68 - Crayzie World 🔫 ( feat. Chris Crayzie ) - Definitely Not Good

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What up, you dingus?

(00:01):
This is Definitely Not Good, the podcast where we create stories
and they're definitely probably not good.
I'm your host, CJ, and I'm joined by my producer, Nuckety.
Hey, folks, we have a very, very special guest here today.
We got Chris Krazy.
What's up? You bet you.
What's up, man?
And that wasn't the guest.
No, if you gotta get it out, man,

(00:24):
this is the podcast to do it.
Just get a real bitch. Absolutely.
You bet you. Yeah, we're here.
Thanks, guys.
Chris Krazy, thank you so much.
I don't know what this is, but it's definitely not good.
If this is your first time listening, this is pretty much how everything works.

(00:58):
We are amazing storytellers.
Amazing.
And it's our job, our sacred duty,
to come up with a story completely from scratch with a little twist.
We have a series of wheels we're going to spin, each of them random.
And depending on where they land on the wheel,
we have to somehow incorporate it into a story to the best of our ability.
To the best of our ability.

(01:18):
And today we have Chris Krazy here to help us tell the story, too.
How are you doing, Chris?
I'm good. I'm just trying to figure out what you niggas
have been getting me into. Oh, man, you're in it.
You know, this is a pause.
Side note. Yeah.
Did you make that slapper for the? Yeah, I did.
I did. I did. Yeah.
Yeah, he made that top five.
You're right. You're right. Yeah.

(01:38):
I told you black. Yes.
OK. Yeah.
Now, what's the what's the fucking go around?
What's happening? Yeah.
What's happening? Yeah.
Go, please. We're going to make up a movie.
We're just going to we're just going to tell the whole story on the spot as it
goes, and we're going to spin wheels to find out what we're going to use to make
that movie. Oh, yeah.
And I'll ask you at some point, if you want to play like a character,

(02:00):
you can say no, if you'd like.
No, you can't. Well, damn.
Right. Right.
You can play play a different character if you prefer.
I'm not going to force you into playing a character you do not like.
Hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
But yeah, today you're here joining us.
How's your day going, Chris Crazy?
It's blessed, man.
Every day above ground is good. Excellent. Excellent.

(02:22):
Preach daughters happy, my bitch happy.
Mm hmm. Life's happy. We're good.
We're breathing, baby. Oh, we're breathing.
All right. Oh, yeah. Just barely. A little bit.
I know Nuckabee likes to start with a little warm up.
I knew him. I'm going to pass the baton over to him.
Hey, Chris Crazy. Take a sip.
Yeah, brother. Yes, brother. How you doing, my man?
I'm blessed, man. Thank you again.

(02:44):
Hey, could you do me a favor to the to the best of your ability?
Could you hum the theme song to I Roll Monsters?
To who? I Roll Monsters.
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.

(03:05):
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.
Give it to you. Yo.
Wow. Give it up for Chris Crazy, everybody.
I didn't know that. For your mama.
I didn't know you could hum it that good, man.
That was a good man. That was a good pause.
Hey, yo.
Hey.
That was fantastic. Thank you.
Wonderful.

(03:27):
Now, was that a real show? Yeah.
Because I've never fucking heard of it.
Yeah, because you sang the theme song perfectly.
You pretty much had it.
I hummed out the name of what you just said.
I love Jeannie Dream Show or whatever the fuck it was.
OK. OK.
I'm going to say yes.
Can we get a little kid saying yay on that?
Nice. OK.
I hope there wasn't. It's Robert Kelly here.

(03:49):
Guys, did he hear, huh?
No, no kids. Fuck them kids.
He'll add that in post later.
Yeah. And they are above...
Never mind.
I'm not going to deal with that.
Leave that there, Blair.
Swoop. OK.
So, yeah.
Chris Crazy, can I ask why
your nickname is Chris Crazy?

(04:11):
Like, it does sound cool, but I'm curious
on your origin.
Yeah, where'd that come from, bud?
Of doing dumb shit young.
Doing super duper dumb shit young.
And yeah, it's sort of stuck.
It's stuck. And then I parlayed it into some G shit.
OK. All right.
Yeah, but it stems from dumb shit
high school, you know.
I may call you pissy Paul.

(04:33):
You must have used to urinate on yourself
until high school or something.
You know, the bitch that falls down the steps prom night.
They're never going to let you live that down.
Never ever. And yet you're still here.
I'm here. On purpose.
Excellent. On purpose.
What do you do your day to day?
What's a Chris Crazy day look like?
I brush my teeth.
Brush my tongue.

(04:55):
That's very important.
If niggas ain't doing that, wash my ass.
I medicate.
What's that?
Like, do you wash your ass after you
brush your tongue?
Just in the course of before I hit the screech.
OK, gotcha. I'm just trying to
sequential, you know, in my mind.
It's on the checklist, but deodorant doesn't really matter.
Yeah, don't worry about men

(05:17):
washing their bodies.
Just make sure motherfuckers is
washing their ass, hopefully.
And yeah, you know,
bump bitches, smoke weed,
make money,
create content.
You know, it's just a bunch of whites
stealing. So I don't give a fuck
what they doing.
I ain't fighting crime. I ain't the crime stopper.

(05:39):
I just see a bunch of zombified
whites
stealing.
And I run right up on them. Live Nigg Action News.
We're here. Oh, wow.
This is real. He has several videos.
Hopefully he's... Oh, this isn't a video
podcast. I would say roll the clip.
Go ahead.
He has several videos of him catching criminals
in the act. Whites.

(06:01):
White criminals.
Because they always see blacks or Mexicans,
mainly blacks. I ain't seeing no niggas stealing.
See, that's strange because I didn't know
white people could be criminals. That's so
weird. The biggest.
Wow. Are you... What?
So you're not
a crime fighter, but you are a superhero.
That's what you're saying. No, I'm just a nigga
living. What's

(06:23):
going on is live. I'm a nigga.
It's action.
And I bring you news.
Live Nigg Action News.
You're fucking welcome. Where can I tune
into that? YouTube.
For the clips. I had to draw down twice
on two motherfuckers. Like, man, don't
die about this tostinos and these
seventeen ties, bitch.
This is fucking shoplifting.

(06:45):
You're about to get shot, bro. Like, please.
Yeah, because you're upset that I'm
filming. Nigga, kill yourself.
Is someone really stealing tostinos?
Oh, they're stealing everything. You gotta go
look up the clips, bro. They couldn't go for anything higher
quality than tostinos? That worth... No.
Uh-uh. Because about at that time...
Not even a red baron? That's
right. The good shit,
about that time,

(07:07):
they made the law that they can't touch
them. Or no, that they could.
So, like, the best buy and the good
shit, they already wrapped that up.
So it's like grocery stores
and Ross's and little shit like that.
Oh, damn. But yeah. Okay. There's
episodes on there of whites
stealing.
Well, I'm gonna be asking
for those deets after the show.

(07:29):
Stay tuned for that, everyone.
Type in L-N-A-N
or Live Nigga Action News.
It should pop up.
It's probably not getting no traction because of the name.
Fuck them.
Right?
We don't have a sponsor today,
but we do have a wheel to spin a sponsor
and choose one randomly.
We do. So let's do that.

(07:51):
Yeah.
Today's episode is brought to you by Fudge.
Oh, this episode's probably sponsored by Fudge.
Hey, are you a fudge guy?
Chris Crazy, like, do you like that Christmas, like,
you know, like someone baked the chocolate
in, like, an oven and then they, like,
cut it up into cubes and then, like, they give

(08:13):
you, like, the fudge. Like, do you like that?
Do you like that shit? That sounds like
it's raisins in the potato salad
at that.
I like it.
So fuck no, I don't know about any of that.
What is that? Fondue? Chocolate fondue?
I don't know how fudge is made, if I'm being honest.
It's made around the corner, so.
Yeah, right.
I was going to say some wild shit.

