May 25, 2025 • 34 mins
You can download your FREE report on how you can avoid financial mistakes as a dentist using the link just here >>> dentistswhoinvest.com/podcastreport
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What if your financial reality is shaped more by your beliefs than your bank account? In this powerful episode, money mindset expert Tom Fortes-Mayer explores how deep-rooted thoughts and emotions influence wealth, success, and personal fulfilment.
Tom introduces the idea of “dirty fuel” versus “clean fuel” when it comes to motivation. Many of us drive success from fear, validation, or past pain, which creates resistance. True financial freedom comes from alignment, clarity, and a sense of internal abundance.
He shares striking personal stories like how a childhood belief about a £300 wage subconsciously capped his earnings years later. These experiences reveal how unexamined beliefs can quietly limit our potential until we choose to shift them.
One standout moment is Tom’s “umbrella miracle,” a story that brings together mindset, gratitude, and manifestation in a way that’s both magical and practical. Throughout the episode, you’ll find clear strategies to uncover and transform limiting money beliefs so you can welcome more wealth, time, and opportunity into your life.
If you’re ready to rethink how you create success, this episode offers both inspiration and a practical path forward.
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Disclaimer: All content on this channel is for education purposes only and does not constitute an investment recommendation or individual financial advice. For that, you should speak to a regulated, independent professional. The value of investments and the income from them can go down as well as up, so you may get back less than you invest. The views expressed on this channel may no longer be current. The information provided is not a personal recommendation for any particular investment. Tax treatment depends on individual circumstances and all tax rules may change in the future. If you are unsure about the suitability of an investment, you should speak to a regulated, independent professional. Investment figures quoted refer to simulated past performance and that past performance is not a reliable indicator of future results/performance.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr James (00:00):
Welcome back to this episode of the Dentists Who
Invest podcast.
Today, we're going to beexploring money, mindset,
miracles, what all those thingsmean, exploring them on a deeper
level so that you canunderstand how you can
consciously attract this stuffinto your life and then
therefore welcome wealth in allits forms, both in the forms of
financial, but also time.
That's why I'm joined today byTom Fortes-Mayer, money Mindset
(00:24):
Coach, and who better to learnall this stuff from and share in
their expertise of somebody whodoes this day in, day out?
Tom, my man, it's been a littlewhile since you've been on the
podcast.
You need to do something aboutthat, and that's why I've been
(00:46):
looking forward to this episodetoday about money and the
mindset almost like the mindsetof miracles.
You know, and I get that, yeah,miracles, there's an element of
chance there.
But what can we do to increasethe likelihood of this stuff
happening?
Because there's a science to itas well.
Right, very fortuitous events100.
Tom (00:59):
I mean, I know miracle sounds like a woo-woo title but
for me I know the differencebetween my mindset when I'm in a
bad place, when I'm contractedand things aren't going my way,
and the difference in myexperience of reality and the
opportunities that come my wayand the abundance that comes my
way when I'm in an expansive,positive, collaborative,
creative mindset.
Dr James (01:21):
It is the difference is tantamount to miracles and
how I have experienced it's justextraordinary things occurring
when I'm in that expanded,positive, abundant mindset right
and I think that's a reallynice way to frame things,
because I've always noticed withthis mindset stuff there's some
people who are really open toit and some people who have yet
to see its value, and I probablywas the former person for a big
(01:44):
period of my life, until Istarted to be intentional about
it, until I started to be opento it, until I started to use,
uh, some of the methods that, uh, you know, people like yourself
teach and it does work.
You do increase the odds ofpositive things happening yeah,
that's it.
Tom (02:02):
You're putting in yourself in luck's way, but you're also
you.
You're operating in a waywhere's way, but you're also.
You're operating in a way wherepeople around you feel lucky,
where people around you feelsafe, where people around you
feel inspired.
Does that give you influence?
Does that give you leadership?
Does that increase your sales?
Does that increase the peoplethat want to get you know dental
work from you?
(02:22):
Does that increase the chancethat people will come in on
investments with you?
The whole thing.
It's incredibly practical, butthe impact is magical.
It is magical and I have seen anumber of times where I have
found myself in a negativemindset and I've turned it
around and somethingextraordinary has happened,
(02:43):
sometimes even immediatelyaround, and something
extraordinary has happenedsometimes even immediately.
People forget to realize thatour consciousness is part of a
field of connected consciousness.
Quantum physics has proven thatand therefore what we're, what
we are putting out there, has animpact.
There's a connection, anon-local connection, between
where, between what we're doingand how everything is happening.
(03:05):
How we do one thing is how wedo everything, and everything is
related.
Our life is a reflection ofwhat we're thinking, what we're
believing, what we're expecting,what we believe we deserve.
Now I work with people who, forwhatever reasons, that they
think their success is going tomake them happy, or they think
their success is going to meanthat they're finally a good boy
or a good girl, or you know,they've got all their reasons
(03:26):
for being a good dentist, or forbeing a good citizen, or being
a good person, or whatever itmay be.
And it's about looking at, okay, what's driving you, what is
what's in your psychology thatis defining you?
What are you compensating for?
What are you trying to prove?
All this stuff it's like wetalk about we talked about this
before James is dirty fuel,right.
It's like it actually makespeople pretty successful, right.
(03:48):
But if you really want to takeit to the next level, you want
to clean the oil, clean the fuel, change the paradigm, look at
better beliefs that are drivingyou.
And, in short, we're talkingabout the difference being
driven from fear, which isfierce, right or whether we are
filled with a kind of abundantcertainty of our intrinsic value
(04:10):
.
You know, there's such a bigdifference in the choices we
make and the lifestyle that wewon't compromise on.
All of these things have amassive impact on how we turn up
, how people feel around us.
You know, I know you have hungaround and have connection to,
and are on your way to becomingphenomenally wealthy.
(04:31):
But you know, when you'rearound people who have
phenomenal wealth, there's anair and an energy, a certainty,
a relaxation in their system.
You know that they are, are setfor life, their children's
children are set for life.
Now they're just playing withthe variables and enjoying the
game of expansion and abundance.
(04:52):
Right, the good ones.
There are some who are superwealthy, who are still
completely petrified and they'retense and they're still
counting every penny and they're, you know, for me they're still
in a lack mindset.
They just got lucky enough tobreak free, had a good enough
idea or whatever.
But for me, looking atunderstanding like what's the
optimal way of thinking,believing, expecting, you know,
(05:15):
and how can you improve that?
Dr James (05:17):
because that will turn up in your bank balance every
time and you know, when you talkabout, uh, those individuals, I
can think of one person, uh,that I know reasonably well and
they're pretty affluent, prettywealthy, but despite their
physical and material success,they definitely have that lack
mindset and this is someone whoI know fairly well.
(05:39):
Um, and I can see how I I oftenthink to myself I'm like, yeah,
you've done well, but I just Idefinitely think you could be
doing better if you modifiedyour perception of the world to
account for the fact that youare now wealthy.
Because they still snatch atopportunities and they try to
control things a little too muchand it repels people and it's
(06:01):
definitely repelled me beforefrom becoming closer with them
and working with them in abusiness sense, and it's like,
yes, you've done well, but youcould be doing better if you
just looked internally.
But the problem with thosepeople sometimes is because
they've got their validationthrough becoming wealthy.
They think that how they are isa superior, is is like the
(06:24):
superior state is working.
Exactly, it's working.
That's what I'm trying to sayand you can't get through to
them, right?
Tom (06:28):
yeah, definitely met people like that yeah, of course you
know people who've got a goodsystem.
You know, it's like you know,if you've got a fairly fast car,
even in fourth gear, you'llbreak records, right.
It will beat most people offthe lights right as in, you know
, or or on a straight right, butthen people don't realize
you've got a fifth gear, you'vegot a sixth gear, you've got,
you know, you haven't got sixcylinders, you've got 24.
(06:50):
It's like there's way morescope, you know, and it's not
about higher revs, it's actuallyabout lower revs, greater speed
.
You know, it's just like if youknew you were going to get
there, you don't need to tear atit in quite the same way, you
know.
