August 22, 2025 • 28 mins
This is the story of how our big idea for Muslim matchmaking nearly backfired. We set out to create the ultimate premium experience, convinced that generosity and effort would guarantee results. Instead, we discovered that the real obstacle wasn’t bad matches but unready hearts. What looked like dream opportunities often ended with hesitation, doubt, or a belief that something better might come along. In this episode, we share the mistakes that nearly sank us, the turning point that reshaped our approach, and the surprising truths about why readiness matters more than perfection. If you’ve ever wondered why good connections slip away, this one’s for you.
If something we said made you think, laugh, or feel seen, leave us a rating and review! It helps more people find the show. And hey, if you know someone who needs to hear this episode, send it their way. Sharing is caring!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Once upon a time, we were like Netflix, uber, eats
and a marriage coach rolled intoone, All for the price of
actually for free most of thetime.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
It sounded premium.
It looked premium, but inreality, it nearly killed our
business and taught us a lotabout what single Muslims
actually need in their search.
Assalamualaikum, I'm Hiba.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
And I'm Zaid.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
A podcast that will take you into our world as
matchmakers.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
We'll share our experiences and offer advice for
the single Muslim.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
So let's dive in.
Bismillah, assalamu alaikumeveryone.
Welcome back to another episode.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Assalamu alaikum.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
So do we still pamper our clients?
Should we still keep pamperingour clients?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Everybody likes to be pampered.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
True, but are we happy pampering our clients
anymore?
Yes, we are, but we're pamperingour clients in a different way,
right, not like how we used to,and there's a reason for that,
and we're going to dive intothose reasons very soon.
(01:19):
And the reason we want to diveinto that is because through our
journey, through the changes ofour service model, we've just
learned so many lessons aboutpeople's readiness, or lack of
readiness, actually for marriage, and that people are just at
various stages in their journeyand we as matchmakers have to
cater to each of our clientsindividually and understand
where they are in their journeys, right, and so that's a crucial
part of our work.
So why don't we just start fromthe beginning?
When we were first envisioningHalal Match, we well, actually
(01:44):
it first started off as amatrimonial event type of
service, but aside from that, wemoved on towards this grand
ideal, beautiful double dateapproach, right, where we would
find matches for our clients andthen wine and dine them.
And I remember when we firsthad our first double date and
both the clients said yes aboutmoving forward, we were just
(02:07):
hunting for, like these, bougiefancy restaurants, but the
problem with fine dining is thatit's not halal.
We haven't come across halalfine dining yet uh, I think I
saw a few on halal or nothing.
Yeah, but that's besides thepoint.
It was very hard to find and Iremember we were just driving
around the gta, we were drivingto different neighborhoods
checking out the cuisine, likewe really wanted to make sure
(02:28):
that this first double date wasgoing to be special.
Yeah, yeah and um, and we stuckwith that and even though it
was very difficult in thebeginning, we stuck with that
year after year after year.
What was the intention behindthe double date approach,
besides just pampering ourclients and just giving them a
very premium experience?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
To put them in this environment where they're
actually bonding and connectingface-to-face over nice food,
over curated activities that weprovided them.
It's just like to veer away alittle bit from the virtual
thing and the online thing andjust bring back this like human
connection Exactly.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
And also to add to that, to give massive value.
We wanted our clients tounderstand that, as matchmakers,
even though you're paying, Iwould say, relatively less than
other professional matchmakers,Way less.
Way less Right?
Actually, you're right, becausewe want way less right?
Actually you're right.
Um, we wanted to give as muchvalue to our clients so that
they could come away and saying,god, you guys are worth way
(03:30):
more than what I paid for that'sthe kind of experience we
wanted to give to our clients.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Give more, you get more.
That was our conviction, and weactually dedicated an entire
episode explaining this model.
Uh, remember this episode wastitled how we turn profiles into
, so in that episode we divedeven deeper into this model.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah.
So, to summarize, give massivevalue, build a human-to-human
connection, build a goodwillwith our clients so they would
spread the word and justunderstand that the more we gave
, the more clients wouldappreciate it and give back in
terms of support.
Testimonials things like thatyeah, but in reality, yes, many
(04:10):
were unappreciative, so manysome were very self-entitled, uh
, very disappointed.
Oh, and bear in mind, actuallywe didn't even review the double
date thoroughly.
But, um, just to give you guysa quick summary, clients would
not be paying for the meal theywouldn't be paying for the
double date itself yeah, theywouldn't be paying for the
double date itself, unless anduntil after the double date.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Both clients said yes yes, I want to move forward and
get to know them better not.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yes, I want to marry them.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yes, yeah, exactly and at some point, like we were
super crazy on it we, we werenaive.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
We were naive, generous and just.
We were putting our heart andsoul into this.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
At some point we were offering, even after they say
yes, if they come back, or oneof them come back within a week
and saying oh, we had a phonecall, we met and we're just not
aligned or something, we wouldgive them a full refund, exactly
so.
Just to summarize we took wouldgive them a full refund,
exactly so just to summarize wetook them out on a double date.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
They both said yes about exchanging contact
information, further assessingcompatibility, they had a phone
call on their own and then theycame back and said, no, it
didn't work out, we want ourmoney back.
So we would lose money on thecommute to the dinner, lose
money on the dinner itself, justthe commute to the dinner, lose
money on the on the dinneritself, or just our time, our
(05:29):
time, all of that work, becausewe just why were we doing this?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I don't know, we were just so naive we were just
trying to give as much value aspossible and not come off as
people who were just trying tomake money exactly like yeah,
the last thing we wanted is forpeople to think we're just like
this is just a business, and Imean it is a business, but it's
a business that's, that comesfrom a place of caring passion,
and this is something we knowwe're good at.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
And but what happened ?
It backfired.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yeah, so we went from seven day refund to I think we
did a two week refund.
And then finally, we were justlike two day refund Two day,
yeah.
And then finally we were justlike two day refund, two day I
can, yeah, 48 hours, yeah.
And then finally we just wentback to saying okay, no, we're
just going to charge them forthe double date if they both
said yes, which was the originalmodel yeah and then that went
(06:16):
on for a while and finally wejust said you know what this?
because the results we weregetting was that a most clients
were not saying yes after thedouble date, even though they
were very compatible.
