February 11, 2025 • 33 mins
Frog Aliens.
Host - CJ Rhone
Producer - Nuqady
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, what up you dingus?
(00:02):
This is Definitely Not Good, the podcast where we create stories and they're definitely probably
not good.
I'm your host CJ and I'm joined by my producer, Nuckity.
Hey, it's just us and we're going to do a quick one for you because we are running low
on time.
Quickly.
Time, time, time.
What you gonna do?
Quick for ya.
I don't know what this is, but it's definitely not good.
(00:43):
If this is your first time listening, this is pretty much how everything works.
We are amazing storytellers.
Amazing.
And it's our job, our sacred duty to come up with a story completely from scratch with
a little twist.
We have a series of wheels we're gonna spin, each of them random, and depending on where
the wheels land, we have to somehow incorporate it into our story.
Somehow.
(01:04):
Somehow.
So pretty much we're just trying to improv a story.
I don't know if I should just say that from now on, it's a little easier.
But yeah, welcome.
This is technically improv.
Technically, we're improv-ing all the time.
Nuckity, how you doing today?
I gotta pee pretty bad.
You gotta pee?
Why you always gotta pee?
I like to hold it.
You should, just go man.
(01:25):
No, no, no, I'm funnier.
I'm funnier when I gotta pee.
Do you think you'd be funnier if you peed your pants?
Yeah, that'd be hilarious, man.
I don't know if I like that smell very much.
My pee smells good.
Was it good?
Can you define good?
It smells like gummy bears.
Should I talk to a doctor?
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe.
Also, that's interesting.
We don't have a sponsor to help us with this.
We don't have a sponsor to help us with this.
We don't have a sponsor to help us with this.
We don't have a sponsor to help us with this.
(01:46):
We don't have a sponsor today, but we do have a wheel to spin a sponsor.
So let's spin that fake sponsor wheel.
Okay.
Let's do it.
Today's episode is brought to you by Violence.
This episode is proudly sponsored by...
(02:06):
Where did this guy come from?
Ow!
Stop that!
Who are you?
Get off, man!
Can you grab him?
Hold on!
This doesn't have to be like this!
Okay, I'm fucking holding him down!
Shit!
It doesn't have to be like this!
Oh my god, dude.
What the fuck?
Who are you?
Okay, you ran out.
I don't know what the...
Okay.
CJ, are you okay?
(02:26):
I'm so scared.
What the fuck was that?
What the fuck was that?
Was that a sponsor?
I think that was our sponsor.
Oh, fuck, dude.
Fuck.
Well, thank you for your sponsorship.
I'll see you later.
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Well, thank you for sponsoring us today, Violent.
(02:48):
Don't do that again.
Can we remove that one from the wheel, actually?
I'll take it off right now.
That was bad.
That was bad.
Why was that guy so strong?
Was he just waiting?
He was so strong.
Like, we both tried to take him down, we just couldn't.
I'm out of breath.
That was crazy.
Well, sorry about that, listeners.
Usually, you know, we have a really good sponsor that we like to advocate for, but this time,
(03:12):
this time we can't advocate for that.
Yeah, I don't know what that was.
That was just kind of scary.
I'm a little frightened from that.
But we're gonna move on.
I'm gonna use that energy, you know?
You know what, CJ?
CJ, use it.
All right.
Well, fuck it.
Let's just get started with this show.
Fuck it.
It's like nothing like improv-ing after a beat down, right?
Yeah, my lip hurts, but I'll be fine.
(03:34):
I'll be fine.
We'll be good.
People want this show to happen.
You guys want it, right?
That's what you want?
Is this?
This is what you want?
Can you just make sure he's not there anymore before we start?
Yeah, he's gone.
He's gone.
Okay, good.
Lock the door, too.
Okay, sweet.
Sweet.
Yeah, so this is gonna be real quick.
(03:57):
Our first wheels are genre wheels.
Genre?
What are we making today?
The myth is real.
Oh.
So whatever myth we're going with today, it's real.
It's a real thing, you guys.
What's your favorite myth?
Hmm.
(04:17):
Locked in this monster.
Who, Nessie?
Yeah.
Nessie's not a myth.
Yeah, that's real.
Come on, man.
It was the Bigfoot reel?
Take this seriously, man.
Take this seriously.
Take this serial?
Take this serial, bro.
I'm so serial.
It's Man Bear Pig.
Our next-
Pretty sure it was Man Bear Pig.
That's my favorite myth.
Shout out South Park.
Not a sponsor.
(04:38):
Not a sponsor.
Our next wheel is our setting.
Setting.
Where are we taking place?
The sun.
No.
A bicycle-themed town.
So Portland?
Don't do this.
Don't do this.
You stop it.
(04:58):
You stop it right now.
They're kind of bicycle-themed.
They like unicycles.
Oh, sorry, unicycles.
We can go Seattle.
I don't know.
Sure, sure, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Lime.
Our next wheel-
Bike.
Is our character job.
Character job.
It's the job of the main character.
Bite it.
Spin it.
Oh, God.
We are going so fast.
They're a frog breeder.
(05:21):
Okay.
Is that a real job?
Maybe.
I feel like frogs can probably breed themselves.
Oh, yeah.
They need a little help from nature's little helper.
Humans?
Yeah.
Sure, sure.
Let's go with that.
Our next wheel is our character flaw.
(05:43):
Something's wrong with this frog breeder.
What is it?
What is it?
Let's spin that wheel and find out.
But I'm scared.
It's okay.
He's gone.
It's locked.
Okay.
Spin it.
I'm spinning.
I'm spinning.
I'm spinning.
I'm being loud and I'm spinning.
They might not be a human.
Ooh, so they might be a frog.
(06:04):
Maybe.
That's a typical problem here in Seattle.
Goddamn frogmen.
Our second to last wheel is our antagonist.
That's the one.
Who's the bad person?
Spin it.
I'm spinning.
How did they learn how to spin it?
Daniel.
Nice.
Daniel is the villain.
(06:29):
So can you remind me what the genre was again?
I can't.
I can't.
Damn it.
What was it?
We could probably cut this out, but I'm trying to remember.
So frog breeder, Seattle, bike-themed town, Daniel's the villain.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, the myth is real.
(06:50):
Okay.
The myth is real.
Okay.
So to recap, we have a myth is real type story.
Our main character is a frog breeder in a town of bikes.
We'll just say Seattle.
The flaw is that they might not be human and the villain is Daniel.
(07:11):
So we're going to jump right into this one.
Would you mind playing our frog breeder today?
Okay.
His name is Froakie.
You always say Froakie.
Let's make it.
Let's mix it up.
Let's call him like hops.
(07:34):
Hopper.
His name's Hopper.
He's a frog breeder.
What does he look like?
Frog.
He looks like frog.
He wears overalls, big beady eyed glasses, curly hair.
So Hopper is in the lab and he has a TV show called Myth Destroyers.
Myth Destroyers.
(07:55):
Yeah.
And so there's a myth that they're going after.
He's a dynamic duo.
Hosted by Rusty and?
Rusty and Hopper.
Hopper Heinemann.
Right.
So you're Hopper and I'm actually, my name's Daniel.
Your name is Daniel?
Yeah.
Oh shit.
(08:15):
What's going on everybody?
It's Myth Destroyers.
I'm Daniel.
This is Hopper.
I'm Hopper.
We're here to destroy another myth.
Today.
Another one bites the dust today guys.
That's right.
Today we have this dumb ass myth about aliens.
Aliens?
What's that?
You know some people think like frogs are aliens.
(08:38):
Isn't that crazy?
No.
You guys are being silly right now.
I mean I know if I ever saw an alien I would kill it.
I'd kick its fucking ass dude.