It's like what's that energywhere you get to relax back and
propel forward because you like,if you absolutely knew that you
(07:13):
were going to be a success, howwould you operate?
You think about lifestyle firstwhilst you're on your way and
all these different things.
It's like taking some dedicatedtime to think about who am I,
why am?
Am I doing what I'm doing?
What do I believe about myself?
What do I believe about success?
What do I believe about money?
When you start really looking atthose beliefs, you realize that
most of those ideas have notbeen designed by you.
(07:36):
You've received them from theculture, from your family and
all of them some of them good,some of them bad.
They're not the truth of what'spossible, right, and so it's
worth looking at or identifyingall of your beliefs about
success, money, life, lifebalance, and really asking
yourself where did that comefrom?
Does it serve me?
(07:56):
And what would be a moreempowering belief?
Like literally get them all outof your mind onto a piece of
paper and think long and hardabout what truly serves you and
what belief.
How could each of those beliefsbe enhanced?
And your character too, like,if you really look at who you
are, the good bits, the not sogood bits, it's like, are you
(08:19):
actively looking at how toenhance that?
Do you have a plan in place?
Do you have a strategy?
Because our dreams and ourdream life and our dream amount
of abundance is calling usforward into a way of being
that's different to who we aretoday.
We have to change, we have tobe willing to change, we have to
be excited to evolve into whowe're becoming, to be a
(08:39):
vibrational match for thatfuture that we're trying to
create, right.
Dr James (08:47):
Plus, I swear, you just actually get to enjoy it as
well.
Tom (08:49):
Yeah, well, because along the way people say oh, you know,
it's not about the destination,it's the journey.
It's like the journey sucks.
It's full of frustration andand and disappointment and staff
members letting us down andstock market fluctuations that
we weren't able to understand.
It's like the journey's hard,full stop.
But if we, if we have a deeppassion for becoming better so
(09:12):
it's more about taking joy inwho we're becoming on the
journey then when it's hard, wesee that as just a great
opportunity to develop ourcharacter then then we're.
The focus is in the right placeto bring our best to life and,
of course, if we do thatconsistently, then people will
love us to be around.
All of the abundance comes.
Dr James (09:30):
The abundance is a practical reflection of value
that you add to others boom, andhow can we go about being more
intentional about working onthis or our beliefs?
Tom (09:45):
yep, I love that.
I mean, I think it's reallyimportant to list all your
beliefs about money or yourbeliefs about success and just
get them out on a piece of paper.
You know it's like when itcomes to money, I believe you
know.
When it comes to me and money,I believe you know.
Just get them all out.
We've all probably got 20 or 30like errant beliefs knocking
around our head around money,success, how hard we have to
(10:07):
work, whether we can rely onpeople.
When you look at those policepaper, you'll see your parents
and their story and yourgrandparents story woven through
all of that Right, and your jobis to go like.
You know, I don't want to bedefined by my past and I don't
want to be defined by mycompensation for my past,
because most people go fuck that, I'm gonna do this.
(10:27):
They're gonna oppose the storyof the family and go another way
.
They swing the pendulum thatway and some of that's great,
but it's again, it's still inrelationship to something
limited.
You want to completely get allthose beliefs out, really
understand where they came fromand really work on then choosing
, so understanding once you'velocated negative beliefs.
(10:49):
There is some tech about how doyou dissolve a limiting belief
and how do you re-imprint apositive belief, right?
So in simple terms, we cantrack most of our beliefs to
formative moments.
So I remember when I was a kid,when I was, you know, when I was
first looking at my psychologyaround this.
This is a long, long time ago.
I just started in privatepractice as a hypnotherapist,
(11:12):
which is my first modality.
I've learned many moretransformational modalities, but
when I first started I was ahypnotist and I was helping all
sorts of people with stress,anxiety, phobias, weight loss,
smoking cessation, all thatstuff.
And I'm so pleased I learned mytrade in that skill set because
I still believe that any toolthat puts you in touch with the
unconscious is it's the mostpowerful thing to create change,
(11:33):
right.
But I remember, you know, I wascharging like 30, 40 quid an
hour, something right, above acrystal shop in Moseley,
birmingham, right?
So humble beginnings, right.
I was so happy because I wassuddenly adding value to
people's lives.
But I remember when I waslooking, my kind of earnings cap
(11:54):
was about 300 pounds a week,right, which is not much, right.
But it seemed like magically,like this glass ceiling I
couldn't get beyond for a coupleof months and I didn't
understand, right and um, when Ilooked into it this is going to
sound weird, right, but it'sthat number would seem to be
really specific anyway.
(12:15):
So I went, used this technique,closed my eyes, thought about
that number and I just I justreflected what have I learned
about money and that figure and,like, when's that been relevant
?
Or where's this come from?
And I kid you not, James.
One distinct memory popped up,for when I was about 11 and I
was talking to my then mucholder cousin who was like 21 or
(12:37):
something like that, and he hadjust started working on the oil
rigs, right, and this is in the80s, and he was making 300
pounds a week.
Now, this is when I was stillgetting 50 per week pocket money
, right.
And when he told me he wasgetting 300 pounds a week, it
blew my little baby mind.
I couldn't imagine wealth likethat, right.
(13:00):
And it had such a big imprinton me, right, such a big imprint
on me as a significant amountof money that my unconscious was
really struggling to imaginethat someone could earn more
than that.
And years later, that was havingan impact on what I believed
was possible or what I believedI could charge.
When I'd resolved that, it wasobvious to me that I was
(13:24):
massively undercharging for whatI was doing.
And I was able to step into itand within a matter of months, I
was you know, I was doublingthat.
And then, you know, continuegoing and you know, now, you
know, know the kind of fees thatI charge for the work that I do
, you know, and it's, yeah, itis, um.
That's just one example of oneconversation that happened when
(13:47):
I was 11 that was having animpact on what I believe was
possible for me crazy, isn't it?
Dr James (13:54):
and it's.
I think part of the battle iseven realizing what those
beliefs are that are holding youback, because you can't
identify them sometimes.
But then when you do identifythem, that's you're like that's
a huge hurdle you've justovercome and the next thing is
to think but why do I think that?
Where do it came from?
Was that a belief given to meby someone else?
(14:17):
Was that a conclusion that Iformed when I knew very little
about the world, when I was likefour?
Yeah, and it still lives in myhead and I've never thought to
question it since.
It still lives in theresubconsciously absolutely.
Tom (14:30):
And also, you know, going in, I, you, my dad, um, you know
, it kind of all came out thatthat he was a bit of a
shopaholic actually, even thoughhe was a successful doctor, he
had quite a lot of debt and whenit kind of and no one in the
family really knew the extent ofit, but when it came out it was
a massive shock to all of us mymom, everyone and it was
(14:53):
embarrassing for him and thatwas more.
The conversation with my cousinwas just an errant belief that
I'd formed.
Right, there was no traumaassociated with that.
It was just set my internalbarometer around what a lot was
right.
Yeah, we all have lots of thoseand it's worth increasing that
barometer.
We've talked about that before.
But this was different.
(15:14):
This was trauma.
This was me being disappointedin my dad when I was 14.
This was me dealing with thefact my dad was in quite
significant debt, right, and Ithought he was a successful kind
of you know, not not a wealthyman like in terms of
entrepreneurs and so on, but asa doctor, you know, kind of
upper middle class kind of youknow, vibe.
I thought we had money, youknow, and when I found out about
(15:38):
that debt.
It really sent a shock wavearound my beliefs about my dad,
my beliefs, that stuff.
Now, instead of thinking that mydad was a loser at that moment,
right, or being able to judgehim or process the
disappointment or the fear thatI felt, I just told myself oh,
that's just normal, loads ofpeople carry debt, countries
carry debt.
You know, I made debt normal,but then, as part of my
(16:02):
relationship with money, what Inoticed was I was making, even
though I was making good money,I still had debt.
My relationship to debt wasdysfunctional and I was making
bad choices around the type ofdebt that I had.
Of course we know certain.
You know, property dealsinvolve borrowing other people's
money.
