December 11, 2024 • 12 mins
Ever wondered what happens when you mix a handful of eager gamers with a silent, anticlimactic release event? Here's the tale of that comically underwhelming night that only a true gaming enthusiast could appreciate.
Join me by the campfire as I recount this misadventure and explore the quirky joys of our beloved gaming community. This episode isn't just about a failed launch—it’s a humorous reflection on the passion and sometimes misguided dedication that fuels our adventures in the virtual world. Whether you're a seasoned gamer or someone who loves a good story, you'll find a bit of yourself in this nostalgic journey through past gaming escapades. So grab your favourite snack, warm up by the fire, and enjoy this tale of wet weather, quiet queues, and the unyielding pursuit of digital glory.
Let us know where we're going wrong....or, like, right...maybe.
Follow the adventure, support the show, listen with both ears - https://linktr.ee/DesertIslandGamer
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome, dear listener to Desert Island Gamer
Campfire Tales where I try andcurb my stupid northern accent
into something a little moremellow where we spend long
starlit nights around thecampfire glow, recounting those
tales of epic endeavour anddaring do as woodland creatures
and gods on high revel in ourglorious escapades.
(00:37):
Over-egged it a tad, hang on.
Long light, bulb-lit nightsaround the TV's glow, spent
drunk and a bit nauseous from aDorito overindulgence, trying to
remember that time the grenadewe threw bounced off a wall and
killed our whole team, asspouses, parents and kids took
disapprovingly from the kitchen,nailed it, the midnight launch
(00:59):
and other bad ideas.
Bad ideas as something of afanboy for the noble art of
playing games and as someonewith enough miles on the clock
that my joints have begun toclick where, once they were
oiled and fluid, it would befair to presume that I have a
relatively healthy weight ofexperience in said noblest of
arts, and you would be correctin such a presumption.
Over the years, I have devotedfar too many hours or perhaps
(01:23):
just the right amount, dependingon your viewpoint to games and
their many varied shapes andsizes.
Across this vast span of timeand space where I have lived,
countless lives died incountless gruesome ways, tasted
glory on the tumble of dice anddefeat at the hands of lag
hackers, maybe glitchers, butnever, ever better skilled
(01:44):
players, never.
I have learned one veryimportant lesson Too old to make
huge, soul-destroying mistakesthat will haunt your dreams for
years to come.
Cut to Penzance, cornwall, 11pmNovember 2010.
Incessant drizzle falls from aninky, black, cloud-laden sky
and the wind bites through myunseasonal choice of jacket.
(02:07):
As the words you need layersrepeat on a loop in my head from
one frozen ear to the other andI groan inwardly.
Hands buried so deep intopockets that I'm feeling lint
from another age, I stand in aqueue of four.
The couple in front looklayered up for the weather,
which does nothing to raise mydepleted spirits.
I have no idea who standsbehind me beyond a vague
(02:29):
knowledge that some presence isthere.
I dare not turn around to lookfor fear of meeting the eyes of
whoever or whatever lurks thereand being drawn into an awkward
and stilted conversation.
The night is still early and Ihave no desire to make a new
acquaintance yet.
To my right, the glaring lightfrom the video game shop casts
an unwelcome beam across ourmotley crew who have come to
(02:50):
queue, and inside I can feel thecontinued build-up of regret,
deep aching regret.
On this fateful night of nights,10th November 2010, microsoft
released the Kinect andSoftLadder thought what a great
idea it would be to traverse thedark and snarling Cornish
country lanes in clinging mistand gentle rain to attend the
(03:12):
undoubted cacophony of joyousnoise and utter delight that
would await me in the shape ofthe Kinect midnight launch.
At the other end, I envisionedlights and music, a jittery
crowd of eager Xbox gamersgetting drenched in the
excitement and an air ofexpectancy so electric you could
power the national grid fromits essence alone.
As I ascended the escalatortowards my destination, the
(03:34):
doubts had surfaced already.
