June 23, 2025 • 39 mins
I am sharing my change from thriving on the hustle mentality to the downfall of my health because I didn't know when to stop it. No one talks about the time you should enjoy your success from the hustle. Now in my experience life came up and knocked me down pretty hard before my body gave out, from this I have learned why constant hustle isn't sustainable.
The hustle is important to achieve goals that you can only achieve through the blast of focus and hard work. I personally believe we are being taught the nonstop charging ahead without stopping. Have you thought of sprinters? They give full energy for short distances. This can be the key to charging ahead, but then make your growth solid. You don't want a house of cards, make it solid.
I see to many people have the same issues with a depleted body because of the none stop work ethic. We need to find a way to recharge, let your body recover, and then focus again.
Hopefully sharing my struggle can help someone else. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out.
Send me a message if you have any comments.
Thank you for listening. Share this episode with a friend that you think would enjoy it.
I would love it if you took the time to leave a rating or review for the show.
Want me to go more in-depth about anything? Let me know.
Send an email with questions to skahrhoff@live.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Shannon Kahrhoff (00:00):
Hello everyone.
I hope you are having a greatday.
Something's been weighing veryheavy on my mind, my heart the
last few weeks and last week Ilet you in on my worst kept
secret of my, belief lid beingextremely low.
And I will expose myself evenmore this week and, you're gonna
(00:25):
have to bear with me.
But I feel like the people thatwere politely following me and
listening to the podcast everyweek has kind of faded off a
little bit.
So I feel a little bit morecomfortable exposing myself a
little bit more privately withthese podcasts.
And this is gonna be a hard onefor me because.
(00:50):
I learned how to thrive in thehustle mentality of my career,
of my life.
I did everything.
I felt power.
I felt positive.
I felt in control of my life bybeing overly active.
Pretty much I gave a hundredpercent in my career in my life
(01:15):
as a mom, as my life as afriend, and I felt happy.
I felt purposeful whenever I hadto kick myself into gear.
And yes, I am running at fullspeed.
I am achieving things.
I am becoming the person I'vealways wanted to be.
Look at me, go.
(01:36):
I can go and achieve all ofthis.
I can juggle my day, minute byminute because I can get.
Everything done.
I can be the best mom.
I can go take my daughter to thepark and go for runs and walks.
'cause I was physically fit fora quite a handful of years when
my daughter was young and Ithought I had it all in my
(01:59):
hands.
I felt fantastic.
I was in shape, I was livinglife.
Great finances.
Nah, it was, it was there.
I had everything I needed atthat moment I thought.
But.
I got an emotional high, theadrenaline rush because I was
achieving it all.
I was a hundred percent in mylife, thriving.
(02:23):
I thought and doing everything.
I was proud because I had thathustle mentality.
That was so it in our career asa hairstylist, you had to give
it all you've got.
There's no taken prisoners.
I mean, I was doing it.
(02:45):
I was achieving it all.
I was building a business.
I had people that came to mehours away and would make an
effort to drive farther for me,and I thought that was success.
I felt like I had achieved.
pretty good with my careerbecause I felt more confident
(03:05):
with colors, with cuts, withcommunication because I learned
decoding clients with my.
My personality code.
I understood how to communicate.
I understood how to be able tocommunicate with my clients.
I felt powerful because Ithought I had it.
(03:27):
I thought that the world wasfinally coming together.
I was finding my power, and Ifelt fantastic because I could
do anything.
Look at me, go.
I would work till 11 o'clock atnight.
And wake up in the morning andtake care of my daughter and go
for walks with her, go to thepark, I'd come to work, and I'd
(03:49):
start all over again and do itall.
And then.
I still hustled through it, butI didn't realize I wasn't
bouncing back as well, I kept myhustle mentality.
I made sure that I felt powerfulbecause I put everything else
first.
I don't need that nap.
(04:09):
I don't need to have a day off.
I have all this stuff I have toaccomplish.
It's great.
This is my life.
Look at me.
Go.
I can do it all.
And I did for so many years.
Until I couldn't.
So let me walk you down the patha little bit.
I'm working in a salon, doingfine, building who I am now
(04:31):
building clientele that most ofthem I still have, which is
freaking amazing that I haveclients that have loved me long
enough to put up with my lifeups and downs, but.
I went from doing okay to, allof a sudden the atmosphere in my
salon was getting toxic.
It was hard.
(04:52):
That is hard on my body bycoming into negativity and two
faced mentality with mycoworkers and I had a hard time
dealing with that, but it'sokay.
I had a purpose.
I was going in there making asmuch money as I can, working
until super late at nightbecause my beautiful mom kept my
(05:12):
daughter and fed her supper,gave her the bath and put her to
bed cause me and my mom shared ahouse.
We shared the bills, everything50 50.
Fantastic.
It was one of those things in mylife that I thought I had it
covered.
Well, I had to I switched salonsat that point, and I went from
(05:36):
the experience of having myatmosphere around me
deteriorating to toxic tothinking, okay, this'll be the
next, the best thing we're gonnahave.
Amazing coworkers.
I was so excited by these ladiesthat I was gonna work with.
Some of them I had worked withbefore, but the skills and the
(05:57):
work ethic that these people hadwas amazing for what, three
months?
It was fantastic.
We had a purpose.
We were gonna be the weddingdestination spot of the town,
and it was gonna be amazinguntil it wasn't.
And then this wonderful dreamthat we all had, I.
(06:18):
Started chipping away by themanagement of the salon because
it was, we all rented ourstation, so booth rent, but we
all had our own supplies.
We all did our own thing exceptfor scheduling.
This was old school.
We had our books at the frontdesk and we all took turns
answering the phone, except forwhen we didn't, and.
(06:42):
We were all working as a greatgroup until we didn't, and
again, the owner and the managerbecame toxic and it was kind of
crazy how fast it all fireballed out.
And my good friend, she ran.
She decided, this is horrible.
(07:02):
I can't deal with this on top ofmy own personal life issues and
peace out, man.
She went home, worked out of herhouse, and she's been happy
since I was there dealing withthe person who owned it that I
thought was a friend who decidedthat she really didn't want to
grow up and be a salon owner,after all.
(07:23):
It was too much work and thatwas not her mentality.
She was very much a fun-lovingpersonality and she stepped into
the planner mode whenever shewas motivated to, but then
backpedaled hard and the salonstruggled.
(07:44):
The mentality that they pushedon everyone was harsh, and it
took all fun and excitement outof the salon.
Guess what?
Another salon that went toxicand this one went nuclear toxic
waste.
Man, it was awful.
We are all.
(08:04):
Pushed against each other prettymuch.
At one point they put a noticeon our little front desk and
told us that we were no longerallowed to communicate with each
other.
If there was problems, you gostraight to the owner or the
manager and we are not allowedto discuss anything salon wise
with each other.
(08:25):
Yeah, we're booth rental,nuclear waste dump.
It was awful.
I tried reaching out to thisowner and communicate with her,
and she took it as a directattack instead of suggestive
criticism because she didn'trealize and didn't want to
realize how toxic things weregetting in there.
(08:46):
Well.
I left after nine months, andluckily one of my old coworkers
actually reached out to a salonin town who was just a
commissioned salon and took theleap to letting me come work in
there as a renter.
So at this time, I am startingout renting in a salon that is
(09:07):
all commissioned stylists.
Then these.
Stylist, start looking at melike, who the heck am I to come
in here and throw the balance ofthe salon off?
No problem.
I've already been emotionallybeaten down at the last salon.
I will stay in my corner.
