October 15, 2024 • 58 mins
"Join a cult related time? Do they have cupcakes? Sign me up!"
Host - CJ Rhone
Producer - Nuqady
Guest - Anita
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello again, you dingus.
(00:03):
It's that time of year and you know what that means.
It means this is definitely not spooky.
The podcast where we create stories and they're definitely, probably not spooky.
I'm your host CJ, and I'm joined by my producer, Nuckety.
Seven days.
Today we have a very spooky guest.
(00:24):
We have Anita.
Thank you for joining us, Anita.
I don't know what this is.
She's nodding. She's nodding.
She's saving all her spooky energy.
It's an audio meeting.
This episode is exciting.
Thank you, Anita, for joining us.
I don't know what this is, but it's definitely not spooky.
(01:05):
If this is your first time listening, this is pretty much how everything works.
We are amazing storytellers and it's our job, our sacred duty to come up with a story completely from scratch with a little twist.
We have a series of wheels we're going to spin, each of them random.
And depending on where they end up, we have to somehow incorporate it into our story.
Somehow.
It's a little different this time.
(01:26):
We're in spooky season, so we're going to forego the genre to do an antagonist that's going to be a spooky monster yet to be revealed.
Today we have Anita joining us.
Anita, thank you so much for being here.
Like, this is your first time doing a podcast?
Yeah.
Can you get a little closer to your microphone?
Oh, God.
This is your first time doing a podcast?
(01:47):
Yes.
That is incredible.
What did you have for lunch?
Chicken teriyaki without the teriyaki sauce.
Oh, snap.
Chicken and rice.
Yeah, I don't like sauce, and teriyaki sauce is sweet.
It's gross.
And it wasn't touching either.
It sure as fuck was not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow. Well, thank you again for joining us.
I know Nuckety likes to break the ice with a usually very difficult icebreaker.
No pressure.
(02:08):
No, no, no.
This is easy for you.
It's not.
It's not going to be easy.
Anita, hey.
Hey.
Hey, how you doing?
I'm OK.
How are you?
I'm OK.
I'm a little tired.
Hey, to the best of your ability, could you do me a favor?
Could you hum the theme song to Nightmare on Elm Street?
I absolutely cannot.
Can you do your best to try?
(02:30):
I can't.
You can do it.
So let me show you something.
But I only watched it, like, a couple times because Micah liked it.
No, no, Nightmare on Elm Street.
Oh, yeah.
Holy fuck.
You're shit.
I'm so nervous I missed it.
Nightmare on Elm Street is your shit?
It is.
OK.
But I cannot.
Go ahead, give it a shot.
I don't actually have no idea how it sounds.
(02:51):
I'm not humming anything.
Just like do, do, do, do, do.
I'm not humming.
Oh, my God.
You can do this.
I think we're going to have to flip it on you, Nuckety, what's it sound like?
Fine.
It goes...
Do, do, do, do, do.
Do, do, do, do.
(03:14):
Give it up for Nuckety this time, guys.
Give it up for Nuckety.
Yay.
Wow.
That's Nightmare on Elm Street.
Oh, was that accurate?
If that is it.
I'm going to say no.
You're going to say no?
I'm going to say no.
I can't.
Almost got her with that one.
So close.
(03:35):
Well hey, I have some questions for you, Anita.
I have some questions.
I hear that you like Nightmare on Elm Street.
Yeah, I hear you're an avid fan of the Freddy Krueger franchise.
Can you tell us more about that?
Why do you like that?
So the why?
Yeah, like what is it?
It sounds crazy.
I used to have, when I was a kid, I used to have dreams about him and he was always in
(03:58):
my dreams.
I had friends.
Freddy Krueger?
Yeah.
The Krug's?
I wouldn't do anything crazy, but I would definitely watch him like, you know, doing
stuff to other people.
His whole thing?
Yeah, you know, that's just what he does.
Never touch me, like, oh shit, not the way people think.
Didn't kill me or anything, like we were besties.
(04:18):
And it just like, I don't know.
Wait, so you were besties with Freddy Krueger in your dreams?
Yes.
So it was all good.
Oh wow.
That was like my best friend.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it's been so long.
It's been a long, long time.
Would you welcome it if it happened again?
Absolutely.
Nice.
You miss your buddy?
What's like the coolest thing that you remember from your dreams?
(04:41):
Like I said, sounds fucking stupid.
Literally just like walking, like seeing our shadows, long ass shadows down like a street
with the lights and just walking.
Just like having a merry time?
Yeah.
Were you all skipping and stuff?
Probably.
That's amazing.
Who knew Freddy was such a cool down to earth guy, man?
He's really funny.
(05:02):
Like I don't, I know he probably shouldn't have killed a lot of people, but like he's
fucking funny.
Yeah.
Funny guy.
Sorry, Johnny Depp.
Who would win in a fight, Freddy Krueger or Deadpool?
I'm just going to say Freddy.
Oh wow.
Dedicated.
Absolutely.
Is that your man?
Is that your man?
That was my best friend growing up.
Okay.
Yeah.
Wow.
(05:23):
All right.
Freddy Krueger, shout out.
Um, well we don't have a sponsor today, but we do have a spooky sponsor.
Gosh, that's, that's cool.
Right guys?
Gosh, gosh.
Dang it.
This is so cool.
Gosh.
Well, why don't we spin that spooky sponsor?
See who we're sponsored by today.
Yeah.
Okay.
He's scared.
He's scared.
He's scared of the wheel.
(05:43):
Today's episode is brought to you by Broken Glass.
This episode is proudly sponsored by Broken Glass.
Um, scary.
Am I right?
Um, you know, usually when I see Broken Glass, uh, yeah, usually when I see it everywhere,
someone broken into my car.
Um, not really spooky.
(06:03):
That was a rough day.
Just more, you know, unfortunate.
Um, yeah.
Yeah.
Broken Glass.
I mean, okay.
It's also a staple in scary movies, I guess, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, they use it to stab the killer.
Unrealistic.
And then they run away for some reason.
I don't know why they do that.
Very unrealistic.
If you got them down, just keep stabbing.
I don't, I don't get it.
(06:24):
Right.
Anita, what would you do if you were chased by a killer and you saw some broken glass?
Would you, would you use that realistically?
No.
You wouldn't use it?
No.
What would you do?
I'd keep running.
I don't even get close enough to kill spiders.
Like, uh, uh-uh.
None of that?
If I had a gun, I'd use that.
Okay.
More than likely, that's not going to be right there.
What if there's a gun that shoots broken glass?
I would still use that.
(06:44):
Yeah.
You ever rolled around in broken glass?
Are you asking me?
Yeah.
No, no.
Anita, what about you?
No.
Um, I just, I'm just doing a sanity check.
I want to make sure we're pansies over here, man.
I'm just doing a sanity check.
I'm glad you guys haven't done that.
Um, but yeah, we're sponsored by broken glass, you know, all over the floor, all over the
(07:04):
church chapel, all over the seats, scary stuff, guys.
Thank you so much for sponsoring us.
Wow.
Broken glass.
What a great sponsor.
It was.
I'm so blessed.
Hashtag blessed.
Um, what is your weapon of choice if you're chased by a murderer?
Is it a gun?
It's always going to be a gun.
Cause it, cause, cause it's far away.
Yeah.
(07:25):
But what if they're close?
And I don't have aim.
So that's like the safest thing.
You don't see so great.
So I know, but it's like, you just won't wear the glasses.
Okay.
I got a scenario for you.
Okay.
You're, you're, you're, you're in the bathroom, you're brushing your teeth.
You go to spit in the sink and you look up in the mirror right behind you is Jason, that
motherfucker.
And he's got a machete about to chop your head off.
(07:47):
What are you doing?
Probably slide under his legs.
Whoa.
Sliding under.
Yeah.
Okay.
Going forward is going to do what?
I'm going to die.
Stand there and die.
Okay.
Okay.
And then it hasn't been down so good.
So, and then what are you doing?
If I'm in my house, I'm running down the stairs.
Okay.
I'm going down another set of stairs and I'm out.
Okay.
I'm talking about, wow.
That's a short movie.
(08:07):
That's a very short movie.
Movie's done.
That's the end.
You know, they never use cell phones in scary movies.
No.
They never work.
They never work.
They're always at a reception.
You can't be able to contact your loved ones.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
I think I'd probably die in that situation.
If Jason came?
Yeah.
(08:28):
I mean, I would try to reason my way out of it.
Like, hey, what are you doing here, buddy?
Whack.
You can turn on the shower.
Yeah.
Oh, the seat.
I don't really know if you can, you know.
I'm going to be honest.
Like, hacking someone in the shower is a bitch ass move.
Like, okay, you're a killer.
You're scary, whatever, but you're going to attack someone in the shower.
Listen, I, that has always been, I don't like being naked in general.
(08:50):
I feel very vulnerable when I'm naked.
So in my bathroom, there's weapons all over the place.
For real?
Yeah.
Oh wow.
I'm not joking.
Like, nobody's running up on me when I'm naked.
I didn't really mean to attack somebody in the shower.
I was still thinking about Jason.
Oh, you're thinking of Jason.
Yeah.
Turn on the water.
If Jason came after me, he'd kill me, but I'm going out like Busta Rhymes and I'm, because
(09:11):
I'm fighting back.
Busta Rhymes is still alive.
No, in the, oh my God, in Halloween H2O, when he fought Michael Myers, he come forward his
ass.
He still died, but he tried.
Oh yeah, no.
Yeah, let's shout out Busta Rhymes.
Anita, what is the scariest, what's your first spook?
No wait.
What's your, oh.
(09:31):
I'm sorry, spoiler alert, he didn't die.
Busta Rhymes didn't die?
He didn't die.
Did the black guy in the scary movie did not die?
No.
Oh.
Oh, Coldplay didn't die.
Was that a scary movie?
What?
Deep Blue Sea?
Yeah.
I guess so.
I guess it's a horror movie.
Deep Blue Sea.
Deep Blue Sea with the sharks?
I didn't see that one.
What?
Oh, people are so scared of sharks.
(09:52):
When his hat was like a shark's fin?
I didn't see that one.
Samuel Jackson was in it.
It's fine.
Uh-uh, I didn't see it.
Yeah, there's like an underwater lab that it's like hundreds of liters down in, liters?
Leagues, hundreds of leagues down and the fucking sharks are like super smart and they break
into it.
Because of that stupid doctor lady.
Yeah, what a bitch.
Wow.
(10:13):
She was stupid.
She was wise, that's pretty good.
I don't know why sharks are so scary to people.
Just get out of the water.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah, these sharks were smart though.
They could swim backwards.
Did they have legs?
No, no.
They had big ass brains.
Yeah, she was doing tests and stuff on them and giving them stuff.
Like, they were super smart.
Wow, smart sharks sound scary actually.
(10:34):
Yeah, yeah, it was pretty scary.
Anita, what's the scariest monster or like what's like the first scary thing that you
remember or one that's still like you that you're like, oh fuck no.
I don't get scared easily.
It's some, it's more like some mind fucked up shit that I'll never watch again.
Oh.
(10:54):
The game?
No.
So, Cannibal Holocaust is one.
Oh man, the fucking, that Serbian bullshit.
Serbian.
It's like a Serbian film or something like, yeah.
Yeah, it's literally the name is like a Serbian.
It's some, like everybody will tell you not to watch it.
So we're seeing they've seen whatever, but they don't, there's things in there they didn't
(11:16):
explain.
Yeah, they don't tell you shit.
I can watch a lot of things that I'm just like damn, but that movie I was like fuck.
Oh shit.
Like it was really hard to watch.
So that's not one to bring the kids to?
Absolutely the fuck not.
Popcorn.
You know, neither is Cannibal Holocaust.
Have you seen that one?
I mean, no, but.
So that one, they got put under investigation because they made it look so real.
(11:38):
Oh.
They didn't get in trouble for the turtle.
Yeah, they murdered animals and shit.
It was fucking nuts.
But like because of how old that movie was, there was no way in that time that they thought
like they could have faked that shit.
Yeah, but the way that they was killing people, they like, the FBI was like, hey, these guys
really killed these people.
And we gotta, like it was wild.
(11:58):
I guess you're doing a great job in the scary department.
That is the highest compliment you could possibly get.
Being legitimately investigated.
Wow.
Okay.
Well, those are two movies I will not watch.
Thank you.
Ever.
Ever.
I'll watch them again.
Oh, you're insane.
Are you fucking serious?
Yeah, I got problems.
Oh boy.
Don't worry about me.
Oh my God.
(12:19):
Well, why don't we get started with this spooky spot?
Just doing a little scat guys.
Why don't we get started with this spooky podcast guys?
Are you feeling good about that?
I'm feeling good.
How you feeling Anita?
My heart is racing.
Your heart is racing?
It's good.
It's good.
It's about to get real scary.
Just kidding.
I'm going to need a lot of help.
I'm not a scary guy.
(12:39):
So any assistance from Nuckety or Anita, please help me.
Our first wheel is our character job.
Our first job is our first wheel.
It's our character job.
Sorry, I am not using my brain.
We're for going.
Hey, could you use your brain?
Oh, why didn't I do that?
(13:00):
The first wheel we're for going.
We're not doing the genre wheel.
God damn it.