These were largely based uponthe eerie silence that hung in
the air, broken only by thegentle hum of the moving
staircase.
And then, as I alighted at thetop, the sight that greeted me
made my heart sink faster thanall the anchors in the Penzance
Harbour.
There was no music, noexcitement, no electricity, no
(03:55):
fanfares, no Kinect mascots andpretty much nobody there.
Well, save for the two Xboxgamers at the door, a couple, it
seemed already waiting, andthey were getting drenched.
But it was just the rain, and Iwas instantly convinced that it
had already washed away anysemblance of excitable activity
to come.
As I approached the scene, Ifelt sheepish to the point that
(04:18):
I almost walked straight past,but I did actually want to get
my mitts on the connect.
I suppose this was my firstmistake and it had led directly
to my second that now saw medutifully taking my place in.
Well, I suppose my presence madeit a queue.
So the queue and waiting, andwaiting.
It's funny how time altersbased upon the situation you
(04:39):
find yourself in.
The one I was in right now hadit moving like it was in the
Matrix.
The rain fell slowly, defineddrops, crystalline, through the
night sky.
The clock hands idled along,the shuffle of feet behind me
sounded laboured as they arrived.
Just one pair of feet.
The entire time I didn't look,and the temperature at the core
(05:00):
of my body gently dropped withevery drawn out minute meaning.
The only thing that didgradually increase was the rate
at which I was shivering.
By the time the clock finallyreached midnight, I was beyond
caring.
I was cold, miserable and wet,and then I bought a Kinect.
Jesus, what a night.
The moment of purchase was asdisappointing as the many
(05:20):
moments of waiting, and then Iquietly podded back to the car,
drove home and went to bed mymidnight watch experience at an
end.
The nightmares, however, wouldcontinue for some time to come.
The one where I actually turnedto greet the presence behind me
in the queue is a particularlyunpleasant one, but that is a
story for another time.
(05:41):
The Root of the Console Wars.
I am here today to hang my headin shame and admit to being a
veteran of one of the mostpointlessly futile and deeply
embarrassing wars ever waged theConsole Wars and deeply
embarrassing wars ever waged theconsole wars.
Or rather, that my gamingmachine is better than yours was
, as, let's face it, thesebattles were being waged long
(06:01):
before the birth of the console.
For myself, I unknowinglyenlisted when I was aged around
10 or 11.
I had just become the proudowner of a Spectrum Plus Yep.
The dream machine with theplastic keys were, once they
were rubber Proper, cutting edge.
David Thompson is not takingthis beast down.
Meanwhile, my best friend hadacquired an Amstrad the fool.
(06:22):
Little did we know, but we werenow fresh-faced rookie troops
in the battle for video gamesupremacy.
Us Speccy owners were, of course, the good guys in the conflict,
the Han Solo's and LukeSkywalker's Facing off against
the evil Darth Vader's, jabbathe Hutt's and Alan Sugar's,
rather than scrapping it outacross the lush green landscape
(06:43):
of the distant planet of Endor,which was totally make-believe
anyway.
We were more inclined to engagein arguing in bedrooms and
playgrounds up and down thecountry.
It was pre-internet, so we wenttoe-to-toe like the true
adolescent warriors.
We were Now.
My best mate let's call himPaul, because that was his name
and myself were no strangers toa good old argument.
It was what best buds did.
Our topics were nicelywide-ranging too.
(07:05):
Liverpool v man United wasoccasionally the theme, and I'll
never, ever forget the Sabutioriots of 85, where seven players
required immediate superglueattention.
The floodlights went over andour mums got mightily upset.
But even all that carnage paledinto insignificance when, side
by side with the absoluteaggression we'd reach when
(07:25):
defending our gaming machine ofchoice, we fell out time and
time again, blood brothers sincenursery, separated by who had
the best version of Rambo, thevideo game, and it turns out
neither of us did.
It was, and still is, quiteremarkable the amount of venom
One can spit when defending apiece of plastic that has been
elevated to godlike status inits owner's eyes.