I will do what I need to do.
I will come in, work on myclients, clean up after myself,
(09:29):
help out if I can and keep thepeace because I was mentally
exhausted.
But the wonderful about thissalon.
Because it was all commission.
They're not used to givingeveryone a key, so I had to show
up when the receptionist wasthere.
I had to leave at a certaintime, which was way earlier than
I have ever left work in theevening.
(09:52):
And it gave me a little morebalance in my life because I had
an excuse.
I have to be outta here at thistime.
So I felt like my work balancewas kind of relaxing.
Things were getting easier, butthen it wasn't because then my
grandma passed away and I saidbefore that my mom and I shared
a house, and all of a sudden mymom lost her job.
(10:14):
So half the income, and this wasnot the first time it was the
second time in a few shortyears,.
It was not her fault, it wasjust the circumstances and I
think God put it there.
So she had more time to spendwith her mom and her final days
and to deal with her emotionsafter her mom passed away.
But that put more financialstress on me again, and I had to
(10:38):
figure out a way to up.
My pay with less hours and oh,and I was homeschooling my
daughter also through all ofthis.
So again, I was hustling.
I was working as much as I can,squeezing people in as much as I
could, and homeschooling mydaughter for hours in the
morning.
So it was fine.
(10:59):
It was okay.
It was working.
I could pay the bills.
Everything was tight, but itworked.
It was okay and it was slowlydraining me, but the hustle
mentality was strong.
So Grandma passes away.
My mom is a shell of herself andshe's still taking care of Grace
in the evenings.
No problem.
(11:20):
But.
Then I had this feeling, I'vehad a mole on my chest, neck
area for years that I had beenwatching, and I finally had the
point where I knew it was time Ihad to go get it checked out.
So I go get myself some healthinsurance and go find a
(11:42):
dermatologist to get it takencare of and working.
It's going fine.
I get it removed and then I hearthat M word, the melanoma not a
good one to hear.
What the skin cancer stuff.
So my dad passed away fromcancer at the age of 41.
Many of his siblings.
Had died from different forms ofcancer, multiples from skin
(12:05):
cancer, and so it sends me intoa spiral because of the cancer
word and the melanoma word.
So I'm very distinct.
I do not say cancer.
I say melanoma to my 11-year-olddaughter and years later she
tells me, mom, I didn't know itwas cancer.
You just said it.
Melanoma said, I was veryintentional with that'cause I
(12:28):
know how much cancer affected mewhen I heard my dad had it as a
child.
I did not want that stigma inher mind because cancer kills
and I don't want that in a youngmind.
They take the biopsy.
Yep.
Melanoma.
Okay.
The other one?
Yep.
Basal cell.
Okay.
That one can go a little bitlonger before you have it
removed because they're tooclose together, so they have to
(12:50):
remove so much skin on one.
There won't be enough left ofloose skin or whatever.
There won't be enough to takeoff for the basal cell, so my
skin has to heal and stretch alittle bit more.
So.
I am hustling.
I am getting tired.
I am doing everything I need toget done yet because I'm the
sole breadwinner of my home.
(13:12):
And so now comes the time to getthe clear margins removed from
the melanoma.
So I go to the doctor, theoncologist surgeon.
I go to the surgeon and I get itremoved.
It's been two weeks since theinitial biopsy removal.
Because they don't waste time.
(13:33):
And did you know that you'reawake through these surgeries of
removal for skin cancer?
They don't knock you out unlessyou go to a plastic surgeon,
which terrified me because arethey trained in cancer removal?
Do they know what the skin lookslike and feels like that's
cancerous?
I don't know.
I don't take that chance.
They're putting the local in andthe nurse is super nice,
(13:55):
injecting all this local intoit, and it hurts.
I have never been so much pain.
I'd rather go through childbirthagain rather than inject that
much local anesthesia in my bodyagain so as this local is going
in, it is the most pain I'veever had.
Through the years I've thoughtabout it, and I really think
it's the raw skin that hadn'thealed yet on why the local
(14:18):
hurts so bad.
But it felt hot and it felt likewhat I pictured acid causing
pain inside my neck area.
So your whole thought processwhen you're in this much pain is
thinking, okay, I can stop thisand have to do it again in
another week or two, and itmight feel the exact same way,
(14:41):
or it might not.
Maybe it's almost done.
So I grit and tried todisconnect from the activity
what's happening because Ididn't numb.
She actually had to excuseherself outta the room and get a
whole nother vial of the localanesthesia to keep injecting it
in.
(15:02):
It finally, whatever she putsin, whatever she needs to do,
and the surgeon comes in and hestarts the process.
And in this timeframe, as he'sremoving a large portion for the
clear margins where fordifferent types of skin cancer,
you have to have a certainamount of space removed around
(15:23):
it and then stitched backtogether.
And I assume it's in depth asmuch as in lengthwise.
So we're going through this and,there's spots that make me jerk
from pain.
I can still feel the pain, eventhough they have a bottle and a
half of local anesthesia in mybody.
The surgeon is very nice.
He's trying to distract me, talkto me, and I have no idea of a
(15:47):
concept.
It feels like I'm floating overmyself because of, whatever's
going on.
And, as he's trying to cauterizeit and stitch me up and it's.
For people that have incosmetology school.
I've realized through the otherremovals that the skin freaking
(16:09):
looks like it does in ourtextbooks.
It was amazing to me one timewhenever I saw the chunk taken
out of my upper arm and it legitlooked like.
The, the drawing in ourtextbooks, it was, it blew my
mind anyway, so he's stitchingall the different layers of my
flesh back together.
(16:29):
And I feel the pain from thecauterization, which is just,
like a laser, zap, zap kind of athing.
And, the actual stitches comingin and they don't believe me
that it really hurts, that I'mtwitching in pain.
So they inject more.
It doesn't help.
So they just push it all backtogether and then it's time to
(16:54):
clean me up and shoo me out.
The nurse again is very nice andshe tells me that, the blood
actually ran over my shouldersand into my blonde hair and I
have white blonde hair and.
She said, I would suggest tryingto get it out before it stains
your hair.
(17:15):
I'm sorry we couldn't catch it.
So I have no concept aboutanything.
I'm in an out of body experiencebecause I really think I was in
shock from the pain, theeverything.
My mom goes to the pharmacy,gets me pain medicine, different
things that I need, and I'mzoned out in the car.
(17:35):
We wind up stopping at myfriend's house so she could
shampoo the blood outta my hair.
I really have vague memories ofthat.
I can still picture her customerlooking at me like, why am I
pushed outta the way for you?
And then she looks at my faceand something changes in her
face, and that's the only thingI can really recall.
So Dana shampoos my hair.
(17:58):
I go home and I don't think shedried it.
I really have no concept, butsomehow I get home and I pass
out.
So I'm in my room and I.
I don't know if it's the sameday the next day.
But I realized I got up'cause Iwas hungry.
So I got up and walked to thekitchen, which was not very far
(18:19):
away and I was so physicallydrained walking to the kitchen.
All I could picture doing wascrying, but I was too tired to
cry.
And I walked back into my room,no food.
I had barely enough energy tocrash back into my bed.
This continues and it's time togo in and get stitches out.
(18:43):
And I talk to the doctor and I'mlike, why would I be, why am I
so tired?
Why do I have zero energy?
What could have caused this?
And it was like nothing causedthat.
It's your body healing.
It's the trauma.
It, it'll be fine.
Takes no claim, no effort tocommunicate.
One doctor asked if I, or maybeit was a nurse, asked if I
(19:03):
wanted antidepressants as if Iwasn't dealing with the whole
cancer and the surgery.