I think I'm like, wait, not today.
He can't be worse than me and even that's what I'm saying.
Like, come on, it's definitely not good.
We're for going the genre wheel because we know we're doing a spooky.
It's a spooky.
(13:20):
So our first wheel is going to be the setting.
Where are we taking place in our story?
The end of time.
Come on, that's not scary.
I mean, it might be.
We can make it scary.
I feel like we're going psychological thriller now.
(13:41):
I guess.
All right.
I guess there's like existential scariness of like the end of time, end of existence.
That could be a little scary.
There's a scary movie about a time machine.
That's a scary movie.
It's called Time Machine.
Is it called Time Machine?
Time travel is not scary.
A scary movie about a time machine.
Yeah, it's about a time machine.
(14:02):
It's like an apartment.
These people in an apartment complex and one of the dudes who's living there builds a time
machine and then he dies and then a bunch of shit happens.
It's crazy.
Wow.
Very scary.
Our next wheel is our character job.
What's the job of the main character?
No, no please.
He's fine.
(14:23):
Trash collector.
Trash collector?
Yeah.
Collecting trash.
Collecting trash.
All right.
I mean you probably see some scary stuff if you're collecting trash.
Some spooky shit.
Yeah.
Anita, any thoughts yet?
How you doing over there?
Are you putting them together?
We're putting it all together.
All together.
End of the world.
Okay.
Yeah.
We'll see what we got.
Our next wheel is our character flaw.
(14:44):
Something is wrong with this trash collector.
What's wrong with the trash collector?
What is it?
Let's spin it.
Spin it.
What's your favorite spelling?
It's a bag.
They're bad with computers.
That's a relatable one I think.
A lot of people are bad with computers.
Bad with computers.
I mean if you're collecting trash you're probably not that great at computers.
Probably not.
Otherwise you build a robot to do it for you.
Right.
Yeah.
I would think.
Right.
Are you good with computers?
(15:05):
Yeah.
You use a computer at your job?
We use tablets.
Tablets.
Oh even fancier.
I hate it.
You don't like tablets?
No.
How come?
Because I have to type a lot and doing this is so hard.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I don't like it.
(15:26):
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
There we go.
That's a lot.
Doing this is not fun.
That's legitimate.
Are you a good typist otherwise?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well that helps.
How many words per minute can you type?
I don't remember.
(15:47):
I had to take a typing test and a spelling test for the job that I have.
It's been a minute.
I passed it.
monster. A spooky antagonist. What do we have? I don't know why this one spins for long.
I gotta fix it. It's been so long. It's still spinning. Wow. A slasher. A slasher is the
antagonist. Yep. Okay. Yep. A slasher. So to recap, our setting is the end of time.
(16:14):
The main character is a trash collector. And the flaw with this trash collector is they're
not good with computers. They're not good with computers. They're not good with computers.
And lastly, there is a slasher involved with this story. Yeah, there's a slasher coming.
So I think I have ideas. You have ideas? Yeah. Please tell me. Yeah. So like I said, a psychological
(16:36):
thriller with the end of time thing. So it's not really the end of time, but there's like
a cult that thinks it's the end of time. Oh. There we go. And maybe this trash collector
is picking up from the cult. Oh. And then he gets sucked into some hijinks, you know?
Okay. Well, Anita, would you be interested in playing our trash collector today? Yeah,
(16:58):
you want to do it? I believe in you. Fingers crossed. You can do this. Um, could it be
like, I don't know. Yeah, you can say no, that's fine. No, you can't yet say yes. We
could have you play a different character if you'd prefer. With the small part. You
want a small part? All right. You're playing the slasher. Okay. Not gonna leave play our
(17:18):
trash collector today. Fine. Okay. Um, your name is Devin Devin. Let's talk about Devin
a little bit. So, um, he's not good with computers. He is collecting trash at this cult or just
this neighborhood. We'll say it's Tuck Willow, Tuck Willow, Washington guys, the Quilla
Cleanington. Yeah. And, um, you know, goal wise, I think he just wants to live. I think
(17:45):
he just wants to go about his day and make money and not deal with anything crazy. He
wants to just have a normal life, right? Yeah. Yeah. He's just, you know, he's trying to
get by. He's, you know, doing, doing his job and going to fuck home. That's his thing.
So making his money and get the fuck out. You know what I mean? So this first, this
first scene, we're going to have a knock, knock, knock on big, large cathedral doors.
(18:09):
This is the church of time. Oh, in space, time and space, time and space. And the door
slowly opens and inside is a priestess, which is played by Anita. Um, priestess, freaking,
how did that happen? Freaking priestess. Zelda? No, that's taken. Um, priestess. Cardi. Princess
(18:41):
Cardi. You like that? No, no, I don't like that either. Bluebee. Hmm. Princess, priestess
blueberry. Priestess blueberry. So yes, you open the door and priestess blueberry. We'll
just call her blue. Um, and, uh, she is in blue garb. You know, it's crazy. That's not
(19:04):
going to work for me. What is that? I changed my mind from earlier. I'm so sorry. Oh yeah.
Besides those two movies, the fifth element. Have you seen that? I have. Yeah. Blue bitch
used to give me fucking nightmares. I knew this about you. I completely forgot about
that shit until he saw, I kept hearing blue and I'm like, no, I'm sorry. That's fantastic.
(19:24):
What about, okay, we're putting a pause. What about the blue opera singer? Is it because
they dug into her? I don't know. It's her. Like I wasn't, I wasn't like devastated when
she died. I just just never seen anything like that. I don't know. I'm, she's just,
she's not it. And then, you know, government is openly admitting to aliens now, as long
(19:48):
as they don't look like her. I don't care. Um, yes, yes. I did hear that. What are your
thoughts about that? I knew it. You knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Very good. I'm not surprised.
Uh, yeah, they said, they said they know that they know they're here. They've seen them.
They don't know what they want, but they know they're here and they're watching us. You
(20:10):
know, what's crazy is I'm pretty sure aliens can look like humans. I'm pretty sure they
can. You just don't know if they're aliens or not. I could be an alien. You sure could.
Maybe I'm just fucking with everyone and I'm doing a podcast, you know, no real human
could be that goddamn handsome. Oh, shucks, man. Come on. No, no, no. Back to this podcast.
How's priestess red? That's fine. Okay. Is that, is red your favorite color? No. What's
(20:33):
your favorite color? Teal. Priestess, priestess teal. Priestess teal. Um, so you're here to
collect garbage and priestess enters or enters the door. Uh, knock, knock, knock. Knock. Is
any, is anybody, is anybody here? I'm here to pick up your trash. Hello. Hello. Is anybody
home? Hey, hi. Hey, uh, I didn't, you can't sneak up on me like that. Okay. I just got
(20:58):
out of crop McGough. I'm pretty tense. All right. So, uh, yeah, I'm, I'm looking for
your trash. It's not outside where it's supposed to be. And then you hear shuffling and then
like a very short man with really big eyes. You can't talk to the priestess that way.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Priestess teal. Priestess teal. I'm so sorry. You don't talk to these
humans. You're not supposed to answer the doors. You don't know what's out there. Uh,
(21:21):
sir, how can I help you? Uh, yeah. You smell like trash. Smell like trash. Yeah. I'm the
trash man. You got mud all over your feet. What do you want? I'm just here to pick up
y'all's garbage. Uh, take it away. You know, oh, you're the trash guy. I'm actually doing
you a favor. So you want to lower your fucking tone. That's okay. Well, you know, it just,
we're really amped up. We got a, we got a ritual going on. Um, you ever heard of the
(21:43):
cult of time before the cult of time? No, no. What's that? Uh, priestess, you want to
tell them about it? She's a real shy. Actually. Yeah. She seems bashful. Actually. This is
a better conversation for it. Listen. Okay. Listen, listen, I know you're collecting trash
and you're a busy guy, but you have to hear us out this. We're not a cult. This is a church
(22:04):
of time. You like time, right? We all like time. Yeah. I like time. I mean, you don't
want to use the word. The priest, the priestess, priestess Teal is our savior. She only speaks
when it's time. Oh, you get it? That's why she's not saying anything. I see. Okay. So
that makes sense. So come on in and help you go ahead and collect the trash, but do stay
(22:25):
for our service. Cause it's going to be here in 30. No, no. Oh my God. It's coming in 10
minutes. I'm so excited. Come on in, come on in. He grabs your arm and pulls you in.
Oh, boundaries, man. So let's, let's talk about this church. What does this church look
like? This is, this is your cult by the way. Yeah. Sorry. Sometimes it just happened. You
(22:47):
know, you're a coat leader, Harry. Yeah. Tell us about it. What do you picture when you
picture a coat while she's thinking, I want to talk about what's happening. So this little
guy, by the way, my name is Melvin Melvin and your name is what? Darryl was it Darryl?
Devin Devin on your name tag. Are you a liar? No, that was my middle name. I just, sometimes
(23:12):
I go by Darryl. Okay. Our thing is if you lie three times, get the time thing right.
Then we have to kill you. But like your guests, so we won't do it. We'll give you an extra
pass. He starts looking around for the door. He can't find it. It's a joke. It's a joke.
Right. Right. Right. Priestess. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, so this is our break room. We have
snacks. We have cupcakes. They're time themed hourglasses on top. I made them myself. Actually
(23:37):
those look pretty good. Can I? In due time. It's not time yet. It's a cupcake time and
look at that. Okay. We got eight minutes now. He's obsessed with time. Oh, give me, give
me one. Don't go anywhere. I swear. I'll cut your head off. Don't go anywhere. Okay. Okay.
He walks off and Devin's like frantically looking for a way out. You hear the lock on the other
(24:01):
side of the door, locked in. Priestess what? I know you can't talk, but maybe you can help
me out here. Um, are we looking for a sacrifice or our ritual? Do we have one yet? Yes. Yes.
Okay. Okay. Uh, what do you think of this trash man? Do you think he'll do? Yes. Yes.
Um, how, how much, okay. Can you, can you, can you explain the ritual to me again? Cause
(24:25):
I kind of forgot. I'm it's been a while. Um, I know you stab them. I know we're all supposed
to say hail time. Time is infinite. Blah, blah, blah. And if we don't kill them, then
like time ends and stuff. So like, what can you, can you explain like the ritual, how
it works again? Not, oh, I forgot that you can't talk until it's time. It's a secret.
Oh God. Okay. God, I'm so excited for this. Um, okay. Uh, Hey Devin, I'm, yeah, I'm going
(24:51):
to use the pooper scooper. Okay. We don't have a toilet. We have a place to scoop, um,
our poop. Um, I'm going to let you two talk and get to know each other. Devin, I know
you have lots of questions about this church. So yeah. Like where's the door? Yeah. Uh,
door. What are you talking about? We just came in through a door and now it's gone.
I can't find where's the door. How do I get out of here? Oh yeah. It's easy. Um, there's
(25:14):
actually a computer right over there. You just log into the terminal. You use either
your Facebook or your Gmail account. Facebook, you know, Gmail. Yeah. I don't, I don't really
do. I don't, I don't really have one of those. Uh, Oh, well, I mean, like a, like a key or
something like a, like a physical key. Yeah. Like a, like a, well, we're kind of new age
here at time, time church. So like you can, optionally you can create an account at time
(25:38):
church create an account. Right. So you would, you would create an email, something like
Devin, uh, ultimate sacrifice at time church. What was that last part? Devin at time church
dot com. Um, okay. And, um, then you can log in through that and then you can go in and
out. It's please. Okay. Um, sound good. So I'm going to let you two talk. I gotta go
(26:01):
hit the hit the pooper scooper real quick. I got to poop some scoop at poop some, huh?
I'm really craving those cupcakes. I got to poop and then I scoop it out with my pooper
scooper. Okay. It's real gross. I'm going to go do that real quick. All right. You two
have fun. I got a cousin. You should give her a call. Hello. Hello priestess. She, I
(26:22):
want to describe her situation. So the priestess is, is shy, but she almost lives like in another
dimension. Like she's like, like she's just like not even looking at people. She's kind
of just in a way looking at time. She sees a whole timeline in front of her and everything
that was is and is going to be her eyeballs are white. Her eyeballs are white. And in
(26:46):
fact she's blind. She's a blind lady. She only sees time. Yeah. I don't know how she
answered the door, but, um, she used her time powers, time powers, reversed the last time
it got twisted and opened the knob. Yeah. She's a special lady. So, uh, what's, what's,
what's Devin doing? Devin is panicky and he's, he's taking his phone out. He has no reception
(27:10):
cause phones never work in these situations. And then, um, he's like, like I said something
about it. He, uh, he, something, what did he say about, he said, he, the door will open
when it's time. She spoke to me. Okay. Okay. Okay. Her voice is quite magical. She doesn't
speak very often, but it's like when you, when she does speak, you listen because it's,
(27:34):
it's the only thing you can hear. Yeah. Um, suddenly see that she brings a knife out from
underneath her garb and it's a very large knife, but it seems to be like a chef knife.
She kind of like very gently, uh, sharpens it with a tool sharpening it. And then there's
just this she's sharpening it. And, um, you see her put her hand down next to the cupcakes.
