February 4, 2025 • 58 mins
something happens in this one, i swear guys. trust me i just totally forgot.
Host - CJ Rhone
Producer - Nuqady
Email us at definitelynotgoodpodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What up you dingus?
(00:02):
This is definitely not good.
The podcast where we create stories and they're definitely probably not good.
I'm your host CJ and I'm joined by my producer, Nuckity.
Hey today it's just us and we have a very exciting episode because we have so much just
to talk about man.
So much.
It's a lot going on in the world right?
Hazel I haven't been paying attention.
(00:23):
Yo yeah yeah there is.
Okay I'll take your word for it.
We'll dive into it.
I don't know what it is but this is definitely not good.
(00:54):
Hey if it's your first time listening this is pretty much how everything works.
We are amazing storytellers.
We're so woke.
And it's our job, our sacred duty to come up with a story completely from scratch with
a little twist.
We have a series of wheels we have to spin.
Each of them totally random and depending on where the wheels land we have to somehow
incorporate it into our story and we'll do the best we got with that.
(01:18):
We'll do our absolute bestest.
Right.
Like an extra most bestest with extra pepperoni.
For sure and before that we do have some sponsors.
They are not real sponsors.
They are not real either.
They are totally not real.
We are still poor.
Well don't tell them that.
I mean geez.
We gotta give some illusion here.
(01:38):
We have not real sponsors.
Stick around for that.
Before we get to those sponsors though we got a lot to talk about.
We got a lot to talk about?
Yeah it's 2025.
What?
We're recording this.
What's today's date?
I don't know man.
Every day just blends in.
That's so fucking real.
It's the 17th I guess.
Today is the 17th.
(01:59):
Behind the curtain.
We're recording on the 17th.
Holy shit.
Wow.
Well by the time you're hearing this TikTok will have been banned.
Is it the 7th?
I thought it was the 19th.
The 19th.
Right.
And we're probably going to release this sometime.
Right.
No I get it.
Because the future is just.
Right.
You're not hearing this right now.
(02:20):
Right now it's not banned.
I can go on there and I can swipe and look at horrible amazing things.
I love TikTok.
I love TikTok too.
But the US government is banning it starting the 19th.
For reasons that are not 100% clear.
In the US.
In the United States.
Everywhere else totally fine to use TikTok.
(02:41):
Except China.
Except China doesn't have TikTok?
No it's banned in China.
Interesting.
Yeah.
So whatever.
We're just like China.
That's fine.
What are your thoughts about the TikTok ban?
It's fucking stupid.
And I found out that most of the people who voted yes on the ban are getting money from
TikTok's competitors.
(03:01):
So that's fine.
And also that is not a Chinese company.
So I don't know where that's even coming from.
You mean TikTok?
Yeah.
The Singaporean dude right?
Yeah.
Isn't it like ByteDance the one who made it and that's like a Chinese company?
Well the guy who owns it is Singaporean.
Oh wow.
(03:22):
And he's the one that was at all the congressional hearings and shit.
Yeah.
Where he's just straight up saying like I'm not a Chinese spy.
Over and over and over and over again.
They kept asking him the same fucking question.
And he's like no nigga.
I'm Singaporean.
I don't have any loyalty to China.
I don't know what you're fucking talking about.
Why do you keep saying that?
Mad tripping.
But yeah.
(03:42):
I mean I'm sure you've heard a lot of people talking about it, how it's corrupt, how it's
stupid.
I want to talk about the aftermath of this situation because for me this feels like a
pretty significant thing happening.
Yeah this isn't Vine.
This is way bigger than Vine.
(04:02):
Yeah.
I mean so I feel like it's a big deal for a couple reasons.
One it's like it's an app.
You know?
Sure it's just an app.
But two like millions of people, millions of Americans rely on TikTok for their businesses.
Not just entertainment but like for putting food on the table.
(04:24):
And so now they're just done.
They're just done.
Out on their ass.
Right.
I mean they gotta figure it out.
Yeah and like I think the shitty part to me about it is like you were mentioning like
the senators who said yes to banning it put money towards I'll just say like meta Facebook.
Yeah.
Because they're assuming that everyone's gonna go over to them to continue their business.
(04:50):
But I don't like it.
I don't like it either.
Something don't smell right about that.
Everything right now is super fucking fishy.
Every fucking thing that's happening right now is so goddamn fishy.
The fires are fishy.
Everything about the fires are fishy.
Everything around the fires in LA are fishy.
(05:12):
This whole TikTok thing.
And I don't know if you remember when they first started floating around the idea of
banning TikTok in Congress there was a bunch of other stuff attached to it that I didn't
want to bring up because I don't know like the details of it.
But like it's not just TikTok that they're banning.
It's just that's part of the bill.
And there's a bunch of other shit that's attached to it that is just not common knowledge.
(05:32):
Isn't it?
I think it's also suspicious that they're banning it because they can't they're not
selling it.
Yeah.
You know like it's not like you can't say it's a national security threat and I want
to buy it.
Part of it is ran through America.
Is it?
The companies have offices here.
Yeah.
They had offices.
You guys are being fucking weird.
Yeah.
Weird.
Yeah.
(05:52):
It just it doesn't smell right.
It feels weird.
Like I know of course we're pointing fingers and saying like oh corporations you know greed
money money.
It is.
Yeah.
It is.
Yes.
But I think what bothers me as an American as a cold blooded red blood.
You bleed red white and blue.
I bleed red white and blue.
(06:13):
The thing that bothers me on a spiritual level is when my country tells me that I can't do
something.
Yes.
Wow.
That was the whole point of this country was to not have that.
Right.
That's all they do now.
Yeah.
Like it started for me like I got really into a show called Pantheon.
Highly recommend it if you haven't watched it by the way.
It's on Netflix season one about halfway through.
(06:35):
It got canceled got canned right by it was too true.
Well too real.
I won't get into that but I'm but it's like oh yeah it's on Amazon Prime.
OK.
I'll go to Amazon Prime not available in your country.
Interesting.
Not available in your country.
That's weird.
And you're telling me this show that takes place in America.
The season two.
(06:56):
It is an American anime.
You're just you're just you're just stopping me.
So I'm not going to tell you that you should torrent you know or that you should illegally
download things.
But let's just say oh that was part of the band.
I remember they whistle stains called VPN.
Yeah.
They're banning those.
They're banning VPN.
(07:17):
Yeah.
That's part of the tick tock.
Oh man.
Yeah.
I'm just going to say it then go ahead and become a pirate if you're listening to this.
It's not a bad idea.
Yeah.
I'm sure this is this will probably be on the news by now by the time you hear this.
So you'll know all about this shit that I'm like vaguely picking up in my head.
Baning VPN.
Yeah.
(07:37):
How are they going to do that?
I don't know.
I'm shrugging right now.
Are we just all going to be illegal pirates here in the U.S.
Yeah.
OK.
Well we're in some interesting shit right now guys.
It feels weird.
Rest in peace.
Tick tock.
Rest in peace.
Tick tock.
Also rest in peace.
(07:57):
Jimmy Carter rest in peace.
David Lynch.
And many many others who I love and hope you're hope you're doing well in the afterlife man.
David Lynch was like a like I feel like he was just going to stay around forever.
Who's David Lynch?
He's a director.
He made Twin Peaks.
Oh he died.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
(08:18):
He died very recently of this recording.
So damn.
Yeah man.
It's 2025 is is off to a great start.
Yeah it's just about to just about to catch fire real quick.
Sure.
For sure.
Well now that we've talked about all this serious stuff let's get straight into our
sponsor.
(08:38):
Yeah.
Look at this serious shit out of Alford.
Stop it.
We're supposed to be silly.
Right.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
It's a good time for a sponsor break.
Right.
We got to make the people laugh.
Oh I don't know about that.
I don't think anyone's laughing anymore.
All the four people that listen to this show.
Thank you four people.
We love you.
We love you so much.
This is all for you.
What's our sponsor today.
I don't know.
(08:58):
Let's find out by spinning this wheel.
Let's do it.
Today's episode is brought to you by trust.
Oh this episode is proudly brought to you by trust.
Something that we don't really value.
Nah.
In our governments these days.
(09:19):
Not for real.
Oh man.
I get there listening.
Sure we do.
Sure.
Oh yeah.
I mean I've seen people.
Yeah.
Trusted things.
Used to trust things.
Sponsors really trust today huh.
Yeah it's trust.
Wow.
I'm trusting.
I'm trusting that I can't trust what I see on the news.
That's probably a safe bet.
(09:39):
You know.
Because the news.
You know.
That's it.
You know.
It's the news.
So.
Have you ever had your trust broken?
Yes I have.
Tell us about it.
I don't really want to talk about it.
Oh okay.
You're trusting in yourself that you don't want to.
I don't fucking.
I don't want to suck your dick.
What about money trusts?
Money trusts are cool.
Yeah.
(10:00):
Oh yeah.
I don't have any.
I don't either.
I don't even.
Didn't even know what that was until.
You know who does though.
Who?
Those dudes in the government.
Oh yeah.
Why is this episode like this?
I don't know man.
Are we sad?
This is a topic right now.
Trust.
Well I want to thank trust for sponsoring us today.
I don't think there's any money attached but trust that we're going to sponsor you and
(10:24):
that we're glad that you're here.
So thank you trust.
Thank you trust.
Boy you're just trustworthy.
So trustworthy.
God we're really.
Those fumes getting to me over there from LA because I'm feeling lightheaded a little
bit.
Poor poor fucking people man.
Yeah.
I hope they're doing well.
They're not.
They're doing really bad.
I know.
(10:45):
I know.
Nuckety.
I mean by the time this comes out I hope they're doing well.
They canceled their insurance CJ.
Who's they?
The insurance companies.
The insurance companies.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh wow.
We're off to a great start this year guys.
Yeah.
We got stuff on our minds you guys.
Yeah.
I'm sure you do and I'm sure you came here to get you know away from that.
(11:07):
So our bad.
Whatever.
Yeah.
Well okay I do have some good news actually.
Oh you have good news?
Yeah.
Oh god let's go.
I'm silver rank in Marvel rivals.
Wow wow.
I can't reach my panel but I hit the applause button right now.
It's okay.
People can just imagine that it happened.
Okay.
Imagine it.
(11:28):
With your imagination.
Nice.
Yeah.
No I for some reason I got really hyper obsessive over Marvel rivals.
My marbles?
Marvel rivals.
Marv.
And I just was up for like five or six hours playing until two or three a.m.
Yeah.
Like a like a child and.
(11:50):
We're all children.
Right.
I'm just you know a lot bigger.
Listen to the Patreon episode from this one and you'll hear about us talking about our
children.
Oh yeah.
Check out our Patreon at linktree.com slash D and G P O D.
Yeah we gotta we gotta make that for real though.
It exists but there's nothing on it.
It exists.
There's nothing on it though.
It's pretty soon.
There's gonna be stuff on there pretty soon.
(12:11):
I was I was crashing out because I was I was losing a lot of matches on Marvel rivals and
I was like I'm not a bronze three man.
No I can't.
I can't be a fucking bronze.
Fuck bronze.
For the rest of my life.
This ain't about bronze.
Right.
So I had to I had to I'm silver now I'm silver.
(12:31):
Silver.
So I feel pretty good about that.
That's pretty good like a surfer.
Right.
Yeah.
I'm gonna keep working maybe I'll reach gold maybe I'll taste it a little bit.
Like Sonic you know.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
You ever played competitive games.
No.
Which if you had to choose a competitive game to play what would it be.
Oh god I don't I'm so not competitive man.
(12:51):
But like if you had to like gun to your head like smash Super Smash Brothers.
Yeah I guess.
Who you're meaning.
You know Kirby.
Oh Kirby.
Yeah that's my guy.
Okay.
My little guy.
Okay.
Okay.
I like the little guy.
Trying your best sucking people up and walking off cliff.
Yeah I love sucking people up.
Hey why don't we get started with this dumb ass show.
(13:12):
I want to talk more video games.
Oh yeah yeah please.
I want to talk about Saints Row from 2022.
Oh snap.
You guys.
Yeah.
You guys.
What's the deal with that.
Guys listen.
