May 25, 2025 • 35 mins
Let’s be honest, courting can feel like a weird mix of awkward silences and overly intense “So, where do you see yourself in five years?” vibes. Today, we're sharing a better way: playful, thought-provoking activities designed to spark real connection without killing the vibe.
These aren’t your typical icebreakers. One minute you’re ranking your top values, the next you’re arguing (respectfully!) over whether a $3,000 mattress is worth the splurge. And in the process, you’re learning how someone thinks, what they prioritize, and how they deal with pressure or disagreement.
The best part? You might learn a few things about yourself too. Because compatibility isn’t just about knowing the other person, it’s also about understanding what matters to you.
So if you’re navigating the courting world and want less awkwardness, more depth, and maybe a few laughs along the way, this episode’s for you.
Curious to try these games yourself? The Compatibility Challenge lives here: Amazon or halalmatch.ca.
Got a dilemma or story? The Single Muslim Hotline is here for you! We’ll play your anonymous messages in future episodes and offer real talk. Drop us a voice note 👇🏻
https://www.speakpipe.com/DiaryOfAMatchmaker
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
I've been talking to someone for nearly a month now.
Conversations are flowing, wehave the same interests and we
even love humanitarian work.
We're inching closer towards anengagement and there are
certain topics I want to bringup, but I'm not sure how Prenups
in-laws lifestyle expectations.
I don't know what to do.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
And I'm Zaid.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
A podcast that will take you into our world as
matchmakers.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
We'll share our experiences and offer advice for
the single Muslim.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
So let's dive in.
Bismillah, as-salamu alaykumeveryone.
Welcome to another episode.
My name is Zaid and on theother mic is my wife and co-host
Hiba.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
As-salamu alaykum.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
So people naturally get stuck at some point when
they're trying to assesscompatibility.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
We all do.
We all do, although we didn't.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
I feel like there was always a healthy flow of
conversations.
I came ready with my arsenal ofquestions, you would fire back
at me, after I would fire at you, and there was fun and
excitement, because you'realways wondering, okay, what's
his next question?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
And Sounds bloody yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
But we had a fun time yeah.
However, not everybody has thesame luxury, unfortunately, so
let's talk a little bit aboutwhat we did to help diffuse this
awkwardness with our clients.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah, exactly so when we were planning and building
our service, we're like, okay,we and this is our previous
service model, where we used tomatch people, take them out for
dinner and sit with them forthree hours move to another
table.
And then we're like, okay,what's going to happen next?
Are they going to end uplooking at each other for three
hours, move to another table?
And then we're like, okay,what's going to happen next?
Are they going to end uplooking at each other for three
(01:49):
hours?
Are they going to end uptalking about the weather and
the food and their favorite show?
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Yeah, our first double date was a bit stressful.
Because, it was like, hey, ourfirst double date.
We're going to pamper the hellout of our clients.
We're going to treat them out.
We had the restaurant figuredout and that was all the easy
part, but planning, uh, theactivities for those three hours
, that was hard, yeah uh, butalhamdulillah we, we banged our
heads together and we came upwith some fun activities and we
(02:16):
got wonderful feedback yeah,after a few of these we're like,
okay, we have something goodhere.
Something valuable that peoplecan use.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
It's a good tool.
Why don't we find a way wheremore people can benefit from it,
people who are not our clients?
So, alhamdulillah, we ended upexpanding on these activities
and putting them together in acompatibility challenge.
We made it into a challenge.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
And this episode.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
inshallah, we're going to dive into it a little
bit and give you guys some tools.
If we're going to dive into ita little bit and give you guys
some tools, If you're talking tosomeone, how to assess
compatibility in a way that'snot interrogation-like, that's
not FBI-like, and that'sactually fun.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Okay, shall we dive into the first activity.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
I really like this one and the way this game is
designed is that you have a listof categories.
There are 10 categories in thisgame is designed is that you
have a list of categories.
There are 10 categories in thisgame and within each category
there are characteristics orqualities that make up that
category, and your job as theplayer is to rank those
characteristics from mostimportant to least important.
So let's pick one anddemonstrate really quick, let's
(03:22):
go with spouse.
Okay.
So with spouse, thecharacteristics are honesty,
security, patience andaccountability.
What is most important to youin this?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
one.
What's more important to me, Iwould say my answer, my answer
before getting married, wouldhave looked very different from
what it is now, and it just goesto show that marriage teaches
us about ourselves.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
And like we grow so much from marriage, uh so, like
with me, for example, I realizedI require a lot of patience
yeah, me too, by the way no, Irequire more.
No, I require more.
Okay, fine, we can compete allday about who needs more.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
No, you know what I think every married couple yeah
they would say the same thingbecause, like, you're married to
this person, you live with them, you I don't know you share a
closet, you, yeah, like youshare a washroom, you share
whatever, like, yeah.
It's not easy, especially ifsomebody never had a like a
roommate or like had a closerelationship with a brother or
(04:29):
sister.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Yeah, you are.
What's the word?
Not habits, but the things youcan't tolerate, right, the
things that really kind of getunder your skin, like the small
things, yeah, like when thingsout of place or you just don't
like that being there.
You don't realize it untilyou're married.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah so yeah, I would say before
getting married.
My answer would have beenhonesty, uh, accountability and
security.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Okay, I think mine is very similar, if not the same
For me patience, because, like Isaid, I realize so much now how
much patience I require.
And number two, I would sayhonesty, because I need somebody
to be honest with me and notjust be a people pleaser, not
(05:29):
just you know, for the sake ofyou know.
The marriage is going on andjust floating across.
It's just like no.
We need to be honest with eachother and have real
conversations about everything.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Oh, with honesty, like I thought of, the person is
not lying to me Like there's nolying or hiding or secrets and
stuff.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yeah, you know that's worth mentioning about this
game, because there's so manydifferent ways to interpret the
qualities that the point of itis that it just generates these
conversations.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
There's no right or wrong answer.
Oh yeah, no.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
And then number three , I would say accountability.
Someone that I mean I'm justgoing to gonna use the word
again.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Someone that holds me accountable, uh, somebody that
oh, somebody that holds youaccountable yeah okay, so my
interpretation was completelydifferent someone who can hold
himself accountable when hemakes mistakes, that's that's
idealistically speaking no,actually that actually I was
going to say.
That's one thing I appreciateabout you.
You know, arab guys it's hardfor I'm not generalizing, but a
(06:30):
lot of Arab guys it's not easyfor them to say I'm sorry or to
admit they're wrong.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
There's like this ego thing right, I have a bit of an
ego.
We all like it's apre-installed feature in the
system.
It's a guy thing.
I think guys have it more thangirls.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
But what I appreciate about you is that you don't
have a problem saying I'm sorryand like I find it very manly
actually.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Oh, thank you yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
So that's what I mean with accountability.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Okay, I guess we have a different interpretation of
that.
And last but not least issecurity.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
And what is your interpretation for security?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
An interpretation of security is somebody that I can
really trust with everything myhome that I feel secure with.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
She's not going to stab me.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
I'm not going to stab her, just that.
But my finances right.
She's not going to be recklesswith our finances, with our home
, with everything that I cantrust her with right.
That I'm sharing my life withher, so there has to be a sense
of security that comes alongwith that.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
I think when women think about security, they think
that this guy is going to stickaround.
He's not going to run away.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
See, he's not going to be?
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I don't know, maybe take a second wife behind my
back.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
It's all part of security.
Yeah, see, that's interestingbecause based on the gender,
like we have differentunderstandings and
interpretations of those wordsSubhanallah, all right, let's
try another one.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah, let's do finances, finances.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
of course, that's a big one yeah, that's always a
hot topic when people aregetting married.
