September 18, 2025 • 41 mins
Rebuilding your life from the ground up isn't just possible—it's sometimes necessary for genuine transformation. In this deeply personal season opener, I share the unexpected resolution to my paternity journey and how discovering my biological father led to healing generational wounds.
When family secrets threatened to keep me trapped in uncertainty, I made the courageous choice to tear everything down and rebuild on truth. The painful distance that grew between me and the father who raised me initially felt like rejection, but through therapy, prayer, and persistence, I discovered something beautiful on the other side of loss—acceptance from my biological father, plus the opportunity to break cycles of secrecy for my children.
Whether you're facing a major crisis, stuck in an unfulfilling situation, trying to escape something toxic, or simply ready for personal transformation, I offer seven practical steps to guide your rebuilding process. From acknowledging emotions honestly to embracing gratitude for what remains, each step creates a foundation for moving forward with purpose and clarity.
This episode goes beyond my story to offer you tools for your own journey. You'll learn how to take inventory of your situation, establish realistic goals through small consistent steps, and shift your perspective to see opportunity where others might only see devastation. God doesn't waste our pain—sometimes what feels like destruction is actually preparation for something better.
Ready to stop carrying the weight of the past into your future? Listen now to discover how tearing everything down might be your first step toward the life you were meant to live. Then connect with me on Facebook or email your questions to DemoWithMo@gmail.com to continue the conversation.
Connect with Mo
Become a Subscriber for subscriber only content: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1834533/subscribe
Merchandise: https://demo-with-mo.myspreadshop.com/
Website: https://www.demowithmo.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/demowithmopodcast/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/demowithmo/
Facebook Relationship Community:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/548524369897098/?ref=share
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
what's up guys?
Welcome to demo with mo.
I'm your host, monique simmons.
We'll be discussing dating,engaged and married objectives
from a young christian'sperspective.
Are you guys ready?
Let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hey, what's up guys.
Welcome to a new episode ofDemo with Mo.
I am your host, monique Simmons.
I'm so glad to be back joiningyou guys with a new season,
season nine of Demo with Mo.
It has been if you're listeningto this live, it has been four
months, four long months, sinceI have been with you guys and oh
(00:50):
, how I have missed you.
Today we are going to bediscussing tearing everything
down and starting over fromscratch, so today's episode is
going to be a little different.
So today's episode is going tobe a little different Since it's
(01:13):
been a while now and myepisodes are sometimes, most
times, prevalent to my life,using wisdom as much as I can
and as much as I should.
So today is going to be thistopic is going to be kind of an
update on a major topic that wediscussed on last year on August
8, 2024.
The episode Uncovering Truth AJourney of Paternity and Healing
(01:40):
.
And that was an episode where Ihad a friend of mine come on
and be a guest host and sheinterviewed me and she was she
was counselor, and she came onand interviewed me and the
episode was about me going intodetail, about me finding out
that my dad who raised me wasnot my biological father and now
(02:04):
, with it being over a yearsince that episode and that
interview, I wanted to give anupdate to tie it in with today's
episode.
So, tearing everything down andstarting over from scratch,
this statement signifies acomplete life reboot.
A complete life rebootfollowing loss, a major setback
(02:31):
or personal choice.
It involves dismantling yourcurrent life and rebuilding a
new, incorporating lessonslearned from the past.
This process can be triggeredby external forces or be a
deliberate choice to move onfrom a bad situation.
So today, as I'm discussingtoday's episode, I'm going to go
(02:57):
back and forth between today'sepisode and events from my life
in the last year to tie metogether.
But as you're listening to metalk about an update from my
life in the last year to tie metogether, but as you're
listening to me talk about anupdate about my life and
something that transpired in mylife personally, I want you to
take a moment to see how thisapplies to you, one of the
(03:19):
things that, if you've beenfollowing me for any amount of
time, you know that I am one whoencourages practical
application.
Don't just hear me discussthese things.
Don't just let this be anotherpodcast that you listen to on
your podcast journey, becausemost of us who listen to
podcasts, we don't just have onethat we listen to.
(03:41):
We usually have multiplepodcasts that we listen to.
Or if this is your first timehere, welcome.
I'm so glad to have you join ushere and don't let this be one
that you stumbled upon and itjust be some words that you
listen to today.
But how can this apply to yourlife?
Practically Meaning, when youfinish today's episode, what are
(04:04):
you going to do differently inyour life?
Because for me, this is notjust words, this is not just
another podcast episode, butthese things have been applied
for the last year of my life,when everything blew up, when
everything hit the fan.
These things have been appliedto my life and I have been able
(04:26):
to see the difference and stillseeing the difference presently,
and I know I will still see thedifference in the future, going
forward, and not only in mylife, but in my children's life
and their children's life.
So this is going to be agenerational effect.
The thing that I did, whatwe're going to be talking about
when you're tearing everythingdown, it doesn't only affect you
(04:48):
, it affects those around you,it affects your baby and their
baby and everyone that'sattached to you.
When you make the decision todo things differently, not to do
things the way everyone aroundyou is doing it.
Things differently not to dothings the way everyone around
you is doing it not to continueon doing things the way everyone
(05:10):
in your family has done it,everyone in your church has done
it, everyone in society hasdone it.
But when you choose to make thebest decision for you, what God
has told you to do, when youchoose to tear it all down, no
matter the consequences, nomatter what people are going to
think about you, no matter thejudgment, no matter the eyes
(05:33):
looking at you, no matter whatpeople will think or say and for
those of you who may not beaware, this is a podcast from a
young Christian woman'sperspective.
So a lot of the things you'regoing to hear me talk about is
going to be from thatperspective.
So when you're tearing thingsdown and starting over from
(05:54):
scratch, it will benefit you,but not only you.
So from generations to come,that should even help you with
your choice to tear things down,if things need to be tore down.
By the time we get to the endof this episode, you will know
you should know this onespecific thing, because I'm
(06:18):
updating you from last year'spodcast interview.
But there has been multiplethings that I've had to tear
down in my own life over thelast couple of years, and it
(06:38):
started over from sex, and it'snot easy.
I do want to preface thisconversation with saying it's
not easy.
It's not easy at all, but Iwant to give you some practical
tools and resources in ourconversation today.
It is going to help set you upfor success.
(06:59):
Last year, in our conversationon that podcast episode about my
biological well, my father whoraised me, not being my
biological father.
Well, just for summarizationfor those of you who may not
have heard that episode, this isyour first time encountering me
and you may not want to go backand listen to that episode,
(07:24):
which I highly encourage you to.
When I was around the age of 19,ballpark figure, around the age
of 19, my mom came and sharedwith my dad and I both at the
same time, that he may not be mybiological father and the
reason why she felt prompted toshare it was the man that she
had also been with that couldpossibly be my biological father
(07:48):
.