You can make a lot of moneywith the right kind of debt,
right, of course we know that.
(16:23):
But I had some bad debt and Iwas managing it badly.
When I looked at that, it'sbecause I'd normalized my dad's
behavior as a way of protectingme from that disappointment in
him.
So I had to deal with thedisappointment in him and
therefore dissolve.
Debt is normal.
So then I could feeldisappointed in him, no longer
needed to defend against it witha bullshit narrative which was
(16:46):
packed full of limitation andthen my relationship to debt
changed.
Right, it's another example,right, it's like this stuff, you
know.
So anyone listening to thisthey're like.
I cannot recommend getting youknow a handful of sessions with
uh, with someone who can dounconscious work, a
hypnotherapist who's got aspecialism around you know
wealth psychology.
It's like.
Get in there, find out what areyour beliefs, where do they
(17:08):
come from, you know?
Dr James (17:10):
Well, it's like I think we said this in another
podcast.
Right, there's between you and I.
I heard this somewhere once andit really stuck with me and it
was like the wealthiest peoplein the world Just see the world
in the clearest fashion, as inthey have the least internal
filters Whenever it comes totheir thoughts and opinions
around money, because obviouslythat facilitates them Welcoming
(17:33):
more wealth into their life.
They just see the world as itclearly is and they don't have
all these almost traumas in away, uh, or prejudices that make
them take action or not takeaction because of certain things
that happened to them in a partin the past, like you know,
with me in debt, you know, I, I,I kind of reflect on that and I
kind of have the opposite, uhopinion, because it was a big
(17:56):
deal in my house, if anybodyever borrowed money.
So I've, literally I have neverborrowed money apart from my
student loan.
And if I do, even if I havelike a credit card or something
and I need to pay it, I'll payit like a week before.
Or if I owe someone like a quidbecause they've lent me a quid,
I like go out of my way to findthem and give them this pound,
(18:16):
even when it's really notconvenient.
Tom (18:18):
You know, as in go to their house or whatever, because it's
just in my head that I andthat's healthy on a personal
level, but if you're puttingtogether a big deal, it could
hold you back in terms of andthis.
Dr James (18:29):
That's exactly where I was going with it.
That's, yeah, yeah, that's notme getting all pious, that is me
saying actually that in a wayhinders me in certain things
because I'm probably less likelyto borrow money to make things
happen and it can work incertain situations.
Tom (18:43):
Yeah, yeah, you could borrow money to work with me.
You know that would be a reallygood investment.
You know it's.
It depends what people might doRight, and it's understanding
what's driving those beliefs.
But a good example of whatyou're talking about, ransin
clearly without the theemotional attachment is people
who decide to do trading orspread betting and they first do
it with a practice accountright, fake money, right.
(19:05):
So they get their 200 grand intheir fake account right and
they practice and they'regetting great results right,
because when it's you knowthey've bet against the market
or whatever, or it's going downor however it may be going, they
don't panic about their stops.
They don't panic about theirlosses because it's not real
money.
Being able to hold your coolwhilst you're watching your bet
(19:28):
tank, right, it's a differentlevel of attachment.
It's a different level ofcomposure and resilience and
it's like understanding the longgame and resilience.
And it's like understanding thelong game, holding steady.
And also, some people, whenthey should cut their losses
(19:48):
right, they've just they've losta shitload and they should
recognize that they should stop.
You know they hope it's goingto turn around and instead of
getting out when they should,they're too attached to the
outcome they can't bear just tocome out of a trade and lose
significantly.
So they just stay in and losemore significantly because
they're too attached, they'renot following their strategy,
they're not following theirsystem, they're breaking their
(20:08):
own rules because they are tooinvested, they're too close,
they're too attached.
It takes and it's really hard tobe that dispassionate, to be
that clear and to be thatsystemized if you've got a whole
bunch of unresolved tension andfear and anxiety in your system
, which, by the way, everyonehas, everyone has.
(20:29):
Most people have an operatingsystem that has a certain amount
of storage capacity.
So you might not spend all dayswalking around feeling like
you've got tension or anxiety.
But if I could remove from yoursystem the anxiety that's there
, my God, you'd feel thedifference.
And just, we've got so used towalking around with 20%, 30%
residual stress.
We don't even notice it.
(20:50):
We don't even notice it, so wedon't know.
It's like everyone's trying todrive around town and the
handbrake is like 20% on.
You can drive a car with a 20%handbrake on.
You don't notice, you barelynotice, but it has.
It means takes more fuel, putstrain on the disc pads, it's
like it's hard.
In my business I'm trying tosell a service, sometimes to
(21:10):
people who don't know how muchthey're holding themselves back
well, this is the thing, it'sthe nature of the subconscious.
Dr James (21:19):
Some people don't even acknowledge it's a thing in the
first place.
So how can they?
How can they ever realize that?
And I probably sat in that campfor a long period of my life,
whereas now I am prettypassionate about sharing this
stuff because it really helpedme.
I think it can unlock a lot ofthings for a lot of people, and
it's it's it's just objectivelytrue like there's two parts of
your brain there's what you'rethinking and then there's what
(21:43):
you're feeling yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah.
Tom (21:45):
And understanding it's not what's happening, it's what
we're feeling about what'shappening which is determining
our life, determining oursuccess, determining the impact
our past has on us.
But I want to share a briefstory about an actual, outright,
absolute miracle happened inKentish town.
Do you want to hear it?
Dr James (22:00):
Yes.
Tom (22:01):
Okay, this is all about mindset.
Okay, whether you apply this toyour relationships, whether,
yes, okay, this is all aboutmindset.
Okay, whether you apply this toyour relationships, whether you
apply it to what you're earning, whether you apply it to your
relationship to life in general,right.
But some years back I, um, Iwas it was as fresh out of uh a
it wasn't an acrimonious divorce, but it was still painful,
right.
Separate from my partner, I'dkind of lost everything.
(22:23):
My business has gone down much.
I'd.
I was in a crisis of faith aboutmyself and life in general.
I'd, um, I was living in thistiny like bed sit in Crouch, and
my partner was in the familyhome the nice family home in
Highgate, and I wasn't livingfull-time with my then young
daughter and I was pretty angryabout everything, pretty sad
(22:44):
about everything, and I was in apretty negative place and my
life wasn't living full timewith my then young daughter and
I was pretty angry abouteverything, pretty sad about
everything, and I was in apretty negative place and my
life wasn't going so great and Iwas trying to turn it around.
I knew mindset is everything.
I was teaching that, right.
So I was also feeling like afraud, right.
So it was a dark time, right,and I remember I was like a
Wednesday and I sat at my deskand I got a phone call from my
(23:04):
ex because whoever had the kidhad the nice car right.
So we had the nice family carand so whoever had the kid had
the car, which meant my wife,who had my kid most of the time,
had my fucking car right.
So it was a difficult spot,right.
I didn't really have the moneyto buy another one.
It was a really dark time in mybusiness, in my life, right and
(23:26):
um, and she called me and shetold me that the car had broken
down.
Now it's not her fault that itbroke down while she was driving
it, but I was angry with her.
I wanted to blame her right andum, but you know she'd been
driving the car, uh, but she'dbeen going to where she was
going and she was managed.
There was someone there whoactually helped her park the car
(23:47):
because the steering had gone,the power steering had gone and
she could barely move thesteering wheel and this was
really all very, very annoyingand I had to stop what I was
doing and go down and, you know,try and get the car sorted
Right.
So I'm angry about all this.
Go down, I find the car.
Fortunately there's a garagejust around the corner which
(24:08):
works with that particular makercar and it's tiny garage.
But they were available and hesaid I'll have a look at it
tomorrow first thing, and I'lllet you know now.
I couldn't really afford anyexpensive repairs to this car,
right?
So I was nervous anyway.
So he called me the next day andhe was like yeah, yeah, it's
(24:29):
probably.
It's probably going to be aboutfive, six hundred quid, which
to me then was a lot.
I was really like it's like Isaid how long is it going to
take?
And he's like I should have itdone by Friday.