When Saints Row came out in 2022 the year of our lord you motherfuckers was like this is
the worst fucking game ever.
(13:33):
This is stupid I can't believe they made this bullshit.
You know what.
Fuck you.
Okay.
Because I played it and it was fucking great.
You guys are dumb.
Damn.
All of you are dumb.
Everybody who said that game sucks is dumb.
I get when it came out it was probably buggy but right now I got a clean copy that's not
(13:53):
all fucked up.
But that aside the game is good.
So you beat it.
I beat it.
And like what makes it.
What were people complaining about.
I don't really get it.
Like they just say it wasn't a good game.
Aside from the bugs yeah they said it wasn't a good game.
They said the story was bullshit which it's not.
The story is pretty tight.
Damn.
Pretty tight story has a strong beginning middle and end.
(14:15):
It's a fine it's a fine story.
Yeah.
And like I guess it's not like the other games is the problem.
The real problem.
The original games were about being a gangster and this one's not that at all.
It's a total reimagining of the whole system where you begin the gang and it's not even
a real gang.
It's a corporation that you're making but like of the people.
(14:36):
So like you find it through crime.
So like did people like review bomb it because they're expecting like the next Saints Row
installment.
I think that's what happened.
I think they were expecting a specific type of game and they didn't get that.
Similar to what happened with Def Jam icon which was a good game.
Sit in that.
Sit in that for a second.
(14:56):
Was a good game.
But because it was Def Jam and it came after Fight for New York.
You niggas was like oh this is bullshit.
You can't even blaze.
What the fuck is this.
The mechanics on that game were tight as fuck.
The whole game was cool and you bitches all complained about it the whole time.
It was fun.
It was a fun fucking game.
And now we don't have any Def Jams.
(15:17):
Now we don't have any Def Jams.
But they keep dangling this new Def Jam.
I keep seeing a little thing where they're like we're gonna make a new Def Jam.
I'm like how bitch?
How you gonna do that?
Everybody rapping is a pussy.
You can't make this shit.
They're gonna say stop.
I'm allergic to gluten.
That's gonna be your blaze now.
You're gonna feed people gluten.
Damn.
Gluten gauge.
(15:39):
My glucose is up.
Look man.
I get that Fight for New York was one of the best fighting games.
And Icon wasn't that.
It wasn't the same.
But take it away.
It's a different game.
It's a whole different game.
It's a different game.
It's a different fun game.
Just like Saints Row 22.
(16:00):
Do you have any more hot takes on games?
I probably do.
But they're not up there right now.
You know?
Okay.
You've got to front load it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's just what was on my mind right now.
So maybe don't review bomb something.
Yeah.
Don't do that.
You guys are weird.
I saw reviews literally saying this is the worst game I've ever played.
And I'm like what?
What are you talking about?
(16:21):
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about you guys?
Mad tripping.
I mean I okay.
I don't review bomb games but I do get royally pissed.
Real pissed.
If I like expect a certain quality of game and it does not deliver.
Yeah.
But it's the same old gameplay.
It's not like aside from the story and everything the gameplay is the same game.
(16:43):
You just go and do wacky shit.
Wacky crime shit.
And people said it was repetitive.
There's a hell of different stuff that you're doing the whole time.
There's one part of the game I think I mentioned to you off mic but like there's a whole LARPing
thing that you do.
That's cool.
Where one of your homies is a fucking nerd and I love him.
His name is Eli and he's a G but he's a nerd.
(17:04):
He don't like the killing stuff.
He's like no I'd rather be over here making this money and doing my thing.
So he has this whole side quest where he builds a city wide LARPing thing and puts you on
the team and then he makes you like fake armor and say cardboard and he gives you fake non-lethal
guns.
(17:25):
And then you go out all over the fucking city in this fucking LARPing war and it's bad to
fuck ass.
It's maybe like three hours of gameplay too.
Wow.
On it's own just that.
Wow.
That shit was fun as fuck.
Can I just say I wish we could do that in real life.
Yeah.
Like a city wide LARP.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
That would be fucking amazing.
(17:46):
That shit was incredible.
People would ruin that.
There'd be some dumbasses bringing guns.
I already know.
It's so funny because at the beginning he's like explaining the rules because the guy you're
playing doesn't know what LARPing is.
And he's like yeah if you get hit three times you die.
You just got to lay down and it doesn't matter.
And if somebody stabs you you just got to play along.
(18:06):
You know you're done.
You're going to be dead.
If they hit your arm your arm's gone.
And that's how the characters act too.
Like they're like ah.
They like really play into it.
It's good.
They did a really good job on that game.
I don't care.
Damn.
Well I have it downloaded.
I'm going to play it.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
I don't know.
We're not sponsored by them.
We're not sponsored.
I just like it.
(18:26):
And I'm tired of people telling me bad stuff about stuff.
And then when I go and see for myself I'm like oh I enjoy this and everybody was wrong.
Don't listen to people's opinions man.
Make your own.
Form your own opinion.
I mean it's tough because I've heard.
I fall prey to that also.
I'll hear something really bad.
People are so adamant about their opinions and a lot of times it's not even their opinion.
(18:49):
Or it's like not even that big of a deal.
Not even like that whole Nickelback thing.
You know what that came from.
Where did that come from.
Brian Pulsane a comedian said fuck Nickelback and then the whole world was just like Nickelback
fucking sucks.
Shut up.
Shut the fuck up.
There's nothing wrong with Nickelback.
Are you serious?
Nickelback is a fine band.
You guys are wrong.
(19:10):
All of you are fucking wrong.
Brian Pulsane just didn't like them and now you guys are fucking dumb.
I actually don't never understood that hate for Nickelback.
It doesn't make any sense because it's not true.
They don't suck.
They suck pretty good.
Are they still making music?
Probably.
I'm not a fan of rock like that but you know I'm actually I don't really follow anybody.
So yeah Nickelback music is not bad.
(19:31):
You guys are wrong.
Shout out Nickelback.
Shout out to Nickelback also not a sponsor yet.
Why don't we spin some wheels and get started with this dumb ass podcast.
Sorry I kind of went on the tangent.
That's all right.
We got it.
We're airing out all our grievances.
Hear that.
Yeah.
Our first wheels are genre wheel.
What are we making today?
Let's spin it.
Go.
Go.
(19:51):
Go.
Spinning wheel go.
Save the world.
Okay.
Like a superhero or a mission.
Maybe.
Maybe.
You know it'd be nice if billionaires save the world.
You know that would be nice.
Yeah.
Somebody posted another thing that said if Jeff Bezos gave every single person in the
(20:13):
whole world a billion dollars he'd still have over 300 billion dollars.
So like you know you could definitely stimulate the economy Jeffery Bezos.
Yeah but then he wouldn't have 800 billion dollars.
He still doesn't.
He has three three three forty six.
Oh that's it.
He needs to get more.
He only has three hundred and forty six billion dollars you guys.
(20:35):
So get off his back.
Oh my god.
He could get everybody in the whole world a billion dollars.
Actually actually I think I heard Elon Musk is the richest person in the world now.
Is he?
Can we actually check.
He's in Congress.
Let's not get into that shall we.
(20:58):
I'm actually going to check how much money he has real quick.
I don't usually do this.
Yup it's Elon Musk now.
How much?
Why doesn't it say?
It just says richest person in the world according to the Bloomberg Billionaires Index.
Elon Musk richest person in the world.
Trust us bro.
Elon Musk net worth four hundred and thirty four point nine billion USD.
(21:25):
Nice and he needs every single one of those dollars.
From here dog.
He doesn't even go here.
Our next wheel is our setting.
Where are we taking place?
The world?
Probably.
Probably the world somewhere.
You know I mean maybe.
Spray!
Why is it hot?
(21:46):
The forest.
Okay yeah.
Yeah forest is part of the world.
I think we're going eco.
Maybe.
We gotta save the world.
You know I feel like the world kind of takes care of itself a little bit but nah.
Not really.
No it is choking to death and we are the cause.
Yeah.
Have you seen Fern Goley?
I have recently I watched Fern Goley.
(22:07):
You know most people don't know Robin Williams plays Batty in that.
Most people don't know that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What?
And by most people I mean my wife.
She didn't know.
Oh god.
She's like what?
That's Robin Williams?
Abby.
Abby.
Silly lady.
How do you not know?
Our next wheel is our character job.
What's the job of the main character?
(22:34):
Party animal dude.
Party animal.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Alright.
Yeah.
Yeah man.
I'm thinking like a party like a person who's supposed to save the world but has gone a
little too little overboard on the partying.
A little overboard.
A little overboard.
A little bit much.
You know it's alright but going a little overboard could be bad.
(22:55):
But what is their flaw?
What's the character's flaw?
Water flow.
Bye animal.
They can't say the word village.
Yeah.
Okay.
Alright.
Alright.
That's gonna be a tough one I think but we'll work with it.
(23:16):
I know.
This is probably gonna be one of those ones that we just totally forget about.
Yeah probably.
Our second to last wheel is our antagonist.
Antagonist.
Who is the bad person of the story?
Let's spin it.
Bad.
Bad spin.
Bad.
Bad.
Bad spin.
Bad spin.
Bad spin.
(23:37):
Some guy in a parking lot.
That devious guy in the parking lot.
That motherfucker.
Just really destroying the world ain't he?
So to recap we have a save the world story.
We're in the forest.
Our main character is a party animal who can't say the word village and the antagonist is
some guy in a parking lot.
(23:58):
Some guy in a parking lot.
Some dickhead.
We're gonna open up with just this dude.
I'm gonna call him Dom Free.
Dom Free.
And he is a white man.
Okay.
38 years old.
Slick back hair.
Total piece of shit.
(24:18):
Tired of life and the way things are going.
And he is late at night.
He's on the island of Wikiki.
In Hawaii?
No.
I was trying to make up an island.
Oh, an island.
Island of Emoclo.
Emoclo.
Emoclo.
(24:39):
I feel like that's a real island.
Island Emoclo?
Yeah, Emoclo Island.
Yeah, party!
Dom Free is climbing up a coconut tree and he is of course saying, what's that thing
Kamala Harris says?
You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?
(25:04):
You are the thing that came before.
I don't fucking know.
He takes a drink.
He's up in a tree drinking?
Below the tree is a group of his friends.
This is a billionaire's soiree.
Oh, okay.
You know, they have this whole island just to party it up.
(25:26):
And we're all, you know, we're a group of sophisticated billionaires.
Sophisticates?
Oh, there goes Dom Free drinking away his cares.
How droll.
What does droll mean?
I don't know, dude.
AI assistant, what does droll mean?
Droll means?
Oh, the Wi-Fi is down.
Oh, motherfucker.
Terrible.
Treble.
Treble.
So I want you to imagine this group of billionaires all sitting in a tree.
(25:54):
This group of billionaires, old white men.
And they are kind of in this lavish.
I don't know.
It's pretty lavish, but it's also just kind of in the middle of the fucking forest late
at night with some string lights and, you know, like Michael Jackson is playing there.
No, Michael Jackson wouldn't be playing there.
No.
(26:15):
Two pox playing.
Two pox?
Yeah, two pox.
And there's like a small crowd, you know.
All right.
Okay.
Is it two pox really there?
It's a hologram.
This is where he lives?
This is hologram.
Because he's not dead?
It's two pox hologram.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What happened to that, man?
I don't know.
They brought it to the island.
Oh, okay.
(26:35):
Yeah.
Right, right, right.
So what are we going to do?
What are we going to do about the worms?
The worms?
The infestation.
Probably die, Clarence.
I don't...
What?
You think we will die?
I mean, right.
They're on our island, right?
No, no.
I'm talking about the people out there.
Oh.
The peasants.
I see.
I know what you mean.
(26:56):
Those worms.
I've been checking the internet and seeing that people do not think highly of billionaires
such as ourselves.
What?
What did we ever do to anybody?
Dom Frey jumps down from the tree.
You know, he still just zooted out.
Well, for starters, you guys freaking ruined the economy.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
(27:17):
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
You ruined the economy.
And people can't afford groceries.
Well, that's news to us.
We can afford groceries.
Yeah, I can afford groceries.
What did Dom Frey do?
You're drunk again.
