October 2, 2025 • 39 mins
Starting over sounds bold until the storm hits at night and the room feels too quiet. We dig into a simple truth that keeps showing up in real life: resilience grows in community. From the physical toll of loneliness to the emotional relief of being fully seen, we map the concrete ways connection protects your health, clarifies your thinking, and keeps your heart steady when circumstances don’t. We also name the moments when solitude is not only okay but wise—time set apart to reflect, to pray, and to focus without the noise.
Across the conversation, we trace a pattern we’ve watched in our own lives and in people we admire: strong relationships become a safety net and a launchpad. You’ll hear how empathy calms shame, how accountability gently nudges you back toward your values, and how borrowing someone else’s perspective can open a path you couldn’t see alone. We talk about rebuilding the kind of church-centered community that lingers after the benediction, that checks in midweek, and that shows up with both prayer and practical help. And yes, we get specific: how to take inventory of your needs, how to deepen bonds you already have, and what to do if the circle you need doesn’t exist yet.
If isolation has been whispering that you’re the only one, let this be a counter-story. There’s a way to balance purposeful solitude with faithful connection so you can heal, decide wisely, and keep moving. Press play, take one step toward someone you trust, and if this helped, share it with a friend who needs a handhold today. Subscribe for new episodes every other Thursday, and leave a review to help more people find a community that holds.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:24):
Hey, what's up, guys?
Welcome to a new episode of Demowith Mo.
I am your host, Monique Simmons.
And today we are going to bediscussing going through hard
times alone versus withcommunity.
So there are a few things Iwanted to share before jumping
in today's episode.
(00:46):
Going forward, we are going tobe releasing new episodes twice
a month.
So instead of every Thursdayweekly, it will be every other
Thursday.
So you'll get two new episodestwice a month.
I want to keep you guys up todate and aware of everything
(01:09):
that's going on with thepodcast.
And that's just something thatwe will be doing going forward.
If we ever go back to once aweek, every Thursday, I will
update you guys with thatinformation.
So last week we discussedtearing everything down and
starting over from scratch.
(01:30):
And this kind of pivoted me intotoday's episode, going through
hard times alone versus weakcommunity.
Because in last week's episode,we talked about how sometimes
we're going through things andwe need to tear down.
We literally need to start overfrom scratch and stop doing the
(01:53):
same thing, repeating the samecycles, replaying the same
pattern over and over and overagain.
And depending on what it is, wehave no choice.
Sometimes it's illness,sometimes it's a divorce,
sometimes you have traumaticthings happening in your life
where you have no choice but tostart over.
(02:14):
But sometimes there are thingsin your life where you want to
start over.
It's going to be the bestdecision for you or you and your
family that you need to startover.
In that case, it could be easiersaid than done for me to just
say, tear everything down andstart over.
(02:37):
And I thought about that as Iwas preparing for today's
episode.
What has been beneficial for mein my life?
What have I noticed about thepeople that I do life with, the
people that are connected to me,the people who I listen to, the
people whom I follow, the peoplethat I look up to in my life?
(02:59):
What has been that common threadwhere I see them be able to
persevere?
Persevere through the hardthings in their life, persevere
through suffering, for them tobe able to keep going, for them
to be able to start over whenthey had to, when they have had
(03:20):
to tear everything down, forthem not to give up when hard
times come up in their life.
What has been that common themefor all of those people?
For even me myself, what hasbeen that common thing?
And I got to thinking about it.
It has been community.
And I know some of you may have,as I've even asked those
(03:41):
questions even now, some of youwho are listening to this may
have may be saying, Mo does isGod.
God has been that common thing.
Yes, God, but God is not here inthe flesh.
God, in his word, has given usthis beautiful thing called
(04:02):
community.
He has given us this beautifulthing called the local body, a
community of believers.
We have a village, we havepeople here in the flesh, other
Christian believers who aresupposed to be his hands and
(04:24):
feet here on earth, who aresupposed to live out those
things that he has said in hisword, because he is not
physically here with us anymore.
People who are supposed to bedoing the things that he said in
his word.
So that as I was thinking aboutthis, that has been that common
(04:47):
thing, community.
Community is supposed to be ableto uphold us where one doesn't
fall for the other, or onerejoices with the other, where
iron sharpens, iron community,and I think where we are in
(05:11):
society, if you look around, ifyou take a moment to take
inventory as a whole, and I'mnot talking about just you
personally, and I'm not talkingabout just the people you
necessarily do life with, butI'm talking about us as a whole
in society.
We have really gotten away fromcommunity.
(05:33):
We have really gotten away fromdoing life together.
We have really gotten away fromsitting at the table together
and really knowing one anotherand doing life with one another
and really seeing one another,like seeing each other for real,
not just one of those comments,how you doing, throwing out that
(05:57):
and really not really caring toknow how we are really doing.
But we've really gotten awayfrom that.
You know, we may keep up witheach other on social media, we
may throw a like here and thereand or a comment on a post, but
to really do life with oneanother and be in community, the
(06:20):
way the Bible talks about beingin community with one another,
we've gotten away from that.
So today we're gonna talk aboutthat the benefits of being in
community when we're facing hardtimes.
And if you look around, we'refacing a lot of hard times.
(06:41):
And I know if you look at yourlife personally, you too may be
even facing hard times.
We're gonna talk about today thebenefits of facing hard times in
community versus when you try toface hard times alone by
(07:01):
yourself.
Going through hard times withcommunity is generally more
beneficial than facing themalone.
If social support providesemotional relief, encouragement,
and a safety net againstloneliness.
While some solitude can offerstress reduction,
(07:22):
self-awareness, and focus,prolonged social isolation is
harmful.
Whereas a strong communityfosters resilience, empathy, and
better decision making.
So now we're going to discussthe benefits of community.
(07:44):
Mental and physical health.
That's one of the benefits ofcommunity.
Connection combats theloneliness that increases stress
hormones, blood pressure, andsusceptibility to illness.
Another benefit of community: emotional support. (08:04):
undefined
Community offers empathy and aspace for emotional relief that
can be vital during hardship.
I think this is a really greatone.
When you're able to get thatemotional support that you
(08:25):
really need during hard times,you're able to find that when
you're in community.