She was working at a retailstore at that time.
She ended up seeing him at thatretail store.
He wasn't living here in thestate that I reside in, that we
live in, but he had moved backto take care of his age and
parents.
So she ended up seeing him andshe said when she saw him I
(08:10):
looked exactly like him and shecould not lie to us anymore.
So that's what prompted hertelling me, because I know some
of you guys are wondering, likewhy was she waiting for you?
You're an adult now.
Why is she just not tellingyour dad?
You know why she lied so longshe some of you may just think
she should have took it to hergrave.
(08:31):
Everybody has their reasons,their speculations, their
questions.
You guys aren't thinkinganything that I myself haven't
thought of and I'm sure my dadprobably thought of, even though
we never once had aconversation about it.
So years go on, my dad and Inever talked about it.
It was just like the elephantin the room in our family.
(08:55):
It was never because my dad andmy mom, they were already
separated when she shared thisnews with us and I eventually
got a divorce a couple of yearsafter that conversation and no
one ever once had a conversationabout it again.
So fast forward a couple years.
(09:15):
I stopped talking to my mom.
I was hurt, I was sad, Idisappointed All the emotions
you can think of.
I was feeling.
I stopped talking to my mom fora while and then I eventually
started talking to her.
So fast forward, the guy who shewas saying could be my
(09:35):
biological father.
He began to reach out becausemy mom gave him my phone number
and he wanted to have arelationship with me.
Well, I felt like it would berejecting or turning away from
my dad if I would have arelationship with him.
So I did, and that went on fora couple years.
(09:58):
So eventually I ended upfinally meeting with him, had
dinner with him my husband and Ihad dinner with him, got to
know him, enjoyed him, you know,and fast forward, we talked for
a while.
I ended up asking him forpaternity leave.
(10:19):
He agreed, but after that welost communication.
So after that lostcommunication.
So after that, years went by.
But in the midst of all of this, my dad, who raised me, he and
I's relationship completelychanged.
For as long as I can remember,up until this point where my mom
(10:42):
shared this information, andeven a little while after that,
my dad and I were very close.
I was what people would say insociety, a daddy's girl.
I would have considered myselfthat I was very close to my dad,
more so than my mom.
But after that news, that bombwas dropped.
(11:03):
Our relationship changed, andnot because of me, not because I
wanted the relationship changed, not because I looked at my
dead end differently because Idid and I still don't to this
day but it changed.
The calls became fewer, thevisits, and this is as the years
(11:23):
progressed.
So it didn't immediately happenthis way, but as the years
progressed, especially once hefound out that I actually
started talking to this man.
This is when it really began togrow.
The calls became fewer, thevisits became shorter and
(11:46):
everything just changed.
So, yeah, I got into therapysome years ago and I began to
work all these out with mytherapy and began to share these
things with my therapy.
So she told me what I should do.
She gave me some options ofdifferent things that I could do
(12:07):
, and we agreed upon one and itwas to write my dad a letter, my
dad who raised me.
So I ended up writing him theletter and after I wrote the
letter, the communicationcompletely stopped, like it went
from some calls, maybe a visithere and there, to nothing at
(12:30):
all.
And I won't go into the detailsabout the letter, but it wasn't
anything negative in the letter, but everything just stopped.
All communication, everythingstopped.
So I had to still continue todo work in therapy.
I'm still in therapy to thisday, advocate for therapy, just
(12:53):
saying, just saying.
But I continued to do work intherapy and I have finally came
to accept.
Like this is, you know, this iswhat it is.
Like this is just, this is whatit is, and I was okay, though,
and that's the only reason whyI'm able to share this on this
podcast today.
(13:13):
I don't I don't encourageanyone to share their story if
they're still in a hurt place orif you're not okay, and I'm not
telling anyone what to do orwhat not to do, but when God is
ready for you to share yourstory, to share your testimony,
(13:34):
it's going to really really helppeople.
It's going to really reallyhelp people and it's going to be
for his glory.
It should not be a harm or hurtto anyone.
It should be when you are okayand not to justify anyone that
(13:55):
may have hurt you or you feltlike you'd be wrong.
I had worked with my therapistand decided that I wanted to go
on a journey to find out who mybiological father was.
I did not want to take thisinto the rest of my life because
I've already understood wheremy dad was and I was okay with
(14:18):
it, like I was okay with it, andI now want to find out who is
my biological father and wheredo we go from here?
I didn't want this cloudfollowing me around.
I didn't want to take this intothe next generation.
I didn't want my kids because Icame from a generation between
(14:39):
my husband and I both we camefrom a generation with parental
issues and I just I didn't.
I didn't want that for my, formy children.
I didn't want that for mychildren's children.
I just didn't want that.
So, as much as I could do forme to do what I could, I wanted
(15:03):
to do it.
If someone chose to not be inrelationship with me, to not
talk to me, they had every rightto make that decision for
themselves.
But if I had any part that Icould play to make things right,
to find out what I needed tofind out and there was any way
that I could do it I wanted tomake sure I did everything that
(15:26):
I could do.
So I went on this journey ofAncestryDNA, bought it for
myself for Christmas and I endedup doing it.
And, long story short, I endedup finding out that the man my
mom had said the whole time wasmy biological father.
He is my biological father.
(15:47):
So when, on this whole journeyof family members reaching out
to me on ancestral DNA from mybiological father's side
welcoming me, it just was such abeautiful, beautiful experience
for me personally to be whatfelt like rejection from the
(16:13):
person who raised me to now beaccepted, desired, wanted.
And this has been a continuingthing because this is what was
already happening years ago andI was rejecting him because I
didn't even know he was mybiological father.
This is just hearsayinformation, you know, that
(16:34):
wasn't for certain.
But now I have these resultsback.
He is my biological father andnow to be desired, to be wanted,
you know, to be to be soughtafter.
It was just like a picture ofhow God seeks after his children
, how he desires us, how hewants us.
You know, when we feel rejectedand unwanted by the world, when
(17:00):
we feel all of these things,now the outside world, god is
continuing to seek after us, tolove us, to remind us he will
never leave us, never forsake us, and it was just this beautiful
picture of God just showing mewho he is, not so much my
biological father, which shoutout to him, because he didn't
(17:23):
know me, know me, you know hedidn't raise me, none of those
things.
But shout out to him.
But it was just God remindingme again and again and again who
he is.
It was more so about God for me, about my relationship with him
and him revealing to me overand over again who he is.
(17:44):
But again, shout out to mybiological father.
So I ended up reaching out tohim and he and I reconnected and
we have been in communicationever since.
So I am grateful, so grateful,so so grateful for that.
But we'll talk a little bitmore as we get into today's
episode.
(18:05):
So, reasons for starting overOne a major crisis or loss.
