April 18, 2025 • 35 mins
What happens when a student catches feelings... for her professor? And what if he feels the same but can't say a word until the semester ends? This isn't your average love story. It’s a journey shaped by quiet moments, bold choices, and some family drama that challenged what they thought love would look like. Now 25 years in, they're sharing how it all started and what kept them going.
This episode is for every Muslim single who still believes in love. Don’t miss it.
Got a dilemma or story? The Single Muslim Hotline is here for you! We’ll play your anonymous messages in future episodes and offer real talk. Drop us a voice note 👇🏻
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This story is not your average love story.
She was the student, he was aprofessor, but alhamdulillah
they're married now with threebeautiful children, and the road
to getting there was not easy.
Let's just say.
Not everyone was cheering forthem at first.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba.
And I'm Zaid, you're listeningto Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
A podcast that will take you into our world as
matchmakers.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
We'll share our experiences and offer advice for
the single Muslim.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
So let's dive in.
Bismillah, assalamu alaikumeveryone, welcome to another
episode.
My name is Zaid and on theother mic is my wife and co-host
Hiba.
Assalamu alaikum and assalamuala, summer and Rami, thank you
so much for inviting us to yourhouse.
The Muna'ish was lovely.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
It was phenomenal.
And to the listeners, you're infor a treat.
This story is not your averagelove story.
She was the student, he was aprofessor, but alhamdulillah,
they're married now with threebeautiful children, and the road
to getting there was not easy.
Let's just say, not everyonewas cheering for them at first.
(01:14):
So we've heard the story before, but we're going to just kind
of enter the story as beginners,like we're just hearing it for
the first time.
And so at what stage were youguys in your lives?
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Yeah, I was a student at the fourth year in
agricultural studies.
Speaker 4 (01:35):
I was 28 years old, 28?
.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
And Mashal, you were a professor at that time.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Wow.
Okay.
So you're 28 years old, Mash.
You were a professor.
How did you become a professorat such a young age?
Speaker 4 (01:49):
um, I started uh university at a younger age.
I was 17 and I went straightthrough non-stop nine years, wow
.
So at 26 I was done.
I had a job right away,thankfully, alhamdulillah.
And then, um, yeah, I met samara couple of years after that
okay okay, we'll get to thatpart.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Samar, where were you in your life, were you guys
considering marriage beforethinking about marriage?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
was it on the radar?
Speaker 3 (02:17):
for me.
Uh, it was.
Uh, I wasn't looking like I wasjust a student.
But then I saw Rami and Ithought he checked all the
points on my list.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Okay, okay, so let's rewind just a little bit.
So you signed up for anagricultural class?
Yes, and it turned out Rami wasthe professor, so you entered
into the class and then what itwas fun.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Were you just starstruck or no?
No, it was fine like he.
He taught us um.
It was um co-teaching so hetaught the first half semester
and I um I like the way heinteract with the student.
He was a young professor,didn't use the authority.
(03:06):
In our part of the region, aprofessor has authority.
He can ask students to bringthis and take that, because we
were going to the field.
He was doing all the thingsneeded by himself, leading by
example.
So, I like that a lot about himbecause I didn't see that
(03:31):
example before.
It's bringing the Western mindinto our culture, Right right, I
like that a lot about him.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
So you already saw like attractive qualities in him
, yes, yes, okay, that'swonderful, the good qualities in
him as a person.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Plus, he's dark and handsome and tall and tall, of
course, okay.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
So did you notice her the first time in class or was
she another student?
Speaker 4 (03:57):
At the beginning, you know, no, I didn't.
To be honest, it was just, youknow, a big class, Maybe I don't
remember the exact number, buta fairly good-sized class.
But then, you know, throughinteraction over time, I felt
that she was mature and shepresented herself in a nice way.
(04:20):
But I didn't talk to her aboutit at all until way after that
okay, okay what did you imagineyour future spouse would be?
Speaker 2 (04:31):
did you think it's gonna be?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
someone like him first of all was married, was he
?
Was it even on the radar?
Speaker 4 (04:35):
actually, for me it was because you know I was in my
late 20s and I was fairly ready.
I, you know, had my careerstarted and everything, but I
was not in any hurry at the time.
So if it happened, it happened.
If it didn't, it didn't.
That's when I started my job.
So, I was going to wait andfind the right person for me
(04:55):
that you know were compatible inmore than one way in terms of
you know the way we think, ourvalues, our background things
like that.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Okay, so summer's a student in your class, and was
she like an ace student, likereally pushing herself to stand
out in the class?
Or she was daydreaming aboutsomeone daydreaming or just like
you know, not really focused inthe class.
(05:36):
Let's keep that up.
So how many students were thereroughly in the class?
Speaker 4 (05:41):
maybe 30, 30 okay.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
So how did you go about trying to make yourself
stand out?
Speaker 3 (05:48):
I didn't, actually, you didn't, I didn't.
I kept it to myself and Ithought, because he's a
professor, he might have someone, he might be engaged.
I didn't pursue him because Ididn't think that it's going to
work.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Okay and I can say this that class was an
interactive course, so it wasn'ta lecture in class, it was
fieldwork.
You're hands-on, so you get towork with each individual as
well, so not just as a wholegroup, but individual students
as well.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So what was your first impression of her?
Speaker 4 (06:23):
I mean, of course, I was very impressed, you know,
looks-wise, character-wise,personality-wise.
She was very outgoing we comefrom a conservative society, but
she was outgoing able to speakher mind and yeah, like she said
(06:44):
, you know everything that shewas looking for.
Maybe I was looking for thesame values in a person and same
characteristics.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Okay, so you're taking the course, you're
attending all the classes.
I'm assuming you never missed aclass, never, never, never
missed a class.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Yes, and then he stopped.
He taught us half a course andstopped and then he taught us
another class again.
We didn't interact at all untilthat class ended and I was
(07:18):
about to have my final examswhen Rami saw me in the hallway
with other students and he saysI don't see you anymore Because
I used to go, because all thefaculty members have offices in
(07:40):
the fourth floor.
So I used to go with one of myfriends just to say, hi, pass
there.
And all their doors are open.
So we just say hi and continueand before exams we stopped
(08:01):
doing that because one of myfriends advised me.
Okay, so I listened.
Okay, it's a hopeless case, soI listened.
Then I met Rami just beforeexams and he asked me to come
see him sometime.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Then, when I went to see him, he told me that he
would like for us to like beproperly introduced to our
parents and maybe to get to knoweach other in a different way.
Okay, so he made the first move.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yes, this is where the tables turned, but she's
planted the seeds.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
I made myself visible .
