February 29, 2024 • 58 mins
Resilience, Faith, and Triumph: Sarah Mabey's Journey Beyond Abuse and Loss
This episode of 'Dear Daughters of God' features the life journey of Sarah Mabey. An abusive online relationship left her with a diminished sense of self-worth. She manages to escape with the aid of "new" friends. Despite a tragic future loss, and facing numerous challenges, Sarah never loses hope. She receives divine guidance and is reminded of God's love and her divine worth.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I am Stephanie Eccles.
This is Dear Daughters of God,Episode 12, Overcoming Abuse
with the Understanding of DivineWorth.
We are inspired by the true lifeexperiences of those around us.
My name is Stephanie Eccles.
I'm an educator, counselor,school administrator, and
natural storyteller.
From my perspective as a memberof The Church of Jesus Christ of
(00:22):
Latter day Saints, I share avariety of life experiences that
bring us hope and joy in ourSavior, Jesus Christ.
Welcome, dear daughters of God.
I address you that way becausethat's what you are to Him.
To our Heavenly Father, you aredear.
Sarah Mabey (00:42):
We have a special guest today.
Her name is Sarah Mabey.
I met missus Mabey at ExcelsiorAcademy, and I'm gonna introduce
her to you and then I'll tellyou more about her as I know
her.
Sarah grew up in Spanish Fork,Utah, and she was there until
she's about 9 years old, andthen her father's job caused
(01:05):
them to relocate into NorthTexas.
So most of her childhoodmemories were created there in
the colony, about an houroutside the Dallas Fort Worth
area.
after graduating from highschool, Sarah attended several
colleges, including Con CountyCommunity College in Texas, then
(01:26):
Brigham Young University, andSalt Lake Community College in
Utah.
She was trying out manydifferent majors, including
physics teaching home economicsand nursing.
She always wanted to be ateacher and a mother since she
was very little.
But she also had a passion forthe hard sciences like math,
medicine, and engineering.
(01:47):
Every 1 of those attempts at adegree fell through.
She went through many strugglestrying to find her calling.
she stopped trying for a degreefor a while, and she focused on
herself and her family.
Eventually, she found ExcelsiorAcademy in Erta, Utah, and it
felt so right.
(02:08):
She was encouraged by a coworkerafter being at Excelsior for a
while to go back to school andcomplete her teaching degree.
This coworker saw the passion inSarah behind her anxiety that
she was experiencing, and shetold Sarah about Western
Governors University, an onlinecollege where she was able to
(02:30):
finish her teaching degree.
So 16 years after graduatingfrom high school, Sarah, without
having to attend classes awayfrom home, She now has finished
her degree and she's now anintern in a full day
kindergarten classroom atExcelsior Academy, honing her
(02:50):
skills under the tutelage of amaster teacher until there is an
opportunity for her to teach inher own classroom.
So welcome, Sarah.
We're so thrilled to have you.
Thank you.
It was at the end of my careeras the executive director of
Excelsior Academy that I metSarah.
(03:11):
She was hired as an instructor.
Many schools call that, ateacher's assistant or a TA.
We called them instructors.
what I remember about Sarah was,that Sarah was often smiling in
the hall and she would catch myattention because she often
smiling, and wearing purple.
(03:32):
so I asked her 1 day, you mustreally like the color purple.
And she goes, I love the colorpurple.
And I said, I really like thecolor purple too.
So we have that in common.
so we'd pass each other in thehall and when I had my purple
on, we'd, make that connectionwith our purple color on.
Do you remember that, Sarah?
I do.
That was fun.
(03:53):
Yeah.
Sarah, that came in the, justrecent years in your life, your
experience at Excelsior.
But let's go back.
Let's go back to that time whenyou were just starting out your
adulthood, and just dating andfinding trying to find that man
(04:13):
to marry.
Tell us about that.
Well, I when I was about 16, Ihad met, a young man on the
Internet who lived in London.
And I've always had a lot ofanxiety in my life, and he made
me feel special because A manliked me.
Unfortunately, because of mylack of self esteem, His
(04:36):
manipulative personality got agrip on me, and it wound up
being a very toxic relationship.
I moved out to Utah when Idecided to attend Brigham Young
University.
during that Time.
I was living with my aunt anduncle because I was nervous
about living in the dorms, and Iwanted to be around family.
(04:59):
And I went with my cousins to asteak pool party after having
gotten into a major argumentwith my online boyfriend.
Okay.
So you're this online boyfriend.
You were 16, and he's fromLondon.
Yeah.
Had you ever met him in person?
No.
(05:19):
Were your parents aware of thisonline boyfriend?
They were.
And they were supportive of mydesire to make friends, but they
were nervous.
And I found out later That therewas a lot of prayer involved
that I would choose to leavethis toxic boyfriend because
they had noticed Changes in mypersonality, but they also
(05:44):
wanted to be careful not to pushme away because I was a
teenager.
And, obviously, I knew more thanmy parents did because don't all
teenagers.
And so they were trying tobalance Being caring, but also
worrying.
I can see why they were worried.
You had conversations with theboyfriend from London, had you
(06:07):
had video conversations withyet?
Yeah.
We use Skype a lot and we'reable to do video calls through
that.
And how old was he?
He was, I think, about 4 yearsolder than me.
I think he was about 20 if I'mremembering correctly.
Alright.
So now you've moved to Utah, andyou're now 19.
So your London boyfriend wouldbe about 23.
(06:30):
You're living with your aunt anduncle and attending college at
BYU.
Yeah.
Well, actually, I had notstarted attending college yet.
It was a month or 2 4 classesstarted that I moved in with
them to get settled andeverything.
Okay.
And in the meantime, yourparents are praying that you'll
break up with this man wholives.
So Oh, you were saying?
(06:51):
I went I was angry and upset atthis argument that I had with my
boyfriend.
And I went to the pool with mycousins, but then I kinda just
didn't wanna be around people.
I was there Physically, but Iwas just kinda sitting in the
pool crying.
My cousins were guys, and theywere like, okay.
(07:12):
Whatever.
She's being a girl.
And Went off to hang out withtheir friends.
and I was just standing in thepool crying, and this guy Came
up to me, and he was at least afoot taller than me.
Not that's hard.
I'm only 5 foot 1.
But He was at least a foottaller than me, and he comes and
he's looming over me.
(07:33):
Hi.
Do you wanna come join my group?
No.
Okay.
And so he leaves.
About 2 or 3 minutes later, agirl comes over.
she's hey.
You look sad.
You look like you need a friend.
Will you come join me and myfriends?
Okay.
(07:53):
A girl is safe.
I can go join her, and try andbe sociable at this?
It was a 3 different stakes cometogether.
So there was a lot of teenagersand young adults there.
Oh, lots of teenagers.
So I followed this girl back toher friend group, and what do
you know?
That creepy guy that was loomingover me was there.
(08:15):
Up.
It was her friend's brother.
And so we started talking, andI'm a little bit panicking
inside my head.
This Creepy guys looming overme, and I don't know.
I have a lot of anxiety aboutmen in general because I think
of my situation with my,boyfriend From London.
(08:36):
From London.
Okay.
but I was like, okay.
There's girls here.
It'll be okay.
So we started talking, and wefound out that we had a lot in
common.
We enjoyed video games.
We enjoyed anime.
You and this 1 that was 6 footYeah.
Or at least a foot taller thanyou.
Yeah.
He should've been about 6 foot1.
Yeah.
Okay.
And he also had another friendwith him.
(08:59):
And so the 3 of us startedtalking.
The girls eventually left, andit was me and the boys talking
ironically about video games andanime.
I've always been 1 of the guys,though.
We started talking, and wedecided to Set up a time for us
to hang out and watch some animeand play some video games
together.
So eventually, we set that time,and, my boyfriend was not very
(09:23):
happy about that, that I wasgonna hang out With other men,
he was very protective and verypossessive of me speaking to
anybody that was not a girl.
Lots of red flags that I kindaknew in the back of my head, but
I wanted to believe that thisrelationship was Right?
(09:43):
Because, he was British.
He had a nice accent.
He was cute.
I fell for all the things.
But he had a toxic personality.
I hung out with them severaltimes, and we watched a lot of
anime and played a lot of videogames together.
then classes started, And, wewere living in Sandy, and I
(10:06):
wound up getting into a dorm InProvo at BYU.
But every single day afterclasses, I would drive from
Provo to Sandy To hang out withthese guys until 9 or 10 o'clock
at night.
Oh, how did you manage that withthe rigor of BYU's classes.
I was young.
(10:28):
I don't know.
I could never run on 5 hours ofsleep now.
But I was young, and I somethingfelt nice about these boys.
They were polite.
They were gentlemen.
They didn't sexualize me Like myonline boyfriend did.
things really came to a head 1day when I was walking back From
(10:51):
classes back to my dorm.
I had been really stressed aboutmy boyfriend and all his
negativity and possessiveness,and I knew it wasn't right.
We had broken up and gotten backtogether several times.
Stephanie test (11:05):
And this is all while you're still driving from
Brigham Young University to bein Provo to Sandy Which is about
a 30 to 40 minute drive.
Sarah Mabey (11:14):
to hang out with these 2 guys.
Yeah.
You still have the Londonboyfriend.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I still have the Londonboyfriend while I was having a
friendship, and it wascompletely platonic with these 2
guys And I was walking back frommy classes to my dorm 1 day, and
I just Couldn't go anymore.
(11:36):
I was walking through a parkinglot and I laid down.
I couldn't walk anymore.
I was Exhausted physically,mentally, emotionally, I laid
down and I said, I don't care ifa car runs me over.
I'm just gonna take a nap righthere.
Oh my goodness.
In the parking lot?
In the parking lot, it was itwasn't a busy parking lot.
(11:58):
It was, like, behind anapartment complex, But it wasn't
exactly the best place to take anap, but I didn't care.
I was done.
I thought maybe something waswrong with me physically.
I didn't realize that theemotional trauma could create
that physical Exhaustion.
(12:19):
I just knew that I was done, andI didn't care what happened.
I laid there for I don't knowhow long until somebody walked
by and saw me, and I went Lessthan responsive.
