March 4, 2025 • 65 mins
"Wowza these ice skating podcast hosts love themselves more than ice skating. But the real test comes from interacting with their fans. Lets 'Figure It Out' "
Host - CJ Rhone
Guest - Tia x Brian
https://kingsgateskatingclub.org/
Producer - Nuqady
Visit us at https://linktr.ee/dngpod
Email us at definitelynotgoodpodcast@gmail.com
Follow Us on social media:
Give us a 5 star rating to help keep the show going. Thanks!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What up you dingus? This is definitely not good. The podcast where we create stories
(00:05):
and they're definitely probably not good. I'm your host CJ and I'm joined by my producer
Nuckety. Hello. Hey, strap yourselves in for this amazing episode because we're joined
by two professional figure skaters, Tia and Brian. Hello. Oh my god. We have so many questions
(00:25):
for you guys. What's going to happen? There's no ice in here. You guys okay with that? Ship
it in right now. Is it a little warmer than you used to? Turn it up to or turn it down.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just saying I'm always icy. It's no problem. Wow. Drip it. Well,
guys, I don't know what this is, but it's definitely not good. Hello, listener. If it's
(01:09):
your first time listening, this is pretty much how everything works. We are amazing
storytellers. Amazing. And it's our job, our sacred duty to come up with a story completely
from scratch with a little twist. We have a series of wheels we're going to spin, each
of them random. And depending on where they land, we have to somehow incorporate it into
our story to the best of our ability. That's the best of our ability as well as we can.
(01:32):
Yeah. So we'll get to that amazing story later. And before that, we're going to have some
definitely real, not made up sponsors that we will be filling your ear holes with. So
look forward to that. Definitely. But before that, we have Tia and Brian here with us,
professional figure skaters. Guys, like how you doing? Amazing. I'm here with my three
(01:56):
best friends in the whole wide world. Oh my God. Like I'm having a great time. That's
awesome. So like, what's it like, man? Like what kind of figures are you skating on ice?
That's a crazy first question. We're skating at Snow King Ice Arena. I've been doing it
for around two and a half years now out here in Seattle. But Tia, oh my God, she is the
(02:23):
OG of all OGs, man. Oh snap. I do got that glide. I've been skating 20 years, so I sure
hope I got the glide. Whoa. Honestly. That's applause right there. That's good. That's
good stuff. That's our live studio audience. Totally live. Those are so real people. I
(02:48):
understand you guys also teach kids. What are you, good people or something? What is
that? No, we're slowly rotting their minds. Corrupt the youth. We're trying to do it from
a very young age. Oh yeah, that makes sense. When they're malleable, you know. What's that
like? Teaching children? Yeah. Oh man, there's a lot of snot involved for some reason. I'm
(03:10):
aware of the snot. Yeah. It's a lot of coughing. I was thinking the same exact thing. Yeah,
you got this thing when they're a little bit sick where they'll just cough right in front
of your face. Into your mouth all the time. I have a song about that. Have you had to
look up stuff that the kids brought up, like Skibbity? Oh my gosh. I don't understand Skibbity
(03:31):
if I'm being honest. I just recently heard Big Back. That's a new thing for me. That's
one of my favorites. It just means you eat a lot, right? Yeah. That's not what I thought
of you, man. It's a way of calling you fat. Yeah, yeah. You're just like a Big Back. I'm
like, just say it like it is. I'm chonky, man. Do they call you Big Back or is it like
(03:53):
a no? No, I have these two students that talk to each other and they'll be like, that's
very Big Back of you. I think it's more of a state of mind than an actual physical being.
I'm just hungry. Well, I know Nutcracker likes to start with a little warm up to get our
creative juices flowing, so I'm going to pass it over to him. Okay. Hi guys. It's very nice
(04:15):
to meet you. Very nice to meet you too. I'm so nervous. To the best of your ability, could
you do me a favor? Could you each name me five? Is that too many? That's probably too
many. Let's do five anyway. Let's do five Nicolas Cage characters. Oh my God. Pop culture
(04:36):
as a first question. Let's do it. Nicolas Cage. He plays himself in a movie. Yep, that's
one. Boom. Was he the guy who was like on that, wasn't there a movie where he was on
the plane or something and there was a bunch of snakes on the plane? It might be a different
movie. You probably auditioned for that. Samuel L. Jackson? No, no way I'm mixing him up.
(04:59):
There's too many motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane. They look really similar.
I can see how you get that stuff. It can happen. National Treasure. Hell yeah. I don't know
what this is. I have no idea what his name is. Five is too many. I don't know why I did
five. Let's do one more. I can just name his movies. A character of him? That's the tricky
(05:21):
part. No idea. Wait, was he not the guy who was like, he was the guy like Taken, no? Taken?
Is that not, am I getting it with the wrong guy? That's Samuel L. Jackson too. I gotta
see that movie now. That's such a good, oh my god. I got a particular set of motherfucking
(05:41):
scales. Brian is very young y'all. Brian is 24 years old. Oh dang. He's not like in the
older pop culture as we are. Nicolas Cage wasn't as big for you, huh? No, I mean he
was big when I was young. I just don't watch a lot of movies in my day to day. Does old
and pop culture mix, is that like, that sounds wrong somehow. When does something become
(06:07):
vintage, you know? Yeah, I mean. You're not gonna like the answer brother. 35. We're not
35. You're done. Skivity. No, dude that's a plus 10 aura. Slave. Whoa, that is big back
in here. The energy is big back in here. Sheesh. If you want to add me on Roblox by the way,
(06:29):
this is real. My name is KingRoe90. I just started getting into it. Donate the Roblox.
Donate. I got sucked in man. I lost my guy. Good job guys. Way to go. You named so many
Nicolas Cage characters. I mean you did it. Can we get an audience saying stuff for them?
You guys, why you being so quiet? Oh there you are. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
(06:52):
Good job. High fives all around. What's something about ice skating that most people don't know?
Um, something about ice skating that people don't usually know. I don't think they understand
like how much strength it takes sometimes. Oh dude. You think about the artistic part
(07:15):
so often, like the flexibility. And mind you, I'm not a flexible guy. So I still find that
stuff like extremely, extremely difficult. But then you realize like all the jumps you
have to do and how fast you kind of have to skate man. It's crazy. Dude, I see, I talk
to some of the coaches and maybe it's a bit inappropriate sometimes but I just like let
them know like dude you look caked up today man. Like they got these legs man on them.
(07:39):
Dude, upper body doesn't matter at all. Lower body, oh my god. Any legitimate figure skater,
just look at their thighs man and you're gonna know if they're legit or not. Just straight
trunks. Okay. I know where I'm looking now. Thunder thighs. You know? We do have like
a skater butt thing. That is like a thing. Yeah. We're like known for being caked up.
Got knuckles on your booty? Yeah. We were like built back there. Dude, big knuckles on our
(08:02):
booties man. Wow. I feel like in skating a lot of people have this like stereotype that
we're like prudish or like. Oh like a little bit. Yeah. I mean you kind of have to be like
a certain economic class to be a figure skater and all this stuff and there's like all this
like it's almost like being a ballet dancer where you're like you're pretty and all these
(08:24):
other things but like a lot of us aren't like that at all. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of us are like
straight and having weird gay-ish skating stuff you know. Yeah. What's like your favorite
like thing on ice? Like Shrek on ice? Garfield on ice? Stakes on ice? I would like to see
(08:46):
CJ on ice. Oh no. You're gonna see him fall a lot. I dabble a little bit. Really? Yeah.
He said he's a he watched Blades of Glory man. He's a partner. Oh. Well I could be an
obstacle for you to jump over at the very least. It's gonna be like a new thing. You
guys are doing like triathlons on ice. I'll just get in his way and fall on him. We're
(09:10):
doing jumps. Oh wait. If you guys were pair dancers I would like you guys to know would
you be the person who wants to throw or would you want to be the person who is being thrown?
Sorry I can't throw anyone. Lamont's gonna have to throw. She's just gonna toss us like
(09:30):
a football down the ice. She's gonna have to yeet you like straight across the ice.
What's like the coolest thing you've seen on the ice? Coolest thing? Maybe Tia. Oh my
god. I think she's pretty cool. I train for the Olympics man. Like I've seen Olympic figure
skaters in person in front of me train all the time so. The back flips are really fun
(09:55):
to watch on ice. That's crazy. Those are really fun. Back flips scare me. There's like these
pair moves where you like you hold somebody by their feet and you like swing them up and
down like like Hulk did to Loki in that movie. Oh you mean in the best part of the movie?
Yeah. They swing them back and forth. There's an ice skating move like that but you don't
actually like bash the person's head in. Oh man. Preferably. Preferably. If you do it
(10:19):
right. Yeah. If you're good at it. I just want to put it out there in the universe.
Hulk on ice. I'd watch it. I don't know if that's a real thing though. CJ's in training
right now. Hulk triple axel. In terms of like weird things or like cool things on the ice
I've seen. Honestly like I haven't seen any like Olympic skaters like just like from my
(10:42):
own eye but like even on like our own ice rink man we got like little kids like little
eight year olds man. They look like specs out there on the ice but then you just see
them pump out like a double axel just out of nowhere like skating so fast behind you.
CJ hates that man. What do you mean they hate that man? Freaking prodigies man. I know.
(11:05):
He doesn't like when kids are good at things. You gotta fight back that little jealousy
in your heart. That little anger in it like you know try not to push them. I used to send
videos constantly of children doing cool stuff. He's like ah I gotta get out of here. Don't
tell me that. How dare you be good at something. That's impressive though. Like that's really
cool. Well this is a great conversation but we do have to interrupt it with a totally
(11:28):
not real sponsor. Sorry I lied to you guys at the beginning. Legitimately fake. We don't
have a sponsor today but we do have a wheel to spin a sponsor to find out what we're sponsored
by today. So let's spin that. Okay. You alright there buddy? Today's episode is brought to
you by Balance. What? Oh my god. Balance. This episode is proudly sponsored by Balance. Balance.
(11:55):
How do you guys feel about Balance? We've been training our whole lives. For this moment.
We're still not there. I just feel like I've been working really hard to get to the point
where I get sponsored by someone like Balance. It's just a bit emotional just even thinking
about it. It's an honor to be nominated. Do you like Balance? Because I feel like it's
a little unfair. Balance is not so balanced in my opinion. It's never balanced. Stop.
(12:20):
I heard that advertisement. You're right. I gotta balance it out. Balance is so good.
Life is so unbalanced. That's why we need Balance. And then we hold up the product.
A little yin and a little yang. So please use code BKL. B-C-J-T-A. For some free shipping
(12:45):
on your Balance in your life. You're welcome. And get your Balance bank account. Wow. Why
is it called a Balance anyways? Double entendre. That's a very good question. I don't know.
It's been a while since I took a finance class. Balance. Debits. Credits. Balance out. I feel
like those little tongue and cheek like, your Balance. That's how well you're doing in life.
(13:11):
That's exactly how they said it. Wabi Sabi. Do you guys feel like you have pretty good
Balance? Depends on the leg. Depends on which leg, man. I feel like I have good Balance.
Overall, I could hold a one foot glide. I could pick up one foot and hold it for a long
time I think. We used to play this game where we would stand on one leg and do like a pistol
(13:32):
squat to pick up a bag off the floor but with our mouths. So you had to like, you couldn't
use your arms. And then you would pick up the bag, rip off a piece with your mouth and then
drop the bag down. And you'd go in a circle and everybody would like try to pick up the
bag with their mouth. That's a Tia thing. That was not me there. Lousers. It was his
(13:52):
idea. Yes. This is his game. Wow. Well thank you Balance. Thanks Bound. Thanks Bound. We
love you. Can you raise our Balance a little bit in our accounts? I mean I'd appreciate
that. Thank you. I am dying. Final figure skating question. I don't think it's going
to be the last one. It's not going to be the last one. It's not. That's okay. What would
(14:15):
you say to the person who is terrified of figure skating? And also, what is the difference
between ice skating and figure skating? Because I don't know. Are you asking for a friend?
I'm asking for a total friend. That's not me. Isaac Lorry really inspired this guy,
man. Let me tell you. I just want to see Hulk on ice. And you're ready. We're going to get
(14:36):
you in there. If you're scared of the ice, I get it. It's scary. Ice is hard. It's like
concrete honestly. If you're going to fall, try to slide. That's all. The best advice
I have for someone. I don't know what you're talking about. Ice skating is one of the safest
sports in the whole wide world. Everyone just has a blast whenever they put on the rental
(14:57):
skates. And I've heard Hulk on ice is coming really soon. And they're looking for people
to audition. Triple Salco. Just to answer the other question though, I would just say
ice skating is very all-encompassing, but there's different kinds of ice skating, figure
(15:19):
skating, hockey. If you're crazy, you see speed skaters, but I haven't seen a speed
skater. I've only seen two speed skaters in my entire life. The guys who put their arms
behind their backs. The serious boys. They just do an ice marathon. They wear those helmets.
See, those guys with their hands behind their backs, I think their balance is really high.
(15:41):
You know what I'm saying? Their bank balance is like, ugh. If you can't see their feet,
it kind of just looks like they're walking weird. They're really low walking. Expert
level. Ice skating is just kind of an all-encompassing term for any ice sport, basically. Figure skating
is the specific section of we do pairs or solo or dance, basically. Is it like a performance?
(16:10):
We don't get any padding or helmets, so that's one way to tell us apart from everyone else.
We usually wear pretty outfits, and we usually have to do much harder things than both of
those other sports. Not biased at all. Not biased, but figure skating is really hard.