This could be a financialcrisis, job loss, divorce or
house fire.
In this case, starting overisn't a choice but a necessity.
Okay, so, in this case, youreally don't have a choice.
(18:28):
You have to start over.
You've been forced in asituation where you must start
over.
You must start over.
Two unfulfilling life.
You may feel your life isheaded down the wrong path,
(18:51):
filled with dissatisfaction or alack of purpose.
You may choose to tear it alldown and build a new, more
fulfilling life.
Three ending a toxic situation.
You might choose to leave atoxic job or relationship to
build a life free from thatnegative influence.
Four, last but not least,personal transformation.
(19:13):
Personal transformation theexperience may be a pivotal
point for a person to embracemajor personal growth and change
.
So, as you hear those four,because I told you practical
applications, what you're goingto do after you hear today's
podcast episode, because I'mwalking you through my
experience.
But today's episode is not somuch about my experience, but
(19:36):
I'm telling you what I'm able todo, what I've been able to do
in the last year with applyingthis to my life.
But what are you going to doafter you've heard today's
self-assert?
What are you going to do afterlistening to this?
Which one of these applies toyou?
Do you have a major crisis orloss?
Do you have an unfulfillinglife?
(19:56):
Do you need to end a toxicsituation, or do you need
personal transformation, or noneof these may not even apply to
you, but you may know someone inthe process where you are ready
(20:19):
to tear it all down and startover from scratch.
What are the key steps in doingit?
What is my?
This is the practicalapplication and actually doing
it.
How can I do this.
How can I tear it all down tostart over?
What am I going to be needing?
What is it that I'm going to beneeding to do when starting
over?
How do I start over?
(20:41):
One acknowledge and process youremotions.
Allow yourself to feel the loss, disappointment or grief,
without judgment.
Ignoring these feelings canlead to self-sabotage.
This one right here is reallygood.
So one of the things that I didwith this one and I'm going to
(21:06):
talk through this with a few ofthese, how I practically was
able to apply this.
So, for the last year for me,with this specific topic that
I'm discussing today because,again I told you, there were
multiple things in my life whereI had to tear down.
This wasn't the only area of mylife, but, because this is the
(21:27):
one that we're specificallytalking about, this was a loss
and a grief for me.
You don't only grieve peoplewhen they pass away, when they
leave this earth.
You have to grieve the loss ofrelationships, even of people
that are still living on thisearth.
I have to excel.
(21:50):
I may never.
And I say may because God is aredeeming God.
He is a God of reconciliation.
He can fix anything, butreconciliation takes two people.
Both people have to be willing,but I have to accept the fact
that I may never have arelationship with my dad, who
(22:13):
raised me, ever again, and Ihave to accept it.
And that was a hard thing for meand I had to grieve it and I
had to really be honest with God, really be honest with God and
(22:33):
really be honest with myself.
And that's why I saidacknowledge Acknowledge means
you have to be honest and saywhat it is, say how you feel,
not try to not try to likesugarcoat it and be like it'll
be okay.
You know he don't know whathe's missing and he's gonna have
(22:56):
to get over it.
And no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Acknowledge the honest, be realabout how you're feeling.
I feel rejected by my father, bymy father.
(23:16):
That broke me, that the manthat raised me my entire life
walked out of my life, walkedout of his grandchild's life and
didn't even look back.
I had to be honest with thosefeelings, acknowledging first to
myself and then to God, so Godcan fill those voids.
(23:38):
Those were voids.
When that space is gone, whenthat person has left.
That's now a void there, whenthe Bible talks about God being
a father to the fatherless, notjust a person whose father is
not here on earth anymore, ornot just a father to the person
(24:02):
whose father has never been intheir life, because I never
thought about it in my contextuntil I had to experience it
personally.
That's why the word is a livingword, because what it could
have meant to you last year, itcan mean something completely
different to where you are inyour life right now and I never
(24:23):
understood it in the way that Iunderstand it now if I had a
father not be there and God hadto fill that void for me.
But you have to acknowledge andbe real, and I'm just thinking
about my situation.
What is your situation?
What is it that you want toacknowledge, be real about?
(24:44):
What is it you're facing?
What is it you're going through?
What is it you're not willingto shine a light on, but just
saying it's okay, it's alright,you know A it and process your
emotions.
Don't just acknowledge it, butdeal with those emotions.
Whether you need to work with atherapist if you have one,
(25:07):
because that was very beneficialto me Process it with your
community, your church family.
I hope you're in a church body,you're connected to a church
body, so you're not trying todeal with this stuff on your own
, by yourself, but you have toprocess those emotions and, it
(25:29):
said, ignoring these feelingscan lead to self-sabotage.
You will sabotage your own self.
You won't do the things thatyou know you need to do if
you're ignoring it, if you'renot acknowledging how you really
feel, if you're not processingthrough those emotions, you will
(25:49):
self-sabotage your own self.
What's good for you, what'sbest for you, what you know you
need to do, you won't even do itand you'll stand on the same
area, going around doing thesame stuff.
You know means you know good, Icould have still been in the
(26:11):
same predicament that I wasalready in, in a relationship
with my dad, the man who raisedme.
Not any, not not no realrelationship, not a relationship
a dad and daughter should have,you know, but one on the
surface.
What good is that for me?
So what benefit is that for me?
One where that elephant isalways in the room, where you
(26:34):
may not be my father, but nobodywants to talk about it, but
you're treated that way, yeah.
Number two take inventory of thecurrent situation, assess your
resources, evaluate what wentwrong and understand your
(26:54):
baseline for the rebuildingprocess.
Okay, so this one is a littleself-explanatory.
So, assessing your resources,look over what do you have
available to you, what resourcesdo you have.
Evaluate what went wrong.
Go back to the root when did itall go wrong?
(27:14):
And understand your baselinefor the rebuilding process.
Where can I start rebuildingwith what I have and where it
all went wrong, so that I don'tdo that again while I'm
rebuilding.
Three, find a new purpose.
(27:36):
By imagining what you wouldbuild differently If you could
start again, you can identifywhat you truly want.
This is so good.
Right now, I told you, guys, Ihave my biological dad and I
(27:59):
have been in contact with oneanother and we've been talking a
few times every month, um,since we reconnected with one
another, and now I can thinkabout what I want.
What I want, because I told youwhat I didn't want.
I told you what therelationship was since my mom
(28:22):
told us to move all those yearsago, and what I didn't want out
of the relationship between thedad and the daughter.
And now God has given me thisopportunity to have a
relationship with my biologicalfather and now I can actually
take the time out to figure out,monica, what do you actually
want?
You have reconnected with yourbiological father.
(28:48):
What is it that you actuallywant out of a relationship with
him?