They were asking me questions.
I was in a fog.
(12:40):
I was stressed.
My brain didn't care aboutanything.
They asked me if they could helpme, if they could I said I don't
know if they could take me tothe hospital, and I said I don't
care.
I just stopped functioning.
Here.
So they picked me up.
They had a friend who had a car,put me in their friend's car,
(13:02):
and drove me to the ER.
I Why?
My heart rate was very high whenI got to the ER.
I don't remember a lot of itthough because I was, I think so
overstressed that my body wasjust done.
There was nothing wrong with mephysically that the doctors
could test for.
(13:23):
They sent in a social worker,And at that point, I spilled
everything about my boyfriendand the emotional and mental and
verbal abuse that I had beengoing through.
I told them I wanted to break upwith him, And I'd wanted to for
a long time, but I had been soafraid to because he told me he
(13:48):
would kill himself if I did.
And I loved him.
Despite everything, I stillloved him.
And I cared about him, and Ididn't want that.
Up.
He said he would kill himselfYeah.
If he broke up with him.
Yeah.
And the social worker Talked tome for a little while, and she
said that's a very common,strategy that manipulative
(14:12):
people We'll use to keepsomebody in a relationship.
And she Convinced me that Ineeded to do what was better for
me, and that was his choice tomake If he was going to hurt
himself over my leaving.
(14:34):
I don't think I've told thisstory to anybody in a long time.
While I was in the hospital, itwas only I was only there for
maybe a few hours, but I hadTexted, the 2 boys.
Their names are Tyler and Clint.
The super tall creepy 1 isTyler.
(14:56):
And Clive.
Tyler and Clint.
And I texted them, and I said,hey.
I'm in the hospital.
I'm really not sure what to do,but I won't be coming to Sandy
tonight.
And Just as I was being releasedfrom the hospital, they showed
up before my, Discharge paperswere completed.
(15:18):
They appeared, and the nursecame in and said, hey.
There's 2 guys here to see you.
And I was like, What 2 guys arehere to see me?
I don't know any guys becauseYou're thinking Provo.
I'm thinking Provo.
Exactly.
And she's their names are Tylerand Clint.
They want to know if they cancome in and see you.
(15:39):
They came in, and they hadbrought me a teddy bear and
chocolate and all the thingsnice guys Bring to girls when
they're upset.
Oh.
They took me out to dinner.
I had shut off my phone aftertexting them because my
boyfriend was trying to call me,and I didn't wanna talk to him.
I didn't know what I was gonnasay to him yet.
(16:01):
I'm sure you each weren't readyto face that at that moment.
Yeah.
So they took me out to dinner,and we just Were.
We didn't talk about thesituation.
We just existed as friends.
We went back to my dormafterwards to watch a movie.
(16:24):
It was Robin Hood men in tights.
They wanted to watch somethingfunny to help cheer me up.
And, after the movie, I waswalking them out to the car, and
I Guess I decided to turn myphone back on or something.
I don't remember why.
But as they were getting readyto leave, My boyfriend called,
(16:45):
and I answered because I knew hewas gonna be mad.
I knew he was gonna be maybeworried about What had happened
and what was going on?
Where was I?
And why didn't I answer his 700calls?
And Did Clint and Tyler knowabout the London boyfriend?
Yes.
(17:05):
They knew about him generally,that he existed.
But I didn't really talk a lotabout him because first of all,
it's weird that I had aboyfriend that I'd never met in
person.
Yeah.
I was a little bit embarrassedabout it because I think in my
heart, I knew that it wasn't agood relationship, but I also
(17:27):
didn't.
Because of my low self esteem, Ididn't believe that anybody else
would want to be in arelationship with me.
I see.
And he had manipulated that andgotten me to believe that I
wasn't worth anything withouthim.
he made your initial belief ofbelieving you weren't valuable
(17:50):
enough for anyone to be in arelationship with you.
He only endorsed that in yourmind.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now you are absolutely sureyou weren't valuable enough for
with you because that's exactlywhat he wanted you to believe.
Exactly.
He was really good at thatemotional manipulation And
getting me to believe and dowhat he wanted.
(18:14):
Oh my.
He even told me at 1 point thathe liked having power over
people.
And I don't know why that wasn'tA huge red flag at the time, but
I guess I was young and dumb.
so anyways, I answered the call,And he just starts verbally
(18:34):
reaming me.
Where have you been?
What are you doing?
Who are you hanging out with?
Why haven't you answered yourcalls?
All the things and I was justlike, I'm sorry.
I was in the hospital.
I'm okay now.
I didn't give him any detailsyet because I didn't I still
didn't know what I was gonna sayto him.
(18:55):
And I collapsed to my knees inthe parking lot.
The whole all of the stress ofit made me physically weak.
Oh, and Clint and Tyler wereright there with you.
Clint and Tyler were stillthere.
They were in the car, but theyhadn't pulled out yet.
And They saw me, and I hung upthe phone.
(19:18):
And they said, hey.
Let's go to Sandy.
Tyler said, let me get my dad togive you a blessing.
Because I didn't know anybody inProvo, and I didn't know what to
do.
Mhmm.
My roommates We're there, but Ididn't really have a friendship
with them because of theobsessive nature of My toxic
(19:42):
relationship I didn't have a lotof friendships.
I see.
The London boyfriend wanted youonly for himself.
Yeah.
Yes.
Any free time that I had, Ineeded to be on the computer or
the phone with him.
No wonder you were escaping toSandy.
Yeah.
It was it really was an escape.
(20:04):
Yes.
So we got in the car, And I wasa mess.
I was sobbing and crying, and Ifelt humiliated crying like this
in front of these 2 awesome guysWho were so kind to me and so
caring.
And Clint was driving, And I wasa shaking mess.
And he's before we go to Sandy,I wanna go somewhere else.
(20:26):
My abused brain thought, oh, no.
They're gonna kidnap me andmurder me.
Really?
But My heart, my spirit said,it's okay.
Just go.
Clint drove Until he found atemple.
(20:46):
And we went and parked on thetemple grounds and prayed and I
cried Until I had cried enoughthat I felt better.
And we had prayed enough, and Istarted to feel better.
And then we drove to Sandy.
We went to Tyler's house, and hewent and got his dad, and his
(21:07):
dad immediately gave me ablessing.
He didn't really know what wasgoing on.
He just knew that his sonbrought a girl home, first of
all, And she needed a blessing.
So he just gave me I think itwas probably just like a general
blessing for peace.
Of comfort.
(21:28):
Of comfort.
You can see you were distressed.
I'm sure.
Yeah.
My anxiety really peaked afterthat.
I slept on A mattress in Tyler'sfamily's basement.
I did not go back To my dormexcept to collect my things.
(21:49):
Really?
I was nervous to be away fromthe boys.
They were so kind to me, andthey took such good care of me
that I didn't feel like I couldfunction Without them, the next
morning when I woke up, I turnedon my phone and I had all these
(22:10):
missed calls and voicemails frommy London boyfriend.
as I turned on the phone, hecalled again.
On JR.
And I went upstairs into thekitchen where nobody was and I
answered the call.
You answered the call.
I answered the call.
I was dumb.
Okay?
And I this is how badly he hadmanipulated me.
(22:35):
I felt guilty that I cheated,quote, unquote, on him by having
other friends that were boys, Byspending the night, innocently
spending the night in the homeof somebody else, of a boy.
And I answered it, and Iapologized.
(22:57):
Oh.
And I Sarah.
I never understood how peoplecould get manipulated into these
situations until it happened tome.
I answered the phone, and Iapologized.
He asked me if we were stilltogether.
(23:19):
I was gonna say yes Because Iwas afraid to not have what I
perceived as his love.
As I was having thisconversation on the phone with
him, I didn't hear it, but Tylerhad come upstairs.
My back was to the staircase.
And he put his hand on myshoulder, and I said, no.
(23:43):
We're not together anymore.
And I hung up the phone.
Tyler had given me that strengthto Say no and to get out of that
relationship.
I deleted my London boyfriendfrom Facebook, from Skype.
I transferred servers on myvideo game So that he would not
(24:08):
be able to contact me.
Thank goodness.
Thank goodness.
And it was such a relief, butalso terrifying Because I felt
so vulnerable in that moment.
Mhmm.
Because he had infiltrated mymind so badly that I did not
Feel like I was worth anythingwithout him.
(24:31):
But as soon as Tyler put hishand on my shoulder, a part of
me knew That I was valued.
That somebody else cared aboutme.
Somebody else loved me.
Oh, That was a pivotal moment.
(24:52):
It really was.
My parents also had I had calledmy parents when I was in the
hospital and told them of thesituation.
What's their reaction when youcalled them?
They drove up.
They were there 2 days later.
They drove straight from Texasand Got here as fast as they
could.
(25:13):
Mhmm.
They hugged Tyler and Clint andthanked them for taking care of
me.
In that couple of days, theycould see that I was in good
hands with Tyler and Clint.
Stephanie test (25:27):
We're going to pause the story here I'll have
to say, I was quite taken backto hear this story from Sarah.
It was not the story that Iintended to hear from her.
You may have noticed that shesaid, I don't think I've told
this story to anybody in a longtime.
(25:48):
It's like this story, about heremotionally abusive boyfriend
from London, was supposed to befound and shared.
Because as she shared it, itbecame clear to me that this
part of the story needed to beheard and shared today.
(26:10):
Here is Sarah.
She's been in this emotionallyabusive online relationship for
3 years.
Her parents had noticed a changein her personality.
There have been many prayersfrom her parents that she would
choose to leave this boyfriend,But they were fearful of being
pushed away from her, becauseshe was convinced that she knew
(26:33):
what was best, as so manyteenagers do believe.
They didn't wanna lose theirinfluence in her life.
So now she's started this newlife in Utah.
But the London boyfriend isstill there.
Wherever she goes, he's stillthere.
(26:54):
And the emotional abusecontinues.
The Church has published anarticle.
It's called Healing fromRelationships.
It was published in August of2022.
I'll put a link to it in the show notes.
It talks about the steps ofhealing from an abusive
relationship.