On paper they were compatible.
Um, I mean, after presentingthe matches to them on a virtual
call, they would say yes, thatwe.
I see a lot of values aligning,I feel an attraction to the
(06:38):
pictures, so we would besurprised after the double date
and keep in mind it's athree-hour double date yes,
exactly so we'd be surprisedafter the double date, and keep
in mind it's a three-hour doubledate.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Yes, exactly so we'd be surprised after the double
date that they would say no, andsometimes it was over the
silliest of reasons, I swearyeah like um, oh, I want to get
married the next year, she wantsto get married this year, or
something like that, or I can'tpromise that I'm gonna have kids
or not, and he's looking tohave kids well, nobody can
nobody can promise, unless youhave, like, an infertility
problem, which I can understand.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
So the point is is that people were at various
stages in their journey.
Right, and it's with some peoplethey were just figuring out,
like a very recent one in fact.
Um, this girl was said she wasopen to relocating, uh, to
outside of her country just tokeep the details as vague as
(07:26):
possible and the brother livedin the states, so, and she said
she was open to relocating tothe states, and we exchanged
contact information.
Based on that information, theyboth said yes about moving
forward and then, I think maybetwo and a half to three weeks
later, she emailed us and thebrother emailed us saying I'm no
longer interested in moving tothe States.
(07:47):
I changed my mind.
I would prefer to find a matchcloser to my area.
And we were just shockedbecause this was disheartening
for the brother.
We promised the brother, sayingyou know that she is definitely
open to relocating.
Now, unfortunately, she changedher mind.
So the reason I'm bringing upthis story and other stories is
because people are at variousstages of their life and with
(08:10):
this specific sister, forexample, she was still going
through the self discoveryprocess yeah, all right.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
It's not like she had a bad intention or anything, no
, nothing like that.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
But she was at a stage in life where she was
trying to figure out is she okayliving away from her family, is
she not?
Uh, does she have other dealbreakers?
And as frustrating it is on onus.
In our time we had to justunderstand that people are at
different stages and I know I'mrepeating myself, but we have to
(08:41):
structure a model that'sconducive to that.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yeah Right, so that's why we switched Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
And what's the new model?
The?
Speaker 2 (08:48):
new model is we introduce the match to you over
a virtual call.
We share their informationabout themselves from their
profile, we show you pictures,we show you a video introduction
so you get to see how they talk, how they smile, how they
express themselves, expressthemselves, all of that.
And if you say yes, then we dothe same thing with the match.
(09:09):
If the match says yes, then wewould release contact
information after getting paidfor that so you pay us a
register, a fee.
We release contact informationand we wish you the best of luck
.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Exactly, and through that we understood that our
clients as beautiful and grandas it sounds, sitting with our
clients and facilitating thedouble date, our clients didn't
really need that.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Maybe most of them didn't Most of them didn't.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
They felt mature enough and responsible enough to
assess compatibility on theirown, so all they needed was just
contact information, maybe justa presentation of their
potential match.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Answering their questions.
Answering their questions.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
And just do some mini coaching here and there.
But the legwork they were ableto do on their own and so far
it's allowed us to besustainable.
We've had some.
I don't think we've had anysuccess just yet with the new
model because it is stillrelatively new, yeah, um, but
we're happy with it and it'sworking with our clients.
(10:12):
I mean one client, for example,said yes, and then it didn't
work out for whatever reason.
And um, he found somebody onhis own and he reached out to us
and said I thank you for allyour help.
I found somebody on my own, butI was really.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
He was essentially very happy with our service and
was willing to give us atestimony he said that like
working with you guys was likevery integral to me finding
actually my oh yeah, I forgotthat because so when we release
contact information, we just wedon't just do that, we also give
you um, our compatibilitychallenge for free.
(10:47):
So you're not having awkwardconversations with the brother
or the sister.
You have tools at your disposalto get to know them, ask the
the deeper questions in a, in afun way, an interactive way, and
we also give you the uhpersonality test results of your
match.
So you know what you're workingwith.
And we give you their lovelanguage result as well their
(11:09):
love language, I mean.
And so you have all these tools.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
You're not just working with an abstract thing,
I guess if you're overwhelmedand burdened and just don't know
where to seek help, let us helpyou.
We can be your personalmatchmakers.
Visit us at halalmatchca andbook a free call with us.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
So if you're listening, maybe from Europe or
from Kenya, and you're like,okay, guys, I know you work with
single Muslims in North Americaand Britain, this doesn't
relate to me at all, then wehave a surprise for you.
This does relate to you.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
That's a good point, because the important takeaway,
or one of the importanttakeaways, is that self-work is
important, but it shouldn't comeat someone else's expense.
Right, and that's how we feltthat, and it was because of our
naivete also that notunderstanding that people are at
various stages.
But, um, when you're doing theself-work, or if you're just
(12:09):
starting on this journey, tryingto find a match, there is a lot
of self-work that needs to bedone.
Before you jump onto amatrimony website, before hiring
a matchmaker, before jumpingonto WhatsApp groups.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Before starting talking to people and people
investing in you.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Yeah, so that self-work.
No one can do that for you.
Yeah, you have to do it foryourself.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
And, like you don't want people to invest in you
whether it's a matchmaker orwhether it's a suit or a
potential spouse you don't wantpeople investing in you and you
also investing and wasting yourtime, people's time, only to
discover that, oh, actually I'mnot sure about this.
I think I need to do more work,more self-work on that yeah,
(12:50):
yeah, we were just so.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
We had so many conversations about shutting
down halal match.
We were so burned out, uh,because all of our clients not
all of our clients, but manyclients uh saying no after the
double date just for over sillyreasons.
Um, but alhamdulillah, the thechange in our service model
really um helped us and uh, itjust put a sense of hope in our
(13:13):
work and and just in generalabout moving forward with this
work.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
And you know, but even up till now you would still
find people who have thisself-entitlement.
It just happened today.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
So this incident took place just today, just within
less than an hour ago.
So this brother I'll try tokeep the details as vague as
possible he signed up with usabout two months ago and, for
those who don't know, thestandard procedure in starting
with us is, of course, adiscovery call.