(07:48):
I was guilty of it during mySpectrum days and it continued
into what became the consolewars proper Mega Drive vs Super
Nintendo, saturn vs Playstation,and on and on it went.
Pity, the poor guy who had theAtari Jaguar, a machine that
managed to enter the frayvirtually unarmed.
Yet that same poor owner wouldhave still tried their utmost to
convince anyone who wouldlisten that it was the pinnacle
(08:10):
of gaming.
Probably until they believed itthemselves, it was just what we
did.
This unwavering backing of oneconsole above all others is
something that still goes ontoday.
I myself have finally movedaway from it.
I now embrace every gamingplatform as an opportunity for
further adventures in Pixel Land.
But I do sometimes wonder why Iwas so anti every other console
(08:32):
bar whatever I owned.
After some thought and notpeer-reviewed research, I
believe it boils down to fearwhat.
The Spectrum I guessed a bit 20before it, that was my first
home machine delivered wassomething that excited me.
Video games moved from thetraditional arcade into the cosy
living room.
This was a new dawn.
As a kid, this was Christmas.
(08:53):
Every day In the early days,the fights between friends
regarding Spectrum, commodoreand Amstrad, and even Dragon we
all had that one friend were nodifferent from the arguments
over football teams andsuperheroes.
We all had our favourites andthey were best, no matter what
logical arguments came our way.
But as I grew older, myviewpoint shifted and it was
(09:13):
shaped by the untimely demise ofvarious machines.
I remember watching in awe onedistant morning at breakfast TV.
The presenters were getting togrips with a golf game on a new
machine called the 3DO.
It looked incredible.
That was the game.
The machine looked a bitrubbish but I immediately wanted
one.
This had to be the future.
And then 3DO died a deathleaving its adopters lost in a
(09:37):
stormy sea of terrible gameswith no paddles and no landing
site.
Next on much-loved andalways-missed evening TV show
Games Master.
Next on much loved and alwaysmissed evening TV show Games
Master Dominic Diamond unveiledthe Aliens vs Predator game for
Atari Jaguar.
Yep, that Atari Jaguar machine.
Again.
It looked incredible and trueto form.
I wanted one.
I was a kid.
(09:58):
Then the Jaguar II died a death,this time crushed under the
weight of Sega, sony and its ownincredibly poor games catalogue
.
I had luckily avoided bothmachines but given the chance
aka the funds, I would havesnapped them up in a heartbeat,
opening myself up later to theheartbreak of my console
becoming redundant for thecompany and the cord being cut,
(10:19):
leaving the Jaguar, the 3DO andall those who had invested
heavily feeling a little bitripped off.
Then it finally happened to me.
I invested in the SegaDreamcast a great machine,
fantastic games and a dazzlinglybright future.
Until a mere three months afterI picked up the machine, sega
rang time on the console,declaring there would be no new
(10:39):
games coming out for it.
I was gutted, but it hammeredhome for the first time the
reason Paul and myself wouldhappily go to war for their
console of choice, because deepdown we were terrified that it
would flop and we'd be left onthe gaming sidelines with a
machine that had lost its mojo,its audience and its gaming
future.
I fought my case for the Xboxagainst PlayStation owners long
(11:00):
and fierce, purely because thethought of Microsoft pulling the
plug early made my blood runcold.
It now felt like a genuinepossibility.
I'd been there with the muchmissed Dreamcast and it was not
a place I wanted to return.
When video games play a big rolein your life or when they have
been a big part of your past,it's easy to worry about losing
it, and I think I understandthat in myself now.
(11:21):
To take my video games away asa kid would have hurt.
To have the machine fail likethe 3DO or the Jaguar or the
Dreamcast for the player who'sinvested so much time and love
into the platform is a huge blowto take.