Speaker 4 (08:48):
And I made sure to say this after she was done with
classes, and this was her finalsemester.
She was graduating, so I didn'twant the relationship to be
during that time when it wasn'tgoing to be looked upon very,
you know from others Right, soyou were patient with the
process.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Okay, that's great to know.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
You weren't worried, she might be taken by then um
you, you never know, but at thesame time I was trying to keep
the limits straight.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Yeah okay, um.
But at the same time, yourconcern must have been is the
feeling mutual, right, becauseyou don't know it that well
actually I could sense it youknow, you can, you can sense
right when you talk to someone,you can see how how they look at
you, how they talk to you howthey smile, the body language,
you can see all of that.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
So I was fairly sure that I was going to be met with
the same feelings.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
But you know, of course it's not 100%, but that's
how it seemed to me Okay, great, so you're in the office and
then you kind of say these wordsand then obviously the next
step is meeting the parents.
So which set of parents did youguys meet first?
Speaker 4 (09:57):
Oh, so she she came.
Yeah, I should.
I should back up a little bitbecause also at some point in
her program the students woulddo training on farm training.
In her program the studentswould do training on farm
training, and all of themrotated among farms and our
family farm was one of thosetraining stations.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Oh, how convenient.
Yeah, but it was for everybody,right, it wasn't?
Speaker 4 (10:20):
just for one person.
It was for all students torotate among those farms, so my
parents had met her because shewas doing her training on our
farm for maybe a month, threeweeks to a month.
She was there every day.
Sometimes, we had lunchtogether.
My family with the studentswould have lunch together.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
We didn't know that part.
Yes, look at that.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
This was between the first half course I taught and
the second semester.
It was like a summer course inbetween.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (10:50):
So she would have met my parents.
And then, when I spoke to herafter she finished her exams, as
we mentioned a little while ago, I told her that you know,
wanted this to be proper and Iwould like for her family to
know.
You know, to start talking toher family, yes, Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
How did your family take it?
Speaker 4 (11:13):
I didn't tell my dad okay because, because uh, like
rami, wanted us to know eachother, like the western way,
like not necessarily the westernway, but just to get to know
each other more before we jumpinto an engagement.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Yes, I came from a very, very strict family and my
dad will never allow us to getto know each other without an
official engagement.
So I didn't tell my dad.
I told my oldest brother, andhe was studying abroad at the
(11:54):
time and waited few months untilhe came to Jordan and took him
to the university to meet Rami,so I did what I had to do.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
And how was that like meeting her brother?
Speaker 4 (12:10):
It was very nice, very nice.
He and I are actually closefriends now too.
But we hit it off right away.
We had a common backgroundwhere we studied abroad, had
different ideas than the localconservative ideas in our
society in Jordan, more open toactually having a good
(12:31):
relationship with the person, toget to know them before getting
married and things like that.
So he was open to the idea, butwith wanting to just actually
tell the family that wasn'tgoing to be restricted to just
him.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Okay, so the next step was your brother talking to
your dad.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Yeah, my brother told my dad.
Then my dad got so angrybecause I told you he's very
strict, very, uh, likeconservative, and he said who
should have gone to see who?
He should have came to us, notyou going to him and yeah it's
(13:09):
like a big thing in arab culturelike it's the guy's family who
should initiate okay yes um, butthen, like, in the end it went
all well no, but we're not goingto the end yet we need all the
juicy things what happened inbetween?
Speaker 2 (13:29):
how long did your brother keep it a secret?
Speaker 3 (13:32):
oh, he didn't like.
We just came back fromuniversity and I think, uh, at
night he told my dad and thenthe storm has started and, uh,
how did you like serve the storm?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
like, how did you and how did you like serve the
storm?
Like, how did you make sure tocomfort your dad?
Speaker 3 (13:55):
and make him like, um , be open to it.
Yeah, my dad is hard toconvince.
That's why I needed my brother,my oldest brother, to to be the
messenger between us because,like for my dad, he thinks that
we are friends and we tell eachother everything because I'm his
only daughter and he was very,very protective over me, but we
(14:21):
weren't friends and we don'ttell each other anything.
I'm afraid of him.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Again reminds me of my dad.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
What about your mom in the picture my mom was kind
like loving, but she didn't havethat authority to tell him just
back off.
I'll deal with it.
No, he controls everything he'sa very, very kind man, very
(14:53):
kind, but he used to scare uswhen we were I hope your dad is
not listening to this episode hepassed away away five years,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Okay, now you go and meet the father, meet the mother
.
How was that like?
Speaker 4 (15:13):
Yes.
So of course I called the house, spoke to her dad and arranged
a meeting to come with my family.
So we went and met with themand it turned out they know
common people.
He actually knew of mygrandfather in Palestine.
He knew of him and my mom'saunt had taught Summer's mom in
(15:38):
school as well.
So, yes, my mom's aunt taughtin Summer's hometown.
So they kind of found somecommon ground, some
relationships here and there.
So it was good to get thingsstarted and, yeah, it was a
great meeting.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
First, you know, first impression from both sides
yeah, did you ever at somepoint like feel that this is
strange?
A professor and a student?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
it's not wrong, but it's unconventional it is,
you're right, it isunconventional, even though it
happens there, um, in oursociety more than it does here,
really, because because there,you know, it's a especially for
conservative um cultures.
You know, like this is, youdon't get a chance to meet, uh,
your, your um, the opposite sex,other than maybe university
(16:27):
setting would be the closestthing For me.
I studied overseas, I didn'tstudy in Jordan, so I didn't get
a chance to meet anyone that Iwas interested in.
I wasn't planning to marrysomeone from outside, so I
wanted to go back home and findthe right person for me.
So this would be my best, bestchance.
I didn't want to go the theold-fashioned, conventional way
(16:50):
of just hearing about someoneand going to visit different
homes.
This was not for me.
I wanted to know the person.
I wanted to know my future wifeand, you know, get to know her
well before we take the nextstep.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
So I'm curious what were some of the questions that
you guys were asking each otherjust to make sure that you were
compatible, that your valuesaligned, or was it kind of just
like an organic process?
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Yeah, we didn't have For me.
I didn't have anything likestructured, because I was so
young, thought that this man iskind.
One of the most importantqualities that I was looking for
(17:31):
for a future husband is to bekind, and Rami is like he's
showing his kindness throughout.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
And keep in mind I'm not much older than her.
She makes it sound like I'mthat much older, less than 6
years apart.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
He's trying to compliment himself no but we are
witnesses to this kindness toour listeners.
Rami and Samar are dear friendsof ours and, mashallah.
They're very active in thecommunity.
They're always caring forothers and we can see.
We can see why you guys endedup together seriously okay, how
(18:13):
long did your engagement last?