(08:35):
Yeah, Fudge, we ain't eating Fudge.
Niggas is eating
sweet potato pie,
7-Up cake, you know,
that cobbler, that peach cobbler thing.
That blackberry cobbler.
Niggas ain't making schmores.
I know our sponsor today
is Fudge, but
you got nothing on blackberry cobbler, though.
That's fucking the best.

(08:57):
Or apple pie.
Or carrot cake.
A lot of things are better than fudge.
Or good with fudge.
Or good with it, like.
Oh, it's just regular chocolate
you eat with pretzels? Or is that fudge?
Fudge is a certain kind of chocolate, though, right?
It's kind of like a
mix between, like, a chocolate bar
and a piece of brownie.

(09:19):
It's like in between. It's a good description.
Yeah, it's a horrible description.
It's nothing like any of those.
You disagree? What would you say
fudge is like?
Like a dark chocolate.
Because that tastes different. It's dark chocolate fudge.
Oh, it is dark chocolate fudge? Sometimes, yeah.
But they make it out of different stuff. There's peanut butter fudge. It's delicious.
Here's my description of fudge.
Fudge is like, imagine like frosting, but just

(09:41):
hardened and put together in a cube.
That's good, too. That's what fudge is.
It's thick. Yeah.
Oh, no, I don't like
fudge at all.
That's the little square.
Yeah, that's the bullshit.
Give me milk chocolate, man. What's the snickers chocolate?
What's the Amaroka chocolate?
Give me the gentrified chocolate.
I want that.

(10:03):
Well, we want to thank fudge for sponsoring us.
We're not really big fans of you, but thank you
for being on the show.
Appreciate your money. Shout out fudge.
You try your best, you know?
I'm fudging around.
We're fudging around.
For the
listeners, we are recording
this one day before the election.
Is it one day?

(10:25):
So by the time you're hearing
this, you'll know who your president is.
But we are still kind of in the dark.
So I just want to touch real quick
since we're in this kind of
interesting
timing here. Chris Crazy,
what's your take on politics in the world?
And society?
And reality?
What's your take on it, man?

(10:47):
Nothing's
fudging as it
seems. Nothing's real
anymore. Was anything ever
fudging real? Probably not.
Trump will never be president. And that
motherfugger was president. Right.
The first go round. So
anything subject to happen,
them people gonna do, and you know
who the fud I'm saying when I say them

(11:09):
people are gonna do what they
want to do. It don't matter
the polls, Bush, how they
then mucked up them numbers the first
time and all the
stiless or two evils, man. Niggas should have
made Kanye the motherfuckin president.
So, you know,
I don't know who it's gonna be,
man. What if we went to that alternate reality
and the country's just thriving? Cause

(11:31):
Kanye was the best president of
all time. Of all time.
Right? Beyonce had the best
video of all time.
Kanye would be the best president of all time.
I don't fucking know, bro.
Cause they're puppets. They're told what to do.
So niggas was upset. Obama didn't
do nothing for black people but did everything
for gays. That was the agenda
that they had. Set aside you gotta do

(11:53):
what you're told, boy. Do you think
we're gonna be alright as a
nation? No.
We've been fucked. We're fucking doomed.
They're not kissing the back of your neck.
They're not using lube. Whoa. Nothing.
You're fucked. Damn.
He did it. Not even the lube. Cause he bought all the oil.
So, you're
fucked. Your mouth, your butt,
you're fucked. All of us.

(12:15):
Kids, pets, all this shit.
Rent. Rent?
Oh boy. Rent. Rent.
Ah, man.
It's something else, man. It's something else. Food, things,
this shit is through the roof, bro.
My man lives in Seattle, so.
Yeah, I live in Seattle, so I
feel the lube.
Let me put it that way. He sells his body
for rent, you guys. Unfortunately.

(12:37):
Fuck. It's part of the whole
economy. The whole shtick.
Well, I wanna ask, like, you know,
I agree, we are
fucked, but
I wanna ask you,
like, you know, let's say, like, you were
a politician, Chris Crazy, like,
you fucking got your ass
on a sim- I'd be like Marion Barry, yo.
Who's that? He was the

(12:59):
black mayor of D.C.
He got caught
smoking crack.
I'd be smoking weed. I would not be smoking crack.
Fentanyl, meth, nothing. This weed
might have been, depending on the time,
it might have been the ecstasy using
mayor of the city, but yeah.
What'd you like about him?
That he made the city move. There was
more things for black people and people

(13:21):
of color just in general under his
watch. He got caught in some scandal
cause ain't nobody fucking perfect.
Right, Cosby? Right, Kemp? Right, Tyson?
Right. Anybody, any fucking body.
Me, myself, so, yeah.
It's, um, it would be Marion Barry
though, cause I'ma do what I'm doing. I'm
human, bitch, but things happen.
Plus you shouldn't even be following me or doing this
fuck shit, no way.

(13:43):
So if you were in power, you would
be doing the best you can until you got caught for a scandal?
Nah, I'd probably be doing
like the white man, fucking up shit.
Grabbing him by the pussy, stealing,
taking the taxpayers money, all
that shit, cause why not?
Absolutely power, nobody.
Nobody, until you run into
the match, cause you always have
a match. Oof.

(14:05):
Like, does Floyd Mayweather have money?
That nigga got money. Yes, sir.
He's got money? I think, yeah.
I think Floyd might have
a couple dollars saved up. Somebody writes
him checks. Yeah, that's crazy.
That's money. So Floyd
ain't got no money, he got nigga money.
There ain't no fucking money, somebody's
writing you a check. Who in the fuck
is that? So

(14:27):
Floyd's rich, that motherfucker wealthy.
Big difference.
Mm-hmm. Okay,
okay. What's the solution?
If Floyd learned to read, do you think
he'd do better? He'd probably be more ignorant.
Okay, I hear that. Right?
I could read, motherfucker.
Like all the Harry Potter passages.
Yeah.
I swear he can, and that joke just went

(14:49):
way too far.
I don't think he can. You don't think he can?
No. We can do some other shit.
You take your box, I'll tell you that.
Come on, and that's all you need the fuck to do.
Right? If that's your thing, that's the
knit. Okay. Floyd, if you're listening to this, I don't
know these guys. All right, we're cool. We're cool, man.
Floyd, if you're listening, nigga, shoot us some money.
We want some money on.
We black owned.

(15:11):
We here struggling too. We make it look
good, nigga, but yeah, everybody
need that endorphin boost. Send us
something, Floyd. Chris Krazy, what is the
antidote to the poison in
this country?
Nigga, I thought we were smoking weed
joking on this
motherfucking show, bro.
Nigga.

(15:33):
Nigga, I have the slightest.
He has politics on his head, didn't he?
He's on me. Nigga.
Call me Don Tavius Trump. Nigga,
God damn.
You know, take care of
you and yours, and if the cup overflow,
then help. You know?
Well, God damn. I guess.
You sitting on wisdom over there. Wisdom is
fucked, man. For sure, but not, you know,

(15:55):
niggas and flies. So talk that dumb shit
because they ain't ready. I've been Charleston
White before Charleston White. So, you
know, I want the serious side and keep it
bubbly, but it is wisdom. It
most definitely is wisdom. How would
you maneuver? It seems they is wisdom. All this
time. Yeah, you got to. You know, I feel
like people just keep making their cup bigger, though.
You know what I'm saying? It's
gluttonous. Yeah.

(16:17):
Iphone 6, what is
this? The new one, the C charger,
all the shit. The 12 wasn't
good enough. Apparently not.
You can take dick pics with that one. You can take
dick pics with this one. Clearer now.
But it's an 8K, though. You know,
like. So now they can see the black heads
on your whatever.
That's not a hair bump,
bitch. So,

(16:39):
it's not enough? It's enough. It's been
enough. Yeah. So the cup gets
bigger. It's never enough. Everybody
wants everything right then, right now.
You waiting on the page to load. You can cuss
your bitch out because it took four or five
seconds. So,
yeah.
Ain't no antidote. Take care of you
and yours. Yeah. You can't
do nothing else about nobody else.

