76 - Flamethrower Doggo 🐕🔥 ( ft. Paula Stone )

"Whose a good boy? Probably not the dog with a flamethrower attached to its tail scorching people. Maybe the dog is just confused? Maybe... Oh nope, the dog is laughing. It knows what its doing."

Host - CJ Rhone

Guest - Paula Stone

Find her at twitch.com/nucluepewpew

Producer - Nuqady

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
My space was an aesthetic. Yeah, I mean I I miss my space. It was such a good time

(00:06):
But I think you're right Paula that like oh by the way, if you're listening, this is definitely not good
Intro intro intro. I'm CJ. I'm here by it with my producer
Nuckety
You're throwing me way off. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, we're off. Actually. It's probably a good time for the intro
I don't know what this is. Bye son of a bitch

(00:30):
Hey

(00:54):
Sorry about that intro but not my call this all out anyway, so sorry bud
I'm gonna quickly explain the show
Hey, if it's your first time listening, this is pretty much how everything works. We are all amazing storytellers
And it's our job our sacred duty to come up with a story completely from scratch with a little twist

(01:14):
We have a series of wheels
We're gonna spin each of them random and probably terrible and somehow we have to make it work into a story
Somehow some way. Yeah, and hey if it's your first time listening
You're like, I love the sound of these guys voice. Like I love Paula Nuckety. You're just having a great time
Go home. Yeah, go ahead and run all over to freakin Spotify

(01:38):
Frickin clapper give us a like subscribe and we'll keep going. Well, you were hosting this shit out of this. Oh
Thank you. Thank you. And thank you for listening
Today we're joined by Paula and we're very honored to have her here. This is her first podcast. Yeah
Well, thanks for you know gracing us with that. Paula

(01:58):
Can you tell us a little bit about like what like what do you do? Oh, I I guess I don't know what you mean
By what do I do? Yeah, you know to be honest. I hate that question people ask me. What do I do?
I'm like I make a shitty podcast
What are the things that you're like actually into like what I'm into I am

(02:20):
I'm a bartender. So I'm a night owl. I
I play a lot of video games
If you're in Warcraft at 3 o'clock in the morning, I'm probably pawning you. Well, yeah
How long you've been playing Warcraft? Oh that pretty much the full 20 years. I did take a break during Burning Crusades
Yeah, because I got really boring and I didn't follow up with the next expansion which I heard sucked balls

(02:44):
But yeah, I came back with Dragonflight and I've been doing it again for the last four years
Is it really been 20 years since World of Warcraft came out 20 year anniversary? Yeah, I got I got the mount
That's incredible

(03:05):
Can I ask what your user name is or is that like private like well, no actually my username is new clue
Um, and it came about from another video game. I was I had bought my husband a
PlayStation 2 back when online was a brand new thing and the first MMO for the PlayStation came out

(03:28):
And that was EverQuest 2. Oh
So he got that for Christmas and we set that thing up. We downloaded the game. We're in we're in and
I kept wanting a turn
Hmm, right and of course being in the Seattle area. You're not expecting it to snow the day after Christmas
No, so we're playing and we got to the point where levels were taking a lot longer and I was getting impatient for my turn

(03:53):
Hmm, and you're just like, okay. No go get me my own game
well, so I sent him out in a snowstorm to find something that you couldn't find because they had
Recalled all of them because they were afraid
Saddam Hussein was gonna get a hold of the PlayStation 2 and destroy America interesting
Whoa, all right. Yeah, so you couldn't get them. They were hard to get

(04:14):
but I got mine and
when I went to go name my character every name was taken and
It was a voice recognition. I said no clue and it came in as new clue and
Boom
Yeah, yeah new clue new clue new clue all the Bennett ass and what's really funny is everybody calls me nut right

(04:41):
Maybe we should just put you as not cuz featured nut
No, but it's funny because everybody shortens my name and when I first heard his name, I was just like, oh, okay
Excellent oh my gosh. Well, we're honored to have you
and
I got tons of more questions for you. But before we start

(05:03):
This guy likes to give us a warm-up, you know you something to scratch our brains and exercise
I hate exercise. Can I just say that?
Allowed to say I hate exercising my exercise lately has been playing the oculus
My first oculus yo shout out
Oh, yeah, yeah be saber. Oh, you can't go wrong with these. Yeah

(05:28):
That's fun exercise
Going to the gym and and then seeing some yeah, who the fuck does that? What a weirdo
No, everyone makes eye contact like everyone's looking at stop people looking at me. I just want to fucking work out
Gym where everybody's like staring at you and you're tripping over influencers phones and shit
It's just that most awkward

(05:51):
It's um, yeah, so not gonna has a warm-up for us. What do you got today? Okay. Okay. Hey Paula. Hey, hello
Hi, how are you today? I'm good. That's a good standard question. Yes
Nice nice
I'm I'm doing pretty good. I woke up this morning. I took the last character of my war band to level 70. Let's go

(06:13):
Oh, we get some air horns. Thank you for that. You're welcome
So I'm gonna give you I'm gonna give you I'm gonna give you a easy one
It was an easy so I hear you're a you're a big Star Wars fan. Is that oh, yeah
Is that accurate a little bit? So so so could you could you could you do something done for me real quick?

(06:36):
Oh, it depends not that dumb. It's not don't make me
No, don't make me like our 2d tears. No, okay
No, I can't do Yoda either I can just describe the plot to the first movie 77
The plots of the first movie Star Wars dude the evil Empire took over

(07:01):
Backwards hey motherfucker master Yoda doesn't want to talk about it
Listen I'm a swindle. I'm gonna tell you this shit. All right, I got a purple lightsaber
Nobody's got a purple lightsaber. I got a purple lightsaber. You have a purple lightsaber
Check it out. Okay long time ago galaxy far away this dumbass like, you know

(07:26):
I've been in this kid left my lot of planet. All right, and then he had to grow up learning that shit
You know Jedi gangster
You know Obi-Wan died Darth Vader might be his dad might not
Sorry about that. Anyway, that's the shit man. What thanks Paula? That was really good

(07:48):
Thank you. Thank you for
I think I think I needed it. Yeah, I can't do voices. I wish I could I would talk in
My face window that was my my absolute best you sounded just like Samuel L. Jackson impression. I hope I hope I nailed it
Wow, that was amazing Wow, thanks guys

(08:09):
You're welcome. Well, we don't have a sponsor today if you can believe that we don't know I know right what a change of pace
I you know, we we nailed we nailed Microsoft right there is super interested and then they were like nah
Next time Microsoft. Yeah, we'll get you. Yeah, you'll get on board
It was down the street
You know, they told me they wanted me to talk about one drive and I'm like one drives the worst thing ever

(08:32):
No, so that Microsoft. Yeah, they keep like talking to me like who please sponsor is please and I'm like, no, no today
We're gonna be sponsored by someone else on the wheel somebody else. Yeah, so who do we sponsor today?

(08:53):
Today's episode is brought to you by rage quitting. Oh
This episode is proudly sponsored by rage quitting. I love rage quitting
I have used it a few times
A few times in my life. Tell us about it. What gives you what why what do you like?
Why do you like rage quitting to do for you?
Get me out of this motherfucker. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Well as a bartender, I think that's actually an occupational hazard

(09:20):
Oh my gosh, yeah, I got actually told one day that I did not look like I could provide excellent service
Yeah
And I thought the same thing and I let them rephrase that and they did not rephrase it
They actually told me it was my manager. So you drop kicked him, right?

