May 14, 2025 • 25 mins
Ever wonder why some people see kindness everywhere while others only notice rejection? It’s not the world that’s different, it’s our perception. Brenda and Catherine explore how our brains filter reality based on our beliefs, often without us realizing it.
Using Tony Robbins’ “red car” experiment as a jumping-off point, they speak to how 95% of our brain activity happens unconsciously. These mental filters shape everything from our relationships to our opportunities. Beliefs like “I have to do everything alone” or “nobody wants women to succeed” can become self-fulfilling prophecies, until we learn to spot them.
Through personal stories and a simple four-step process, the hosts show you how to become aware of your filters, question them, explore new perspectives, and intentionally shift your focus. They invite you to experiment with your attention, because when you change what you look for, your whole world can shift.
Highlights:
• Our reticular activating system (RAS) unconsciously filters information based on prior beliefs and fears
• Tony Robbins' "red car" exercise demonstrates how we notice only what we're looking for
• Negative beliefs like "nobody wants to help me" create self-fulfilling prophecies
• Awareness is the first step to changing perception
• Questioning assumptions opens space for alternative explanations
• Setting conscious intentions redirects our attention
• New skills may be needed to support belief shifts
• Curiosity is more powerful than judgment
• Daily challenge: look for evidence of kindness
• Evening reflection: “What surprised me today?”
Ready to see beyond your mental filters? This conversation might just change how you view everything. DM us your surprises...we love hearing what shifts for you.
How did you like this episode? Tell us everything, we'd love to hear from you.
If you'd like to learn more about 1:1 or group coaching with Brenda or Catherine message them and book a Sales Call to learn more.
Email:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
Instagram:
@desireasmedicinepodcast
@Brenda_Fredericks
@CoachCatherineN
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Even after decades of inner work, we are humble
beginners on the mat, stillexploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desires Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Peace that is often overlooked.
Being responsible for ourdesire.
Hello, hello, welcome back.
(01:36):
Friends, family listeners.
Today, Brenda and I will betalking about something that the
first thing I thought of Idon't know if you guys remember
that game, twister, when you hadto put like one arm and this
color and a foot on that color,but this topic is sort of like
that.
The bottom line is that we donot see the world as it is.
We see the world as we are.
(01:57):
So we have this reticularactivating system right.
Our brain is constantlyfiltering what we notice.
We did an episode on anxiety.
Brenda and I were talking aboutlike, what are the things that
cause us anxiety?
Like oh, she's like oh, whenyou don't do the dishes, and,
(02:19):
believe it or not, I had thatone too.
I needed to make sure mykitchen dishes.
Everything was done before Iwent to bed and I, just like her
, have been able to sort of nothave to notice the dishes if,
for some reason, I'm having,let's say, covid symptoms and I
need to be in bed and asleep andI'm just going to order Uber
(02:41):
Eats and then I don't havedishes because everything goes
in the garbage.
But we find ways to notice whatwe're noticing, noticing the
things that make us feeluncomfortable as we walk through
, and we talked about how to bewith yourself when you have
these uncomfortable feelings.
What we did not go into, but wewill be going into today
(03:08):
feelings, what we did not gointo but we will be going into
today is how the brain isactually doing that.
Tony Robbins has this famousthing.
I'm sure you could put TonyRobbins red car and you'll see
him doing tons of interviewswith people where he'll say
notice everything that's rightin the room.
And then he'll, and then theperson then close your eyes now
and now.
Tony will say tell me what wasbrown in the room or tell me
what was yellow in the room.
And then he'll, and then theperson then close your eyes now
and now.
Tony will say tell me what wasbrown in the room or tell me
(03:28):
what was yellow in the room.
He'll just pick a differentcolor and then people are like
oh well, I didn't, I don't knowwhat was brown what was yellow,
like I didn't see anything else.
Because the prompt of look foreverything that's red or look
for a red car, and suddenlyyou're seeing red cars
everywhere.
(03:50):
We're telling our minds what tolook for, and what's wild is
that our unconscious mind isdoing that all the time and it
wants us to be right.
And it's filtering for beliefs,it's filtering because of past
experiences.
It's filtering because of ourfears, stranger danger or our
desires right, it's filteringand like it's constantly
(04:13):
happening.
And one of the things that Isee in my practice and I'm sure
Brenda sees it as well is thatsomeone can be stuck.
This is the Desire as Medicinepodcast is that someone can be
stuck.
This is the Desire as Medicinepodcast.
Somebody can be stuck on ugh,everybody gets to have what they
want, but I don't get what Iwant.
Or somebody maybe we'll have aclient who believes people just
(04:39):
can't be trusted and all theynotice is all and every betrayal
, but they miss every act ofkindness.
And so, like in our everydaylife, whether it's in corporate,
in dating, in friendships, inour opportunities, there's
always something that we'relooking for and filtering for,
(05:02):
and I don't think this is soeasy to talk about.
I was talking to a client theother day who's like all women
are guarded.
I'm like what Kind of?
And my practice ispredominantly women, but I'm
(05:24):
listening to this man tell mehow all women are guarded and
all women are this and all womenare that, and whether it's a
woman in her 50s or 60s or 40sor 20s, and they're all like
this, and I'm trying to get himto see it from a different place
.