(17:01):
So as Lil Brothers asked, how you being
Chris with your sucker ducking
because the city is full of suckers.
That's why I be in the house, man. God
damn. Yeah. Hey.
You know. Hey, speaking of being suckers,
why don't we get started with this dumb ass podcast,
guys? Yeah, sure. Let's start it. All right.
All right. All right.
Right. Our first wheel
is our genre wheel. What are we making

(17:23):
today? We're gonna make a
.
.
. A 90s sitcom.
OK. I like those.
You like 90s sitcoms? 90s sitcoms.
Straight up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
What's your favorite 90s sitcom?
Is it Family Matters?
No, that wasn't that was a 90s
was it? Was that 80s?

(17:45):
Family Matters? That's 2000s.
Right? No.
No. Family Matters with Steve
Urkel? Oh, Family Matters. I'm thinking
a family guy.
No.
The weeds working fellas. Yeah.
Martin. Fuck out of here. Martin.
We got. Oh, shit.
That's a callback right there. Fresh

(18:07):
branch. Get the fuck out of here.
Martin. Martin. That was a good show.
Martin. Man.
Living single. Oh, my
fucking Malcolm and Eddie.
Kill him. Kill him. Wayans brother.
Wayans brothers was crazy,
man. I love that. Fuckin' BJs.
BJs is on 2B, you guys.
Go check that out. Come on.
I hungi, Supa.

(18:29):
Hey, so now we're gonna fuck it up.
We're gonna fuck it up with some more wheel spins.
Our next wheel spin is our
setting. Where is this 90s sitcom
place? Where at?
It's back.
It's back.
A little flip
concert.
Where it swallowed at?
Pause. Nigga.

(18:53):
Was TI there? Cause fuck little
flip. Why? Re-spin or
re-flip again.
What? I think we're gonna have to stick with
it. Although I don't. That's fine.
Why?
I don't know. It's a wheel.
Didn't you hear the nigga?
Yeah, he made the noises.
Okay, little flip concert.
It's in the 90s, so let's just say that's what

(19:15):
the character's trying to get to by the end of the
night. Sure. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Cool.
Very cool. Our next wheel is our character
job. What is the job of the main character?
Ah,
ah,
ah,
oh, they're an artist.
Okay. That checks.
Maybe like a graffiti artist. Oh, maybe.

(19:37):
Porn artist.
Could be a porn artist. Like the person
who draws porn or makes porn.
If you're drawing
porn, is that...
Hentai? Hentai?
Don't act like you don't know what that is.
It is anime. He is anime.
Okay, our next wheel is our character
flaw. Something is wrong with this artist.

(19:59):
What is it?
What is it?
What is it?
Uh, green stones
make them weak.
They're like gallstones? Gallbladder?
I think he means like more
kryptonite, like Superman,
kryptonite type deal. But, a green
stone? Mm-hmm.
Could be like, you know, maybe you can interpret it

(20:21):
as something else. Maybe like he's a crack?
You know, like radioactive crack?
Green crack? Oh. Wait, that's weird.
Uh...
Yeah, shitty strain, but they got one
called green crack. Yeah.
Sounds good to me.
Our second to last wheel
is our antagonist.
Who is the bad person of our story?
Antagonist!

(20:43):
Am I being loud?
No.
You're good. You're good.
A monkey with numchucks.
Yeah, man, there's three black people in here.
Couldn't make it too normal,
okay? We had to throw a monkey with numchucks in there.
Monkey with numchucks. So, to recap,
we have a 90's sitcom
with the main character being an artist.
They're trying to go to a little flip concert.

(21:05):
Their weakness is green
crack. Good with green stones.
Good with green stones, sure.
And the antagonist is a
monkey with numchucks. Monkey with numchucks.
Chris Krazy, would you like to play
our main character today, our artist?
The artist? Yeah.
Formerly known as Chris Krazy.
Oh, hi. Like Roger
Nelson. Okay. God bless the dead.

(21:27):
You want to play Chris Krazy
in this sitcom? Are we going to be
yourself? Oh, yeah, no. Is this meta?
We could do that.
Or do you want to play a different character?
Yeah, I thought it was a different character. I don't know
what y'all need me to do. Let's do it.
I feel like this should be the Chris Krazy show.
You feel like that? Yeah, but it takes place in the 90's.
You cool with that? Yep, fuck it.
Okey dokey. I like it.

(21:49):
What kind of artist are you?
Um
Porno. Pornography.
Gotta be porno. Gotta be porno.
Yup, we fucking need to be.
What's uh,
in this Chris Krazy 90's sitcom
what's his living condition like?
Does he have roommates? Does he have a family?
What's he doing? Mini Mansion.
No family. Scrooge McDuck.

(22:11):
Doing it. Nice.
Fuck everything. Everybody. Yep.
Alright, so this first scene is
Chris Krazy, you know, he's got
his money robe on, you know, and he's walking in his lavish marbled floor hallway.
It's a kimono.
It's a kimono.
All across the walls are pictures of porn stars, um, you know,

(22:33):
Pinky, Pinky, and the Prime.
Playboy bunnies.
Awards shaped like dicks.
Elmo for some reason. No nigga.
No. Shaped like klits.
Shaped like areolas. I misspoke.
Shaped like panties, nigga.
And uh,
you know, he opens the door
to his pool lounge.
In it is some girls waiting for him

(22:55):
with already a lit marijuana pipe.
Um, Joints.
She says, Hi Chris Krazy!
Bitch don't speak until spoken to.
Oh, you're so right. I'm so sorry.
Here's your pipe.
Oh no, it's a lady.
It's a lady. Put it on the coffee table, bitch.
You got it. She puts it on the coffee table.
And someone else
quickly brings you

(23:17):
a newspaper. And uh,
your buddy Freestyle comes by.
Freestyle. And he wears
dark shades.
He's a music producer.
And uh, he's
a fucking terrible person. Would you like to play
Freestyle for us? A terrible person? Yeah, sure.
Yeah, he's a terrible person. What's up, man?
Nigga, I told you, don't come
in here with them glasses on. That lets

(23:39):
everybody know you're a coke user.
Listen, I got a
prescription. I got a... Spell
prescription, nigga. Uh,
R. Get out.
Alright. So knock, knock, knock on the
door. You see that there's a man in
a suit. A white man. Very tall.
Could have played for the Lakers,
but he decided not to. Uh,
you see him in the glass window, and he says

(24:01):
Mr. Krazy,
Mr. Krazy, please open up.
It's really hot out here.
You shot that nigga through the door like
the white people were shooting the black kids through the door.
Oh, you can't shoot.
I can. Y'all do what the fuck y'all want to.
He falls to the ground and
bleeds out.
Can we make sure we add a laugh track to that?
Oh, there's gonna be a laugh track.

(24:23):
Oh, excellent. Excellent.
God damn,
well there goes my whole plot device.
Holy shit. It was supposed to be all black.
Like, don't drink your juice
in the hood. I'll be in a minute.
Okay, so, um, his
associate comes through. He's black.
You know, he's fine. But he's a little ambiguous.
You know, he's light skinned, you know,
kinda like me, so you can't really tell

(24:45):
what race he is.
He's Iranian, he's a nigga, he's Mexican.
He's something. He's something.
Hey, um, hey, my name's
Charles, uh, are you Mr. Krazy?
Why are you here if you don't know
who I am? Um,
pow!
Damn, okay, I'm leaving.
You shot right past me. Alright, I'm out of here.

(25:07):
I'm out of here. I'm out of here.
You tell your friends, nigga!
Two more for the road.
Holy shit. Uh, a girl comes by,
her name is
Glassjaw. How old is she?
She is... Very important.
She is 80 years old. Word.
How ya doin',
Mr. Krazy?
Hit the back room, grab the oil on your way back there.

