January 17, 2025 • 16 mins
What does it mean to lead in a marriage? For men, it’s not about being bossy; it’s about responsibility, humility, and knowing when to step up. For women, it’s about recognizing those qualities before you commit.
In this episode, we explore the Prophet's leadership in his family and how it sets the gold standard for modern Muslim marriages. We’ll talk about what real leadership looks like, beyond the big speeches and fancy words, and how it’s built on trust, communication, and action.
Got a dilemma or story? The Single Muslim Hotline is here for you! We’ll play your anonymous messages in future episodes and offer real talk. Drop us a voice note 👇🏻
https://www.speakpipe.com/DiaryOfAMatchmaker
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Imagine a man says I'll lead the family, but he
can't even lead himself to foldhis laundry.
Leadership in marriage For men,we're talking how to embody
real leadership, and for women,how to spot it.
Before you say I do, let's digin.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Assalamualaikum, I'm Hiba.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And I'm Zaid.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
A podcast that will take you into our world as
matchmakers.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
We'll share our experiences and offer advice for
the single Muslim.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
So let's dive in.
Bismillah, assalamu alaikumeveryone, welcome to another
episode.
My name is Zaid and on theother mic is my wife and co-host
Hiba.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Assalamu alaikum.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
When I was trying to get married, my primary focus at
the time was the basic things Astable job, getting my own
place, making sure that you knowI could afford whatever may
come around.
But the thing that obviously Iwasn't thinking much about, and
(01:03):
I feel like most guys don'tthink much about, is this idea
of leadership.
Like what is it?
How can I become a leader?
What does it mean?
And when you think leader, youthink of like Gladiator or you
think of like movies and people,just.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Maximus.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yeah, you're charging in battle, leading your troops,
but that's not exactly howleadership comes about when we
talk marriage.
Right, leadership has manyforms.
So when I eventually gotmarried and we lived apart for
about 14 months because of COVID, then I understood, or I began
(01:40):
to understand a bit more thisidea of leadership and what it
means.
And then, especially when Ibecame a matchmaker, I would see
it a lot on forms.
Girls would constantly eitherhint at it or sometimes directly
state on their form that I wantsomebody who I can respect as
my emir, who I can look up to,who has certain leadership
(02:02):
qualities.
So in this episode we're gonnadiscuss that, this one topic
that gets usually swept underthe rug.
What is leadership?
How did the prophet sallallahualayhi wa sallam embody that?
What are some examples from theseerah that we can take from
and use to prepare ourselves formarriage?
Speaker 2 (02:21):
I would say it's not swept under the rug.
I would say it's ignored orlike people are not even aware
of it yeah, that's a better wayto put it, for sure.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Uh, so the first quality that stands out to us is
consulting with your wife.
Um, there's a famous story, ifyou haven't heard of it, within
the story of the treaty ofhudaybah.
It's a very long story, wherethe Prophet and his companions
were marching from Medina toMecca with the intention of
performing Umrah.
They got stopped.
(02:52):
They went back and forth withthe Quraysh of Mecca and
eventually, in the end, a treatywas formed.
And the treaty at the time felta bit demoralizing and
depressing for the companions,because they felt that they had
lost and that they werehumiliated.
But at the time they couldn'tsee the wisdom behind it and of
(03:14):
course, allah, subhanahu wata'ala had a plan for them.
And so when the treaty was allwrapped up, actually, the main
condition of the treaty and whythey felt defeated was that they
were not allowed to performUmrah that year and instead it
would be delayed one year andthere were other conditions that
made them feel pretty depressed.
So when the treaty was wrappedup, the Prophet instructed his
(03:39):
companions to remove their ihram, shave their heads and march
back to Medina.
But the companions not out ofdisobedience but more out of
their depressed state and shock.
They didn't obey his command.
It's one of the very few timesin the seerah where the
(04:00):
companions didn't obey hiscommand and the Prophet repeated
that command three times andthen he gave up, went into his
tent, confided in his wife, ummSalamah, and Umm Salamah gave
him some sincere advice and saidwhy don't you go out?