(28:01):
She grabs the knife and she just very slowly cuts the tip of her index finger off. Um,
are you okay? She says nothing. Oh geez. Okay. You don't really, you don't love talking with
her other hand. She picks up the finger and she eats it. Oh, hell no. There's a crunch.
(28:22):
Hell no. Cause the black guy always says, hell no, hell no. I gotta get out of here.
Uh, you motherfuckers is crazy. Dang. Sorry. This is meta, but I wish she should have put
it on top of the cupcake and then ate it. Dang. Why didn't I do that? I think she did.
Okay. I think that's what she did. Redcon, she took her top of her finger, she put it
on a cupcake and then she ate it. And she says, um, lady fingers. Um, what's
(28:46):
Devin doing at this point? I think he paid himself. Uh, just a little bit though. Just,
you know, a little, you know how sometimes when you go to the bathroom and you put your
stuff away and it, it, it wasn't all done and it kind of comes out a little bit more
that that he does that a little bit. Yeah. And he starts to cry, but only a little bit.
Just, just, just like a single tear comes rolling, rolling down his cheek. Yeah. And
(29:09):
he says, am I going to die in here? Yes. Would you like a cupcake? Uh, does it have to be
fingers on it? Yes. Then no, no, I, I'm good. I'm good on cupcakes. Uh, I would, I would
kiss finger. Yeah. You can, if you want. No, you take his finger. Oh, uh, the other guy.
Yeah. The little guy. Oh, um, you hear a flush. He says, Oh man, that pooper stupor was, Oh
(29:33):
man. Uh, Oh, are you already getting started with the ritual? My lady, what's going on?
He wants a cupcake. Oh, it's time. I don't like this. I don't like this at all. It's
time. Oh, Hey, let me show you a little bit more of our church. How's that sound? Uh,
is it, is, can you show me the outside of the church? And no, that's where all the trash
(29:54):
goes and there's still some, there's still some trash here too. Like, you know, there's
a trash can over there, a trash can in the pooper scooper area. And by our ritual area,
we also have a trash can there. It is so gross over there. It's a little priestess could
tell you, man. It's, it's gross. Oh man. So many figures, so many fingers, so much blood,
(30:16):
so much brains. Why so many brains priestess? I don't, I don't think braids is part of it.
Sorry. I'm getting into the ritual. They're not needed. They're not needed. They would
just have braids there for some reason. It's very strange. Like fish goods. Yeah. Well,
hey, uh, I don't want to blather on, but, uh, let's, let's, let's get going. Like, yeah,
it sounds good. Uh, okay. Just, you know, stay back and all. You look over, you look
(30:42):
over and the priestess is sharpening her knife again and she looks very lovingly at the knife
as it sharpens again. It's just ever so sharper. She's all smiling and shit. She don't blink.
Just those dead pale eyes left open like a fish. Yeah. Can you explain kind of like,
like more about her character? Like, like how tall is she? Six foot, maybe six foot
(31:06):
on the dot. So she could probably dunk. No, still doesn't have any. Yeah. It'd be like
that. Okay. Okay. Uh, what does her priestess outfit look like? Cause I'm, I'm kind of,
I'm kind of a dumb dude and I'm picturing like a wedding dress. That's teal. That's
also what I'm seeing. Right. But like, that's not, that's not what a priest is. Like what
is she wearing? A teal wedding dress. She has a long veil. It's very frilly. Um, what
(31:30):
else do priestesses wear? A head dress. She has a veil over her eyes, but you can still
see that, uh, she's blind and, uh, there's whites. It's very, she's, you know, she's
the priestess. So we're going to cut to, uh, the cathedral floor. Okay. Now this is, I
want you to picture like a grand cathedral, um, with like, uh, rows of benches and like,
(31:54):
uh, there's like a fancy word for these benches. What are they called? Pews. Thank you. Um,
and they all have books on each of them, uh, called the end of time. And in the very middle
you see like an altar and you see up on the stained glass, you see stained glass of the
priestess herself. And it's her holding a knife and also like a clock behind her. It's
(32:18):
very beautiful. She's standing in a puddle of blood. Yes. Um, and there is also, um,
in this right behind the pew, um, sorry, not the pew, but the altar is, um, a circle of
rose petals and also blood. Wowzers. Okay. A garbage can anywhere. Oh yeah. A garbage
cans right behind the altar. Um, aren't we supposed to be playing some music? Princess
(32:43):
this ritual organs. Oh right. Hey, um, what's her name? Uh, Fia. Hey Fia. Hey Fia, can you,
can you play some of that creepy organ music that you always play during the rituals? You
got it boss. No, no, no problem. Definitely. Like we're not doing a ritual right now, but
like, uh, thank you. Yeah. Oh, those sound great. That's so creepy. Oh, I know how to
(33:05):
play the organ. That's so good. Wow. Um, precesses that sound like wailing back and forth. That's
so good to you. Precess. No, no. What would you prefer that? Organs, better organs. Okay.
Um, hey, hey, Tom, Tom, go ahead and, um, um, kill Fia and, uh, bring your organs out.
(33:28):
He shoots her. No questions. She falls to the floor and two other, um, cultists come
out with knives and scoop her organs out of her stomach. Hands them to the priestess.
Will this do my priestess? Yes. Uh, sorry. Um, we had a little mix up with the organ
(33:49):
thing. Sometimes she wants organs. Sometimes she wants organs being played. It's pretty
funny. We have fun here. We have a lot of fun. He peed a lot more this time. Is there
a pee? I'm smelling pee. Yeah, that's me. Uh, can I go? I don't really want to be, I
don't really want to be in here. I don't, you know, you can keep your trash. I don't
even need the trash. Oh, no. I mean, we, we gotta, we gotta get this trash out, man. Like
there's one behind the altar. There's one in the back in the back electrical room, but
(34:13):
again, you do, I do recommend you get a, a, uh, an account, you know, you're going to
have to use your computer to like get in there and you want to sign up. How about, um, you
want to just, could you just make it up for me? Hey, Tom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can you go
and grab this trash man? Say this. So Tom and one other person grabbed Tom quickly and
(34:38):
put his arms behind them and they, they're holding them and the priestess walks up very
slowly to them. Do you want to get started priestess or should he create an account with
us first? Create an account. Oh yeah. Yeah. So, Hey trash man, um, listen, I'm going to
level with you. Um, we were going to kill you. I don't know if it was obvious or not,
(35:00):
but like, yeah, no, I figured it. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just like, here's the thing. Okay. Here's
the thing. Um, if we don't kill someone in, um, Oh God, it's like we're a minute late.
That's crazy. Um, so if we have 30 minutes or 29 minutes left, and if we don't kill someone
in 29 minutes for a ritual, then the end of time happens and the whole world explodes
and you don't want that. If you don't want that, Devin trash man, come on. So here's
(35:23):
the deal. Um, if you, you know, we are, we are going to kill you, but if you create an
account with us, then we'll find someone else and we won't kill you. Okay. Can I say that
computer? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Guys, guys, let them go. Let them go. He starts hitting buttons.
All right. Uh, we're going to give you like, uh, like five minutes, three, three minutes
to create an account. Um, again, you can use Facebook or Google to create your account.
(35:47):
It's a lot faster. You just click a button and then you would set an authorizer with
your phone. You have a phone, right? Uh, no, I don't, I don't have phone. What the fuck?
You don't have a cell phone. You don't have a smart priestess. He doesn't have a smartphone.
You don't even, you can't even look at the QR code to like the fuck man. Okay. You got,
you got two minutes. You got two minutes. Shit. This is fucking crazy. I got to use
that pooper scooper again, man. All right. I'm out of here. I gotta make this fucking
(36:10):
account. He starts pushing buttons and, uh, he orders a piece on accident and he's like,
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm going to
die. I don't know what I'm doing. We're going to take a short break and get right back to
this exhilarating story. Don't go anywhere.
(36:52):
Thank you for supporting us. And now let's get back to some definitely not good.
And we're back. We have another spooky sponsor.
Today's episode is brought to you by Black Scribbles.
(37:13):
Ah, this episode is proudly sponsored by Black Scribbles on the wall and on the floors and on the ceilings.
Uh, I need to work on my laugh. Sorry about that guys.
Usually children draw them and they're real creepy like, you know what I mean?
Yeah. Why do kids be drawing stuff, man?
Kids are fucking creeps.
They are creeps. You know, today I was at a bakery and I was eating a, uh, a bakery item.
(37:36):
It was like a croissant.
A croissant?
And I looked up and there was a fucking baby staring at me. I'm like, what the fuck are you looking at, baby?
Stop looking at me, baby.
Yeah.
Sometimes I get real aggressive like, hey baby, fuck you.
And then her mom will turn around, excuse me. And I'm like, hey, fuck you too, lady.
Bringing your baby out here.
What are your thoughts on, what are your thoughts on Black Scribblings and like spooky scribblings on the wall?
(38:01):
I have some at my house.
Really?
Yeah.
Do they creep you out?
I did at first, but I had like somebody look at the pictures I sent them and then explain the story that happened.
And I'm pretty sure one of them is a little girl because Violet talks and plays with the other person. Her voice fucking changes.
Oh, that's fun.
I had to walk in there because I was like, what the fuck? Like that kind of freaked me out.
(38:22):
But like those handprints going up my stairs, my boys aren't there and my daughter's not that tall and they're bigger than my hand.
And then there's like, I had to move my bed.
I have Freddie above my bed and had to move him too because that shit, it wasn't cool.
Yeah.
Like almost like the heel of your foot and then toes up at the ceiling.
What?
That's fun for you to deal with.
Wow.
(38:43):
So I say to the shit out of my place.
Like what the fuck's happening?
Oh, wow.
Yeah, no thanks. Fuck all that.
Here's something creepy. I was looking through my old journal and I saw an old journal entry that I don't remember.
And at the end of it was signed Kevin, but it was in my handwriting.
Why did you do that?
I don't know. Did someone with my handwriting write a journal entry or am I fucking crazy?
(39:07):
Maybe you were possessed for a second. What does it say?
It was just something like, I had a good day today. Things were good.
Kevin.
Kevin.
Who the fuck is Kevin? Why does he have a handwriting?
The fuck, Kevin? Stop scribbling.
There was a dead child ghost in your house and he possessed you. He's like, yo, you're writing a journal? I used to have a journal. My name's Kevin.
(39:29):
You want to be friends?
Fun fact about me also. When I was a kid, I used to sleepwalk. And one time I went behind my parents TV, unplugged their TV and went back to bed.
And my mom recounted it happening and talked to me and said, well, CJ, what are you doing? And I said, I'm looking for my Raven book.
(39:50):
I don't know what the fuck that was. I was a creepy kid, guys.
CJ was possessed.
I think we're all a little creepy.
Thanks, black scribbles.
Thanks, black scribbles. Or white scribbles, depending on the wall texture, I guess.
Yeah, it was like a chalkboard.
Anita, what's the worst thing you did when you were a kid?
A lot.
It was a really bad kid.
(40:11):
How was Jersey?
Oh my God. I was so bad. I got sent to go live with my dad. When I came back, I met him.
Oh, really? Oh snap.
Yeah. I was gone for like almost two years.
What snapped you out of being a bad kid?
I have a military dad that is, he's probably the scariest thing in my life because it's real.
(40:34):
He got me to get my shit together. I came back, graduated, didn't fail a class.
Whoa.
Yeah. He terrified me.
Dang. Would you be a different person if you didn't go through that?
Fuck yeah. I wouldn't have graduated. Who knows what would have happened had I not.
When I first met her, and to right now, completely different person. Not the same kid.
(40:55):
I was a kid.
Wow.
Yeah. Oh God.
Totally different person.
Could you make a horror movie out of that?
Yeah, I was a horror. Not like a whore. I was a whore-er. I was terrible.
Oh damn.
I was a whore.
Movie would be called Scared Straight.
Scared Gay.
(41:17):
Scared, just scared. Just scared.
Oh my God.
How does scared straight work? Do they just yell at the kids?
Stop being gay! Stop being gay! Stop being gay! You gay!
You don't like this?
Stop it! You're not gay!
Check out this dick. You don't like it?
I'm not gay no more! I am the whore!
We're going to move on.
(41:39):
Fucking weirdo. Stop fucking with them kids, man.
I want to share a quick story about myself when I was a kid.
I was also a really bad menace early in my younger days.
We used to have a cat named Chicken. Shout out to Chicken.
My first cat.
First name is Chicken.
I used to grab Chicken by the tail and swing her around over my head.
Like a fucking menace.
(42:00):
And threw her off the porch that we had.
Not a care in the world. Not caring.
Just a psycho baby.
Just a psycho baby.
Why are kids so fucking evil and crazy, man?
I don't know.
And then one day I did this.
I was swinging the cat around.
And then the cat swung around and scratched my face up.
Real bad.
(42:21):
You deserved it.
Messed me up real bad.
And that was the first time I thought, I had that stupid brain child moment where I'm like,
Oh maybe the cat doesn't like to be swung around.
I didn't even think of that.
I swear. For me this is like an origin point.
If I didn't have that moment happen, I would probably be a psycho.
(42:44):
I would be a psycho. I really think so.
You would have played football.
I think every kid needs to have their face scratched up at some point.
Yeah.
I was thinking that was going in a whole different direction.
Children are evil.
Children are evil. I know. I used to be one.
