June 16, 2025 • 34 mins
This episode is about how having a low belief factor in your life and career sucks! When your self talk is insulting yourself, that's bad. Do you have a belief lid on your success?
I talk about how I felt this career as a hairstylist felt like it was trying to kill me. The constant struggle was insane. Once I learned how to work my business successfully it was a game changer. My belief in myself increased and so did my profits.
If you feel like you are slamming into walls instead of an easy transition from one step to another in your career, listen up.
Send me a message if you have any comments.
Thank you for listening. Share this episode with a friend that you think would enjoy it.
I would love it if you took the time to leave a rating or review for the show.
Want me to go more in-depth about anything? Let me know.
Send an email with questions to skahrhoff@live.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Shannon Kahrhoff (00:01):
Hello, how are you today?
I have been thinking through theweek.
I am in a few different trainingprograms, one for this podcast
so I can understand thetechnology, the details, and how
the heck to start it.
So I've been doing this forabout six months now, and I feel
like I'm getting better.
I might be able to get mythoughts across, but I feel like
(00:25):
I'm missing something.
I was listening to the podcastor the Zoom class with podcast,
and a lot of thoughts werecoming through.
And then I'm listening.
Another class I'm taking isabout expanding my time and
experience in my salon.
I'm a suite renter, it is stillowning my own business and
(00:48):
running it the way I feel fit,but I'm learning and growing and
changing because I was thinkingthis week, realizing being a
hairstylist, working thisbusiness, it makes you feel like
this career is trying to killyou.
(01:08):
It is brutal.
You have to grow and changeconstantly.
If you try and just coast,there's a good chance you're
gonna slam it to the wall.
You know those video games whereyou're trying to race a cart or
a car and you get distracted bysomething on the side, and all
of a sudden you're slamming intothe wall of the track.
(01:31):
Luckily, it's a video game andnot in person, but that's how I
feel.
I feel like I'm smooth.
Everything's fantastic, and allof a sudden, bam.
You're toast because you tookyour eye off the road.
You got distracted.
You thought you had it done.
You thought you had it mastered.
Well, guess what?
(01:52):
You're wrong.
Because unless it's me, maybeit's me.
Maybe I'm the one who alwaysfeels like I have to learn and
grow and expand to understandevery little thing.
Now, it's fine if I want to stayin the same place I've been.
Or was all these years ago, but.
(02:14):
I don't like staying complacent.
It might be a flaw in mypersonality, but I feel like if
I'm working, there's a lot moreto grow and become in this
career in my life.
I am knocking on the big O fiveoh, which to me is freaking
fantastic.
(02:34):
I know I'm an odd one.
I freaking cherish every wrinkleI have on my face every ache or
pain that I might have in mybody because I'm older because I
had cancer removed from my bodywhen I was 36 years old.
I have a long line of cancerdeaths in my dad's side of the
family, so my dad passed at 41every year.
(02:58):
I get past 41 is a huge win forme.
I know I have clients in mychair, my friends and family
that are so upset with the grayhairs, with the wrinkles.
The first time I saw wrinkles onmy eyes, I wanted to cry with
joy because that was a blessing.
(03:20):
So many people don't get, sorry,getting emotional, but this is
huge for me.
This is.
A huge win to be alive.
And do you realize I plan onliving over a hundred?
So with just knocking, well, Igot two years to go yet of
(03:40):
getting to 50, so 48 years onthis earth.
And yes, I've had other cancersremoved.
Only one melanoma.
So this is a huge blessing, but.
I love everything with gettingolder.
I love watching my daughter growand mature and hit life marks,
and this is a huge, huge win.
(04:04):
But when I'm doing my career, ohmy gosh, it's such a challenge
and.
If I'm gonna live to a hundred,I'm not even halfway through my
life yet.
I have a whole round to go tofigure out what I wanna be and
grow into and to become.
I have this knowledge in my headfrom banging against these
(04:25):
walls, through this career,through my life.
I have not always been afantastic person.
I have learned how to let somewalls down, become a better
person, try and help others.
But lots of battles in betweenand understanding my limitations
and that I don't have to goabove and beyond and take the
(04:45):
abuse from everyone.
Life is all about learning, andthat's what I've become.
So if you don't wanna keephitting walls because you keep
losing track of where you'regoing, then you need to.
Find someone to follow, find amentor.
Find a educational program thathelp, that will help you find
(05:05):
the direction you wanna go, thatwill guide you in a way to help
you become a person that youwant to be, But go find someone
that you can learn from tobecome the person that you're
wanting or learn a new skill.
'cause I'll be honest, I fellinto this training to become a
better hairstylist, to run mybusiness better, to understand
(05:26):
how to market myself and how tobecome the person I honestly
never thought that I couldbecome, because.
I think I mentioned last week,my subconscious mind, the
thoughts in my head, they arenot positive.
They point out my flaws and mythings I need to learn from,
(05:48):
which are great.
I am very good at knowing myflaws, but if I can't cheer
myself on and know my ownqualities, where, where is this
taking me?
It's kind of confusing.
So when I was in my twentiesstarting this career, I learned
(06:08):
from stylists that were probablyin their late twenties or
thirties, and that sounds awful.
I told you my age.
They were old.
Where were they going?
And they taught me a lot ofskills on how to do haircuts
better, how to think throughdifferent things, how to speed
up my skills.
(06:29):
But sadly, they were lacking inthe mindset of how to become
better.
They were happy working in thechain salon and just doing
haircut after haircut, afterhaircut, after haircut.
There was no creativity.
There was no difference.
It was complacency, which isfine.
They had a steady paycheck.
(06:49):
One was a manager, one was anassistant manager.
They thought they made itbecause they were at the top of
that chain salon, no problem.
If they were happy, fantastic.
Everyone needs to be in the partof the career that makes them
happy.
But I looked at my paycheck andrealized, this isn't gonna get
me far.
How in the heck am I gonnaafford my own place or a new
(07:11):
car?
And it was what it was.
So I was this 20-year-oldstylist, cocky, probably a smart
ass mouth.
And I wanted more.
I knew I wanted more.
I had no idea what the heck Iwanted, but sure.
(07:33):
So I went off to massage therapyschool and learned that.