Shave your head in front of thecompanions and they'll
(04:23):
immediately follow suit.
And he did that and immediatelyhappened.
The important thing to note isthat, especially for guys, when
you are mentally preparingyourself for marriage, that
understand that, even thoughyou're going to be the emir,
you're going to be the qawwamand maintainer and caretaker of
your wife, that you will nothave all the answers, that you
(04:43):
will hit a wall.
And it is not beneath you, itis not degrading or humiliating
for you to ask your wife whatthe answer is, what the solution
to a problem is.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
You might be surprised.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, and it's part of the seerah.
It's something that the Prophetclearly demonstrated and is
preserved for a reason for us totake example from.
So the question is what lessoncan a wife take from this?
Or a girl that's looking to getmarried?
I think the main thing to lookfor is, most importantly, taking
(05:17):
advantage of the courting phase.
If you're talking to a guy,there are certain ways to assess
If he has that quality.
Is he listening more than he'stalking?
Is he taking heed to youradvice, your opinions, or is he
dominating the conversation?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Is he trying to see things from your perspective?
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Yes, or is his ego and pride guiding the
conversation?
I feel like you mentioned thisa lot with Arab men right, that
they have this sense of bravadoand ego and like something as
simple as even taking out thetrash is beneath an arab man yes
, right, any arab listeners.
Don't hate me yeah, so remember,there's no pride, there's no
(05:57):
ego when it comes to marriage,and we'll talk a little bit
about humility in the nextquality.
But, um, yeah, try to look forthese especially, and there's a
whole episode we can dedicate tohalal courtship and what is
halal courting.
But there are ways you canassess whether or not he will
give you the respect that youdeserve and whether or not he'll
(06:18):
respect your opinion, becausethat is important.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
The second quality is humility, and service is
humility and service.
There's a beautiful hadithnarrated by aisha and mentioned
in, where she said that theprophet alaihissalat wasalam, he
was in service of his family,he used to stitch his own
clothes, milk his own goat andhe would do work around the
house just like any one of youwould do work around the house,
(06:44):
and he was the prophet with thebiggest responsibility to ever
exist.
So I guess if the prophetalayhi salat was doing that,
then who are we to just thinkthat taking out the trash is
beneath us or I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Helping our wife in some chores is not manly enough
right, and a way to assess that,when you're in the courting
phase, is whether or not the guyis applying a very cultural
mindset when it comes tomarriage, because, culturally
speaking, whether you're desi orarab, I think we can both agree
that you know it's expectedthat the guy, or that the
(07:23):
husband, will not becontributing around the home and
that these are mostly women'sresponsibilities.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Right, we're not even talking contributing like just
moving your plate after you'redone eating.
A lot of guys don't do thateven.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
So it's probably just a matter of habit, but yeah, so
I guess if you are a guy, startlearning these skills before
you get married.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Just know how to fix yourself a meal, do your own
laundry, just do things aroundthe house, so you don't have to
fully depend on your wife,because she's going to have her
own responsibilities and work aswell right and, most
importantly, connect with withthe seerah, with with your faith
, and understand that, just likethis hadith mentions, it is
(08:09):
part of our tradition that mendo these things around the home
and that they are not reservedfor the wife.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah, like we're not saying like come back from work
and immediately start I don'tknow mopping the floors.
But, every once in a while yourwife gets overwhelmed.
Maybe she's sick.
Then there's nothing wrong withhelping out.
And for the ladies listening,if you're in the courting phase
and you're talking to the guy,try to see does he do work
(08:39):
around the house, or does hismommy still I don't know
prepares his breakfast and makeshis own bed right?
So try to find ways to see howhe handles himself at home.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Humility is something that's replete all throughout
this year, where the Prophetdemonstrated it amongst his
companions and with his wives.