You have to submit a lengthyregistration form, two pictures,
(13:46):
a clear body shot where we cansee you from head to toe, a
headshot, a video introductionof yourself, two tests, a
personality test as well as alove language quiz, plus a
contract and it does sound likea lot, but I'll explain that in
a second and so this brotherfirst submitted some pictures
that weren't so great not at all, not at all.
And he also submitted a videowhere it just left us talking,
(14:11):
where we were just saying doesthis brother, is this brother,
excited about the idea ofmarriage?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
so it was like 29 seconds barely 29 seconds, so we
scheduled a call with thebrother.
Is this brother excited aboutthe idea of marriage?
So it was like 29 seconds,barely 29 seconds.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
So we scheduled a call with the brother.
We said, brother, could youplease resubmit the pictures we?
We need a good smile, we needto see you from head to toe, as
well as a better video talkingabout who you are, what you
bring to the table, all of thosethings that make you shine as a
good match I'm laughing becauseremember what happened.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
So the two pictures he uh sent to us.
The headshot was cropped fromthe from the body shot.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yeah, that was frustrating, uh, nonetheless,
and uh, sorry to interrupt.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
So it's not like we're trying to be demanding,
but the thing is, when wepresent you to someone like they
need to see you in your bestform, like first impressions do
matter.
It's not all about like heartand like having a good heart, no
, like people are attracted tobeauty, right?
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Exactly, guys and girls.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Guys and girls.
So it's not just like, okay, Ihave this box checked, I sent
the pictures.
Well, they need to be goodpictures.
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
And this is not vain?
No, not at all.
Um, so the he said, resubmittedthe pictures.
The pictures were were good, uh, but the video was not
submitted to us yet.
And weeks went by, weeks andweeks and weeks and suddenly we
get an email today saying uh,from the brother requesting a
refund.
Uh, saying that he hasn't beenable to submit the video yet and
no service has been offeredaccording to him, and that he
wants a refund.
So I'm we were just dumbfoundedbecause we scheduled so many
(15:48):
calls with this brother.
We reviewed his form we spenttime, even like, writing very
careful emails to convey thisthought that we want good
pictures without like coming offinsensitive and clearly there
was no regard for our time, forthe work that we've put in
trying to get him ready to beginhis search.
(16:09):
And there's just thisentitlement, suddenly thinking
oh, no service has been offered,so now I'm entitled to a refund
.
Nobody Like.
What about the time that we'veinvested?
Speaker 2 (16:21):
also.
Is that not?
Quote, unquote service it's notour problem.
You just don't have time tomake a video right and the
analogy.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I'm sorry to interrupt you, but the analogy
that you gave a really good onewas would you buy an online
course and then request a refund, saying I bought the course but
I didn't use it, so can youplease give me a refund?
Speaker 2 (16:41):
I don't know what's up with muslims like I don't
know, I don't know, I'm shockedwe interact a lot with
non-muslims and we don't seethis, like we mentioned this
before, but because, like wejust keep seeing a pattern a a
pattern.
Every time it's not like, it'sa coincidence, like what
happened the other day as well,something similar.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Yeah, a brother.
Yes, so we introduced a matchto a brother and we're very
clear about our deadlinesbecause we've been taken
advantage of before.
So he said brother, you haveexactly 24 hours to submit a
form to us stating whether ornot you want to move forward so
that we can introduce yourprofile to a sister.
(17:23):
um, so we kept checking and keptchecking to see if he had
submitted the form, and hesubmitted the form past the
deadline two hours I think itwas two hours about it was
around two hours past thedeadline, which sounds trivial
at first, but when you outline astrict deadline and then, on
the form itself, it says you andyou have to check this box
(17:45):
before you submit the form itsays you will be required to pay
a late fee if this form issubmitted past the deadline.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
And it was also mentioned in the email we sent
him.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
And it's also on the contract.
It's also on the contract.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
It's also on the contract, exactly, exactly and
we mentioned it on the videocall itself.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Right, and it's only a 50 fee and we're not trying to
be penny pinchers here, butwe're trying to stick to a level
of professionalism and uh andcertain expectations.
So when he submitted the formlate, we emailed him saying
thank you for submitting theform.
First of all, he said no to thematch.
He did not give a clear reasonwhy.
And then we said, brother, youare still required to pay a late
(18:25):
fee to us, given that it wassubmitted past the the deadline,
and we won't be able to resumeyour search until you pay this
fee there was no apologywhatsoever no apology I had a
work emergency.
That's it in fact, he was theone surprised and disappointed
that we were charging him well,like you, check that box.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
We told you, you mentioned, we mentioned it and
this is just like to stay fairand consistent with other
clients who had to pay.
And what's he?
What did he say after that?
Speaker 1 (18:53):
I want to pause my search because I don't have time
these days absolutely soapparently there's more
important things like and on topof that, he still didn't give
an apology, like no, so I meanthese cases, they, I mean the
list can go on and on.
Not, we've come across so manyof these cases, and so what is
the point here?
The point is is that to make usnot just sustainable, to keep
(19:19):
our sanity alive and not justburn out, we had to create a
model that was understanding ofthese situations, right People
being unappreciative, peoplebeing self-entitled, not ready
not ready going through theself-discovery process, going
through the self-discoveryprocess.
So as grand of an idea as thisdouble date approach was, it
(19:39):
just was not conducive to theMuslims that we were working
with.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Sometimes something could sound amazing on paper or
in your head.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah, I remember I was so excited, we were so
excited.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
I would really love if that model worked because I
enjoyed taking people out andjust sitting with and you know,
and it didn't even bother methat was paying for their meal
like like it was just sittingwith them and seeing them light
up across their match like thathuman interaction, like I missed
that yeah, the one thing that Ialso forgot to mention was that
sometimes clients would get theperception or misunderstanding
(20:17):
that somebody else was alreadylined up or available for them
right.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
So we would invest all this time, all this effort
in preparing for the double date, presenting the match to them,
driving out there, and just onesmall thing would seem off right
, because nobody's a perfectmatch.
And then after the double date,they would say no over some
trivial reason and it justsometimes sent this message that
, oh, you know, thesematchmakers will probably have
(20:43):
somebody else, so I don't mind.