Do you guys have that thing where you're really grateful on ice, but then on your feet you're
(16:31):
like, not? Yes. So bad. You did not want to see us rock climbing yesterday, man. Why is
that a thing? You don't want to see me rock climbing yesterday, man. Oh my god. This guy,
no, he killed it. Thank you. He's very good. She's generous. The whole world gets covered
in ice. Every single sidewalk, concrete, is all ice. Are you guys good? We're going to
(16:53):
become dictators, man. We're going to find all the people and we're like the sled dogs,
but it'll just be us carrying people around. I know who to go to when that happens. We'll
be like the taxis. Just remember we were good to you. I'll pull out the sled. Thank you,
man. Why don't we get started with this terrible podcast? Does that sound good with you guys?
(17:18):
I'm so excited to be definitely not good. Hey, that's the spirit. That's the spirit.
We're going to figure out this story. Our first wheel is our genre wheel. Let's figure
out what we're making today. Okay. It's cold in here. An impossible choice. Oh, that's
(17:40):
a genre. Is that a genre? Sure is. Okay. Sure. We'll have to brain blast that one a little
bit later. Okay. After we spin our next wheel, our setting, where is this story taking place?
A quiet neighborhood. Okay. Quiet neighborhood. Impossible choice in a quiet neighborhood.
(18:09):
Oh, something coming to your mind already with that? Just so interesting. That is interesting.
Your synapses firing me. I got no idea. Our next wheel is our character job. What is the
job of the main character? Podcasting. No, no. Dang it. Okay. Podcasters. And what is
(18:38):
the flaw of the podcaster? Yeah. What is it? Yeah. I want to know too. We're usually flawless
so this is going to be interesting. They are egotistical, man. Okay. That is kind of a
flaw and probably a trait for most podcasters. Sorry. Sorry. I'm fine. So hard being perfect
(19:00):
all the time, guys. Ouch. Our next wheel, or is it our second to last wheel? Yeah. Our
second to last wheel is our antagonist. Who's the bad person of the story? The person in
the mirror. That's terrifying. Okay. Okay. The person in the mirror. We're like fighting
(19:23):
ourselves. So. You remember when Link had to fight that guy? Oh man. Dark Link. Shout
out. So to recap, we have an impossible choice story taking place in a quiet neighborhood.
Our main characters, you guys, are podcasters who are a little egotistical and the villain
(19:47):
is the mirror. The mirror in ourselves. The mirror in yourselves or whatever form that
takes. So would you guys mind playing our podcasters today? Absolutely. I would be so
good at it. Yeah. We're so good at it. We're like figure skaters. We're like very egotistical.
Can you guys just make like a figure skating podcast? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Welcome to ICE.
(20:12):
Figure eight. That doesn't sound right. Figure it. Welcome to Figure It Out. Ooh. Figure
It Out. What's up, babe? Today, what are we talking about today, Brian? Today we're going
to talk about whatever the hell we want just because we're like the best figure skaters
of all time and we appreciate our viewers just to kind of talk to us about our thoughts.
(20:35):
You know, um. There's a knock, knock, knock on the door in your studio. God, who is it?
Who needs us? These people are always like just trying to get on our podcast now. Well,
it's because we're just so perfect. Well, no, I heard we have five viewers now. You know,
now we're blowing up. Everyone's trying to get on over to us. We're huge. Knock, knock,
knock. Oh, wait. Oh my gosh. What if I did Henry? Was it you? I didn't invite Henry,
(20:58):
but. We'll just open the door. Yeah, maybe. Oh, I have the key. I forgot about that. Oh.
Who gave him a key? Hey, guys. If it isn't my favorite podcasters. Henry. I forgot your
guys' name. What's your name? It's Figure It Out. It's Figure It Out. So Figure It Out.
Yeah, you're right. It's so good to see you. Henry. Charlotte. Charlotte. And. And. Jojo.
(21:27):
And Chris. Oh, his name's Jojo, actually. Oh, Jojo, I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.
You know, I got it mixed up. So Jojo and Charlotte. I go by Chris for short, though. Oh, OK. So
Chris and Jojo. I'm surprised you didn't like get to know us when we were like 10 years
old and, you know, we were on TV. Yeah, we passed like basic eight, you know, when we
(21:48):
were 10 years old. Yeah, we were kind of good. Oh, you know, I usually like to watch good
TV shows, so that's why I probably didn't see you guys. Anyways, I'm here just to make
sure you got everything you need before you start recording. I know this isn't your ideal
location here, like in my garage, but we are kind of on hard times. It's twenty twenty
five. The ice ages started, you know, everything is just totally covered in ice and people
(22:13):
want to know about what to do on the ice. And I figured, you know, people need to know.
Thank you. We would know best. We're very we know everything about ice. We're pretty
important. Yes. You know, we got we got to start rounding up our friends and buying sleds,
sleds, so many sleds. OK, I'll get an order on that right now. Yeah. But your guest is
(22:36):
here. It's little Timmy. Timmy, can you come in here real quick? Hello. Oh, Timmy, we're
so happy to have you. I'm seven years old. Oh, you are. You hear that? She's seven. Are
you from Make-A-Wish? How did you know that? How did you get here in the ice age? He's
(23:01):
my son. OK, he's my son. You know, you can't have any off days in the real world, son.
You have to be here on the podcast. Duly noted, Father. Duly noted, of course. OK, like, go
and sit right there. Put those put those damn headphones on. OK, put that mic pointed to
your mouth. Don't cough on the mic. Oh, sorry. I love the way Henry deals with this game.
(23:22):
Henry, you're an amazing father. You're doing great. I appreciate that. Amazing. Now, Timmy,
you know, he has a lot of Roblox. Like he's he's been playing Roblox. Can we say it's
Roblox? It exists in the ice age and in the real world. Bro Blox. That's right. You're
(23:44):
playing Bro Blox. I love Bro Blox. Can you guys give me Bro Blox? Do you think that's
going to help you in the ice age, Timmy? You're right. I'm sorry. Yeah. Let's let's figure
out your balance. Timmy, I think we need to wake up, man. I think you ever watched Dr.
Phil? Yeah, I love that guy. Before ice age. Yeah, perfect. This might this might be a
little Dr. Phil session for us, man. You got to live life, man. You're seven years old
(24:07):
now. You're not five years old. What you doing? Drinking drinking drinking milk out of your
out of your out of your out of your mama's. Yeah, it's straight from the tap. It's the
best. Timmy, here's the thing. You got to start getting high protein milk. OK, no more
mama. OK, you got to build the legs. He takes notes to survive to survive this ice age.
(24:31):
I'm going to put a pause real quick. I'm going to get out of here. You know, I got I got
I got lots of poker to play, you know, just in the other room. So much poker. Listen,
so Timmy actually has 20 million followers on YouTube for his Bro Blox account. He is
going to do a promo code during your show. It's really important that you guys don't
(24:53):
just talk about yourselves. OK, you got to reel it in and and and talk about Timmy and
on. And that was great. Timmy time, Timmy time, Bro Blox. You know, so Timmy time. I'm
going to leave you to it. We're actually going to rename this podcast Timmy time just for
just for today. Just for today. We're for the children. It's always been about us, but
(25:16):
it's for the children. Why are we letting a seven year old look good? So sounds good
to me. All right, guys. Close door very quietly. Shut very loudly. We just kick the door closed.
Another person walks in right when he leaves. His name is freaking gosh. Another name is
XLR. XLR. Hey, what's going on? Y'all? Hey, it's me. XLR. I'm going to be your man. I'm
(25:44):
going to be your like sound engineer and stuff. I can't cause because this kid's here. Very
weird, man. Don't have kids. I'm sorry. I'm I don't want to make this about how many children
do you have? I got like 10 kids, man. Don't do it. Don't do it. No offense to me. I mean,
if we were to have children, we would have perfect children. Oh, absolutely. We drink
(26:08):
milk. That's a high burn protein. You know, Timmy, you're already gone. They hit record.
I'm gonna let you take over the show and get started. All right. I'm ready when you are.
All right. Sound speed. Three, two.
Hello. Welcome, everyone to have five audience members today. Welcome to the figure eight
(26:31):
process. Today is going to be we got we got Chris on the mic over here. Yeah. And we got
favorite skater. We got my partner, my favorite. I'm Chris. You're Jojo. Oh, my God. I got
Jojo over here. You forgot your names? No, absolutely not. I just sometimes get confused
(26:55):
with the french fry. Y'all been smoking? Cause I'll tell I'll partake in some smoke. Y'all
got some. Oh, we got 11 drops. That's it. Hit me up after the show. Understood. Sound
speed. Go for it. Welcome back. Hello. Welcome. We have actually we're renaming our podcast
(27:18):
for just today in our wonderful efforts to help the children of this world. Yes. With
Timmy time today. Timmy, welcome. Hi, everybody. Timmy, how's the bro blocks going? Bro blocks
is going crazy right now. Everybody's in there doing super three sixties. You know, it's
(27:38):
it's really crazy. Whoa. Well, Timmy, Timmy's a really Timmy's a really, really interesting
figure. You know, don't you think Timmy, tell us tell the audience members how long have
you been playing bro blocks in your lifetime? Jojo, I've been playing bro blocks all my
life. Whoa, that's seven years of commitment. That's not possible, son. I came out of the
(28:02):
womb with sticks in my hand, baby. Whoa. Oh, Timmy's confident. Timmy, we got to get you
in skating. You got to figure it out. Is there ice skating in bro blocks? Yes. Everything
in there is a whole world. OK, there's a knock on the window and you look out and it's like
a group of fans. I love you, Chris and Jojo. I love you. Five of our fans are here. They're
(28:30):
not here for Timmy. Remember that? Man, cut. Walks over to the window. Man, get out of
here, y'all. Get out. Turns on a button and sprinklers come on. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa. We don't got no problem with without viewers being over here. Oh,
my God. Shaking his head. Who brought this man in here? My head. XLR. Get the X out.
(28:51):
All right. Fine. Record. Spout speed. I'm out of here. It just sounds too easy. All
right, Timmy. Yeah, yeah. Timmy, how did you figure out how to play bro blocks? I think
I was just born with the intuitive knowledge and my big massive head. Whoa. You know, he
does have a big head. He does have a big head. That's one thing I can't agree on. That's
(29:13):
hard to move around, huh? Maybe he was born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline. Maybe it's
a problem. So bro blocks, tell me. So, you know, we're in the ice age these days, you
know, in case you haven't noticed, it's been a bit icy out there. You know, everyone's
got, well, you know, they got ice skates on. It's ice everywhere, everywhere around us
these days, you know. How's your how's your father been these days? Has he been able to
(29:35):
get on the ice? Oh, we don't talk. Wait a minute. I hear he's playing poker. Yeah, yeah, he
plays the poker online. How does that make you feel? He sounds like a very loud man.
We can hear him all the way from his basement. That's crazy. Hey, guys, can we can we just
(29:57):
like pause for a second? Timmy, can you just we have some animal crackers right down over
here. I love amino crackles. Yeah, yeah. How about you just go like eat that for one second.
I could talk to my partner, Chris. Is that is that OK? Oh, man, I call me a big back.
I'm going to eat all these. Yeah, that's plus 10 aura. Great. Great for you. We're going
to go skibbity. Skibbity. Skibbity. Um, Tia, I Chris, I Chris, I Chris, I can't do this.
(30:20):
I don't know. Like I'm Jojo. What's that? What's wrong? What's happening? Everything's
always about Tim. This Tim. This I know we've been speaking for only like two minutes, but
everything's about Timmy. Why aren't we talking about us? Our viewers have to know us. They
have to build a rapport with us. This is our podcast. The podcast is a figure eight. How
do we get Timmy to start asking us about us? You know, we got to figure that out. That's
(30:45):
a good one. Maybe we should kind of maybe we should sort of we're going to lead him.
We're going to be like, hey, to ask us what how good we are at stuff. Yeah. So he should
be interested in how great we are. He doesn't know any of the any of the terminology. He's
an idiot. He's a good guy. He's a seven. What does he know? It's not nothing. Literally
(31:08):
had a cough. Bro, he just got out of diapers. He doesn't even know about protein milk. We'll
get him interested then. Yeah, we're going to lead him. There's a two way mirror in the
garage and there's a knock on the window. XLR. Hey, you guys good? What's going on?
Don't worry about it. Yeah, we're great. We're doing fine. You just sit in that mirror and
you just look at yourself. That's what I do. And you contemplate what you're doing. I'm
(31:31):
contemplating. You guys got 20 minutes till my next session. So I understood. Thank you.
All right. All right. Welcome back to Timmy. No more animal crackers for you. Timmy. Yeah.
Have you ever wondered what we could do on the ice? What you could do? Correct. Yeah.
(31:55):
Us. No, I never heard about that. Oh, well, if you didn't know, you know, me and Chris
are excellent on the ice and we, you know, yeah, we passed basic eight when we were like
10 years old and we were on like a local newspaper. So, you know, any questions like, you know,
about us, about ice skating, you make a lot of money when doing that. Oh, tons. Could
(32:20):
you buy me some brooks? No. This isn't working. We can also probably get you some medication.
That's that's possible. Medication is yucky. They got great flavor now. So, like watermelon.