You have no idea what you're saying.
This man is on drugs.
I don't do that.
That has nothing to do with look.
He pulls out his phone and-
It's like, yeah, but that's not-
(27:38):
He shows, like, a TikTok.
And it's just like an article of that things are unaffordable and that the end is nigh
Oh, this is how the common worm thinks right now things are bad
Oh, can we can we do park pause
(28:00):
Pause is literally pauses the the Tupac hologram. Can you play a small violin, please?
Small violin for the for the worms. I feel like to bug you how to play the violin. Yeah, he plays it
It's very good. It is very small to
Conceal to don't free what we're billionaires. It doesn't matter. None of this matters to us
None of it matters dummy. Well, what is I'm just maybe I'm drunk. Yeah, but like I just feel like we're like a small
(28:29):
Sounded out. What what is it? You're trying to say village village don't free
Yeah, are you trying to say village again? I spit it out man. We're like a really good town, but smaller
Look at you dump free so dumb can't even say the word village can't even say it how
Drool well, I'm a billionaire too, and I'm actually gonna do something good with my life. Damn it
(28:55):
That's so weird that he has more money than all of us. That's how did that even happen?
It was wait. Wait, what are you saying? He's has more money than us. I don't know how that happened
I don't know
$1,000,000 Jesus. Okay. How did you get that? I exploited people? Okay
You know those scam calls I that's me man. I do it
(29:15):
I every I have like a like a million people working for me setting out scam calls and I hate it
You know those little things they get stuck to your shoelaces. I made them
You know when people don't put their carts back those me
You know flavorless chewing gum I invented chewing gum
Oh, I hate chewing I get another for everyone every every piece of gum. Well, don't free think about it
(29:38):
Like we're all actually so the Billionaire's Club Terry. Why don't you go ahead and tell us tell them about it
You know Dom free so he doesn't do something stupid
Terry is is also drunk. He's a very tall
White man that is actually Colonel Sanders. He's actually Colonel Sanders
Yeah, but he changed his name Terry. Huh? Okay. Yeah, and uh, I was a cool guy
(30:00):
Yeah, it was cool, but not Terry Terry sucks. Terry fucking sucks. You got oh
Here's the plan. Here's the plan. I'm sorry
Lost my voice there for a moment
Pardon me. You're pardoned. Here's the plan y'all. We're gonna actually build us a space colony
For the work not for the working class
(30:22):
Excuse me for the billionaire class such as ourselves. Okay, where's my mic at Tupac?
Hand me the mic. He holograms him. Well, he can't actually do that. So just a PA comes in
He's like trying to grab it and he's just going through the mic just
Thank you very much boy. Now. Listen here boy
Jesus Christ listen here everybody
(30:45):
Hi, it's me Terry Sanders. I Terry
Hi, y'all know me. He all know them. I can't I can't talk about that recipe in my previous life
We're talking about the real the future here everybody and the future is looking pretty bright now check it out here
Pull up that that hologram PowerPoint worked on a hologram PowerPoint shows up and
(31:08):
It's just taking up the holes the whole night sky. It's the whole sky just just in this vicinity
All right. So what we're gonna do here's the plan everyone what we're gonna do is exploit the working class for just a couple more years
Okay, all right. Okay, we're really gonna we're gonna really wring them dry. You know what I'm saying, right? Right like point 25
(31:29):
We're gonna have a couple good things Cassandra. What were those good things that we're gonna um
Yeah, yeah, we're gonna release a switch to I think sometime later this year people will really like that'll
Increase like there's like a graph like explaining kind of a happiness chart for people that will kind of increase, you know happiness and work
(31:50):
morale and I think
It'll be like a funny meme like a new funny meme that people will like, okay, that's great
Yeah, that's good stuff. Good stuff. Everybody clap for that actually
Just hold them over right we're gonna keep exploiting them we're gonna increase the price of eggs
chicken
(32:13):
You know the same old same old right right people are gonna complain get all mad
We're gonna keep exploiting them cuz we're trying to reach a trillion dollars. Sorry two trillion dollars to truly got a trillion dollars
(32:38):
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got to look at that. Look at that piggy bank right there, buddy
Those people have money and if they have it then how will it be ours, right?
So that don't make no sense. We got to take all their money. They shouldn't have money
You know the money and have any money our money Dumfries like I have a question. I have a question
Oh god, here's Dumfries. No, wait, you wait you question. Can wait Dumfries. Let me just finish. I'm almost done
(33:02):
I promise we take all the money from the people we hire a contractor guy named Ted
Who's really really good at building spaceships? Oh, I know Ted. He's really good. He's good man
But he turns the light he charges to two trillion dollars actually
But he's good someone tell me he's good
But he's gonna build us this space colony arc and then we're gonna fly off the space and go to another galaxy
(33:24):
take the whole island of
emo clue
emo emo clue into space and we're gonna form our own planet
Mm-hmm planet emo clue and there'll be free chicken for everybody free chicken just for us though
Everybody you can clap now
All right Flynn you can keep going my name is
(33:46):
Anyways, what did you have to say Dom free now that you know our plan?
What's what's the deal like who cares about the small?
Insignificant don't get it dude. Like the earth is like dying. Yeah, I know we've we've been that's that's the plan
Yeah, that's what we're doing. We're exploiting all the resources and the people did nobody tell you we were killing the planet on purpose
This is you not hear about the wildfire. That was that was Rick
(34:10):
That was all Rick's idea. I'm gonna go do good things. Okay, we can still save the planet. I'm leaving now
He pushes a button on his watch and he jetpacks off
He had a real Iron Man suit built and it comes out his watch
He's the only person on the world on the whole planet as it made out of nanotechnology
That's it didn't exist but he had it invented because he has so much money
(34:36):
That's really cool actually, all right, let's get higher an assassin
He looks around at people who are drinking and dining and he's like, oh
What's what's his name?
The there's a system that comes and kind of whispers next to him. His name is John. He's uh, he parked his car here
(34:59):
We go over to John
He is
There's a parking lot on this
Island and it's just his car. It's a Honda Civic
1998 so this is what are those things called?
Where it's an island, but during low tide there's like a land bridge that you can get off
um
No idea. Well, it's one of those
(35:21):
Okay. Yeah, what's John doing? John is stuck on the island. He came to see you. He was just he was just wandering around
Hi. Hello. You must be John. Hey
Yeah
I'm hot. What happened to the road? The road is gone. Oh, it's it's terrible. Are you okay? Are you safe? Okay, rhetorical
(35:42):
I don't care. Listen, there's a billionaire who's trying to destroy the world billionaire
You say and and global warming you believe in that? Oh, of course not. No, no, no
Well, if you did believe in that it's it's him. He's the one his name is Dom free and he's he's really bad. So
You think you can kill him for us, please, huh? Hmm. Hmm. That does sound like fun
(36:05):
Hmm. Yes. Yes, I can do that. Yes, I can pay you. Yes, then yes. Yes. I'll absolutely
Oh, you know you were gonna do it without being paid. No, no, no, I wasn't I wasn't okay. Listen, let's negotiate a price
How about one dollar?
Seems a little long
How about two dollars?
Maybe it could get a little higher. He's waving his hands up. He's like come on
(36:27):
Oh, man. Okay. Okay. Okay
Um
One dollar and fifty cents
One dollar and fifty cents that's less because you are a worm and I do not have to I am literally losing money talking to you
Don well then kill your own dummy dummy. I'll throw in I'll throw in a couple meals. There's also meals
Yeah, you can give them pizza pizza party. Wait, wait, wait pizza from pizza palace or pizza from pizza place is a voucher
(36:52):
You can choose which pizza spot any pizza. I want any pizza two pizzas two pizzas two medium two toppings ten minute breaks
Two only per hour per six hours from anywhere. I want. Yes, including pizza palace. Yes. I'll do it
God yes fine. You're signed sign this
Hands him a napkin
(37:14):
He couldn't he couldn't sign it faster. He could not
Yes process that put it in the database. Great. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good cut to
Sometime later we are in a village, you know
I feel which we're in a village undisclosed location, but somewhere in the forest and it's
(37:34):
You know, they're they're like there are people who are kind of like they're not like
How do I say it like they're not?
They're not they're they're like modern but like not really like they got like I freaking cows and horses and
And a couple people in the village have phones
(37:54):
Village is called rural. We have rural
Oh
How you doing there?
What what you doing? What you doing there?
Dumfrey is like
On his laptop sitting by the mountainside. This is a beautiful village. By the way, it's like very got like a fuse of like the the mountains
(38:16):
And landscape
Lush Lush scape. Who are you? Oh, sorry. I'm still a little over God. Do you have bread? Do you have sandwiches or something?
Wow, did somebody say sandwiches? I'll whip up some sandwich. Oh my god, you're fucking angel, dude
Yeah, dude, please. You can just call me Nana. Nana think you're the you're the goat Nana. I know what what are you doing here? Oh
(38:41):
Oh, he stands up and kind of streams his shirt. He's wearing like cashmere
But like I should be here but like kind of dirty dirty cashmere with wild hair
My name's Dom free and I'm gonna save the world
What a nice young man. I'm gonna throw in some cookies for you to
(39:01):
Top of these sandwiches. Give it give it give us one moment
Don free and I just try to help. Okay, and he's one of them crypto bros crypto. He's a
Another one of crypto
He's something else Nana, that's something I could hear you guys. I can hear you guys. I'm not a crypto, bro
(39:21):
I'm a billionaire billionaire. Oh, yeah
What's what's a billionaire like a like something after like a thousand?
Yeah, yeah something like that. Oh, well good for you. Yeah, so hey, I I want to save the world and I got a I got a big
Plan. Do you guys want to join me? I can't
(39:42):
Listen it takes it takes something that's smaller than a town
To to make a difference, okay
I'm not too good with words and I I'm not super smart
But I made a lot of money being a bad person and now I want to be a good person
Yeah, he's like, you know that you know that little ring that holds the cap on your soda, but sometimes it gets stuck
(40:03):
I invented that
You know those like nails those like hang nails on the side of your fingers that are like really hard to get off
tells me
You know knobs you ever heard of knobs like the things you turn and turn stuff on yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was my dad
(40:24):
I'm not all bad. You know, you know like like interest rate
The idea of like paying the concept of like debt
Sorry about that guys
You know, you know fucking you know screws
You ever heard of screws? Yeah screws
Yeah, well, I put them I put them to anybody who says I ain't a billionaire. Okay, I think I get the idea
(40:48):
So you're responsible for a lot of bad things don't
One more one more, you know, like those those those nails and screws that like they get stripped when you like try to screw it in
Uh-huh. Yeah, that was a business practice. It made us a lot of money man. Wow. Wow. Yeah
But yeah, sorry. Yeah, I want to do good. So do you think
(41:08):
You guys can have a town home. We can talk about it because some billionaires are trying to ruin the world that I can help
What do you think Nana? Well, I got these sandwiches for I'm already
So I guess you know whatever all right, let's go down to the town
(41:30):
I'm so much richer than your grandson
We're gonna take a short break get right back to this amazing story shawty don't go anyway, please
Please stay there
Hey, do you like t-shirts maybe hats well, I got good news for you the merch store is open
Come check us out at link tree comm slash D and GP OD
(41:54):
Click the merch link and get yourself a definitely not good shirt or a definitely not good hat and for a limited time grab yourself
I am the water goblin t-shirt. This is in the limited stock and won't be there forever
Thank you for supporting us and now let's get back to some definitely
Not good. Oh, what's up? We're back and we got another sponsor. You know, my let's spin that sponsor wheel
(42:26):
Today's episode is brought to you by the number three this episode is proudly sponsored by one two three
Is the magic number and magic number it's kind of crazy how awesome three is yeah
Yeah, think about how crazy it is. I love three. Yeah is you know
You know in America, that's a that's a big it's a big one. That's a big old number. Oh, yeah
(42:49):
Yeah, and the rule of threes. I don't want to sound like a flugging nerd, but uh, that's not fun
You ever notice that your skin?