The first step is recognizingthe relationship trauma.
(27:17):
Quote, when we have been sodeeply wounded that we don't
believe we can trust ourselvesor others, we begin seeing
relationships as dangerousrather than as a place to learn,
grow, and reach our fullpotential.
Deep wounds can arise from abuseand betrayal.
(27:37):
Then it talks about thedifferent forms of abuse,
emotional, financial, physical,sexual, spiritual.
The form that Sarah wasencountering was emotional, and
it was deep.
So deep that she laid herself ina parking lot, ready to accept
whatever would occur to her,which was most likely a car
(27:59):
running over her.
That not only spoke to how lowshe felt about herself, but it
was the trauma, the effect ofthe trauma that was playing out
there.
The second step listed is toturn to Heavenly Father and
Jesus Christ for healing.
(28:20):
They emphasized the time that ittakes for healing.
It can't be done quickly.
The third is developing.
Healthy relationships.
starting with yourself.
Building within a circle oftrust.
All of this.
Led me to find.
a professional, which issuggested.
(28:41):
To find a licensed.
Professional.
That shares your values andbeliefs.
And I found this Fashionalthat's spoken directly.
Two.
This specific issue.
She calls it.
Becoming nonfiction Christians.
Her name is Dr.
Lily to Hoya Anderson.
She has her own podcast.
(29:03):
It's called.
Choosing glory and it follows.
The Sunday school curriculum.
Follow him.
Let me introduce.
Dr.
Anderson first.
She attended BYU and graduatedin sociology And completed her
master's in social work..
She's a licensed clinical socialworker and has a full-time
private practice.
In individual marriage andfamily counseling.
(29:26):
Later sister Anderson completedher PhD in marriage, family, and
human development at BYU.
And for several years hotpart-time there.
For the school of family life.
Her second book choosing glory.
I just like the name of herpodcast.
Is available in paperback andKindle.
And one of those chapterschoosing glory talks about.
(29:50):
Non victim.
Christian HUD I've recentlylearned because she was a guest
on another podcast.
Called follow him.
Which is another.
Sunday school podcast.
She is writing another book andthe whole book is about being a
non victim Christian.
I'm so glad this topic is goingto be addressed.
So now that we know about Dr.
Anderson.
(30:11):
I want to address.
This issue about being a nonvictim Christian.
I'll quote Dr.
Anderson from episode 1.13.
In doctrine and covenants,section 98 through sections 1 0
3.
Haute.
The issue here is chronicvictimization.
Now anyone can get victimized,mugged or hurt in a business
(30:34):
deal, but I'm talking aboutrelationships.
That are chronic where injurieshappen again and again, where
the injury repeats again andagain, from the same source,
that's a chronic abusesituation.
The Lord doesn't want us to be.
Chronic victims.
Now, why is that?
What was the Lord to do?
(30:54):
In the kingdom with a bunch ofvictim people who are just used
to being heard all the time.
It's like we lie down on theroad and let a steamroller roll
over us every day.
Unquote.
I couldn't believe she reallyused that analogy concerning
what?
Sarah ditch herself lying downin a parking lot.
No, not to everyone.
I don't relate to Sarahsituation, Being a young adult.
(31:17):
In an abusive relationship.
But on second thought, perhapsmore of us can relate to chronic
abusive family relationshipsbecause that's where most of
these abusive relationshipsoccur, is within the family,
Dr.
Anderson shares one example ofthis in her book, choosing
glory.
(31:38):
It was an example of an oldermother and her adult son.
Who was the abuser.
and he was addicted to cocaine.
his abuse was not physicalabuse.
But it was taking advantage ofhis mother financially and
emotionally.
Dr.
Anderson's point is.
The Lord has shown us throughscripture.
(31:58):
How to be.
Non victim Christian.
She goes on to say, referring topeople that are used to being
victimized all the time, quote,
That's not much of the kind of person that's
going to be much of an asset inZion.
We need to be people of power.
(32:20):
Not aggressive.
That's why we talk about thisnon victim Christian idea.
One simple way to define a nonvictim Christian.
Is, they don't dish it outbecause they care too much about
their relationship with God.
But they don't take it either.
In other words.
They don't accept a position ofchronic victim hood.
(32:43):
Let's look at what the Lord saysabout that because it's pretty
wonderful and powerful stuff.
Looking at section 98, verse 44.
But if you trespass against theethe fourth time, thou shalt not
forgive him.
But shall bring thesetestimonies before the Lord and
(33:03):
they shall not be blotted outuntil he repent and reward the
fourfold in all things.
Where with he has trespassedagainst the unquote.
She goes on to say.
quote,
Obviously the Lord does not want you to go
around carrying a grudge or withbitterness in our hearts or with
anger or vengeance towardssomeone else.
(33:26):
So when he's saying don'tforgive.
What he means is stopinteracting.
With that person.
Unquote that is.
Just what this.
Article says from the church inhealing, from relationships.
It talks about settingboundaries.
So she goes into itspecifically.
Dr.
Anderson goes on to say Haute.
(33:46):
Stop interacting with thatperson.
You can't keep putting your handin a hot stove and be surprised
when you get burned.
He's saying.
Don't keep doing the same thingagain and again.
With the same person.
Don't be acted upon.
You need to take action at thispoint.
It's been three times.
(34:06):
here's the fourth time and youneed to take action.
Not action to destroy the otherperson.
Not action to turn us into the.
same kind of celestialUnharnessed natural man, as the
person who is hurting us.
The to rise above that.
And say, I've got to takeresponsibility.
For being safe.
(34:27):
Unquote.
I will put a link to thisparticular podcast in our show
notes.
I look forward to her next book,which is all about.
Being a non victim, Christian.
let's summarize what we'velearned so far about chronic
abusive relationships from thearticle and from Doctor.
Anderson's work.
(34:48):
First, we recognize the traumafrom the abusive relationship.
Second, we turn to our HeavenlyFather and Jesus Christ for
healing.
They will lead us on theboundaries, the healthy
boundaries that may need to beset in these relationships.
And thirdly, the last isdeveloping healthy
(35:11):
relationships, starting withourselves.
What we've talked about so farin regards to chronic abusive
relationships is how to dealwith them, what to do, and how
to heal from them.
But what we haven't talked aboutis why.
Why was Sarah in thisrelationship?
And she tells us why.
(35:33):
She says it was because of herlow self worth.
she had forgotten or didn'tunderstand her divine worth.
And I can see why it's easy todo when we're constantly
surrounded by social media,which flashes in front of us,
what is the world's beauty?
(35:55):
What is the world's worth?
It's easy to get caught up intoit.
President Joy D.
Jones, the primary generalpresident 2017, addresses this
topic of divine worth.
in a sermonette named ValueBeyond Measure.
She says, quote, The Lordrevealed this additional truth
(36:20):
to the prophet Joseph Smith,quote, He that receiveth of God,
let him account it of God.
And let him rejoice that he isaccounted of God worthy to
receive.
She goes on to say (36:36):
quote, When we feel the spirit, as this
verse explains, we recognizethat what we feel comes from our
Heavenly Father.
We acknowledge him and praisehim for blessing us.
We then rejoice that we arecounted worthy to receive.
(36:59):
Imagine that you are reading thescriptures 1 morning and the
spirit softly whispers to youthat what you are reading is
true.
Do you recognize the spirit andbe happy that you felt his love
and were worthy to receive?
Mothers, you might be kneelingnext to your 4 year old as he
(37:21):
says his bedtime prayer.
A feeling flows over you as youlisten.
You feel warmth and peace.
The feeling is brief, but yourecognize that you, at that
moment, are counted worthy toreceive.
We may seldom, if ever, receivehuge spiritual manifestations in
(37:45):
our lives, but we can frequentlysavor the sweet whisperings of
the Holy Ghost.
Verifying the truth of ourspiritual worth.
The Lord explained therelationship between our worth
and his great atoning sacrificewhen he said, quote, Remember,
(38:06):
the worth of souls is great inthe sight of God.
We are accounted of God worthyto receive the sweet whisperings
of the Holy Ghost.
And we've been reminded that theworth of souls is great in the
(38:26):
sight of God.
Sarah told us that her parentshad prayed many prayers on her
behalf, that this manipulativerelationship that she was
involved in would resolve, thatshe'd be safe, that she'd be
protected.
And what happened?
Well, two men showed up in herlife, the way I look at it, two
(38:49):
ministering men.
And we see this pattern repeatitself in each other's lives and
in the lives we read about inthe scriptures as family prays
for one another.
The Lord sends ministeringangels, ministering sisters and
ministering brothers to takecare of us, to help us in times
(39:12):
of need.
It was Tyler that gave Sarah thecourage to end that relationship
with the abusive boyfriend.
I appreciate Sarah's courage insharing her story I am
encouraged in knowing thatHeavenly Father wants us to be
powerful and happy and that wecan be non victim Christians.
(39:36):
Now I'll share the rest ofSarah's story, along with some
highlights from the interview.
Sarah, Tyler, and Clintcontinued on in their
friendship.
Both of these men treated Sarahwith the utmost respect and
kindness.
It was not too long before Sarahand Tyler's relationship became
(39:58):
more serious, even romantic.
Just for reference.
Tyler was the first one toapproach Sarah Clearback at that
first pool party, and he wasalso the one that suggested that
she come home and have hisfather give her a blessing.
Sarah talks about theirengagement.
(40:20):
Next.
Sarah Mabey (40:22):
the proposal is actually a funny story Is it?
By itself.
Technically, I proposed to himin a backwards way.
Really?
we were sitting on the couch 1morning he had woken up before I
had to leave for classes.
Just talking and then we bothgot really quiet.
(40:43):
And he's what are you thinkingabout?
And I said, no, it's dumb.
He's no, tell me, what are youthinking about?
I said, I just can't Stopthinking when are you going to
propose to me.
Really?
But at the same time, it was soEarly, I hadn't known him really
(41:04):
that long.
Mhmm.
And he stood up.
He went to his cupboard, And hegot out his grandmother's
peridot earrings.
And He proposed to me right thenwith the earrings.
(41:27):
Oh, that's sweet.