No, it won't look like yourrelationship with your dad, who
raised you, because you had arelationship with him since he
came, and it's what it lookslike.
But what do you, realistically,what do you want it to look
like and what could you dodifferently so that it is the
(29:11):
relationship that you want, sothat it is a healthy
relationship, so that it is arelationship that is beneficial
to both you and him?
What can you do differently?
What is it that you want?
And you do the same Find yournew person.
(29:32):
You're starting over.
You have the privilege becauseit's a privilege, you have the
privilege of starting over fromscratch.
You have the privilege of beingable to look back in that rear
view mirror, because it's talkedabout earlier in defining this
(29:54):
statement and what it trulymeans.
It's talked about being able tolearn from your past.
If you look back in thatrearview mirror looking at your
past decisions, your pastmistakes, where you went wrong,
what can you do differently?
What do you want now?
What decisions could you maketo make sure you don't wind up
(30:19):
back where you started?
That's a privilege and it maynot feel that way when you're
starting all over again, whenyou're in the midst of the
heartache, the pain, the tears,because I told you, I told you,
I told you I grieved, I was hurt, I was sad.
(30:40):
But it's a privilege to get, tostart over and have the
perspective that you have now,to have the knowledge that you
have now, to have the wisdomthat you have now, because you
didn't have that.
You didn't have that last time,but you have it now.
Number five focus on self-care.
(31:02):
Prioritize your physical andmental well-being by getting
enough sleep, exercising andeating well.
Small, positive actions buildconfidence and momentum.
Six take small, consistentsteps Instead of feeling
(31:24):
overwhelmed by the entire task.
Break your new goals intosmaller, manageable actions.
Repeated small successes willbuild confidence.
Oh, this one right here is sucha great one Because when you're
(31:45):
starting over, especially ifyou have the perspective of
looking at what you once had, itcan be overwhelming because you
want to get back to all of thethings you once had.
It can be overwhelming becauseyou want to get back to all of
the things you once had.
For me, if I approach myrelationship, building this new
(32:08):
relationship with my biologicalfather, if I was to approach it
with.
I want to have the relationshipthat I once had with my dad, to
have the relationship that Iwant to have with my dad, not
the relationship that we hadbefore it all stopped, but the
relationship that we once hadbefore my mom gave us this news.
(32:28):
If I was to compare it to that,that would be overwhelming
because I would be trying toforce a lot of things because I
have other siblings, he hasother children.
It would be overwhelming to me.
I'm not ready for all of this.
Don't get me wrong.
I am open.
I want to meet my othersiblings.
(32:50):
I want to meet the rest of thefamily.
I want my children and myhusband to meet everyone.
I want to eventually us to havea relationship their families
with our families, our familieswith their families.
That's my end goal.
I would love nothing more, evenif that doesn't happen.
(33:12):
I'm open to that and I wouldlove that.
But if I was to have thatperspective that that doesn't
happen, I'm open to that and Iwould love that.
But if I was to have thatperspective that that needs to
happen, because that's the kindof closeness that I had with my
dad who raised me, even thoughthat's not what it is now, but
that's what it once was, beforeall of this news came out.
(33:32):
That would be overwhelming.
That would be overwhelming.
That would be overwhelming.
So to take small consistency, tonot overwhelm myself, I could
have these smaller, realisticgoals that I could reach.
(33:54):
That would eventually get me tomy end goal.
That's more realistic, that'smore, that's not overwhelming.
So the smaller goal could be Iwant to reach out at least once
a week.
I want us to talk at least oncea week, and little things by
(34:16):
day, and it can grow, the thingscan grow.
I want us to meet up and havedinner once a month.
I want us to eventually go to apublic place and our families
my husband meets his wife Likesomething small, and it
(34:36):
continues to grow, but smaller,consistent, because consistent
is the key word here.
It's small but it's consistent.
I mean you continue to makethese small steps.
Don't do a small step and thenyou stop, but you make a small
step consistently.
I think that's a really goodone.
(34:58):
And last but not least, numberseven this is a chef's kiss.
It ended it so perfectly.
Embrace, gratitude, food, focuson what you still have rather
than what you've lost.
This shift in perspectiveprovides a foundation for moving
(35:23):
forward.
Oh man, you guys, this has beenthe thing that has transported
me to where I need to be.
I could have gotten stuck.
So many people who have gottenstuck.
They're stuck, wallowing.
They're stuck.
(35:44):
Woe is me.
They're stuck.
Why did they do me like this?
They're stuck.
Why does it have to be this way?
They're stuck.
I don't deserve this.
They're stuck.
I don't deserve this.
They're stuck.
They're just stuck because theycan't embrace gratitude.
And let me say this I empathizewith you because why did it have
(36:07):
to be this way?
I empathize with you becausewhy did they have to do me like
this?
I empathize with you because Iunderstand your feelings are
valid, but you can't stay there.
You cannot live there, becausewe have to get to a place where
(36:29):
we focus on what we still haverather than what we've lost.
I lost the man who raised me.
I lost that relationship, but Igained a biological father.
My kids lost a grandfather, butthey have the opportunity to
(36:53):
gain new family, and they alsogain the opportunity to see
their mom do something great,something courageous, something
scary, to face what the enemymeant for my harm.
(37:15):
He didn't mean it for my good,but God did and my kids got to
see that I got to breaksomething generational.
You know how many familiescarry secrets, lies, shame.
Don't want to talk about thisbig elephant in the room that
(37:37):
everybody knows about but nobodytalks about.
You know how many, and I'm surethose of you who are listening
to me right now I can bet mybottom last dollar.
You who are listening to meright now can name at least one
secret in your family right nowthat nobody will talk about but
(37:59):
everybody knows about it.
I said not mine, not mine, nomore.
I had a family member at anevent, an event a few weeks ago
and maybe even a month ago.
I'm not good with timelines,but we were sitting down
catching up.
I hadn't seen his family numberin years and we were catching
(38:22):
up and he came up and he endedup asking me about my bed, and
me being who I am is just whoGod has made me to be, because I
am trying to shine my light forChrist, for the kingdom.
The enemy is out here working,and he is working hard and God's
(38:48):
people need to be workingharder.
So he ended up asking me aboutmy dad and I ended up sharing
with him everything that I'veshared with you guys, but into
more detail because he's myfamily.
But I ended up sharingeverything that happened, but
(39:08):
letting him know the same.
Like I'm good, I am good I wasable to connect with and find
out who my biological father is.
And God is good, you know.
God is good Because the enemywants you to get stuck in the
(39:32):
things that have hurt you, thathave broken you, that have
broken you, that have harmed you.
He wants you to stay there.
Don't stay there.
Don't miss out on what youstill have.
Shift your perspective.
(39:54):
Shift your perspective.