And then I worked at a chainsalon while I went to school for
full time Worked a lot ofovertime, but I made money.
It was okay.
I paid my bills, I got my carmaintained.
It was all fine.
And then I came back to Illinoisand my friend owned a salon and
(07:54):
I started doing hair there andmassage therapy and everything
was okay.
I was learning, I was growing.
I was challenged.
Challenge is the thing I need inmy life.
Challenging myself means I'mgrowing and changing It makes me
happy.
I want to learn new things andnot feel bored.
(08:14):
'cause I get bored every,everything is consistent and
just, ugh, homeostasis, theequal balance of everything and
not my goal.
So I am growing and changing andI come into the salon and no one
is older in the salon.
I think they're in theirthirties, which.
(08:36):
Whatever.
I learned different things fromthem.
I'm keeping it growing andthere's a lot of bumps in the
road.
No one's really happy.
Things are changing and it iswhat it is, but I'm going down
the road of my career and I'mtrying to figure out.
What the heck is this careerabout?
You're coming home covered inhair.
(08:58):
God forbid you do a bunch ofmen's haircuts and you're, you
feel like a porcupine and youcan't get this stuff off of your
body half the time unless youuse tweezers, so you're going
and changing and growing, andbefore you know, it smack into
the wall smack.
Okay.
(09:19):
What do I need to change?
Who do I talk to?
All these people are walking thesame path that they're
instructing you to do.
Great.
Do you want the results of thatperson?
One of them was a businessowner, but she quit so that she
could have more time with herchildren.
Okay.
She didn't sell the salon foranything other than the
(09:41):
equipment in the salon.
So is that profitable?
Mm, I don't think so.
Okay.
Keep growing.
Changing.
Bam.
Another wall.
Guess what I found a differentsalon to go to.
But they all have the samemindset, small town mentality
where you can only raise yourprices to the equivalent,
(10:02):
equivalent of whoever is thebravest one to raise prices in
town.
But you don't wanna go overtheir prices because no one will
come to you because they can getit cheaper somewhere else.
So stupid of a mindset.
Because I learned now there's awhole different way of doing
this.
You become the person you wantto be to get the pay that you
(10:26):
need for the lifestyle you want.
In the real world, people jumpjobs and companies and
everything to get to the nextlevel.
Well, guess what?
Hairstylists don't have thatskill.
Unless we go to the big citysomewhere and go to somewhere
that.
You can make more money.
(10:49):
Sounds good, right?
Well, no, not really, becauseyou're still probably gonna be
making the same amount of money,except for you have to have more
fees.
And if you move to a differentstate, which I would've done,
you'd be paying two states taxesinstead of just one state's
taxes, and there goes theprofit.
(11:10):
And Okay.
Whatever.
It was not the challenge Iwanted.
I have a hard time buildingmyself up into something that
feels like a up on a pedestalabove anyone else.
I had the lowest self-esteemever.
Who was I?
I was just Podunk little whitetrash girl that yes, I did call
(11:33):
myself that.
It is okay, but.
It is one of those things that Ihad no belief system in myself,
nothing, not a zilch, and it wasnormal to me.
I didn't think that I had aproblem with self-confidence
because isn't it normal thateveryone finds their own faults
(11:53):
and live within the limits oftheir belief system?
Who knows?
I never looked that deep until Iwas older.
But guess what?
I am not a white trash old girlthat doesn't deserve anything,
and I have learned to become theperson I want.
I challenge myself to becomebetter and learn, but.
(12:16):
I fell into this class because Iwanted extension knowledge.
I wanted a new method for all myfine haired clients.
I wanted knowledge on how tomarket myself better so I could
actually feel comfortable inhaving an extension business in
my salon.
My, my suite.
So I challenge myself and I paythis money for a class, get my
(12:42):
hiney down to Arkansas and takethis class.
I.
And you know what?
I learned so much stuff there.
It blew me away.
I was actually speechlessmajority of the time because it
was so out of my box ofinformation.
They were telling me aboutsocial media, how to promote it,
(13:04):
why it's important to brandyourself, and how to accomplish
so much more.
But my self-belief lid waspretty darn low.
Let me tell you this.
I heard a story years ago aboutfleas.
Fleas can, fleas can jump alarge height for those teeny
(13:24):
tiny little bodies.
They can make some, do somegreat air, but if you put a lid
on the jar on these fleas, theywill learn that they bang their
bodies against this lid.
So.
After doing it a little bit,they learn that their belief
window is lower.
(13:47):
Does that shock anyone?
That was the analogy of my life.
I always felt I.
That I was being uppity.
If my belief system was toohigh, I would leave a class
think, oh my God, this isfantastic.
I can so do this.
My customers are gonna love it.
Oh, this is fantastic.
I get into the salon and do it,and I'm like, oh yeah, not good
(14:10):
enough.
It's not as perfect as theclass.
It's not this.
It's not that I was putting myown Limitational lid on myself
because it wasn't where I wantedit to be.
This is a huge problem for meand probably for some other
people because we all have ourissues.
(14:31):
We all have a life that we grewup through we were in, and if
you are not good at being yourown cheerleader of thinking, you
can achieve anything.
You might be in the same boatthat I was and you might have to
work on it a little bit more tobelieve that you are worth more,
(14:51):
that you can excel in anythingyou put the effort into the
time, the effort, well should,should raise your belief sy
belief system so that you candeserve more.
And I know I've heard clientstalk about how they have a
(15:13):
yearly raise and they haveevaluation and they get mad if
it's not a large percentageincrease.
That kind of blows me awaybecause in my career field.
If we raise our prices, we areso nervous and worried that
someone's gonna yell at usbecause who do you think you are
(15:35):
raising your prices?
Everything else is going up inthe world.
Why in the heck do you feel likeyou deserve more?
We're scrimping and saving here,but we still choose to come to
you.
So don't you wanna discount?
And my lack of belief andconfidence I gave that I was
giving discounts to people thatwere going on vacations.
(15:56):
Monthly, or at least twice ayear.
And these were not little tripsto Branson, Missouri.
This was across the country todifferent countries, and I felt
like they needed, I.
A reason to come to me.
So the discount was there, and Ican guarantee that prices that I
(16:17):
was charging probably wasalready cheaper than the area
that they lived in.