And then We snuck out after classes and went to
Kay Jewelers.
Oh, okay.
And picked out a ring.
This is gonna be the realproposal.
And, No.
We didn't do a real proposal.
(41:47):
We were just like Hey,everybody.
Guess what?
We're engaged.
We're nerdy.
We didn't do the whole you know,big proposal.
Well, I liked Rapunzel how itturned out with the
grandmother's earrings.
That's unique and tender.
It was Really intimate and special.
Mhmm.
It didn't have to be this biggrand event.
(42:10):
I didn't want it To be a biggrand event.
I'm a shy person.
Mhmm.
Okay.
And so it was just reallyspecial Yeah.
That it happened in this quietmoment.
Yeah.
Sarah and Tyler got married inthe Salt Lake Temple in the year
2010.
Stephanie test (42:29):
Shortly after they're married, Sarah gets
pregnant with their first childand it's a little boy They name
him Isaac.
and life is good.
They're thrilled to have theirfirst child.
But Tyler had some medicalissues.
He had Crohn's disease and hehad Asperger's syndrome along
(42:51):
with some other medical issuesthat it was at this time That
his weight steadily, quicklyincreased and his health started
to decline.
had been married about four anda half years and now Sarah is
expecting their second child andshe's in the first trimester.
It's in the middle of the nightand Tyler says to her he, he
(43:15):
can't breathe and he's gray incolor she says, we've got to go
to the hospital.
They move towards the car andTyler collapses.
Sarah is a certified nurseassistant.
She immediately goes intomedical mode.
She calls 911 and starts CPR onTyler.
(43:38):
She's talking to the emergencyassistant as she's waiting for
the paramedics to arrive andperforming CPR at the same time.
By the time they arrive, herarms are locked.
They move Sarah away from Tyler.
And they work on Tyler.
But his heart does not startagain.
(44:00):
And Tyler is pronounced dead.
It's too much to take in.
It can't really be.
The shock was overwhelming.
(44:21):
what to do.
She felt her world had collapsedaround her.
I'm going to share a clip of herspeaking the afternoon after he
(44:43):
passed, when she had had alittle time to herself to walk
to a nearby park, and what sheexperienced.
Sarah Mabey (44:51):
When I'm upset, I like to walk in nature by
myself.
So I went out for a walk to anearby park, and I sat on top of
the hill.
I stared at the sky, and alittle bit of me just wished
that I would get sucked up thereEmbi with Tyler again.
(45:15):
And I kept thinking the lyricsto my favorite primary
children's song.
It's called a child's prayer.
as the song goes, Heavenlyfather, are you really there?
Can you hear me?
Can you answer my prayers?
Because right now, I feel like alittle child, and I don't know
(45:40):
what to do.
And heaven feels really far awayright now because that's where
my husband is, And I'm not therewith him.
And flooding into my mind as I'msitting there staring at the
clouds came the second verse.
(46:04):
Pray.
He is there.
He is listening.
And you are his child and hislove surrounds you.
And I didn't know why that wasso important, but I felt a warm
hug as I was laying on thatgrass and nothing was right in
(46:29):
the world.
I felt warm and loved and thatit was gonna be okay.
Tyler had been there to save mefrom that manipulative
relationship.
(46:49):
He had brought me 2 children,and that was his calling and
that it was gonna be okay.
I went back to the house, and itwas kinda catatonic for A while.
My mother-in-law It was ablessing.
(47:11):
She grieves differently from me.
She grieved by taking care of myson.
She made sure that he hadeverything he needed.
She made sure that he was fedAnd changed and taken care of
because she had just lost herson.
And so she could grieve throughcaring for Her grandson.
(47:34):
Which provided both of us theopportunity to grieve in our own
way.
There were a lot of blessings,Surprise blessings that happened
around the time of Tyler'sdeath.
Things that made it feel Okay.
Tyler's grandma had died theyear before On the same day, At
(47:57):
the same time.
And it was almost like when wethought about it that she came
to get him.
And it Helped us feel a littlebit more peaceful.
Yeah.
That's what you're saying.
after he died, I went to thefront office of the apartment
complex.
We had just resigned our newlease.
Oh, dear.
And I could not afford The rent.
(48:21):
And I said, listen.
This is what happened.
My husband's gone.
I only have my income.
I can't afford it, and I need tomove into my in law's house.
I'm about to have a baby.
I can't do it on my own.
And the landlord said, whatlease?
(48:43):
Really?
They said they lost the lease.
I suspect that they just, Quote,unquote lost the lease because
they knew of my situation.
They didn't make me pay anyBreaking a lease fee.
(49:04):
We just moved out.
The church came and helped Scrubthe walls, clean the apartment,
do all the move out stuff.
But the apartment just let mego.
Sarah, what a blessing.
And I was able to move in withmy in laws for a few months.
Sarah and her son, Isaac, arenow living with her in laws and
(49:27):
adjusting to life without Tyler.
Flint, Sarah and Tyler's oldfriend, he was part of the Three
Musketeers and a longtime friendof Tyler's family, comes to the
house to grieve over Tyler'sloss.
And begins to visit the homeregularly.
Isaac adores Clint and likes totreat him like a surrogate
(49:51):
father.
after a while, Sarah and Clintbegin seeing each other more
regularly And eventually decidedto become engaged to be married.
Now we'll go to a clip whereSarah shares Some of the
struggles that she went throughas she approached the engagement
and marriage and where her lifeis now.
(50:12):
I want us to be an eternal family.
Can't we just add Clint.
in?
So that was a time of seriousspiritual struggle for me.
I see.
Because I was angry that Icouldn't be sealed to both men.
Mhmm.
And after talking about it withClint, we decided that heavenly
(50:36):
father doesn't want us To be sador in pain or to be miserable.
And we both felt that he had ledus to the situation together.
He had led me To Tyler andClint.
(50:59):
And it felt like Back at thatswimming pool.
Back at that swimming pool.
And it felt like It was plannedthat Tyler was going to have to
leave us early.
He has some mission in theafterlife, But that Clint was
going to be part of the familymoving forward.
(51:19):
So we decided to just put ourfaith and pray And listen To the
spirit and move forward and goahead and get married.
Clint's bishop married us in therelief society room of their
(51:40):
chapel.
So we're civilly married.
Mhmm.
But it was really special whenwe went to look for a ring.
I was a little bit distressed.
I was like, I don't wanna takeoff Tyler's ring, but I also
don't wanna be disrespectful andbe like, no.
I don't want your ring To Clint.
(52:02):
So we went just to browse.
Clint found a ring that wentaround the outside of Tyler's
ring.
Oh, look at that.
So you have a swirl of diamondsalmost like a jacket that goes
around the original Tyler'sring.
Yeah.
(52:22):
The central band was my ringfrom Tyler, and Clint chose This
ring that hugs and connectsaround Tyler's ring Symbolizing
that we're all part of aneternal family even if we don't
understand heavenly father'splan and why we're not allowed
(52:44):
to be sealed right now.
Mhmm.
And so we're going to trust,like children have to trust
their parents.
That it's gonna be okay.
Yeah.
And that it'll work out in theeternal perspective.
Faith.
Faith.
Faith.
We're in faith.
What a beautiful wedding ring.
(53:06):
Thank you.
Original and so meaningful.
Now where are you?
With you and Clint, you have 2children, but I know you've gone
further than that.
Clint and I have had 2 morechildren.
We have a daughter.
(53:26):
Her name's Elaine and a son.
His name is Leo.
Over now.
So we have 4 childrenaltogether.
And it never feels Like my kidsand his kids.
We are 1 eternal family.
I understand you're still closewith Tyler's parents.
(53:49):
Yes.
We take the kids, to go visit inSandy, we drive an hour every
weekend to go take our kids Togo see their grandparents or
they drive to us and come getthe kids.
And so we make sure to keep thatrelationship open.
So my kids just have bonusgrandparents now.
(54:10):
Yes.
Yeah.
So it's all flourishing.
Mhmm.
Oh, so you weren't left alone.
I was not.
To raise your 2 children,couldn't join the family.
Yeah.
2 more children.
Yep.
And our family just grew.
Our family didn't shrink whenTyler died.
(54:32):
He's just gone for a while, Andwe'll see him again.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a beautiful story.
Thank you, Sarah.
Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you for helping usunderstand what you went through
at those vulnerable timesasking, holy father, are you
really there when you were up onthat hill?
(54:52):
And indeed, you felt his lovearound you.
That hug and that assuritythrough that primary song.
Are you really there?
And the answer was pray.
Yeah.
Pray.
I am there.
(55:13):
My love will surround you.
Yeah.
My love will surround you.
And In the immediate, I feltthat love surrounding me through
that invisible hug.
And in the long term, I havefelt his love through other
(55:33):
people, through Clint, andthrough Clint's family, and
through Tyler's family.
And I was never left alone evenwhen I felt alone.
You have just a larger extendedfamily.
Yes.
Oh, miracles.
if you could say this is 1 thingthat I learned from the Lord
(55:56):
within this journey Could yousum it up for us?
Heavenly father is there.
He is real.
Sometimes you might feel alone.
Sometimes you might notunderstand what the plan is Or
(56:18):
how things are going to fallinto place.
But there is a plan.
And in the long term, thingswill be okay.
And they might even be betterthan okay.
It's odd to say, but it's hardto imagine My life differently.
(56:44):
it feels Like it was supposed tobe this way.
That there was a time and aseason For Tyler to be in my
life, that he's neededelsewhere, that heavenly father
has a plan for him.
And he's gone, but he's notgone.
(57:05):
He's gone from this earth, buthe's not gone from my family.
And we're just 1 little part ofGod's eternal plan.
Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this storywith me, Sarah.
What a journey.
What journey.
(57:27):
I want to thank Sarah Mabee forsharing her life with us today.
We've been blessed by learningfrom her life story.
I also want to thank ourlisteners.
Thank you for spreading the goodword about dear daughters of
God.
(57:48):
I will create a videogram and itwill include a picture of Sarah
and the wedding ring that wetalked about in the story.
I hope you'll look it up.
You'll find it on the DearDaughters of God Instagram and
Facebook page.