Oh, we're back to asking him about him. Okay. He's a master. We're going to we're going
(32:41):
to pause real quick. We've got Henry over here. Hey, what's going on, guys? I've been
waiting at poker, man. Let me tell you something. How's the show going? Oh, we just found out
that he needs money for Roblox. Okay. What are you talking about? Yeah. And I hear that
you're making big money in poker these days. I mean, I'm not making that much money. But
(33:07):
I wanted to make sure we get that sponsor in there. So, Timmy, why don't you go ahead
and XLR is going to record you go ahead and do that sponsor for Roblox. Okay. All right.
Hey, guys, you guys got to you guys got to get in the box because, you know, if you're
not on the road, what are you doing? You know what I mean? You got to get in there and,
(33:31):
you know, play the game. You can't you got to play to win. You can't win if you're there.
So use my promo code at checkout and you can have 30 Roblox put in your account. All right.
That was pretty that was pretty good. 30 seconds. But we're going to need another four minutes
of that. Go ahead and just keep talking. While you're doing that. You do have some other
(33:55):
some, I guess, fans who are here. So they're going to come talk to you real quick before
we keep rolling. All right. Yeah. Yeah. We got. What's your name? My name's Sarah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get in here. Talk to these. God. Hello, Sarah. Oh, my God.
How can we help you? It's Christian Jojo. Christian Jojo. I'm you guys have changed
(34:15):
my life. Like I just I listened to your podcast and I was so scared of the ice. And ever since
I started listening, I just have so much more confidence and I feel good about myself. You
know, you guys just you uplift me and and my mom listens and now she's ice skating too.
That's great. We're so happy to hear that. Are you getting around well in the ice age
(34:35):
because of us? I would say so. Yes. We're doing pretty good. I was just wondering if
like I don't know if this is appropriate, but like we're kind of in hard times. Do you
think you could like donate maybe to our like GoFundMe? What's what's what's hard about
that? The ice is hard, baby. That's the thing about ice. You know, it teaches you a lot
(34:58):
of life lessons. Yeah. And like my dad's like in a surgery, he's always going to die type
of situation. Those are the exact kind of examples we're looking for. That's the ice.
You know, it's really hard because what it pays for is inspiration. Yes, exactly. And
you know, he's he's going to be fine and he's gonna wake up and he's gonna be like, wow,
(35:19):
I'm so proud of my daughter and wife for being such good loyal fans to this podcast and also
to look how well they skated me from the hospital to home. You know what I heard, you know, I'm
not sure if you noticed on our last pack on the last podcast, we had our sponsor Balance
and Balance does a wonderful job at bringing back balance over to someone's balance over
(35:41):
to someone's life. So if you want to use use code figure eight, you know, in our shop,
you can go ahead and get a little bit of balance in your life and maybe that could help you
guys out with your with your with your I'm sorry, was it your dad or mom that was my
dad? Yeah, he's gonna die from our surgery. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just figure
(36:01):
it out. He'll be fine. Well, that's that's our donation. I believe and trust you guys
and I love you guys. I'm gonna anything you say, I believe it. And you guys, I know, I
know you're so truthful and you'd never lie and you only think about other people not
not like, you know, you're not selfish. So I really appreciate you. And I also I also
(36:23):
made you a little gift. Take out a backpack. And it's a it's a 3d printed figuring of both
of you and your figure it out. Wow. I use the last of my money to make this for you.
How did you know our favorite things are us? So crazy. What would you say? So that's our
favorite things. And we appreciate your arts and your craft so much. And that's gonna help
(36:49):
you on the ice. It's gonna help you so much on the ice. Yes. So to all of our followers
who are, you know, listening to us right now, you know, there's a lot of ways you can improve
on the ice, you could bend your knees, you could put your arms out. One of the best ways
is to worship us as well. And so if you guys are if you guys are around the local area,
(37:12):
you want to fly on over and maybe even buy us a plane ticket, you know, out of the ice
age, we'll bring you we'll come to you. We'll come we'll teach you our art and our craft.
Exactly. You know, just like Sarah here has really shared hers with us, which is so beautiful.
Thank you. I'm gonna go ahead and send you the Henry comes in. All right, get out of
the way kid. You're done. Oh my god. Henry on our security. Sometimes you gotta kick kids.
(37:38):
You know, I'm saying I like Henry. I'm tired of that kid anyways. I mean, my dad's dying.
Oh my god. Whoa, Timmy, you're too old. You're too young for that. Come on, Timmy. She was
five. She's too young for you. Calm down. Very, very too young for you, Timmy. The age gap's
crazy. I guess I guess in the grand scheme of things. All right, XLR, go to commercial.
(38:02):
I guess we're gonna go to commercial. We'll be right back. And don't go anywhere. You dingus
or something. I don't know. Cut. Hey, do you like t shirts? Maybe hats? Well, I got good news for
you. The merch store is open. Come check us out at linktree.com slash dng pod. Click the merch link
(38:26):
and get yourself a definitely not good shirt or a definitely not good hat. And for a limited time,
grab yourself I am the water goblin teacher. This is in the limited stock and won't be there forever.
Thank you for supporting us. And now let's get back to some definitely not good.
Hey, we're back and we have another sponsor. A second one of them. Yeah, man. Again, we're doing
(38:49):
it. Let's spin that wheel. No way. I'm so sorry. Oh, man. Okay. This episode is probably sponsored
(39:10):
by ASMR. Go ahead and skip the next 30 seconds. How do you guys feel about ASMR? I don't really
like the sound of like popping. What's your favorite thing in the world? I hate watching people eat
like a lot of food. Yeah. Crosses me out. I really like positive affirmation ASMR. You're doing great.
(39:36):
You're doing great. This is the sound of my fingernails touching the microphone.
That's terrible. Thank you. I'm going to eat this cookie. Is it supposed to turn you on?
See, that's my problem with ASMR is like, are you trying to turn me on? Because I don't like it. I
(40:00):
don't like it. So are you saying like the tingles are just like people being horny? It's just like
that's the same thing. ASMR is kind of horny. Kind of is. Yeah. I feel like that's the goal.
I mean, you're not whispering to anybody in the real world. That's why some of the girls that
do it put makeup on and do it on camera because you got to see them. It's part of the allure.
(40:23):
You know, I think the only people allowed to do ASMR are librarians. They'd be good. Yeah.
They could flip through the pages. Oh, I would watch that. I would get down with that. I could
see that. But then like they have the sh part and that's not really ASMR. That's kind of just like
a little group. They could just do that and go shh and then start like playing with the books.
(40:47):
Shhh. You're welcome to whoever picks that up. That's a million follower idea right there.
You're welcome. The first one's free. Thank you ASMR. Thank you for sponsoring us. Thank you so
much. Good riddance. And off the board. Do you guys roller skate? I have recently actually. Yeah.
(41:18):
Yeah. It was me too. It's weird. Yeah. Yeah. Like a lot. My kid had a birthday. She wanted to go to
roller skating. I said let's go ice skating. She said, no, I'm scared. La Maya. It does hurt a lot
more. Is there something about a blade that's better than wheels to you guys? Oh, no, I'm a
(41:42):
bit biased towards the blade. I started off the blades, but a little bit more danger. It's easier
to turn on a blade than it is on like wheels. Yeah. Also easier to do like a hard stop whenever
you need to. I think you should just shred some cheese. What? Yeah, absolutely. That's not an
application I've done before my skates, but like maybe it's something we can try out. Sometimes we
(42:02):
hard stop and then stomp on a block of cheese and just slice like little pieces out for ourselves.
That's what I would do. Craft singles are actually made that way. Oh, by purpose. Now I know. Okay.
You learn something new. We're like a factory basically. That's why you listen to podcasts.
Yeah, you're welcome. Thanks. Have you guys ever used your ice skates for something other than
(42:23):
skating like evil? Oh, murder. Ice skates outside of something for skating, man. I can't say I've
used ice skating as a tool before. Spreading butter on toast. Honestly though, I use it to like low key.
Like if I want to like impress somebody, like I always feel good like when I'm taking public
transportation home and I got my ice skates right in front of me. It's a tool to pick up women.
(42:47):
Yeah, these are my little, these are my leather boots. You're a skater. Casually, you know,
lace them off. They're like really beat up and you're like, yeah, you know, I've used them a lot.
Yeah, I'm a figure skater, but I like your figure. You're welcome for that one. You know, I would
use ice skates except I want them to go into concrete. Like I want to be able to slide on
(43:13):
concrete with my skates. I think that's roller skates. Yeah, that's like rollerblading. But it's
not, you know, the wheels are compromising. I need something that's going to destroy the ground I'm on.
We don't, we have like a rule that you're not supposed to wear your skates on anything other
than like rubber or ice because it will actually mess up the blade like completely. Oh, have y'all
(43:38):
messed with that synthetic guy thing? Yeah, that's weird. It's really weird. Yeah, it's not real.
I mean, obviously it has the word synthetic. Yeah, I don't like it. I tried it at this winter
festival thingy. Awful. It was weird. Like, because you try to glide and you just like two feet.
You're like, okay, that was not worth it. It's really sticky. It's weird. It kind of looks like,
(44:01):
it kind of looks like like Legos, like the way they're placed on the ground because they got
these like weird shapes that sort of like attached to each other. Yeah, four by fours. Yeah. Is it
plastic? That's what it feels like. It's like a type of plastic. Yeah. That was pretty terrible.
That sounds bad. Now skating on cheese. Oh, yeah. Different. Well, that's a dream of mine. See, that
(44:22):
would be a problem because then like as you're skating, I'd be like eating the cheese. Right.
Big bag of me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then. You said problem. That sounds like a good
solution. Then when I'm going to skate, I want to eat all the cheese. Oh, right. I see what you're
asking. More cheese. As long as it's grass fed. Yeah, grass fed, like organic cheese. Yeah.
(44:47):
I'll be like the cheese fed organic human who's just running around the ice rink eating cheese.
This is fun. You know, I'm not even joking now. I want. We were joking before. I want skates that
can glide on cheese and they grate the cheese at the same time. Oh, you know what? That's like
lucky possible. If you think about like one of those small like graders, you know,
(45:12):
like the handheld ones, you could attach that to the bottom of something. OK. And then use
your like body mass or just like push NASA. Get on it, man. I bought one of them cranky boys from
a. Oh, this one. Oh, really, really. OK. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Where we last left off, figure it out. The ice skating podcast was being hosted by Chris and
(45:37):
Jojo, two professionals who kind of have a bit of an ego going on. They had a sponsorship from
Timmy Time, who is a Broblox influencer. And, you know, they're having a grand old time,
but they're having an issue with not talking about just themselves. They really want to just
(45:57):
talk about themselves. But Timmy's taking up a lot of that air time. So they're trying to figure out
what to do with that. We like to throw a wrench in our already broken story. So we're going to
spend one more wheel called the topic wheel. Damn big wheel. Let's spend that.
It's Zach Morris. I'm sorry. Who? Zach Morris. Who is that? From Saved by the Bell. Oh, blonde one.
(46:30):
What is pop culture reference? Do you know what Saved by the Bell is? No.
No, he's just a child. This is Timmy, actually. Actually Timmy, man. This is crazy.
Did you watch Saved by the Bell? Yeah. So the only one I really remember from Saved by the Bell is
(46:51):
Topanga. That's not Saved by the Bell. That's a different show. No way. Boy Meets World. Oh snap.
This kid will be worse than this one. Come on. Take my 90s card, I guess. Saved by the Bell.
That's the main character of Saved by the Bell. Yeah. Okay. So can you play Zach Morris for us,
(47:16):
but like older? Yeah, man. Okay. So this crowd of people with signs for Figure It Out make way for
a limousine that comes out. And it is Zach Morris in his prime, 75 years old, freaking crypto
influencer now. I don't know what he's doing these days. No idea. Well, let's just pretend,
(47:39):
yeah, that's what he's doing now. And someone says, oh my God, it's Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell.
Hey, yeah, it's me. Hey everybody. Hi. Yeah. Aren't I handsome? Zach Morris is actually here for
Timmy. And you guys are looking outside your studio window to see that he's here just for Timmy.
(48:00):
And they shake hands, you know, they take photos. They have a secret handshake. Yeah. And Henry's
talking to Chris and JoJo. All right, man. This star-studded cast is getting more starry,
you know what I'm saying? Yeah, because I'm here. We're the real stars here.
Oh, Chris, JoJo, this is Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell. Hey, how's it going? Oh my God.
(48:26):
You sound really good for 75. Thanks. Yeah, I have a really youthful tone in my voice.
Still got curly hair. Can you believe it? Oh my gosh. What kind of celebrity
things are they pumping in you to make you so good looking at 75? Oh, you know, a lot of babies,
blood. Yeah, you're not supposed to say that. Tylenol. There we go. Three a day. And Prime.
(48:48):
Prime. Lots of Prime. And Beast Bud Bars. A whole lot of Prime. You know, I think I'm speaking for,
you know, me and Chris when we say, like, we're so thankful that you just came all the way over here
just to see the two of us. You know, we've been... Well, I'm here for Timmy. Wait, wait, no, no, no.
I meant like, you know, how you visit the Figure 8 podcast, like how you came here over to see us.
(49:10):
Oh, is that what this... Figure 8. Yeah. Well, to be honest, I wanted you here to talk to these guys.
Like, they're a new podcast that's trying to blow up. Oh, I see. Yeah. But I had a great idea. You
mean you could judge them going against Timmy. Like, Timmy actually started practicing figure skating.
(49:32):
Yes. Yes. Yes. You guys are down for that? Yes. That sounds like a great idea. All right.
Yeah, Timmy, get your skates on. And whoever has to spank this man in the floor. Oh, boy.
