February 20, 2025 • 28 mins
Could loving your partner be different from genuinely liking them? In this episode of Demo with Mo, I, Monique Simmons, take you on a journey through the nuances of relationships, where fondness and friendship form the bedrock of lasting connections. You’ll discover the telltale signs that signify truly liking your partner—think shared laughs over inside jokes and the warmth of mutual admiration. As we traverse the moments of tender affection and the comfort of shared silences, I promise you’ll walk away with a deeper understanding of what makes relationships tick.
Relationships ebb and flow between harmony and tension, and it’s in these fluctuations that the importance of liking your partner, beyond merely loving them, becomes essential. We’ll explore how to gracefully handle relationship hurdles like trust issues, health woes, and financial stress, all while maintaining a strong foundation of friendship and genuine connection.
We round off our conversation by reinforcing the values of encouragement and positivity. Learn how mutual respect and the joy of shared interests infuse relationships with a sense of safety and well-being. By celebrating the qualities you admire in your partner and embracing open communication, you pave the way for a relationship where both partners can thrive without fear of judgment. Connect with me on social media and through email, and let’s continue this inspiring dialogue about cultivating love and connection in our lives.
Connect with Mo
Become a Subscriber for subscriber only content: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1834533/subscribe
Merchandise: https://demo-with-mo.myspreadshop.com/
Website: https://www.demowithmo.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/demowithmopodcast/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/demowithmo/
Facebook Relationship Community:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/548524369897098/?ref=share
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
What's up, guys?
Welcome to Demo with Mo.
I'm your host, monique Simmons.
We'll be discussing dating,engaged and married objectives
from a young Christian'sperspective.
Are you guys ready?
Let's dive in.
Hey, what's up, guys?
(00:31):
Welcome to a new episode ofDemo with Mo.
I am your host, monique Simmons, and today we are going to be
discussing liking your partner.
Liking your partner or spouseinvolves feelings of closeness,
respect, warmth and admiration.
You enjoy spending time withthem, feel comfortable and
respected in their presence,appreciate their qualities and
(00:54):
generally find them pleasant tobe around.
If any of that sounds familiarto you, you might like your
partner.
To you, you might like yourpartner.
So we're going to talk aboutsome key aspects of liking your
partner or your spouse and somesigns that you like them.
So, if any of these thingssound familiar to you, maybe you
(01:16):
share some of these things withyour partner.
You have some of these thingsin your relationship or your
marriage.
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
I am convinced and this is myown personal opinion, but I am
convinced that relationshipsthat have the foundation of a
friendship, the foundation wherepartners really genuinely like
(01:39):
one another, they thrive,because one day the looks will
fade.
One day there may be weightgain or weight loss.
One day there may be healthissues.
One day you guys may comeagainst some things that will
shake the relationship.
One day you will face thingsyou thought you would never face
(02:03):
in your relationship ormarriage and you're going to
have to have something thatsustains you, something that's
not necessarily vain, notnecessarily something that's
just outwardly.
You're going to have to havesomething of value, of character
, of where you can look at yourpartner and say I legit, like
(02:25):
you, like.
I legit like the person that Isee looking back at me.
I know your motives are righttowards me, I know you care
about me, I know you areconcerned about me.
I know it's more to it thanjust what I offer you, what I
look like, what I bring to thetable, is.
(02:46):
This new generation likes tosay but you legit, like me as a
person, as a human being, and Ilike you.
You know what I'm saying.
So that's what we're discussingon today.
So signs a couple likes eachother, each other, physical
(03:10):
affection.
You guys like to touch oneanother, maybe hold hands, maybe
rub the back of your partner'sneck.
Maybe you know you're walkingby and you may touch their butt,
you know, rub their arm, touchtheir back at the end of the
night.
My husband likes to get hisback rubbed every night.
That's the physical affectionthat I show him because that's
(03:32):
the way he likes to receive love.
But whatever that physicalaffection is, it's like you
can't get enough.
You want to be in contactphysically.
You want to be able to touchone another when you get the
chance.
The next one is eye contact.
You're not checked out, you'renot zoned out In the middle of a
conversation.
You're not looking in yourphone, you're not wandering off
(03:52):
into space Like if your partneror your spouse is talking to you
.
You are looking them directlyin their eyes.
This is a big one for me.
I think I mentioned this in ourconversation in a previous
episode.
Like I'm big on eye contactwhen you're talking to somebody,
it's just mad respect.
When you're talking to somebody, look them in their eyes,
(04:17):
sharing inside jokes.
I thought this one was so cute.
If you guys maybe on a date withanother couple or hanging out
with family or at an event,whatever it is, but you guys,
just the two of you, it'ssomething that you share.
No one outside of your littlebubble, no one else knows about
it, not even your kids.
No one knows about it.
It's just something that youguys share between the two of
(04:38):
you.
It's an inside joke.
That's a sign that you guyslike one another.
Next, they hang out one-on-oneway more.
So it's not like the oppositeof liking each other, where you
can't wait to get away from oneanother, you can't wait to get
to work, you can't wait to gohang out with your boys or hang
(04:59):
out with your girlfriends, youcan't wait on your next solo
trip.
You can't wait to get away fromthem.
But it's the complete opposite.
I can't wait till we get a datenight.
I can't wait for us to havesome one-on-one time.
I can't wait for the end of thenight for us to catch up on our
favorite TV show.
It's like you can't wait forthat one-on-one time.
(05:20):
You enjoy that, you thrive onthat.
You desire that.
You can.
You can't wait for.