In multiple cases, the Prophetdid shura with his companions,
and shura is basicallyconsultation, where he consulted
with his companions on what todo in different situations.
(09:13):
And in the battle of khandaq, herealized that they were going
to be attacked by several tribes.
So he consulted with hiscompanions and, by the
suggestion of Salman al-Farsi,the Prophet decided to dig a
trench along with his companions, and the beautiful thing was
that literally not evenmetaphorically he was in the
(09:34):
trenches, digging away day andnight, and this huge project I
guess you could call it tookabout 10 days, and it was
literally 24-7.
Certain companions werepatrolling to safeguard the area
.
The Prophet and othercompanions were digging away,
and one of the companionsnarrated that the Prophet was
(09:56):
working so hard in the trenchesthat his entire chest area was
covered in dust.
And then, at one point, hisshirt got lifted too, and it was
known that there was a majorfood shortage at the time.
And when his shirt got lifted,the companion also noticed that
he had a stone tied to hisstomach to deal with the pangs
of hunger.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
That's literally leading by example, exactly.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
When it comes to humility, there are different
ways of demonstrating that anddifferent ways of assessing that
.
Also, is he constantly talkingabout his income, about the
things that he's achieved inlife?
That and different ways ofassessing that also, is he
constantly talking about hisincome, about the things that
he's achieved in life, or doeshe mention his achievements with
a sense of humility?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
and maybe great gratefulness to allah
gratefulness to allah.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Is he the type that is um, that expects certain
tasks around the home, whetherit's changing a child's diaper,
whatever it might be is beneathhim or is he the type that will
also jump in and contribute anddo those things too?
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Is he the kind to apologize after making a mistake
or saying something wrong, oris it too difficult for him to
say I'm sorry, right.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Like I said, it all comes back to the courting phase
.
Make sure that you take thetime to assess these important
things, and they can easily beweaved into questions too.
Uh, the next quality thatreally stands out to us is
patience.
Patience is a no-brainer.
Everybody talks about patience,for sure, and um and this goes
(11:29):
for guys and girls, right mostlyguys mostly guys, sure, if you,
if you want to say that.
But there's so many stories inthe seerah, but there's one
beautiful story that stands out,um regarding aisha radiallahu
anha yeah, so aisha, radiallahuanha, was known to be a bad cook
, and it's not an insult oranything.
(11:49):
This is a fact.
It's just documented in theseerah.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
And one day, when the Prophet was sitting in her home
and there were even companionssitting there another one of his
wives sent some food and Aishasmashed the plate because she
got jealous right, and the foodjust spilled everywhere.
So imagine what the Prophetpeace be upon him did.
(12:15):
He started collecting thepieces of the plate and he said
your mother became jealous andhe just asked her to replace
that plate that she broke.
That's it.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
No fights, no, no screaming, no slapping nothing
right now we don't want tomention these examples as if,
like the prophet, is this figureand person that we can't take
examples from and we can'timplement, because, you know,
these, these examples arepreserved for us for a reason
right, and there are certaintakeaways we can take from this,
(12:50):
and obviously the Prophet had alevel of patience that is
unmatched.
We can never match that, but wecan at least strive towards it
and make steps towards betteringourselves, and I'll give you
guys a perfect example Almostevery episode we record for you
guys involves me just losing itbecause I keep screwing up.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
I have very high standards and I guess I don't
let things go.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
We end up repeating a lot of things, so it's not easy
recording these episodes, and Ilose my temper a lot, and so
this advice isn't just for youguys, it's for me also that I
need to work on my patients, andit's an ongoing process.
You know it's not a switch.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
So if you're a girl in the courting phase and you're
talking to this guy, noticedoes he lose his temper quite
often.
Does he just erupt suddenlyover the smallest things, or
does he take time to think, calmdown?
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Because I think, to be honest, that's a bit
unrealistic.
I think guys put on their bestface when they're in the
courting phase.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
But if somebody has a temper, they can only hold it
so much.