(25:29):
I got some bad news for ya, I'm sorry.
It's gonna have to wait. You're gonna have to wait.
I done laid down two already,
bitch, you ready for the third? Pow!
Get on back there in that room.
I'm so sorry, here you go.
You shootin' the 80-year-old lady?
Okay, wait, is she going back?
I'm gonna go back, alright.
No more talkin', bitch, just grab the stuff,
get to that third back room.

(25:51):
Okay, you got it, you got it. I'm just gonna leave this here,
she puts down a letter on the table.
It says, you've been served.
What was I served?
What am I served? You have to read it.
Okay, oh, I need to read the
letter right now.
That's what the two men were trying to do.
That's what they were trying to do, yeah.
They stuck it in the door.
They just continue to bleed out.

(26:13):
Let me open up this letter, this whole bag
of bones done left.
And I'll go ahead and narrate the letter.
To whom it may concern, Mr. Chris Krazy,
there is a...
You have agreed to come to a concert
for Little Flip and perform for him.
And you must be there within
two hours, otherwise
your assets will be
liquidated and you will

(26:35):
no longer be on
the label.
It says all of it.
Right, right, yeah.
Sincerely signed, white man and ambiguous
black man. Well,
let me grab my little Louis Vuitton
duffel bag.
We're going on a trip today. Grab my pot in the
tip Harris and we're on our way
to the sunny red,

(26:57):
I mean, Little Flip
concert.
One of us is Clifford.
In fucking Parkland at a dive bar.
One of the girls comes up,
now make sure you don't take that green
crack, okay? I know you got it like a case
of it right next to you.
Damn, we're killing everybody
out here.
Did we make eye contact?

(27:19):
He doesn't even need to reload. Nah,
this is new shit.
This is a crazy ass show, man.
I guess it tracks.
I was wild in the 90s, guys.
You don't understand. They were shooting, killing
everything. That's true. One season, 80
episodes.
Okay, we're going to cut
to outside
of Chris Krazy's mini mansion.

(27:41):
Freestyle is kind of just
looking back and forth and
trying to make sure the coast
is clear and he approaches a white van.
The van opens up.
Freestyle, get over here. Yeah, you
got the stuff? You can drop the accent, man.
Oh, thank God.
How's the operation going?
Smoothly. He doesn't suspect a thing.
Does he know about the monkey? No, no, no.

(28:03):
Okay, we carefully planted that monkey
just to reiterate, you know,
because we need to fucking make sure
this operation goes off without a hitch, okay?
Yeah, we got to say that loud. Yeah, we have to say that loud.
No, who we're talking to.
We placed Maxwell,
the kung fu monkey, inside
of his bedroom. He's going to go get
dressed for the concert, the little
flip concert, but before he can make

(28:25):
it there, he's going to be attacked
by this monkey inside of
his bedroom. And you need to make sure that he
goes into his bedroom and doesn't go
to his other five bedrooms where the
monkey is not in. Yes.
That is the plan. Thanks for saying that out loud.
Just to reconfirm that, you know,
that was the plan. And make sure he does not take
the green crack or he becomes super powerful.
Okay? Oh, yeah.

(28:47):
Actually, that's new for me. I didn't
know that. You didn't know about the green crack? No, I didn't know about the
green crack. I'll show you.
So he opens the case and it's
just glowing, glowing,
radioactive.
That's incredible. Wow.
Now make sure that you get
him in that bedroom and if
you don't, then
all those deaths are for nothing. You know how many

(29:09):
people he's killed?
Around like 300,
400? He killed five
just today in the last hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right. So
the sooner the better. Yeah, yeah.
This is the 90s and there is a laugh track
going on, but this is very serious. Very serious.
Very, very, it's a very serious
situation going on right now.
Alright, we're gonna cut back to Chris Krazy. What's he doing?

(29:31):
Rolling up another joint, getting sucked
by that 88 year old lady.
Get sucked.
Damn.
I'm not gonna visually describe what's
happening there, but
Big's falling off and she didn't
have one. One of the girls
tries to stop you. Hey, hey,
you're about to smoke some of that green crack.
You sure you wanna do that, Chris? I do.

(29:53):
Go into the sixth bedroom, bitch, and don't
speak no more or pow.
Okay, alright, I'm going. I'm going.
She goes into the bedroom. We're gonna
cut the two lights turn
on. Of course it's more important all
over the walls and everything.
It's a climb to fame, you know. And she's walking
and she hears a little ruffle in the closet.
Hello?
Is anyone there?

(30:15):
Is that a
monkey? Do I hear a monkey?
Oh, hey, little guy.
How you doing?
Why do you have those nunchucks?
Those nunchucks? Put it in your butt.
Huh?
Did you say put it in my butt?
Freaking like, poor little monkey.
The monkey does a flip and
wax her with

(30:37):
the nunchucks. Boxers, nigga, he's wearing
boxers. There's not a naked
killer monkey in my room.
Nigga.
Okay, well, he's wearing boxers
but underneath he's wearing a thong.
Jesus. It's peeking up above.
Trunky, a tranny monkey, guys.
God damn it. So his name's Trunky and he kills
the girl. Like, it's a very violent
Beats her with them nunchucks.

(30:59):
Real good with them nunchucks.
Picture Bruce Lee playing ping pong.
That's what he's doing to this girl.
I'm poor ladies.
Oh my god.
Wow.
That's a cold description.
Yeah, y'all Google Bruce Lee at the
ping pong ball and the nunchucks.
One of the most amazing things I've ever seen in my life.
And in your life too when you

(31:21):
look it up, you fucks.
We're gonna cut to Freestyle.
You know, he's approaching the room
and he sees the monkey jump over him
and just kind of wander off somewhere else.
Who? Freestyle sees us.
Oh, Freestyle? Yeah.
According to plan. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that?
Did anybody else see that?
I did nigga and it looked like a monkey
holding something. I don't think it was a

(31:43):
monkey. You got a lisp.
Nigga, I saw a monkey with
nunchucks or something. Obviously
because I have a lisp I don't know what I'm talking
about. Exactly.
Downward
syndrome. That was a monkey, nigga.
Did you say downward syndrome?
Downward. That's what he said.
The girl tries
to not correct him. That's right, Chris. Yeah.

(32:05):
It is downward syndrome. Wow.
No, this bitch not to talk no more.
That's sick this morning. Damn, another
death. Rooting this tooting this nigga
around. Smelling like
cannabis and blood.
He goes to the wall and pushes a
button. It's the intercom. He says, Delores
sending another bitch.
Break your RC.
Delores.

(32:27):
Delores bringing another.
We cut to the
van and he
says, fuck, we lost the monkey.
All right, we're gonna have to go in there on a sting
operation. We can't have him smoke that green
crack and we can't have him go to that
little flip concert. Otherwise he's gonna become
too powerful. He's gonna get too
many fans.
Only fans though. Freestyle.

(32:49):
This is the 90s. Freestyle.
Freestyle, come in. Talking to you on intercom.
Oh, yeah, this is Freestyle.
This is Freestyle, yes.
You're going to need to push Chris Krazy into the pool.
Push him into the pool?
Yes. We need him. But he can't
swim. Exactly.
Exactly. Oh.
I get it.
Once he's in the pool, give us a

(33:11):
cue. We'll come in and we'll shoot his ass.
All right. Okay. He didn't smoke that green
crack yet, did he? No, not yet. No. He's getting
close though. Like how close?
Is it in his hands? He's lightning
right now. Oh, shit.
What is the good green
crack?
These motherfuckers. Damn it, Freestyle.
You gotta push him into the pool immediately.
I saw a monkey.

