October 17, 2025 • 27 mins
Have you ever been told to “lower your gaze” and wondered what that’s supposed to look like in 2025 when the hardest place to lower it isn’t the street, but your screen? One innocent scroll can turn into a full-blown spiral before you even realize it.
We’re talking about the subtle stuff: how comparison, curiosity, and constant exposure slowly shape what we find attractive, and how that ends up affecting real-life attraction, confidence, and even marriage expectations. Because it’s not just about modesty; it’s about protecting your focus in a world built to steal it. If you’ve ever felt torn between your values and the world you live in, this one will hit home.
If something we said made you think, laugh, or feel seen, leave us a rating and review! It helps more people find the show. And hey, if you know someone who needs to hear this episode, send it their way. Sharing is caring!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
You know, Zayd, lowering the gaze was a lot
easier when you just had toavoid bumping into someone in
the marketplace.
SPEAKER_02 (00:07):
Yeah, now the marketplace is in your pocket,
and the vendors are allInstagram models.
SPEAKER_00 (00:11):
And somehow they all know exactly what you like.
Assalamu alaikum.
I'm Hiba.
SPEAKER_02 (00:16):
And I'm Zayd.
SPEAKER_00 (00:17):
You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
SPEAKER_02 (00:20):
A podcast that will take you into our world as
matchmakers.
SPEAKER_00 (00:23):
We'll share our experiences and offer advice for
the single Muslim.
SPEAKER_02 (00:27):
So let's dive in.
Bismillah.
Asalaamu alaikum, everyone.
Welcome to another episode ofDiary of a Matchmaker.
SPEAKER_00 (00:36):
Asalamu alaikum.
SPEAKER_02 (00:38):
So our apologies.
Uh last week we were just sooverwhelmed and our schedule got
so busy that we were unable touh record and release an episode
last week.
SPEAKER_03 (00:50):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (00:51):
Um, but we always and will always continue to do
our best to release an episodeweekly.
Uh so our apologies.
SPEAKER_00 (01:00):
So, yeah, what were we busy doing last week?
SPEAKER_02 (01:03):
So last week was a very rare and wonderful
opportunity that came along ourway, which was getting
interviewed on another podcastcalled the Digital Sisterhood.
SPEAKER_00 (01:16):
Yeah, and if you know anything about the digital
the digital sisterhood, you knowhow big it is, mashallah, how
successful they are, and whatamazing team they are.
SPEAKER_02 (01:25):
Mashallah, yeah.
So the their kind of thing isstorytelling.
Uh I believe it's Muslimstorytellers, correct?
SPEAKER_03 (01:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (01:35):
So definitely check that out on Spotify.
I don't know if they're on otherplatforms, but they're
definitely on Spotify, so checkthem out.
SPEAKER_00 (01:42):
I think it's coming out in November.
SPEAKER_02 (01:44):
Oh, you mean our episode?
Yes, our episode is coming outin November sometime, but we'll
keep you guys posted about that,inshallah.
Yeah.
Today's topic is something thatreally does hit home for me.
Um, I grew up in a veryconservative environment.
I went to a private Islamicschool uh for junior high for
elementary, junior high, andhigh school.
(02:06):
And um my my Islamic school wasconnected to the masjid.
So my world was just girls inhijab, most of my teachers were
Muslim.
Um my Islamic studies teacherwould sometimes be the Imam.
And so naturally, when you'retransitioning from junior high
to high school, lowering thegaze becomes like very uh not
(02:29):
just a hot topic, but somethingthat's very strictly enforced.
SPEAKER_00 (02:33):
Okay.
So they actually used like totalk to you about this in
school?
SPEAKER_02 (02:38):
Not necessarily talk about it, but you it was more
like you were shamed for notdoing it to an extent.
And I would say it was and theand it kind of tied into
segregation too.
So in the classroom it wouldalways be guys on one side of
the classroom, girls on theother side.
You'd get into trouble if youwere talking to girls like
(03:00):
outside of outside of class.
SPEAKER_03 (03:03):
Wow.
SPEAKER_02 (03:03):
Um, and it was just kind of like a very ostracized
thing, like you just do not talkto girls.
SPEAKER_00 (03:10):
We didn't have this in the faculty of Sharia.
SPEAKER_02 (03:13):
So you guys would openly talk to girls?
SPEAKER_00 (03:15):
Yeah, in the hallways?
Like you're not uh talking andgiggling and laughing and stuff,
but yeah, you can talk to guys.
Uh usually it's stuff that'srelated to like the courses and
studies and stuff, but yeah, youtalk to guys.
SPEAKER_02 (03:28):
Would you guys ever uh collaborate with the opposite
gender on assignments orprojects and stuff?
SPEAKER_00 (03:33):
Uh I don't I don't remember honestly.
I think it would be uncommon.
SPEAKER_02 (03:39):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (03:40):
Yeah, but it was like healthy interaction.
SPEAKER_02 (03:43):
Okay, well, I don't want you guys to get it wrong.
It's not like my school wasSaudi Arabia.
Like you like, you know, it wasSaudi, I think some time ago
they had the Haram policebasically.
Yeah.
Right?
Where it was just like it wasvery strict and you would pretty
much go to prison for like theslightest thing.
SPEAKER_00 (03:57):
Um Nahian al Munkar.
SPEAKER_02 (04:00):
Pretty much.
Um, so it wasn't like that, butthere was a shame factor
definitely that uh was therethat was definitely prevalent
there in high school.
So why might I bring this up?
Um, because today's topic isabout lowering the gaze.
And uh lowering the gaze is ofcourse that's something that is
mentioned in the Quran.
Um would you mind sharing theayah?
SPEAKER_00 (04:20):
Yeah, of course.
I'm pretty sure most Muslimsknow it.
And then the rest of the ayah,while I be in a zinahuna
illamada minha in Surah Nur.
(04:42):
Yes, and it translates says uhit says, of course, tell the
believer, believing men, tolower from their gaze.
SPEAKER_04 (04:53):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (04:54):
And protect their private parts, and same thing
for women, to lower from theirgaze and protect their private
parts.
SPEAKER_02 (05:01):
And I noticed as you were translating that you
emphasize from their gaze, andwhat's the reason for that?
SPEAKER_00 (05:07):
Because the ayah doesn't tell you to like go
blind or like look down whileyou're walking or while while
you're talking to the oppositegender.
Lower from your gaze, not loweryour gaze, your full gaze.
Because life will force you, ofcourse, to like to have healthy
interaction, whether it's likewith your professor or with the
(05:28):
a vendor or I don't know, in thelike office or the hospital,
whatever, you do need to havelike a certain type of
interaction, eye eye contactwith the opposite person.
SPEAKER_01 (05:42):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (05:43):
But it's it's about how you look.
I I think it's more about howyou look.
Definitely looking with lust, oryou're looking just to keep a
normal like conversation.