I guess, yeah, yeah, because ifyou think the courting phase is
stressful, then wait until youget married, and I'm not saying
that marriage itself isstressful, but just life happens
and financial problems happen,in-law problems, children.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
And we're not here to give marriage advice.
We've only been married a fewyears, but we are here to advise
you guys on how to prepareyourself for marriage, because
we've been there.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Start practicing patience through practical steps
, like I don't know, maybecounting to five or counting to
ten, before saying something youthink you might regret, try to
see the things from the otherperson's perspective right,
because they might be seeing itcompletely different from how
you're seeing it.
(14:54):
Give each other the benefit ofthe doubt.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
All of these beautiful qualities helps in
developing patience yeah, andit's also worth mentioning that
if, as a girl, if you arelooking to marry somebody who's
going to be the mirror of yourhome, and if you're assessing
these qualities, you also haveto give him space to be a leader
, and there's many differentways you can do that.
(15:20):
Number one not undermining.
Guys are going to screw up leftand right.
I screw up every day.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
It's not that bad.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
I screw up a lot.
If a guy isn't given the spaceto learn from his mistakes and
instead he's going to beundermined and reminded of his
mistakes, then you're going tostart attacking his pride and
not allow him to be the leaderhe wants to be.
Being a leader naturally comeswith a sense of pride.
And responsibility, andresponsibility and you want to,
(15:53):
like I said, give him the spaceto be that person.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Show him that you have faith in him.
You have faith in his decisionsand even if he ends up making a
mistake as long as we're nottalking about huge things like I
don't know he ends up gamblingall your savings or something
like that if we're not talkingabout haram things, crucial
things then that's okay.
He's gonna make mistakes andhe's gonna learn from them and
(16:19):
if you support him throughouthis mistakes, he's going to even
grow to love you and appreciateyou even more.
So this was just like a quicktaste of what is leadership and
how to implement it and how tospot it, but there's a lot more
that can be said about that andmaybe in the future we,
inshallah, will host a scholarwho's going to give us even more
(16:40):
insights on leadership andpractical ways.
So we hope, inshallah, youfound something beneficial in
this episode that you canimplement and take on your
journey to marriage.
Inshallah, May Allah make yourjourney easy and fruitful and we
will see you next episode.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Assalamu alaikum.
Imagine a man says I'll lead the family, but he
can't even lead himself to foldhis laundry.
Leadership in marriage For men,we're talking how to embody
real leadership, and for women,how to spot it.
Before you say I do, let's digin.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Assalamualaikum, I'm Hiba.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And I'm Zaid.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
A podcast that will take you into our world as
matchmakers.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
We'll share our experiences and offer advice for
the single Muslim.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
So let's dive in.
Bismillah, assalamu alaikumeveryone, welcome to another
episode.
My name is Zaid and on theother mic is my wife and co-host
Hiba.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Assalamu alaikum.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
When I was trying to get married, my primary focus at
the time was the basic things Astable job, getting my own
place, making sure that you knowI could afford whatever may
come around.
But the thing that obviously Iwasn't thinking much about, and
(01:03):
I feel like most guys don'tthink much about, is this idea
of leadership.
Like what is it?
How can I become a leader?
What does it mean?
And when you think leader, youthink of like Gladiator or you
think of like movies and people,just.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Maximus.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yeah, you're charging in battle, leading your troops,
but that's not exactly howleadership comes about when we
talk marriage.
Right, leadership has manyforms.
So when I eventually gotmarried and we lived apart for
about 14 months because of COVID, then I understood, or I began
(01:40):
to understand a bit more thisidea of leadership and what it
means.
And then, especially when Ibecame a matchmaker, I would see
it a lot on forms.
Girls would constantly eitherhint at it or sometimes directly
state on their form that I wantsomebody who I can respect as
my emir, who I can look up to,who has certain leadership
(02:02):
qualities.
