November 26, 2024 • 50 mins
"Did you know the moon was made of cheese? Justice will prevale when an android cop, and his Martian partner come up against their toughest opponent yet; The world they live on."
Host - CJ Rhone
Producer - Nuqady
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, what up you dongle? This is definitely not good the podcast we create stories, and they're definitely probably not good
(00:05):
I'm your host CJ, and I'm joined by my producer Nuckety two shakes today. It is just us and we have two
shakes of a lambs tail
Did I did I use that right I don't think so okay, I fucked up
I don't know what this is, but it's definitely not good Hey
(00:44):
If it's your first time listening, this is pretty much how everything works. We are amazing storytellers amazing
And it's our job our sacred duty to come up with the story completely from scratch with a little twist
We have a series of wheels
We're gonna spin each of them are random and depending on where they end up we have to somehow incorporate it into our story
And that's that's the show I guess today. We have no one just me and Nuckety nobody here talking
(01:12):
Yeah, nobody I'm not gonna try and sing I won't do that to you
Gosh gee golly geez you know geez
How are you guys doing? Yeah, how do you think people are doing right now?
Well that depends on what happens tomorrow. Oh, yeah, cuz so we're recording this the day before we we know what the election results are
(01:36):
You think you think we'll be good either way no you think we'll be good
You think we'll be good in general
No, oh damn, okay, yeah
Yeah, well hey if you're listening to this and you are in the future, which you probably are just want to let you know
(01:56):
Things will be okay. You know and I say that with not the most confidence
Saying that as a person living in the past not dealing with your shit right now
Yeah, but Bob Marley was living in the past and he was pretty clear. Everything's gonna be okay. Oh, yeah, that's true for his time
Yeah, everything was okay. It was bad. It was very bad. I don't know if you know Bob Marley story
That was bad. He was in a bad situation. Yeah when he made that song there's a there's a song by
(02:23):
Bobby McFarland McFerrin McFerrin excuse me
It's a it's don't worry be happy, but there's like an altered version where it says be worry. It's don't happy
And I just want to invite you to look that up on YouTube. It's it's pretty
Reassuring that things will not be alright. Yeah
But today you're listening to this today and and you know, I am I am very sorry
(02:46):
You have to live in your situation, whatever it is
But today good
I mean, you know like
It's not gonna it's not gonna be all bad because you know sing to this and you're gonna hear some terrible stories
Yeah along with your day. Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna try to make you laugh. Yeah, we'll try
Very best a very best but before that let's get into our sponsor
(03:09):
We don't have a sponsor today, but we do have a wheel to spin a sponsor. So let's do that
Today's episode is brought to you by fingernails episodes proudly sponsored by fingernails
Oh, how do you feel about fingernails? Thank you. You got an itch. They'll scratch it. Oh, yeah
(03:32):
They're nice and long or short. Mmm, they're fitting on your preference. It's so good to put the chew on
I heard that I was playing the guitar or the bass or a string instrument usually keep your nails long for that
Oh, yeah, it's real helpful
Yeah, I bet that bad and in a pinch if you need a toothpick you can just buy the fingernail often
Use that nails are also good for pinching. Yeah pinch. You can pinch people. Yeah pinching hurts. Yeah
(03:55):
Why don't how come people don't pinch in fights? I don't know but it'd work on me
Yeah, if you're gonna fist fight next time you get in a fist fight listener, go ahead and pinch that motherfucker and see what they do
Yeah, or if you get into a fist foot, you know, you can use those long nails ears as weapons
Yeah, scratch that shit. Yeah mother, you know
They're good weapons. There are only self-defense, you know
(04:18):
You can't control much in your life, you know, like on a
Okay, let me rephrase that you can control so many things in your life
Like your nails, you know, like you can decide how long they are. Yeah
You can't control the election, you know, you can only vote
So you can do one person, you know a couple of bills that you didn't really have a say in but your nails
(04:42):
Let you choose their length. Yeah, and you can paint them in what not? Yeah, you can paint them stuff
You can put dirt in there. Mm-hmm
You can you can scratch stuff could scratch yourself. You can get like gummy candy in there save it for later. Oh nice
Well, thank you nails. Thank you fingernails. Oh my gosh, you're so scratchy
Mm-hmm. Nice
(05:03):
Nuckety
Yeah, you what do you what a video game are you playing right now? I'm playing the fractured but whole oh, that's a oldie
But goodie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, who's your favorite South Park character? Oh
Like from the show. Mm-hmm
Maybe butters butters why
(05:24):
He's pretty funny so funny so
Yeah, I do
We love you butters that's me I think my favorite South Park character is Satan
Yeah
Yeah, so um, he's saying there's just kind of kind of a dude he's like, oh, come on man
(05:48):
Come on, just having to deal with stuff
The wife of Saddam Hussein. Yeah, we love you South Park. Stop it, Saddam
Guys, I'm gonna be honest. I'm pretty tired today, but I am going I'm here for you. Okay. Yeah, I feel
the discontent and and the sadness
But we're gonna transform that today into a horrible terrible story for you to listen to so terrible horrible
(06:14):
No good very good bad story
Exactly. You got it. You got it down. Okay. All right. Well, let's let's get started with this terrible thing that we're gonna
Inject into people's ear balls. Yeah, you're gonna listen to this with your ear balls you guys nice. That's a t-shirt our
No more t-shirts
No more t-shirts. Uh, just kidding. We might have one. Yeah, stay tuned our
(06:37):
First wheel is our genre wheel. So what do we what are we making today?
MMA tournament
Oh, yeah
People in a cage hitting people till they bleed pinching pinching shout out to our sponsor
(06:58):
suplexing
Nice nice. All right, who's our what's our next wheel our setting the setting where are we taking place?
A city on the moon interesting
Very interesting. I think we did mars last time we're intergalactic
(07:19):
But uh this time we can be moon
People
She if you're from the moon, what are you called a moon and I moon and night wait that's from aqua scenes
uh
a moonling
Sure. Okay moonlings moonling. That's kind of cute sounding actually sounds like a cow's
moonlings
(07:41):
Nice there's a tic-tac going around where if you move at a baby, it'll cry. Yeah, I saw that
Why does it work? I don't know. It doesn't work on my kid
Hey
Listener if you have a baby try moving to your baby and move with your baby and make them cry
I'm sure that's exactly what you want
Okay, more crying more crying thing that cries all the time
You know, have you tried crying to your baby while it's crying? Yeah, he don't give a fuck
(08:03):
My kid don't my kid is a sociopath. Oh nice. He don't care about nothing. Hey shout out to your future kid
Who's listening to this? Um quick question. Are you a sociopath? Yes. No, okay
Well, if you if if you're either way, we love you. Thanks for listening. Um, our next wheel is our
Our character job character job. What is the job of this moonling? Moonlings?
(08:31):
They're an android cop android cop that's kind of sick
Um, what's the what is the law system like on the moon? Oh, I bet it's
Justicey justicey
How do you even tell the time of day on the moon do they have like cycles like earth? No
Wait, yes
(08:51):
Yeah, yeah, they do but
But only one side ever faces the planet. Oh
Yeah, but it's also spinning. So it's spinning that nigga. They spinning. Yeah, they spinning
but
Yeah, okay, you know the moon is interesting. Is it true that the moon's made of cheese? Yeah
Oh, okay. Cool. Yeah cool. Oh, our next wheel is our character flaws. Something is wrong with this Android cop
(09:17):
What is it? What's wrong?
Bennett malfunctioning
What a clumsy clumsy clumsy not the highest end
Pro they put them together with scraps his brain has made of gumballs and paper clips. Yeah, okay. Okay
(09:38):
Our second to last wheel is our antagonist and an agonizing was the bad person of this story bad guy
Oh boy, it's
Not even that funny it's not that funny is just weird the antagonist is the moon
(10:08):
See the antagonist is the thing that we live on so the setting was the moon
Uh-huh, and the antagonist is the moon. Yep. That's correct. And ours. Okay. Good listening buddy. Thanks for listening
So to recap recap, we're making a UFC fight story anyway MMA. Excuse me
No, no official affiliation with USC, right? Correct. Correct. Okay
(10:30):
we're making an MMA fight on the moon and our main character is an Android cop who's a little clumsy and
The antagonist is the moon also. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. Um
So I'm I'm thinking this main character is going to start off as a cop
(10:50):
his name is
Randy Randy Randy
Randy Rolfe
Randy
Rolfe Randy Rolfe and I want you to picture a man with a really big mustache
and
Wearing traditional cop wear except it's gray color because he's on the moon, right?
(11:16):
Yeah, he's part of the moon force as a moonling the gray planet gray planet
And everything then it is in a sepia tone
We'll do some narration. Yeah, my name is Randy. This is me
You might be wondering how I got here me writing TPS reports on the moon
Well funny story funny story. Not really actually my parents were TPS reporters and my parents
(11:44):
Parents were TPS reporters in my blood writing TPS reports is in my blood
Yeah, I wish there was more
As I look out the window, I see the earth apparently that's where we came from originally
Just a little blue marble little blue marble
completely overtaken by
Water something called water. I don't know what that is when it's blue
(12:07):
Looks good. He's eating a plate of cheese
Can only so much cheese till he go crazy
His lieutenant comes in. What's it? He played lieutenant. Yeah. Oh, hey
Hello lieutenant Randy
Get your ass in my office. I'm ready. Okay pulls out a wheelchair. He's like wheelchairs into the office
(12:28):
Hey, what's going on?
Yeah, I don't know why that's funny, sir. I've been in a wheelchair most of my life shut the goddamn door, Randy
It's really tough for me. I'm in a wheelchair. Just turn real hard until the door shut. All right
Or not with my can't close over my feet so
Happy oh my god. Thank you. I forgot my wife's birthday. I don't know what to get her. Please help me help me
(12:53):
Well, what is your wife like? I don't know. Why would I know that? Can you just get her some flowers or some flowers?