(09:43):
I kicked his ass. I wish I would have I just said have fun with your day and I left
Shout out to your no no shout out to your to your dumbass manager, but
Anti-shout out

(10:03):
Yeah, um, but I love the look on his face when I left though
Yeah, was it oh, you know, you were scrambling trying to figure out who to put in my pot in my spot
So did you the congratulations on that? Can we get one more little kid saying yay? Oh
That's pretty good. I think so. I like that. Anyways, I'm quitting is awesome. I
Recommend it. I really do. Yeah

(10:26):
Thank you rage quitting for sponsoring us. Thank you rage quit. Um, yeah, I love rage quitting life sometimes, you know, and then then coming back and being like
I used to raise quit you ever played NFL Blitz
Uh, yes, I'm really bad at like sports games and stuff
So I don't usually plan but back in the day on 64. I played that NFL Blitz could not score

(10:49):
No, just no just no no no over and over and over. Yeah. I think I broke that control. That's rough buddy
Yeah, right. Oh, yeah, I've been playing Marvel rivals a lot
Can you raise quit Marvel? Yeah. Oh, you sure can you can be on a team of five and then your healers not healing you
You're the only tank. So what do you do son of a bitch?

(11:11):
He's so rich quit Wow just made that animal if you're in an instance and had a group
Oh, yeah, you've reached quit the big group. Oh, yeah
Well, I know I haven't reached quit a group, but I want to you know, real bad other people rage quit
I never rage quit because you're in a team and you're fighting
Yeah, that's right. You know

(11:32):
Time to get your team like to where you need to be real people down. Yeah, you're like playing
Well, just like try to adjust your playing don't you know or like don't don't get mad at other people enough to live band in
Your team I just found out I just found out on 2k that if you if you raise quit during an online game
Then they'll just replace you with the but is the buck good. Oh, yeah, he's standard. Okay better than the person who quit it

(11:57):
Yeah, actually is a great idea
Really? I was like hell yeah, cuz I think even if you didn't raise quit if you just lost connection
Yeah, the guys just fucking standing finding a healer or finding a good tank. Yeah. Yeah, it's a menace man
Hey, you don't know the the situation you're putting people in when you just bounce like
motherfucker in the middle of a game and a two double dribble bounce to rage quitting

(12:20):
Thank you so much for sponsoring us. Thanks. Rating. You're amazing and I will never quit you
I can't quit you
Paul let's get to know you a little bit more so you're a gamer
When did you know you wanted to be a gamer or let you were a gamer like when you when you had to get your
Own console pretty much. No, I've been gaming since gaming was invented. Oh

(12:43):
She was a wee little baby. So my first video game was in 1976. Oh gee, it was a hand held
Colecovision football game. Oh and
I've got pictures of it
My parents would take pictures of me and I'd be on my game. This is handheld in
1978 we had all of the penball machines were still out

(13:05):
We had one space invaders machine and every Friday night
I would take my allowance and I go line up my quarters on that machine order some gravy fries
Coca-cola and wait my turn so I could play space invaders got my motherfucking coders. I
I've owned pretty much every gaming system. I switched to PC gaming. Oh

(13:27):
Gosh, probably that day that I sent my husband out in a snowstorm
Nice. Well, no, so that was a console
And then I went to Wow, which is just a better version of a request
And at that point in time, we were completely networked. We had a full landline in our house. We had three

(13:48):
Televisions connected because my son played too. So we were
RPG
MMOing from the get-go. I've played almost every Zelda. Well, let me some Zelda. I mean, that's my shit
So you're an OG you're an OG gamer. Yeah
And it's really funny because when people hear me talk about it and they actually see my face

(14:10):
They're like you don't know anything about gaming which is one of those things is like there's a generation that things say no more
right, and instead of being the mom that wouldn't I
Wouldn't let my kids game but because it was my console
This is mine. This is mine. This is expensive
Get your ass out of here and when you hit this certain age and oh my god my son

(14:34):
He hit his age that he was allowed to start gaming
Yeah
and he came and woke me up at two o'clock in the morning to ask me how to beat level six and the first Zelda and
I had to say you know what he's like eight go back to your room go to bed
You have school in the morning. What am I the Nintendo hotline?
Well, you know this was back

(14:55):
He didn't have all of that access to answers if you didn't have that gaming manual you were figuring out all by yourself
Oh, yeah on the gang. So
In this scenario, did you help your your son? So I sent him back to bed. I'm a mom
Right. Yeah cool and he woke my ass up
As an answer I told him, you know, if you wake up in the morning have your breakfast you're ready for school

(15:19):
I'll help you with the dungeon. Yeah fucker and
Wow, he did he woke me up before my alarm went off ready completely dressed
He had had his breakfast
He wanted to know how to beat that dungeon and I know he never went back to sleep
You know, you've seen his bed tossing and turning looking at that clock, right? Yeah

(15:41):
So, um, yeah that morning I helped him with this boomerang and yeah got him going to the next level
Which Zelda was this the original? Oh like the NES one. Yeah. Wow. Wow. I have too many versions of that now
That's I mean, I feel like that's so
Insightful cuz like I'm sure like not good. You can agree like growing up as a millennial with like boomer parents

(16:04):
It's been like it's it's felt like a giant gap. I would say culturally
everybody forgets we exist right we're the gap filler the gen X and
Yeah, I'm pretty excited about it. We start turning 60 this year. Yo, and so
You know, it's interesting to me how
people forget we're we existed or did anything and a lot of the stuff that

(16:31):
Exists today is because of my generation. What would you say are some things people don't know about Gen X?
The gaming right off the bat as a 90s kid all the music you listen to was created by Gen X
Yeah, yeah, all of your gangsta rap all of your
Grunge all of all of the those sounds all of that music. Yeah was created by

(16:56):
Yeah, you know the generation that time forgot
What are some like I guess some misconceptions that you'd say like other generations have about that that like they kind of created
There is none they tie us into boomers. Mmm. We're either
an elder millennial which
Is that

(17:18):
Or
Or we're a boomer and that 20 years just didn't exist in time or something like that
Yeah, I think like Millennials have this thing where everything exists around their universe and by them
I mean us like we're like
Gen X is this boomers are that Gen Z is this and that's just how it is

(17:40):
But in reality there's like like you're saying like Gen X like made the music we grew up listening to right so it's like interesting
Yeah, the fashion that I mean the fashion still worn today and we were all in hoodies. We're all we're all relaxed
We we got rid of that
That structure that used to happen. Everybody was wearing suits before then. Yeah, we broke the mold

(18:02):
We we took over the 80s and said bam. Here's some color. Bam. Here's some music. Yeah, I'm here some attitude
Yeah, and let's let's take it to the next level
Can I ask since we're talking about generations like what are some perceptions that you have of like other?
Generations like like Gen Z
Gen alpha, I love them. I absolutely love them every generation. You can learn something from little dorks

(18:27):
You know what?
so I live in a house with a gen Z and a gen alpha and they're one year or two years apart and it is the
Craziest thing you can tell them. Oh my god, you can tell they're different generations. You just really can they're absolutely different people, right?
And that's just different people. I mean they have a different mindset as far as their outlook on the world and everything. So

(18:49):
I
Absolutely, just love other generations. I
Probably I love Millennials
Don't I do I do almost everybody I know is a millennial I really enjoy that generation because there's a freedom that
I think I tried to obtain
And it's still I was so boxed in by the boomer generation and of course the generation before them

(19:15):
Yeah way to go boomers
What do you love about boomers
One
I loved the music they actually created a freeing music love the hippie generation. Oh, yeah, absolutely love that

(19:36):
They they did a they were a breakaway too. They really were they did a
If you look at pinpoints in time where you can actually see where the culture changed
Yeah, and the boomers flipped a switch and they did they walked in in
1965 and said yeah right here. This is where the line strong kind of like the
Gen X or Sydney eighties. Yeah, I really respect boomers because like they they went through a lot of shit like a lot

(20:02):
Oh, yeah stuff and I like wars wars and depression
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no the boomers
Didn't do any of that. They are the post-world war two babies, right? So they went through the really cool 50s
and
You know, well, of course, it wasn't really cool because there was a whole lot of bad stuff that they didn't know about it