And so, on the back of thatfear, we march into the
battlegrounds of the consolewars without realising we're
actually all on the same side,fighting for the same goal the
(11:46):
side of video games themselvesand their continued placing
homes across the globe, becausewithout them the world would be
a much duller place and we'd allhave to watch Coronation Street
.
Oh and Paul, if you ever hearthis, rambo on the Spectrum was
infinitely better than it was onthe Amstrad, even though it
wasn't very good.
Thank you for listening to thefirst Desert Island Gamer
(12:07):
Campfire Tales.
Until next time, good night,thank you.
Welcome, dear listener to Desert Island Gamer
Campfire Tales where I try andcurb my stupid northern accent
into something a little moremellow where we spend long
starlit nights around thecampfire glow, recounting those
tales of epic endeavour anddaring do as woodland creatures
and gods on high revel in ourglorious escapades.
(00:37):
Over-egged it a tad, hang on.
Long light, bulb-lit nightsaround the TV's glow, spent
drunk and a bit nauseous from aDorito overindulgence, trying to
remember that time the grenadewe threw bounced off a wall and
killed our whole team, asspouses, parents and kids took
disapprovingly from the kitchen,nailed it, the midnight launch
(00:59):
and other bad ideas.
Bad ideas as something of afanboy for the noble art of
playing games and as someonewith enough miles on the clock
that my joints have begun toclick where, once they were
oiled and fluid, it would befair to presume that I have a
relatively healthy weight ofexperience in said noblest of
arts, and you would be correctin such a presumption.
Over the years, I have devotedfar too many hours or perhaps
(01:23):
just the right amount, dependingon your viewpoint to games and
their many varied shapes andsizes.
Across this vast span of timeand space where I have lived,
countless lives died incountless gruesome ways, tasted
glory on the tumble of dice anddefeat at the hands of lag
hackers, maybe glitchers, butnever, ever better skilled
(01:44):
players, never.
I have learned one veryimportant lesson Too old to make
huge, soul-destroying mistakesthat will haunt your dreams for
years to come.
Cut to Penzance, cornwall, 11pmNovember 2010.
Incessant drizzle falls from aninky, black, cloud-laden sky
and the wind bites through myunseasonal choice of jacket.
(02:07):
As the words you need layersrepeat on a loop in my head from
one frozen ear to the other andI groan inwardly.
Hands buried so deep intopockets that I'm feeling lint
from another age, I stand in aqueue of four.
The couple in front looklayered up for the weather,
which does nothing to raise mydepleted spirits.
I have no idea who standsbehind me beyond a vague
(02:29):
knowledge that some presence isthere.
I dare not turn around to lookfor fear of meeting the eyes of
whoever or whatever lurks thereand being drawn into an awkward
and stilted conversation.
The night is still early and Ihave no desire to make a new
acquaintance yet.
To my right, the glaring lightfrom the video game shop casts
an unwelcome beam across ourmotley crew who have come to
(02:50):
queue, and inside I can feel thecontinued build-up of regret,
deep aching regret.
On this fateful night of nights,10th November 2010, microsoft
released the Kinect andSoftLadder thought what a great
idea it would be to traverse thedark and snarling Cornish
country lanes in clinging mistand gentle rain to attend the
(03:12):
undoubted cacophony of joyousnoise and utter delight that
would await me in the shape ofthe Kinect midnight launch.
At the other end, I envisionedlights and music, a jittery
crowd of eager Xbox gamersgetting drenched in the
excitement and an air ofexpectancy so electric you could
power the national grid fromits essence alone.
As I ascended the escalatortowards my destination, the
(03:34):
doubts had surfaced already.
These were largely based uponthe eerie silence that hung in
the air, broken only by thegentle hum of the moving
staircase.
And then, as I alighted at thetop, the sight that greeted me
made my heart sink faster thanall the anchors in the Penzance
Harbour.
There was no music, noexcitement, no electricity, no
(03:55):
fanfares, no Kinect mascots andpretty much nobody there.
Well, save for the two Xboxgamers at the door, a couple, it
seemed already waiting, andthey were getting drenched.