So they're already getting adiscount, and then they come to
me and expect more discounts,just my own problem.
This is me, not the clients.
It is just where my thoughtprocess was.
I wasn't good enough for someoneto come to me consistently
(16:40):
unless I gave them a discount.
This is wrong.
This is how I financiallystruggled for so many years.
One year after I had this classfor the extensions that taught
me all this business mindset andtaught me how to actually price
myself and not compare myself toanyone else, it was so
(17:00):
eye-opening.
But again, that belief lid wasso low.
It was crazy the limitations Iput on myself because I never
felt worthy, and you have toknow.
Your value whenever you'reputting everything into people,
(17:22):
into the cuts, the colors, theprocesses, they have a lot of
trust in you.
And if I have a bad day, which Ihave had.
It's, it's hard whenever theywalk out the door and you're not
a hundred percent happy with theservice you gave, gave them,
they might totally be happybecause it's something different
and they love, but it didn'tturn out the way you wanted it
(17:44):
and you can't take thedisappointment off your face, or
I couldn't take mydisappointment off my face.
This is how.
I survived in this career,slamming into the wall
constantly with my failuremindset.
I could fake it.
I had that confident look, Ihave a bristly exterior at
(18:06):
times, and I loved having that Bword attached to who I was
because if I had that exterior.
Vibe to people.
They didn't mess with me, and ifthey didn't mess with me, I
didn't have to turn to a puddleof mush whenever they were
(18:27):
disappointed in me, they askedme for anything, or if I didn't
believe in myself enough tostand up for myself.
So I had that mentality that Ihad to have that gruffness there
so they didn't screw me over.
That doesn't get you far either.
(18:48):
But God bless it.
I went to that class and Ilearned so much and I created a
new price system for myself.
I began, began starting to makemore money charging what I
needed to, but you know, it'svery hard keeping that positive,
(19:09):
positive mindset when you're notaround positive people.
You slowly evolve in, or I guessyou regress back into who you
were because someone is notencouraging around you.
Do you ever been around thepeople that suck the energy out
of you?
The positive, the encouragingmindset.
(19:32):
Everyone has different reasonsfor doing it, I'm sure, but when
you're around people that do notwant you to grow and change,
it's exhausting.
I, I know this career is verycompetitive.
It shouldn't have to becompetitive because to me, in a
(19:53):
salon, when everyone's growingand changing, it should increase
the reputation of the wholesalon.
I own my own business.
Majority of the people in thebusiness own the, or they rent
their space, which means they'reall their own businesses.
Why do we feel like we have tocompete with people that we work
with?
(20:13):
I love whenever we can all helpeach other.
When we are in a bind or we goon vacation, we can ask someone
that we work with if they cancatch our client when we're
outta town.
Wouldn't that be great?
I love it.
I love seeing the excitement ofa coworker that is learning and
growing and gets excited for anew service that they're
(20:35):
understanding.
I love helping them market itbecause that's something else I
learned how to do in this classwas how to market myself, my
salon, and my coworkers.
I believe rising tide raises allships and whenever you encourage
everyone around you to grow andchange.
(20:57):
By you changing and growing.
That's the true win.
I don't wanna be the only onegrowing and changing in my area.
I want everyone to becomebetter, to challenge themselves
because someone else is growingand changing.
They're seeing that differencein them, and I've had so many
people talking about how I'm adifferent person.
(21:17):
I carry myself different.
I work differently because ofthe changes that I have
implemented.
Through the last few yearsbecause I've been encouraged by
someone, a company, to actuallybecome more, it's okay to become
more.
They are encouraging you step bystep, and if you take baby
(21:39):
steps, they're stillencouraging.
It's crazy.
But it is.
It is good.
So I walked into that firstclass.
In Arkansas, and I'm gonna tellyou who I was in my own eyes, I
felt old because I was expectingall these 20 year olds sitting
(21:59):
there, beautiful, young, allexcited with being a few years
in the career.
And luckily there were a fewolder stylists there that helped
me feel a little bit morenormal.
But sitting at the table of myclass, it was interesting
seeing.
And hearing how they all carriedthemselves.
And there was one that Irecognized myself in how she was
(22:23):
talking, and it's the defeatisttalk.
You're losing, you'restruggling, and it's just where
you are.
And I could hear that andunderstand.
That's what I'm fighting againstin my own self because I don't
wanna be defeated.
I want to learn new things.
I want to market stuff.
I wanna be excited about whatI'm doing and knowing that I'm
(22:45):
doing the right thing for myselfand for my clients.
So I was also around the youngerones in my class.
One was a salon owner that Istill follow on Instagram.
And I love seeing how she growsand change and how she's amazing
at marketing herself.
It's incredible seeing how, andI have no idea how she was
(23:10):
before this class, but I can seethe stuff from that class and
how she's growing and maturing.
And it's amazing because in oneof my other classes, she was
mentioned last year about howshe's.
Really incorporating a lot ofthese things into her business
and how she's become even moreprofitable through the years
(23:31):
because of that.
So I'm in this class and theyhave us walk in and take our
professional pictures.
Social media was rough for me.
I had Facebook and Instagram,but Instagram was not really my
thing.
I used it through COVID to learndifferent things from different
(23:54):
companies and differentinfluencers about the career and
learn new techniques and mindsetthinking.
Great.
I loved it, but I did not postanything ever.
In fact, they were laughing atme because I had so few
followers and.
I think I had two or threeposts, so they were looking at
me in shock.
(24:15):
It's okay because of where I wasthen.
So my lovely negative self-talk,I was a single mother, which.
It was shameful for me at mostof my life because no one was a
single mother.
Whenever I was a single mother,everyone was happily married, or
(24:37):
by the time Grace was older,they just expected me to divorce
that I was divorced, no bigdeal.
So it was shameful.
I was a single mother.
I'm a self-employed hairstylistthat barely made any money.
I mean, it was a struggle and itwas up and down and sideways and
upside down and positive andugh.
(24:59):
I was constantly stressed aboutconsistency and making sure the
money was coming in when itneeded to come in.
So I felt horrible about myselfbecause I was financially
unstable.
Luckily by then, my daughterthat I homeschooled from
kindergarten to senior year inhigh school was in college, so I
(25:23):
never had to.
