75 - Yorkshire Carrier 🚌 ( feat. Narin Vann ) - Definitely Not Good

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What up, you dongle?

(00:02):
This is definitely not good.
The podcast will be create stories and they're definitely probably not good.
I'm your host CJ and I'm joined by my producer, Nuckety.
It's 2025.
Hey, we have a returning guest.
We're in for a good time.
Please give it up for Narn Van.
Hey, what's up, man?
You just called me a dongle?
What the fuck is that, dude?

(00:22):
Sorry?
You called me a dongle?
You said, what's up, dongle?
Hey, that's just-
That is my slave name.
My producer tells me I need to insult the audience and it gets more engagement.
Yeah, fuck you guys.
So I have to insult them.
Dongle sounds like Django mixed with a bagel.
How did I?
It sounds delicious.
Maybe.
It's delicious, right?
Dongle unchained.
Let's go.
I don't know what this is, but it's definitely not good.

(01:05):
You have a boo boo on your hand?
No.
Oh, okay.
Your hand's okay.
You don't got a fucking boo boo?
Bam bam boo boo?
No, I just, I used to be a glove guy and I just wanted to be a glove guy again.
Okay.
Is it cold enough to wear gloves?
Oh, I'm always cold.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Hey, listener, if it's your first time listening, this is pretty much how everything works.

(01:28):
We are amazing storytellers.
It's a miracle.
And it's our job, our sacred duty to come up with a story completely from scratch with
a little twist.
We have a series of wheels we're going to spin, each of them random.
And depending on where it ends up, we have to somehow incorporate it into our story.
And yeah, that's, that's it.
Yeah.
That's, you know, and if it's your first time, welcome, happy new year.

(01:50):
Shoot, I don't know what else to say other than you're here.
It's 2025.
We're recording this in the past.
So let us know how, let us know how it is.
If you're still alive, if you're still alive, you know, we're, we're sitting here comfy
in the past.
So let us know, email us today.
We're joined by Narin van Narin.
Welcome.
We're very happy to have you.

(02:11):
Thanks for having me back guys.
I had a lot of fun last time.
Thanks for coming back.
You were, you were in Asia.
So like, you know, that's what you came far to be.
Oh yeah.
For a whole month.
Japan was crazy.
Nice.
I started off in Japan, went to Cambodia, then I went to the motherland, then I went
to Vietnam after that.
Then I went to Laos and then I went to Thailand.
I supposed to go to Korea, but it was all kind of fucked up over there.

(02:33):
Oh snap.
Yeah.
Here's to the weather.
That's my people, my bad man.
That's your people.
Yeah, man.
Koreans are really nice.
I like people that aren't Koreans over there.
I hope this doesn't start a war, but which one had the best noodles to you?
Oh gosh.
Japan.
Japan and then like Thailand.
It's a toss up between us two.
They're good.
Like Japan has some of the best food I've ever had in my entire life.

(02:55):
Like I found some place that blew up on Instagram.
The shitty thing about Japan is, have you guys ever been?
Yeah.
I have not.
Like everything there is like super tiny.
They're like, Hey, there's a restaurant, but we've only fit eight people.
So I noticed blew up on Instagram, so you a hundred people at the wait out fucking side
eat one at a time there.
And there's a thing, like I wonder, I wonder towards the end of the day, I had like two
friends who were like, Oh, a table with three.

(03:17):
Like, ha ha, no.
This restaurant seats seven people.
You know, I could take half of a fucking, Oh, well what the fuck dude?
Yeah.
They said go one side bitch.
Yeah.
Go around back blackie.
I know Nuckabee looks to start with a little warmup.
So what do you got for us today?
Hey, Nar.
Oh, good impressions.
All right.
So you're doing impression.
I'm terrible at impression.

(03:37):
Can you, in your, in your, in your best Barney, the dinosaur, can you explain the plot to
the fifth element?
I know.
I know.
It's funny.
Uh, I was, I was doing a wedding consultation before this and the Brad was like, yeah, my
favorite is the fifth element.
And I'm like, I don't remember shit about that movie.
You can make it up.
I don't know.
I don't know.

(03:57):
Okay.
Here's catch me.
I'm not good at impression.
This is my voice for everything, dude.
I'm terrible.
Like, God damn it.
I can't do it.
I don't know what the movie's about.
So that's what I'm trying to say.
I don't know.
I don't know what it's about.
What is the fifth element?
If you had to like explain it, like what, what is it?
I know me and my alcoholic, so fifth is like, oh, it's just about drinking.
Right.
Is it really?
Yeah.
Bruce Willis has a drinking problem.
Is he dead?

(04:18):
Is he dead right now?
No, I think he's dead.
He's dead.
He's dead.
He's dead.
He's dead.
He's dead.
He's dead.
He's dead.
He's dead.
He's dead.
He's dead.
He's dead.
Is he dead?
Is he dead right now?
No, I think Bruce Willis is still alive.
He has a drinking problem.
He's probably DUI hard.
I don't know.

(04:39):
You know, you just catch me off guard.
I'm like, oh, is it going to make me do an impression?
Like, okay, I don't know that.
But you know it's coming.
I was like, man, my voice needs to be ready for Cookie Monster.
I've listened to a lot of Jive Rule to get my voice ready for Cookie Monster.
Oh, okay.
That's a good talk.
There's a leader.
Hey, there we go.
So can you get just a quick little, like little kid saying, yeah, just a quick one.

(05:01):
Very quick.
Nice.
That was good.
Thank you for that.
Thank you for Narin.
Appreciate that.
Yeah.
Post production.
We'll get that in post.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So Narin, when was the last time you cried?
Oh, God.
We're going straight into it.
I got to.
Yeah.
Let's reveal some stuff.

(05:22):
Let's see.
Open up.
I got really drunk one night and I got in a fight with a friend over some dumb shit.
It was just I wanted to stay.
It was just like just nonstop jabs all the time.
And they posted something in a multiple group chat, so I was just being clowned on.
And I woke up like really drunk.
I was like, I was not in the mood for this right now.
I just wanted to stay.
Oh, man.
And then I called her out and was like, hey, man, what the fuck was this all about?

(05:44):
I was like, what?
You take jokes all the time?
I was like, yeah, but this is mean.
Like the fuck?
Like I'm just being shit.
Like, oh my God, this fucking hurts.
And a little overboard.
And a sick out reel for a second.
Like a sick out reel overboard for a second.
Like what do you joke about people all the time?
Yeah, but I'm putting anybody in blast.
I'm making sure to make it fun of something you said.
Now, like putting some really personal shit online and multiple group chats.
I woke up like, oh my, this is my phone.

(06:05):
I'm like, oh my God.
I just put something.
It was just something just dumb.
Yeah, I'm not crying.
You are.
We're cool about it.
No, I was just thinking, I woke up like trash.
And then I was like, oh man, what the fuck is this?
That was the last thing I wanted to see.
All the people like, what the fuck is this all about?
I was just trying to chill.
Like waking up to that, especially.
Yeah.
What about a movie or TV show that you've seen that?
Okay.
So a more funny answer.

(06:26):
So I was on shrooms.
So I was on shrooms.
So I was watching the movie Click.
So I watched that movie.
I was on shrooms.
And if you've never been on shrooms, right, every feeling you have is like elevated, right?
This is like to a 10th power, right?
So like I'm watching the movie.
I'm like, man, he misses his daughter growing up.
Just give the guy another chance.

(06:47):
His dad's grown up and he's just getting, you know, he has his wedding now.
Oh my God.
She's hot.
Oh my God.
Do you miss everything?
I do this work all the time.
This isn't fair.
He's like, oh, he's a kiss nice too.
Then it was just like, man, it's like, oh man, I just want to have a second chance.
And that was the time I just work, work, work.
And it just never did anything fun.

(07:08):
It's like, oh man, it's really speaking to me right now.
That one catches you off guard.
Fuck Bed Bath and Beyond, man.
What the fuck is this all about?
Are they still in business?
I think they're gone.
Bed Bath and Goodbye.
Yeah.
More like.
Rest in peace.
Yeah.
Also, no, also rest in peace.
Also rest in peace.
Nate's super funny comedy club.
Yeah, man.
He made the announcement today.

(07:29):
Here's the thing that pissed me off about that.
Every time like I would do, I would use to book shows as like federal way for like two
years.
And then this girl's like, oh man, you guys doing shows here?
I would meet in the camera like bitch, you got two fucking years.
What the fuck are you doing?
And there's a little lady who's like, oh man, you guys are going out of business?
I've been meaning to come like this club has been around for five fucking years.