Flowers ready. You're a fucking cheese. Yeah, I mean I know I know
What about my didn't you say I had like a promotion coming up or something? Oh, yeah
Yeah, yeah, you got a promotion coming up. Mm-hmm
I was at that maybe today. Oh you want that you want it? Yeah, you want it? I could use some more moon dollars
(13:18):
More moon dollars. Okay, so he takes out a fishing pole with a moon dollar on it. He said I got you a moon dollar
Let's just give me you gotta be quicker than that
You know, I'm in a wheelchair right?
That's what makes it so funny. God damn it
What do you want me to do?
Here he goes into his drawer and he pulls out a brief case files
And he slams them on the table and he pulls he goes through
(13:44):
This one this one right here. He pulls it out. He slams it in front of him
And he's he uh, it's too far away. He can't reach it. He's like, can you can make it closer?
Oh, no, no, no, no my fault. He picks it up and hands it to him. Thank you. Okay. Um, okay
I want you to handle this one. So you got a
um
(14:04):
Oh shit, sir. This is philip phils. This is like
the the the greasiest evilest drug cartel guy in in moon
Yep, he sure he sure is
the greasiest and you
And you want me to you want me to cuff him you want me to take what do you want me to do like
(14:26):
Well in the middle of a ufc fight or something. I that's yep. That's that's correct
I need you to enter into the mma competition. Oh, sorry
I don't know where I got ufc from. I thought it was like the ultimate fighting. Nope. Nope. It's not that it's not that
Mixed martial arts. Yeah, and I need you to enter this tournament. Okay, and I need you to win
I need you to beat phil
(14:48):
Right, that's his name phils. Hey, sir. I don't know if you noticed kind of in a wheelchair can't really do
Martial way way ahead of you dumb dumb. Uh, there's I need you to talk to clancy down the hall
The the tech guy he has a little something for you in there. Uh,
Okay, and I can get that moon dollar if I do this. Oh this moon dollar
(15:08):
Yeah, you can have it right now if you can grab it. Go ahead. You gotta be quicker quicker than that
Okay, all right just can you maybe open the door because I can't
Get through lazy lazy lazy
Thank you
rolls out
um as he's passing through the cubicles we see um
(15:34):
tilde she is
Swinton she is a moonling who is not human but is a
martian
Martian martian like from mars. Yeah, what else you doing? Hey tilde. What's going on?
Who are you talking to? I'm talking to you tilde. Are you doing that telepathic thing where you're talking to other people telepathically?
(15:55):
Oh, sorry. I'm on the phone. Uh
Uh, nothing. I'm hold on. Hold on baby. I'll call you back
No, no, i'm not gonna say i'm not gonna say all right
Shut up what what do you want? You love him?
Love sucks love does suck stupid stupid stupid. It's that's some earth shit. Yeah
(16:20):
What do I
On mars, we don't even do that. We just bite our lovers head off
Hey tilde, why are we mate tilde? Why are you here on the moon? Anyways, I got
I got in some trouble
And uh, I had to get out of there, uh and go somewhere where they couldn't find me
Okay, and I don't know if you know this but it's really hard to land on the moon because we're moving so fucking fast
(16:44):
Yeah, it's really fast. Yeah, we're moving really fast. So on the moon sucks
Yeah, and martian ships have a real real trouble with landing on something moving so fast
Oh shit, yeah because of our stabilizers. It's it's a whole thing. Well, i'm taking down philip philips and then whoa philip philip philip
Philip philip that's the guy and wow he's greasy. He's he's so fucking greasy, man
(17:07):
I really don't want to do this and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to join me and help me in this
Whoa, hey, you you want me to you want me to leave my boring ass desk and go with you on an adventure? I mean
Maybe we can figure a way off this prison planet
Uh if we uh work together
Oh
Well, you drive you drive a hard bargain there sir. Um, yeah, I think i'm into that. Can I get a high five? Uh
(17:32):
That's pretty insensitive. I don't have hands so oh crap. I I don't know why I forget that
Yeah, okay
I'll talk to you later tilde. No, no offense to wait. I want to come with you. Oh, okay
Yeah, i'm about to have this operation done on i'm about to be androidified or something. You just guessed that
(17:53):
I'm that's what i'm guessing. Yeah
Interesting. Yeah
I mean, they think they got hands for me. Oh, let's not get ridiculous here. Come on. Come on tilde
You're right. I'm being silly. That's what i'm being i'm getting so silly. All right, come on with me
Come on, let's let's go. You want to hop on the the wheelchair? Yeah, can I get a ride?
Yeah, yeah, go on the back. They scoot like it's a shopping cart
(18:13):
We
Uh cut to drug cartel ring. Um, philip philison is snorting
uh
cosmic
Cocaine
Oh, that's that good shit man
Hell yeah, fuck
Holy shit, man. Okay, who we killing today bro? Well, we're gonna be killing
(18:38):
Whoever's in the ring when you get out there. Okay, that's why I like the fucking here man. Yeah
All right, that's why I like the fucking tell you who's the fucking loser this time. Uh, your first opponent is eric
Lee
Erick lee always a fucking dead man. Is that him over there?
Yeah, that is him. Wow. Hey, hand me that gun man
(18:58):
Oh, there you go
Wow, he's dead. I just taught him. Okay. Well, you're a second opponent
That's all right. I've fought enough man. I'm good
He fights
He fights with good suddenly there's this booming voice, uh that echoes philip
Oh, hey, hey y'all I got a I got a jet real quick. Why are you so sweaty? No, don't worry about it, man
(19:24):
I told you i'm greasy
Okay. All right. Chill. Okay. I'm gonna go eat a bag of chips a whole bag with sour cream
We cut to a long staircase in a dark dark space, uh, um
um corridor
corridor after corridor of
staircases leading downward and downward and downward, um into the core of the moon and um
(19:51):
Sexy, we open a door and it is the core of the moon, which is a ball of cheese
Hey man, what's going on? Is it all melty and gooey? Yes. I am melty and gooey
I am the moon itself. His name is melty on gooey. My name is melty on gooey
(20:12):
Okay. Yeah, I know all that man. What do you what do you want?
I need more sacrifices. Oh man. I already got you more like
Come on, man. I already got you so many bodies. I need more to sustain my cheese gooeyness
My cheesy center my cheesy center
(20:35):
There's not enough cheese
Okay, I guess I could I could do that man bring me more
bodies
All right, man. Uh, sure anything just anything you think I could see my little daughter sometime this year who?
Never mind, man
(20:56):
I'm gonna go back upstairs. You stay cheesy
Because he's cheese that's funny
We're gonna cut back to the the Android cosmetics lab
Would you mind playing what's his name the guy?
Clancy. Yeah. Hey Clancy. It's me. It's me Randy. I'm I'm here. Oh, hi, Randy. Um, hey got tilde here, too
(21:21):
Do you have some arms for her? Oh, hey, yeah, let me let me let me
Yeah, let me let me let me just check in my um my um
Cabinet
My own the arm cabinet. That's the one. Yeah
Cabinet, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I'll see if we got any arms for you till till the yeah, you hear that till they're gonna
(21:46):
You might get some arms Wow Wow. Look at these. These are good
Uh, what do you what do you want? You want gorilla arms or you want um, you want um, you want these raptor arms?
You want these um, oh man, you should get her like the little baby arms baby arms. There's a cube
That's a big hot seller. Yeah, actually don't even talk to her. Just do it man. It's covering her mouth
(22:09):
Just get the baby. You can't get it off. She don't got no hands
She tries to get it with her feet when she can't reach and uh the chief sent me in
to uh
For something I think i'm getting like an android body, right? Oh
Is that is that what he told you
Oh, am I am I wrong? Uh, yeah, i'm fresh out of android bodies. Oh
(22:31):
Snarkle doodle, this is not what I wanted. What what what does he what does he want me to do then?
Well, I got these it's this it's a it's a
pole
it's about a
about a three foot
drill bit right and it has these joints here you see
And I drill it into the bottom of your foot and it goes all the way up your leg and it becomes your new bones
(22:55):
and it
Sends out these sensors that go into your brain
and uh
You can move them. They're reactionary to your your brain
So if you want to if you want to move your legs, basically, you're not going to be paralyzed anymore. It's secure for paralyzation
Okay, but you drill into my my leg. Yeah your whole leg it goes through the whole leg
(23:15):
I don't know till they you think I should do this. Yeah. Yeah, what the fuck? He's gonna cure you. Okay
Yeah, drill me up. Drill me up buddy
Drill me up. Oh, yeah, and also I forgot to mention you're gonna be superhuman and he puts him to sleep with you
He has a mask on him
Some time passes and um his eyes slowly flicker open and
(23:37):
He starts to see like a ui in his peripheral
and he realized he is now like whatever was injected into him was like
Also, like computerized like nanomachines. Yeah, you know and it hurts real bad and he says
Oh
Oh, this is so painful make it stop make it stop dude, he said oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Let me turn on let me turn on the pain
(24:03):
Reflectors, okay. That's a lot of pain
Reflectors, okay. That's a lot better. This meter goes down. Why did you have that all the way up?
Why did you have the pain feelers up? I thought it'd be funnier. I'm not I'm not very good at being funny
He gets up from the table. I can walk. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I just told you that's what's gonna happen. Wow
Okay, look at this. I'm doing jumping jacks. You can run to you. Wow, you can kick you can kick ass even Oh snap
(24:28):
Yeah, the hospital bed over
It hits Clancy Clancy's dead now. Oh
Oh
Okay, let's tell the let's get out of here. Oh you killed clients cuts him in half
Slices straight down the middle the long way from top to bottom like in like in terrifier
(24:51):
Man he was fragile man. Wow, you went down easy. Wow. What the fuck? Yeah, how hard did you kick that bed?