Um, explain why I homeschooledmy daughter anymore.
'cause that was a shameful thingwhenever I homeschooled her.
So when I started homeschooling,my daughter, most of the people
homeschooling because they weremilitary, they were a religious
family who thought that thepublic school system was harmful
(25:44):
for their children, no problem.
Or your child was not smartenough to make it through the
public school system.
This was pretty much the stigmaof homeschooling when I first
started teaching my daughter, somy daughter had issues with
school.
I, I let her go into the regularschools and do band, and she
(26:08):
played sports with kids until itwas strictly a school activity,
so she was able to be around alot of kids and feel normal.
I don't know, I just wanted herto have abilities to access
things that I had no informationon.
So she had to deal with a stigmaof homeschooling, and she still
(26:29):
does.
If by chance someone asks herwhere she went to school, where
she graduated high school, she'sgraduated from college now, so
it's really a non-issue unlessby chance they ask.
So I was beaten down so much bypeople giving me crap about
being a single mom.
(26:50):
Being a homeschool mom, how dareI homeschool my child because I
wasn't smart enough.
I'm just a hairstylist.
Yes, I did have someone tell methat, and I wasn't hugely
profitable.
I wasn't hugely profitable.
I was a whole new person at thatpoint because I actually had
free time for the first time inmy life since I had my daughter.
(27:13):
So I actually got to rest andfigure out what I like to do and
understand myself.
So this was my journey after mydaughter was in college of who I
was, who I wanted to becomebecause I had time and energy to
invest in myself.
Finally.
And this pretty much was myfirst jump into it with this
(27:35):
class.
So to say that it changed mylife is very minimal because it
did truly put me in a directionthat I needed to go.
So going from feeling like thiscareer was trying to kill me.
It spun me around and I feltlike I was finally in the
(27:55):
driver's seat for myself becauseI chose to learn to grow, to
become better, to give myselfthe ability to become better,
and to stretch myself and my oldknowledge of taking the power of
my own mind and my own thoughtsback into the positive.
It's a rough road.
(28:16):
It's up and down.
But if we actually take the timeto listen to our thoughts and
stop it, and I, it's kind ofsad, but I do catch myself when
I'm home by myself.
If my thought goes to the darkside, I, tell myself to stop and
I try and picture the positiveoutlook that I want, the
(28:36):
positive reactions and results Iwant from this correct mindset
because I don't have to thinkthe worst anymore.
I can think for the positive andexpect it because of this one
class.
I'm getting to the income that Ifeel like I deserve.
I've been in this industry for avery long time, and I feel like
(28:59):
I'm actually getting groundworkbecause I'm focusing on myself.
I'm doing things the correctway, and I'm doing the job that
I freaking love.
So I don't feel like my careeris trying to kill me anymore,
except after 10 hour days whenmy body is so stiff I can hardly
stand back up once I sit in mycar.
That's okay.
That's one of the fun things ofbeing older and doing some of
(29:22):
the skills I'm learning becauseI stand in one spot when I do
it.
It's okay.
I love this life.
I know that it's gonna take mefar, and I'm hoping this podcast
reaches people that need it tounderstand it and not be lost in
this career.
It's just a guidepost for you tofeel like you can take control
(29:43):
of your life and every career.
It doesn't have to be as, as ahairstylist.
Anyone that has a nine to fivejob.
You have the ability to makechanges in your life.
Think how old you are, how manymore years you have in your
career, or how many more yearsyou want on this earth and see,
(30:04):
is this the life I wanna havefor the rest of my life?
Are you okay being complacentand staying where you are?
If you're happy, that'sfantastic.
Good job.
But if you look at your job andyou come home upset, angry, and.
Stress to the max.
Your life is in your hands.
(30:25):
You can do anything you wannado.
You just have to take a step tofind what you want, what you
need, or just start working onyourself.
Your own mindset Start listeningto that voice in your head that
is trying to.
Help your thought processbecause if you stop listening to
(30:47):
the radio in the car or you stopwatching TV and you just let
your mind wander, what are youwondering about?
What are you thinking about?
As a mom, when I had, um, I wasraising my daughter, I knew in
my head I was running down thelist of things I had to do
before I could go to bed orthings I had to do with my
(31:08):
daughter before she could getready for bed, because that was
my mindset task master.
I had all these things that hadto be accomplished from.
And doing laundry, washingdishes, making food for the next
day, all these different things,helping her study for the tests
that we were gonna have the nextday, making sure she did her
(31:30):
homework.
That was normal day to day.
And I had to return phone, phonecalls for work, and I had to
double check.
I have enough products that Ineeded for the following week
because the sales rep was comingin and I needed to double check.
I had everything written down.
It was a nonstop list and I knowa lot of people have that also,
(31:51):
but figure out if you're happy.
Figure out if this is a life youwant.
What would you change if it wasin your power or if you were too
scared to take the next nextstep to figure out what you want
different?
The world is huge.
There's stuff everywhere.
(32:12):
Most people have 4 0 1 Ks.
It doesn't lock you down intoone company.
You can grow and change.
And change is not as scary asyou think.
Sometimes it's what everyoneneeds.
'cause sometimes it's justsucking the life out of you
doing the same thing day in andday out.
There was a time at certainsalons that I worked at that was
(32:33):
very stressful, very hard.
And I had that in the pitfeeling in my stomach, knowing
that I had to go to work onTuesday.
I'm off for Monday, so I don'tget the Monday dread, I get the
Tuesday dreads or did.
And those are the salons I leftbecause it wasn't the work.
My work moved with me everysalon I went to.
(32:55):
My clients love me, they followme.
It's fantastic.
Why?
Because I'm dedicated to them.
I do good work and I treat themvery well.
You have to understand that ifyou're miserable somewhere, if
you're not happy, if you havethat dread in the pit of your
stomach, it's time to lookcloser.
(33:17):
Figure out what is making ithappen.
Is it the atmosphere?
Is it just you, yourself, andyour own life?
Is there something you feel likeneeds to change or you're
letting too much stuff slide.
It's your life.
You make the decision on if youwanna keep slamming into the
wall or if you're going to takecontrol of the wheel and not get
(33:39):
distracted.
It's your life.