So the cad, the qualities, aresaving, investing, charity and
entrepreneurship.
Uh, let me go first on this one, sure, I think I know what's
your number one I think you knowwhat it is too, number one for
me.
I would say it would have beenthe same before getting married
(08:28):
and it is now, and that'sentrepreneurship I knew it yeah,
um, you know, entrepreneurshipis just one of those words that
everybody feels it's cool tothrow around.
Um, but for the longest time,for the longest time, I had this
for lack of a better termdisdain towards a nine to five.
I knew that I wanted to workaway from that at some point, in
(08:50):
some capacity, and I wantedsomebody who was going to be
supportive of that and was notgoing to be complacent in the
traditional way of living nineto five retire when you're 60 or
whatever your the age ofretirement is, and, um, just
enjoy your life after you retire.
I didn't that.
That kind of mentality neverset well with me, and I wanted
(09:13):
somebody who understood that anddidn't judge me for that or
think that, oh, I'm lazy and Idon't, um, I don't want to work
hard or anything like that atthe end of the day,
entrepreneurship is a lot ofhard work it's actually more
work than a day job, exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Yeah, I think a lot of people in this generation and
our generation share the samething.
Like we come across a lot ofpeople it was like, yeah, I want
to be able to quit my job andjust have my own business.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Yeah, actually a lot of our clients that that we take
on they always have on theirprofile.
I'm working on a side business.
I have a side hustle, you knowwhether it's investing.
Even I think one girl shementioned something about baking
and so, yeah, everybody is likeworking on something on the
side in some capacity.
So yeah, like I said,entrepreneurship number one.
(10:00):
I would say investing numbertwo.
Investing should be not justfinance, but investing in your
health, investing in your time.
But with regards to finances,yes, I want somebody who's not
going to spend all my money onmakeup or spend all my money on,
you know, junk food, or likebeing conscious and wise with
(10:22):
the way we spend our money.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
But that's not investing.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
When I think about investing, I'm not talking about
just the stock market.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
I'm talking about in general how you are spending
your money, okay Right.
Investing in things that bringa return.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Right Investing in good, healthy food.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Investing in the gym.
Right, paying money for amonthly subscription at the gym.
Right, paying money for amonthly subscription at the gym.
That's, that's myinterpretation.
Okay, three would be savingsaving is important and for
charity okay what about you?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
uh, I would say entrepreneurship okay, and so
you.
You share the way that I feelabout entrepreneurship and I
didn't know this about myselfbefore I knew you.
Honestly, I I never, in amillion years, I've never
thought I'm going to be runningmy own business.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Like the way we were brought up you go to school, you
get a degree and then you get ajob.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
And yeah, you try to get a promotion and whatever and
make money.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Did we talk a lot about this during our courting
phase, like aboutentrepreneurship.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
No, actually we talked about Halal match after
we had our nikah, not during ourcourting.
Yeah, yeah to be honest I.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
That was one thing I was very hesitant to share with
girls because girls naturallywant to feel that the guy
they're marrying is financiallysecure, that he's hardworking
and stuff it goes, so sharingsomething like that is a bit
vulnerable it.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
It goes back to security, by the way.
We're talking about security.
But yeah, entrepreneurship, Ilove entrepreneurship, I would
never have it any other way.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Number two is charity .
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Oh, that's, number two for you.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
Yes, Nothing makes me feel better than giving to
others who need it, becauseAllah promised us you give, you
get more right when I saw thatword, I thought starting your
own charity oh, okay but thenagain, just like the previous
category, we have our owninterpretations.
I guess, I guess.
I guess number three would besaving.
(12:17):
Number four would be investing,which is not very wise.
Like everybody should bethinking about investing like
halal ways, halal investments,but I think because we've never
actually talked about itseriously and researched it we
don't appreciate the value ofyeah for sure, one more Sure,
(12:38):
okay.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Last but not least, oh, let's do wedding.
Yeah, I think this isdefinitely important.
Oh, let's do wedding.
Yeah, I think this isdefinitely important.
So the four characteristics orqualities are venue food, number
of guests and cost.
So I'll go.
I'll go first, sure, so for methe number one, uh, would be
cost as a guy, yeah number twowould be, I would say, food.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Really, you're a guy at the end of the day.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Yes, yes, Always.
If you're a girl listening tothis, always remember one thing
the way to a man's heart isthrough his stomach.
I've said it so many times andI'll sing it.
I'll say it again you know.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
This explains why, like, the biggest chefs in the
world are men.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So cost, food, number of guests and then venue.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Oh, we have a completely different order.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Well, number one for me is also cost.
I'm not going to spend a crazyamount of money on a one night
thing.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Number two is venue.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I've always wanted to have an outdoorsy wedding even
though we didn't like, we endedup not having a wedding at all.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Which was because of COVID.
Yes, in case you didn't hearthe story.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Yeah, but a venue, or you know what's a really nice
venue A field, a field, a field.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
In an autumn day, oh my god, I guess I don't know.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Yeah, I just think of like farmers and overalls and
tractors not for not overalls,but I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I love this rustic feeling I mean for me it would
be somewhere like obviously I'mthinking of like a dream wedding
, uh, on a beach that's verymessy, you know, with the dress
and the sand and all of that,yeah, yeah um, number three for
me would be food.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
No, actually wait gas or food.
Which is more important?
Yeah, I would say food andnumber of guests uh, number of
guests.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah, for me it's about quality over quantity.
Like, um, at our nikah, uh, wehad what?
50 or 60 new people and uh, itwas just all my family and
friends.
I didn't I mean.
Part of the reason was that wedidn't have too much time to
plan yeah, it was the lastminute.
It was the last minute thing,yeah but uh, but yeah, I'm not
the kind of guy that needs toinvite my cousins, brothers,
(15:02):
brothers, sisters, in-laws,daughters.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
No, you know, even when we were planning our
wedding in Palestine, I think wehad like 100, like yeah, maybe
80 guests, or something.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Well, I mean, you have a pretty large extended
family.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yeah, but we weren't going to invite like everyone,
so we were going to keep it as,like I think, 80 or 90 people.
Wow, that's pretty small, giventhe size of your extended
family yeah, okay, shall we moveon to the next activity?
yeah, but you know, before wemove on this, especially the the
wedding one, it's really goodfor people who are talking to
(15:39):
talk about these things and notleave it till the end, because
you might have a completelydifferent perspective and you
have no idea how many marriagesfall, or like marriages that
were supposed to be fall overfall apart fall apart over
something as I don't know, thewedding venue, or we want more
people.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
We want I don't know or maher or things like, not to
mention how they turn it into aburden, a big financial burden,
taking out a loan $30,000,$40,000 wedding.
It's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Or sometimes even starting their marriage with
haram, Like I don't know.
Just a lot of things happen inweddings that shouldn't happen.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, I mean, you tell me a lot.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
In Arab culture, it's all about outdoing the other
person, outdoing the cousin whohad that wedding like oh, I
gotta show him I can do a betterjob.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Not, not not all arabs, but it depends, I guess
so, like, like we said before,this is a wonderful category,
and actually just playing thisagain reminded me how genders
think very differently as I saidbefore.
So you're going to realize thatthe how the person you're
talking to is going to interpreteach quality differently.
If you're overwhelmed andburdened and just don't know
(16:48):
where to seek help, let us helpyou.
We can be your personalmatchmakers.
Visit us at halalmatchca andbook a free call with us.
Okay, this one I rememberclearly.
We worked on this one for awhile for our first double date
yeah and it was super fun andwe've worked on it, we refined
(17:10):
it and refined it.