I'd kick its fucking ass.
Freaking kick its ass.
Yeah man.
But today we're going to try and look into it.
People claim to, there's like a series of shots as he's explaining it.
(09:00):
People have been saying that they've seen aliens for years and years.
So long.
Even in ancient times they said there was aliens in the sky.
In more recent times they seem to say that UAPs are in the air and that they've been
roaming around observing us.
Yeah those goddamn ooops.
Well I'm here to say it's about to be busted.
We're about to destroy this myth.
(09:22):
Aliens don't exist.
There's no fucking such thing as fucking aliens you fucking idiots.
Stay tuned for the myth to be busted guys.
We're about to bust this shit wide open cuss.
Camera recording stops.
DP comes out.
Alright beautiful.
Thank you.
That's a cut guys.
Oh thanks Cynthia.
That's cut.
And we're going to take five.
(09:43):
Has anybody seen my coffee?
I had a cup right over here.
Daniel goes over to the producer.
I fucking hate Hopper.
Like do I have to keep working with this fuckwad?
What's wrong with Hopper?
What's wrong with Hopper?
It's always something with you.
It's always something Daniel.
He's a fucking frog breeder.
Is that what he does?
Yeah in his own time.
In his own time.
But not when he's here.
He's all business when he's here.
(10:03):
He's literally doing it right now.
He's cutting his hair.
We're gonna be fucking frogs.
Now kiss.
Kiss frogs.
He's like making the frogs try to kiss each other while squishing the gums.
You guys are gonna make pretty babies.
I don't think he's human.
Why would you say that?
Why?
He has antennas.
Look man.
On his head.
We listen and we don't judge okay.
I like the other guy.
Why did you replace him?
(10:23):
Because he was touching women inappropriately dude.
We can't have that guy.
So what?
So what?
He's like it's fine.
It's fine.
Who cares about those women?
Well this guy has never touched a woman.
I can't.
He's touched plenty of frogs though.
Okay.
Hopper.
Yeah.
Hey let's go bust some aliens man.
(10:44):
Yeah let's go bust some myths.
Oh yeah let's go bust these fucking myths.
Yeah dude.
I can't wait.
I'll meet you over there at the shoot.
I cannot take you in my car.
It's very messy.
Oh I thought we were gonna ride together.
No no no I hate you.
I mean I don't have enough room so you're gonna have to take a bike.
(11:05):
Oh I guess that's cool.
There's plenty of bikes outside.
Yeah maybe.
Well I'll see you over there.
See you over there buddy.
Alright I'll meet you there.
Alright.
Fucking hate that guy.
So Danny.
He hops away.
So Daniel's fucked off.
He's taking a limo actually.
(11:26):
A nice limo.
It's a Cadillac limo.
Like a stretch hummer.
No a stretch escalade.
And he's off to the next location.
What is Hopper doing?
Hopper is on a bike just pedaling his little ass off.
Just pedaling away.
Yeah.
He's in Seattle so the hill is very very tall.
(11:47):
Yeah and his bike is in first gear so he's like pedaling more than he's moving.
He likes to get a good burn in before he busts a myth.
One of his frogs fall out of his backpack.
Oh no.
Was it lefty?
It was righty.
Oh shit.
Righty freaking hops all the way into traffic and he doesn't die but he is doing the frogger
(12:08):
thing where he's trying to avoid the cars and goes across the stream.
Does Hopper notice?
Yeah you noticed.
Righty!
No!
Righty!
He looks at his, at this hill at the very top and he looks at righty and he has to decide
what he's going to do.
What's he do?
Wait.
(12:29):
Hopper or righty?
Hopper.
Oh man I gotta get this.
I gotta get righty back.
Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.
And he starts pedaling his bike towards righty into traffic.
He's like you guys stop.
There's an innocent frog.
Holy shit!
There's an innocent frog.
He's innocent.
He didn't do anything to anybody.
He said it's righty they didn't do anything to anybody.
He caused the four car pile up.
(12:49):
Three people dead.
The incident enrages one of the drivers and they start a fight with another driver and
one of them gets shot.
Damn.
The police come and two of those officers get shot but they end up killing the rest
of the people that were in the accident because they all started to up rise.
It was very bloody.
Yeah it was a massacre and Hopper's just pedaling that bike through all of it.
(13:13):
I can't imagine it all.
My frog.
Little righty.
You didn't do anything to anybody.
You don't deserve this righty.
Lefty needs you.
Lefty is a white albino frog that's on his shoulder also trying to fall.
Wants righty back.
It has his little hand out like.
Looks worried and shit.
(13:34):
Cut to some time later and they are now at like a underpass.
You know like he's been biking for a while and he's finally found righty and he sees
him like kind of crawl into like a little hole.
Like a hole in a corner with a door and the door just kind of squeaks open.
What do you do?
He walks over to the door cautiously and he slowly pushes it wide open fast as hell.
(14:00):
He's like hey has anybody seen my fucking frog?
He is met by a table of alien frogs playing poker.
In frogs?
Yes.
Yeah they are.
Whoa.
So imagine like human sized frogs but aliens.
(14:22):
Okay.
They're but aliens.
Right right.
Like some are wearing business suits.
Some are wearing like tie-dye piece shirts.
One of them says whoa dude.
Awkward.
Do they?
What does?
Does Hopper look like one of them?
(14:42):
What does Hopper look like?
He looks like a hybrid.
He looks like a hybrid.
He's like in between a human and a frog?
Yeah.
Okay.
A frog-a-night?
A sophisticated bearded frog alien stands up and says you weren't supposed to be here
yet.
Oh this is so awkward.
I was just looking for my little frog buddy and I'm just going to take him and I'll get
(15:06):
out of your hair.
I'm kind of closing the door behind you.
We got a lot to talk about.
He turns around there's a giant, there's two giant like jet black frogs and they're all
buff.
They're not wearing shirts and they shut the door and they stand there and they guard the
door and he's like okay I guess I'll just stay right here.
Alright make myself at home.
Sits down.
Hopper we've been following you for a long time.
(15:27):
How do you know my name?
Because we are your cousins.
Well that makes sense.
I always felt like I didn't belong on this planet.
Yeah but you're a disgusting hybrid.
You're a half human half frog alien like us.
Yeah like a Nephilim.
I'm like the chosen one.
I'm a fucking daywalker.
Calm down you're not the chosen one.
(15:48):
You're more of an abomination actually.
Oh shit.
They all ribbit together.
That's racist man.
That's racist as hell.
But we have been watching you for a while and we noticed you're trying to bust myths.
Oh yeah I love busting.
Busting makes me feel good.
That's great.
That's gross Hopper.
What?
(16:08):
What?
What's gross about it?
Please explain.
People keep saying that.
The myth.
Here's what we need.
We need you to lay off on the aliens.
They can't know whether it's real or not.
Are they real?
No.
They look around at the room.
No.
There's like 20 of them.
No.
(16:29):
We're not aliens.
No.
One of them like pulls a curtain and hides a ship.
Here's your frog back.
Bridey.
Bridey.
There he is.
Oh come to papa little buddy.
How you doing Bridey?
Oh I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
You got away from daddy.
FYI.
Stop making them try to breed.
(16:50):
That's gross and weird.
But they're in love.
I have nothing to say about that.
There is no concept of love on our planet.
No love?
Well that's just sad.
We are a sad species.
But we are also alive.
That's why we're always frogs.
Alright be gone.
I'm so happy.
We're good enough.
(17:10):
We're good enough.
We're happy enough.
We're so happy all the time.
We just, you know?
Actually before you leave you might have questions for us.
So question away.
Two of them questions.
Two questions.
Two questions?
Okay not three.
No.
Not three.