You want it more and more andmore.
It's not like you're trying toisolate and always be with them,
because you still desire thatindividualism.
You still desire to have yourown time and, you know, do your
own thing and pour into your owncup.
But it's like if you have theopportunity to be together, to
(05:43):
hang out to date.
You desired it, you want it.
You're not trying to get awayfrom it.
Body language, body language isa sign that you guys like each
other.
You can just see it when youdon't like one another.
You got a front with me becauseI know I've been there in my
(06:04):
own relationship.
You can tell the differencewhen you are in a bad spot with
your partner or your spouseversus when you guys are really
in a good place and you like oneanother.
You're not trying to ice themout, rolling your eyes,
standoffish, isolated, don'twant to be around them, versus
when you guys are really in agood place and you're really
liking one another.
(06:24):
You know you want to be close,you want to be in their space,
you want to touch them.
You know you laughing, you knowit's just.
Though you can see the bodylanguage is just different.
You're open.
You're not shut off and closedoff.
The body language just showsNext one, showing vulnerability.
You feel safe.
You feel safe.
(06:45):
Emotionally you feel safe andwhen you emotionally feel safe,
you open up.
You share things.
They hold space for you.
You share things that youprobably necessarily wouldn't
share with them when you don'tlike them, when you guys are not
in a good space, you don't wantto share things because you
don't feel safe.
(07:07):
Next, the little things make yousmile, oh man.
When you really liking yourpartner or your spouse, when you
guys really like each other,when you're really in a good
space, the little things makeyou smile.
They can just crack a joke.
And they don't even have tocrack a joke.
They can just be telling youabout their day, what they ate
for lunch, who they talked to,who got on their nerves, and you
(07:29):
could just be smiling from earto ear.
It's just the fact of talkingto them, being with them, being
in their presence, hearing theirvoice it just makes you smile.
The little things, the factthey thought about you, you know
you're having a conversationwith them, you were on their
mind the little things make yousmile.
But think about it.
When you're not in a good place, here they go again.
(07:52):
They're complaining again,they're on me again.
You know what do they want?
Now?
It's just like it's no gracethere.
It's just like everything is abothering, everything is a nag
or it's just irritating.
But it's the opposite.
When you guys like each otherand when you're in a good spot,
(08:13):
they help you meet your needswhen you really like each other.
That's a sign you want to meet.
If your partner or your spousehas a need, you want to meet it.
You're breaking your neck tomeet the need.
They want something to eat.
Let me go get them something toeat.
Let me cook them a meal.
They need something from thestore.
Let me run to the store.
(08:34):
They're overwhelmed at work.
How can I take something offtheir plate?
And you can tell the differencewhen you guys are not there.
You encourage each other.
When you guys like each other,you encourage one another.
They're stressed, they'reoverwhelmed, they're dealing
with a lot.
They have a lot on their plate.
They have a lot going on.
(08:55):
Something happened in theirlife.
They're feeling it.
You encourage one another.
You got this.
Keep going.
I got your back.
I'm here for you.
I'm not going anywhere.
You encourage them.
Comfortable silence.
This is one of my favorites outof these.
When you guys are liking eachother in a really good space,
(09:17):
you have that friendship, thatconnection.
Man, you feeling good.
It's just like that goodgirlfriend or that.
I don't know, because I'm awoman so I'm not really sure.
I don't want to speak from theman's perspective.
And men, friendships are alittle different.
They're a little different tome.
You know, man, I'm not tryingto talk about y'all, but y'all
weird Y'all.
But y'all weird, y'all, y'all,y'all.
(09:37):
Some of y'all, some of y'allare weird.
Y'all could be friends withsomebody for 20 years and don't
really know a lot about eachother.
I don't know how y'all do it.
I don't know how y'all do it,but, ladies, it's like you have
that good girlfriend and y'allcould be sitting in the room and
don't have to do anything.
You can be doing your thing,she can be doing her thing.
(09:59):
But to be in one another'spresence, y'all can have a great
time and it's nothing Like,that's no issue, that y'all can
sit there especially.
I'm talking about a goodgirlfriend, I'm not talking
about an associate, but I'mtalking about a really good
girlfriend.
Both of y'all can be sittingthere doing y'all own things in
y'all own worlds, but it's thefact that y'all in one another's
presence and y'all can have agreat time.
That's how it is.
(10:20):
When you really like one anotherin your relationship, your
partner can be on his phone orher phone or doing whatever,
just literally doing your ownthing, but just in the room with
one another, in one another'spresence and it can be
comfortable silence.
Nobody's thinking about whatthe other one's doing, who
(10:41):
they're talking to, what's goingon in their mind.
Would they rather be someoneelse?
No, none of that is happening.
But think about when you're ina bad place, when you guys have
had conflict or trust issues orbroken promises or lies in the
past, when you guys are justunsure about one another or the
(11:02):
relationship, because that hashappened in relationships too.
Now I'm not trying to act likeeverybody's in a good place all
the time, because sometimes wehave to have repairs in our
relationship, repairs in ourmarriage.
We have to fix broken things.
But I just want you to take amoment to think about when
things aren't good.
The silence isn't alwayscomfortable.
(11:24):
Sometimes the silence doesn'tfeel good.
Sometimes the silence isuncomfortable.
Sometimes you're wondering,well, what's on their mind?
Why aren't they talking?
Why aren't they sharing with me?
Why aren't things like theyused to be?
Sometimes that silence getsreal uncomfortable.
But when you guys are in areally good place, when you're
(11:44):
really connecting, when you'rereally feeling like friends,
comfortable silence is abeautiful thing.
