March 27, 2025 • 22 mins
Sometimes the most profound transformations come from receiving exactly what we didn't know we needed. Through the lens of a church revival experience, this episode explores how we often mistakenly believe we're spiritually sufficient while unknowingly craving deeper renewal—a parallel that perfectly illustrates our relationship dynamics.
When we build intimacy daily with both God and our partners—checking in, expressing love, investing consistently—we create foundations that withstand challenges. But even in healthy relationships, needs can go unrecognized until they're unexpectedly fulfilled. The key is learning to identify and articulate these needs clearly.
Rather than making vague requests like "more time together," specific desires such as "Friday date nights" give partners actionable ways to meet your needs. This specificity comes from self-reflection and understanding what concepts like "effort" and "intimacy" truly mean to you personally. Through journaling and honest assessment, you can uncover hidden desires that, once expressed, transform your connection.
The most powerful insight might be this: knowing yourself is the foundation of all healthy relationships. We cannot expect others to understand needs we haven't yet recognized ourselves. As you practice self-care and build self-awareness, you develop the ability to communicate effectively, set appropriate boundaries, and actively seek the connection you desire. Your relationships begin to reflect this inner clarity, creating space for both you and your partner to receive exactly what you didn't know you needed.
Follow Demo with Mo on Facebook and share this episode with someone who might benefit from these insights!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
what's up, guys?
Welcome to demo with mo.
I'm your host, monique simmons.
We'll be discussing dating,engaged and married objectives
from a young christian'sperspective.
Are you guys ready?
Let's dive in.
Hey, what's up, guys?
Welcome to a new episode ofdemo with mo.
(00:28):
I am your host, monique simmons, and today we are going to be
discussing receiving what youdidn't know you needed on.
Last week, my church had itsspring revival and scratch that.
My pastor told us it was notgoing to be called a spring
(00:51):
revival, it was just our revival, because he wanted it to be
something that we could hold onto throughout the year and not
just for spring.
As I holding up quotation airquotation marks with my hands
right now, I also wanted to askyou guys, as you hear me talk
(01:12):
about the revival, I don't hearrevivals being talked about as
often or as frequently as theyused to be, and I'm wondering is
it a thing that a lot ofchurches still have?
I'm just curious, and thereason I'm saying this is
because I don't want to go inmaking the assumption that all
(01:32):
my listeners know what I'mtalking about or even know what
I'm referring to when I say arevival or spring revival, do
you even know what that means.
So when a church has a revivaland the reason it's referred to
this time of year of a springrevival because they usually
(01:54):
have it around different timesof the year.
They have a spring revival or afall revival, they have them at
different parts of the year andhow it usually looks is you
have a preacher or a pastor andtheir church comes in different
nights during that week, becausesome churches will have a
(02:18):
three-night revival or afive-night revival and a
different church will come ineach night because they usually
don't have the same churchcoming in every night.
But you know, church can do itthe way they want to, but
usually a different church willcome in each night to represent
(02:38):
and they will.
That church will sing, thatvisiting church will sing and
then their pastor of that churchwill bring a word and that word
is specific to a revival.
It's not just any word youdon't just preach about anything
but it's specific toencouraging that church that
(02:59):
they're coming to, because therevival is for that church, the
church that is hosting Everyonecan be encouraged, everyone can
hear a word from God, but thatrevival is specific to that host
church, the church thateveryone is coming to, because
that revival is personally foryou.
(03:20):
If no one else gets it you, ifno one else gets it, you guys
should be getting it becauseit's for your church.
You've had a lot going on.
Life has been heavy, life hasbeen overwhelmed.
You have maybe been discouragedby everything that's going on
in this world, whether it's yourlife personally or the things
that's going on around you thathas affected you.
(03:42):
But you need to be encouraged.
You need to be reminded thatGod loves you, that God cares
for you, that he hears yourprayers, that he's there, he
sees you, he's coming to seeabout you.
You just need that revival.
You need to be reminded.
You need to come out of thesethings.
That's the purpose.
(04:03):
You need to come out of thesethings.
That's the purpose.
So that's what a revival is.
That's the point of a revival isto get you back rejuvenated.
It's to get you back excited.
It's to get you back encouraged.
It's to get you back out ofthat discouraged that your head
hung down.
It's to get you out of thatmode and get you back to your
(04:25):
first love, get you back to thatplace where you excited about
your faith and excited aboutyour walk and excited about the
things of God.
That is the point of a revival.
So the point of me saying allthat of that is to give you
context, because something I'vedone in the past is made an
(04:45):
assumption that peopleunderstand, especially when it
comes to the things of God.
Made an assumption that evenwhen you're talking to
Christians, talking to otherbelievers, you cannot assume
that people know we're allgrowing.