I don't know. I just I just I guess I don't know my own
It's made out of a cushion. I didn't even dead
He sliced him in half with a cushion that was crazy
Okay, let's tell the let's uh, let's cut some of the cameras around here and let's get let's get the fuck out of here
(25:15):
Wow, um cut two they are in a gym. They're practicing mma and uh, yeah
Um, what is tilde doing to practice, uh, she has uh resistance bands
And uh, she's she's doing curl-ups from the from her feet
She has the resistance band around her feet and she's curling nice and she has a little baby arm
(25:38):
So it's just not very much. Yeah. No, it's not very far. It's like three inches. Yeah
You know Randy is like, I don't know man. He's a freaking nature now
He's like he's he's kicking a sandbag and it cuts right through it. Wow. Holy cow. Whoa. Holy holy shit
Are you seeing this? Yeah, that was crazy. Maybe I can just stay like this forever
Yeah
(25:59):
I don't see why not wait. Hold on. We don't we don't have to actually do this tilde
Don't you want to like get off off this planet and visit earth or go back to mars like like you want?
Oh, no, no, no, I don't want to go back to mars. No, thanks. Wait, why not?
Uh, there's okay. I wasn't 100 percent, uh
Truthful with you. Um, there's a bounty on my head in mars
(26:21):
Oh
And I did some stuff I did some stuff in on mars
And on mars that I that i'm not proud of i'm not proud of it
I'm not proud of it. What did you do tilde? Well, okay, so now you're getting in my business, but if you if you suddenly
Uh, you hear there she is and like a group of bounty hunters come down from the rafters
(26:44):
of the gym or they break through the ceiling and uh,
One man has an eye patch on and no face just an eye patch
and uh, he says
Zorp, I told you about coming here. Um, the person comes along and translates for him
His name's zorp and he says he's gonna kill you tilde. I know what he said marcus
(27:06):
Oh, okay. I guess I guess I don't need to explain for him that no, I got it
Fuck you too. Okay. I don't need this shit. All right, how'd you even get here?
Really
Wow, I missed a lot. Uh, how long has it been? Um, randy steps inside and says steps aside
(27:27):
Um till then says don't worry tilde. I got this he enters into overdrive mode and his eyes glow like a glowing
Red and his like veins turn red and he freaking super speeds up to zorp and uppercuts him
In the chin and he freaking flies into the air. He says holy shit. Holy shit
Get him get him and like people are trying to come and like attack him but he's blocking and parrying kicking them in the stomach
(27:53):
And half of their body's gone when he kicks them
um, and then he like takes like a like a little knife comes out of his wrist and like he uses that to swipe and he
Just kills everybody, you know, like like the nanomachines are crazy. He's like, holy shit. I even know I could do that
Interesting interesting. They're very very interesting couple minutes later or like 30 seconds later. Everyone's dead. Everyone's dead except tilde and
(28:14):
and
covered in blood
Wow
This is you know, I can get used to this. Oh wow. Yeah
Wow with the rush wowzers. I'm not even tired. You ever killed someone tilde. It feels pretty good. It's pretty pretty nice
Yeah, I have actually wow. Oh, is that the thing you're gonna? Yeah, that's what I was gonna. Uh, yeah gotcha
(28:36):
Well now I have to
Not that big of a deal
I guess we have that in common now. So you want to get off this rock or what?
Yeah
Yes. All right. Well, where we gonna go?
like there's like a shock and like he sees in his like his ui that like he's breaching the order of
(28:57):
Doing the you the the mma fight. Oh crap. I have to do this fight a digital clancy pops or
Yeah, digital clancy pops up in his eye and he's like nah
Uh-uh, uh-uh, you have to complete your mission. Damn it. Oh, okay. We have to complete this mission. Let's just go to the
Under dark underworld of the moon and do this shit, I guess
(29:19):
Any objections tilde? Yeah, I don't want to do that. Can I just well no, I mean you I mean you're culpable
Like you saw me murder those people. I can't leave you alone. What am I an accessory now? That's bullshit
Yeah, kind of fuck it. I also need like, you know, maybe help. It's just like mars. Yeah. Well, what's gonna do? Let's go
(29:39):
They speak spanish on mars we're gonna take a short break and get right back to this story moon story moon story
Don't go anywhere. Oh
Oh, stop it. Stop cut
Hey guys, we're back. Hey, we got another sponsor another background. Yeah
Oh
(30:06):
Today's episode is brought to you by tacos this episode is proudly sponsored by tacos
Uh, this is yum yum yum yum yum yum. Indeed. Like gosh, I could sure could use a taco right now
I do so enjoy some tacos eating tacos are universal in the sense of like you can have it anytime
Oh, yeah, you can have tacos anytime anytime. You can have a taco in bed. I don't give a fuck
(30:28):
That'd be kind of messy, but I agree what you what you what you what's your what's your protein?
You like chicken beef? I like both like both. Yeah, what's that? How do you say that in spanish that little girl the taco commercial?
Um
That was a good attempt I feel like you know, yeah, I was trying but you pretty much said why not both
(30:49):
Yeah, they all cheered. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Good. Good. Yeah, I like me some steak in mine. Oh, yeah tacos. Fuck me up. Yeah, man
Uh tacos are great and like I don't want to sit here and tell you that tacos aren't the best thing in the world
But they are
They are they're pretty good. They're pretty good. Are you a cilantro guy?
(31:10):
Or is it is it soapy for you? It's not soapy for me. I'm okay with cilantro. Good. Good. Good
I like cilantro too. Yeah, I like cilantro and uh
I like I like a little I like I like I like american hot sauce in my in my tacos american hot sauce
Yeah, yeah the vinegary shit, you know, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I like that little that little
Acid kick, you know, yeah, man kicks it like the tortilla if it's made right
(31:36):
So bomb. Nom nom amazing. Oh gosh
Um, thank you. Thank you to the mexican people for that. Thank you. You know, I will say
Personally, I do like burritos a little bit more than tacos really being honest. Yeah, what's that about? Is that mouthfeel?
What is it? I just like the tube, you know, like I like the tube of just putting it all in a in a tunnel
(31:59):
What about you like a cali rito or?
Oh like a california burrito type deal
I just I don't discriminate if it's a good burrito man. Oh, yeah black white whatever, you know
Oh exactly. Um, but I do love me some tacos. Thank you very much tacos for sponsoring us today
Uh, if you're listening to this which you are get in my mouth
(32:19):
Uh get in my mouth and do go to a taco truck if you drive
What you do
Um, and you see a taco truck do go
Go do go do go and get a taco do go krigger and also try horchata. Mm. Yeah, I love horchata
It's good. Yeah, it's good. It's cool. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, I like the purple stuff more purple
(32:40):
What purple stuff you ever go inside and they got the purple stuff and horchata and the yellow stuff
No, it's like a lemonade and then and like a grapey aid stuff. No, I like the purple one
I need to i'm gonna look for purple stuff. I'm gonna say
I don't know what it is. Where's the purple stuff? I don't even know what it's called. I just I want the purple one
Makes me miss kool-aid and it's not because i'm black
(33:02):
Not because i'm black moving on um, thanks tacos. Thank you tacos. Uh, where we last left off, um
Randy
The wheelchair guy has just turned into an android cyborg a little clumsy. Not really though. He's pretty agile
He's pretty agile
(33:24):
Um, and he's teaming we didn't we didn't really get into him being clumsy before he got fixed so
He was clumsy as hell before before before the android stuff. Yeah, you just you just didn't you just missed that part
Yeah, that's how he that's why he was in a wheelchair. He was a clumsy accident
Randy's in the middle of a sting operation to take down philip phillipsons
And um, you know fight him in a mma fight fucking butterfingers. Sorry, go ahead
(33:46):
But there the moon has an agenda to consume all and become more cheesy
Gotta be more cheesy. Gotta
We like the relationship
We like the relationship in our already broken moon story. So, uh, uh, we're gonna spin one more wheel called the topic wheel
Let's spin it
(34:14):
The hits keep coming oh boy, uh the sun
Okay, um, we're gonna cut to uh the moon
Cheesy core and um, you know, he's gurgling, you know, he's like he's like slowly starting to melt and he's like
The sun is getting stronger the sun is making my cheese melt
(34:41):
Uh philip phillipson comes in. Hey, uh, what's up? You called for me? What's going on?
You must give me a sacrifice. It's like to become more cheese. I'm working on it. I'm working on I got
I got another guy i'm gonna fight and i'll throw his body into the cheese vault so he can consume them. Hurry
All right, I will explain
You got it boss. You got a fucking cheesy ass bitch
(35:06):
Talking shit under his breath cut to um, I'll keep wanting to call him gracing but his name is randy
They're at a
50s diner
Eating cheeseburgers
That's all they got on the moon is 50 diners
God, I fucking hate cheeseburgers
The only food it's only food we have this and and oreo milkshakes
(35:34):
Disgusting he throws it on the ground
Vaporizes it with his eyes. They have fries, but it's protein
You know because because everything got to have cheese on it tilde. What are you gonna do once you get off this stupid rock?
When I get out of here
When open me up a club
i'm gonna call it
tilde's
Swing swing
(35:56):
Clink
Well, you want to you want to dance you want to you want to own a business
Oh, yeah
I want to own my own club where people come and they have a good time at tilde's swing swing clink
All right, and then and drinks are always free the first one the first one just the first one
It's free and it's whatever drink you want, you know
Okay, okay, that's
(36:18):
And and there's there's
people shaking their asses
for
for fun
Good music every night live band, you know at tilde's swing swing clink. Um
Okay, a couple questions
What is a club?