You accept their flaws, man.
When you really like each other, you extend a lot more grace.
You guys can get away with alot more that you would not let
(12:04):
each other get away with.
When you're not in a good place,man, when you're not and I'll
speak for myself when my husbandand I are not in a good place,
because I am naturally acritical person, and not just in
my marriage.
I'm critical as a mom, I'm justcritical in general, just
naturally.
That's something I have to workat daily.
(12:24):
That's something I have toconfess in my prayers and I've
gotten a whole lot better.
I'm talking about a whole lotbetter.
But that comes from myrelationship with Christ.
That comes from a lot ofconfession.
That comes from a lot ofrepenting.
That comes from a lot ofconfession.
That comes from a lot ofrepenting.
That comes from a lot ofapologizing apologizing to my
husband, apologizing to mychildren.
That comes from me surrenderingthat thing, because I am a
(12:48):
naturally critical person In myflesh.
I am naturally critical.
So when my husband and I are notin a good place, when we have
issues in our relationship,naturally that comes out more.
It just does.
It does.
So I have to be mindful of thatthing.
(13:10):
So when we're in a really goodplace, I am more gracious.
I am more gracious.
You are more able to acceptyour partner's flaws when things
are really going good.
Things that you would probablybe critical of if you weren't in
a good place, things that youwould probably call out or be
(13:34):
putting a magnifying glass on ortalking about more often.
Things that you wouldn't letnecessarily them get away with
and I'm putting quotation markson because your partner is not a
child and you don't let themget away with anything because
they are an adult.
But I mean you would be sayingsomething about, you wouldn't
(13:56):
just not say anything.
But when you guys are in a goodplace, you are more gracious.
You are more able to accepttheir flaws.
Next, they pay attention to you.
When you guys are in a goodplace, your partner and you
should be looking at one another.
(14:17):
You should be paying attentionto things, paying attention to
what they have going on in theirlife, paying attention to the
things they like, they dislike,the things they're desiring
right now, the things thatthey're into their hobbies, like
.
These are things you should bepaying attention to.
And when you guys are really ina good place, you really are
connected.
You really are into one another, liking each other.
(14:38):
You are naturally payingattention to these things, but
when you're not in a good place,you could care less.
You could really care less.
So these are signs that youguys like each other.
You laugh when you're with them,man, you have a good time with
each other.
You just when you're with them,man, you have a good time with
(15:01):
each other.
You just everything makes youlaugh, the jokes that aren't
really funny, that nobody elseprobably would laugh at, but you
, because you just you'reconnected, you're in a good
place, you're liking one anotherand, last but not least, you
spend genuine good time together.
Not only are you guys together,but you are spending genuine
(15:23):
good time together.
You are enjoying this timetogether and it's genuine.
You want to be there, youdesire to be there and you are
enjoying one another's company.
Okay, so those are all signsthat a couple likes each other.
So now we're going to dive intokey aspects of liking your
partner.
(15:43):
What does this look like?
How do we do it?
How do we get better at this?
Because you may be in a placewhere you once did like each
other.
You did like one another, youguys did have a great friendship
, you guys were connected, youwere in a great place, but life
happened Health issues, financeissues, parenting, infidelity,
(16:12):
trust, broken promises, life.
Life happens because we don'talways stay in this place.
I had this conversation on mylet's Talk Thursday live edition
, which I do in my group, and ifyou're not a part of that group
, I encourage you to come overand join us.
I encourage you to stop rightnow.
(16:32):
Come over to Facebook Dating,engaged and Married Objectives
and join us in that group rightnow.
It's a relationship group wherewe talk about things that we
deal with in relationships,whether you're dating, currently
in a committed relationship,you're engaged, you're married,
even divorced, and starting allover from scratch.
I encourage you to be a part ofthat group right now.
(16:55):
But we recently just had thisconversation and someone in the
group asked this question aboutwhat if you're in a relationship
and your partner stopped likingyou or you feel like they don't
like you anymore, and it got mestuck for a moment, and not
stuck because I didn't know whatto say, or it got me stuck
(17:16):
because I'm not a black or whiteperson.
I don't see things one way orthe other.
I feel like it could bedifferent answers for different
reasons.
I feel like things are in thegray, because answers can vary
for different reasons, fordifferent people, for different
couples.
That's just how I personallyfeel about life, but I feel like
(17:39):
things can start off one wayand life can happen to us Just
period From people that I know,from things that I've
experienced from my own personallife experience.
Things can happen.
Your relationship or marriagecan start off one way and life
can hit you hard and things canchange.
(18:00):
And the tools and resourcesthat we have available to us in
this world we can do the workand we can get back to where we
once were, or we can do the workto get better than we ever even
started.
So I would encourage you ifyou're listening to this and
maybe you guys were once in agreat place, you liked each
(18:21):
other, you connected, you had agreat friendship and again life
happened.
And maybe you're not in such agreat place, maybe you don't
like your partner anymore, ormaybe you feel like your partner
doesn't like you anymore Iencourage you to take these
resources that you're listeningto right now and begin to apply
them in your own life and beginto have the conversation with
(18:42):
your partner or spouse and even,if you need to involve a third
party, a non-biased partner.
Because you guys know how Ifeel about therapy.
I'm an advocate for therapy.
I'm myself in individualtherapy and couples therapy, so
I personally encourage it.
But I encourage you, have apartner with your partner or
your spouse if you're feelingthat way, and begin to do the
(19:05):
work.