(20:25):
Yeah, they had like different they didn't know about it. So I think a lot of them
The 60s was an eye-opener for them when they found out the rest of the world existed, right?
You know, yeah weird times good times good times
Nuckety, what's your favorite fruit grape?
Just just grape. Yeah, like the green. I love grape the green one or the other

(20:50):
You know depends on how I'm feeling that day
Sometimes I'm a little feisty. So I like a green one. I like them. I like them thick and firm, you know
Do you like them seedless?
You know the seeds just get in my way I'm just gonna hurt myself I know so without the seeds probably but you know the
GMOs
GMOs, what about GMOs? No, GMOs. I grapes GMO. Well, they gotta be right cuz anything they take the

(21:18):
Paul what's your favorite fruit? All of them all of that's how you're about to say all of us
All of them
If they're true just sitting around all you did I don't I'm not picky unless of course it's a pomegranate cuz that's just too much work
It's kind of worth it it's worth it

(21:38):
It's so much work. Yeah, I'm gonna actually okay. I actually have a favorite. Yeah, what is it if I go to the store?
I buy bananas
That's gotta be my favorite. I go wrong with a good banana for sure banana
There's like a never a time. I don't want like a little potassium, you know, well potassium
Yeah, I heard they're good for your muscles, but my muscles be hurting anyway, and I'd be getting cramps

(21:59):
Oh cheese, and then they're like people be like eat a banana and I'm like I did I did it didn't help
I mean try to bananas. Oh, no, no two hands. Do I do it with two hands? Just put it in your mouth
That's what she said
Speaking of put it in your mouth. Why don't we get started with this podcast?
Terrible terrible thing. Hey, thanks for listening. I don't know

(22:22):
I don't know. All right. What's our first wheel? I draw the wheel
Best friends best friends best friends

(22:44):
Do you have any like buddy movies that you've seen or shows that you like Paula? I don't know. I don't watch TV. I
Guess I guess like bitch. I just play wow me. I really don't watch television at all
Okay, that's fair because television is kind of old people stuff, you know
It's kind of crazy how like no like actually though like sitting down to watch a TV show I don't have time for it

(23:14):
So yeah, like squid games just you know
Yeah, and I really want to see that but I have to have a dedicated time where I could sit down and then binge it
I'm not just gonna watch a tea. I have like my my list is like, oh, there's so many good shows
I bet they're good, but I'm not gonna sit down and watch it for eight hours. What ten hours? I will I'll do it

(23:36):
It's gotta be good. That's all I had. That's all I had growing up
Friends fair that's fair. So I just sat down to watch a whole bunch of cartoons and shit some good stuff
And I now now that's just in me
Because we're all gamers here
Buddies like Mario and Luigi can't go wrong. So we're gonna make a we're gonna make a Mario Luigi thing

(24:00):
I think are they buddies?
Okay, I would be required to wear the same color but then how would you tell them apart exactly twins
Our next wheel is our setting it's our next wheel. Yeah

(24:35):
A graveyard
Hey, that's cheerful best friends in a graveyard zombies. Is this the fucking craft? You know, or
Yeah, grave digger buddies grave digger buddies dig. Those zombies could be involved though. I you know, I do like people like zombies
Our next wheel what's your job grave digger?

(24:58):
Job what is the job of the main character?
I
Patient care technician
Okay, so what if this is a buddy movie but one of them's dead, okay

(25:24):
Have you seen warm bodies? No warm bodies is so cute. Is it seen as it? No, it's a zombie movie
I don't want to give too much away. But one of the zombies is like gaining consciousness. I have seen it that movies
Way better than people give it. Yes. Yes warm bodies. I didn't know is one called warm bodies. Yes called warm bodies
I sold my kids they fell in love. Oh my god. That's a great movie. Yeah

(25:45):
Yeah, it's they were trying to combat the the whole vampire thing. Yeah. So yeah, have you seen warm bodies?
Oh, yeah, definitely check it out. Yeah, that's a good movie. Are you listening? You're not listening to this, but if you are check out warm bodies
You're not listening only person who could hear this our next wheel is our character
Flaw something wrong with yeah

(26:06):
I'm on it today coffee. What's our wheel?
They pick fights over little stuff
They pick fights over a little stuff. I you know, don't we all pick fights?
Yeah, like put your arm back in that sling

(26:27):
Our second to last wheels the antagonist and tagging the bad person of the story

(26:49):
A dog with a flamethrower taped to its tail. Yeah, that is bad. I don't know what to do with that
I had the whole thing in my head. Okay, we're gonna move on so we have a buddy story
Uh-huh
Taking place in the graveyard. Yeah with a patient care technician as the main character's job. Yeah, right and

(27:11):
They don't like the little things bother them. That's the flaw picking a fight and
The antagonist is a dog with a flamethrower strapped to its tail taped taped. Excuse me. Um, Paula
Would you mind? Yes, would you so what are you more interested in playing a zombie or human?
Worst medical care ever I guess I'm the human

(27:34):
Okay, all right, so you'll be a patient care technician all right, um, Nuckety will you play our our dying
But very very, you know, I don't know our dying but optimistic old man named
I don't know armchair. No, that's I'm sitting on an armchair. Why did I say armchair? I don't know

(27:55):
Let's call him Mike Mike. Yeah, I'm a good Mike. All right
So our first scene is in a graveyard very dusty very old lots of gravestones
It's a dark and stormy day just like we get here in Washington
Shout out Washington. Don't do that to me
And you see Mike he's an older gentleman being wheelchared up by the patient care technician

(28:20):
Who I would call what's a good name like Lily?
Okay
Lily the patient care technician
Lily and Mike. Yeah, and this this is kind of a bumpy situation
There's no path to the grave. They're trying to go to but so it's kind of jostling a little bit. It's gravel
Oh, dude
It's a gravel park in that

(28:40):
Push the dam up
What does Mike say is he's struggling across this?
You gotta you gotta watch those bumps
This whole place is a bump
I'm gonna bite my tongue off here
I don't even have any teeth
Suddenly they they move to a pretty elaborate and nicely kind of laid out gravestone

(29:06):
It's a face
The time finally came another doctor walks up his name is Ben I'm 91. Hey Mike, how you doing?
That been I've been better, but I've been worse. You mind if I talk to your patient care? Oh, no, no, no
No, you talk to me you son of a bitch
All right

(29:26):
I'm not here. I'm so sorry Mike. I'm so just like my grandkids. Look so you're here with your buddy
Fred he's long past but why have we why are we here today? I don't know. That's my patient care technician
Very well, how are we doing Lily? We are doing great. He's a little grumpy today. Yeah

(29:48):
Just like my fucking birthday and my friend open hold for him here
Do you do you think this is healthy like I don't think Fred's gonna come back, you know out of his grave anytime soon
So I bet you won't be $30. I could just give you $30. Hey, and it'll be over
You don't have to keep coming here. I know it doesn't mean the same thing unless it comes from Fred

(30:09):
This is so he's still just doing this Lily. Yes. Yeah, it's all he talks about
I've been hearing he's getting kind of grumpy about the little things. How are you handling that?
Yeah, you should have heard him on our way up here
Every bump was my fault. Like I went and put little rocks in front of his wheelchair. I saw you doing it
I saw you putting the rocks down. Are you are you doing okay with him and his dog?