(36:39):
And what does it ask?
Uh club is like a it's like a blunt object that you hit people with
A blunt object
And it asks that is a
Small horse so you want to open up a place to club horses? Yeah
Okay, but the drinks are always free the first one just the first one. I guess that's not terrible
(37:00):
Yeah, if I escape the moon, I I don't know what i'll do
Maybe i'll suddenly uh you hear hey what's going on? You're my next opponent my next victim
He walks in with his cronies behind him. Oh shit. Is that phil?
You must be phil phillipson. Hey, you know it man. Give me my guy
(37:21):
You're looking pretty scrawny yourself you sure you're you sure you're up to the challenge he has a mouth full of grilled cheese
He like he touches him he's like yeah, his body feels kind of scrawny
bitch
It wiggles a little bit like a water bit
Like high five someone else let's just get in the ring and let our fists do the talking
Oh big talk from the little little randy guy right to the point. That's cute. I like that. I like that
(37:49):
All right. I'll see you in the ring, bitch
Whoa, it bumps his shoulder as he walks past
Loser, okay. We're going the wrong way. Let's let's go back
Exactly
All right cut two. Um, it is the night of the fight. It is uh, we hear ladies and gentlemen
(38:09):
Hello, my name is bunkie. I'm a conjoined twin with my here brother bunkie
We're gonna fight going on it is randy versus
Philip
We're in for a good one guys. We're in for a good one. Okay, and uh, you know these these two have been training
(38:32):
I don't know how long but um
Uh, we might be looking at another massacre here. This would be the 50th massacre massacre this month. Yeah, good thing. I'm drunk
Uh, it's a good time to drink because here comes our contestants
randy and
Where's where's the theme song? Can you joey? Can you play?
(38:57):
Let's get ready to rumble
Can't say that can't say let's get ready to punch people
The lights dim and then explode
And then it is a disco ball
The moon moonlings have a little weird thing going on
And the fence becomes electrified. Oh, and philipson says i'm gonna beat that i'm gonna beat the i'm gonna punch you
(39:22):
You bitch do they have to do they have to sing the national anthem first, oh
Sorry, everyone. I'm pausing. Hey pausing. Hey, we gotta sing the national moon anthem. Everyone. All right, please put your fingers in your nose
As is tradition, okay
We love the moon
The moon we love the moon the cheesy goodness of the moon
(39:48):
It sustains us it sustains it makes us whole
like a wheel of
Suddenly you uh, you you hear the speakers explode enough
Why do you all pretend to be?
Slate, why do you all?
Fucking hold on. I had a soul speech ready. Fuck fuck. Um
(40:13):
um
The moon is a prison planet everyone. I'm i'm randy
I used to be a police officer and now I fucking hate the moon and you all should hate the moon too weird
This is a police state. This is a police
Planet and and the moon sucks. None of you guys should live you guys should should leave
Well, there seems to be some propaganda going on this you have this is sorry
(40:35):
Yeah, mma fight seems to be turning into a hot debate. Yeah, this guy must be from the dark side
Oh shit
Oh and uh philip philipson seems to be taking the mic what's he gotta say
He speaks right y'all he's telling the truth
(40:56):
You see the moon is actually a big ball of cheese underneath the crust of where y'all sit
And it just wants to eat our souls and eat our flesh to sustain its cheesy goodness
Okay, mr. Conspiracy guy
No, y'all gotta listen to me this is real he gets sniped and he dies
(41:21):
Holy shit, it seems randy wins by default. What an interesting day. Oh man. Hey, uh, there's the belt
Someone should raising his hand and hey, we have a winner
Uh, it is randy
(41:45):
Cut to the locker room. Um, he's uh unwrapping his uh fists
and um
You know, he just sits there kind of just drenching with sweat from talking not from fighting. Yeah, it's hot up there
I'm like, okay, tilda comes in
Hi tilda, hey great fight out there kid
what
(42:06):
I don't know what the hell that was like the moon have agents or someone someone killed him because he was talking about cheesy goodness. What?
What was that? I'm not i'm not i'm not 100 sure but i'm not gonna lift i'm not gonna
lick a
goose
horse in the
What is how do you say it? What is it? I have no idea what you're talking about, you know
(42:31):
You know the old saying hey kid
I think his name was bardock greasy old man who's very very short and has no eyes comes in
You know, I was an old associate of uh phil phillips and my condolences
Okay, uh, can I help you?
You know, uh, he was he was telling the truth
There is a there is a cheese demon at the end the bottom of this here planet cheese demon
(42:58):
Sorry cheese demon
Yeah, it's a big old ball of cheese that controls the whole planet subjugates all living organisms to
sacrifice their bodies and souls
Wow, more cheese. Wow
Tilda you should know like a fondue exactly
Exactly like a fondue. That's pretty cool. In fact, its name is fondue fondue the conqueror fondue the immortal
(43:26):
I don't know why you're smiling. Well, I forgot the other name so i'm gonna just go with that
You're a martian, aren't you? Yeah, i'm from mars. So you should know that the moon is made of cheese
You should know that are you why are you not telling him?
Look it was
randy
Yes
so
on my planet
(43:46):
there's
A rumor, okay
There's a rumor
that your planet the moon this where we are right now is filled with cheese and
Our planet is filled with cherry cobbler
but
but
Okay, that doesn't mean that we're meant to be okay, then we're not soul mates or nothing like that
(44:11):
That he stands up you knew that our planet was made of cheese this whole time tilde
And you didn't tell me you didn't tell me I didn't think it would matter
Of course it matters. Of course it matters. I know that this planet is made of cheese. No wonder I fucking hate the planet so much
Fucking hate cheese. Are you lactose intolerant? Of course I am
(44:34):
most of us
Fucking take old guy take us to take us to fondue the carcass wherever the fuck its name is he can eat cheese
He just doesn't like them. You got it partner and hey, I would use this toss a laser sword
Put that in its eyeball. All right
Fine the only way
(44:55):
The only way
Cut to the long corridor there go down the spiraling corridor of corridors
There's a long walk. They gotta stop and take a breath long walk. There's a 7-eleven on the way
Slurpee they open up the door
Hello
It is me
(45:15):
Fondue the immortal
Hey
You punk ass bitch
How dare you i'm the life giver and core of this planet. Your little bitch is what you are. That's what you are
You've been subjugating people just to become more more cheese
Yes
Subjugating yes more cheese and the door closes and now you will become more cheese with me
(45:42):
I don't like your attitude stabs him in the eye and I with a laser sword
You bitch no, I can't see anymore and the sun it's like the sun is in my eye
Oh
The cheese curdles up and turns into milk. Oh no
(46:03):
and uh
now it's a milky center and they they managed to get out of the door with the laser sword and um
As they're going up this spiral staircase, uh, uh, it just fills up with more and more milk
You know, it's like a milk tsunami that just keeps keeps coming, you know
Um tilde slips and falls
Um, randy grabs tilde with the arm the little baby arm is holding on
(46:28):
Tilda can't lose you. Come on. Tell gregory. I never loved him the arm pops off tilde
Come on kid you gotta leave her
Son of a bitch. I fucking hate this planet
They uh keep going up the staircase
And uh, we're gonna cut to um
Uh, an oh hope a hole in the moon
(46:48):
The moon bursting with milk. Oh, yeah. Wow like a geyser. Yeah, like a geyser hot milk old faithful milk. Yeah
And it just uh, you know, it the milk spills onto the whole surface of the moon
um, they're getting sprayed with all this milk and people are kind of celebrating because it's like
It's kind of no they've never tasted anything like this. Yeah, you struck white gold. This is like, uh,
(47:13):
This is like the end of holes, you know, like when everyone's like it's raining, but it's milk
You know people are very happy for the milk
I fucking love this stuff
I've never had anything besides cheeseburgers and fucking hate cheeseburgers fucking
Sick of cheeseburgers. This is delicious
um, we're gonna cut to um
Randy he is on a spaceship, you know, and he's he's about to take off and the old guy comes up and says
(47:40):
So you're taking off, huh?
Yeah
Getting off this stupid fucking planet made of cheese, you know cheese ain't all bad
Fucking hate milk too get off this ship wise words
Just remember the sacrifice that came okay, just get the fuck off my ship like come on
(48:03):
I just want to fucking get off for real. You got a partner
And remember out
Kicks him off
And we see the the spaceship fly off into the distance, you know, he's headed for earth, which is just a blue marble
There's that blue marble. I was thinking about going to nothing but water
(48:23):
Whatever it's called
I guess i'm gonna see for myself
That's the end
It's fucking terrible we did it
We did it. We did it somehow
You guys oh my god, what an amazing milky
Something something was done and we did that, you know guys. I just want you to know this is my very best
(48:51):
This is trying so hard this is this is the best i've got
I'm like mariah carey in that meme i'm gonna do the best I got with what I have
Or something like that something like that. It's just something like that. I think she said it a little cooler, but yeah
Yeah, um, probably yeah
Uh, so if you listen if you've made it this far
(49:13):
Uh, why what's wrong with you? I don't know why okay. Yeah, but uh, dude, uh, I do thank you for listening and sticking around
We're we are making some progress on this freaking podcast somehow. We're 70 episodes young. Hi
Hi
Wow
Who knew hot damn hot damn?