Is fucking tetrahedron tetrahedrons like fucking stitched together is it? Yeah, if you look real close
Like if like like listener take a moment look at your skin and notice that it's just tetrahedrons
(43:11):
Like freaking stitched together. You're just a bunch of triangles man, dude. I'm freaking out right now
That's how awesome three is. I love three also three is a company. There is a company. Yeah
Oh, yeah, I'm freaking out right now
Yeah, four is a crowd but four is a crowd. What else can I say about three? I mean
It's better than two. It's way better than two three is when when shit happens
(43:33):
Right, right three. That's that's when you that's when you go. Yeah
You know like just imagine if there's like one more person here if there was one more person this shit would go crazy
It would be three people
Oh shit
Ah, ah, ah, well that's how my daughter laughs. She laughs like the count. It's so funny. We got to have her on this podcast man
One two three
(43:57):
Ah
Thank you three. Thank you three gonna wrap you up right there. You're so cute
What do you do? You look like the top of a heart. Yeah
turn sideways
Where we last left off Dom free the billionaire
And richest person alive. Yeah. Yeah. Sure has defected from the billionaires club and is now joined a village
(44:19):
To try and save the world. However, he can't quite say the word village and he's not quite that smart
But he does have good intentions
Meanwhile, there's a guy named john in a parking lot who has agreed to assassinate dom free for a good reason
In a parking lot who has agreed to assassinate dom free for a dollar fifty and some pizza from pizza palace
(44:45):
From pizza palace, excuse me, and we'll see where that goes. We don't um, we we don't tell um,
We don't kiss and tell
That's not what I wanted to say, um, yes it is
We like to throw a wrench in our already broken story. So uh, we're gonna spin one more wheel called the topic wheel
So let's spin it
(45:12):
Pyramid scheme
Okay. Okay. Well then will yeah
So we're gonna cut to um the town hall
And we are at this very large wooden beautiful table and kind of like this is oak. Yeah
Like tp hut kind of village situation
Hey everyone, my name is dom free. I'm fucking hungover still after those sandwiches. Sorry about that
(45:36):
Um, listen, i'm a billionaire also the richest person alive
And um, i'd like to i'd like to put you in on this idea, right?
I want you to think of a pyramid. Okay, like I am at the very top, you know, and then I give you money
Right, and then you give other people money
(45:58):
And then those people give other people money and then you just keep giving money until there's like a pyramid
And that's that's a pyramid scheme. Wow
I don't see how that could lose right? So like let's do it right who wants to join this? I bought you some cookies
Oh, thank you, dude. Oh god fucking oh fucking eat nuts. I'm allergic to nuts allergic to nuts
(46:21):
Oh my that's that's terrible guys
That's terrible guys here's some without nuts. Okay, who wants some insulin? Thank you
Oh, what's up? Okay. Insulin frosting insulin. What's I always make it just in case somebody's alerted
I'm not diabetic though
Dude, but okay. Um, i'm gonna put that aside
(46:45):
Anybody got some water i'm fucking thirsty man. I've been flying in the air thirsty
Oh
Fuck where's the wi-fi at shit. It's just banging on his laptop. I bought you some milk
She's such a sweet old lady
uh
(47:05):
one of the younger um villagers with a smartphone one of the only ones his name is uh
Zach zach. Thank you. Hey, uh, it's me. Oh actually yeah, i'll play zach. I'm trying to think of a good voice for him. Um
Hey
My name's zach. That's a good voice. Oh, what's up zach? Uh, listen, I know
(47:26):
Uh, I know a little technology. I'm a little smarter than the other guys and
I don't think a pair of bitch game is gonna work. I'm gonna fuck this guy
I'm sorry. Uh, no, that's
Let's talk outside dude. They walk outside. We're gonna cut to uh, john still in the parking lot
You know, no, actually he's in a different parking lot now, uh, with his car. Yeah, he's making it
(47:48):
Not a tiktok. He's making a video on a platform
Is it lemonade?
Sure, um, can you go ahead and make a uh a campaign video?
against uh
domphrey
Hey guys, it's me john
um
(48:09):
What's up pizza pals? Uh all of my pizza
Pizza people out there holler at your pizza boy. Uh, it's me john
Um, i'm out on a mission. I'm in another parking lot today
um
i'm finally gonna put my trunk full of guns to use and take take uh action into my own hands
(48:31):
And you know handle some stuff and i'm gonna get some pizza out of it
We're gonna get some good from pizza palace, you know, because your boy your boy digs the finer things
So it gets paused real quick and we see um, zach is showing this video to um domphrey
I'm, so sorry, but this guy is sending a death threat video to everyone. He's saying he's gonna kill you
(48:54):
He's gonna lose gonna what look it says at
Domphrey billion billion dollar club. That's you right? That's you that's your tiktok
I don't have a tiktok anymore dude that fucking
I mean nobody the government took that from me, dude. They took it just like everything they're destroying the earth
Okay. Well this guy he says something really bad here. I'm gonna keep playing. Um, yeah
(49:18):
If I can't find him i'm just gonna set off all these bombs that I have all over town and hopefully i'll get him that way
Uh, so if you're in the united states of america or any other country on the planet
You should probably stay indoors
Um because you don't want to get caught in the blast radius
(49:38):
Uh, yeah, so, you know like and subscribe
Um, if you have pieces suggestions go ahead and send those in he pauses it again
He's gonna he's gonna bomb everything man until he finds you. It's really bad. What the fuck is chugged properly?
Zach you gotta chill dude
Um, yeah, that's that is pretty bad. I'm not gonna not gonna lie like no cap. That's that's that's pretty bad. Okay, um
(50:02):
um
but
Okay. All right. Hear me out. We uh, we
I gotta be honest. Zach. I don't i'm not smart. I'm not a smart guy. I don't know what i'm doing
Ah, man, don't do that. I just have a shit ton of money and I I you know, I gotta I don't know what to do
I just want to throw money at and let someone else handle it. You know, don't talk like that
(50:24):
Don't talk about my friend like that. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do either. Well, I
I guess we could just give up
How the nana comes out is anybody want any cut up apples? I cut some apples for everybody nana
Can I ask you like a question like no cap like on the real? Oh anything baby if you had like
Like a hundred billion dollars and you had to save the world. What would you do?
(50:49):
Well, I'd probably need a good quilt for my grandkids
Oh shit
That's it
Okay, I got the perfect plan y'all. I got it. I got it. I got it
I got it. We're gonna cut to some time. Did I miss something?
Way off to the future and uh, we see john in an undisclosed location in the forest
(51:09):
He's making a video about to set off this first bomb. What's he saying in the video?
Hey guys, it's me john your pizza pal
boss man from pizzaville
Hey guys, um check this out. So like, um, I haven't been able to find my target
So i'm gonna set off these first couple of bombs
Um, just gotta put them into the computer on my wrist. These billionaire dudes really have some cool technology
(51:34):
You know, I didn't even have to set this up. They already had it all set up
They're just like hey man, if you if you can't find them just start blowing shit up
Just make sure don't hit any of our buildings. You know what I mean? Suddenly you hear choppers a lot of choppers
and john looks up and sees just a shadow cast all over the freaking um
Um forest, uh, just expanding outward and what you see more chopper than sky
(51:59):
What you see these choppers carrying is a giant quilt
Nana's plan is coming to fruition and they they drop that shit all over the the forest
Whoa
It's gonna be so cozy. He's watching on a live stream video that they set up at the village. What do you guys this is it dude?
(52:21):
Like no one's gonna freaking burn the freaking the freaking forest if there's a quilt
Yeah, yeah, no, that's that's a solid plan
I see what you're doing. I understand as they're watching the live stream. It just goes up in flames
The quill burns it actually adds to the fire
It makes it worse. It made it's made out of synthetic fibers. They just they just go up like a christmas tree. Oh
(52:47):
Oh, dude, this isn't this is not
What I wanted to happen
This wasn't my plan. Um, hey
Um, can I talk to you real quick? Yes. Yeah, zach. Yeah. Hey, hey, keep watching that fire guys. Don't be back. Keep watching it
What's up little dude, um
I don't know how to say this just say it dude say it. I'll say get it off your chest man
(53:11):
Can you can you just give people money?
What like give just like give that's not gonna solve problems dude. No, it's actually gonna solve all the problems
Okay, so like what just do like a fund and just give people money. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you got it, right? Uh,
Okay
(53:31):
I guess i'll just give people money
Hey
Oh, give me a second calls up a um, uh billionaires on the phone billionaire hotline billionaire hotline
Yeah, put me out to the billionaires club. This is dom free. Okay, one moment
Hello dom free dude, this little dude says just give money to people isn't that crazy
(53:58):
You heard that right we're laughing
Give people money. Yeah, and I suppose we'll just uh
I suppose we'll also just make our own food while we're at it
Okay, well i'm gonna do it what what yeah, I just I don't know the quilt thing didn't work out and I
(54:18):
I feel bad about the fire. So i'm gonna um, i'm gonna wire everyone some money
You can't do that no i'm gonna do it but you you can't no, I mean I yeah
No, I can't but someone else will
No, I can't but someone else will
Dom free listen to me. Listen to me very carefully. Listen
(54:41):
If you do this
We are not going to survive the human race will die along with the planet
There has to be people on top. There has to be people on top. This planet is doomed
Okay, we're going to die within a decade
So come back do not give any of these worms your money and we'll formulate some kind of plan. He hangs up
(55:01):
Dom free Dom free
Where's that assassin at?
We cut to some time later and um
Dom free's meeting with a hacker. Would you mind playing the the hacker jackson? Yes, I can play a hacker
Hey, so your name's jackson. You're like the best hacker in the world, right?
What an understatement
He like shifts up his glasses and he has like a uh anime body pillow in the back. Um, this is his mom's bedroom
(55:26):
by the way
So my mom loves anime
I think maybe you love anime dude, but no
No, don't tell people that dude. Anyways, um
Do you think you can hack into everyone's account and just give them like a like a billion dollars each person?
I sure can I sure can do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I can make that happen. Yeah for sure
Can you explain in an excruciating detail? How are you gonna do that? Yeah. Well, okay
(55:50):
So first thing i'm gonna do is i'm gonna hack into the mainframe. Okay. Oh
and then i'm gonna uh
computer jargon this uh
think of a jig and then twist it into a
par six and then
You know, uh 20 quid a liter. Uh, uh, everybody will have a billion dollars in their accounts. Wow. Yeah
(56:12):
All right. Well, here's my credit card. Oh go for it. Okay. Here we go
I'm gonna put this into the my hard drive here and then um, a couple of microchips and
Wow jackson's filthy at this man. He's really good. He's really hacking. Wow. Okay hacking the fuck out of that system
So worldwide, um, we're seeing a compilation of people getting notifications on their phones through venmo
(56:35):
Cash app not sponsors by the way not sponsors, but their banks are notifying them that they've just been dropped
One billion dollars one through the account billion dollars
and
People are crying people are getting in car accidents
Cats are being thrown
Dogs are being thrown. I don't know people are breaking up with each other
(56:58):
right and like people is chaos, but also absolute happiness and
Uh, we zoom out to the world. It is on fire
But the fire slowly starts to come to a very quiet
Quiet halt the fire is gone. Wow. He did it. He saved the fucking world
By just giving everybody some money
(57:19):
That's it guys. That's the end. That's the end. That's the end of the story
That's uh, we we freaking did it. Did we learn anything? Yeah
Yeah, I think we did. I think we learned some stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
I'd like to thank my my producer Nuckety for uh for co-hosting the shit out of this
Good dog. Um, where can people find your ass? Oh, they can find they can find my ass online
(57:44):
everywhere except for tiktok
R.I.P
R.I.P tiktok, uh at nuqady and there you will find things like beats and and maybe you could perhaps message me for
studio time
um where we can make music or podcasts or or voiceovers or
You know do some some some some audio stuff
(58:08):
For a movie or anything anything with sound
I got your boy gotcha. He gotcha. I gotcha dog. And by the way, uh
If you would like to check out our stuff at definitely not good swing on over to linktree.com
Slash dng pod click the merch link buy yourself a definitely not good hat or definitely not good shirt or definitely not good bookmark
(58:31):
We probably don't sell that but if you know, well, you know, there you go
Um or just come say hi to us on our social media platforms
Uh, we have um all of them. We we have them all yugi all all of them find us on eliminate
Or clapper clapper
threads
Goodbye guys. Eh, stay safe out there. Whoa, definitely not good You
What up you dingus?
