October 24, 2025 • 26 mins
What if marriage never happens? Not as a gloomy thought, but as a real, quiet one many of us have whispered at some point. What if you’ve prayed, tried, and waited, and it still doesn’t come? What then?
This episode speaks to that space between faith and fatigue, the longing, the grief, and the slow work of finding joy again. We talk about what it means to build a full, meaningful life even when marriage isn’t part of the picture, and how Allah’s plan for you is never on pause.
Download our Free Guide: If I Never Marry: 10 Practical Moves Every Single Muslim Should Make, and explore creative ways to strategize, grow, and live fully today. Get it here.
If something we said made you think, laugh, or feel seen, leave us a rating and review! It helps more people find the show. And hey, if you know someone who needs to hear this episode, send it their way. Sharing is caring!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
You know Zayd, we always tell singles your time
will come.
But what if it doesn't?
SPEAKER_02 (00:05):
Exactly.
What if it genuinely doesn't?
Then what?
Our story just remainsunfinished?
SPEAKER_00 (00:12):
That's the part nobody wants to talk about.
Shall we?
SPEAKER_02 (00:17):
Assalamu alaikum everyone.
Welcome back to another episode.
SPEAKER_00 (00:19):
Yeah, salam alaikum.
SPEAKER_02 (00:21):
In my story, I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this
in probably the first or secondepisode, but when uh when you
messaged me, um back, what wasit, 2019?
Feels like a long time ago.
I was pretty much on the vergeof giving up.
I was considering closing mysubscription account with HOD.
(00:42):
I was what 34 years old at thetime, nine years into my search,
and I was ready to accept thefact that I'm probably never
going to get married.
Did you ever deal with that?
Those thoughts and feelings?
SPEAKER_00 (00:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02 (00:56):
Even though you were only 30 years old.
SPEAKER_00 (00:58):
Yes, but so you weren't as old as me.
SPEAKER_02 (01:00):
I mean 35, I couldn't understand, but 30,
come on.
SPEAKER_00 (01:03):
But 30 years old for a girl in the Middle East, in a
neighborhood where girls getmarried at 19 and 22.
I felt like uh that train haslong passed.
And I came to um uhreconciliation, you could say.
I reconciled with the fact thatI'm actually never gonna get
married.
(01:23):
And that's why I decided to moveto Jordan.
Not not that's why, but it wasone of the factors that I
decided to move to Jordan andpursue a new like new path, uh
studying Sharia.
Because I'm like, you know what?
I'm not I'm not getting married,so why waste my life?
Let me do something I love,something productive.
But just like I shared on uh thedigital sisterhood the other
(01:47):
day, I kept making du'a while atthe same time accepting the fact
that I might never get married.
SPEAKER_02 (01:53):
So you were proactive while at the same time
pursuing something meaningfuland productive in your life?
SPEAKER_00 (01:59):
If by proactive saying making dua, then yeah,
that's all the proactiveness I Ihad at my disposal.
SPEAKER_02 (02:06):
Interesting.
And you know what?
This is kind of a tangent.
It just hit me now that ourstories are much more similar
than I realized.
You moved to Jordan trying toreboot your life.
SPEAKER_00 (02:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (02:18):
I moved to Canada trying to reboot my life.
SPEAKER_00 (02:21):
Look at that.
SPEAKER_02 (02:22):
You moved to Jordan to pursue a passion of yours.
I moved to Canada to pursue apassion of mine.
SPEAKER_00 (02:27):
Both our studies.
SPEAKER_02 (02:28):
And both were studies.
Both both of us kind of were ata point in our lives where we
were just kind of, I don't know,just sick of sick of societal
norms and the routine, right?
You kind of felt like that.
I felt like that.
And we needed to pull ourselvesaway from that and just be in a
foreign environment and justfocus on what we loved.
SPEAKER_00 (02:48):
It was so, yes, absolutely.
It was so nice moving to a newplace and just waking up where
nobody knows me.
I can write my own chapter, newchapter.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_02 (02:57):
Like for me, it was going to Jummah prayer every
Friday and walking out of theMajdin, and not a single soul
knew who I was.
Oh god.
Every week I was like, this isawesome.
SPEAKER_00 (03:06):
Well, to me, it was the opposite.
I was excited for theopportunity to make new
friendships.
SPEAKER_02 (03:10):
Yeah, I guess.
Um, but nonetheless, going backto the topic, God, what were we
talking about?
Oh, yes.
Something about marriage.
Something about marriage.
Um, so yes, you were you thoughtyou would never get married at
that point, but yet you stillkept that search alive.
Um, for me, it was reallywrestling with the idea that I
(03:33):
will have to just live with mymom.
I'm gonna be one of those oldguys living with my mom in her
apartment and not doing anythingmeaningful with his life.
SPEAKER_00 (03:43):
Oh god, yeah.
Can I share something?
Sure.
Maybe uh weird, funny, I don'tknow.
So I also imagined how my lifeis gonna turn out if I never get
married.
And my mom and dad were longgone, like in that picture, they
were old, they're gone, and Iremain by myself.
My sister was married,alhamdulillah.
So I remain by myself in thishouse.
(04:04):
I was even thinking to myself,how am I gonna redecorate the
house?
I swear.
SPEAKER_02 (04:09):
Wow, yeah, you were thinking that far ahead.
SPEAKER_00 (04:11):
Yeah, because like I accepted that far.
Uh I wasn't like I was saddenedby it, but I came to accept it
and live with it and plan forthe future.
Yeah.
But subhanAllah, Allah hasbetter plans always.
Always.
SPEAKER_02 (04:29):
So the interesting thing is is that these thoughts
and feelings that we weredealing with, it's not um we're
not the only ones.
We're not the exceptions.
SPEAKER_00 (04:38):
I'm pretty sure we're not.
SPEAKER_02 (04:39):
Yes.
So according to a 2011 Pewsurvey of Muslim Americans, 33%
of Muslim American adults saidthey had n had never been
married, which is pretty crazyconsidering this is 2011.
SPEAKER_00 (04:54):
How much worse can it be today?
SPEAKER_02 (04:56):
Exactly.
Yeah.
Right.
Um, and so that that's that'sthe thing that we have to think
about that sometimes marriage isjust not written for us.
Now it's easy for us to say, andit kind of sounds like speaking
from a very privileged place,like, hey, I got married, so but
it might not work for you, butit worked for me.
Like I know it sounds a bitself-centered.
SPEAKER_00 (05:16):
No, it doesn't because we were there.
SPEAKER_02 (05:18):
Because we But we got lucky, we found each other.