And whoever wins, I figure we just give them like two million dollars for nothing. I'm just
going to pack a chain. Oh, boy. Is that what you got in your poker money? Well, I made a lot more
on my poker game, but let's not talk about that. We need to play poker. Yeah, actually, I'm going
to be donating the money, so yeah. Whoa. Thank you so much, Zach Morris. No biggie. It's just like
(49:58):
one episode of Say By The Belly. Do you think that you could get me a date with Mario Lopez?
Yeah. Yeah. He's always up for a date. Oh, my gosh. He is shorter than you think he is. I saw
Timmy playing Mario on a Nintendo console the other day. Oh, I love Mario. All right. Let's get the
show on the road. All right. We're going to take it outside, Timmy. Put your skates on, lace those
(50:21):
things up. Oh, boy. We're about to throw some moves at you. Be prepared. We can't wait to see
your moves. We got this. XLR, I'm going to need you to record. Man, are you kidding me, bro? I'm an
audio engineer. Yeah, audio, video, same thing, man. AV, right? Can you record it or not? I'm getting
too old for this shit. All right. Yeah, yeah. I'll just set up a tripod, put my phone there.
(50:45):
And you guys got lav mics? Lav mics on you? Check, check. We're mic'd up. Check, check. Perfect.
Perfect. Perfect. They just tape SM7B's to themselves? Check it out. I got this tripod
that tracks you, so I don't got to do shit. Sound speed, recording, three, two, one. I'm out. See
you. Bye. Welcome. Welcome back. JoJo and I are going to do a series of different skating moves
(51:10):
that we're really, really good at. And we're going to see if Timmy here can hold his own against us.
He's seven. We're seasoned. Timmy's over there stretching. We're not afraid of anything or anyone
because we're great. We're one of the best skaters to ever grace this earth. I mean, I'll just say,
just prepare for your minds to be blown about what you're about to see here. Hey, seriously,
(51:34):
don't forget to mention the sponsorship that you guys are sponsoring with your podcast also.
Welcome. Thank you, Zach Morris for sponsoring this. Hey, no problem. Yeah, we got Zach over here.
Zach Morris graciously decided to come here and wanted to see us do all of these skating moves
in person with his own eyes because we're really incredible, you know? And he wanted to see if
(51:58):
Timmy could ever amount to how good we are, you know? So we're inviting Timmy to see if he can
ever be like us, you know? We're giving you a chance, Timmy. I can't wait. I can't wait.
I can't wait. I'm so excited. Hopefully the coughing won't interfere with his moves.
So we get, I don't know how, we get a wide shot and the crowd is formed around him now,
(52:22):
all in ski gear because it's the ice age and everything is ice. Can you describe to us how
Timmy skates? Timmy is the most graceful thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Is that fair to say?
It's beautiful opera music playing. Yeah, yeah. Like everybody hears music. It looks like he's
(52:43):
skating in slow motion and like when he goes up, everybody's vision blurs a little bit because it's
too magnificent. People start crying. It's very good. It's very good. Does he hit the triple axel?
He hits the quintuple axel actually. Oh, oh. An impossible thing. He doesn't. Whoa. And everyone
just claps. They erupt and applause. Flowers are being thrown at him. Trees explode into 10 signs.
(53:10):
Whoa. Whoa. Okay. Hey, did you see what Timmy just did over there?
Um, no, I blinked. He got to do it again. I think here's the thing. Here's what I think.
I think that Zach Morris and we should invite another judge and they can watch us and compare
(53:32):
because just because Timmy's little child body can throw himself in the air like that doesn't
mean it looks good. Doesn't mean it's as beautiful as us. Zach Morris is on his knees crying. Okay.
Oh my God. We need someone. We need someone with a bit more like the unbiased perspective.
Yeah, somebody who's not paying money to Timmy. Exactly. Zach Morris is biased y'all. Hey, it's me,
(53:52):
Henry. I'm just grabbed on the mic too. XLR. Thanks for hooking me up. Now it's your guys' turn.
You know, I can't wait to see what you guys, you know, if Timmy did that, I can't wait to see what
you guys do. Go on and I'll go ahead and narrate. We bust out some crazy hip hop routine on the ice
because we want to show contrast to Timmy. Excellent. His little sad opera music. It's
(54:15):
meant to make people cry and we're meant to get the crowd going. You know what I mean? Everybody
loves us for that. Okay. So we're out here, we're pairs teaming it up, side by side jumps. We're
doing all the crazy triples, quadruples, no problem. And then Joe's over here takes me,
swings me in the air above his head, starts, I do stars in the air, iron lotus, all of it,
(54:41):
you know, you know, that catches me. I'm gonna stop you there. That sounds great. I'd love to see you
actually do that though. So go ahead and take those headphones off. I want to see you do it.
All right. I'll narrate for the crowd. Yo yo yo, wild wild west. Wicky wicky west.
(55:08):
I don't think they actually know how to ice skate. I'm gonna be real with you.
I think they're just making noises. The crowd's going mild, man.
I'm mild. The crowd's going mild. You guys know figure skating isn't just dancing, right? You
have to actually put ice skates on and like move around on the ice. You know, people don't understand
really like the art of figure skating. There's a lot of off ice that has to happen before you're
(55:32):
ready to get on the ice. We're practicing our routine, you know, so that when we step on the
ice, we're like 10 times better. There's like a, there's like a, there's like a boo escalating.
Boo! You guys just don't know what's different. You guys just don't know what real art is.
I went to the University of Minnesota. I grew up on the streets. I some, I'm sorry. I grew up on
(55:57):
the ice over here. I put my blood sweat and tears out over here. Don't forget who we were back in
1990. Who is this Timmy kid? Who does this kid think he is? Uh, let's go ahead and cut to Zach
Morris. Zach, what do you have to say about all this? I'm still recovering from Timmy's
performance, but, um, uh, yeah, these guys seem like frauds. I don't, I don't know.
(56:18):
Okay. Well, let's go ahead and cut it. Zach, Zach Morris. We're going to actually put our skates on
right now. Okay. We're actually putting our skates on. Hey guys, we're going to do it for real this time.
We're laced up. Q, Wild Wild West, Tim West, Desperado. This is what we do. What are we playing to?
It's Will Smith. Oh, or something similar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they're putting their ice
(56:43):
skates on and like they're on the ground and putting ice skates on and they're struggling to
like stand up with the skates. Like their balance is so off. I can't believe we trained our whole
lives for this. Guys, are you not actually ice skaters? Are you serious? We have, we have,
listen, Jojo, we've got this. Okay. We have watched every single season of spinning out. Okay. Listen,
(57:09):
we watched ice princess 14 times. We're ready. Listen, I know we've been doing this podcast for
like, for one week, but like, I don't know, like I've been, I've just been getting like thoughts,
like, you know, like I've just been having like a, like inner thoughts in my head. It's just like,
really, I'm just like, I'm just like, really like struggling with, with justice. We can do this.
We can do this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Put those thoughts aside because we're not going to
(57:30):
get shown up by a seven year old. He's so sweaty. One more time. We're not going to get shown up by
a seven year old. Okay. We have seen enough ice skating. Okay. We look out to the audience.
We see a wave of people, five people and Zach Morris. He's very supportive though. Let's do it.
Let's rock this crowd. And we fell. And then we get up and we stared at each other. We're just like,
(58:00):
we're going to, we're going to do better. We got this. We got this. Lift me up right now.
Lift. That sounds dangerous. Jojo goes for the lift, picks up Chris using all of his strength.
The front.
Breaks her knee. Immediate cut to the hospital room. It's in slow motion. Chris. Wait, I'm Chris.
(58:26):
Jojo. She hit her head hard, man. Jojo, we almost did it. I'm not sure if it was worth it. Did we
look cool? No, you didn't. Hi, it's me, Henry. Henry, shut the fuck up. Here's some flowers.
I'm sorry about that. You guys, I gotta be honest. I'm a little disappointed. You guys have been
saying for years, sorry, days that you've been figure skaters and people are pretty upset. This
(58:51):
was episode one. So, you know, I take a long hard look at yourselves, you know, actually I brought
some mirrors for you to do just that. So why did you bring so many mirrors? In the hospital?
Did you bring this many mirrors in the hospital? Yes. I look at these mirrors and I'm gonna go
ahead and drop our sponsorship. So good luck, guys. You know, Chris, Jojo, they look at the mirror.
(59:18):
Do you think it's us? Do you think we're the problem? Are you the drama? Am I the drama?
Honestly, all I see is beauty. I know we are beautiful. Maybe we have to be nicer to people.
I'm not too sure about that. But maybe that's how we become beautiful. We just be nicer to people
(59:40):
and like maybe just maybe there's like other things in this world besides how ridiculously hot we are.
We go through self-reflection. We're thinking it through. Turmoils is stirring in our hearts.
Timmy is such a little bitch. I never liked him though.
(01:00:03):
Knock, knock, knock on the door. It's Timmy coming in with Zach Morris. Hey guys, how you guys doing?
I'm broken from my neck down, Timmy. Oh yeah, we can see that. Yeah. So I just wanted to let you
guys know that I'm giving the money to Timmy for, you know, a few reasons. He's gonna pay for my hospital bills.
I'll pay for hospital bills. Timmy. Yeah, I'm just a good guy. That's all. Thank you so much, Timmy.
(01:00:28):
I was gonna put it all on bro bucks, but Zach Morris kind of paid for all the bro bucks for me,
so I don't even do that. Oh my gosh. So, you know, in the end, you know, we're not left with just
hospital bills. We're left with hospital bills and those two little figurines that Sarah gave us
at the end. Sarah comes into the door. Yeah, so my dad still needs that money actually, if you guys
(01:00:54):
don't mind. Sarah, he's literally next to me in the hospital, okay? Like, can you just figure it out?
Like, girl. Is that my daughter? Do you think this is the time? We're just buying balance.
I can't use... Did you buy balance? No, you didn't because I looked at our code. We told you what to do and you
didn't even use it, okay? So don't come up in here. You're so right. I'm gonna leave. Sorry, dad.
(01:01:16):
We're keeping the figurines, by the way. Have you met Zach Morris? He's outside. Go talk to somebody else.
Okay. I love you guys. I should say I love you. This girl's low-key crazy.
What a weirdo. And we're gonna end it there, guys. We did it. Yay. Look at us. Great storytelling all around.
(01:01:39):
Thank you, guys. That was a great story. Yeah, wonderful, Eden. I want to thank Tia and Brian
for joining us here today. Thanks, you guys. Thanks. Where can they find you guys?
Like, where's a good plug, you know? If you want to be found online or if you want to plug
(01:01:59):
something at all, what would it be? You want to plug first? I got my own Instagram, which is gonna be
bryan with an i underscore chan followed by an eight. He's a pretty cool guy. Follow him. Pretty cool guy.
I've seen pictures of him around town. We saw a giant ducky today in Seattle. Oh, yeah. That might make the Instagram.
(01:02:22):
I have many Instagrams. You can find me on TikTok or Instagram. We're from Ice Skating,
and that's Ice Arts Northwest. That's our company. What's that one more time? Ice Arts Northwest.
Okay. ICE underscore arts underscore northwest. Nice. You can watch our skating videos or
(01:02:46):
find Kingsgate Skating Club. We have a website. We have an Instagram. We have a YouTube channel.
And come watch us skate or ice skate with me. Come on over. Yeah. Sounds like a good time.
Yeah. Sounds like a great time. We're about to have Hulk on ice actually. Oh, yeah. Is the red Hulk gonna be there?
Someday. Or Captain America on ice. I'd watch that too. Oh, the shield thing would be kind of fun to watch.
(01:03:11):
Yeah, that'd be pretty cool. But Brian's the shield. We just throw him. Yeah.
Skating on that adamantium shield would be pretty tight. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. Pretty cool.
I'm a cheese guy myself. You're more of a what? More of a cheese guy myself. Yeah, the cheese thing.
You can't go wrong with that. Thank you so much, guys, for joining us. You are amazing.
(01:03:32):
Storytellers. And I would listen to figure it out. That's a great show. Thank you.
It's an embarrassing episode. It's one of our rougher ones. The five day streak. Yeah.
Fantastic. Yeah. Sorry about sponsorship. Zach Morris showed up though. Yeah, he did.
That was crazy. How many people can say a celebrity showed up to their first podcast recording?
(01:03:54):
Doesn't happen very often. We're kind of a big deal. Right? Kind of a big deal. Kind of big deal.
Hey, check us out if you like the show at linktree.com slash DNGPOD. If you happen to be there,
click the merch link. Buy yourself a definitely not good shirt or definitely not good hat. I don't
know. You know, just do it. If you don't like the show, why are you still listening to this?
(01:04:16):
I think you like the show. Maybe. Get out.
You can also find Nuckety at nuqady on TikTok and Instagram. Yeah, all that. That works. Yeah.
I'm there. You want to hit this guy up if you want some music or beats or any kind of audio
engineering. Yeah. He's a lot better than XLR in this episode. I mean, I'm a little better than
(01:04:38):
XLR. I'd say you're a lot better. You stick around. You hit record and then you stick around. Yeah,
I do stay. That is my redeeming problem. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out. We're so grateful. Any last
messages for the listeners, guys? Anything you want to say? Figure it out. Oh, dang. You can't
beat that. That's done. Silenced. Bye bye guys. See ya. Bye. Thank you. Definitely not good.