SPEAKER_02 (05:54):
Yeah, and I think back on my childhood, and the
problem is is that these verseslike this is a classic example
of something that is just taken,copy and paste, and it's not
applied in context.
And so I remember when I youknow, I I didn't even know the
verse, but I just knew that youhave to lower your gaze.
(06:16):
So I would see my fellowclassroomes just looking down on
the floor as they were talkingto a female teacher, or if I was
talking to um like I rememberone of uh one of the students I
was teaching, whenever I wouldtalk to his mom, I would look
look down, just look at thefloor, and I was it was just
this feeling of like it justdoesn't feel right, like feeling
(06:38):
of awkwardness, like somethingis off.
And now when I'm when you'reputting it in context and and
when I'm under have a betteralhamdulillah, better
understanding of Islam, it makessense that the the religion is
doesn't operate in a vacuum,right?
It operates within a context.
(06:59):
And the context, obviously,especially living in the West,
is that of course you're gonnabe interacting with the opposite
gender, you're gonna be workingwith them as colleagues, as
classmates, whatever it mightbe, and it forms boundaries.
Yeah, and we'll get we'll getinto that in a second.
SPEAKER_00 (07:14):
And you know what?
Like, even if you're notinteracting with anyone, you're
just walking down the street.
Like here, it's normal to havelike women walking in mini
shorts and tank tops and stufflike that.
So how are you gonna walk?
Like looking down, bumping intostuff like it's just it's not
practical.
SPEAKER_02 (07:33):
I mean and you know in your mind, in your heart,
that looking at something likethat is wrong.
So obviously, you if you seethat, then you look away.
It's just it's a very simpleproblem.
SPEAKER_00 (07:43):
Exactly.
The the problem these days, Ifeel, is not in lowering the
gaze when you're like outside.
Because, like we said in thelike the intro, it it's in your
pocket.
You can't you can like stay homefor the entire year, but it'll
creep up on you on your phone.
SPEAKER_02 (08:03):
Exactly.
And the other thing I want toadd to that is that, and I was
kind of a victim of this too,and other uh other friends have
shared this also, that when yougrow up in a very strict
environment where everything isjust about lowering the gaze,
and then you transition touniversity, and then univers at
that time you're consideringmarriage, it's not a switch,
(08:24):
right?
You can't just suddenly flip theswitch and say, Okay, now I need
to look up and be aware of myenvironment because now I'm
considering a suitable spouse,right?
And university is the best placefor that, right?
Because you're interacting withthe opposite gender, but if
you're constantly lowering thegaze and you're not observing or
being observant to the oppositegender, then you're not taking
advantage of the opportunitythat that's there to you know
(08:48):
pursue the next step in yourlife, which is marriage.
Yeah, right?
Yeah, and so it really sets youup at a disadvantage at the same
time.
SPEAKER_00 (08:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (08:56):
Uh, but there's a wonderful story in the seerah
that kind of encapsulates this,right?
Can you share that, please?
SPEAKER_00 (09:02):
Yeah.
So it's actually a funny story.
The Sahabi, Al-Fadrul ibn Abbas,was with the pro was with the
Prophet.
I believe they were like sittingon a camel or something.
And a woman came to the Prophetto ask him a question, and
apparently she was beautiful.
And uh Al-Faddl ibn Abbas, hewas a young man and he kept
looking at her.
SPEAKER_02 (09:21):
And the Prophet I think from what I heard, like
his jaw dropped and like hispupils dilated.
SPEAKER_00 (09:26):
I don't know about that, but the Prophet just
simply turned his head.
SPEAKER_02 (09:30):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:31):
And then he looked again, and the Prophet kept Oh,
really?
SPEAKER_02 (09:35):
I didn't know that happened more than once.
SPEAKER_00 (09:36):
I believe three times maybe.
But the beautiful thing, everytime the Prophet kept like
turning his head, he didn'tprove uh review rebuke what the
word shame him.
He didn't shame him, exactly.
So it's it's about the theapproach.
SPEAKER_02 (09:51):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (09:52):
Um and and just before, it tells you that like
this is a natural thing we have,which doesn't mean we like we
should just ignore itcompletely, but even the best of
us, the sahaba, when he wassitting behind the Prophet, he
couldn't help himself.
SPEAKER_02 (10:08):
Yeah, yeah, it's it's a very natural thing.
Yeah, so it's needless to saythat we live in visual overload.
This like we're living in adigital age, the Instagram
world, Facebook, TikTok,whatever.
So placing safeguards andboundaries is, I would argue,
even more imperative now than inprevious generations, right?
(10:33):
So how do we manage that?
How do we do that?
That's that's the million dollarquestion, I guess.
SPEAKER_00 (10:40):
If we're talking about your device, your phone,
then it's about curating yourfeed in a way that helps you
achieve that.
So if you're like all theaccounts you're following are uh
like I don't know, beautyinfluencers and models and
(11:01):
stuff, whether you're a man or awoman, by the way, like it's the
same thing.
Maybe it's a little bit harderfor men, but women as well, we
appreciate beauty.
But if that's all you'refollowing, then don't say, Oh,
why is it hard to like why is itevery time I go on Instagram, I
like I see, I don't know, amodel or so it's about like you
(11:22):
training the algorithm becausethe algorithm is working against
you.
SPEAKER_02 (11:26):
Yeah, so even and that's not just um social media,
even YouTube, right?
YouTube will feed you what youwant to see.
So if you're watching uh a videoabout a swimsuit model, you're
gonna keep getting that.
SPEAKER_00 (11:39):
I know, I keep getting videos and shorts about
cats.
SPEAKER_02 (11:43):
Exactly.
Uh like Alhamdulillah, like I'mI'm pretty um conscious and
aware of what's happening inGaza and the West Bank.
So my feed is constantly aboutwhat's what's the latest news,
what's happening, and so itfeeds me what I'm looking for.
So be aware of that.
SPEAKER_00 (12:01):
Okay, and you know what's the tricky part?
Like sometimes even if you'refollowing Islamic accounts, it
could f it could fall into thatum not that category, uh Stakfur
Lah, you're not followingmodels, but it could um what is
the word?
You could fall into the sametrap because everything today is
about aesthetics, even Islamiccontent, right?
(12:23):
Yeah, so you see that uh hijabiinfluencer or like hijabi daya
or whatever, and she looksperfect, mashallah, with the
perfect hijab, the perfecteyebrows, and she looks
beautiful without makeup, maybeshe's applying filters, maybe
not.
And the same thing you see thethe uh the die or like the the
(12:45):
speaker, and he has the perfectbeard and the perfect smile, and
with the music and the effects,and so it like feeds into your
head that this is what to lookfor, or this is the the average,
this is the normal.
SPEAKER_02 (12:59):
Right, and uh so there's a distinction that needs
to be made between temptationand fixation, right?
Temptation is natural, right?
Which you just shared in that uhstory about um uh what was his
name?