Don't just stay there and feellike things can't change or
can't get better for you,because you can begin to do the
work and it's hard work.
I ain't finna lie behind hismic and say that it's not
because it is hard work, butit's hard work that's worth it.
So let's go ahead and get intothe key aspects of liking your
(19:28):
partner.
Number one enjoying theircompany.
You actively seek out time withthem and find yourself looking
forward to inner actions.
So that's the first key aspectto liking your partner you enjoy
their company.
I love that.
(19:48):
It said you actively seek outtime.
The time just don't happen, itjust don't up and appear, but
you actively seek out time withthem.
This was one of the big thingsfor me in my own marriage.
Life happened and my husbandand I stopped dating as often as
we did at one point and thatbecame one of the conversations
(20:10):
that I had to have with my ownhusband that I wanted to go on
more dates.
I wanted to spend more qualitytime with him, which is he and I
without the kids, withoutbusiness, without all of the
outside noise, all of the thingsthat were going on.
I just wanted to spend morequality one-on-one time with him
.
That's me actively seeking outtime with him because that's
(20:34):
something I desired, that'ssomething that I wanted.
I knew that was something thatwould benefit our marriage and
benefit our relationship.
So, because I enjoy thiscompany, as it says, it's key
aspects of liking your partnerBecause, again, just because
things are one way don't meanthat they have to stay that way.
We have to do the work to getthe results that we want, to get
(20:55):
the results that we're lookingfor.
So, enjoying their company.
Number two feeling comfortable.
You can be yourself around themwithout feeling judged or
pressured.
Do you have this in yourrelationship or your marriage?
(21:17):
Do you have this in yourrelationship or your marriage?
Do you feel comfortable?
Do you feel like you can beyourself around them without
feeling judged or pressured?
If you do, man, that'sfantastic.
That's a beautiful thing tohave in a relationship.
Everybody does not have that.
And if you don't have that inyour relationship, why don't you
(21:39):
?
Is it something with youpersonally?
Is it something with yourpartner or your spouse that
makes you not feel comfortablebeing yourself?
And if so, maybe you can starthere with that conversation that
I talked to you about.
Number three mutual respect.
(22:00):
You value their opinions andtreat them with consideration.
This is that foundation piecethat I talked to you guys about
earlier, when we first opened up, when I told you that looks
would fade and things wouldchange and all of that stuff on
the outside, that vain stuffthat I told you about, that will
(22:23):
change and probably fade away.
What are the things that willsustain, that will hold you up
if all of that stuff wouldchange?
Mutual respect that's one ofthose things that will sustain
you.
That's that good foundationthat will uphold you.
You want to be in relationshipwith someone that you have
mutual respect with.
(22:45):
I want to be able to look at mypartner and for them to look at
me and say that we value oneanother's opinions and we treat
each other with consideration.
You want to be able to havethat in your relationship.
Number four admiring theirqualities.
You appreciate their positivetraits, personality and
(23:09):
strengths, so you're not tryingto change who they are.
You're not trying to make themsmaller.
You're not trying to put themin a box to become somebody you
think they should be, but youadmire their qualities.
You admire who God has createdthem to be.
You appreciate who they alreadyare their positive traits,
(23:33):
their personality, theirstrengths.
You always want to push yourpartner or your spouse to be the
best person that they can be,and that's who they already are.
You just encourage them to bethe best version of that.
You're not trying to changethem to become somebody else.
You're not trying to changethem to become somebody else.
Number five sharing commoninterests.
(23:53):
You enjoy doing activitiestogether and have things to talk
about.
That's just like having thosegreat friends that you share
things in common with.
You guys don't have to be thesame, look the same, but you
naturally like people that youshare common things with, like
people you go to church withbecause you share your faith
(24:15):
together, people that you workwith.
Sometimes you have that workfriends.
People say that work bestie,because you guys may have that
in common and you connect onother things, but that common
thing is that you guys worktogether.
It feels good and you likethose people that you have those
common threads with thosethings.
(24:35):
You share things in common withNumber six, last but not least,
positive feelings.
You experience warmth,happiness and a sense of
well-being when you're with them.
When I was talking on the let'sTalk Thursday Live, one of my
(24:55):
group members said when I wastalking about this one.
She said that warm and cozyfeeling and I couldn't describe
it any better.
That's what it feels like whenyou around them.
It's the feeling of feelingsafe, that warm and cozy feeling
, like I just feel good.
I feel good around you.
(25:17):
I know that you want what'sbest for me.
I know that your intentions aregood for me.
I know that you don't want tobring any harm to me.
Even when we have disagreements, even when we don't see things
the same way, I know we're goingto repair this.
I know we're going to apologize.
I know we're going to make thisright.
(25:37):
But I know you love me, careabout me, concerned about me.
Only one was good for me andthat makes me feel good and safe
and warm and cozy on the inside.
So, yes, these are our keyaspects of liking your partner.
(26:02):
I really hope I really do hopethat you, if you are currently
in a relationship with someone,that you are in a relationship
where you guys like one another,like legit, truly, truly, that
you guys truly do like oneanother.
Things won't always be good.
Life is going to happen, youguys are going to come up
(26:23):
against issues, you're going tocome up against problems, but I
hope at the foundation that youguys are truly friends, that you
guys truly like one another.
When you look at each other,you know this person really
likes you.
They like you for who you are,not just what you look like, not
(26:43):
just that vain stuff, not justwhat you bring to the table per
se, but they like you, you as aperson, you as who God has
created you to be, and I hopeyou can look back at them and
say the same thing that youreally like your partner,
(27:05):
because that foundation is goingto uphold you.