I ask that you please continueto subscribe, and to rate, and
best of all, to share thispodcast with those that you
(58:09):
love.
Thank you for listening to ourstory today.
For now, I will say farewell,until we meet again.
I am Stephanie Eccles.
This is Dear Daughters of God,Episode 12, Overcoming Abuse
with the Understanding of DivineWorth.
We are inspired by the true lifeexperiences of those around us.
My name is Stephanie Eccles.
I'm an educator, counselor,school administrator, and
natural storyteller.
From my perspective as a memberof The Church of Jesus Christ of
(00:22):
Latter day Saints, I share avariety of life experiences that
bring us hope and joy in ourSavior, Jesus Christ.
Welcome, dear daughters of God.
I address you that way becausethat's what you are to Him.
To our Heavenly Father, you aredear.
Sarah Mabey (00:42):
We have a special guest today.
Her name is Sarah Mabey.
I met missus Mabey at ExcelsiorAcademy, and I'm gonna introduce
her to you and then I'll tellyou more about her as I know
her.
Sarah grew up in Spanish Fork,Utah, and she was there until
she's about 9 years old, andthen her father's job caused
(01:05):
them to relocate into NorthTexas.
So most of her childhoodmemories were created there in
the colony, about an houroutside the Dallas Fort Worth
area.
after graduating from highschool, Sarah attended several
colleges, including Con CountyCommunity College in Texas, then
(01:26):
Brigham Young University, andSalt Lake Community College in
Utah.
She was trying out manydifferent majors, including
physics teaching home economicsand nursing.
She always wanted to be ateacher and a mother since she
was very little.
But she also had a passion forthe hard sciences like math,
medicine, and engineering.
(01:47):
Every 1 of those attempts at adegree fell through.
She went through many strugglestrying to find her calling.
she stopped trying for a degreefor a while, and she focused on
herself and her family.
Eventually, she found ExcelsiorAcademy in Erta, Utah, and it
felt so right.
(02:08):
She was encouraged by a coworkerafter being at Excelsior for a
while to go back to school andcomplete her teaching degree.
This coworker saw the passion inSarah behind her anxiety that
she was experiencing, and shetold Sarah about Western
Governors University, an onlinecollege where she was able to
(02:30):
finish her teaching degree.
So 16 years after graduatingfrom high school, Sarah, without
having to attend classes awayfrom home, She now has finished
her degree and she's now anintern in a full day
kindergarten classroom atExcelsior Academy, honing her
(02:50):
skills under the tutelage of amaster teacher until there is an
opportunity for her to teach inher own classroom.
So welcome, Sarah.
We're so thrilled to have you.
Thank you.
It was at the end of my careeras the executive director of
Excelsior Academy that I metSarah.
(03:11):
She was hired as an instructor.
Many schools call that, ateacher's assistant or a TA.
We called them instructors.
what I remember about Sarah was,that Sarah was often smiling in
the hall and she would catch myattention because she often
smiling, and wearing purple.
(03:32):
so I asked her 1 day, you mustreally like the color purple.
And she goes, I love the colorpurple.
And I said, I really like thecolor purple too.
So we have that in common.
so we'd pass each other in thehall and when I had my purple
on, we'd, make that connectionwith our purple color on.
Do you remember that, Sarah?
I do.
That was fun.
(03:53):
Yeah.
Sarah, that came in the, justrecent years in your life, your
experience at Excelsior.
But let's go back.
Let's go back to that time whenyou were just starting out your
adulthood, and just dating andfinding trying to find that man
(04:13):
to marry.
Tell us about that.
Well, I when I was about 16, Ihad met, a young man on the
Internet who lived in London.
And I've always had a lot ofanxiety in my life, and he made
me feel special because A manliked me.
Unfortunately, because of mylack of self esteem, His
(04:36):
manipulative personality got agrip on me, and it wound up
being a very toxic relationship.
I moved out to Utah when Idecided to attend Brigham Young
University.
during that Time.
I was living with my aunt anduncle because I was nervous
about living in the dorms, and Iwanted to be around family.
(04:59):
And I went with my cousins to asteak pool party after having
gotten into a major argumentwith my online boyfriend.
Okay.
So you're this online boyfriend.
You were 16, and he's fromLondon.
Yeah.
Had you ever met him in person?
No.
(05:19):
Were your parents aware of thisonline boyfriend?
They were.
And they were supportive of mydesire to make friends, but they
were nervous.
And I found out later That therewas a lot of prayer involved
that I would choose to leavethis toxic boyfriend because
they had noticed Changes in mypersonality, but they also
(05:44):
wanted to be careful not to pushme away because I was a
teenager.
And, obviously, I knew more thanmy parents did because don't all
teenagers.
And so they were trying tobalance Being caring, but also
worrying.
I can see why they were worried.
You had conversations with theboyfriend from London, had you
(06:07):
had video conversations withyet?
Yeah.
We use Skype a lot and we'reable to do video calls through
that.
And how old was he?
He was, I think, about 4 yearsolder than me.
I think he was about 20 if I'mremembering correctly.
Alright.
So now you've moved to Utah, andyou're now 19.
So your London boyfriend wouldbe about 23.
(06:30):
You're living with your aunt anduncle and attending college at
BYU.
Yeah.
Well, actually, I had notstarted attending college yet.
It was a month or 2 4 classesstarted that I moved in with
them to get settled andeverything.
Okay.
And in the meantime, yourparents are praying that you'll
break up with this man wholives.
So Oh, you were saying?
(06:51):
I went I was angry and upset atthis argument that I had with my
boyfriend.
And I went to the pool with mycousins, but then I kinda just
didn't wanna be around people.
I was there Physically, but Iwas just kinda sitting in the
pool crying.
My cousins were guys, and theywere like, okay.
(07:12):
Whatever.
She's being a girl.
And Went off to hang out withtheir friends.
and I was just standing in thepool crying, and this guy Came
up to me, and he was at least afoot taller than me.
Not that's hard.
I'm only 5 foot 1.
But He was at least a foottaller than me, and he comes and
he's looming over me.
(07:33):
Hi.
Do you wanna come join my group?
No.
Okay.
And so he leaves.
About 2 or 3 minutes later, agirl comes over.
she's hey.
You look sad.
You look like you need a friend.
Will you come join me and myfriends?
Okay.
(07:53):
A girl is safe.
I can go join her, and try andbe sociable at this?
It was a 3 different stakes cometogether.
So there was a lot of teenagersand young adults there.
Oh, lots of teenagers.
So I followed this girl back toher friend group, and what do
you know?
That creepy guy that was loomingover me was there.
(08:15):
Up.
It was her friend's brother.
And so we started talking, andI'm a little bit panicking
inside my head.
This Creepy guys looming overme, and I don't know.
I have a lot of anxiety aboutmen in general because I think
of my situation with my,boyfriend From London.
(08:36):
From London.
Okay.
but I was like, okay.
There's girls here.
It'll be okay.
So we started talking, and wefound out that we had a lot in
common.
We enjoyed video games.
We enjoyed anime.
You and this 1 that was 6 footYeah.
Or at least a foot taller thanyou.
Yeah.
He should've been about 6 foot1.
Yeah.
Okay.
And he also had another friendwith him.
(08:59):
And so the 3 of us startedtalking.
The girls eventually left, andit was me and the boys talking
ironically about video games andanime.
I've always been 1 of the guys,though.
We started talking, and wedecided to Set up a time for us
to hang out and watch some animeand play some video games
together.
So eventually, we set that time,and, my boyfriend was not very
(09:23):
happy about that, that I wasgonna hang out With other men,
he was very protective and verypossessive of me speaking to
anybody that was not a girl.
Lots of red flags that I kindaknew in the back of my head, but
I wanted to believe that thisrelationship was Right?
(09:43):
Because, he was British.
He had a nice accent.
He was cute.
I fell for all the things.
But he had a toxic personality.
I hung out with them severaltimes, and we watched a lot of
anime and played a lot of videogames together.
then classes started, And, wewere living in Sandy, and I
(10:06):
wound up getting into a dorm InProvo at BYU.
But every single day afterclasses, I would drive from
Provo to Sandy To hang out withthese guys until 9 or 10 o'clock
at night.
Oh, how did you manage that withthe rigor of BYU's classes.
I was young.
(10:28):
I don't know.
I could never run on 5 hours ofsleep now.
But I was young, and I somethingfelt nice about these boys.
They were polite.
They were gentlemen.
They didn't sexualize me Like myonline boyfriend did.
things really came to a head 1day when I was walking back From
(10:51):
classes back to my dorm.
I had been really stressed aboutmy boyfriend and all his
negativity and possessiveness,and I knew it wasn't right.
We had broken up and gotten backtogether several times.
Stephanie test (11:05):
And this is all while you're still driving from
Brigham Young University to bein Provo to Sandy Which is about
a 30 to 40 minute drive.
Sarah Mabey (11:14):
to hang out with these 2 guys.
Yeah.
You still have the Londonboyfriend.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I still have the Londonboyfriend while I was having a
friendship, and it wascompletely platonic with these 2
guys And I was walking back frommy classes to my dorm 1 day, and
I just Couldn't go anymore.
(11:36):
I was walking through a parkinglot and I laid down.
I couldn't walk anymore.
I was Exhausted physically,mentally, emotionally, I laid
down and I said, I don't care ifa car runs me over.
I'm just gonna take a nap righthere.
Oh my goodness.
In the parking lot?
In the parking lot, it was itwasn't a busy parking lot.
(11:58):
It was, like, behind anapartment complex, But it wasn't
exactly the best place to take anap, but I didn't care.
I was done.
I thought maybe something waswrong with me physically.
I didn't realize that theemotional trauma could create
that physical Exhaustion.
(12:19):
I just knew that I was done, andI didn't care what happened.
I laid there for I don't knowhow long until somebody walked
by and saw me, and I went Lessthan responsive.
They were asking me questions.
I was in a fog.
(12:40):
I was stressed.
My brain didn't care aboutanything.
They asked me if they could helpme, if they could I said I don't
know if they could take me tothe hospital, and I said I don't
care.