Um, um check us out at link trade.com slash dng pod
(49:37):
Um click the merch link buy yourself a definitely not good hat. Tell your friends about us
Send us some pictures
and uh
Don't forget to hit that subscribe button
Yeah, something like that. Yeah, leave us a rating or review, you know hit some five stars on spotify do those things man
(49:57):
Yeah, yeah. All right. This podcast is over
Uh, I do I do recommend you listen to a song now
Something to get your mind off of this terrible story. That was just
I don't I suggest you listen to the last 69 episodes of this show
Don't listen to him
No, just kidding. Thanks for sticking around. Love you drive safe. Bye
Hey, what up you dongle? This is definitely not good the podcast we create stories, and they're definitely probably not good
(00:05):
I'm your host CJ, and I'm joined by my producer Nuckety two shakes today. It is just us and we have two
shakes of a lambs tail
Did I did I use that right I don't think so okay, I fucked up
I don't know what this is, but it's definitely not good Hey
(00:44):
If it's your first time listening, this is pretty much how everything works. We are amazing storytellers amazing
And it's our job our sacred duty to come up with the story completely from scratch with a little twist
We have a series of wheels
We're gonna spin each of them are random and depending on where they end up we have to somehow incorporate it into our story
And that's that's the show I guess today. We have no one just me and Nuckety nobody here talking
(01:12):
Yeah, nobody I'm not gonna try and sing I won't do that to you
Gosh gee golly geez you know geez
How are you guys doing? Yeah, how do you think people are doing right now?
Well that depends on what happens tomorrow. Oh, yeah, cuz so we're recording this the day before we we know what the election results are
(01:36):
You think you think we'll be good either way no you think we'll be good
You think we'll be good in general
No, oh damn, okay, yeah
Yeah, well hey if you're listening to this and you are in the future, which you probably are just want to let you know
(01:56):
Things will be okay. You know and I say that with not the most confidence
Saying that as a person living in the past not dealing with your shit right now
Yeah, but Bob Marley was living in the past and he was pretty clear. Everything's gonna be okay. Oh, yeah, that's true for his time
Yeah, everything was okay. It was bad. It was very bad. I don't know if you know Bob Marley story
That was bad. He was in a bad situation. Yeah when he made that song there's a there's a song by
(02:23):
Bobby McFarland McFerrin McFerrin excuse me
It's a it's don't worry be happy, but there's like an altered version where it says be worry. It's don't happy
And I just want to invite you to look that up on YouTube. It's it's pretty
Reassuring that things will not be alright. Yeah
But today you're listening to this today and and you know, I am I am very sorry
(02:46):
You have to live in your situation, whatever it is
But today good
I mean, you know like
It's not gonna it's not gonna be all bad because you know sing to this and you're gonna hear some terrible stories
Yeah along with your day. Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna try to make you laugh. Yeah, we'll try
Very best a very best but before that let's get into our sponsor
(03:09):
We don't have a sponsor today, but we do have a wheel to spin a sponsor. So let's do that
Today's episode is brought to you by fingernails episodes proudly sponsored by fingernails
Oh, how do you feel about fingernails? Thank you. You got an itch. They'll scratch it. Oh, yeah
(03:32):
They're nice and long or short. Mmm, they're fitting on your preference. It's so good to put the chew on
I heard that I was playing the guitar or the bass or a string instrument usually keep your nails long for that
Oh, yeah, it's real helpful
Yeah, I bet that bad and in a pinch if you need a toothpick you can just buy the fingernail often
Use that nails are also good for pinching. Yeah pinch. You can pinch people. Yeah pinching hurts. Yeah
(03:55):
Why don't how come people don't pinch in fights? I don't know but it'd work on me
Yeah, if you're gonna fist fight next time you get in a fist fight listener, go ahead and pinch that motherfucker and see what they do
Yeah, or if you get into a fist foot, you know, you can use those long nails ears as weapons
Yeah, scratch that shit. Yeah mother, you know
They're good weapons. There are only self-defense, you know
(04:18):
You can't control much in your life, you know, like on a
Okay, let me rephrase that you can control so many things in your life
Like your nails, you know, like you can decide how long they are. Yeah
You can't control the election, you know, you can only vote
So you can do one person, you know a couple of bills that you didn't really have a say in but your nails
(04:42):
Let you choose their length. Yeah, and you can paint them in what not? Yeah, you can paint them stuff
You can put dirt in there. Mm-hmm
You can you can scratch stuff could scratch yourself. You can get like gummy candy in there save it for later. Oh nice
Well, thank you nails. Thank you fingernails. Oh my gosh, you're so scratchy
Mm-hmm. Nice
(05:03):
Nuckety
Yeah, you what do you what a video game are you playing right now? I'm playing the fractured but whole oh, that's a oldie
But goodie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, who's your favorite South Park character? Oh
Like from the show. Mm-hmm
Maybe butters butters why
(05:24):
He's pretty funny so funny so
Yeah, I do
We love you butters that's me I think my favorite South Park character is Satan
Yeah
Yeah, so um, he's saying there's just kind of kind of a dude he's like, oh, come on man
(05:48):
Come on, just having to deal with stuff
The wife of Saddam Hussein. Yeah, we love you South Park. Stop it, Saddam
Guys, I'm gonna be honest. I'm pretty tired today, but I am going I'm here for you. Okay. Yeah, I feel
the discontent and and the sadness
But we're gonna transform that today into a horrible terrible story for you to listen to so terrible horrible
(06:14):
No good very good bad story
Exactly. You got it. You got it down. Okay. All right. Well, let's let's get started with this terrible thing that we're gonna
Inject into people's ear balls. Yeah, you're gonna listen to this with your ear balls you guys nice. That's a t-shirt our
No more t-shirts
No more t-shirts. Uh, just kidding. We might have one. Yeah, stay tuned our
(06:37):
First wheel is our genre wheel. So what do we what are we making today?
MMA tournament
Oh, yeah
People in a cage hitting people till they bleed pinching pinching shout out to our sponsor
(06:58):
suplexing
Nice nice. All right, who's our what's our next wheel our setting the setting where are we taking place?
A city on the moon interesting
Very interesting. I think we did mars last time we're intergalactic
(07:19):
But uh this time we can be moon
People
She if you're from the moon, what are you called a moon and I moon and night wait that's from aqua scenes
uh
a moonling
Sure. Okay moonlings moonling. That's kind of cute sounding actually sounds like a cow's
moonlings
(07:41):
Nice there's a tic-tac going around where if you move at a baby, it'll cry. Yeah, I saw that
Why does it work? I don't know. It doesn't work on my kid
Hey
Listener if you have a baby try moving to your baby and move with your baby and make them cry
I'm sure that's exactly what you want
Okay, more crying more crying thing that cries all the time
You know, have you tried crying to your baby while it's crying? Yeah, he don't give a fuck
(08:03):
My kid don't my kid is a sociopath. Oh nice. He don't care about nothing. Hey shout out to your future kid
Who's listening to this? Um quick question. Are you a sociopath? Yes. No, okay
Well, if you if if you're either way, we love you. Thanks for listening. Um, our next wheel is our
Our character job character job. What is the job of this moonling? Moonlings?
(08:31):
They're an android cop android cop that's kind of sick
Um, what's the what is the law system like on the moon? Oh, I bet it's
Justicey justicey
How do you even tell the time of day on the moon do they have like cycles like earth? No
Wait, yes
(08:51):
Yeah, yeah, they do but
But only one side ever faces the planet. Oh
Yeah, but it's also spinning. So it's spinning that nigga. They spinning. Yeah, they spinning
but
Yeah, okay, you know the moon is interesting. Is it true that the moon's made of cheese? Yeah
Oh, okay. Cool. Yeah cool. Oh, our next wheel is our character flaws. Something is wrong with this Android cop
(09:17):
What is it? What's wrong?
Bennett malfunctioning
What a clumsy clumsy clumsy not the highest end
Pro they put them together with scraps his brain has made of gumballs and paper clips. Yeah, okay. Okay
(09:38):
Our second to last wheel is our antagonist and an agonizing was the bad person of this story bad guy
Oh boy, it's
Not even that funny it's not that funny is just weird the antagonist is the moon
(10:08):
See the antagonist is the thing that we live on so the setting was the moon
Uh-huh, and the antagonist is the moon. Yep. That's correct. And ours. Okay. Good listening buddy. Thanks for listening
So to recap recap, we're making a UFC fight story anyway MMA. Excuse me
No, no official affiliation with USC, right? Correct. Correct. Okay
(10:30):
we're making an MMA fight on the moon and our main character is an Android cop who's a little clumsy and
The antagonist is the moon also. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. Um
So I'm I'm thinking this main character is going to start off as a cop
(10:50):
his name is
Randy Randy Randy
Randy Rolfe
Randy
Rolfe Randy Rolfe and I want you to picture a man with a really big mustache
and
Wearing traditional cop wear except it's gray color because he's on the moon, right?
(11:16):
Yeah, he's part of the moon force as a moonling the gray planet gray planet
And everything then it is in a sepia tone
We'll do some narration. Yeah, my name is Randy. This is me
You might be wondering how I got here me writing TPS reports on the moon
Well funny story funny story. Not really actually my parents were TPS reporters and my parents
(11:44):
Parents were TPS reporters in my blood writing TPS reports is in my blood
Yeah, I wish there was more
As I look out the window, I see the earth apparently that's where we came from originally
Just a little blue marble little blue marble
completely overtaken by
Water something called water. I don't know what that is when it's blue
(12:07):
Looks good. He's eating a plate of cheese
Can only so much cheese till he go crazy
His lieutenant comes in. What's it? He played lieutenant. Yeah. Oh, hey
Hello lieutenant Randy
Get your ass in my office. I'm ready. Okay pulls out a wheelchair. He's like wheelchairs into the office
(12:28):
Hey, what's going on?
Yeah, I don't know why that's funny, sir. I've been in a wheelchair most of my life shut the goddamn door, Randy
It's really tough for me. I'm in a wheelchair. Just turn real hard until the door shut. All right
Or not with my can't close over my feet so
Happy oh my god. Thank you. I forgot my wife's birthday. I don't know what to get her. Please help me help me
(12:53):
Well, what is your wife like? I don't know. Why would I know that? Can you just get her some flowers or some flowers?