(00:02):
This is definitely not good.
The podcast where we create stories and they're definitely probably not good.
I'm your host CJ and I'm joined by my producer, Nuckity.
Hey today it's just us and we have a very exciting episode because we have so much just
to talk about man.
So much.
It's a lot going on in the world right?
Hazel I haven't been paying attention.
(00:23):
Yo yeah yeah there is.
Okay I'll take your word for it.
We'll dive into it.
I don't know what it is but this is definitely not good.
(00:54):
Hey if it's your first time listening this is pretty much how everything works.
We are amazing storytellers.
We're so woke.
And it's our job, our sacred duty to come up with a story completely from scratch with
a little twist.
We have a series of wheels we have to spin.
Each of them totally random and depending on where the wheels land we have to somehow
incorporate it into our story and we'll do the best we got with that.
(01:18):
We'll do our absolute bestest.
Right.
Like an extra most bestest with extra pepperoni.
For sure and before that we do have some sponsors.
They are not real sponsors.
They are not real either.
They are totally not real.
We are still poor.
Well don't tell them that.
I mean geez.
We gotta give some illusion here.
(01:38):
We have not real sponsors.
Stick around for that.
Before we get to those sponsors though we got a lot to talk about.
We got a lot to talk about?
Yeah it's 2025.
What?
We're recording this.
What's today's date?
I don't know man.
Every day just blends in.
That's so fucking real.
It's the 17th I guess.
Today is the 17th.
(01:59):
Behind the curtain.
We're recording on the 17th.
Holy shit.
Wow.
Well by the time you're hearing this TikTok will have been banned.
Is it the 7th?
I thought it was the 19th.
The 19th.
Right.
And we're probably going to release this sometime.
Right.
No I get it.
Because the future is just.
Right.
You're not hearing this right now.
(02:20):
Right now it's not banned.
I can go on there and I can swipe and look at horrible amazing things.
I love TikTok.
I love TikTok too.
But the US government is banning it starting the 19th.
For reasons that are not 100% clear.
In the US.
In the United States.
Everywhere else totally fine to use TikTok.
(02:41):
Except China.
Except China doesn't have TikTok?
No it's banned in China.
Interesting.
Yeah.
So whatever.
We're just like China.
That's fine.
What are your thoughts about the TikTok ban?
It's fucking stupid.
And I found out that most of the people who voted yes on the ban are getting money from
TikTok's competitors.
(03:01):
So that's fine.
And also that is not a Chinese company.
So I don't know where that's even coming from.
You mean TikTok?
Yeah.
The Singaporean dude right?
Yeah.
Isn't it like ByteDance the one who made it and that's like a Chinese company?
Well the guy who owns it is Singaporean.
Oh wow.
(03:22):
And he's the one that was at all the congressional hearings and shit.
Yeah.
Where he's just straight up saying like I'm not a Chinese spy.
Over and over and over and over again.
They kept asking him the same fucking question.
And he's like no nigga.
I'm Singaporean.
I don't have any loyalty to China.
I don't know what you're fucking talking about.
Why do you keep saying that?
Mad tripping.
But yeah.
(03:42):
I mean I'm sure you've heard a lot of people talking about it, how it's corrupt, how it's
stupid.
I want to talk about the aftermath of this situation because for me this feels like a
pretty significant thing happening.
Yeah this isn't Vine.
This is way bigger than Vine.
(04:02):
Yeah.
I mean so I feel like it's a big deal for a couple reasons.
One it's like it's an app.
You know?
Sure it's just an app.
But two like millions of people, millions of Americans rely on TikTok for their businesses.
Not just entertainment but like for putting food on the table.
(04:24):
And so now they're just done.
They're just done.
Out on their ass.
Right.
I mean they gotta figure it out.
Yeah and like I think the shitty part to me about it is like you were mentioning like
the senators who said yes to banning it put money towards I'll just say like meta Facebook.
Yeah.
Because they're assuming that everyone's gonna go over to them to continue their business.
(04:50):
But I don't like it.
I don't like it either.
Something don't smell right about that.
Everything right now is super fucking fishy.
Every fucking thing that's happening right now is so goddamn fishy.
The fires are fishy.
Everything about the fires are fishy.
Everything around the fires in LA are fishy.
(05:12):
This whole TikTok thing.
And I don't know if you remember when they first started floating around the idea of
banning TikTok in Congress there was a bunch of other stuff attached to it that I didn't
want to bring up because I don't know like the details of it.
But like it's not just TikTok that they're banning.
It's just that's part of the bill.
And there's a bunch of other shit that's attached to it that is just not common knowledge.
(05:32):
Isn't it?
I think it's also suspicious that they're banning it because they can't they're not
selling it.
Yeah.
You know like it's not like you can't say it's a national security threat and I want
to buy it.
Part of it is ran through America.
Is it?
The companies have offices here.
Yeah.
They had offices.
You guys are being fucking weird.
Yeah.
Weird.
Yeah.
(05:52):
It just it doesn't smell right.
It feels weird.
Like I know of course we're pointing fingers and saying like oh corporations you know greed
money money.
It is.
Yeah.
It is.
Yes.
But I think what bothers me as an American as a cold blooded red blood.
You bleed red white and blue.
I bleed red white and blue.
(06:13):
The thing that bothers me on a spiritual level is when my country tells me that I can't do
something.
Yes.
Wow.
That was the whole point of this country was to not have that.
Right.
That's all they do now.
Yeah.
Like it started for me like I got really into a show called Pantheon.
Highly recommend it if you haven't watched it by the way.
It's on Netflix season one about halfway through.
(06:35):
It got canceled got canned right by it was too true.
Well too real.
I won't get into that but I'm but it's like oh yeah it's on Amazon Prime.
OK.
I'll go to Amazon Prime not available in your country.
Interesting.
Not available in your country.
That's weird.
And you're telling me this show that takes place in America.
The season two.
(06:56):
It is an American anime.
You're just you're just you're just stopping me.
So I'm not going to tell you that you should torrent you know or that you should illegally
download things.
But let's just say oh that was part of the band.
I remember they whistle stains called VPN.
Yeah.
They're banning those.
They're banning VPN.
(07:17):
Yeah.
That's part of the tick tock.
Oh man.
Yeah.
I'm just going to say it then go ahead and become a pirate if you're listening to this.
It's not a bad idea.
Yeah.
I'm sure this is this will probably be on the news by now by the time you hear this.
So you'll know all about this shit that I'm like vaguely picking up in my head.
Baning VPN.
Yeah.
(07:37):
How are they going to do that?
I don't know.
I'm shrugging right now.
Are we just all going to be illegal pirates here in the U.S.
Yeah.
OK.
Well we're in some interesting shit right now guys.
It feels weird.
Rest in peace.
Tick tock.
Rest in peace.
Tick tock.
Also rest in peace.
(07:57):
Jimmy Carter rest in peace.
David Lynch.
And many many others who I love and hope you're hope you're doing well in the afterlife man.
David Lynch was like a like I feel like he was just going to stay around forever.
Who's David Lynch?
He's a director.
He made Twin Peaks.
Oh he died.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
(08:18):
He died very recently of this recording.
So damn.
Yeah man.
It's 2025 is is off to a great start.
Yeah it's just about to just about to catch fire real quick.
Sure.
For sure.
Well now that we've talked about all this serious stuff let's get straight into our
sponsor.
(08:38):
Yeah.
Look at this serious shit out of Alford.
Stop it.
We're supposed to be silly.
Right.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
It's a good time for a sponsor break.
Right.
We got to make the people laugh.
Oh I don't know about that.
I don't think anyone's laughing anymore.
All the four people that listen to this show.
Thank you four people.
We love you.
We love you so much.
This is all for you.
What's our sponsor today.
I don't know.
(08:58):
Let's find out by spinning this wheel.
Let's do it.
Today's episode is brought to you by trust.
Oh this episode is proudly brought to you by trust.
Something that we don't really value.
Nah.
In our governments these days.
(09:19):
Not for real.
Oh man.
I get there listening.
Sure we do.
Sure.
Oh yeah.
I mean I've seen people.
Yeah.
Trusted things.
Used to trust things.
Sponsors really trust today huh.
Yeah it's trust.
Wow.
I'm trusting.
I'm trusting that I can't trust what I see on the news.
That's probably a safe bet.
(09:39):
You know.
Because the news.
You know.
That's it.
You know.
It's the news.
So.
Have you ever had your trust broken?
Yes I have.
Tell us about it.
I don't really want to talk about it.
Oh okay.
You're trusting in yourself that you don't want to.
I don't fucking.
I don't want to suck your dick.
What about money trusts?
Money trusts are cool.
Yeah.
(10:00):
Oh yeah.
I don't have any.
I don't either.
I don't even.
Didn't even know what that was until.
You know who does though.
Who?
Those dudes in the government.
Oh yeah.
Why is this episode like this?
I don't know man.
Are we sad?
This is a topic right now.
Trust.
Well I want to thank trust for sponsoring us today.
I don't think there's any money attached but trust that we're going to sponsor you and
(10:24):
that we're glad that you're here.
So thank you trust.
Thank you trust.
Boy you're just trustworthy.
So trustworthy.
God we're really.
Those fumes getting to me over there from LA because I'm feeling lightheaded a little
bit.
Poor poor fucking people man.
Yeah.
I hope they're doing well.
They're not.
They're doing really bad.
I know.
(10:45):
I know.
Nuckety.
I mean by the time this comes out I hope they're doing well.
They canceled their insurance CJ.
Who's they?
The insurance companies.
The insurance companies.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh wow.
We're off to a great start this year guys.
Yeah.
We got stuff on our minds you guys.
Yeah.
I'm sure you do and I'm sure you came here to get you know away from that.
(11:07):
So our bad.
Whatever.
Yeah.
Well okay I do have some good news actually.
Oh you have good news?
Yeah.
Oh god let's go.
I'm silver rank in Marvel rivals.
Wow wow.
I can't reach my panel but I hit the applause button right now.
It's okay.
People can just imagine that it happened.
Okay.
Imagine it.
(11:28):
With your imagination.
Nice.
Yeah.
No I for some reason I got really hyper obsessive over Marvel rivals.
My marbles?
Marvel rivals.
Marv.
And I just was up for like five or six hours playing until two or three a.m.
Yeah.
Like a like a child and.
(11:50):
We're all children.
Right.
I'm just you know a lot bigger.
Listen to the Patreon episode from this one and you'll hear about us talking about our
children.
Oh yeah.
Check out our Patreon at linktree.com slash D and G P O D.
Yeah we gotta we gotta make that for real though.
It exists but there's nothing on it.
It exists.
There's nothing on it though.
It's pretty soon.
There's gonna be stuff on there pretty soon.
(12:11):
I was I was crashing out because I was I was losing a lot of matches on Marvel rivals and
I was like I'm not a bronze three man.
No I can't.
I can't be a fucking bronze.
Fuck bronze.
For the rest of my life.
This ain't about bronze.
Right.
So I had to I had to I'm silver now I'm silver.
(12:31):
Silver.
So I feel pretty good about that.
That's pretty good like a surfer.
Right.
Yeah.
I'm gonna keep working maybe I'll reach gold maybe I'll taste it a little bit.
Like Sonic you know.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
You ever played competitive games.
No.
Which if you had to choose a competitive game to play what would it be.
Oh god I don't I'm so not competitive man.
(12:51):
But like if you had to like gun to your head like smash Super Smash Brothers.
Yeah I guess.
Who you're meaning.
You know Kirby.
Oh Kirby.
Yeah that's my guy.
Okay.
My little guy.
Okay.
Okay.
I like the little guy.
Trying your best sucking people up and walking off cliff.
Yeah I love sucking people up.
Hey why don't we get started with this dumb ass show.
(13:12):
I want to talk more video games.
Oh yeah yeah please.
I want to talk about Saints Row from 2022.
Oh snap.
You guys.
Yeah.
You guys.
What's the deal with that.
Guys listen.
When Saints Row came out in 2022 the year of our lord you motherfuckers was like this is
the worst fucking game ever.