You can't get that emotionalsupport by yourself.
You won't find that when you'refacing hard times alone.
You can receive empathy.
Someone who has experienced whatyou've experienced.
(08:46):
They have walked through whatyou're currently walking
through.
So they can empathize with you.
They can say, I understand.
I've experienced this.
I understand how you feel.
And you have this space torelease emotionally.
You can cry if you need to cry.
You can get that support thatyou need.
(09:09):
Even if you just need to ventand share how you feel, you're
able to find that in community.
And this is vital when you'regoing through hard times.
Because what can happen whenyou're doing this alone, you can
feel like you're the only one.
No one understands.
Woe is me.
I'm the only one that'sexperiencing this.
(09:31):
Nobody else.
Everybody else is good.
I'm the only one.
Next, improved decision making.
I thought this was a really goodone.
Support from a community canhelp individuals avoid harmful
coping mechanisms.
(09:52):
Coping mechanisms and makebetter choices.
When you are part of acommunity, you're able to work
out your thoughts and makebetter decisions.
When you're alone, you havenobody else to work out those
thoughts with.
So you're more apt to makeunwise decisions and go back to
(10:14):
those coping mechanisms that arenot beneficial, that are not
healthy.
You're more apt to fall backinto stuff that's not good for
you.
But when you're part of acommunity, they're able to say,
nah, that probably won't bebeneficial to you.
No, you probably shouldn't dothat.
Man, I know exactly how youfeel.
I used to do that same thing,but it's gonna lead you down the
(10:36):
wrong road.
That's what you're able to findin community.
Next, broader perspective.
Community can provideencouragement and new ways of
thinking, broadening oneshorizons, and fostering a sense
of belonging.
Oh man.
Oh man, this one is sobeautiful.
(10:58):
A broader perspective is such agreat thing to have.
Because sometimes all you knowis all you know, and all you see
is all you see.
But when you're a part of acommunity, it's so many other
perspectives, and it's it's somuch broader because think about
(11:19):
it.
If you only know the backgroundthat you came from, that's all
you know.
But when you're a part ofcommunities, there's so many
other ways of thinking, there'sso many different backgrounds,
there's so many otherperspectives, ways of thinking
that you hadn't even thought of,that you haven't even
(11:41):
considered, that you didn't evenrealize that's in a community.
And you're like, oh man, Ididn't even think of it that
way.
I didn't even consider that.
I couldn't even imagine that.
And you're able to work thatthing out together.
And especially be, and when I'mand I'm talking about community,
(12:01):
I'm talking about a body ofbelievers, and we're supposed to
operate from the word of God.
And sometimes, especially whenwe're going through hard times,
we often will think of it andlean to our own understanding.
So sometimes we won't even getin the word of God, or we won't
(12:22):
even consider the word of Godbecause we're so stuck in what
we're going through and oursuffering and our hardship.
But when you're in a part of acommunity, people will bring out
stuff that you can't see becauseyou're going through such hard
times that you can't even standthem.
You can't even pull yourself outof that.
(12:42):
So people are able to help youwith perspectives that you can't
even imagine.
They can remind you, they canbring back to you what you can't
think of.
Well, God's word says this.
Remember, God says this,remember, God did this, and you
like, man, I didn't even thinkof that.
I forgot that.
(13:04):
I needed that perspective, Ineeded that reminder, and that's
what community does.
But when you're trying to do italone, when you're trying to
figure this thing out byyourself, all you have is
yourself.
Next, accountability.
A supportive group can provide astructure for accountability,
(13:29):
helping individuals stay ontrack with their goals.
All men, when you're a part ofcommunity and you you verbally
said, This is what I want to do,this is what I'm aiming for,
this is what I'm striving for.
Whatever that thing is,community, a supportive group.
(13:50):
They're gonna help you stay ontrack with that.
They're gonna check in with you.
Well, this is what you said youwant to do.
How are you doing?
How's it going?
Well, you said you want to dothis.
How can I support you?
How can I show up for you?
How can I help you?
How can I assist you?
That's what community does foryou.
It's not to shame you, it's notto call you out, but it's to
(14:14):
encourage you, it's to help you,it's to push you towards that
goal, it's to push you towardswhat you were aiming for.
Now we're going to talk aboutthe risk of going at it alone.
To the risk of facing hardshipsalone by yourself.
(14:35):
Increased stress and poorhealth.
Without community, individualsare more prone to higher stress
levels, heart disease, and otherhealth problems associated with
loneliness.
So it's not just bad for asyou're just going to be
suffering and going through byyourself, and you don't have
(14:58):
people to support you andencourage you and hold you
accountable, but it also affectsyour health, your well-being.
Next, negative thought cycles.
Isolation can lead todiscontent, shame, and a
(15:19):
perpetuation of negativethoughts, which can spiral into
depression.
And the enemy will love nothingmore than to keep you here, to
get you by yourself and to shameyou and get those negative
thoughts to keep playing in yourhead over and over and over
(15:40):
again.
To keep you by yourself.
He will love nothing morebecause he wants to keep you
separated from community.
He wants to keep you separatedfrom the local body.
That's why we are in a societynow where this running theme has
become, and I don't know if younotice it, this running theme
(16:01):
has become church is importantisn't important.
You don't need to be in churchevery Sunday.
And everybody has their variousreasons.
And don't let me, I don't wantto dismiss or invalidate
anyone's feelings by some of thereasons that I've heard by
(16:22):
saying that people have not beenhurt by some of the things that
have happened in church, becauseI know that some of these things
are true and people have beenhurt.
But I also know the word of Godsays forsake not the fellowship,
forsake not the assembling ofyourself together.
(16:44):
And I know God says this becauseit's for the benefit of us.
He wants us there because weneed community.
The enemy wants to keep usseparated from one another.
He wants to keep us from thebody.
He wants to keep us apart fromone another because he knows the
benefit of what community doesfor us as believers when we come
(17:10):
together, when we worshiptogether, when we do this thing
that God has called us to do.
Next, lack of perspective.
Being alone can make it harderto see beyond your own immediate
(17:32):
struggles, hindering problemsolving and personal growth.