And given that the double dateis free up front, maybe they
just don't mind saying no andthen waiting for somebody else
to come along.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Maybe some people are always looking for no, maybe
there's something better outthere, maybe there's something
better out there and justthinking from the perspective or
the mindset of just comparing,it's like going to the mall and
oh, I want to find the mostbeautiful purse out there.
So like they're treating,they're treating the whole
(21:14):
process as like an exchange orlike a shopping experience, and
not thinking about the fact that, okay, maybe this person
doesn't align with you on thisand that, but he aligns with you
on this long list of otherimportant values.
So it's not about likecomparing oh, match number one
has this and that, but doesn'thave that and that, and match
(21:35):
number two like it's not.
It's not math at the end of theday right, it's, it's a human
connection it's a humanconnection.
Like you're, like you would belucky to find someone who aligns
with you on the same values,who you both find each other
attractive and who's seriousabout marriage.
It's and it goes back also tosomething we always talk about
it's the fact that we don'tunderstand.
(21:57):
We don't realize what a smallminority we are here in the west
and we think there's a hugepool of prospects out there.
I'll just pass on this one.
We dedicate an episode exactly,and there's not, whether you
live in the uk, in canada, in Idon't know fr, and the funny
thing is, even Muslims in Muslimmajority countries, I think
(22:17):
even they're strugglingsometimes.
Because of pickiness, becausewe're waiting for the perfect,
miss, perfect, mrs Perfect.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Yeah.
So the point is that readinessisn't about age or checklist
completion.
It's about emotionalpreparedness and the ability to
move forward when a good optionis in front of you.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
That's important.
You always quote the ayah.
This is exactly what it meansthe ability to move forward when
a good option is in front ofyou.
A lot of people, when there's agood option in front of them,
they get scared, they freeze.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Or they run away.
They're looking for a flaw.
They're looking for a flaw.
This is too good to be true.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
There's gotta be something wrong here, just say
Alhamdulillah and grab, grabonto this option that Allah sent
you, this good option, like themessage we're trying to give
isn't a message of desperationjust the first person that comes
your way, just like we both didsome sort of these kind of
mistakes out of desperation whenwe were looking ourselves and
(23:18):
we dedicated a recent episodeabout that.
Things we would do differently.
But we're saying if there's agood prospect, if there's a
person you genuinely align, youfind each other attractive, then
go like, don't be held by fear.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
There's so many takeaways that we want to give
you guys.
One thing and this more so inmy personal life than I would
say in my professional life isthat generosity without
boundaries leads to burnout.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Definitely.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
And some people they're just givers and they're
just very selfless people, right?
And as service providers,especially when you're starting
out, you just want to give, give, give, give, right, whether
it's instagram, whether it's,you know, free calls, which is
great in the beginning, but atsome point you have to create
boundaries because people on thereceiving end, they won't be
(24:09):
able to see the amount of workthat you're putting in yeah so
for them to appreciate it.
Sometimes it's an unrealisticexpectation yeah unless they're
business owners too.
So they'll get it like you wouldjust say, sharing the other day
, that we never realize how muchwork goes into preparing food
at a restaurant and we onlyrealize that once we started our
own food business.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Yeah right yeah, yeah so it's it's important to
create boundaries um also on inyour own search your single
muslim woman man you'researching out there.
It's important to setboundaries, especially in the
beginning stages.
Like generosity is good but,like you said, with boundaries
yeah in the beginning stages.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Don't invest too much mentally, emotionally, even
financially, until you see thatthere is actually hope here,
there this is moving somewhere,yeah, or a better way to put
that is give with sincerity, butprotect your energy and
resources until you see mutualinvestment exactly, yeah, yeah
uh, another point is don'tconfuse a premium experience
(25:08):
with a good match.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Yeah, he might be taking you out to fancy
restaurants, she might be buyingyou, I don't know, hugo boss,
uh, cologne or something, butthis is also all nice.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
But if there's no genuine alignment on values,
then or if they aren't even ableto articulate their values
right and if they're still goingthrough this self-discovery
process and this is the firstmatch that they've been
introduced to then how should Isay?
Speaker 2 (25:37):
this, it could cloud your judgment.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yes, yeah, appreciation matters.
You know, I feel like that'scommon sense, but you know
whether it's a Rishda, auntie, amatchmaker, whoever it is, if
you want good people in yourcorner, family, whoever show
gratitude, be punctual andfollow through yeah like one of
the matches that we had, um, Ithink a little over a year ago.
(26:00):
Uh, neither of the clientsfollowed through on it.
They both said yes.
After the virtual presentation.
Neither of them followedthrough and it just fell apart
and they both reached out to ussaying oh yeah, we were
expecting the other person toreach out to us and not only was
it sad to see that it didn't,it didn't work out, but it just
felt like our time was wastedexactly, let alone their time.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
yeah, going back to the point about appreciation, uh
, so maybe a friend is trying tomatch you, maybe an auntie is
trying to match you.
Don't just like take that forgranted like they are doing you
a favor, so be appreciative ofthat and invest, like, if they
find you someone, invest intrying to get to know them
(26:43):
before just immediatelydismissing.
A lot of times this happenslike people don't even give it a
thought and the person investedand thought about like
connecting you with this person,maybe even spoke to the family.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Yeah, and considering that this person is probably
doing this work for you, they'veprobably taken the time to get
to know you, so they're not justpicking somebody out of a hat
saying oh, what do you think ofthis person?
Yeah, you know.
So, just out of respect fortheir time, follow through on
the person.
Yeah, worth mentioning too thatno matchmaker, matchmaker,
(27:17):
friend app, nobody can do theself-work for you, you guys have
to do that and do not do thatwork at somebody else's expense.
Yeah, clarity and readinesscan't be outsourced.
It cannot be outsourced.
You can't say hey, ai, can youdo the self-work?
Speaker 2 (27:28):
for me, right?
Yeah, and you don't want tostart doing this work after,
like, you start talking topeople, or when you start
talking to people, it's not fairto them, it's not fair to you.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Yeah.
So, like we said before, wethought the more we would give,
the more people would appreciate.
But the truth is, appreciationcomes from readiness and not
from how much someone receives.
So, like we said, respect theprocess, protect your time and
let us know.
Did you like our previousservice model better?
Do you think our new servicemodel?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
works better.