(07:50):
What the hell were you doing the last five years?
You didn't come out to one show.
I've been to a couple of them, but it's just not enough.
I should have, I should have been there more.
Are they like done, done?
Like they're not coming back.
Well, I think they had something else outside of sleep.
But the thing is it is in a weird location.
It is in Hasbro.
If you guys have been to Tacoma, Hasbro is like the Iraq of Tacoma.
You know what I'm saying?
People don't want to hang out in Iraq when they get like, and it's spending Vegas prices

(08:14):
for drinks.
I got nothing but love for Nate.
He's a very talented guy, but I'm like, dude, you can't have this here.
Like if you have, there's a page in Facebook called the Compton Files.
Most of the crimes happen on 38th, Hasbro, South Tacoma Way or Portland F. Most of the
time it's Hasbro.
That's how they do it.
Are you criminals taking notes?
That's where you commit the crimes.

(08:34):
Nowhere else.
Okay.
Those are your spots.
Yeah.
And then afterwards you do open mic comedy.
I'd fuck it.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Go do a set of super funny, then go across the street and get fucked up.
Yeah.
Nuckity, what's the last time you cried?
I honestly don't remember.
You don't remember?
I should have answered that the first time.
My first question, my first answer got too real.
This is recently.
We got to feel stuff.
This is on the way here.
I think it's bad that I can't remember though, because like I've locked it up.

(08:55):
I've had plenty of reasons to cry and I just haven't let it out.
So it's going to come and it's going to come hard.
Pause.
Yeah, I know.
It's going to be, it's going to be playing that Jairoo song.
I cry, you cry.
I feel like it's going to be a good song.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.

(09:18):
I know.
I know.
The Jairoo song.
I like I take from the Jairoo song.
I cry, you cry.
I feel like it's bad when I haven't cried like cried for a long time, but it's like,
oh shit.
Like I can, I can start to feel it.
Like, why, why can't I feel emotion?
What's wrong with me?
And I have to list some weighting.
We're brown men.

(09:39):
We hold it in together.
We have a heart attack in the mid forties.
That's what okay?
CJ died so young.
Well, he couldn't cry, man.
All those tears went straight to his heart
and had a heart attack.
Killed him.
Damn.
See, you remember when DMX's grandma died?
No.
And he made that song?
Oh yeah, yeah.
That tore my fucking heart out.
Baby's Gonna Be Okay?
Oh my gosh.

(09:59):
With Faith Evans?
That would do it, that would fuck me up.
Oh, did you remember that song?
No.
Oh shit, it was so sad.
It was so sad.
She's crying for his grandma.
I was sad that he died himself.
Oh yeah, that killed me.
I love that you brought up DMX.
I have DMX picture of all time.
I'm saying this right now with DMX.
I was at a front row at a show in Seattle

(10:20):
and I just tried to take a selfie.
Hey X, look at me.
Then they looked at me, he's scratching his head
while I'm taking a selfie with him on stage
and he gets confused.
Then he turns around, he does a selfie of me
doing a selfie of him.
I took a picture and I'm like,
holy shit, this is really happening.
Oh my God, this is so cool.
DMX is doing this.
And it was my Facebook profile picture for a while.
And then I'm just like, man.
And then even guys from Rough Riders

(10:42):
were liking the photo on Instagram.
Like it was like, this is such an X thing.
Like yeah, Earl, I don't know if I can know how X is.
But yeah, the fact that he did it.
Also, he loves Tacoma so much,
he named one of his kids Tacoma, you know that?
What? Really?
Yeah, one of his 13 kids is named Tacoma.
Gang.
But he's spelled T-O-C-O-M-A, Tacoma.
That's close enough.

(11:03):
Real quick, he has 13 kids.
He has a lot of kids.
I mean that's DMX.
DMX was fucking.
Yeah, the X really gave it to him.
You know what I mean?
I guess.
Yeah.
You know the song he knows, like there was
Tandy Felicia.
Let's try to get down to the shit.
Oh.
Yeah, DMX was Mormon, dude.
How old is this boy?
It was crazy.
He was running through them.
Starting to make sense.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(11:23):
Hey, we don't have a sponsor today,
but we do have a wheel to spin a sponsor.
Yeah, we got a sponsor wheel.
Let's interrupt our conversation to do that.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Like right now?
Yeah, right this very second.
Today's episode is brought to you by The Letter R.
Ooh, this episode is proudly sponsored by The Letter R.

(11:47):
What's your favorite R word, Narin?
Oh God.
Let's see.
Respectable.
There we go.
Ooh, respectable.
I was gonna say R. Kelly, but I...
But that's really bad.
Yeah, that's a soft spot for some people.
You know, I've heard he's doing, what's wrong?
I heard he's not doing so good.
What's going on on R. Kelly?
The whole prison thing, that's it.
Oh, right, that.
Okay, no, I heard about that.

(12:08):
It seems like he could use a resurrection for his career.
Hey, that's an R word.
Yeah, look at you.
Yeah.
Earning that money.
You know?
He went in there for...
Oh.
Anyway, that's enough.
Oh, I went R-ally farther.
He didn't get a reward for that.
It's the R word.
What's the word with the most R's you can think of?

(12:30):
Resurrection.
Let's go with resurrection.
That's the longer.
Yeah, the letter R is great.
You know, it is the first letter of racist.
So it does have some issues with that.
But R is like a good time, you know?
Especially when you just go, rrr.
Yeah, DMX does, yeah.
Exactly, DMX does that.

(12:51):
Shout out, DMX.
Yeah, no, I love it.
Because I remember this girl would use a text message,
and she'd be like, rrr.
I'm like, okay, DMX, calm down, all right.
What do you really want?
Right.
What this bitch is doing?
What do you really want?
It's a good time, yeah.
Nuckety, can you tell us about that time
that you had an encounter with the letter R?
Oh, yeah, one time I was at the dollar store.

(13:12):
And-
You're robbed?
Yeah, by a bunch of R's.
A bunch of R's came out of nowhere
and beat the hell out of me with a heavy rope.
They had like a big heavy rope,
and they all took turns hitting me in the head with it.
Was it hard R?
Yeah, hard R, hard R.
And they were yelling at me,
they were saying some slurs with hard R's in them.

(13:33):
And they were just beating the hell out of me.
And then they took all of my dollars,
spent them in the Dollar Tree.
The Dollar Tree.
Yeah.
So it's not all good,
but there are some good R's out there.
There's some good R's.
I mean, there's, you know,
rescue rangers, yeah.
There's a couple of good ones.
Right, right.
Well, thank you R for sponsoring us.
You're right, right there when we need you.
Fuck, I don't know.
We're in and ready to go.

(13:54):
Wrap it up, cut it, cut it out.
Rap starts with W.
You're retarded, but anyways.
That's a play.
So I had to throw that one in there.
Yeah, that was good.
I was waiting for the moment for the dumbest thing
that what you guys could say.
Man, I had another question brewing today

(14:15):
that I wanted to ask, but it's gone.
Nuckety, do you got anything?
Got anything for?
Just reminisced it.
I reminisc...
Are we still on R's?
I guess so, yeah.
Is that Seal Smoove?
Huh?
Seal Smoove?
Yeah.
What you talking about?
When they reminisce over you.
Yeah, so.
Oh, you're referring, okay.
The music producer coming out right now.

(14:36):
That's right.
It's music, music memes.
Well, Narin, how was 2024 for you?
Awesome, man.
I did a lot of vacationing.
It was good.
This is my first year I did vacation
where I didn't go to another city for just comedy.
All my other years, I'm gonna go to here,
perform, go all over the place.
This year I just like, I'm gonna have fun.

(14:57):
Go to different places and just relax and have fun.
And it was a great year.
Okay.
Money-wise, everything was cool.
Everything was really humbling to see how shit was
in like Cambodia, dude.
Like here's the thing, to take it,
like when you go to Japan, everything is like first world.
It's like, oh, this is what the world could be.
Everyone's clean and respectable.
Everyone's so nice.
Even like women were telling me like,
yeah, I could walk down an alley at three o'clock

(15:18):
in the morning by myself and feel totally safe.
They even have their own train
so they're not dealing with creeps, you know, stuff like that.
So, but then you go to Cambodia, it's like,
it's like, okay, it's like a second world country.
So this parts was a kind of third world.
And then you go there, like, I remember just like
leaving a bar, like absolutely blitz.
I'm just walking around, little girl,
probably like eight years old, just walking next to me.
He's like, hey, would you like to buy a fan?
I was like, no.

(15:39):
It's only a dollar.
No.
It's like, it would really help me.
I was like, no.
She walked, she followed me like two and a half blocks.
Like, I just tried to, you know, make some money.
I'm just trying to really just go to school.
And she said like, ah, man, that kicked me.
Kicked me like in the heart.
I'm like, oh my goodness.
I'm like, all right, you take American money, said, okay,
let me break some cash for you, do whatever.
Then I walked back and then she has two younger sisters

(15:59):
that are too tired to sleep.
So like fucking midnight.
And I'm seeing these two, all these little girls slaying
and like, you know, candy bars, stuff like that.
These girls work hard and a lot of adults
that I fucking know.
And this is all the guys, these girls that know
what a tablet is, they don't know what a fucking like,
you know, like a fucking PlayStation is,
or like, you know, all these things.
And they're working.
So just to go to school, even though that could be
their line, just to get me going, but I'm just like, man.