And this is what I was tellingyou guys about when we talked
about the benefits of communitywhen we discussed the broader
perspective.
This is it, the lack ofperspective.
Because if I get you out ofcommunity and you are facing
(17:54):
hardships alone by yourself, youmost times, nine times out of
ten, you can't see past yourhardships.
You can't see past yourstruggles.
All you will see is what yousee.
All you will see is what you'regoing through.
All you will see is yoursuffering.
(18:16):
All you will see is yourhardships.
But when you are able to lockinto your community, when you're
able to connect with the body,they are able to help you see
what you can't see right now.
(18:38):
Next, we're going to discusswhen alone time is beneficial.
Because sometimes you do need tobe alone.
Don't hear me say there is nevera time when we shouldn't be
alone.
Because there is a time whenalone time is beneficial.
(19:01):
Self-awareness.
Spending time alone can provideopportunities for
self-reflection, helping youunderstand your own needs,
values, and emotions better.
Next, creativity and focus.
Solitude can enhance focus,productivity, and creativity,
(19:27):
allowing you to engage withchallenging for new pursuits.
I thought this one was a reallygood one because sometimes if
God is telling you you need abreak, you need to pull away,
you need to take some time offto take some things off your
plate, and you just need to pullaway and take a break.
(19:49):
Like this is a really good oneif you just need to focus.
Like you just need to take sometime to like getting your
creative bag, you need to focus,you need to find like a hobby or
whatever that thing looks likefor you.
Like, you know, I I talk aboutself-care a lot, but this could
be more like your self-care,like whatever that is for you,
(20:12):
but like this is your time tolike kind of focus and find like
that thing that is good for youto take some time away from the
things of life that is you'renot focusing so much on the
hardship, on the suffering.
Because again, sometimes whenwe're going through hard times,
that's all we're focusing on.
(20:33):
We're so caught up in thatthing.
But if you pull away from thatand just take some time away,
what is it that I could be doingwith this time?
What is it that I could reallybe focusing on and being
creative with that time?
And that's something I could doby myself.
I don't have to get in communityto do that.
But what is it that I can bedoing to spend some alone time
(20:56):
with myself?
And in that time, I could reallybe talking about talking to God
about what's going on in my liferight now.
These things that I'm walkingthrough right now, God, you know
these things going on in mylife.
I'm having a really difficulttime right now.
I'm really struggling in this,but Lord, I don't want to focus
on this.
I want to focus on myrelationship with you, getting
(21:19):
to know you better.
And I know I'm not going to bein this forever.
I know this won't last always,but help me not to stay focused
on this.
Help me to keep my eyes on youand help me to continue to do
those things you have called meto, help me to walk in obedience
in the midst of these hard timesright now, even though it's
(21:41):
hard, even though I'm strugglingin this, like in the midst of
whatever it is that you'refocusing on and being creative
and being productive.
Because sometimes I know youwant to just get in your bed and
pull the covers over your headand wait for it to pass, wait
for the storm to pass, but don'tdo that.
(22:03):
Be productive in the midst ofthe storm.
What is it that you could beworking on?
Who could you be helping?
What could you be doing that'sproductive, that's beneficial to
you, other than focusing on thestorm?
Do that.
Next, stress reduction.
(22:26):
Deliberate alone time can helpreduce stress, especially from
navigating complex socialinteractions.
I get this one.
I really get this one.
And I I love the word where itsays deliberate alone time.
That means you're beingintentional about this.
(22:47):
So if you're one of those peoplewho you may be people pleasing,
where you're going out becauseother people have invited you
out, even though you don't wantto, or you know you don't need
to, you're really in a seasonwhere you need to pull away.
Because that's one of thebeautiful things about Jesus.
(23:07):
If you're reading your Bible,and when Jesus was in ministry
and he started his ministry, hewould uh when the crowds got
big, when all of the peoplewould start surrounding him,
none of that mattered.
If he needed to pull away, Jesuswould pull away in a minute.
He would go off and he wouldpray.
(23:32):
He would talk to the fatherwhenever he needed to.
He would pull away.
It didn't matter about what wasgoing on, it didn't matter about
all the people wanting to bearound him, needing something
from him.
He was always about his father'sbusiness.
He always about, he was alwaysabout staying connected to the
(23:53):
source.
He was always about staying inright relationship with his
father.
He would always pull away.
When he was with the disciples,if he needed to, he would pull
away.
He always pulled away insolitude to talk to God, to be
in commune with God, to pray toGod.
(24:18):
Even so much so the discipleswould say, his disciples said,
teach us how to pray.
And it wasn't like they didn'tnecessarily know how to pray,
you know, just a prayer, butthey wanted the type of prayer
that Jesus was praying.
You know?
So sometimes we need to bedeliberate, we need to be
(24:42):
intentional about our alone timeto reduce that stress.
If we have a lot going on, wehave so much on our plate, we're
always doing other things.
We're so busy, we're busybody.
We have so much going on, butmaybe not the right things going
on.
Sometimes we need to bedeliberate and intentional about
(25:02):
our alone time.
So again, this is when alonetime is beneficial.
Okay, next, this is lastly,finding a balance.
So again, we talked about wetalked about the benefits of
being in a community duringhardship, and we've talked about
(25:26):
the times that is beneficial fora long time.
Now we're gonna talk aboutfinding a balance, a healthy
balance.
One, identify your need, reflecton what you feel is missing in
your current connections tobetter understand your need for
(25:48):
connection or solitude.
So look at your circumstances.
Take inventory because my lifeand my circumstances currently
may not look like your life andyour circumstances.
So take inventory of your lifeon what you feel is missing in
your current connection tobetter understand what you need
(26:11):
for connection or solitude.
Like for me, all of my closestfriends currently live out of
state.
But I have a heavy community,and I say community meaning the
body of believers, my localcommunity, the local, my local
(26:34):
church that I'm a part of, I'mheavily involved there.
I'm at my church at least threetimes a week for various various
reasons because I'm a part ofdifferent different ministries.
So I'm there three three times aweek consistently.
So I have heavy connectionsthere.
You may be a part of a communitybody, but you may go twice a
(26:57):
month.
You know, your circumstances maylook completely different from
mine.