Yeah.
Okay guys.
Where we last left off.
(43:07):
Devin got himself into a trashy situation.
Oh shit.
He's in the dumpster on this one, but this time it might be his life on the line.
He's entered the church of time, which happens to be a cult where they are pretty much need a sacrifice at a specific time.
Otherwise it's the end of the world or so they claim.
(43:29):
There's a priestess.
You know, cultist.
Yeah. Priestess Teal, who is, I guess, the person who must sacrifice someone.
Otherwise the end of time, blah, blah, blah.
And, you know, Devin's trying his best to get out of the situation, but he's kind of failing miserably.
And it also doesn't help that he's not created technology and they want him to create an account for some reason.
(43:52):
For some reason.
We'd like to throw a wrench in our already broken story.
And this one is broken.
So we're like a cuckoo clock that only goes coo.
Exactly.
So we're going to spin a topic wheel to make things even worse.
And they already are.
Even worse.
Let's spin it.
Spin it.
(44:18):
Super speed.
Okay.
Anita, do you do you have any thoughts on how we can incorporate super speed into the story?
Because I got nothing.
The timing before he has to be sacrificed.
Hmm.
Oh, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe the priestess has hurt.
(44:40):
She uses her time powers to make everything slow down so she can move really fast.
Oh, that's not a slasher with super speed.
Is she the slasher?
No.
No, who's the slasher?
I don't know.
But they have to come in.
Okay.
You know what I mean by when I say slasher?
Like a dude or gal slashing people.
Yeah, like a Jason or a Freddy Krueger.
(45:02):
Yeah, I thought I was going to be the priestess.
Oh.
But I don't know.
Do you like that?
Do you want to be the slashy slash?
It sounds like I have to talk more.
It does sound like you need to talk more.
That doesn't sound like a good idea.
So we're looking at the clock and the watch of, what's his name, the little short guy?
I don't remember.
I don't remember either.
I'm going to get it though.
(45:24):
What's his name?
Marvin or Melvin.
Melvin.
Melvin.
Good memory.
Melvin's looking at his clock and he says, okay, I think we only have a couple more minutes
precess and, and then we have to make the sacrifice or he has to make an account.
How's it going over there?
Devin?
I'm figuring it out.
I'm just give me, give me a few more minutes and I'll have it all set up.
(45:48):
Okay.
Don't stress out.
Okay.
I'm going to walk over.
I'm going to see where you're at.
I'm putting in my secret password.
Okay.
All right.
Fine.
I won't look.
I won't look.
Yeah.
I'm going to die.
He looks up at the clock and he notices that time is speeding up ever so slightly.
(46:08):
Why am I sweating so much?
Precess, precess, the time, the time.
What's going on?
What's happening?
It's one of those time is speeding up.
If we don't do this quickly, isn't that right?
Isn't that right?
Priestess?
She's not saying anything.
That's not a good sign.
So listen, I'm going to need you to create.
And then suddenly you see a freaking knife just go through the neck of Melvin.
(46:33):
He goes, he tries to speak and he can't and Gluyven runs over Melvin, Melvin, are you
okay?
Melvin.
He falls to the floor.
Melvin.
And once again, a group, small group comes up, opens up his body, takes off the organs
and small and they put it in a little basket with some clock themes in there, you know,
(46:57):
and then they give it to the priestess.
What does the precess do with it?
Sets it on a table near the bigger table where the sacrifice will be laid.
Okay.
So on the floor as this is happening, we see a very tall woman.
Her name is Gwen.
Gwen.
And she has white silver hair and flowing in the wind and she has bloodshot eyes and
(47:25):
a clock, a pocket watch that she pulls out.
Long bony fingers.
Long bony fingers, very pale.
Hot.
Hot.
That boy speaks way too much.
Priestess, I'm so sorry I'm late.
I had a bit of traffic.
Are you okay?
Yes.
It's almost time and I noticed that time is speeding up.
We don't have much.
What's going on over here?
(47:45):
Who's this?
Devin.
She walks over and she's wearing heels by the way.
You hear those heels and she's getting closer.
No, no, you don't got to come over here.
It's okay over here.
We're doing fine.
Are you creating an account?
Yeah.
I'm almost done.
I'm almost done with creating this account in this computation machine.
She pulls out a gun and aims it for him.
(48:06):
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
You are chosen sacrifice for today.
I was, that other guy, the one that just died so, so hard, told me that if I made an account
I wouldn't have to do all that.
So I'm just going to, I'm just finishing this up real quick.
This is, it's only going to take me a few more minutes.
(48:27):
She walks very slowly over to see the screen.
Do you have a Facebook account?
No, no, no, I don't, I don't have Facebook.
Do you have a Gmail account?
Oh no, Gmail.
Priestess, what do you want to do with him?
As she looks up and is waiting for her reply, what is Devin doing?
Uh, crying.
Uh, I used to have aim.
(48:48):
I didn't make it, I didn't make it though.
It kind of made it for me.
You hear a knock, knock, knock at the door very loudly.
And Gwen looks up.
Who's at the door?
Do you have friends, Devin?
I mean, yeah.
I mean, there's Larry, there's Cordero, there's Marcus.
There's Jonathan.
Priestess, if there's more rich, if there's more sacrifices, we'll have more time.
(49:12):
I wish I knew more girls.
This is what I need, I know.
Christopher.
Devin, please speak only when spoken to.
Yes ma'am.
We have less than two minutes.
Otherwise it's the end of time.
She looks at her arm and it's beginning to disintegrate.
What we're finding out is it's going to be the end of time for them.
Gross.
The priestess looks up at her arm and she's also noticing that the particles are coming
(49:34):
off of her skin also.
Sick.
She walks over to the priestess, grabs a knife, and answers the door.
Hello, are you Larry?
No, no I'm not Larry.
Who are you?
I'm Reggie.
Stabs Reggie.
Pulls him in, closes the door, drags his corpse over to the priestess, and lays him on the
(49:58):
floor.
He's still dying.
He's not dead completely yet.
I'm not dead.
I'm just really hurt.
It hurts really bad.
Priestess, quickly.
We don't have much time.
We're going to play this.
What was the...
The lady wakes up and starts, I'm playing this.
I'm playing the organ.
No.
So the priestess opens up the body of Larry.
(50:19):
He is very dead.
And the life essence of Larry, you know, like the white and the red blood cells, kind of
just coalesce and like form all over the priestess.
And her skin starts to form again.
And time starts to come back to her.
(50:39):
Nice and supple.
And then Gwen also checks her skin.
It's also starting to form back.
We bought ourselves five minutes, but we need more time.
Five minutes is not a very long time.
What's how's Devon feeling right now?
Afraid.
Afraid.
Is he still trying to make this account?
He's still trying, but he's just, he called Chuck E. Cheese and they were like, no, we
(51:02):
don't have a ball pit anymore and they hung up and he, he, he, he, he ordered like 500
CDs on a website for a penny and, and he got a, there's a bunch of porn pop ups.
He's like, I don't know.
I don't know how these got here.
I didn't, I didn't click this.
I didn't, I didn't.
We have a knock, knock, knock at the door.
(51:22):
Who is it?
She answers the door.
It's a pizza man.
Hi, I'm here.
My name's Henry.
I got, I got two, 200 large pizza.
We can only do 20 at a time, but we have more in the car.
The smell knocks her off her feet.
And she just got some powerful cheese and just falls to the floor.
(51:44):
Oh no, Gwen, our captain, priestess pepperoni, our weakness.
We can't, we have to do something.
They're allergic to pepperoni.
Hey, I just, I still got these pizzas, so I'm going to come in.
I'm sorry about the smell.
He walks in.
His headphones on Henry and like as he's walking in with these pizzas, there's just like people
(52:05):
are just gathering to the walls.
They can't handle this smell, man.
Luckily, Devin loves pepperoni.
Devin, what are you doing?
Is that, is that pepperoni?
Oh yeah.
I got 20 pepperonis and I got a 180 in the car.
It's going to be like $2,000.
Oh yeah, man.
He runs, he runs out of him and he's like, I'll go get the rest of them out the car.
(52:28):
They'll pay you.
And then, oh, okay.
All right.
So he's running.
What is he doing?
He runs to his motherfucking truck that's still on.
Yeah.
And he feels the fuck out of there.
He's driving and you know, he is on the freeway.
He is going, he's going.
What's he, what's he doing at this point as he's just kind of, it's been like a good like
(52:50):
two minutes as he's like driven away.
Laughing.
He's so happy to be out.
I thought you was going to kill David.
That shit ain't having.
I'm out of here.
I'm out of here.
Suddenly as he's at a stoplight, he looks in the rear view mirror and in the back seat
(53:15):
is the priestess.
She is just sitting there motionless.
What's your, what's, what's your reaction to that?
Oh, he dies.
She stabs him.
Stabs him through the car seat, through the car seat into the back of the head out of
his forehead.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Devon died.
Whoa.
Dang.
Okay.
So that happens and Devon gets thrown into the freeway.
(53:37):
Car runs over and breaks open his skull.
The priestess was already dead.
The priestess, the priestess walks over to the driver's seat and she takes off that fucking
stupid veil.
You know, the stupid veil.
She adjusts the rear view mirror and is Devon's ghost behind her.
(54:00):
Devon's ghost is behind her, but the ghost can't do shit.
And the priestess turns on the radio.
What does she turn it to?
Is monkey monkey still a thing?
I don't think so.
Is she a rockhead?
She likes rock.
She puts it on Linkin Park.
She puts it on Linkin Park.
Cut my life into pieces.
That's not even Linkin Park.
(54:20):
What about wake me up?
Wake me up and save me.
Yeah, that's Linkin Park.
Wake me up and save me.
She kind of lets her hair down.
She tears off this stupid priestess outfit and she revealing like a tank top and just
kind of just more loose, relaxed clothes.
Tattoos, a bunch of clocks.
(54:42):
Tattoos.
And her eyes rolled back to her to look normal again.
And she picks up a phone out of her pocket and she removes her account from the Church
of Time.
She drives off.
She clicks delete account and then she gets an email that says, hey, we see you left.
(55:08):
Are you sure?
You don't want to come back for a reduced fee?
And she's like, yes, I'm sure.
Unsubscribe.
She drives off and we don't know where she goes.
We cut back to the garbage truck.
We cut back to the Church of Time and everyone who was there is now skeletons.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(55:29):
Yeah.
Rock, rock, like like fossilized skeleton fossilized.
They've been there for thousands of years.
And the doors close.
They automatically lock themselves and chain themselves up.
And the bell tolls and it kind of fades into obscurity once again.
That's the end, guys.
(55:49):
That's the end.
We did it.
That is quite a spooky story, right?
I'm covered in goose bumps.
Oh my gosh.
Goose pimples.
Do you say goose pimples or goose bumps?
Goose bumps.
OK, yeah, me too.
Goose bumps.
I want to thank Anita for being here and joining us on this terrible, terrible podcast.
Anita, where, you know, I don't know if you want people to find you online, but.
(56:12):
Absolutely not.
That's fine.
Leave Anita alone, guys.
You know, no one listens anyway.
That's all right.
Thank you.
What is something you want to shout out to people listening?
I don't.
OK, what is what's your favorite drink?
Jameson.
Jameson.
Shout out to Jameson.
Not a sponsor.
Not a sponsor.
Definitely not a sponsor.
(56:32):
I don't really want you out of sponsor.
And Anita, thank you.
Thank you again for being here.
I know this is a kind of a nerve wracking show, but you did it.
Freaking did it.
You're on an episode.
So you did it.
Thank you.
You only peed once.
It's fine.
Just once is pretty good.
You can go ahead and throw that shirt out.
I know it's kind of sweaty now.
Nuckedy.
(56:52):
Huh?
Where can they find your ass?
Oh, me.
You know, I don't like talking about me, man.
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Tell the people.
You can find me in St. Louis rolling on Dove.
I got to stop saying that.
You can find me at NUQADY on all the social medias if you need beats or studio time.
You go on ahead and hit me up for that stuff.
(57:15):
And when I say beats, I don't just mean music.
I can make whatever you want, man.
I make video game stuff, movie stuff, whatever.
Sound effects, all that.
Sound design, all that shit.
Nice.
I do it all.
Yeah.
Nice.
And do me a favor and go ahead and tell your friends about us so that we don't feel like
we're shouting into the void anymore.
You know, let people know that we're here and we're doing this here show for you.
(57:40):
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're silly heads.
You can also check us out at linktree.com slash DNGPOD and you can click the merch link,
buy yourself a definitely not good hat or definitely not good shirt.
And we also have social media accounts on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and MySpace.
Threads.
Threads.
Clapper.
(58:00):
Clapper.
We're all over the place, baby.
Clapper, guys.
Maybe only fans, but I have nothing to do with that if we're on there.
He doesn't know that I'm taking pictures of his feet when he's sleeping.
Oh, that.
Okay.
I knew it.
Shit.
Oh, yeah.
And I haven't said this in a while, but if you guys want to draw anything that you like
from the show, go ahead and draw that up and send it to us.
(58:21):
That definitely not good podcast at gmail.com.
That'd be nice.
For sure.
Post that shit and tag you in that motherfucker.
For sure.
Yeah.
So, guys, have yourself a merry little spook fest.