What do you want out of the restof your life?
I know that life is notpromised.
Years are not promised.
I'm gonna value every year Iget, every wrinkle I get, every
line I get.
I love it.
So it is one of those things.
(34:01):
Cherish what you can.
Love what you can, and keepgrowing and changing.
Have a good week.
Look inside yourself a littlebit and see where you stand with
yourself.
Have a great time.
Bye.
Hello, how are you today?
I have been thinking through theweek.
I am in a few different trainingprograms, one for this podcast
so I can understand thetechnology, the details, and how
the heck to start it.
So I've been doing this forabout six months now, and I feel
like I'm getting better.
I might be able to get mythoughts across, but I feel like
(00:25):
I'm missing something.
I was listening to the podcastor the Zoom class with podcast,
and a lot of thoughts werecoming through.
And then I'm listening.
Another class I'm taking isabout expanding my time and
experience in my salon.
I'm a suite renter, it is stillowning my own business and
(00:48):
running it the way I feel fit,but I'm learning and growing and
changing because I was thinkingthis week, realizing being a
hairstylist, working thisbusiness, it makes you feel like
this career is trying to killyou.
(01:08):
It is brutal.
You have to grow and changeconstantly.
If you try and just coast,there's a good chance you're
gonna slam it to the wall.
You know those video games whereyou're trying to race a cart or
a car and you get distracted bysomething on the side, and all
of a sudden you're slamming intothe wall of the track.
(01:31):
Luckily, it's a video game andnot in person, but that's how I
feel.
I feel like I'm smooth.
Everything's fantastic, and allof a sudden, bam.
You're toast because you tookyour eye off the road.
You got distracted.
You thought you had it done.
You thought you had it mastered.
Well, guess what?
(01:52):
You're wrong.
Because unless it's me, maybeit's me.
Maybe I'm the one who alwaysfeels like I have to learn and
grow and expand to understandevery little thing.
Now, it's fine if I want to stayin the same place I've been.
Or was all these years ago, but.
(02:14):
I don't like staying complacent.
It might be a flaw in mypersonality, but I feel like if
I'm working, there's a lot moreto grow and become in this
career in my life.
I am knocking on the big O fiveoh, which to me is freaking
fantastic.
(02:34):
I know I'm an odd one.
I freaking cherish every wrinkleI have on my face every ache or
pain that I might have in mybody because I'm older because I
had cancer removed from my bodywhen I was 36 years old.
I have a long line of cancerdeaths in my dad's side of the
family, so my dad passed at 41every year.
(02:58):
I get past 41 is a huge win forme.
I know I have clients in mychair, my friends and family
that are so upset with the grayhairs, with the wrinkles.
The first time I saw wrinkles onmy eyes, I wanted to cry with
joy because that was a blessing.
(03:20):
So many people don't get, sorry,getting emotional, but this is
huge for me.
This is.
A huge win to be alive.
And do you realize I plan onliving over a hundred?
So with just knocking, well, Igot two years to go yet of
(03:40):
getting to 50, so 48 years onthis earth.
And yes, I've had other cancersremoved.
Only one melanoma.
So this is a huge blessing, but.
I love everything with gettingolder.
I love watching my daughter growand mature and hit life marks,
and this is a huge, huge win.
(04:04):
But when I'm doing my career, ohmy gosh, it's such a challenge
and.
If I'm gonna live to a hundred,I'm not even halfway through my
life yet.
I have a whole round to go tofigure out what I wanna be and
grow into and to become.
I have this knowledge in my headfrom banging against these
(04:25):
walls, through this career,through my life.
I have not always been afantastic person.
I have learned how to let somewalls down, become a better
person, try and help others.
But lots of battles in betweenand understanding my limitations
and that I don't have to goabove and beyond and take the
(04:45):
abuse from everyone.
Life is all about learning, andthat's what I've become.
So if you don't wanna keephitting walls because you keep
losing track of where you'regoing, then you need to.
Find someone to follow, find amentor.
Find a educational program thathelp, that will help you find
(05:05):
the direction you wanna go, thatwill guide you in a way to help
you become a person that youwant to be, But go find someone
that you can learn from tobecome the person that you're
wanting or learn a new skill.
'cause I'll be honest, I fellinto this training to become a
better hairstylist, to run mybusiness better, to understand
(05:26):
how to market myself and how tobecome the person I honestly
never thought that I couldbecome, because.
I think I mentioned last week,my subconscious mind, the
thoughts in my head, they arenot positive.
They point out my flaws and mythings I need to learn from,
(05:48):
which are great.
I am very good at knowing myflaws, but if I can't cheer
myself on and know my ownqualities, where, where is this
taking me?
It's kind of confusing.
So when I was in my twentiesstarting this career, I learned
(06:08):
from stylists that were probablyin their late twenties or
thirties, and that sounds awful.
I told you my age.
They were old.
Where were they going?
And they taught me a lot ofskills on how to do haircuts
better, how to think throughdifferent things, how to speed
up my skills.
(06:29):
But sadly, they were lacking inthe mindset of how to become
better.
They were happy working in thechain salon and just doing
haircut after haircut, afterhaircut, after haircut.
There was no creativity.
There was no difference.
It was complacency, which isfine.
They had a steady paycheck.
(06:49):
One was a manager, one was anassistant manager.
They thought they made itbecause they were at the top of
that chain salon, no problem.
If they were happy, fantastic.
Everyone needs to be in the partof the career that makes them
happy.
But I looked at my paycheck andrealized, this isn't gonna get
me far.
How in the heck am I gonnaafford my own place or a new
(07:11):
car?
And it was what it was.
So I was this 20-year-oldstylist, cocky, probably a smart
ass mouth.
And I wanted more.
I knew I wanted more.
I had no idea what the heck Iwanted, but sure.
(07:33):
So I went off to massage therapyschool and learned that.
And then I worked at a chainsalon while I went to school for
full time Worked a lot ofovertime, but I made money.
It was okay.
I paid my bills, I got my carmaintained.
It was all fine.
And then I came back to Illinoisand my friend owned a salon and
(07:54):
I started doing hair there andmassage therapy and everything
was okay.
I was learning, I was growing.
I was challenged.
Challenge is the thing I need inmy life.