(16:20):
These girls will be 100% you.
Yeah, it's gonna be 100% true exactly.
But I think these girls are working so much harder
when I came back home, like, here I am.
I'm just fucking, I work from home.
I sit at a desk and I'm like, oh man,
like I'm at a coffee creamer.
What a shitty day.
Like, man, this day, start over, fuck.
It couldn't get any worse.
Yeah, no, but then she's like, there she is.
So I was like, oh, and then like,

(16:41):
when people complain about their day, like, no,
you didn't, you're not eight years old selling
fucking fans at 12 o'clock.
Yeah, I was just like, dang dude.
It really put things in perspective.
Count your blessings, bitch.
Count your blessings for real.
Damn, I don't even like, that's like a whole nother world.
It's like, cause like, I didn't even, like,
personally I didn't grow up having to sell things on,
like at all, you know, that wasn't my hustle.

(17:01):
Right, yeah.
So it's like.
You were the one buying them.
Yeah, usually I'm buying it, like quarters, you know.
I sold some shit, I didn't have to, but I sold some shit.
Yeah, let's change the subject.
But anyways.
Wait, I did sell candy bars, but I was horrible
because I ate all the candy bars.
Here's the thing, real shit, I started selling candy bars
because I grew up in Ternando, like a really country town.

(17:23):
Right, so then we go to like, go to the town Olympia,
the big town, and buy candy bars like five for a dollar
at a time and I sell them for 50 cents each.
Yeah.
And so just all just gradually just like,
oh, better.
Line it up.
Yeah, just do it, yeah.
Gang.
Yeah, there we go.
Dollar store, two dollars each.
Profit.
You gotta, you gotta, you gotta nasty crunch.
Because I just, because the stores at the school

(17:45):
are selling for like 60 cents.
So like, oh, 10 cents off, guys, it adds up.
When you're in middle school, 10 cents,
it all fucking adds up.
And I was like, oh, 10 cents is fucking nothing.
But that nasty crunch.
Ah!
I love that fucking, you know what I'm talking about?
I don't remember a commercial for that.
There's a nasty crunch commercial that,
it's a thing on like TikTok where there's like a kid
that screams after it.
I don't even know what it's from.
I don't remember a scream.

(18:06):
It's so fucking funny though.
I remember.
It's not part of the commercial.
It's something else.
I remember York Peppermint Patties, I'm like, wow.
Dude, is that what ecstasy's supposed to be like?
Take a bite of York Peppermint Patty, go down that.
Wait, real quick, what is the shittiest candy though, for real?
Don't you say it.
Where's that one shit with the chocolate and the raisins?
Actually, no, Almond Joy.
Almond Joy?
No.

(18:27):
I like Almond Joy.
I don't like the texture of coconut.
I've learned to like Almond Joy.
I used to be like fuck that shit.
You learned to like it?
So how many times did you eat it before you're like,
oh, it's just so good.
Like 112, 113 times.
And then I was like, you know what, this ain't that bad.
You just don't have anything else?
Have you had Twix?
That's way fucking bad.
Oh my God, I love fucking Twix.
Twix and Snickers are my shits.

(18:48):
What's them little pink and white candy?
Nerds, nerds?
No, the pink and white black licorice candy.
Oh, black licorice is worse, but that's not chocolate bar.
Oh, are we talking about chocolate?
Or just candy, candy that's shit.
Candy corn, the worst, there we go.
There we go, there we go.
You're wrong, you're wrong and you know it.
I made him eat some on the show, he loved it.

(19:08):
Look guys, it's a rhetorical question.
The shittiest candy bar is Milky Ways.
Oh, candy bar, yeah, Milky Way, huh?
Candy bars, yeah.
Those are old people candy.
My kids like old people candy.
Which one?
The one that has the caramel is good,
but what's the three Musketeers is just nougat.
Yeah, oh I forgot about them.
It's like eating a cloud.

(19:29):
What is three Musketeers?
It's just nougat and chocolate, that's how it is.
Did you say Musketeers?
It's just all different things,
like okay, Snickers has nuts, nougat and caramel.
And then let's get with the nuts, make it Mars.
That should be Snickers ad.
Snickers that has nuts.
What's in Mars, what's in a Mars bar?
It's all the same shit, I think it's the same mixture.
I haven't bought a Mars in a long time.
I think it's just peanut butter and chocolate,

(19:50):
or peanut and chocolate.
Guys, I think three Musketeers is gone.
It's like no more, because I haven't seen it.
No, no, no, they definitely still.
They're still around?
They're my kids, love them.
Oh.
Because they like old people shit.
Okay, old people candy, let's go.
It's very strange.
It's very strange.
Like those strawberry things and.
Oh yeah, the Brox.
What do you fucking buy those?
I don't see those in stores anyways.

(20:10):
They got them at Winko.
Oh yeah, oh Lord, I love Winko.
I got the whole Brox thing at Winko.
Well, as interesting as talking about candy is,
I do, I do.
I love candy.
I do hear my producer talking in my ear
that we're a little at running out of time,
so let's get started with this dumbass podcast.
Should we start?
Should we start?
I hope my, I really hope my character is a candy bar.

(20:32):
I hope so too.
I hope with legs and a smile.
This is a talking candy bar.
Let's do it.
Our first wheel.
We're nuts.
Our first wheel is our genre wheel.
What are we making?
I understand, wow, wow, wow, wow.
You know what, people aren't so bad.
No, no, people are bad.

(20:52):
Oh no, people aren't so bad.
Is that what the genre is?
Yeah.
People aren't so bad, okay.
Yeah, people aren't so bad.
Okay, what's a movie where people aren't so bad?
I guess Spider-Man 2.
Yeah.
Cause like they say, yeah.
The end.
When they gave him his mask back,
and they're like, we got you, cuz.
Yeah.
People aren't so bad.
That's a toughie.

(21:13):
Yeah, it's tough.
Cause people are kind of bad.
What makes this work?
Positive.
What make it work?
People aren't so bad.
I like this fucking almond joy.
So is it fucking the worst?
Yeah.
Complete opposite of people.
Fucking the worst dude.
Our next wheel is our setting.
Where are we taking place?
Nobody gonna bless me?
Okay, that's cool.
I'll bless you.

(21:35):
On a bus.
Okay.
People aren't so bad on a bus.
People aren't so bad on a bus.
So I feel like we have to,
let's just have this whole movie on a bus.
Okay.
Let's just do that.
What is this?
Speed.
Yeah, speed.
Whole story.
Copyright, this is slow.
Slow, there we go.
Our next wheel.
It's a short bus.
Only five people on a bus.
There's an R word.

(21:57):
Shout out sponsor.
Our next wheel is our character job.
What's the job of the main character?
Bus driver?
We'll see.
We'll see.
This is better.
You always said a chocolate factory.
Personal assistant to a lunatic.
Assistant bus driver.

(22:17):
There we go.
He's just never on.
Assistant bus driver.
Can I get that one more time?
Assistant to a lunatic?
Yeah.
Okay.
So he's like a-
Boss is a lunatic.
Okay.
Like he's a lunatic.
So let's just say he's like a crazy billionaire.
Okay.
Crazy billionaire.
Yeah.
That still rides buses.
He owns buses.

(22:38):
Owns buses.
Refuses to drive.
Yeah.
This is interesting.
Our next wheel is our character flaw.
Something's wrong with this assistant to a lunatic.
Buh-bup.
He has a racist service dog.
Oh man.
Dude, that's crazy.

(22:58):
I got racist again.
I got racist last time, don't you?
Twice.
Twice.
I did it again.
Wait, the flaw is that he has a racist servant dog?
Service dog.
Service dog.
How do you know if a dog's racist?
Cause they bark at black people.
Okay, I got it right now.
Okay, I got it right now.
Okay, so we're on a bus.
He has a racist dog.

(23:19):
It's Marley and Speed.
Marley and me.
Marley and Speed.
There we go.
Marley and Speed.
And sniffing a little speed, you know?
Yeah.
Our second to last wheel is our antagonist.
Antagonist.
Who's the bad person in this story.
I'm gonna water.
Chihuahua.

(23:40):
Okay.
Wow, we're really doing dogs.
That's the dog, is it?
It's like Homeward Bound by Wonder Dog's Racist.
Okay.
A racist Chihuahua.
Nara, would you please play our assistant
to the lunatic today?
Yeah, okay.
The regional lunatic.
So who gets to be the racist dog?
I think. What do I?

(24:00):
I think Nuckety.
I can play a dog.
Yeah, that's great.
So to recap, we have an all people aren't bad story
on a bus.
You're the main character who is an assistant to a lunatic.
You do have a racist dog.
And antagonist is a Chihuahua.
Chihuahua, yeah.