So in this episode we're gonnadiscuss that, this one topic
that gets usually swept underthe rug.
What is leadership?
How did the prophet sallallahualayhi wa sallam embody that?
What are some examples from theseerah that we can take from
and use to prepare ourselves formarriage?
Speaker 2 (02:21):
I would say it's not swept under the rug.
I would say it's ignored orlike people are not even aware
of it yeah, that's a better wayto put it, for sure.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Uh, so the first quality that stands out to us is
consulting with your wife.
Um, there's a famous story, ifyou haven't heard of it, within
the story of the treaty ofhudaybah.
It's a very long story, wherethe Prophet and his companions
were marching from Medina toMecca with the intention of
performing Umrah.
They got stopped.
(02:52):
They went back and forth withthe Quraysh of Mecca and
eventually, in the end, a treatywas formed.
And the treaty at the time felta bit demoralizing and
depressing for the companions,because they felt that they had
lost and that they werehumiliated.
But at the time they couldn'tsee the wisdom behind it and of
(03:14):
course, allah, subhanahu wata'ala had a plan for them.
And so when the treaty was allwrapped up, actually, the main
condition of the treaty and whythey felt defeated was that they
were not allowed to performUmrah that year and instead it
would be delayed one year andthere were other conditions that
made them feel pretty depressed.
So when the treaty was wrappedup, the Prophet instructed his
(03:39):
companions to remove their ihram, shave their heads and march
back to Medina.
But the companions not out ofdisobedience but more out of
their depressed state and shock.
They didn't obey his command.
It's one of the very few timesin the seerah where the
(04:00):
companions didn't obey hiscommand and the Prophet repeated
that command three times andthen he gave up, went into his
tent, confided in his wife, ummSalamah, and Umm Salamah gave
him some sincere advice and saidwhy don't you go out?
Shave your head in front of thecompanions and they'll
(04:23):
immediately follow suit.
And he did that and immediatelyhappened.
The important thing to note isthat, especially for guys, when
you are mentally preparingyourself for marriage, that
understand that, even thoughyou're going to be the emir,
you're going to be the qawwamand maintainer and caretaker of
your wife, that you will nothave all the answers, that you
(04:43):
will hit a wall.
And it is not beneath you, itis not degrading or humiliating
for you to ask your wife whatthe answer is, what the solution
to a problem is.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
You might be surprised.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, and it's part of the seerah.
It's something that the Prophetclearly demonstrated and is
preserved for a reason for us totake example from.
So the question is what lessoncan a wife take from this?
Or a girl that's looking to getmarried?
I think the main thing to lookfor is, most importantly, taking
(05:17):
advantage of the courting phase.
If you're talking to a guy,there are certain ways to assess
If he has that quality.
Is he listening more than he'stalking?
Is he taking heed to youradvice, your opinions, or is he
dominating the conversation?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Is he trying to see things from your perspective?
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Yes, or is his ego and pride guiding the
conversation?
I feel like you mentioned thisa lot with Arab men right, that
they have this sense of bravadoand ego and like something as
simple as even taking out thetrash is beneath an arab man yes
, right, any arab listeners.
Don't hate me yeah, so remember,there's no pride, there's no
(05:57):
ego when it comes to marriage,and we'll talk a little bit
about humility in the nextquality.
But, um, yeah, try to look forthese especially, and there's a
whole episode we can dedicate tohalal courtship and what is
halal courting.
But there are ways you canassess whether or not he will
give you the respect that youdeserve and whether or not he'll
(06:18):
respect your opinion, becausethat is important.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
The second quality is humility, and service is
humility and service.
There's a beautiful hadithnarrated by aisha and mentioned
in, where she said that theprophet alaihissalat wasalam, he
was in service of his family,he used to stitch his own
clothes, milk his own goat andhe would do work around the
house just like any one of youwould do work around the house,
(06:44):
and he was the prophet with thebiggest responsibility to ever
exist.