And not everybody has that.
SPEAKER_00 (05:22):
Yes, you're right, yeah.
Right?
But it is it is an alarmingstatistic.
And if you find yourself Allahknows best, Allah knows what's
best for you, but if you findyourself uh in this statistic,
then know that you're not afailure.
Know that you're not alone.
SPEAKER_02 (05:38):
Right.
And so naturally, not gettingmarried can be associated with a
lot of other issues.
Um, one of them being a fear ofloneliness.
SPEAKER_00 (05:48):
I think that's the biggest one when people like
when people think about thepossibility of not getting
married.
SPEAKER_02 (05:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (05:55):
I think this is the biggest one.
SPEAKER_02 (05:56):
Especially if you're in a small family and you don't
have many siblings.
SPEAKER_00 (05:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (06:00):
Uh your parents or your parents probably had you
late in their life.
So that is that is a big fear.
Growing old alone.
Growing old alone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or if your sibling lives faraway.
Yeah.
That's pretty scary.
Yeah.
Um, and that was kind of w oneof the discussions we had when
discussing children.
Yeah.
Right?
Growing old alone.
Um, what's another one?
SPEAKER_00 (06:20):
Grief and loss.
You grieve the life you thoughtyou would have.
And you feel like you lost that,even though you never had it.
SPEAKER_02 (06:28):
Yeah.
I feel like this hurts womenmore than men because they
they're expecting this dreamywedding and post-marriage life
with children, um, having thisbeautiful home and having
grandchildren.
Like, I mean, guys also kindayou know think about these
(06:49):
things too, but I feel like thisafflicts women more than I think
it affects men and women um likeequally, but in a different in
different ways.
SPEAKER_00 (06:57):
Uh-huh.
Like, I don't know, us women, wethink about I don't know, um,
having my in-laws over, goinguh, I don't know, going to visit
at Aid at the in-laws.
Um I don't know.
We think about uh having thechildren and dressing them up,
all of that.
But what uh what do men thinkabout when they uh feel grief
(07:19):
for not getting married?
SPEAKER_02 (07:21):
I think for them it's just not passing on their
genes.
SPEAKER_00 (07:24):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (07:25):
Being the only guy not married, right?
So all the friends are you knowbusy with their wives and their
kids and they're forming theirown kind of groups, and now
you're dealing with FOMO fear ofmissing out.
SPEAKER_00 (07:38):
The the the third wheel.
Yeah, you end up being the thirdwheel.
SPEAKER_02 (07:41):
Oh, I've been the third wheel a couple times.
Oh yeah, that sucks.
Big time.
SPEAKER_00 (07:45):
The the emotional aspect as well for women, like
women appreciate thecompanionship, I don't know,
just going to bed next tosomeone, and for men maybe it's
the intimacy part.
SPEAKER_02 (07:57):
Of course, yeah, yeah.
I mean, that's that's theelephant in the room, right?
Men are more sexually driventhan women are, so they're
missing out on that.
The societal shame.
Oh yeah.
Uh that that definitely hurtswomen more than men, I think.
If you're a 45-year-old womanshowing your face in society and
you're not married, versus a45-year-old man unmarried in
(08:20):
society, which one is gonna bedealing with more shame?
I think it's the woman.
SPEAKER_00 (08:23):
I think men, you know why?
Why?
Because especially like forexample, in the Middle Eastern
uh community, women it'sunderstood that a woman didn't
get married because nobodyproposed, because nobody noticed
her.
But for a guy, like usually theguy is the one who's the uh
proactive one who's supposed topursue marriage.
So why didn't he get married?
(08:45):
Why didn't he pursue marriage?
For women, it's more of a afeeling of pity.
Oh, nobody proposed to her,nobody's gonna be worse than
it's it's it's really unfair.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But a man, uh the way I see it,feels more like a failure.
I missed out on all these years.
(09:06):
I could have married that girlor that girl.
My mom introduced someone to me.
I kept saying no.
SPEAKER_02 (09:11):
Yeah.
Yeah, and then that ties intoanother issue, which is the
identity crisis.
Your status as a married persongets uh becomes part of your
identity.
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:22):
It's like you build your self-worth based on that.
SPEAKER_02 (09:25):
Right, right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:26):
And there's another aspect of the not getting
married that maybe we don't liketo admit to ourselves.
We start having thesetheological doubts.
We start asking ourselves thesedifficult questions, or maybe
asking Allah these difficultquestions, which ends up adding
more guilt to what we're alreadygoing through.
What you're trying to ask is whydid this happen to me?
(09:49):
Why did you choose to let me besingle for the s for the rest of
my life, right?
But it's about framing thequestion, it's about the
language itself.
SPEAKER_02 (09:59):
So I've been there actually.
When I performed Umrah and Icame back, so for those of you
who don't know the story, um, Iwent for Umrah in 20 god, when
was it?
2018?
Yes.
Oh yeah, 20, yeah, sorry, 2016.
You know the story better thanme, 2016.
Oh, I heard it only a milliontimes.
So I went for Umrah in 2016, anduh one of the the first dua I
(10:20):
made was for a spouse.
And I came back and I gotnothing.
It was just uh an unanswered duafor a long time.
And then you messaged meNovember 2019, and then we had a
Nika December 2019, exactly onthe date that, or three years
exactly after I performed Umrah.
(10:40):
So during that time, I wasdealing with those questions
because hey, I just made dua inthe holiest place on earth uh
with as much sincerity as Ipossibly could, and it came with
the hopes, and uh I feel bad forsaying this, but staghfirullah,
but with the expectation that itwould be answered within a time
(11:02):
frame that I wanted.
And of course, you plan as muchas you want, and Allah is the
best of planners, and Allahplanned better than I could have
planned.
And so, yes, I was dealing withthese hard theological issues
that uh is like what's going on,like is this my test?
Um, why is Allah choosing not touh you know bless me with a
(11:24):
spouse?
So I've been there.
SPEAKER_00 (11:27):
Okay, so so you see, guys, we're not here to tell
you, oh, Allah knows best,Allah's plan is best, because we
all believe that.
But we're here to tackle thethings that you might feel
awkward even discussing withyour best friend.
Yeah.
So for example, instead ofasking like you did, why did
this happen to me, a betterquestion would be what do you
(11:48):
want me asking Allah subhanahuwa ta'ala, what do you want me
to build with this life?
Because you know, whether youget married or you don't get
married, at the end of the day,all of these are just means for
us to worship Allah subhanahu wata'ala.
We worship Him whether we'resingle, whether we're married.