Now, on Friday there was onething in my diary which was my
mate out of town in his countrymanner, was having a beautiful
party and all I wanted to do wasto go be with my friends, have
this party, right.
(24:50):
So this was important to meanyway.
So he says I should have itdone, right, I'm like fine, he
calls me Friday lunchtime.
He's like it's going to be done.
He's the car's going to befinished, right, I'm like great.
It's like he's like you pick itup at the end of the day.
I'm like what time do you close?
He's like five o'clock.
I was like brilliant.
He's like 10 minutes walk fromKentish town tube.
Right, I get ready for theparty.
(25:13):
Put on my nice clothes, I'mgoing to go pick up the car,
drive to my mate's house, likeI'm going to have a great night.
Fine, like fine, I can't reallyafford the fees, but I'm going
to cobble it together, we'regood.
Anyway, I came Kentish town tube.
It's got one exit, it's got oneof those you know like like 10
feet, 15 feet across, justopenings, and it opens right
(25:35):
onto the pavement.
Right, it's one of those smallones, but I came up the
escalator and it was about halffour.
I had some time in hand, right.
I came up the escalator andeven though it was that time and
it's in the summer, it wasabout half four, I had some time
in hand, right.
I came up the escalator and eventhough it was that time and
it's in the summer, it was dark.
I'm like what's going on?
And it was one of those thunder, rainstorm situations where
(25:56):
it's the type of rain that ifyou walk in it for even more
than like 10, 20 seconds, you'resoaked through.
It was like buckets, right, andI came up the elevator right
and I'm looking and I look andmy heart sank.
I was like I was in the clothesthat I wanted to wear for the
party, right, I didn't haveanything else or any means to go
(26:18):
back and sort it out.
I had to go straight from thereto the party.
I'm like, no, and it wasn't.
It's not one of those places.
Got a kiosk with bloodyumbrellas for sale, right, it's
very you know, there's nothingthere.
I was like no one thing.
That was funny.
There was a woman who wasleaning against the wall
watching people come up theescalator, realizing the
nightmare of the weather, andshe was giggling and she really
thought my reaction was funnyand so I smiled at her and I
(26:42):
thought that was funny.
Anyway, I I realized I've got abit of time spare, right, I've
got a bit of time spare before Ineed to go and walk to get the
car Right, and I was like I wasin the worst fucking mood.
I was pissed about my ex, I waspissed about the car breaking
and the spending, the money.
I went in to a full onon pityparty.
(27:04):
I was furious, I was angry,right, and I'd only be doing
this for about five minutes andI caught myself.
I was like you are cursingyourself right now.
What the hell are you doing,right?
You can't live like this man.
You need to.
And it wasn't just about thismoment, it was about my life,
right?
Yeah, it's time to sort thisout, man.
You've been bitching, you'vebeen, you're in your own way,
(27:26):
man, and nothing's working.
No one wants to work with you.
Nothing's happening.
And it's you, yeah, on you.
And I caught it in this moment,right, and this is the moment I
changed my life.
And a miracle followedimmediately.
So, right, so you've just gotthe scene now set, right?
So I'm there and I think holdon, stop.
(27:47):
You know how to do this.
So I decided to close my eyes.
I put my hands out by my sideslightly, widen my legs a little
bit, put my head back, and Idecided to open my body's
physiology and think aboutthings I could be grateful for,
right, and I had to force it.
But you know what happened?
I realized James, hold on aminute my ex had been driving
the car.
It broke down while she wasdriving it.
(28:07):
Now I'm still angry with her,but I still love her.
I didn't want her to be hurt.
She could have died.
My kid could have been in thatcar.
They could have both died.
She managed to break down justwhen she got to where she was
going, and it was right by aparking spot in Kentistown.
That's unheard of, and therewas someone there that could see
that she was struggling andoffered to help.
(28:27):
That's a miracle, right.
Then there was one garageliterally one corner away that
specialized in that specifictype of foreign car and they had
space in their tiny littlegarage to work on it immediately
.
And considering the repairs inthat car could have been insane
the fact it was only 500 quid.
(28:47):
It was also a flipping miracle,right.
I'm starting to feel likeactually there's some magic at
play.
Actually I'm beingunnecessarily grumpy and I'm
starting to believe.
And then this idea captures me.
James, I think, hold on aminute, I think the rain's gonna
stop.
And I part of this, this idea.
It's like and I look, I halfopened one eye, right, and it
(29:07):
was worse, it was fuckingpelting it down.
I'm like this is not gonna work.
And then I was like, but whatif you really believe, like,
come on, you can like what ifyour power of positivity could
make it so that the rain stops,right, I'm like.
So I closed my eyes and myheart was like that's ridiculous
.
You shouldn't try and make therain stop.
You should just trust thatwhatever happens will be okay.
(29:29):
Like, just trust, get back tosome kind of faith.
So I made the commitment.
I had like 10 more minutesbefore I had to leave to get the
garage on time, right, and nomatter what, no matter what, I'm
going to walk out, I'm going towalk out.
Whether I'm going to walk out,whether it's rain or shine or
whatever, I'm going to trust andgo.
And if I get soaked and I'm wetat the party, fuck it, I take
(29:49):
it Right.
And I was now feeling the vibe,I was feeling the love and I
was working this and Ivisualized just being OK.
And I tell you, I open my eyesand a little part of me was
hoping it was going to be bright.
You know, the clouds had parted, but I could still hear the
rain, right.
And I looked up and it wasworse, it was darker and it was
(30:09):
wet and it was soaking.
And, by the way, there wasabout 50 people all waiting for
the weather to stop right, allcrowding the thing.
But I made a deal.
I made a deal.
I have to leave now to go getthe car.
So I march, so I march.
I'm set about five meters backfrom the exit and I march like
this.
I'm like I'm going out, right,and I'm just about to walk out
into the absolute insane rain,and then I panic, right, my
(30:34):
little human goes I don't wantto get away, I don't want to get
, I don't want to walk out inthe rain, and I stop just as I
get to the edge.
But because I have that bit ofpanic, my hand, because I've
been marching, swings up high,like up high, unusually high,
and I'm literally just kind offalling out the doorway because
I've stopped myself.
And at that exact moment, James, a man, had walked up to the
(30:56):
tube and he had one of thoseumbrellas that had been so
beaten by the rain it snapped.
He no longer wanted theumbrella anymore, but it still
worked as an umbrella, and heheld up the umbrella and said
does anyone want this?
And the distance between hisfist and my hand as it swung up
was about an inch and I took theumbrella and I walked down the
(31:17):
street.
It was a miracle.
So the rain did stop, the raindid stop, right.
But you know the most funnything about that story, right?
And I promise you, from thatmoment I turned my life around.
I turned my life around.
But you know, I don't eventhink it was about me.
I think it was about that woman, right, who was leaning against
the wall.
She saw me come up the stairs,be fucked off.
(31:39):
She saw me close my eyes, putmy hands out, do some fucking
thing and then walk out andmagically manifest an umbrella,
right, I think she must haveblown her mind, right?
I'd love to interview her, butas I walked down that street and
I tears down my face, I learnedthe most important lesson in
life.
It's like we can.
We can rail against what is, orwe can choose our response and
(32:01):
bring the magic back to life andit's true, and it can happen in
any moment.
Any moment, whoever's listeningto this right now, there's
something you're complainingabout, there's something you're
unhappy about, or you'reoperating with beliefs that you
aren't even aware of.
In a really deep way, lookingat who you are, why you think
(32:23):
you are that person, what thatperson believes and why they
believe them, and how you canenhance that, it will make
miraculous differences in yourin, in your life.
You know, and that's why Iguarantee results with the work
that I do, because I know thatif we can find and locate
negative beliefs and you changethem, your life will be
transformed.
And and it is every anyone cando and anyone can do it, anyone
(32:46):
can do it just by writing outthese beliefs and understanding
them and making a commitment towork on improving what you
believe and how you behave andhow you operate.
And, yeah, you'll see massivedifferences, and it turns up not
just in how you're being, butthe phone rings.
More, more opportunities comeyour way, more umbrellas come
your way.