Sometimes we're ignorant evento the things of God,
specifically to the things ofGod.
Sometimes we are ignorant,meaning we just don't know, we
(05:07):
don't have the information, wedon't have the knowledge, we
don't have the understanding andwe need somebody to tell us.
So that was the point of meexplaining what goes on at a
revival.
Okay, so my church just had arevival.
If you're listening to thislive, we had a revival last week
and going into the revival,even as my pastor talked about
(05:32):
us getting ready to have therevival in March, even before we
set a date, he had beenpreparing us that we were going
to be having a revival and I wasexcited about it, don't get me
wrong.
I was really excited about it,like, oh yeah, we're going to
have this revival because it hadbeen a while.
But if I'm being honest, evenas we were preparing for the
(05:52):
revival, I personally did notfeel me, monique, I didn't feel
as if I needed a revival.
And hear me when I'm sayingthis needed a revival.
And hear me when I'm sayingthis.
I'm not saying I didn't feel Ineeded a revival, as in I
(06:12):
thought of myself to be morethan I am, as if my life was all
together or I had it alltogether.
Please don't hear that when I'msaying it, because I don't and
I will never.
Please don't hear that when I'msaying it, because I don't and
I will never.
No-transcript.
I just didn't feel like I wasin a place in my Christian walk
(06:39):
where I needed to get excited.
I didn't feel like I was in aplace where I was discouraged,
where I needed to be encouragedper se.
That's what I mean when I say Ididn't feel personally that I
needed a revival.
(06:59):
I was excited about the revival.
I was excited about it for mychurch as a whole.
I felt like we needed a revival.
I was excited to hear a wordfrom God.
I was excited about that, but Ididn't feel like I personally
needed a revival.
(07:21):
Now, fast forward, the revivalgets here.
We had a five night revival.
Okay.
So Sunday gets here.
It started off on a Sundayafter church.
Yes, you heard me right.
Sunday after church.
Okay, sunday comes, open it up.
Open it up with a bang.
(07:41):
I'm like, oh, oh, wow, okay, ohGod, oh you showing up.
Oh Lord, that's how I felt.
Y'all these were the emotionsthat was coming through me,
because I was already expectingto hear from God.
Because that's how I come intoworship, that's just where I am
(08:01):
in my walk.
When I come into God's house, Iam coming, expecting to meet
him.
That's just my mindset, becauseI don't wait until I get to
God's house.
I don't wait till I get toworship service.
I don't wait till I'm going tomeet him there.
Like this is my, this is mynormal, this is my lifestyle.
(08:25):
I'm reading his word, I'mpraying, this is what I'm doing
every day, like this is mylifestyle.
So I'm already having thisconversation.
It's just like in your marriageBecause, again, this is a
marriage podcast, this is arelationship podcast, so it's
always going to tie in y'all.
It's always going to tie in.
If you are already building thatintimacy in your relationship
(08:46):
with your partner, with yourspouse, every day, you checking
in, y'all talking, y'all havingthat closeness Every day.
You texting baby I love you,can't wait to see you.
You having them date nights,you investing, you having that
physical intimacy, you buildingit, you building it Every day,
(09:10):
every day.
You investing, you're going tohave no problems being close to
one another, loving one another.
When hard times come up, itwon't be so easy to walk away,
to mistrust one another.
You won't lack that intimacy,that closeness.
It'll be easy to hold on tight,even in the hard times, because
(09:33):
you've been building it day byday by day, brick, brick by
brick by brick.
But when you ain't doing it as alifestyle, when you're not
making those phone calls, whenyou're not sending those text
messages, when you're notchecking in day to day, when
you're not having those datenights, when you're not building
it, those little moments ofintimacy, when you're not
(09:55):
building it brick by brick, butyou're only waiting when you
want to have sex, when thingsare bad, when, when those
negative thoughts pop up in yourhead and you're wondering if
your partner talking to somebodyelse, or you feeling insecure
or they you feel like they'renot showing you any attention,
(10:15):
when you're only waiting onthose moments, yeah, you're not
going to trust them.
Yeah, there's not going to beany intimacy, and that's how our
relationship with God is.
It's the same way.
But when that's a lifestyle foryou, when that's your daily
walk, when you get to his house,when you get to the place of
worship, it's just icing on thecake because that's what you've
(10:38):
been doing every day, that'sjust your normal.
So when Sunday came, I wasalready expecting because we had
already been preparing it thatrevival was coming.
I already knew this.
So I was already expecting tohear from him.
But, like I told you guys, Ididn't feel like I personally
needed a revival, but I stillwas expecting a word from him.
But, like I told you guys, Ididn't feel like I personally
needed a revival, but I stillwas expecting a word from God.