Speaker 4 (18:16):
so it was a two-step engagement.
So the first, you know afterthe first uh visit or second
visit, then we read the fat.
You guys call it Baq Baki.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Okay, so it's like the confirmation between two
parties.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
Yes, so it wasn't Kat Biktab yet, so it was just the
initial.
You know that we both are.
You know the families are happythat we got to meet as families
and as people, as individuals.
This way we get to spend sometime to get to know each other
officially and that lasted fromAugust until May.
(18:52):
So we read the Fatiha in Augustand May of the following year
was the official.
We called Jaha and Katbiktab.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
So you didn't have an engagement like official
engagement.
Speaker 4 (19:06):
It was in May.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Oh, May was the engagement.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Yeah, so the Qaraat al-Fatiha was just immediate
family, like on both sides.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Okay, my dad didn't like this arrangement at the
beginning because he wantedKatpiktab right away.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Immediately yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
But then he abused it he liked it so much because he
kept us meeting as if it's um,it's a work meeting.
Rami would come visit, and fora few hours then he's gone.
We don't leave the house, wedon't go out.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
It worked perfect for him but also also like on um,
on the weekend you would comewith your brother as well to our
house.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Yes, with my brother.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
And then you know then we get to spend time
together, just Samar and I, andat her house was just she and I.
We just sit and talk and get toknow each other more.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
But they would always keep an eye on you, right?
I mean not necessarily no, Imean, we just sit in the room.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
Yeah, but I mean no.
When I went to the house at thebeginning I'd sit with the
family and talk, maybe havecoffee or something, and then we
would just go and sit in a roomseparate and talk, Okay.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
So it was independent after that, you know Okay.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
So were there any objections or hesitations from
the community?
Speaker 3 (20:30):
you know given the relationship, or was it just
like support throughout?
No, like it was fine, it waswell celebrated Alhamdulillah,
yeah from everyone.
Speaker 4 (20:42):
And my family loved Samar and her family, so it
wasn't you know, an issue at allfrom anybody.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
You didn't tell us about your family's reaction, by
the way.
Was it like so normal andnatural?
Speaker 4 (20:51):
oh, yes, they're very supportive they.
They knew that this is the wayI wanted to meet my future wife.
I didn't want to go theconventional way of just trying
to get engaged right off the bat.
So they knew I wanted to get toknow the person ahead of time
and they were very supportive ofthat and especially that they
had met Summer at the time.
You know like I mentionedduring the training.
(21:12):
So they, you know, got to speakwith her.
They knew her, they saw hercharacter.
She's outgoing, she's funny,you know so.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Okay, Now we get to the wedding.
Now quick question do you?
Speaker 4 (21:24):
remember one year's anniversary of course sometimes
I forget mine yeah, we gotmarried, uh, two months after
the jaha.
So jaha in in jordan is whenyou know the, the groom, and you
know men from the family andfriends circle go to the girls'
(21:46):
family and it's all men,face-to-face, so they ask for
her hand in marriage.
Officially, you have one of theelders from the groom's side
and the elder from the bride'sside.
One asks for her hand and theother one agrees and then drink
the coffee and then after thatwe had our Katbiktab and the
(22:07):
engagement, an engagement party,wow.
So that was in May and then theofficial wedding was in July, so
this July will be 25thanniversary, mashaallah.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
That's amazing.
Any special celebration.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
We're thinking of a trip.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
What is it called?
Speaker 1 (22:28):
25 years.
What is it called um 25 years?
Where's it?
Speaker 2 (22:30):
silver, silver okay so what changed after marriage?
Speaker 4 (22:34):
uh, not nothing really changed.
Everything changed to thebetter.
Um, my father-in-law summermentioned was very strict, but
when we got to know each otherhe was a super kind man, allah
irhamu, and we became supersuper close friends, he and I.
I spent more time with him thanhis sons, honestly.
I had more in common with himin terms of farming and football
(23:01):
and sports and things like that, so we would watch games
together, do things together.
So I yeah, we became reallyreally close.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
And you felt left out , or what Rami had to go back.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
At times he did I know.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Rami had to go back to Jordan for two years.
After we came to Canada, thatis, and I stayed here with the
kids and he used to see my dadtwice a week and then my dad
called me and said someone, whydon't you stay there?
You're good, you're a strongwoman.
Because?
(23:40):
Because my brothers where theyare still working out of Jordan,
so Rami was his only son.
And he enjoyed his company alot.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
When did you guys move to Canada?
Speaker 4 (23:56):
2011.
So, approaching 14 years inSeptember.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
So what was the impetus or the reason for the
move, just honestly, for thekids sake.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Um, I think a lot of the people who immigrate from
their countries.
They look for better future fortheir children for the next
generation we had um.
You know I had a very steadyjob, very nice career ahead of
me and we lived a comfortablelife.
Yeah, we left a comfortablelife to come here and we did
with sacrifice for the kids we,you know our um.
(24:30):
We're not going to talk aboutit in terms of politics, but we
knew that the region was not setfor for a good future yeah all,
right all right.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
What stands out to me about your story is that you
guys, like I know in art ofculture he always says this that
there's this understanding ofnasib like oh, just wait until
it happens, it'll happen when ithappens, but you guys were
proactive right like you knew,there was mutual interest and so
both of you were putting in theeffort and alhamdulillah opened
doors and and the stars alignedand everything happened, but
(25:02):
the important thing was that youwere putting in the work and
that's something I wish morepeople did.
right Like you have to tie yourcamel, and that's very important
.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
And we advise our kids that you know we want them
to do the same thing.
We don't want them to just, youknow, rush into it and try to.
You know, just to be married Ihave to find someone right away.
We encourage them that you knowif you have a chance to meet
someone that both you know oursons and our daughter.
(25:33):
We advise, we give the sameadvice.
We would like them to meettheir future spouse and get to
know them on their own and thenbring us into it, you know.
I mean we want them to behonest with us when they find
someone and tell us and sharewith us and let them meet that
person, let us meet that personand at the same time we want
them to know that they have that.
You know, our approval Likewe're not going to be strict and
(25:56):
restrictive of what they'relooking for yeah, Okay.
So you don't want the person tobe Jordanian or Syrian.
(26:16):
We have preference.
We trust their judgment.
Yeah, we trust their judgment.
If they find someone, you knowthat they feel that this is the
right person.
We're not going to stand in theway.
We're not going to stand in theway.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Yes, we're not going to stand in the way very nice
and a lot of our previousepisodes.
We talk about communicationbetween parents and kids and how
sometimes, like because parentsare so strict or so traditional
kids feel like they have tohide things from their parents
and then it becomes difficult.