If you would work with us, forexample, which service model
would you prefer?
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Yeah, Is there something else that we can add
to our service to make ourservice better?
Also, to add we also do minicoaching within our matchmaking
service to help our clients andmake sure they get up on the
right foot.
Once we release contactinformation to them, let us know
in the comments.
We're always looking to improveour service and provide as much
value as possible and we'll seeyou in the next one all right.
Once upon a time, we were like Netflix, uber, eats
and a marriage coach rolled intoone, All for the price of
actually for free most of thetime.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
It sounded premium.
It looked premium, but inreality, it nearly killed our
business and taught us a lotabout what single Muslims
actually need in their search.
Assalamualaikum, I'm Hiba.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
And I'm Zaid.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
A podcast that will take you into our world as
matchmakers.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
We'll share our experiences and offer advice for
the single Muslim.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
So let's dive in.
Bismillah, assalamu alaikumeveryone.
Welcome back to another episode.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Assalamu alaikum.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
So do we still pamper our clients?
Should we still keep pamperingour clients?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Everybody likes to be pampered.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
True, but are we happy pampering our clients
anymore?
Yes, we are, but we're pamperingour clients in a different way,
right, not like how we used to,and there's a reason for that,
and we're going to dive intothose reasons very soon.
(01:19):
And the reason we want to diveinto that is because through our
journey, through the changes ofour service model, we've just
learned so many lessons aboutpeople's readiness, or lack of
readiness, actually for marriage, and that people are just at
various stages in their journeyand we as matchmakers have to
cater to each of our clientsindividually and understand
where they are in their journeys, right, and so that's a crucial
part of our work.
So why don't we just start fromthe beginning?
When we were first envisioningHalal Match, we well, actually
(01:44):
it first started off as amatrimonial event type of
service, but aside from that, wemoved on towards this grand
ideal, beautiful double dateapproach, right, where we would
find matches for our clients andthen wine and dine them.
And I remember when we firsthad our first double date and
both the clients said yes aboutmoving forward, we were just
(02:07):
hunting for, like these, bougiefancy restaurants, but the
problem with fine dining is thatit's not halal.
We haven't come across halalfine dining yet uh, I think I
saw a few on halal or nothing.
Yeah, but that's besides thepoint.
It was very hard to find and Iremember we were just driving
around the gta, we were drivingto different neighborhoods
checking out the cuisine, likewe really wanted to make sure
(02:28):
that this first double date wasgoing to be special.
Yeah, yeah and um, and we stuckwith that and even though it
was very difficult in thebeginning, we stuck with that
year after year after year.
What was the intention behindthe double date approach,
besides just pampering ourclients and just giving them a
very premium experience?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
To put them in this environment where they're
actually bonding and connectingface-to-face over nice food,
over curated activities that weprovided them.
It's just like to veer away alittle bit from the virtual
thing and the online thing andjust bring back this like human
connection Exactly.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
And also to add to that, to give massive value.
We wanted our clients tounderstand that, as matchmakers,
even though you're paying, Iwould say, relatively less than
other professional matchmakers,Way less.
Way less Right?
Actually, you're right, becausewe want way less right?
Actually you're right.
Um, we wanted to give as muchvalue to our clients so that
they could come away and saying,god, you guys are worth way
(03:30):
more than what I paid for that'sthe kind of experience we
wanted to give to our clients.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Give more, you get more.
That was our conviction, and weactually dedicated an entire
episode explaining this model.
Uh, remember this episode wastitled how we turn profiles into
, so in that episode we divedeven deeper into this model.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah.
So, to summarize, give massivevalue, build a human-to-human
connection, build a goodwillwith our clients so they would
spread the word and justunderstand that the more we gave
, the more clients wouldappreciate it and give back in
terms of support.
Testimonials things like thatyeah, but in reality, yes, many
(04:10):
were unappreciative, so manysome were very self-entitled, uh
, very disappointed.
Oh, and bear in mind, actuallywe didn't even review the double
date thoroughly.
But, um, just to give you guysa quick summary, clients would
not be paying for the meal theywouldn't be paying for the
double date itself yeah, theywouldn't be paying for the
double date itself, unless anduntil after the double date.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Both clients said yes yes, I want to move forward and
get to know them better not.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yes, I want to marry them.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yes, yeah, exactly and at some point, like we were
super crazy on it we, we werenaive.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
We were naive, generous and just.
We were putting our heart andsoul into this.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
At some point we were offering, even after they say
yes, if they come back, or oneof them come back within a week
and saying oh, we had a phonecall, we met and we're just not
aligned or something, we wouldgive them a full refund, exactly
so.
Just to summarize we took wouldgive them a full refund,
exactly so just to summarize wetook them out on a double date.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
They both said yes about exchanging contact
information, further assessingcompatibility, they had a phone
call on their own and then theycame back and said, no, it
didn't work out, we want ourmoney back.
So we would lose money on thecommute to the dinner, lose
money on the dinner itself, justthe commute to the dinner, lose
money on the on the dinneritself, or just our time, our
(05:29):
time, all of that work, becausewe just why were we doing this?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I don't know, we were just so naive we were just
trying to give as much value aspossible and not come off as
people who were just trying tomake money exactly like yeah,
the last thing we wanted is forpeople to think we're just like
this is just a business, and Imean it is a business, but it's
a business that's, that comesfrom a place of caring passion,
and this is something we knowwe're good at.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
And but what happened ?
It backfired.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yeah, so we went from seven day refund to I think we
did a two week refund.
And then finally, we were justlike two day refund Two day,
yeah.
And then finally we were justlike two day refund, two day I
can, yeah, 48 hours, yeah.
And then finally we just wentback to saying okay, no, we're
just going to charge them forthe double date if they both
said yes, which was the originalmodel yeah and then that went
(06:16):
on for a while and finally wejust said you know what this?
because the results we weregetting was that a most clients
were not saying yes after thedouble date, even though they
were very compatible.
On paper they were compatible.
Um, I mean, after presentingthe matches to them on a virtual
call, they would say yes, thatwe.