(10:59):
So on that Sunday I was like itblew my mind, because I'm the
same person that thought Ididn't need a revival.
Here God is showing meotherwise because, again, I've
already been walking with himevery day.
Every day.
We already have that personal,close intimacy.
And now he's showing medaughter, yes, you do need this
(11:23):
and I'm going to give it to you.
So all that week it just gotbetter and better and better and
better, and I'm talking aboutI'm talking about it just got
even better and I thought itcouldn't get better.
On Tuesday I'm like, oh, thisthing can't get no more better
than this.
And it did, and it did.
(11:44):
And that's why today's episodeis receiving what you didn't
know you needed, because I toldy'all, starting off this episode
, I didn know, I thought in myfoolishness, in my finite mind,
and that's why the Bible tellsus lean not to your own
understanding, because my ownunderstanding, I thought I was
(12:06):
so smart, I thought I didn'tneed a revival, but the Lord
showed me otherwise.
Because I've been dealing with alot of things in my life.
But don't get me wrong, I'vehad faith, I've been trusting
God, I've been obedient to hisword, I've been praying, I've
(12:28):
been doing what I'm supposed todo according to his word.
But that's why I needed arevival.
Because even when you'rewalking with God, walking
upright and don't get me wrongI've fallen short, I've sinned,
I've messed up, I've not done itall right.
But even when you're walkingright, you still get tired, you
(12:53):
still get discouraged.
Life is still hard, the enemystill attacks you.
You still cry.
Lord knows, some nights I stillcry myself to sleep.
Like Lord, I'm doing your willand I'm still having a hard time
.
So, yes, I did need a revivaland I received exactly that.
(13:13):
Need a revival and I receivedexactly that.
So, receiving what you didn'tknow you needed, oh man, it's
good news.
It's good news becausesometimes you think you know
best and you don't, but there'sa guy who will give you exactly
what you didn't know you neededand I'm grateful for that.
So what does that have to dowith our relationship or
(13:36):
marriage?
You say, let's get into it.
Discovering unmet needs in arelationship and receiving them
can be a profound experienceleading to increased
satisfaction and a stronger bond.
Open communication,self-reflection and actively
seeking what you desire are keyto finding those unexpected but
(14:01):
vital aspects of a relationship.
So let's get into some ways ofhow we can navigate this.
Number one self-reflection andidentifying needs.
So remember when I talked toyou guys about, I thought, no, I
need to stop thinking.
(14:21):
Well, I really don't need tostop thinking, but you know what
I mean.
I need to stop leaning to myown understanding.
Self-reflection and identifyingneeds.
That's number one.
What do you truly want?
Take time to consider whataspects of a relationship are
most important to you, bothconsciously and subconsciously,
(14:49):
be specific.
Instead of vague desires, tryto pinpoint concrete actions or
behaviors that would meet yourneeds.
For example now this is a goodone, I really like this one
Instead of more time together,try one night out a week, or a
(15:12):
date night on Friday nights.
That's very specific and Ithink it will help out your
partner a lot.
I thought this was a reallygreat one because, if we're
being honest, it's more easy tosay I would like us to spend
more time together.
But it does help when you oryour partner can be specific
(15:33):
with what that means.
Because what does that mean?
You need more time togetherBecause somebody in a
relationship could think y'allare spending enough time
together.
So if you could be specificabout what you mean with more
time together, that would help.
Journaling or reflection canhelp you uncover hidden needs
and desires.
(15:53):
If you take time to like, writedown like what it is because,
again, this is theself-reflection piece, this is
number one If you take time toreally like self-reflect and
write your thoughts down andyour needs and desires down,
that will help you communicatingthat with your partner or your
(16:13):
spouse.
Consider what effort means toyou.
What kind of effort do you needfrom your partner, because what
I consider effort, what thatmeans to me, may not be what my
partner considers to be effortor what you consider to be
effort.
So what does that mean to you?
(16:33):
What does intimacy mean to you?
And I really thought this was agood one, because this is
something my husband and I havetalked about with our therapists
over the years in couplestherapy, because I used to
always say I wanted moreintimacy or I desire intimacy,
(16:54):
but my husband always asks, like, what does intimacy mean to you
?
And I really had to take sometime out to describe it like
really for my own self.
Well, what does intimacy meanto me?
Because sometimes wecommunicate things and we say
words, but what does that reallymean?
Because we can use these words,but what does that really mean?
Because we can use these words,but do we have an understanding
(17:17):
or do we know how tocommunicate it?
What does that mean to us?
Number two communication andopen dialogue.
Express your needs clearly andrespectfully.
Express your needs clearly andrespectfully.
Communicate your needs to yourpartner at the time you're
(17:42):
feeling them, without anger orblaming and I know this is
easier said than done, but wecan do this, especially at the
time you're feeling them.