He definitely wasn't there yet,right?
Because what he's not noticingis the awareness step, which is
first, we have to admit that ourbrain is biased.
(05:48):
Brenda, have you been able toadmit that your brain is biased?
It doesn't necessarily have tobe something of yours, but can
you see how people come Like?
Do you see this in the worldwhere people just have their
filters?
Like somebody could say to youmy God, you know what I thought
about right now their filters.
Like somebody could say to youmy God, you know what I thought
about right now when we weredoing the anxiousness episode
(06:09):
and you were talking aboutdishes.
Can you recall a time whereyour brain is like this is messy
, that's messy.
This is messy, that's messy.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
It's like your mind is filtering for mess, because
mess is what made youuncomfortable.
Do you remember that?
I like how you get my goat bytalking about mess.
Yeah, I notice everythingthat's messy for sure.
Actually, what comes to mind isI was having dinner the other
night and somebody was talkingabout the Broadway show Suffs,
about the suffragettes, howwomen got the right to vote, and
we were talking about how muchwe love the show and it's closed
(06:51):
now.
And the person who I was havingdinner with said, oh, she ran
into somebody in New York Citywho was in the show and she said
oh my God, I loved you in theshow.
I'm so sorry it's closing.
I heard it's closing and theactress said oh yeah, nobody
likes to see women succeed.
And the person who was havingdinner with totally agreed.
She was like of course, thatshow closed.
It's an all women cast, it'sall written by women and nobody
(07:15):
wants to see women succeed.
And she believed that.
This woman in her twenties.
I was like, wow, I really don'tbelieve that.
I was like, wow, do peopleactually believe that?
That nobody wants to see awoman succeed, which is kind of
what the whole show is about.
So it's kind of meta.
I don't believe that peopledon't want women to succeed.
Like I don't see that in theworld, I don't experience that,
(07:38):
but it's exactly what you'retalking about, because she
thought that, like she reallybelieved it.
Are there threads of that inthe world?
Yes, of course there are.
I can see that there are, butthat's not really a lens that I
see things through and I couldsee how she was just like really
on that horse, like nobodywants to see a woman succeed.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
I noticed in the anxiety episode we were talking
about.
One of the things that I had tosort of be with under
discomfort I had to be with wasI could see where there was
disconnect or there wassomething off in somebody's
conversation when I waswitnessing and I wanted to
interject all the time.
So I constantly see when peopleare talking and they're talking
(08:19):
about different things.
I notice that all the time Liketwo people will be talking One
person's talking about one thing, the other person's talking
about another thing.
They think they're talkingabout the same thing and they're
completely in conversation andin disagreement and I'm like,
wow, they're talking about twodifferent things and they don't
know it because they're so inthere.
I want to be right and I'm likethey're having two completely
(08:42):
different conversations rightnow and I still want to be like
you're talking about differentthings.
But, as I stated in the anxietyepisode, it's not my place
often to talk, interject and ifthey ask hey, catherine, what do
you think?
I will often say sounds likethe two of you are talking about
different things.
You're talking about this,you're talking about that, but
(09:05):
why is that?
So I have a human design towrite on a cross of laws, and so
I think it's part of my gift,it's part of my site, it's part
of what I can see.
So my filter is always lookingfor commonalities and
differences and things and likewhat's air quotes right, what's
air quotes wrong?
How the village should behave,how the village should not
(09:27):
behave.
It's part of what my eye islooking for.
Potentially, if I had thethought of like nobody wants
women to succeed, if there werea man and a woman, then maybe I
would just back her.
Whatever she's saying, I'mgoing to back her because I want
to make sure this womansucceeds or I want the world to
(09:47):
be different.
But the thing is, the worldjust is how we see it.
Like the world's happening andwe are looking for like it's not
this obvious and that's what'sso wild.
We're talking about somethingthat's happening kind of in the
unconscious.
95% of our brain is justunconsciously working, like when
(10:09):
you're driving your car.
You end up somewhere and you'relike I don't even know how I
got here, but I'm here.
Your brain is like if you wereto have an awareness, what am I
expecting to see?
So if you were expecting suchand such to be late, they're
late.
You're expecting not to beserved food.
You're not served food.
(10:30):
We have all these assumptions.
And if we were to, like, filterout these steps, or filter it
out in steps, like how to noticeour current filter?
Right, like, the first step isawareness what am I seeing?
What did I see the most oftoday?
And then you see, oh, this ismy programming, this is what my
(10:52):
mind is actually filtering for.
And like, the next thing issuch a fun thing to do.
Like, what else could be true?
What am I not seeing?
Like, we could just play withBrenda's example, brenda, when
you, when this woman is likenobody wants women to succeed,
that's such a strong statementor thought to believe.
(11:14):
Right, like, and the nobodywants women to succeed is her
reasoning, or that person'sreasoning, or people's plural
reasoning for that show to haveclosed on Broadway.
Right, suss to be done.
But there are other reasonsthat could be present.
Right, like, what else could wepotentially throw in the fire?
Like, what other thoughts couldthere be?