SPEAKER_00 (13:13):
Alpha D al-Bin Abbas.
SPEAKER_02 (13:15):
Alpha Al-Ibn Abbas.
So he was um kind of reacting toout of temptation, but fixation
is cultivated, temptation isnatural.
SPEAKER_00 (13:25):
You work on it, the fixation you you bring it, you
produce it, right?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (13:30):
So temptation is natural.
Uh Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala hasgiven us ways to channel uh
temptation and desire through uhhalal and appropriate means.
Uh but our fixation is somethingthat can go up and down and that
needs to be worked on.
Um al Qayim said that the gazeis the messenger of desire.
(13:54):
And who's Ibn al-Kayim?
SPEAKER_00 (13:55):
Ibn al-Khayim is yeah, of course, a famous
scholar.
SPEAKER_02 (13:59):
I mean for people who who don't know, I don't like
to quote people I don't knowmuch about, but for people who
don't know, the famous scholar.
So he said that once you let itdeliver its message, the heart
responds and the soul follows.
What else can you add to that?
SPEAKER_00 (14:14):
I think it's self-explanatory, it's very
deep, but it's like it it tellsyou that you are in control.
Like because after you let uhyou let out your gaze, you are
not in control of what you'reseeing, or like after you see
whatever you see, you cancontrol your heart.
SPEAKER_01 (14:35):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (14:36):
What you can control is your eyes, and like we said,
if we're talking about like umsocial media, what you follow,
what you keep seeing, you cancontrol that.
Yeah, but after you keep seeingthese images, then don't say,
Oh, like I I can't help it, Ican't stop thinking about it,
because you allowed it.
SPEAKER_02 (14:57):
But the the other part that I want to bring up, I
always hear this as a criticismagainst guys, which is guys are
the ones that need to lowertheir gaze, and it's almost as
if girls don't need to.
And so it's the the commandment.
I mean, the verse you justshared is a commandment for both
genders.
SPEAKER_00 (15:13):
Same thing, same words, yes.
SPEAKER_02 (15:14):
Right?
Because desire and lust works uhacross both genders.
SPEAKER_00 (15:19):
Yes, absolutely.
Like I said, women appreciatebeauty, and uh just like men
can't control after they seesomething, they can't control
how their heart feels.
It's the same thing for women,but I think for women,
especially these days, yeah,more than desiring the looking
at men, they desire theattention for women.
(15:42):
It's about being desired, thatvalidation, right?
Like those those likes andcomments to oh you look so
beautiful, you drop dead,gorgeous, diva, whatever.
Like you can't help I see that alot with Gen Z.
Right?
Yeah, no, no, this is I thinkthis is older.
I think Gen Z has their ownterms these days.
We're just not aware of it.
SPEAKER_02 (16:04):
No, I mean I the problem itself I see a lot with
Gen Z.
Not I'm not talking aboutterminologies, like I'm not
gonna say her name, but somebodywho helps us in the kitchen,
yeah.
Um constantly taking pictures ofherself and and you know,
uploading it to social media andstuff.
SPEAKER_00 (16:20):
Yeah, yeah, like we didn't have this challenge
growing up, the selfie stuff andright, yeah.
And um, but on the other hand,for men, it's about like I don't
think a man desires beingdesired as much as he desires
looking at women, right?
Would you say?
SPEAKER_02 (16:39):
I say, yeah, there's some truth to that.
SPEAKER_00 (16:42):
Except for men who keep like posting pictures of
themselves in the gym, flexingand whatever, and yeah.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (16:50):
Yeah.
And so there is a time and aplace for that, right?
When you're building amatrimonial profile, of course
you want to look your best.
You want to um share a picturewith good lighting and things
like that.
So the question to be askingyourself is are you searching a
spouse or you're searching foran audience?
SPEAKER_00 (17:07):
Hey, if you have a story to tell, we'd love to have
you on.
Here you'll find a safe space oflisteners who can understand
what you're going through.
Just shoot us an email with asummary of your story at info at
halalmaj.ca.
SPEAKER_02 (17:22):
So needless to say, this um overstimulation with
social media or even movies, TVshows that's been going on for
decades has left an impact onus.
Not just millennials, but alsoGen Z, I would say too.
SPEAKER_00 (17:37):
And um Especially single Muslims.
SPEAKER_02 (17:40):
Yeah, especially single Muslims.
So number one, desensitizationthat we become so desensitized
to beauty that we're just we'realways trying to find somebody
or compare somebody to the lastmodel we saw or the last actress
(18:00):
that we saw.
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00 (18:02):
Now we can't appreciate real people anymore.
Like, I don't know, you see agirl with a pimple or a guy with
I don't know, a big nose, thenno, absolutely not.
I'm gonna not gonna considerthem for marriage.
SPEAKER_02 (18:14):
Right.
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (18:14):
We need a symmetrical face, a symmetrical
face, uh flawless skin, uh Idon't know, the perfect
proportions, or like thesmallest thing that makes us
human, because there's noperfect human.
The smallest thing that makes ushuman, we just see it as
abnormal.
SPEAKER_02 (18:34):
I think the problem is is that we've subconsciously
associated attraction with that.
So now we're no longer attractedto kind of the quote unquote
flaws that you're referring to,but we're attracted to this
idealistic version of beautynow.
SPEAKER_00 (18:52):
Like I remember one of our clients, we like um
presented, I don't know, fivegirls to him.
SPEAKER_02 (18:59):
Oh my god.
And uh like to be honest, likeAnd on the call, on the call,
within a minute, or it's hewould just say very bluntly, I'm
not attracted to it.
SPEAKER_00 (19:08):
And and like I felt that he had this like specific
image, perfect image in his headthat like the girls we presented
did not meet.
Even though, mashallah, none ofthem was was like overweight,
none of them was disfigured oranything, they all looked like
normal girls, but it like itwasn't enough.
SPEAKER_02 (19:29):
Yeah, well, needless to say, he did eventually find a
girl, alhamdulillah, on his ownand got married.
So number two, comparisonculture.
Oh, yes.
That I mean, if you're on socialmedia, then you're definitely
gonna be a victim to comparisonculture at some point in your
life.
SPEAKER_00 (19:47):
Yeah, like you want the hijabi girl that looks like
the the hijabi influencer youfollow.
You want the scholar, uh likethe scholar man who looks so
perfect with his flawless beardand I don't know, the blonde
beard or the blue eyes orwhatever.
So normal things don't seemnormal anymore.
SPEAKER_02 (20:10):
Yeah, and of course, the result of that is a lack of
appreciation for simplicity.
SPEAKER_00 (20:16):
Yeah, exactly.
Right?
SPEAKER_02 (20:18):
Yeah, and it's not just that.
I mean, I think we've talkedabout this in the social media
episode where just like youcan't appreciate the simple
things anymore, right?
Like a person has to have ahouse, a car, like an expensive
car, a big house, etc.
etc.
And the list goes on.