I know that may be a littlehard to do it without the anger
or the blaming.
Use I statements.
Frame your requests in terms ofyour feelings and needs, rather
(18:03):
than accusing your partner.
Listen to your partner'sperspective, understand their
needs and desires as well, as ahealthy relationship is a
two-way street Key word therehealthy, and you do want a
healthy relationship.
Be open to compromise.
(18:24):
Finding common ground andmeeting each other's needs is
crucial for a successfulrelationship.
Each other's needs is crucialfor a successful relationship.
Number three actively seek whatyou need.
I thought this one was reallygood, because sometimes we know
we have needs, we understand wehave needs, but we don't
(18:52):
actively seek them out.
Don't be afraid to ask for whatyou need.
Oh, rejection is liberating,and it's better to know what you
want and ask for than to livewith unmet needs.
Oh, man, be proactive increating opportunities for
(19:15):
connection and intimacy.
Proactive that is one of myfavorite.
It's one of my favorite wordsand one of my favorite things to
do in all areas of my life as amom, as a friend, as an
employee, on my job, in mymarriage.
It's just.
I am a in ministry, I'm just apro.
(19:39):
I love to be proactive becauseI don't like to be.
I don't like to be overwhelmed,I don't like to be unprepared.
I am a proactive person.
A proactive person as much as Ican get done beforehand and be
prepared.
Be proactive, plan dates,schedule quality time and
(20:03):
initiate activities that youboth enjoy.
Being proactive y'all is sobeneficial.
It is better to be proactivethan have to be reactive.
On the other end, if you knowthese things are going to be
beneficial to your relationshipor marriage, why not plan in
(20:24):
advance?
They have to deal with thefallout, of how it would affect
the relationship in the end.
Don't be afraid to try newthings.
Experiment with different waysof connecting and expressing
your needs.
Now, this one I thought wasreally good, and I actually want
(20:49):
to try and work on this onemyself.
This is just that's my ownpersonal thing.
So I encourage you guys to dothis one as well, because if
maybe the way you've been doingthings, or the way you've done
things in the past, if thathasn't always worked, or Be open
to trying new things, that'sall I'm saying.
(21:09):
Be open to trying new things.
Be open to trying new things.
Remember that relationships aredynamic.
Your needs and desires maychange over time, so be open to
evolving and adapting.
Number four, last but not least,the importance of knowing
(21:30):
yourself.
Knowing what you want in arelationship is crucial.
This helps you choose a partnerwho can meet your needs and
build a fulfilling relationship.
I think this one is soimportant because I think a lot
of times we have issues inrelationships because we don't
(21:52):
know ourselves.
We want our partners and ourspouses to understand us, to
meet needs and desires that wedon't even understand, that we
don't even know, that we can'teven communicate because we
don't even know ourselves,because we don't even know
(22:13):
ourselves.
And this is why I preach andtalk about and push self-care so
much, because it wasn't until Ibegan to practice self-care,
take care of myself, prioritizemyself, love myself all of those
things that I got to know,monique, and that I could begin
(22:34):
to communicate, express all ofthe things that I needed, that I
wanted, that I desired toeverybody and not just my
husband, because that was allrelationships, all areas of my
life, and before then I didn'tknow how, I didn't know how to
do those things, so I couldn'ttell other people those things.
(22:56):
So once we begin to knowourselves and I promise I feel
like I'm saying it so much inthe episodes lately because a
lot of the things that happensin relationships and marriages
it comes back on us.
It falls back on the individualBecause the more we know us,
(23:17):
love us, have standards for us,know what we're worth all of
that we wouldn't accept anythingless from other people.
Don't enter a relationship tofigure out what you want.
This can lead to wasted timeand unnecessary pain.
(23:39):
Focus on self-love andself-worth.
A strong sense of self isessential for healthy
relationships.
I agree 100%.
I agree 100%.
So, receiving what you didn'tknow you needed it's a great
(24:04):
thing to receive what you didn'tknow you needed, but also on
the flip side of that coin fromwhat we just discussed, also, on
the flip side of that coin fromwhat we just discussed, it's
also great to know what you need.
So self-reflection andidentifying needs, communication
and open dialogue.
(24:25):
Actively seek what you need andthe importance of knowing
yourself so you can know whatyou need, and the importance of
knowing yourself so you can knowwhat you need in your life and
those needs and desires canbegin to be met.
You don't have to wait onsomeone else.
(24:48):
It's a beautiful thing to havesomeone in your life your
partner, your spouse.
It's an absolutely beautifulthing to have someone in your
life who loves you, who caresabout you, who's concerned about
you, who you have opencommunication and dialogue with
and compromise with, and to beable to help you meet those
(25:11):
needs and desires.