There's somebody and they'realready in a relationship and
(26:43):
the parents are not on board andyeah.
So it's great that you haveopen communication with your
absolutely.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
I mean we.
When we hear them talking aboutsomebody from this friend
circle, we're like okay, uh, youmentioned this person so many
times.
Is there interest?
Speaker 2 (26:56):
there's no, they're suggesting.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Yeah, that's great, yeah I mean to add to that.
That's so true.
I mean, I recall this from aclient that we just had recently
where the mother wantedsomething like she specifically
wanted a pakistani for herdaughter, but the daughter was
like no, I'm open to otherethnicities.
And they immediately the motherand daughter weren't on the
same page.
Yeah right.
So it's very important and it'sgreat that you guys have that
(27:23):
open communication that you,parents and children, are on the
same page in terms of what thechildren are attracted to, what
their goals are, so that whenyou guys start searching, you're
searching with theirperspective in mind.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
So that's amazing, yeah.
But you know, guys, you werelucky because, like, you found
each other in Jordan, but hereMuslims like including your kids
growing up in the West it's notthat easy.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
True.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
So what advice would you give a single Muslim who's
been looking for so long and onthe brink of just giving up?
Speaker 4 (27:55):
I mean there are lots and lots of good people here.
You just have to find the rightway to meet them right.
So there are opportunities.
We tell them that the bestopportunity is during your
education.
This is the chance that you'regoing to meet more people.
After you get out to the realworld, you're working, then
you're confined to whether it'san office or a certain group of
(28:17):
people that you don't have asmuch access to be involved,
let's say, in events as youwould be when you're a student
on campus.
There are lots of events wherethere's a chance to meet.
If that doesn't happen, youknow our son did not find his
future spouse in the university.
So I mean, he's still young.
Of course we're not pushing forthat, but he still has a chance
(28:41):
.
We're just telling him to takehis time.
You know, keep thinking aboutit In the meantime.
He's still young, he's notlooking for now.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Maybe we're more concerned than he is, but he's
young and I think people shoulduse like experts like you
yourselves.
Use like experts like youyourselves like, because, like
(29:13):
as you said, it's harder for ourkids or for young generation
who lives in here to find eachother, or so why don't we ask
professionals for a professionalhelp, like?
Speaker 2 (29:23):
that's.
That's what we're here for,yeah absolutely no.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
It's great you mention that because there's
just the, you know, there's thisshyness or aversion towards
seeking help, especially usArabs, by the way, like.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Pakistanis and Indians and other cultures.
They're more open to seekinghelp, but with us Arabs
especially like with matchmakers, it's this mentality.
Speaker 4 (29:48):
Maybe, yeah, it could be.
Of course we don't see it.
Maybe we're more open to theseideas than some of the
conservative people.
We think it's a great idea.
Yeah for sure, Definitely,definitely.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
So what's something you thought marriage would be
like, but it wasn't.
After marriage, like thisexpectation, maybe this
preconceived notion of marriage.
But then you got married andyou thought, hmm, this is this a
bit different.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Yeah, for me.
Sorry, rami, I didn't haveexpectations actually.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
I didn't have any expectations and even if I, the
only model I had is my dad,which is a big authority over
the house, and we all are afraidof him.
But when I got married, ramiwas my friend, so it was beyond
(30:55):
my expectations.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Oh, thank you.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
I'm blushing now.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I think that she deserves a gift for that.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
Absolutely Maybe a diamond ring.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
I think it's just because my parents are happy
with me?
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.
What about you, rami?
Speaker 4 (31:22):
what about you, rami?
Um, I was.
Uh, the main thing that youknow we grew up with and hear
about in and cultures is what wecall hamau kinney.
Uh, you know mother-in-law andyou know daughter-in-law, and
the same on both sides.
You know it goes both.
Uh, you know the mothers-in-lawbut we're lucky.
Um, our parents are not likethat.
You know, I felt like I was ason to my in-laws and someone is
like a daughter to my parentsand we, you know, we've still.
(31:44):
This is how it is sweet andthat's the same with my.
I don't have any sisters, Ihave, you know, my brother's
wives are in our family, werereally really close and not like
the misconception about how itis Alhamdulillah that's a huge
blessing.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
May Allah keep this blessing, alhamdulillah.
If you had to do it all overagain, what is one thing you
would change?
Speaker 4 (32:09):
I mean, I don't know.
For me I think everything wentthe right way.
I was very happy.
Like I say, I studied abroadand I was not looking to to find
someone from outside my cultureto bring her to live in jordan.
I didn't feel that would befair for her because at the time
I didn't see myself livingoutside of jordan, so I didn't
want to to find um, a wife fromoverseas and, you know, bring
(32:34):
her to change a lot of thingsabout how she's used to living.
So when I came back to get myjob and start working, yes, I
was looking to find somebodyfrom within and I wouldn't
change a thing the way ithappened, the way I met Samar
and the way everything hasevolved.
Like she said, we're very closefriends.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
She's my best friend and partner and everything, and
we have a beautiful family, thekids are.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
You know, we're very proud of them.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
And yeah, how do you feel your marriage changed after
children To the best?
Speaker 4 (33:08):
Really.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
For me I was thinking when we first, when I first got
pregnant with Zaid, my oldestson, with Zaid, my oldest son, I
wasn't that excited because Ineeded some time with Rami to go
to travel, like to see theworld from after marriage.
(33:30):
But I got pregnant right awayand that was the only thing at
that time.
I hoped like for it to be tohappen later, but now I wouldn't
change it for the world like wewere blessed not to wait not to
(33:50):
go through anything of that,and it was for the best.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
Alhamdulillah.
So funny how you're Abu Zaid MZaid, and this is Zaid yes, us
for the best, okay, some good,neither of.
Speaker 4 (34:03):
Maybe we're pretending we're not Neither one
of us is strict we don't stickour minds.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
We're open to any ideas.
Who's the better cook?
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Samer, he's too kind, he's adventurous.
He would learn new recipes.
I stick to the traditional but,he brings new recipes to this
house.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Who makes better Mansaf?
Oh, me too.
I don't make Mansaf, that's alie.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
He just eats Mansaf.
I don't try.
And who is more dramatic?
Speaker 4 (34:51):
I don't know.
We're not, we're not dramatic.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Okay now, I seriously suspect if you're Arab or not.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Yeah, we're not dramatic okay, now I seriously
suspect if you're arab or not.
Okay, one word.
I would say.
What one word that describesyour marriage.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Just one word happiness, absolutely well guys,
you heard it love is possible,love is out there, even if it's
a student and a professor.