What up you dingus? This is definitely not good. The podcast where we create stories
(00:05):
and they're definitely probably not good. I'm your host CJ and I'm joined by my producer
Nuckety. Hello. Hey, strap yourselves in for this amazing episode because we're joined
by two professional figure skaters, Tia and Brian. Hello. Oh my god. We have so many questions
(00:25):
for you guys. What's going to happen? There's no ice in here. You guys okay with that? Ship
it in right now. Is it a little warmer than you used to? Turn it up to or turn it down.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just saying I'm always icy. It's no problem. Wow. Drip it. Well,
guys, I don't know what this is, but it's definitely not good. Hello, listener. If it's
(01:09):
your first time listening, this is pretty much how everything works. We are amazing
storytellers. Amazing. And it's our job, our sacred duty to come up with a story completely
from scratch with a little twist. We have a series of wheels we're going to spin, each
of them random. And depending on where they land, we have to somehow incorporate it into
our story to the best of our ability. That's the best of our ability as well as we can.
(01:32):
Yeah. So we'll get to that amazing story later. And before that, we're going to have some
definitely real, not made up sponsors that we will be filling your ear holes with. So
look forward to that. Definitely. But before that, we have Tia and Brian here with us,
professional figure skaters. Guys, like how you doing? Amazing. I'm here with my three
(01:56):
best friends in the whole wide world. Oh my God. Like I'm having a great time. That's
awesome. So like, what's it like, man? Like what kind of figures are you skating on ice?
That's a crazy first question. We're skating at Snow King Ice Arena. I've been doing it
for around two and a half years now out here in Seattle. But Tia, oh my God, she is the
(02:23):
OG of all OGs, man. Oh snap. I do got that glide. I've been skating 20 years, so I sure
hope I got the glide. Whoa. Honestly. That's applause right there. That's good. That's
good stuff. That's our live studio audience. Totally live. Those are so real people. I
(02:48):
understand you guys also teach kids. What are you, good people or something? What is
that? No, we're slowly rotting their minds. Corrupt the youth. We're trying to do it from
a very young age. Oh yeah, that makes sense. When they're malleable, you know. What's that
like? Teaching children? Yeah. Oh man, there's a lot of snot involved for some reason. I'm
(03:10):
aware of the snot. Yeah. It's a lot of coughing. I was thinking the same exact thing. Yeah,
you got this thing when they're a little bit sick where they'll just cough right in front
of your face. Into your mouth all the time. I have a song about that. Have you had to
look up stuff that the kids brought up, like Skibbity? Oh my gosh. I don't understand Skibbity
(03:31):
if I'm being honest. I just recently heard Big Back. That's a new thing for me. That's
one of my favorites. It just means you eat a lot, right? Yeah. That's not what I thought
of you, man. It's a way of calling you fat. Yeah, yeah. You're just like a Big Back. I'm
like, just say it like it is. I'm chonky, man. Do they call you Big Back or is it like
(03:53):
a no? No, I have these two students that talk to each other and they'll be like, that's
very Big Back of you. I think it's more of a state of mind than an actual physical being.
I'm just hungry. Well, I know Nutcracker likes to start with a little warm up to get our
creative juices flowing, so I'm going to pass it over to him. Okay. Hi guys. It's very nice
(04:15):
to meet you. Very nice to meet you too. I'm so nervous. To the best of your ability, could
you do me a favor? Could you each name me five? Is that too many? That's probably too
many. Let's do five anyway. Let's do five Nicolas Cage characters. Oh my God. Pop culture
(04:36):
as a first question. Let's do it. Nicolas Cage. He plays himself in a movie. Yep, that's
one. Boom. Was he the guy who was like on that, wasn't there a movie where he was on
the plane or something and there was a bunch of snakes on the plane? It might be a different
movie. You probably auditioned for that. Samuel L. Jackson? No, no way I'm mixing him up.
(04:59):
There's too many motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane. They look really similar.
I can see how you get that stuff. It can happen. National Treasure. Hell yeah. I don't know
what this is. I have no idea what his name is. Five is too many. I don't know why I did
five. Let's do one more. I can just name his movies. A character of him? That's the tricky
(05:21):
part. No idea. Wait, was he not the guy who was like, he was the guy like Taken, no? Taken?
Is that not, am I getting it with the wrong guy? That's Samuel L. Jackson too. I gotta
see that movie now. That's such a good, oh my god. I got a particular set of motherfucking
(05:41):
scales. Brian is very young y'all. Brian is 24 years old. Oh dang. He's not like in the
older pop culture as we are. Nicolas Cage wasn't as big for you, huh? No, I mean he
was big when I was young. I just don't watch a lot of movies in my day to day. Does old
and pop culture mix, is that like, that sounds wrong somehow. When does something become
(06:07):
vintage, you know? Yeah, I mean. You're not gonna like the answer brother. 35. We're not
35. You're done. Skivity. No, dude that's a plus 10 aura. Slave. Whoa, that is big back
in here. The energy is big back in here. Sheesh. If you want to add me on Roblox by the way,
(06:29):
this is real. My name is KingRoe90. I just started getting into it. Donate the Roblox.
Donate. I got sucked in man. I lost my guy. Good job guys. Way to go. You named so many
Nicolas Cage characters. I mean you did it. Can we get an audience saying stuff for them?
You guys, why you being so quiet? Oh there you are. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
(06:52):
Good job. High fives all around. What's something about ice skating that most people don't know?
Um, something about ice skating that people don't usually know. I don't think they understand
like how much strength it takes sometimes. Oh dude. You think about the artistic part
(07:15):
so often, like the flexibility. And mind you, I'm not a flexible guy. So I still find that
stuff like extremely, extremely difficult. But then you realize like all the jumps you
have to do and how fast you kind of have to skate man. It's crazy. Dude, I see, I talk
to some of the coaches and maybe it's a bit inappropriate sometimes but I just like let
them know like dude you look caked up today man. Like they got these legs man on them.
(07:39):
Dude, upper body doesn't matter at all. Lower body, oh my god. Any legitimate figure skater,
just look at their thighs man and you're gonna know if they're legit or not. Just straight
trunks. Okay. I know where I'm looking now. Thunder thighs. You know? We do have like
a skater butt thing. That is like a thing. Yeah. We're like known for being caked up.
Got knuckles on your booty? Yeah. We were like built back there. Dude, big knuckles on our
(08:02):
booties man. Wow. I feel like in skating a lot of people have this like stereotype that
we're like prudish or like. Oh like a little bit. Yeah. I mean you kind of have to be like
a certain economic class to be a figure skater and all this stuff and there's like all this
like it's almost like being a ballet dancer where you're like you're pretty and all these
(08:24):
other things but like a lot of us aren't like that at all. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of us are like
straight and having weird gay-ish skating stuff you know. Yeah. What's like your favorite
like thing on ice? Like Shrek on ice? Garfield on ice? Stakes on ice? I would like to see
(08:46):
CJ on ice. Oh no. You're gonna see him fall a lot. I dabble a little bit. Really? Yeah.
He said he's a he watched Blades of Glory man. He's a partner. Oh. Well I could be an
obstacle for you to jump over at the very least. It's gonna be like a new thing. You
guys are doing like triathlons on ice. I'll just get in his way and fall on him. We're
(09:10):
doing jumps. Oh wait. If you guys were pair dancers I would like you guys to know would
you be the person who wants to throw or would you want to be the person who is being thrown?
Sorry I can't throw anyone. Lamont's gonna have to throw. She's just gonna toss us like
(09:30):
a football down the ice. She's gonna have to yeet you like straight across the ice.
What's like the coolest thing you've seen on the ice? Coolest thing? Maybe Tia. Oh my
god. I think she's pretty cool. I train for the Olympics man. Like I've seen Olympic figure
skaters in person in front of me train all the time so. The back flips are really fun
(09:55):
to watch on ice. That's crazy. Those are really fun. Back flips scare me. There's like these
pair moves where you like you hold somebody by their feet and you like swing them up and
down like like Hulk did to Loki in that movie. Oh you mean in the best part of the movie?
Yeah. They swing them back and forth. There's an ice skating move like that but you don't
actually like bash the person's head in. Oh man. Preferably. Preferably. If you do it
(10:19):
right. Yeah. If you're good at it. I just want to put it out there in the universe.
Hulk on ice. I'd watch it. I don't know if that's a real thing though. CJ's in training
right now. Hulk triple axel. In terms of like weird things or like cool things on the ice
I've seen. Honestly like I haven't seen any like Olympic skaters like just like from my
(10:42):
own eye but like even on like our own ice rink man we got like little kids like little
eight year olds man. They look like specs out there on the ice but then you just see
them pump out like a double axel just out of nowhere like skating so fast behind you.
CJ hates that man. What do you mean they hate that man? Freaking prodigies man. I know.
(11:05):
He doesn't like when kids are good at things. You gotta fight back that little jealousy
in your heart. That little anger in it like you know try not to push them. I used to send
videos constantly of children doing cool stuff. He's like ah I gotta get out of here. Don't
tell me that. How dare you be good at something. That's impressive though. Like that's really
cool. Well this is a great conversation but we do have to interrupt it with a totally
(11:28):
not real sponsor. Sorry I lied to you guys at the beginning. Legitimately fake. We don't
have a sponsor today but we do have a wheel to spin a sponsor to find out what we're sponsored
by today. So let's spin that. Okay. You alright there buddy? Today's episode is brought to
you by Balance. What? Oh my god. Balance. This episode is proudly sponsored by Balance. Balance.
(11:55):
How do you guys feel about Balance? We've been training our whole lives. For this moment.
We're still not there. I just feel like I've been working really hard to get to the point
where I get sponsored by someone like Balance. It's just a bit emotional just even thinking
about it. It's an honor to be nominated. Do you like Balance? Because I feel like it's
a little unfair. Balance is not so balanced in my opinion. It's never balanced. Stop.
(12:20):
I heard that advertisement. You're right. I gotta balance it out. Balance is so good.
Life is so unbalanced. That's why we need Balance. And then we hold up the product.
A little yin and a little yang. So please use code BKL. B-C-J-T-A. For some free shipping
(12:45):
on your Balance in your life. You're welcome. And get your Balance bank account. Wow. Why
is it called a Balance anyways? Double entendre. That's a very good question. I don't know.
It's been a while since I took a finance class. Balance. Debits. Credits. Balance out. I feel
like those little tongue and cheek like, your Balance. That's how well you're doing in life.
(13:11):
That's exactly how they said it. Wabi Sabi. Do you guys feel like you have pretty good
Balance? Depends on the leg. Depends on which leg, man. I feel like I have good Balance.
Overall, I could hold a one foot glide. I could pick up one foot and hold it for a long
time I think. We used to play this game where we would stand on one leg and do like a pistol
(13:32):
squat to pick up a bag off the floor but with our mouths. So you had to like, you couldn't
use your arms. And then you would pick up the bag, rip off a piece with your mouth and then
drop the bag down. And you'd go in a circle and everybody would like try to pick up the
bag with their mouth. That's a Tia thing. That was not me there. Lousers. It was his
(13:52):
idea. Yes. This is his game. Wow. Well thank you Balance. Thanks Bound. Thanks Bound. We
love you. Can you raise our Balance a little bit in our accounts? I mean I'd appreciate
that. Thank you. I am dying. Final figure skating question. I don't think it's going
to be the last one. It's not going to be the last one. It's not. That's okay. What would
(14:15):
you say to the person who is terrified of figure skating? And also, what is the difference
between ice skating and figure skating? Because I don't know. Are you asking for a friend?
I'm asking for a total friend. That's not me. Isaac Lorry really inspired this guy,
man. Let me tell you. I just want to see Hulk on ice. And you're ready. We're going to get
(14:36):
you in there. If you're scared of the ice, I get it. It's scary. Ice is hard. It's like
concrete honestly. If you're going to fall, try to slide. That's all. The best advice
I have for someone. I don't know what you're talking about. Ice skating is one of the safest
sports in the whole wide world. Everyone just has a blast whenever they put on the rental
(14:57):
skates. And I've heard Hulk on ice is coming really soon. And they're looking for people
to audition. Triple Salco. Just to answer the other question though, I would just say
ice skating is very all-encompassing, but there's different kinds of ice skating, figure
(15:19):
skating, hockey. If you're crazy, you see speed skaters, but I haven't seen a speed
skater. I've only seen two speed skaters in my entire life. The guys who put their arms
behind their backs. The serious boys. They just do an ice marathon. They wear those helmets.
See, those guys with their hands behind their backs, I think their balance is really high.
(15:41):
You know what I'm saying? Their bank balance is like, ugh. If you can't see their feet,
it kind of just looks like they're walking weird. They're really low walking. Expert
level. Ice skating is just kind of an all-encompassing term for any ice sport, basically. Figure skating
is the specific section of we do pairs or solo or dance, basically. Is it like a performance?
(16:10):
We don't get any padding or helmets, so that's one way to tell us apart from everyone else.
We usually wear pretty outfits, and we usually have to do much harder things than both of
those other sports. Not biased at all. Not biased, but figure skating is really hard.
Do you guys have that thing where you're really grateful on ice, but then on your feet you're
(16:31):
like, not? Yes. So bad. You did not want to see us rock climbing yesterday, man. Why is
that a thing? You don't want to see me rock climbing yesterday, man. Oh my god. This guy,
no, he killed it. Thank you. He's very good. She's generous. The whole world gets covered
in ice. Every single sidewalk, concrete, is all ice. Are you guys good? We're going to
(16:53):
become dictators, man. We're going to find all the people and we're like the sled dogs,
but it'll just be us carrying people around. I know who to go to when that happens. We'll
be like the taxis. Just remember we were good to you. I'll pull out the sled. Thank you,
man. Why don't we get started with this terrible podcast? Does that sound good with you guys?