Okay.
We'll think about it.
I'm not sure.
Okay.
We'll think about it.
Okay.
Okay.
First question.
(17:37):
What is the little red thing on the back of my knee?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Okay.
I guess that's just a meeting.
One of the scientists, frog alien, speaks up.
Um actually that would happen to be the Flappatoros.
All of us have one.
Some are different colors.
And some are rare.
(17:59):
You say you have a red one young lad.
Yeah on the back of my knee it's red and it's like a circle.
Can you fucking fold or play the game?
Sorry one moment.
Let me see your leg one young lad.
He pulls his pants down immediately.
No questions asked.
Oh no.
I didn't want to see all that.
He pulls his pants down and turns around and bends over.
No.
Oh god.
That's horrible.
(18:20):
That's horrible.
He didn't need to do it.
He was wearing shorts.
He like peeks his fingers, his eyes through his fingers.
Okay yes you have the red thing.
That means you're rare.
He's like I see it.
I see it.
That means you're rare.
That means you have telepathic abilities or something.
(18:41):
Put your pants back up.
I knew it.
I always knew I was special.
He pulls his pants up and turns around.
Yes.
I knew it.
Yes.
He's a very special.
He gives variety a high five.
Yeah man.
Second question go.
Second question.
Yeah.
You can also say you don't have any other questions.
I'm out of the other questions.
Alright get out of here.
The two buff frogs grab him and throw him out.
(19:02):
On his ass.
Into the bike he clasps.
Crashes into the bike just gets hurt a little bit.
That really hurt.
There's a phone call as soon as he lands.
Where the fuck are you?
Who is this?
This is the producer.
My name is Greg.
Oh Greg.
Greg.
Sorry sorry.
Greg Olsen.
(19:23):
Bitch where you at?
I'm I'm I'm on the way.
One of my frogs got loose.
I had to.
Okay if you're not here in ten minutes.
I'm fucking getting thrown out on the curb buddy.
On the curb?
Come on.
This was your day one man.
Are you fucking it up?
Is Daniel mad?
Is Daniel mad at me?
Daniel's pissed man.
That sounds like him.
Okay.
And the worst part is you gotta get me a diet coke before you get back.
Hurry up.
Okay okay.
I'm on my way.
I'm on my way.
We're gonna take a short break.
(19:44):
I regret it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
We're gonna take a short break.
I regret this voice.
Don't go anywhere.
Hey we're back.
Hey.
And we got another fake sponsor.
(20:05):
Let's spin that sponsor wheel.
Today's episode is brought to you by...
Violence?!
What the fuck?
oh shit!
oh fight!
oh come on!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
I got a knife! I got a knife!
I'm gonna stab you if you don't leave!
I'm gonna fucking...
Oh, shit! Ow!
Okay, he ran. He ran.
(20:25):
How did he get in?
How did he... I fucking closed and locked the door.
How did he get in?
He came in through the window. I saw him shitting me.
Why do we have a fucking window in here?
I don't know, man.
Oh, God.
I don't know what time it is sometimes.
Holy shit, dude.
This is a casino.
Um, should we...
Should we just maybe go home?
Do we need...
I'm fucking bleeding right now, dude.
Oh, God, Caesar, you're bleeding.
(20:46):
I'm bleeding. I'm shaking, actually.
Where's your eyebrow, man?
Oh, fuck. I only have one eyebrow.
Oh, God.
There's blood everywhere.
Where is all this blood from?
Is this from you?
Is this from... Where's this from?
Is this from me or you?
Why did we get that twice?
That's... This wheel is not good.
Yeah, these wheels are faulty.
Holy shit.
(21:07):
Whew!
Where we last left off?
Um...
Sorry. Let me...
I need to recalibrate from that.
Oh, okay.
I guess we're gonna get back to the story.
Someone must really hate this show
if they're just waiting to attack us.
Like...
Yeah, what the fuck is that guy's problem?
(21:28):
Jesus.
Fuck.
I mean, he left a bunch of money on the floor, but...
Oh, was that a different...
Okay, okay.
Who was the sponsor?
He was wearing a T-shirt that said violence on it.
I don't know.
I don't...
Well, at least violence pays, I guess.
Yeah, man.
That was good.
Okay.
(21:49):
Thank you. Thank you, violence.
Thanks, violence.
Where we last left off,
Hopper was on a show called Myth Destroyers
and was following a trail to find his frog, Ritey,
and stumbled upon frog aliens.
So now he's on his way to the set.
I mean, the frog aliens have told him not to divulge any secrets.
(22:11):
And so he's on his way back to the set to keep recording.
But Daniel doesn't really, like, get along with Hopper
and the vibes are kind of not there.
So we'll see what happens.
The vibes aren't vibing at all.
Yeah, it's not vibing.
I think he's trying to get him fired.
Probably.
We like to throw a wrench in an already broken story.
This one's definitely broken.
So let's...
Definitely, definitely broken.
Let's spin that topic wheel.
(22:32):
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
Hopper gets onto the set and they're just setting up all the light.
Well, the lights are already set up.
So I don't mean to break a train of thought.
You remember that Powerpuff Girls episode?
It wasn't even...
It was before the show was like on what a cartoon show or something.
(22:55):
When Fuzzy Lumpkins was turning everybody into meat.
No, it was incredible.
OK, I don't remember that.
Fuzzy Lumpkins was a great character.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was...
Yeah.
Hopper comes onto the set and sees something horrifying to him.
He cannot...
He cannot handle what he's seeing.
He is seeing a take of Daniel cutting open a frog and talking about the aliens.
(23:21):
Whoa.
So the first thing we're doing is like cutting open a frog because people think,
you know, I mean, by people, I mean me.
I think frogs might be aliens, but let's just get this nip it in the bud, right?
Like, look at this frog.
It's just got guts like everybody else, you know, no freaking weird star stuff,
(23:42):
celestial alien stuff here.
Is that good?
Is that good?
Can we cut?
We weren't rolling.
I don't...
Were you...
What are you doing?
Why was I freaking talking?
Why did you have me cut open this frog?
I don't know, man.
You just started doing it.
Were we supposed to stop you?
Oh, great.
Hopper is here.
Everybody.
(24:03):
I'm here, I'm here.
Give it up for Hopper.
Daniel, I'm here.
Oh, what the hell are you doing, man?
Oh, I cut open a frog because you took too long.
What?
What?
Yeah.
But why would you do that?
Because we're busting myths, dude.
Where like people think frogs are aliens or cutting them open.
Frogs aren't aliens.
There's no such thing as aliens, dude.
We need to get some B-roll of you cutting open a frog.
(24:23):
So we've got another frog here.
They bring open a very innocent frog.
It's got huge eyes and it's very baby frogs.
It's like, I'm just a frog.
I don't know why this one talks, but it's, you know,
I'm just a little frog.
It's just a frog.
It talks.
Hey, everybody, I'm a frog.
I'm going to tell you what a frog.
(24:44):
It's me, hey.
That's weird.
Here, you can stab it, Hopper.
Oh, what are you going to do with that knife?
Camera's rolling in action.
So we got Hopper here.
He's going to stab this frog open.
We're going to see if this is an alien.
I'm going to what?
You're going to what?
He's going to stab you.
I can't, I can't stab him.
He can't stab me.
Why would he stab me?
I'm just a little frog.
(25:05):
I'm just a little friend.
Oh my god, do I have to do everything around here?
Give me a knife, Hopper.
No, no, I won't be doing that.
No.
What?
He can't say no to me.
I'm dying.
This is my show.
This is my show.
We got to destroy the myth.
Daniel, I can't express to you how many fucks I don't give.
(25:25):
I can't.
I'm really trying here.