And we'll catch you on the next one.
Bye-bye.
Candy.
That's absolutely not good.
Hello again, you dingus.
(00:03):
It's that time of year and you know what that means.
It means this is definitely not spooky.
The podcast where we create stories and they're definitely, probably not spooky.
I'm your host CJ, and I'm joined by my producer, Nuckety.
Seven days.
Today we have a very spooky guest.
(00:24):
We have Anita.
Thank you for joining us, Anita.
I don't know what this is.
She's nodding. She's nodding.
She's saving all her spooky energy.
It's an audio meeting.
This episode is exciting.
Thank you, Anita, for joining us.
I don't know what this is, but it's definitely not spooky.
(01:05):
If this is your first time listening, this is pretty much how everything works.
We are amazing storytellers and it's our job, our sacred duty to come up with a story completely from scratch with a little twist.
We have a series of wheels we're going to spin, each of them random.
And depending on where they end up, we have to somehow incorporate it into our story.
Somehow.
It's a little different this time.
(01:26):
We're in spooky season, so we're going to forego the genre to do an antagonist that's going to be a spooky monster yet to be revealed.
Today we have Anita joining us.
Anita, thank you so much for being here.
Like, this is your first time doing a podcast?
Yeah.
Can you get a little closer to your microphone?
Oh, God.
This is your first time doing a podcast?
(01:47):
Yes.
That is incredible.
What did you have for lunch?
Chicken teriyaki without the teriyaki sauce.
Oh, snap.
Chicken and rice.
Yeah, I don't like sauce, and teriyaki sauce is sweet.
It's gross.
And it wasn't touching either.
It sure as fuck was not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow. Well, thank you again for joining us.
I know Nuckety likes to break the ice with a usually very difficult icebreaker.
No pressure.
(02:08):
No, no, no.
This is easy for you.
It's not.
It's not going to be easy.
Anita, hey.
Hey.
Hey, how you doing?
I'm OK.
How are you?
I'm OK.
I'm a little tired.
Hey, to the best of your ability, could you do me a favor?
Could you hum the theme song to Nightmare on Elm Street?
I absolutely cannot.
Can you do your best to try?
(02:30):
I can't.
You can do it.
So let me show you something.
But I only watched it, like, a couple times because Micah liked it.
No, no, Nightmare on Elm Street.
Oh, yeah.
Holy fuck.
You're shit.
I'm so nervous I missed it.
Nightmare on Elm Street is your shit?
It is.
OK.
But I cannot.
Go ahead, give it a shot.
I don't actually have no idea how it sounds.
(02:51):
I'm not humming anything.
Just like do, do, do, do, do.
I'm not humming.
Oh, my God.
You can do this.
I think we're going to have to flip it on you, Nuckety, what's it sound like?
Fine.
It goes...
Do, do, do, do, do.
Do, do, do, do.
(03:14):
Give it up for Nuckety this time, guys.
Give it up for Nuckety.
Yay.
Wow.
That's Nightmare on Elm Street.
Oh, was that accurate?
If that is it.
I'm going to say no.
You're going to say no?
I'm going to say no.
I can't.
Almost got her with that one.
So close.
(03:35):
Well hey, I have some questions for you, Anita.
I have some questions.
I hear that you like Nightmare on Elm Street.
Yeah, I hear you're an avid fan of the Freddy Krueger franchise.
Can you tell us more about that?
Why do you like that?
So the why?
Yeah, like what is it?
It sounds crazy.
I used to have, when I was a kid, I used to have dreams about him and he was always in
(03:58):
my dreams.
I had friends.
Freddy Krueger?
Yeah.
The Krug's?
I wouldn't do anything crazy, but I would definitely watch him like, you know, doing
stuff to other people.
His whole thing?
Yeah, you know, that's just what he does.
Never touch me, like, oh shit, not the way people think.
Didn't kill me or anything, like we were besties.
(04:18):
And it just like, I don't know.
Wait, so you were besties with Freddy Krueger in your dreams?
Yes.
So it was all good.
Oh wow.
That was like my best friend.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it's been so long.
It's been a long, long time.
Would you welcome it if it happened again?
Absolutely.
Nice.
You miss your buddy?
What's like the coolest thing that you remember from your dreams?
(04:41):
Like I said, sounds fucking stupid.
Literally just like walking, like seeing our shadows, long ass shadows down like a street
with the lights and just walking.
Just like having a merry time?
Yeah.
Were you all skipping and stuff?
Probably.
That's amazing.
Who knew Freddy was such a cool down to earth guy, man?
He's really funny.
(05:02):
Like I don't, I know he probably shouldn't have killed a lot of people, but like he's
fucking funny.
Yeah.
Funny guy.
Sorry, Johnny Depp.
Who would win in a fight, Freddy Krueger or Deadpool?
I'm just going to say Freddy.
Oh wow.
Dedicated.
Absolutely.
Is that your man?
Is that your man?
That was my best friend growing up.
Okay.
Yeah.
Wow.
(05:23):
All right.
Freddy Krueger, shout out.
Um, well we don't have a sponsor today, but we do have a spooky sponsor.
Gosh, that's, that's cool.
Right guys?
Gosh, gosh.
Dang it.
This is so cool.
Gosh.
Well, why don't we spin that spooky sponsor?
See who we're sponsored by today.
Yeah.
Okay.
He's scared.
He's scared.
He's scared of the wheel.
(05:43):
Today's episode is brought to you by Broken Glass.
This episode is proudly sponsored by Broken Glass.
Um, scary.
Am I right?
Um, you know, usually when I see Broken Glass, uh, yeah, usually when I see it everywhere,
someone broken into my car.
Um, not really spooky.
(06:03):
That was a rough day.
Just more, you know, unfortunate.
Um, yeah.
Yeah.
Broken Glass.
I mean, okay.
It's also a staple in scary movies, I guess, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, they use it to stab the killer.
Unrealistic.
And then they run away for some reason.
I don't know why they do that.
Very unrealistic.
If you got them down, just keep stabbing.
I don't, I don't get it.
(06:24):
Right.
Anita, what would you do if you were chased by a killer and you saw some broken glass?
Would you, would you use that realistically?
No.
You wouldn't use it?
No.
What would you do?
I'd keep running.
I don't even get close enough to kill spiders.
Like, uh, uh-uh.
None of that?
If I had a gun, I'd use that.
Okay.
More than likely, that's not going to be right there.
What if there's a gun that shoots broken glass?
I would still use that.
(06:44):
Yeah.
You ever rolled around in broken glass?
Are you asking me?
Yeah.
No, no.
Anita, what about you?
No.
Um, I just, I'm just doing a sanity check.
I want to make sure we're pansies over here, man.
I'm just doing a sanity check.
I'm glad you guys haven't done that.
Um, but yeah, we're sponsored by broken glass, you know, all over the floor, all over the
(07:04):
church chapel, all over the seats, scary stuff, guys.
Thank you so much for sponsoring us.
Wow.
Broken glass.
What a great sponsor.
It was.
I'm so blessed.
Hashtag blessed.
Um, what is your weapon of choice if you're chased by a murderer?
Is it a gun?
It's always going to be a gun.
Cause it, cause, cause it's far away.
Yeah.
(07:25):
But what if they're close?
And I don't have aim.
So that's like the safest thing.
You don't see so great.
So I know, but it's like, you just won't wear the glasses.
Okay.
I got a scenario for you.
Okay.
You're, you're, you're, you're in the bathroom, you're brushing your teeth.
You go to spit in the sink and you look up in the mirror right behind you is Jason, that
motherfucker.
And he's got a machete about to chop your head off.
(07:47):
What are you doing?
Probably slide under his legs.
Whoa.
Sliding under.
Yeah.
Okay.
Going forward is going to do what?
I'm going to die.
Stand there and die.
Okay.
Okay.
And then it hasn't been down so good.
So, and then what are you doing?
If I'm in my house, I'm running down the stairs.
Okay.
I'm going down another set of stairs and I'm out.
Okay.
I'm talking about, wow.
That's a short movie.
(08:07):
That's a very short movie.
Movie's done.
That's the end.
You know, they never use cell phones in scary movies.
No.
They never work.
They never work.
They're always at a reception.
You can't be able to contact your loved ones.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
I think I'd probably die in that situation.
If Jason came?
Yeah.
(08:28):
I mean, I would try to reason my way out of it.
Like, hey, what are you doing here, buddy?
Whack.
You can turn on the shower.
Yeah.
Oh, the seat.
I don't really know if you can, you know.
I'm going to be honest.
Like, hacking someone in the shower is a bitch ass move.
Like, okay, you're a killer.
You're scary, whatever, but you're going to attack someone in the shower.
Listen, I, that has always been, I don't like being naked in general.
(08:50):
I feel very vulnerable when I'm naked.
So in my bathroom, there's weapons all over the place.
For real?
Yeah.
Oh wow.
I'm not joking.
Like, nobody's running up on me when I'm naked.
I didn't really mean to attack somebody in the shower.
I was still thinking about Jason.
Oh, you're thinking of Jason.
Yeah.
Turn on the water.
If Jason came after me, he'd kill me, but I'm going out like Busta Rhymes and I'm, because
(09:11):
I'm fighting back.
Busta Rhymes is still alive.
No, in the, oh my God, in Halloween H2O, when he fought Michael Myers, he come forward his
ass.
He still died, but he tried.
Oh yeah, no.
Yeah, let's shout out Busta Rhymes.
Anita, what is the scariest, what's your first spook?
No wait.
What's your, oh.
(09:31):
I'm sorry, spoiler alert, he didn't die.
Busta Rhymes didn't die?
He didn't die.
Did the black guy in the scary movie did not die?
No.
Oh.
Oh, Coldplay didn't die.
Was that a scary movie?
What?
Deep Blue Sea?
Yeah.
I guess so.
I guess it's a horror movie.
Deep Blue Sea.
Deep Blue Sea with the sharks?
I didn't see that one.
What?
Oh, people are so scared of sharks.
(09:52):
When his hat was like a shark's fin?
I didn't see that one.
Samuel Jackson was in it.
It's fine.
Uh-uh, I didn't see it.
Yeah, there's like an underwater lab that it's like hundreds of liters down in, liters?
Leagues, hundreds of leagues down and the fucking sharks are like super smart and they break
into it.
Because of that stupid doctor lady.
Yeah, what a bitch.
Wow.
(10:13):
She was stupid.
She was wise, that's pretty good.
I don't know why sharks are so scary to people.
Just get out of the water.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah, these sharks were smart though.
They could swim backwards.
Did they have legs?
No, no.
They had big ass brains.
Yeah, she was doing tests and stuff on them and giving them stuff.
Like, they were super smart.
Wow, smart sharks sound scary actually.
(10:34):
Yeah, yeah, it was pretty scary.
Anita, what's the scariest monster or like what's like the first scary thing that you
remember or one that's still like you that you're like, oh fuck no.
I don't get scared easily.
It's some, it's more like some mind fucked up shit that I'll never watch again.
Oh.
(10:54):
The game?
No.
So, Cannibal Holocaust is one.
Oh man, the fucking, that Serbian bullshit.
Serbian.
It's like a Serbian film or something like, yeah.
Yeah, it's literally the name is like a Serbian.
It's some, like everybody will tell you not to watch it.
So we're seeing they've seen whatever, but they don't, there's things in there they didn't
(11:16):
explain.
Yeah, they don't tell you shit.
I can watch a lot of things that I'm just like damn, but that movie I was like fuck.
Oh shit.
Like it was really hard to watch.
So that's not one to bring the kids to?
Absolutely the fuck not.
Popcorn.
You know, neither is Cannibal Holocaust.
Have you seen that one?
I mean, no, but.
So that one, they got put under investigation because they made it look so real.
(11:38):
Oh.
They didn't get in trouble for the turtle.
Yeah, they murdered animals and shit.
It was fucking nuts.
But like because of how old that movie was, there was no way in that time that they thought
like they could have faked that shit.
Yeah, but the way that they was killing people, they like, the FBI was like, hey, these guys
really killed these people.
And we gotta, like it was wild.
(11:58):
I guess you're doing a great job in the scary department.
That is the highest compliment you could possibly get.
Being legitimately investigated.
Wow.
Okay.
Well, those are two movies I will not watch.
Thank you.
Ever.
Ever.
I'll watch them again.
Oh, you're insane.
Are you fucking serious?
Yeah, I got problems.
Oh boy.
Don't worry about me.
Oh my God.
(12:19):
Well, why don't we get started with this spooky spot?
Just doing a little scat guys.
Why don't we get started with this spooky podcast guys?
Are you feeling good about that?
I'm feeling good.
How you feeling Anita?
My heart is racing.
Your heart is racing?
It's good.
It's good.
It's about to get real scary.
Just kidding.
I'm going to need a lot of help.
I'm not a scary guy.
(12:39):
So any assistance from Nuckety or Anita, please help me.
Our first wheel is our character job.
Our first job is our first wheel.
It's our character job.
Sorry, I am not using my brain.
We're for going.
Hey, could you use your brain?
Oh, why didn't I do that?
(13:00):
The first wheel we're for going.
We're not doing the genre wheel.
God damn it.
I think I'm like, wait, not today.
He can't be worse than me and even that's what I'm saying.