(24:20):
Is it the Taco Bell Chihuahua?
So my dog hates Mexicans.
That's what he does right there.
Damn.
Against his own people.
It'd be your own people.
Damn, okay.
He's a, oh God.
He's a Chihuahua that's just started making money
so now he votes Republican.
So that's just what it is now.
Okay.

(24:41):
He's like, build a wall, you see.
No, no, no.
Here's the situation, guys.
So he's better than all the other Chihuahuas.
That's why he's racist.
Here's the situation, guys.
This is the dog bus.
Okay. Oh.
This is a bus that picks up dogs.
This is a greyhound.
Yeah.
This is a beagle.
Or, I don't know.
What's another dog?
Yorkshire terrier.

(25:02):
This is a-
Yorkshire terrier.
It's a bus.
Oh, shit.
There we go.
Nice.
My man got the point all day.
Got the three pointer right there.
Three pointer.
Yeah, so that's what that's called.
And the CEO is in the bus at all times.
He is 89 years old.
He is losing his mind.
And I will be playing the CEO.

(25:23):
His name is Larry.
And he, his idea is that this bus
has to constantly be going
because there's so many dogs in the world
that have to go places.
And he has to be there to make sure
that all the dogs are happy.
Right.
And he saw a movie a couple years ago
where a bus couldn't stop
and he just couldn't get over it.
Right, right.

(25:44):
What's your character's name, Narn?
All right, get back to me.
Right, name you guys first.
Okay.
I don't want to settle with a name that sucks.
Yeah, yeah, no problem.
I forgot what your name is.
You over here, over there.
Come over here, come over.
Oh, I want to be Stan Darsh.
Your name's Stan Darsh?

(26:05):
Yes.
Darsh.
Stan Darsh.
Where's my cup of pudding?
Where's my pudding?
Your shy pudding?
I want my chocolate tapioca almond pudding.
Hold on, hold on.
Are you my boss or are you like stupid?
What?
You're my assistant.
Okay.
You're my assistant, okay?
I need my-
So you need my pudding on the bus?
Yeah.
Because who the fuck just keeps putting on a bus?

(26:25):
Oh, why is your dog looking at me like that?
I'm sorry, he doesn't like chocolate pudding.
But he likes vanilla pudding though.
Is your dog racist?
Yeah, he's a Shihuahua.
Let me go and pick him up here.
Oh yeah, look at that.
Wow, yeah.
I could, you know, you can look at a dog in the eyes

(26:46):
and tell if it's racist, you know, just looking at him.
He doesn't like me.
Yeah, he's afraid because he knows chocolate kills him.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
You know-
Put me down, Edward.
When I won the lottery all those years ago,
I decided, yes, this is the thing that I was going to do
is pick up dogs in this dog bus, Yorkshire-

(27:07):
Carrier.
Carrier.
Yes.
Correct.
Yes.
So your dog's racist.
I don't know if it could be here.
Well, for one, thanks for hiring me.
And I don't know what my qualifications are for this job.
I don't know where I am.
What's my, so I'm your assistant
and you own a bus company that you're riding in all the time.

(27:28):
Correct.
Because you're fucking weird.
Like you just have to ride in this one particular bus.
You won a lottery, but you want to be surrounded by bitches.
No, no, not women.
There's a honk, honk, honk, and then it pulls over.
The driver, his name is Kevin.
Would you play Kevin for us, please?
Not goody.
Tasty.
Hey Kevin, what's going on?

(27:48):
Why'd you pull over?
I don't know, there's a car.
It's beeping.
I don't know how to deal with beeps, man.
Oh, hold on.
Let me get over it.
Can you carry me over there, please?
Yes, what's the name of the bus?
Yeah, you can just carry me.
Okay.
Carry me over there.
Do we have a degree in his name yet?
My name's Larry.
Larry.
Larry.
What's your name again, Steven?

(28:09):
Stan.
Stan Steven.
Stan Darsh.
Steven.
Stan, okay, let me carry you.
Stan, okay, Stan.
Let me carry you, Larry.
All right, thank you, Stan.
To the other side of the bus.
The fireman's car.
Luckily, it's a short bus.
I got you.
Oh, look it, there's a little dog in the fucking,
in the car with the windows rolled up.
Shit.

(28:29):
Barking its head off.
Barking.
Hey, Stan, can you break that car window open
and bring that dog in here?
No.
What the fuck?
No, this is illegal.
It's a Tesla.
It says inside, the thing is on.
They're leaving the air conditioning off of this dog.
But also I hit Tesla, so yeah, I'll do it.
Yeah, I'll do it.

(28:50):
Well, I was gonna give you a long monologue
about why you should, but if you're gonna do it,
Kevin, can you join them?
Like, can you help them?
Oh man, yeah, sure.
I don't know what else to do.
I can't really drive the bus.
This'll be our first dog passenger, guys.
It's gonna happen.
Oh yeah, we're bringing this in.
We're an investment.
I go out right now.

(29:11):
I don't know what to say, I love dogs.
And I wanna point out also that the bus is dog shaped also.
And got like little.
Like the car from Dumb and Dumber?
Yes, yes.
It's like a Dachshund.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's got like ears and it's got like a little mouth
and like a little tongue sticking out where the bumper is.

(29:33):
City mutts.
All right guys, yeah, so here's a crowbar.
Now we should go.
A hoist paper crowbar next to me.
We should go to Mutt Stuff.
Mutt Stuff, yeah.
I'm going okay to workshop names, but.
You know.
It's your business.
Fast forward to 10 years ago,
to 10 minutes ago when you just got him with this idea.

(29:53):
Where are we gonna name this bus?
Okay.
Oh, that's like Yorkshire Carrier.
That's right, god damn it.
You forgot about it.
Right, right, right.
The Yorkshire Carrier is too good.
It's too good.
That's wild.
I was taking shrooms and it came to me
and it's just, that was it, man.
It came to me and it scared the hell out of me.

(30:15):
Yeah, that's good.
All right fellas, so here's a crowbar.
Here's a crowbar.
Kevin, can you assist please?
Oh wow, this is a nice crowbar.
Yeah, so that German Shepherd is getting feisty
and I'd love to have it be a passenger.
So hop to it guys.
I'm gonna go over here and play Scrabble.
Not a huge fan of German Shepherds, but.
Also, who the fuck plays Scrabble?
My boss is so weird, man.

(30:35):
He plays Scrabble on a bus.
Is he playing by himself?
Why's he laughing?
I'm playing on my smartphone.
Okay, there we go.
Tell the words of friends, but anyways, yes.
I know, I fucking wanna, I hate the ad, so skip.
We look over, it's Clash of Clans.
He won a lottery, but he still pays,
he still has the one with ads.
Suddenly get a knock, knock, knock on the door

(30:57):
and it's a guy named Tool.
Damn it.
Names Tool.
Tool?
Like the band.
Hey fuckers, open up.
Which one of these opens the door?
I don't know which one opens the door.
Open up the door, dude.
Hold on, there's a wrench.
Hold on, there's a.
The crowbar.
Oh, is it this bone?
Is it this bone that opens?

(31:18):
Oh, I don't, okay, that worked.
Hey, you guys are blocking me.
I can't leave.
Hey man, you're blocking us.
We trying to get by.
What are you talking, like my car's literally parked
and you're right in front of me, the stupid dog bus.
Like get the, what are you doing?
First of all, this is your charioteer.
You watch your fucking mouth, okay.
Yeah, watch your tone, man.
And also, this, Tesla's supposed to drive itself.
Oh, you wanna go?

(31:38):
You wanna go?
All right, let me just,
and then as he's getting up,
your chihuahua, who is racist, but also very strong,
jumps on his face.
Can you make the dog noises?
Oh shit, what the fuck?
Oh my God, fuck.
Oh shit, you guys are fucking crazy.
I'm shooing out of here.
Fuck.

(32:00):
He runs off.
Did I do good?
Hey, what's all that noise, guys?
I'm making a guard.
Oh boy, no.
You guys get that dog yet?
Oh yeah, that's right.
No, we need to think of a name for my racist dog.
I don't like DMX again anymore.
Oh.
Oh.
Uh, uh, uh.

(32:20):
I just changed the movie halfway through.
Uh, uh, uh.
Name for your racist dog.
How about off this bus?
Because I don't want a racist dog on this bus.
It's not, it's not what I want.
Come on, man, I'm just being mean.
No, whoa, whoa, your dog can talk.
Hey.
What the fuck?
Hold on, oh sorry.
Language.
First of all, you can't beat hate with hate, okay?

(32:42):
Okay.
You gotta teach this dog, he's a rescue, okay?
Okay, see, I was rescued.
From a family that abused him all the time.
And that's why he doesn't like
that particular kind of, you know, family.
Yeah, they beat me with a rope.
Okay, Stan, fair point.
I appreciate the backstory, but your dog can talk.
What's up with that?
I know, it's a million dollar idea.
You know what's not a million dollar idea?
A fucking dog bus.