(30:32):
I heard the dog might have put on a spree of some sort might be looking for his owner. Yeah
That's a story. That's a story
All right, I want to dig in too deep cuz I got to go home and play me some World of Warcraft on the PC
Fucking kids, which are newfangled. Yeah
Just got a new expansion that I'm really excited about expansion

(30:54):
Whatnot who's what I'm I oh Mike. I'm so sorry. I forgot you were there. Um, I
Knew you were gonna do it. I knew it Mike. Listen listen
We can dig your friend up, you know, and we can show his face and yada yada
But once you see him, we can't do this again Mike like this will be it. We can't afford our insurance
Can't afford you to keep coming here and you're running out of money there buddy. That's fine. I just need his wallet

(31:17):
That's all I need you need his wallet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah my from the grave. Mm-hmm
Yeah, he took it with him. He took it with him that son of a bitch cuz he knew I wanted that money
Oh, okay. Well one moment Mike Lily. Why don't we just give him a wallet till he thinks that it's like we dug it up
Because it's gonna cost us thousands to dig dig this up and he's overlooking at butterflies. Oh

(31:39):
Yeah, let's go ahead and do it but we're not to fill it with dirt or something. Yeah. Yeah, let me see your wallet
All right. Okay, and he grabs the wall and just quickly puts a dirt in it throws out the money
Sorry, I'll pay back. Oh, of course. We found you know, it's it's crazy Mike the grave digger
Came here and what's the gravedigger's name? His name is Nick Nick. Yeah, that's a good name for a gravedigger

(32:01):
Yeah, there's him over there. Say hi Nick
Is that the dog
What's on his tail? Oh shit as we look get a better look Nick
It was kind of waving at them and suddenly he it's a silhouette of a man and then it a light shines

(32:26):
It gets lit on fire by the dog
Oh
He rolls down the hill
Did you do what's wrong with the dog? I don't know anything. I don't know why I'm always getting blamed for everything
Why does everything gotta be my fault? Oh, just why cuz I put cuz I taped a flamethrower to a dog's tail

(32:48):
It's my fault. Yeah, I have one left over from the war
Oh my god, he looks happy to see you we gotta get out of here. Good boy. He's always happy
They leave Mike there and they run back to the car and the dog the dog
You know, they very slowly make their way to the car
But the dog is it's got the flamethrower going man

(33:10):
Like it's it's it's firing and it's chasing them and they get into the car just in time to the flame not to reach them
I can't do this again. I still got it right here
Okay, so this isn't really part of the job description and I think I'm gonna go I think I'm gonna go
Give me my wallet back

(33:31):
Lily I forgot my keys on the gravestone
Oh, no, we're gonna have to go back out. There's a dog with a flamethrower out there. Do you have I?
Have nothing for the dog. I have no treats you took my wallet. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Where's Mike?
Yeah
Gravestone I left. Yeah

(33:51):
Hey like so the guys left me
Technically I'm like a couple like promoted couple levels and you so like can you like go ahead and take like an order of maybe?
You going to do that and I'll stay here and you know, you can deal with my like that's an order
Or whatever. Oh, okay. I'll give you the wallet back here. Here you go. I want I want to raise I want to raise

(34:16):
This isn't worth it. If you don't deal with that old man all the time
This economy is crazy. Like it's so bad for us the corporation the health care ever since that guy shot that CEO
It's like wow, we're so much money is gone crazy. Don't underrate me. I'm not underrate you
Wow, we're so much money is gone crazy. Don't understand what I have to deal with all the time. She's about to rage quit

(34:40):
Okay. No, we don't we don't want you to rage quit. So here here. It's just five dollars
More money we have so much money. Okay, like okay. I'm gonna go get Mike. Can you distract the dog? Oh
No, oh my leg. Oh that dog is having the time of his life

(35:03):
Don't chase cars. Can you throw a ball? Can you throw a stick?
If you can throw me the keys I can get the car I can drive. I don't trust you. You don't trust me
I don't trust you. You won't even let me listen to what radio station I want. I don't trust you trash
Okay, fine I'll distract him with a stick or whatever. Okay. All right. Okay. Let's go

(35:25):
All right, they exit out of the car very sneak like
What is me and just what is Mike and the dog doing? Oh, they're just playing
What is the playing look like the dog is like jumping over Mike and like just
Just send in the hairs on the top is you don't have a lot of hair
But there's some and it's like just burning the tips, you know, and Mike's just like

(35:50):
And the dogs like
Jumping around and shit. All right. It looks like he's already distracted. So I'm gonna go back inside Lily
Where's keys? Oh crap. It's like right on top
Like it's hooked on to the back of the wheelchair of Mike like it's just like kind of hooked on there
It's a motorized wheelchair too. So he's kind of just

(36:12):
You know spinning around Lily just just grab the keys
Okay, and then you can take the day off and you can keep that five dollars
That I gave you out of that wallet. I found it'd be like a raise
I guess I guess so. Okay, good three two one. Let's go
He grabs a stick and he throws it on the one of the other

(36:32):
gravestones and it breaks and the dog goes
And then the Rick the freaking flamethrower is going and it starts running towards it like a nine tails
All right. I'm gonna go back into the car Lily go grab his keys grab his keys
I've run really quick up to the wheelchair
It's like Mike Mike put it in gear. We gotta go. We gotta go Mike
In gear which one which one of these is gear? Oh, well, I see I see a turtle and a rabbit and I

(36:58):
Don't know. You know what Lily? You're my best friend
Ben comes out says leave him
Come on
Do anything like leave me I wish this friend I'm all he has besides this

(37:19):
Okay, I'm never happier than when I'm with you
Isn't that the sweetest oh
The keys are stuck I have a spare Oh bye. Okay. Bye Lily. We'll see you later. Okay
You got this okay, you're the best character caretaker you got this okay you're getting a raise for sure

(37:39):
Hi, see you Mike. Let us know. How you doing?
So now it's it's just you three the dog approaches you he's smelling at your feet, but he is growling
Doesn't know

(38:00):
He doesn't trust me I guess
Yes, he's just growling Mike got your dog. Oh, this is my dog. I just I've just come to the graveyard to see him
every once in a while. Oh
Come from the junkyard across the street daddy. Oh, you know what? You know what that makes sense
You probably did you probably came from the graveyard across the street. That makes a lot of sense

(38:21):
I don't know where I got this country twang
The dog's ears perk up and it runs over to the other grave digger surely
You you causing some havoc again. That's already good. Good. I
Surely there is just petting her and she's really happy and takes a flamethrower off her tail again

(38:44):
We're gonna take a short break get right back to this is a one amazing story
Don't go anywhere
Oh
Man, we're back
And we have fuck sorry about that and we have another sponsor another one that is not real

(39:12):
Today's episode is also brought to you by
unpredictability this episode is proudly sponsored by
unpredictability
Nice sometimes. Yeah, how do you feel about unpredictability Paula? Yeah, you just gotta roll with it
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sometimes I'm pretty unpredictable doesn't always mean good not always good. No, no, no, no, no, no

(39:34):
Sometimes cans sometimes won't sometimes, you know ankles. I don't know sometimes what the hell
So yeah, no, I'm tense rocks in your windshield. Yeah
Yeah, yeah, it's like it's like rant. It's like dice but real like actual, you know
Yeah unpredictable. That was I think everything is unpredictable though. Yeah can't predict anything

(39:58):
Really? Yeah Fox's first album was unpredictable
Was it actually called them?
Wow, so we're sponsored by Jamie Foxx's first
Industry album cuz he had albums before it had oh, you know, yeah red red blue, you know purple those are colors
Well, thank you. Jamie Foxx. Thanks Jamie Foxx. We love that you're still alive, buddy

(40:21):
We love that you're still alive. We love that you're still working and and being sold. You're so great. Jamie Foxx
Yeah, all of that was unpredictable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks Jamie
So where we last left off no, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna loop it back cuz I have some questions
Let's ask some questions. That's policy. Yeah, let's ask policy. Yeah

(40:43):
What is policy question, you know, it's so Lily in a graveyard. Okay
Two questions, okay
What's what's the deal with aliens how you feel about them? Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah
Yeah, let's talk about it
Let's let's do daily. Oh, like what have you had some like encounters or anything just recently? It wasn't it?