Well, antidepressants would bemy savior.
I said, no, thank you.
I'm good.
And I go home.
So I'm trying to function anddeal with everything but.
I just think, oh, I'm justrecovering from surgery.
It was pretty traumatic with thepain and everything.
(19:25):
Okay.
No big deal.
Oh, and my skin was so tight.
I had a hard time lifting myhead high enough to actually cut
layers in my client's hair.
But I only had a week off fromwork and I had to get back to
work again.
Only one bringing money into thehome to pay the rent, the
utilities, food in the house andmy rent,'cause I'm renting a
(19:46):
station.
So I go to work and that was aninteresting feat, but I've
realized after working that I'mnot sleeping well at night.
I'm tired.
So months go down the road, I,the skin stretches out.
It gets a little bit better.
The pain is going.
The, internal stitches aredissolving and snapping and it's
(20:09):
okay.
I can survive this.
It's almost done.
Right.
And, January I get to have thebasal cell clean margins done.
No pain.
The local went in, they removedthe skin for the clear margin.
They stitched me back together.
I did have a reaction from thesutures that day or that time,
but whatever.
(20:30):
No, massive pain, which was arelief.
So I'm working, I'm doing allthis stuff.
I used to do hardcore exerciseand whenever you're done
exercising, your legs are shakyfrom exhaustion and you have
very little internal energy toactually lift your arms and
movement and stuff like that, soI understood.
(20:54):
The good exhaustion of exercise.
I'm breaking down muscle, I'mrebuilding the muscle.
It's fine, but that becomes myevery day and I am sweating,
constantly working because it isa feat just to be on my feet,
and it's exhausting.
(21:15):
Getting up in the morning.
I'm exhausted going to work.
I'm exhausted raising my arms toapply color to blow dry to cut
the layers into the hair isexhausting.
I feel like I'm running amarathon and I'm on the 20th
mile.
My body is just exhaustion.
It is just intense and I can'tunderstand it.
(21:36):
I don't understand what ishappening to my body.
So I'm pretty much going intoinsomnia at that point.
But the hustle is there.
I have to work as many hours asI can.
The bills have to be paid.
I have to show up at work.
So it isn't odd in our career towear full black.
So I'm wearing black pants, I'mwearing black t-shirts.
(21:59):
So the amount of sweat that I amexerting from my body.
It doesn't show.
I'm putting deodorant onmultiple times a day because of,
the sweat that is coming outtamy body from the exertion.
I just keep working.
The hustle mentality is there,and this one, it's a matter of
survival.
(22:20):
There is no stopping.
Luckily, they had a couch in theback room that I slept on, off
and on for those months.
And, at one point, I could neverspeak it out loud because it was
so scary, but I felt like I wasdying.
(22:40):
My body was collapsing on me.
Oh, and the weirdest thing is Iwould have panic attacks, I
never had panic attacks before.
I always looked at people withpanic attacks as weak people
who.
Just were dramatic.
Well, I turned into that weakperson who was overly dramatic
(23:01):
because I was doing myleadership development meetings,
and when I would go, the roomwas full.
There was sound systems, therewere, um, people everywhere.
Well, I realized that sitting inthat room around people caused
major anxiety in me, and it woreme down even faster.
(23:23):
And, the idea of having peopleall around me freaked me out,
and I eventually turned into ahyperventilating panic attack
survivor trying to figure outwhat the heck is happening to my
body.
But I couldn't let go.
(23:43):
The hustle mentality.
I was not going to quit becausemy mindset is you just work
through it.
You just push through, pushthrough, push through.
It'll get better.
Well, I was at a conference outof state and someone dropped a
freaking phone on top of my headand that threw me into a full
(24:03):
blown panic attack.
Hyperventilating my vision, wentinto a pinprick, and all I could
do was focus on my, my breathingand my heart rate.
'cause my heart rate went outtacontrol every time this
happened.
And it got so bad.
It wasn't just in in large roomswith echoing sound and anything
like that.
(24:23):
It was any time a client said,Hey, I only have this much time.
Can you get me in and out thisquickly?
Well, that sent me intohyperdrive of freaking out
because my brain wasn'tprocessing very well.
All I prayed was that no onewanted to change their hair
color'cause I wasn't sure if mybrain could process everything
(24:43):
it needed to process toformulate a color.
And, I realized at that point inmy career, in my health that it
was very, very good that I hadthat core memory of cutting
hair.
And the experience I had to getme to almost autopilot, to do
these haircuts, to apply thecolor, to step by step, survive
(25:09):
moment by moment because.
Yeah, there wasn't much going onin my brain because I couldn't
focus, I couldn't focus on myfinances.
I couldn't focus on much.
It was pretty bad.
But I was still homeschooling mydaughter as much as I could,
which had decreased a lotbecause of the exhaustion level
in my body.
(25:29):
And I was working constantly andit was trying to do everything.
And there was a point where Ihad to.
Get my mind wrapped aroundwhat's gonna happen to my
daughter if I don't survivethis?
Because I legitimately thoughtmy body was giving out on me
(25:51):
because when something happened,even a loud noise in the salon,
someone, we, we had a client inthe salon that was not my own,
but she had a very loud laugh,almost a bark like laugh and.
If she came in while I wasworking in this state that I was
(26:11):
in, it would send me into apanic attack.
The panic attack would crash, myblood sugar, which would give me
a horrendous migraine and makeme even more tired.
And then I was shaky, so I'mtrying to stand still while I'm
covered in sweat.
My horrible migraines areblinding me and crushing me and.
(26:33):
I'm still working.
I'm still doing this.
I might just be looking out of aslit in my eyes to survive, but
it's okay.
I'm working.
The hustle is happening.
I am earning my money.
I am taking care of my clients.
Everything is working.
And then one day my mom comeshome from church and she said,
you've gotta turn on this radiostation.
(26:55):
I'm listening to this doctor.
Talk about everything thatyou're dealing with.
You've gotta listen to it.
So, I was pretty much comatoseon the couch because after a
night of not sleeping, I'm stillexhausted, so I was sleeping on
a different spot, the couch.
So she turns on the radio in thehouse and I start listening, and
then it's over.
So she has to tell me about thesymptoms this person on the
(27:19):
radio show was talking about andwhat this doctor, thankfully in
St.
Louis.
Was talking about, there was aname, there was a reason for it
to do this, and there was a wayto fix it.
So said, she said, you reallyneed to call them and make an
appointment and get this figuredout because you, you need to
find an answer.
(27:40):
Because I knew at that point ifI went to a normal doctor.
I was going to be onantidepressants because everyone
was saying you're just having ahard time dealing with cancer.
I was, but it was more of thedepression from feeling my body
giving out on me and not havinga clue on my blood sugar.
(28:04):
They would probably have to putme on something'cause my blood
sugar crashed constantly.
My hormones were outta control.
And guess what?
My thyroid was also outtacontrol.
Do you know all those things arecontrolled together with the
adrenal system.
So I make this appointment forthis.
He's actually a, functionaldoctor who's a chiropractor and.
(28:29):
So we go in there and I have tofill out four pages of questions
before I go in.
So I'm there for theconsultation.
My mom's in the room with mebecause again, my brain doesn't
process well.
So having someone flat out askme questions, sometimes there's
nothing that comes out my mouthbecause it's in buffering mode
(28:50):
pretty much.
So I go into the room and hegoes over my notes and he's
like, oh yeah, okay.
So he goes over my symptoms andstuff like that.