Alhamdulillah, it's in a goodplace now.
So this is called dream house.
In this game, the goal is tobuild a dream house with the,
the person you're speaking with.
In this activity, you haveobviously certain necessities or
things that might not even bedeemed a necessary, that you are
going to fill your house with,things like a mattress, couch,
(17:32):
dinner table, etc.
And, of course, each item doescome with a cost.
Now the challenge is that youhave to work within a budget to
fill that house the way you wantit to build your dream house
and you can use a credit cardwith no limit.
You can borrow from your wife'sparents, or you can borrow from
your husband's parents and youcan only borrow a certain amount
(17:54):
or you can stick to your budgetyeah, or you can stick to your
budget, and the point of thisgame is that you get an
understanding of lifestyle, offlexibility.
What else does this?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Conflict resolution.
Because the thing is most ofthe items in the list.
We give two options Either youbuy this like I don't know a
Walmart mattress or aTempur-Pedic yeah or like you
buy something from Marketplaceover something from I don't know
Ikea let's say, when we had ourNikka, we were trying to plan
(18:32):
our first apartment.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Our best friend was marketplace.
And what's the other one Kijiji.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
There you go.
By the way, you'll find greatthings on there, honestly.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
You'd drive me nuts, I know Every day I'd get a link
and say, hey, can you go pick?
By the way, you'll find greatthings on there.
Honestly, you drive me nuts.
I know every day I'd get a linksay, hey, can you go pick this
up?
Hey, hey, check out thesedishes.
Hey, can you go drive overthere?
So I'd be driving with my mompicking up the most random stuff
.
I said you know what she'sfinding?
Good, affordable things.
They're decent quality, why not?
And it got to a point where myroom was just filled with stuff
because we hadn't moved in yettogether.
We were living apart because ofcovid and uh.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
It was fun and crazy at the same time yeah, I saved
you a lot of money, didn't youdid?
You did.
I won't deny that.
Yeah, I remember when we werelike building this game, we went
on like walmart website on ikeawebsite and stuff to choose the
prices yeah, yeah, because wewanted to make as as realistic
as possible.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Let's go through some of the items and see which one
that we would pick.
So, for example, the first oneis mattress.
So we have the option of buyinga king-size Walmart mattress
for $600.
Or a double-size Tempur-Pedicmattress for $2,000.
$2,000 for a mattress is a lot.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, yes, but sleep is important exactly sleep is
important, comfort is important.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Um, and those are the options we got to work with.
I'm a bit resistant, but Ithink I would go with double
size Tempur-Pedic yeah if therewas like a middle ground, I
would go with the middle ground.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
But if, if I had to choose between these.
Sleep is very important.
And your back health.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Okay, so we've already eaten up $2,000.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
So we are left with $6,000.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
The next thing of course you need a couch.
Okay, you know I keep goingback to us.
When we moved in together, wedidn't have a couch for the
first, I believe, three months.
We couldn't even invite guestsor anybody, so it was just us
sitting at the dinner tablechilling.
Or we just go to our bed andjust watch a movie on our bed
because we didn't have a couch,or we just sit on a chair just
(20:33):
watch tv.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
It was so uncomfortable?
Yeah, but because of covid.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Everything took time, like we ordered this couch and
it took forever to arrive andyou were a bit picky, so we went
to at least 12 stores before wedecided on a couch but it's
worth it, like everyone whocomes to our apartments like
says what a beautiful couch wehave yeah even kiwi, the cat
likes it yeah, so I would gowith a used like new facebook
marketplace couch for 450instead of a leather sectional
(21:00):
from Structube for 3,100?
.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Yeah, I would say the same thing with some hesitation
, because things that arecushioned I would try so hard to
not buy secondhand, justbecause of hygiene and stuff.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
But if it's barely used Especially if they had a
dog or something yeah, so wewouldn't buy something from a
place with a dog, but thesectional I hate leather.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
I but the sectional I hate leather.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
I don't like leather yeah, I don't like leather
either yeah, plus three thousanddollars for a couch yeah, it's
too much.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Uh, okay, let's pick one more uh, let's pick two more
two more okay okay, we havethis category laundry, where you
can choose a plastic basket for15 or you can choose a cotton
hamper for $70.
I would say that's that one iseasy.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
I don't even know why you picked that category.
It's so easy.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Because a hamper is nice.
Some people might want that.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
People would be that picky about a hamper.
Women, you don't know, womenCome on, you've been married for
six years almost and you stilldon't know women I guess I don't
um, for me it's just like allright, just give me a wooden box
and I'll throw my laundry inthere such a guy.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I'm a guy man.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Okay, choose the last one okay, for let's pick a a
dinner table okay yes, food'simportant to a guy, so I want
you're not gonna eat the tableyes, but I need something
comfortable to eat on.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Okay, what are the options?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Six-seater, used and needs to be repainted, for $200.
Or and I know why you'relaughing two-seater, new marble
round for $670.
Obviously, it's an easy one forme $200 six-seater.
And the story behind our dinnertable is that Hiba found it on
(22:47):
Kijiji while she was in Jordan,like just non-stop searching.
Finally she found something andman, it was gross it was the
ugliest thing ever.
But I said you know Hiba wantsit, I'll get it.
So I drove with my mom to Godknows where I I think it was
nearly a half hour drive and itwas somewhat cheap.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
It was very cheap.
It's a six-seater full wood.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Yeah, wooden.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
And six chairs and it looked ugly as hell.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
It was super ugly.
So after Hiba came, it becamemy project to sand this entire
thing down, paint it, paint thechairs.
That became like a two or threeday project, I remember, and I
had to like leave it out on thebalcony, let it dry.
God, what did we?
We just ate on like a desk or Idon't even know how we ate and
it's so heavy.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
And the funny thing is, this is the table.
We're recording this over rightnow and now.
It looks gorgeous.
Everybody who sees it.
They are mashallah.
We went to canadian tire, chosethese beautiful colors.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
No, it was home depot canadian tire.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I don't think they sell paint or do they, no, I'm
I'm 100 certain it was homedepot yeah I'm the one who got
the paint I was with you becauseI chose the color it was home
depot okay, by the way, whichreminds me there's a scratch
here.
You need to paint over.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Oh, thank you for reminding me the 10th time about
that.
Yeah, this game could go on forover an hour.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
This game will also teach you how the other person
handles conflict resolution.
Are they the stubborn type thateverything has to be their way,
or are they the compromisingtype?
That's okay, you can have thisone, I'll have the other one,
the next one, It'll teach you.
Are they the type who has tohave a luxurious lifestyle?
(24:31):
Are they the type who wouldjust use the credit card very
unresponsibly?
Are they so easy with debt theycan just take that for just
things that are not necessities?
Are they the I don't know thecheap?
Maybe the guy is cheap andeverything on the list he's just
going with secondhand,secondhand.
(24:52):
I think it's a great game,honestly.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Okay, last but not least is Journey of Life Sounds
serious.
Yes.
So this game is a maze and whatyou need to do is work with
your partner to get through themaze, and in the maze there are
seven obstacles in your way.
(25:14):
Just like marriage, there willbe obstacles, there will be
disagreements, but the importantthing is how you work together
to overcome those obstacles andmove on in your life.
So, similarly, this game kind ofmirrors that.
In this game there are sevenobstacles and we'll go just
through a few of them so you getan idea of how the game goes.
I can tell how much youinvested in designing this game,
(25:36):
because the picture is of ahijabi girl, with her arm around
her husband, about to walk intothis maze, which is basically
life itself god bless canva sothe first obstacle that this
couple has hit is that theirparents have, or the husband's
parents have, moved into thehouse because they've reached
(25:58):
the age where they're unable totake care of themselves.