Daniel looks over at the producer,
and he says, keep rolling, keep rolling.
Is it because you're a frog?
What?
What are you talking about, man?
I'm not a frog.
I'm a human person.
I'm a human being.
He's a frog sympathizer, everyone.
All right, here's the real story today, guys.
(25:48):
Your beloved co-host, Fred, was replaced by Hopper here.
And Hopper here is not a real human.
He's a frog.
Ooh, fucking busted.
Admit it.
Admit it, Hopper.
I will admit nothing.
I am no frog.
I am a human man, boy.
Prove it.
Cut yourself open.
What?
What?
Cut yourself open.
(26:09):
Yeah, cut yourself open.
Let me see your frog meat, or your human meat.
What do you think I taste like, chicken?
I don't care what you taste like.
I just want to know if you're an alien or not.
How about I cut you?
How about that, Daniel?
Daniel, fucking Daniel?
Damn, Daniel.
Throw me a knife.
Someone throws him a knife.
And now we're in a knife fight.
(26:31):
All right.
Who's going to bust the first myth?
He like, kind of does like a little knife flip.
Who's going to bust the myth first, me or you, Hopper?
Me?
I'm going to, I don't know about myths,
but I'm going to bust your head open, dude.
He launches, he lunges in for a knife stab
right into the abdomen.
What does Hopper do?
Hopper jumps over him.
(26:53):
All the way over, does a fucking flip in the air,
still holding the little baby frog.
And the baby frog's like, wee, this is so much fun.
Do y'all see that?
You still think he's human?
You still think he's human?
Come on.
Is it just me?
I did gymnastics as a kid.
I'm just really good at it.
I'm going in for it.
Stay still.
This will make good footage, Hopper.
He jumps in for another lunge with the knife.
(27:14):
What does Hopper do?
Hopper shoots a tongue out of his mouth into Daniel's face.
Pardon?
Oh, gross.
Oh, is that your fucking tongue?
And it gets stuck.
And he pulls his tongue back and it rips off his mustache.
Oh, my mustache.
My mustache.
He spits it onto the little baby frog.
And the little baby frog's like, I've always wanted a mustache.
(27:36):
I couldn't grow one of my own.
You son of a bitch.
He goes in for a kill now.
He's just running at him, animal wild style.
And he tries to take him down.
He tackles him to the ground.
And he raises up the knife.
And he's about to stab him.
And you hear, cut.
And Daniel just stops.
What do you mean, cut?
What do you mean, cut?
(27:57):
What do you mean, cut?
That was beautiful.
That was really good.
Hi, it's me, the producer.
I forgot what my name is.
But this is good footage, guys.
It's a name for sure, I tell you.
I got a name, but you can just call me the producer.
Why did you say cut?
Yeah, what's going on?
Why are we cutting?
You guys are changing the game, all right?
(28:17):
Myth Destroyers is bombed.
This is so much more interesting.
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
I think we restructure the show into a reality show.
Two buddies, one might be an alien, one might not.
What do you guys think?
Like a buddy-cop thing?
I don't want to be his buddy.
He's a freaking weirdo, weirdo frog alien.
(28:39):
Yeah, that'll work for sure.
We're like best friends.
What if we gave you like a ton of money?
How much are we talking?
I don't know, $100,000 per episode?
That's pretty good.
Daniel gets up.
What about me?
What am I going to do?
Daniel gets up and helps hop her up.
I think we're going to sign on to this.
What do you think, Hopper?
I mean, yeah, I'm down if you're down.
I'm sorry for almost killing you.
(28:59):
I'm sorry, too.
Water under the bridge, right?
I don't know.
You're still weird.
I hate the way you talk.
I still can't just keep change your voice, maybe?
Like, can you change?
Am I talking weird?
Hold on.
Ahem.
Sorry about that.
Wait, that's how you sound this whole time?
Yeah, I have a cold.
(29:20):
I had some stuff in my throat.
Oh, god.
All right, well, that's better.
That's a lot better.
This is better?
Yeah.
Can I get my mustache back?
Oh, maybe you got to ask the little guy.
No, but I just got it.
I'm getting used to this.
I like having a little mustache.
He strips it off of the mustache.
Ew, fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
(29:43):
We cut to way farther into the future,
and it is a four season show called Hopper and Dan.
Hopper and Dan.
Dan and Hopper, sorry.
Dan and Hopper, his name comes first.
Yeah, and they are living out.
He was going to refuse to do the show,
but he put his name first.
Exactly.
And it's a reality show of Dan and Hopper
in a trailer park in the deep south.
(30:04):
Deep south.
Yeah.
Dan and Hopper, one's an alien, one's a regular human.
Not an alien, but, you know, hey, how do they live day to day?
And you just see a compilation like, I fucking hate you,
Hopper.
I hate you too, bro.
I fucking hate how you hop all over the place.
You make me fucking sick to my goddamn stomachs.
(30:25):
He closes the door with his tongue.
That's so fucking gross.
Also, I got a girlfriend.
It's a living, dude.
I don't know.
Also, we both have girlfriends.
My girlfriend's hotter than yours.
No, my girlfriend's hotter than.
I can't.
I'm trying.
Daniel, what's up?
Are you not feeling this?
(30:46):
I just, I'm not feeling it.
I'm not feeling it, Hopper.
You guys, you guys, come on.
Come on, get it together.
We got three more hours, and then we got a break for lunch.
This is getting, the boss is breathing down my fucking neck.
We can't keep doing this.
Maybe do the voice again.
Maybe just the voice.
But you remember, you sounded like really irritating
and horrible.
You seemed like a piece of shit when I first met you.
(31:07):
You remember, Hopper?
Oh, you got any milk?
Maybe.
Yeah, here's a fucking drink of milk.
Drink some milk.
Oh, there it is.
There it is.
Are we rolling?
Are we rolling?
Is this what I sound like?
Actually, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I fucking hate you, Hopper.
(31:27):
I fucking hate you too, dude.
Oh, man, I felt that.
That was good.
That was good.
Wonderful.
Wonderful.
That's it, guys.
We fucking did it.
We fucking did it.
Did you just end it?
Yes.
That's the end?
That's the end.
Fin?
Of Dan and Hopper.
Of it more.
I'd like to thank Nuckety.
Me?
For participating in this horrible, horrible show.
(31:49):
What?
I did what?
You know what you did.
Nuckety, where can they find your ass?
They can find my ass on the internet, on social medias.
Just go to the search bar and type in N-U-Q-A-D-Y.
And you'll find me.
(32:13):
You'll find me there.
That'll be me.
Yeah.
What do you think happened to those frog aliens?
Frog aliens.
Yeah.
We didn't really.
They're just kind of.
Yeah, they're just doing their own thing.
They're just kind of not relevant.
They're running underground gambling.
Yeah, underground gambling.
Yeah, yeah.
I guess, like, he, yeah, this is definitely not good, y'all.
(32:37):
This is definitely not good.
Thank you for listening.
What were you thinking?
I don't know why you're listening,
but we appreciate you being here, joining us.
You guys so much.
You fucking idiots.
Check us out at linktree.com slash D-N-G-P-O-D.
Click the merch link.
Buy a definitely not good hat or a definitely not good shirt.
Yeah, do it.
(32:57):
Leave us some love.
If you're cute.
Leave us some love at Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
Give us five stars.
Yeah, but don't do it if your booty's stank.
Yeah.
You got a stank in booty.
If your booty ain't popping, please.
If you got a stanky booty, Gunter,
you better fucking back up.
Yeah.
Only people with clean booties can like our show.
Exactly.
(33:18):
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah, you stank booty ass motherfucker.
Thanks.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks.
Stinky booties.
Bye.