But it was just the rain, and Iwas instantly convinced that it
had already washed away anysemblance of excitable activity
to come.
As I approached the scene, Ifelt sheepish to the point that
(04:18):
I almost walked straight past,but I did actually want to get
my mitts on the connect.
I suppose this was my firstmistake and it had led directly
to my second that now saw medutifully taking my place in.
Well, I suppose my presence madeit a queue.
So the queue and waiting, andwaiting.
It's funny how time altersbased upon the situation you
(04:39):
find yourself in.
The one I was in right now hadit moving like it was in the
Matrix.
The rain fell slowly, defineddrops, crystalline, through the
night sky.
The clock hands idled along,the shuffle of feet behind me
sounded laboured as they arrived.
Just one pair of feet.
The entire time I didn't look,and the temperature at the core
(05:00):
of my body gently dropped withevery drawn out minute meaning.
The only thing that didgradually increase was the rate
at which I was shivering.
By the time the clock finallyreached midnight, I was beyond
caring.
I was cold, miserable and wet,and then I bought a Kinect.
Jesus, what a night.
The moment of purchase was asdisappointing as the many
(05:20):
moments of waiting, and then Iquietly podded back to the car,
drove home and went to bed mymidnight watch experience at an
end.
The nightmares, however, wouldcontinue for some time to come.
The one where I actually turnedto greet the presence behind me
in the queue is a particularlyunpleasant one, but that is a
story for another time.
(05:41):
The Root of the Console Wars.
I am here today to hang my headin shame and admit to being a
veteran of one of the mostpointlessly futile and deeply
embarrassing wars ever waged theConsole Wars and deeply
embarrassing wars ever waged theconsole wars.
Or rather, that my gamingmachine is better than yours was
, as, let's face it, thesebattles were being waged long
(06:01):
before the birth of the console.
For myself, I unknowinglyenlisted when I was aged around
10 or 11.
I had just become the proudowner of a Spectrum Plus Yep.
The dream machine with theplastic keys were, once they
were rubber Proper, cutting edge.
David Thompson is not takingthis beast down.
Meanwhile, my best friend hadacquired an Amstrad the fool.
(06:22):
Little did we know, but we werenow fresh-faced rookie troops
in the battle for video gamesupremacy.
Us Speccy owners were, of course, the good guys in the conflict,
the Han Solo's and LukeSkywalker's Facing off against
the evil Darth Vader's, jabbathe Hutt's and Alan Sugar's,
rather than scrapping it outacross the lush green landscape
(06:43):
of the distant planet of Endor,which was totally make-believe
anyway.
We were more inclined to engagein arguing in bedrooms and
playgrounds up and down thecountry.
It was pre-internet, so we wenttoe-to-toe like the true
adolescent warriors.
We were Now.
My best mate let's call himPaul, because that was his name
and myself were no strangers toa good old argument.
It was what best buds did.
Our topics were nicelywide-ranging too.
(07:05):
Liverpool v man United wasoccasionally the theme, and I'll
never, ever forget the Sabutioriots of 85, where seven players
required immediate superglueattention.
The floodlights went over andour mums got mightily upset.
But even all that carnage paledinto insignificance when, side
by side with the absoluteaggression we'd reach when
(07:25):
defending our gaming machine ofchoice, we fell out time and
time again, blood brothers sincenursery, separated by who had
the best version of Rambo, thevideo game, and it turns out
neither of us did.
It was, and still is, quiteremarkable the amount of venom
One can spit when defending apiece of plastic that has been
elevated to godlike status inits owner's eyes.
(07:48):
I was guilty of it during mySpectrum days and it continued
into what became the consolewars proper Mega Drive vs Super
Nintendo, saturn vs Playstation,and on and on it went.
Pity, the poor guy who had theAtari Jaguar, a machine that
managed to enter the frayvirtually unarmed.
Yet that same poor owner wouldhave still tried their utmost to
convince anyone who wouldlisten that it was the pinnacle
(08:10):
of gaming.