Shift your perspective and Ipromise you, when you are able
to shift your perspective, youcan move forward into everything
that God has for you.
And that's how you're able tostart over from scratch.
God has to be that foundation.
(40:21):
He has to be that foundation.
And what is gratitude, man?
That's today's episode tearingeverything down and starting
over from scratch.
I hope you guys have enjoyedtoday's episode.
Season 9, episode 1 we startingthis thing off.
I'm excited.
I hope you guys have enjoyedtoday's episode.
Season nine, episode one.
We starting this thing off.
I'm excited.
I'm excited for this new season.
(40:41):
Remember, I love you, but Godloves you so much more.
I'll see you guys next week.
Bye.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
I hope you guys have enjoyed.
Follow me on Facebook at Demowith Mo.
If you have any questions youwould like answered here live on
my podcast, email them to me atDemo with Mo at gmailcom.
That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O atgmailcom.
what's up guys?
Welcome to demo with mo.
I'm your host, monique simmons.
We'll be discussing dating,engaged and married objectives
from a young christian'sperspective.
Are you guys ready?
Let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hey, what's up guys.
Welcome to a new episode ofDemo with Mo.
I am your host, monique Simmons.
I'm so glad to be back joiningyou guys with a new season,
season nine of Demo with Mo.
It has been if you're listeningto this live, it has been four
months, four long months, sinceI have been with you guys and oh
(00:50):
, how I have missed you.
Today we are going to bediscussing tearing everything
down and starting over fromscratch, so today's episode is
going to be a little different.
So today's episode is going tobe a little different Since it's
(01:13):
been a while now and myepisodes are sometimes, most
times, prevalent to my life,using wisdom as much as I can
and as much as I should.
So today is going to be thistopic is going to be kind of an
update on a major topic that wediscussed on last year on August
8, 2024.
The episode Uncovering Truth AJourney of Paternity and Healing
(01:40):
.
And that was an episode where Ihad a friend of mine come on
and be a guest host and sheinterviewed me and she was she
was counselor, and she came onand interviewed me and the
episode was about me going intodetail, about me finding out
that my dad who raised me wasnot my biological father and now
(02:04):
, with it being over a yearsince that episode and that
interview, I wanted to give anupdate to tie it in with today's
episode.
So, tearing everything down andstarting over from scratch,
this statement signifies acomplete life reboot.
A complete life rebootfollowing loss, a major setback
(02:31):
or personal choice.
It involves dismantling yourcurrent life and rebuilding a
new, incorporating lessonslearned from the past.
This process can be triggeredby external forces or be a
deliberate choice to move onfrom a bad situation.
So today, as I'm discussingtoday's episode, I'm going to go
(02:57):
back and forth between today'sepisode and events from my life
in the last year to tie metogether.
But as you're listening to metalk about an update from my
life in the last year to tie metogether, but as you're
listening to me talk about anupdate about my life and
something that transpired in mylife personally, I want you to
take a moment to see how thisapplies to you, one of the
(03:19):
things that, if you've beenfollowing me for any amount of
time, you know that I am one whoencourages practical
application.
Don't just hear me discussthese things.
Don't just let this be anotherpodcast that you listen to on
your podcast journey, becausemost of us who listen to
podcasts, we don't just have onethat we listen to.
(03:41):
We usually have multiplepodcasts that we listen to.
Or if this is your first timehere, welcome.
I'm so glad to have you join ushere and don't let this be one
that you stumbled upon and itjust be some words that you
listen to today.
But how can this apply to yourlife?
Practically Meaning, when youfinish today's episode, what are
(04:04):
you going to do differently inyour life?
Because for me, this is notjust words, this is not just
another podcast episode, butthese things have been applied
for the last year of my life,when everything blew up, when
everything hit the fan.
These things have been appliedto my life and I have been able
(04:26):
to see the difference and stillseeing the difference presently,
and I know I will still see thedifference in the future, going
forward, and not only in mylife, but in my children's life
and their children's life.
So this is going to be agenerational effect.
The thing that I did, whatwe're going to be talking about
when you're tearing everythingdown, it doesn't only affect you
(04:48):
, it affects those around you,it affects your baby and their
baby and everyone that'sattached to you.
When you make the decision todo things differently, not to do
things the way everyone aroundyou is doing it.
Things differently not to dothings the way everyone around
you is doing it not to continueon doing things the way everyone
(05:10):
in your family has done it,everyone in your church has done
it, everyone in society hasdone it.
But when you choose to make thebest decision for you, what God
has told you to do, when youchoose to tear it all down, no
matter the consequences, nomatter what people are going to
think about you, no matter thejudgment, no matter the eyes
(05:33):
looking at you, no matter whatpeople will think or say and for
those of you who may not beaware, this is a podcast from a
young Christian woman'sperspective.
So a lot of the things you'regoing to hear me talk about is
going to be from thatperspective.
So when you're tearing thingsdown and starting over from
(05:54):
scratch, it will benefit you,but not only you.
So from generations to come,that should even help you with
your choice to tear things down,if things need to be tore down.
By the time we get to the endof this episode, you will know
you should know this onespecific thing, because I'm
(06:18):
updating you from last year'spodcast interview.
But there has been multiplethings that I've had to tear
down in my own life over thelast couple of years, and it
(06:38):
started over from sex, and it'snot easy.
I do want to preface thisconversation with saying it's
not easy.
It's not easy at all, but Iwant to give you some practical
tools and resources in ourconversation today.
It is going to help set you upfor success.
(06:59):
Last year, in our conversationon that podcast episode about my
biological well, my father whoraised me, not being my
biological father.
Well, just for summarizationfor those of you who may not
have heard that episode, this isyour first time encountering me
and you may not want to go backand listen to that episode,
(07:24):
which I highly encourage you to.
When I was around the age of 19,ballpark figure, around the age
of 19, my mom came and sharedwith my dad and I both at the
same time, that he may not be mybiological father and the
reason why she felt prompted toshare it was the man that she
had also been with that couldpossibly be my biological father
(07:48):
.
She was working at a retailstore at that time.
She ended up seeing him at thatretail store.
He wasn't living here in thestate that I reside in, that we
live in, but he had moved backto take care of his age and
parents.
So she ended up seeing him andshe said when she saw him I
(08:10):
looked exactly like him and shecould not lie to us anymore.
So that's what prompted hertelling me, because I know some
of you guys are wondering, likewhy was she waiting for you?
You're an adult now.
Why is she just not tellingyour dad?
You know why she lied so longshe some of you may just think
she should have took it to hergrave.
(08:31):
Everybody has their reasons,their speculations, their
questions.
You guys aren't thinkinganything that I myself haven't
thought of and I'm sure my dadprobably thought of, even though
we never once had aconversation about it.
So years go on, my dad and Inever talked about it.