So I guess if the prophetalayhi salat was doing that,
then who are we to just thinkthat taking out the trash is
beneath us or I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Helping our wife in some chores is not manly enough
right, and a way to assess that,when you're in the courting
phase, is whether or not the guyis applying a very cultural
mindset when it comes tomarriage, because, culturally
speaking, whether you're desi orarab, I think we can both agree
that you know it's expectedthat the guy, or that the
(07:23):
husband, will not becontributing around the home and
that these are mostly women'sresponsibilities.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Right, we're not even talking contributing like just
moving your plate after you'redone eating.
A lot of guys don't do thateven.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
So it's probably just a matter of habit, but yeah, so
I guess if you are a guy, startlearning these skills before
you get married.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Just know how to fix yourself a meal, do your own
laundry, just do things aroundthe house, so you don't have to
fully depend on your wife,because she's going to have her
own responsibilities and work aswell right and, most
importantly, connect with withthe seerah, with with your faith
, and understand that, just likethis hadith mentions, it is
(08:09):
part of our tradition that mendo these things around the home
and that they are not reservedfor the wife.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah, like we're not saying like come back from work
and immediately start I don'tknow mopping the floors.
But, every once in a while yourwife gets overwhelmed.
Maybe she's sick.
Then there's nothing wrong withhelping out.
And for the ladies listening,if you're in the courting phase
and you're talking to the guy,try to see does he do work
(08:39):
around the house, or does hismommy still I don't know
prepares his breakfast and makeshis own bed right?
So try to find ways to see howhe handles himself at home.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Humility is something that's replete all throughout
this year, where the Prophetdemonstrated it amongst his
companions and with his wives.
In multiple cases, the Prophetdid shura with his companions,
and shura is basicallyconsultation, where he consulted
with his companions on what todo in different situations.
(09:13):
And in the battle of khandaq, herealized that they were going
to be attacked by several tribes.
So he consulted with hiscompanions and, by the
suggestion of Salman al-Farsi,the Prophet decided to dig a
trench along with his companions, and the beautiful thing was
that literally not evenmetaphorically he was in the
(09:34):
trenches, digging away day andnight, and this huge project I
guess you could call it tookabout 10 days, and it was
literally 24-7.
Certain companions werepatrolling to safeguard the area
.
The Prophet and othercompanions were digging away,
and one of the companionsnarrated that the Prophet was
(09:56):
working so hard in the trenchesthat his entire chest area was
covered in dust.
And then, at one point, hisshirt got lifted too, and it was
known that there was a majorfood shortage at the time.
And when his shirt got lifted,the companion also noticed that
he had a stone tied to hisstomach to deal with the pangs
of hunger.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
That's literally leading by example, exactly.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
When it comes to humility, there are different
ways of demonstrating that anddifferent ways of assessing that
.
Also, is he constantly talkingabout his income, about the
things that he's achieved inlife?
That and different ways ofassessing that also, is he
constantly talking about hisincome, about the things that
he's achieved in life, or doeshe mention his achievements with
a sense of humility?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
and maybe great gratefulness to allah
gratefulness to allah.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Is he the type that is um, that expects certain
tasks around the home, whetherit's changing a child's diaper,
whatever it might be is beneathhim or is he the type that will
also jump in and contribute anddo those things too?
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Is he the kind to apologize after making a mistake
or saying something wrong, oris it too difficult for him to
say I'm sorry, right.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Like I said, it all comes back to the courting phase
.
Make sure that you take thetime to assess these important
things, and they can easily beweaved into questions too.
Uh, the next quality thatreally stands out to us is
patience.
Patience is a no-brainer.
Everybody talks about patience,for sure, and um and this goes
(11:29):
for guys and girls, right mostlyguys mostly guys, sure, if you,
if you want to say that.
But there's so many stories inthe seerah, but there's one
beautiful story that stands out,um regarding aisha radiallahu
anha yeah, so aisha, radiallahuanha, was known to be a bad cook
, and it's not an insult oranything.