Marriage could some people doget married and they end up
(12:10):
being miserable.
And they think to themselves,oh, I wish I never got married.
Why why did you Allah like testme with this?
And some people's test isactually never getting married.
But it's about how we deal withwhatever situation we find
ourselves in.
SPEAKER_02 (12:26):
That's an interesting way to put it.
And um and when we think aboutthe the stories that are in the
Quran, for example, like YusufAli Islam's uh test was beauty,
right?
Like he was such an attractiveperson, and he was tested with
that.
So some people are tested withbeauty, some people are tested
uh without beauty, some peopleare tested with wealth, right?
(12:48):
Some people are tested withoutwealth.
SPEAKER_00 (12:49):
Some people are tested with having horrible
children, and some people aretested with not having children
at all.
So it's uh it's about ourattitude and our what is that
word, reception of the test thatAllah tests us with.
SPEAKER_02 (13:05):
So it's important to understand that marriage isn't
the defining aspect of yourlife, right?
It is just one of manymilestones.
Yeah.
Sometimes we approach marriagewith this expectation that it's
like achieving a gold medal,right?
Like I know parents sometimesfeel like that.
Like they can take a deepbreath.
SPEAKER_00 (13:23):
Oh, my children are married, alhamdulillah.
SPEAKER_02 (13:25):
Now I can die.
SPEAKER_00 (13:28):
No, now now I can enjoy my retirement.
SPEAKER_02 (13:31):
Exactly.
Like, and and parents put thatpressure on their kids.
Yeah, it's like a burden lifted.
Yes, and God, marriage is justone of many milestones in your
life.
And if we don't achieve that,then God, we we've failed.
So it's important to understandthat everybody has a different
timeline.
All right, when we're in our20s, we think, okay, we're gonna
(13:54):
finish undergrad by 22, 23,finish graduate school by 26,
get married right out the door.
As soon as I get my diploma, myspouse is gonna be waiting down
the street, and I'm gonna havemy first kid within two years,
second kid at 32, and I'm gonnabe living in a beautiful
mansion, retire by the age of45, and have grandkids the next
day.
SPEAKER_00 (14:12):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (14:13):
That doesn't happen.
I can't think of a single personthat that's happened to.
SPEAKER_00 (14:17):
I can't think of a single person who thinks they're
gonna retire by 44, especiallywith this economy.
SPEAKER_02 (14:21):
Exactly.
So if you were to ask me in my20s, when do I think I'm gonna
get married, I would have neverimagined I would get I would get
married at 34.
Right?
You probably never thought youwere gonna get married at 30.
SPEAKER_00 (14:33):
No, not at all.
SPEAKER_02 (14:34):
Right?
Everybody has a differenttimeline.
And for some people, marriage isin that timeline, and for some
people it isn't.
Yeah.
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (14:41):
Yeah.
Marriage is just a milestone,it's not the milestone.
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (14:46):
Yeah.
Um, so it's important that whilewe are keeping ourselves
proactive and keeping the searchalive, that we are still
pursuing, not just pursuing, butadding value and meaning to our
lives.
And there's different ways wecan do that, right?
SPEAKER_00 (15:02):
Yeah, absolutely.
You can, for example, travelsomewhere that pushes you out of
your comfort zone.
Um, you can, I don't know, learna new language or new languages.
You can start somethingmeaningful, whether it's a
business, a community project,or a study circle, um mentoring
(15:22):
the youth.
And don't think about these aslike fallback plans or like uh
if marriage doesn't work out orlike a second option or like
that's a pity thing, or no,these we're talking about things
that are meaningful, right?
SPEAKER_02 (15:38):
And I want I've said this before and I'm gonna keep
highlighting this point.
This is while you are stillbeing proactive.
This does not mean you put thesearch on hold and say marriage
isn't happening, I'm gonna putall my energy and focus into
this.
Yeah, no, marriage may happen ata later point in your life, it
may not, but you never know whatis written for you.
SPEAKER_00 (15:55):
Yeah, so yeah, the last thing we want from this
episode is for you guys to justfeel depressed and think that
okay, so marriage is nothappening, I should stop the
search.
Not at all.
Never, not never, yeah.
And you know, sometimes I feelit's culture that just adds to
adds to the problem and uhcreates this identity crisis.
(16:16):
Like for example, we tieidentity to roles oh, she's the
wife, he's the husband, she'sthe mother, he's the provider.
So if you don't meet theseroles, you feel like a failure.
When in fact, that's not true,because even people who have
these roles sometimes can losesense of identity.
SPEAKER_02 (16:36):
And you know what's interesting?
Wasn't it Imam Nawi that nevergot married?
SPEAKER_00 (16:40):
Yeah, and he's not the only one, by the way.
SPEAKER_02 (16:42):
Yeah, there were many scholars and we have a
legacy of scholars that nevergot married, but yet they can't
contributed so much, yeah,right, because they didn't look
at marriage as the end all beall of life.
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00 (16:56):
They had a bigger purpose.
They had a bigger purpose, yeah.
Yeah, so we end up because ofthese roles that were not met,
we end up asking ourselves, whoam I if I'm not any of these
roles or any of these things.
And actually being single justexposes how fragile our sense of
self can be.
When we associate our our worthto roles that should be met,
(17:20):
then when these roles are notmet, we feel like failures.
SPEAKER_02 (17:24):
And when you say roles, you're talking
specifically uh marriage.
SPEAKER_00 (17:27):
I'm talking about marriage, exactly.
Husband, wife, uh,daughter-in-law, uh, mother,
father, provider, all of theseroles, right?
When in fact our self-worthshould be derived from our own
values, and uh and if we standup to those values, for example,
I could be a nurturing personeven if I'm not a mother.
(17:48):
I could be a reliable person,I'm a reliable person even if
I'm not a provider, if I'm not ahusband.
So there are other ways tofulfill these values in
different roles.
SPEAKER_02 (17:58):
Right.
Um, I'm trying to think ofanother example.
I'm a leader.
I'm a leader, even though I'mnot married.
Exactly.
Right?
You could be a leader in yourcommunity.
SPEAKER_00 (18:07):
So thinking about these values opens new horizons
for you to see ways, to findways, how you can fulfill these
values.
SPEAKER_02 (18:14):
Right, to give back.
To give back and to leave.
So marriage is not the onlycontext in which you can give
back.
SPEAKER_00 (18:21):
And sometimes sometimes marriage can hinder
you from actually leaving uhthat legacy or uh leaving that
impact on the community.
Because you could end up, Idon't know, being busy 24-7 with
three kids under the age offive.