It was just like the elephantin the room in our family.
(08:55):
It was never because my dad andmy mom, they were already
separated when she shared thisnews with us and I eventually
got a divorce a couple of yearsafter that conversation and no
one ever once had a conversationabout it again.
So fast forward a couple years.
(09:15):
I stopped talking to my mom.
I was hurt, I was sad, Idisappointed All the emotions
you can think of.
I was feeling.
I stopped talking to my mom fora while and then I eventually
started talking to her.
So fast forward, the guy who shewas saying could be my
(09:35):
biological father.
He began to reach out becausemy mom gave him my phone number
and he wanted to have arelationship with me.
Well, I felt like it would berejecting or turning away from
my dad if I would have arelationship with him.
So I did, and that went on fora couple years.
(09:58):
So eventually I ended upfinally meeting with him, had
dinner with him my husband and Ihad dinner with him, got to
know him, enjoyed him, you know,and fast forward, we talked for
a while.
I ended up asking him forpaternity leave.
(10:19):
He agreed, but after that welost communication.
So after that lostcommunication.
So after that, years went by.
But in the midst of all of this, my dad, who raised me, he and
I's relationship completelychanged.
For as long as I can remember,up until this point where my mom
(10:42):
shared this information, andeven a little while after that,
my dad and I were very close.
I was what people would say insociety, a daddy's girl.
I would have considered myselfthat I was very close to my dad,
more so than my mom.
But after that news, that bombwas dropped.
(11:03):
Our relationship changed, andnot because of me, not because I
wanted the relationship changed, not because I looked at my
dead end differently because Idid and I still don't to this
day but it changed.
The calls became fewer, thevisits, and this is as the years
(11:23):
progressed.
So it didn't immediately happenthis way, but as the years
progressed, especially once hefound out that I actually
started talking to this man.
This is when it really began togrow.
The calls became fewer, thevisits became shorter and
(11:46):
everything just changed.
So, yeah, I got into therapysome years ago and I began to
work all these out with mytherapy and began to share these
things with my therapy.
So she told me what I should do.
She gave me some options ofdifferent things that I could do
(12:07):
, and we agreed upon one and itwas to write my dad a letter, my
dad who raised me.
So I ended up writing him theletter and after I wrote the
letter, the communicationcompletely stopped, like it went
from some calls, maybe a visithere and there, to nothing at
(12:30):
all.
And I won't go into the detailsabout the letter, but it wasn't
anything negative in the letter, but everything just stopped.
All communication, everythingstopped.
So I had to still continue todo work in therapy.
I'm still in therapy to thisday, advocate for therapy, just
(12:53):
saying, just saying.
But I continued to do work intherapy and I have finally came
to accept.
Like this is, you know, this iswhat it is.
Like this is just, this is whatit is, and I was okay, though,
and that's the only reason whyI'm able to share this on this
podcast today.
(13:13):
I don't I don't encourageanyone to share their story if
they're still in a hurt place orif you're not okay, and I'm not
telling anyone what to do orwhat not to do, but when God is
ready for you to share yourstory, to share your testimony,
(13:34):
it's going to really really helppeople.
It's going to really reallyhelp people and it's going to be
for his glory.
It should not be a harm or hurtto anyone.
It should be when you are okayand not to justify anyone that
(13:55):
may have hurt you or you feltlike you'd be wrong.
I had worked with my therapistand decided that I wanted to go
on a journey to find out who mybiological father was.
I did not want to take thisinto the rest of my life because
I've already understood wheremy dad was and I was okay with
(14:18):
it, like I was okay with it, andI now want to find out who is
my biological father and wheredo we go from here?
I didn't want this cloudfollowing me around.
I didn't want to take this intothe next generation.
I didn't want my kids because Icame from a generation between
(14:39):
my husband and I both we camefrom a generation with parental
issues and I just I didn't.
I didn't want that for my, formy children.
I didn't want that for mychildren's children.
I just didn't want that.
So, as much as I could do forme to do what I could, I wanted
(15:03):
to do it.
If someone chose to not be inrelationship with me, to not
talk to me, they had every rightto make that decision for
themselves.
But if I had any part that Icould play to make things right,
to find out what I needed tofind out and there was any way
that I could do it I wanted tomake sure I did everything that
(15:26):
I could do.
So I went on this journey ofAncestryDNA, bought it for
myself for Christmas and I endedup doing it.
And, long story short, I endedup finding out that the man my
mom had said the whole time wasmy biological father.
He is my biological father.
(15:47):
So when, on this whole journeyof family members reaching out
to me on ancestral DNA from mybiological father's side
welcoming me, it just was such abeautiful, beautiful experience
for me personally to be whatfelt like rejection from the
(16:13):
person who raised me to now beaccepted, desired, wanted.
And this has been a continuingthing because this is what was
already happening years ago andI was rejecting him because I
didn't even know he was mybiological father.
This is just hearsayinformation, you know, that
(16:34):
wasn't for certain.
But now I have these resultsback.
He is my biological father andnow to be desired, to be wanted,
you know, to be to be soughtafter.
It was just like a picture ofhow God seeks after his children
, how he desires us, how hewants us.
You know, when we feel rejectedand unwanted by the world, when
(17:00):
we feel all of these things,now the outside world, god is
continuing to seek after us, tolove us, to remind us he will
never leave us, never forsake us, and it was just this beautiful
picture of God just showing mewho he is, not so much my
biological father, which shoutout to him, because he didn't
(17:23):
know me, know me, you know hedidn't raise me, none of those
things.
But shout out to him.
But it was just God remindingme again and again and again who
he is.
It was more so about God for me, about my relationship with him
and him revealing to me overand over again who he is.
(17:44):
But again, shout out to mybiological father.
So I ended up reaching out tohim and he and I reconnected and
we have been in communicationever since.
So I am grateful, so grateful,so so grateful for that.
But we'll talk a little bitmore as we get into today's
episode.
(18:05):
So, reasons for starting overOne a major crisis or loss.
This could be a financialcrisis, job loss, divorce or
house fire.
In this case, starting overisn't a choice but a necessity.
Okay, so, in this case, youreally don't have a choice.
(18:28):
You have to start over.
You've been forced in asituation where you must start
over.
You must start over.
Two unfulfilling life.
You may feel your life isheaded down the wrong path,
(18:51):
filled with dissatisfaction or alack of purpose.
You may choose to tear it alldown and build a new, more
fulfilling life.
Three ending a toxic situation.
You might choose to leave atoxic job or relationship to
build a life free from thatnegative influence.
Four, last but not least,personal transformation.
(19:13):
Personal transformation theexperience may be a pivotal
point for a person to embracemajor personal growth and change
.
So, as you hear those four,because I told you practical
applications, what you're goingto do after you hear today's
podcast episode, because I'mwalking you through my
experience.