And here comes along a guy thatdoesn't have those things, but
(20:40):
he has character and ambition.
And ambition.
And yes, he might be he mighthave like, I don't know, a
birthmark on his head orsomething like that.
But you've subconsciouslydeveloped this unrealistic
expectation in terms of what hemust physically look like, and
this guy that is proposingdoesn't meet that.
SPEAKER_00 (21:02):
Because we're conditioned for spectacle, we're
looking for that small thing,we're looking for the flaw, for
that one flaw that would makethis uh the wrong choice.
SPEAKER_02 (21:13):
Or did like we've talked about the default no
mindset.
SPEAKER_00 (21:17):
So i it is challenging times, honestly.
It was it was simpler for us, itwas way simpler for us.
SPEAKER_02 (21:24):
And our parents' generation.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
But we talked about thatyesterday.
I mean, just because it wassimpler doesn't mean that they
were happy.
You know, we could dedicate anepisode to that.
SPEAKER_00 (21:33):
Yeah, actually.
SPEAKER_02 (21:34):
Now that I think about it.
Um let's dismantle a few modernmyths.
Uh so myth number one lookingdoesn't hurt anyone.
Does it?
Or does it not?
It does.
It hurts your ability toconnect, right?
SPEAKER_00 (21:51):
Yeah, to connect sincerely, actually.
SPEAKER_02 (21:53):
Yeah, so if you're looking lustfully constantly at
women or if girls are doing thesame thing, then what's
happening as a result of that?
SPEAKER_00 (22:02):
You're losing the ability to connect on a human
level besides the surface level.
Yeah, that's true.
And you know what?
This topic actually, the thetopic of lowering the gaze and
looking lustfully on all ofthat, it relates to an
interview, inshallah, a topic wewill be um recording in the next
two weeks with Dr.
Fahad Khan about pornographyaddiction in the Muslim uh like
(22:27):
for Muslims, especially forsingle Muslims, and how that can
impact uh the future marriage.
So it starts with the lustfullook, it starts with just
letting go of any boundaries,and then it might lead to that.
SPEAKER_02 (22:43):
Yeah.
Uh myth number two, it'simpossible to lower your gaze in
this era.
Not true, not true at all.
Um again, like we said, loweringthe gaze doesn't mean you're
just looking down at theconcrete everywhere you go,
right?
It's about creating boundaries,it's about not looking
(23:04):
lustfully, it's about beingconscious of what you're looking
at.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (23:08):
It's about awareness, having
self-awareness.
SPEAKER_02 (23:11):
Yeah.
Um it's number three.
Women don't struggle with gaze.
I don't know.
I feel like you could talk aboutthat.
SPEAKER_00 (23:18):
No, we do struggle with gaze.
unknown (23:19):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (23:20):
We do.
SPEAKER_02 (23:20):
Maybe not as much as I'm not a woman, that's why I
said I'm not gonna elaborate onthat.
SPEAKER_00 (23:24):
Yeah, yeah, but maybe not as much as men do.
But you remember, this remindsme of a funny story.
So I don't know, uh 15 years agoor something, uh, it was the
beginning of this new thing inthe Arab world, which is um
Turkish TV series that were likevoiced over.
(23:45):
What is the word?
Voiced over in Arabic?
SPEAKER_02 (23:48):
Dubbed over.
SPEAKER_00 (23:49):
Exactly, yeah, in a Syrian accent.
SPEAKER_02 (23:52):
Oh, yeah, really.
SPEAKER_00 (23:53):
And there was this show that uh it was called Noor,
Nur Noor Muhammad, this couple,and the guy he was mashallah,
super handsome, mashallah.
SPEAKER_01 (24:04):
Oh, you've talked about this before, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (24:06):
And oh my you know how many women got divorced, how
many marriages broke because ofMuhammad?
SPEAKER_04 (24:12):
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (24:12):
Yes, because women uh this is just to like uh it
goes to the point you werementioning that women might not
like struggle with this withthis thing.
The guy was so handsome, andlike it was the the first time
that something like this, uh aTurkish show like with all their
traditions that are differentfrom Arabs is introduced to the
(24:36):
Arab world, and women just stoplike started comparing their
husbands.
A lot of homes were wreckedbecause of Muhammad.
SPEAKER_01 (24:44):
Wow, yeah, poor guy, it's not his fault though.
It's not his fault, it's not hisfault, of course.
No, I feel bad for the guy.
SPEAKER_00 (24:52):
No, why?
I feel bad for the husbands.
SPEAKER_01 (24:54):
I feel bad for the husbands too, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (24:56):
But wow.
And didn't you say it was likewhen P when women saw this man,
they would like pass out?
SPEAKER_00 (25:02):
Oh my god, like yeah, so like there was a red
carpet thing and he came to oneof the Arab countries, I can't
remember, and women, oh my god,they were like it's crazy.
It's like it's the first timethey ever see a handsome man.
unknown (25:18):
Wow.
SPEAKER_00 (25:18):
But this goes to this is tied to another topic,
not just that, but women are notfulfilled in their marriages.
If a woman is fulfilled in hermarriage, emotionally,
physically, mentally, then nogorgeous man will make her like
act this way, right?
SPEAKER_02 (25:38):
Of course, of course.
And it just proves the pointthat women lust just as much as
men do, I guess.
SPEAKER_00 (25:44):
Yeah, to all my Arabs out there, if you remember
that time of uh Noor andMuhannad, let me know in the
comments.
SPEAKER_02 (25:51):
Myth number four lowering your gaze means being
antisocial.
It definitely doesn't.
And what it teaches instead isdiscernment when to look away,
how to look.
It sets boundaries.
SPEAKER_00 (26:03):
This reminds me of like some uh converse stories I
came across of women whoconverted to Islam.
Yeah, and uh like when they'reasked about uh why did you
decide to wear the hijab or eventhe niqab, they say because like
I want men to treat me or todeal with my brains, with my
(26:24):
intelligence and intellect, mycharacter, and not uh based on
how I look.
Yeah, subhanallah.
SPEAKER_02 (26:33):
We're all human, but the point is that we're we make
an effort to be conscious of it,that we try to be aware of the
environment that we're livingin, especially now that we are
more into the digital age thanback when I was for trying to
get married.
And um we create parameters andboundaries around um around
(26:56):
this.
SPEAKER_00 (26:56):
Yeah, so it's it's not about like being perfect,
where even the most righteous ofus are gonna slip.
Yeah.
But but it's about trying yourbest to go back to the to the to
the path.
Yes.
And creating that self-awarenesswhen you feel weak, realize that
and don't let it suck you intothis like endless loop or hole.
SPEAKER_02 (27:18):
Right.
So a good analogy to think of isthat uh just understanding that
we're swimming in this flood ofimages and lowering the gaze is
building a raft.
Right.
That's a nice one.
Yeah.
So do you think we've lost oursensitivity to beauty because of
this over stimulation or justredirected it?