After a few months, they realizethat parents are interfering
with the way that you want tobring up your children, and they
give them food you don'tapprove of and undermine your
authority at times.
Your spouse suggests gettingyour parents a separate
accommodation.
How do you handle the situation?
Speaker 2 (26:18):
I can think of one person right now who's going
through this.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yes, one of my friends I feel is in this
situation.
Yeah, but this is somethingthat's very real it's very
common yeah, yeah, it's a veryrealistic situation.
Yeah and um, and it's, livingwithin laws is not easy.
Um, how would you handle this?
Speaker 2 (26:35):
um, so I am the one who is suggesting getting a
separate accommodation for yourparents.
Yeah, okay, that's the question, because now you're caught,
sorry, go ahead.
Now you're caught between twothings your duty as like your
Islamic duty towards yourparents.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
And at the same time, we're talking about the
upbringing of our children andthey are interfering with that.
Now do we have the money to getthem separate accommodation?
And the problem is, even if wehave the money, their health not
in the best condition thatallows them to live separately.
At the same time, I'm not goingto compromise the future of my
(27:17):
children.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Right, I think in an ideal situation, yes, you want
to have a meeting with yourparents and just establish some
clear-cut boundaries and saythis is how things are going to
operate in regards to yourchildren.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Yeah, but your parents are going to feel like
this is your way of telling themget out.
You're not welcome here.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
You know you have to evaluate the relationship you
have with your parents.
So, going back to the questionhow would I handle this
situation?
I would.
I could see my mom interferingmore than my dad.
My dad's very laid back um, hedoesn't interfere, he's just
like do what you guys want.
I'll just show up for thekisses and cuddles for the with
(27:58):
the kids.
I'll take them out whenever youguys want.
My mom I can see being more thetype that would interfere, and
so I would feel prettycomfortable establishing
boundaries with my, with my momyou know why I'm laughing?
Speaker 2 (28:11):
because when you told your parents about me when we
were talking, you said that yourdad was like oh, I'm happy for
you, whatever.
Like he didn't even ask youabout me yeah and your mom
grilled me yes, yes, she had.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
She had a list of questions yeah, yeah, rightfully
.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
But, um, I would say maybe I would turn to like an
imam, somebody that my parents,your parents, look up to, or
like um, appreciate his adviceand maybe he will talk to them
in a way that doesn't make themfeel defensive.
I think communication in thesecases is a key.
(28:50):
Oh yeah, you can't just go likethis is how it's going to be.
You have to do this, don't dothat Like this doesn't work Of
course.
But you see, if you're talking,if you're a guy and a girl and
you're talking, this is animportant topic to discuss
because it's going to come up.
Maybe your parents are going toget old and sick or her parents
(29:10):
are going to, so it up.
Maybe your parents are gonnaget old and sick or her parents
are gonna.
So it's a realistic situation.
If the girl tells you I don'tcare, let your brothers and
sisters handle it, I'm not gonnalive with in-laws, even like
it's not my business then youknow there's no cookie cutter
answer.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
I mean, as a guy, you could be the only son of the
family and you could havemultiple sisters and the
responsibility could fall uponyou and you might need to have
this difficult conversation witha potential spouse and see what
she says, and if she's notflexible on that, it could be a
deal breaker the only, you know,the most horrible answer
somebody could give is just putthem in a home, then you know he
(29:46):
or she is not marriage materialI have different feelings about
nursing homes, but that's forfor another day yeah, yes.
So let's pick another one here.
Number three you get a joboffer that pays twice your
current salary, gives you asenior position in the company
and grants you an opportunity tolearn new skills.
However, the job requires youto relocate with your family to
(30:07):
another continent.
The company is willing to payfor travel, accommodation and
additional vacation time.
You have three kids and yourparents and in-laws live nearby.
You talk to your spouse andyour spouse is reluctant, and
your in-laws are disapproving aswell.
What do you do?
Speaker 2 (30:23):
you think that's easy and difficult at the same time
how so?
Because, like with all thesebenefits, who would say no right
?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah but the cost and the fact that you're not going
to have support, you're notgoing to have any moral support.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
And your children are going to grow up away from both
their grandparents, and thespouse is reluctant.
He's not disapproving, butreluctant.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Let's put ourselves in this situation.
We don't have children,obviously, but let's say, your
parents live nearby Both myparents live nearby Three
children, and we're going to getup and move to this place that
we've been talking about foryears and it's Oman, and for me
it would be more difficult, I'dsay, than for you, because at
least you can speak the locallanguage.
I don't speak the language there.
(31:10):
It's for you, because at leastyou can speak the local language
.
I don't speak the languagethere.
It's a completely new cultureand new environment.
I wouldn't even know like,where do I go for groceries,
where do I go for furniture,where do I get my like basic
needs, uh, or necessities?
So I don't know, but I don'tknow how would you handle it
what?
Speaker 2 (31:26):
what if the company was relocating you to an
English-speaking country, to, Idon't know, australia, let's say
.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
I would take it.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
You would take it.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
I'd take it.
What about the kids and thegrandparents If the kids are
young, like, let's say, we havethree kids under the age of five
I would say it's more of areason to go.
They're young, they'll adapt.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Yeah, but what about the grandchildren?
Sorry, what about thegrandparents?
They're going to grow oldwithout their grandchildren.
We got WhatsApp video.
We got Skype.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Actually Skype is gone now, but yeah, we got.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Zoom.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
I mean, something's got to give at some point.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
You know that's one of the things where you're like
I am allowed to be selfish insome things like yeah, but this
is a guilt that comes with ityeah, yeah like there are four
people, two sets of grandparentswho are gonna be unhappy.
Who?
Speaker 1 (32:27):
are gonna feel left out lonely the company's giving
additional vacation time yes,but you know it's not the same
it isn't, yeah, it isn't, but Ithink if parents are really
looking out for your well-beingand they can see the the
opportunity that lays ahead foryou as a family at least the way
(32:47):
I see my parents I think myparents would support me yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
But it's not like parents are saying, if you go,
then if you take, yeah.
But it's not like parents aresaying, if you go, then if you
take my grandchildren, thenyou're not my son, you're not my
daughter, I don't know youanymore.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
No, it's not like this.
There is reluctance.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
You know, even if they give you their blessing,
they're not going to be happyfrom the inside.
They're going to feel left outand alone.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Maybe I'm selfish.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Exactly that's like one thing, where you're like I'm
not doing anything haram.
This is my life.
I'm looking for the bestinterest of my family.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
This is one of those situations where there really
isn't a comfortable middleground.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Right, like it's, either or Something's got to
give.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Yeah.
But you know, some people wouldjust immediately know what to
do.
And maybe you're talking tosomeone and she is very attached
to her parents.
She really wants to have theirpresence in the children's lives
.
Then she's going to becompletely against it and maybe
you see more advantages andbenefits.
(33:48):
So it's one struggle you haveto figure out.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Yeah, so are you going to figure out, yeah, so
are you going to let this stopyou in the journey of life?
Or are you going to come to aresolution and move through the
maze is the question?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
yeah, yeah, you know.
A lot of divorces happen notover violence or lack of
compatibility or like I don'tand adultery no, but because of
just like life challenges thatthey weren't able to come over.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Yeah, finances and in-laws.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Those are the two main reasons that we often hear
yeah, okay.
Well, we hope these activitiesreally gave you some insight as
to not just the work we're doing, but the things that we can
offer you guys to help younavigate the search of a
compatible spouse, and anythingelse you'd like to share.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Sure, courting and getting to know the other person
doesn't have to be boring andfeel more like an interrogation.