The sun didn't shine and theumbrella didn't even work right,
(33:08):
so it might not be how youexpect it, but something will
happen, something will shift andopportunities will arise, and
as long as you're there to meetthem.
And the one thing I'll say isyou know what my anxiety?
It was the panic that meant Iwas in the right place.
If I'd marched out withoutstopping, I would have been
(33:29):
three steps out.
I'd have missed the umbrella.
So as I was walking down thestreet, I thought you know what
I really beat myself up becausein that moment of panic I really
gave myself a hard time,because I've made a commitment
to bowl out, but because I'd hadthat pause.
So there is a timing to ourfear, there is a timing to our
worries.
It's all part of a systemthat's balanced and, you know,
(33:50):
kind of miraculous.
So it's being gentle withourselves when we have fears and
doubts, but then still choosingto transcend them and bring our
best to life.
It makes all the difference.
Welcome back to this episode of the Dentists Who
Invest podcast.
Today, we're going to beexploring money, mindset,
miracles, what all those thingsmean, exploring them on a deeper
level so that you canunderstand how you can
consciously attract this stuffinto your life and then
therefore welcome wealth in allits forms, both in the forms of
financial, but also time.
That's why I'm joined today byTom Fortes-Mayer, money Mindset
(00:24):
Coach, and who better to learnall this stuff from and share in
their expertise of somebody whodoes this day in, day out?
Tom, my man, it's been a littlewhile since you've been on the
podcast.
You need to do something aboutthat, and that's why I've been
(00:46):
looking forward to this episodetoday about money and the
mindset almost like the mindsetof miracles.
You know, and I get that, yeah,miracles, there's an element of
chance there.
But what can we do to increasethe likelihood of this stuff
happening?
Because there's a science to itas well.
Right, very fortuitous events100.
Tom (00:59):
I mean, I know miracle sounds like a woo-woo title but
for me I know the differencebetween my mindset when I'm in a
bad place, when I'm contractedand things aren't going my way,
and the difference in myexperience of reality and the
opportunities that come my wayand the abundance that comes my
way when I'm in an expansive,positive, collaborative,
creative mindset.
Dr James (01:21):
It is the difference is tantamount to miracles and
how I have experienced it's justextraordinary things occurring
when I'm in that expanded,positive, abundant mindset right
and I think that's a reallynice way to frame things,
because I've always noticed withthis mindset stuff there's some
people who are really open toit and some people who have yet
to see its value, and I probablywas the former person for a big
(01:44):
period of my life, until Istarted to be intentional about
it, until I started to be opento it, until I started to use,
uh, some of the methods that, uh, you know, people like yourself
teach and it does work.
You do increase the odds ofpositive things happening yeah,
that's it.
Tom (02:02):
You're putting in yourself in luck's way, but you're also
you.
You're operating in a waywhere's way, but you're also.
You're operating in a way wherepeople around you feel lucky,
where people around you feelsafe, where people around you
feel inspired.
Does that give you influence?
Does that give you leadership?
Does that increase your sales?
Does that increase the peoplethat want to get you know dental
work from you?
(02:22):
Does that increase the chancethat people will come in on
investments with you?
The whole thing.
It's incredibly practical, butthe impact is magical.
It is magical and I have seen anumber of times where I have
found myself in a negativemindset and I've turned it
around and somethingextraordinary has happened,
(02:43):
sometimes even immediatelyaround, and something
extraordinary has happenedsometimes even immediately.
People forget to realize thatour consciousness is part of a
field of connected consciousness.
Quantum physics has proven thatand therefore what we're, what
we are putting out there, has animpact.
There's a connection, anon-local connection, between
where, between what we're doingand how everything is happening.
(03:05):
How we do one thing is how wedo everything, and everything is
related.
Our life is a reflection ofwhat we're thinking, what we're
believing, what we're expecting,what we believe we deserve.
Now I work with people who, forwhatever reasons, that they
think their success is going tomake them happy, or they think
their success is going to meanthat they're finally a good boy
or a good girl, or you know,they've got all their reasons
(03:26):
for being a good dentist, or forbeing a good citizen, or being
a good person, or whatever itmay be.
And it's about looking at, okay, what's driving you, what is
what's in your psychology thatis defining you?
What are you compensating for?
What are you trying to prove?
All this stuff it's like wetalk about we talked about this
before James is dirty fuel,right.
It's like it actually makespeople pretty successful, right.
(03:48):
But if you really want to takeit to the next level, you want
to clean the oil, clean the fuel, change the paradigm, look at
better beliefs that are drivingyou.
And, in short, we're talkingabout the difference being
driven from fear, which isfierce, right or whether we are
filled with a kind of abundantcertainty of our intrinsic value
(04:10):
.
You know, there's such a bigdifference in the choices we
make and the lifestyle that wewon't compromise on.
All of these things have amassive impact on how we turn up
, how people feel around us.
You know, I know you have hungaround and have connection to,
and are on your way to becomingphenomenally wealthy.
(04:31):
But you know, when you'rearound people who have
phenomenal wealth, there's anair and an energy, a certainty,
a relaxation in their system.
You know that they are, are setfor life, their children's
children are set for life.
Now they're just playing withthe variables and enjoying the
game of expansion and abundance.
(04:52):
Right, the good ones.
There are some who are superwealthy, who are still
completely petrified and they'retense and they're still
counting every penny and they're, you know, for me they're still
in a lack mindset.
They just got lucky enough tobreak free, had a good enough
idea or whatever.
But for me, looking atunderstanding like what's the
optimal way of thinking,believing, expecting, you know,
(05:15):
and how can you improve that?
Dr James (05:17):
because that will turn up in your bank balance every
time and you know, when you talkabout, uh, those individuals, I
can think of one person, uh,that I know reasonably well and
they're pretty affluent, prettywealthy, but despite their
physical and material success,they definitely have that lack
mindset and this is someone whoI know fairly well.
(05:39):
Um, and I can see how I I oftenthink to myself I'm like, yeah,
you've done well, but I just Idefinitely think you could be
doing better if you modifiedyour perception of the world to
account for the fact that youare now wealthy.
Because they still snatch atopportunities and they try to
control things a little too muchand it repels people and it's
(06:01):
definitely repelled me beforefrom becoming closer with them
and working with them in abusiness sense, and it's like,
yes, you've done well, but youcould be doing better if you
just looked internally.
But the problem with thosepeople sometimes is because
they've got their validationthrough becoming wealthy.
They think that how they are isa superior, is is like the
(06:24):
superior state is working.
Exactly, it's working.
That's what I'm trying to sayand you can't get through to
them, right?
Tom (06:28):
yeah, definitely met people like that yeah, of course you
know people who've got a goodsystem.
You know, it's like you know,if you've got a fairly fast car,
even in fourth gear, you'llbreak records, right.
It will beat most people offthe lights right as in, you know
, or or on a straight right, butthen people don't realize
you've got a fifth gear, you'vegot a sixth gear, you've got,
you know, you haven't got sixcylinders, you've got 24.
(06:50):
It's like there's way morescope, you know, and it's not
about higher revs, it's actuallyabout lower revs, greater speed
.
You know, it's just like if youknew you were going to get
there, you don't need to tear atit in quite the same way, you
know.
It's like what's that energywhere you get to relax back and
propel forward because you like,if you absolutely knew that you
(07:13):
were going to be a success, howwould you operate?
You think about lifestyle firstwhilst you're on your way and
all these different things.
It's like taking some dedicatedtime to think about who am I,
why am?
Am I doing what I'm doing?
What do I believe about myself?
What do I believe about success?
What do I believe about money?
When you start really looking atthose beliefs, you realize that
most of those ideas have notbeen designed by you.
(07:36):
You've received them from theculture, from your family and
all of them some of them good,some of them bad.
They're not the truth of what'spossible, right, and so it's
worth looking at or identifyingall of your beliefs about
success, money, life, lifebalance, and really asking
yourself where did that comefrom?
Does it serve me?
(07:56):
And what would be a moreempowering belief?
Like literally get them all outof your mind onto a piece of
paper and think long and hardabout what truly serves you and
what belief.