It's the absolutely beautifulthing, but also what you should
have learned from this as wellis you can have self-love and
self-worth Also.
Begin to do those things foryourself and set the standard
for yourself as well.
I hope today's episode hashelped you, has encouraged you
(25:33):
in some way and, if it has,share today's episode with
someone who you think wouldenjoy it.
Remember I love you, but Godloves you so much more and I'll
see you guys next week.
Bye, I hope you guys haveenjoyed.
(25:55):
Follow me on Facebook at Demowith Mo.
If you have any questions youwould like answered here live on
my podcast, email them to me atDemo with Mo at gmailcom.
That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O atgmailcom.
what's up, guys?
Welcome to demo with mo.
I'm your host, monique simmons.
We'll be discussing dating,engaged and married objectives
from a young christian'sperspective.
Are you guys ready?
Let's dive in.
Hey, what's up, guys?
Welcome to a new episode ofdemo with mo.
(00:28):
I am your host, monique simmons, and today we are going to be
discussing receiving what youdidn't know you needed on.
Last week, my church had itsspring revival and scratch that.
My pastor told us it was notgoing to be called a spring
(00:51):
revival, it was just our revival, because he wanted it to be
something that we could hold onto throughout the year and not
just for spring.
As I holding up quotation airquotation marks with my hands
right now, I also wanted to askyou guys, as you hear me talk
(01:12):
about the revival, I don't hearrevivals being talked about as
often or as frequently as theyused to be, and I'm wondering is
it a thing that a lot ofchurches still have?
I'm just curious, and thereason I'm saying this is
because I don't want to go inmaking the assumption that all
(01:32):
my listeners know what I'mtalking about or even know what
I'm referring to when I say arevival or spring revival, do
you even know what that means.
So when a church has a revivaland the reason it's referred to
this time of year of a springrevival because they usually
(01:54):
have it around different timesof the year.
They have a spring revival or afall revival, they have them at
different parts of the year andhow it usually looks is you
have a preacher or a pastor andtheir church comes in different
nights during that week, becausesome churches will have a
(02:18):
three-night revival or afive-night revival and a
different church will come ineach night because they usually
don't have the same churchcoming in every night.
But you know, church can do itthe way they want to, but
usually a different church willcome in each night to represent
(02:38):
and they will.
That church will sing, thatvisiting church will sing and
then their pastor of that churchwill bring a word and that word
is specific to a revival.
It's not just any word youdon't just preach about anything
but it's specific toencouraging that church that
(02:59):
they're coming to, because therevival is for that church, the
church that is hosting Everyonecan be encouraged, everyone can
hear a word from God, but thatrevival is specific to that host
church, the church thateveryone is coming to, because
that revival is personally foryou.
(03:20):
If no one else gets it you, ifno one else gets it, you guys
should be getting it becauseit's for your church.
You've had a lot going on.
Life has been heavy, life hasbeen overwhelmed.
You have maybe been discouragedby everything that's going on
in this world, whether it's yourlife personally or the things
that's going on around you thathas affected you.
(03:42):
But you need to be encouraged.
You need to be reminded thatGod loves you, that God cares
for you, that he hears yourprayers, that he's there, he
sees you, he's coming to seeabout you.
You just need that revival.
You need to be reminded.
You need to come out of thesethings.
That's the purpose.
(04:03):
You need to come out of thesethings.
That's the purpose.
So that's what a revival is.
That's the point of a revival isto get you back rejuvenated.
It's to get you back excited.
It's to get you back encouraged.
It's to get you back out ofthat discouraged that your head
hung down.
It's to get you out of thatmode and get you back to your
(04:25):
first love, get you back to thatplace where you excited about
your faith and excited aboutyour walk and excited about the
things of God.
That is the point of a revival.
So the point of me saying allthat of that is to give you
context, because something I'vedone in the past is made an
(04:45):
assumption that peopleunderstand, especially when it
comes to the things of God.
Made an assumption that evenwhen you're talking to
Christians, talking to otherbelievers, you cannot assume
that people know we're allgrowing.
Sometimes we're ignorant evento the things of God,
specifically to the things ofGod.
Sometimes we are ignorant,meaning we just don't know, we
(05:07):
don't have the information, wedon't have the knowledge, we
don't have the understanding andwe need somebody to tell us.
So that was the point of meexplaining what goes on at a
revival.
Okay, so my church just had arevival.
If you're listening to thislive, we had a revival last week
and going into the revival,even as my pastor talked about
(05:32):
us getting ready to have therevival in March, even before we
set a date, he had beenpreparing us that we were going
to be having a revival and I wasexcited about it, don't get me
wrong.
I was really excited about it,like, oh yeah, we're going to
have this revival because it hadbeen a while.