Of course, it can be so muchfun.
You just have to think outsideof the box.
Uh, be creative and just havefun with it.
And if you think that this tool, the compatibility challenge,
can help you with that, then wewould love for you to get a copy
(35:05):
and let us know if it actuallyhelped you or not.
Uh, it's very, very, veryaffordable, honestly, and you
can find it on our website,halalmatchca, or go directly to
Amazon and just type thecompatibility challenge.
We'd love to get some feedback.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah, until next time , assalamualaikum,
Assalamualaikum.
I've been talking to someone for nearly a month now.
Conversations are flowing, wehave the same interests and we
even love humanitarian work.
We're inching closer towards anengagement and there are
certain topics I want to bringup, but I'm not sure how Prenups
in-laws lifestyle expectations.
I don't know what to do.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
And I'm Zaid.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
A podcast that will take you into our world as
matchmakers.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
We'll share our experiences and offer advice for
the single Muslim.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
So let's dive in.
Bismillah, as-salamu alaykumeveryone.
Welcome to another episode.
My name is Zaid and on theother mic is my wife and co-host
Hiba.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
As-salamu alaykum.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
So people naturally get stuck at some point when
they're trying to assesscompatibility.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
We all do.
We all do, although we didn't.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
I feel like there was always a healthy flow of
conversations.
I came ready with my arsenal ofquestions, you would fire back
at me, after I would fire at you, and there was fun and
excitement, because you'realways wondering, okay, what's
his next question?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
And Sounds bloody yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
But we had a fun time yeah.
However, not everybody has thesame luxury, unfortunately, so
let's talk a little bit aboutwhat we did to help diffuse this
awkwardness with our clients.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah, exactly so when we were planning and building
our service, we're like, okay,we and this is our previous
service model, where we used tomatch people, take them out for
dinner and sit with them forthree hours move to another
table.
And then we're like, okay,what's going to happen next?
Are they going to end uplooking at each other for three
hours, move to another table?
And then we're like, okay,what's going to happen next?
Are they going to end uplooking at each other for three
(01:49):
hours?
Are they going to end uptalking about the weather and
the food and their favorite show?
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Yeah, our first double date was a bit stressful.
Because, it was like, hey, ourfirst double date.
We're going to pamper the hellout of our clients.
We're going to treat them out.
We had the restaurant figuredout and that was all the easy
part, but planning, uh, theactivities for those three hours
, that was hard, yeah uh, butalhamdulillah we, we banged our
heads together and we came upwith some fun activities and we
(02:16):
got wonderful feedback yeah,after a few of these we're like,
okay, we have something goodhere.
Something valuable that peoplecan use.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
It's a good tool.
Why don't we find a way wheremore people can benefit from it,
people who are not our clients?
So, alhamdulillah, we ended upexpanding on these activities
and putting them together in acompatibility challenge.
We made it into a challenge.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
And this episode.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
inshallah, we're going to dive into it a little
bit and give you guys some tools.
If we're going to dive into ita little bit and give you guys
some tools, If you're talking tosomeone, how to assess
compatibility in a way that'snot interrogation-like, that's
not FBI-like, and that'sactually fun.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Okay, shall we dive into the first activity.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
I really like this one and the way this game is
designed is that you have a listof categories.
There are 10 categories in thisgame is designed is that you
have a list of categories.
There are 10 categories in thisgame and within each category
there are characteristics orqualities that make up that
category, and your job as theplayer is to rank those
characteristics from mostimportant to least important.
So let's pick one anddemonstrate really quick, let's
(03:22):
go with spouse.
Okay.
So with spouse, thecharacteristics are honesty,
security, patience andaccountability.
What is most important to youin this?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
one.
What's more important to me, Iwould say my answer, my answer
before getting married, wouldhave looked very different from
what it is now, and it just goesto show that marriage teaches
us about ourselves.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
And like we grow so much from marriage, uh so, like
with me, for example, I realizedI require a lot of patience
yeah, me too, by the way no, Irequire more.
No, I require more.
Okay, fine, we can compete allday about who needs more.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
No, you know what I think every married couple yeah
they would say the same thingbecause, like, you're married to
this person, you live with them, you I don't know you share a
closet, you, yeah, like youshare a washroom, you share
whatever, like, yeah.
It's not easy, especially ifsomebody never had a like a
roommate or like had a closerelationship with a brother or
(04:29):
sister.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Yeah, you are.
What's the word?
Not habits, but the things youcan't tolerate, right, the
things that really kind of getunder your skin, like the small
things, yeah, like when thingsout of place or you just don't
like that being there.
You don't realize it untilyou're married.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah so yeah, I would say before
getting married.
My answer would have beenhonesty, uh, accountability and
security.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Okay, I think mine is very similar, if not the same
For me patience, because, like Isaid, I realize so much now how
much patience I require.
And number two, I would sayhonesty, because I need somebody
to be honest with me and notjust be a people pleaser, not
(05:29):
just you know, for the sake ofyou know.
The marriage is going on andjust floating across.
It's just like no.
We need to be honest with eachother and have real
conversations about everything.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Oh, with honesty, like I thought of, the person is
not lying to me Like there's nolying or hiding or secrets and
stuff.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yeah, you know that's worth mentioning about this
game, because there's so manydifferent ways to interpret the
qualities that the point of itis that it just generates these
conversations.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
There's no right or wrong answer.
Oh yeah, no.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
And then number three , I would say accountability.
Someone that I mean I'm justgoing to gonna use the word
again.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Someone that holds me accountable, uh, somebody that
oh, somebody that holds youaccountable yeah okay, so my
interpretation was completelydifferent someone who can hold
himself accountable when hemakes mistakes, that's that's
idealistically speaking no,actually that actually I was
going to say.
That's one thing I appreciateabout you.
You know, arab guys it's hardfor I'm not generalizing, but a
(06:30):
lot of Arab guys it's not easyfor them to say I'm sorry or to
admit they're wrong.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
There's like this ego thing right, I have a bit of an
ego.
We all like it's apre-installed feature in the
system.
It's a guy thing.
I think guys have it more thangirls.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
But what I appreciate about you is that you don't
have a problem saying I'm sorryand like I find it very manly
actually.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Oh, thank you yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
So that's what I mean with accountability.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Okay, I guess we have a different interpretation of
that.
And last but not least issecurity.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
And what is your interpretation for security?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
An interpretation of security is somebody that I can
really trust with everything myhome that I feel secure with.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
She's not going to stab me.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
I'm not going to stab her, just that.
But my finances right.
She's not going to be recklesswith our finances, with our home
, with everything that I cantrust her with right.
That I'm sharing my life withher, so there has to be a sense
of security that comes alongwith that.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
I think when women think about security, they think
that this guy is going to stickaround.
He's not going to run away.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
See, he's not going to be?
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I don't know, maybe take a second wife behind my
back.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
It's all part of security.
Yeah, see, that's interestingbecause based on the gender,
like we have differentunderstandings and
interpretations of those wordsSubhanallah, all right, let's
try another one.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah, let's do finances, finances.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
of course, that's a big one yeah, that's always a
hot topic when people aregetting married.
So the cad, the qualities, aresaving, investing, charity and
entrepreneurship.
Uh, let me go first on this one, sure, I think I know what's
your number one I think you knowwhat it is too, number one for
me.
I would say it would have beenthe same before getting married
(08:28):
and it is now, and that'sentrepreneurship I knew it yeah,
um, you know, entrepreneurshipis just one of those words that
everybody feels it's cool tothrow around.
Um, but for the longest time,for the longest time, I had this
for lack of a better termdisdain towards a nine to five.