You could end up with um, Idon't know, a kid with a child
(18:42):
with special needs or a severedisability.
You could end up with a husbandwho's just so emotionally
unavailable, or a wife that'sjust nagging all the time.
So you end up not fulfillingthose values in the community.
And you know what I notice a lotof single people do, they put
(19:04):
their lives on hold until theyget married.
And they're always anticipatingthe next stage, so they're never
experiencing full joy, whetherthat's uh delaying buying a
house or delaying traveling tocertain places, delaying certain
projects, um, not priorprioritizing their or their
health.
They're like, oh, when I getmarried, I'll start uh eating
(19:26):
healthy and going to the gymwith my spouse.
Or when I get married, I willstart taking my dean more
seriously.
So they treat some people treatsinglehood as a temporary stage
instead of it being a fullchapter on its own that you
might end up in forever, younever know, right?
So if you keep waiting for thatthing to happen, you're not
(19:49):
enjoying your life and time ispassing.
SPEAKER_02 (19:52):
Right, right.
And it's reminds me of somethingwe always say in our workshops
too, which is and we quotesomeone else who actually said
this, but merry reality, notpotential.
Right?
So if you are a person who isworking on potential, saying
I'll be XYZ after marriage, andyou're not applying that in the
current mo uh present moment,yeah, then you're not setting
(20:14):
yourself up advantageously formarriage.
SPEAKER_00 (20:17):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So whether you end up gettingmarried or singlehood is a
temporary stage for you, prepareas if you were getting married.
Prepare in terms ofself-improvement, in terms of
strengthening your uh yourrelationship with Allah in terms
of taking care of your health,your finances.
If you get married, that'sgreat.
(20:38):
You'll have these things readywhen you get married.
SPEAKER_02 (20:40):
Being prepared for the moment.
SPEAKER_00 (20:41):
Being prepared for the moment.
And if you don't get married, ifit's not in Allah's plan for
you, then you've built thesethings for you for the future.
So go ahead, travel to thatdestination you've always wanted
to.
Decorate your place the way youwant, buy nice dishes, plan for
the future, just live your life.
Because Allah subhanahu wata'ala did not promise marriage.
(21:03):
He promised Rizgh, he promisedbarakah, and that could come in
a form of marriage or in a formof singlehood.
Hey, if you have a story totell, we'd love to have you on.
Here you'll find a safe space oflisteners who can understand
what you're going through.
Just shoot us an email with asummary of your story at info at
halalmaj.ca.
SPEAKER_02 (21:25):
So people naturally at some point in their life tend
to think about the impact thatthey're having on the people
around them, right?
And the impact that they'regoing to leave behind before
they die.
One of the things that people'sthoughts and attitudes drift
towards is children.
Because your children are areflection of you, right?
(21:46):
And so when you that's whywhenever you go to a party or
something, parents are alwaysinsist in saying, Oh, this is my
son, Abdullah, look at him.
SPEAKER_00 (21:53):
Come, come, Habibi, come read some Quran to Ammu.
SPEAKER_02 (21:58):
He's just reading Surah Iqhlass.
Every child loves Surah Iqhlas.
Right?
With their brokenesses.
So the point is that children isnot children are not the only
way to leave a legacy.
Right?
It's just one of many ways.
And like Alhamdulillah, I'vebeen privileged to have
memorized the Quran.
(22:18):
So one of the things that I wasdoing for many years to earn
money was to teach Quran.
So now that I think about it, inhindsight, hindsight is always
20-20, that uh even if I wasn'tto get married, alhamdulillah,
I've left a legacy where I'vetaught children Quran and in
sure they're gonna grow up andget married and teach their kids
Quran.
That's nice.
Right?
(22:38):
Or as the hadith goes, right?
Yeah.
So at least I've fulfilled thatand uh have some sort of lasting
impact on the world in some way.
SPEAKER_00 (22:49):
Yeah, yeah.
So there are many ways to leavean impact, like you said,
whether that's teaching thedeen, whether that's uh
spreading dawah, whether that'sassisting new converts, whether
that's building, you know, whenI came to um when I came to an
acceptance that I'm nevergetting married, you know what
my future plan was?
What?
(23:09):
Building an orphanage.
Oh I wanted to do that.
There's a lot of ways, whetherthat's adopting, um, of course,
in a way that aligns withArdean, or adopting or
sponsoring a child, whetherthat's uh like starting a wakf.
Um what is a wakf?
Wakf is like um a charity youleave that can't be touched or
(23:32):
changed.
So for example, uh you help indigging this uh well, and uh no
one in the like you buy thisland or whatever, you dig it,
not with your own hand, but likeyou sponsor it, and then that's
forever is there until likenobody can come and claim it uh
(23:52):
for themselves.
And that's a sadachajaria.
SPEAKER_01 (23:56):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (23:56):
Uh whether maybe that's in writing, you can do
writing to creating art, um,building projects, community
mentorship, uh youth mentorship.
There are million ways in one,whatever aligns with your
passions and interests.
But don't link everything tomarriage and children.
Uh you know what?
Like I said before, what if youget married?
(24:18):
And alhamdulillah, you're happyin your marriage, but Allah
doesn't write children in yourlife, in your future.
Then what does this mean?
That like now your life isworthless?
SPEAKER_02 (24:28):
Or you failed.
SPEAKER_00 (24:29):
Or you failed?
SPEAKER_02 (24:30):
No, no, no.
Of course not.
SPEAKER_00 (24:32):
You know, adopting this mindset turns singlehood
into a mission instead of awaiting period.
SPEAKER_02 (24:38):
I can see that.
SPEAKER_00 (24:40):
Like you're always looking for what's the next
what's the next thing I can do?
What is the next impact I canhave instead of just sitting
there, oh when is it gonnahappen?
When am I gonna get married?
We're not saying staying singleis nice.
We're not saying that oh,marriage is not that glamorous,
it's not that exciting, likeyou're not missing out on a lot.
(25:01):
No, marriage is beautiful,marriage is an erma.
SPEAKER_02 (25:04):
For sure.
SPEAKER_00 (25:04):
For sure.
But what we're trying to say issinglehood can be something
beautiful as well.
SPEAKER_02 (25:09):
Yes.
And it's not something that'sguaranteed.
Yeah.
Um you're talking aboutmarriage.
I'm talking about marriage,yeah.
So yeah.
Your your worth as a humanbeing, your ability to give back
to the community and leave alegacy and all of those things,
it's not conditional onmarriage.
Yeah.
Uh and the last thing I want toshare with you guys is to have a
consistent spiritual practice,right?