And he was like, oh, okay.
So let me ask you a question.
So do you have, are your handsand feet cold, but the core of
your body is hot?
(29:11):
It's like, yeah, actually allthe time.
And he was like, okay.
And.
There was something else heasked and he was like, oh, okay.
You have parasympatheticoverload.
I'm like, what the heck doesthat mean?
What does a para what?
So again, brain, not computing.
(29:31):
So he breaks it down.
He said, pretty much your bodyis trapped on the gas pedal.
And what happens whenever, ifthe gas pedal is down, you're in
fight or flight.
And in that it makes youradrenal glands overproduce.
So in a normal situation, if ourbody feels like it's in danger,
(29:54):
it sends adrenaline to you andit either makes you run or you
fight.
Well, my body was trapped inthat for at least a year.
And later on when my brainstarted functioning again, I
realized I was actually in thatfight or flight for a lot
longer.
From doing everything, thepressure of everything, trying
(30:16):
to get it all done, get it allaccomplished, was slowly
draining my body.
Of adrenaline, my adrenal systemcould not keep up, so he set
sets me up on this program ofhow to get my vagus nerve to
calm down and to get the gaspedal unstuck on the floor of my
(30:38):
body.
So I have to go there twice aweek.
Well, the problem was my braindid not work well enough for me
to have the, um, mental abilityto drive in St.
Louis traffic.
I was an hour away from my home.
I had barely enough money tocover bills, but I had to make
(30:59):
it happen so I could get my bodyfixed.
So twice a week.
My mom, who had retired at thatpoint, so she had money coming
in wasn't a lot, but it wasstill, finances were a little
bit more stable in the home.
And she's driving me to theoffice in South St.
Louis.
Twice a week.
So he's adjusting me.
(31:19):
He's stimulating my vagus nerve.
He's working on stuff.
So through the years of going toNepute wellness, it put my life
slowly back in order.
Slowly.
I could actually sleep throughthe night because he put me on
magnesium.
Magnesium, your body soaks upbecause that's what it needs
(31:41):
whenever it's under stress.
Well, I've been under stress forso long.
I didn't know what life withoutstress actually felt like
anymore.
So once I got enough magnesiumin my body, my body could
balance it out a little bit.
I could actually get some sleepfor a few hours.
I.
And then I was very low onvitamin D, so he put me on
(32:04):
vitamin D supplements and thatstarted helping a little bit.
And the biggest thing thatactually happened to me is when
he had, a system there, I thinkit's called SRT.
To me it was the brain process.
It was, it was this machinethat, it was all on the iPad,
(32:25):
it's all recordings.
You had.
Headphones that you put on andit had goggles, pretty much
sunglasses that put on that hadlight therapy in it.
So it's flashing light dependingon what is, what program you
process that you wanna be on.
So pretty much he put me on PTSDtreatment.
(32:48):
So because of the traumaticsurgery.
He had to get me through thisprocess of reprogramming my
subconscious mind.
So last week I was talking aboutmy subconscious mind, and that
is what told me constantly Iwasn't good enough.
I wasn't worth enough because Iwas trapped in the thinking of
(33:11):
my limited belief.
So in this system, it'sreprogramming how I handle
things.
It takes the pressure off.
It's trying to take the negativeimages and feelings from that
procedure and whatever elsehappened in my life, it
decreases it.
(33:31):
So it's helping my body recoveritself through my subconscious
mind.
And it takes quite a while, butall of a sudden I can go to work
'cause I actually had a goodnight's sleep the night before
and.
I can actually stand.
I'm not covered in sweatconstantly.
My panic attacks were still ahuge thing, but it was also a
(33:53):
mental thing that I had toprocess.
I had to learn whenever my bodywas getting overstimulated by
something that I needed to takea step either out of the echo of
the speakers, out of the sound,echoing through the building.
I had to step outside.
I had to focus on my breathingbecause do you realize that when
(34:14):
you're under stress, sometimesyou forget to breathe?
Who knew I didn't because I hadto relearn.
I literally had to teach myselfhow to breathe slower.
When you're in panic mode, youtake quick.
Shallow breaths.
I had to relearn how to use mydiaphragm back to my singing
(34:35):
days and learn how to breathedeeper into my abdomen, not just
shallow breaths in the top ofthe lungs.
So I had to learn how to handlestress.
I had to learn how to breathe.
I had to learn how to calm mysubconscious mind and my stress
reactor.
And it helped over the years ofhim changing up the supplements
(34:58):
and the vitamins that I wastaking, nothing was
pharmaceuticals.
Everything was vitamins andsupplements that he prescribed
that slowly but surely startedhelping me recover.
I could actually walk outsideagain and not hyperventilate.
I could actually slowly get mythinking clear again because I
(35:19):
used to read.
Three books at a time.
I could switch from aneducational one, a fun one, and
a system one on leadership orlearning or growing, and I had
no problem overlapping themthrough this.
It was like my brain could notabsorb anything.
I could read it and I couldalmost feel it going in one ear
(35:43):
and out the other because it wasnot sinking in.
So that was very hard for me.
All of this was a huge struggleand it took me off my path for
years because I had to take astep back.
I had to literally let go ofthings one at a time because I
(36:05):
couldn't handle everything.
I had to let go of the hustlementality, and that was a hard
one for me.
I couldn't quit my job becausethis is my livelihood.
I wasn't going to quithomeschooling my daughter
because I felt like it was thebest thing for her and me, and I
had to let go of my leadershipdevelopment business because as
(36:26):
much as it helped and made megrow into the person that I am
now, I also had to understandthat it wasn't helping me.
It was actually.
Causing more panic attacks andmore.
It was causing more anxiety.
I found these wonderful powderedmagnesium packets that I could
add into water to help me comedown off of the panic attack.
(36:51):
And it was amazing, but it wascausing more trauma by
continuing going into themeeting rooms.
It was causing me more problems,getting these beautiful books
that I could not consume becausemy brain couldn't absorb it
anymore.
It was very sad.
It was very hard on me toacknowledge the weakness that I
(37:11):
have been dealt.
So I let go of my leadershipdevelop development business.
I let go of the outsideactivities as much as I could
because I couldn't do everythinganymore.
And that was a very hard thingfor me to acknowledge.
So through the years, I'vegotten much better.
(37:33):
I still have to be carefulbecause I don't feel when my
body is being overloaded withstress anymore.
But having that journey through,Dr.
Eric, his knowledge has beenlife changing for me.
It's put me back on track.
I have full brain power again.
I have my energy back.
I can read books and have zeroproblems.
I can consume everything again.
(37:54):
So it is, it feels like amiracle to me.
But my biggest lesson is I hadto let go of my hustle
mentality.
And it's just recently you'restarting to hear people talk
about how you can't stay inhustle mode for a long time.
You have to do it in sprints,short hustle modes.
You get where you need to be,take a step back.
(38:16):
Relax, focus on just buildingwithout the hustle.
So it's kind of like a child howthey, they bulk up and then they
shoot up.
You bulk up and you shoot up.
So it's one of those, you hustleto build something, you're very
focused, you're very driven, andthen you take a step back and
you solidify everything.
You make sure it's nice andsolid, and then you can step for
(38:39):
forward into the hustle mode ifyou have to again.
And that's kind of where I'velived since that drop of health
in there.
So my suggestion to everyonewho's building and growing limit
your hustle.
You work your heney off whenyou're in hustle mode, but you
put a time limit to it.
(39:00):
You set a goal, do you hit thatgoal?
And then you take a step back,make sure that your body can
recover.