(11:34):
Like, what other reasons arethere For why?
Speaker 2 (11:36):
the show closed.
I mean, I don't know a lotabout Broadway, but maybe they
ran out of funding.
Maybe one of the some of themain actors had to go and they
couldn't fill it.
It's an all women's cast.
Maybe they couldn't maintainthat for whatever reason.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I think those are great reasons.
The biggest thing that stoodout for me in that context is,
whenever we have absolutes likenobody wants women to succeed
and it's like, well, women wantwomen to succeed, or some women
want women to succeed, or mostwomen want women to succeed, you
can change that phrase, whichmeans that that thought is
(12:15):
clearly not a fact.
It's just a thought, it's justan opinion.
So I Googled it's so wild.
I Googled why did SUFs close onBroadway?
And it is exactly what Brendasaid.
Believe it or not, sufs closedon Broadway due to insufficient
ticket sales to cover itsrunning costs.
(12:35):
Despite winning two Tony Awardsfor Best Score and Best Book,
the musical, which premiered in2024, struggled to maintain
consistent gross levels, leadingto its closing date on January
5th 2025.
Despite being a TonyAward-winning show, attendance
dropped to 78% capacity in someweeks and the weekly gross was
(12:59):
below 1 million mark, a levelneeded to sustain a Broadway
show.
Now I want to run stats here.
How?
I don't know how long do youknow how long stuff was on
Broadway?
I can just ask chat.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I don't know.
It's a great question Can youguys hear her typing in the
background?
But that's so interesting thatthey ran out of funding.
Now, if you have that beliefsystem that nobody wants to see
women succeed, then you couldtotally go down the thread of
that.
Oh well, of course it ran outof funding because no one wants
to fund women on Broadway, whichI'm sure.
Maybe that's true somewhere,maybe some people do feel that
(13:34):
way, but personally I don't feelthat overwhelmingly.
And why did that show closeover other shows?
And how many shows closed forthat reason?
Because they ran out of funding.
It must be super expensive torun a show and you're talking
about millions of dollars.
It has to maintain probably aminimum of that to even sustain
(13:54):
itself and pay everyone that ittakes to run a show.
Did you get the answer?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Yes, ma'am.
So apparently it was runningfrom April 18th 2024 to January
5th 2025.
So we're looking at, like Aprilis month number four, December
12th, eight, nine months, right,Wow, that's short.
Well, I asked how long do theynormally?
What was it?
How often do Broadway shows runon Broadway?
And it's not giving me atimeline.
The thing that I'm pointing toright now, even in my searches,
(14:29):
even in my keyboard here, isthat nobody wants women to
succeed, is not like a fact.
And when we start searching forfacts, the first fact was okay,
well, how long did it run?
Like, is it actually a shortrun?
I mean even podcasting, right?
I think when we first startedpodcasting, like the average
podcast has 10 episodes.
(14:50):
We'll be touching 90 soon, wewill be.
And I, Capricorn, was like wewill celebrate on 104th episode
because that's 52 times two.
And my Virgo here was like whatare you talking about?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
What's 104?
We will be celebrating 100people.
Get ready.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
That's so funny the way we think, but I still have
tons of searches that I could doto get to the bottom of why
something didn't succeed.
I mean, most businesses don'tsucceed past five years, so
there has to be a differentopinion.
But when we're looking forevidence, if the evidence I'm
looking for is nobody wantswomen to succeed and that's a
(15:33):
good enough answer for me, thenthat becomes my assumption and
that's how I'm walking throughthe world Like world.
Show me all the reasons, showme all the evidence for that.
Air quotes nobody wants womento succeed.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
And if you're looking for that, you're going to find
it and no matter what researchyou look up on the good old
internet, you're always going tobring it back to oh it ran out
of funds.
Well, of course, nobody wantswomen to succeed.
You're always going to bring itback to that.
If you believe that A big onefor me is nobody wants to help
me, I have to do it alone, whichprobably contributed to my
(16:10):
anxiety that we talked about onone of the other episodes.
So I really realized I had thiscore belief that I have to do
it alone, nobody wants to helpme, and I really had to look at
that, because I could findevidence of that everywhere,
especially being a mother with ahusband in a four-bedroom house
with children and workingfull-time.
I could definitely findevidence and I did that nobody
(16:34):
wants to help clean the house ornobody wants to help clear the
table.
I found evidence for that allthe time I created it.
Let's be honest right With mybelief that nobody is going to
want to help clean up dinner,that I have to do it alone.
And then you literally createthat, and then nobody thinks
they have to clean up dinner,and then nobody's cleaning up
(16:55):
dinner and you have justcongratulations, made yourself
right.
So I think we're looking toconfirm these beliefs.
And it might sound crazy,because why would you want to
confirm a belief that's quotenegative, that you have to do it
alone?
But some part of you is lookingfor confirmation.
It's like kind of twisted in away.
It's like there's comfort inthat of being right and there's
(17:19):
safety in it.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
There's comfort in being right.
Yeah, there's safety in beingright.
It's like you know what'scoming right.
We're not uncomfortable anymore, we're not in the unknown,
right.