(25:31):
Consistently making dua uh formarriage, for purpose and
meaning in your life.
For barakah.
For barakah to allow Allah toopen doors for you where you can
release those those passions andand things and and the things
that you're good at.
Yeah.
Right?
Like we talked aboutreliability, leadership, and
(25:51):
things like that.
SPEAKER_00 (25:53):
And ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for ruda,
for content in whatever whateversituation you find yourself in.
And if you if you want to prayfor the for marriage, also be
specific with your du'a.
Not you were.
I was I shared this uh multipletimes.
I was very specific.
I was like ordering a burger,you could say.
And Allah delivered subhanahu wata'ala.
(26:15):
So don't be shy with Allah.
Just open your heart to Him, noone's judging you.
And um, before we leave youguys, we uh like if you look at
the description of this episode,we are linking a PDF file of 10
practical steps you can do rightnow if you are single, if your
marriage maybe is not in theplan for you, 10 practical
(26:37):
things you can startimplementing today.
Let us know your thoughts onthis episode.
Um let us know how it left youfeeling.
We'd really love to read somecomments.
Yeah, and inshallah we'll seeyou on the next one.
You know Zayd, we always tell singles your time
will come.
But what if it doesn't?
SPEAKER_02 (00:05):
Exactly.
What if it genuinely doesn't?
Then what?
Our story just remainsunfinished?
SPEAKER_00 (00:12):
That's the part nobody wants to talk about.
Shall we?
SPEAKER_02 (00:17):
Assalamu alaikum everyone.
Welcome back to another episode.
SPEAKER_00 (00:19):
Yeah, salam alaikum.
SPEAKER_02 (00:21):
In my story, I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this
in probably the first or secondepisode, but when uh when you
messaged me, um back, what wasit, 2019?
Feels like a long time ago.
I was pretty much on the vergeof giving up.
I was considering closing mysubscription account with HOD.
(00:42):
I was what 34 years old at thetime, nine years into my search,
and I was ready to accept thefact that I'm probably never
going to get married.
Did you ever deal with that?
Those thoughts and feelings?
SPEAKER_00 (00:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02 (00:56):
Even though you were only 30 years old.
SPEAKER_00 (00:58):
Yes, but so you weren't as old as me.
SPEAKER_02 (01:00):
I mean 35, I couldn't understand, but 30,
come on.
SPEAKER_00 (01:03):
But 30 years old for a girl in the Middle East, in a
neighborhood where girls getmarried at 19 and 22.
I felt like uh that train haslong passed.
And I came to um uhreconciliation, you could say.
I reconciled with the fact thatI'm actually never gonna get
married.
(01:23):
And that's why I decided to moveto Jordan.
Not not that's why, but it wasone of the factors that I
decided to move to Jordan andpursue a new like new path, uh
studying Sharia.
Because I'm like, you know what?
I'm not I'm not getting married,so why waste my life?
Let me do something I love,something productive.
But just like I shared on uh thedigital sisterhood the other
(01:47):
day, I kept making du'a while atthe same time accepting the fact
that I might never get married.
SPEAKER_02 (01:53):
So you were proactive while at the same time
pursuing something meaningfuland productive in your life?
SPEAKER_00 (01:59):
If by proactive saying making dua, then yeah,
that's all the proactiveness I Ihad at my disposal.
SPEAKER_02 (02:06):
Interesting.
And you know what?
This is kind of a tangent.
It just hit me now that ourstories are much more similar
than I realized.
You moved to Jordan trying toreboot your life.
SPEAKER_00 (02:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (02:18):
I moved to Canada trying to reboot my life.
SPEAKER_00 (02:21):
Look at that.
SPEAKER_02 (02:22):
You moved to Jordan to pursue a passion of yours.
I moved to Canada to pursue apassion of mine.
SPEAKER_00 (02:27):
Both our studies.
SPEAKER_02 (02:28):
And both were studies.
Both both of us kind of were ata point in our lives where we
were just kind of, I don't know,just sick of sick of societal
norms and the routine, right?
You kind of felt like that.
I felt like that.
And we needed to pull ourselvesaway from that and just be in a
foreign environment and justfocus on what we loved.
SPEAKER_00 (02:48):
It was so, yes, absolutely.
It was so nice moving to a newplace and just waking up where
nobody knows me.
I can write my own chapter, newchapter.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_02 (02:57):
Like for me, it was going to Jummah prayer every
Friday and walking out of theMajdin, and not a single soul
knew who I was.
Oh god.
Every week I was like, this isawesome.
SPEAKER_00 (03:06):
Well, to me, it was the opposite.
I was excited for theopportunity to make new
friendships.
SPEAKER_02 (03:10):
Yeah, I guess.
Um, but nonetheless, going backto the topic, God, what were we
talking about?
Oh, yes.
Something about marriage.
Something about marriage.
Um, so yes, you were you thoughtyou would never get married at
that point, but yet you stillkept that search alive.
Um, for me, it was reallywrestling with the idea that I
(03:33):
will have to just live with mymom.
I'm gonna be one of those oldguys living with my mom in her
apartment and not doing anythingmeaningful with his life.
SPEAKER_00 (03:43):
Oh god, yeah.
Can I share something?
Sure.
Maybe uh weird, funny, I don'tknow.
So I also imagined how my lifeis gonna turn out if I never get
married.
And my mom and dad were longgone, like in that picture, they
were old, they're gone, and Iremain by myself.
My sister was married,alhamdulillah.
So I remain by myself in thishouse.
(04:04):
I was even thinking to myself,how am I gonna redecorate the
house?
I swear.
SPEAKER_02 (04:09):
Wow, yeah, you were thinking that far ahead.
SPEAKER_00 (04:11):
Yeah, because like I accepted that far.
Uh I wasn't like I was saddenedby it, but I came to accept it
and live with it and plan forthe future.
Yeah.
But subhanAllah, Allah hasbetter plans always.
Always.
SPEAKER_02 (04:29):
So the interesting thing is is that these thoughts
and feelings that we weredealing with, it's not um we're
not the only ones.
We're not the exceptions.
SPEAKER_00 (04:38):
I'm pretty sure we're not.
SPEAKER_02 (04:39):
Yes.
So according to a 2011 Pewsurvey of Muslim Americans, 33%
of Muslim American adults saidthey had n had never been
married, which is pretty crazyconsidering this is 2011.
SPEAKER_00 (04:54):
How much worse can it be today?
SPEAKER_02 (04:56):
Exactly.
Yeah.
Right.
Um, and so that that's that'sthe thing that we have to think
about that sometimes marriage isjust not written for us.