(33:33):
Freestyle was a running back in college.
He's running.
He darts over. He ducks under people.
He's knocking people out the way.
And then he runs into him and decrees and
knocks him into the pool. They both go in.
Damn.
I want to point out that Chris's veins
are glowing green from smoking
the green crack. And what are his
abilities now? What does it do

(33:55):
to him? First being that he can swim now.
Right. Omega level. I'm omega
level, bro.
It's impossible for him to
sing. Yeah. Antiminium.
All this shit. Silver Surfer, Thanos
mix. Damn.
Omega level, bro. Scarlet.
Who's the one bitch? Scarlet Witch.
All this shit. Come on, man.
Yeah. Yeah, that one. That one.

(34:17):
A small squad team comes in and says, Freeze!
Oh, shit. He got the green crack. Shoot
to kill. Shoot to kill. They try to shoot
him. And literally he puts his
hands up and it stops like the fucking Matrix.
Magneto. Where like the bullets
all stop like in a row. Magneto.
Chris Crazy is too powerful, man.
Done. Right. Now how long does that green
shit last? Lasts like 10 minutes.
Oh, shit. Better do this quick.

(34:39):
I'll whip my ass when this shit wear off.
Mr. Crazy, I am
Mr. White Man. You've killed about 20
of my colleagues. I'm
wearing a Bulletproof vest. Listen.
I just want to talk. That green crack bullets.
Nigga, that's going through that vent.
Oh, shit. You're right. He looks down
and he's bleeding. And it's a neck shot. The next
vest don't go to necks.
It's a turtle neck. Let me talk to the black

(35:01):
officer.
Black officer comes out.
I shot him too
because, nigga, you should be the police.
Nigga.
There's no winning with Chris Crazy, man.
Holy shit. Retreat!
Retreat! He's too crazy.
We got nine
more minutes.
This shit wear off.

(35:23):
We're going to take a short break and get right back
to this very, very normal
story. So normal. This is the most
normal story we've ever told. Absolutely.
That's what they've been saying. Don't go anywhere.
Don't go anywhere. Yeah. We'll be
cut.
Hey, motherfucker,
we back. Hey. And we got another
sponsor. Let's spin that sponsor
wheel.

(35:45):
Today's episode is also
brought to you by Popped Collars.
This episode's probably
sponsored by Popped Collars. What is
that? You know, this here.
Just pop your collar. When you have a collar
and you just pop it, you know?
What, you ain't never popped your collar before? I stay
whipped and dipped, spooned and

(36:07):
groomed. So yeah, that's collar
popping. I've never heard it called that
before. That was the first. Whipped and dipped.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Yeah, classic. Spooned and groomed. Correct.
Spooned and groomed. Okay.
What they say? Okay. All right.
What the whites say, dress to the nines.
That nigga spooned and groomed right there.
Watch your bitch.
Your bitch is in trouble. Damn. Spooned and

(36:29):
groomed. So that's kind of a sure
sign that you're gonna have your girl
purloined from your
hand, huh? Purloined. Look at
him. Uh-huh. Yes.
Pilt. See. In other words.
See, I have a
student loan, so I have to use words
once in a while. That you, you know.
That's wired along the way. That I have to pay
for long term. Literally.

(36:51):
You know. Right. Literally.
Pop collars, you know, I gotta be honest.
Ladies and gentlemen, I,
I, there's still this like
edgy kid
that's within me that likes to
pop my collar. Oh yeah. Um.
Likes to feel cool. Oh yeah.
But usually when I get around other
people, I put that collar back. Oh no, you can't
do it in public. I can't do that in public. Right.

(37:13):
It's just like, you know, I'm not going to a job.
I'm one of those weird guys.
You know, like I'll look in the mirror
and say, I should probably just do a normal.
Just name it. Just lay the collar down.
Pop collar's a little too confident
for me. Yeah. Too much confidence.
I definitely don't have the confidence to pull that off.
Damn man. You got confidence. You got to
have it. Gotta. You got to.
So you're saying I need to do the

(37:35):
spoon and groomed. Man, no
risk, no reward. Okay.
Okay. Maybe job interview,
spoon and groomed. You know. And laugh.
Or spiffy. Spiffy.
That's more safer.
If you strolled into a
if you strolled into a job interview,
pop collar pop. Hey, what's
up, bro?
What's up your ass the fuck out of here, bro?

(37:57):
Yeah, that's how they're going to serve it.
I, you know, I would respect it
if I saw someone with a pop collar in an
interview. Like you got the job, man.
Don't even say anything. Yeah, that shit.
Stop.
Hey, I want him to bar as far away as possible.
Get him the fuck out of here.
Thank you,
Pop Collars. Thanks, Pop Collars.

(38:19):
Thank you. P.O.P. Collars.
Thanks for keeping them spiffy, you know.
Popping like lip gloss.
Chris Crazy, what's like your
it's like your who's your favorite
fictional character? Like one character
that you're like, I fuck with this.
Pinhead. Pinhead?
He was the baddest out of all of them.
Who's your who's your who's your who who is it?
Who's your guy? Horror movie.

(38:41):
Horror movie guy?
The one that tops them all.
Freddie. Freddie Krueger?
Get out of here. We're done. We're done.
Where are you going? Very. Well, I'm not a
big spooky guy, but
I'm going to go with Large Marge
from Pee Wee Herman's Adventure.
That's a wow.
No doubt. No doubt.
Freddie's just fucking cliche.

(39:03):
I know. I know. But you got to think about it, man.
If somebody said the words Freddie Krueger,
everybody in the vicinity would be like
huh huh huh huh.
And then the
funny lines out of the mouth. Pinhead
comes through. Fucking shit up.
Pinhead is fucking Satan. Yeah. Bro.
Yeah. Him and the Cinnabites.
One that I'm legitimately was legitimately
freaked me out as a kid was fucking Bloody

(39:25):
Mary where you had to like stand in the
mirror and say her name.
And I'm like. They did Candyman.
Same thing. And I'm like
I'm not doing that even as an adult.
Fuck that. No no no. I don't play those games.
Listen up about that. And I heard shit that really
go deep like mirrors or portals
and shit. Yeah. Yeah. I don't
I don't take any of those risks at
any time. I don't care if it's real or not. I'm not going to play.

(39:47):
Or seeing some foreign shit and then
try to read it out loud like numb your whole
Rengekyo and then you know
some bullshit and summon some shit like
Jumanji. I don't play those games.
Yeah. I don't know.
Mirrors are legit terrifying. Especially if like
the mirror does something that you don't do.
You know. No no no. Like it
you know gives you like a weird look and it's like
I didn't make that look. I don't look at mirrors at night.

(40:09):
I don't do it. Yeah. See it's that type of
shit and your phone's a black mirror when it's off.
Yeah. That's why it stays on.
Some people say that mirrors are
parallel dimensions of you.
Portal. Yeah. You know.
When your TV's off that's a black mirror.
Like the shit gets
ill if you guys are going there.
Have you seen mirrors?
The movie? Did I see that?

(40:31):
No. Yeah I did.
That one messed this up for a little while. Yeah I did.
I've seen that. The second one is garbage but the first one
was. The first one was. Yeah.
I've seen that shit. Black mirror is
fucked up. Oh yeah. The show.
Oh man. See. So. It's wild in there.
Yeah. But you write about the
mirrors and shit in the room and all that.
Yeah. Who's
your favorite cartoon character?

(40:53):
That's cause his name. Gollum-er I think.
Gossamer. Is it Gossamer?
The big red fucking hairy thing with the big shoes.
Oh shit. I don't know what his name is.
What is his name? I know you niggas did.
Stop. That niggas funny though.
Yeah something Gollum-er
Gossamer. Something like that but uh.
I like that you went to Looney Tunes. That was good.
Yeah. Right. That's a. Oh racist ass

(41:15):
Looney Tunes.
They want you to forget about that one.
Yeah I want to keep it alive.
I want to keep it alive and well.
The dude who created them.
Horrible. Horrible.
And it was going down the whole time.
What was that shit?
What was that? Treasure Island?
They bring the little boys.