SPEAKER_00 (27:39):
That's uh that's a deep question.
Yeah.
I'd love to read some answers.
Even if you guys don't feel likeleaving a comment, uh you're
always welcome to send us likeyour thoughts, your reflections
in an email at info athalalmatch.ca.
Uh and inshallah, we will seeyou in the next one.
SPEAKER_02 (27:57):
Alright, take care, guys.
You know, Zayd, lowering the gaze was a lot
easier when you just had toavoid bumping into someone in
the marketplace.
SPEAKER_02 (00:07):
Yeah, now the marketplace is in your pocket,
and the vendors are allInstagram models.
SPEAKER_00 (00:11):
And somehow they all know exactly what you like.
Assalamu alaikum.
I'm Hiba.
SPEAKER_02 (00:16):
And I'm Zayd.
SPEAKER_00 (00:17):
You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
SPEAKER_02 (00:20):
A podcast that will take you into our world as
matchmakers.
SPEAKER_00 (00:23):
We'll share our experiences and offer advice for
the single Muslim.
SPEAKER_02 (00:27):
So let's dive in.
Bismillah.
Asalaamu alaikum, everyone.
Welcome to another episode ofDiary of a Matchmaker.
SPEAKER_00 (00:36):
Asalamu alaikum.
SPEAKER_02 (00:38):
So our apologies.
Uh last week we were just sooverwhelmed and our schedule got
so busy that we were unable touh record and release an episode
last week.
SPEAKER_03 (00:50):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (00:51):
Um, but we always and will always continue to do
our best to release an episodeweekly.
Uh so our apologies.
SPEAKER_00 (01:00):
So, yeah, what were we busy doing last week?
SPEAKER_02 (01:03):
So last week was a very rare and wonderful
opportunity that came along ourway, which was getting
interviewed on another podcastcalled the Digital Sisterhood.
SPEAKER_00 (01:16):
Yeah, and if you know anything about the digital
the digital sisterhood, you knowhow big it is, mashallah, how
successful they are, and whatamazing team they are.
SPEAKER_02 (01:25):
Mashallah, yeah.
So the their kind of thing isstorytelling.
Uh I believe it's Muslimstorytellers, correct?
SPEAKER_03 (01:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (01:35):
So definitely check that out on Spotify.
I don't know if they're on otherplatforms, but they're
definitely on Spotify, so checkthem out.
SPEAKER_00 (01:42):
I think it's coming out in November.
SPEAKER_02 (01:44):
Oh, you mean our episode?
Yes, our episode is coming outin November sometime, but we'll
keep you guys posted about that,inshallah.
Yeah.
Today's topic is something thatreally does hit home for me.
Um, I grew up in a veryconservative environment.
I went to a private Islamicschool uh for junior high for
elementary, junior high, andhigh school.
(02:06):
And um my my Islamic school wasconnected to the masjid.
So my world was just girls inhijab, most of my teachers were
Muslim.
Um my Islamic studies teacherwould sometimes be the Imam.
And so naturally, when you'retransitioning from junior high
to high school, lowering thegaze becomes like very uh not
(02:29):
just a hot topic, but somethingthat's very strictly enforced.
SPEAKER_00 (02:33):
Okay.
So they actually used like totalk to you about this in
school?
SPEAKER_02 (02:38):
Not necessarily talk about it, but you it was more
like you were shamed for notdoing it to an extent.
And I would say it was and theand it kind of tied into
segregation too.
So in the classroom it wouldalways be guys on one side of
the classroom, girls on theother side.
You'd get into trouble if youwere talking to girls like
(03:00):
outside of outside of class.
SPEAKER_03 (03:03):
Wow.
SPEAKER_02 (03:03):
Um, and it was just kind of like a very ostracized
thing, like you just do not talkto girls.
SPEAKER_00 (03:10):
We didn't have this in the faculty of Sharia.
SPEAKER_02 (03:13):
So you guys would openly talk to girls?
SPEAKER_00 (03:15):
Yeah, in the hallways?
Like you're not uh talking andgiggling and laughing and stuff,
but yeah, you can talk to guys.
Uh usually it's stuff that'srelated to like the courses and
studies and stuff, but yeah, youtalk to guys.
SPEAKER_02 (03:28):
Would you guys ever uh collaborate with the opposite
gender on assignments orprojects and stuff?
SPEAKER_00 (03:33):
Uh I don't I don't remember honestly.
I think it would be uncommon.
SPEAKER_02 (03:39):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (03:40):
Yeah, but it was like healthy interaction.
SPEAKER_02 (03:43):
Okay, well, I don't want you guys to get it wrong.
It's not like my school wasSaudi Arabia.
Like you like, you know, it wasSaudi, I think some time ago
they had the Haram policebasically.
Yeah.
Right?
Where it was just like it wasvery strict and you would pretty
much go to prison for like theslightest thing.
SPEAKER_00 (03:57):
Um Nahian al Munkar.
SPEAKER_02 (04:00):
Pretty much.
Um, so it wasn't like that, butthere was a shame factor
definitely that uh was therethat was definitely prevalent
there in high school.
So why might I bring this up?
Um, because today's topic isabout lowering the gaze.
And uh lowering the gaze is ofcourse that's something that is
mentioned in the Quran.
Um would you mind sharing theayah?
SPEAKER_00 (04:20):
Yeah, of course.
I'm pretty sure most Muslimsknow it.
And then the rest of the ayah,while I be in a zinahuna
illamada minha in Surah Nur.
(04:42):
Yes, and it translates says uhit says, of course, tell the
believer, believing men, tolower from their gaze.
SPEAKER_04 (04:53):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (04:54):
And protect their private parts, and same thing
for women, to lower from theirgaze and protect their private
parts.
SPEAKER_02 (05:01):
And I noticed as you were translating that you
emphasize from their gaze, andwhat's the reason for that?
SPEAKER_00 (05:07):
Because the ayah doesn't tell you to like go
blind or like look down whileyou're walking or while while
you're talking to the oppositegender.
Lower from your gaze, not loweryour gaze, your full gaze.
Because life will force you, ofcourse, to like to have healthy
interaction, whether it's likewith your professor or with the
(05:28):
a vendor or I don't know, in thelike office or the hospital,
whatever, you do need to havelike a certain type of
interaction, eye eye contactwith the opposite person.
SPEAKER_01 (05:42):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (05:43):
But it's it's about how you look.
I I think it's more about howyou look.
Definitely looking with lust, oryou're looking just to keep a
normal like conversation.
SPEAKER_02 (05:54):
Yeah, and I think back on my childhood, and the
problem is is that these verseslike this is a classic example
of something that is just taken,copy and paste, and it's not
applied in context.
And so I remember when I youknow, I I didn't even know the
verse, but I just knew that youhave to lower your gaze.