I see a lot of values aligning,I feel an attraction to the
(06:38):
pictures, so we would besurprised after the double date
and keep in mind it's athree-hour double date yes,
exactly so we'd be surprisedafter the double date, and keep
in mind it's a three-hour doubledate.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Yes, exactly so we'd be surprised after the double
date that they would say no, andsometimes it was over the
silliest of reasons, I swearyeah like um, oh, I want to get
married the next year, she wantsto get married this year, or
something like that, or I can'tpromise that I'm gonna have kids
or not, and he's looking tohave kids well, nobody can
nobody can promise, unless youhave, like, an infertility
problem, which I can understand.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
So the point is is that people were at various
stages in their journey.
Right, and it's with some peoplethey were just figuring out,
like a very recent one in fact.
Um, this girl was said she wasopen to relocating, uh, to
outside of her country just tokeep the details as vague as
(07:26):
possible and the brother livedin the states, so, and she said
she was open to relocating tothe states, and we exchanged
contact information.
Based on that information, theyboth said yes about moving
forward and then, I think maybetwo and a half to three weeks
later, she emailed us and thebrother emailed us saying I'm no
longer interested in moving tothe States.
(07:47):
I changed my mind.
I would prefer to find a matchcloser to my area.
And we were just shockedbecause this was disheartening
for the brother.
We promised the brother, sayingyou know that she is definitely
open to relocating.
Now, unfortunately, she changedher mind.
So the reason I'm bringing upthis story and other stories is
because people are at variousstages of their life and with
(08:10):
this specific sister, forexample, she was still going
through the self discoveryprocess yeah, all right.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
It's not like she had a bad intention or anything, no
, nothing like that.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
But she was at a stage in life where she was
trying to figure out is she okayliving away from her family, is
she not?
Uh, does she have other dealbreakers?
And as frustrating it is on onus.
In our time we had to justunderstand that people are at
different stages and I know I'mrepeating myself, but we have to
(08:41):
structure a model that'sconducive to that.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yeah Right, so that's why we switched Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
And what's the new model?
The?
Speaker 2 (08:48):
new model is we introduce the match to you over
a virtual call.
We share their informationabout themselves from their
profile, we show you pictures,we show you a video introduction
so you get to see how they talk, how they smile, how they
express themselves, expressthemselves, all of that.
And if you say yes, then we dothe same thing with the match.
(09:09):
If the match says yes, then wewould release contact
information after getting paidfor that so you pay us a
register, a fee.
We release contact informationand we wish you the best of luck
.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Exactly, and through that we understood that our
clients as beautiful and grandas it sounds, sitting with our
clients and facilitating thedouble date, our clients didn't
really need that.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Maybe most of them didn't Most of them didn't.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
They felt mature enough and responsible enough to
assess compatibility on theirown, so all they needed was just
contact information, maybe justa presentation of their
potential match.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Answering their questions.
Answering their questions.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
And just do some mini coaching here and there.
But the legwork they were ableto do on their own and so far
it's allowed us to besustainable.
We've had some.
I don't think we've had anysuccess just yet with the new
model because it is stillrelatively new, yeah, um, but
we're happy with it and it'sworking with our clients.
(10:12):
I mean one client, for example,said yes, and then it didn't
work out for whatever reason.
And um, he found somebody onhis own and he reached out to us
and said I thank you for allyour help.
I found somebody on my own, butI was really.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
He was essentially very happy with our service and
was willing to give us atestimony he said that like
working with you guys was likevery integral to me finding
actually my oh yeah, I forgotthat because so when we release
contact information, we just wedon't just do that, we also give
you um, our compatibilitychallenge for free.
(10:47):
So you're not having awkwardconversations with the brother
or the sister.
You have tools at your disposalto get to know them, ask the
the deeper questions in a, in afun way, an interactive way, and
we also give you the uhpersonality test results of your
match.
So you know what you're workingwith.
And we give you their lovelanguage result as well their
(11:09):
love language, I mean.
And so you have all these tools.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
You're not just working with an abstract thing,
I guess if you're overwhelmedand burdened and just don't know
where to seek help, let us helpyou.
We can be your personalmatchmakers.
Visit us at halalmatchca andbook a free call with us.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
So if you're listening, maybe from Europe or
from Kenya, and you're like,okay, guys, I know you work with
single Muslims in North Americaand Britain, this doesn't
relate to me at all, then wehave a surprise for you.
This does relate to you.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
That's a good point, because the important takeaway,
or one of the importanttakeaways, is that self-work is
important, but it shouldn't comeat someone else's expense.
Right, and that's how we feltthat, and it was because of our
naivete also that notunderstanding that people are at
various stages.
But, um, when you're doing theself-work, or if you're just
(12:09):
starting on this journey, tryingto find a match, there is a lot
of self-work that needs to bedone.
Before you jump onto amatrimony website, before hiring
a matchmaker, before jumpingonto WhatsApp groups.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Before starting talking to people and people
investing in you.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Yeah, so that self-work.
No one can do that for you.
Yeah, you have to do it foryourself.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
And, like you don't want people to invest in you
whether it's a matchmaker orwhether it's a suit or a
potential spouse you don't wantpeople investing in you and you
also investing and wasting yourtime, people's time, only to
discover that, oh, actually I'mnot sure about this.
I think I need to do more work,more self-work on that yeah,
(12:50):
yeah, we were just so.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
We had so many conversations about shutting
down halal match.
We were so burned out, uh,because all of our clients not
all of our clients, but manyclients uh saying no after the
double date just for over sillyreasons.
Um, but alhamdulillah, the thechange in our service model
really um helped us and uh, itjust put a sense of hope in our
(13:13):
work and and just in generalabout moving forward with this
work.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
And you know, but even up till now you would still
find people who have thisself-entitlement.
It just happened today.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
So this incident took place just today, just within
less than an hour ago.
So this brother I'll try tokeep the details as vague as
possible he signed up with usabout two months ago and, for
those who don't know, thestandard procedure in starting
with us is, of course, adiscovery call.
You have to submit a lengthyregistration form, two pictures,
(13:46):
a clear body shot where we cansee you from head to toe, a
headshot, a video introductionof yourself, two tests, a
personality test as well as alove language quiz, plus a
contract and it does sound likea lot, but I'll explain that in
a second and so this brotherfirst submitted some pictures
that weren't so great not at all, not at all.