May may allah keep thisbeautiful family happy and
blessed, and thank you so muchfor opening your hearts to us,
sharing your story we appreciate.
Speaker 4 (35:27):
Thank you for inviting us to your show and,
yes, we're happy to to be partof it and we wish you and the
listeners all the best.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
Thank you so much.
Thank you till next time.
Till next time.
This story is not your average love story.
She was the student, he was aprofessor, but alhamdulillah
they're married now with threebeautiful children, and the road
to getting there was not easy.
Let's just say.
Not everyone was cheering forthem at first.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba.
And I'm Zaid, you're listeningto Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
A podcast that will take you into our world as
matchmakers.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
We'll share our experiences and offer advice for
the single Muslim.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
So let's dive in.
Bismillah, assalamu alaikumeveryone, welcome to another
episode.
My name is Zaid and on theother mic is my wife and co-host
Hiba.
Assalamu alaikum and assalamuala, summer and Rami, thank you
so much for inviting us to yourhouse.
The Muna'ish was lovely.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
It was phenomenal.
And to the listeners, you're infor a treat.
This story is not your averagelove story.
She was the student, he was aprofessor, but alhamdulillah,
they're married now with threebeautiful children, and the road
to getting there was not easy.
Let's just say, not everyonewas cheering for them at first.
(01:14):
So we've heard the story before, but we're going to just kind
of enter the story as beginners,like we're just hearing it for
the first time.
And so at what stage were youguys in your lives?
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Yeah, I was a student at the fourth year in
agricultural studies.
Speaker 4 (01:35):
I was 28 years old, 28?
.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
And Mashal, you were a professor at that time.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Wow.
Okay.
So you're 28 years old, Mash.
You were a professor.
How did you become a professorat such a young age?
Speaker 4 (01:49):
um, I started uh university at a younger age.
I was 17 and I went straightthrough non-stop nine years, wow
.
So at 26 I was done.
I had a job right away,thankfully, alhamdulillah.
And then, um, yeah, I met samara couple of years after that
okay okay, we'll get to thatpart.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Samar, where were you in your life, were you guys
considering marriage beforethinking about marriage?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
was it on the radar?
Speaker 3 (02:17):
for me.
Uh, it was.
Uh, I wasn't looking like I wasjust a student.
But then I saw Rami and Ithought he checked all the
points on my list.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Okay, okay, so let's rewind just a little bit.
So you signed up for anagricultural class?
Yes, and it turned out Rami wasthe professor, so you entered
into the class and then what itwas fun.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Were you just starstruck or no?
No, it was fine like he.
He taught us um.
It was um co-teaching so hetaught the first half semester
and I um I like the way heinteract with the student.
He was a young professor,didn't use the authority.
(03:06):
In our part of the region, aprofessor has authority.
He can ask students to bringthis and take that, because we
were going to the field.
He was doing all the thingsneeded by himself, leading by
example.
So, I like that a lot about himbecause I didn't see that
(03:31):
example before.
It's bringing the Western mindinto our culture, Right right, I
like that a lot about him.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
So you already saw like attractive qualities in him
, yes, yes, okay, that'swonderful, the good qualities in
him as a person.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Plus, he's dark and handsome and tall and tall, of
course, okay.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
So did you notice her the first time in class or was
she another student?
Speaker 4 (03:57):
At the beginning, you know, no, I didn't.
To be honest, it was just, youknow, a big class, Maybe I don't
remember the exact number, buta fairly good-sized class.
But then, you know, throughinteraction over time, I felt
that she was mature and shepresented herself in a nice way.
(04:20):
But I didn't talk to her aboutit at all until way after that
okay, okay what did you imagineyour future spouse would be?
Speaker 2 (04:31):
did you think it's gonna be?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
someone like him first of all was married, was he
?
Was it even on the radar?
Speaker 4 (04:35):
actually, for me it was because you know I was in my
late 20s and I was fairly ready.
I, you know, had my careerstarted and everything, but I
was not in any hurry at the time.
So if it happened, it happened.
If it didn't, it didn't.
That's when I started my job.
So, I was going to wait andfind the right person for me
(04:55):
that you know were compatible inmore than one way in terms of
you know the way we think, ourvalues, our background things
like that.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Okay, so summer's a student in your class, and was
she like an ace student, likereally pushing herself to stand
out in the class?
Or she was daydreaming aboutsomeone daydreaming or just like
you know, not really focused inthe class.
(05:36):
Let's keep that up.
So how many students were thereroughly in the class?
Speaker 4 (05:41):
maybe 30, 30 okay.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
So how did you go about trying to make yourself
stand out?
Speaker 3 (05:48):
I didn't, actually, you didn't, I didn't.
I kept it to myself and Ithought, because he's a
professor, he might have someone, he might be engaged.
I didn't pursue him because Ididn't think that it's going to
work.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Okay and I can say this that class was an
interactive course, so it wasn'ta lecture in class, it was
fieldwork.
You're hands-on, so you get towork with each individual as
well, so not just as a wholegroup, but individual students
as well.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So what was your first impression of her?
Speaker 4 (06:23):
I mean, of course, I was very impressed, you know,
looks-wise, character-wise,personality-wise.
She was very outgoing we comefrom a conservative society, but
she was outgoing able to speakher mind and yeah, like she said
(06:44):
, you know everything that shewas looking for.
Maybe I was looking for thesame values in a person and same
characteristics.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Okay, so you're taking the course, you're
attending all the classes.
I'm assuming you never missed aclass, never, never, never
missed a class.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Yes, and then he stopped.
He taught us half a course andstopped and then he taught us
another class again.
We didn't interact at all untilthat class ended and I was
(07:18):
about to have my final examswhen Rami saw me in the hallway
with other students and he saysI don't see you anymore Because
I used to go, because all thefaculty members have offices in
(07:40):
the fourth floor.
So I used to go with one of myfriends just to say, hi, pass
there.
And all their doors are open.
So we just say hi and continueand before exams we stopped
(08:01):
doing that because one of myfriends advised me.
Okay, so I listened.
Okay, it's a hopeless case, soI listened.
Then I met Rami just beforeexams and he asked me to come
see him sometime.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Then, when I went to see him, he told me that he
would like for us to like beproperly introduced to our
parents and maybe to get to knoweach other in a different way.
Okay, so he made the first move.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yes, this is where the tables turned, but she's
planted the seeds.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
I made myself visible .
Speaker 4 (08:48):
And I made sure to say this after she was done with
classes, and this was her finalsemester.
She was graduating, so I didn'twant the relationship to be
during that time when it wasn'tgoing to be looked upon very,
you know from others Right, soyou were patient with the
process.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Okay, that's great to know.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
You weren't worried, she might be taken by then um
you, you never know, but at thesame time I was trying to keep
the limits straight.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Yeah okay, um.