So let's do it.
Got a stinky booty.
Definitely not good.
Hey, what up you dingus?
(00:02):
This is Definitely Not Good, the podcast where we create stories and they're definitely probably
not good.
I'm your host CJ and I'm joined by my producer, Nuckity.
Hey, it's just us and we're going to do a quick one for you because we are running low
on time.
Quickly.
Time, time, time.
What you gonna do?
Quick for ya.
I don't know what this is, but it's definitely not good.
(00:43):
If this is your first time listening, this is pretty much how everything works.
We are amazing storytellers.
Amazing.
And it's our job, our sacred duty to come up with a story completely from scratch with
a little twist.
We have a series of wheels we're gonna spin, each of them random, and depending on where
the wheels land, we have to somehow incorporate it into our story.
Somehow.
(01:04):
Somehow.
So pretty much we're just trying to improv a story.
I don't know if I should just say that from now on, it's a little easier.
But yeah, welcome.
This is technically improv.
Technically, we're improv-ing all the time.
Nuckity, how you doing today?
I gotta pee pretty bad.
You gotta pee?
Why you always gotta pee?
I like to hold it.
You should, just go man.
(01:25):
No, no, no, I'm funnier.
I'm funnier when I gotta pee.
Do you think you'd be funnier if you peed your pants?
Yeah, that'd be hilarious, man.
I don't know if I like that smell very much.
My pee smells good.
Was it good?
Can you define good?
It smells like gummy bears.
Should I talk to a doctor?
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe.
Also, that's interesting.
We don't have a sponsor to help us with this.
We don't have a sponsor to help us with this.
We don't have a sponsor to help us with this.
We don't have a sponsor to help us with this.
(01:46):
We don't have a sponsor today, but we do have a wheel to spin a sponsor.
So let's spin that fake sponsor wheel.
Okay.
Let's do it.
Today's episode is brought to you by Violence.
This episode is proudly sponsored by...
(02:06):
Where did this guy come from?
Ow!
Stop that!
Who are you?
Get off, man!
Can you grab him?
Hold on!
This doesn't have to be like this!
Okay, I'm fucking holding him down!
Shit!
It doesn't have to be like this!
Oh my god, dude.
What the fuck?
Who are you?
Okay, you ran out.
I don't know what the...
Okay.
CJ, are you okay?
(02:26):
I'm so scared.
What the fuck was that?
What the fuck was that?
Was that a sponsor?
I think that was our sponsor.
Oh, fuck, dude.
Fuck.
Well, thank you for your sponsorship.
I'll see you later.
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Well, thank you for sponsoring us today, Violent.
(02:48):
Don't do that again.
Can we remove that one from the wheel, actually?
I'll take it off right now.
That was bad.
That was bad.
Why was that guy so strong?
Was he just waiting?
He was so strong.
Like, we both tried to take him down, we just couldn't.
I'm out of breath.
That was crazy.
Well, sorry about that, listeners.
Usually, you know, we have a really good sponsor that we like to advocate for, but this time,
(03:12):
this time we can't advocate for that.
Yeah, I don't know what that was.
That was just kind of scary.
I'm a little frightened from that.
But we're gonna move on.
I'm gonna use that energy, you know?
You know what, CJ?
CJ, use it.
All right.
Well, fuck it.
Let's just get started with this show.
Fuck it.
It's like nothing like improv-ing after a beat down, right?
Yeah, my lip hurts, but I'll be fine.
(03:34):
I'll be fine.
We'll be good.
People want this show to happen.
You guys want it, right?
That's what you want?
Is this?
This is what you want?
Can you just make sure he's not there anymore before we start?
Yeah, he's gone.
He's gone.
Okay, good.
Lock the door, too.
Okay, sweet.
Sweet.
Yeah, so this is gonna be real quick.
(03:57):
Our first wheels are genre wheels.
Genre?
What are we making today?
The myth is real.
Oh.
So whatever myth we're going with today, it's real.
It's a real thing, you guys.
What's your favorite myth?
Hmm.
(04:17):
Locked in this monster.
Who, Nessie?
Yeah.
Nessie's not a myth.
Yeah, that's real.
Come on, man.
It was the Bigfoot reel?
Take this seriously, man.
Take this seriously.
Take this serial?
Take this serial, bro.
I'm so serial.
It's Man Bear Pig.
Our next-
Pretty sure it was Man Bear Pig.
That's my favorite myth.
Shout out South Park.
Not a sponsor.
(04:38):
Not a sponsor.
Our next wheel is our setting.
Setting.
Where are we taking place?
The sun.
No.
A bicycle-themed town.
So Portland?
Don't do this.
Don't do this.
You stop it.
(04:58):
You stop it right now.
They're kind of bicycle-themed.
They like unicycles.
Oh, sorry, unicycles.
We can go Seattle.
I don't know.
Sure, sure, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Lime.
Our next wheel-
Bike.
Is our character job.
Character job.
It's the job of the main character.
Bite it.
Spin it.
Oh, God.
We are going so fast.
They're a frog breeder.
(05:21):
Okay.
Is that a real job?
Maybe.
I feel like frogs can probably breed themselves.
Oh, yeah.
They need a little help from nature's little helper.
Humans?
Yeah.
Sure, sure.
Let's go with that.
Our next wheel is our character flaw.
(05:43):
Something's wrong with this frog breeder.
What is it?
What is it?
Let's spin that wheel and find out.
But I'm scared.
It's okay.
He's gone.
It's locked.
Okay.
Spin it.
I'm spinning.
I'm spinning.
I'm spinning.
I'm being loud and I'm spinning.
They might not be a human.
Ooh, so they might be a frog.
(06:04):
Maybe.
That's a typical problem here in Seattle.
Goddamn frogmen.
Our second to last wheel is our antagonist.
That's the one.
Who's the bad person?
Spin it.
I'm spinning.
How did they learn how to spin it?
Daniel.
Nice.
Daniel is the villain.
(06:29):
So can you remind me what the genre was again?
I can't.
I can't.
Damn it.
What was it?
We could probably cut this out, but I'm trying to remember.
So frog breeder, Seattle, bike-themed town, Daniel's the villain.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, the myth is real.
(06:50):
Okay.
The myth is real.
Okay.
So to recap, we have a myth is real type story.
Our main character is a frog breeder in a town of bikes.
We'll just say Seattle.
The flaw is that they might not be human and the villain is Daniel.
(07:11):
So we're going to jump right into this one.
Would you mind playing our frog breeder today?
Okay.
His name is Froakie.
You always say Froakie.
Let's make it.
Let's mix it up.
Let's call him like hops.
(07:34):
Hopper.
His name's Hopper.
He's a frog breeder.
What does he look like?
Frog.
He looks like frog.
He wears overalls, big beady eyed glasses, curly hair.
So Hopper is in the lab and he has a TV show called Myth Destroyers.
Myth Destroyers.
(07:55):
Yeah.
And so there's a myth that they're going after.
He's a dynamic duo.
Hosted by Rusty and?
Rusty and Hopper.
Hopper Heinemann.
Right.
So you're Hopper and I'm actually, my name's Daniel.
Your name is Daniel?
Yeah.
Oh shit.
(08:15):
What's going on everybody?
It's Myth Destroyers.
I'm Daniel.
This is Hopper.
I'm Hopper.
We're here to destroy another myth.
Today.
Another one bites the dust today guys.
That's right.
Today we have this dumb ass myth about aliens.
Aliens?
What's that?
You know some people think like frogs are aliens.
(08:38):
Isn't that crazy?
No.
You guys are being silly right now.
I mean I know if I ever saw an alien I would kill it.
I'd kick its fucking ass dude.
I'd kick its fucking ass.