How could each of those beliefsbe enhanced?
And your character too, like,if you really look at who you
are, the good bits, the not sogood bits, it's like, are you
(08:19):
actively looking at how toenhance that?
Do you have a plan in place?
Do you have a strategy?
Because our dreams and ourdream life and our dream amount
of abundance is calling usforward into a way of being
that's different to who we aretoday.
We have to change, we have tobe willing to change, we have to
be excited to evolve into whowe're becoming, to be a
(08:39):
vibrational match for thatfuture that we're trying to
create, right.
Dr James (08:47):
Plus, I swear, you just actually get to enjoy it as
well.
Tom (08:49):
Yeah, well, because along the way people say oh, you know,
it's not about the destination,it's the journey.
It's like the journey sucks.
It's full of frustration andand and disappointment and staff
members letting us down andstock market fluctuations that
we weren't able to understand.
It's like the journey's hard,full stop.
But if we, if we have a deeppassion for becoming better so
(09:12):
it's more about taking joy inwho we're becoming on the
journey then when it's hard, wesee that as just a great
opportunity to develop ourcharacter then then we're.
The focus is in the right placeto bring our best to life and,
of course, if we do thatconsistently, then people will
love us to be around.
All of the abundance comes.
Dr James (09:30):
The abundance is a practical reflection of value
that you add to others boom, andhow can we go about being more
intentional about working onthis or our beliefs?
Tom (09:45):
yep, I love that.
I mean, I think it's reallyimportant to list all your
beliefs about money or yourbeliefs about success and just
get them out on a piece of paper.
You know it's like when itcomes to money, I believe you
know.
When it comes to me and money,I believe you know.
Just get them all out.
We've all probably got 20 or 30like errant beliefs knocking
around our head around money,success, how hard we have to
(10:07):
work, whether we can rely onpeople.
When you look at those policepaper, you'll see your parents
and their story and yourgrandparents story woven through
all of that Right, and your jobis to go like.
You know, I don't want to bedefined by my past and I don't
want to be defined by mycompensation for my past,
because most people go fuck that, I'm gonna do this.
(10:27):
They're gonna oppose the storyof the family and go another way
.
They swing the pendulum thatway and some of that's great,
but it's again, it's still inrelationship to something
limited.
You want to completely get allthose beliefs out, really
understand where they came fromand really work on then choosing
, so understanding once you'velocated negative beliefs.
(10:49):
There is some tech about how doyou dissolve a limiting belief
and how do you re-imprint apositive belief, right?
So in simple terms, we cantrack most of our beliefs to
formative moments.
So I remember when I was a kid,when I was, you know, when I was
first looking at my psychologyaround this.
This is a long, long time ago.
I just started in privatepractice as a hypnotherapist,
(11:12):
which is my first modality.
I've learned many moretransformational modalities, but
when I first started I was ahypnotist and I was helping all
sorts of people with stress,anxiety, phobias, weight loss,
smoking cessation, all thatstuff.
And I'm so pleased I learned mytrade in that skill set because
I still believe that any toolthat puts you in touch with the
unconscious is it's the mostpowerful thing to create change,
(11:33):
right.
But I remember, you know, I wascharging like 30, 40 quid an
hour, something right, above acrystal shop in Moseley,
birmingham, right?
So humble beginnings, right.
I was so happy because I wassuddenly adding value to
people's lives.
But I remember when I waslooking, my kind of earnings cap
(11:54):
was about 300 pounds a week,right, which is not much, right.
But it seemed like magically,like this glass ceiling I
couldn't get beyond for a coupleof months and I didn't
understand, right and um, when Ilooked into it this is going to
sound weird, right, but it'sthat number would seem to be
really specific anyway.
(12:15):
So I went, used this technique,closed my eyes, thought about
that number and I just I justreflected what have I learned
about money and that figure and,like, when's that been relevant
?
Or where's this come from?
And I kid you not, James.
One distinct memory popped up,for when I was about 11 and I
was talking to my then mucholder cousin who was like 21 or
(12:37):
something like that, and he hadjust started working on the oil
rigs, right, and this is in the80s, and he was making 300
pounds a week.
Now, this is when I was stillgetting 50 per week pocket money
, right.
And when he told me he wasgetting 300 pounds a week, it
blew my little baby mind.
I couldn't imagine wealth likethat, right.
(13:00):
And it had such a big imprinton me, right, such a big imprint
on me as a significant amountof money that my unconscious was
really struggling to imaginethat someone could earn more
than that.
And years later, that was havingan impact on what I believed
was possible or what I believedI could charge.
When I'd resolved that, it wasobvious to me that I was
(13:24):
massively undercharging for whatI was doing.
And I was able to step into itand within a matter of months, I
was you know, I was doublingthat.
And then, you know, continuegoing and you know, now, you
know, know the kind of fees thatI charge for the work that I do
, you know, and it's, yeah, itis, um.
That's just one example of oneconversation that happened when
(13:47):
I was 11 that was having animpact on what I believe was
possible for me crazy, isn't it?
Dr James (13:54):
and it's.
I think part of the battle iseven realizing what those
beliefs are that are holding youback, because you can't
identify them sometimes.
But then when you do identifythem, that's you're like that's
a huge hurdle you've justovercome and the next thing is
to think but why do I think that?
Where do it came from?
Was that a belief given to meby someone else?
(14:17):
Was that a conclusion that Iformed when I knew very little
about the world, when I was likefour?
Yeah, and it still lives in myhead and I've never thought to
question it since.
It still lives in theresubconsciously absolutely.
Tom (14:30):
And also, you know, going in, I, you, my dad, um, you know
, it kind of all came out thatthat he was a bit of a
shopaholic actually, even thoughhe was a successful doctor, he
had quite a lot of debt and whenit kind of and no one in the
family really knew the extent ofit, but when it came out it was
a massive shock to all of us mymom, everyone and it was
(14:53):
embarrassing for him and thatwas more.
The conversation with my cousinwas just an errant belief that
I'd formed.
Right, there was no traumaassociated with that.
It was just set my internalbarometer around what a lot was
right.
Yeah, we all have lots of thoseand it's worth increasing that
barometer.
We've talked about that before.
But this was different.
(15:14):
This was trauma.
This was me being disappointedin my dad when I was 14.
This was me dealing with thefact my dad was in quite
significant debt, right, and Ithought he was a successful kind
of you know, not not a wealthyman like in terms of
entrepreneurs and so on, but asa doctor, you know, kind of
upper middle class kind of youknow, vibe.
I thought we had money, youknow, and when I found out about
(15:38):
that debt.
It really sent a shock wavearound my beliefs about my dad,
my beliefs, that stuff.
Now, instead of thinking that mydad was a loser at that moment,
right, or being able to judgehim or process the
disappointment or the fear thatI felt, I just told myself oh,
that's just normal, loads ofpeople carry debt, countries
carry debt.
You know, I made debt normal,but then, as part of my
(16:02):
relationship with money, what Inoticed was I was making, even
though I was making good money,I still had debt.
My relationship to debt wasdysfunctional and I was making
bad choices around the type ofdebt that I had.
Of course we know certain.
You know, property dealsinvolve borrowing other people's
money.
You can make a lot of moneywith the right kind of debt,
right, of course we know that.
(16:23):
But I had some bad debt and Iwas managing it badly.
When I looked at that, it'sbecause I'd normalized my dad's
behavior as a way of protectingme from that disappointment in
him.
So I had to deal with thedisappointment in him and
therefore dissolve.
Debt is normal.
So then I could feeldisappointed in him, no longer
needed to defend against it witha bullshit narrative which was
(16:46):
packed full of limitation andthen my relationship to debt
changed.
Right, it's another example,right, it's like this stuff, you
know.
So anyone listening to thisthey're like.
I cannot recommend getting youknow a handful of sessions with
uh, with someone who can dounconscious work, a
hypnotherapist who's got aspecialism around you know
wealth psychology.
It's like.
Get in there, find out what areyour beliefs, where do they
(17:08):
come from, you know?