Like, come on, it's definitely not good.
We're for going the genre wheel because we know we're doing a spooky.
It's a spooky.
(13:20):
So our first wheel is going to be the setting.
Where are we taking place in our story?
The end of time.
Come on, that's not scary.
I mean, it might be.
We can make it scary.
I feel like we're going psychological thriller now.
(13:41):
I guess.
All right.
I guess there's like existential scariness of like the end of time, end of existence.
That could be a little scary.
There's a scary movie about a time machine.
That's a scary movie.
It's called Time Machine.
Is it called Time Machine?
Time travel is not scary.
A scary movie about a time machine.
Yeah, it's about a time machine.
(14:02):
It's like an apartment.
These people in an apartment complex and one of the dudes who's living there builds a time
machine and then he dies and then a bunch of shit happens.
It's crazy.
Wow.
Very scary.
Our next wheel is our character job.
What's the job of the main character?
No, no please.
He's fine.
(14:23):
Trash collector.
Trash collector?
Yeah.
Collecting trash.
Collecting trash.
All right.
I mean you probably see some scary stuff if you're collecting trash.
Some spooky shit.
Yeah.
Anita, any thoughts yet?
How you doing over there?
Are you putting them together?
We're putting it all together.
All together.
End of the world.
Okay.
Yeah.
We'll see what we got.
Our next wheel is our character flaw.
(14:44):
Something is wrong with this trash collector.
What's wrong with the trash collector?
What is it?
Let's spin it.
Spin it.
What's your favorite spelling?
It's a bag.
They're bad with computers.
That's a relatable one I think.
A lot of people are bad with computers.
Bad with computers.
I mean if you're collecting trash you're probably not that great at computers.
Probably not.
Otherwise you build a robot to do it for you.
Right.
Yeah.
I would think.
Right.
Are you good with computers?
(15:05):
Yeah.
You use a computer at your job?
We use tablets.
Tablets.
Oh even fancier.
I hate it.
You don't like tablets?
No.
How come?
Because I have to type a lot and doing this is so hard.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I don't like it.
(15:26):
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
There we go.
That's a lot.
Doing this is not fun.
That's legitimate.
Are you a good typist otherwise?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well that helps.
How many words per minute can you type?
I don't remember.
(15:47):
I had to take a typing test and a spelling test for the job that I have.
It's been a minute.
I passed it.
monster. A spooky antagonist. What do we have? I don't know why this one spins for long.
I gotta fix it. It's been so long. It's still spinning. Wow. A slasher. A slasher is the
antagonist. Yep. Okay. Yep. A slasher. So to recap, our setting is the end of time.
(16:14):
The main character is a trash collector. And the flaw with this trash collector is they're
not good with computers. They're not good with computers. They're not good with computers.
And lastly, there is a slasher involved with this story. Yeah, there's a slasher coming.
So I think I have ideas. You have ideas? Yeah. Please tell me. Yeah. So like I said, a psychological
(16:36):
thriller with the end of time thing. So it's not really the end of time, but there's like
a cult that thinks it's the end of time. Oh. There we go. And maybe this trash collector
is picking up from the cult. Oh. And then he gets sucked into some hijinks, you know?
Okay. Well, Anita, would you be interested in playing our trash collector today? Yeah,
(16:58):
you want to do it? I believe in you. Fingers crossed. You can do this. Um, could it be
like, I don't know. Yeah, you can say no, that's fine. No, you can't yet say yes. We
could have you play a different character if you'd prefer. With the small part. You
want a small part? All right. You're playing the slasher. Okay. Not gonna leave play our
(17:18):
trash collector today. Fine. Okay. Um, your name is Devin Devin. Let's talk about Devin
a little bit. So, um, he's not good with computers. He is collecting trash at this cult or just
this neighborhood. We'll say it's Tuck Willow, Tuck Willow, Washington guys, the Quilla
Cleanington. Yeah. And, um, you know, goal wise, I think he just wants to live. I think
(17:45):
he just wants to go about his day and make money and not deal with anything crazy. He
wants to just have a normal life, right? Yeah. Yeah. He's just, you know, he's trying to
get by. He's, you know, doing, doing his job and going to fuck home. That's his thing.
So making his money and get the fuck out. You know what I mean? So this first, this
first scene, we're going to have a knock, knock, knock on big, large cathedral doors.
(18:09):
This is the church of time. Oh, in space, time and space, time and space. And the door
slowly opens and inside is a priestess, which is played by Anita. Um, priestess, freaking,
how did that happen? Freaking priestess. Zelda? No, that's taken. Um, priestess. Cardi. Princess
(18:41):
Cardi. You like that? No, no, I don't like that either. Bluebee. Hmm. Princess, priestess
blueberry. Priestess blueberry. So yes, you open the door and priestess blueberry. We'll
just call her blue. Um, and, uh, she is in blue garb. You know, it's crazy. That's not
(19:04):
going to work for me. What is that? I changed my mind from earlier. I'm so sorry. Oh yeah.
Besides those two movies, the fifth element. Have you seen that? I have. Yeah. Blue bitch
used to give me fucking nightmares. I knew this about you. I completely forgot about
that shit until he saw, I kept hearing blue and I'm like, no, I'm sorry. That's fantastic.
(19:24):
What about, okay, we're putting a pause. What about the blue opera singer? Is it because
they dug into her? I don't know. It's her. Like I wasn't, I wasn't like devastated when
she died. I just just never seen anything like that. I don't know. I'm, she's just,
she's not it. And then, you know, government is openly admitting to aliens now, as long
(19:48):
as they don't look like her. I don't care. Um, yes, yes. I did hear that. What are your
thoughts about that? I knew it. You knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Very good. I'm not surprised.
Uh, yeah, they said, they said they know that they know they're here. They've seen them.
They don't know what they want, but they know they're here and they're watching us. You
(20:10):
know, what's crazy is I'm pretty sure aliens can look like humans. I'm pretty sure they
can. You just don't know if they're aliens or not. I could be an alien. You sure could.
Maybe I'm just fucking with everyone and I'm doing a podcast, you know, no real human
could be that goddamn handsome. Oh, shucks, man. Come on. No, no, no. Back to this podcast.
How's priestess red? That's fine. Okay. Is that, is red your favorite color? No. What's
(20:33):
your favorite color? Teal. Priestess, priestess teal. Priestess teal. Um, so you're here to
collect garbage and priestess enters or enters the door. Uh, knock, knock, knock. Knock. Is
any, is anybody, is anybody here? I'm here to pick up your trash. Hello. Hello. Is anybody
home? Hey, hi. Hey, uh, I didn't, you can't sneak up on me like that. Okay. I just got
(20:58):
out of crop McGough. I'm pretty tense. All right. So, uh, yeah, I'm, I'm looking for
your trash. It's not outside where it's supposed to be. And then you hear shuffling and then
like a very short man with really big eyes. You can't talk to the priestess that way.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Priestess teal. Priestess teal. I'm so sorry. You don't talk to these
humans. You're not supposed to answer the doors. You don't know what's out there. Uh,
(21:21):
sir, how can I help you? Uh, yeah. You smell like trash. Smell like trash. Yeah. I'm the
trash man. You got mud all over your feet. What do you want? I'm just here to pick up
y'all's garbage. Uh, take it away. You know, oh, you're the trash guy. I'm actually doing
you a favor. So you want to lower your fucking tone. That's okay. Well, you know, it just,
we're really amped up. We got a, we got a ritual going on. Um, you ever heard of the
(21:43):
cult of time before the cult of time? No, no. What's that? Uh, priestess, you want to
tell them about it? She's a real shy. Actually. Yeah. She seems bashful. Actually. This is
a better conversation for it. Listen. Okay. Listen, listen, I know you're collecting trash
and you're a busy guy, but you have to hear us out this. We're not a cult. This is a church
(22:04):
of time. You like time, right? We all like time. Yeah. I like time. I mean, you don't
want to use the word. The priest, the priestess, priestess Teal is our savior. She only speaks
when it's time. Oh, you get it? That's why she's not saying anything. I see. Okay. So
that makes sense. So come on in and help you go ahead and collect the trash, but do stay
(22:25):
for our service. Cause it's going to be here in 30. No, no. Oh my God. It's coming in 10
minutes. I'm so excited. Come on in, come on in. He grabs your arm and pulls you in.
Oh, boundaries, man. So let's, let's talk about this church. What does this church look
like? This is, this is your cult by the way. Yeah. Sorry. Sometimes it just happened. You
(22:47):
know, you're a coat leader, Harry. Yeah. Tell us about it. What do you picture when you
picture a coat while she's thinking, I want to talk about what's happening. So this little
guy, by the way, my name is Melvin Melvin and your name is what? Darryl was it Darryl?
Devin Devin on your name tag. Are you a liar? No, that was my middle name. I just, sometimes
(23:12):
I go by Darryl. Okay. Our thing is if you lie three times, get the time thing right.
Then we have to kill you. But like your guests, so we won't do it. We'll give you an extra
pass. He starts looking around for the door. He can't find it. It's a joke. It's a joke.
Right. Right. Right. Priestess. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, so this is our break room. We have
snacks. We have cupcakes. They're time themed hourglasses on top. I made them myself. Actually
(23:37):
those look pretty good. Can I? In due time. It's not time yet. It's a cupcake time and
look at that. Okay. We got eight minutes now. He's obsessed with time. Oh, give me, give
me one. Don't go anywhere. I swear. I'll cut your head off. Don't go anywhere. Okay. Okay.
He walks off and Devin's like frantically looking for a way out. You hear the lock on the other
(24:01):
side of the door, locked in. Priestess what? I know you can't talk, but maybe you can help
me out here. Um, are we looking for a sacrifice or our ritual? Do we have one yet? Yes. Yes.
Okay. Okay. Uh, what do you think of this trash man? Do you think he'll do? Yes. Yes.
Um, how, how much, okay. Can you, can you, can you explain the ritual to me again? Cause
(24:25):
I kind of forgot. I'm it's been a while. Um, I know you stab them. I know we're all supposed
to say hail time. Time is infinite. Blah, blah, blah. And if we don't kill them, then
like time ends and stuff. So like, what can you, can you explain like the ritual, how
it works again? Not, oh, I forgot that you can't talk until it's time. It's a secret.
Oh God. Okay. God, I'm so excited for this. Um, okay. Uh, Hey Devin, I'm, yeah, I'm going
(24:51):
to use the pooper scooper. Okay. We don't have a toilet. We have a place to scoop, um,
our poop. Um, I'm going to let you two talk and get to know each other. Devin, I know
you have lots of questions about this church. So yeah. Like where's the door? Yeah. Uh,
door. What are you talking about? We just came in through a door and now it's gone.
I can't find where's the door. How do I get out of here? Oh yeah. It's easy. Um, there's
(25:14):
actually a computer right over there. You just log into the terminal. You use either
your Facebook or your Gmail account. Facebook, you know, Gmail. Yeah. I don't, I don't really
do. I don't, I don't really have one of those. Uh, Oh, well, I mean, like a, like a key or
something like a, like a physical key. Yeah. Like a, like a, well, we're kind of new age
here at time, time church. So like you can, optionally you can create an account at time
(25:38):
church create an account. Right. So you would, you would create an email, something like
Devin, uh, ultimate sacrifice at time church. What was that last part? Devin at time church
dot com. Um, okay. And, um, then you can log in through that and then you can go in and
out. It's please. Okay. Um, sound good. So I'm going to let you two talk. I gotta go
(26:01):
hit the hit the pooper scooper real quick. I got to poop some scoop at poop some, huh?
I'm really craving those cupcakes. I got to poop and then I scoop it out with my pooper
scooper. Okay. It's real gross. I'm going to go do that real quick. All right. You two
have fun. I got a cousin. You should give her a call. Hello. Hello priestess. She, I
(26:22):
want to describe her situation. So the priestess is, is shy, but she almost lives like in another
dimension. Like she's like, like she's just like not even looking at people. She's kind
of just in a way looking at time. She sees a whole timeline in front of her and everything
that was is and is going to be her eyeballs are white. Her eyeballs are white. And in
(26:46):
fact she's blind. She's a blind lady. She only sees time. Yeah. I don't know how she
answered the door, but, um, she used her time powers, time powers, reversed the last time
it got twisted and opened the knob. Yeah. She's a special lady. So, uh, what's, what's,
what's Devin doing? Devin is panicky and he's, he's taking his phone out. He has no reception
(27:10):
cause phones never work in these situations. And then, um, he's like, like I said something
about it. He, uh, he, something, what did he say about, he said, he, the door will open
when it's time. She spoke to me. Okay. Okay. Okay. Her voice is quite magical. She doesn't
speak very often, but it's like when you, when she does speak, you listen because it's,
(27:34):
it's the only thing you can hear. Yeah. Um, suddenly see that she brings a knife out from
underneath her garb and it's a very large knife, but it seems to be like a chef knife.
She kind of like very gently, uh, sharpens it with a tool sharpening it. And then there's
just this she's sharpening it. And, um, you see her put her hand down next to the cupcakes.
(28:01):
She grabs the knife and she just very slowly cuts the tip of her index finger off. Um,
are you okay? She says nothing. Oh geez. Okay. You don't really, you don't love talking with
her other hand. She picks up the finger and she eats it. Oh, hell no. There's a crunch.