Freaking kick its ass.
Yeah man.
But today we're going to try and look into it.
People claim to, there's like a series of shots as he's explaining it.
(09:00):
People have been saying that they've seen aliens for years and years.
So long.
Even in ancient times they said there was aliens in the sky.
In more recent times they seem to say that UAPs are in the air and that they've been
roaming around observing us.
Yeah those goddamn ooops.
Well I'm here to say it's about to be busted.
We're about to destroy this myth.
(09:22):
Aliens don't exist.
There's no fucking such thing as fucking aliens you fucking idiots.
Stay tuned for the myth to be busted guys.
We're about to bust this shit wide open cuss.
Camera recording stops.
DP comes out.
Alright beautiful.
Thank you.
That's a cut guys.
Oh thanks Cynthia.
That's cut.
And we're going to take five.
(09:43):
Has anybody seen my coffee?
I had a cup right over here.
Daniel goes over to the producer.
I fucking hate Hopper.
Like do I have to keep working with this fuckwad?
What's wrong with Hopper?
What's wrong with Hopper?
It's always something with you.
It's always something Daniel.
He's a fucking frog breeder.
Is that what he does?
Yeah in his own time.
In his own time.
But not when he's here.
He's all business when he's here.
(10:03):
He's literally doing it right now.
He's cutting his hair.
We're gonna be fucking frogs.
Now kiss.
Kiss frogs.
He's like making the frogs try to kiss each other while squishing the gums.
You guys are gonna make pretty babies.
I don't think he's human.
Why would you say that?
Why?
He has antennas.
Look man.
On his head.
We listen and we don't judge okay.
I like the other guy.
Why did you replace him?
(10:23):
Because he was touching women inappropriately dude.
We can't have that guy.
So what?
So what?
He's like it's fine.
It's fine.
Who cares about those women?
Well this guy has never touched a woman.
I can't.
He's touched plenty of frogs though.
Okay.
Hopper.
Yeah.
Hey let's go bust some aliens man.
(10:44):
Yeah let's go bust some myths.
Oh yeah let's go bust these fucking myths.
Yeah dude.
I can't wait.
I'll meet you over there at the shoot.
I cannot take you in my car.
It's very messy.
Oh I thought we were gonna ride together.
No no no I hate you.
I mean I don't have enough room so you're gonna have to take a bike.
(11:05):
Oh I guess that's cool.
There's plenty of bikes outside.
Yeah maybe.
Well I'll see you over there.
See you over there buddy.
Alright I'll meet you there.
Alright.
Fucking hate that guy.
So Danny.
He hops away.
So Daniel's fucked off.
He's taking a limo actually.
(11:26):
A nice limo.
It's a Cadillac limo.
Like a stretch hummer.
No a stretch escalade.
And he's off to the next location.
What is Hopper doing?
Hopper is on a bike just pedaling his little ass off.
Just pedaling away.
Yeah.
He's in Seattle so the hill is very very tall.
(11:47):
Yeah and his bike is in first gear so he's like pedaling more than he's moving.
He likes to get a good burn in before he busts a myth.
One of his frogs fall out of his backpack.
Oh no.
Was it lefty?
It was righty.
Oh shit.
Righty freaking hops all the way into traffic and he doesn't die but he is doing the frogger
(12:08):
thing where he's trying to avoid the cars and goes across the stream.
Does Hopper notice?
Yeah you noticed.
Righty!
No!
Righty!
He looks at his, at this hill at the very top and he looks at righty and he has to decide
what he's going to do.
What's he do?
Wait.
(12:29):
Hopper or righty?
Hopper.
Oh man I gotta get this.
I gotta get righty back.
Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.
And he starts pedaling his bike towards righty into traffic.
He's like you guys stop.
There's an innocent frog.
Holy shit!
There's an innocent frog.
He's innocent.
He didn't do anything to anybody.
He said it's righty they didn't do anything to anybody.
He caused the four car pile up.
(12:49):
Three people dead.
The incident enrages one of the drivers and they start a fight with another driver and
one of them gets shot.
Damn.
The police come and two of those officers get shot but they end up killing the rest
of the people that were in the accident because they all started to up rise.
It was very bloody.
Yeah it was a massacre and Hopper's just pedaling that bike through all of it.
(13:13):
I can't imagine it all.
My frog.
Little righty.
You didn't do anything to anybody.
You don't deserve this righty.
Lefty needs you.
Lefty is a white albino frog that's on his shoulder also trying to fall.
Wants righty back.
It has his little hand out like.
Looks worried and shit.
(13:34):
Cut to some time later and they are now at like a underpass.
You know like he's been biking for a while and he's finally found righty and he sees
him like kind of crawl into like a little hole.
Like a hole in a corner with a door and the door just kind of squeaks open.
What do you do?
He walks over to the door cautiously and he slowly pushes it wide open fast as hell.
(14:00):
He's like hey has anybody seen my fucking frog?
He is met by a table of alien frogs playing poker.
In frogs?
Yes.
Yeah they are.
Whoa.
So imagine like human sized frogs but aliens.
(14:22):
Okay.
They're but aliens.
Right right.
Like some are wearing business suits.
Some are wearing like tie-dye piece shirts.
One of them says whoa dude.
Awkward.
Do they?
What does?
Does Hopper look like one of them?
(14:42):
What does Hopper look like?
He looks like a hybrid.
He looks like a hybrid.
He's like in between a human and a frog?
Yeah.
Okay.
A frog-a-night?
A sophisticated bearded frog alien stands up and says you weren't supposed to be here
yet.
Oh this is so awkward.
I was just looking for my little frog buddy and I'm just going to take him and I'll get
(15:06):
out of your hair.
I'm kind of closing the door behind you.
We got a lot to talk about.
He turns around there's a giant, there's two giant like jet black frogs and they're all
buff.
They're not wearing shirts and they shut the door and they stand there and they guard the
door and he's like okay I guess I'll just stay right here.
Alright make myself at home.
Sits down.
Hopper we've been following you for a long time.
(15:27):
How do you know my name?
Because we are your cousins.
Well that makes sense.
I always felt like I didn't belong on this planet.
Yeah but you're a disgusting hybrid.
You're a half human half frog alien like us.
Yeah like a Nephilim.
I'm like the chosen one.
I'm a fucking daywalker.
Calm down you're not the chosen one.
(15:48):
You're more of an abomination actually.
Oh shit.
They all ribbit together.
That's racist man.
That's racist as hell.
But we have been watching you for a while and we noticed you're trying to bust myths.
Oh yeah I love busting.
Busting makes me feel good.
That's great.
That's gross Hopper.
What?
(16:08):
What?
What's gross about it?
Please explain.
People keep saying that.
The myth.
Here's what we need.
We need you to lay off on the aliens.
They can't know whether it's real or not.
Are they real?
No.
They look around at the room.
No.
There's like 20 of them.
No.
(16:29):
We're not aliens.
No.
One of them like pulls a curtain and hides a ship.
Here's your frog back.
Bridey.
Bridey.
There he is.
Oh come to papa little buddy.
How you doing Bridey?
Oh I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
You got away from daddy.
FYI.
Stop making them try to breed.
(16:50):
That's gross and weird.
But they're in love.
I have nothing to say about that.
There is no concept of love on our planet.
No love?
Well that's just sad.
We are a sad species.
But we are also alive.
That's why we're always frogs.
Alright be gone.
I'm so happy.
We're good enough.
(17:10):
We're good enough.
We're happy enough.
We're so happy all the time.
We just, you know?
Actually before you leave you might have questions for us.
So question away.
Two of them questions.
Two questions.
Two questions?
Okay not three.
No.
Not three.
Okay.
We'll think about it.
I'm not sure.