But today's episode is not somuch about my experience, but
(19:36):
I'm telling you what I'm able todo, what I've been able to do
in the last year with applyingthis to my life.
But what are you going to doafter you've heard today's
self-assert?
What are you going to do afterlistening to this?
Which one of these applies toyou?
Do you have a major crisis orloss?
Do you have an unfulfillinglife?
(19:56):
Do you need to end a toxicsituation, or do you need
personal transformation, or noneof these may not even apply to
you, but you may know someone inthe process where you are ready
(20:19):
to tear it all down and startover from scratch.
What are the key steps in doingit?
What is my?
This is the practicalapplication and actually doing
it.
How can I do this.
How can I tear it all down tostart over?
What am I going to be needing?
What is it that I'm going to beneeding to do when starting
over?
How do I start over?
(20:41):
One acknowledge and process youremotions.
Allow yourself to feel the loss, disappointment or grief,
without judgment.
Ignoring these feelings canlead to self-sabotage.
This one right here is reallygood.
So one of the things that I didwith this one and I'm going to
(21:06):
talk through this with a few ofthese, how I practically was
able to apply this.
So, for the last year for me,with this specific topic that
I'm discussing today because,again I told you, there were
multiple things in my life whereI had to tear down.
This wasn't the only area of mylife, but, because this is the
(21:27):
one that we're specificallytalking about, this was a loss
and a grief for me.
You don't only grieve peoplewhen they pass away, when they
leave this earth.
You have to grieve the loss ofrelationships, even of people
that are still living on thisearth.
I have to excel.
(21:50):
I may never.
And I say may because God is aredeeming God.
He is a God of reconciliation.
He can fix anything, butreconciliation takes two people.
Both people have to be willing,but I have to accept the fact
that I may never have arelationship with my dad, who
(22:13):
raised me, ever again, and Ihave to accept it.
And that was a hard thing for meand I had to grieve it and I
had to really be honest with God, really be honest with God and
(22:33):
really be honest with myself.
And that's why I saidacknowledge Acknowledge means
you have to be honest and saywhat it is, say how you feel,
not try to not try to likesugarcoat it and be like it'll
be okay.
You know he don't know whathe's missing and he's gonna have
(22:56):
to get over it.
And no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Acknowledge the honest, be realabout how you're feeling.
I feel rejected by my father, bymy father.
(23:16):
That broke me, that the manthat raised me my entire life
walked out of my life, walkedout of his grandchild's life and
didn't even look back.
I had to be honest with thosefeelings, acknowledging first to
myself and then to God, so Godcan fill those voids.
(23:38):
Those were voids.
When that space is gone, whenthat person has left.
That's now a void there, whenthe Bible talks about God being
a father to the fatherless, notjust a person whose father is
not here on earth anymore, ornot just a father to the person
(24:02):
whose father has never been intheir life, because I never
thought about it in my contextuntil I had to experience it
personally.
That's why the word is a livingword, because what it could
have meant to you last year, itcan mean something completely
different to where you are inyour life right now and I never
(24:23):
understood it in the way that Iunderstand it now if I had a
father not be there and God hadto fill that void for me.
But you have to acknowledge andbe real, and I'm just thinking
about my situation.
What is your situation?
What is it that you want toacknowledge, be real about?
(24:44):
What is it you're facing?
What is it you're going through?
What is it you're not willingto shine a light on, but just
saying it's okay, it's alright,you know A it and process your
emotions.
Don't just acknowledge it, butdeal with those emotions.
Whether you need to work with atherapist if you have one,
(25:07):
because that was very beneficialto me Process it with your
community, your church family.
I hope you're in a church body,you're connected to a church
body, so you're not trying todeal with this stuff on your own
, by yourself, but you have toprocess those emotions and, it
(25:29):
said, ignoring these feelingscan lead to self-sabotage.
You will sabotage your own self.
You won't do the things thatyou know you need to do if
you're ignoring it, if you'renot acknowledging how you really
feel, if you're not processingthrough those emotions, you will
(25:49):
self-sabotage your own self.
What's good for you, what'sbest for you, what you know you
need to do, you won't even do itand you'll stand on the same
area, going around doing thesame stuff.
You know means you know good, Icould have still been in the
(26:11):
same predicament that I wasalready in, in a relationship
with my dad, the man who raisedme.
Not any, not not no realrelationship, not a relationship
a dad and daughter should have,you know, but one on the
surface.
What good is that for me?
So what benefit is that for me?
One where that elephant isalways in the room, where you
(26:34):
may not be my father, but nobodywants to talk about it, but
you're treated that way, yeah.
Number two take inventory of thecurrent situation, assess your
resources, evaluate what wentwrong and understand your
(26:54):
baseline for the rebuildingprocess.
Okay, so this one is a littleself-explanatory.
So, assessing your resources,look over what do you have
available to you, what resourcesdo you have.
Evaluate what went wrong.
Go back to the root when did itall go wrong?
(27:14):
And understand your baselinefor the rebuilding process.
Where can I start rebuildingwith what I have and where it
all went wrong, so that I don'tdo that again while I'm
rebuilding.
Three, find a new purpose.
(27:36):
By imagining what you wouldbuild differently If you could
start again, you can identifywhat you truly want.
This is so good.
Right now, I told you, guys, Ihave my biological dad and I
(27:59):
have been in contact with oneanother and we've been talking a
few times every month, um,since we reconnected with one
another, and now I can thinkabout what I want.
What I want, because I told youwhat I didn't want.
I told you what therelationship was since my mom
(28:22):
told us to move all those yearsago, and what I didn't want out
of the relationship between thedad and the daughter.
And now God has given me thisopportunity to have a
relationship with my biologicalfather and now I can actually
take the time out to figure out,monica, what do you actually
want?
You have reconnected with yourbiological father.
(28:48):
What is it that you actuallywant out of a relationship with
him?
No, it won't look like yourrelationship with your dad, who
raised you, because you had arelationship with him since he
came, and it's what it lookslike.
But what do you, realistically,what do you want it to look
like and what could you dodifferently so that it is the
(29:11):
relationship that you want, sothat it is a healthy
relationship, so that it is arelationship that is beneficial
to both you and him?
What can you do differently?
What is it that you want?
And you do the same Find yournew person.
(29:32):
You're starting over.
You have the privilege becauseit's a privilege, you have the
privilege of starting over fromscratch.
You have the privilege of beingable to look back in that rear
view mirror, because it's talkedabout earlier in defining this
(29:54):
statement and what it trulymeans.
It's talked about being able tolearn from your past.
If you look back in thatrearview mirror looking at your
past decisions, your pastmistakes, where you went wrong,
what can you do differently?
What do you want now?
What decisions could you maketo make sure you don't wind up
(30:19):
back where you started?