Flowers ready. You're a fucking cheese. Yeah, I mean I know I know
What about my didn't you say I had like a promotion coming up or something? Oh, yeah
Yeah, yeah, you got a promotion coming up. Mm-hmm
I was at that maybe today. Oh you want that you want it? Yeah, you want it? I could use some more moon dollars
(13:18):
More moon dollars. Okay, so he takes out a fishing pole with a moon dollar on it. He said I got you a moon dollar
Let's just give me you gotta be quicker than that
You know, I'm in a wheelchair right?
That's what makes it so funny. God damn it
What do you want me to do?
Here he goes into his drawer and he pulls out a brief case files
And he slams them on the table and he pulls he goes through
(13:44):
This one this one right here. He pulls it out. He slams it in front of him
And he's he uh, it's too far away. He can't reach it. He's like, can you can make it closer?
Oh, no, no, no, no my fault. He picks it up and hands it to him. Thank you. Okay. Um, okay
I want you to handle this one. So you got a
um
(14:04):
Oh shit, sir. This is philip phils. This is like
the the the greasiest evilest drug cartel guy in in moon
Yep, he sure he sure is
the greasiest and you
And you want me to you want me to cuff him you want me to take what do you want me to do like
(14:26):
Well in the middle of a ufc fight or something. I that's yep. That's that's correct
I need you to enter into the mma competition. Oh, sorry
I don't know where I got ufc from. I thought it was like the ultimate fighting. Nope. Nope. It's not that it's not that
Mixed martial arts. Yeah, and I need you to enter this tournament. Okay, and I need you to win
I need you to beat phil
(14:48):
Right, that's his name phils. Hey, sir. I don't know if you noticed kind of in a wheelchair can't really do
Martial way way ahead of you dumb dumb. Uh, there's I need you to talk to clancy down the hall
The the tech guy he has a little something for you in there. Uh,
Okay, and I can get that moon dollar if I do this. Oh this moon dollar
(15:08):
Yeah, you can have it right now if you can grab it. Go ahead. You gotta be quicker quicker than that
Okay, all right just can you maybe open the door because I can't
Get through lazy lazy lazy
Thank you
rolls out
um as he's passing through the cubicles we see um
(15:34):
tilde she is
Swinton she is a moonling who is not human but is a
martian
Martian martian like from mars. Yeah, what else you doing? Hey tilde. What's going on?
Who are you talking to? I'm talking to you tilde. Are you doing that telepathic thing where you're talking to other people telepathically?
(15:55):
Oh, sorry. I'm on the phone. Uh
Uh, nothing. I'm hold on. Hold on baby. I'll call you back
No, no, i'm not gonna say i'm not gonna say all right
Shut up what what do you want? You love him?
Love sucks love does suck stupid stupid stupid. It's that's some earth shit. Yeah
(16:20):
What do I
On mars, we don't even do that. We just bite our lovers head off
Hey tilde, why are we mate tilde? Why are you here on the moon? Anyways, I got
I got in some trouble
And uh, I had to get out of there, uh and go somewhere where they couldn't find me
Okay, and I don't know if you know this but it's really hard to land on the moon because we're moving so fucking fast
(16:44):
Yeah, it's really fast. Yeah, we're moving really fast. So on the moon sucks
Yeah, and martian ships have a real real trouble with landing on something moving so fast
Oh shit, yeah because of our stabilizers. It's it's a whole thing. Well, i'm taking down philip philips and then whoa philip philip philip
Philip philip that's the guy and wow he's greasy. He's he's so fucking greasy, man
(17:07):
I really don't want to do this and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to join me and help me in this
Whoa, hey, you you want me to you want me to leave my boring ass desk and go with you on an adventure? I mean
Maybe we can figure a way off this prison planet
Uh if we uh work together
Oh
Well, you drive you drive a hard bargain there sir. Um, yeah, I think i'm into that. Can I get a high five? Uh
(17:32):
That's pretty insensitive. I don't have hands so oh crap. I I don't know why I forget that
Yeah, okay
I'll talk to you later tilde. No, no offense to wait. I want to come with you. Oh, okay
Yeah, i'm about to have this operation done on i'm about to be androidified or something. You just guessed that
(17:53):
I'm that's what i'm guessing. Yeah
Interesting. Yeah
I mean, they think they got hands for me. Oh, let's not get ridiculous here. Come on. Come on tilde
You're right. I'm being silly. That's what i'm being i'm getting so silly. All right, come on with me
Come on, let's let's go. You want to hop on the the wheelchair? Yeah, can I get a ride?
Yeah, yeah, go on the back. They scoot like it's a shopping cart
(18:13):
We
Uh cut to drug cartel ring. Um, philip philison is snorting
uh
cosmic
Cocaine
Oh, that's that good shit man
Hell yeah, fuck
Holy shit, man. Okay, who we killing today bro? Well, we're gonna be killing
(18:38):
Whoever's in the ring when you get out there. Okay, that's why I like the fucking here man. Yeah
All right, that's why I like the fucking tell you who's the fucking loser this time. Uh, your first opponent is eric
Lee
Erick lee always a fucking dead man. Is that him over there?
Yeah, that is him. Wow. Hey, hand me that gun man
(18:58):
Oh, there you go
Wow, he's dead. I just taught him. Okay. Well, you're a second opponent
That's all right. I've fought enough man. I'm good
He fights
He fights with good suddenly there's this booming voice, uh that echoes philip
Oh, hey, hey y'all I got a I got a jet real quick. Why are you so sweaty? No, don't worry about it, man
(19:24):
I told you i'm greasy
Okay. All right. Chill. Okay. I'm gonna go eat a bag of chips a whole bag with sour cream
We cut to a long staircase in a dark dark space, uh, um
um corridor
corridor after corridor of
staircases leading downward and downward and downward, um into the core of the moon and um
(19:51):
Sexy, we open a door and it is the core of the moon, which is a ball of cheese
Hey man, what's going on? Is it all melty and gooey? Yes. I am melty and gooey
I am the moon itself. His name is melty on gooey. My name is melty on gooey
(20:12):
Okay. Yeah, I know all that man. What do you what do you want?
I need more sacrifices. Oh man. I already got you more like
Come on, man. I already got you so many bodies. I need more to sustain my cheese gooeyness
My cheesy center my cheesy center
(20:35):
There's not enough cheese
Okay, I guess I could I could do that man bring me more
bodies
All right, man. Uh, sure anything just anything you think I could see my little daughter sometime this year who?
Never mind, man
(20:56):
I'm gonna go back upstairs. You stay cheesy
Because he's cheese that's funny
We're gonna cut back to the the Android cosmetics lab
Would you mind playing what's his name the guy?
Clancy. Yeah. Hey Clancy. It's me. It's me Randy. I'm I'm here. Oh, hi, Randy. Um, hey got tilde here, too
(21:21):
Do you have some arms for her? Oh, hey, yeah, let me let me let me
Yeah, let me let me let me just check in my um my um
Cabinet
My own the arm cabinet. That's the one. Yeah
Cabinet, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I'll see if we got any arms for you till till the yeah, you hear that till they're gonna
(21:46):
You might get some arms Wow Wow. Look at these. These are good
Uh, what do you what do you want? You want gorilla arms or you want um, you want um, you want these raptor arms?
You want these um, oh man, you should get her like the little baby arms baby arms. There's a cube
That's a big hot seller. Yeah, actually don't even talk to her. Just do it man. It's covering her mouth
(22:09):
Just get the baby. You can't get it off. She don't got no hands
She tries to get it with her feet when she can't reach and uh the chief sent me in
to uh
For something I think i'm getting like an android body, right? Oh
Is that is that what he told you
Oh, am I am I wrong? Uh, yeah, i'm fresh out of android bodies. Oh
(22:31):
Snarkle doodle, this is not what I wanted. What what what does he what does he want me to do then?
Well, I got these it's this it's a it's a
pole
it's about a
about a three foot
drill bit right and it has these joints here you see
And I drill it into the bottom of your foot and it goes all the way up your leg and it becomes your new bones
(22:55):
and it
Sends out these sensors that go into your brain
and uh
You can move them. They're reactionary to your your brain
So if you want to if you want to move your legs, basically, you're not going to be paralyzed anymore. It's secure for paralyzation
Okay, but you drill into my my leg. Yeah your whole leg it goes through the whole leg
(23:15):
I don't know till they you think I should do this. Yeah. Yeah, what the fuck? He's gonna cure you. Okay
Yeah, drill me up. Drill me up buddy
Drill me up. Oh, yeah, and also I forgot to mention you're gonna be superhuman and he puts him to sleep with you
He has a mask on him
Some time passes and um his eyes slowly flicker open and
(23:37):
He starts to see like a ui in his peripheral
and he realized he is now like whatever was injected into him was like
Also, like computerized like nanomachines. Yeah, you know and it hurts real bad and he says
Oh
Oh, this is so painful make it stop make it stop dude, he said oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Let me turn on let me turn on the pain
(24:03):
Reflectors, okay. That's a lot of pain
Reflectors, okay. That's a lot better. This meter goes down. Why did you have that all the way up?
Why did you have the pain feelers up? I thought it'd be funnier. I'm not I'm not very good at being funny
He gets up from the table. I can walk. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I just told you that's what's gonna happen. Wow
Okay, look at this. I'm doing jumping jacks. You can run to you. Wow, you can kick you can kick ass even Oh snap
(24:28):
Yeah, the hospital bed over
It hits Clancy Clancy's dead now. Oh
Oh
Okay, let's tell the let's get out of here. Oh you killed clients cuts him in half
Slices straight down the middle the long way from top to bottom like in like in terrifier
(24:51):
Man he was fragile man. Wow, you went down easy. Wow. What the fuck? Yeah, how hard did you kick that bed?