But if I'm being honest, evenas we were preparing for the
(05:52):
revival, I personally did notfeel me, monique, I didn't feel
as if I needed a revival.
And hear me when I'm sayingthis needed a revival.
And hear me when I'm sayingthis.
I'm not saying I didn't feel Ineeded a revival, as in I
(06:12):
thought of myself to be morethan I am, as if my life was all
together or I had it alltogether.
Please don't hear that when I'msaying it, because I don't and
I will never.
Please don't hear that when I'msaying it, because I don't and
I will never.
No-transcript.
I just didn't feel like I wasin a place in my Christian walk
(06:39):
where I needed to get excited.
I didn't feel like I was in aplace where I was discouraged,
where I needed to be encouragedper se.
That's what I mean when I say Ididn't feel personally that I
needed a revival.
(06:59):
I was excited about the revival.
I was excited about it for mychurch as a whole.
I felt like we needed a revival.
I was excited to hear a wordfrom God.
I was excited about that, but Ididn't feel like I personally
needed a revival.
(07:21):
Now, fast forward, the revivalgets here.
We had a five night revival.
Okay.
So Sunday gets here.
It started off on a Sundayafter church.
Yes, you heard me right.
Sunday after church.
Okay, sunday comes, open it up.
Open it up with a bang.
(07:41):
I'm like, oh, oh, wow, okay, ohGod, oh you showing up.
Oh Lord, that's how I felt.
Y'all these were the emotionsthat was coming through me,
because I was already expectingto hear from God.
Because that's how I come intoworship, that's just where I am
(08:01):
in my walk.
When I come into God's house, Iam coming, expecting to meet
him.
That's just my mindset, becauseI don't wait until I get to
God's house.
I don't wait till I get toworship service.
I don't wait till I'm going tomeet him there.
Like this is my, this is mynormal, this is my lifestyle.
(08:25):
I'm reading his word, I'mpraying, this is what I'm doing
every day, like this is mylifestyle.
So I'm already having thisconversation.
It's just like in your marriageBecause, again, this is a
marriage podcast, this is arelationship podcast, so it's
always going to tie in y'all.
It's always going to tie in.
If you are already building thatintimacy in your relationship
(08:46):
with your partner, with yourspouse, every day, you checking
in, y'all talking, y'all havingthat closeness Every day.
You texting baby I love you,can't wait to see you.
You having them date nights,you investing, you having that
physical intimacy, you buildingit, you building it Every day,
(09:10):
every day.
You investing, you're going tohave no problems being close to
one another, loving one another.
When hard times come up, itwon't be so easy to walk away,
to mistrust one another.
You won't lack that intimacy,that closeness.
It'll be easy to hold on tight,even in the hard times, because
(09:33):
you've been building it day byday by day, brick, brick by
brick by brick.
But when you ain't doing it as alifestyle, when you're not
making those phone calls, whenyou're not sending those text
messages, when you're notchecking in day to day, when
you're not having those datenights, when you're not building
it, those little moments ofintimacy, when you're not
(09:55):
building it brick by brick, butyou're only waiting when you
want to have sex, when thingsare bad, when, when those
negative thoughts pop up in yourhead and you're wondering if
your partner talking to somebodyelse, or you feeling insecure
or they you feel like they'renot showing you any attention,
(10:15):
when you're only waiting onthose moments, yeah, you're not
going to trust them.
Yeah, there's not going to beany intimacy, and that's how our
relationship with God is.
It's the same way.
But when that's a lifestyle foryou, when that's your daily
walk, when you get to his house,when you get to the place of
worship, it's just icing on thecake because that's what you've
(10:38):
been doing every day, that'sjust your normal.
So when Sunday came, I wasalready expecting because we had
already been preparing it thatrevival was coming.
I already knew this.
So I was already expecting tohear from him.
But, like I told you guys, Ididn't feel like I personally
needed a revival, but I stillwas expecting a word from him.
But, like I told you guys, Ididn't feel like I personally
needed a revival, but I stillwas expecting a word from God.
(10:59):
So on that Sunday I was like itblew my mind, because I'm the
same person that thought Ididn't need a revival.
Here God is showing meotherwise because, again, I've
already been walking with himevery day.
Every day.
We already have that personal,close intimacy.
And now he's showing medaughter, yes, you do need this
(11:23):
and I'm going to give it to you.
So all that week it just gotbetter and better and better and
better, and I'm talking aboutI'm talking about it just got
even better and I thought itcouldn't get better.
On Tuesday I'm like, oh, thisthing can't get no more better
than this.
And it did, and it did.