I just stopped functioning.
Here.
So they picked me up.
They had a friend who had a car,put me in their friend's car,
(13:02):
and drove me to the ER.
I Why?
My heart rate was very high whenI got to the ER.
I don't remember a lot of itthough because I was, I think so
overstressed that my body wasjust done.
There was nothing wrong with mephysically that the doctors
could test for.
(13:23):
They sent in a social worker,And at that point, I spilled
everything about my boyfriendand the emotional and mental and
verbal abuse that I had beengoing through.
I told them I wanted to break upwith him, And I'd wanted to for
a long time, but I had been soafraid to because he told me he
(13:48):
would kill himself if I did.
And I loved him.
Despite everything, I stillloved him.
And I cared about him, and Ididn't want that.
Up.
He said he would kill himselfYeah.
If he broke up with him.
Yeah.
And the social worker Talked tome for a little while, and she
said that's a very common,strategy that manipulative
(14:12):
people We'll use to keepsomebody in a relationship.
And she Convinced me that Ineeded to do what was better for
me, and that was his choice tomake If he was going to hurt
himself over my leaving.
(14:34):
I don't think I've told thisstory to anybody in a long time.
While I was in the hospital, itwas only I was only there for
maybe a few hours, but I hadTexted, the 2 boys.
Their names are Tyler and Clint.
The super tall creepy 1 isTyler.
(14:56):
And Clive.
Tyler and Clint.
And I texted them, and I said,hey.
I'm in the hospital.
I'm really not sure what to do,but I won't be coming to Sandy
tonight.
And Just as I was being releasedfrom the hospital, they showed
up before my, Discharge paperswere completed.
(15:18):
They appeared, and the nursecame in and said, hey.
There's 2 guys here to see you.
And I was like, What 2 guys arehere to see me?
I don't know any guys becauseYou're thinking Provo.
I'm thinking Provo.
Exactly.
And she's their names are Tylerand Clint.
They want to know if they cancome in and see you.
(15:39):
They came in, and they hadbrought me a teddy bear and
chocolate and all the thingsnice guys Bring to girls when
they're upset.
Oh.
They took me out to dinner.
I had shut off my phone aftertexting them because my
boyfriend was trying to call me,and I didn't wanna talk to him.
I didn't know what I was gonnasay to him yet.
(16:01):
I'm sure you each weren't readyto face that at that moment.
Yeah.
So they took me out to dinner,and we just Were.
We didn't talk about thesituation.
We just existed as friends.
We went back to my dormafterwards to watch a movie.
(16:24):
It was Robin Hood men in tights.
They wanted to watch somethingfunny to help cheer me up.
And, after the movie, I waswalking them out to the car, and
I Guess I decided to turn myphone back on or something.
I don't remember why.
But as they were getting readyto leave, My boyfriend called,
(16:45):
and I answered because I knew hewas gonna be mad.
I knew he was gonna be maybeworried about What had happened
and what was going on?
Where was I?
And why didn't I answer his 700calls?
And Did Clint and Tyler knowabout the London boyfriend?
Yes.
(17:05):
They knew about him generally,that he existed.
But I didn't really talk a lotabout him because first of all,
it's weird that I had aboyfriend that I'd never met in
person.
Yeah.
I was a little bit embarrassedabout it because I think in my
heart, I knew that it wasn't agood relationship, but I also
(17:27):
didn't.
Because of my low self esteem, Ididn't believe that anybody else
would want to be in arelationship with me.
I see.
And he had manipulated that andgotten me to believe that I
wasn't worth anything withouthim.
he made your initial belief ofbelieving you weren't valuable
(17:50):
enough for anyone to be in arelationship with you.
He only endorsed that in yourmind.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now you are absolutely sureyou weren't valuable enough for
with you because that's exactlywhat he wanted you to believe.
Exactly.
He was really good at thatemotional manipulation And
getting me to believe and dowhat he wanted.
(18:14):
Oh my.
He even told me at 1 point thathe liked having power over
people.
And I don't know why that wasn'tA huge red flag at the time, but
I guess I was young and dumb.
so anyways, I answered the call,And he just starts verbally
(18:34):
reaming me.
Where have you been?
What are you doing?
Who are you hanging out with?
Why haven't you answered yourcalls?
All the things and I was justlike, I'm sorry.
I was in the hospital.
I'm okay now.
I didn't give him any detailsyet because I didn't I still
didn't know what I was gonna sayto him.
(18:55):
And I collapsed to my knees inthe parking lot.
The whole all of the stress ofit made me physically weak.
Oh, and Clint and Tyler wereright there with you.
Clint and Tyler were stillthere.
They were in the car, but theyhadn't pulled out yet.
And They saw me, and I hung upthe phone.
(19:18):
And they said, hey.
Let's go to Sandy.
Tyler said, let me get my dad togive you a blessing.
Because I didn't know anybody inProvo, and I didn't know what to
do.
Mhmm.
My roommates We're there, but Ididn't really have a friendship
with them because of theobsessive nature of My toxic
(19:42):
relationship I didn't have a lotof friendships.
I see.
The London boyfriend wanted youonly for himself.
Yeah.
Yes.
Any free time that I had, Ineeded to be on the computer or
the phone with him.
No wonder you were escaping toSandy.
Yeah.
It was it really was an escape.
(20:04):
Yes.
So we got in the car, And I wasa mess.
I was sobbing and crying, and Ifelt humiliated crying like this
in front of these 2 awesome guysWho were so kind to me and so
caring.
And Clint was driving, And I wasa shaking mess.
And he's before we go to Sandy,I wanna go somewhere else.
(20:26):
My abused brain thought, oh, no.
They're gonna kidnap me andmurder me.
Really?
But My heart, my spirit said,it's okay.
Just go.
Clint drove Until he found atemple.
(20:46):
And we went and parked on thetemple grounds and prayed and I
cried Until I had cried enoughthat I felt better.
And we had prayed enough, and Istarted to feel better.
And then we drove to Sandy.
We went to Tyler's house, and hewent and got his dad, and his
(21:07):
dad immediately gave me ablessing.
He didn't really know what wasgoing on.
He just knew that his sonbrought a girl home, first of
all, And she needed a blessing.
So he just gave me I think itwas probably just like a general
blessing for peace.
Of comfort.
(21:28):
Of comfort.
You can see you were distressed.
I'm sure.
Yeah.
My anxiety really peaked afterthat.
I slept on A mattress in Tyler'sfamily's basement.
I did not go back To my dormexcept to collect my things.
(21:49):
Really?
I was nervous to be away fromthe boys.
They were so kind to me, andthey took such good care of me
that I didn't feel like I couldfunction Without them, the next
morning when I woke up, I turnedon my phone and I had all these
(22:10):
missed calls and voicemails frommy London boyfriend.
as I turned on the phone, hecalled again.
On JR.
And I went upstairs into thekitchen where nobody was and I
answered the call.
You answered the call.
I answered the call.
I was dumb.
Okay?
And I this is how badly he hadmanipulated me.
(22:35):
I felt guilty that I cheated,quote, unquote, on him by having
other friends that were boys, Byspending the night, innocently
spending the night in the homeof somebody else, of a boy.
And I answered it, and Iapologized.
(22:57):
Oh.
And I Sarah.
I never understood how peoplecould get manipulated into these
situations until it happened tome.
I answered the phone, and Iapologized.
He asked me if we were stilltogether.
(23:19):
I was gonna say yes Because Iwas afraid to not have what I
perceived as his love.
As I was having thisconversation on the phone with
him, I didn't hear it, but Tylerhad come upstairs.
My back was to the staircase.
And he put his hand on myshoulder, and I said, no.
(23:43):
We're not together anymore.
And I hung up the phone.
Tyler had given me that strengthto Say no and to get out of that
relationship.
I deleted my London boyfriendfrom Facebook, from Skype.
I transferred servers on myvideo game So that he would not
(24:08):
be able to contact me.
Thank goodness.
Thank goodness.
And it was such a relief, butalso terrifying Because I felt
so vulnerable in that moment.
Mhmm.
Because he had infiltrated mymind so badly that I did not
Feel like I was worth anythingwithout him.
(24:31):
But as soon as Tyler put hishand on my shoulder, a part of
me knew That I was valued.
That somebody else cared aboutme.
Somebody else loved me.
Oh, That was a pivotal moment.
(24:52):
It really was.
My parents also had I had calledmy parents when I was in the
hospital and told them of thesituation.
What's their reaction when youcalled them?
They drove up.
They were there 2 days later.
They drove straight from Texasand Got here as fast as they
could.
(25:13):
Mhmm.
They hugged Tyler and Clint andthanked them for taking care of
me.
In that couple of days, theycould see that I was in good
hands with Tyler and Clint.
Stephanie test (25:27):
We're going to pause the story here I'll have
to say, I was quite taken backto hear this story from Sarah.
It was not the story that Iintended to hear from her.
You may have noticed that shesaid, I don't think I've told
this story to anybody in a longtime.
(25:48):
It's like this story, about heremotionally abusive boyfriend
from London, was supposed to befound and shared.
Because as she shared it, itbecame clear to me that this
part of the story needed to beheard and shared today.
(26:10):
Here is Sarah.
She's been in this emotionallyabusive online relationship for
3 years.
Her parents had noticed a changein her personality.
There have been many prayersfrom her parents that she would
choose to leave this boyfriend,But they were fearful of being
pushed away from her, becauseshe was convinced that she knew
(26:33):
what was best, as so manyteenagers do believe.
They didn't wanna lose theirinfluence in her life.
So now she's started this newlife in Utah.
But the London boyfriend isstill there.
Wherever she goes, he's stillthere.
(26:54):
And the emotional abusecontinues.
The Church has published anarticle.
It's called Healing fromRelationships.
It was published in August of2022.
I'll put a link to it in the show notes.
It talks about the steps ofhealing from an abusive
relationship.
The first step is recognizingthe relationship trauma.
(27:17):
Quote, when we have been sodeeply wounded that we don't
believe we can trust ourselvesor others, we begin seeing
relationships as dangerousrather than as a place to learn,
grow, and reach our fullpotential.