You focus on making it nice andsolid and secure.
And then when you're ready forthe next goal, then you can
hustle mentality for a whilethen to.
You are not supposed to live inhustle mentality for your whole
life.
That's not sustainable.
(39:20):
You will have problems with yourhealth through there to make
sure you have a balance.
And that is pretty much what Ifeel driven to tell you guys is
yes, there's a lot of hurdles inthe middle, but life is unsure.
You never know what's gonna comeand get you.
So plan accordingly.
Be careful and take care ofyourself.
(39:41):
Have a great week.
Hello everyone.
I hope you are having a greatday.
Something's been weighing veryheavy on my mind, my heart the
last few weeks and last week Ilet you in on my worst kept
secret of my, belief lid beingextremely low.
And I will expose myself evenmore this week and, you're gonna
(00:25):
have to bear with me.
But I feel like the people thatwere politely following me and
listening to the podcast everyweek has kind of faded off a
little bit.
So I feel a little bit morecomfortable exposing myself a
little bit more privately withthese podcasts.
And this is gonna be a hard onefor me because.
(00:50):
I learned how to thrive in thehustle mentality of my career,
of my life.
I did everything.
I felt power.
I felt positive.
I felt in control of my life bybeing overly active.
Pretty much I gave a hundredpercent in my career in my life
(01:15):
as a mom, as my life as afriend, and I felt happy.
I felt purposeful whenever I hadto kick myself into gear.
And yes, I am running at fullspeed.
I am achieving things.
I am becoming the person I'vealways wanted to be.
Look at me, go.
(01:36):
I can go and achieve all ofthis.
I can juggle my day, minute byminute because I can get.
Everything done.
I can be the best mom.
I can go take my daughter to thepark and go for runs and walks.
'cause I was physically fit fora quite a handful of years when
my daughter was young and Ithought I had it all in my
(01:59):
hands.
I felt fantastic.
I was in shape, I was livinglife.
Great finances.
Nah, it was, it was there.
I had everything I needed atthat moment I thought.
But.
I got an emotional high, theadrenaline rush because I was
achieving it all.
I was a hundred percent in mylife, thriving.
(02:23):
I thought and doing everything.
I was proud because I had thathustle mentality.
That was so it in our career asa hairstylist, you had to give
it all you've got.
There's no taken prisoners.
I mean, I was doing it.
(02:45):
I was achieving it all.
I was building a business.
I had people that came to mehours away and would make an
effort to drive farther for me,and I thought that was success.
I felt like I had achieved.
pretty good with my careerbecause I felt more confident
(03:05):
with colors, with cuts, withcommunication because I learned
decoding clients with my.
My personality code.
I understood how to communicate.
I understood how to be able tocommunicate with my clients.
I felt powerful because Ithought I had it.
(03:27):
I thought that the world wasfinally coming together.
I was finding my power, and Ifelt fantastic because I could
do anything.
Look at me, go.
I would work till 11 o'clock atnight.
And wake up in the morning andtake care of my daughter and go
for walks with her, go to thepark, I'd come to work, and I'd
(03:49):
start all over again and do itall.
And then.
I still hustled through it, butI didn't realize I wasn't
bouncing back as well, I kept myhustle mentality.
I made sure that I felt powerfulbecause I put everything else
first.
I don't need that nap.
(04:09):
I don't need to have a day off.
I have all this stuff I have toaccomplish.
It's great.
This is my life.
Look at me.
Go.
I can do it all.
And I did for so many years.
Until I couldn't.
So let me walk you down the patha little bit.
I'm working in a salon, doingfine, building who I am now
(04:31):
building clientele that most ofthem I still have, which is
freaking amazing that I haveclients that have loved me long
enough to put up with my lifeups and downs, but.
I went from doing okay to, allof a sudden the atmosphere in my
salon was getting toxic.
It was hard.
(04:52):
That is hard on my body bycoming into negativity and two
faced mentality with mycoworkers and I had a hard time
dealing with that, but it'sokay.
I had a purpose.
I was going in there making asmuch money as I can, working
until super late at nightbecause my beautiful mom kept my
(05:12):
daughter and fed her supper,gave her the bath and put her to
bed cause me and my mom shared ahouse.
We shared the bills, everything50 50.
Fantastic.
It was one of those things in mylife that I thought I had it
covered.
Well, I had to I switched salonsat that point, and I went from
(05:36):
the experience of having myatmosphere around me
deteriorating to toxic tothinking, okay, this'll be the
next, the best thing we're gonnahave.
Amazing coworkers.
I was so excited by these ladiesthat I was gonna work with.
Some of them I had worked withbefore, but the skills and the
(05:57):
work ethic that these people hadwas amazing for what, three
months?
It was fantastic.
We had a purpose.
We were gonna be the weddingdestination spot of the town,
and it was gonna be amazinguntil it wasn't.
And then this wonderful dreamthat we all had, I.
(06:18):
Started chipping away by themanagement of the salon because
it was, we all rented ourstation, so booth rent, but we
all had our own supplies.
We all did our own thing exceptfor scheduling.
This was old school.
We had our books at the frontdesk and we all took turns
answering the phone, except forwhen we didn't, and.
(06:42):
We were all working as a greatgroup until we didn't, and
again, the owner and the managerbecame toxic and it was kind of
crazy how fast it all fireballed out.
And my good friend, she ran.
She decided, this is horrible.
(07:02):
I can't deal with this on top ofmy own personal life issues and
peace out, man.
She went home, worked out of herhouse, and she's been happy
since I was there dealing withthe person who owned it that I
thought was a friend who decidedthat she really didn't want to
grow up and be a salon owner,after all.
(07:23):
It was too much work and thatwas not her mentality.
She was very much a fun-lovingpersonality and she stepped into
the planner mode whenever shewas motivated to, but then
backpedaled hard and the salonstruggled.
(07:44):
The mentality that they pushedon everyone was harsh, and it
took all fun and excitement outof the salon.
Guess what?
Another salon that went toxicand this one went nuclear toxic
waste.
Man, it was awful.
We are all.
(08:04):
Pushed against each other prettymuch.
At one point they put a noticeon our little front desk and
told us that we were no longerallowed to communicate with each
other.
If there was problems, you gostraight to the owner or the
manager and we are not allowedto discuss anything salon wise
with each other.
(08:25):
Yeah, we're booth rental,nuclear waste dump.
It was awful.
I tried reaching out to thisowner and communicate with her,
and she took it as a directattack instead of suggestive
criticism because she didn'trealize and didn't want to
realize how toxic things weregetting in there.
(08:46):
Well.
I left after nine months, andluckily one of my old coworkers
actually reached out to a salonin town who was just a
commissioned salon and took theleap to letting me come work in
there as a renter.
So at this time, I am startingout renting in a salon that is
(09:07):
all commissioned stylists.
Then these.
Stylist, start looking at melike, who the heck am I to come
in here and throw the balance ofthe salon off?
No problem.
I've already been emotionallybeaten down at the last salon.
I will stay in my corner.
I will do what I need to do.
I will come in, work on myclients, clean up after myself,
(09:29):
help out if I can and keep thepeace because I was mentally
exhausted.
But the wonderful about thissalon.
Because it was all commission.
They're not used to givingeveryone a key, so I had to show
up when the receptionist wasthere.
I had to leave at a certaintime, which was way earlier than
I have ever left work in theevening.
(09:52):
And it gave me a little morebalance in my life because I had
an excuse.
I have to be outta here at thistime.
So I felt like my work balancewas kind of relaxing.