I knew that I wanted to workaway from that at some point, in
(08:50):
some capacity, and I wantedsomebody who was going to be
supportive of that and was notgoing to be complacent in the
traditional way of living nineto five retire when you're 60 or
whatever your the age ofretirement is, and, um, just
enjoy your life after you retire.
I didn't that.
That kind of mentality neverset well with me, and I wanted
(09:13):
somebody who understood that anddidn't judge me for that or
think that, oh, I'm lazy and Idon't, um, I don't want to work
hard or anything like that atthe end of the day,
entrepreneurship is a lot ofhard work it's actually more
work than a day job, exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Yeah, I think a lot of people in this generation and
our generation share the samething.
Like we come across a lot ofpeople it was like, yeah, I want
to be able to quit my job andjust have my own business.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Yeah, actually a lot of our clients that that we take
on they always have on theirprofile.
I'm working on a side business.
I have a side hustle, you knowwhether it's investing.
Even I think one girl shementioned something about baking
and so, yeah, everybody is likeworking on something on the
side in some capacity.
So yeah, like I said,entrepreneurship number one.
(10:00):
I would say investing numbertwo.
Investing should be not justfinance, but investing in your
health, investing in your time.
But with regards to finances,yes, I want somebody who's not
going to spend all my money onmakeup or spend all my money on,
you know, junk food, or likebeing conscious and wise with
(10:22):
the way we spend our money.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
But that's not investing.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
When I think about investing, I'm not talking about
just the stock market.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
I'm talking about in general how you are spending
your money, okay Right.
Investing in things that bringa return.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Right Investing in good, healthy food.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Investing in the gym.
Right, paying money for amonthly subscription at the gym.
Right, paying money for amonthly subscription at the gym.
That's, that's myinterpretation.
Okay, three would be savingsaving is important and for
charity okay what about you?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
uh, I would say entrepreneurship okay, and so
you.
You share the way that I feelabout entrepreneurship and I
didn't know this about myselfbefore I knew you.
Honestly, I I never, in amillion years, I've never
thought I'm going to be runningmy own business.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Like the way we were brought up you go to school, you
get a degree and then you get ajob.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
And yeah, you try to get a promotion and whatever and
make money.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Did we talk a lot about this during our courting
phase, like aboutentrepreneurship.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
No, actually we talked about Halal match after
we had our nikah, not during ourcourting.
Yeah, yeah to be honest I.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
That was one thing I was very hesitant to share with
girls because girls naturallywant to feel that the guy
they're marrying is financiallysecure, that he's hardworking
and stuff it goes, so sharingsomething like that is a bit
vulnerable it.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
It goes back to security, by the way.
We're talking about security.
But yeah, entrepreneurship, Ilove entrepreneurship, I would
never have it any other way.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Number two is charity .
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Oh, that's, number two for you.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
Yes, Nothing makes me feel better than giving to
others who need it, becauseAllah promised us you give, you
get more right when I saw thatword, I thought starting your
own charity oh, okay but thenagain, just like the previous
category, we have our owninterpretations.
I guess, I guess.
I guess number three would besaving.
(12:17):
Number four would be investing,which is not very wise.
Like everybody should bethinking about investing like
halal ways, halal investments,but I think because we've never
actually talked about itseriously and researched it we
don't appreciate the value ofyeah for sure, one more Sure,
(12:38):
okay.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Last but not least, oh, let's do wedding.
Yeah, I think this isdefinitely important.
Oh, let's do wedding.
Yeah, I think this isdefinitely important.
So the four characteristics orqualities are venue food, number
of guests and cost.
So I'll go.
I'll go first, sure, so for methe number one, uh, would be
cost as a guy, yeah number twowould be, I would say, food.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Really, you're a guy at the end of the day.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Yes, yes, Always.
If you're a girl listening tothis, always remember one thing
the way to a man's heart isthrough his stomach.
I've said it so many times andI'll sing it.
I'll say it again you know.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
This explains why, like, the biggest chefs in the
world are men.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So cost, food, number of guests and then venue.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Oh, we have a completely different order.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Well, number one for me is also cost.
I'm not going to spend a crazyamount of money on a one night
thing.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Number two is venue.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I've always wanted to have an outdoorsy wedding even
though we didn't like, we endedup not having a wedding at all.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Which was because of COVID.
Yes, in case you didn't hearthe story.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Yeah, but a venue, or you know what's a really nice
venue A field, a field, a field.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
In an autumn day, oh my god, I guess I don't know.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Yeah, I just think of like farmers and overalls and
tractors not for not overalls,but I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I love this rustic feeling I mean for me it would
be somewhere like obviously I'mthinking of like a dream wedding
, uh, on a beach that's verymessy, you know, with the dress
and the sand and all of that,yeah, yeah um, number three for
me would be food.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
No, actually wait gas or food.
Which is more important?
Yeah, I would say food andnumber of guests uh, number of
guests.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah, for me it's about quality over quantity.
Like, um, at our nikah, uh, wehad what?
50 or 60 new people and uh, itwas just all my family and
friends.
I didn't I mean.
Part of the reason was that wedidn't have too much time to
plan yeah, it was the lastminute.
It was the last minute thing,yeah but uh, but yeah, I'm not
the kind of guy that needs toinvite my cousins, brothers,
(15:02):
brothers, sisters, in-laws,daughters.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
No, you know, even when we were planning our
wedding in Palestine, I think wehad like 100, like yeah, maybe
80 guests, or something.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Well, I mean, you have a pretty large extended
family.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yeah, but we weren't going to invite like everyone,
so we were going to keep it as,like I think, 80 or 90 people.
Wow, that's pretty small, giventhe size of your extended
family yeah, okay, shall we moveon to the next activity?
yeah, but you know, before wemove on this, especially the the
wedding one, it's really goodfor people who are talking to
(15:39):
talk about these things and notleave it till the end, because
you might have a completelydifferent perspective and you
have no idea how many marriagesfall, or like marriages that
were supposed to be fall overfall apart fall apart over
something as I don't know, thewedding venue, or we want more
people.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
We want I don't know or maher or things like, not to
mention how they turn it into aburden, a big financial burden,
taking out a loan $30,000,$40,000 wedding.
It's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Or sometimes even starting their marriage with
haram, Like I don't know.
Just a lot of things happen inweddings that shouldn't happen.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, I mean, you tell me a lot.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
In Arab culture, it's all about outdoing the other
person, outdoing the cousin whohad that wedding like oh, I
gotta show him I can do a betterjob.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Not, not not all arabs, but it depends, I guess
so, like, like we said before,this is a wonderful category,
and actually just playing thisagain reminded me how genders
think very differently as I saidbefore.
So you're going to realize thatthe how the person you're
talking to is going to interpreteach quality differently.
If you're overwhelmed andburdened and just don't know
(16:48):
where to seek help, let us helpyou.
We can be your personalmatchmakers.
Visit us at halalmatchca andbook a free call with us.
Okay, this one I rememberclearly.
We worked on this one for awhile for our first double date
yeah and it was super fun andwe've worked on it, we refined
(17:10):
it and refined it.
Alhamdulillah, it's in a goodplace now.
So this is called dream house.
In this game, the goal is tobuild a dream house with the,
the person you're speaking with.
In this activity, you haveobviously certain necessities or
things that might not even bedeemed a necessary, that you are
going to fill your house with,things like a mattress, couch,
(17:32):
dinner table, etc.
And, of course, each item doescome with a cost.
Now the challenge is that youhave to work within a budget to
fill that house the way you wantit to build your dream house
and you can use a credit cardwith no limit.