(06:16):
So I would see my fellowclassroomes just looking down on
the floor as they were talkingto a female teacher, or if I was
talking to um like I rememberone of uh one of the students I
was teaching, whenever I wouldtalk to his mom, I would look
look down, just look at thefloor, and I was it was just
this feeling of like it justdoesn't feel right, like feeling
(06:38):
of awkwardness, like somethingis off.
And now when I'm when you'reputting it in context and and
when I'm under have a betteralhamdulillah, better
understanding of Islam, it makessense that the the religion is
doesn't operate in a vacuum,right?
It operates within a context.
(06:59):
And the context, obviously,especially living in the West,
is that of course you're gonnabe interacting with the opposite
gender, you're gonna be workingwith them as colleagues, as
classmates, whatever it mightbe, and it forms boundaries.
Yeah, and we'll get we'll getinto that in a second.
SPEAKER_00 (07:14):
And you know what?
Like, even if you're notinteracting with anyone, you're
just walking down the street.
Like here, it's normal to havelike women walking in mini
shorts and tank tops and stufflike that.
So how are you gonna walk?
Like looking down, bumping intostuff like it's just it's not
practical.
SPEAKER_02 (07:33):
I mean and you know in your mind, in your heart,
that looking at something likethat is wrong.
So obviously, you if you seethat, then you look away.
It's just it's a very simpleproblem.
SPEAKER_00 (07:43):
Exactly.
The the problem these days, Ifeel, is not in lowering the
gaze when you're like outside.
Because, like we said in thelike the intro, it it's in your
pocket.
You can't you can like stay homefor the entire year, but it'll
creep up on you on your phone.
SPEAKER_02 (08:03):
Exactly.
And the other thing I want toadd to that is that, and I was
kind of a victim of this too,and other uh other friends have
shared this also, that when yougrow up in a very strict
environment where everything isjust about lowering the gaze,
and then you transition touniversity, and then univers at
that time you're consideringmarriage, it's not a switch,
(08:24):
right?
You can't just suddenly flip theswitch and say, Okay, now I need
to look up and be aware of myenvironment because now I'm
considering a suitable spouse,right?
And university is the best placefor that, right?
Because you're interacting withthe opposite gender, but if
you're constantly lowering thegaze and you're not observing or
being observant to the oppositegender, then you're not taking
advantage of the opportunitythat that's there to you know
(08:48):
pursue the next step in yourlife, which is marriage.
Yeah, right?
Yeah, and so it really sets youup at a disadvantage at the same
time.
SPEAKER_00 (08:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (08:56):
Uh, but there's a wonderful story in the seerah
that kind of encapsulates this,right?
Can you share that, please?
SPEAKER_00 (09:02):
Yeah.
So it's actually a funny story.
The Sahabi, Al-Fadrul ibn Abbas,was with the pro was with the
Prophet.
I believe they were like sittingon a camel or something.
And a woman came to the Prophetto ask him a question, and
apparently she was beautiful.
And uh Al-Faddl ibn Abbas, hewas a young man and he kept
looking at her.
SPEAKER_02 (09:21):
And the Prophet I think from what I heard, like
his jaw dropped and like hispupils dilated.
SPEAKER_00 (09:26):
I don't know about that, but the Prophet just
simply turned his head.
SPEAKER_02 (09:30):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:31):
And then he looked again, and the Prophet kept Oh,
really?
SPEAKER_02 (09:35):
I didn't know that happened more than once.
SPEAKER_00 (09:36):
I believe three times maybe.
But the beautiful thing, everytime the Prophet kept like
turning his head, he didn'tprove uh review rebuke what the
word shame him.
He didn't shame him, exactly.
So it's it's about the theapproach.
SPEAKER_02 (09:51):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (09:52):
Um and and just before, it tells you that like
this is a natural thing we have,which doesn't mean we like we
should just ignore itcompletely, but even the best of
us, the sahaba, when he wassitting behind the Prophet, he
couldn't help himself.
SPEAKER_02 (10:08):
Yeah, yeah, it's it's a very natural thing.
Yeah, so it's needless to saythat we live in visual overload.
This like we're living in adigital age, the Instagram
world, Facebook, TikTok,whatever.
So placing safeguards andboundaries is, I would argue,
even more imperative now than inprevious generations, right?
(10:33):
So how do we manage that?
How do we do that?
That's that's the million dollarquestion, I guess.
SPEAKER_00 (10:40):
If we're talking about your device, your phone,
then it's about curating yourfeed in a way that helps you
achieve that.
So if you're like all theaccounts you're following are uh
like I don't know, beautyinfluencers and models and
(11:01):
stuff, whether you're a man or awoman, by the way, like it's the
same thing.
Maybe it's a little bit harderfor men, but women as well, we
appreciate beauty.
But if that's all you'refollowing, then don't say, Oh,
why is it hard to like why is itevery time I go on Instagram, I
like I see, I don't know, amodel or so it's about like you
(11:22):
training the algorithm becausethe algorithm is working against
you.
SPEAKER_02 (11:26):
Yeah, so even and that's not just um social media,
even YouTube, right?
YouTube will feed you what youwant to see.
So if you're watching uh a videoabout a swimsuit model, you're
gonna keep getting that.
SPEAKER_00 (11:39):
I know, I keep getting videos and shorts about
cats.
SPEAKER_02 (11:43):
Exactly.
Uh like Alhamdulillah, like I'mI'm pretty um conscious and
aware of what's happening inGaza and the West Bank.
So my feed is constantly aboutwhat's what's the latest news,
what's happening, and so itfeeds me what I'm looking for.
So be aware of that.
SPEAKER_00 (12:01):
Okay, and you know what's the tricky part?
Like sometimes even if you'refollowing Islamic accounts, it
could f it could fall into thatum not that category, uh Stakfur
Lah, you're not followingmodels, but it could um what is
the word?
You could fall into the sametrap because everything today is
about aesthetics, even Islamiccontent, right?
(12:23):
Yeah, so you see that uh hijabiinfluencer or like hijabi daya
or whatever, and she looksperfect, mashallah, with the
perfect hijab, the perfecteyebrows, and she looks
beautiful without makeup, maybeshe's applying filters, maybe
not.
And the same thing you see thethe uh the die or like the the
(12:45):
speaker, and he has the perfectbeard and the perfect smile, and
with the music and the effects,and so it like feeds into your
head that this is what to lookfor, or this is the the average,
this is the normal.
SPEAKER_02 (12:59):
Right, and uh so there's a distinction that needs
to be made between temptationand fixation, right?
Temptation is natural, right?
Which you just shared in that uhstory about um uh what was his
name?
SPEAKER_00 (13:13):
Alpha D al-Bin Abbas.
SPEAKER_02 (13:15):
Alpha Al-Ibn Abbas.
So he was um kind of reacting toout of temptation, but fixation
is cultivated, temptation isnatural.
SPEAKER_00 (13:25):
You work on it, the fixation you you bring it, you
produce it, right?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (13:30):
So temptation is natural.