(11:44):
And that's why today's episodeis receiving what you didn't
know you needed, because I toldy'all, starting off this episode
, I didn know, I thought in myfoolishness, in my finite mind,
and that's why the Bible tellsus lean not to your own
understanding, because my ownunderstanding, I thought I was
(12:06):
so smart, I thought I didn'tneed a revival, but the Lord
showed me otherwise.
Because I've been dealing with alot of things in my life.
But don't get me wrong, I'vehad faith, I've been trusting
God, I've been obedient to hisword, I've been praying, I've
(12:28):
been doing what I'm supposed todo according to his word.
But that's why I needed arevival.
Because even when you'rewalking with God, walking
upright and don't get me wrongI've fallen short, I've sinned,
I've messed up, I've not done itall right.
But even when you're walkingright, you still get tired, you
(12:53):
still get discouraged.
Life is still hard, the enemystill attacks you.
You still cry.
Lord knows, some nights I stillcry myself to sleep.
Like Lord, I'm doing your willand I'm still having a hard time
.
So, yes, I did need a revivaland I received exactly that.
(13:13):
Need a revival and I receivedexactly that.
So, receiving what you didn'tknow you needed, oh man, it's
good news.
It's good news becausesometimes you think you know
best and you don't, but there'sa guy who will give you exactly
what you didn't know you neededand I'm grateful for that.
So what does that have to dowith our relationship or
(13:36):
marriage?
You say, let's get into it.
Discovering unmet needs in arelationship and receiving them
can be a profound experienceleading to increased
satisfaction and a stronger bond.
Open communication,self-reflection and actively
seeking what you desire are keyto finding those unexpected but
(14:01):
vital aspects of a relationship.
So let's get into some ways ofhow we can navigate this.
Number one self-reflection andidentifying needs.
So remember when I talked toyou guys about, I thought, no, I
need to stop thinking.
(14:21):
Well, I really don't need tostop thinking, but you know what
I mean.
I need to stop leaning to myown understanding.
Self-reflection and identifyingneeds.
That's number one.
What do you truly want?
Take time to consider whataspects of a relationship are
most important to you, bothconsciously and subconsciously,
(14:49):
be specific.
Instead of vague desires, tryto pinpoint concrete actions or
behaviors that would meet yourneeds.
For example now this is a goodone, I really like this one
Instead of more time together,try one night out a week, or a
(15:12):
date night on Friday nights.
That's very specific and Ithink it will help out your
partner a lot.
I thought this was a reallygreat one because, if we're
being honest, it's more easy tosay I would like us to spend
more time together.
But it does help when you oryour partner can be specific
(15:33):
with what that means.
Because what does that mean?
You need more time togetherBecause somebody in a
relationship could think y'allare spending enough time
together.
So if you could be specificabout what you mean with more
time together, that would help.
Journaling or reflection canhelp you uncover hidden needs
and desires.
(15:53):
If you take time to like, writedown like what it is because,
again, this is theself-reflection piece, this is
number one If you take time toreally like self-reflect and
write your thoughts down andyour needs and desires down,
that will help you communicatingthat with your partner or your
(16:13):
spouse.
Consider what effort means toyou.
What kind of effort do you needfrom your partner, because what
I consider effort, what thatmeans to me, may not be what my
partner considers to be effortor what you consider to be
effort.
So what does that mean to you?
(16:33):
What does intimacy mean to you?
And I really thought this was agood one, because this is
something my husband and I havetalked about with our therapists
over the years in couplestherapy, because I used to
always say I wanted moreintimacy or I desire intimacy,
(16:54):
but my husband always asks, like, what does intimacy mean to you
?
And I really had to take sometime out to describe it like
really for my own self.
Well, what does intimacy meanto me?
Because sometimes wecommunicate things and we say
words, but what does that reallymean?
Because we can use these words,but what does that really mean?
Because we can use these words,but do we have an understanding
(17:17):
or do we know how tocommunicate it?
What does that mean to us?
Number two communication andopen dialogue.
Express your needs clearly andrespectfully.
Express your needs clearly andrespectfully.
Communicate your needs to yourpartner at the time you're
(17:42):
feeling them, without anger orblaming and I know this is
easier said than done, but wecan do this, especially at the
time you're feeling them.
I know that may be a littlehard to do it without the anger
or the blaming.
Use I statements.
Frame your requests in terms ofyour feelings and needs, rather
(18:03):
than accusing your partner.
Listen to your partner'sperspective, understand their
needs and desires as well, as ahealthy relationship is a
two-way street Key word therehealthy, and you do want a
healthy relationship.
Be open to compromise.
(18:24):
Finding common ground andmeeting each other's needs is
crucial for a successfulrelationship.
Each other's needs is crucialfor a successful relationship.
Number three actively seek whatyou need.
I thought this one was reallygood, because sometimes we know
we have needs, we understand wehave needs, but we don't
(18:52):
actively seek them out.