That's a privilege and it maynot feel that way when you're
starting all over again, whenyou're in the midst of the
heartache, the pain, the tears,because I told you, I told you,
I told you I grieved, I was hurt, I was sad.
(30:40):
But it's a privilege to get, tostart over and have the
perspective that you have now,to have the knowledge that you
have now, to have the wisdomthat you have now, because you
didn't have that.
You didn't have that last time,but you have it now.
Number five focus on self-care.
(31:02):
Prioritize your physical andmental well-being by getting
enough sleep, exercising andeating well.
Small, positive actions buildconfidence and momentum.
Six take small, consistentsteps Instead of feeling
(31:24):
overwhelmed by the entire task.
Break your new goals intosmaller, manageable actions.
Repeated small successes willbuild confidence.
Oh, this one right here is sucha great one Because when you're
(31:45):
starting over, especially ifyou have the perspective of
looking at what you once had, itcan be overwhelming because you
want to get back to all of thethings you once had.
It can be overwhelming becauseyou want to get back to all of
the things you once had.
For me, if I approach myrelationship, building this new
(32:08):
relationship with my biologicalfather, if I was to approach it
with.
I want to have the relationshipthat I once had with my dad, to
have the relationship that Iwant to have with my dad, not
the relationship that we hadbefore it all stopped, but the
relationship that we once hadbefore my mom gave us this news.
(32:28):
If I was to compare it to that,that would be overwhelming
because I would be trying toforce a lot of things because I
have other siblings, he hasother children.
It would be overwhelming to me.
I'm not ready for all of this.
Don't get me wrong.
I am open.
I want to meet my othersiblings.
(32:50):
I want to meet the rest of thefamily.
I want my children and myhusband to meet everyone.
I want to eventually us to havea relationship their families
with our families, our familieswith their families.
That's my end goal.
I would love nothing more, evenif that doesn't happen.
(33:12):
I'm open to that and I wouldlove that.
But if I was to have thatperspective that that doesn't
happen, I'm open to that and Iwould love that.
But if I was to have thatperspective that that needs to
happen, because that's the kindof closeness that I had with my
dad who raised me, even thoughthat's not what it is now, but
that's what it once was, beforeall of this news came out.
(33:32):
That would be overwhelming.
That would be overwhelming.
That would be overwhelming.
So to take small consistency, tonot overwhelm myself, I could
have these smaller, realisticgoals that I could reach.
(33:54):
That would eventually get me tomy end goal.
That's more realistic, that'smore, that's not overwhelming.
So the smaller goal could be Iwant to reach out at least once
a week.
I want us to talk at least oncea week, and little things by
(34:16):
day, and it can grow, the thingscan grow.
I want us to meet up and havedinner once a month.
I want us to eventually go to apublic place and our families
my husband meets his wife Likesomething small, and it
(34:36):
continues to grow, but smaller,consistent, because consistent
is the key word here.
It's small but it's consistent.
I mean you continue to makethese small steps.
Don't do a small step and thenyou stop, but you make a small
step consistently.
I think that's a really goodone.
(34:58):
And last but not least, numberseven this is a chef's kiss.
It ended it so perfectly.
Embrace, gratitude, food, focuson what you still have rather
than what you've lost.
This shift in perspectiveprovides a foundation for moving
(35:23):
forward.
Oh man, you guys, this has beenthe thing that has transported
me to where I need to be.
I could have gotten stuck.
So many people who have gottenstuck.
They're stuck, wallowing.
They're stuck.
(35:44):
Woe is me.
They're stuck.
Why did they do me like this?
They're stuck.
Why does it have to be this way?
They're stuck.
I don't deserve this.
They're stuck.
I don't deserve this.
They're stuck.
They're just stuck because theycan't embrace gratitude.
And let me say this I empathizewith you because why did it have
(36:07):
to be this way?
I empathize with you becausewhy did they have to do me like
this?
I empathize with you because Iunderstand your feelings are
valid, but you can't stay there.
You cannot live there, becausewe have to get to a place where
(36:29):
we focus on what we still haverather than what we've lost.
I lost the man who raised me.
I lost that relationship, but Igained a biological father.
My kids lost a grandfather, butthey have the opportunity to
(36:53):
gain new family, and they alsogain the opportunity to see
their mom do something great,something courageous, something
scary, to face what the enemymeant for my harm.
(37:15):
He didn't mean it for my good,but God did and my kids got to
see that I got to breaksomething generational.
You know how many familiescarry secrets, lies, shame.
Don't want to talk about thisbig elephant in the room that
(37:37):
everybody knows about but nobodytalks about.
You know how many, and I'm surethose of you who are listening
to me right now I can bet mybottom last dollar.
You who are listening to meright now can name at least one
secret in your family right nowthat nobody will talk about but
(37:59):
everybody knows about it.
I said not mine, not mine, nomore.
I had a family member at anevent, an event a few weeks ago
and maybe even a month ago.
I'm not good with timelines,but we were sitting down
catching up.
I hadn't seen his family numberin years and we were catching
(38:22):
up and he came up and he endedup asking me about my bed, and
me being who I am is just whoGod has made me to be, because I
am trying to shine my light forChrist, for the kingdom.
The enemy is out here working,and he is working hard and God's
(38:48):
people need to be workingharder.
So he ended up asking me aboutmy dad and I ended up sharing
with him everything that I'veshared with you guys, but into
more detail because he's myfamily.
But I ended up sharingeverything that happened, but
(39:08):
letting him know the same.
Like I'm good, I am good I wasable to connect with and find
out who my biological father is.
And God is good, you know.
God is good Because the enemywants you to get stuck in the
(39:32):
things that have hurt you, thathave broken you, that have
broken you, that have harmed you.
He wants you to stay there.
Don't stay there.
Don't miss out on what youstill have.
Shift your perspective.
(39:54):
Shift your perspective.
Shift your perspective and Ipromise you, when you are able
to shift your perspective, youcan move forward into everything
that God has for you.
And that's how you're able tostart over from scratch.
God has to be that foundation.
(40:21):
He has to be that foundation.
And what is gratitude, man?
That's today's episode tearingeverything down and starting
over from scratch.
I hope you guys have enjoyedtoday's episode.
Season 9, episode 1 we startingthis thing off.
I'm excited.
I hope you guys have enjoyedtoday's episode.
Season nine, episode one.
We starting this thing off.
I'm excited.
I'm excited for this new season.
(40:41):
Remember, I love you, but Godloves you so much more.
I'll see you guys next week.
Bye.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
I hope you guys have enjoyed.
Follow me on Facebook at Demowith Mo.
If you have any questions youwould like answered here live on
my podcast, email them to me atDemo with Mo at gmailcom.
That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O atgmailcom.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!