(11:49):
This is a fact.
It's just documented in theseerah.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
And one day, when the Prophet was sitting in her home
and there were even companionssitting there another one of his
wives sent some food and Aishasmashed the plate because she
got jealous right, and the foodjust spilled everywhere.
So imagine what the Prophetpeace be upon him did.
(12:15):
He started collecting thepieces of the plate and he said
your mother became jealous andhe just asked her to replace
that plate that she broke.
That's it.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
No fights, no, no screaming, no slapping nothing
right now we don't want tomention these examples as if,
like the prophet, is this figureand person that we can't take
examples from and we can'timplement, because, you know,
these, these examples arepreserved for us for a reason
right, and there are certaintakeaways we can take from this,
(12:50):
and obviously the Prophet had alevel of patience that is
unmatched.
We can never match that, but wecan at least strive towards it
and make steps towards betteringourselves, and I'll give you
guys a perfect example Almostevery episode we record for you
guys involves me just losing itbecause I keep screwing up.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
I have very high standards and I guess I don't
let things go.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
We end up repeating a lot of things, so it's not easy
recording these episodes, and Ilose my temper a lot, and so
this advice isn't just for youguys, it's for me also that I
need to work on my patients, andit's an ongoing process.
You know it's not a switch.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
So if you're a girl in the courting phase and you're
talking to this guy, noticedoes he lose his temper quite
often.
Does he just erupt suddenlyover the smallest things, or
does he take time to think, calmdown?
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Because I think, to be honest, that's a bit
unrealistic.
I think guys put on their bestface when they're in the
courting phase.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
But if somebody has a temper, they can only hold it
so much.
I guess, yeah, yeah, because ifyou think the courting phase is
stressful, then wait until youget married, and I'm not saying
that marriage itself isstressful, but just life happens
and financial problems happen,in-law problems, children.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
And we're not here to give marriage advice.
We've only been married a fewyears, but we are here to advise
you guys on how to prepareyourself for marriage, because
we've been there.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Start practicing patience through practical steps
, like I don't know, maybecounting to five or counting to
ten, before saying something youthink you might regret, try to
see the things from the otherperson's perspective right,
because they might be seeing itcompletely different from how
you're seeing it.
(14:54):
Give each other the benefit ofthe doubt.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
All of these beautiful qualities helps in
developing patience yeah, andit's also worth mentioning that
if, as a girl, if you arelooking to marry somebody who's
going to be the mirror of yourhome, and if you're assessing
these qualities, you also haveto give him space to be a leader
, and there's many differentways you can do that.
(15:20):
Number one not undermining.
Guys are going to screw up leftand right.
I screw up every day.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
It's not that bad.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
I screw up a lot.
If a guy isn't given the spaceto learn from his mistakes and
instead he's going to beundermined and reminded of his
mistakes, then you're going tostart attacking his pride and
not allow him to be the leaderhe wants to be.
Being a leader naturally comeswith a sense of pride.
And responsibility, andresponsibility and you want to,
(15:53):
like I said, give him the spaceto be that person.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Show him that you have faith in him.
You have faith in his decisionsand even if he ends up making a
mistake as long as we're nottalking about huge things like I
don't know he ends up gamblingall your savings or something
like that if we're not talkingabout haram things, crucial
things then that's okay.
He's gonna make mistakes andhe's gonna learn from them and
(16:19):
if you support him throughouthis mistakes, he's going to even
grow to love you and appreciateyou even more.
So this was just like a quicktaste of what is leadership and
how to implement it and how tospot it, but there's a lot more
that can be said about that andmaybe in the future we,
inshallah, will host a scholarwho's going to give us even more
(16:40):
insights on leadership andpractical ways.
So we hope, inshallah, youfound something beneficial in
this episode that you canimplement and take on your
journey to marriage.
Inshallah, May Allah make yourjourney easy and fruitful and we
will see you next episode.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Assalamu alaikum.
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