So you may need to look at theinventory of your connections
and you may want to work on yourconnections.
You may want to get moreinvolved with your church body
because you may feel solituderight now.
You may be going through becauseI'm going through hardships.
(27:18):
You may be going throughhardships, but I'm locked in
with my community.
I don't feel lonely, I don'tfeel solitude because I've I've
been intentional about mycommunity.
So you may be in a place whereyou want to, because this is
what this is saying.
Identify your need.
(27:38):
So you, if you're in the samepredicament that I'm in, you may
not have a need for thatconnection because you may feel
you already have thatconnection.
You have that community, thatcommunity with your local body,
your local church.
But maybe you feel like you needconnection far as friendship.
(28:01):
Like I said, all of my closestfriends live out of state.
So that's something that I havebeen working on for as my
community with my friendshipshere.
I have been working onrebuilding new friendships here.
So that's something that I'vebeen working on.
So maybe what I'm getting to,identify your need.
(28:23):
If you feel like you are lackingin the local body, the local
community, the local church,maybe you don't have, maybe
you're not a part of a localchurch.
Identify that as your need.
Maybe you are a part of a localchurch, but you're not involved.
Begin to get involved, whetherthat's going more regularly,
(28:48):
joining a ministry, gettinginvolved in Sunday school and
Bible study.
That's how you get moreconnected.
Next, strengthen existingrelationships.
Focus on building deeper, moremeaningful connections within
your existing community.
(29:10):
Okay, so like I said, thisfollows up on what I just said.
Like if you're already a part ofa community, work on building
deeper, more meaningfulconnections.
So maybe those connectionsaren't as close as you want them
to be.
Begin working on thoserelationships.
(29:31):
How can these get more deeperand more meaningful?
Let's say you're part of thatlocal church, but you only go
again, maybe twice a month, oncea month, or even if you go every
Sunday, but that's it.
You only go every Sunday toworship service.
(29:51):
Start going to Sunday school andBible study.
Begin to get to know the peoplethat you go to church with.
Don't rush out after.
The worship service is over.
Once they do the benediction,don't benediction, don't run
out.
Get to know the people that youare in community with because
this is a benefit to you.
(30:12):
This is a this is beneficial tous.
We are doing life together.
We are supposed to be inrelationship with one another.
Get to know the people you arein community with.
(30:34):
Go deeper.
I have a young lady that we gettogether once a month, whom I
love.
She reached out to me.
We've been going over a yearnow.
But she reached out to mebasically for a mentor
relationship, mentor-menteerelationship.
(30:58):
But it's more than that now.
But discipleship, it's basicallydiscipleship.
But we get together once a monthand we have dinner together.
We're in church together and weget together once a month.
We do something different everymonth.
Whatever that is, we just decideon what it is.
We may do dinner, we may do sometype of um activity, something,
(31:21):
whatever it is we decide on.
Whatever it is.
But we've been doing it wellover a year now.
But this is how you build deeperconnections.
Not only do we go to churchtogether, not only do we do
Bible study together, Sundayschool together, but we have
once a month where we gettogether, set aside intentional
time where we get together tobuild a relationship with one
(31:45):
another.
That's deeper, more meaningfulconnections.
These are the people that you dolife with.
These are the people that youare in to encourage, to support,
to hold accountable.
These are the people that'sgoing to be with you through
your hard times, and you are tobe there with them through
(32:07):
theirs.
This is what God has called usto.
This is what the church issupposed to look like.
This is community.
But so many of us have gottenaway from this.
And we wonder why we feellonely, why we feel isolated,
because we don't do it God's wayanymore.
(32:29):
We've gotten away from that.
Next, join or createcommunities.
Actively seek out communities,whether online or in person, to
find a sense of belonging andsupport.
(32:56):
Join one.
But if there's not one specific,specific for what you're looking
for to join, create it.
The Bible talks about if youwant a friend, show yourself
friendly.
Sometimes if you can't find whatyou're looking for, you have to
(33:21):
make it.
(33:48):
But it is for people who aredating in relationship, engaged
or married.
So everybody who wants to be ina relationship, anyone who is
looking to one day be married,who expired to be married.
And it was a spin-off from thepodcast.
(34:11):
But I created that group becauseI have a heart for
relationships, I have a heartfor couples.
And God did that in me out of myhusband and I getting in a
relationship, being togethersince high school, but getting
married at such a young age.
And there was I didn't have it.
(34:31):
I didn't have anything.
When we got married, there werenot a lot of resources back then
of how to do this thing calledmarriage.
We were figuring it out.
And I had a passion, like God,you helped me figure this thing
(34:52):
out, but I also want to helpother couples figure it out as
well.
I don't want to learn all thisstuff that I've learned that
you've shown me, that you'vegiven me, that you've blessed me
with along my journey, and nothelp other people.
Like, how dare I?
(35:13):
Like, how dare I experience yourgrace and your blessings along
my marriage, along my journey,along parenting my kids, of how
you turn my whole life aroundand not help other people do the
same.
How crazy would that be?
(35:35):
Lastly, seek professionalsupport.
If you are struggling withpersistent loneliness or
feelings of isolation, seek helpthrough therapy.
Seeking help through therapy canbe beneficial.
And this one was last because Ido understand there may be some
(35:58):
things that you may needadditional help with.
If you're listening to this andyou're really struggling with
feelings of isolation orloneliness, you may need
additional help.
Because I'm an advocate fortherapy.
I myself, if you've been rockingand rolling with me for a while
now, you know that I am intherapy.
So there may there may be someadditional help that you need.
(36:20):
You may really need to talk to aprofessional.
And I encourage you to do that.
But if not, reach out.
Like if you've been feelinglonely, feeling isolated, reach
out to your community.
And if you feel like you don'thave a community, you feel like
you don't, you're not a part ofa local church, you don't feel
like you have a lot of people.
(36:41):
If you have one person in yourlife, just one person in your
life that you trust, that youknow that loves you, that you
know supports you, that you knowwill be there for you, reach
out.
Let them know you're goingthrough a hard time right now
and you're struggling, and youneed them.
(37:04):
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
We are not on an hour.
We all need somebody.