And so if we were to look at itlike steps, if we were to break
it down into four steps, likehow to notice our current filter
we talked about some of that.
We want to have awareness.
What am I seeing?
Because, whatever I'm seeing, alot of that's.
(17:40):
There's a belief underneaththere.
And then we get to question ourassumptions, like what else
could be true here?
Right, for the show example,like what other reasons could
there be for it to not bepresent?
Right, other than nobody wantswomen to succeed?
Or dishes, like what otherreason could there be that
nobody else is doing dishes?
And why am I not seeing theother reasons?
(18:03):
Like why can I only see myreason If, ultimately, there's
tons and tons of reasons forthings?
Right, like when we have factsand evidence, we have all these
mountain of facts.
Right, when somebody's in court, there's like all these factual
evidences proving something,why do I not have the same
amount of factual evidence oropinionated evidence or
(18:24):
assumptions for something otherthan what I'm thinking?
Like, why can I not see theother ones.
And then here's a fun littlegame.
We can set a consciousintention for our day, like
today.
I will notice the moments thatother people want to support me,
potentially, or a version ofthat, today.
(18:47):
I will notice everybody whosmiles at me Today.
I will notice everybody who'spaying attention to me Today.
I will notice, when someoneasks me how I'm doing, that I
don't just say fine, that I sayor that I share, like, depending
on what filter we're workingthrough, that's a great thing to
(19:07):
start doing and setting thatintention for the day.
It's basically curiosity overjudgment.
So the judgment is like airquotes nobody wants women to
succeed or nobody wants to helpme with the day.
It's basically curiosity overjudgment.
So the judgment is like airquotes nobody wants women to
succeed or nobody wants to helpme with the dishes.
But if we can just get curiousrather than judgmental and start
to challenge our own worldview,like our own way of looking and
(19:28):
walking through the world forwhere are all the red cars right
?
And so I'm going to give ourlisteners a little bit of a
micro challenge we can spend aday assuming that people are
kind and look for the evidenceof that, and it doesn't even
(19:50):
have to be kind to you.
It could just be like kind toeach other, like where can I see
evidence of that?
Like maybe see a mom payingattention to a baby, or maybe
seeing lovers paying attentionto each other, or somewhere
where we can see evidence ofpeople being kind to each other.
If we find ourselves in a toughconversation, potentially
(20:11):
asking ourselves, before wereact, like what am I missing?
So I don't jump to theassumption that I know all the
answers Like what am I missing?
And this is a hot one, a hottake for the end of the day Like
what did I notice today thatsurprised me?
Basically, it's us looking fora lens to pick to just do this
experiment for a day or a week,a length of time, to like feel
(20:35):
into what's, what couldpotentially be different than
the way I see the world.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
It's gorgeous, catherine, really beautiful, and
I think that most peoplewalking around the world don't
even get past step one.
You know's designed that way,our systems are designed that
way to believe our thoughts.
We create a reality.
(21:03):
To even go outside the box andsay, oh wait, do people want to
help me?
Maybe people want to help me,is huge.
So to even step out of stepnumber one and just living in
your own bubble and gettingcurious, curiosity is your
(21:25):
friend here.
It really is, because once youget curious, then the game
really begins, because thenyou're in possibility vibes and
then you might have to buildskill.
So for me, I said I have thiscore belief that nobody wants to
help me and I have to do italone.
(21:45):
And I definitely created that.
And then I really worked tochange that and I had to build
skill.
So I had to build.
First of all, I had to have theawareness of oh, maybe this
isn't true.
And so, because I believed itwas true, I didn't have any
skill.
So I didn't really have a lot ofskill in knowing how to ask
people for help.
(22:05):
I didn't have skill inreceiving the help or doing it
with other people, or if youhave little kids and they're
helping clear the table and it'snot really that helpful because
it's messy.
It could actually be messier,but it's a long game.
If you're doing that, you'reteaching them how to help, but I
(22:27):
didn't have the skill for thatand I didn't have the nervous
system to hold that.
I didn't know any of thesethings.
So I just created thissituation where I was doing
things on my own and I gotresentful.
So we do need to potentiallybuild skill inside of that, and
having curiosity is justeverything, and I love this
challenge that you gave ourlisteners.
(22:47):
It's so good.
And yeah, just to see what'spossible for you, what are you
noticing in the world?
What if the opposite of whatyou thought was true was
actually out there for you?
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Yeah, could the opposite of what I'm thinking
actually be the fact for otherpeople and could that actually
be factual?
For me is a great spot, like Ilove the what did I notice today
that surprised me.
But if I am sure that peopleare not willing to help me, do I
know someone that's alwaysgetting help and what can I see
(23:24):
in their life?
Like if I were to get curiousif it's not working just for me,
in my own curiosity, looking atmy own life, is there a place
for me to look outside to seesomeone that air quotes?
Potentially other people callthem lucky, right, but it's just
, they have different thoughtsand they're creating a different
life based on those thoughts,right?
So, if we're going to recap,our brain is going to find
(23:46):
whatever we tell it to look for.
Even though we're notconsciously telling it, it's
actually happening in oursubconscious.
But we get to choose ourfilters.
There is a way to filterconsciously.