Don't be afraid to ask for whatyou need.
Oh, rejection is liberating,and it's better to know what you
want and ask for than to livewith unmet needs.
Oh, man, be proactive increating opportunities for
(19:15):
connection and intimacy.
Proactive that is one of myfavorite.
It's one of my favorite wordsand one of my favorite things to
do in all areas of my life as amom, as a friend, as an
employee, on my job, in mymarriage.
It's just.
I am a in ministry, I'm just apro.
(19:39):
I love to be proactive becauseI don't like to be.
I don't like to be overwhelmed,I don't like to be unprepared.
I am a proactive person.
A proactive person as much as Ican get done beforehand and be
prepared.
Be proactive, plan dates,schedule quality time and
(20:03):
initiate activities that youboth enjoy.
Being proactive y'all is sobeneficial.
It is better to be proactivethan have to be reactive.
On the other end, if you knowthese things are going to be
beneficial to your relationshipor marriage, why not plan in
(20:24):
advance?
They have to deal with thefallout, of how it would affect
the relationship in the end.
Don't be afraid to try newthings.
Experiment with different waysof connecting and expressing
your needs.
Now, this one I thought wasreally good, and I actually want
(20:49):
to try and work on this onemyself.
This is just that's my ownpersonal thing.
So I encourage you guys to dothis one as well, because if
maybe the way you've been doingthings, or the way you've done
things in the past, if thathasn't always worked, or Be open
to trying new things, that'sall I'm saying.
(21:09):
Be open to trying new things.
Be open to trying new things.
Remember that relationships aredynamic.
Your needs and desires maychange over time, so be open to
evolving and adapting.
Number four, last but not least,the importance of knowing
(21:30):
yourself.
Knowing what you want in arelationship is crucial.
This helps you choose a partnerwho can meet your needs and
build a fulfilling relationship.
I think this one is soimportant because I think a lot
of times we have issues inrelationships because we don't
(21:52):
know ourselves.
We want our partners and ourspouses to understand us, to
meet needs and desires that wedon't even understand, that we
don't even know, that we can'teven communicate because we
don't even know ourselves,because we don't even know
(22:13):
ourselves.
And this is why I preach andtalk about and push self-care so
much, because it wasn't until Ibegan to practice self-care,
take care of myself, prioritizemyself, love myself all of those
things that I got to know,monique, and that I could begin
(22:34):
to communicate, express all ofthe things that I needed, that I
wanted, that I desired toeverybody and not just my
husband, because that was allrelationships, all areas of my
life, and before then I didn'tknow how, I didn't know how to
do those things, so I couldn'ttell other people those things.
(22:56):
So once we begin to knowourselves and I promise I feel
like I'm saying it so much inthe episodes lately because a
lot of the things that happensin relationships and marriages
it comes back on us.
It falls back on the individualBecause the more we know us,
(23:17):
love us, have standards for us,know what we're worth all of
that we wouldn't accept anythingless from other people.
Don't enter a relationship tofigure out what you want.
This can lead to wasted timeand unnecessary pain.
(23:39):
Focus on self-love andself-worth.
A strong sense of self isessential for healthy
relationships.
I agree 100%.
I agree 100%.
So, receiving what you didn'tknow you needed it's a great
(24:04):
thing to receive what you didn'tknow you needed, but also on
the flip side of that coin fromwhat we just discussed, also, on
the flip side of that coin fromwhat we just discussed, it's
also great to know what you need.
So self-reflection andidentifying needs, communication
and open dialogue.
(24:25):
Actively seek what you need andthe importance of knowing
yourself so you can know whatyou need, and the importance of
knowing yourself so you can knowwhat you need in your life and
those needs and desires canbegin to be met.
You don't have to wait onsomeone else.
(24:48):
It's a beautiful thing to havesomeone in your life your
partner, your spouse.
It's an absolutely beautifulthing to have someone in your
life who loves you, who caresabout you, who's concerned about
you, who you have opencommunication and dialogue with
and compromise with, and to beable to help you meet those
(25:11):
needs and desires.
It's the absolutely beautifulthing, but also what you should
have learned from this as wellis you can have self-love and
self-worth Also.
Begin to do those things foryourself and set the standard
for yourself as well.
I hope today's episode hashelped you, has encouraged you
(25:33):
in some way and, if it has,share today's episode with
someone who you think wouldenjoy it.
Remember I love you, but Godloves you so much more and I'll
see you guys next week.
Bye, I hope you guys haveenjoyed.
(25:55):
Follow me on Facebook at Demowith Mo.
If you have any questions youwould like answered here live on
my podcast, email them to me atDemo with Mo at gmailcom.
That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O atgmailcom.
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