Now it's easy for us to say, andit kind of sounds like speaking
from a very privileged place,like, hey, I got married, so but
it might not work for you, butit worked for me.
Like I know it sounds a bitself-centered.
SPEAKER_00 (05:16):
No, it doesn't because we were there.
SPEAKER_02 (05:18):
Because we But we got lucky, we found each other.
And not everybody has that.
SPEAKER_00 (05:22):
Yes, you're right, yeah.
Right?
But it is it is an alarmingstatistic.
And if you find yourself Allahknows best, Allah knows what's
best for you, but if you findyourself uh in this statistic,
then know that you're not afailure.
Know that you're not alone.
SPEAKER_02 (05:38):
Right.
And so naturally, not gettingmarried can be associated with a
lot of other issues.
Um, one of them being a fear ofloneliness.
SPEAKER_00 (05:48):
I think that's the biggest one when people like
when people think about thepossibility of not getting
married.
SPEAKER_02 (05:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (05:55):
I think this is the biggest one.
SPEAKER_02 (05:56):
Especially if you're in a small family and you don't
have many siblings.
SPEAKER_00 (05:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (06:00):
Uh your parents or your parents probably had you
late in their life.
So that is that is a big fear.
Growing old alone.
Growing old alone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or if your sibling lives faraway.
Yeah.
That's pretty scary.
Yeah.
Um, and that was kind of w oneof the discussions we had when
discussing children.
Yeah.
Right?
Growing old alone.
Um, what's another one?
SPEAKER_00 (06:20):
Grief and loss.
You grieve the life you thoughtyou would have.
And you feel like you lost that,even though you never had it.
SPEAKER_02 (06:28):
Yeah.
I feel like this hurts womenmore than men because they
they're expecting this dreamywedding and post-marriage life
with children, um, having thisbeautiful home and having
grandchildren.
Like, I mean, guys also kindayou know think about these
(06:49):
things too, but I feel like thisafflicts women more than I think
it affects men and women um likeequally, but in a different in
different ways.
SPEAKER_00 (06:57):
Uh-huh.
Like, I don't know, us women, wethink about I don't know, um,
having my in-laws over, goinguh, I don't know, going to visit
at Aid at the in-laws.
Um I don't know.
We think about uh having thechildren and dressing them up,
all of that.
But what uh what do men thinkabout when they uh feel grief
(07:19):
for not getting married?
SPEAKER_02 (07:21):
I think for them it's just not passing on their
genes.
SPEAKER_00 (07:24):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (07:25):
Being the only guy not married, right?
So all the friends are you knowbusy with their wives and their
kids and they're forming theirown kind of groups, and now
you're dealing with FOMO fear ofmissing out.
SPEAKER_00 (07:38):
The the the third wheel.
Yeah, you end up being the thirdwheel.
SPEAKER_02 (07:41):
Oh, I've been the third wheel a couple times.
Oh yeah, that sucks.
Big time.
SPEAKER_00 (07:45):
The the emotional aspect as well for women, like
women appreciate thecompanionship, I don't know,
just going to bed next tosomeone, and for men maybe it's
the intimacy part.
SPEAKER_02 (07:57):
Of course, yeah, yeah.
I mean, that's that's theelephant in the room, right?
Men are more sexually driventhan women are, so they're
missing out on that.
The societal shame.
Oh yeah.
Uh that that definitely hurtswomen more than men, I think.
If you're a 45-year-old womanshowing your face in society and
you're not married, versus a45-year-old man unmarried in
(08:20):
society, which one is gonna bedealing with more shame?
I think it's the woman.
SPEAKER_00 (08:23):
I think men, you know why?
Why?
Because especially like forexample, in the Middle Eastern
uh community, women it'sunderstood that a woman didn't
get married because nobodyproposed, because nobody noticed
her.
But for a guy, like usually theguy is the one who's the uh
proactive one who's supposed topursue marriage.
So why didn't he get married?
(08:45):
Why didn't he pursue marriage?
For women, it's more of a afeeling of pity.
Oh, nobody proposed to her,nobody's gonna be worse than
it's it's it's really unfair.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But a man, uh the way I see it,feels more like a failure.
I missed out on all these years.
(09:06):
I could have married that girlor that girl.
My mom introduced someone to me.
I kept saying no.
SPEAKER_02 (09:11):
Yeah.
Yeah, and then that ties intoanother issue, which is the
identity crisis.
Your status as a married persongets uh becomes part of your
identity.
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:22):
It's like you build your self-worth based on that.
SPEAKER_02 (09:25):
Right, right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:26):
And there's another aspect of the not getting
married that maybe we don't liketo admit to ourselves.
We start having thesetheological doubts.
We start asking ourselves thesedifficult questions, or maybe
asking Allah these difficultquestions, which ends up adding
more guilt to what we're alreadygoing through.
What you're trying to ask is whydid this happen to me?
(09:49):
Why did you choose to let me besingle for the s for the rest of
my life, right?
But it's about framing thequestion, it's about the
language itself.
SPEAKER_02 (09:59):
So I've been there actually.
When I performed Umrah and Icame back, so for those of you
who don't know the story, um, Iwent for Umrah in 20 god, when
was it?
2018?
Yes.
Oh yeah, 20, yeah, sorry, 2016.
You know the story better thanme, 2016.
Oh, I heard it only a milliontimes.
So I went for Umrah in 2016, anduh one of the the first dua I
(10:20):
made was for a spouse.
And I came back and I gotnothing.
It was just uh an unanswered duafor a long time.
And then you messaged meNovember 2019, and then we had a
Nika December 2019, exactly onthe date that, or three years
exactly after I performed Umrah.
(10:40):
So during that time, I wasdealing with those questions
because hey, I just made dua inthe holiest place on earth uh
with as much sincerity as Ipossibly could, and it came with
the hopes, and uh I feel bad forsaying this, but staghfirullah,
but with the expectation that itwould be answered within a time
(11:02):
frame that I wanted.
And of course, you plan as muchas you want, and Allah is the
best of planners, and Allahplanned better than I could have
planned.
And so, yes, I was dealing withthese hard theological issues
that uh is like what's going on,like is this my test?
Um, why is Allah choosing not touh you know bless me with a
(11:24):
spouse?
So I've been there.
SPEAKER_00 (11:27):
Okay, so so you see, guys, we're not here to tell
you, oh, Allah knows best,Allah's plan is best, because we
all believe that.
But we're here to tackle thethings that you might feel
awkward even discussing withyour best friend.
Yeah.