Things were getting easier, butthen it wasn't because then my
grandma passed away and I saidbefore that my mom and I shared
a house, and all of a sudden mymom lost her job.
(10:14):
So half the income, and this wasnot the first time it was the
second time in a few shortyears,.
It was not her fault, it wasjust the circumstances and I
think God put it there.
So she had more time to spendwith her mom and her final days
and to deal with her emotionsafter her mom passed away.
But that put more financialstress on me again, and I had to
(10:38):
figure out a way to up.
My pay with less hours and oh,and I was homeschooling my
daughter also through all ofthis.
So again, I was hustling.
I was working as much as I can,squeezing people in as much as I
could, and homeschooling mydaughter for hours in the
morning.
So it was fine.
(10:59):
It was okay.
It was working.
I could pay the bills.
Everything was tight, but itworked.
It was okay and it was slowlydraining me, but the hustle
mentality was strong.
So Grandma passes away.
My mom is a shell of herself andshe's still taking care of Grace
in the evenings.
No problem.
(11:20):
But.
Then I had this feeling, I'vehad a mole on my chest, neck
area for years that I had beenwatching, and I finally had the
point where I knew it was time Ihad to go get it checked out.
So I go get myself some healthinsurance and go find a
(11:42):
dermatologist to get it takencare of and working.
It's going fine.
I get it removed and then I hearthat M word, the melanoma not a
good one to hear.
What the skin cancer stuff.
So my dad passed away fromcancer at the age of 41.
Many of his siblings.
Had died from different forms ofcancer, multiples from skin
(12:05):
cancer, and so it sends me intoa spiral because of the cancer
word and the melanoma word.
So I'm very distinct.
I do not say cancer.
I say melanoma to my 11-year-olddaughter and years later she
tells me, mom, I didn't know itwas cancer.
You just said it.
Melanoma said, I was veryintentional with that'cause I
(12:28):
know how much cancer affected mewhen I heard my dad had it as a
child.
I did not want that stigma inher mind because cancer kills
and I don't want that in a youngmind.
They take the biopsy.
Yep.
Melanoma.
Okay.
The other one?
Yep.
Basal cell.
Okay.
That one can go a little bitlonger before you have it
removed because they're tooclose together, so they have to
(12:50):
remove so much skin on one.
There won't be enough left ofloose skin or whatever.
There won't be enough to takeoff for the basal cell, so my
skin has to heal and stretch alittle bit more.
So.
I am hustling.
I am getting tired.
I am doing everything I need toget done yet because I'm the
sole breadwinner of my home.
(13:12):
And so now comes the time to getthe clear margins removed from
the melanoma.
So I go to the doctor, theoncologist surgeon.
I go to the surgeon and I get itremoved.
It's been two weeks since theinitial biopsy removal.
Because they don't waste time.
(13:33):
And did you know that you'reawake through these surgeries of
removal for skin cancer?
They don't knock you out unlessyou go to a plastic surgeon,
which terrified me because arethey trained in cancer removal?
Do they know what the skin lookslike and feels like that's
cancerous?
I don't know.
I don't take that chance.
They're putting the local in andthe nurse is super nice,
(13:55):
injecting all this local intoit, and it hurts.
I have never been so much pain.
I'd rather go through childbirthagain rather than inject that
much local anesthesia in my bodyagain so as this local is going
in, it is the most pain I'veever had.
Through the years I've thoughtabout it, and I really think
it's the raw skin that hadn'thealed yet on why the local
(14:18):
hurts so bad.
But it felt hot and it felt likewhat I pictured acid causing
pain inside my neck area.
So your whole thought processwhen you're in this much pain is
thinking, okay, I can stop thisand have to do it again in
another week or two, and itmight feel the exact same way,
(14:41):
or it might not.
Maybe it's almost done.
So I grit and tried todisconnect from the activity
what's happening because Ididn't numb.
She actually had to excuseherself outta the room and get a
whole nother vial of the localanesthesia to keep injecting it
in.
(15:02):
It finally, whatever she putsin, whatever she needs to do,
and the surgeon comes in and hestarts the process.
And in this timeframe, as he'sremoving a large portion for the
clear margins where fordifferent types of skin cancer,
you have to have a certainamount of space removed around
(15:23):
it and then stitched backtogether.
And I assume it's in depth asmuch as in lengthwise.
So we're going through this and,there's spots that make me jerk
from pain.
I can still feel the pain, eventhough they have a bottle and a
half of local anesthesia in mybody.
The surgeon is very nice.
He's trying to distract me, talkto me, and I have no idea of a
(15:47):
concept.
It feels like I'm floating overmyself because of, whatever's
going on.
And, as he's trying to cauterizeit and stitch me up and it's.
For people that have incosmetology school.
I've realized through the otherremovals that the skin freaking
(16:09):
looks like it does in ourtextbooks.
It was amazing to me one timewhenever I saw the chunk taken
out of my upper arm and it legitlooked like.
The, the drawing in ourtextbooks, it was, it blew my
mind anyway, so he's stitchingall the different layers of my
flesh back together.
(16:29):
And I feel the pain from thecauterization, which is just,
like a laser, zap, zap kind of athing.
And, the actual stitches comingin and they don't believe me
that it really hurts, that I'mtwitching in pain.
So they inject more.
It doesn't help.
So they just push it all backtogether and then it's time to
(16:54):
clean me up and shoo me out.
The nurse again is very nice andshe tells me that, the blood
actually ran over my shouldersand into my blonde hair and I
have white blonde hair and.
She said, I would suggest tryingto get it out before it stains
your hair.
(17:15):
I'm sorry we couldn't catch it.
So I have no concept aboutanything.
I'm in an out of body experiencebecause I really think I was in
shock from the pain, theeverything.
My mom goes to the pharmacy,gets me pain medicine, different
things that I need, and I'mzoned out in the car.
(17:35):
We wind up stopping at myfriend's house so she could
shampoo the blood outta my hair.
I really have vague memories ofthat.
I can still picture her customerlooking at me like, why am I
pushed outta the way for you?
And then she looks at my faceand something changes in her
face, and that's the only thingI can really recall.
So Dana shampoos my hair.
(17:58):
I go home and I don't think shedried it.
I really have no concept, butsomehow I get home and I pass
out.
So I'm in my room and I.
I don't know if it's the sameday the next day.
But I realized I got up'cause Iwas hungry.
So I got up and walked to thekitchen, which was not very far
(18:19):
away and I was so physicallydrained walking to the kitchen.
All I could picture doing wascrying, but I was too tired to
cry.
And I walked back into my room,no food.
I had barely enough energy tocrash back into my bed.
This continues and it's time togo in and get stitches out.
(18:43):
And I talk to the doctor and I'mlike, why would I be, why am I
so tired?
Why do I have zero energy?
What could have caused this?
And it was like nothing causedthat.
It's your body healing.
It's the trauma.
It, it'll be fine.
Takes no claim, no effort tocommunicate.
One doctor asked if I, or maybeit was a nurse, asked if I
(19:03):
wanted antidepressants as if Iwasn't dealing with the whole
cancer and the surgery.
Well, antidepressants would bemy savior.
I said, no, thank you.
I'm good.
And I go home.
So I'm trying to function anddeal with everything but.
I just think, oh, I'm justrecovering from surgery.
It was pretty traumatic with thepain and everything.
(19:25):
Okay.
No big deal.
Oh, and my skin was so tight.
I had a hard time lifting myhead high enough to actually cut
layers in my client's hair.
But I only had a week off fromwork and I had to get back to
work again.