There's a way for us to startlooking out into the world,
right.
When we change what we'relooking for, it's as if the
(24:07):
world literally changes.
So, listeners, friends, are youready?
Are you ready to be surprised?
Are you ready to notice thethings that surprise you the
things that were unexpected.
Please let us know how todaylanded for you.
Recording on filters andpossibility is definitely a
(24:27):
different step for the two of us.
Brenda and I, were like we wantto bring this forth and show it
, but it's not the easiest thingto show, because our brain is
telling us no, what I see, whatI think, is the fact, and I am
right.
So in this case, under thisumbrella of possibility and
seeing where you see the worldas not giving you what you want,
(24:50):
I hope that you can findsomething different and that you
can start to be surprised.
And please share your noticingswith us.
You can DM us.
We'd love to hear from you.
Thanks so much for listening.
That's a wrap.
Bye for now.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Even after decades of inner work, we are humble
beginners on the mat, stillexploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desires Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Peace that is often overlooked.
Being responsible for ourdesire.
Hello, hello, welcome back.
(01:36):
Friends, family listeners.
Today, Brenda and I will betalking about something that the
first thing I thought of Idon't know if you guys remember
that game, twister, when you hadto put like one arm and this
color and a foot on that color,but this topic is sort of like
that.
The bottom line is that we donot see the world as it is.
We see the world as we are.
(01:57):
So we have this reticularactivating system right.
Our brain is constantlyfiltering what we notice.
We did an episode on anxiety.
Brenda and I were talking aboutlike, what are the things that
cause us anxiety?
Like oh, she's like oh, whenyou don't do the dishes, and,
(02:19):
believe it or not, I had thatone too.
I needed to make sure mykitchen dishes.
Everything was done before Iwent to bed and I, just like her
, have been able to sort of nothave to notice the dishes if,
for some reason, I'm having,let's say, covid symptoms and I
need to be in bed and asleep andI'm just going to order Uber
(02:41):
Eats and then I don't havedishes because everything goes
in the garbage.
But we find ways to notice whatwe're noticing, noticing the
things that make us feeluncomfortable as we walk through
, and we talked about how to bewith yourself when you have
these uncomfortable feelings.
What we did not go into, but wewill be going into today
(03:08):
feelings, what we did not gointo but we will be going into
today is how the brain isactually doing that.
Tony Robbins has this famousthing.
I'm sure you could put TonyRobbins red car and you'll see
him doing tons of interviewswith people where he'll say
notice everything that's rightin the room.
And then he'll, and then theperson then close your eyes now
and now.
Tony will say tell me what wasbrown in the room or tell me
what was yellow in the room.
And then he'll, and then theperson then close your eyes now
and now.
Tony will say tell me what wasbrown in the room or tell me
(03:28):
what was yellow in the room.
He'll just pick a differentcolor and then people are like
oh well, I didn't, I don't knowwhat was brown what was yellow,
like I didn't see anything else.
Because the prompt of look foreverything that's red or look
for a red car, and suddenlyyou're seeing red cars
everywhere.
(03:50):
We're telling our minds what tolook for, and what's wild is
that our unconscious mind isdoing that all the time and it
wants us to be right.
And it's filtering for beliefs,it's filtering because of past
experiences.
It's filtering because of ourfears, stranger danger or our
desires right, it's filteringand like it's constantly
(04:13):
happening.
And one of the things that Isee in my practice and I'm sure
Brenda sees it as well is thatsomeone can be stuck.
This is the Desire as Medicinepodcast is that someone can be
stuck.
This is the Desire as Medicinepodcast.
Somebody can be stuck on ugh,everybody gets to have what they
want, but I don't get what Iwant.
Or somebody maybe we'll have aclient who believes people just
(04:39):
can't be trusted and all theynotice is all and every betrayal
, but they miss every act ofkindness.
And so, like in our everydaylife, whether it's in corporate,
in dating, in friendships, inour opportunities, there's
always something that we'relooking for and filtering for,
(05:02):
and I don't think this is soeasy to talk about.
I was talking to a client theother day who's like all women
are guarded.
I'm like what Kind of?
And my practice ispredominantly women, but I'm
(05:24):
listening to this man tell mehow all women are guarded and
all women are this and all womenare that, and whether it's a
woman in her 50s or 60s or 40sor 20s, and they're all like
this, and I'm trying to get himto see it from a different place
.
He definitely wasn't there yet,right?
Because what he's not noticingis the awareness step, which is
first, we have to admit that ourbrain is biased.
(05:48):
Brenda, have you been able toadmit that your brain is biased?
It doesn't necessarily have tobe something of yours, but can
you see how people come Like?
Do you see this in the worldwhere people just have their
filters?
Like somebody could say to youmy God, you know what I thought
about right now their filters.
Like somebody could say to youmy God, you know what I thought
about right now when we weredoing the anxiousness episode
(06:09):
and you were talking aboutdishes.
Can you recall a time whereyour brain is like this is messy
, that's messy.
This is messy, that's messy.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
It's like your mind is filtering for mess, because
mess is what made youuncomfortable.
Do you remember that?
I like how you get my goat bytalking about mess.