You can borrow from your wife'sparents, or you can borrow from
your husband's parents and youcan only borrow a certain amount
(17:54):
or you can stick to your budgetyeah, or you can stick to your
budget, and the point of thisgame is that you get an
understanding of lifestyle, offlexibility.
What else does this?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Conflict resolution.
Because the thing is most ofthe items in the list.
We give two options Either youbuy this like I don't know a
Walmart mattress or aTempur-Pedic yeah or like you
buy something from Marketplaceover something from I don't know
Ikea let's say, when we had ourNikka, we were trying to plan
(18:32):
our first apartment.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Our best friend was marketplace.
And what's the other one Kijiji.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
There you go.
By the way, you'll find greatthings on there, honestly.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
You'd drive me nuts, I know Every day I'd get a link
and say, hey, can you go pick?
By the way, you'll find greatthings on there.
Honestly, you drive me nuts.
I know every day I'd get a linksay, hey, can you go pick this
up?
Hey, hey, check out thesedishes.
Hey, can you go drive overthere?
So I'd be driving with my mompicking up the most random stuff
.
I said you know what she'sfinding?
Good, affordable things.
They're decent quality, why not?
And it got to a point where myroom was just filled with stuff
because we hadn't moved in yettogether.
We were living apart because ofcovid and uh.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
It was fun and crazy at the same time yeah, I saved
you a lot of money, didn't youdid?
You did.
I won't deny that.
Yeah, I remember when we werelike building this game, we went
on like walmart website on ikeawebsite and stuff to choose the
prices yeah, yeah, because wewanted to make as as realistic
as possible.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Let's go through some of the items and see which one
that we would pick.
So, for example, the first oneis mattress.
So we have the option of buyinga king-size Walmart mattress
for $600.
Or a double-size Tempur-Pedicmattress for $2,000.
$2,000 for a mattress is a lot.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, yes, but sleep is important exactly sleep is
important, comfort is important.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Um, and those are the options we got to work with.
I'm a bit resistant, but Ithink I would go with double
size Tempur-Pedic yeah if therewas like a middle ground, I
would go with the middle ground.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
But if, if I had to choose between these.
Sleep is very important.
And your back health.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Okay, so we've already eaten up $2,000.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
So we are left with $6,000.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
The next thing of course you need a couch.
Okay, you know I keep goingback to us.
When we moved in together, wedidn't have a couch for the
first, I believe, three months.
We couldn't even invite guestsor anybody, so it was just us
sitting at the dinner tablechilling.
Or we just go to our bed andjust watch a movie on our bed
because we didn't have a couch,or we just sit on a chair just
(20:33):
watch tv.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
It was so uncomfortable?
Yeah, but because of covid.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Everything took time, like we ordered this couch and
it took forever to arrive andyou were a bit picky, so we went
to at least 12 stores before wedecided on a couch but it's
worth it, like everyone whocomes to our apartments like
says what a beautiful couch wehave yeah even kiwi, the cat
likes it yeah, so I would gowith a used like new facebook
marketplace couch for 450instead of a leather sectional
(21:00):
from Structube for 3,100?
.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Yeah, I would say the same thing with some hesitation
, because things that arecushioned I would try so hard to
not buy secondhand, justbecause of hygiene and stuff.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
But if it's barely used Especially if they had a
dog or something yeah, so wewouldn't buy something from a
place with a dog, but thesectional I hate leather.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
I but the sectional I hate leather.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
I don't like leather yeah, I don't like leather
either yeah, plus three thousanddollars for a couch yeah, it's
too much.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Uh, okay, let's pick one more uh, let's pick two more
two more okay okay, we havethis category laundry, where you
can choose a plastic basket for15 or you can choose a cotton
hamper for $70.
I would say that's that one iseasy.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
I don't even know why you picked that category.
It's so easy.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Because a hamper is nice.
Some people might want that.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
People would be that picky about a hamper.
Women, you don't know, womenCome on, you've been married for
six years almost and you stilldon't know women I guess I don't
um, for me it's just like allright, just give me a wooden box
and I'll throw my laundry inthere such a guy.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I'm a guy man.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Okay, choose the last one okay, for let's pick a a
dinner table okay yes, food'simportant to a guy, so I want
you're not gonna eat the tableyes, but I need something
comfortable to eat on.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Okay, what are the options?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Six-seater, used and needs to be repainted, for $200.
Or and I know why you'relaughing two-seater, new marble
round for $670.
Obviously, it's an easy one forme $200 six-seater.
And the story behind our dinnertable is that Hiba found it on
(22:47):
Kijiji while she was in Jordan,like just non-stop searching.
Finally she found something andman, it was gross it was the
ugliest thing ever.
But I said you know Hiba wantsit, I'll get it.
So I drove with my mom to Godknows where I I think it was
nearly a half hour drive and itwas somewhat cheap.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
It was very cheap.
It's a six-seater full wood.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Yeah, wooden.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
And six chairs and it looked ugly as hell.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
It was super ugly.
So after Hiba came, it becamemy project to sand this entire
thing down, paint it, paint thechairs.
That became like a two or threeday project, I remember, and I
had to like leave it out on thebalcony, let it dry.
God, what did we?
We just ate on like a desk or Idon't even know how we ate and
it's so heavy.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
And the funny thing is, this is the table.
We're recording this over rightnow and now.
It looks gorgeous.
Everybody who sees it.
They are mashallah.
We went to canadian tire, chosethese beautiful colors.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
No, it was home depot canadian tire.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I don't think they sell paint or do they, no, I'm
I'm 100 certain it was homedepot yeah I'm the one who got
the paint I was with you becauseI chose the color it was home
depot okay, by the way, whichreminds me there's a scratch
here.
You need to paint over.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Oh, thank you for reminding me the 10th time about
that.
Yeah, this game could go on forover an hour.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
This game will also teach you how the other person
handles conflict resolution.
Are they the stubborn type thateverything has to be their way,
or are they the compromisingtype?
That's okay, you can have thisone, I'll have the other one,
the next one, It'll teach you.
Are they the type who has tohave a luxurious lifestyle?
(24:31):
Are they the type who wouldjust use the credit card very
unresponsibly?
Are they so easy with debt theycan just take that for just
things that are not necessities?
Are they the I don't know thecheap?
Maybe the guy is cheap andeverything on the list he's just
going with secondhand,secondhand.
(24:52):
I think it's a great game,honestly.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Okay, last but not least is Journey of Life Sounds
serious.
Yes.
So this game is a maze and whatyou need to do is work with
your partner to get through themaze, and in the maze there are
seven obstacles in your way.
(25:14):
Just like marriage, there willbe obstacles, there will be
disagreements, but the importantthing is how you work together
to overcome those obstacles andmove on in your life.
So, similarly, this game kind ofmirrors that.
In this game there are sevenobstacles and we'll go just
through a few of them so you getan idea of how the game goes.
I can tell how much youinvested in designing this game,
(25:36):
because the picture is of ahijabi girl, with her arm around
her husband, about to walk intothis maze, which is basically
life itself god bless canva sothe first obstacle that this
couple has hit is that theirparents have, or the husband's
parents have, moved into thehouse because they've reached
(25:58):
the age where they're unable totake care of themselves.
After a few months, they realizethat parents are interfering
with the way that you want tobring up your children, and they
give them food you don'tapprove of and undermine your
authority at times.
Your spouse suggests gettingyour parents a separate
accommodation.
How do you handle the situation?
Speaker 2 (26:18):
I can think of one person right now who's going
through this.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yes, one of my friends I feel is in this
situation.
Yeah, but this is somethingthat's very real it's very
common yeah, yeah, it's a veryrealistic situation.