Only one bringing money into thehome to pay the rent, the
utilities, food in the house andmy rent,'cause I'm renting a
(19:46):
station.
So I go to work and that was aninteresting feat, but I've
realized after working that I'mnot sleeping well at night.
I'm tired.
So months go down the road, I,the skin stretches out.
It gets a little bit better.
The pain is going.
The, internal stitches aredissolving and snapping and it's
(20:09):
okay.
I can survive this.
It's almost done.
Right.
And, January I get to have thebasal cell clean margins done.
No pain.
The local went in, they removedthe skin for the clear margin.
They stitched me back together.
I did have a reaction from thesutures that day or that time,
but whatever.
(20:30):
No, massive pain, which was arelief.
So I'm working, I'm doing allthis stuff.
I used to do hardcore exerciseand whenever you're done
exercising, your legs are shakyfrom exhaustion and you have
very little internal energy toactually lift your arms and
movement and stuff like that, soI understood.
(20:54):
The good exhaustion of exercise.
I'm breaking down muscle, I'mrebuilding the muscle.
It's fine, but that becomes myevery day and I am sweating,
constantly working because it isa feat just to be on my feet,
and it's exhausting.
(21:15):
Getting up in the morning.
I'm exhausted going to work.
I'm exhausted raising my arms toapply color to blow dry to cut
the layers into the hair isexhausting.
I feel like I'm running amarathon and I'm on the 20th
mile.
My body is just exhaustion.
It is just intense and I can'tunderstand it.
(21:36):
I don't understand what ishappening to my body.
So I'm pretty much going intoinsomnia at that point.
But the hustle is there.
I have to work as many hours asI can.
The bills have to be paid.
I have to show up at work.
So it isn't odd in our career towear full black.
So I'm wearing black pants, I'mwearing black t-shirts.
(21:59):
So the amount of sweat that I amexerting from my body.
It doesn't show.
I'm putting deodorant onmultiple times a day because of,
the sweat that is coming outtamy body from the exertion.
I just keep working.
The hustle mentality is there,and this one, it's a matter of
survival.
(22:20):
There is no stopping.
Luckily, they had a couch in theback room that I slept on, off
and on for those months.
And, at one point, I could neverspeak it out loud because it was
so scary, but I felt like I wasdying.
(22:40):
My body was collapsing on me.
Oh, and the weirdest thing is Iwould have panic attacks, I
never had panic attacks before.
I always looked at people withpanic attacks as weak people
who.
Just were dramatic.
Well, I turned into that weakperson who was overly dramatic
(23:01):
because I was doing myleadership development meetings,
and when I would go, the roomwas full.
There was sound systems, therewere, um, people everywhere.
Well, I realized that sitting inthat room around people caused
major anxiety in me, and it woreme down even faster.
(23:23):
And, the idea of having peopleall around me freaked me out,
and I eventually turned into ahyperventilating panic attack
survivor trying to figure outwhat the heck is happening to my
body.
But I couldn't let go.
(23:43):
The hustle mentality.
I was not going to quit becausemy mindset is you just work
through it.
You just push through, pushthrough, push through.
It'll get better.
Well, I was at a conference outof state and someone dropped a
freaking phone on top of my headand that threw me into a full
(24:03):
blown panic attack.
Hyperventilating my vision, wentinto a pinprick, and all I could
do was focus on my, my breathingand my heart rate.
'cause my heart rate went outtacontrol every time this
happened.
And it got so bad.
It wasn't just in in large roomswith echoing sound and anything
like that.
(24:23):
It was any time a client said,Hey, I only have this much time.
Can you get me in and out thisquickly?
Well, that sent me intohyperdrive of freaking out
because my brain wasn'tprocessing very well.
All I prayed was that no onewanted to change their hair
color'cause I wasn't sure if mybrain could process everything
(24:43):
it needed to process toformulate a color.
And, I realized at that point inmy career, in my health that it
was very, very good that I hadthat core memory of cutting
hair.
And the experience I had to getme to almost autopilot, to do
these haircuts, to apply thecolor, to step by step, survive
(25:09):
moment by moment because.
Yeah, there wasn't much going onin my brain because I couldn't
focus, I couldn't focus on myfinances.
I couldn't focus on much.
It was pretty bad.
But I was still homeschooling mydaughter as much as I could,
which had decreased a lotbecause of the exhaustion level
in my body.
(25:29):
And I was working constantly andit was trying to do everything.
And there was a point where Ihad to.
Get my mind wrapped aroundwhat's gonna happen to my
daughter if I don't survivethis?
Because I legitimately thoughtmy body was giving out on me
(25:51):
because when something happened,even a loud noise in the salon,
someone, we, we had a client inthe salon that was not my own,
but she had a very loud laugh,almost a bark like laugh and.
If she came in while I wasworking in this state that I was
(26:11):
in, it would send me into apanic attack.
The panic attack would crash, myblood sugar, which would give me
a horrendous migraine and makeme even more tired.
And then I was shaky, so I'mtrying to stand still while I'm
covered in sweat.
My horrible migraines areblinding me and crushing me and.
(26:33):
I'm still working.
I'm still doing this.
I might just be looking out of aslit in my eyes to survive, but
it's okay.
I'm working.
The hustle is happening.
I am earning my money.
I am taking care of my clients.
Everything is working.
And then one day my mom comeshome from church and she said,
you've gotta turn on this radiostation.
(26:55):
I'm listening to this doctor.
Talk about everything thatyou're dealing with.
You've gotta listen to it.
So, I was pretty much comatoseon the couch because after a
night of not sleeping, I'm stillexhausted, so I was sleeping on
a different spot, the couch.
So she turns on the radio in thehouse and I start listening, and
then it's over.
So she has to tell me about thesymptoms this person on the
(27:19):
radio show was talking about andwhat this doctor, thankfully in
St.
Louis.
Was talking about, there was aname, there was a reason for it
to do this, and there was a wayto fix it.
So said, she said, you reallyneed to call them and make an
appointment and get this figuredout because you, you need to
find an answer.
(27:40):
Because I knew at that point ifI went to a normal doctor.
I was going to be onantidepressants because everyone
was saying you're just having ahard time dealing with cancer.
I was, but it was more of thedepression from feeling my body
giving out on me and not havinga clue on my blood sugar.
(28:04):
They would probably have to putme on something'cause my blood
sugar crashed constantly.
My hormones were outta control.
And guess what?
My thyroid was also outtacontrol.
Do you know all those things arecontrolled together with the
adrenal system.
So I make this appointment forthis.
He's actually a, functionaldoctor who's a chiropractor and.
(28:29):
So we go in there and I have tofill out four pages of questions
before I go in.
So I'm there for theconsultation.
My mom's in the room with mebecause again, my brain doesn't
process well.
So having someone flat out askme questions, sometimes there's
nothing that comes out my mouthbecause it's in buffering mode
(28:50):
pretty much.
So I go into the room and hegoes over my notes and he's
like, oh yeah, okay.
So he goes over my symptoms andstuff like that.
And he was like, oh, okay.
So let me ask you a question.
So do you have, are your handsand feet cold, but the core of
your body is hot?
(29:11):
It's like, yeah, actually allthe time.
And he was like, okay.
And.
There was something else heasked and he was like, oh, okay.
You have parasympatheticoverload.
I'm like, what the heck doesthat mean?
What does a para what?
So again, brain, not computing.
(29:31):
So he breaks it down.
He said, pretty much your bodyis trapped on the gas pedal.
And what happens whenever, ifthe gas pedal is down, you're in
fight or flight.