(41:37):
They kidnapped the little boys. Peter Pan?
Pleasure Island.
And they kidnapped the boys and they come back
and yes listen man. Your little ass?
Right in your face.
Peter Pan took kids to Pleasure Island?
Am I remembering? No. Who was the
bad guy in there? Captain Hook?
No the. It wasn't Peter Pan.
It was Pinocchio. Pinocchio. Thank you.
It was Pinocchio.

(41:59):
It started with a P. You were close. Bingo.
Kept the P in it.
Yeah.
Let's see where that went.
Man.
Was one of those dudes a rabbit?
Yeah. A rabbit and a
something. A weasel?
A rabbit and a weasel? Some shit.
Something like that. Little assholes.
Recruiting these kids.

(42:21):
There's a real story behind that
and it's fucked up. I don't even know what it is but
I just know it's fucked up. Yeah like a real boy.
Yeah the real shit. It's dark as fuck.
It's bad dark as fuck. Pinocchio yeah.
But all the shows. All that shit from Disney.
Fucking fucked. They just took dark ass
stories. How did the babies start out?
Not great. Murder?
This is a fucking
cartoon though. Yeah.

(42:43):
Come on man. I like it though cause
those old cartoons
would teach kids some like dark shit.
You know like we'd get into like some real shit
that they'd know. Like people die.
You know. Things are bad.
Even mommies. Yeah. Even your mom
can happen. They can happen. But anybody
can get in. Like what subliminally
what the fuck is that doing? I don't know.
Right. I just don't want to you know

(43:05):
I kind of concern for these
kids coming up cause they're gonna you know
they're not getting stories like
that. They're like what? Someone died? I thought
everybody lives. Like you know.
Everybody gets participation awards
and shit. Yeah. I don't know.
Where we last left off. Chris
Crazy? Yeah. Turns out
he's a little bit crazy.
He is. He's killed about 20

(43:27):
people in the last couple hours.
Out of context. He's got a little flip.
Yeah. This is for the story.
90's sitcom. Chris
Crazy. Played by Chris Crazy. Is
getting ready to attend a
little flip concert. However there seems
to be some miscommunication
happening in the form of a couple
deaths.
There is this plan to have

(43:49):
a martial arts monkey
defeat Chris Crazy. But
He's the only one who can stab him. But he did
like smoke some green rock and now he is
invincible for about 9 minutes.
SWAT team had to exit out and
retreat. So now freestyle
is kind of in freestyle's
hands. He's gonna have to freestyle
the situation.
I see what you did there. What the hell

(44:11):
is he talking about? I don't know what he's talking about. We like
to throw a wrench in an already broken story. So we're
gonna spin one more wheel called the topic
wheel and add it to our story
maybe. Let's spin it.
Elephant. Oh okay.
Like an elephant in the room or
an elephant?

(44:33):
Elephant. Okay.
What you got against elephants? So
how do you feel about elephants
Chris? I got a memory like
one. Oh okay.
They don't forget shit and I don't forget shit
you bitch ass niggas be doing.
Punk bitch. Do you
remember what you did last summer? Do you have a pet elephant?
In the summers before that. No.
The FEMA

(44:55):
who is it?
The wildlife reserve people? They're not
allowing that. FEMA.
It's not FEMA but
PETA. Bingo.
Another four letter. They're not
having it. If I could have a
fucking elephant like a pet
like Michael.
Niggas had your rafts bro.
I love elephants. So we're

(45:17):
gonna cut to the middle of a porn
scene being filmed right now and this is a weird
porn because this is um
I'm sorry to all you
kinkers out there but they are
shooting a
baby diaper porn.
They just wear diapers
and they're
really I don't know
man this is the show you know.

(45:39):
Shout out to our younger listeners. Anyways
they're in the middle of filming this.
Freestyle is freestyle in the camera work
but they're taking a quick
five and freestyle
is being approached by
Gertrude one of the older ladies
also groupie.
Freestyle.
Freestyle. Hey.
How's it going? Oh hey.

(46:01):
Hey Gertrude. Listen
I think you're gonna have to
talk about the elephant in the room.
There's an elephant in the room? Yeah Chris Crazy's
killing too many people and
obviously he's upset about something and
you know
there's something that happened in Chris's
life that he doesn't want to talk
about and he's. Well what could that be?
I don't know. I don't know.

(46:23):
Freestyle but if you don't. Well maybe you don't know him as well
as you think you do. Well obviously
but like can you maybe talk to him
so he stops killing people? I lost like
two. Oh talk to him? Like by myself?
I mean yeah. Alone? You're his closest
friend. But uh
he's crazy. It's up to you freestyle.
Okay I'll talk to him.
Alright I'm gonna get back this diaper back on
I'm gonna get in the scene alright? Okay.

(46:45):
She walks off he's like I ain't talking to that nigga.
Okay
and
we're gonna cut to
the kitchen. Chris can you
describe what your kitchen looks like? What's the
situation in there? There's
two albino
knackered midgets
making breakfast. I have to
pick them up like babies. That's all they do.

(47:07):
Set them on the counter. They're
making the food. I got um
what's my best friend's name?
Freestyle. Miss Larry
Freestyle he's running around the house
fucking shit up. It's just
a complete disarray but
I'm just waiting smoking my blunt
in a pristine white kitchen
with albino midgets
making breakfast. Hey do you want these

(47:29):
scrambled or fried? Making an omelette
hoe or put yourself in the frying pan.
Hold on.
Sorry about that. Pow!
This bitch they coughed over the eggs. This bitch they coughed over
the eggs. We got one midget left.
That was my brother you bastard!
Pow! Two motherfuckers going in
the kitchen. He pushes the intercom
send in another couple of midgets
here. Ah

(47:51):
yeah.
They come down like the Jetsons with the food
shit the midgets are there instantly.
Making the food making the food.
And in comes Freestyle
he's eating a pop tart.
Has a little elephant insignia on it.
And he looks up and
he sees a poster that says hang
in there with a cat hanging onto a branch.
You know and it kind of

(48:13):
motivates him to just hang in there
and speak what's on his mind.
He thinks about it.
He thinks about it real hard you know.
And then he says yeah
I'm gonna hang in there.
Like Mr. Bigglesworth.

(48:35):
Alright.
Ring ring ring your rotary phone.
I don't know why the fuck you have a rotary phone
but you got a lot of them. Cause it's classy.
What's the one we had to pull out the antenna?
The push button
yeah the old school. Hey nigga
it's Lil Flip.
Where you at? Pulling up with T.I.
Where you at? I know you're gonna say here.
I'm here with T.I.

(48:57):
Nigga I'm taking you off the album if you're not here
in 10 minutes nigga.
Please take me off that shit.
I'm taking you off right now nigga.
Thank you. That's crazy you sound just like Lil Flip man.
Or Sonny Red.
That's the Freestyle King.

(49:19):
Who's coughing in here?
Who's coughing in here nigga?
Just shot a wall.
Just clapping shit.
I'm gonna have fun with these gun shots.
Butler comes in wearing a bullet proof vest.
And head gear.
Looks like a vampire.
Right. Sir

(49:41):
can I get you anything? Your breakfast
seems to be complete. Nah I'm good
geez. I'm good man.
You know what man
you like the only solid motherfucker
around here man. You come in here
you ask what I need. If I don't need nothing
you get the fuck out of here.
That's your cue Butler to get the fuck
out of here. Very good sir.
See you tomorrow. He walks backwards.