(13:33):
This is stupid I can't believe they made this bullshit.
You know what.
Fuck you.
Okay.
Because I played it and it was fucking great.
You guys are dumb.
Damn.
All of you are dumb.
Everybody who said that game sucks is dumb.
I get when it came out it was probably buggy but right now I got a clean copy that's not
(13:53):
all fucked up.
But that aside the game is good.
So you beat it.
I beat it.
And like what makes it.
What were people complaining about.
I don't really get it.
Like they just say it wasn't a good game.
Aside from the bugs yeah they said it wasn't a good game.
They said the story was bullshit which it's not.
The story is pretty tight.
Damn.
Pretty tight story has a strong beginning middle and end.
(14:15):
It's a fine it's a fine story.
Yeah.
And like I guess it's not like the other games is the problem.
The real problem.
The original games were about being a gangster and this one's not that at all.
It's a total reimagining of the whole system where you begin the gang and it's not even
a real gang.
It's a corporation that you're making but like of the people.
(14:36):
So like you find it through crime.
So like did people like review bomb it because they're expecting like the next Saints Row
installment.
I think that's what happened.
I think they were expecting a specific type of game and they didn't get that.
Similar to what happened with Def Jam icon which was a good game.
Sit in that.
Sit in that for a second.
(14:56):
Was a good game.
But because it was Def Jam and it came after Fight for New York.
You niggas was like oh this is bullshit.
You can't even blaze.
What the fuck is this.
The mechanics on that game were tight as fuck.
The whole game was cool and you bitches all complained about it the whole time.
It was fun.
It was a fun fucking game.
And now we don't have any Def Jams.
(15:17):
Now we don't have any Def Jams.
But they keep dangling this new Def Jam.
I keep seeing a little thing where they're like we're gonna make a new Def Jam.
I'm like how bitch?
How you gonna do that?
Everybody rapping is a pussy.
You can't make this shit.
They're gonna say stop.
I'm allergic to gluten.
That's gonna be your blaze now.
You're gonna feed people gluten.
Damn.
Gluten gauge.
(15:39):
My glucose is up.
Look man.
I get that Fight for New York was one of the best fighting games.
And Icon wasn't that.
It wasn't the same.
But take it away.
It's a different game.
It's a whole different game.
It's a different game.
It's a different fun game.
Just like Saints Row 22.
(16:00):
Do you have any more hot takes on games?
I probably do.
But they're not up there right now.
You know?
Okay.
You've got to front load it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's just what was on my mind right now.
So maybe don't review bomb something.
Yeah.
Don't do that.
You guys are weird.
I saw reviews literally saying this is the worst game I've ever played.
And I'm like what?
What are you talking about?
(16:21):
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about you guys?
Mad tripping.
I mean I okay.
I don't review bomb games but I do get royally pissed.
Real pissed.
If I like expect a certain quality of game and it does not deliver.
Yeah.
But it's the same old gameplay.
It's not like aside from the story and everything the gameplay is the same game.
(16:43):
You just go and do wacky shit.
Wacky crime shit.
And people said it was repetitive.
There's a hell of different stuff that you're doing the whole time.
There's one part of the game I think I mentioned to you off mic but like there's a whole LARPing
thing that you do.
That's cool.
Where one of your homies is a fucking nerd and I love him.
His name is Eli and he's a G but he's a nerd.
(17:04):
He don't like the killing stuff.
He's like no I'd rather be over here making this money and doing my thing.
So he has this whole side quest where he builds a city wide LARPing thing and puts you on
the team and then he makes you like fake armor and say cardboard and he gives you fake non-lethal
guns.
(17:25):
And then you go out all over the fucking city in this fucking LARPing war and it's bad to
fuck ass.
It's maybe like three hours of gameplay too.
Wow.
On it's own just that.
Wow.
That shit was fun as fuck.
Can I just say I wish we could do that in real life.
Yeah.
Like a city wide LARP.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
That would be fucking amazing.
(17:46):
That shit was incredible.
People would ruin that.
There'd be some dumbasses bringing guns.
I already know.
It's so funny because at the beginning he's like explaining the rules because the guy you're
playing doesn't know what LARPing is.
And he's like yeah if you get hit three times you die.
You just got to lay down and it doesn't matter.
And if somebody stabs you you just got to play along.
(18:06):
You know you're done.
You're going to be dead.
If they hit your arm your arm's gone.
And that's how the characters act too.
Like they're like ah.
They like really play into it.
It's good.
They did a really good job on that game.
I don't care.
Damn.
Well I have it downloaded.
I'm going to play it.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
I don't know.
We're not sponsored by them.
We're not sponsored.
I just like it.
(18:26):
And I'm tired of people telling me bad stuff about stuff.
And then when I go and see for myself I'm like oh I enjoy this and everybody was wrong.
Don't listen to people's opinions man.
Make your own.
Form your own opinion.
I mean it's tough because I've heard.
I fall prey to that also.
I'll hear something really bad.
People are so adamant about their opinions and a lot of times it's not even their opinion.
(18:49):
Or it's like not even that big of a deal.
Not even like that whole Nickelback thing.
You know what that came from.
Where did that come from.
Brian Pulsane a comedian said fuck Nickelback and then the whole world was just like Nickelback
fucking sucks.
Shut up.
Shut the fuck up.
There's nothing wrong with Nickelback.
Are you serious?
Nickelback is a fine band.
You guys are wrong.
(19:10):
All of you are fucking wrong.
Brian Pulsane just didn't like them and now you guys are fucking dumb.
I actually don't never understood that hate for Nickelback.
It doesn't make any sense because it's not true.
They don't suck.
They suck pretty good.
Are they still making music?
Probably.
I'm not a fan of rock like that but you know I'm actually I don't really follow anybody.
So yeah Nickelback music is not bad.
(19:31):
You guys are wrong.
Shout out Nickelback.
Shout out to Nickelback also not a sponsor yet.
Why don't we spin some wheels and get started with this dumb ass podcast.
Sorry I kind of went on the tangent.
That's all right.
We got it.
We're airing out all our grievances.
Hear that.
Yeah.
Our first wheels are genre wheel.
What are we making today?
Let's spin it.
Go.
Go.
(19:51):
Go.
Spinning wheel go.
Save the world.
Okay.
Like a superhero or a mission.
Maybe.
Maybe.
You know it'd be nice if billionaires save the world.
You know that would be nice.
Yeah.
Somebody posted another thing that said if Jeff Bezos gave every single person in the
(20:13):
whole world a billion dollars he'd still have over 300 billion dollars.
So like you know you could definitely stimulate the economy Jeffery Bezos.
Yeah but then he wouldn't have 800 billion dollars.
He still doesn't.
He has three three three forty six.
Oh that's it.
He needs to get more.
He only has three hundred and forty six billion dollars you guys.
(20:35):
So get off his back.
Oh my god.
He could get everybody in the whole world a billion dollars.
Actually actually I think I heard Elon Musk is the richest person in the world now.
Is he?
Can we actually check.
He's in Congress.
Let's not get into that shall we.
(20:58):
I'm actually going to check how much money he has real quick.
I don't usually do this.
Yup it's Elon Musk now.
How much?
Why doesn't it say?
It just says richest person in the world according to the Bloomberg Billionaires Index.
Elon Musk richest person in the world.
Trust us bro.
Elon Musk net worth four hundred and thirty four point nine billion USD.
(21:25):
Nice and he needs every single one of those dollars.
From here dog.
He doesn't even go here.
Our next wheel is our setting.
Where are we taking place?
The world?
Probably.
Probably the world somewhere.
You know I mean maybe.
Spray!
Why is it hot?
(21:46):
The forest.
Okay yeah.
Yeah forest is part of the world.
I think we're going eco.
Maybe.
We gotta save the world.
You know I feel like the world kind of takes care of itself a little bit but nah.
Not really.
No it is choking to death and we are the cause.
Yeah.
Have you seen Fern Goley?
I have recently I watched Fern Goley.
(22:07):
You know most people don't know Robin Williams plays Batty in that.
Most people don't know that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What?
And by most people I mean my wife.
She didn't know.
Oh god.
She's like what?
That's Robin Williams?
Abby.
Abby.
Silly lady.
How do you not know?
Our next wheel is our character job.
What's the job of the main character?
(22:34):
Party animal dude.
Party animal.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Alright.
Yeah.
Yeah man.
I'm thinking like a party like a person who's supposed to save the world but has gone a
little too little overboard on the partying.
A little overboard.
A little overboard.
A little bit much.
You know it's alright but going a little overboard could be bad.
(22:55):
But what is their flaw?
What's the character's flaw?
Water flow.
Bye animal.
They can't say the word village.
Yeah.
Okay.
Alright.
Alright.
That's gonna be a tough one I think but we'll work with it.
(23:16):
I know.
This is probably gonna be one of those ones that we just totally forget about.
Yeah probably.
Our second to last wheel is our antagonist.
Antagonist.
Who is the bad person of the story?
Let's spin it.
Bad.
Bad spin.
Bad.
Bad.
Bad spin.
Bad spin.
Bad spin.
(23:37):
Some guy in a parking lot.
That devious guy in the parking lot.
That motherfucker.
Just really destroying the world ain't he?
So to recap we have a save the world story.
We're in the forest.
Our main character is a party animal who can't say the word village and the antagonist is
some guy in a parking lot.
(23:58):
Some guy in a parking lot.
Some dickhead.
We're gonna open up with just this dude.
I'm gonna call him Dom Free.
Dom Free.
And he is a white man.
Okay.
38 years old.
Slick back hair.
Total piece of shit.
(24:18):
Tired of life and the way things are going.
And he is late at night.
He's on the island of Wikiki.
In Hawaii?
No.
I was trying to make up an island.
Oh, an island.
Island of Emoclo.
Emoclo.
Emoclo.
(24:39):
I feel like that's a real island.
Island Emoclo?
Yeah, Emoclo Island.
Yeah, party!
Dom Free is climbing up a coconut tree and he is of course saying, what's that thing
Kamala Harris says?
You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?
(25:04):
You are the thing that came before.
I don't fucking know.
He takes a drink.
He's up in a tree drinking?
Below the tree is a group of his friends.
This is a billionaire's soiree.
Oh, okay.
You know, they have this whole island just to party it up.
(25:26):
And we're all, you know, we're a group of sophisticated billionaires.
Sophisticates?
Oh, there goes Dom Free drinking away his cares.
How droll.
What does droll mean?
I don't know, dude.
AI assistant, what does droll mean?
Droll means?
Oh, the Wi-Fi is down.
Oh, motherfucker.
Terrible.
Treble.
Treble.
So I want you to imagine this group of billionaires all sitting in a tree.
(25:54):
This group of billionaires, old white men.
And they are kind of in this lavish.
I don't know.
It's pretty lavish, but it's also just kind of in the middle of the fucking forest late
at night with some string lights and, you know, like Michael Jackson is playing there.
No, Michael Jackson wouldn't be playing there.
No.
(26:15):
Two pox playing.
Two pox?
Yeah, two pox.
And there's like a small crowd, you know.
All right.
Okay.
Is it two pox really there?
It's a hologram.
This is where he lives?
This is hologram.
Because he's not dead?
It's two pox hologram.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What happened to that, man?
I don't know.
They brought it to the island.
Oh, okay.
(26:35):
Yeah.
Right, right, right.
So what are we going to do?
What are we going to do about the worms?
The worms?
The infestation.
Probably die, Clarence.
I don't...
What?
You think we will die?
I mean, right.
They're on our island, right?
No, no.
I'm talking about the people out there.
Oh.
The peasants.
I see.
I know what you mean.
(26:56):
Those worms.
I've been checking the internet and seeing that people do not think highly of billionaires
such as ourselves.
What?
What did we ever do to anybody?
Dom Frey jumps down from the tree.
You know, he still just zooted out.
Well, for starters, you guys freaking ruined the economy.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
(27:17):
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
You ruined the economy.
And people can't afford groceries.
Well, that's news to us.
We can afford groceries.
Yeah, I can afford groceries.
What did Dom Frey do?
You're drunk again.
You have no idea what you're saying.
This man is on drugs.
I don't do that.
That has nothing to do with look.