Dr James (17:10):
Well, it's like I think we said this in another
podcast.
Right, there's between you and I.
I heard this somewhere once andit really stuck with me and it
was like the wealthiest peoplein the world Just see the world
in the clearest fashion, as inthey have the least internal
filters Whenever it comes totheir thoughts and opinions
around money, because obviouslythat facilitates them Welcoming
(17:33):
more wealth into their life.
They just see the world as itclearly is and they don't have
all these almost traumas in away, uh, or prejudices that make
them take action or not takeaction because of certain things
that happened to them in a partin the past, like you know,
with me in debt, you know, I, I,I kind of reflect on that and I
kind of have the opposite, uhopinion, because it was a big
(17:56):
deal in my house, if anybodyever borrowed money.
So I've, literally I have neverborrowed money apart from my
student loan.
And if I do, even if I havelike a credit card or something
and I need to pay it, I'll payit like a week before.
Or if I owe someone like a quidbecause they've lent me a quid,
I like go out of my way to findthem and give them this pound,
(18:16):
even when it's really notconvenient.
Tom (18:18):
You know, as in go to their house or whatever, because it's
just in my head that I andthat's healthy on a personal
level, but if you're puttingtogether a big deal, it could
hold you back in terms of andthis.
Dr James (18:29):
That's exactly where I was going with it.
That's, yeah, yeah, that's notme getting all pious, that is me
saying actually that in a wayhinders me in certain things
because I'm probably less likelyto borrow money to make things
happen and it can work incertain situations.
Tom (18:43):
Yeah, yeah, you could borrow money to work with me.
You know that would be a reallygood investment.
You know it's.
It depends what people might doRight, and it's understanding
what's driving those beliefs.
But a good example of whatyou're talking about, ransin
clearly without the theemotional attachment is people
who decide to do trading orspread betting and they first do
it with a practice accountright, fake money, right.
(19:05):
So they get their 200 grand intheir fake account right and
they practice and they'regetting great results right,
because when it's you knowthey've bet against the market
or whatever, or it's going downor however it may be going, they
don't panic about their stops.
They don't panic about theirlosses because it's not real
money.
Being able to hold your coolwhilst you're watching your bet
(19:28):
tank, right, it's a differentlevel of attachment.
It's a different level ofcomposure and resilience and
it's like understanding the longgame and resilience.
And it's like understanding thelong game, holding steady.
And also, some people, whenthey should cut their losses
(19:48):
right, they've just they've losta shitload and they should
recognize that they should stop.
You know they hope it's goingto turn around and instead of
getting out when they should,they're too attached to the
outcome they can't bear just tocome out of a trade and lose
significantly.
So they just stay in and losemore significantly because
they're too attached, they'renot following their strategy,
they're not following theirsystem, they're breaking their
(20:08):
own rules because they are tooinvested, they're too close,
they're too attached.
It takes and it's really hard tobe that dispassionate, to be
that clear and to be thatsystemized if you've got a whole
bunch of unresolved tension andfear and anxiety in your system
, which, by the way, everyonehas, everyone has.
(20:29):
Most people have an operatingsystem that has a certain amount
of storage capacity.
So you might not spend all dayswalking around feeling like
you've got tension or anxiety.
But if I could remove from yoursystem the anxiety that's there
, my God, you'd feel thedifference.
And just, we've got so used towalking around with 20%, 30%
residual stress.
We don't even notice it.
(20:50):
We don't even notice it, so wedon't know.
It's like everyone's trying todrive around town and the
handbrake is like 20% on.
You can drive a car with a 20%handbrake on.
You don't notice, you barelynotice, but it has.
It means takes more fuel, putstrain on the disc pads, it's
like it's hard.
In my business I'm trying tosell a service, sometimes to
(21:10):
people who don't know how muchthey're holding themselves back
well, this is the thing, it'sthe nature of the subconscious.
Dr James (21:19):
Some people don't even acknowledge it's a thing in the
first place.
So how can they?
How can they ever realize that?
And I probably sat in that campfor a long period of my life,
whereas now I am prettypassionate about sharing this
stuff because it really helpedme.
I think it can unlock a lot ofthings for a lot of people, and
it's it's it's just objectivelytrue like there's two parts of
your brain there's what you'rethinking and then there's what
(21:43):
you're feeling yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah.
Tom (21:45):
And understanding it's not what's happening, it's what
we're feeling about what'shappening which is determining
our life, determining oursuccess, determining the impact
our past has on us.
But I want to share a briefstory about an actual, outright,
absolute miracle happened inKentish town.
Do you want to hear it?
Dr James (22:00):
Yes.
Tom (22:01):
Okay, this is all about mindset.
Okay, whether you apply this toyour relationships, whether,
yes, okay, this is all aboutmindset.
Okay, whether you apply this toyour relationships, whether you
apply it to what you're earning, whether you apply it to your
relationship to life in general,right.
But some years back I, um, Iwas it was as fresh out of uh a
it wasn't an acrimonious divorce, but it was still painful,
right.
Separate from my partner, I'dkind of lost everything.
(22:23):
My business has gone down much.
I'd.
I was in a crisis of faith aboutmyself and life in general.
I'd, um, I was living in thistiny like bed sit in Crouch, and
my partner was in the familyhome the nice family home in
Highgate, and I wasn't livingfull-time with my then young
daughter and I was pretty angryabout everything, pretty sad
(22:44):
about everything, and I was in apretty negative place and my
life wasn't living full timewith my then young daughter and
I was pretty angry abouteverything, pretty sad about
everything, and I was in apretty negative place and my
life wasn't going so great and Iwas trying to turn it around.
I knew mindset is everything.
I was teaching that, right.
So I was also feeling like afraud, right.
So it was a dark time, right,and I remember I was like a
Wednesday and I sat at my deskand I got a phone call from my
(23:04):
ex because whoever had the kidhad the nice car right.
So we had the nice family carand so whoever had the kid had
the car, which meant my wife,who had my kid most of the time,
had my fucking car right.
So it was a difficult spot,right.
I didn't really have the moneyto buy another one.
It was a really dark time in mybusiness, in my life, right and
(23:26):
um, and she called me and shetold me that the car had broken
down.
Now it's not her fault that itbroke down while she was driving
it, but I was angry with her.
I wanted to blame her right andum, but you know she'd been
driving the car, uh, but she'dbeen going to where she was
going and she was managed.
There was someone there whoactually helped her park the car
(23:47):
because the steering had gone,the power steering had gone and
she could barely move thesteering wheel and this was
really all very, very annoyingand I had to stop what I was
doing and go down and, you know,try and get the car sorted
Right.
So I'm angry about all this.
Go down, I find the car.
Fortunately there's a garagejust around the corner which
(24:08):
works with that particular makercar and it's tiny garage.
But they were available and hesaid I'll have a look at it
tomorrow first thing, and I'lllet you know now.
I couldn't really afford anyexpensive repairs to this car,
right?
So I was nervous anyway.
So he called me the next day andhe was like yeah, yeah, it's
(24:29):
probably.
It's probably going to be aboutfive, six hundred quid, which
to me then was a lot.
I was really like it's like Isaid how long is it going to
take?
And he's like I should have itdone by Friday.
Now, on Friday there was onething in my diary which was my
mate out of town in his countrymanner, was having a beautiful
party and all I wanted to do wasto go be with my friends, have
this party, right.
(24:50):
So this was important to meanyway.
So he says I should have itdone, right, I'm like fine, he
calls me Friday lunchtime.
He's like it's going to be done.
He's the car's going to befinished, right, I'm like great.
It's like he's like you pick itup at the end of the day.
I'm like what time do you close?
He's like five o'clock.
I was like brilliant.
He's like 10 minutes walk fromKentish town tube.
Right, I get ready for theparty.
(25:13):
Put on my nice clothes, I'mgoing to go pick up the car,
drive to my mate's house, likeI'm going to have a great night.
Fine, like fine, I can't reallyafford the fees, but I'm going
to cobble it together, we'regood.
Anyway, I came Kentish town tube.