I don't know. I just I just I guess I don't know my own
It's made out of a cushion. I didn't even dead
He sliced him in half with a cushion that was crazy
Okay, let's tell the let's uh, let's cut some of the cameras around here and let's get let's get the fuck out of here
(25:15):
Wow, um cut two they are in a gym. They're practicing mma and uh, yeah
Um, what is tilde doing to practice, uh, she has uh resistance bands
And uh, she's she's doing curl-ups from the from her feet
She has the resistance band around her feet and she's curling nice and she has a little baby arm
(25:38):
So it's just not very much. Yeah. No, it's not very far. It's like three inches. Yeah
You know Randy is like, I don't know man. He's a freaking nature now
He's like he's he's kicking a sandbag and it cuts right through it. Wow. Holy cow. Whoa. Holy holy shit
Are you seeing this? Yeah, that was crazy. Maybe I can just stay like this forever
Yeah
(25:59):
I don't see why not wait. Hold on. We don't we don't have to actually do this tilde
Don't you want to like get off off this planet and visit earth or go back to mars like like you want?
Oh, no, no, no, I don't want to go back to mars. No, thanks. Wait, why not?
Uh, there's okay. I wasn't 100 percent, uh
Truthful with you. Um, there's a bounty on my head in mars
(26:21):
Oh
And I did some stuff I did some stuff in on mars
And on mars that I that i'm not proud of i'm not proud of it
I'm not proud of it. What did you do tilde? Well, okay, so now you're getting in my business, but if you if you suddenly
Uh, you hear there she is and like a group of bounty hunters come down from the rafters
(26:44):
of the gym or they break through the ceiling and uh,
One man has an eye patch on and no face just an eye patch
and uh, he says
Zorp, I told you about coming here. Um, the person comes along and translates for him
His name's zorp and he says he's gonna kill you tilde. I know what he said marcus
(27:06):
Oh, okay. I guess I guess I don't need to explain for him that no, I got it
Fuck you too. Okay. I don't need this shit. All right, how'd you even get here?
Really
Wow, I missed a lot. Uh, how long has it been? Um, randy steps inside and says steps aside
(27:27):
Um till then says don't worry tilde. I got this he enters into overdrive mode and his eyes glow like a glowing
Red and his like veins turn red and he freaking super speeds up to zorp and uppercuts him
In the chin and he freaking flies into the air. He says holy shit. Holy shit
Get him get him and like people are trying to come and like attack him but he's blocking and parrying kicking them in the stomach
(27:53):
And half of their body's gone when he kicks them
um, and then he like takes like a like a little knife comes out of his wrist and like he uses that to swipe and he
Just kills everybody, you know, like like the nanomachines are crazy. He's like, holy shit. I even know I could do that
Interesting interesting. They're very very interesting couple minutes later or like 30 seconds later. Everyone's dead. Everyone's dead except tilde and
(28:14):
and
covered in blood
Wow
This is you know, I can get used to this. Oh wow. Yeah
Wow with the rush wowzers. I'm not even tired. You ever killed someone tilde. It feels pretty good. It's pretty pretty nice
Yeah, I have actually wow. Oh, is that the thing you're gonna? Yeah, that's what I was gonna. Uh, yeah gotcha
(28:36):
Well now I have to
Not that big of a deal
I guess we have that in common now. So you want to get off this rock or what?
Yeah
Yes. All right. Well, where we gonna go?
like there's like a shock and like he sees in his like his ui that like he's breaching the order of
(28:57):
Doing the you the the mma fight. Oh crap. I have to do this fight a digital clancy pops or
Yeah, digital clancy pops up in his eye and he's like nah
Uh-uh, uh-uh, you have to complete your mission. Damn it. Oh, okay. We have to complete this mission. Let's just go to the
Under dark underworld of the moon and do this shit, I guess
(29:19):
Any objections tilde? Yeah, I don't want to do that. Can I just well no, I mean you I mean you're culpable
Like you saw me murder those people. I can't leave you alone. What am I an accessory now? That's bullshit
Yeah, kind of fuck it. I also need like, you know, maybe help. It's just like mars. Yeah. Well, what's gonna do? Let's go
(29:39):
They speak spanish on mars we're gonna take a short break and get right back to this story moon story moon story
Don't go anywhere. Oh
Oh, stop it. Stop cut
Hey guys, we're back. Hey, we got another sponsor another background. Yeah
Oh
(30:06):
Today's episode is brought to you by tacos this episode is proudly sponsored by tacos
Uh, this is yum yum yum yum yum yum. Indeed. Like gosh, I could sure could use a taco right now
I do so enjoy some tacos eating tacos are universal in the sense of like you can have it anytime
Oh, yeah, you can have tacos anytime anytime. You can have a taco in bed. I don't give a fuck
(30:28):
That'd be kind of messy, but I agree what you what you what you what's your what's your protein?
You like chicken beef? I like both like both. Yeah, what's that? How do you say that in spanish that little girl the taco commercial?
Um
That was a good attempt I feel like you know, yeah, I was trying but you pretty much said why not both
(30:49):
Yeah, they all cheered. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Good. Good. Yeah, I like me some steak in mine. Oh, yeah tacos. Fuck me up. Yeah, man
Uh tacos are great and like I don't want to sit here and tell you that tacos aren't the best thing in the world
But they are
They are they're pretty good. They're pretty good. Are you a cilantro guy?
(31:10):
Or is it is it soapy for you? It's not soapy for me. I'm okay with cilantro. Good. Good. Good
I like cilantro too. Yeah, I like cilantro and uh
I like I like a little I like I like I like american hot sauce in my in my tacos american hot sauce
Yeah, yeah the vinegary shit, you know, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I like that little that little
Acid kick, you know, yeah, man kicks it like the tortilla if it's made right
(31:36):
So bomb. Nom nom amazing. Oh gosh
Um, thank you. Thank you to the mexican people for that. Thank you. You know, I will say
Personally, I do like burritos a little bit more than tacos really being honest. Yeah, what's that about? Is that mouthfeel?
What is it? I just like the tube, you know, like I like the tube of just putting it all in a in a tunnel
(31:59):
What about you like a cali rito or?
Oh like a california burrito type deal
I just I don't discriminate if it's a good burrito man. Oh, yeah black white whatever, you know
Oh exactly. Um, but I do love me some tacos. Thank you very much tacos for sponsoring us today
Uh, if you're listening to this which you are get in my mouth
(32:19):
Uh get in my mouth and do go to a taco truck if you drive
What you do
Um, and you see a taco truck do go
Go do go do go and get a taco do go krigger and also try horchata. Mm. Yeah, I love horchata
It's good. Yeah, it's good. It's cool. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, I like the purple stuff more purple
(32:40):
What purple stuff you ever go inside and they got the purple stuff and horchata and the yellow stuff
No, it's like a lemonade and then and like a grapey aid stuff. No, I like the purple one
I need to i'm gonna look for purple stuff. I'm gonna say
I don't know what it is. Where's the purple stuff? I don't even know what it's called. I just I want the purple one
Makes me miss kool-aid and it's not because i'm black
(33:02):
Not because i'm black moving on um, thanks tacos. Thank you tacos. Uh, where we last left off, um
Randy
The wheelchair guy has just turned into an android cyborg a little clumsy. Not really though. He's pretty agile
He's pretty agile
(33:24):
Um, and he's teaming we didn't we didn't really get into him being clumsy before he got fixed so
He was clumsy as hell before before before the android stuff. Yeah, you just you just didn't you just missed that part
Yeah, that's how he that's why he was in a wheelchair. He was a clumsy accident
Randy's in the middle of a sting operation to take down philip phillipsons
And um, you know fight him in a mma fight fucking butterfingers. Sorry, go ahead
(33:46):
But there the moon has an agenda to consume all and become more cheesy
Gotta be more cheesy. Gotta
We like the relationship
We like the relationship in our already broken moon story. So, uh, uh, we're gonna spin one more wheel called the topic wheel
Let's spin it
(34:14):
The hits keep coming oh boy, uh the sun
Okay, um, we're gonna cut to uh the moon
Cheesy core and um, you know, he's gurgling, you know, he's like he's like slowly starting to melt and he's like
The sun is getting stronger the sun is making my cheese melt
(34:41):
Uh philip phillipson comes in. Hey, uh, what's up? You called for me? What's going on?
You must give me a sacrifice. It's like to become more cheese. I'm working on it. I'm working on I got
I got another guy i'm gonna fight and i'll throw his body into the cheese vault so he can consume them. Hurry
All right, I will explain
You got it boss. You got a fucking cheesy ass bitch
(35:06):
Talking shit under his breath cut to um, I'll keep wanting to call him gracing but his name is randy
They're at a
50s diner
Eating cheeseburgers
That's all they got on the moon is 50 diners
God, I fucking hate cheeseburgers
The only food it's only food we have this and and oreo milkshakes
(35:34):
Disgusting he throws it on the ground
Vaporizes it with his eyes. They have fries, but it's protein
You know because because everything got to have cheese on it tilde. What are you gonna do once you get off this stupid rock?
When I get out of here
When open me up a club
i'm gonna call it
tilde's
Swing swing
(35:56):
Clink
Well, you want to you want to dance you want to you want to own a business
Oh, yeah
I want to own my own club where people come and they have a good time at tilde's swing swing clink
All right, and then and drinks are always free the first one the first one just the first one
It's free and it's whatever drink you want, you know
Okay, okay, that's
(36:18):
And and there's there's
people shaking their asses
for
for fun
Good music every night live band, you know at tilde's swing swing clink. Um
Okay, a couple questions
What is a club?
(36:39):
And what does it ask?