It's going to uphold you whenthe waves of life hit you.
I hope today's episode hasencouraged you.
It has helped you in some wayand, if so, share this with
someone.
Share this with someone youthink it would help and
encourage as well.
Remember, if you're not already, follow me on Instagram at Demo
(27:29):
With Mo Podcast, and onFacebook and TikTok at Demo With
Mo and remember I love you, butGod loves you so much more and
I'll see you guys next week.
Bye, I hope you guys haveenjoyed Follow me on Facebook at
(27:51):
Demo with Mo.
If you have any questions youwould like answered here live on
my podcast, email them to me atdemowithmo at gmailcom.
That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O atgmailcom.
What's up, guys?
Welcome to Demo with Mo.
I'm your host, monique Simmons.
We'll be discussing dating,engaged and married objectives
from a young Christian'sperspective.
Are you guys ready?
Let's dive in.
Hey, what's up, guys?
(00:31):
Welcome to a new episode ofDemo with Mo.
I am your host, monique Simmons, and today we are going to be
discussing liking your partner.
Liking your partner or spouseinvolves feelings of closeness,
respect, warmth and admiration.
You enjoy spending time withthem, feel comfortable and
respected in their presence,appreciate their qualities and
(00:54):
generally find them pleasant tobe around.
If any of that sounds familiarto you, you might like your
partner.
To you, you might like yourpartner.
So we're going to talk aboutsome key aspects of liking your
partner or your spouse and somesigns that you like them.
So, if any of these thingssound familiar to you, maybe you
(01:16):
share some of these things withyour partner.
You have some of these thingsin your relationship or your
marriage.
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
I am convinced and this is myown personal opinion, but I am
convinced that relationshipsthat have the foundation of a
friendship, the foundation wherepartners really genuinely like
(01:39):
one another, they thrive,because one day the looks will
fade.
One day there may be weightgain or weight loss.
One day there may be healthissues.
One day you guys may comeagainst some things that will
shake the relationship.
One day you will face thingsyou thought you would never face
(02:03):
in your relationship ormarriage and you're going to
have to have something thatsustains you, something that's
not necessarily vain, notnecessarily something that's
just outwardly.
You're going to have to havesomething of value, of character
, of where you can look at yourpartner and say I legit, like
(02:25):
you, like.
I legit like the person that Isee looking back at me.
I know your motives are righttowards me, I know you care
about me, I know you areconcerned about me.
I know it's more to it thanjust what I offer you, what I
look like, what I bring to thetable, is.
(02:46):
This new generation likes tosay but you legit, like me as a
person, as a human being, and Ilike you.
You know what I'm saying.
So that's what we're discussingon today.
So signs a couple likes eachother, each other, physical
(03:10):
affection.
You guys like to touch oneanother, maybe hold hands, maybe
rub the back of your partner'sneck.
Maybe you know you're walkingby and you may touch their butt,
you know, rub their arm, touchtheir back at the end of the
night.
My husband likes to get hisback rubbed every night.
That's the physical affectionthat I show him because that's
(03:32):
the way he likes to receive love.
But whatever that physicalaffection is, it's like you
can't get enough.
You want to be in contactphysically.
You want to be able to touchone another when you get the
chance.
The next one is eye contact.
You're not checked out, you'renot zoned out In the middle of a
conversation.
You're not looking in yourphone, you're not wandering off
(03:52):
into space Like if your partneror your spouse is talking to you
.
You are looking them directlyin their eyes.
This is a big one for me.
I think I mentioned this in ourconversation in a previous
episode.
Like I'm big on eye contactwhen you're talking to somebody,
it's just mad respect.
When you're talking to somebody, look them in their eyes,
(04:17):
sharing inside jokes.
I thought this one was so cute.
If you guys maybe on a date withanother couple or hanging out
with family or at an event,whatever it is, but you guys,
just the two of you, it'ssomething that you share.
No one outside of your littlebubble, no one else knows about
it, not even your kids.
No one knows about it.
It's just something that youguys share between the two of
(04:38):
you.
It's an inside joke.
That's a sign that you guyslike one another.
Next, they hang out one-on-oneway more.
So it's not like the oppositeof liking each other, where you
can't wait to get away from oneanother, you can't wait to get
to work, you can't wait to gohang out with your boys or hang
(04:59):
out with your girlfriends, youcan't wait on your next solo
trip.
You can't wait to get away fromthem.
But it's the complete opposite.
I can't wait till we get a datenight.
I can't wait for us to havesome one-on-one time.
I can't wait for the end of thenight for us to catch up on our
favorite TV show.
It's like you can't wait forthat one-on-one time.
(05:20):
You enjoy that, you thrive onthat.
You desire that.
You can.
You can't wait for.
You want it more and more andmore.
It's not like you're trying toisolate and always be with them,
because you still desire thatindividualism.
You still desire to have yourown time and, you know, do your
own thing and pour into your owncup.
But it's like if you have theopportunity to be together, to
(05:43):
hang out to date.
You desired it, you want it.
You're not trying to get awayfrom it.
Body language, body language isa sign that you guys like each
other.
You can just see it when youdon't like one another.
You got a front with me becauseI know I've been there in my
(06:04):
own relationship.
You can tell the differencewhen you are in a bad spot with
your partner or your spouseversus when you guys are really
in a good place and you like oneanother.
You're not trying to ice themout, rolling your eyes,
standoffish, isolated, don'twant to be around them, versus
when you guys are really in agood place and you're really
liking one another.