(41:08):
And it wasn't you can't call an encounter
You know is a I saw something pretty much like everybody else did when the orbs were like everywhere or the what are they calling them?
Drones, I was driving home from work and I come home from work really late at night
there wasn't a whole lot of light pollution where I was at and
I saw three orbs. They're really really green and I

(41:33):
Just stared at the sky wishing I had a dashcam
It was friggin insane now
I was pretty happy about it went home and searched it and a bunch of people in Vancouver were posting about it
So it was just like okay. I wasn't the only person who saw it. Oh snap. Yeah
But I didn't get to actually see
Nobody filmed it. No, so or took pictures that I know of really I'd like to see some

(41:55):
Yeah, so that's kind of crazy because it's like seeing
Multiple people saw it but like didn't react fast enough to like recording
I feel like I've ran into that before like I don't think I've seen
UPAs, but there was like one time I looked at the corner of my eye and I'm like, wow, that's a shit ton of drones
Should I record that? Nah

(42:17):
Yeah, it's like given our current trajectory this
Cannot be the last time this is gonna happen
I don't think so. I don't think so, but it's really funny how
It's really brought everything that's been in the past out to the foreground
There's just like well if this is happening what what about this and I'm not talking like silly shit like area 51 and I'm talking

(42:41):
All of the congressional hearings that have been done previously and stuff. Let me ask you what you what do you think?
it is like do you think it's more in line of like
another like another species of like an actual alien or is it just like technology I
have been
Following the whole alien thing since like the late 90s

(43:05):
Good times for a while. I got started with crop circles and
I have something that I've deemed the alien season. So your first crop circles start appearing around April. They happen every year
It's it can't be too drunk Irishman them, you know
with planks
Some of them have been mathematical and people are like, oh my god, they did pie to the tenth degree

(43:28):
I was just like, oh my god, they did pie to the tenth. That's awesome
But some of them are you know, you can tell that what are and what aren't and I know it sounds really weird
So you see something or since something magnetic maybe about something like that
Is it aliens is it just that part of the world because they only appear in like, you know

(43:51):
One part of the whole globe. Mmm as like, you know, we have places here where gravity doesn't work. Yeah, that's it is
so
Who says that's aliens but it kicks off what I call alien season the crop circles. So when is alien season?
April through October April through October

(44:11):
October you're always gonna get your blockbuster movie or something happening from the government to end alien season and when they did the
The congressional hearing about that. I was just like that's a little late in the season
What's going on? Yeah, and then the drones in December was like
Okay, we've extended the season. We might be on to something now, you know, so it's like it's different than like you've seen before

(44:38):
No, I've seen this before. Okay. Yeah
this before yeah, they had a bunch of
pilots and former military and stuff
do a
Thing for the press and it was it was huge
It was I don't know it was hours and hours of my life in front of a computer screen going. Ooh

(45:02):
I need to research that more, you know
Yeah, do you have like a like a ince do you have like an instinct or like a feeling about the aliens that you think?
I don't think it's
Just one thing. I think there is something in the water. I think there is something underground
We've got tunnels that we can't explore right but they're intricately built

(45:25):
They look like buildings we have on top
Who says that isn't inhabited? Have you ever seen those? No. The underground cities and cities? Yeah like in Turkey
Yeah, crazy
so why can't that
exist and not be
Alien it's alien to us, right, but it's not

(45:48):
extraterrestrial alien like something that's been here before I actually think our species is what's what happened when Mars and Earth
Came together. I mean Mars has got that big old scar across it
you know something came through and they were probably aware of it and
Face and jumped planets, you know, oh wow
I think that that could have been waved down in our in our past. So like

(46:14):
Martians can I hear it? Can I get a dun dun dun?
sure
You could just say dun dun dun dun dun
Nice. That was good. I always kind of wonder you know, they give the
personification to planets and then Mars is the god of war. So
Did they come and invade Earth and cool? Cool stuff Mars has structures. Yeah

(46:42):
That's Mars used to have water when people people say that there's no aliens
I'm like what the fuck is wrong with you? First of all, but then I'm like there's structures on Mars that yeah
We didn't do so I was really into
the pictures coming back from the Rovers they were
Absolutely amazing and you could see that something was there before something was there

(47:05):
Yeah, dang and it wasn't us man us humans must be kind of stinky though because like you feel like
Yeah, yeah, I feel like like, you know, like if there are other aliens, which I think there are you know, definitely
I'm just like what's the vibe like our humans like really that like stinky gross gross that you don't want to like
I think it's just hard to get here. It's hard to get here. I

(47:28):
So somebody put something out
Just recently and I kind of laughed about it
They don't want us to know they're here because we're disrupt whatever they're doing
oh if they're mining the planet for copper if they're
Gathering resources. Yeah, they don't want us aware of them. Okay
Well, let me let me just say something to the aliens real quick if they're listening

(47:54):
Yeah, go ahead and let us know yeah if you're doing that cuz we're you know, we're down
We'll be home man. Yeah, I don't think you got you know alien dudes listening you guys vastly under
underestimate how much we hate the nine to five I
Think people would rather be like aliens are here then like

(48:14):
Reverse engineering just helps out. Yeah
Yeah, we could use some help the problem is the problem is by nature. We're just so violent
Like I don't know if you know about battle LA. No, so they're not violent as well
Yeah, but why would they want to connect with us if we're being because they don't we didn't give a chance
You know about battle LA, right?

(48:35):
I saw the movie so what it was is a real thing that happened in LA some
I know we're seeing stuff in the sky. Okay, and the military just fucking started shooting
Nice like an hour. They just started fucking shooting and then they didn't give anybody no explanation
It was out there shooting at the sky for something wasn't that enough in during World War two

(48:58):
I don't remember when it was I think it was
But yeah for like a long time they were shooting at this whatever was in the sky and they never hit nothing and
Then they just kind of moved on yeah, and everybody was like fuck was that they were like magic business was a weather balloon
You got to think they couldn't have been wrong when

(49:18):
With men in black
No, just like that was here humans or a human a person is okay
Humans they're pretty unpredictable. Oh sponsor
Those are some interesting thoughts structures on Mars the US fucking up and shooting aliens

(49:44):
It was wild. Sorry about that guys. Yeah
Come back. We were just playing
Just come talk to me, okay or Paula or not
Can you you know, we're the cool ones. All right, don't talk to us just like come talk, you know, say what's up
So don't turn cows inside out. Just don't yeah, just come say hi, man
I mean, I know it tastes good, but come on, man. Come on

(50:05):
I have another question. I know you don't usually do this. We're running quite over
A little piece of the really let me let me talk to the producer real quick. Why why would you talk to me?
Should I it's okay if I ask about like bartending stuff? I'm a little curious
Yeah, I mean if she's okay with it, okay. Hey, hey Paula. Hi. I have a question. So like yeah, how can I help you?