And he also submitted a videowhere it just left us talking,
(14:11):
where we were just saying doesthis brother, is this brother,
excited about the idea ofmarriage?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
so it was like 29 seconds barely 29 seconds, so we
scheduled a call with thebrother.
Is this brother excited aboutthe idea of marriage?
So it was like 29 seconds,barely 29 seconds.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
So we scheduled a call with the brother.
We said, brother, could youplease resubmit the pictures we?
We need a good smile, we needto see you from head to toe, as
well as a better video talkingabout who you are, what you
bring to the table, all of thosethings that make you shine as a
good match I'm laughing becauseremember what happened.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
So the two pictures he uh sent to us.
The headshot was cropped fromthe from the body shot.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yeah, that was frustrating, uh, nonetheless,
and uh, sorry to interrupt.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
So it's not like we're trying to be demanding,
but the thing is, when wepresent you to someone like they
need to see you in your bestform, like first impressions do
matter.
It's not all about like heartand like having a good heart, no
, like people are attracted tobeauty, right?
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Exactly, guys and girls.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Guys and girls.
So it's not just like, okay, Ihave this box checked, I sent
the pictures.
Well, they need to be goodpictures.
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
And this is not vain?
No, not at all.
Um, so the he said, resubmittedthe pictures.
The pictures were were good, uh, but the video was not
submitted to us yet.
And weeks went by, weeks andweeks and weeks and suddenly we
get an email today saying uh,from the brother requesting a
refund.
Uh, saying that he hasn't beenable to submit the video yet and
no service has been offeredaccording to him, and that he
wants a refund.
So I'm we were just dumbfoundedbecause we scheduled so many
(15:48):
calls with this brother.
We reviewed his form we spenttime, even like, writing very
careful emails to convey thisthought that we want good
pictures without like coming offinsensitive and clearly there
was no regard for our time, forthe work that we've put in
trying to get him ready to beginhis search.
(16:09):
And there's just thisentitlement, suddenly thinking
oh, no service has been offered,so now I'm entitled to a refund
.
Nobody Like.
What about the time that we'veinvested?
Speaker 2 (16:21):
also.
Is that not?
Quote, unquote service it's notour problem.
You just don't have time tomake a video right and the
analogy.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I'm sorry to interrupt you, but the analogy
that you gave a really good onewas would you buy an online
course and then request a refund, saying I bought the course but
I didn't use it, so can youplease give me a refund?
Speaker 2 (16:41):
I don't know what's up with muslims like I don't
know, I don't know, I'm shockedwe interact a lot with
non-muslims and we don't seethis, like we mentioned this
before, but because, like wejust keep seeing a pattern a a
pattern.
Every time it's not like, it'sa coincidence, like what
happened the other day as well,something similar.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Yeah, a brother.
Yes, so we introduced a matchto a brother and we're very
clear about our deadlinesbecause we've been taken
advantage of before.
So he said brother, you haveexactly 24 hours to submit a
form to us stating whether ornot you want to move forward so
that we can introduce yourprofile to a sister.
(17:23):
um, so we kept checking and keptchecking to see if he had
submitted the form, and hesubmitted the form past the
deadline two hours I think itwas two hours about it was
around two hours past thedeadline, which sounds trivial
at first, but when you outline astrict deadline and then, on
the form itself, it says you andyou have to check this box
(17:45):
before you submit the form itsays you will be required to pay
a late fee if this form issubmitted past the deadline.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
And it was also mentioned in the email we sent
him.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
And it's also on the contract.
It's also on the contract.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
It's also on the contract, exactly, exactly and
we mentioned it on the videocall itself.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Right, and it's only a 50 fee and we're not trying to
be penny pinchers here, butwe're trying to stick to a level
of professionalism and uh andcertain expectations.
So when he submitted the formlate, we emailed him saying
thank you for submitting theform.
First of all, he said no to thematch.
He did not give a clear reasonwhy.
And then we said, brother, youare still required to pay a late
(18:25):
fee to us, given that it wassubmitted past the the deadline,
and we won't be able to resumeyour search until you pay this
fee there was no apologywhatsoever no apology I had a
work emergency.
That's it in fact, he was theone surprised and disappointed
that we were charging him well,like you, check that box.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
We told you, you mentioned, we mentioned it and
this is just like to stay fairand consistent with other
clients who had to pay.
And what's he?
What did he say after that?
Speaker 1 (18:53):
I want to pause my search because I don't have time
these days absolutely soapparently there's more
important things like and on topof that, he still didn't give
an apology, like no, so I meanthese cases, they, I mean the
list can go on and on.
Not, we've come across so manyof these cases, and so what is
the point here?
The point is is that to make usnot just sustainable, to keep
(19:19):
our sanity alive and not justburn out, we had to create a
model that was understanding ofthese situations, right People
being unappreciative, peoplebeing self-entitled, not ready
not ready going through theself-discovery process, going
through the self-discoveryprocess.
So as grand of an idea as thisdouble date approach was, it
(19:39):
just was not conducive to theMuslims that we were working
with.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Sometimes something could sound amazing on paper or
in your head.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah, I remember I was so excited, we were so
excited.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
I would really love if that model worked because I
enjoyed taking people out andjust sitting with and you know,
and it didn't even bother methat was paying for their meal
like like it was just sittingwith them and seeing them light
up across their match like thathuman interaction, like I missed
that yeah, the one thing that Ialso forgot to mention was that
sometimes clients would get theperception or misunderstanding
(20:17):
that somebody else was alreadylined up or available for them
right.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
So we would invest all this time, all this effort
in preparing for the double date, presenting the match to them,
driving out there, and just onesmall thing would seem off right
, because nobody's a perfectmatch.
And then after the double date,they would say no over some
trivial reason and it justsometimes sent this message that
, oh, you know, thesematchmakers will probably have
(20:43):
somebody else, so I don't mind.
And given that the double dateis free up front, maybe they
just don't mind saying no andthen waiting for somebody else
to come along.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Maybe some people are always looking for no, maybe
there's something better outthere, maybe there's something
better out there and justthinking from the perspective or
the mindset of just comparing,it's like going to the mall and
oh, I want to find the mostbeautiful purse out there.
So like they're treating,they're treating the whole
(21:14):
process as like an exchange orlike a shopping experience, and
not thinking about the fact that, okay, maybe this person
doesn't align with you on thisand that, but he aligns with you
on this long list of otherimportant values.