Challenging myself means I'mgrowing and changing It makes me
happy.
I want to learn new things andnot feel bored.
(08:14):
'cause I get bored every,everything is consistent and
just, ugh, homeostasis, theequal balance of everything and
not my goal.
So I am growing and changing andI come into the salon and no one
is older in the salon.
I think they're in theirthirties, which.
(08:36):
Whatever.
I learned different things fromthem.
I'm keeping it growing andthere's a lot of bumps in the
road.
No one's really happy.
Things are changing and it iswhat it is, but I'm going down
the road of my career and I'mtrying to figure out.
What the heck is this careerabout?
You're coming home covered inhair.
(08:58):
God forbid you do a bunch ofmen's haircuts and you're, you
feel like a porcupine and youcan't get this stuff off of your
body half the time unless youuse tweezers, so you're going
and changing and growing, andbefore you know, it smack into
the wall smack.
Okay.
(09:19):
What do I need to change?
Who do I talk to?
All these people are walking thesame path that they're
instructing you to do.
Great.
Do you want the results of thatperson?
One of them was a businessowner, but she quit so that she
could have more time with herchildren.
Okay.
She didn't sell the salon foranything other than the
(09:41):
equipment in the salon.
So is that profitable?
Mm, I don't think so.
Okay.
Keep growing.
Changing.
Bam.
Another wall.
Guess what I found a differentsalon to go to.
But they all have the samemindset, small town mentality
where you can only raise yourprices to the equivalent,
(10:02):
equivalent of whoever is thebravest one to raise prices in
town.
But you don't wanna go overtheir prices because no one will
come to you because they can getit cheaper somewhere else.
So stupid of a mindset.
Because I learned now there's awhole different way of doing
this.
You become the person you wantto be to get the pay that you
(10:26):
need for the lifestyle you want.
In the real world, people jumpjobs and companies and
everything to get to the nextlevel.
Well, guess what?
Hairstylists don't have thatskill.
Unless we go to the big citysomewhere and go to somewhere
that.
You can make more money.
(10:49):
Sounds good, right?
Well, no, not really, becauseyou're still probably gonna be
making the same amount of money,except for you have to have more
fees.
And if you move to a differentstate, which I would've done,
you'd be paying two states taxesinstead of just one state's
taxes, and there goes theprofit.
(11:10):
And Okay.
Whatever.
It was not the challenge Iwanted.
I have a hard time buildingmyself up into something that
feels like a up on a pedestalabove anyone else.
I had the lowest self-esteemever.
Who was I?
I was just Podunk little whitetrash girl that yes, I did call
(11:33):
myself that.
It is okay, but.
It is one of those things that Ihad no belief system in myself,
nothing, not a zilch, and it wasnormal to me.
I didn't think that I had aproblem with self-confidence
because isn't it normal thateveryone finds their own faults
(11:53):
and live within the limits oftheir belief system?
Who knows?
I never looked that deep until Iwas older.
But guess what?
I am not a white trash old girlthat doesn't deserve anything,
and I have learned to become theperson I want.
I challenge myself to becomebetter and learn, but.
(12:16):
I fell into this class because Iwanted extension knowledge.
I wanted a new method for all myfine haired clients.
I wanted knowledge on how tomarket myself better so I could
actually feel comfortable inhaving an extension business in
my salon.
My, my suite.
So I challenge myself and I paythis money for a class, get my
(12:42):
hiney down to Arkansas and takethis class.
I.
And you know what?
I learned so much stuff there.
It blew me away.
I was actually speechlessmajority of the time because it
was so out of my box ofinformation.
They were telling me aboutsocial media, how to promote it,
(13:04):
why it's important to brandyourself, and how to accomplish
so much more.
But my self-belief lid waspretty darn low.
Let me tell you this.
I heard a story years ago aboutfleas.
Fleas can, fleas can jump alarge height for those teeny
(13:24):
tiny little bodies.
They can make some, do somegreat air, but if you put a lid
on the jar on these fleas, theywill learn that they bang their
bodies against this lid.
So.
After doing it a little bit,they learn that their belief
window is lower.
(13:47):
Does that shock anyone?
That was the analogy of my life.
I always felt I.
That I was being uppity.
If my belief system was toohigh, I would leave a class
think, oh my God, this isfantastic.
I can so do this.
My customers are gonna love it.
Oh, this is fantastic.
I get into the salon and do it,and I'm like, oh yeah, not good
(14:10):
enough.
It's not as perfect as theclass.
It's not this.
It's not that I was putting myown Limitational lid on myself
because it wasn't where I wantedit to be.
This is a huge problem for meand probably for some other
people because we all have ourissues.
(14:31):
We all have a life that we grewup through we were in, and if
you are not good at being yourown cheerleader of thinking, you
can achieve anything.
You might be in the same boatthat I was and you might have to
work on it a little bit more tobelieve that you are worth more,
(14:51):
that you can excel in anythingyou put the effort into the
time, the effort, well should,should raise your belief sy
belief system so that you candeserve more.
And I know I've heard clientstalk about how they have a
(15:13):
yearly raise and they haveevaluation and they get mad if
it's not a large percentageincrease.
That kind of blows me awaybecause in my career field.
If we raise our prices, we areso nervous and worried that
someone's gonna yell at usbecause who do you think you are
(15:35):
raising your prices?
Everything else is going up inthe world.
Why in the heck do you feel likeyou deserve more?
We're scrimping and saving here,but we still choose to come to
you.
So don't you wanna discount?
And my lack of belief andconfidence I gave that I was
giving discounts to people thatwere going on vacations.
(15:56):
Monthly, or at least twice ayear.
And these were not little tripsto Branson, Missouri.
This was across the country todifferent countries, and I felt
like they needed, I.
A reason to come to me.
So the discount was there, and Ican guarantee that prices that I
(16:17):
was charging probably wasalready cheaper than the area
that they lived in.
So they're already getting adiscount, and then they come to
me and expect more discounts,just my own problem.
This is me, not the clients.
It is just where my thoughtprocess was.
I wasn't good enough for someoneto come to me consistently
(16:40):
unless I gave them a discount.
This is wrong.
This is how I financiallystruggled for so many years.