(28:22):
Hell no. Cause the black guy always says, hell no, hell no. I gotta get out of here.
Uh, you motherfuckers is crazy. Dang. Sorry. This is meta, but I wish she should have put
it on top of the cupcake and then ate it. Dang. Why didn't I do that? I think she did.
Okay. I think that's what she did. Redcon, she took her top of her finger, she put it
on a cupcake and then she ate it. And she says, um, lady fingers. Um, what's
(28:46):
Devin doing at this point? I think he paid himself. Uh, just a little bit though. Just,
you know, a little, you know how sometimes when you go to the bathroom and you put your
stuff away and it, it, it wasn't all done and it kind of comes out a little bit more
that that he does that a little bit. Yeah. And he starts to cry, but only a little bit.
Just, just, just like a single tear comes rolling, rolling down his cheek. Yeah. And
(29:09):
he says, am I going to die in here? Yes. Would you like a cupcake? Uh, does it have to be
fingers on it? Yes. Then no, no, I, I'm good. I'm good on cupcakes. Uh, I would, I would
kiss finger. Yeah. You can, if you want. No, you take his finger. Oh, uh, the other guy.
Yeah. The little guy. Oh, um, you hear a flush. He says, Oh man, that pooper stupor was, Oh
(29:33):
man. Uh, Oh, are you already getting started with the ritual? My lady, what's going on?
He wants a cupcake. Oh, it's time. I don't like this. I don't like this at all. It's
time. Oh, Hey, let me show you a little bit more of our church. How's that sound? Uh,
is it, is, can you show me the outside of the church? And no, that's where all the trash
(29:54):
goes and there's still some, there's still some trash here too. Like, you know, there's
a trash can over there, a trash can in the pooper scooper area. And by our ritual area,
we also have a trash can there. It is so gross over there. It's a little priestess could
tell you, man. It's, it's gross. Oh man. So many figures, so many fingers, so much blood,
(30:16):
so much brains. Why so many brains priestess? I don't, I don't think braids is part of it.
Sorry. I'm getting into the ritual. They're not needed. They're not needed. They would
just have braids there for some reason. It's very strange. Like fish goods. Yeah. Well,
hey, uh, I don't want to blather on, but, uh, let's, let's, let's get going. Like, yeah,
it sounds good. Uh, okay. Just, you know, stay back and all. You look over, you look
(30:42):
over and the priestess is sharpening her knife again and she looks very lovingly at the knife
as it sharpens again. It's just ever so sharper. She's all smiling and shit. She don't blink.
Just those dead pale eyes left open like a fish. Yeah. Can you explain kind of like,
like more about her character? Like, like how tall is she? Six foot, maybe six foot
(31:06):
on the dot. So she could probably dunk. No, still doesn't have any. Yeah. It'd be like
that. Okay. Okay. Uh, what does her priestess outfit look like? Cause I'm, I'm kind of,
I'm kind of a dumb dude and I'm picturing like a wedding dress. That's teal. That's
also what I'm seeing. Right. But like, that's not, that's not what a priest is. Like what
is she wearing? A teal wedding dress. She has a long veil. It's very frilly. Um, what
(31:30):
else do priestesses wear? A head dress. She has a veil over her eyes, but you can still
see that, uh, she's blind and, uh, there's whites. It's very, she's, you know, she's
the priestess. So we're going to cut to, uh, the cathedral floor. Okay. Now this is, I
want you to picture like a grand cathedral, um, with like, uh, rows of benches and like,
(31:54):
uh, there's like a fancy word for these benches. What are they called? Pews. Thank you. Um,
and they all have books on each of them, uh, called the end of time. And in the very middle
you see like an altar and you see up on the stained glass, you see stained glass of the
priestess herself. And it's her holding a knife and also like a clock behind her. It's
(32:18):
very beautiful. She's standing in a puddle of blood. Yes. Um, and there is also, um,
in this right behind the pew, um, sorry, not the pew, but the altar is, um, a circle of
rose petals and also blood. Wowzers. Okay. A garbage can anywhere. Oh yeah. A garbage
cans right behind the altar. Um, aren't we supposed to be playing some music? Princess
(32:43):
this ritual organs. Oh right. Hey, um, what's her name? Uh, Fia. Hey Fia. Hey Fia, can you,
can you play some of that creepy organ music that you always play during the rituals? You
got it boss. No, no, no problem. Definitely. Like we're not doing a ritual right now, but
like, uh, thank you. Yeah. Oh, those sound great. That's so creepy. Oh, I know how to
(33:05):
play the organ. That's so good. Wow. Um, precesses that sound like wailing back and forth. That's
so good to you. Precess. No, no. What would you prefer that? Organs, better organs. Okay.
Um, hey, hey, Tom, Tom, go ahead and, um, um, kill Fia and, uh, bring your organs out.
(33:28):
He shoots her. No questions. She falls to the floor and two other, um, cultists come
out with knives and scoop her organs out of her stomach. Hands them to the priestess.
Will this do my priestess? Yes. Uh, sorry. Um, we had a little mix up with the organ
(33:49):
thing. Sometimes she wants organs. Sometimes she wants organs being played. It's pretty
funny. We have fun here. We have a lot of fun. He peed a lot more this time. Is there
a pee? I'm smelling pee. Yeah, that's me. Uh, can I go? I don't really want to be, I
don't really want to be in here. I don't, you know, you can keep your trash. I don't
even need the trash. Oh, no. I mean, we, we gotta, we gotta get this trash out, man. Like
there's one behind the altar. There's one in the back in the back electrical room, but
(34:13):
again, you do, I do recommend you get a, a, uh, an account, you know, you're going to
have to use your computer to like get in there and you want to sign up. How about, um, you
want to just, could you just make it up for me? Hey, Tom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can you go
and grab this trash man? Say this. So Tom and one other person grabbed Tom quickly and
(34:38):
put his arms behind them and they, they're holding them and the priestess walks up very
slowly to them. Do you want to get started priestess or should he create an account with
us first? Create an account. Oh yeah. Yeah. So, Hey trash man, um, listen, I'm going to
level with you. Um, we were going to kill you. I don't know if it was obvious or not,
(35:00):
but like, yeah, no, I figured it. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just like, here's the thing. Okay. Here's
the thing. Um, if we don't kill someone in, um, Oh God, it's like we're a minute late.
That's crazy. Um, so if we have 30 minutes or 29 minutes left, and if we don't kill someone
in 29 minutes for a ritual, then the end of time happens and the whole world explodes
and you don't want that. If you don't want that, Devin trash man, come on. So here's
(35:23):
the deal. Um, if you, you know, we are, we are going to kill you, but if you create an
account with us, then we'll find someone else and we won't kill you. Okay. Can I say that
computer? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Guys, guys, let them go. Let them go. He starts hitting buttons.
All right. Uh, we're going to give you like, uh, like five minutes, three, three minutes
to create an account. Um, again, you can use Facebook or Google to create your account.
(35:47):
It's a lot faster. You just click a button and then you would set an authorizer with
your phone. You have a phone, right? Uh, no, I don't, I don't have phone. What the fuck?
You don't have a cell phone. You don't have a smart priestess. He doesn't have a smartphone.
You don't even, you can't even look at the QR code to like the fuck man. Okay. You got,
you got two minutes. You got two minutes. Shit. This is fucking crazy. I got to use
that pooper scooper again, man. All right. I'm out of here. I gotta make this fucking
(36:10):
account. He starts pushing buttons and, uh, he orders a piece on accident and he's like,
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm going to
die. I don't know what I'm doing. We're going to take a short break and get right back to
this exhilarating story. Don't go anywhere.
(36:52):
Thank you for supporting us. And now let's get back to some definitely not good.
And we're back. We have another spooky sponsor.
Today's episode is brought to you by Black Scribbles.
(37:13):
Ah, this episode is proudly sponsored by Black Scribbles on the wall and on the floors and on the ceilings.
Uh, I need to work on my laugh. Sorry about that guys.
Usually children draw them and they're real creepy like, you know what I mean?
Yeah. Why do kids be drawing stuff, man?
Kids are fucking creeps.
They are creeps. You know, today I was at a bakery and I was eating a, uh, a bakery item.
(37:36):
It was like a croissant.
A croissant?
And I looked up and there was a fucking baby staring at me. I'm like, what the fuck are you looking at, baby?
Stop looking at me, baby.
Yeah.
Sometimes I get real aggressive like, hey baby, fuck you.
And then her mom will turn around, excuse me. And I'm like, hey, fuck you too, lady.
Bringing your baby out here.
What are your thoughts on, what are your thoughts on Black Scribblings and like spooky scribblings on the wall?
(38:01):
I have some at my house.
Really?
Yeah.
Do they creep you out?
I did at first, but I had like somebody look at the pictures I sent them and then explain the story that happened.
And I'm pretty sure one of them is a little girl because Violet talks and plays with the other person. Her voice fucking changes.
Oh, that's fun.
I had to walk in there because I was like, what the fuck? Like that kind of freaked me out.
(38:22):
But like those handprints going up my stairs, my boys aren't there and my daughter's not that tall and they're bigger than my hand.
And then there's like, I had to move my bed.
I have Freddie above my bed and had to move him too because that shit, it wasn't cool.
Yeah.
Like almost like the heel of your foot and then toes up at the ceiling.
What?
That's fun for you to deal with.
Wow.
(38:43):
So I say to the shit out of my place.
Like what the fuck's happening?
Oh, wow.
Yeah, no thanks. Fuck all that.
Here's something creepy. I was looking through my old journal and I saw an old journal entry that I don't remember.
And at the end of it was signed Kevin, but it was in my handwriting.
Why did you do that?
I don't know. Did someone with my handwriting write a journal entry or am I fucking crazy?
(39:07):
Maybe you were possessed for a second. What does it say?
It was just something like, I had a good day today. Things were good.
Kevin.
Kevin.
Who the fuck is Kevin? Why does he have a handwriting?
The fuck, Kevin? Stop scribbling.
There was a dead child ghost in your house and he possessed you. He's like, yo, you're writing a journal? I used to have a journal. My name's Kevin.
(39:29):
You want to be friends?
Fun fact about me also. When I was a kid, I used to sleepwalk. And one time I went behind my parents TV, unplugged their TV and went back to bed.
And my mom recounted it happening and talked to me and said, well, CJ, what are you doing? And I said, I'm looking for my Raven book.
(39:50):
I don't know what the fuck that was. I was a creepy kid, guys.
CJ was possessed.
I think we're all a little creepy.
Thanks, black scribbles.
Thanks, black scribbles. Or white scribbles, depending on the wall texture, I guess.
Yeah, it was like a chalkboard.
Anita, what's the worst thing you did when you were a kid?
A lot.
It was a really bad kid.
(40:11):
How was Jersey?
Oh my God. I was so bad. I got sent to go live with my dad. When I came back, I met him.
Oh, really? Oh snap.
Yeah. I was gone for like almost two years.
What snapped you out of being a bad kid?
I have a military dad that is, he's probably the scariest thing in my life because it's real.
(40:34):
He got me to get my shit together. I came back, graduated, didn't fail a class.
Whoa.
Yeah. He terrified me.
Dang. Would you be a different person if you didn't go through that?
Fuck yeah. I wouldn't have graduated. Who knows what would have happened had I not.
When I first met her, and to right now, completely different person. Not the same kid.
(40:55):
I was a kid.
Wow.
Yeah. Oh God.
Totally different person.
Could you make a horror movie out of that?
Yeah, I was a horror. Not like a whore. I was a whore-er. I was terrible.
Oh damn.
I was a whore.
Movie would be called Scared Straight.
Scared Gay.
(41:17):
Scared, just scared. Just scared.
Oh my God.
How does scared straight work? Do they just yell at the kids?
Stop being gay! Stop being gay! Stop being gay! You gay!
You don't like this?
Stop it! You're not gay!
Check out this dick. You don't like it?
I'm not gay no more! I am the whore!
We're going to move on.
(41:39):
Fucking weirdo. Stop fucking with them kids, man.
I want to share a quick story about myself when I was a kid.
I was also a really bad menace early in my younger days.
We used to have a cat named Chicken. Shout out to Chicken.
My first cat.
First name is Chicken.
I used to grab Chicken by the tail and swing her around over my head.
Like a fucking menace.
(42:00):
And threw her off the porch that we had.
Not a care in the world. Not caring.
Just a psycho baby.
Just a psycho baby.
Why are kids so fucking evil and crazy, man?
I don't know.
And then one day I did this.
I was swinging the cat around.
And then the cat swung around and scratched my face up.
Real bad.
(42:21):
You deserved it.
Messed me up real bad.
And that was the first time I thought, I had that stupid brain child moment where I'm like,
Oh maybe the cat doesn't like to be swung around.
I didn't even think of that.
I swear. For me this is like an origin point.
If I didn't have that moment happen, I would probably be a psycho.
(42:44):
I would be a psycho. I really think so.
You would have played football.
I think every kid needs to have their face scratched up at some point.
Yeah.
I was thinking that was going in a whole different direction.
Children are evil.
Children are evil. I know. I used to be one.
Yeah.
Okay guys.
Where we last left off.
(43:07):
Devin got himself into a trashy situation.