(06:24):
You know you want to be close,you want to be in their space,
you want to touch them.
You know you laughing, you knowit's just.
Though you can see the bodylanguage is just different.
You're open.
You're not shut off and closedoff.
The body language just showsNext one, showing vulnerability.
You feel safe.
You feel safe.
(06:45):
Emotionally you feel safe andwhen you emotionally feel safe,
you open up.
You share things.
They hold space for you.
You share things that youprobably necessarily wouldn't
share with them when you don'tlike them, when you guys are not
in a good space, you don't wantto share things because you
don't feel safe.
(07:07):
Next, the little things make yousmile, oh man.
When you really liking yourpartner or your spouse, when you
guys really like each other,when you're really in a good
space, the little things makeyou smile.
They can just crack a joke.
And they don't even have tocrack a joke.
They can just be telling youabout their day, what they ate
for lunch, who they talked to,who got on their nerves, and you
(07:29):
could just be smiling from earto ear.
It's just the fact of talkingto them, being with them, being
in their presence, hearing theirvoice it just makes you smile.
The little things, the factthey thought about you, you know
you're having a conversationwith them, you were on their
mind the little things make yousmile.
But think about it.
When you're not in a good place, here they go again.
(07:52):
They're complaining again,they're on me again.
You know what do they want?
Now?
It's just like it's no gracethere.
It's just like everything is abothering, everything is a nag
or it's just irritating.
But it's the opposite.
When you guys like each otherand when you're in a good spot,
(08:13):
they help you meet your needswhen you really like each other.
That's a sign you want to meet.
If your partner or your spousehas a need, you want to meet it.
You're breaking your neck tomeet the need.
They want something to eat.
Let me go get them something toeat.
Let me cook them a meal.
They need something from thestore.
Let me run to the store.
(08:34):
They're overwhelmed at work.
How can I take something offtheir plate?
And you can tell the differencewhen you guys are not there.
You encourage each other.
When you guys like each other,you encourage one another.
They're stressed, they'reoverwhelmed, they're dealing
with a lot.
They have a lot on their plate.
They have a lot going on.
(08:55):
Something happened in theirlife.
They're feeling it.
You encourage one another.
You got this.
Keep going.
I got your back.
I'm here for you.
I'm not going anywhere.
You encourage them.
Comfortable silence.
This is one of my favorites outof these.
When you guys are liking eachother in a really good space,
(09:17):
you have that friendship, thatconnection.
Man, you feeling good.
It's just like that goodgirlfriend or that.
I don't know, because I'm awoman so I'm not really sure.
I don't want to speak from theman's perspective.
And men, friendships are alittle different.
They're a little different tome.
You know, man, I'm not tryingto talk about y'all, but y'all
weird Y'all.
But y'all weird, y'all, y'all,y'all.
(09:37):
Some of y'all, some of y'allare weird.
Y'all could be friends withsomebody for 20 years and don't
really know a lot about eachother.
I don't know how y'all do it.
I don't know how y'all do it,but, ladies, it's like you have
that good girlfriend and y'allcould be sitting in the room and
don't have to do anything.
You can be doing your thing,she can be doing her thing.
(09:59):
But to be in one another'spresence, y'all can have a great
time and it's nothing Like,that's no issue, that y'all can
sit there especially.
I'm talking about a goodgirlfriend, I'm not talking
about an associate, but I'mtalking about a really good
girlfriend.
Both of y'all can be sittingthere doing y'all own things in
y'all own worlds, but it's thefact that y'all in one another's
presence and y'all can have agreat time.
That's how it is.
(10:20):
When you really like one anotherin your relationship, your
partner can be on his phone orher phone or doing whatever,
just literally doing your ownthing, but just in the room with
one another, in one another'spresence and it can be
comfortable silence.
Nobody's thinking about whatthe other one's doing, who
(10:41):
they're talking to, what's goingon in their mind.
Would they rather be someoneelse?
No, none of that is happening.
But think about when you're ina bad place, when you guys have
had conflict or trust issues orbroken promises or lies in the
past, when you guys are justunsure about one another or the
(11:02):
relationship, because that hashappened in relationships too.
Now I'm not trying to act likeeverybody's in a good place all
the time, because sometimes wehave to have repairs in our
relationship, repairs in ourmarriage.
We have to fix broken things.
But I just want you to take amoment to think about when
things aren't good.
The silence isn't alwayscomfortable.
(11:24):
Sometimes the silence doesn'tfeel good.
Sometimes the silence isuncomfortable.
Sometimes you're wondering,well, what's on their mind?
Why aren't they talking?
Why aren't they sharing with me?
Why aren't things like theyused to be?
Sometimes that silence getsreal uncomfortable.
But when you guys are in areally good place, when you're
(11:44):
really connecting, when you'rereally feeling like friends,
comfortable silence is abeautiful thing.
You accept their flaws, man.
When you really like each other, you extend a lot more grace.
You guys can get away with alot more that you would not let
(12:04):
each other get away with.
When you're not in a good place,man, when you're not and I'll
speak for myself when my husbandand I are not in a good place,
because I am naturally acritical person, and not just in
my marriage.
I'm critical as a mom, I'm justcritical in general, just
naturally.
That's something I have to workat daily.
(12:24):
That's something I have toconfess in my prayers and I've
gotten a whole lot better.
I'm talking about a whole lotbetter.
But that comes from myrelationship with Christ.
That comes from a lot ofconfession.
That comes from a lot ofrepenting.
That comes from a lot ofconfession.