Uh Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala hasgiven us ways to channel uh
temptation and desire through uhhalal and appropriate means.
Uh but our fixation is somethingthat can go up and down and that
needs to be worked on.
Um al Qayim said that the gazeis the messenger of desire.
(13:54):
And who's Ibn al-Kayim?
SPEAKER_00 (13:55):
Ibn al-Khayim is yeah, of course, a famous
scholar.
SPEAKER_02 (13:59):
I mean for people who who don't know, I don't like
to quote people I don't knowmuch about, but for people who
don't know, the famous scholar.
So he said that once you let itdeliver its message, the heart
responds and the soul follows.
What else can you add to that?
SPEAKER_00 (14:14):
I think it's self-explanatory, it's very
deep, but it's like it it tellsyou that you are in control.
Like because after you let uhyou let out your gaze, you are
not in control of what you'reseeing, or like after you see
whatever you see, you cancontrol your heart.
SPEAKER_01 (14:35):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (14:36):
What you can control is your eyes, and like we said,
if we're talking about like umsocial media, what you follow,
what you keep seeing, you cancontrol that.
Yeah, but after you keep seeingthese images, then don't say,
Oh, like I I can't help it, Ican't stop thinking about it,
because you allowed it.
SPEAKER_02 (14:57):
But the the other part that I want to bring up, I
always hear this as a criticismagainst guys, which is guys are
the ones that need to lowertheir gaze, and it's almost as
if girls don't need to.
And so it's the the commandment.
I mean, the verse you justshared is a commandment for both
genders.
SPEAKER_00 (15:13):
Same thing, same words, yes.
SPEAKER_02 (15:14):
Right?
Because desire and lust works uhacross both genders.
SPEAKER_00 (15:19):
Yes, absolutely.
Like I said, women appreciatebeauty, and uh just like men
can't control after they seesomething, they can't control
how their heart feels.
It's the same thing for women,but I think for women,
especially these days, yeah,more than desiring the looking
at men, they desire theattention for women.
(15:42):
It's about being desired, thatvalidation, right?
Like those those likes andcomments to oh you look so
beautiful, you drop dead,gorgeous, diva, whatever.
Like you can't help I see that alot with Gen Z.
Right?
Yeah, no, no, this is I thinkthis is older.
I think Gen Z has their ownterms these days.
We're just not aware of it.
SPEAKER_02 (16:04):
No, I mean I the problem itself I see a lot with
Gen Z.
Not I'm not talking aboutterminologies, like I'm not
gonna say her name, but somebodywho helps us in the kitchen,
yeah.
Um constantly taking pictures ofherself and and you know,
uploading it to social media andstuff.
SPEAKER_00 (16:20):
Yeah, yeah, like we didn't have this challenge
growing up, the selfie stuff andright, yeah.
And um, but on the other hand,for men, it's about like I don't
think a man desires beingdesired as much as he desires
looking at women, right?
Would you say?
SPEAKER_02 (16:39):
I say, yeah, there's some truth to that.
SPEAKER_00 (16:42):
Except for men who keep like posting pictures of
themselves in the gym, flexingand whatever, and yeah.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (16:50):
Yeah.
And so there is a time and aplace for that, right?
When you're building amatrimonial profile, of course
you want to look your best.
You want to um share a picturewith good lighting and things
like that.
So the question to be askingyourself is are you searching a
spouse or you're searching foran audience?
SPEAKER_00 (17:07):
Hey, if you have a story to tell, we'd love to have
you on.
Here you'll find a safe space oflisteners who can understand
what you're going through.
Just shoot us an email with asummary of your story at info at
halalmaj.ca.
SPEAKER_02 (17:22):
So needless to say, this um overstimulation with
social media or even movies, TVshows that's been going on for
decades has left an impact onus.
Not just millennials, but alsoGen Z, I would say too.
SPEAKER_00 (17:37):
And um Especially single Muslims.
SPEAKER_02 (17:40):
Yeah, especially single Muslims.
So number one, desensitizationthat we become so desensitized
to beauty that we're just we'realways trying to find somebody
or compare somebody to the lastmodel we saw or the last actress
(18:00):
that we saw.
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00 (18:02):
Now we can't appreciate real people anymore.
Like, I don't know, you see agirl with a pimple or a guy with
I don't know, a big nose, thenno, absolutely not.
I'm gonna not gonna considerthem for marriage.
SPEAKER_02 (18:14):
Right.
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (18:14):
We need a symmetrical face, a symmetrical
face, uh flawless skin, uh Idon't know, the perfect
proportions, or like thesmallest thing that makes us
human, because there's noperfect human.
The smallest thing that makes ushuman, we just see it as
abnormal.
SPEAKER_02 (18:34):
I think the problem is is that we've subconsciously
associated attraction with that.
So now we're no longer attractedto kind of the quote unquote
flaws that you're referring to,but we're attracted to this
idealistic version of beautynow.
SPEAKER_00 (18:52):
Like I remember one of our clients, we like um
presented, I don't know, fivegirls to him.
SPEAKER_02 (18:59):
Oh my god.
And uh like to be honest, likeAnd on the call, on the call,
within a minute, or it's hewould just say very bluntly, I'm
not attracted to it.
SPEAKER_00 (19:08):
And and like I felt that he had this like specific
image, perfect image in his headthat like the girls we presented
did not meet.
Even though, mashallah, none ofthem was was like overweight,
none of them was disfigured oranything, they all looked like
normal girls, but it like itwasn't enough.
SPEAKER_02 (19:29):
Yeah, well, needless to say, he did eventually find a
girl, alhamdulillah, on his ownand got married.
So number two, comparisonculture.
Oh, yes.
That I mean, if you're on socialmedia, then you're definitely
gonna be a victim to comparisonculture at some point in your
life.
SPEAKER_00 (19:47):
Yeah, like you want the hijabi girl that looks like
the the hijabi influencer youfollow.
You want the scholar, uh likethe scholar man who looks so
perfect with his flawless beardand I don't know, the blonde
beard or the blue eyes orwhatever.
So normal things don't seemnormal anymore.
SPEAKER_02 (20:10):
Yeah, and of course, the result of that is a lack of
appreciation for simplicity.
SPEAKER_00 (20:16):
Yeah, exactly.
Right?
SPEAKER_02 (20:18):
Yeah, and it's not just that.
I mean, I think we've talkedabout this in the social media
episode where just like youcan't appreciate the simple
things anymore, right?
Like a person has to have ahouse, a car, like an expensive
car, a big house, etc.
etc.
And the list goes on.
And here comes along a guy thatdoesn't have those things, but
(20:40):
he has character and ambition.
And ambition.
And yes, he might be he mighthave like, I don't know, a
birthmark on his head orsomething like that.
But you've subconsciouslydeveloped this unrealistic
expectation in terms of what hemust physically look like, and
this guy that is proposingdoesn't meet that.