He pulls out his phone and-
It's like, yeah, but that's not-
(27:38):
He shows, like, a TikTok.
And it's just like an article of that things are unaffordable and that the end is nigh
Oh, this is how the common worm thinks right now things are bad
Oh, can we can we do park pause
(28:00):
Pause is literally pauses the the Tupac hologram. Can you play a small violin, please?
Small violin for the for the worms. I feel like to bug you how to play the violin. Yeah, he plays it
It's very good. It is very small to
Conceal to don't free what we're billionaires. It doesn't matter. None of this matters to us
None of it matters dummy. Well, what is I'm just maybe I'm drunk. Yeah, but like I just feel like we're like a small
(28:29):
Sounded out. What what is it? You're trying to say village village don't free
Yeah, are you trying to say village again? I spit it out man. We're like a really good town, but smaller
Look at you dump free so dumb can't even say the word village can't even say it how
Drool well, I'm a billionaire too, and I'm actually gonna do something good with my life. Damn it
(28:55):
That's so weird that he has more money than all of us. That's how did that even happen?
It was wait. Wait, what are you saying? He's has more money than us. I don't know how that happened
I don't know
$1,000,000 Jesus. Okay. How did you get that? I exploited people? Okay
You know those scam calls I that's me man. I do it
(29:15):
I every I have like a like a million people working for me setting out scam calls and I hate it
You know those little things they get stuck to your shoelaces. I made them
You know when people don't put their carts back those me
You know flavorless chewing gum I invented chewing gum
Oh, I hate chewing I get another for everyone every every piece of gum. Well, don't free think about it
(29:38):
Like we're all actually so the Billionaire's Club Terry. Why don't you go ahead and tell us tell them about it
You know Dom free so he doesn't do something stupid
Terry is is also drunk. He's a very tall
White man that is actually Colonel Sanders. He's actually Colonel Sanders
Yeah, but he changed his name Terry. Huh? Okay. Yeah, and uh, I was a cool guy
(30:00):
Yeah, it was cool, but not Terry Terry sucks. Terry fucking sucks. You got oh
Here's the plan. Here's the plan. I'm sorry
Lost my voice there for a moment
Pardon me. You're pardoned. Here's the plan y'all. We're gonna actually build us a space colony
For the work not for the working class
(30:22):
Excuse me for the billionaire class such as ourselves. Okay, where's my mic at Tupac?
Hand me the mic. He holograms him. Well, he can't actually do that. So just a PA comes in
He's like trying to grab it and he's just going through the mic just
Thank you very much boy. Now. Listen here boy
Jesus Christ listen here everybody
(30:45):
Hi, it's me Terry Sanders. I Terry
Hi, y'all know me. He all know them. I can't I can't talk about that recipe in my previous life
We're talking about the real the future here everybody and the future is looking pretty bright now check it out here
Pull up that that hologram PowerPoint worked on a hologram PowerPoint shows up and
(31:08):
It's just taking up the holes the whole night sky. It's the whole sky just just in this vicinity
All right. So what we're gonna do here's the plan everyone what we're gonna do is exploit the working class for just a couple more years
Okay, all right. Okay, we're really gonna we're gonna really wring them dry. You know what I'm saying, right? Right like point 25
(31:29):
We're gonna have a couple good things Cassandra. What were those good things that we're gonna um
Yeah, yeah, we're gonna release a switch to I think sometime later this year people will really like that'll
Increase like there's like a graph like explaining kind of a happiness chart for people that will kind of increase, you know happiness and work
(31:50):
morale and I think
It'll be like a funny meme like a new funny meme that people will like, okay, that's great
Yeah, that's good stuff. Good stuff. Everybody clap for that actually
Just hold them over right we're gonna keep exploiting them we're gonna increase the price of eggs
chicken
(32:13):
You know the same old same old right right people are gonna complain get all mad
We're gonna keep exploiting them cuz we're trying to reach a trillion dollars. Sorry two trillion dollars to truly got a trillion dollars
(32:38):
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got to look at that. Look at that piggy bank right there, buddy
Those people have money and if they have it then how will it be ours, right?
So that don't make no sense. We got to take all their money. They shouldn't have money
You know the money and have any money our money Dumfries like I have a question. I have a question
Oh god, here's Dumfries. No, wait, you wait you question. Can wait Dumfries. Let me just finish. I'm almost done
(33:02):
I promise we take all the money from the people we hire a contractor guy named Ted
Who's really really good at building spaceships? Oh, I know Ted. He's really good. He's good man
But he turns the light he charges to two trillion dollars actually
But he's good someone tell me he's good
But he's gonna build us this space colony arc and then we're gonna fly off the space and go to another galaxy
(33:24):
take the whole island of
emo clue
emo emo clue into space and we're gonna form our own planet
Mm-hmm planet emo clue and there'll be free chicken for everybody free chicken just for us though
Everybody you can clap now
All right Flynn you can keep going my name is
(33:46):
Anyways, what did you have to say Dom free now that you know our plan?
What's what's the deal like who cares about the small?
Insignificant don't get it dude. Like the earth is like dying. Yeah, I know we've we've been that's that's the plan
Yeah, that's what we're doing. We're exploiting all the resources and the people did nobody tell you we were killing the planet on purpose
This is you not hear about the wildfire. That was that was Rick
(34:10):
That was all Rick's idea. I'm gonna go do good things. Okay, we can still save the planet. I'm leaving now
He pushes a button on his watch and he jetpacks off
He had a real Iron Man suit built and it comes out his watch
He's the only person on the world on the whole planet as it made out of nanotechnology
That's it didn't exist but he had it invented because he has so much money
(34:36):
That's really cool actually, all right, let's get higher an assassin
He looks around at people who are drinking and dining and he's like, oh
What's what's his name?
The there's a system that comes and kind of whispers next to him. His name is John. He's uh, he parked his car here
(34:59):
We go over to John
He is
There's a parking lot on this
Island and it's just his car. It's a Honda Civic
1998 so this is what are those things called?
Where it's an island, but during low tide there's like a land bridge that you can get off
um
No idea. Well, it's one of those
(35:21):
Okay. Yeah, what's John doing? John is stuck on the island. He came to see you. He was just he was just wandering around
Hi. Hello. You must be John. Hey
Yeah
I'm hot. What happened to the road? The road is gone. Oh, it's it's terrible. Are you okay? Are you safe? Okay, rhetorical
(35:42):
I don't care. Listen, there's a billionaire who's trying to destroy the world billionaire
You say and and global warming you believe in that? Oh, of course not. No, no, no
Well, if you did believe in that it's it's him. He's the one his name is Dom free and he's he's really bad. So
You think you can kill him for us, please, huh? Hmm. Hmm. That does sound like fun
(36:05):
Hmm. Yes. Yes, I can do that. Yes, I can pay you. Yes, then yes. Yes. I'll absolutely
Oh, you know you were gonna do it without being paid. No, no, no, I wasn't I wasn't okay. Listen, let's negotiate a price
How about one dollar?
Seems a little long
How about two dollars?
Maybe it could get a little higher. He's waving his hands up. He's like come on
(36:27):
Oh, man. Okay. Okay. Okay
Um
One dollar and fifty cents
One dollar and fifty cents that's less because you are a worm and I do not have to I am literally losing money talking to you
Don well then kill your own dummy dummy. I'll throw in I'll throw in a couple meals. There's also meals
Yeah, you can give them pizza pizza party. Wait, wait, wait pizza from pizza palace or pizza from pizza place is a voucher
(36:52):
You can choose which pizza spot any pizza. I want any pizza two pizzas two pizzas two medium two toppings ten minute breaks
Two only per hour per six hours from anywhere. I want. Yes, including pizza palace. Yes. I'll do it
God yes fine. You're signed sign this
Hands him a napkin
(37:14):
He couldn't he couldn't sign it faster. He could not
Yes process that put it in the database. Great. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good cut to
Sometime later we are in a village, you know
I feel which we're in a village undisclosed location, but somewhere in the forest and it's
(37:34):
You know, they're they're like there are people who are kind of like they're not like
How do I say it like they're not?
They're not they're they're like modern but like not really like they got like I freaking cows and horses and
And a couple people in the village have phones
(37:54):
Village is called rural. We have rural
Oh
How you doing there?
What what you doing? What you doing there?
Dumfrey is like
On his laptop sitting by the mountainside. This is a beautiful village. By the way, it's like very got like a fuse of like the the mountains
(38:16):
And landscape
Lush Lush scape. Who are you? Oh, sorry. I'm still a little over God. Do you have bread? Do you have sandwiches or something?
Wow, did somebody say sandwiches? I'll whip up some sandwich. Oh my god, you're fucking angel, dude
Yeah, dude, please. You can just call me Nana. Nana think you're the you're the goat Nana. I know what what are you doing here? Oh
(38:41):
Oh, he stands up and kind of streams his shirt. He's wearing like cashmere
But like I should be here but like kind of dirty dirty cashmere with wild hair
My name's Dom free and I'm gonna save the world
What a nice young man. I'm gonna throw in some cookies for you to
(39:01):
Top of these sandwiches. Give it give it give us one moment
Don free and I just try to help. Okay, and he's one of them crypto bros crypto. He's a
Another one of crypto
He's something else Nana, that's something I could hear you guys. I can hear you guys. I'm not a crypto, bro
(39:21):
I'm a billionaire billionaire. Oh, yeah
What's what's a billionaire like a like something after like a thousand?
Yeah, yeah something like that. Oh, well good for you. Yeah, so hey, I I want to save the world and I got a I got a big
Plan. Do you guys want to join me? I can't
(39:42):
Listen it takes it takes something that's smaller than a town
To to make a difference, okay
I'm not too good with words and I I'm not super smart
But I made a lot of money being a bad person and now I want to be a good person
Yeah, he's like, you know that you know that little ring that holds the cap on your soda, but sometimes it gets stuck
(40:03):
I invented that
You know those like nails those like hang nails on the side of your fingers that are like really hard to get off
tells me
You know knobs you ever heard of knobs like the things you turn and turn stuff on yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was my dad
(40:24):
I'm not all bad. You know, you know like like interest rate
The idea of like paying the concept of like debt
Sorry about that guys
You know, you know fucking you know screws
You ever heard of screws? Yeah screws
Yeah, well, I put them I put them to anybody who says I ain't a billionaire. Okay, I think I get the idea
(40:48):
So you're responsible for a lot of bad things don't
One more one more, you know, like those those those nails and screws that like they get stripped when you like try to screw it in
Uh-huh. Yeah, that was a business practice. It made us a lot of money man. Wow. Wow. Yeah
But yeah, sorry. Yeah, I want to do good. So do you think
(41:08):
You guys can have a town home. We can talk about it because some billionaires are trying to ruin the world that I can help
What do you think Nana? Well, I got these sandwiches for I'm already
So I guess you know whatever all right, let's go down to the town
(41:30):
I'm so much richer than your grandson
We're gonna take a short break get right back to this amazing story shawty don't go anyway, please
Please stay there
Hey, do you like t-shirts maybe hats well, I got good news for you the merch store is open
Come check us out at link tree comm slash D and GP OD
(41:54):
Click the merch link and get yourself a definitely not good shirt or a definitely not good hat and for a limited time grab yourself
I am the water goblin t-shirt. This is in the limited stock and won't be there forever
Thank you for supporting us and now let's get back to some definitely
Not good. Oh, what's up? We're back and we got another sponsor. You know, my let's spin that sponsor wheel
(42:26):
Today's episode is brought to you by the number three this episode is proudly sponsored by one two three
Is the magic number and magic number it's kind of crazy how awesome three is yeah
Yeah, think about how crazy it is. I love three. Yeah is you know
You know in America, that's a that's a big it's a big one. That's a big old number. Oh, yeah
(42:49):
Yeah, and the rule of threes. I don't want to sound like a flugging nerd, but uh, that's not fun
You ever notice that your skin?