One year after I had this classfor the extensions that taught
me all this business mindset andtaught me how to actually price
myself and not compare myself toanyone else, it was so
(17:00):
eye-opening.
But again, that belief lid wasso low.
It was crazy the limitations Iput on myself because I never
felt worthy, and you have toknow.
Your value whenever you'reputting everything into people,
(17:22):
into the cuts, the colors, theprocesses, they have a lot of
trust in you.
And if I have a bad day, which Ihave had.
It's, it's hard whenever theywalk out the door and you're not
a hundred percent happy with theservice you gave, gave them,
they might totally be happybecause it's something different
and they love, but it didn'tturn out the way you wanted it
(17:44):
and you can't take thedisappointment off your face, or
I couldn't take mydisappointment off my face.
This is how.
I survived in this career,slamming into the wall
constantly with my failuremindset.
I could fake it.
I had that confident look, Ihave a bristly exterior at
(18:06):
times, and I loved having that Bword attached to who I was
because if I had that exterior.
Vibe to people.
They didn't mess with me, and ifthey didn't mess with me, I
didn't have to turn to a puddleof mush whenever they were
(18:27):
disappointed in me, they askedme for anything, or if I didn't
believe in myself enough tostand up for myself.
So I had that mentality that Ihad to have that gruffness there
so they didn't screw me over.
That doesn't get you far either.
(18:48):
But God bless it.
I went to that class and Ilearned so much and I created a
new price system for myself.
I began, began starting to makemore money charging what I
needed to, but you know, it'svery hard keeping that positive,
(19:09):
positive mindset when you're notaround positive people.
You slowly evolve in, or I guessyou regress back into who you
were because someone is notencouraging around you.
Do you ever been around thepeople that suck the energy out
of you?
The positive, the encouragingmindset.
(19:32):
Everyone has different reasonsfor doing it, I'm sure, but when
you're around people that do notwant you to grow and change,
it's exhausting.
I, I know this career is verycompetitive.
It shouldn't have to becompetitive because to me, in a
(19:53):
salon, when everyone's growingand changing, it should increase
the reputation of the wholesalon.
I own my own business.
Majority of the people in thebusiness own the, or they rent
their space, which means they'reall their own businesses.
Why do we feel like we have tocompete with people that we work
with?
(20:13):
I love whenever we can all helpeach other.
When we are in a bind or we goon vacation, we can ask someone
that we work with if they cancatch our client when we're
outta town.
Wouldn't that be great?
I love it.
I love seeing the excitement ofa coworker that is learning and
growing and gets excited for anew service that they're
(20:35):
understanding.
I love helping them market itbecause that's something else I
learned how to do in this classwas how to market myself, my
salon, and my coworkers.
I believe rising tide raises allships and whenever you encourage
everyone around you to grow andchange.
(20:57):
By you changing and growing.
That's the true win.
I don't wanna be the only onegrowing and changing in my area.
I want everyone to becomebetter, to challenge themselves
because someone else is growingand changing.
They're seeing that differencein them, and I've had so many
people talking about how I'm adifferent person.
(21:17):
I carry myself different.
I work differently because ofthe changes that I have
implemented.
Through the last few yearsbecause I've been encouraged by
someone, a company, to actuallybecome more, it's okay to become
more.
They are encouraging you step bystep, and if you take baby
(21:39):
steps, they're stillencouraging.
It's crazy.
But it is.
It is good.
So I walked into that firstclass.
In Arkansas, and I'm gonna tellyou who I was in my own eyes, I
felt old because I was expectingall these 20 year olds sitting
(21:59):
there, beautiful, young, allexcited with being a few years
in the career.
And luckily there were a fewolder stylists there that helped
me feel a little bit morenormal.
But sitting at the table of myclass, it was interesting
seeing.
And hearing how they all carriedthemselves.
And there was one that Irecognized myself in how she was
(22:23):
talking, and it's the defeatisttalk.
You're losing, you'restruggling, and it's just where
you are.
And I could hear that andunderstand.
That's what I'm fighting againstin my own self because I don't
wanna be defeated.
I want to learn new things.
I want to market stuff.
I wanna be excited about whatI'm doing and knowing that I'm
(22:45):
doing the right thing for myselfand for my clients.
So I was also around the youngerones in my class.
One was a salon owner that Istill follow on Instagram.
And I love seeing how she growsand change and how she's amazing
at marketing herself.
It's incredible seeing how, andI have no idea how she was
(23:10):
before this class, but I can seethe stuff from that class and
how she's growing and maturing.
And it's amazing because in oneof my other classes, she was
mentioned last year about howshe's.
Really incorporating a lot ofthese things into her business
and how she's become even moreprofitable through the years
(23:31):
because of that.
So I'm in this class and theyhave us walk in and take our
professional pictures.
Social media was rough for me.
I had Facebook and Instagram,but Instagram was not really my
thing.
I used it through COVID to learndifferent things from different
(23:54):
companies and differentinfluencers about the career and
learn new techniques and mindsetthinking.
Great.
I loved it, but I did not postanything ever.
In fact, they were laughing atme because I had so few
followers and.
I think I had two or threeposts, so they were looking at
me in shock.
(24:15):
It's okay because of where I wasthen.
So my lovely negative self-talk,I was a single mother, which.
It was shameful for me at mostof my life because no one was a
single mother.
Whenever I was a single mother,everyone was happily married, or
(24:37):
by the time Grace was older,they just expected me to divorce
that I was divorced, no bigdeal.
So it was shameful.
I was a single mother.
I'm a self-employed hairstylistthat barely made any money.
I mean, it was a struggle and itwas up and down and sideways and
upside down and positive andugh.
(24:59):
I was constantly stressed aboutconsistency and making sure the
money was coming in when itneeded to come in.
So I felt horrible about myselfbecause I was financially
unstable.
Luckily by then, my daughterthat I homeschooled from
kindergarten to senior year inhigh school was in college, so I
(25:23):
never had to.
Um, explain why I homeschooledmy daughter anymore.
'cause that was a shameful thingwhenever I homeschooled her.
So when I started homeschooling,my daughter, most of the people
homeschooling because they weremilitary, they were a religious
family who thought that thepublic school system was harmful
(25:44):
for their children, no problem.
Or your child was not smartenough to make it through the
public school system.