Yeah and um, and it's, livingwithin laws is not easy.
Um, how would you handle this?
Speaker 2 (26:35):
um, so I am the one who is suggesting getting a
separate accommodation for yourparents.
Yeah, okay, that's the question, because now you're caught,
sorry, go ahead.
Now you're caught between twothings your duty as like your
Islamic duty towards yourparents.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
And at the same time, we're talking about the
upbringing of our children andthey are interfering with that.
Now do we have the money to getthem separate accommodation?
And the problem is, even if wehave the money, their health not
in the best condition thatallows them to live separately.
At the same time, I'm not goingto compromise the future of my
(27:17):
children.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Right, I think in an ideal situation, yes, you want
to have a meeting with yourparents and just establish some
clear-cut boundaries and saythis is how things are going to
operate in regards to yourchildren.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Yeah, but your parents are going to feel like
this is your way of telling themget out.
You're not welcome here.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
You know you have to evaluate the relationship you
have with your parents.
So, going back to the questionhow would I handle this
situation?
I would.
I could see my mom interferingmore than my dad.
My dad's very laid back um, hedoesn't interfere, he's just
like do what you guys want.
I'll just show up for thekisses and cuddles for the with
(27:58):
the kids.
I'll take them out whenever youguys want.
My mom I can see being more thetype that would interfere, and
so I would feel prettycomfortable establishing
boundaries with my, with my momyou know why I'm laughing?
Speaker 2 (28:11):
because when you told your parents about me when we
were talking, you said that yourdad was like oh, I'm happy for
you, whatever.
Like he didn't even ask youabout me yeah and your mom
grilled me yes, yes, she had.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
She had a list of questions yeah, yeah, rightfully
.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
But, um, I would say maybe I would turn to like an
imam, somebody that my parents,your parents, look up to, or
like um, appreciate his adviceand maybe he will talk to them
in a way that doesn't make themfeel defensive.
I think communication in thesecases is a key.
(28:50):
Oh yeah, you can't just go likethis is how it's going to be.
You have to do this, don't dothat Like this doesn't work Of
course.
But you see, if you're talking,if you're a guy and a girl and
you're talking, this is animportant topic to discuss
because it's going to come up.
Maybe your parents are going toget old and sick or her parents
(29:10):
are going to, so it up.
Maybe your parents are gonnaget old and sick or her parents
are gonna.
So it's a realistic situation.
If the girl tells you I don'tcare, let your brothers and
sisters handle it, I'm not gonnalive with in-laws, even like
it's not my business then youknow there's no cookie cutter
answer.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
I mean, as a guy, you could be the only son of the
family and you could havemultiple sisters and the
responsibility could fall uponyou and you might need to have
this difficult conversation witha potential spouse and see what
she says, and if she's notflexible on that, it could be a
deal breaker the only, you know,the most horrible answer
somebody could give is just putthem in a home, then you know he
(29:46):
or she is not marriage materialI have different feelings about
nursing homes, but that's forfor another day yeah, yes.
So let's pick another one here.
Number three you get a joboffer that pays twice your
current salary, gives you asenior position in the company
and grants you an opportunity tolearn new skills.
However, the job requires youto relocate with your family to
(30:07):
another continent.
The company is willing to payfor travel, accommodation and
additional vacation time.
You have three kids and yourparents and in-laws live nearby.
You talk to your spouse andyour spouse is reluctant, and
your in-laws are disapproving aswell.
What do you do?
Speaker 2 (30:23):
you think that's easy and difficult at the same time
how so?
Because, like with all thesebenefits, who would say no right
?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah but the cost and the fact that you're not going
to have support, you're notgoing to have any moral support.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
And your children are going to grow up away from both
their grandparents, and thespouse is reluctant.
He's not disapproving, butreluctant.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Let's put ourselves in this situation.
We don't have children,obviously, but let's say, your
parents live nearby Both myparents live nearby Three
children, and we're going to getup and move to this place that
we've been talking about foryears and it's Oman, and for me
it would be more difficult, I'dsay, than for you, because at
least you can speak the locallanguage.
I don't speak the language there.
(31:10):
It's for you, because at leastyou can speak the local language
.
I don't speak the languagethere.
It's a completely new cultureand new environment.
I wouldn't even know like,where do I go for groceries,
where do I go for furniture,where do I get my like basic
needs, uh, or necessities?
So I don't know, but I don'tknow how would you handle it
what?
Speaker 2 (31:26):
what if the company was relocating you to an
English-speaking country, to, Idon't know, australia, let's say
.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
I would take it.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
You would take it.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
I'd take it.
What about the kids and thegrandparents If the kids are
young, like, let's say, we havethree kids under the age of five
I would say it's more of areason to go.
They're young, they'll adapt.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Yeah, but what about the grandchildren?
Sorry, what about thegrandparents?
They're going to grow oldwithout their grandchildren.
We got WhatsApp video.
We got Skype.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Actually Skype is gone now, but yeah, we got.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Zoom.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
I mean, something's got to give at some point.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
You know that's one of the things where you're like
I am allowed to be selfish insome things like yeah, but this
is a guilt that comes with ityeah, yeah like there are four
people, two sets of grandparentswho are gonna be unhappy.
Who?
Speaker 1 (32:27):
are gonna feel left out lonely the company's giving
additional vacation time yes,but you know it's not the same
it isn't, yeah, it isn't, but Ithink if parents are really
looking out for your well-beingand they can see the the
opportunity that lays ahead foryou as a family at least the way
(32:47):
I see my parents I think myparents would support me yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
But it's not like parents are saying, if you go,
then if you take, yeah.
But it's not like parents aresaying, if you go, then if you
take my grandchildren, thenyou're not my son, you're not my
daughter, I don't know youanymore.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
No, it's not like this.
There is reluctance.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
You know, even if they give you their blessing,
they're not going to be happyfrom the inside.
They're going to feel left outand alone.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Maybe I'm selfish.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Exactly that's like one thing, where you're like I'm
not doing anything haram.
This is my life.
I'm looking for the bestinterest of my family.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
This is one of those situations where there really
isn't a comfortable middleground.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Right, like it's, either or Something's got to
give.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Yeah.
But you know, some people wouldjust immediately know what to
do.
And maybe you're talking tosomeone and she is very attached
to her parents.
She really wants to have theirpresence in the children's lives
.
Then she's going to becompletely against it and maybe
you see more advantages andbenefits.
(33:48):
So it's one struggle you haveto figure out.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Yeah, so are you going to figure out, yeah, so
are you going to let this stopyou in the journey of life?
Or are you going to come to aresolution and move through the
maze is the question?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
yeah, yeah, you know.
A lot of divorces happen notover violence or lack of
compatibility or like I don'tand adultery no, but because of
just like life challenges thatthey weren't able to come over.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Yeah, finances and in-laws.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Those are the two main reasons that we often hear
yeah, okay.
Well, we hope these activitiesreally gave you some insight as
to not just the work we're doing, but the things that we can
offer you guys to help younavigate the search of a
compatible spouse, and anythingelse you'd like to share.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Sure, courting and getting to know the other person
doesn't have to be boring andfeel more like an interrogation.
Of course, it can be so muchfun.
You just have to think outsideof the box.
Uh, be creative and just havefun with it.
And if you think that this tool, the compatibility challenge,
can help you with that, then wewould love for you to get a copy
(35:05):
and let us know if it actuallyhelped you or not.
Uh, it's very, very, veryaffordable, honestly, and you
can find it on our website,halalmatchca, or go directly to
Amazon and just type thecompatibility challenge.
We'd love to get some feedback.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah, until next time , assalamualaikum,
Assalamualaikum.
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