So for example, instead ofasking like you did, why did
this happen to me, a betterquestion would be what do you
(11:48):
want me asking Allah subhanahuwa ta'ala, what do you want me
to build with this life?
Because you know, whether youget married or you don't get
married, at the end of the day,all of these are just means for
us to worship Allah subhanahu wata'ala.
We worship Him whether we'resingle, whether we're married.
Marriage could some people doget married and they end up
(12:10):
being miserable.
And they think to themselves,oh, I wish I never got married.
Why why did you Allah like testme with this?
And some people's test isactually never getting married.
But it's about how we deal withwhatever situation we find
ourselves in.
SPEAKER_02 (12:26):
That's an interesting way to put it.
And um and when we think aboutthe the stories that are in the
Quran, for example, like YusufAli Islam's uh test was beauty,
right?
Like he was such an attractiveperson, and he was tested with
that.
So some people are tested withbeauty, some people are tested
uh without beauty, some peopleare tested with wealth, right?
(12:48):
Some people are tested withoutwealth.
SPEAKER_00 (12:49):
Some people are tested with having horrible
children, and some people aretested with not having children
at all.
So it's uh it's about ourattitude and our what is that
word, reception of the test thatAllah tests us with.
SPEAKER_02 (13:05):
So it's important to understand that marriage isn't
the defining aspect of yourlife, right?
It is just one of manymilestones.
Yeah.
Sometimes we approach marriagewith this expectation that it's
like achieving a gold medal,right?
Like I know parents sometimesfeel like that.
Like they can take a deepbreath.
SPEAKER_00 (13:23):
Oh, my children are married, alhamdulillah.
SPEAKER_02 (13:25):
Now I can die.
SPEAKER_00 (13:28):
No, now now I can enjoy my retirement.
SPEAKER_02 (13:31):
Exactly.
Like, and and parents put thatpressure on their kids.
Yeah, it's like a burden lifted.
Yes, and God, marriage is justone of many milestones in your
life.
And if we don't achieve that,then God, we we've failed.
So it's important to understandthat everybody has a different
timeline.
All right, when we're in our20s, we think, okay, we're gonna
(13:54):
finish undergrad by 22, 23,finish graduate school by 26,
get married right out the door.
As soon as I get my diploma, myspouse is gonna be waiting down
the street, and I'm gonna havemy first kid within two years,
second kid at 32, and I'm gonnabe living in a beautiful
mansion, retire by the age of45, and have grandkids the next
day.
SPEAKER_00 (14:12):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (14:13):
That doesn't happen.
I can't think of a single personthat that's happened to.
SPEAKER_00 (14:17):
I can't think of a single person who thinks they're
gonna retire by 44, especiallywith this economy.
SPEAKER_02 (14:21):
Exactly.
So if you were to ask me in my20s, when do I think I'm gonna
get married, I would have neverimagined I would get I would get
married at 34.
Right?
You probably never thought youwere gonna get married at 30.
SPEAKER_00 (14:33):
No, not at all.
SPEAKER_02 (14:34):
Right?
Everybody has a differenttimeline.
And for some people, marriage isin that timeline, and for some
people it isn't.
Yeah.
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (14:41):
Yeah.
Marriage is just a milestone,it's not the milestone.
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (14:46):
Yeah.
Um, so it's important that whilewe are keeping ourselves
proactive and keeping the searchalive, that we are still
pursuing, not just pursuing, butadding value and meaning to our
lives.
And there's different ways wecan do that, right?
SPEAKER_00 (15:02):
Yeah, absolutely.
You can, for example, travelsomewhere that pushes you out of
your comfort zone.
Um, you can, I don't know, learna new language or new languages.
You can start somethingmeaningful, whether it's a
business, a community project,or a study circle, um mentoring
(15:22):
the youth.
And don't think about these aslike fallback plans or like uh
if marriage doesn't work out orlike a second option or like
that's a pity thing, or no,these we're talking about things
that are meaningful, right?
SPEAKER_02 (15:38):
And I want I've said this before and I'm gonna keep
highlighting this point.
This is while you are stillbeing proactive.
This does not mean you put thesearch on hold and say marriage
isn't happening, I'm gonna putall my energy and focus into
this.
Yeah, no, marriage may happen ata later point in your life, it
may not, but you never know whatis written for you.
SPEAKER_00 (15:55):
Yeah, so yeah, the last thing we want from this
episode is for you guys to justfeel depressed and think that
okay, so marriage is nothappening, I should stop the
search.
Not at all.
Never, not never, yeah.
And you know, sometimes I feelit's culture that just adds to
adds to the problem and uhcreates this identity crisis.
(16:16):
Like for example, we tieidentity to roles oh, she's the
wife, he's the husband, she'sthe mother, he's the provider.
So if you don't meet theseroles, you feel like a failure.
When in fact, that's not true,because even people who have
these roles sometimes can losesense of identity.
SPEAKER_02 (16:36):
And you know what's interesting?
Wasn't it Imam Nawi that nevergot married?
SPEAKER_00 (16:40):
Yeah, and he's not the only one, by the way.
SPEAKER_02 (16:42):
Yeah, there were many scholars and we have a
legacy of scholars that nevergot married, but yet they can't
contributed so much, yeah,right, because they didn't look
at marriage as the end all beall of life.
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00 (16:56):
They had a bigger purpose.
They had a bigger purpose, yeah.
Yeah, so we end up because ofthese roles that were not met,
we end up asking ourselves, whoam I if I'm not any of these
roles or any of these things.
And actually being single justexposes how fragile our sense of
self can be.
When we associate our our worthto roles that should be met,
(17:20):
then when these roles are notmet, we feel like failures.
SPEAKER_02 (17:24):
And when you say roles, you're talking
specifically uh marriage.
SPEAKER_00 (17:27):
I'm talking about marriage, exactly.
Husband, wife, uh,daughter-in-law, uh, mother,
father, provider, all of theseroles, right?
When in fact our self-worthshould be derived from our own
values, and uh and if we standup to those values, for example,
I could be a nurturing personeven if I'm not a mother.
(17:48):
I could be a reliable person,I'm a reliable person even if
I'm not a provider, if I'm not ahusband.
So there are other ways tofulfill these values in
different roles.
SPEAKER_02 (17:58):
Right.
Um, I'm trying to think ofanother example.
I'm a leader.
I'm a leader, even though I'mnot married.
Exactly.
Right?
You could be a leader in yourcommunity.
SPEAKER_00 (18:07):
So thinking about these values opens new horizons
for you to see ways, to findways, how you can fulfill these
values.
SPEAKER_02 (18:14):
Right, to give back.