Okay.
We'll think about it.
Okay.
Okay.
First question.
(17:37):
What is the little red thing on the back of my knee?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Okay.
I guess that's just a meeting.
One of the scientists, frog alien, speaks up.
Um actually that would happen to be the Flappatoros.
All of us have one.
Some are different colors.
And some are rare.
(17:59):
You say you have a red one young lad.
Yeah on the back of my knee it's red and it's like a circle.
Can you fucking fold or play the game?
Sorry one moment.
Let me see your leg one young lad.
He pulls his pants down immediately.
No questions asked.
Oh no.
I didn't want to see all that.
He pulls his pants down and turns around and bends over.
No.
Oh god.
That's horrible.
(18:20):
That's horrible.
He didn't need to do it.
He was wearing shorts.
He like peeks his fingers, his eyes through his fingers.
Okay yes you have the red thing.
That means you're rare.
He's like I see it.
I see it.
That means you're rare.
That means you have telepathic abilities or something.
(18:41):
Put your pants back up.
I knew it.
I always knew I was special.
He pulls his pants up and turns around.
Yes.
I knew it.
Yes.
He's a very special.
He gives variety a high five.
Yeah man.
Second question go.
Second question.
Yeah.
You can also say you don't have any other questions.
I'm out of the other questions.
Alright get out of here.
The two buff frogs grab him and throw him out.
(19:02):
On his ass.
Into the bike he clasps.
Crashes into the bike just gets hurt a little bit.
That really hurt.
There's a phone call as soon as he lands.
Where the fuck are you?
Who is this?
This is the producer.
My name is Greg.
Oh Greg.
Greg.
Sorry sorry.
Greg Olsen.
(19:23):
Bitch where you at?
I'm I'm I'm on the way.
One of my frogs got loose.
I had to.
Okay if you're not here in ten minutes.
I'm fucking getting thrown out on the curb buddy.
On the curb?
Come on.
This was your day one man.
Are you fucking it up?
Is Daniel mad?
Is Daniel mad at me?
Daniel's pissed man.
That sounds like him.
Okay.
And the worst part is you gotta get me a diet coke before you get back.
Hurry up.
Okay okay.
I'm on my way.
I'm on my way.
We're gonna take a short break.
(19:44):
I regret it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
We're gonna take a short break.
I regret this voice.
Don't go anywhere.
Hey we're back.
Hey.
And we got another fake sponsor.
(20:05):
Let's spin that sponsor wheel.
Today's episode is brought to you by...
Violence?!
What the fuck?
oh shit!
oh fight!
oh come on!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
I got a knife! I got a knife!
I'm gonna stab you if you don't leave!
I'm gonna fucking...
Oh, shit! Ow!
Okay, he ran. He ran.
(20:25):
How did he get in?
How did he... I fucking closed and locked the door.
How did he get in?
He came in through the window. I saw him shitting me.
Why do we have a fucking window in here?
I don't know, man.
Oh, God.
I don't know what time it is sometimes.
Holy shit, dude.
This is a casino.
Um, should we...
Should we just maybe go home?
Do we need...
I'm fucking bleeding right now, dude.
Oh, God, Caesar, you're bleeding.
(20:46):
I'm bleeding. I'm shaking, actually.
Where's your eyebrow, man?
Oh, fuck. I only have one eyebrow.
Oh, God.
There's blood everywhere.
Where is all this blood from?
Is this from you?
Is this from... Where's this from?
Is this from me or you?
Why did we get that twice?
That's... This wheel is not good.
Yeah, these wheels are faulty.
Holy shit.
(21:07):
Whew!
Where we last left off?
Um...
Sorry. Let me...
I need to recalibrate from that.
Oh, okay.
I guess we're gonna get back to the story.
Someone must really hate this show
if they're just waiting to attack us.
Like...
Yeah, what the fuck is that guy's problem?
(21:28):
Jesus.
Fuck.
I mean, he left a bunch of money on the floor, but...
Oh, was that a different...
Okay, okay.
Who was the sponsor?
He was wearing a T-shirt that said violence on it.
I don't know.
I don't...
Well, at least violence pays, I guess.
Yeah, man.
That was good.
Okay.
(21:49):
Thank you. Thank you, violence.
Thanks, violence.
Where we last left off,
Hopper was on a show called Myth Destroyers
and was following a trail to find his frog, Ritey,
and stumbled upon frog aliens.
So now he's on his way to the set.
I mean, the frog aliens have told him not to divulge any secrets.
(22:11):
And so he's on his way back to the set to keep recording.
But Daniel doesn't really, like, get along with Hopper
and the vibes are kind of not there.
So we'll see what happens.
The vibes aren't vibing at all.
Yeah, it's not vibing.
I think he's trying to get him fired.
Probably.
We like to throw a wrench in an already broken story.
This one's definitely broken.
So let's...
Definitely, definitely broken.
Let's spin that topic wheel.
(22:32):
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
Hopper gets onto the set and they're just setting up all the light.
Well, the lights are already set up.
So I don't mean to break a train of thought.
You remember that Powerpuff Girls episode?
It wasn't even...
It was before the show was like on what a cartoon show or something.
(22:55):
When Fuzzy Lumpkins was turning everybody into meat.
No, it was incredible.
OK, I don't remember that.
Fuzzy Lumpkins was a great character.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was...
Yeah.
Hopper comes onto the set and sees something horrifying to him.
He cannot...
He cannot handle what he's seeing.
He is seeing a take of Daniel cutting open a frog and talking about the aliens.
(23:21):
Whoa.
So the first thing we're doing is like cutting open a frog because people think,
you know, I mean, by people, I mean me.
I think frogs might be aliens, but let's just get this nip it in the bud, right?
Like, look at this frog.
It's just got guts like everybody else, you know, no freaking weird star stuff,
(23:42):
celestial alien stuff here.
Is that good?
Is that good?
Can we cut?
We weren't rolling.
I don't...
Were you...
What are you doing?
Why was I freaking talking?
Why did you have me cut open this frog?
I don't know, man.
You just started doing it.
Were we supposed to stop you?
Oh, great.
Hopper is here.
Everybody.
(24:03):
I'm here, I'm here.
Give it up for Hopper.
Daniel, I'm here.
Oh, what the hell are you doing, man?
Oh, I cut open a frog because you took too long.
What?
What?
Yeah.
But why would you do that?
Because we're busting myths, dude.
Where like people think frogs are aliens or cutting them open.
Frogs aren't aliens.
There's no such thing as aliens, dude.
We need to get some B-roll of you cutting open a frog.
(24:23):
So we've got another frog here.
They bring open a very innocent frog.
It's got huge eyes and it's very baby frogs.
It's like, I'm just a frog.
I don't know why this one talks, but it's, you know,
I'm just a little frog.
It's just a frog.
It talks.
Hey, everybody, I'm a frog.
I'm going to tell you what a frog.
(24:44):
It's me, hey.
That's weird.
Here, you can stab it, Hopper.
Oh, what are you going to do with that knife?
Camera's rolling in action.
So we got Hopper here.
He's going to stab this frog open.
We're going to see if this is an alien.
I'm going to what?
You're going to what?
He's going to stab you.
I can't, I can't stab him.
He can't stab me.
Why would he stab me?
I'm just a little frog.
(25:05):
I'm just a little friend.
Oh my god, do I have to do everything around here?
Give me a knife, Hopper.
No, no, I won't be doing that.
No.
What?
He can't say no to me.
I'm dying.
This is my show.
This is my show.
We got to destroy the myth.
Daniel, I can't express to you how many fucks I don't give.
(25:25):
I can't.
I'm really trying here.
Daniel looks over at the producer,
and he says, keep rolling, keep rolling.