(17:18):
I'm so excited to be definitely not good. Hey, that's the spirit. That's the spirit.
We're going to figure out this story. Our first wheel is our genre wheel. Let's figure
out what we're making today. Okay. It's cold in here. An impossible choice. Oh, that's
(17:40):
a genre. Is that a genre? Sure is. Okay. Sure. We'll have to brain blast that one a little
bit later. Okay. After we spin our next wheel, our setting, where is this story taking place?
A quiet neighborhood. Okay. Quiet neighborhood. Impossible choice in a quiet neighborhood.
(18:09):
Oh, something coming to your mind already with that? Just so interesting. That is interesting.
Your synapses firing me. I got no idea. Our next wheel is our character job. What is the
job of the main character? Podcasting. No, no. Dang it. Okay. Podcasters. And what is
(18:38):
the flaw of the podcaster? Yeah. What is it? Yeah. I want to know too. We're usually flawless
so this is going to be interesting. They are egotistical, man. Okay. That is kind of a
flaw and probably a trait for most podcasters. Sorry. Sorry. I'm fine. So hard being perfect
(19:00):
all the time, guys. Ouch. Our next wheel, or is it our second to last wheel? Yeah. Our
second to last wheel is our antagonist. Who's the bad person of the story? The person in
the mirror. That's terrifying. Okay. Okay. The person in the mirror. We're like fighting
(19:23):
ourselves. So. You remember when Link had to fight that guy? Oh man. Dark Link. Shout
out. So to recap, we have an impossible choice story taking place in a quiet neighborhood.
Our main characters, you guys, are podcasters who are a little egotistical and the villain
(19:47):
is the mirror. The mirror in ourselves. The mirror in yourselves or whatever form that
takes. So would you guys mind playing our podcasters today? Absolutely. I would be so
good at it. Yeah. We're so good at it. We're like figure skaters. We're like very egotistical.
Can you guys just make like a figure skating podcast? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Welcome to ICE.
(20:12):
Figure eight. That doesn't sound right. Figure it. Welcome to Figure It Out. Ooh. Figure
It Out. What's up, babe? Today, what are we talking about today, Brian? Today we're going
to talk about whatever the hell we want just because we're like the best figure skaters
of all time and we appreciate our viewers just to kind of talk to us about our thoughts.
(20:35):
You know, um. There's a knock, knock, knock on the door in your studio. God, who is it?
Who needs us? These people are always like just trying to get on our podcast now. Well,
it's because we're just so perfect. Well, no, I heard we have five viewers now. You know,
now we're blowing up. Everyone's trying to get on over to us. We're huge. Knock, knock,
knock. Oh, wait. Oh my gosh. What if I did Henry? Was it you? I didn't invite Henry,
(20:58):
but. We'll just open the door. Yeah, maybe. Oh, I have the key. I forgot about that. Oh.
Who gave him a key? Hey, guys. If it isn't my favorite podcasters. Henry. I forgot your
guys' name. What's your name? It's Figure It Out. It's Figure It Out. So Figure It Out.
Yeah, you're right. It's so good to see you. Henry. Charlotte. Charlotte. And. And. Jojo.
(21:27):
And Chris. Oh, his name's Jojo, actually. Oh, Jojo, I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.
You know, I got it mixed up. So Jojo and Charlotte. I go by Chris for short, though. Oh, OK. So
Chris and Jojo. I'm surprised you didn't like get to know us when we were like 10 years
old and, you know, we were on TV. Yeah, we passed like basic eight, you know, when we
(21:48):
were 10 years old. Yeah, we were kind of good. Oh, you know, I usually like to watch good
TV shows, so that's why I probably didn't see you guys. Anyways, I'm here just to make
sure you got everything you need before you start recording. I know this isn't your ideal
location here, like in my garage, but we are kind of on hard times. It's twenty twenty
five. The ice ages started, you know, everything is just totally covered in ice and people
(22:13):
want to know about what to do on the ice. And I figured, you know, people need to know.
Thank you. We would know best. We're very we know everything about ice. We're pretty
important. Yes. You know, we got we got to start rounding up our friends and buying sleds,
sleds, so many sleds. OK, I'll get an order on that right now. Yeah. But your guest is
(22:36):
here. It's little Timmy. Timmy, can you come in here real quick? Hello. Oh, Timmy, we're
so happy to have you. I'm seven years old. Oh, you are. You hear that? She's seven. Are
you from Make-A-Wish? How did you know that? How did you get here in the ice age? He's
(23:01):
my son. OK, he's my son. You know, you can't have any off days in the real world, son.
You have to be here on the podcast. Duly noted, Father. Duly noted, of course. OK, like, go
and sit right there. Put those put those damn headphones on. OK, put that mic pointed to
your mouth. Don't cough on the mic. Oh, sorry. I love the way Henry deals with this game.
(23:22):
Henry, you're an amazing father. You're doing great. I appreciate that. Amazing. Now, Timmy,
you know, he has a lot of Roblox. Like he's he's been playing Roblox. Can we say it's
Roblox? It exists in the ice age and in the real world. Bro Blox. That's right. You're
(23:44):
playing Bro Blox. I love Bro Blox. Can you guys give me Bro Blox? Do you think that's
going to help you in the ice age, Timmy? You're right. I'm sorry. Yeah. Let's let's figure
out your balance. Timmy, I think we need to wake up, man. I think you ever watched Dr.
Phil? Yeah, I love that guy. Before ice age. Yeah, perfect. This might this might be a
little Dr. Phil session for us, man. You got to live life, man. You're seven years old
(24:07):
now. You're not five years old. What you doing? Drinking drinking drinking milk out of your
out of your out of your out of your mama's. Yeah, it's straight from the tap. It's the
best. Timmy, here's the thing. You got to start getting high protein milk. OK, no more
mama. OK, you got to build the legs. He takes notes to survive to survive this ice age.
(24:31):
I'm going to put a pause real quick. I'm going to get out of here. You know, I got I got
I got lots of poker to play, you know, just in the other room. So much poker. Listen,
so Timmy actually has 20 million followers on YouTube for his Bro Blox account. He is
going to do a promo code during your show. It's really important that you guys don't
(24:53):
just talk about yourselves. OK, you got to reel it in and and and talk about Timmy and
on. And that was great. Timmy time, Timmy time, Bro Blox. You know, so Timmy time. I'm
going to leave you to it. We're actually going to rename this podcast Timmy time just for
just for today. Just for today. We're for the children. It's always been about us, but
(25:16):
it's for the children. Why are we letting a seven year old look good? So sounds good
to me. All right, guys. Close door very quietly. Shut very loudly. We just kick the door closed.
Another person walks in right when he leaves. His name is freaking gosh. Another name is
XLR. XLR. Hey, what's going on? Y'all? Hey, it's me. XLR. I'm going to be your man. I'm
(25:44):
going to be your like sound engineer and stuff. I can't cause because this kid's here. Very
weird, man. Don't have kids. I'm sorry. I'm I don't want to make this about how many children
do you have? I got like 10 kids, man. Don't do it. Don't do it. No offense to me. I mean,
if we were to have children, we would have perfect children. Oh, absolutely. We drink
(26:08):
milk. That's a high burn protein. You know, Timmy, you're already gone. They hit record.
I'm gonna let you take over the show and get started. All right. I'm ready when you are.
All right. Sound speed. Three, two.
Hello. Welcome, everyone to have five audience members today. Welcome to the figure eight
(26:31):
process. Today is going to be we got we got Chris on the mic over here. Yeah. And we got
favorite skater. We got my partner, my favorite. I'm Chris. You're Jojo. Oh, my God. I got
Jojo over here. You forgot your names? No, absolutely not. I just sometimes get confused
(26:55):
with the french fry. Y'all been smoking? Cause I'll tell I'll partake in some smoke. Y'all
got some. Oh, we got 11 drops. That's it. Hit me up after the show. Understood. Sound
speed. Go for it. Welcome back. Hello. Welcome. We have actually we're renaming our podcast
(27:18):
for just today in our wonderful efforts to help the children of this world. Yes. With
Timmy time today. Timmy, welcome. Hi, everybody. Timmy, how's the bro blocks going? Bro blocks
is going crazy right now. Everybody's in there doing super three sixties. You know, it's
(27:38):
it's really crazy. Whoa. Well, Timmy, Timmy's a really Timmy's a really, really interesting
figure. You know, don't you think Timmy, tell us tell the audience members how long have
you been playing bro blocks in your lifetime? Jojo, I've been playing bro blocks all my
life. Whoa, that's seven years of commitment. That's not possible, son. I came out of the
(28:02):
womb with sticks in my hand, baby. Whoa. Oh, Timmy's confident. Timmy, we got to get you
in skating. You got to figure it out. Is there ice skating in bro blocks? Yes. Everything
in there is a whole world. OK, there's a knock on the window and you look out and it's like
a group of fans. I love you, Chris and Jojo. I love you. Five of our fans are here. They're
(28:30):
not here for Timmy. Remember that? Man, cut. Walks over to the window. Man, get out of
here, y'all. Get out. Turns on a button and sprinklers come on. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa. We don't got no problem with without viewers being over here. Oh,
my God. Shaking his head. Who brought this man in here? My head. XLR. Get the X out.
(28:51):
All right. Fine. Record. Spout speed. I'm out of here. It just sounds too easy. All
right, Timmy. Yeah, yeah. Timmy, how did you figure out how to play bro blocks? I think
I was just born with the intuitive knowledge and my big massive head. Whoa. You know, he
does have a big head. He does have a big head. That's one thing I can't agree on. That's
(29:13):
hard to move around, huh? Maybe he was born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline. Maybe it's
a problem. So bro blocks, tell me. So, you know, we're in the ice age these days, you
know, in case you haven't noticed, it's been a bit icy out there. You know, everyone's
got, well, you know, they got ice skates on. It's ice everywhere, everywhere around us
these days, you know. How's your how's your father been these days? Has he been able to
(29:35):
get on the ice? Oh, we don't talk. Wait a minute. I hear he's playing poker. Yeah, yeah, he
plays the poker online. How does that make you feel? He sounds like a very loud man.
We can hear him all the way from his basement. That's crazy. Hey, guys, can we can we just
(29:57):
like pause for a second? Timmy, can you just we have some animal crackers right down over
here. I love amino crackles. Yeah, yeah. How about you just go like eat that for one second.
I could talk to my partner, Chris. Is that is that OK? Oh, man, I call me a big back.
I'm going to eat all these. Yeah, that's plus 10 aura. Great. Great for you. We're going
to go skibbity. Skibbity. Skibbity. Um, Tia, I Chris, I Chris, I Chris, I can't do this.
(30:20):
I don't know. Like I'm Jojo. What's that? What's wrong? What's happening? Everything's
always about Tim. This Tim. This I know we've been speaking for only like two minutes, but
everything's about Timmy. Why aren't we talking about us? Our viewers have to know us. They
have to build a rapport with us. This is our podcast. The podcast is a figure eight. How
do we get Timmy to start asking us about us? You know, we got to figure that out. That's
(30:45):
a good one. Maybe we should kind of maybe we should sort of we're going to lead him.
We're going to be like, hey, to ask us what how good we are at stuff. Yeah. So he should
be interested in how great we are. He doesn't know any of the any of the terminology. He's
an idiot. He's a good guy. He's a seven. What does he know? It's not nothing. Literally
(31:08):
had a cough. Bro, he just got out of diapers. He doesn't even know about protein milk. We'll
get him interested then. Yeah, we're going to lead him. There's a two way mirror in the
garage and there's a knock on the window. XLR. Hey, you guys good? What's going on?
Don't worry about it. Yeah, we're great. We're doing fine. You just sit in that mirror and
you just look at yourself. That's what I do. And you contemplate what you're doing. I'm
(31:31):
contemplating. You guys got 20 minutes till my next session. So I understood. Thank you.
All right. All right. Welcome back to Timmy. No more animal crackers for you. Timmy. Yeah.
Have you ever wondered what we could do on the ice? What you could do? Correct. Yeah.
(31:55):
Us. No, I never heard about that. Oh, well, if you didn't know, you know, me and Chris
are excellent on the ice and we, you know, yeah, we passed basic eight when we were like
10 years old and we were on like a local newspaper. So, you know, any questions like, you know,
about us, about ice skating, you make a lot of money when doing that. Oh, tons. Could
(32:20):
you buy me some brooks? No. This isn't working. We can also probably get you some medication.
That's that's possible. Medication is yucky. They got great flavor now. So, like watermelon.
Oh, we're back to asking him about him. Okay. He's a master. We're going to we're going
(32:41):
to pause real quick. We've got Henry over here. Hey, what's going on, guys? I've been
waiting at poker, man. Let me tell you something. How's the show going? Oh, we just found out
that he needs money for Roblox. Okay. What are you talking about? Yeah. And I hear that
you're making big money in poker these days. I mean, I'm not making that much money. But
(33:07):
I wanted to make sure we get that sponsor in there. So, Timmy, why don't you go ahead
and XLR is going to record you go ahead and do that sponsor for Roblox. Okay. All right.
Hey, guys, you guys got to you guys got to get in the box because, you know, if you're
not on the road, what are you doing? You know what I mean? You got to get in there and,
(33:31):
you know, play the game. You can't you got to play to win. You can't win if you're there.
So use my promo code at checkout and you can have 30 Roblox put in your account. All right.