But at the same time, yourconcern must have been is the
feeling mutual, right, becauseyou don't know it that well
actually I could sense it youknow, you can, you can sense
right when you talk to someone,you can see how how they look at
you, how they talk to you howthey smile, the body language,
you can see all of that.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
So I was fairly sure that I was going to be met with
the same feelings.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
But you know, of course it's not 100%, but that's
how it seemed to me Okay, great, so you're in the office and
then you kind of say these wordsand then obviously the next
step is meeting the parents.
So which set of parents did youguys meet first?
Speaker 4 (09:57):
Oh, so she she came.
Yeah, I should.
I should back up a little bitbecause also at some point in
her program the students woulddo training on farm training.
In her program the studentswould do training on farm
training, and all of themrotated among farms and our
family farm was one of thosetraining stations.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Oh, how convenient.
Yeah, but it was for everybody,right, it wasn't?
Speaker 4 (10:20):
just for one person.
It was for all students torotate among those farms, so my
parents had met her because shewas doing her training on our
farm for maybe a month, threeweeks to a month.
She was there every day.
Sometimes, we had lunchtogether.
My family with the studentswould have lunch together.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
We didn't know that part.
Yes, look at that.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
This was between the first half course I taught and
the second semester.
It was like a summer course inbetween.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (10:50):
So she would have met my parents.
And then, when I spoke to herafter she finished her exams, as
we mentioned a little while ago, I told her that you know,
wanted this to be proper and Iwould like for her family to
know.
You know, to start talking toher family, yes, Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
How did your family take it?
Speaker 4 (11:13):
I didn't tell my dad okay because, because uh, like
rami, wanted us to know eachother, like the western way,
like not necessarily the westernway, but just to get to know
each other more before we jumpinto an engagement.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Yes, I came from a very, very strict family and my
dad will never allow us to getto know each other without an
official engagement.
So I didn't tell my dad.
I told my oldest brother, andhe was studying abroad at the
(11:54):
time and waited few months untilhe came to Jordan and took him
to the university to meet Rami,so I did what I had to do.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
And how was that like meeting her brother?
Speaker 4 (12:10):
It was very nice, very nice.
He and I are actually closefriends now too.
But we hit it off right away.
We had a common backgroundwhere we studied abroad, had
different ideas than the localconservative ideas in our
society in Jordan, more open toactually having a good
(12:31):
relationship with the person, toget to know them before getting
married and things like that.
So he was open to the idea, butwith wanting to just actually
tell the family that wasn'tgoing to be restricted to just
him.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Okay, so the next step was your brother talking to
your dad.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Yeah, my brother told my dad.
Then my dad got so angrybecause I told you he's very
strict, very, uh, likeconservative, and he said who
should have gone to see who?
He should have came to us, notyou going to him and yeah it's
(13:09):
like a big thing in arab culturelike it's the guy's family who
should initiate okay yes um, butthen, like, in the end it went
all well no, but we're not goingto the end yet we need all the
juicy things what happened inbetween?
Speaker 2 (13:29):
how long did your brother keep it a secret?
Speaker 3 (13:32):
oh, he didn't like.
We just came back fromuniversity and I think, uh, at
night he told my dad and thenthe storm has started and, uh,
how did you like serve the storm?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
like, how did you and how did you like serve the
storm?
Like, how did you make sure tocomfort your dad?
Speaker 3 (13:55):
and make him like, um , be open to it.
Yeah, my dad is hard toconvince.
That's why I needed my brother,my oldest brother, to to be the
messenger between us because,like for my dad, he thinks that
we are friends and we tell eachother everything because I'm his
only daughter and he was very,very protective over me, but we
(14:21):
weren't friends and we don'ttell each other anything.
I'm afraid of him.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Again reminds me of my dad.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
What about your mom in the picture my mom was kind
like loving, but she didn't havethat authority to tell him just
back off.
I'll deal with it.
No, he controls everything he'sa very, very kind man, very
(14:53):
kind, but he used to scare uswhen we were I hope your dad is
not listening to this episode hepassed away away five years,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Okay, now you go and meet the father, meet the mother
.
How was that like?
Speaker 4 (15:13):
Yes.
So of course I called the house, spoke to her dad and arranged
a meeting to come with my family.
So we went and met with themand it turned out they know
common people.
He actually knew of mygrandfather in Palestine.
He knew of him and my mom'saunt had taught Summer's mom in
(15:38):
school as well.
So, yes, my mom's aunt taughtin Summer's hometown.
So they kind of found somecommon ground, some
relationships here and there.
So it was good to get thingsstarted and, yeah, it was a
great meeting.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
First, you know, first impression from both sides
yeah, did you ever at somepoint like feel that this is
strange?
A professor and a student?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
it's not wrong, but it's unconventional it is,
you're right, it isunconventional, even though it
happens there, um, in oursociety more than it does here,
really, because because there,you know, it's a especially for
conservative um cultures.
You know, like this is, youdon't get a chance to meet, uh,
your, your um, the opposite sex,other than maybe university
(16:27):
setting would be the closestthing For me.
I studied overseas, I didn'tstudy in Jordan, so I didn't get
a chance to meet anyone that Iwas interested in.
I wasn't planning to marrysomeone from outside, so I
wanted to go back home and findthe right person for me.
So this would be my best, bestchance.
I didn't want to go the theold-fashioned, conventional way
(16:50):
of just hearing about someoneand going to visit different
homes.
This was not for me.
I wanted to know the person.
I wanted to know my future wifeand, you know, get to know her
well before we take the nextstep.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
So I'm curious what were some of the questions that
you guys were asking each otherjust to make sure that you were
compatible, that your valuesaligned, or was it kind of just
like an organic process?
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Yeah, we didn't have For me.
I didn't have anything likestructured, because I was so
young, thought that this man iskind.
One of the most importantqualities that I was looking for
(17:31):
for a future husband is to bekind, and Rami is like he's
showing his kindness throughout.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
And keep in mind I'm not much older than her.
She makes it sound like I'mthat much older, less than 6
years apart.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
He's trying to compliment himself no but we are
witnesses to this kindness toour listeners.
Rami and Samar are dear friendsof ours and, mashallah.
They're very active in thecommunity.
They're always caring forothers and we can see.
We can see why you guys endedup together seriously okay, how
(18:13):
long did your engagement last?
Speaker 4 (18:16):
so it was a two-step engagement.
So the first, you know afterthe first uh visit or second
visit, then we read the fat.
You guys call it Baq Baki.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Okay, so it's like the confirmation between two
parties.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
Yes, so it wasn't Kat Biktab yet, so it was just the
initial.