Yeah, I notice everythingthat's messy for sure.
Actually, what comes to mind isI was having dinner the other
night and somebody was talkingabout the Broadway show Suffs,
about the suffragettes, howwomen got the right to vote, and
we were talking about how muchwe love the show and it's closed
(06:51):
now.
And the person who I was havingdinner with said, oh, she ran
into somebody in New York Citywho was in the show and she said
oh my God, I loved you in theshow.
I'm so sorry it's closing.
I heard it's closing and theactress said oh yeah, nobody
likes to see women succeed.
And the person who was havingdinner with totally agreed.
She was like of course, thatshow closed.
It's an all women cast, it'sall written by women and nobody
(07:15):
wants to see women succeed.
And she believed that.
This woman in her twenties.
I was like, wow, I really don'tbelieve that.
I was like, wow, do peopleactually believe that?
That nobody wants to see awoman succeed, which is kind of
what the whole show is about.
So it's kind of meta.
I don't believe that peopledon't want women to succeed.
Like I don't see that in theworld, I don't experience that,
(07:38):
but it's exactly what you'retalking about, because she
thought that, like she reallybelieved it.
Are there threads of that inthe world?
Yes, of course there are.
I can see that there are, butthat's not really a lens that I
see things through and I couldsee how she was just like really
on that horse, like nobodywants to see a woman succeed.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
I noticed in the anxiety episode we were talking
about.
One of the things that I had tosort of be with under
discomfort I had to be with wasI could see where there was
disconnect or there wassomething off in somebody's
conversation when I waswitnessing and I wanted to
interject all the time.
So I constantly see when peopleare talking and they're talking
(08:19):
about different things.
I notice that all the time Liketwo people will be talking One
person's talking about one thing, the other person's talking
about another thing.
They think they're talkingabout the same thing and they're
completely in conversation andin disagreement and I'm like,
wow, they're talking about twodifferent things and they don't
know it because they're so inthere.
I want to be right and I'm likethey're having two completely
(08:42):
different conversations rightnow and I still want to be like
you're talking about differentthings.
But, as I stated in the anxietyepisode, it's not my place
often to talk, interject and ifthey ask hey, catherine, what do
you think?
I will often say sounds likethe two of you are talking about
different things.
You're talking about this,you're talking about that, but
(09:05):
why is that?
So I have a human design towrite on a cross of laws, and so
I think it's part of my gift,it's part of my site, it's part
of what I can see.
So my filter is always lookingfor commonalities and
differences and things and likewhat's air quotes right, what's
air quotes wrong?
How the village should behave,how the village should not
(09:27):
behave.
It's part of what my eye islooking for.
Potentially, if I had thethought of like nobody wants
women to succeed, if there werea man and a woman, then maybe I
would just back her.
Whatever she's saying, I'mgoing to back her because I want
to make sure this womansucceeds or I want the world to
(09:47):
be different.
But the thing is, the worldjust is how we see it.
Like the world's happening andwe are looking for like it's not
this obvious and that's what'sso wild.
We're talking about somethingthat's happening kind of in the
unconscious.
95% of our brain is justunconsciously working, like when
(10:09):
you're driving your car.
You end up somewhere and you'relike I don't even know how I
got here, but I'm here.
Your brain is like if you wereto have an awareness, what am I
expecting to see?
So if you were expecting suchand such to be late, they're
late.
You're expecting not to beserved food.
You're not served food.
(10:30):
We have all these assumptions.
And if we were to, like, filterout these steps, or filter it
out in steps, like how to noticeour current filter?
Right, like, the first step isawareness what am I seeing?
What did I see the most oftoday?
And then you see, oh, this ismy programming, this is what my
(10:52):
mind is actually filtering for.
And like, the next thing issuch a fun thing to do.
Like, what else could be true?
What am I not seeing?
Like, we could just play withBrenda's example, brenda, when
you, when this woman is likenobody wants women to succeed,
that's such a strong statementor thought to believe.
(11:14):
Right, like, and the nobodywants women to succeed is her
reasoning, or that person'sreasoning, or people's plural
reasoning for that show to haveclosed on Broadway.
Right, suss to be done.
But there are other reasonsthat could be present.
Right, like, what else could wepotentially throw in the fire?
Like, what other thoughts couldthere be?
(11:34):
Like, what other reasons arethere For why?
Speaker 2 (11:36):
the show closed.
I mean, I don't know a lotabout Broadway, but maybe they
ran out of funding.
Maybe one of the some of themain actors had to go and they
couldn't fill it.
It's an all women's cast.
Maybe they couldn't maintainthat for whatever reason.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I think those are great reasons.
The biggest thing that stoodout for me in that context is,
whenever we have absolutes likenobody wants women to succeed
and it's like, well, women wantwomen to succeed, or some women
want women to succeed, or mostwomen want women to succeed, you
can change that phrase, whichmeans that that thought is
(12:15):
clearly not a fact.
It's just a thought, it's justan opinion.
So I Googled it's so wild.
I Googled why did SUFs close onBroadway?
And it is exactly what Brendasaid.
Believe it or not, sufs closedon Broadway due to insufficient
ticket sales to cover itsrunning costs.