Deep wounds can arise from abuseand betrayal.
(27:37):
Then it talks about thedifferent forms of abuse,
emotional, financial, physical,sexual, spiritual.
The form that Sarah wasencountering was emotional, and
it was deep.
So deep that she laid herself ina parking lot, ready to accept
whatever would occur to her,which was most likely a car
(27:59):
running over her.
That not only spoke to how lowshe felt about herself, but it
was the trauma, the effect ofthe trauma that was playing out
there.
The second step listed is toturn to Heavenly Father and
Jesus Christ for healing.
(28:20):
They emphasized the time that ittakes for healing.
It can't be done quickly.
The third is developing.
Healthy relationships.
starting with yourself.
Building within a circle oftrust.
All of this.
Led me to find.
a professional, which issuggested.
(28:41):
To find a licensed.
Professional.
That shares your values andbeliefs.
And I found this Fashionalthat's spoken directly.
Two.
This specific issue.
She calls it.
Becoming nonfiction Christians.
Her name is Dr.
Lily to Hoya Anderson.
She has her own podcast.
(29:03):
It's called.
Choosing glory and it follows.
The Sunday school curriculum.
Follow him.
Let me introduce.
Dr.
Anderson first.
She attended BYU and graduatedin sociology And completed her
master's in social work..
She's a licensed clinical socialworker and has a full-time
private practice.
In individual marriage andfamily counseling.
(29:26):
Later sister Anderson completedher PhD in marriage, family, and
human development at BYU.
And for several years hotpart-time there.
For the school of family life.
Her second book choosing glory.
I just like the name of herpodcast.
Is available in paperback andKindle.
And one of those chapterschoosing glory talks about.
(29:50):
Non victim.
Christian HUD I've recentlylearned because she was a guest
on another podcast.
Called follow him.
Which is another.
Sunday school podcast.
She is writing another book andthe whole book is about being a
non victim Christian.
I'm so glad this topic is goingto be addressed.
So now that we know about Dr.
Anderson.
(30:11):
I want to address.
This issue about being a nonvictim Christian.
I'll quote Dr.
Anderson from episode 1.13.
In doctrine and covenants,section 98 through sections 1 0
3.
Haute.
The issue here is chronicvictimization.
Now anyone can get victimized,mugged or hurt in a business
(30:34):
deal, but I'm talking aboutrelationships.
That are chronic where injurieshappen again and again, where
the injury repeats again andagain, from the same source,
that's a chronic abusesituation.
The Lord doesn't want us to be.
Chronic victims.
Now, why is that?
What was the Lord to do?
(30:54):
In the kingdom with a bunch ofvictim people who are just used
to being heard all the time.
It's like we lie down on theroad and let a steamroller roll
over us every day.
Unquote.
I couldn't believe she reallyused that analogy concerning
what?
Sarah ditch herself lying downin a parking lot.
No, not to everyone.
I don't relate to Sarahsituation, Being a young adult.
(31:17):
In an abusive relationship.
But on second thought, perhapsmore of us can relate to chronic
abusive family relationshipsbecause that's where most of
these abusive relationshipsoccur, is within the family,
Dr.
Anderson shares one example ofthis in her book, choosing
glory.
(31:38):
It was an example of an oldermother and her adult son.
Who was the abuser.
and he was addicted to cocaine.
his abuse was not physicalabuse.
But it was taking advantage ofhis mother financially and
emotionally.
Dr.
Anderson's point is.
The Lord has shown us throughscripture.
(31:58):
How to be.
Non victim Christian.
She goes on to say, referring topeople that are used to being
victimized all the time, quote,
That's not much of the kind of person that's
going to be much of an asset inZion.
We need to be people of power.
(32:20):
Not aggressive.
That's why we talk about thisnon victim Christian idea.
One simple way to define a nonvictim Christian.
Is, they don't dish it outbecause they care too much about
their relationship with God.
But they don't take it either.
In other words.
They don't accept a position ofchronic victim hood.
(32:43):
Let's look at what the Lord saysabout that because it's pretty
wonderful and powerful stuff.
Looking at section 98, verse 44.
But if you trespass against theethe fourth time, thou shalt not
forgive him.
But shall bring thesetestimonies before the Lord and
(33:03):
they shall not be blotted outuntil he repent and reward the
fourfold in all things.
Where with he has trespassedagainst the unquote.
She goes on to say.
quote,
Obviously the Lord does not want you to go
around carrying a grudge or withbitterness in our hearts or with
anger or vengeance towardssomeone else.
(33:26):
So when he's saying don'tforgive.
What he means is stopinteracting.
With that person.
Unquote that is.
Just what this.
Article says from the church inhealing, from relationships.
It talks about settingboundaries.
So she goes into itspecifically.
Dr.
Anderson goes on to say Haute.
(33:46):
Stop interacting with thatperson.
You can't keep putting your handin a hot stove and be surprised
when you get burned.
He's saying.
Don't keep doing the same thingagain and again.
With the same person.
Don't be acted upon.
You need to take action at thispoint.
It's been three times.
(34:06):
here's the fourth time and youneed to take action.
Not action to destroy the otherperson.
Not action to turn us into the.
same kind of celestialUnharnessed natural man, as the
person who is hurting us.
The to rise above that.
And say, I've got to takeresponsibility.
For being safe.
(34:27):
Unquote.
I will put a link to thisparticular podcast in our show
notes.
I look forward to her next book,which is all about.
Being a non victim, Christian.
let's summarize what we'velearned so far about chronic
abusive relationships from thearticle and from Doctor.
Anderson's work.
(34:48):
First, we recognize the traumafrom the abusive relationship.
Second, we turn to our HeavenlyFather and Jesus Christ for
healing.
They will lead us on theboundaries, the healthy
boundaries that may need to beset in these relationships.
And thirdly, the last isdeveloping healthy
(35:11):
relationships, starting withourselves.
What we've talked about so farin regards to chronic abusive
relationships is how to dealwith them, what to do, and how
to heal from them.
But what we haven't talked aboutis why.
Why was Sarah in thisrelationship?
And she tells us why.
(35:33):
She says it was because of herlow self worth.
she had forgotten or didn'tunderstand her divine worth.
And I can see why it's easy todo when we're constantly
surrounded by social media,which flashes in front of us,
what is the world's beauty?
(35:55):
What is the world's worth?
It's easy to get caught up intoit.
President Joy D.
Jones, the primary generalpresident 2017, addresses this
topic of divine worth.
in a sermonette named ValueBeyond Measure.
She says, quote, The Lordrevealed this additional truth
(36:20):
to the prophet Joseph Smith,quote, He that receiveth of God,
let him account it of God.
And let him rejoice that he isaccounted of God worthy to
receive.
She goes on to say (36:36):
quote, When we feel the spirit, as this
verse explains, we recognizethat what we feel comes from our
Heavenly Father.
We acknowledge him and praisehim for blessing us.
We then rejoice that we arecounted worthy to receive.
(36:59):
Imagine that you are reading thescriptures 1 morning and the
spirit softly whispers to youthat what you are reading is
true.
Do you recognize the spirit andbe happy that you felt his love
and were worthy to receive?
Mothers, you might be kneelingnext to your 4 year old as he
(37:21):
says his bedtime prayer.
A feeling flows over you as youlisten.
You feel warmth and peace.
The feeling is brief, but yourecognize that you, at that
moment, are counted worthy toreceive.
We may seldom, if ever, receivehuge spiritual manifestations in
(37:45):
our lives, but we can frequentlysavor the sweet whisperings of
the Holy Ghost.
Verifying the truth of ourspiritual worth.
The Lord explained therelationship between our worth
and his great atoning sacrificewhen he said, quote, Remember,
(38:06):
the worth of souls is great inthe sight of God.
We are accounted of God worthyto receive the sweet whisperings
of the Holy Ghost.
And we've been reminded that theworth of souls is great in the
(38:26):
sight of God.
Sarah told us that her parentshad prayed many prayers on her
behalf, that this manipulativerelationship that she was
involved in would resolve, thatshe'd be safe, that she'd be
protected.
And what happened?
Well, two men showed up in herlife, the way I look at it, two
(38:49):
ministering men.
And we see this pattern repeatitself in each other's lives and
in the lives we read about inthe scriptures as family prays
for one another.
The Lord sends ministeringangels, ministering sisters and
ministering brothers to takecare of us, to help us in times
(39:12):
of need.
It was Tyler that gave Sarah thecourage to end that relationship
with the abusive boyfriend.
I appreciate Sarah's courage insharing her story I am
encouraged in knowing thatHeavenly Father wants us to be
powerful and happy and that wecan be non victim Christians.
(39:36):
Now I'll share the rest ofSarah's story, along with some
highlights from the interview.
Sarah, Tyler, and Clintcontinued on in their
friendship.
Both of these men treated Sarahwith the utmost respect and
kindness.
It was not too long before Sarahand Tyler's relationship became
(39:58):
more serious, even romantic.
Just for reference.
Tyler was the first one toapproach Sarah Clearback at that
first pool party, and he wasalso the one that suggested that
she come home and have hisfather give her a blessing.
Sarah talks about theirengagement.
(40:20):
Next.
Sarah Mabey (40:22):
the proposal is actually a funny story Is it?
By itself.
Technically, I proposed to himin a backwards way.
Really?
we were sitting on the couch 1morning he had woken up before I
had to leave for classes.
Just talking and then we bothgot really quiet.
(40:43):
And he's what are you thinkingabout?
And I said, no, it's dumb.
He's no, tell me, what are youthinking about?
I said, I just can't Stopthinking when are you going to
propose to me.
Really?
But at the same time, it was soEarly, I hadn't known him really
(41:04):
that long.
Mhmm.
And he stood up.
He went to his cupboard, And hegot out his grandmother's
peridot earrings.
And He proposed to me right thenwith the earrings.
(41:27):
Oh, that's sweet.
And then We snuck out after classes and went to
Kay Jewelers.
Oh, okay.
And picked out a ring.
This is gonna be the realproposal.
And, No.
We didn't do a real proposal.
(41:47):
We were just like Hey,everybody.