We all need somebody.
So I hope today's episode hasencouraged you.
(37:28):
And if you know someone whoneeds this episode, please share
this with them.
Share this with them.
Just a month ago, I needed to bereminded of this very episode
myself.
And I reached out to mycommunity, to my local church
community, and said that Ineeded help.
(37:49):
And I needed prayer.
And you know what they did forme?
They prayed for me.
And you know what God did?
Answer that prayer.
Because of prayers of mycommunity.
So reach out to your community.
Don't try to face yoursuffering, your hardship, what
(38:13):
you're going through byyourself.
You don't.
Remember, I love you, but Godloves you so much more.
I'll see you guys in two weeks.
Bye.
Hey, what's up, guys?
Welcome to a new episode of Demowith Mo.
I am your host, Monique Simmons.
And today we are going to bediscussing going through hard
times alone versus withcommunity.
So there are a few things Iwanted to share before jumping
in today's episode.
(00:46):
Going forward, we are going tobe releasing new episodes twice
a month.
So instead of every Thursdayweekly, it will be every other
Thursday.
So you'll get two new episodestwice a month.
I want to keep you guys up todate and aware of everything
(01:09):
that's going on with thepodcast.
And that's just something thatwe will be doing going forward.
If we ever go back to once aweek, every Thursday, I will
update you guys with thatinformation.
So last week we discussedtearing everything down and
starting over from scratch.
(01:30):
And this kind of pivoted me intotoday's episode, going through
hard times alone versus weakcommunity.
Because in last week's episode,we talked about how sometimes
we're going through things andwe need to tear down.
We literally need to start overfrom scratch and stop doing the
(01:53):
same thing, repeating the samecycles, replaying the same
pattern over and over and overagain.
And depending on what it is, wehave no choice.
Sometimes it's illness,sometimes it's a divorce,
sometimes you have traumaticthings happening in your life
where you have no choice but tostart over.
(02:14):
But sometimes there are thingsin your life where you want to
start over.
It's going to be the bestdecision for you or you and your
family that you need to startover.
In that case, it could be easiersaid than done for me to just
say, tear everything down andstart over.
(02:37):
And I thought about that as Iwas preparing for today's
episode.
What has been beneficial for mein my life?
What have I noticed about thepeople that I do life with, the
people that are connected to me,the people who I listen to, the
people whom I follow, the peoplethat I look up to in my life?
(02:59):
What has been that common threadwhere I see them be able to
persevere?
Persevere through the hardthings in their life, persevere
through suffering, for them tobe able to keep going, for them
to be able to start over whenthey had to, when they have had
(03:20):
to tear everything down, forthem not to give up when hard
times come up in their life.
What has been that common themefor all of those people?
For even me myself, what hasbeen that common thing?
And I got to thinking about it.
It has been community.
And I know some of you may have,as I've even asked those
(03:41):
questions even now, some of youwho are listening to this may
have may be saying, Mo does isGod.
God has been that common thing.
Yes, God, but God is not here inthe flesh.
God, in his word, has given usthis beautiful thing called
(04:02):
community.
He has given us this beautifulthing called the local body, a
community of believers.
We have a village, we havepeople here in the flesh, other
Christian believers who aresupposed to be his hands and
(04:24):
feet here on earth, who aresupposed to live out those
things that he has said in hisword, because he is not
physically here with us anymore.
People who are supposed to bedoing the things that he said in
his word.
So that as I was thinking aboutthis, that has been that common
(04:47):
thing, community.
Community is supposed to be ableto uphold us where one doesn't
fall for the other, or onerejoices with the other, where
iron sharpens, iron community,and I think where we are in
(05:11):
society, if you look around, ifyou take a moment to take
inventory as a whole, and I'mnot talking about just you
personally, and I'm not talkingabout just the people you
necessarily do life with, butI'm talking about us as a whole
in society.
We have really gotten away fromcommunity.
(05:33):
We have really gotten away fromdoing life together.
We have really gotten away fromsitting at the table together
and really knowing one anotherand doing life with one another
and really seeing one another,like seeing each other for real,
not just one of those comments,how you doing, throwing out that
(05:57):
and really not really caring toknow how we are really doing.
But we've really gotten awayfrom that.
You know, we may keep up witheach other on social media, we
may throw a like here and thereand or a comment on a post, but
to really do life with oneanother and be in community, the
(06:20):
way the Bible talks about beingin community with one another,
we've gotten away from that.
So today we're gonna talk aboutthat the benefits of being in
community when we're facing hardtimes.
And if you look around, we'refacing a lot of hard times.
(06:41):
And I know if you look at yourlife personally, you too may be
even facing hard times.
We're gonna talk about today thebenefits of facing hard times in
community versus when you try toface hard times alone by
(07:01):
yourself.
Going through hard times withcommunity is generally more
beneficial than facing themalone.
If social support providesemotional relief, encouragement,
and a safety net againstloneliness.
While some solitude can offerstress reduction,
(07:22):
self-awareness, and focus,prolonged social isolation is
harmful.
Whereas a strong communityfosters resilience, empathy, and
better decision making.
So now we're going to discussthe benefits of community.
(07:44):
Mental and physical health.
That's one of the benefits ofcommunity.
Connection combats theloneliness that increases stress
hormones, blood pressure, andsusceptibility to illness.
Another benefit of community: emotional support. (08:04):
undefined
Community offers empathy and aspace for emotional relief that
can be vital during hardship.
I think this is a really greatone.
When you're able to get thatemotional support that you
(08:25):
really need during hard times,you're able to find that when
you're in community.
You can't get that emotionalsupport by yourself.
You won't find that when you'refacing hard times alone.
You can receive empathy.
Someone who has experienced whatyou've experienced.
(08:46):
They have walked through whatyou're currently walking
through.
So they can empathize with you.
They can say, I understand.
I've experienced this.
I understand how you feel.
And you have this space torelease emotionally.
You can cry if you need to cry.
You can get that support thatyou need.
(09:09):
Even if you just need to ventand share how you feel, you're
able to find that in community.
And this is vital when you'regoing through hard times.
Because what can happen whenyou're doing this alone, you can
feel like you're the only one.
No one understands.