Oh shit.
He's in the dumpster on this one, but this time it might be his life on the line.
He's entered the church of time, which happens to be a cult where they are pretty much need a sacrifice at a specific time.
Otherwise it's the end of the world or so they claim.
(43:29):
There's a priestess.
You know, cultist.
Yeah. Priestess Teal, who is, I guess, the person who must sacrifice someone.
Otherwise the end of time, blah, blah, blah.
And, you know, Devin's trying his best to get out of the situation, but he's kind of failing miserably.
And it also doesn't help that he's not created technology and they want him to create an account for some reason.
(43:52):
For some reason.
We'd like to throw a wrench in our already broken story.
And this one is broken.
So we're like a cuckoo clock that only goes coo.
Exactly.
So we're going to spin a topic wheel to make things even worse.
And they already are.
Even worse.
Let's spin it.
Spin it.
(44:18):
Super speed.
Okay.
Anita, do you do you have any thoughts on how we can incorporate super speed into the story?
Because I got nothing.
The timing before he has to be sacrificed.
Hmm.
Oh, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe the priestess has hurt.
(44:40):
She uses her time powers to make everything slow down so she can move really fast.
Oh, that's not a slasher with super speed.
Is she the slasher?
No.
No, who's the slasher?
I don't know.
But they have to come in.
Okay.
You know what I mean by when I say slasher?
Like a dude or gal slashing people.
Yeah, like a Jason or a Freddy Krueger.
(45:02):
Yeah, I thought I was going to be the priestess.
Oh.
But I don't know.
Do you like that?
Do you want to be the slashy slash?
It sounds like I have to talk more.
It does sound like you need to talk more.
That doesn't sound like a good idea.
So we're looking at the clock and the watch of, what's his name, the little short guy?
I don't remember.
I don't remember either.
I'm going to get it though.
(45:24):
What's his name?
Marvin or Melvin.
Melvin.
Melvin.
Good memory.
Melvin's looking at his clock and he says, okay, I think we only have a couple more minutes
precess and, and then we have to make the sacrifice or he has to make an account.
How's it going over there?
Devin?
I'm figuring it out.
I'm just give me, give me a few more minutes and I'll have it all set up.
(45:48):
Okay.
Don't stress out.
Okay.
I'm going to walk over.
I'm going to see where you're at.
I'm putting in my secret password.
Okay.
All right.
Fine.
I won't look.
I won't look.
Yeah.
I'm going to die.
He looks up at the clock and he notices that time is speeding up ever so slightly.
(46:08):
Why am I sweating so much?
Precess, precess, the time, the time.
What's going on?
What's happening?
It's one of those time is speeding up.
If we don't do this quickly, isn't that right?
Isn't that right?
Priestess?
She's not saying anything.
That's not a good sign.
So listen, I'm going to need you to create.
And then suddenly you see a freaking knife just go through the neck of Melvin.
(46:33):
He goes, he tries to speak and he can't and Gluyven runs over Melvin, Melvin, are you
okay?
Melvin.
He falls to the floor.
Melvin.
And once again, a group, small group comes up, opens up his body, takes off the organs
and small and they put it in a little basket with some clock themes in there, you know,
(46:57):
and then they give it to the priestess.
What does the precess do with it?
Sets it on a table near the bigger table where the sacrifice will be laid.
Okay.
So on the floor as this is happening, we see a very tall woman.
Her name is Gwen.
Gwen.
And she has white silver hair and flowing in the wind and she has bloodshot eyes and
(47:25):
a clock, a pocket watch that she pulls out.
Long bony fingers.
Long bony fingers, very pale.
Hot.
Hot.
That boy speaks way too much.
Priestess, I'm so sorry I'm late.
I had a bit of traffic.
Are you okay?
Yes.
It's almost time and I noticed that time is speeding up.
We don't have much.
What's going on over here?
(47:45):
Who's this?
Devin.
She walks over and she's wearing heels by the way.
You hear those heels and she's getting closer.
No, no, you don't got to come over here.
It's okay over here.
We're doing fine.
Are you creating an account?
Yeah.
I'm almost done.
I'm almost done with creating this account in this computation machine.
She pulls out a gun and aims it for him.
(48:06):
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
You are chosen sacrifice for today.
I was, that other guy, the one that just died so, so hard, told me that if I made an account
I wouldn't have to do all that.
So I'm just going to, I'm just finishing this up real quick.
This is, it's only going to take me a few more minutes.
(48:27):
She walks very slowly over to see the screen.
Do you have a Facebook account?
No, no, no, I don't, I don't have Facebook.
Do you have a Gmail account?
Oh no, Gmail.
Priestess, what do you want to do with him?
As she looks up and is waiting for her reply, what is Devin doing?
Uh, crying.
Uh, I used to have aim.
(48:48):
I didn't make it, I didn't make it though.
It kind of made it for me.
You hear a knock, knock, knock at the door very loudly.
And Gwen looks up.
Who's at the door?
Do you have friends, Devin?
I mean, yeah.
I mean, there's Larry, there's Cordero, there's Marcus.
There's Jonathan.
Priestess, if there's more rich, if there's more sacrifices, we'll have more time.
(49:12):
I wish I knew more girls.
This is what I need, I know.
Christopher.
Devin, please speak only when spoken to.
Yes ma'am.
We have less than two minutes.
Otherwise it's the end of time.
She looks at her arm and it's beginning to disintegrate.
What we're finding out is it's going to be the end of time for them.
Gross.
The priestess looks up at her arm and she's also noticing that the particles are coming
(49:34):
off of her skin also.
Sick.
She walks over to the priestess, grabs a knife, and answers the door.
Hello, are you Larry?
No, no I'm not Larry.
Who are you?
I'm Reggie.
Stabs Reggie.
Pulls him in, closes the door, drags his corpse over to the priestess, and lays him on the
(49:58):
floor.
He's still dying.
He's not dead completely yet.
I'm not dead.
I'm just really hurt.
It hurts really bad.
Priestess, quickly.
We don't have much time.
We're going to play this.
What was the...
The lady wakes up and starts, I'm playing this.
I'm playing the organ.
No.
So the priestess opens up the body of Larry.
(50:19):
He is very dead.
And the life essence of Larry, you know, like the white and the red blood cells, kind of
just coalesce and like form all over the priestess.
And her skin starts to form again.
And time starts to come back to her.
(50:39):
Nice and supple.
And then Gwen also checks her skin.
It's also starting to form back.
We bought ourselves five minutes, but we need more time.
Five minutes is not a very long time.
What's how's Devon feeling right now?
Afraid.
Afraid.
Is he still trying to make this account?
He's still trying, but he's just, he called Chuck E. Cheese and they were like, no, we
(51:02):
don't have a ball pit anymore and they hung up and he, he, he, he, he ordered like 500
CDs on a website for a penny and, and he got a, there's a bunch of porn pop ups.
He's like, I don't know.
I don't know how these got here.
I didn't, I didn't click this.
I didn't, I didn't.
We have a knock, knock, knock at the door.
(51:22):
Who is it?
She answers the door.
It's a pizza man.
Hi, I'm here.
My name's Henry.
I got, I got two, 200 large pizza.
We can only do 20 at a time, but we have more in the car.
The smell knocks her off her feet.
And she just got some powerful cheese and just falls to the floor.
(51:44):
Oh no, Gwen, our captain, priestess pepperoni, our weakness.
We can't, we have to do something.
They're allergic to pepperoni.
Hey, I just, I still got these pizzas, so I'm going to come in.
I'm sorry about the smell.
He walks in.
His headphones on Henry and like as he's walking in with these pizzas, there's just like people
(52:05):
are just gathering to the walls.
They can't handle this smell, man.
Luckily, Devin loves pepperoni.
Devin, what are you doing?
Is that, is that pepperoni?
Oh yeah.
I got 20 pepperonis and I got a 180 in the car.
It's going to be like $2,000.
Oh yeah, man.
He runs, he runs out of him and he's like, I'll go get the rest of them out the car.
(52:28):
They'll pay you.
And then, oh, okay.
All right.
So he's running.
What is he doing?
He runs to his motherfucking truck that's still on.
Yeah.
And he feels the fuck out of there.
He's driving and you know, he is on the freeway.
He is going, he's going.
What's he, what's he doing at this point as he's just kind of, it's been like a good like
(52:50):
two minutes as he's like driven away.
Laughing.
He's so happy to be out.
I thought you was going to kill David.
That shit ain't having.
I'm out of here.
I'm out of here.
Suddenly as he's at a stoplight, he looks in the rear view mirror and in the back seat
(53:15):
is the priestess.
She is just sitting there motionless.
What's your, what's, what's your reaction to that?
Oh, he dies.
She stabs him.
Stabs him through the car seat, through the car seat into the back of the head out of
his forehead.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Devon died.
Whoa.
Dang.
Okay.
So that happens and Devon gets thrown into the freeway.
(53:37):
Car runs over and breaks open his skull.
The priestess was already dead.
The priestess, the priestess walks over to the driver's seat and she takes off that fucking
stupid veil.
You know, the stupid veil.
She adjusts the rear view mirror and is Devon's ghost behind her.
(54:00):
Devon's ghost is behind her, but the ghost can't do shit.
And the priestess turns on the radio.
What does she turn it to?
Is monkey monkey still a thing?
I don't think so.
Is she a rockhead?
She likes rock.
She puts it on Linkin Park.
She puts it on Linkin Park.
Cut my life into pieces.
That's not even Linkin Park.
(54:20):
What about wake me up?
Wake me up and save me.
Yeah, that's Linkin Park.
Wake me up and save me.
She kind of lets her hair down.
She tears off this stupid priestess outfit and she revealing like a tank top and just
kind of just more loose, relaxed clothes.
Tattoos, a bunch of clocks.
(54:42):
Tattoos.
And her eyes rolled back to her to look normal again.
And she picks up a phone out of her pocket and she removes her account from the Church
of Time.
She drives off.
She clicks delete account and then she gets an email that says, hey, we see you left.
(55:08):
Are you sure?
You don't want to come back for a reduced fee?
And she's like, yes, I'm sure.
Unsubscribe.
She drives off and we don't know where she goes.
We cut back to the garbage truck.
We cut back to the Church of Time and everyone who was there is now skeletons.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(55:29):
Yeah.
Rock, rock, like like fossilized skeleton fossilized.
They've been there for thousands of years.
And the doors close.
They automatically lock themselves and chain themselves up.
And the bell tolls and it kind of fades into obscurity once again.
That's the end, guys.
(55:49):
That's the end.
We did it.
That is quite a spooky story, right?
I'm covered in goose bumps.
Oh my gosh.
Goose pimples.
Do you say goose pimples or goose bumps?
Goose bumps.
OK, yeah, me too.
Goose bumps.
I want to thank Anita for being here and joining us on this terrible, terrible podcast.
Anita, where, you know, I don't know if you want people to find you online, but.
(56:12):
Absolutely not.
That's fine.
Leave Anita alone, guys.
You know, no one listens anyway.
That's all right.
Thank you.
What is something you want to shout out to people listening?
I don't.
OK, what is what's your favorite drink?
Jameson.
Jameson.
Shout out to Jameson.
Not a sponsor.
Not a sponsor.
Definitely not a sponsor.
(56:32):
I don't really want you out of sponsor.
And Anita, thank you.
Thank you again for being here.
I know this is a kind of a nerve wracking show, but you did it.
Freaking did it.
You're on an episode.
So you did it.
Thank you.
You only peed once.
It's fine.
Just once is pretty good.
You can go ahead and throw that shirt out.
I know it's kind of sweaty now.
Nuckedy.
(56:52):
Huh?
Where can they find your ass?
Oh, me.
You know, I don't like talking about me, man.
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Tell the people.
You can find me in St. Louis rolling on Dove.
I got to stop saying that.
You can find me at NUQADY on all the social medias if you need beats or studio time.
You go on ahead and hit me up for that stuff.
(57:15):
And when I say beats, I don't just mean music.
I can make whatever you want, man.
I make video game stuff, movie stuff, whatever.
Sound effects, all that.
Sound design, all that shit.
Nice.
I do it all.
Yeah.
Nice.
And do me a favor and go ahead and tell your friends about us so that we don't feel like
we're shouting into the void anymore.
You know, let people know that we're here and we're doing this here show for you.
(57:40):
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're silly heads.
You can also check us out at linktree.com slash DNGPOD and you can click the merch link,
buy yourself a definitely not good hat or definitely not good shirt.
And we also have social media accounts on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and MySpace.
Threads.
Threads.
Clapper.
(58:00):
Clapper.
We're all over the place, baby.
Clapper, guys.
Maybe only fans, but I have nothing to do with that if we're on there.
He doesn't know that I'm taking pictures of his feet when he's sleeping.
Oh, that.
Okay.
I knew it.
Shit.
Oh, yeah.
And I haven't said this in a while, but if you guys want to draw anything that you like
from the show, go ahead and draw that up and send it to us.
(58:21):
That definitely not good podcast at gmail.com.
That'd be nice.
For sure.
Post that shit and tag you in that motherfucker.
For sure.
Yeah.
So, guys, have yourself a merry little spook fest.
And we'll catch you on the next one.
Bye-bye.
Candy.
That's absolutely not good.
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