(50:28):
Oh
What's it like bartending? Well, it depends. It depends on the venue you're bartending at I currently bartend at a
Casino and so I get to switch venues all the time
Sometimes it's a lot of fun. I enjoy my job. I enjoy people I
enjoy

(50:48):
Helping people have a good time. Are there like different kinds of drunks?
Yeah
Yeah, there's the kind we escort out
They are the ones to dance on the tables
Wow, they're the ones that were shy at the beginning of the night and all of a sudden are the most talkative

(51:10):
Yeah, they're the ones that walk on stage at the stand-up show. Oh, yeah. Oh man, that's rough. Oh
My gosh, so yeah, I've seen people get up on stage with the bands. That's always fun
Yeah, fucking weirdos sit down put your clothes back on
What's the coolest thing you've seen as a bartender

(51:32):
That's hard. That's really hard. I've been bartending for many many moons
a lot of moons many moons
You know, I don't know if I had any weird weird
Things I've had a lot of incredible things happen when I was bartending. Oh like what?
I got to take care of Carlos Santana
Oh

(51:55):
It's actually a really good story guitarist of Santana
So
It was in a both little tiny town and it's a Sheridan hotel
this is back in the late 80s before he made his resurgence and
This was one of those if you didn't dress like Don Johnson in the 80s
You know if you didn't look like you walked off Miami Vice you weren't getting in we had a strict dress code

(52:17):
Oh, wow, and that was those shoes. Yeah, we had
Some people that obviously look like they just set up a stage just got off the road
Probably just ended work basically, you know the flannel shirts and the and
Headbands and stuff like that and they got in
I don't know how they got into the club, but they got into the club

(52:39):
But nobody would wait on them because they didn't match the dress code. They're getting kicked out
We all knew this right and I started to feel like you know, they've been here an awful long time
I'm not supposed to go out on the floor, but I'm going to I'm gonna go approach them and I went up
No, I said hey, you know what nobody has come over to serve you. I've noticed that I'm the bartender

(52:59):
I cannot bring drinks to you, but if you tell me what you want
I'll have you drink it. I'll have you drink it
But if you tell me what you want, I'll have your drinks ready for you at the bar. They ordered their drinks
I went back behind the bar
They approached me the people that were there and I got backstage passes to the show that night
I was amazed because you were the only one being dumbfounded because I was the only one being cool. Yeah, you can have a drink

(53:24):
but um, yeah, I took care of the crew that was there and
Of course that was one of those jobs. I rage quit. I
Don't stop with video games
No, I asked my boss if I could go to the show and he told me no I need to finish my shift

(53:45):
It's like we're really dead. You sure I can't go to the show
Well, I this is probably a once-in-a-lifetime chance. So I did I quit my job and hung out
I'm gonna sit it was great and I got a ride over from Spokane to this area. Yeah. Yeah, it was it was blast. Yo
Worth quitting your job for now. That's probably my favorite bartending story barfie. That's awesome. Yeah, shout out sponsor to wait rage quitting

(54:12):
Shout out
Let's finish up this show guys
We're doing a show so we where we last left off yeah
Lily the patient caretaker was taking care of my kind of an older guy but eccentric because he's trying to spend time
He's trying to get his wallet back from his old buddy. Who's six feet under in a graveyard that DED

(54:36):
That's not all though. There is a dog with a flamethrower on his tail
Chasing kind of causing havoc. It seems to be approached by a caretaker
someone maybe at a junkyard or someone else we're not quite sure but
This really just wants to get home safe at this point. I think but we'll see we'll see what happens aren't

(54:57):
We like to throw a wrench in our already broken system
So let's throw that wrench. Let's do it
Oh want like this what do when you see anything
Depending on the movement. Well. It looks pretty much all the way through

(55:19):
Right
Bro
well
Brother
Well binoculars all right
I feel like that's weird. Why would he do that?
Oh, what is expensive?
Yeah, he just throws it.
They leave black circles around his eyes.
Thank you for that.
And that's hilarious.
He also has a swirly mustache and he eats a sandwich.

(55:44):
That is snidely whiplash made in the parents.
Tuna fish on white bread.
What we got going on over there, boy?
Who you talking to, Shirley?
Shirley?
You kidding?
Is he Creole?
He came and took my dang flamethrower again, didn't she, Shirley?
Shirley?
What's in your mouth?

(56:05):
Oh, you took his finger.
You took a finger, Shirley, another one?
Put it on the pile.
We cut back to Mike and Lily.
Lily's looking down at Mike to see that his finger's gone.
His index finger.
I had it here somewhere.
I don't even know what...
It was here a minute ago.
I mean, there's no blood or nothing.

(56:26):
Your dog bit you.
He bit it clean off.
Hey, did Mike?
Mike, that's a junkyard dog.
Did Mike?
We gotta get you some help.
Did my dog bite you and take your finger off, sir?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's what happened.
Yeah, I'm missing a finger.
It could have been your dog.
I'm so sorry about that, sir.
My dog, Shirley, has been going crazy lately

(56:47):
with this flamethrower, having so much fun.
Hey, I'll be right over, okay?
I'm just gonna walk real slow.
The dog has been having a lot of fun.
Bring the finger with you.
Oh, yeah, yes, ma'am, you are so right.
Shirley, give me that finger.
Hey, can you put it on ice?
All right, no, I don't got any ice.
I'm coming right over to you.
No ice, okay, okay.
All right.
I guess I'm no ice.
That's okay, Mike.
We'll just set it in your lap.

(57:09):
Your cold, cold heart's gonna take care of that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm icy, so this should be fine.
So, Lily's getting a phone notification,
and it's a reminder that she has a show
to see Prince in like one hour,
and she has a ticket paid for.
It was $400.
Is he playing at the graveyard?
He's playing, not at the graveyard.
He's playing somewhere else,
and you're supposed to be done an hour ago,

(57:30):
but you're still here with this guy.
You're late for Prince?
Dude.
So, Lily's feeling a little anxious
and wants to try and just overcome this situation somehow.
So, we're here for your friend's wallet, right?
Yes, that's what I'm here for.
Do you see it anywhere?
That other guy had it.
He dropped it.
He dropped it?
He dropped it when he saw the dog.
But that's my wallet.
Do you know where that went?

(57:51):
Where's your wallet?
Uh, uh, I don't know.
I'm gonna put my chair into a radical.
Your friend stole my Prince tickets.
Oh, that son of a bitch.
He put them in the wallet.
Hey, guys, my name's Isaiah.
I'm so sorry about my dog, Shirley.
See, I got your finger right here, sir.
Wait a minute, we're talking.
Oh, sorry, go ahead.
All right, you see my wallet?

(58:11):
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Uh-huh, where's it at?
Where's it at?
It was on the back of Frank's gravestone.
Oh, so, I might be able to help with that.
Hi, my name's Isaiah.
I'm a gravedigger here.
My other buddy, I saw him.
Nick, right?
Nick, I see you over there.
Yeah, okay, he got toasted up by that dog earlier.
So, they called me in and that's why I'm here.

(58:33):
Listen, guys, you trying to get a wallet or something?
Nick is in a grave.
Y'all trying to get a wallet?
What's going on?
What's going on?
Somebody looking for a wallet?
My name's Isaiah.
I love to be involved in things.
What's going on, guys?
Yeah, I'm looking for a wallet and a finger.
Have you seen a finger anywhere?
Off my finger.
Yeah, oh, I'm so sorry, sir.
Here you go.

(58:54):
The wall is just laying around over by this gravestone.
He says he put it on the head of the gravestone,
but we ran and I don't know which way it is.
Do you know where this guy's gravestone is?
Gravestone?
Hell of a tuffle.
But you're alive.
No, his friend, his friend.
That's barely fun.
What's your friend's name?
Frank.
Yeah, Frank.
Frank was my friend.
I think you're here, sir.

(59:15):
It says Frank right here.
Well, friend is a strong word.
Frank was more like an enemy.
Why are you here?
You're saying you need your enemy's wallet?
Yeah, he stole my girlfriend and then he owed me $30
for a bar tab that I paid one time.
He looks around and gets in real close.
All right, listen here, guys.

(59:37):
I get that wall for you.
Y'all forget that I bit off this guy's finger?
Yeah, yeah.
You know what?
We get an ambulance here.
We'll get him to the hospital, me to the show.
But I got to get my wallet.
Why do you need your wallet?
What's going on with that?
Well, there's some important things in there.
Oh, let me guess.

(59:59):
You're one of them rocker kids wanting to see Prince.
Is that it?
You're trying to see Prince tonight?
You got tickets, didn't you?
Is that what's going on, ma'am?
No, no, no, no, no.
That's not it at all.
That's it.
That's Frank's wallet.
I misspoke.
It's Frank's wallet.
We need to get Frank's wallet back.