And in that it makes youradrenal glands overproduce.
So in a normal situation, if ourbody feels like it's in danger,
(29:54):
it sends adrenaline to you andit either makes you run or you
fight.
Well, my body was trapped inthat for at least a year.
And later on when my brainstarted functioning again, I
realized I was actually in thatfight or flight for a lot
longer.
From doing everything, thepressure of everything, trying
(30:16):
to get it all done, get it allaccomplished, was slowly
draining my body.
Of adrenaline, my adrenal systemcould not keep up, so he set
sets me up on this program ofhow to get my vagus nerve to
calm down and to get the gaspedal unstuck on the floor of my
(30:38):
body.
So I have to go there twice aweek.
Well, the problem was my braindid not work well enough for me
to have the, um, mental abilityto drive in St.
Louis traffic.
I was an hour away from my home.
I had barely enough money tocover bills, but I had to make
(30:59):
it happen so I could get my bodyfixed.
So twice a week.
My mom, who had retired at thatpoint, so she had money coming
in wasn't a lot, but it wasstill, finances were a little
bit more stable in the home.
And she's driving me to theoffice in South St.
Louis.
Twice a week.
So he's adjusting me.
(31:19):
He's stimulating my vagus nerve.
He's working on stuff.
So through the years of going toNepute wellness, it put my life
slowly back in order.
Slowly.
I could actually sleep throughthe night because he put me on
magnesium.
Magnesium, your body soaks upbecause that's what it needs
(31:41):
whenever it's under stress.
Well, I've been under stress forso long.
I didn't know what life withoutstress actually felt like
anymore.
So once I got enough magnesiumin my body, my body could
balance it out a little bit.
I could actually get some sleepfor a few hours.
I.
And then I was very low onvitamin D, so he put me on
(32:04):
vitamin D supplements and thatstarted helping a little bit.
And the biggest thing thatactually happened to me is when
he had, a system there, I thinkit's called SRT.
To me it was the brain process.
It was, it was this machinethat, it was all on the iPad,
(32:25):
it's all recordings.
You had.
Headphones that you put on andit had goggles, pretty much
sunglasses that put on that hadlight therapy in it.
So it's flashing light dependingon what is, what program you
process that you wanna be on.
So pretty much he put me on PTSDtreatment.
(32:48):
So because of the traumaticsurgery.
He had to get me through thisprocess of reprogramming my
subconscious mind.
So last week I was talking aboutmy subconscious mind, and that
is what told me constantly Iwasn't good enough.
I wasn't worth enough because Iwas trapped in the thinking of
(33:11):
my limited belief.
So in this system, it'sreprogramming how I handle
things.
It takes the pressure off.
It's trying to take the negativeimages and feelings from that
procedure and whatever elsehappened in my life, it
decreases it.
(33:31):
So it's helping my body recoveritself through my subconscious
mind.
And it takes quite a while, butall of a sudden I can go to work
'cause I actually had a goodnight's sleep the night before
and.
I can actually stand.
I'm not covered in sweatconstantly.
My panic attacks were still ahuge thing, but it was also a
(33:53):
mental thing that I had toprocess.
I had to learn whenever my bodywas getting overstimulated by
something that I needed to takea step either out of the echo of
the speakers, out of the sound,echoing through the building.
I had to step outside.
I had to focus on my breathingbecause do you realize that when
(34:14):
you're under stress, sometimesyou forget to breathe?
Who knew I didn't because I hadto relearn.
I literally had to teach myselfhow to breathe slower.
When you're in panic mode, youtake quick.
Shallow breaths.
I had to relearn how to use mydiaphragm back to my singing
(34:35):
days and learn how to breathedeeper into my abdomen, not just
shallow breaths in the top ofthe lungs.
So I had to learn how to handlestress.
I had to learn how to breathe.
I had to learn how to calm mysubconscious mind and my stress
reactor.
And it helped over the years ofhim changing up the supplements
(34:58):
and the vitamins that I wastaking, nothing was
pharmaceuticals.
Everything was vitamins andsupplements that he prescribed
that slowly but surely startedhelping me recover.
I could actually walk outsideagain and not hyperventilate.
I could actually slowly get mythinking clear again because I
(35:19):
used to read.
Three books at a time.
I could switch from aneducational one, a fun one, and
a system one on leadership orlearning or growing, and I had
no problem overlapping themthrough this.
It was like my brain could notabsorb anything.
I could read it and I couldalmost feel it going in one ear
(35:43):
and out the other because it wasnot sinking in.
So that was very hard for me.
All of this was a huge struggleand it took me off my path for
years because I had to take astep back.
I had to literally let go ofthings one at a time because I
(36:05):
couldn't handle everything.
I had to let go of the hustlementality, and that was a hard
one for me.
I couldn't quit my job becausethis is my livelihood.
I wasn't going to quithomeschooling my daughter
because I felt like it was thebest thing for her and me, and I
had to let go of my leadershipdevelopment business because as
(36:26):
much as it helped and made megrow into the person that I am
now, I also had to understandthat it wasn't helping me.
It was actually.
Causing more panic attacks andmore.
It was causing more anxiety.
I found these wonderful powderedmagnesium packets that I could
add into water to help me comedown off of the panic attack.
(36:51):
And it was amazing, but it wascausing more trauma by
continuing going into themeeting rooms.
It was causing me more problems,getting these beautiful books
that I could not consume becausemy brain couldn't absorb it
anymore.
It was very sad.
It was very hard on me toacknowledge the weakness that I
(37:11):
have been dealt.
So I let go of my leadershipdevelop development business.
I let go of the outsideactivities as much as I could
because I couldn't do everythinganymore.
And that was a very hard thingfor me to acknowledge.
So through the years, I'vegotten much better.
(37:33):
I still have to be carefulbecause I don't feel when my
body is being overloaded withstress anymore.
But having that journey through,Dr.
Eric, his knowledge has beenlife changing for me.
It's put me back on track.
I have full brain power again.
I have my energy back.
I can read books and have zeroproblems.
I can consume everything again.
(37:54):
So it is, it feels like amiracle to me.
But my biggest lesson is I hadto let go of my hustle
mentality.
And it's just recently you'restarting to hear people talk
about how you can't stay inhustle mode for a long time.
You have to do it in sprints,short hustle modes.
You get where you need to be,take a step back.
(38:16):
Relax, focus on just buildingwithout the hustle.
So it's kind of like a child howthey, they bulk up and then they
shoot up.
You bulk up and you shoot up.
So it's one of those, you hustleto build something, you're very
focused, you're very driven, andthen you take a step back and
you solidify everything.
You make sure it's nice andsolid, and then you can step for
(38:39):
forward into the hustle mode ifyou have to again.
And that's kind of where I'velived since that drop of health
in there.
So my suggestion to everyonewho's building and growing limit
your hustle.
You work your heney off whenyou're in hustle mode, but you
put a time limit to it.
(39:00):
You set a goal, do you hit thatgoal?
And then you take a step back,make sure that your body can
recover.
You focus on making it nice andsolid and secure.
And then when you're ready forthe next goal, then you can
hustle mentality for a whilethen to.
You are not supposed to live inhustle mentality for your whole
life.
That's not sustainable.
(39:20):
You will have problems with yourhealth through there to make
sure you have a balance.
And that is pretty much what Ifeel driven to tell you guys is
yes, there's a lot of hurdles inthe middle, but life is unsure.
You never know what's gonna comeand get you.
So plan accordingly.
Be careful and take care ofyourself.
(39:41):
Have a great week.
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