(33:03):
Like who the fuck rides these things?
It's a Yorkshire Carrier, okay?
I love the name, it's a good name.
Thank you.
Okay, your dog's not that bad.
Yeah, he's just, oh, it doesn't want to compliment you.
He just committed a hate crime.
He's just like, okay, sorry, I like your idea.
This dog's not right.
I hate the Portuguese.
Okay, okay, okay, little buddy, little buddy.

(33:25):
Come here, come here, come here.
Like pats his knees so he can come to.
What's your name, little guy?
My name is Prince
Darnel.
Prince Darnel, Prince Darnel.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
What's your deal there, Darnel?
Why are you?
Seriously, Prince Darnel.
Sorry, Prince Darnel.

(33:46):
Yes, you have to say the whole thing.
What are you racist against?
Oh, I hate them all, all you guys out there.
You, all you Icelandic peoples
and the Norwegians.
He was a, he was a rescue from the United Nations.
The Icelandic people and the Portuguese people, oh my gosh.

(34:08):
Well, I mean, I hate people too,
but you know, you can't just like hold that hate
in your heart, little Prince.
Of course I can, I have a huge heart.
It's bigger than my chest.
That's why my chest is so tightly compounded.
Oh, Stan, you gotta talk to him, man.
You know, like if he's a racist dog,
you're gonna die probably within this story.
Oh, I die all the time because of my enlarged heart,

(34:29):
but then I come back, it's okay.
Oh man, well, anyways, I, you know,
it's my turn, it's my turn on Scrabble.
So it's actually Kevin, Stan.
Every other bit is a new country.
You hate the Swiss, the most neutral people
in the fucking world.
Those goddamn Swiss bastards.
I hate their knives and their cheese, too many holes.

(34:52):
Their watches aren't bad.
I'm thankful as cheese when there's so many holes in it.
But yes.
All right, Kevin, let's abandon this dog.
Let's go get another dog.
Another dog?
Yeah.
But what about me?
I'm the good, I'm the goodest boy.
He's an all right boy.
I could fix him.
The idea, no, that's all right.
Me, Stan, Darsh, I have a thing for bitches
that I think I could fix, okay?

(35:13):
Oh.
That's just me.
If you need therapy time with your dog, I get it.
So what's the other character for?
You have a racist dog.
That's just my only character for me.
That's me.
Yeah, you're perfect otherwise.
Just you have a racist dog.
Fuck East Madagascar.
West Madagascar's cool.
I'm perfect, my career is obviously real and exists.
Okay, it's a real thing.
Right, right.
Can you please speak to your dog and reason with him?

(35:34):
And Kevin, please go to the next dog station.
We gotta get more dogs in here, all right?
Okay.
There's a really big market for people
putting their dogs in a bus.
They go there butt fucking wherever.
How come the bone doesn't close the door?
You gotta throttle the bone to the left, okay?
Oh, jerk it.
Yep, jerk the bone.
Jerk the bone.
I gotta jerk the bone.
And then you gotta push the bone and then thrust forward.

(35:56):
All right?
Okay, and then I thrust the bone.
And I jerk the bone and then I thrust the bone.
See, you know why we need Prince Darnel?
Because he could communicate to us and the dogs.
Right, right.
Oh, and like an ambassador.
But what we don't know is that he's actually saying
really racist shit to the other dogs, but we don't know.
That's what's going on there.
I mean.
Like for example, like the black lab is like
in the back of the bus the entire time.

(36:17):
And her name is Rosa Barks.
Okay, that's what it is right there, okay?
Rosa Barks.
Oh, yeah, I forgot about Rosa Barks.
Yeah, she's been down there back there the whole time.
Hi Rosa, you doing good?
You don't have to sit back there.
You can come, all right.
She's like, uh?
Uh?
And you start growling and everyone's like, uh.
Uh.

(36:37):
Hey, watch it.
Watch it.
But she's black.
She's a black lab.
So are you.
Uh.
Oh man, it's so weird that a German dog
is way more accepting of every other race.
Okay, and so the car, the Yorkshire Carrier
is on the road driving and we're kind of all settling in,

(36:59):
you know, Stan is delivering the pudding to Larry.
Kevin is bopping to some music as he's driving.
Yeah, I like to have my headphones in
when I drive.
It's a pretty big day at work.
Yeah.
I break into some guy's Tesla
and I get him with my Boston pudding.
That's pretty good.
As we're driving.
Pretty typical day.
It's a jam.

(37:19):
Just another day at the office.
As we're driving, you do notice that, you know,
the window goes open and Stan, you look over
and you see that Larry is putting Prince Darnell
out the window.
He's about to.
Holy shit, I'm flying, you see?
Yeah, don't worry about it, little boy.
I got you.
Whoa.
What are you doing?

(37:39):
Huh?
That is Prince Darnell.
What?
You did not do that to my dog.
He needs a home.
He said he wanted to fly.
He wanted to fly and go, go, go other places
and I'm helping him.
Yeah, we go other places.
But if he goes, I go.
Okay, well, wait, hold on.
You're my assistant.
So can you throw him out the window for me?
Put me down, man.
Your hands smell like a Canadian.
No, we will not put you down.

(38:01):
Not in my watch.
We're in this together.
Your Swiss watch?
Yeah.
Okay, say bye bye, Princey.
Bye bye.
Throw him out the window.
Wait.
Ay.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
I'm gonna go back to Prince Darnell.
I have a defense mechanism where I laugh

(38:22):
when I'm supposed to cry.
You're so sad about the dog.
I'm very sad about this dog.
He's laughing.
I'm gonna get another one.
You'll get another one.
We're gonna go get more dogs right now, right, Kevin?
Yeah, I'm looking at this list.
It's kind of chicken strats.
Don't really make any sense.
What is this?
It says, spoon full of lead.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(38:42):
Marcus Houston.
What about Marcus Houston?
Um, I don't know.
This dog sounds a bit immature.
Don't know.
I'm gonna go sleep, guys.
I am X, you know?
Stan, did you bring my fax machine?
Dude, how are you this rich to still have a fucking fax machine?
Like, you're like the worst millionaire I've ever...
This guy's a lunatic, man.
Oh, I'm a...

(39:02):
I'm a millionaire?
Where's my money?
He's...
I'm a millionaire?
What happened to my billions of dollars?
You lost 999 million dollars.
I had this fucking idea of a business.
Go ahead.
Well, you know, I guess we're just gonna keep going, right, Kevin?
Like, you got the list.
We gotta get that list.

(39:23):
Yeah, list.
This is a list.
Yeah.
If you wanna call it that, sure.
I'll just drive.
And you're okay with your racist dog out of here now, right?
That's not a big deal.
I mean, this is my job, and that was my kid.
Your kid?
That was my family.
Oh, maybe I shouldn't have done that then.
Yeah, you're fucking psyched.
Kevin, go back, go back, go back, go back.

(39:43):
Oh, you wanted to turn around.
Turn around, turn around.
I was making good time, but all right,
let's flip this around.
Yep.
It's not easy, hold on, we are on the freeway,
so this is gonna take a minute.
Yeah, all right, the next exit is two miles away,
so this is gonna have a real...
Flipping around, baby!
Flipping around!
Give me that wheel, give me that wheel!
Get out of my way!
There's a sign that clearly says no U-turn here.
Just remember cops.

(40:04):
Woo-hoo-hoo!
This dog can move, man!
What an interesting billionaire!
He's a billionaire now.
We drive past a cop, the cop is like,
is that a dog?
It's a Yorkshire dog.
It's a big-ass dog.
Yeah.
They approach a blood trail.
Oh, okay, I see some red stuff on the ground.
Maybe this is, and it looked like that trail
went into the forest.

(40:24):
Man, why did Prince start out learning,
the Princess Diana in this fucking car ride, dude?
That's fucking crazy, dude.
Guys, my knees are so bad, I can't move.
You guys are gonna have to go get the dog back.
I'm gonna have to stay here and keep the old place.
No, Larry, let me pick you up
so you can carry my dog while I'm holding you.
Yoda style.
You wanna carry me, that's fine,

(40:46):
but who's gonna watch the car?
Rosa, you stay, Rosa, bark, stay.
Okay.
It's fine.
It's fine.
All right.
Rosa barks as a boy.
Onward to get your doggies back.
Okay.
Hey, Prince Ardell, I tried to save you.
Oh, my little leg, it hurts.

(41:08):
You notice that he has a broken leg.
He did chomp on a crow.
These crows are delicious, though.
Yeah, and.
He left his seagulls alone because.
Yeah, right, he went off to the crows.
And as you approach him, he's wary of you.
He doesn't quite trust you
after that little thing that just happened.
And also Larry's there because you're carrying him.