SPEAKER_00 (21:02):
Because we're conditioned for spectacle, we're
looking for that small thing,we're looking for the flaw, for
that one flaw that would makethis uh the wrong choice.
SPEAKER_02 (21:13):
Or did like we've talked about the default no
mindset.
SPEAKER_00 (21:17):
So i it is challenging times, honestly.
It was it was simpler for us, itwas way simpler for us.
SPEAKER_02 (21:24):
And our parents' generation.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
But we talked about thatyesterday.
I mean, just because it wassimpler doesn't mean that they
were happy.
You know, we could dedicate anepisode to that.
SPEAKER_00 (21:33):
Yeah, actually.
SPEAKER_02 (21:34):
Now that I think about it.
Um let's dismantle a few modernmyths.
Uh so myth number one lookingdoesn't hurt anyone.
Does it?
Or does it not?
It does.
It hurts your ability toconnect, right?
SPEAKER_00 (21:51):
Yeah, to connect sincerely, actually.
SPEAKER_02 (21:53):
Yeah, so if you're looking lustfully constantly at
women or if girls are doing thesame thing, then what's
happening as a result of that?
SPEAKER_00 (22:02):
You're losing the ability to connect on a human
level besides the surface level.
Yeah, that's true.
And you know what?
This topic actually, the thetopic of lowering the gaze and
looking lustfully on all ofthat, it relates to an
interview, inshallah, a topic wewill be um recording in the next
two weeks with Dr.
Fahad Khan about pornographyaddiction in the Muslim uh like
(22:27):
for Muslims, especially forsingle Muslims, and how that can
impact uh the future marriage.
So it starts with the lustfullook, it starts with just
letting go of any boundaries,and then it might lead to that.
SPEAKER_02 (22:43):
Yeah.
Uh myth number two, it'simpossible to lower your gaze in
this era.
Not true, not true at all.
Um again, like we said, loweringthe gaze doesn't mean you're
just looking down at theconcrete everywhere you go,
right?
It's about creating boundaries,it's about not looking
(23:04):
lustfully, it's about beingconscious of what you're looking
at.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (23:08):
It's about awareness, having
self-awareness.
SPEAKER_02 (23:11):
Yeah.
Um it's number three.
Women don't struggle with gaze.
I don't know.
I feel like you could talk aboutthat.
SPEAKER_00 (23:18):
No, we do struggle with gaze.
unknown (23:19):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (23:20):
We do.
SPEAKER_02 (23:20):
Maybe not as much as I'm not a woman, that's why I
said I'm not gonna elaborate onthat.
SPEAKER_00 (23:24):
Yeah, yeah, but maybe not as much as men do.
But you remember, this remindsme of a funny story.
So I don't know, uh 15 years agoor something, uh, it was the
beginning of this new thing inthe Arab world, which is um
Turkish TV series that were likevoiced over.
(23:45):
What is the word?
Voiced over in Arabic?
SPEAKER_02 (23:48):
Dubbed over.
SPEAKER_00 (23:49):
Exactly, yeah, in a Syrian accent.
SPEAKER_02 (23:52):
Oh, yeah, really.
SPEAKER_00 (23:53):
And there was this show that uh it was called Noor,
Nur Noor Muhammad, this couple,and the guy he was mashallah,
super handsome, mashallah.
SPEAKER_01 (24:04):
Oh, you've talked about this before, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (24:06):
And oh my you know how many women got divorced, how
many marriages broke because ofMuhammad?
SPEAKER_04 (24:12):
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (24:12):
Yes, because women uh this is just to like uh it
goes to the point you werementioning that women might not
like struggle with this withthis thing.
The guy was so handsome, andlike it was the the first time
that something like this, uh aTurkish show like with all their
traditions that are differentfrom Arabs is introduced to the
(24:36):
Arab world, and women just stoplike started comparing their
husbands.
A lot of homes were wreckedbecause of Muhammad.
SPEAKER_01 (24:44):
Wow, yeah, poor guy, it's not his fault though.
It's not his fault, it's not hisfault, of course.
No, I feel bad for the guy.
SPEAKER_00 (24:52):
No, why?
I feel bad for the husbands.
SPEAKER_01 (24:54):
I feel bad for the husbands too, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (24:56):
But wow.
And didn't you say it was likewhen P when women saw this man,
they would like pass out?
SPEAKER_00 (25:02):
Oh my god, like yeah, so like there was a red
carpet thing and he came to oneof the Arab countries, I can't
remember, and women, oh my god,they were like it's crazy.
It's like it's the first timethey ever see a handsome man.
unknown (25:18):
Wow.
SPEAKER_00 (25:18):
But this goes to this is tied to another topic,
not just that, but women are notfulfilled in their marriages.
If a woman is fulfilled in hermarriage, emotionally,
physically, mentally, then nogorgeous man will make her like
act this way, right?
SPEAKER_02 (25:38):
Of course, of course.
And it just proves the pointthat women lust just as much as
men do, I guess.
SPEAKER_00 (25:44):
Yeah, to all my Arabs out there, if you remember
that time of uh Noor andMuhannad, let me know in the
comments.
SPEAKER_02 (25:51):
Myth number four lowering your gaze means being
antisocial.
It definitely doesn't.
And what it teaches instead isdiscernment when to look away,
how to look.
It sets boundaries.
SPEAKER_00 (26:03):
This reminds me of like some uh converse stories I
came across of women whoconverted to Islam.
Yeah, and uh like when they'reasked about uh why did you
decide to wear the hijab or eventhe niqab, they say because like
I want men to treat me or todeal with my brains, with my
(26:24):
intelligence and intellect, mycharacter, and not uh based on
how I look.
Yeah, subhanallah.
SPEAKER_02 (26:33):
We're all human, but the point is that we're we make
an effort to be conscious of it,that we try to be aware of the
environment that we're livingin, especially now that we are
more into the digital age thanback when I was for trying to
get married.
And um we create parameters andboundaries around um around
(26:56):
this.
SPEAKER_00 (26:56):
Yeah, so it's it's not about like being perfect,
where even the most righteous ofus are gonna slip.
Yeah.
But but it's about trying yourbest to go back to the to the to
the path.
Yes.
And creating that self-awarenesswhen you feel weak, realize that
and don't let it suck you intothis like endless loop or hole.
SPEAKER_02 (27:18):
Right.
So a good analogy to think of isthat uh just understanding that
we're swimming in this flood ofimages and lowering the gaze is
building a raft.
Right.
That's a nice one.
Yeah.
So do you think we've lost oursensitivity to beauty because of
this over stimulation or justredirected it?
SPEAKER_00 (27:39):
That's uh that's a deep question.
Yeah.
I'd love to read some answers.
Even if you guys don't feel likeleaving a comment, uh you're
always welcome to send us likeyour thoughts, your reflections
in an email at info athalalmatch.ca.
Uh and inshallah, we will seeyou in the next one.
SPEAKER_02 (27:57):
Alright, take care, guys.
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