(12:35):
Despite winning two Tony Awardsfor Best Score and Best Book,
the musical, which premiered in2024, struggled to maintain
consistent gross levels, leadingto its closing date on January
5th 2025.
Despite being a TonyAward-winning show, attendance
dropped to 78% capacity in someweeks and the weekly gross was
(12:59):
below 1 million mark, a levelneeded to sustain a Broadway
show.
Now I want to run stats here.
How?
I don't know how long do youknow how long stuff was on
Broadway?
I can just ask chat.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I don't know.
It's a great question Can youguys hear her typing in the
background?
But that's so interesting thatthey ran out of funding.
Now, if you have that beliefsystem that nobody wants to see
women succeed, then you couldtotally go down the thread of
that.
Oh well, of course it ran outof funding because no one wants
to fund women on Broadway, whichI'm sure.
Maybe that's true somewhere,maybe some people do feel that
(13:34):
way, but personally I don't feelthat overwhelmingly.
And why did that show closeover other shows?
And how many shows closed forthat reason?
Because they ran out of funding.
It must be super expensive torun a show and you're talking
about millions of dollars.
It has to maintain probably aminimum of that to even sustain
(13:54):
itself and pay everyone that ittakes to run a show.
Did you get the answer?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Yes, ma'am.
So apparently it was runningfrom April 18th 2024 to January
5th 2025.
So we're looking at, like Aprilis month number four, December
12th, eight, nine months, right,Wow, that's short.
Well, I asked how long do theynormally?
What was it?
How often do Broadway shows runon Broadway?
And it's not giving me atimeline.
The thing that I'm pointing toright now, even in my searches,
(14:29):
even in my keyboard here, isthat nobody wants women to
succeed, is not like a fact.
And when we start searching forfacts, the first fact was okay,
well, how long did it run?
Like, is it actually a shortrun?
I mean even podcasting, right?
I think when we first startedpodcasting, like the average
podcast has 10 episodes.
(14:50):
We'll be touching 90 soon, wewill be.
And I, Capricorn, was like wewill celebrate on 104th episode
because that's 52 times two.
And my Virgo here was like whatare you talking about?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
What's 104?
We will be celebrating 100people.
Get ready.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
That's so funny the way we think, but I still have
tons of searches that I could doto get to the bottom of why
something didn't succeed.
I mean, most businesses don'tsucceed past five years, so
there has to be a differentopinion.
But when we're looking forevidence, if the evidence I'm
looking for is nobody wantswomen to succeed and that's a
(15:33):
good enough answer for me, thenthat becomes my assumption and
that's how I'm walking throughthe world Like world.
Show me all the reasons, showme all the evidence for that.
Air quotes nobody wants womento succeed.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
And if you're looking for that, you're going to find
it and no matter what researchyou look up on the good old
internet, you're always going tobring it back to oh it ran out
of funds.
Well, of course, nobody wantswomen to succeed.
You're always going to bring itback to that.
If you believe that A big onefor me is nobody wants to help
me, I have to do it alone, whichprobably contributed to my
(16:10):
anxiety that we talked about onone of the other episodes.
So I really realized I had thiscore belief that I have to do
it alone, nobody wants to helpme, and I really had to look at
that, because I could findevidence of that everywhere,
especially being a mother with ahusband in a four-bedroom house
with children and workingfull-time.
I could definitely findevidence and I did that nobody
(16:34):
wants to help clean the house ornobody wants to help clear the
table.
I found evidence for that allthe time I created it.
Let's be honest right With mybelief that nobody is going to
want to help clean up dinner,that I have to do it alone.
And then you literally createthat, and then nobody thinks
they have to clean up dinner,and then nobody's cleaning up
(16:55):
dinner and you have justcongratulations, made yourself
right.
So I think we're looking toconfirm these beliefs.
And it might sound crazy,because why would you want to
confirm a belief that's quotenegative, that you have to do it
alone?
But some part of you is lookingfor confirmation.
It's like kind of twisted in away.
It's like there's comfort inthat of being right and there's
(17:19):
safety in it.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
There's comfort in being right.
Yeah, there's safety in beingright.
It's like you know what'scoming right.
We're not uncomfortable anymore, we're not in the unknown,
right.
And so if we were to look at itlike steps, if we were to break
it down into four steps, likehow to notice our current filter
we talked about some of that.
We want to have awareness.
What am I seeing?
Because, whatever I'm seeing, alot of that's.
(17:40):
There's a belief underneaththere.
And then we get to question ourassumptions, like what else
could be true here?
Right, for the show example,like what other reasons could
there be for it to not bepresent?
Right, other than nobody wantswomen to succeed?
Or dishes, like what otherreason could there be that
nobody else is doing dishes?
And why am I not seeing theother reasons?
(18:03):
Like why can I only see myreason If, ultimately, there's
tons and tons of reasons forthings?
Right, like when we have factsand evidence, we have all these
mountain of facts.
Right, when somebody's in court, there's like all these factual
evidences proving something,why do I not have the same
amount of factual evidence oropinionated evidence or
(18:24):
assumptions for something otherthan what I'm thinking?