(50:03):
He walks backwards. Yeah cause he don't trust
this nigga. Thank you.
Damn. Okay. There's a
young Butler behind him. He's shadowing him.
He said never turn your back dude.
Right. Right.
So we're gonna cut to
Crazy Chris Crazys
The Crazy Castle
Oh shit. Chris Crazys

(50:25):
Crazy Castle is where he has
all his rides man.
Can you tell us like what kind of cars
he's got? Like what his like
warehouse situation is?
It's the Superman cave. There's
a 77
Cutlass Supreme.
In there there's a
a
the actual Smokey

(50:47):
and the Bandit Firebird
is there from the movies.
The Knight Rider car is there. Oh wow.
It's just in white though.
It's a collector of sorts. And it's got a nigga voice.
Horn is paying off. It's paying off.
It's really busting
it off there in the industry.
They're really coming for
it. Just sucking it
dry man. There's the real

(51:09):
18 van but they
have it the blue stripe instead of the red
stripe on the side of the van.
Very nice. Which car
is he taking and where is he going?
He's taking the 18 van so we can
pack it full of bitches.
Full of. Chock full
of bitches. Chock full of a whole
heap of bitches. They're showing to the back
like a clown. Like clowns in a clown car.

(51:31):
Bingo. So it's 32 bitches
in there.
And the
cheese sandwiches. The Takis.
Takis weren't out then.
They weren't. These are the jalapeno cheddar
Cheetos. Right, right. That's what they're
eating. And Sobeys.
Fruitopia.
The garage door opens up
and you see this beautiful

(51:53):
driveway
with the sunset coming down.
Where we going Chris? None of your
business bitch. Buckle up.
There's not enough seat belts back here.
And we got more room.
Push her out. Pushed her right out.
He's driving down the road.
There's blood everywhere.
And you know he's driving.
What's the music he's listening to?

(52:15):
White Snake. All the notes.
All the notes.
That's right. Okay, okay. He's driving
down the road and suddenly
he hears the Popo
behind him and he hears those sirens.
Popo over.
What's he do?
Guns it nigga.
This is for Emmett Till.
Take off.

(52:37):
Whoa. This for Martin nigga.
This for Malcolm.
Take him down.
This for Sandra Bland.
I'm still punching.
So there's this
some time has passed and we get a helicopter
shot. And this is the most
outrageous, longest
police chase that's ever been
here has ever taken place here in the

(52:59):
90s. Okay.
Girls are saying I'm scared.
Can you please pull over?
He's just looking at me folks.
I'm not responding.
Shooting this bitch. Damn.
And that's one more dead person on the
ground. Oh my god. Someone do something.
But as he threw her out of the van
the squad cars following hit
the bitch body, flipped the car.

(53:21):
So we'd have lost the police.
Because they set off a chain reaction.
Yeah. So this 32 cap car pileup.
So this might be rated R folks.
This story.
That's that's in
C-17. Damn.
Damn. This is terrifying. You gotta sign a waiver
to watch this movie. Yeah. Right.
By the way, we're gonna cut to freestyle.
What's he doing? Is he with them?

(53:43):
It's up to you.
Yeah. He's in the way way back.
He's in the way back of the. He's on top of the van.
There was no room in there because it's
holding on. Just full of bitches guy.
He got big ass hands though. So he's like holding on
to it. The sides.
Just gripping on
to it. Grip it on.
Oh shit. All right. Well, he's
you guys are driving and you get

(54:05):
to the edge of the water.
Like it's a beautiful coast. But the
cops are coming for you. You have a huge lead.
But you stop your car because
you're out of gas. All the girls
filter out and they run their asses out.
They're gone man. It's just you and freestyle.
What do you do Chris?
So when the police
actually arrive
to where I'm at once they finally

(54:27):
catch up to me. I grab
freestyle by the neck and put them in front of me.
Like Nino Brown did to the
little girl in New Jack City.
Shield it. And I get off
into the sunset because I had a mini
parachute in my
fanny pack. So once
freestyle's dead and gone
as being the fucking stunt dummy
for me. I jump off the cliff.

(54:49):
Throw the parachute out.
I'm out of there.
So Chris Crazy is explaining
all this to freestyle as he's holding
him. He's explaining to
him that he's going to be a shield.
I'm going to do you like the guy in the new Deadpool
verse Wolverine. I'm going to do you
exactly like that. But what
do you mean? You'll find out here shortly.
I ain't seen that movie. What's that about?

(55:11):
You'll find out shortly freestyle.
It's kind of taking a minute for the police
to arrive though. Like you see the police
sirens and they're like pretty far.
In the distance? Yeah.
You hear them in the distance. But they're kind of
they're not catching up. So you just kind of
you got you just
holding this thing right here.
You're going to enter me.
Damn!

(55:33):
That hurt my ear.
You're dead.
Shit.
Alright well what does Chris
do now? Sirens are approaching. He floats
down because I jumped off the
cliff. He said it was a cliff. We met to
the cliff. The bitches abandoned me.
Whores. They abandoned
me. I'm just here with freestyle.
Parachute shaped like a goat. Scapegoat.

(55:55):
Scapegoat?
There we go. Jump off the cliff.
Throw it off on some MI shit. Mission
Impossible. Yeah. And I
get away sky free. Rips off a rubber mask.
It's the same face. What do you
say as you're floating?
As you're like escaping the situation?
Follow me on Instagram.
So as he says I get swallowed by a shark.
Oh no. God damn.

(56:17):
The Megalodon.
And whoever was only there
at the top that saw me fall down
like MacGruber at the end of MacGruber and shit.
That's the only people that saw the
Megalodon. Like it's a real
thing. No it's not. Them and the
Nunchuck wielding monkey that was riding it.
Was riding the Megalodon? Was riding the Megalodon.
Yeah shit. The monkey got involved.
Wearing a cowboy hat. We lost the little monkey.

(56:39):
Whipping the Nunchucks. So we're going to cut
to several years later.
Yo what's up
everybody? It's me Little Flip.
What's going on bitches? Listen.
Is the freestyle king?
I lost my good friend man.
Chris Crazy. I was CI's friend.
I was CI's friend. I want to mention that.
Listen. I lost Chris Crazy.
He was one of my homeboys and like

(57:01):
I'm dedicating this statue to his honor.
It doesn't look like the Dwayne Wade statue.
Nah man. Nah.
Listen alright. Unveil this.
I'm going to take that shit off alright.
Alright see like it's a Megalodon
eating Chris Crazy with a monkey
hitting him with the Nunchuck man. That's exactly
what happened bro. Chris was
a savage bro.
People applaud.

(57:23):
So TI never crushed him in
this arc. No.
This is before that?
But he's my partner. He knows
TI is my partner.
And in the near future TI
is going to fucking do you worse
than 50 Cent did Ja Rule.
He doesn't know this is coming yet. This is what
started the beef.
There you go. Right. Cause he

(57:45):
erected that statue of me
and one of my kids like the
Asian kids. You blew up my
island. You killed my whole family.
So about time they get old enough they're getting ready to
revenge fucking death of Kristoff.
We finally got to the bottom of it.
Damn. We zoom in on the
statue and Chris Crazy winks.
That's the end guys. He went out like
Scarface. No but then that

(58:07):
I winked and that means we got life.
That means you're still alive. They just did
like the Han Solo shit. They just put you
right. You're still alive.
That's a we did it guys. We told the
story of Chris Crazy. What the fuck did they do to Duane
Waves man? That's why they
What the fuck. Is he mad? Is he not
See he ain't saying nothing. No
I think they like
even showed the BTS of him at

(58:29):
the spot like oh I love this in tears
and shit and then this son or
daughter or the fam they were
there and shit like the whole world
went through that process. Yeah you went
through that. Damn. That's wild. Like again
I'd be honored to get a statue too but
nigga. That's crazy.
Give me some sort of resemblance.
Nothing like the man. Not nothing
like damn.

(58:51):
And then you see some statues like
that motherfucker should make everybody
statue. Right yeah. Right?
There's good statue people. There is and then there's
Duane Wade statue makers.
I need to look it up now. You ain't seen it?
No. It's fucked up. Oh really?
Okay that's why I'm
looking that up. He's looking that up on the
podcast guys. Yeah visual
on an audio medium. Right?