Is it because you're a frog?
What?
What are you talking about, man?
I'm not a frog.
I'm a human person.
I'm a human being.
He's a frog sympathizer, everyone.
All right, here's the real story today, guys.
(25:48):
Your beloved co-host, Fred, was replaced by Hopper here.
And Hopper here is not a real human.
He's a frog.
Ooh, fucking busted.
Admit it.
Admit it, Hopper.
I will admit nothing.
I am no frog.
I am a human man, boy.
Prove it.
Cut yourself open.
What?
What?
Cut yourself open.
(26:09):
Yeah, cut yourself open.
Let me see your frog meat, or your human meat.
What do you think I taste like, chicken?
I don't care what you taste like.
I just want to know if you're an alien or not.
How about I cut you?
How about that, Daniel?
Daniel, fucking Daniel?
Damn, Daniel.
Throw me a knife.
Someone throws him a knife.
And now we're in a knife fight.
(26:31):
All right.
Who's going to bust the first myth?
He like, kind of does like a little knife flip.
Who's going to bust the myth first, me or you, Hopper?
Me?
I'm going to, I don't know about myths,
but I'm going to bust your head open, dude.
He launches, he lunges in for a knife stab
right into the abdomen.
What does Hopper do?
Hopper jumps over him.
(26:53):
All the way over, does a fucking flip in the air,
still holding the little baby frog.
And the baby frog's like, wee, this is so much fun.
Do y'all see that?
You still think he's human?
You still think he's human?
Come on.
Is it just me?
I did gymnastics as a kid.
I'm just really good at it.
I'm going in for it.
Stay still.
This will make good footage, Hopper.
He jumps in for another lunge with the knife.
(27:14):
What does Hopper do?
Hopper shoots a tongue out of his mouth into Daniel's face.
Pardon?
Oh, gross.
Oh, is that your fucking tongue?
And it gets stuck.
And he pulls his tongue back and it rips off his mustache.
Oh, my mustache.
My mustache.
He spits it onto the little baby frog.
And the little baby frog's like, I've always wanted a mustache.
(27:36):
I couldn't grow one of my own.
You son of a bitch.
He goes in for a kill now.
He's just running at him, animal wild style.
And he tries to take him down.
He tackles him to the ground.
And he raises up the knife.
And he's about to stab him.
And you hear, cut.
And Daniel just stops.
What do you mean, cut?
What do you mean, cut?
(27:57):
What do you mean, cut?
That was beautiful.
That was really good.
Hi, it's me, the producer.
I forgot what my name is.
But this is good footage, guys.
It's a name for sure, I tell you.
I got a name, but you can just call me the producer.
Why did you say cut?
Yeah, what's going on?
Why are we cutting?
You guys are changing the game, all right?
(28:17):
Myth Destroyers is bombed.
This is so much more interesting.
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
I think we restructure the show into a reality show.
Two buddies, one might be an alien, one might not.
What do you guys think?
Like a buddy-cop thing?
I don't want to be his buddy.
He's a freaking weirdo, weirdo frog alien.
(28:39):
Yeah, that'll work for sure.
We're like best friends.
What if we gave you like a ton of money?
How much are we talking?
I don't know, $100,000 per episode?
That's pretty good.
Daniel gets up.
What about me?
What am I going to do?
Daniel gets up and helps hop her up.
I think we're going to sign on to this.
What do you think, Hopper?
I mean, yeah, I'm down if you're down.
I'm sorry for almost killing you.
(28:59):
I'm sorry, too.
Water under the bridge, right?
I don't know.
You're still weird.
I hate the way you talk.
I still can't just keep change your voice, maybe?
Like, can you change?
Am I talking weird?
Hold on.
Ahem.
Sorry about that.
Wait, that's how you sound this whole time?
Yeah, I have a cold.
(29:20):
I had some stuff in my throat.
Oh, god.
All right, well, that's better.
That's a lot better.
This is better?
Yeah.
Can I get my mustache back?
Oh, maybe you got to ask the little guy.
No, but I just got it.
I'm getting used to this.
I like having a little mustache.
He strips it off of the mustache.
Ew, fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
(29:43):
We cut to way farther into the future,
and it is a four season show called Hopper and Dan.
Hopper and Dan.
Dan and Hopper, sorry.
Dan and Hopper, his name comes first.
Yeah, and they are living out.
He was going to refuse to do the show,
but he put his name first.
Exactly.
And it's a reality show of Dan and Hopper
in a trailer park in the deep south.
(30:04):
Deep south.
Yeah.
Dan and Hopper, one's an alien, one's a regular human.
Not an alien, but, you know, hey, how do they live day to day?
And you just see a compilation like, I fucking hate you,
Hopper.
I hate you too, bro.
I fucking hate how you hop all over the place.
You make me fucking sick to my goddamn stomachs.
(30:25):
He closes the door with his tongue.
That's so fucking gross.
Also, I got a girlfriend.
It's a living, dude.
I don't know.
Also, we both have girlfriends.
My girlfriend's hotter than yours.
No, my girlfriend's hotter than.
I can't.
I'm trying.
Daniel, what's up?
Are you not feeling this?
(30:46):
I just, I'm not feeling it.
I'm not feeling it, Hopper.
You guys, you guys, come on.
Come on, get it together.
We got three more hours, and then we got a break for lunch.
This is getting, the boss is breathing down my fucking neck.
We can't keep doing this.
Maybe do the voice again.
Maybe just the voice.
But you remember, you sounded like really irritating
and horrible.
You seemed like a piece of shit when I first met you.
(31:07):
You remember, Hopper?
Oh, you got any milk?
Maybe.
Yeah, here's a fucking drink of milk.
Drink some milk.
Oh, there it is.
There it is.
Are we rolling?
Are we rolling?
Is this what I sound like?
Actually, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I fucking hate you, Hopper.
(31:27):
I fucking hate you too, dude.
Oh, man, I felt that.
That was good.
That was good.
Wonderful.
Wonderful.
That's it, guys.
We fucking did it.
We fucking did it.
Did you just end it?
Yes.
That's the end?
That's the end.
Fin?
Of Dan and Hopper.
Of it more.
I'd like to thank Nuckety.
Me?
For participating in this horrible, horrible show.
(31:49):
What?
I did what?
You know what you did.
Nuckety, where can they find your ass?
They can find my ass on the internet, on social medias.
Just go to the search bar and type in N-U-Q-A-D-Y.
And you'll find me.
(32:13):
You'll find me there.
That'll be me.
Yeah.
What do you think happened to those frog aliens?
Frog aliens.
Yeah.
We didn't really.
They're just kind of.
Yeah, they're just doing their own thing.
They're just kind of not relevant.
They're running underground gambling.
Yeah, underground gambling.
Yeah, yeah.
I guess, like, he, yeah, this is definitely not good, y'all.
(32:37):
This is definitely not good.
Thank you for listening.
What were you thinking?
I don't know why you're listening,
but we appreciate you being here, joining us.
You guys so much.
You fucking idiots.
Check us out at linktree.com slash D-N-G-P-O-D.
Click the merch link.
Buy a definitely not good hat or a definitely not good shirt.
Yeah, do it.
(32:57):
Leave us some love.
If you're cute.
Leave us some love at Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
Give us five stars.
Yeah, but don't do it if your booty's stank.
Yeah.
You got a stank in booty.
If your booty ain't popping, please.
If you got a stanky booty, Gunter,
you better fucking back up.
Yeah.
Only people with clean booties can like our show.
Exactly.
(33:18):
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah, you stank booty ass motherfucker.
Thanks.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks.
Stinky booties.
Bye.
So let's do it.
Got a stinky booty.
Definitely not good.
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