(01:00:19):
But I know my tickets are in there.
OK, all right.
I'm going to dig this grave for you, Mike.
Just forget that Shirley took off your finger, all right?
Nah, I'm out of supplies.
Shirley, bad dog.
Bad.
Yells at Shirley across the graveyard.
She runs into a grave and cries.
So some time passes.
When dogs cry.

(01:00:40):
Some time passes.
When dogs cry?
When dogs cry.
Aw.
Dang.
Boop, boop, boop.
That was pretty good.
About 20 minute passes.
He's gotten to the grave.
Yeah, no, so now it's kind of tricky,
because I've never opened a coffin before.
I am a grave digger.
But this seems like it's going to be a lot of work, actually.

(01:01:00):
A lot of work.
For a wallet?
Why do you need his wallet, sir?
Because that son of a bitch owes me $30.
Can I just give you $30?
No, no, no.
It's got to come for free.
This is how this started.
We're walking in circles here, son.
All right, let's just end the hold on.
Give me one moment.
Some time passes, and he comes back with a sledgehammer.
All right, here we go.

(01:01:23):
Da da da.
It breaks open.
Oh, man, it smells.
Hoo hoo.
Hey, hey.
That's the worst of bad smell.
Hey, pal.
Hey, friend.
Frank's grave is over here.
I don't know whose that is.
This is, who is this?
I don't know, man.
This smell, though.
I'm going to go to this other one.

(01:01:43):
You broke the name.
I can't even make it out anymore.
I walk over to the correct gravestone, pick up my wallet,
and pocket the prince tickets.
Oh, OK.
Being sneaky.
All right, well, you know, this would go a lot faster
if I had some help.
You want to help me out, Shirley?
I'm sorry, not you, doggy.
I mean, you.
Your name's Lily, right?
My name's Lily, yeah.
Yeah, can you help me dig this other grave?

(01:02:05):
Oh, we don't need to.
I found the wallet.
Here's your wallet.
Here's your wallet, Mike.
This belonged to Frank.
Oh, this is Frank's wallet.
I found it earlier.
Wow.
I wanted to make sure you had it.
Lily, times like these, you always come through for me.
You're my best friend.
You're my best friend, Lily.
Best friend.
Now, let's go and get an ambulance.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold the phone.

(01:02:27):
Hold the horseshoe.
Hold the thing.
I'm holding my finger.
Now, you say you got his wallet, but I didn't
see you dig anything there.
Oh, we were here long before you got here.
Yeah, we've been here for a little while.
We've been here for a long time.
Hanging out.
He looks at your pocket, and he sees a little key chain
hanging out, and it's the symbol of Prince.

(01:02:49):
I knew it.
You're a Prince fan.
I know that symbol.
That's the symbol of the devil.
What year is this?
Anybody who listens to Prince in my graveyard,
it's going to get scorched.
Shirley!
Whistle.
Get the flamethrower.
She puts it on herself.
All right, Mike.
Let's make like a little red corvette and get it out of here.

(01:03:09):
No, don't go anywhere.
Shirley's going to come back with that flamethrower, all right?
I grab Mike's back in the wheelchair,
and I start pushing down the hill.
No, wait.
Leigh-ho, leigh-ho.
You're like, we're going to hit that bump right there.
Hold on.
Hold on.
He's going to suck out air.
They freaking actually catch some air.
Like, and it's just not like classic, like, home alone.
I'm sorry.

(01:03:29):
It's not classic E.T., but like, you know, it's a wheelchair.
It's the moon.
The moon's out today.
The moon's not out.
I'm sorry.
It's a bad recreation of it.
They tried.
Make a little blue up the moon, so it's not going to go.
Dragon ball Z, Curse your helmet.
So they land pretty roughly.
Mike actually falls out of his chair.
He is still bleeding.
You got your finger.

(01:03:49):
I got it, but I'm rolling down this hill.
You're going to stop me from rolling down the hill.
Hold on to the finger.
I'm trying to kill you guys.
Come on.
This is a big hill.
Why is this hill so big?
Shit.
Who put the graveyard on a hill?
Just you wait.
Hey, Shirley, get over here.
The dog is actually full sprinting now, very fast.
This is a greyhound, by the way.
I forgot to mention that.
I pick up the wheelchair and throw it downhill and lay down

(01:04:12):
and start rolling myself.
You start rolling yourself?
That's how we get up.
Oh, snap.
So are you like, are you guys headed towards the car?
We are headed towards the street.
There's a car at the bottom of the street.
There's no car.
You took it already.
Oh, no, Ben took his car.
You guys still have your car.
The hospital shuttle is at the bottom of the street.
That's what we need, it's a hospital shuttle.
Shirley, you got to get him.

(01:04:34):
I need sirens.
Shirley is just full sprinting.
I am late for the show.
Just burning the grass.
Can you explain, you finally get to your car,
but Mike is on his hands and knees right now,
just kind of crawling.
What do you do?
Well, I look for that wheelchair I just had.
It hits him in the head.
That fucking hurt, god damn.

(01:04:54):
That flame is going.
The freaking dog is now running now.
I got the keys.
I got the keys there on the back of your wheelchair.
Let's go.
She grabs him.
He's like, I don't need your help.
I can do it myself.
Well, do it yourself then.
Slowly, slowly, just gets up.
With his tongue out, just got my knees.
You got to hurry up, Mike.
I'm coming, woman.

(01:05:15):
And then I grab my other knee here,
and then I pick that one up.
Mike, we don't have time.
Cujo's on his way.
Just in time, Lily shuts the car door,
runs around, and closes the door.
And the dog freaking jumps at the window
and just hits its head and face on the window.
It's a good thing you have a good car that can handle that.

(01:05:36):
Right?
Yeah.
Man, sturdy.
Shirley, get him.
Get him, Shirley.
And I look over at Mike.
I never meant to cause you any problems.
I never meant to cause you any pain.
That's very sweet of you.
You should write that down.
That sounded like a good song.
Let's get you to the hospital.
Hospital?
I like hospitals.
They got good pudding at the hospital.

(01:05:57):
I hate Prince.
I hate him.
He has a tattoo on his back.
It's Prince with the Ghostbusters slash.
No Prince.
The guy weighs Scott Free and with a wallet to boot.
So some time passes.
It is now 5.55 PM, so about five minutes before Prince shows up.

(01:06:20):
But you know that they're going to do some intro other stuff.
Prince ain't showing up right.
6 o'clock.
Yeah, Tupac is opening.
Yeah, Tupac's opening for Prince.
Oh, yeah.
So we took it way back.
Yeah, way back.
So you find some parking and you do realize that you only have one ticket
and Mike is with you in the car.
What do you do?

(01:06:40):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mike, you still have that blanket?
I always have my blanket.
OK.
It goes, I sit on it because if my butt don't like the chair,
it's a really hard chair.
You get a phone call and it is Ben.
Hi, Lily.
It's me, Ben.
How you doing?
How are you? Did everything go OK with Mike?

(01:07:01):
Yeah, Ben, we just left the hospital.
He did get attacked by the dog, but he's fine now.
He's recovering.
He's eating a pudding cup with his finger.
Just.
That's really good.
Yeah, he's out of there.
Mike, you talk to Ben.
I've got a plan.
I've got to come up with it.
Yeah, yeah.

(01:07:21):
OK.
And hey, I just wanted to say the thing about raises was not.
Hi, Mike.
Hi, Mike.
How you doing?
It's a video call.
He's holding it way too close.
Mike, you're holding it.
Hello?
It's a video.
You have to put it away from you.
Who am I talking to?
Mike, away from your face, honey.
Look at the screen.
Hold it out.
Look at the screen.
Look at the screen.
Right there.
There you go.
There you go.
Hello, Mike.