Woe is me.
I'm the only one that'sexperiencing this.
(09:31):
Nobody else.
Everybody else is good.
I'm the only one.
Next, improved decision making.
I thought this was a really goodone.
Support from a community canhelp individuals avoid harmful
coping mechanisms.
(09:52):
Coping mechanisms and makebetter choices.
When you are part of acommunity, you're able to work
out your thoughts and makebetter decisions.
When you're alone, you havenobody else to work out those
thoughts with.
So you're more apt to makeunwise decisions and go back to
(10:14):
those coping mechanisms that arenot beneficial, that are not
healthy.
You're more apt to fall backinto stuff that's not good for
you.
But when you're part of acommunity, they're able to say,
nah, that probably won't bebeneficial to you.
No, you probably shouldn't dothat.
Man, I know exactly how youfeel.
I used to do that same thing,but it's gonna lead you down the
(10:36):
wrong road.
That's what you're able to findin community.
Next, broader perspective.
Community can provideencouragement and new ways of
thinking, broadening oneshorizons, and fostering a sense
of belonging.
Oh man.
Oh man, this one is sobeautiful.
(10:58):
A broader perspective is such agreat thing to have.
Because sometimes all you knowis all you know, and all you see
is all you see.
But when you're a part of acommunity, it's so many other
perspectives, and it's it's somuch broader because think about
(11:19):
it.
If you only know the backgroundthat you came from, that's all
you know.
But when you're a part ofcommunities, there's so many
other ways of thinking, there'sso many different backgrounds,
there's so many otherperspectives, ways of thinking
that you hadn't even thought of,that you haven't even
(11:41):
considered, that you didn't evenrealize that's in a community.
And you're like, oh man, Ididn't even think of it that
way.
I didn't even consider that.
I couldn't even imagine that.
And you're able to work thatthing out together.
And especially be, and when I'mand I'm talking about community,
(12:01):
I'm talking about a body ofbelievers, and we're supposed to
operate from the word of God.
And sometimes, especially whenwe're going through hard times,
we often will think of it andlean to our own understanding.
So sometimes we won't even getin the word of God, or we won't
(12:22):
even consider the word of Godbecause we're so stuck in what
we're going through and oursuffering and our hardship.
But when you're in a part of acommunity, people will bring out
stuff that you can't see becauseyou're going through such hard
times that you can't even standthem.
You can't even pull yourself outof that.
(12:42):
So people are able to help youwith perspectives that you can't
even imagine.
They can remind you, they canbring back to you what you can't
think of.
Well, God's word says this.
Remember, God says this,remember, God did this, and you
like, man, I didn't even thinkof that.
I forgot that.
(13:04):
I needed that perspective, Ineeded that reminder, and that's
what community does.
But when you're trying to do italone, when you're trying to
figure this thing out byyourself, all you have is
yourself.
Next, accountability.
A supportive group can provide astructure for accountability,
(13:29):
helping individuals stay ontrack with their goals.
All men, when you're a part ofcommunity and you you verbally
said, This is what I want to do,this is what I'm aiming for,
this is what I'm striving for.
Whatever that thing is,community, a supportive group.
(13:50):
They're gonna help you stay ontrack with that.
They're gonna check in with you.
Well, this is what you said youwant to do.
How are you doing?
How's it going?
Well, you said you want to dothis.
How can I support you?
How can I show up for you?
How can I help you?
How can I assist you?
That's what community does foryou.
It's not to shame you, it's notto call you out, but it's to
(14:14):
encourage you, it's to help you,it's to push you towards that
goal, it's to push you towardswhat you were aiming for.
Now we're going to talk aboutthe risk of going at it alone.
To the risk of facing hardshipsalone by yourself.
(14:35):
Increased stress and poorhealth.
Without community, individualsare more prone to higher stress
levels, heart disease, and otherhealth problems associated with
loneliness.
So it's not just bad for asyou're just going to be
suffering and going through byyourself, and you don't have
(14:58):
people to support you andencourage you and hold you
accountable, but it also affectsyour health, your well-being.
Next, negative thought cycles.
Isolation can lead todiscontent, shame, and a
(15:19):
perpetuation of negativethoughts, which can spiral into
depression.
And the enemy will love nothingmore than to keep you here, to
get you by yourself and to shameyou and get those negative
thoughts to keep playing in yourhead over and over and over
(15:40):
again.
To keep you by yourself.
He will love nothing morebecause he wants to keep you
separated from community.
He wants to keep you separatedfrom the local body.
That's why we are in a societynow where this running theme has
become, and I don't know if younotice it, this running theme
(16:01):
has become church is importantisn't important.
You don't need to be in churchevery Sunday.
And everybody has their variousreasons.
And don't let me, I don't wantto dismiss or invalidate
anyone's feelings by some of thereasons that I've heard by
(16:22):
saying that people have not beenhurt by some of the things that
have happened in church, becauseI know that some of these things
are true and people have beenhurt.
But I also know the word of Godsays forsake not the fellowship,
forsake not the assembling ofyourself together.
(16:44):
And I know God says this becauseit's for the benefit of us.
He wants us there because weneed community.
The enemy wants to keep usseparated from one another.
He wants to keep us from thebody.
He wants to keep us apart fromone another because he knows the
benefit of what community doesfor us as believers when we come
(17:10):
together, when we worshiptogether, when we do this thing
that God has called us to do.
Next, lack of perspective.
Being alone can make it harderto see beyond your own immediate
(17:32):
struggles, hindering problemsolving and personal growth.
And this is what I was tellingyou guys about when we talked
about the benefits of communitywhen we discussed the broader
perspective.
This is it, the lack ofperspective.
Because if I get you out ofcommunity and you are facing
(17:54):
hardships alone by yourself, youmost times, nine times out of
ten, you can't see past yourhardships.
You can't see past yourstruggles.
All you will see is what yousee.
All you will see is what you'regoing through.
All you will see is yoursuffering.
(18:16):
All you will see is yourhardships.
But when you are able to lockinto your community, when you're
able to connect with the body,they are able to help you see
what you can't see right now.
(18:38):
Next, we're going to discusswhen alone time is beneficial.
Because sometimes you do need tobe alone.