Like, why can I not see theother ones.
And then here's a fun littlegame.
We can set a consciousintention for our day, like
today.
I will notice the moments thatother people want to support me,
potentially, or a version ofthat, today.
(18:47):
I will notice everybody whosmiles at me Today.
I will notice everybody who'spaying attention to me Today.
I will notice, when someoneasks me how I'm doing, that I
don't just say fine, that I sayor that I share, like, depending
on what filter we're workingthrough, that's a great thing to
(19:07):
start doing and setting thatintention for the day.
It's basically curiosity overjudgment.
So the judgment is like airquotes nobody wants women to
succeed or nobody wants to helpme with the day.
It's basically curiosity overjudgment.
So the judgment is like airquotes nobody wants women to
succeed or nobody wants to helpme with the dishes.
But if we can just get curiousrather than judgmental and start
to challenge our own worldview,like our own way of looking and
(19:28):
walking through the world forwhere are all the red cars right
?
And so I'm going to give ourlisteners a little bit of a
micro challenge we can spend aday assuming that people are
kind and look for the evidenceof that, and it doesn't even
(19:50):
have to be kind to you.
It could just be like kind toeach other, like where can I see
evidence of that?
Like maybe see a mom payingattention to a baby, or maybe
seeing lovers paying attentionto each other, or somewhere
where we can see evidence ofpeople being kind to each other.
If we find ourselves in a toughconversation, potentially
(20:11):
asking ourselves, before wereact, like what am I missing?
So I don't jump to theassumption that I know all the
answers Like what am I missing?
And this is a hot one, a hottake for the end of the day Like
what did I notice today thatsurprised me?
Basically, it's us looking fora lens to pick to just do this
experiment for a day or a week,a length of time, to like feel
(20:35):
into what's, what couldpotentially be different than
the way I see the world.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
It's gorgeous, catherine, really beautiful, and
I think that most peoplewalking around the world don't
even get past step one.
You know's designed that way,our systems are designed that
way to believe our thoughts.
We create a reality.
(21:03):
To even go outside the box andsay, oh wait, do people want to
help me?
Maybe people want to help me,is huge.
So to even step out of stepnumber one and just living in
your own bubble and gettingcurious, curiosity is your
(21:25):
friend here.
It really is, because once youget curious, then the game
really begins, because thenyou're in possibility vibes and
then you might have to buildskill.
So for me, I said I have thiscore belief that nobody wants to
help me and I have to do italone.
(21:45):
And I definitely created that.
And then I really worked tochange that and I had to build
skill.
So I had to build.
First of all, I had to have theawareness of oh, maybe this
isn't true.
And so, because I believed itwas true, I didn't have any
skill.
So I didn't really have a lot ofskill in knowing how to ask
people for help.
(22:05):
I didn't have skill inreceiving the help or doing it
with other people, or if youhave little kids and they're
helping clear the table and it'snot really that helpful because
it's messy.
It could actually be messier,but it's a long game.
If you're doing that, you'reteaching them how to help, but I
(22:27):
didn't have the skill for thatand I didn't have the nervous
system to hold that.
I didn't know any of thesethings.
So I just created thissituation where I was doing
things on my own and I gotresentful.
So we do need to potentiallybuild skill inside of that, and
having curiosity is justeverything, and I love this
challenge that you gave ourlisteners.
(22:47):
It's so good.
And yeah, just to see what'spossible for you, what are you
noticing in the world?
What if the opposite of whatyou thought was true was
actually out there for you?
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Yeah, could the opposite of what I'm thinking
actually be the fact for otherpeople and could that actually
be factual?
For me is a great spot, like Ilove the what did I notice today
that surprised me.
But if I am sure that peopleare not willing to help me, do I
know someone that's alwaysgetting help and what can I see
(23:24):
in their life?
Like if I were to get curiousif it's not working just for me,
in my own curiosity, looking atmy own life, is there a place
for me to look outside to seesomeone that air quotes?
Potentially other people callthem lucky, right, but it's just
, they have different thoughtsand they're creating a different
life based on those thoughts,right?
So, if we're going to recap,our brain is going to find
(23:46):
whatever we tell it to look for.
Even though we're notconsciously telling it, it's
actually happening in oursubconscious.
But we get to choose ourfilters.
There is a way to filterconsciously.
There's a way for us to startlooking out into the world,
right.
When we change what we'relooking for, it's as if the
(24:07):
world literally changes.
So, listeners, friends, are youready?
Are you ready to be surprised?
Are you ready to notice thethings that surprise you the
things that were unexpected.
Please let us know how todaylanded for you.
Recording on filters andpossibility is definitely a
(24:27):
different step for the two of us.
Brenda and I, were like we wantto bring this forth and show it
, but it's not the easiest thingto show, because our brain is
telling us no, what I see, whatI think, is the fact, and I am
right.
So in this case, under thisumbrella of possibility and
seeing where you see the worldas not giving you what you want,
(24:50):
I hope that you can findsomething different and that you
can start to be surprised.
And please share your noticingswith us.
You can DM us.
We'd love to hear from you.
Thanks so much for listening.
That's a wrap.
Bye for now.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
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