and self-love.
(35:58):
Um, so, and I use thechakra system to do it, so
Yeah.
Good, good.
You know, it, it's okay to be broken.
Uh, all, all you need to do isfind the glue to put yourself back
together, and that glue is gonna bethose people, places, and things.
(36:20):
Find the right people, the rightplaces, and the right things to put
in your life, and that's glue thatwill bind you in the right way.
So I really,
yeah, I really loveconversations like this.
(36:41):
Go ahead.
The book that I am in, um, the bookthat my story is in, my story is called
Kintsugi, um, The Making of a Goddess.
And it's a Japanese art where whena ceramic bowl falls and cracks,
they put it back together with gold.
It becomes more valuable than it ever was.
(37:05):
And so my cracks are filled with gold now.
I've got the most amazing friends, don'thave a lot of 'em because I don't want
'em, um, but the ones that I have, thereis nothing they wouldn't do for me.
Um, so I have my gold, mycracks are full of gold.
(37:30):
That's awesome.
You know, and, and that is a, atreasure in your life when you
understand that simple thing.
Tywanah,
And my babies are healing.
Yes.
How can people find you, reach outto you, and get involved with you?
(37:53):
Black butterfly goddess on every socialmedia platform as well as my website.
Um, and then the summit isheal her, all one word, .biz.
You're a very powerful force andI appreciate what you're doing.
Thank you for sharing it here todaywith us on the Dead America Podcast.
(38:16):
Thank you.
Thank you for joining us today.
If you found this podcast enlightening,entertaining, educational in any way,
please share, like, subscribe, and joinus right back here next week for another
(38:36):
great episode of the Dead America Podcast.
I'm Ed Watters, your host, enjoyyour afternoon wherever you might be.
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Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.