That was pretty that was pretty good. 30 seconds. But we're going to need another four minutes
of that. Go ahead and just keep talking. While you're doing that. You do have some other
(33:55):
some, I guess, fans who are here. So they're going to come talk to you real quick before
we keep rolling. All right. Yeah. Yeah. We got. What's your name? My name's Sarah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get in here. Talk to these. God. Hello, Sarah. Oh, my God.
How can we help you? It's Christian Jojo. Christian Jojo. I'm you guys have changed
(34:15):
my life. Like I just I listened to your podcast and I was so scared of the ice. And ever since
I started listening, I just have so much more confidence and I feel good about myself. You
know, you guys just you uplift me and and my mom listens and now she's ice skating too.
That's great. We're so happy to hear that. Are you getting around well in the ice age
(34:35):
because of us? I would say so. Yes. We're doing pretty good. I was just wondering if
like I don't know if this is appropriate, but like we're kind of in hard times. Do you
think you could like donate maybe to our like GoFundMe? What's what's what's hard about
that? The ice is hard, baby. That's the thing about ice. You know, it teaches you a lot
(34:58):
of life lessons. Yeah. And like my dad's like in a surgery, he's always going to die type
of situation. Those are the exact kind of examples we're looking for. That's the ice.
You know, it's really hard because what it pays for is inspiration. Yes, exactly. And
you know, he's he's going to be fine and he's gonna wake up and he's gonna be like, wow,
(35:19):
I'm so proud of my daughter and wife for being such good loyal fans to this podcast and also
to look how well they skated me from the hospital to home. You know what I heard, you know, I'm
not sure if you noticed on our last pack on the last podcast, we had our sponsor Balance
and Balance does a wonderful job at bringing back balance over to someone's balance over
(35:41):
to someone's life. So if you want to use use code figure eight, you know, in our shop,
you can go ahead and get a little bit of balance in your life and maybe that could help you
guys out with your with your with your I'm sorry, was it your dad or mom that was my
dad? Yeah, he's gonna die from our surgery. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just figure
(36:01):
it out. He'll be fine. Well, that's that's our donation. I believe and trust you guys
and I love you guys. I'm gonna anything you say, I believe it. And you guys, I know, I
know you're so truthful and you'd never lie and you only think about other people not
not like, you know, you're not selfish. So I really appreciate you. And I also I also
(36:23):
made you a little gift. Take out a backpack. And it's a it's a 3d printed figuring of both
of you and your figure it out. Wow. I use the last of my money to make this for you.
How did you know our favorite things are us? So crazy. What would you say? So that's our
favorite things. And we appreciate your arts and your craft so much. And that's gonna help
(36:49):
you on the ice. It's gonna help you so much on the ice. Yes. So to all of our followers
who are, you know, listening to us right now, you know, there's a lot of ways you can improve
on the ice, you could bend your knees, you could put your arms out. One of the best ways
is to worship us as well. And so if you guys are if you guys are around the local area,
(37:12):
you want to fly on over and maybe even buy us a plane ticket, you know, out of the ice
age, we'll bring you we'll come to you. We'll come we'll teach you our art and our craft.
Exactly. You know, just like Sarah here has really shared hers with us, which is so beautiful.
Thank you. I'm gonna go ahead and send you the Henry comes in. All right, get out of
the way kid. You're done. Oh my god. Henry on our security. Sometimes you gotta kick kids.
(37:38):
You know, I'm saying I like Henry. I'm tired of that kid anyways. I mean, my dad's dying.
Oh my god. Whoa, Timmy, you're too old. You're too young for that. Come on, Timmy. She was
five. She's too young for you. Calm down. Very, very too young for you, Timmy. The age gap's
crazy. I guess I guess in the grand scheme of things. All right, XLR, go to commercial.
(38:02):
I guess we're gonna go to commercial. We'll be right back. And don't go anywhere. You dingus
or something. I don't know. Cut. Hey, do you like t shirts? Maybe hats? Well, I got good news for
you. The merch store is open. Come check us out at linktree.com slash dng pod. Click the merch link
(38:26):
and get yourself a definitely not good shirt or a definitely not good hat. And for a limited time,
grab yourself I am the water goblin teacher. This is in the limited stock and won't be there forever.
Thank you for supporting us. And now let's get back to some definitely not good.
Hey, we're back and we have another sponsor. A second one of them. Yeah, man. Again, we're doing
(38:49):
it. Let's spin that wheel. No way. I'm so sorry. Oh, man. Okay. This episode is probably sponsored
(39:10):
by ASMR. Go ahead and skip the next 30 seconds. How do you guys feel about ASMR? I don't really
like the sound of like popping. What's your favorite thing in the world? I hate watching people eat
like a lot of food. Yeah. Crosses me out. I really like positive affirmation ASMR. You're doing great.
(39:36):
You're doing great. This is the sound of my fingernails touching the microphone.
That's terrible. Thank you. I'm going to eat this cookie. Is it supposed to turn you on?
See, that's my problem with ASMR is like, are you trying to turn me on? Because I don't like it. I
(40:00):
don't like it. So are you saying like the tingles are just like people being horny? It's just like
that's the same thing. ASMR is kind of horny. Kind of is. Yeah. I feel like that's the goal.
I mean, you're not whispering to anybody in the real world. That's why some of the girls that
do it put makeup on and do it on camera because you got to see them. It's part of the allure.
(40:23):
You know, I think the only people allowed to do ASMR are librarians. They'd be good. Yeah.
They could flip through the pages. Oh, I would watch that. I would get down with that. I could
see that. But then like they have the sh part and that's not really ASMR. That's kind of just like
a little group. They could just do that and go shh and then start like playing with the books.
(40:47):
Shhh. You're welcome to whoever picks that up. That's a million follower idea right there.
You're welcome. The first one's free. Thank you ASMR. Thank you for sponsoring us. Thank you so
much. Good riddance. And off the board. Do you guys roller skate? I have recently actually. Yeah.
(41:18):
Yeah. It was me too. It's weird. Yeah. Yeah. Like a lot. My kid had a birthday. She wanted to go to
roller skating. I said let's go ice skating. She said, no, I'm scared. La Maya. It does hurt a lot
more. Is there something about a blade that's better than wheels to you guys? Oh, no, I'm a
(41:42):
bit biased towards the blade. I started off the blades, but a little bit more danger. It's easier
to turn on a blade than it is on like wheels. Yeah. Also easier to do like a hard stop whenever
you need to. I think you should just shred some cheese. What? Yeah, absolutely. That's not an
application I've done before my skates, but like maybe it's something we can try out. Sometimes we
(42:02):
hard stop and then stomp on a block of cheese and just slice like little pieces out for ourselves.
That's what I would do. Craft singles are actually made that way. Oh, by purpose. Now I know. Okay.
You learn something new. We're like a factory basically. That's why you listen to podcasts.
Yeah, you're welcome. Thanks. Have you guys ever used your ice skates for something other than
(42:23):
skating like evil? Oh, murder. Ice skates outside of something for skating, man. I can't say I've
used ice skating as a tool before. Spreading butter on toast. Honestly though, I use it to like low key.
Like if I want to like impress somebody, like I always feel good like when I'm taking public
transportation home and I got my ice skates right in front of me. It's a tool to pick up women.
(42:47):
Yeah, these are my little, these are my leather boots. You're a skater. Casually, you know,
lace them off. They're like really beat up and you're like, yeah, you know, I've used them a lot.
Yeah, I'm a figure skater, but I like your figure. You're welcome for that one. You know, I would
use ice skates except I want them to go into concrete. Like I want to be able to slide on
(43:13):
concrete with my skates. I think that's roller skates. Yeah, that's like rollerblading. But it's
not, you know, the wheels are compromising. I need something that's going to destroy the ground I'm on.
We don't, we have like a rule that you're not supposed to wear your skates on anything other
than like rubber or ice because it will actually mess up the blade like completely. Oh, have y'all
(43:38):
messed with that synthetic guy thing? Yeah, that's weird. It's really weird. Yeah, it's not real.
I mean, obviously it has the word synthetic. Yeah, I don't like it. I tried it at this winter
festival thingy. Awful. It was weird. Like, because you try to glide and you just like two feet.
You're like, okay, that was not worth it. It's really sticky. It's weird. It kind of looks like,
(44:01):
it kind of looks like like Legos, like the way they're placed on the ground because they got
these like weird shapes that sort of like attached to each other. Yeah, four by fours. Yeah. Is it
plastic? That's what it feels like. It's like a type of plastic. Yeah. That was pretty terrible.
That sounds bad. Now skating on cheese. Oh, yeah. Different. Well, that's a dream of mine. See, that
(44:22):
would be a problem because then like as you're skating, I'd be like eating the cheese. Right.
Big bag of me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then. You said problem. That sounds like a good
solution. Then when I'm going to skate, I want to eat all the cheese. Oh, right. I see what you're
asking. More cheese. As long as it's grass fed. Yeah, grass fed, like organic cheese. Yeah.
(44:47):
I'll be like the cheese fed organic human who's just running around the ice rink eating cheese.
This is fun. You know, I'm not even joking now. I want. We were joking before. I want skates that
can glide on cheese and they grate the cheese at the same time. Oh, you know what? That's like
lucky possible. If you think about like one of those small like graders, you know,
(45:12):
like the handheld ones, you could attach that to the bottom of something. OK. And then use
your like body mass or just like push NASA. Get on it, man. I bought one of them cranky boys from
a. Oh, this one. Oh, really, really. OK. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Where we last left off, figure it out. The ice skating podcast was being hosted by Chris and
(45:37):
Jojo, two professionals who kind of have a bit of an ego going on. They had a sponsorship from
Timmy Time, who is a Broblox influencer. And, you know, they're having a grand old time,
but they're having an issue with not talking about just themselves. They really want to just
(45:57):
talk about themselves. But Timmy's taking up a lot of that air time. So they're trying to figure out
what to do with that. We like to throw a wrench in our already broken story. So we're going to
spend one more wheel called the topic wheel. Damn big wheel. Let's spend that.
It's Zach Morris. I'm sorry. Who? Zach Morris. Who is that? From Saved by the Bell. Oh, blonde one.
(46:30):
What is pop culture reference? Do you know what Saved by the Bell is? No.
No, he's just a child. This is Timmy, actually. Actually Timmy, man. This is crazy.
Did you watch Saved by the Bell? Yeah. So the only one I really remember from Saved by the Bell is
(46:51):
Topanga. That's not Saved by the Bell. That's a different show. No way. Boy Meets World. Oh snap.
This kid will be worse than this one. Come on. Take my 90s card, I guess. Saved by the Bell.
That's the main character of Saved by the Bell. Yeah. Okay. So can you play Zach Morris for us,
(47:16):
but like older? Yeah, man. Okay. So this crowd of people with signs for Figure It Out make way for
a limousine that comes out. And it is Zach Morris in his prime, 75 years old, freaking crypto
influencer now. I don't know what he's doing these days. No idea. Well, let's just pretend,
(47:39):
yeah, that's what he's doing now. And someone says, oh my God, it's Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell.
Hey, yeah, it's me. Hey everybody. Hi. Yeah. Aren't I handsome? Zach Morris is actually here for
Timmy. And you guys are looking outside your studio window to see that he's here just for Timmy.
(48:00):
And they shake hands, you know, they take photos. They have a secret handshake. Yeah. And Henry's
talking to Chris and JoJo. All right, man. This star-studded cast is getting more starry,
you know what I'm saying? Yeah, because I'm here. We're the real stars here.
Oh, Chris, JoJo, this is Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell. Hey, how's it going? Oh my God.
(48:26):
You sound really good for 75. Thanks. Yeah, I have a really youthful tone in my voice.
Still got curly hair. Can you believe it? Oh my gosh. What kind of celebrity
things are they pumping in you to make you so good looking at 75? Oh, you know, a lot of babies,
blood. Yeah, you're not supposed to say that. Tylenol. There we go. Three a day. And Prime.
(48:48):
Prime. Lots of Prime. And Beast Bud Bars. A whole lot of Prime. You know, I think I'm speaking for,
you know, me and Chris when we say, like, we're so thankful that you just came all the way over here
just to see the two of us. You know, we've been... Well, I'm here for Timmy. Wait, wait, no, no, no.
I meant like, you know, how you visit the Figure 8 podcast, like how you came here over to see us.
(49:10):
Oh, is that what this... Figure 8. Yeah. Well, to be honest, I wanted you here to talk to these guys.
Like, they're a new podcast that's trying to blow up. Oh, I see. Yeah. But I had a great idea. You
mean you could judge them going against Timmy. Like, Timmy actually started practicing figure skating.
(49:32):
Yes. Yes. Yes. You guys are down for that? Yes. That sounds like a great idea. All right.
Yeah, Timmy, get your skates on. And whoever has to spank this man in the floor. Oh, boy.
And whoever wins, I figure we just give them like two million dollars for nothing. I'm just
going to pack a chain. Oh, boy. Is that what you got in your poker money? Well, I made a lot more
on my poker game, but let's not talk about that. We need to play poker. Yeah, actually, I'm going
to be donating the money, so yeah. Whoa. Thank you so much, Zach Morris. No biggie. It's just like
(49:58):
one episode of Say By The Belly. Do you think that you could get me a date with Mario Lopez?