This was pretty much the stigmaof homeschooling when I first
started teaching my daughter, somy daughter had issues with
school.
I, I let her go into the regularschools and do band, and she
(26:08):
played sports with kids until itwas strictly a school activity,
so she was able to be around alot of kids and feel normal.
I don't know, I just wanted herto have abilities to access
things that I had no informationon.
So she had to deal with a stigmaof homeschooling, and she still
(26:29):
does.
If by chance someone asks herwhere she went to school, where
she graduated high school, she'sgraduated from college now, so
it's really a non-issue unlessby chance they ask.
So I was beaten down so much bypeople giving me crap about
being a single mom.
(26:50):
Being a homeschool mom, how dareI homeschool my child because I
wasn't smart enough.
I'm just a hairstylist.
Yes, I did have someone tell methat, and I wasn't hugely
profitable.
I wasn't hugely profitable.
I was a whole new person at thatpoint because I actually had
free time for the first time inmy life since I had my daughter.
(27:13):
So I actually got to rest andfigure out what I like to do and
understand myself.
So this was my journey after mydaughter was in college of who I
was, who I wanted to becomebecause I had time and energy to
invest in myself.
Finally.
And this pretty much was myfirst jump into it with this
(27:35):
class.
So to say that it changed mylife is very minimal because it
did truly put me in a directionthat I needed to go.
So going from feeling like thiscareer was trying to kill me.
It spun me around and I feltlike I was finally in the
(27:55):
driver's seat for myself becauseI chose to learn to grow, to
become better, to give myselfthe ability to become better,
and to stretch myself and my oldknowledge of taking the power of
my own mind and my own thoughtsback into the positive.
It's a rough road.
(28:16):
It's up and down.
But if we actually take the timeto listen to our thoughts and
stop it, and I, it's kind ofsad, but I do catch myself when
I'm home by myself.
If my thought goes to the darkside, I, tell myself to stop and
I try and picture the positiveoutlook that I want, the
(28:36):
positive reactions and results Iwant from this correct mindset
because I don't have to thinkthe worst anymore.
I can think for the positive andexpect it because of this one
class.
I'm getting to the income that Ifeel like I deserve.
I've been in this industry for avery long time, and I feel like
(28:59):
I'm actually getting groundworkbecause I'm focusing on myself.
I'm doing things the correctway, and I'm doing the job that
I freaking love.
So I don't feel like my careeris trying to kill me anymore,
except after 10 hour days whenmy body is so stiff I can hardly
stand back up once I sit in mycar.
That's okay.
That's one of the fun things ofbeing older and doing some of
(29:22):
the skills I'm learning becauseI stand in one spot when I do
it.
It's okay.
I love this life.
I know that it's gonna take mefar, and I'm hoping this podcast
reaches people that need it tounderstand it and not be lost in
this career.
It's just a guidepost for you tofeel like you can take control
(29:43):
of your life and every career.
It doesn't have to be as, as ahairstylist.
Anyone that has a nine to fivejob.
You have the ability to makechanges in your life.
Think how old you are, how manymore years you have in your
career, or how many more yearsyou want on this earth and see,
(30:04):
is this the life I wanna havefor the rest of my life?
Are you okay being complacentand staying where you are?
If you're happy, that'sfantastic.
Good job.
But if you look at your job andyou come home upset, angry, and.
Stress to the max.
Your life is in your hands.
(30:25):
You can do anything you wannado.
You just have to take a step tofind what you want, what you
need, or just start working onyourself.
Your own mindset Start listeningto that voice in your head that
is trying to.
Help your thought processbecause if you stop listening to
(30:47):
the radio in the car or you stopwatching TV and you just let
your mind wander, what are youwondering about?
What are you thinking about?
As a mom, when I had, um, I wasraising my daughter, I knew in
my head I was running down thelist of things I had to do
before I could go to bed orthings I had to do with my
(31:08):
daughter before she could getready for bed, because that was
my mindset task master.
I had all these things that hadto be accomplished from.
And doing laundry, washingdishes, making food for the next
day, all these different things,helping her study for the tests
that we were gonna have the nextday, making sure she did her
(31:30):
homework.
That was normal day to day.
And I had to return phone, phonecalls for work, and I had to
double check.
I have enough products that Ineeded for the following week
because the sales rep was comingin and I needed to double check.
I had everything written down.
It was a nonstop list and I knowa lot of people have that also,
(31:51):
but figure out if you're happy.
Figure out if this is a life youwant.
What would you change if it wasin your power or if you were too
scared to take the next nextstep to figure out what you want
different?
The world is huge.
There's stuff everywhere.
(32:12):
Most people have 4 0 1 Ks.
It doesn't lock you down intoone company.
You can grow and change.
And change is not as scary asyou think.
Sometimes it's what everyoneneeds.
'cause sometimes it's justsucking the life out of you
doing the same thing day in andday out.
There was a time at certainsalons that I worked at that was
(32:33):
very stressful, very hard.
And I had that in the pitfeeling in my stomach, knowing
that I had to go to work onTuesday.
I'm off for Monday, so I don'tget the Monday dread, I get the
Tuesday dreads or did.
And those are the salons I leftbecause it wasn't the work.
My work moved with me everysalon I went to.
(32:55):
My clients love me, they followme.
It's fantastic.
Why?
Because I'm dedicated to them.
I do good work and I treat themvery well.
You have to understand that ifyou're miserable somewhere, if
you're not happy, if you havethat dread in the pit of your
stomach, it's time to lookcloser.
(33:17):
Figure out what is making ithappen.
Is it the atmosphere?
Is it just you, yourself, andyour own life?
Is there something you feel likeneeds to change or you're
letting too much stuff slide.
It's your life.
You make the decision on if youwanna keep slamming into the
wall or if you're going to takecontrol of the wheel and not get
(33:39):
distracted.
It's your life.
What do you want out of the restof your life?
I know that life is notpromised.
Years are not promised.
I'm gonna value every year Iget, every wrinkle I get, every
line I get.
I love it.
So it is one of those things.
(34:01):
Cherish what you can.
Love what you can, and keepgrowing and changing.
Have a good week.
Look inside yourself a littlebit and see where you stand with
yourself.
Have a great time.
Bye.
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