Episode 44 - What we can learn from the Irish wake

Many people assume the Irish wake is just an excuse for a drinking session, but in reality, it’s so much more than that. The traditions surrounding death in Ireland run deep, woven into the fabric of the culture and community.   The dead are honoured with great reverence, and the grieving are embraced, supported, and given the space to mourn in a way that is both personal and communal. 

The Irish wake is a time of remembrance and connection—a way of ensuring that no one faces loss alone. 

Today, I dive into the rich traditions of the Irish wake  with Ryan from Ireland and we  explore what we can learn from this ancient ritual. 

Some of the things we learned from is conversation. 

 1. It’s okay to stay close to the dead

The body is usually present in the home, often in an open coffin. Family and friends are invited to sit with the deceased, talk to them, touch them, and be with them. It helps bridge the reality of death — it’s not hidden or rushed away.

2. Grief belongs to the whole community

A wake isn’t just for the immediate family. Neighbours, co-workers, friends-of-friends — everyone drops by to pay respects. It shows that death ripples out and that support doesn't have to be formal or rehearsed. Just showing up matters.

3. Mourning and laughter can coexist

At a wake, you might find tears and sadness — but also laughter, stories, music, and occasionally a drink or two. We understand that honouring someone means remembering all of them — not just their death, but their life.  

 4. Ritual grounds us

From opening a window to let the soul out, to covering mirrors and stopping clocks,  — these gestures, passed down through generations, help make sense of something that often feels senseless. They create a rhythm and structure for mourning.

 5. Taking time matters

Wakes often span two or three days, giving people time to sit with their loss. There’s no rush to “get it over with.” 

6. You don’t have to do it alone

There’s a shared responsibility — people bring sandwiches, sweep the floor, make tea.   It’s about a community holding the grieving up. Grief is softened when it’s shared.

Growing up in the North of Ireland where the ritual of wakes is still very strong,  I feel have been trained on how to live with death all of my life.