Don't hear me say there is nevera time when we shouldn't be
alone.
Because there is a time whenalone time is beneficial.
(19:01):
Self-awareness.
Spending time alone can provideopportunities for
self-reflection, helping youunderstand your own needs,
values, and emotions better.
Next, creativity and focus.
Solitude can enhance focus,productivity, and creativity,
(19:27):
allowing you to engage withchallenging for new pursuits.
I thought this one was a reallygood one because sometimes if
God is telling you you need abreak, you need to pull away,
you need to take some time offto take some things off your
plate, and you just need to pullaway and take a break.
(19:49):
Like this is a really good oneif you just need to focus.
Like you just need to take sometime to like getting your
creative bag, you need to focus,you need to find like a hobby or
whatever that thing looks likefor you.
Like, you know, I I talk aboutself-care a lot, but this could
be more like your self-care,like whatever that is for you,
(20:12):
but like this is your time tolike kind of focus and find like
that thing that is good for youto take some time away from the
things of life that is you'renot focusing so much on the
hardship, on the suffering.
Because again, sometimes whenwe're going through hard times,
that's all we're focusing on.
(20:33):
We're so caught up in thatthing.
But if you pull away from thatand just take some time away,
what is it that I could be doingwith this time?
What is it that I could reallybe focusing on and being
creative with that time?
And that's something I could doby myself.
I don't have to get in communityto do that.
But what is it that I can bedoing to spend some alone time
(20:56):
with myself?
And in that time, I could reallybe talking about talking to God
about what's going on in my liferight now.
These things that I'm walkingthrough right now, God, you know
these things going on in mylife.
I'm having a really difficulttime right now.
I'm really struggling in this,but Lord, I don't want to focus
on this.
I want to focus on myrelationship with you, getting
(21:19):
to know you better.
And I know I'm not going to bein this forever.
I know this won't last always,but help me not to stay focused
on this.
Help me to keep my eyes on youand help me to continue to do
those things you have called meto, help me to walk in obedience
in the midst of these hard timesright now, even though it's
(21:41):
hard, even though I'm strugglingin this, like in the midst of
whatever it is that you'refocusing on and being creative
and being productive.
Because sometimes I know youwant to just get in your bed and
pull the covers over your headand wait for it to pass, wait
for the storm to pass, but don'tdo that.
(22:03):
Be productive in the midst ofthe storm.
What is it that you could beworking on?
Who could you be helping?
What could you be doing that'sproductive, that's beneficial to
you, other than focusing on thestorm?
Do that.
Next, stress reduction.
(22:26):
Deliberate alone time can helpreduce stress, especially from
navigating complex socialinteractions.
I get this one.
I really get this one.
And I I love the word where itsays deliberate alone time.
That means you're beingintentional about this.
(22:47):
So if you're one of those peoplewho you may be people pleasing,
where you're going out becauseother people have invited you
out, even though you don't wantto, or you know you don't need
to, you're really in a seasonwhere you need to pull away.
Because that's one of thebeautiful things about Jesus.
(23:07):
If you're reading your Bible,and when Jesus was in ministry
and he started his ministry, hewould uh when the crowds got
big, when all of the peoplewould start surrounding him,
none of that mattered.
If he needed to pull away, Jesuswould pull away in a minute.
He would go off and he wouldpray.
(23:32):
He would talk to the fatherwhenever he needed to.
He would pull away.
It didn't matter about what wasgoing on, it didn't matter about
all the people wanting to bearound him, needing something
from him.
He was always about his father'sbusiness.
He always about, he was alwaysabout staying connected to the
(23:53):
source.
He was always about staying inright relationship with his
father.
He would always pull away.
When he was with the disciples,if he needed to, he would pull
away.
He always pulled away insolitude to talk to God, to be
in commune with God, to pray toGod.
(24:18):
Even so much so the discipleswould say, his disciples said,
teach us how to pray.
And it wasn't like they didn'tnecessarily know how to pray,
you know, just a prayer, butthey wanted the type of prayer
that Jesus was praying.
You know?
So sometimes we need to bedeliberate, we need to be
(24:42):
intentional about our alone timeto reduce that stress.
If we have a lot going on, wehave so much on our plate, we're
always doing other things.
We're so busy, we're busybody.
We have so much going on, butmaybe not the right things going
on.
Sometimes we need to bedeliberate and intentional about
(25:02):
our alone time.
So again, this is when alonetime is beneficial.
Okay, next, this is lastly,finding a balance.
So again, we talked about wetalked about the benefits of
being in a community duringhardship, and we've talked about
(25:26):
the times that is beneficial fora long time.
Now we're gonna talk aboutfinding a balance, a healthy
balance.
One, identify your need, reflecton what you feel is missing in
your current connections tobetter understand your need for
(25:48):
connection or solitude.
So look at your circumstances.
Take inventory because my lifeand my circumstances currently
may not look like your life andyour circumstances.
So take inventory of your lifeon what you feel is missing in
your current connection tobetter understand what you need
(26:11):
for connection or solitude.
Like for me, all of my closestfriends currently live out of
state.
But I have a heavy community,and I say community meaning the
body of believers, my localcommunity, the local, my local
(26:34):
church that I'm a part of, I'mheavily involved there.
I'm at my church at least threetimes a week for various various
reasons because I'm a part ofdifferent different ministries.
So I'm there three three times aweek consistently.
So I have heavy connectionsthere.
You may be a part of a communitybody, but you may go twice a
(26:57):
month.
You know, your circumstances maylook completely different from
mine.
So you may need to look at theinventory of your connections
and you may want to work on yourconnections.
You may want to get moreinvolved with your church body
because you may feel solituderight now.
You may be going through becauseI'm going through hardships.
(27:18):
You may be going throughhardships, but I'm locked in
with my community.
I don't feel lonely, I don'tfeel solitude because I've I've
been intentional about mycommunity.
So you may be in a place whereyou want to, because this is
what this is saying.
Identify your need.
(27:38):
So you, if you're in the samepredicament that I'm in, you may
not have a need for thatconnection because you may feel
you already have thatconnection.
You have that community, thatcommunity with your local body,
your local church.