(59:13):
Duane Wade statue. Go back and listen
to all. Whoever made that statue gotta be
crying themselves to sleep every night.
Everybody just. I got paid.
Oh god.
And fuck this nigga. It's so bad.
It's terrible. He blacked. What the fuck?
Hey boy be happy we gave
you one. Yeah right. So
the statue maker know he ain't
losing not a wink.

(59:35):
That fucker. Yeah you never saw
that. Committing crimes in
broad daylight man.
He's like hey I need a reference cause someone
like. I never seen Duane
Wade before so. So
just yeah shit just what's he look like?
Pick a nigga. And that's what they did.
They just picked a nigga.
Spilled bowl of grapes man. He's like hey you got
that picture of Frankenstein.

(59:57):
Frankenstein's monster man. I need
a reference image. Man
that is horrible. What if Uncle Ruckus was on
fire. That's the picture.
That's the picture. That's the picture.
Damn bro.
That's so bad.
They don't give a damn.
Look at Lil Wayne's wax figures.
Have you seen those? No.
That nigga look like a mummy anyway.

(01:00:19):
Yeah.
But hold on. Oh no. Wait a minute.
I said aww that's Lil Wayne. I'd be kicking
a lil ass.
Cause uh uh.
Bro.
Yeah they're playing
in their face. They're playing in their face.
Right out in the open.
They're playing in their face.
Hey boy be happy you got one.

(01:00:41):
Bro. What the
fuck is this? Look at that.
Don't lie. I need to get it.
Oh it's the
nigga what?
That is incredible.
That's nasty work. Is that what
the youth say? That's nasty work. That's the
nastiest possible work.
Oh man. I don't think he's ever
smiled that much in his life.

(01:01:03):
Yeah. Nah. Nah.
You heard his mama
forced him to have a baby at
fourteen? Lil Wayne?
Yeah that just was in the news.
The past day or two.
His mom pretty much made him have
a baby cause she was bored.
Oh. You can look that up
right now. I'm like aww.
So when the nigga was saying the molested shit

(01:01:25):
he was like he enjoyed it. You really didn't but
you really were molested.
Oh boy. Boys get it too.
Yeah. Right?
It's rough out there folks. It's been
rough. Stay safe man.
On that note we did it guys.
Thank you so much to Chris Crazy.
Hey Chris Crazy where
can they find you online?
Everywhere. You bitch you.

(01:01:47):
I was trying to fucking be
unique and shit so. And I just
spelled the name regularly.
We might get more traction but I mean shit.
Like your name?
Yeah yeah the crazy part how I spell crazy is
C R A Y Z I E.
Okay. And Chris the regular way.
So C H R I S.
I think that's good for marketing.
C R A Y Z I E. 253 underscore

(01:02:09):
all one word on IG.
And yeah Chris Crazy.
On any and everything.
Can they find the videos that you did
under Chris Crazy also? On YouTube
yeah. Okay. Those are there.
If you use GIFs.
GIF. GIF. GIF.
You type my name in. Dad's there.
It is GIF by the way.
I won't hear another. Yeah it's GIF.

(01:02:31):
It is GIF right?
It's GIF. It's GIF.
On Christmas. Exactly.
If you're into the pagan holiday shit
it's GIF. Yeah it's not a GIF.
You don't.
Clearly there's a J
in GIF you know. Yeah.
And it's not spelled with. There's a peanut butter called
GIF you guys. It's spelled with a J.
But I mean you know

(01:02:53):
253 is 10.
Yeah. But so is 5 plus 5.
But so is 1 plus 1 plus 1 plus
1 plus 7 plus 3.
It's a conspiracy. But so is
6 plus 4. So it's different.
It's just different. Nintendo yeah.
Arithmetic.
Nuckety where can they find your ass?
DJ Quick Face.

(01:03:15):
Where can they find you? That's one of the
flyest to ever do it. David Blayne.
Yeah he's my hero.
N-U-Q-A-D-Y on all of that man.
Everywhere.
I can be your hero baby.
You know that song?
No. No. Never heard that.
Yeah check out
Nuckety at N-U-K-A-A-Fuck guys.
Good job. Also check us out

(01:03:37):
at Linktree.com slash D-N-G-P-O-D.
Click the merch link. Buy yourself a definitely
not good hat. Don't support
capitalism. Support us. Yeah.
Us. We're good.
Who's your top 5 rappers?
Oh shit. Oh man. Put me on the spot there.
On the spot. 5?
Yeah I got 5 for you but it's not rappers.
I mean can I say Tribe Called Quest?
That's a group so no.

(01:03:59):
Alright. We can do that after. Q-Tip.
I'm gonna put Q-Tip on there.
I wanna hear the rest of this
man. N-U-Q-A-D-Y.
Go ahead. Let's go.
Um.
Fuck. Cannabis.
Cannibis.
Shhh.
Who else? Who else? Who else? Who else? Fuck.
God damn it.

(01:04:21):
Think of a rapper. I wanna say
Common but I don't know man.
I don't know. Nicky you say Q-Tip already.
Same person. Yeah mine the fuck as well.
I'm gonna put Nas on there.
I'm gonna say Kendrick Lamar. Hell yeah.
Obviously. Um. And there's a 5th one.
I'm not saying Childish Gambino.
He's kinda. He's not really a rapper. Yeah.
He's just an all around rapper.
He's not a rapper? He's an artist that be

(01:04:43):
rapping. He's an artist that be rapping.
Um. 5th one. Fuck man.
I don't know. Fucking.
Fucking Nuckety's my
favorite. Yeah.
He be rapping man. He's good. Come on.
Top 5 producers sir.
Cause you are one. Oh Jesus Christ. Uh DJ
Quick obviously. Uh Battle Cat.
Um. Um.
Um. Um. Um. Timbaland.

(01:05:05):
Um. Um. What's that 3?
Yeah. Um. Um.
Uh. Dilla. Um.
That's 4. Uh.
Uh. Uh. And uh.
I'm gonna get fucking cream for this.
Uh. Uh. Uh.
Uh. Who else?
Why am I thinking. I'm just gonna say
Traxtorm. Okay.
Is there an honorable

(01:05:27):
mention? Uh.
Skip. Aww.
Boom.
Then along with that I love it. Fuckin' amazing.
Yeah. And you two
together as a. Pause.
Uh. As a. As a monster.
Let's. Let's. Let's go.
You're. You're 5 for the group.
For group? Yep.
Um. Man I don't even know if I have

(01:05:49):
5 to be honest. Um. Go 3.
Top 3. Top 3. Both of you. Diggable
planets. Okay nevermind. You're good.
Never. I'm a little
bit. I'm a little bit old school if you can't
tell. Jesus. Okay.
You diggable planets.
Ha ha ha.
You know.
I'm a true foosnick.
I like Nat King Cole.

(01:06:11):
Right. He put out a hip hop album
niggas.
With double platinum.
Well thank you guys for listening.
Yeah thanks. We'll catch you next time. Chris you wanna
end off with anything for our
listeners? Any advice?
Um.
Yeah more positive than negative man.
Mmm. Mmm.
You should live. Live how you want to.

(01:06:33):
Fuck you. But uh.
More positive than negative. You know.
It's so easy to do the fuck shit.
You seen the movie we made. Pow!
Bitch blink. You blinking too loudly.
Bitch I'm shooting. We shooting. Yep.
It's over. So try to be positive.
To mellow out
the negative. Cause you can't avoid it.
You can't avoid it. Yeah. It's out there.
Just to reiterate what he's saying. Every guy down there.

(01:06:55):
Live how you want to. Fuck you. Fuck you.
Goodnight everybody. Yeah. Love you. Bye.
Please make it home safe. Yeah.
Do that do that do do that that that. Definitely
not good.

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68 - Crayzie World 🔫 ( feat. Chris Crayzie )

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