You know that we both are.
You know the families are happythat we got to meet as families
and as people, as individuals.
This way we get to spend sometime to get to know each other
officially and that lasted fromAugust until May.
(18:52):
So we read the Fatiha in Augustand May of the following year
was the official.
We called Jaha and Katbiktab.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
So you didn't have an engagement like official
engagement.
Speaker 4 (19:06):
It was in May.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Oh, May was the engagement.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Yeah, so the Qaraat al-Fatiha was just immediate
family, like on both sides.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Okay, my dad didn't like this arrangement at the
beginning because he wantedKatpiktab right away.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Immediately yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
But then he abused it he liked it so much because he
kept us meeting as if it's um,it's a work meeting.
Rami would come visit, and fora few hours then he's gone.
We don't leave the house, wedon't go out.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
It worked perfect for him but also also like on um,
on the weekend you would comewith your brother as well to our
house.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Yes, with my brother.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
And then you know then we get to spend time
together, just Samar and I, andat her house was just she and I.
We just sit and talk and get toknow each other more.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
But they would always keep an eye on you, right?
I mean not necessarily no, Imean, we just sit in the room.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
Yeah, but I mean no.
When I went to the house at thebeginning I'd sit with the
family and talk, maybe havecoffee or something, and then we
would just go and sit in a roomseparate and talk, Okay.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
So it was independent after that, you know Okay.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
So were there any objections or hesitations from
the community?
Speaker 3 (20:30):
you know given the relationship, or was it just
like support throughout?
No, like it was fine, it waswell celebrated Alhamdulillah,
yeah from everyone.
Speaker 4 (20:42):
And my family loved Samar and her family, so it
wasn't you know, an issue at allfrom anybody.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
You didn't tell us about your family's reaction, by
the way.
Was it like so normal andnatural?
Speaker 4 (20:51):
oh, yes, they're very supportive they.
They knew that this is the wayI wanted to meet my future wife.
I didn't want to go theconventional way of just trying
to get engaged right off the bat.
So they knew I wanted to get toknow the person ahead of time
and they were very supportive ofthat and especially that they
had met Summer at the time.
You know like I mentionedduring the training.
(21:12):
So they, you know, got to speakwith her.
They knew her, they saw hercharacter.
She's outgoing, she's funny,you know so.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Okay, Now we get to the wedding.
Now quick question do you?
Speaker 4 (21:24):
remember one year's anniversary of course sometimes
I forget mine yeah, we gotmarried, uh, two months after
the jaha.
So jaha in in jordan is whenyou know the, the groom, and you
know men from the family andfriends circle go to the girls'
(21:46):
family and it's all men,face-to-face, so they ask for
her hand in marriage.
Officially, you have one of theelders from the groom's side
and the elder from the bride'sside.
One asks for her hand and theother one agrees and then drink
the coffee and then after thatwe had our Katbiktab and the
(22:07):
engagement, an engagement party,wow.
So that was in May and then theofficial wedding was in July, so
this July will be 25thanniversary, mashaallah.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
That's amazing.
Any special celebration.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
We're thinking of a trip.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
What is it called?
Speaker 1 (22:28):
25 years.
What is it called um 25 years?
Where's it?
Speaker 2 (22:30):
silver, silver okay so what changed after marriage?
Speaker 4 (22:34):
uh, not nothing really changed.
Everything changed to thebetter.
Um, my father-in-law summermentioned was very strict, but
when we got to know each otherhe was a super kind man, allah
irhamu, and we became supersuper close friends, he and I.
I spent more time with him thanhis sons, honestly.
I had more in common with himin terms of farming and football
(23:01):
and sports and things like that, so we would watch games
together, do things together.
So I yeah, we became reallyreally close.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
And you felt left out , or what Rami had to go back.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
At times he did I know.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Rami had to go back to Jordan for two years.
After we came to Canada, thatis, and I stayed here with the
kids and he used to see my dadtwice a week and then my dad
called me and said someone, whydon't you stay there?
You're good, you're a strongwoman.
Because?
(23:40):
Because my brothers where theyare still working out of Jordan,
so Rami was his only son.
And he enjoyed his company alot.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
When did you guys move to Canada?
Speaker 4 (23:56):
2011.
So, approaching 14 years inSeptember.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
So what was the impetus or the reason for the
move, just honestly, for thekids sake.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Um, I think a lot of the people who immigrate from
their countries.
They look for better future fortheir children for the next
generation we had um.
You know I had a very steadyjob, very nice career ahead of
me and we lived a comfortablelife.
Yeah, we left a comfortablelife to come here and we did
with sacrifice for the kids we,you know our um.
(24:30):
We're not going to talk aboutit in terms of politics, but we
knew that the region was not setfor for a good future yeah all,
right all right.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
What stands out to me about your story is that you
guys, like I know in art ofculture he always says this that
there's this understanding ofnasib like oh, just wait until
it happens, it'll happen when ithappens, but you guys were
proactive right like you knew,there was mutual interest and so
both of you were putting in theeffort and alhamdulillah opened
doors and and the stars alignedand everything happened, but
(25:02):
the important thing was that youwere putting in the work and
that's something I wish morepeople did.
right Like you have to tie yourcamel, and that's very important
.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
And we advise our kids that you know we want them
to do the same thing.
We don't want them to just, youknow, rush into it and try to.
You know, just to be married Ihave to find someone right away.
We encourage them that you knowif you have a chance to meet
someone that both you know oursons and our daughter.
(25:33):
We advise, we give the sameadvice.
We would like them to meettheir future spouse and get to
know them on their own and thenbring us into it, you know.
I mean we want them to behonest with us when they find
someone and tell us and sharewith us and let them meet that
person, let us meet that personand at the same time we want
them to know that they have that.
You know, our approval Likewe're not going to be strict and
(25:56):
restrictive of what they'relooking for yeah, Okay.
So you don't want the person tobe Jordanian or Syrian.
(26:16):
We have preference.
We trust their judgment.
Yeah, we trust their judgment.
If they find someone, you knowthat they feel that this is the
right person.
We're not going to stand in theway.
We're not going to stand in theway.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Yes, we're not going to stand in the way very nice
and a lot of our previousepisodes.
We talk about communicationbetween parents and kids and how
sometimes, like because parentsare so strict or so traditional
kids feel like they have tohide things from their parents
and then it becomes difficult.
There's somebody and they'realready in a relationship and
(26:43):
the parents are not on board andyeah.
So it's great that you haveopen communication with your
absolutely.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
I mean we.
When we hear them talking aboutsomebody from this friend
circle, we're like okay, uh, youmentioned this person so many
times.