But maybe you feel like you needconnection far as friendship.
(28:01):
Like I said, all of my closestfriends live out of state.
So that's something that I havebeen working on for as my
community with my friendshipshere.
I have been working onrebuilding new friendships here.
So that's something that I'vebeen working on.
So maybe what I'm getting to,identify your need.
(28:23):
If you feel like you are lackingin the local body, the local
community, the local church,maybe you don't have, maybe
you're not a part of a localchurch.
Identify that as your need.
Maybe you are a part of a localchurch, but you're not involved.
Begin to get involved, whetherthat's going more regularly,
(28:48):
joining a ministry, gettinginvolved in Sunday school and
Bible study.
That's how you get moreconnected.
Next, strengthen existingrelationships.
Focus on building deeper, moremeaningful connections within
your existing community.
(29:10):
Okay, so like I said, thisfollows up on what I just said.
Like if you're already a part ofa community, work on building
deeper, more meaningfulconnections.
So maybe those connectionsaren't as close as you want them
to be.
Begin working on thoserelationships.
(29:31):
How can these get more deeperand more meaningful?
Let's say you're part of thatlocal church, but you only go
again, maybe twice a month, oncea month, or even if you go every
Sunday, but that's it.
You only go every Sunday toworship service.
(29:51):
Start going to Sunday school andBible study.
Begin to get to know the peoplethat you go to church with.
Don't rush out after.
The worship service is over.
Once they do the benediction,don't benediction, don't run
out.
Get to know the people that youare in community with because
this is a benefit to you.
(30:12):
This is a this is beneficial tous.
We are doing life together.
We are supposed to be inrelationship with one another.
Get to know the people you arein community with.
(30:34):
Go deeper.
I have a young lady that we gettogether once a month, whom I
love.
She reached out to me.
We've been going over a yearnow.
But she reached out to mebasically for a mentor
relationship, mentor-menteerelationship.
(30:58):
But it's more than that now.
But discipleship, it's basicallydiscipleship.
But we get together once a monthand we have dinner together.
We're in church together and weget together once a month.
We do something different everymonth.
Whatever that is, we just decideon what it is.
We may do dinner, we may do sometype of um activity, something,
(31:21):
whatever it is we decide on.
Whatever it is.
But we've been doing it wellover a year now.
But this is how you build deeperconnections.
Not only do we go to churchtogether, not only do we do
Bible study together, Sundayschool together, but we have
once a month where we gettogether, set aside intentional
time where we get together tobuild a relationship with one
(31:45):
another.
That's deeper, more meaningfulconnections.
These are the people that you dolife with.
These are the people that youare in to encourage, to support,
to hold accountable.
These are the people that'sgoing to be with you through
your hard times, and you are tobe there with them through
(32:07):
theirs.
This is what God has called usto.
This is what the church issupposed to look like.
This is community.
But so many of us have gottenaway from this.
And we wonder why we feellonely, why we feel isolated,
because we don't do it God's wayanymore.
(32:29):
We've gotten away from that.
Next, join or createcommunities.
Actively seek out communities,whether online or in person, to
find a sense of belonging andsupport.
(32:56):
Join one.
But if there's not one specific,specific for what you're looking
for to join, create it.
The Bible talks about if youwant a friend, show yourself
friendly.
Sometimes if you can't find whatyou're looking for, you have to
(33:21):
make it.
(33:48):
But it is for people who aredating in relationship, engaged
or married.
So everybody who wants to be ina relationship, anyone who is
looking to one day be married,who expired to be married.
And it was a spin-off from thepodcast.
(34:11):
But I created that group becauseI have a heart for
relationships, I have a heartfor couples.
And God did that in me out of myhusband and I getting in a
relationship, being togethersince high school, but getting
married at such a young age.
And there was I didn't have it.
(34:31):
I didn't have anything.
When we got married, there werenot a lot of resources back then
of how to do this thing calledmarriage.
We were figuring it out.
And I had a passion, like God,you helped me figure this thing
(34:52):
out, but I also want to helpother couples figure it out as
well.
I don't want to learn all thisstuff that I've learned that
you've shown me, that you'vegiven me, that you've blessed me
with along my journey, and nothelp other people.
Like, how dare I?
(35:13):
Like, how dare I experience yourgrace and your blessings along
my marriage, along my journey,along parenting my kids, of how
you turn my whole life aroundand not help other people do the
same.
How crazy would that be?
(35:35):
Lastly, seek professionalsupport.
If you are struggling withpersistent loneliness or
feelings of isolation, seek helpthrough therapy.
Seeking help through therapy canbe beneficial.
And this one was last because Ido understand there may be some
(35:58):
things that you may needadditional help with.
If you're listening to this andyou're really struggling with
feelings of isolation orloneliness, you may need
additional help.
Because I'm an advocate fortherapy.
I myself, if you've been rockingand rolling with me for a while
now, you know that I am intherapy.
So there may there may be someadditional help that you need.
(36:20):
You may really need to talk to aprofessional.
And I encourage you to do that.
But if not, reach out.
Like if you've been feelinglonely, feeling isolated, reach
out to your community.
And if you feel like you don'thave a community, you feel like
you don't, you're not a part ofa local church, you don't feel
like you have a lot of people.
(36:41):
If you have one person in yourlife, just one person in your
life that you trust, that youknow that loves you, that you
know supports you, that you knowwill be there for you, reach
out.
Let them know you're goingthrough a hard time right now
and you're struggling, and youneed them.
(37:04):
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
We are not on an hour.
We all need somebody.
We all need somebody.
So I hope today's episode hasencouraged you.
(37:28):
And if you know someone whoneeds this episode, please share
this with them.
Share this with them.
Just a month ago, I needed to bereminded of this very episode
myself.
And I reached out to mycommunity, to my local church
community, and said that Ineeded help.
(37:49):
And I needed prayer.
And you know what they did forme?
They prayed for me.
And you know what God did?
Answer that prayer.
Because of prayers of mycommunity.
So reach out to your community.
Don't try to face yoursuffering, your hardship, what
(38:13):
you're going through byyourself.
You don't.
Remember, I love you, but Godloves you so much more.
I'll see you guys in two weeks.
Bye.
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