(41:30):
Hey, there's your little guy.
Come on, little guy.
I don't trust you.
I don't trust you.
I don't trust you.
Let me get your pay.
It's okay, it's okay.
I know your legs are broken,
but not as broken as my heart.
Oh, master, I missed you so much, master.
Yeah, come on, let's go.
Can I carry him?
Yes, you carry him.
Okay, and off you go.

(41:50):
He throws him.
Man, I can't believe I keep trusting Larry to this.
He throws him into a river.
I can't swim, man, I can't swim.
It's going down and down.
Man, your dog can really swim, man.
That's crazy.
My dog's a survivor.
Yeah, dude.
Oh, that's so cool.
Are we gonna get another dog or are you gonna keep.
Yeah, man, can you stop trying to kill my dog, dude?
What, he wanted to swim.
No, he didn't want to swim, dude.

(42:11):
No, he didn't.
Dude, I'm like the worst.
I'm like very, very like a pussy John Wick.
I'm like, dude, stop trying to kill my dog, please.
I also need his job.
Would you please mind if you stop killing my dog?
Please, I really need his dog.
All right, I won't kill him this time.
That's all I have left of my ex-wife.

(42:31):
What?
My ex-wife, they got died from the mob, okay?
She only left me enough money to adopt this dog
that nobody wanted because he's racist, okay?
We're gonna take a short break
and get right back to this dog gone story.
Dog gone, oh, I get it.
That's pretty funny.
Just don't go anywhere, okay?

(42:52):
Stay, stay.
Excellent.
Cut.
Cut.
Hey, do you like t-shirts and maybe hats?
Well, I got good news for you.
The merch store is open.
Come check us out at linktree.com slash D and G P O D.

(43:13):
Click the merch link and get yourself
a definitely not good shirt
or a definitely not good hat.
And for a limited time, grab yourself
a I am the water goblin t-shirt.
This is in the limited stock and won't be there forever.
Thank you for supporting us.
And now let's get back to some definitely not good.
Hey, we're back and we have another sponsor.

(43:34):
Another one.
Let's spin that sponsor.
I'm back for fun.
I'm back for fun.
I'm back for fun.
I'm back for fun.
I'm back for fun.
Alternate timelines.
This episode's proudly sponsored by alternate timelines.
Hey, Narin, what's the alternate timeline
of Narin doing right now?
Is this a period piece?

(43:55):
Different time periods?
No, no, just alternate.
Why are you wearing white pants?
Yeah, are you wearing white pants?
Tampax.
Tampax, okay.
Yeah, period, anyways, go ahead.
Yeah, alternate timeline.
What are you doing in a parallel universe?
What are you doing?
In a parallel universe, let's see, it's the 80s.
And I'm playing-
It's still the 80s, it's never not the 80s.
And I'm playing Nintendo.
Nice.

(44:15):
I'm playing, let's see, Contra.
Gang.
I'm doing that there.
I'm trying to do that and I keep losing.
Oh, yeah, as you do, because Contra's hard.
Contra's hard.
Yeah.
And I should know, no, no, I'm playing Rambo
at my Vietnamese friend's house and he's like,
dude, can we play something else?
This is fucking, I'm trying to fuck them, dude.
And you're like, no!
And you just slap him across the face.
It's a crazy timeline.

(44:35):
He said shut up, Charlie.
A crazy timeline.
His name is Charlie, that wasn't racist.
I want to give a special shout out to alternate timelines.
You're right, just right out of reach,
but you're there, maybe, I don't know.
I don't know.
Nuckety, what's alternate Nuckety doing?
Alternate Nuckety?
Oh, he's definitely stripping, man.
Stripping?
Yeah.
He's like at least 200 plus pounds on me.

(44:58):
Oh.
My current state, but it's a large gentleman's club.
Oh, wait, what?
Yeah, he weighs way more,
but it's a fat guy's strip club, you know what I mean?
Wow.
The girls pay extra.
It's potato chip and dels.
Nice.
I think an alternate timeline of me,
I always thought my evil clone would be extremely evil.

(45:21):
So I think an alternate timeline CJ would probably be
slapping hoes.
Slap hoes.
Yeah, slap hoes.
As we learned on Christmas.
Right.
Pip CJ.
Pip CJ.
I mean, probably not.
I don't know.
Is that a pimp C is pimp CJ.
I get it.
There we go.
I intentionally did that.
Yes.
Yeah.
That's good.

(45:41):
I mean, or I would be like a fricking jazz musician,
maybe like playing music.
You kind of are that.
I mean, maybe.
My man has an upright base.
I got an upright base for Christmas.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can't play for shit, but I have it.
You'll figure it out.
I might be able to use it as a weapon.
In an alternate timeline.
In an alternate timeline.
Yeah.
Thank you, alternate timeline.

(46:02):
Thank you, alternate timeline.
That's such a great sponsor.
Wonderful.
There we go.
Naren.
That's you.
What's your, I might've asked you this first time
when you were here, but what's your favorite,
you said Stan?
I thought you forgot my fake name in the script.
No, no, no.
I was gonna ask, what is your favorite cartoon character?

(46:25):
Oh, out of all of them, probably Butters from South Park, man.
He's a good guy.
Okay, nice.
I said that too.
Because I think he has so much character growth.
That's what they, South Park's better at.
They're building, growing these characters,
and everybody has a cool part after a while.
Like Stan's dad, Randy, was just like,
he used to be like a regular parent,

(46:45):
and we'd come over the top,
and it was so stupid with everything here.
I love Randy now.
And Butters is always the innocent guy,
and he sees innocence in everything.
Yeah, you're making some motherfucking money.
Yeah, he's fucking great.
I watched South Park on my lunch break today.
It was great.
Dang, you never get bored.
There was a fuck, sex addict one.
When we were all sex addicts, and Butters was like,
tried like a, oh no, no, no, no, that was yesterday.

(47:06):
I watched a lot of my lunch break.
There's a Scrooge McBooger ball.
This is one where Butters is like the fucking,
he writes a book, and he's just like,
he thinks he's doing something good, whatever,
but it's just fucking funny.
Professor Chaos.
Yeah, he's like, his idea is,
I'm gonna mix the salt and the pepper around.

(47:27):
Ooh.
But then every now and then he's like something
he's super badass, like, oh, what the fuck,
did this come from, Butters?
Actually, I was telling my friend, I have a friend,
he's an older white dude, he has blonde hair,
super big blue eyes, and I'm like,
dude, you're like a Butters,
and you're like my Butters in real life, right?
So, and then he was talking,

(47:47):
then he's going through a really, really bad thing.
Every time I asked him how he's doing,
it was always really, really sad shit,
like the saddest things, like, hey, how was your day, man?
Oh man, my dog broke his leg.
Oh man, this other dog died.
Oh, my friend committed suicide.
Like everything was just so bad.
And then finally like, man, dude, like,
you know I always call you Butters,
but you always like a downer, dude.
You're more like bummers, you know?

(48:08):
Like, oh shit, we saw you had a good laugh over that,
but he's a friend, so we can say that.
You're more like olive oil.
That's a Popeye character, right?
I don't know, I tried.
Margarine? Margarine.
No, no.
I didn't realize after all these years,
remember when Butters dressed up as a girl,
the girl at the girls party, his name was Margarine,
like Margarine.
I didn't know that until like,

(48:30):
I'm ashamed it took me like fucking five years,
like holy shit, holy shit, Margarine, Butters?
Oh, cause it's not, okay.
That's, oh man, right over, right over.
Yeah, they look right over,
it'd be funny if you were like Native American
for like Christmas, it's Land O' Lakes.
Oh man.
South Park is smart.
I, you know, I do wish that life was like-
A box of chocolates?

(48:50):
Those TV shows where like, you could have a really bad time,
but then like the next day, you're just kind of starting
over from default.
Yeah, and we're the same folks as yesterday.
You know, like if you're having a bad time,
it's like, you know, just, you know, next day,
it's just normal, you know, whatever, you know,
student debt, whatever.
It's a good day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, where we last left off-

(49:11):
So my dog's in the river.
Yeah, a dog is in the river, his racist dog of stance,
who was an assistant of a lunatic named Larry,
who spent his entire inheritance on a dog bus
called the Yorkshire Carrier.
And before I get carried away here, I remember,
I'm playing a character.
I'm not actually this racist.
I just happen to get racist twice the two times

(49:31):
I've been on this fucking show.
Well, you're just coming up-
It comes to him, he doesn't come to me.
You're not racist, the dog's racist.
Just, you know, to clarify that.
But you know, if you happen to have a little racism
in there, that's just completely-
Racism.
Completely coincidental.
Nothing to do with this racist dog at all.
We should put a disclaimer on this one.
Disclaimer, this one's racist.

(49:52):
Let's get racist in here again.
So this dog, you know, we were following it for a while.
So like, this whole group has just been following this dog,
but it went down a river, down a waterfall,
and they've lost track-
There's a waterfall there?
Of this, yeah, yeah.
Oh, goodness.
And we've lost track.
Next to a fucking freeway, where the fuck are we?