Probably until they believed itthemselves, it was just what we
did.
This unwavering backing of oneconsole above all others is
something that still goes ontoday.
I myself have finally movedaway from it.
I now embrace every gamingplatform as an opportunity for
further adventures in Pixel Land.
But I do sometimes wonder why Iwas so anti every other console
(08:32):
bar whatever I owned.
After some thought and notpeer-reviewed research, I
believe it boils down to fearwhat.
The Spectrum I guessed a bit 20before it, that was my first
home machine delivered wassomething that excited me.
Video games moved from thetraditional arcade into the cosy
living room.
This was a new dawn.
As a kid, this was Christmas.
(08:53):
Every day In the early days,the fights between friends
regarding Spectrum, commodoreand Amstrad, and even Dragon we
all had that one friend were nodifferent from the arguments
over football teams andsuperheroes.
We all had our favourites andthey were best, no matter what
logical arguments came our way.
But as I grew older, myviewpoint shifted and it was
(09:13):
shaped by the untimely demise ofvarious machines.
I remember watching in awe onedistant morning at breakfast TV.
The presenters were getting togrips with a golf game on a new
machine called the 3DO.
It looked incredible.
That was the game.
The machine looked a bitrubbish but I immediately wanted
one.
This had to be the future.
And then 3DO died a deathleaving its adopters lost in a
(09:37):
stormy sea of terrible gameswith no paddles and no landing
site.
Next on much-loved andalways-missed evening TV show
Games Master.
Next on much loved and alwaysmissed evening TV show Games
Master Dominic Diamond unveiledthe Aliens vs Predator game for
Atari Jaguar.
Yep, that Atari Jaguar machine.
Again.
It looked incredible and trueto form.
I wanted one.
I was a kid.
(09:58):
Then the Jaguar II died a death,this time crushed under the
weight of Sega, sony and its ownincredibly poor games catalogue
.
I had luckily avoided bothmachines but given the chance
aka the funds, I would havesnapped them up in a heartbeat,
opening myself up later to theheartbreak of my console
becoming redundant for thecompany and the cord being cut,
(10:19):
leaving the Jaguar, the 3DO andall those who had invested
heavily feeling a little bitripped off.
Then it finally happened to me.
I invested in the SegaDreamcast a great machine,
fantastic games and a dazzlinglybright future.
Until a mere three months afterI picked up the machine, sega
rang time on the console,declaring there would be no new
(10:39):
games coming out for it.
I was gutted, but it hammeredhome for the first time the
reason Paul and myself wouldhappily go to war for their
console of choice, because deepdown we were terrified that it
would flop and we'd be left onthe gaming sidelines with a
machine that had lost its mojo,its audience and its gaming
future.
I fought my case for the Xboxagainst PlayStation owners long
(11:00):
and fierce, purely because thethought of Microsoft pulling the
plug early made my blood runcold.
It now felt like a genuinepossibility.
I'd been there with the muchmissed Dreamcast and it was not
a place I wanted to return.
When video games play a big rolein your life or when they have
been a big part of your past,it's easy to worry about losing
it, and I think I understandthat in myself now.
(11:21):
To take my video games away asa kid would have hurt.
To have the machine fail likethe 3DO or the Jaguar or the
Dreamcast for the player who'sinvested so much time and love
into the platform is a huge blowto take.
And so, on the back of thatfear, we march into the
battlegrounds of the consolewars without realising we're
actually all on the same side,fighting for the same goal the
(11:46):
side of video games themselvesand their continued placing
homes across the globe, becausewithout them the world would be
a much duller place and we'd allhave to watch Coronation Street
.
Oh and Paul, if you ever hearthis, rambo on the Spectrum was
infinitely better than it was onthe Amstrad, even though it
wasn't very good.
Thank you for listening to thefirst Desert Island Gamer
(12:07):
Campfire Tales.
Until next time, good night,thank you.
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