Guess what?
We're engaged.
We're nerdy.
We didn't do the whole you know,big proposal.
Well, I liked Rapunzel how itturned out with the
grandmother's earrings.
That's unique and tender.
It was Really intimate and special.
Mhmm.
It didn't have to be this biggrand event.
(42:10):
I didn't want it To be a biggrand event.
I'm a shy person.
Mhmm.
Okay.
And so it was just reallyspecial Yeah.
That it happened in this quietmoment.
Yeah.
Sarah and Tyler got married inthe Salt Lake Temple in the year
2010.
Stephanie test (42:29):
Shortly after they're married, Sarah gets
pregnant with their first childand it's a little boy They name
him Isaac.
and life is good.
They're thrilled to have theirfirst child.
But Tyler had some medicalissues.
He had Crohn's disease and hehad Asperger's syndrome along
(42:51):
with some other medical issuesthat it was at this time That
his weight steadily, quicklyincreased and his health started
to decline.
had been married about four anda half years and now Sarah is
expecting their second child andshe's in the first trimester.
It's in the middle of the nightand Tyler says to her he, he
(43:15):
can't breathe and he's gray incolor she says, we've got to go
to the hospital.
They move towards the car andTyler collapses.
Sarah is a certified nurseassistant.
She immediately goes intomedical mode.
She calls 911 and starts CPR onTyler.
(43:38):
She's talking to the emergencyassistant as she's waiting for
the paramedics to arrive andperforming CPR at the same time.
By the time they arrive, herarms are locked.
They move Sarah away from Tyler.
And they work on Tyler.
But his heart does not startagain.
(44:00):
And Tyler is pronounced dead.
It's too much to take in.
It can't really be.
The shock was overwhelming.
(44:21):
what to do.
She felt her world had collapsedaround her.
I'm going to share a clip of herspeaking the afternoon after he
(44:43):
passed, when she had had alittle time to herself to walk
to a nearby park, and what sheexperienced.
Sarah Mabey (44:51):
When I'm upset, I like to walk in nature by
myself.
So I went out for a walk to anearby park, and I sat on top of
the hill.
I stared at the sky, and alittle bit of me just wished
that I would get sucked up thereEmbi with Tyler again.
(45:15):
And I kept thinking the lyricsto my favorite primary
children's song.
It's called a child's prayer.
as the song goes, Heavenlyfather, are you really there?
Can you hear me?
Can you answer my prayers?
Because right now, I feel like alittle child, and I don't know
(45:40):
what to do.
And heaven feels really far awayright now because that's where
my husband is, And I'm not therewith him.
And flooding into my mind as I'msitting there staring at the
clouds came the second verse.
(46:04):
Pray.
He is there.
He is listening.
And you are his child and hislove surrounds you.
And I didn't know why that wasso important, but I felt a warm
hug as I was laying on thatgrass and nothing was right in
(46:29):
the world.
I felt warm and loved and thatit was gonna be okay.
Tyler had been there to save mefrom that manipulative
relationship.
(46:49):
He had brought me 2 children,and that was his calling and
that it was gonna be okay.
I went back to the house, and itwas kinda catatonic for A while.
My mother-in-law It was ablessing.
(47:11):
She grieves differently from me.
She grieved by taking care of myson.
She made sure that he hadeverything he needed.
She made sure that he was fedAnd changed and taken care of
because she had just lost herson.
And so she could grieve throughcaring for Her grandson.
(47:34):
Which provided both of us theopportunity to grieve in our own
way.
There were a lot of blessings,Surprise blessings that happened
around the time of Tyler'sdeath.
Things that made it feel Okay.
Tyler's grandma had died theyear before On the same day, At
(47:57):
the same time.
And it was almost like when wethought about it that she came
to get him.
And it Helped us feel a littlebit more peaceful.
Yeah.
That's what you're saying.
after he died, I went to thefront office of the apartment
complex.
We had just resigned our newlease.
Oh, dear.
And I could not afford The rent.
(48:21):
And I said, listen.
This is what happened.
My husband's gone.
I only have my income.
I can't afford it, and I need tomove into my in law's house.
I'm about to have a baby.
I can't do it on my own.
And the landlord said, whatlease?
(48:43):
Really?
They said they lost the lease.
I suspect that they just, Quote,unquote lost the lease because
they knew of my situation.
They didn't make me pay anyBreaking a lease fee.
(49:04):
We just moved out.
The church came and helped Scrubthe walls, clean the apartment,
do all the move out stuff.
But the apartment just let mego.
Sarah, what a blessing.
And I was able to move in withmy in laws for a few months.
Sarah and her son, Isaac, arenow living with her in laws and
(49:27):
adjusting to life without Tyler.
Flint, Sarah and Tyler's oldfriend, he was part of the Three
Musketeers and a longtime friendof Tyler's family, comes to the
house to grieve over Tyler'sloss.
And begins to visit the homeregularly.
Isaac adores Clint and likes totreat him like a surrogate
(49:51):
father.
after a while, Sarah and Clintbegin seeing each other more
regularly And eventually decidedto become engaged to be married.
Now we'll go to a clip whereSarah shares Some of the
struggles that she went throughas she approached the engagement
and marriage and where her lifeis now.
(50:12):
I want us to be an eternal family.
Can't we just add Clint.
in?
So that was a time of seriousspiritual struggle for me.
I see.
Because I was angry that Icouldn't be sealed to both men.
Mhmm.
And after talking about it withClint, we decided that heavenly
(50:36):
father doesn't want us To be sador in pain or to be miserable.
And we both felt that he had ledus to the situation together.
He had led me To Tyler andClint.
(50:59):
And it felt like Back at thatswimming pool.
Back at that swimming pool.
And it felt like It was plannedthat Tyler was going to have to
leave us early.
He has some mission in theafterlife, But that Clint was
going to be part of the familymoving forward.
(51:19):
So we decided to just put ourfaith and pray And listen To the
spirit and move forward and goahead and get married.
Clint's bishop married us in therelief society room of their
(51:40):
chapel.
So we're civilly married.
Mhmm.
But it was really special whenwe went to look for a ring.
I was a little bit distressed.
I was like, I don't wanna takeoff Tyler's ring, but I also
don't wanna be disrespectful andbe like, no.
I don't want your ring To Clint.
(52:02):
So we went just to browse.
Clint found a ring that wentaround the outside of Tyler's
ring.
Oh, look at that.
So you have a swirl of diamondsalmost like a jacket that goes
around the original Tyler'sring.
Yeah.
(52:22):
The central band was my ringfrom Tyler, and Clint chose This
ring that hugs and connectsaround Tyler's ring Symbolizing
that we're all part of aneternal family even if we don't
understand heavenly father'splan and why we're not allowed
(52:44):
to be sealed right now.
Mhmm.
And so we're going to trust,like children have to trust
their parents.
That it's gonna be okay.
Yeah.
And that it'll work out in theeternal perspective.
Faith.
Faith.
Faith.
We're in faith.
What a beautiful wedding ring.
(53:06):
Thank you.
Original and so meaningful.
Now where are you?
With you and Clint, you have 2children, but I know you've gone
further than that.
Clint and I have had 2 morechildren.
We have a daughter.
(53:26):
Her name's Elaine and a son.
His name is Leo.
Over now.
So we have 4 childrenaltogether.
And it never feels Like my kidsand his kids.
We are 1 eternal family.
I understand you're still closewith Tyler's parents.
(53:49):
Yes.
We take the kids, to go visit inSandy, we drive an hour every
weekend to go take our kids Togo see their grandparents or
they drive to us and come getthe kids.
And so we make sure to keep thatrelationship open.
So my kids just have bonusgrandparents now.
(54:10):
Yes.
Yeah.
So it's all flourishing.
Mhmm.
Oh, so you weren't left alone.
I was not.
To raise your 2 children,couldn't join the family.
Yeah.
2 more children.
Yep.
And our family just grew.
Our family didn't shrink whenTyler died.
(54:32):
He's just gone for a while, Andwe'll see him again.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a beautiful story.
Thank you, Sarah.
Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you for helping usunderstand what you went through
at those vulnerable timesasking, holy father, are you
really there when you were up onthat hill?
(54:52):
And indeed, you felt his lovearound you.
That hug and that assuritythrough that primary song.
Are you really there?
And the answer was pray.
Yeah.
Pray.
I am there.
(55:13):
My love will surround you.
Yeah.
My love will surround you.
And In the immediate, I feltthat love surrounding me through
that invisible hug.
And in the long term, I havefelt his love through other
(55:33):
people, through Clint, andthrough Clint's family, and
through Tyler's family.
And I was never left alone evenwhen I felt alone.
You have just a larger extendedfamily.
Yes.
Oh, miracles.
if you could say this is 1 thingthat I learned from the Lord
(55:56):
within this journey Could yousum it up for us?
Heavenly father is there.
He is real.
Sometimes you might feel alone.
Sometimes you might notunderstand what the plan is Or
(56:18):
how things are going to fallinto place.
But there is a plan.
And in the long term, thingswill be okay.
And they might even be betterthan okay.
It's odd to say, but it's hardto imagine My life differently.
(56:44):
it feels Like it was supposed tobe this way.
That there was a time and aseason For Tyler to be in my
life, that he's neededelsewhere, that heavenly father
has a plan for him.
And he's gone, but he's notgone.
(57:05):
He's gone from this earth, buthe's not gone from my family.
And we're just 1 little part ofGod's eternal plan.
Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this storywith me, Sarah.
What a journey.
What journey.
(57:27):
I want to thank Sarah Mabee forsharing her life with us today.
We've been blessed by learningfrom her life story.
I also want to thank ourlisteners.
Thank you for spreading the goodword about dear daughters of
God.
(57:48):
I will create a videogram and itwill include a picture of Sarah
and the wedding ring that wetalked about in the story.
I hope you'll look it up.
You'll find it on the DearDaughters of God Instagram and
Facebook page.
I ask that you please continueto subscribe, and to rate, and
best of all, to share thispodcast with those that you
(58:09):
love.
Thank you for listening to ourstory today.
For now, I will say farewell,until we meet again.
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