(50:12):
I know, it's crazy, it's crazy.
Lost track-
She had a draft, where the fuck are we?
Oh, we got Switzerland.
Right, well, it shows a black lady actually runs
into the river and grabs him out, and he goes, ah!
And he bites her, she drops him back in,
and he keeps going.
Yeah, no, he's surprised.
He's surprised, because like, oh my God, you can swim.
And it crazy, they-
Damn.

(50:34):
Damn.
Disclaimer.
We like to throw a wrench in our already broken story,
so we have one more wheel called the topic wheel.
Oh, no, my ass.
Let's spin that.
Ah!
Fish.
Fish?
Fuck.
There's fish, okay, there's fish.
Fish?

(50:54):
From this waterfall, yes.
So-
He befriended a great white.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Alright.
So I won a great white shark.
So they follow this river down to a lake.
There's a waterfall.
There's no fucking sense whatsoever.
There's river shark, there's a fucking freeway.
Why is this show, I went dead yet?

(51:18):
He's a river shark, a great white river shark,
but he has a hammerhead.
He doesn't know how he got that.
He thinks his mom was cheating on his dad.
So many things going on, just some fucking-
There's a lot going on.
Alright, so we're gonna fast forward a little bit.
We've been following on this trail of this waterfall
next to the freeway, leading down to a lake.
This town is beautiful.

(51:38):
This is a beautiful town.
And-
I just love that this freeway is conveniently
next to this river the entire fucking time.
Yeah, it's crazy, right?
Washington, man.
Honestly, yeah.
Yakima is beautiful this time of year.
Fuck, you ever just drive around out here?
Fuck, there's so much shit to see out here.
Man, I can't believe a billionaire invested in his bus.
In Yakima.

(51:59):
Well, he's not a billionaire anymore.
He spent all that money on the bus.
Hey, look over there in the lake.
Is that your dog talking to some fish?
Yeah, this time, Larry, I'm gonna pick him up, okay?
What the fuck was that about, dude?
Okay, I won't, okay, fine.
You just eat your pudding and leave Prince Darnale alone.
Almond pudding, yum, yum, yum, yum.
I want some almond pudding.
Is that almond butter?
Is that a real thing?

(52:19):
Is almond pudding a real thing?
I don't think so, is it?
No, you had to invent it.
You had to make it for me.
It's only made for me.
Because he's a billionaire, you just do what they say.
Exactly.
So as you get closer to the fish,
you notice that there is a counseling session going on.
All the fish are trying to talk to the dog
in kind of like a, what's it called?

(52:40):
Like a AA meeting, you know, for racism, right?
It's a triple K, yeah.
Triple.
So some of the fish are wearing white hoods.
The way they both side looked at it
at the same fucking time, it was great.

(53:00):
There's a fish wearing a white hood and it says.
Oh God, I thought it was something terrible to say,
but I'm not gonna say it.
No, no, no, not gonna do it.
No, I'm not, okay.
You got you on record.
I'm gonna say it off the record.
No, no, no, not gonna do it.
I'll save it for later.
No, this is definitely gonna get me canceled.
So there's a fish with a white hood that says.

(53:23):
So I'm not supposed to hate all black people?
Well, I didn't say that.
Wait, you're saying I'm supposed to be accepting?
Not as much as those goddamn Portuguese, you know?
And then there's like a, there's a shark,
a hammerhead shark in the lake.
Don't ask questions, don't at me, all right?
There's river in the lake.
What kind of body of water is going on here?

(53:45):
Glasses, because it's the best.
Yakama is beautiful this time of year, dude.
Yummy.
Everybody, you have to think about the bigger picture.
Hate is just a cycle in life.
Are you the goddy fish?
Like you're very wise.
He's from the Indian Ocean, but the thing is.
Correct, I am from the Indian Ocean.
Are you, do you know? Indian yuck.
Do you know someone from here?

(54:05):
Yes, that's my dog, Prince Darnell.
Oh, we were just trying to talk.
Amazing breath, by the way.
He's been underwater for fucking three days.
We've been trying to talk with him
about his racism and his tendencies.
Prince Darnell, do you have anything
you wanna say to Stan?
Master, I don't hate the Iranian people,

(54:27):
anymore.
Good.
I love that we're ending race.
Those Iraqis though, they can get it.
Hey, hey, hey.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
The Iraqis are okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Even though they're all like Kada.
You have to, listen, you have to understand
a group of people before you say you hate them, okay?
Or at least see them from their point of view.

(54:47):
How can I understand them when they
have all these stupid accents, eh?
Well, think about Stan, for example.
You hated all the humans, but you didn't hate him.
Well, you hated all the humans and-
Stan is actually short for Afghanistan.
Oh, and he is, yes.
Oh, I'm sorry, Master.
See, and you didn't know that, right?
I didn't know that.
Maybe my hatred stemmed from ignorance.

(55:09):
It's okay, not all dogs are bad, okay?
Except for this one, two dogs that drove the plane.
It was K911, that's what it was right there.
God damn it.
The fish wearing the white hood says,
well, you could hate all black people.
Black people are fucking.
It wasn't me that said it this time, but yes.
And I can hate who I want, I'm still gonna go to heaven.
Well.
And you have 72 bitches there for you.

(55:31):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow. 72.
72 bitches.
72 bitches.
I'm not gonna comment on that,
but it seems like Prince Darnell
has a lot of work to do, Stan,
but he's gonna go back with you now, right?
Is that right, Prince Darnell?
Oh.
Wait, you're the hammerhead truck right now?
Correct, yes.
Okay, so Larry's still just eating his
olive and putting it in a fucking bus and driving.

(55:52):
Yummy.
Why is he eating it with his feet?
Mmm, I feel good.
His feet doesn't work.
Toe fungus, almond pudding.
Yum yum.
He does a lot of yoga, so he's like stretching.
Stretching.
So Prince Darnell hops on the shoulder of Stan.
He is a bit wet and drenching his clothes.

(56:13):
What is Stan wearing?
He's wearing suspenders.
Suspenders.
Because he's in the office, yeah.
Okay.
And he's wearing a bow tie, he has Casual Friday.
Wow, he's a fancy boy.
Fancy right there.
Nice, nice.
But also he's wearing jorts, because he had to put on his
jorts.
Is that leader housing?
He's like John Cena going to prom, but he knows.

(56:36):
So they make their way back to Larry and Kevin,
and there's this awkward walk back,
and Larry kind of looks over and says,
told you we should have kept that dog in the lake.
I don't know why you brought it back.
I don't know why you brought it back, Stan.
Don't know why you did.
I'm just gonna throw it out again.
I'm just gonna throw it out the window once we get rolling.
This guy's a lunatic.
Sorry, who said that?

(56:56):
Someone say I'm a lunatic?
I'm not crazy.
I'm not crazy.
Your dog can talk.
I'm not the crazy one.
He's talking to the wall again.
Okay, okay, all right, all right.
Kevin, Stan, dog, attention.
I need your full attention.
My name is Prince Darnel.
I need your full attention right now.
Guy, did I make a bad decision buying this dog?
Dog West, a Yorkshire Carrier.

(57:18):
But there's a good name, Yorkshire Carrier, right?
You came up with the name first.
I mean, our first Yelp review is from actually Prince Darnel.
I was like, yeah, he tried to fucking kill me three times.
Give me one paw.
Don't take this bus.
Give me one paw out of five, it's crazy.
He wrote it in dog.
I just wanted a world of dog buses

(57:38):
and I wanted to be the first one.
Is that too much to ask?
Come on, guys.
Our biggest customer, you keep fucking murdering.
What is wrong with you?
Biggest and only.
Okay, other than Rosa Barg, he's throwing the bus.
She hasn't moved, she's been really obedient.
Actually, she refuses to move, if anything.
Kevin, can you weigh in on this?
You've been working for me for over 12 hours now.
So what can you tell me?

(58:00):
Can you weigh in on this, Kevin?
Huh, I'm just, I'm eating this sandwich.
I'm on lunch.
Was I supposed to be doing something?
Oh.
Guys, we are not a real reputable company, okay?
Larry, we broke into someone's fucking car
and tried to murder my dog three times, dude.
You're fucking psycho.
He did do that.
I saw that.
That was, you know, you know.
You ever had a pastrami on rye?

(58:20):
It's a really good sandwich.
Guys, I think I'm going to liquidate the business.
Oh!
I don't think this was a good idea.
I don't think this was a good idea.
I think.
You mean putting Dogfur on his Greyhound bus
and calling it the Yorkshire area.
Was it a good idea?
I think maybe I should invest in my kids.
But I was making $150,000 a year.
Wait, what?
What?