It's got one exit, it's got oneof those you know like like 10
feet, 15 feet across, justopenings, and it opens right
(25:35):
onto the pavement.
Right, it's one of those smallones, but I came up the
escalator and it was about halffour.
I had some time in hand, right.
I came up the escalator andeven though it was that time and
it's in the summer, it wasabout half four, I had some time
in hand, right.
I came up the escalator and eventhough it was that time and
it's in the summer, it was dark.
I'm like what's going on?
And it was one of those thunder, rainstorm situations where
(25:56):
it's the type of rain that ifyou walk in it for even more
than like 10, 20 seconds, you'resoaked through.
It was like buckets, right, andI came up the elevator right
and I'm looking and I look andmy heart sank.
I was like I was in the clothesthat I wanted to wear for the
party, right, I didn't haveanything else or any means to go
(26:18):
back and sort it out.
I had to go straight from thereto the party.
I'm like, no, and it wasn't.
It's not one of those places.
Got a kiosk with bloodyumbrellas for sale, right, it's
very you know, there's nothingthere.
I was like no one thing.
That was funny.
There was a woman who wasleaning against the wall
watching people come up theescalator, realizing the
nightmare of the weather, andshe was giggling and she really
thought my reaction was funnyand so I smiled at her and I
(26:42):
thought that was funny.
Anyway, I I realized I've got abit of time spare, right, I've
got a bit of time spare before Ineed to go and walk to get the
car Right, and I was like I wasin the worst fucking mood.
I was pissed about my ex, I waspissed about the car breaking
and the spending, the money.
I went in to a full onon pityparty.
(27:04):
I was furious, I was angry,right, and I'd only be doing
this for about five minutes andI caught myself.
I was like you are cursingyourself right now.
What the hell are you doing,right?
You can't live like this man.
You need to.
And it wasn't just about thismoment, it was about my life,
right?
Yeah, it's time to sort thisout, man.
You've been bitching, you'vebeen, you're in your own way,
(27:26):
man, and nothing's working.
No one wants to work with you.
Nothing's happening.
And it's you, yeah, on you.
And I caught it in this moment,right, and this is the moment I
changed my life.
And a miracle followedimmediately.
So, right, so you've just gotthe scene now set, right?
So I'm there and I think holdon, stop.
(27:47):
You know how to do this.
So I decided to close my eyes.
I put my hands out by my sideslightly, widen my legs a little
bit, put my head back, and Idecided to open my body's
physiology and think aboutthings I could be grateful for,
right, and I had to force it.
But you know what happened?
I realized James, hold on aminute my ex had been driving
the car.
It broke down while she wasdriving it.
(28:07):
Now I'm still angry with her,but I still love her.
I didn't want her to be hurt.
She could have died.
My kid could have been in thatcar.
They could have both died.
She managed to break down justwhen she got to where she was
going, and it was right by aparking spot in Kentistown.
That's unheard of, and therewas someone there that could see
that she was struggling andoffered to help.
(28:27):
That's a miracle, right.
Then there was one garageliterally one corner away that
specialized in that specifictype of foreign car and they had
space in their tiny littlegarage to work on it immediately
.
And considering the repairs inthat car could have been insane
the fact it was only 500 quid.
(28:47):
It was also a flipping miracle,right.
I'm starting to feel likeactually there's some magic at
play.
Actually I'm beingunnecessarily grumpy and I'm
starting to believe.
And then this idea captures me.
James, I think, hold on aminute, I think the rain's gonna
stop.
And I part of this, this idea.
It's like and I look, I halfopened one eye, right, and it
(29:07):
was worse, it was fuckingpelting it down.
I'm like this is not gonna work.
And then I was like, but whatif you really believe, like,
come on, you can like what ifyour power of positivity could
make it so that the rain stops,right, I'm like.
So I closed my eyes and myheart was like that's ridiculous
.
You shouldn't try and make therain stop.
You should just trust thatwhatever happens will be okay.
(29:29):
Like, just trust, get back tosome kind of faith.
So I made the commitment.
I had like 10 more minutesbefore I had to leave to get the
garage on time, right, and nomatter what, no matter what, I'm
going to walk out, I'm going towalk out.
Whether I'm going to walk out,whether it's rain or shine or
whatever, I'm going to trust andgo.
And if I get soaked and I'm wetat the party, fuck it, I take
(29:49):
it Right.
And I was now feeling the vibe,I was feeling the love and I
was working this and Ivisualized just being OK.
And I tell you, I open my eyesand a little part of me was
hoping it was going to be bright.
You know, the clouds had parted, but I could still hear the
rain, right.
And I looked up and it wasworse, it was darker and it was
(30:09):
wet and it was soaking.
And, by the way, there wasabout 50 people all waiting for
the weather to stop right, allcrowding the thing.
But I made a deal.
I made a deal.
I have to leave now to go getthe car.
So I march, so I march.
I'm set about five meters backfrom the exit and I march like
this.
I'm like I'm going out, right,and I'm just about to walk out
into the absolute insane rain,and then I panic, right, my
(30:34):
little human goes I don't wantto get away, I don't want to get
, I don't want to walk out inthe rain, and I stop just as I
get to the edge.
But because I have that bit ofpanic, my hand, because I've
been marching, swings up high,like up high, unusually high,
and I'm literally just kind offalling out the doorway because
I've stopped myself.
And at that exact moment, James, a man, had walked up to the
(30:56):
tube and he had one of thoseumbrellas that had been so
beaten by the rain it snapped.
He no longer wanted theumbrella anymore, but it still
worked as an umbrella, and heheld up the umbrella and said
does anyone want this?
And the distance between hisfist and my hand as it swung up
was about an inch and I took theumbrella and I walked down the
(31:17):
street.
It was a miracle.
So the rain did stop, the raindid stop, right.
But you know the most funnything about that story, right?
And I promise you, from thatmoment I turned my life around.
I turned my life around.
But you know, I don't eventhink it was about me.
I think it was about that woman, right, who was leaning against
the wall.
She saw me come up the stairs,be fucked off.
(31:39):
She saw me close my eyes, putmy hands out, do some fucking
thing and then walk out andmagically manifest an umbrella,
right, I think she must haveblown her mind, right?
I'd love to interview her, butas I walked down that street and
I tears down my face, I learnedthe most important lesson in
life.
It's like we can.
We can rail against what is, orwe can choose our response and
(32:01):
bring the magic back to life andit's true, and it can happen in
any moment.
Any moment, whoever's listeningto this right now, there's
something you're complainingabout, there's something you're
unhappy about, or you'reoperating with beliefs that you
aren't even aware of.
In a really deep way, lookingat who you are, why you think
(32:23):
you are that person, what thatperson believes and why they
believe them, and how you canenhance that, it will make
miraculous differences in yourin, in your life.
You know, and that's why Iguarantee results with the work
that I do, because I know thatif we can find and locate
negative beliefs and you changethem, your life will be
transformed.
And and it is every anyone cando and anyone can do it, anyone
(32:46):
can do it just by writing outthese beliefs and understanding
them and making a commitment towork on improving what you
believe and how you behave andhow you operate.
And, yeah, you'll see massivedifferences, and it turns up not
just in how you're being, butthe phone rings.
More, more opportunities comeyour way, more umbrellas come
your way.
The sun didn't shine and theumbrella didn't even work right,
(33:08):
so it might not be how youexpect it, but something will
happen, something will shift andopportunities will arise, and
as long as you're there to meetthem.
And the one thing I'll say isyou know what my anxiety?
It was the panic that meant Iwas in the right place.
If I'd marched out withoutstopping, I would have been
(33:29):
three steps out.
I'd have missed the umbrella.
So as I was walking down thestreet, I thought you know what
I really beat myself up becausein that moment of panic I really
gave myself a hard time,because I've made a commitment
to bowl out, but because I'd hadthat pause.
So there is a timing to ourfear, there is a timing to our
worries.
It's all part of a systemthat's balanced and, you know,
(33:50):
kind of miraculous.
So it's being gentle withourselves when we have fears and
doubts, but then still choosingto transcend them and bring our
best to life.
It makes all the difference.
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