That comes from a lot ofrepenting.
That comes from a lot ofapologizing apologizing to my
husband, apologizing to mychildren.
That comes from me surrenderingthat thing, because I am a
(12:48):
naturally critical person In myflesh.
I am naturally critical.
So when my husband and I are notin a good place, when we have
issues in our relationship,naturally that comes out more.
It just does.
It does.
So I have to be mindful of thatthing.
(13:10):
So when we're in a really goodplace, I am more gracious.
I am more gracious.
You are more able to acceptyour partner's flaws when things
are really going good.
Things that you would probablybe critical of if you weren't in
a good place, things that youwould probably call out or be
(13:34):
putting a magnifying glass on ortalking about more often.
Things that you wouldn't letnecessarily them get away with
and I'm putting quotation markson because your partner is not a
child and you don't let themget away with anything because
they are an adult.
But I mean you would be sayingsomething about, you wouldn't
(13:56):
just not say anything.
But when you guys are in a goodplace, you are more gracious.
You are more able to accepttheir flaws.
Next, they pay attention to you.
When you guys are in a goodplace, your partner and you
should be looking at one another.
(14:17):
You should be paying attentionto things, paying attention to
what they have going on in theirlife, paying attention to the
things they like, they dislike,the things they're desiring
right now, the things thatthey're into their hobbies, like
.
These are things you should bepaying attention to.
And when you guys are really ina good place, you really are
connected.
You really are into one another, liking each other.
(14:38):
You are naturally payingattention to these things, but
when you're not in a good place,you could care less.
You could really care less.
So these are signs that youguys like each other.
You laugh when you're with them,man, you have a good time with
each other.
You just when you're with them,man, you have a good time with
(15:01):
each other.
You just everything makes youlaugh, the jokes that aren't
really funny, that nobody elseprobably would laugh at, but you
, because you just you'reconnected, you're in a good
place, you're liking one anotherand, last but not least, you
spend genuine good time together.
Not only are you guys together,but you are spending genuine
(15:23):
good time together.
You are enjoying this timetogether and it's genuine.
You want to be there, youdesire to be there and you are
enjoying one another's company.
Okay, so those are all signsthat a couple likes each other.
So now we're going to dive intokey aspects of liking your
partner.
(15:43):
What does this look like?
How do we do it?
How do we get better at this?
Because you may be in a placewhere you once did like each
other.
You did like one another, youguys did have a great friendship
, you guys were connected, youwere in a great place, but life
happened Health issues, financeissues, parenting, infidelity,
(16:12):
trust, broken promises, life.
Life happens because we don'talways stay in this place.
I had this conversation on mylet's Talk Thursday live edition
, which I do in my group, and ifyou're not a part of that group
, I encourage you to come overand join us.
I encourage you to stop rightnow.
(16:32):
Come over to Facebook Dating,engaged and Married Objectives
and join us in that group rightnow.
It's a relationship group wherewe talk about things that we
deal with in relationships,whether you're dating, currently
in a committed relationship,you're engaged, you're married,
even divorced, and starting allover from scratch.
I encourage you to be a part ofthat group right now.
(16:55):
But we recently just had thisconversation and someone in the
group asked this question aboutwhat if you're in a relationship
and your partner stopped likingyou or you feel like they don't
like you anymore, and it got mestuck for a moment, and not
stuck because I didn't know whatto say, or it got me stuck
(17:16):
because I'm not a black or whiteperson.
I don't see things one way orthe other.
I feel like it could bedifferent answers for different
reasons.
I feel like things are in thegray, because answers can vary
for different reasons, fordifferent people, for different
couples.
That's just how I personallyfeel about life, but I feel like
(17:39):
things can start off one wayand life can happen to us Just
period From people that I know,from things that I've
experienced from my own personallife experience.
Things can happen.
Your relationship or marriagecan start off one way and life
can hit you hard and things canchange.
(18:00):
And the tools and resourcesthat we have available to us in
this world we can do the workand we can get back to where we
once were, or we can do the workto get better than we ever even
started.
So I would encourage you ifyou're listening to this and
maybe you guys were once in agreat place, you liked each
(18:21):
other, you connected, you had agreat friendship and again life
happened.
And maybe you're not in such agreat place, maybe you don't
like your partner anymore, ormaybe you feel like your partner
doesn't like you anymore Iencourage you to take these
resources that you're listeningto right now and begin to apply
them in your own life and beginto have the conversation with
(18:42):
your partner or spouse and even,if you need to involve a third
party, a non-biased partner.
Because you guys know how Ifeel about therapy.
I'm an advocate for therapy.
I'm myself in individualtherapy and couples therapy, so
I personally encourage it.
But I encourage you, have apartner with your partner or
your spouse if you're feelingthat way, and begin to do the
(19:05):
work.
Don't just stay there and feellike things can't change or
can't get better for you,because you can begin to do the
work and it's hard work.
I ain't finna lie behind hismic and say that it's not
because it is hard work, butit's hard work that's worth it.
So let's go ahead and get intothe key aspects of liking your
(19:28):
partner.
Number one enjoying theircompany.
You actively seek out time withthem and find yourself looking
forward to inner actions.
So that's the first key aspectto liking your partner you enjoy
their company.
I love that.
(19:48):
It said you actively seek outtime.
The time just don't happen, itjust don't up and appear, but
you actively seek out time withthem.
This was one of the big thingsfor me in my own marriage.
Life happened and my husbandand I stopped dating as often as
we did at one point and thatbecame one of the conversations
(20:10):
that I had to have with my ownhusband that I wanted to go on
more dates.