Uh club is like a it's like a blunt object that you hit people with
A blunt object
And it asks that is a
Small horse so you want to open up a place to club horses? Yeah
Okay, but the drinks are always free the first one just the first one. I guess that's not terrible
(37:00):
Yeah, if I escape the moon, I I don't know what i'll do
Maybe i'll suddenly uh you hear hey what's going on? You're my next opponent my next victim
He walks in with his cronies behind him. Oh shit. Is that phil?
You must be phil phillipson. Hey, you know it man. Give me my guy
(37:21):
You're looking pretty scrawny yourself you sure you're you sure you're up to the challenge he has a mouth full of grilled cheese
He like he touches him he's like yeah, his body feels kind of scrawny
bitch
It wiggles a little bit like a water bit
Like high five someone else let's just get in the ring and let our fists do the talking
Oh big talk from the little little randy guy right to the point. That's cute. I like that. I like that
(37:49):
All right. I'll see you in the ring, bitch
Whoa, it bumps his shoulder as he walks past
Loser, okay. We're going the wrong way. Let's let's go back
Exactly
All right cut two. Um, it is the night of the fight. It is uh, we hear ladies and gentlemen
(38:09):
Hello, my name is bunkie. I'm a conjoined twin with my here brother bunkie
We're gonna fight going on it is randy versus
Philip
We're in for a good one guys. We're in for a good one. Okay, and uh, you know these these two have been training
(38:32):
I don't know how long but um
Uh, we might be looking at another massacre here. This would be the 50th massacre massacre this month. Yeah, good thing. I'm drunk
Uh, it's a good time to drink because here comes our contestants
randy and
Where's where's the theme song? Can you joey? Can you play?
(38:57):
Let's get ready to rumble
Can't say that can't say let's get ready to punch people
The lights dim and then explode
And then it is a disco ball
The moon moonlings have a little weird thing going on
And the fence becomes electrified. Oh, and philipson says i'm gonna beat that i'm gonna beat the i'm gonna punch you
(39:22):
You bitch do they have to do they have to sing the national anthem first, oh
Sorry, everyone. I'm pausing. Hey pausing. Hey, we gotta sing the national moon anthem. Everyone. All right, please put your fingers in your nose
As is tradition, okay
We love the moon
The moon we love the moon the cheesy goodness of the moon
(39:48):
It sustains us it sustains it makes us whole
like a wheel of
Suddenly you uh, you you hear the speakers explode enough
Why do you all pretend to be?
Slate, why do you all?
Fucking hold on. I had a soul speech ready. Fuck fuck. Um
(40:13):
um
The moon is a prison planet everyone. I'm i'm randy
I used to be a police officer and now I fucking hate the moon and you all should hate the moon too weird
This is a police state. This is a police
Planet and and the moon sucks. None of you guys should live you guys should should leave
Well, there seems to be some propaganda going on this you have this is sorry
(40:35):
Yeah, mma fight seems to be turning into a hot debate. Yeah, this guy must be from the dark side
Oh shit
Oh and uh philip philipson seems to be taking the mic what's he gotta say
He speaks right y'all he's telling the truth
(40:56):
You see the moon is actually a big ball of cheese underneath the crust of where y'all sit
And it just wants to eat our souls and eat our flesh to sustain its cheesy goodness
Okay, mr. Conspiracy guy
No, y'all gotta listen to me this is real he gets sniped and he dies
(41:21):
Holy shit, it seems randy wins by default. What an interesting day. Oh man. Hey, uh, there's the belt
Someone should raising his hand and hey, we have a winner
Uh, it is randy
(41:45):
Cut to the locker room. Um, he's uh unwrapping his uh fists
and um
You know, he just sits there kind of just drenching with sweat from talking not from fighting. Yeah, it's hot up there
I'm like, okay, tilda comes in
Hi tilda, hey great fight out there kid
what
(42:06):
I don't know what the hell that was like the moon have agents or someone someone killed him because he was talking about cheesy goodness. What?
What was that? I'm not i'm not i'm not 100 sure but i'm not gonna lift i'm not gonna
lick a
goose
horse in the
What is how do you say it? What is it? I have no idea what you're talking about, you know
(42:31):
You know the old saying hey kid
I think his name was bardock greasy old man who's very very short and has no eyes comes in
You know, I was an old associate of uh phil phillips and my condolences
Okay, uh, can I help you?
You know, uh, he was he was telling the truth
There is a there is a cheese demon at the end the bottom of this here planet cheese demon
(42:58):
Sorry cheese demon
Yeah, it's a big old ball of cheese that controls the whole planet subjugates all living organisms to
sacrifice their bodies and souls
Wow, more cheese. Wow
Tilda you should know like a fondue exactly
Exactly like a fondue. That's pretty cool. In fact, its name is fondue fondue the conqueror fondue the immortal
(43:26):
I don't know why you're smiling. Well, I forgot the other name so i'm gonna just go with that
You're a martian, aren't you? Yeah, i'm from mars. So you should know that the moon is made of cheese
You should know that are you why are you not telling him?
Look it was
randy
Yes
so
on my planet
(43:46):
there's
A rumor, okay
There's a rumor
that your planet the moon this where we are right now is filled with cheese and
Our planet is filled with cherry cobbler
but
but
Okay, that doesn't mean that we're meant to be okay, then we're not soul mates or nothing like that
(44:11):
That he stands up you knew that our planet was made of cheese this whole time tilde
And you didn't tell me you didn't tell me I didn't think it would matter
Of course it matters. Of course it matters. I know that this planet is made of cheese. No wonder I fucking hate the planet so much
Fucking hate cheese. Are you lactose intolerant? Of course I am
(44:34):
most of us
Fucking take old guy take us to take us to fondue the carcass wherever the fuck its name is he can eat cheese
He just doesn't like them. You got it partner and hey, I would use this toss a laser sword
Put that in its eyeball. All right
Fine the only way
(44:55):
The only way
Cut to the long corridor there go down the spiraling corridor of corridors
There's a long walk. They gotta stop and take a breath long walk. There's a 7-eleven on the way
Slurpee they open up the door
Hello
It is me
(45:15):
Fondue the immortal
Hey
You punk ass bitch
How dare you i'm the life giver and core of this planet. Your little bitch is what you are. That's what you are
You've been subjugating people just to become more more cheese
Yes
Subjugating yes more cheese and the door closes and now you will become more cheese with me
(45:42):
I don't like your attitude stabs him in the eye and I with a laser sword
You bitch no, I can't see anymore and the sun it's like the sun is in my eye
Oh
The cheese curdles up and turns into milk. Oh no
(46:03):
and uh
now it's a milky center and they they managed to get out of the door with the laser sword and um
As they're going up this spiral staircase, uh, uh, it just fills up with more and more milk
You know, it's like a milk tsunami that just keeps keeps coming, you know
Um tilde slips and falls
Um, randy grabs tilde with the arm the little baby arm is holding on
(46:28):
Tilda can't lose you. Come on. Tell gregory. I never loved him the arm pops off tilde
Come on kid you gotta leave her
Son of a bitch. I fucking hate this planet
They uh keep going up the staircase
And uh, we're gonna cut to um
Uh, an oh hope a hole in the moon
(46:48):
The moon bursting with milk. Oh, yeah. Wow like a geyser. Yeah, like a geyser hot milk old faithful milk. Yeah
And it just uh, you know, it the milk spills onto the whole surface of the moon
um, they're getting sprayed with all this milk and people are kind of celebrating because it's like
It's kind of no they've never tasted anything like this. Yeah, you struck white gold. This is like, uh,
(47:13):
This is like the end of holes, you know, like when everyone's like it's raining, but it's milk
You know people are very happy for the milk
I fucking love this stuff
I've never had anything besides cheeseburgers and fucking hate cheeseburgers fucking
Sick of cheeseburgers. This is delicious
um, we're gonna cut to um
Randy he is on a spaceship, you know, and he's he's about to take off and the old guy comes up and says
(47:40):
So you're taking off, huh?
Yeah
Getting off this stupid fucking planet made of cheese, you know cheese ain't all bad
Fucking hate milk too get off this ship wise words
Just remember the sacrifice that came okay, just get the fuck off my ship like come on
(48:03):
I just want to fucking get off for real. You got a partner
And remember out
Kicks him off
And we see the the spaceship fly off into the distance, you know, he's headed for earth, which is just a blue marble
There's that blue marble. I was thinking about going to nothing but water
(48:23):
Whatever it's called
I guess i'm gonna see for myself
That's the end
It's fucking terrible we did it
We did it. We did it somehow
You guys oh my god, what an amazing milky
Something something was done and we did that, you know guys. I just want you to know this is my very best
(48:51):
This is trying so hard this is this is the best i've got
I'm like mariah carey in that meme i'm gonna do the best I got with what I have
Or something like that something like that. It's just something like that. I think she said it a little cooler, but yeah
Yeah, um, probably yeah
Uh, so if you listen if you've made it this far
(49:13):
Uh, why what's wrong with you? I don't know why okay. Yeah, but uh, dude, uh, I do thank you for listening and sticking around
We're we are making some progress on this freaking podcast somehow. We're 70 episodes young. Hi
Hi
Wow
Who knew hot damn hot damn?
Um, um check us out at link trade.com slash dng pod
(49:37):
Um click the merch link buy yourself a definitely not good hat. Tell your friends about us
Send us some pictures
and uh
Don't forget to hit that subscribe button
Yeah, something like that. Yeah, leave us a rating or review, you know hit some five stars on spotify do those things man
(49:57):
Yeah, yeah. All right. This podcast is over
Uh, I do I do recommend you listen to a song now
Something to get your mind off of this terrible story. That was just
I don't I suggest you listen to the last 69 episodes of this show
Don't listen to him
No, just kidding. Thanks for sticking around. Love you drive safe. Bye
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