(01:07:42):
Hey, it's me, Ben.
Hello.
Ben, hey.
Hey.
You look different, Ben.
Nothing changed.
Nothing changed.
Maybe it's my eyes.
So I'm helping Mike put on one of my coats
that's in the back seat of my car that's a little long.
You still going to that Prince concert, Lilly?
Yeah, yeah.
I think I'll be able to get in there right now.

(01:08:04):
It sounds like I'm here in Tupac.
And I am missing California love.
But I think we're going to make it in time for Prince.
We?
You're going to bring Mike?
I don't have a choice.
Big fan.
Big fan.
I can't leave him out here in the car.
Just leave him in the car.
I can't leave him in the car.
Lilly, just leave him in the car.
He will.
No.
He's old.
Who cares about the difference?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We are totally going to go little rascals on this.

(01:08:26):
I think I can lift him.
But he's just got to put this coat on.
He's going to put it on his shoulder.
Lilly, can I?
He can't hear on speakerphone anyways, right?
He has a hard hearing.
So just really good putting.
He can't even use a phone, hon.
Why do you care about him?
This putting all over the phone.
He's just an old guy.
He's going to die in like two days.
It doesn't matter, right?

(01:08:47):
So why care?
I'm his best friend.
That's kind of sad, but OK.
I say he was my best friend.
I'm 91 and I weigh 91 pounds.
But like, we're see like we don't get paid more
to care about people, you know?
Like you get paid more to not care about people.
So like why care about him?

(01:09:09):
Lilly, come on.
Lilly.
No, he said this was on his bucket list.
I'm not sure he knows who Prince is.
I think he meant the prince.
But I think he'll be OK with this.
OK, Lilly, you're one of those people
with the with the feelies.
You feel people, you care about them.
Oh, you have feelings and you care about stuff.

(01:09:31):
I see.
His eyes like close sideways and a little tongue comes out.
I still want my raise.
No.
He hangs up.
Some time passes and you get him out of the car
and he's in this little rascal's jacket
that's too big for him.
This is a long jacket.
That's too big for him.
Why do you have this?

(01:09:52):
You roll up to security and can I help you?
Yes, my legs would like to go this way.
I only see one ticket here.
Yes, I am one man, one tall man.
Ticket for a tall, old, elderly man to go see the prince.
You know what?
Fine.

(01:10:12):
I don't get paid enough for this shit.
I don't care enough for this.
Thank you, young man.
He rips it and gives it to you.
And you guys go around the corner of the bus.
Wobbling.
And you break free.
And now you guys are both about to see Prince.
How's Mike feeling at this moment?
Mike is feeling.
Mike is feeling.
He's dead.
He died.

(01:10:34):
He died on his shoulders.
He's just up there flopping around.
Flopping around.
So Lily has realized maybe a little too that Mike is now dead.
Oh, no.
Can you try talking to Mike?
I'm not missing the show.
Mike, wake up.

(01:10:54):
Wake up, Mike.
I can't miss the show.
Some air escapes.
He farts a little bit.
So Lily, she tries to talk to Mike,
but slowly realizes that he is gone.
They pulled that one final sneak through security moment.
And that was the highlight of his last moment.
He saw Prince on the stage, and then he just went.

(01:11:15):
That was the last item on his bucket list.
What does Lily do?
Well, I'm still doing CPR.
Oh.
Ain't nothing going to let the elevator take us down.
Oh, no.
Don't go.
Come back, Mike.
Come back, Mike.
What's going on?
Wow, like the power of music has entered his soul.

(01:11:36):
Holy shit.
Why does my chest hurt so bad?
Where are we?
Lily.
Hey, you're my best friend, Lily.
You're my best friend, Mike.
Let's go see Prince.
Yeah, OK.
I like Prince.
And now for your main event, Prince.
Prince.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Prince.

(01:11:57):
When a guy comes out.
Prince isn't feeling that well, guys, so we deeply apologize.
There'll be no refunds.
No refunds.
Just kidding.
Here is Prince.
Whoa, what am I doing?
He comes down on a freaking helicopter on stage.
No pants on.
Yeah, and the rest you'll just have to watch.

(01:12:17):
Just a harness.
You can watch the videos on yourself.
That's the end, guys.
That's the end.
And then the credits roll, and they do that thing
where there's pictures.
It just shows photographs.
Snapshots.
The night got crazy.
Wow.
A weekend at Bernie's, man.
Mike doing a beer bong upside down.
Uh.
Uh.

(01:12:38):
The dog with the flamethrower showed up
and burned a bunch of people around, too.
Uh.
You know, just like three shots of that.
You know.
Fantastic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That is fantastic.
Thank you so much, Paula, for joining us on this.
You did it.
Wacky adventure.
I did.
I did my first podcast.
You've done a podcast.
Woohoo.

(01:12:58):
You know, I really thought Lily was
going to leave Mike there, you know?
No, she loves him.
I feel like she would have.
I would never.
Like, the CPR literally brought him back to life, you know?
That's crazy.
Learn CPR, folks.
It saves lives.
Yeah.
People like Mike.
Mike is a sweetheart.
What do you think Lily did after this whole thing?

(01:13:20):
Like, did she change jobs?
Like, what was her?
She rage quit, man.
She rage quit.
You had to quit so hard.
You know.
That night, she called her dude and was like, you know what?
I'm out.
I'm done.
I'm out.
I'm out.
Right here.
No more days.
Me and Mike are going cross country.
Did Mike ever realize that that was the wrong wallet?

(01:13:41):
Oh, Mike doesn't even know what's going on right now, man.
He completely forgot about the wallet.
Yeah, yeah.
Amazing.
Well, thank you again.
The icy hands of death couldn't hold Mike.
But his memories, you know, you can't hold onto those.
Right.
Those are harder, more processing.
Word, word, word, you know.
Paula, thank you so much for being here once again.
Thank you, Mike Paula.
Where can people find you online?

(01:14:02):
You said most days you're playing World of Warcraft?
Wow.
It is World of Warcraft.
I do livestream on Twitch from time to time.
But right now, I am having an issue
with the app.
Or it's saying my browser is not compatible.
It's like the app doesn't launch in a browser.

(01:14:23):
So I'm having an issue.
This is why we're not sponsoring Windows.
Like, fuck you, Windows.
You're talking to us about fucking OneDrive and shit.
I don't need.
So I had it all set up and everything ready to go.
And then I was like, all right, I'm
going to go do my first one.
And then it was like, where did my studio go?
It's gone.
You know what?
I'll have a talk with Twitch.
Will you?

(01:14:44):
Yeah, I'll talk to you.
Please do.
Mr. Twitch, you're going to talk to him?
I'm going to call Mr. Twitch.
And I'm going to say, hey, Paula's trying to do something.
And I would appreciate it.
Well, that is new clue pew pew.
Oh, yeah, new clue pew pew.
Pew pew.
New clue pew pew.
I said it French.
I don't know why I said it French.
I'm just having some issues with your so-called system.

(01:15:05):
What's your Twitch called?
New clue pew pew.
New cue pew pew.
Pew pew.
It's like P-E-W.
P-E-W.
Excellent.
Please check out Paula and render on World of Warcraft.
And you might get carried.
Who knows?
Nuckety, where can they find this online?
They can find us at DNGPOD on all of the social medias.

(01:15:30):
And then there, you will see posts
that we make and post on the internet for you to see.
And you'll see them.
Oh, yeah.
Excellent.
And you'll get alerted when an episode is about to drop.
And you'll see little special things,
like little clips and cartoons and stuff.

(01:15:51):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Excellent.
And you can message us there, too,
if you want to say something to us or whatever.
Hey, should people go to linktree.com slash DNGPOD,
click the merch link, and buy a definitely not good hat?
I think so.
OK.
I think so.
I think so too.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
Yeah.
So maybe.
Brilliant.

(01:16:11):
Maybe do that.
Huh?
Yeah, brilliant.
Hey, thanks for listening.
Thank you.
We'll catch you next time.
Bye.
Definitely not good.