I wanted to spend more qualitytime with him, which is he and I
without the kids, withoutbusiness, without all of the
outside noise, all of the thingsthat were going on.
I just wanted to spend morequality one-on-one time with him
.
That's me actively seeking outtime with him because that's
(20:34):
something I desired, that'ssomething that I wanted.
I knew that was something thatwould benefit our marriage and
benefit our relationship.
So, because I enjoy thiscompany, as it says, it's key
aspects of liking your partnerBecause, again, just because
things are one way don't meanthat they have to stay that way.
We have to do the work to getthe results that we want, to get
(20:55):
the results that we're lookingfor.
So, enjoying their company.
Number two feeling comfortable.
You can be yourself around themwithout feeling judged or
pressured.
Do you have this in yourrelationship or your marriage?
(21:17):
Do you have this in yourrelationship or your marriage?
Do you feel comfortable?
Do you feel like you can beyourself around them without
feeling judged or pressured?
If you do, man, that'sfantastic.
That's a beautiful thing tohave in a relationship.
Everybody does not have that.
And if you don't have that inyour relationship, why don't you
(21:39):
?
Is it something with youpersonally?
Is it something with yourpartner or your spouse that
makes you not feel comfortablebeing yourself?
And if so, maybe you can starthere with that conversation that
I talked to you about.
Number three mutual respect.
(22:00):
You value their opinions andtreat them with consideration.
This is that foundation piecethat I talked to you guys about
earlier, when we first opened up, when I told you that looks
would fade and things wouldchange and all of that stuff on
the outside, that vain stuffthat I told you about, that will
(22:23):
change and probably fade away.
What are the things that willsustain, that will hold you up
if all of that stuff wouldchange?
Mutual respect that's one ofthose things that will sustain
you.
That's that good foundationthat will uphold you.
You want to be in relationshipwith someone that you have
mutual respect with.
(22:45):
I want to be able to look at mypartner and for them to look at
me and say that we value oneanother's opinions and we treat
each other with consideration.
You want to be able to havethat in your relationship.
Number four admiring theirqualities.
You appreciate their positivetraits, personality and
(23:09):
strengths, so you're not tryingto change who they are.
You're not trying to make themsmaller.
You're not trying to put themin a box to become somebody you
think they should be, but youadmire their qualities.
You admire who God has createdthem to be.
You appreciate who they alreadyare their positive traits,
(23:33):
their personality, theirstrengths.
You always want to push yourpartner or your spouse to be the
best person that they can be,and that's who they already are.
You just encourage them to bethe best version of that.
You're not trying to changethem to become somebody else.
You're not trying to changethem to become somebody else.
Number five sharing commoninterests.
(23:53):
You enjoy doing activitiestogether and have things to talk
about.
That's just like having thosegreat friends that you share
things in common with.
You guys don't have to be thesame, look the same, but you
naturally like people that youshare common things with, like
people you go to church withbecause you share your faith
(24:15):
together, people that you workwith.
Sometimes you have that workfriends.
People say that work bestie,because you guys may have that
in common and you connect onother things, but that common
thing is that you guys worktogether.
It feels good and you likethose people that you have those
common threads with thosethings.
(24:35):
You share things in common withNumber six, last but not least,
positive feelings.
You experience warmth,happiness and a sense of
well-being when you're with them.
When I was talking on the let'sTalk Thursday Live, one of my
(24:55):
group members said when I wastalking about this one.
She said that warm and cozyfeeling and I couldn't describe
it any better.
That's what it feels like whenyou around them.
It's the feeling of feelingsafe, that warm and cozy feeling
, like I just feel good.
I feel good around you.
(25:17):
I know that you want what'sbest for me.
I know that your intentions aregood for me.
I know that you don't want tobring any harm to me.
Even when we have disagreements, even when we don't see things
the same way, I know we're goingto repair this.
I know we're going to apologize.
I know we're going to make thisright.
(25:37):
But I know you love me, careabout me, concerned about me.
Only one was good for me andthat makes me feel good and safe
and warm and cozy on the inside.
So, yes, these are our keyaspects of liking your partner.
(26:02):
I really hope I really do hopethat you, if you are currently
in a relationship with someone,that you are in a relationship
where you guys like one another,like legit, truly, truly, that
you guys truly do like oneanother.
Things won't always be good.
Life is going to happen, youguys are going to come up
(26:23):
against issues, you're going tocome up against problems, but I
hope at the foundation that youguys are truly friends, that you
guys truly like one another.
When you look at each other,you know this person really
likes you.
They like you for who you are,not just what you look like, not
(26:43):
just that vain stuff, not justwhat you bring to the table per
se, but they like you, you as aperson, you as who God has
created you to be, and I hopeyou can look back at them and
say the same thing that youreally like your partner,
(27:05):
because that foundation is goingto uphold you.
It's going to uphold you whenthe waves of life hit you.
I hope today's episode hasencouraged you.
It has helped you in some wayand, if so, share this with
someone.
Share this with someone youthink it would help and
encourage as well.
Remember, if you're not already, follow me on Instagram at Demo
(27:29):
With Mo Podcast, and onFacebook and TikTok at Demo With
Mo and remember I love you, butGod loves you so much more and
I'll see you guys next week.
Bye, I hope you guys haveenjoyed Follow me on Facebook at
(27:51):
Demo with Mo.
If you have any questions youwould like answered here live on
my podcast, email them to me atdemowithmo at gmailcom.
That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O atgmailcom.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!