Is there interest?
Speaker 2 (26:56):
there's no, they're suggesting.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Yeah, that's great, yeah I mean to add to that.
That's so true.
I mean, I recall this from aclient that we just had recently
where the mother wantedsomething like she specifically
wanted a pakistani for herdaughter, but the daughter was
like no, I'm open to otherethnicities.
And they immediately the motherand daughter weren't on the
same page.
Yeah right.
So it's very important and it'sgreat that you guys have that
(27:23):
open communication that you,parents and children, are on the
same page in terms of what thechildren are attracted to, what
their goals are, so that whenyou guys start searching, you're
searching with theirperspective in mind.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
So that's amazing, yeah.
But you know, guys, you werelucky because, like, you found
each other in Jordan, but hereMuslims like including your kids
growing up in the West it's notthat easy.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
True.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
So what advice would you give a single Muslim who's
been looking for so long and onthe brink of just giving up?
Speaker 4 (27:55):
I mean there are lots and lots of good people here.
You just have to find the rightway to meet them right.
So there are opportunities.
We tell them that the bestopportunity is during your
education.
This is the chance that you'regoing to meet more people.
After you get out to the realworld, you're working, then
you're confined to whether it'san office or a certain group of
(28:17):
people that you don't have asmuch access to be involved,
let's say, in events as youwould be when you're a student
on campus.
There are lots of events wherethere's a chance to meet.
If that doesn't happen, youknow our son did not find his
future spouse in the university.
So I mean, he's still young.
Of course we're not pushing forthat, but he still has a chance
(28:41):
.
We're just telling him to takehis time.
You know, keep thinking aboutit In the meantime.
He's still young, he's notlooking for now.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Maybe we're more concerned than he is, but he's
young and I think people shoulduse like experts like you
yourselves.
Use like experts like youyourselves like, because, like
(29:13):
as you said, it's harder for ourkids or for young generation
who lives in here to find eachother, or so why don't we ask
professionals for a professionalhelp, like?
Speaker 2 (29:23):
that's.
That's what we're here for,yeah absolutely no.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
It's great you mention that because there's
just the, you know, there's thisshyness or aversion towards
seeking help, especially usArabs, by the way, like.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Pakistanis and Indians and other cultures.
They're more open to seekinghelp, but with us Arabs
especially like with matchmakers, it's this mentality.
Speaker 4 (29:48):
Maybe, yeah, it could be.
Of course we don't see it.
Maybe we're more open to theseideas than some of the
conservative people.
We think it's a great idea.
Yeah for sure, Definitely,definitely.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
So what's something you thought marriage would be
like, but it wasn't.
After marriage, like thisexpectation, maybe this
preconceived notion of marriage.
But then you got married andyou thought, hmm, this is this a
bit different.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Yeah, for me.
Sorry, rami, I didn't haveexpectations actually.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
I didn't have any expectations and even if I, the
only model I had is my dad,which is a big authority over
the house, and we all are afraidof him.
But when I got married, ramiwas my friend, so it was beyond
(30:55):
my expectations.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Oh, thank you.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
I'm blushing now.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I think that she deserves a gift for that.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
Absolutely Maybe a diamond ring.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
I think it's just because my parents are happy
with me?
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.
What about you, rami?
Speaker 4 (31:22):
what about you, rami?
Um, I was.
Uh, the main thing that youknow we grew up with and hear
about in and cultures is what wecall hamau kinney.
Uh, you know mother-in-law andyou know daughter-in-law, and
the same on both sides.
You know it goes both.
Uh, you know the mothers-in-lawbut we're lucky.
Um, our parents are not likethat.
You know, I felt like I was ason to my in-laws and someone is
like a daughter to my parentsand we, you know, we've still.
(31:44):
This is how it is sweet andthat's the same with my.
I don't have any sisters, Ihave, you know, my brother's
wives are in our family, werereally really close and not like
the misconception about how itis Alhamdulillah that's a huge
blessing.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
May Allah keep this blessing, alhamdulillah.
If you had to do it all overagain, what is one thing you
would change?
Speaker 4 (32:09):
I mean, I don't know.
For me I think everything wentthe right way.
I was very happy.
Like I say, I studied abroadand I was not looking to to find
someone from outside my cultureto bring her to live in jordan.
I didn't feel that would befair for her because at the time
I didn't see myself livingoutside of jordan, so I didn't
want to to find um, a wife fromoverseas and, you know, bring
(32:34):
her to change a lot of thingsabout how she's used to living.
So when I came back to get myjob and start working, yes, I
was looking to find somebodyfrom within and I wouldn't
change a thing the way ithappened, the way I met Samar
and the way everything hasevolved.
Like she said, we're very closefriends.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
She's my best friend and partner and everything, and
we have a beautiful family, thekids are.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
You know, we're very proud of them.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
And yeah, how do you feel your marriage changed after
children To the best?
Speaker 4 (33:08):
Really.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
For me I was thinking when we first, when I first got
pregnant with Zaid, my oldestson, with Zaid, my oldest son, I
wasn't that excited because Ineeded some time with Rami to go
to travel, like to see theworld from after marriage.
(33:30):
But I got pregnant right awayand that was the only thing at
that time.
I hoped like for it to be tohappen later, but now I wouldn't
change it for the world like wewere blessed not to wait not to
(33:50):
go through anything of that,and it was for the best.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
Alhamdulillah.
So funny how you're Abu Zaid MZaid, and this is Zaid yes, us
for the best, okay, some good,neither of.
Speaker 4 (34:03):
Maybe we're pretending we're not Neither one
of us is strict we don't stickour minds.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
We're open to any ideas.
Who's the better cook?
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Samer, he's too kind, he's adventurous.
He would learn new recipes.
I stick to the traditional but,he brings new recipes to this
house.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Who makes better Mansaf?
Oh, me too.
I don't make Mansaf, that's alie.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
He just eats Mansaf.
I don't try.
And who is more dramatic?
Speaker 4 (34:51):
I don't know.
We're not, we're not dramatic.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Okay now, I seriously suspect if you're Arab or not.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Yeah, we're not dramatic okay, now I seriously
suspect if you're arab or not.
Okay, one word.
I would say.
What one word that describesyour marriage.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Just one word happiness, absolutely well guys,
you heard it love is possible,love is out there, even if it's
a student and a professor.
May may allah keep thisbeautiful family happy and
blessed, and thank you so muchfor opening your hearts to us,
sharing your story we appreciate.
Speaker 4 (35:27):
Thank you for inviting us to your show and,
yes, we're happy to to be partof it and we wish you and the
listeners all the best.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
Thank you so much.
Thank you till next time.
Till next time.
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