(58:41):
That's what you pay me, $150,000 a year.
I agreed to that?
Oh, Stan, you're supposed to catch that.
That's the best job I ever had.
You're supposed to catch that.
Why am I paying him so much money?
Didn't we just meet Kevin like on a freeway?
How much am I paying you, Stan?
I don't even have my CDL.
Oh, crap.
He just found me at a bus stop.
He's like, hey, you want to drive this bus?
I was like, yeah, I'll drive it.
CDL, dude.
Chihuahua Dog Limousine, okay?

(59:02):
What the fuck, dude?
All right, that's it, that's it.
Bucket.
He grabs the dog.
No.
Not again.
My heart can't take this anymore.
I'm going to throw him,
this time I'm going to throw him into traffic
and he'll never see him again.
Unless you tell me honestly
what I should do with this business.
For one, we should,

(59:22):
for one, we need to bring Rosa Parks home.
She's going to be worried.
Because there's only been $2,000 in the entire fucking bus.
How am I going to make-
We're going to make kit Rosa Parks?
Dog can't fucking pay for these things.
This is a terrible business idea.
I told you this is day one.
I just needed the benefits, okay?
Don't throw me in the street.
This is the Asian part of town.
Larry's sweating profusely.
At least tell him.
The Asian part of town,

(59:44):
there's actually a goddamn lake river.
There's a fucking waterfall.
Can you tell me I did a good job?
Did I try?
Damn it.
Can you tell me,
can you tell me I did a good job, Stan?
You did a good job.
You did a good job.
Tell him, Stan, tell him.
Tell me I did a good job.
You did a great job, Larry.
Please put him down.
Not in the road, okay?
He's had three heart attacks during this conversation.

(01:00:05):
He's like, he's really considering just throwing the dog
because there's a semi truck coming right now.
He's like,
It keeps going back and forth.
Okay, all right.
I dropped the dog.
Okay.
See?
That's crazy.
That's crazy, guys.
Wow.
See, some people aren't that bad.
Wow.
Some people aren't that bad.
Wow.

(01:00:25):
You know, I'm learning, guys.
There's good in the world.
Good in the world.
Looks like Ben.
Oh, look, there's like a cat car coming on the other side.
And then the car flips him and he dies.
Larry?
Yeah, Larry's gone, man.
Oh, no.
Yeah, he's gone.
Just a red mist.
Just.
Oh, man, this is bullshit, dude.
He doesn't even stop because it's a cat.
It's like, I hate to break this to Kevin,

(01:00:47):
but he only wants scratch tickets.
That's why he was not a real millionaire.
Oh, man, I'm not going to get my salary.
Yeah.
It was supposed to be $15,000 a year.
What part of this whole interaction
that he was a rich guy?
I mean, I just thought crazy people were rich, man.
This guy just makes almonds with his puddings.
I got almond pudding.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Yeah, he did put whole almonds in his jello pudding.

(01:01:08):
So we're going to fast forward.
It is now nighttime.
There is a campfire and a big spot in the dirt
where his body is now buried.
Okay, so like, hey, we got to bring Larry back to life.
When I found out, and this old guy in the farm was like,
don't go there.
Why goes in there?
Does it come back out the same way?

(01:01:30):
Like, no, we got to get Larry back.
I'm going to put him in this Indian burial ground, okay?
But it's dark, so I went to the wrong Indian burial ground.
It's like a burial ground for people from India.
I was like, oh my God.
They spelled cemetery wrong.
It says put cemetery.
And then you come back to life
as a really good business owner, but you're Indian now.
But it's a totally different person.

(01:01:51):
And he's just like, hey guys.
You're Larry Patel, that's what it is.
My name's Larry.
Yeah, I don't know what happened,
but I suddenly gained consciousness
and I know a bunch of business knowledge.
It just came to me, I don't know.
Yeah, so hey, yeah.
I think first thing first, let's get Rosa Barks back.
We'll give you guys each severance

(01:02:11):
for what you had to deal with.
$150,000?
Let's not be ridiculous here.
We're in a recession.
Hey man, you can't blame a guy for trying.
Yeah, I can.
I can blame you, I can blame you.
You can't blame him for trying.
Stan, I want to shake your hand.
Shake my hand, please.
Good handshake.
Good handshake.

(01:02:31):
Good handshake.
And your dog, Prince Arnel, shake.
Shake on it, shake.
Fine.
Now see, look, he's learning.
See, dogs aren't bad.
Not all dogs are bad, right?
You smell like Alaskan people.
Well, the good news is I'm back alive, guys.
You're gonna get your money.
Bad news is I hate dogs.

(01:02:52):
Hate them.
We're going all cats this time, so.
He hates dogs.
Grenade!
He like pulls out a pin,
grenade, throws it into the dog bus, and kablamo.
Wow.
No return on that investment.
Whatsoever, much soever.
Stan, I need you to go.
I didn't realize we were going to Afghanistan,

(01:03:12):
barely ground, that's crazy.
Stan, I'm gonna need you to give me a cat bus this time.
He gives you a big check.
Allahu akbar.
You do.
Okay.
Okay, so yeah, so what we do is we get rid of the cats.
These are all Persian cats, so we have to ride a BMW.
Right, right.
A white one.
Exactly, wait.
Prissy bitches.
Was Rosa Park still on the?

(01:03:33):
We're gonna end it there, guys!
We did it!
We did it!
Oh fuck.
We forgot about Rosa Park.
I don't know what that was, but it-
Definitely wasn't good!
No, no, no, no, we just got to the name of the show.
I was working my way towards like,

(01:03:54):
Martin Luther King, Cavalier Charles, whatever.
Getting them all in there.
Getting them all in there somehow.
Civil rights leaders.
You know, somehow-
Civil rights beagles.
Civil rights beagles.
Somehow there's a fish, like a KKK fish.
Right, yeah, yeah.
This one was a little everywhere, you know?
A little everywhere.
No, no, no.
See, I was thinking, okay, here's what I was gonna say earlier

(01:04:15):
with the really racist fish.
Yeah, please.
Like a racist fish, the movie's called Finding Negro.
Nice one, guys.
It's like-
That's too good.
That's wonderful.
That's too good.
Again, guys, I'm playing a character.
It's too good for this episode, you know?
Shout out to our sponsor, R.
Hard R.
Hard R.
I want to thank my special guest
for joining us once again, Narin Van.
Thank you so much.

(01:04:36):
My guy.
We gotta edit this one.
Also, hey, find me on Roastbusters.
That's my podcast here.
I'd love to have you guys on some of this.
It's just, basically we just go in there
to talk about, we just roast shit.
You know, we just kind of roast each other.
It's just mean things that happen in our lives.
Just make fun of shit, that's all it is.
Yeah, I listen.

(01:04:56):
So it's fun to do.
But what I love about this is just so things are off the wall.
And if I do this again, if I get racist a third time,
I feel like you guys are setting me up.
Like for real.
It's rigged.
Like, the thing is, the whole time, like how?
Rigged election.
Because when you would do the racist face,
you're like, aw man, can I say this?
I gotta get the racist, man.

(01:05:18):
I'm gonna put racism on all the wheels.
Yeah.
R was a freaking sponsor somehow.
Yeah, R.
Yeah, wow.
Hard R.
Hard R.
Narin, where can we find your podcast?
We're on Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
and we have some stuff on YouTube,
but it's just, I don't know, it's big.
But mainly Spotify is what we prefer.

(01:05:39):
But you just search Rose Blasters Podcasts.
Yeah, and we'll have you guys on the show here sometime.
So it'll be fun.
Hell yeah.
With it.
Hey, by the way, quick announcement.
This next episode, we're gonna move forward
with this segment being a Q&A.
So if you have a question for me, Nuckety, or the guest,

(01:06:00):
email us at definitelynotgoodpodcasts.gmail.com.
We will actually be starting that on our next episode.
So look forward to that.
Gia.
Yeah, bish.
You can find this on linktree.com, slash TNG, P-O-D.
That's right.
Click the merch link and buy yourself
a Definitely Not Good hat or shirt.
Like what I have on my head that you can't see.

(01:06:20):
Right.
You can also find Nuckety at N-U-Q-A-D-Y on TikTok.
At 9.49, listen.
At 9.49.
I was like, oh, what is this?
I tried to turn it off.
I got an ad, but yes, I'm sorry.
In the middle of my ad, I'm just kidding.
I don't fucking, fuck all that.
Fuck all these ads, you know?
But our ads good, our ads good though.

(01:06:42):
Yeah, yeah, listen, our ads.
So click the merch link, you know,
Spooky Boy, Nuckety, N-U-Q-A-D-Y, TikTok, Clapper.
Yeah, it sounds kinda like that, yeah.
We're gonna end your suffering right now.
Thank you for listening.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Absolutely not good.

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75 - Yorkshire Carrier 🚌 ( feat. Narin Vann )

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}75 - Yorkshire Carrier 🚌 ( feat. Narin Vann )