Yeah. Yeah. He's always up for a date. Oh, my gosh. He is shorter than you think he is. I saw
Timmy playing Mario on a Nintendo console the other day. Oh, I love Mario. All right. Let's get the
show on the road. All right. We're going to take it outside, Timmy. Put your skates on, lace those
(50:21):
things up. Oh, boy. We're about to throw some moves at you. Be prepared. We can't wait to see
your moves. We got this. XLR, I'm going to need you to record. Man, are you kidding me, bro? I'm an
audio engineer. Yeah, audio, video, same thing, man. AV, right? Can you record it or not? I'm getting
too old for this shit. All right. Yeah, yeah. I'll just set up a tripod, put my phone there.
(50:45):
And you guys got lav mics? Lav mics on you? Check, check. We're mic'd up. Check, check. Perfect.
Perfect. Perfect. They just tape SM7B's to themselves? Check it out. I got this tripod
that tracks you, so I don't got to do shit. Sound speed, recording, three, two, one. I'm out. See
you. Bye. Welcome. Welcome back. JoJo and I are going to do a series of different skating moves
(51:10):
that we're really, really good at. And we're going to see if Timmy here can hold his own against us.
He's seven. We're seasoned. Timmy's over there stretching. We're not afraid of anything or anyone
because we're great. We're one of the best skaters to ever grace this earth. I mean, I'll just say,
just prepare for your minds to be blown about what you're about to see here. Hey, seriously,
(51:34):
don't forget to mention the sponsorship that you guys are sponsoring with your podcast also.
Welcome. Thank you, Zach Morris for sponsoring this. Hey, no problem. Yeah, we got Zach over here.
Zach Morris graciously decided to come here and wanted to see us do all of these skating moves
in person with his own eyes because we're really incredible, you know? And he wanted to see if
(51:58):
Timmy could ever amount to how good we are, you know? So we're inviting Timmy to see if he can
ever be like us, you know? We're giving you a chance, Timmy. I can't wait. I can't wait.
I can't wait. I'm so excited. Hopefully the coughing won't interfere with his moves.
So we get, I don't know how, we get a wide shot and the crowd is formed around him now,
(52:22):
all in ski gear because it's the ice age and everything is ice. Can you describe to us how
Timmy skates? Timmy is the most graceful thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Is that fair to say?
It's beautiful opera music playing. Yeah, yeah. Like everybody hears music. It looks like he's
(52:43):
skating in slow motion and like when he goes up, everybody's vision blurs a little bit because it's
too magnificent. People start crying. It's very good. It's very good. Does he hit the triple axel?
He hits the quintuple axel actually. Oh, oh. An impossible thing. He doesn't. Whoa. And everyone
just claps. They erupt and applause. Flowers are being thrown at him. Trees explode into 10 signs.
(53:10):
Whoa. Whoa. Okay. Hey, did you see what Timmy just did over there?
Um, no, I blinked. He got to do it again. I think here's the thing. Here's what I think.
I think that Zach Morris and we should invite another judge and they can watch us and compare
(53:32):
because just because Timmy's little child body can throw himself in the air like that doesn't
mean it looks good. Doesn't mean it's as beautiful as us. Zach Morris is on his knees crying. Okay.
Oh my God. We need someone. We need someone with a bit more like the unbiased perspective.
Yeah, somebody who's not paying money to Timmy. Exactly. Zach Morris is biased y'all. Hey, it's me,
(53:52):
Henry. I'm just grabbed on the mic too. XLR. Thanks for hooking me up. Now it's your guys' turn.
You know, I can't wait to see what you guys, you know, if Timmy did that, I can't wait to see what
you guys do. Go on and I'll go ahead and narrate. We bust out some crazy hip hop routine on the ice
because we want to show contrast to Timmy. Excellent. His little sad opera music. It's
(54:15):
meant to make people cry and we're meant to get the crowd going. You know what I mean? Everybody
loves us for that. Okay. So we're out here, we're pairs teaming it up, side by side jumps. We're
doing all the crazy triples, quadruples, no problem. And then Joe's over here takes me,
swings me in the air above his head, starts, I do stars in the air, iron lotus, all of it,
(54:41):
you know, you know, that catches me. I'm gonna stop you there. That sounds great. I'd love to see you
actually do that though. So go ahead and take those headphones off. I want to see you do it.
All right. I'll narrate for the crowd. Yo yo yo, wild wild west. Wicky wicky west.
(55:08):
I don't think they actually know how to ice skate. I'm gonna be real with you.
I think they're just making noises. The crowd's going mild, man.
I'm mild. The crowd's going mild. You guys know figure skating isn't just dancing, right? You
have to actually put ice skates on and like move around on the ice. You know, people don't understand
really like the art of figure skating. There's a lot of off ice that has to happen before you're
(55:32):
ready to get on the ice. We're practicing our routine, you know, so that when we step on the
ice, we're like 10 times better. There's like a, there's like a, there's like a boo escalating.
Boo! You guys just don't know what's different. You guys just don't know what real art is.
I went to the University of Minnesota. I grew up on the streets. I some, I'm sorry. I grew up on
(55:57):
the ice over here. I put my blood sweat and tears out over here. Don't forget who we were back in
1990. Who is this Timmy kid? Who does this kid think he is? Uh, let's go ahead and cut to Zach
Morris. Zach, what do you have to say about all this? I'm still recovering from Timmy's
performance, but, um, uh, yeah, these guys seem like frauds. I don't, I don't know.
(56:18):
Okay. Well, let's go ahead and cut it. Zach, Zach Morris. We're going to actually put our skates on
right now. Okay. We're actually putting our skates on. Hey guys, we're going to do it for real this time.
We're laced up. Q, Wild Wild West, Tim West, Desperado. This is what we do. What are we playing to?
It's Will Smith. Oh, or something similar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they're putting their ice
(56:43):
skates on and like they're on the ground and putting ice skates on and they're struggling to
like stand up with the skates. Like their balance is so off. I can't believe we trained our whole
lives for this. Guys, are you not actually ice skaters? Are you serious? We have, we have,
listen, Jojo, we've got this. Okay. We have watched every single season of spinning out. Okay. Listen,
(57:09):
we watched ice princess 14 times. We're ready. Listen, I know we've been doing this podcast for
like, for one week, but like, I don't know, like I've been, I've just been getting like thoughts,
like, you know, like I've just been having like a, like inner thoughts in my head. It's just like,
really, I'm just like, I'm just like, really like struggling with, with justice. We can do this.
We can do this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Put those thoughts aside because we're not going to
(57:30):
get shown up by a seven year old. He's so sweaty. One more time. We're not going to get shown up by
a seven year old. Okay. We have seen enough ice skating. Okay. We look out to the audience.
We see a wave of people, five people and Zach Morris. He's very supportive though. Let's do it.
Let's rock this crowd. And we fell. And then we get up and we stared at each other. We're just like,
(58:00):
we're going to, we're going to do better. We got this. We got this. Lift me up right now.
Lift. That sounds dangerous. Jojo goes for the lift, picks up Chris using all of his strength.
The front.
Breaks her knee. Immediate cut to the hospital room. It's in slow motion. Chris. Wait, I'm Chris.
(58:26):
Jojo. She hit her head hard, man. Jojo, we almost did it. I'm not sure if it was worth it. Did we
look cool? No, you didn't. Hi, it's me, Henry. Henry, shut the fuck up. Here's some flowers.
I'm sorry about that. You guys, I gotta be honest. I'm a little disappointed. You guys have been
saying for years, sorry, days that you've been figure skaters and people are pretty upset. This
(58:51):
was episode one. So, you know, I take a long hard look at yourselves, you know, actually I brought
some mirrors for you to do just that. So why did you bring so many mirrors? In the hospital?
Did you bring this many mirrors in the hospital? Yes. I look at these mirrors and I'm gonna go
ahead and drop our sponsorship. So good luck, guys. You know, Chris, Jojo, they look at the mirror.
(59:18):
Do you think it's us? Do you think we're the problem? Are you the drama? Am I the drama?
Honestly, all I see is beauty. I know we are beautiful. Maybe we have to be nicer to people.
I'm not too sure about that. But maybe that's how we become beautiful. We just be nicer to people
(59:40):
and like maybe just maybe there's like other things in this world besides how ridiculously hot we are.
We go through self-reflection. We're thinking it through. Turmoils is stirring in our hearts.
Timmy is such a little bitch. I never liked him though.
(01:00:03):
Knock, knock, knock on the door. It's Timmy coming in with Zach Morris. Hey guys, how you guys doing?
I'm broken from my neck down, Timmy. Oh yeah, we can see that. Yeah. So I just wanted to let you
guys know that I'm giving the money to Timmy for, you know, a few reasons. He's gonna pay for my hospital bills.
I'll pay for hospital bills. Timmy. Yeah, I'm just a good guy. That's all. Thank you so much, Timmy.
(01:00:28):
I was gonna put it all on bro bucks, but Zach Morris kind of paid for all the bro bucks for me,
so I don't even do that. Oh my gosh. So, you know, in the end, you know, we're not left with just
hospital bills. We're left with hospital bills and those two little figurines that Sarah gave us
at the end. Sarah comes into the door. Yeah, so my dad still needs that money actually, if you guys
(01:00:54):
don't mind. Sarah, he's literally next to me in the hospital, okay? Like, can you just figure it out?
Like, girl. Is that my daughter? Do you think this is the time? We're just buying balance.
I can't use... Did you buy balance? No, you didn't because I looked at our code. We told you what to do and you
didn't even use it, okay? So don't come up in here. You're so right. I'm gonna leave. Sorry, dad.
(01:01:16):
We're keeping the figurines, by the way. Have you met Zach Morris? He's outside. Go talk to somebody else.
Okay. I love you guys. I should say I love you. This girl's low-key crazy.
What a weirdo. And we're gonna end it there, guys. We did it. Yay. Look at us. Great storytelling all around.
(01:01:39):
Thank you, guys. That was a great story. Yeah, wonderful, Eden. I want to thank Tia and Brian
for joining us here today. Thanks, you guys. Thanks. Where can they find you guys?
Like, where's a good plug, you know? If you want to be found online or if you want to plug
(01:01:59):
something at all, what would it be? You want to plug first? I got my own Instagram, which is gonna be
bryan with an i underscore chan followed by an eight. He's a pretty cool guy. Follow him. Pretty cool guy.
I've seen pictures of him around town. We saw a giant ducky today in Seattle. Oh, yeah. That might make the Instagram.
(01:02:22):
I have many Instagrams. You can find me on TikTok or Instagram. We're from Ice Skating,
and that's Ice Arts Northwest. That's our company. What's that one more time? Ice Arts Northwest.
Okay. ICE underscore arts underscore northwest. Nice. You can watch our skating videos or
(01:02:46):
find Kingsgate Skating Club. We have a website. We have an Instagram. We have a YouTube channel.
And come watch us skate or ice skate with me. Come on over. Yeah. Sounds like a good time.
Yeah. Sounds like a great time. We're about to have Hulk on ice actually. Oh, yeah. Is the red Hulk gonna be there?
Someday. Or Captain America on ice. I'd watch that too. Oh, the shield thing would be kind of fun to watch.
(01:03:11):
Yeah, that'd be pretty cool. But Brian's the shield. We just throw him. Yeah.
Skating on that adamantium shield would be pretty tight. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. Pretty cool.
I'm a cheese guy myself. You're more of a what? More of a cheese guy myself. Yeah, the cheese thing.
You can't go wrong with that. Thank you so much, guys, for joining us. You are amazing.
(01:03:32):
Storytellers. And I would listen to figure it out. That's a great show. Thank you.
It's an embarrassing episode. It's one of our rougher ones. The five day streak. Yeah.
Fantastic. Yeah. Sorry about sponsorship. Zach Morris showed up though. Yeah, he did.
That was crazy. How many people can say a celebrity showed up to their first podcast recording?
(01:03:54):
Doesn't happen very often. We're kind of a big deal. Right? Kind of a big deal. Kind of big deal.
Hey, check us out if you like the show at linktree.com slash DNGPOD. If you happen to be there,
click the merch link. Buy yourself a definitely not good shirt or definitely not good hat. I don't
know. You know, just do it. If you don't like the show, why are you still listening to this?
(01:04:16):
I think you like the show. Maybe. Get out.
You can also find Nuckety at nuqady on TikTok and Instagram. Yeah, all that. That works. Yeah.
I'm there. You want to hit this guy up if you want some music or beats or any kind of audio
engineering. Yeah. He's a lot better than XLR in this episode. I mean, I'm a little better than
(01:04:38):
XLR. I'd say you're a lot better. You stick around. You hit record and then you stick around. Yeah,
I do stay. That is my redeeming problem. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out. We're so grateful. Any last
messages for the listeners, guys? Anything you want to say? Figure it out. Oh, dang. You can't
beat that. That's done. Silenced. Bye bye guys. See ya. Bye. Thank you. Definitely not good.
Popular Podcasts
Amy Robach & T.J. Holmes present: Aubrey O’Day, Covering the Diddy Trial
Introducing… Aubrey O’Day Diddy’s former protege, television personality, platinum selling music artist, Danity Kane alum Aubrey O’Day joins veteran journalists Amy Robach and TJ Holmes to provide a unique perspective on the trial that has captivated the attention of the nation. Join them throughout the trial as they discuss, debate, and dissect every detail, every aspect of the proceedings. Aubrey will offer her opinions and expertise, as only she is qualified to do given her first-hand knowledge. From her days on Making the Band, as she emerged as the breakout star, the truth of the situation would be the opposite of the glitz and glamour. Listen throughout every minute of the trial, for this exclusive coverage. Amy Robach and TJ Holmes present Aubrey O’Day, Covering the Diddy Trial, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!