So it's not about likecomparing oh, match number one
has this and that, but doesn'thave that and that, and match
(21:35):
number two like it's not.
It's not math at the end of theday right, it's, it's a human
connection it's a humanconnection.
Like you're, like you would belucky to find someone who aligns
with you on the same values,who you both find each other
attractive and who's seriousabout marriage.
It's and it goes back also tosomething we always talk about
it's the fact that we don'tunderstand.
(21:57):
We don't realize what a smallminority we are here in the west
and we think there's a hugepool of prospects out there.
I'll just pass on this one.
We dedicate an episode exactly,and there's not, whether you
live in the uk, in canada, in Idon't know fr, and the funny
thing is, even Muslims in Muslimmajority countries, I think
(22:17):
even they're strugglingsometimes.
Because of pickiness, becausewe're waiting for the perfect,
miss, perfect, mrs Perfect.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Yeah.
So the point is that readinessisn't about age or checklist
completion.
It's about emotionalpreparedness and the ability to
move forward when a good optionis in front of you.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
That's important.
You always quote the ayah.
This is exactly what it meansthe ability to move forward when
a good option is in front ofyou.
A lot of people, when there's agood option in front of them,
they get scared, they freeze.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Or they run away.
They're looking for a flaw.
They're looking for a flaw.
This is too good to be true.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
There's gotta be something wrong here, just say
Alhamdulillah and grab, grabonto this option that Allah sent
you, this good option, like themessage we're trying to give
isn't a message of desperationjust the first person that comes
your way, just like we both didsome sort of these kind of
mistakes out of desperation whenwe were looking ourselves and
(23:18):
we dedicated a recent episodeabout that.
Things we would do differently.
But we're saying if there's agood prospect, if there's a
person you genuinely align, youfind each other attractive, then
go like, don't be held by fear.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
There's so many takeaways that we want to give
you guys.
One thing and this more so inmy personal life than I would
say in my professional life isthat generosity without
boundaries leads to burnout.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Definitely.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
And some people they're just givers and they're
just very selfless people, right?
And as service providers,especially when you're starting
out, you just want to give, give, give, give, right, whether
it's instagram, whether it's,you know, free calls, which is
great in the beginning, but atsome point you have to create
boundaries because people on thereceiving end, they won't be
(24:09):
able to see the amount of workthat you're putting in yeah so
for them to appreciate it.
Sometimes it's an unrealisticexpectation yeah unless they're
business owners too.
So they'll get it like you wouldjust say, sharing the other day
, that we never realize how muchwork goes into preparing food
at a restaurant and we onlyrealize that once we started our
own food business.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Yeah right yeah, yeah so it's it's important to
create boundaries um also on inyour own search your single
muslim woman man you'researching out there.
It's important to setboundaries, especially in the
beginning stages.
Like generosity is good but,like you said, with boundaries
yeah in the beginning stages.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Don't invest too much mentally, emotionally, even
financially, until you see thatthere is actually hope here,
there this is moving somewhere,yeah, or a better way to put
that is give with sincerity, butprotect your energy and
resources until you see mutualinvestment exactly, yeah, yeah
uh, another point is don'tconfuse a premium experience
(25:08):
with a good match.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Yeah, he might be taking you out to fancy
restaurants, she might be buyingyou, I don't know, hugo boss,
uh, cologne or something, butthis is also all nice.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
But if there's no genuine alignment on values,
then or if they aren't even ableto articulate their values
right and if they're still goingthrough this self-discovery
process and this is the firstmatch that they've been
introduced to then how should Isay?
Speaker 2 (25:37):
this, it could cloud your judgment.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yes, yeah, appreciation matters.
You know, I feel like that'scommon sense, but you know
whether it's a Rishda, auntie, amatchmaker, whoever it is, if
you want good people in yourcorner, family, whoever show
gratitude, be punctual andfollow through yeah like one of
the matches that we had, um, Ithink a little over a year ago.
(26:00):
Uh, neither of the clientsfollowed through on it.
They both said yes.
After the virtual presentation.
Neither of them followedthrough and it just fell apart
and they both reached out to ussaying oh yeah, we were
expecting the other person toreach out to us and not only was
it sad to see that it didn't,it didn't work out, but it just
felt like our time was wastedexactly, let alone their time.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
yeah, going back to the point about appreciation, uh
, so maybe a friend is trying tomatch you, maybe an auntie is
trying to match you.
Don't just like take that forgranted like they are doing you
a favor, so be appreciative ofthat and invest, like, if they
find you someone, invest intrying to get to know them
(26:43):
before just immediatelydismissing.
A lot of times this happenslike people don't even give it a
thought and the person investedand thought about like
connecting you with this person,maybe even spoke to the family.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Yeah, and considering that this person is probably
doing this work for you, they'veprobably taken the time to get
to know you, so they're not justpicking somebody out of a hat
saying oh, what do you think ofthis person?
Yeah, you know.
So, just out of respect fortheir time, follow through on
the person.
Yeah, worth mentioning too thatno matchmaker, matchmaker,
(27:17):
friend app, nobody can do theself-work for you, you guys have
to do that and do not do thatwork at somebody else's expense.
Yeah, clarity and readinesscan't be outsourced.
It cannot be outsourced.
You can't say hey, ai, can youdo the self-work?
Speaker 2 (27:28):
for me, right?
Yeah, and you don't want tostart doing this work after,
like, you start talking topeople, or when you start
talking to people, it's not fairto them, it's not fair to you.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Yeah.
So, like we said before, wethought the more we would give,
the more people would appreciate.
But the truth is, appreciationcomes from readiness and not
from how much someone receives.
So, like we said, respect theprocess, protect your time and
let us know.
Did you like our previousservice model better?
Do you think our new servicemodel?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
works better.
If you would work with us, forexample, which service model
would you prefer?
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Yeah, Is there something else that we can add
to our service to make ourservice better?
Also, to add we also do minicoaching within our matchmaking
service to help our clients andmake sure they get up on the
right foot.
Once we release contactinformation to them, let us know
in the comments.
We're always looking to improveour service and provide as much
value as possible and we'll seeyou in the next one all right.
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