Is fucking tetrahedron tetrahedrons like fucking stitched together is it? Yeah, if you look real close
Like if like like listener take a moment look at your skin and notice that it's just tetrahedrons
(43:11):
Like freaking stitched together. You're just a bunch of triangles man, dude. I'm freaking out right now
That's how awesome three is. I love three also three is a company. There is a company. Yeah
Oh, yeah, I'm freaking out right now
Yeah, four is a crowd but four is a crowd. What else can I say about three? I mean
It's better than two. It's way better than two three is when when shit happens
(43:33):
Right, right three. That's that's when you that's when you go. Yeah
You know like just imagine if there's like one more person here if there was one more person this shit would go crazy
It would be three people
Oh shit
Ah, ah, ah, well that's how my daughter laughs. She laughs like the count. It's so funny. We got to have her on this podcast man
One two three
(43:57):
Ah
Thank you three. Thank you three gonna wrap you up right there. You're so cute
What do you do? You look like the top of a heart. Yeah
turn sideways
Where we last left off Dom free the billionaire
And richest person alive. Yeah. Yeah. Sure has defected from the billionaires club and is now joined a village
(44:19):
To try and save the world. However, he can't quite say the word village and he's not quite that smart
But he does have good intentions
Meanwhile, there's a guy named john in a parking lot who has agreed to assassinate dom free for a good reason
In a parking lot who has agreed to assassinate dom free for a dollar fifty and some pizza from pizza palace
(44:45):
From pizza palace, excuse me, and we'll see where that goes. We don't um, we we don't tell um,
We don't kiss and tell
That's not what I wanted to say, um, yes it is
We like to throw a wrench in our already broken story. So uh, we're gonna spin one more wheel called the topic wheel
So let's spin it
(45:12):
Pyramid scheme
Okay. Okay. Well then will yeah
So we're gonna cut to um the town hall
And we are at this very large wooden beautiful table and kind of like this is oak. Yeah
Like tp hut kind of village situation
Hey everyone, my name is dom free. I'm fucking hungover still after those sandwiches. Sorry about that
(45:36):
Um, listen, i'm a billionaire also the richest person alive
And um, i'd like to i'd like to put you in on this idea, right?
I want you to think of a pyramid. Okay, like I am at the very top, you know, and then I give you money
Right, and then you give other people money
(45:58):
And then those people give other people money and then you just keep giving money until there's like a pyramid
And that's that's a pyramid scheme. Wow
I don't see how that could lose right? So like let's do it right who wants to join this? I bought you some cookies
Oh, thank you, dude. Oh god fucking oh fucking eat nuts. I'm allergic to nuts allergic to nuts
(46:21):
Oh my that's that's terrible guys
That's terrible guys here's some without nuts. Okay, who wants some insulin? Thank you
Oh, what's up? Okay. Insulin frosting insulin. What's I always make it just in case somebody's alerted
I'm not diabetic though
Dude, but okay. Um, i'm gonna put that aside
(46:45):
Anybody got some water i'm fucking thirsty man. I've been flying in the air thirsty
Oh
Fuck where's the wi-fi at shit. It's just banging on his laptop. I bought you some milk
She's such a sweet old lady
uh
(47:05):
one of the younger um villagers with a smartphone one of the only ones his name is uh
Zach zach. Thank you. Hey, uh, it's me. Oh actually yeah, i'll play zach. I'm trying to think of a good voice for him. Um
Hey
My name's zach. That's a good voice. Oh, what's up zach? Uh, listen, I know
(47:26):
Uh, I know a little technology. I'm a little smarter than the other guys and
I don't think a pair of bitch game is gonna work. I'm gonna fuck this guy
I'm sorry. Uh, no, that's
Let's talk outside dude. They walk outside. We're gonna cut to uh, john still in the parking lot
You know, no, actually he's in a different parking lot now, uh, with his car. Yeah, he's making it
(47:48):
Not a tiktok. He's making a video on a platform
Is it lemonade?
Sure, um, can you go ahead and make a uh a campaign video?
against uh
domphrey
Hey guys, it's me john
um
(48:09):
What's up pizza pals? Uh all of my pizza
Pizza people out there holler at your pizza boy. Uh, it's me john
Um, i'm out on a mission. I'm in another parking lot today
um
i'm finally gonna put my trunk full of guns to use and take take uh action into my own hands
(48:31):
And you know handle some stuff and i'm gonna get some pizza out of it
We're gonna get some good from pizza palace, you know, because your boy your boy digs the finer things
So it gets paused real quick and we see um, zach is showing this video to um domphrey
I'm, so sorry, but this guy is sending a death threat video to everyone. He's saying he's gonna kill you
(48:54):
He's gonna lose gonna what look it says at
Domphrey billion billion dollar club. That's you right? That's you that's your tiktok
I don't have a tiktok anymore dude that fucking
I mean nobody the government took that from me, dude. They took it just like everything they're destroying the earth
Okay. Well this guy he says something really bad here. I'm gonna keep playing. Um, yeah
(49:18):
If I can't find him i'm just gonna set off all these bombs that I have all over town and hopefully i'll get him that way
Uh, so if you're in the united states of america or any other country on the planet
You should probably stay indoors
Um because you don't want to get caught in the blast radius
(49:38):
Uh, yeah, so, you know like and subscribe
Um, if you have pieces suggestions go ahead and send those in he pauses it again
He's gonna he's gonna bomb everything man until he finds you. It's really bad. What the fuck is chugged properly?
Zach you gotta chill dude
Um, yeah, that's that is pretty bad. I'm not gonna not gonna lie like no cap. That's that's that's pretty bad. Okay, um
(50:02):
um
but
Okay. All right. Hear me out. We uh, we
I gotta be honest. Zach. I don't i'm not smart. I'm not a smart guy. I don't know what i'm doing
Ah, man, don't do that. I just have a shit ton of money and I I you know, I gotta I don't know what to do
I just want to throw money at and let someone else handle it. You know, don't talk like that
(50:24):
Don't talk about my friend like that. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do either. Well, I
I guess we could just give up
How the nana comes out is anybody want any cut up apples? I cut some apples for everybody nana
Can I ask you like a question like no cap like on the real? Oh anything baby if you had like
Like a hundred billion dollars and you had to save the world. What would you do?
(50:49):
Well, I'd probably need a good quilt for my grandkids
Oh shit
That's it
Okay, I got the perfect plan y'all. I got it. I got it. I got it
I got it. We're gonna cut to some time. Did I miss something?
Way off to the future and uh, we see john in an undisclosed location in the forest
(51:09):
He's making a video about to set off this first bomb. What's he saying in the video?
Hey guys, it's me john your pizza pal
boss man from pizzaville
Hey guys, um check this out. So like, um, I haven't been able to find my target
So i'm gonna set off these first couple of bombs
Um, just gotta put them into the computer on my wrist. These billionaire dudes really have some cool technology
(51:34):
You know, I didn't even have to set this up. They already had it all set up
They're just like hey man, if you if you can't find them just start blowing shit up
Just make sure don't hit any of our buildings. You know what I mean? Suddenly you hear choppers a lot of choppers
and john looks up and sees just a shadow cast all over the freaking um
Um forest, uh, just expanding outward and what you see more chopper than sky
(51:59):
What you see these choppers carrying is a giant quilt
Nana's plan is coming to fruition and they they drop that shit all over the the forest
Whoa
It's gonna be so cozy. He's watching on a live stream video that they set up at the village. What do you guys this is it dude?
(52:21):
Like no one's gonna freaking burn the freaking the freaking forest if there's a quilt
Yeah, yeah, no, that's that's a solid plan
I see what you're doing. I understand as they're watching the live stream. It just goes up in flames
The quill burns it actually adds to the fire
It makes it worse. It made it's made out of synthetic fibers. They just they just go up like a christmas tree. Oh
(52:47):
Oh, dude, this isn't this is not
What I wanted to happen
This wasn't my plan. Um, hey
Um, can I talk to you real quick? Yes. Yeah, zach. Yeah. Hey, hey, keep watching that fire guys. Don't be back. Keep watching it
What's up little dude, um
I don't know how to say this just say it dude say it. I'll say get it off your chest man
(53:11):
Can you can you just give people money?
What like give just like give that's not gonna solve problems dude. No, it's actually gonna solve all the problems
Okay, so like what just do like a fund and just give people money. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you got it, right? Uh,
Okay
(53:31):
I guess i'll just give people money
Hey
Oh, give me a second calls up a um, uh billionaires on the phone billionaire hotline billionaire hotline
Yeah, put me out to the billionaires club. This is dom free. Okay, one moment
Hello dom free dude, this little dude says just give money to people isn't that crazy
(53:58):
You heard that right we're laughing
Give people money. Yeah, and I suppose we'll just uh
I suppose we'll also just make our own food while we're at it
Okay, well i'm gonna do it what what yeah, I just I don't know the quilt thing didn't work out and I
(54:18):
I feel bad about the fire. So i'm gonna um, i'm gonna wire everyone some money
You can't do that no i'm gonna do it but you you can't no, I mean I yeah
No, I can't but someone else will
No, I can't but someone else will
Dom free listen to me. Listen to me very carefully. Listen
(54:41):
If you do this
We are not going to survive the human race will die along with the planet
There has to be people on top. There has to be people on top. This planet is doomed
Okay, we're going to die within a decade
So come back do not give any of these worms your money and we'll formulate some kind of plan. He hangs up
(55:01):
Dom free Dom free
Where's that assassin at?
We cut to some time later and um
Dom free's meeting with a hacker. Would you mind playing the the hacker jackson? Yes, I can play a hacker
Hey, so your name's jackson. You're like the best hacker in the world, right?
What an understatement
He like shifts up his glasses and he has like a uh anime body pillow in the back. Um, this is his mom's bedroom
(55:26):
by the way
So my mom loves anime
I think maybe you love anime dude, but no
No, don't tell people that dude. Anyways, um
Do you think you can hack into everyone's account and just give them like a like a billion dollars each person?
I sure can I sure can do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I can make that happen. Yeah for sure
Can you explain in an excruciating detail? How are you gonna do that? Yeah. Well, okay
(55:50):
So first thing i'm gonna do is i'm gonna hack into the mainframe. Okay. Oh
and then i'm gonna uh
computer jargon this uh
think of a jig and then twist it into a
par six and then
You know, uh 20 quid a liter. Uh, uh, everybody will have a billion dollars in their accounts. Wow. Yeah
(56:12):
All right. Well, here's my credit card. Oh go for it. Okay. Here we go
I'm gonna put this into the my hard drive here and then um, a couple of microchips and
Wow jackson's filthy at this man. He's really good. He's really hacking. Wow. Okay hacking the fuck out of that system
So worldwide, um, we're seeing a compilation of people getting notifications on their phones through venmo
(56:35):
Cash app not sponsors by the way not sponsors, but their banks are notifying them that they've just been dropped
One billion dollars one through the account billion dollars
and
People are crying people are getting in car accidents
Cats are being thrown
Dogs are being thrown. I don't know people are breaking up with each other
(56:58):
right and like people is chaos, but also absolute happiness and
Uh, we zoom out to the world. It is on fire
But the fire slowly starts to come to a very quiet
Quiet halt the fire is gone. Wow. He did it. He saved the fucking world
By just giving everybody some money
(57:19):
That's it guys. That's the end. That's the end. That's the end of the story
That's uh, we we freaking did it. Did we learn anything? Yeah
Yeah, I think we did. I think we learned some stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
I'd like to thank my my producer Nuckety for uh for co-hosting the shit out of this
Good dog. Um, where can people find your ass? Oh, they can find they can find my ass online
(57:44):
everywhere except for tiktok
R.I.P
R.I.P tiktok, uh at nuqady and there you will find things like beats and and maybe you could perhaps message me for
studio time
um where we can make music or podcasts or or voiceovers or
You know do some some some some audio stuff
(58:08):
For a movie or anything anything with sound
I got your boy gotcha. He gotcha. I gotcha dog. And by the way, uh
If you would like to check out our stuff at definitely not good swing on over to linktree.com
Slash dng pod click the merch link buy yourself a definitely not good hat or definitely not good shirt or definitely not good bookmark
(58:31):
We probably don't sell that but if you know, well, you know, there you go
Um or just come say hi to us on our social media platforms
Uh, we have um all of them. We we have them all yugi all all of them find us on eliminate
Or clapper clapper
threads
Goodbye guys. Eh, stay safe out there. Whoa, definitely not good You
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