To give back and to leave.
So marriage is not the onlycontext in which you can give
back.
SPEAKER_00 (18:21):
And sometimes sometimes marriage can hinder
you from actually leaving uhthat legacy or uh leaving that
impact on the community.
Because you could end up, Idon't know, being busy 24-7 with
three kids under the age offive.
You could end up with um, Idon't know, a kid with a child
(18:42):
with special needs or a severedisability.
You could end up with a husbandwho's just so emotionally
unavailable, or a wife that'sjust nagging all the time.
So you end up not fulfillingthose values in the community.
And you know what I notice a lotof single people do, they put
(19:04):
their lives on hold until theyget married.
And they're always anticipatingthe next stage, so they're never
experiencing full joy, whetherthat's uh delaying buying a
house or delaying traveling tocertain places, delaying certain
projects, um, not priorprioritizing their or their
health.
They're like, oh, when I getmarried, I'll start uh eating
(19:26):
healthy and going to the gymwith my spouse.
Or when I get married, I willstart taking my dean more
seriously.
So they treat some people treatsinglehood as a temporary stage
instead of it being a fullchapter on its own that you
might end up in forever, younever know, right?
So if you keep waiting for thatthing to happen, you're not
(19:49):
enjoying your life and time ispassing.
SPEAKER_02 (19:52):
Right, right.
And it's reminds me of somethingwe always say in our workshops
too, which is and we quotesomeone else who actually said
this, but merry reality, notpotential.
Right?
So if you are a person who isworking on potential, saying
I'll be XYZ after marriage, andyou're not applying that in the
current mo uh present moment,yeah, then you're not setting
(20:14):
yourself up advantageously formarriage.
SPEAKER_00 (20:17):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So whether you end up gettingmarried or singlehood is a
temporary stage for you, prepareas if you were getting married.
Prepare in terms ofself-improvement, in terms of
strengthening your uh yourrelationship with Allah in terms
of taking care of your health,your finances.
If you get married, that'sgreat.
(20:38):
You'll have these things readywhen you get married.
SPEAKER_02 (20:40):
Being prepared for the moment.
SPEAKER_00 (20:41):
Being prepared for the moment.
And if you don't get married, ifit's not in Allah's plan for
you, then you've built thesethings for you for the future.
So go ahead, travel to thatdestination you've always wanted
to.
Decorate your place the way youwant, buy nice dishes, plan for
the future, just live your life.
Because Allah subhanahu wata'ala did not promise marriage.
(21:03):
He promised Rizgh, he promisedbarakah, and that could come in
a form of marriage or in a formof singlehood.
Hey, if you have a story totell, we'd love to have you on.
Here you'll find a safe space oflisteners who can understand
what you're going through.
Just shoot us an email with asummary of your story at info at
halalmaj.ca.
SPEAKER_02 (21:25):
So people naturally at some point in their life tend
to think about the impact thatthey're having on the people
around them, right?
And the impact that they'regoing to leave behind before
they die.
One of the things that people'sthoughts and attitudes drift
towards is children.
Because your children are areflection of you, right?
(21:46):
And so when you that's whywhenever you go to a party or
something, parents are alwaysinsist in saying, Oh, this is my
son, Abdullah, look at him.
SPEAKER_00 (21:53):
Come, come, Habibi, come read some Quran to Ammu.
SPEAKER_02 (21:58):
He's just reading Surah Iqhlass.
Every child loves Surah Iqhlas.
Right?
With their brokenesses.
So the point is that children isnot children are not the only
way to leave a legacy.
Right?
It's just one of many ways.
And like Alhamdulillah, I'vebeen privileged to have
memorized the Quran.
(22:18):
So one of the things that I wasdoing for many years to earn
money was to teach Quran.
So now that I think about it, inhindsight, hindsight is always
20-20, that uh even if I wasn'tto get married, alhamdulillah,
I've left a legacy where I'vetaught children Quran and in
sure they're gonna grow up andget married and teach their kids
Quran.
That's nice.
Right?
(22:38):
Or as the hadith goes, right?
Yeah.
So at least I've fulfilled thatand uh have some sort of lasting
impact on the world in some way.
SPEAKER_00 (22:49):
Yeah, yeah.
So there are many ways to leavean impact, like you said,
whether that's teaching thedeen, whether that's uh
spreading dawah, whether that'sassisting new converts, whether
that's building, you know, whenI came to um when I came to an
acceptance that I'm nevergetting married, you know what
my future plan was?
What?
(23:09):
Building an orphanage.
Oh I wanted to do that.
There's a lot of ways, whetherthat's adopting, um, of course,
in a way that aligns withArdean, or adopting or
sponsoring a child, whetherthat's uh like starting a wakf.
Um what is a wakf?
Wakf is like um a charity youleave that can't be touched or
(23:32):
changed.
So for example, uh you help indigging this uh well, and uh no
one in the like you buy thisland or whatever, you dig it,
not with your own hand, but likeyou sponsor it, and then that's
forever is there until likenobody can come and claim it uh
(23:52):
for themselves.
And that's a sadachajaria.
SPEAKER_01 (23:56):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (23:56):
Uh whether maybe that's in writing, you can do
writing to creating art, um,building projects, community
mentorship, uh youth mentorship.
There are million ways in one,whatever aligns with your
passions and interests.
But don't link everything tomarriage and children.
Uh you know what?
Like I said before, what if youget married?
(24:18):
And alhamdulillah, you're happyin your marriage, but Allah
doesn't write children in yourlife, in your future.
Then what does this mean?
That like now your life isworthless?
SPEAKER_02 (24:28):
Or you failed.
SPEAKER_00 (24:29):
Or you failed?
SPEAKER_02 (24:30):
No, no, no.
Of course not.
SPEAKER_00 (24:32):
You know, adopting this mindset turns singlehood
into a mission instead of awaiting period.
SPEAKER_02 (24:38):
I can see that.
SPEAKER_00 (24:40):
Like you're always looking for what's the next
what's the next thing I can do?
What is the next impact I canhave instead of just sitting
there, oh when is it gonnahappen?
When am I gonna get married?
We're not saying staying singleis nice.
We're not saying that oh,marriage is not that glamorous,
it's not that exciting, likeyou're not missing out on a lot.
(25:01):
No, marriage is beautiful,marriage is an erma.
SPEAKER_02 (25:04):
For sure.
SPEAKER_00 (25:04):
For sure.
But what we're trying to say issinglehood can be something
beautiful as well.
SPEAKER_02 (25:09):
Yes.
And it's not something that'sguaranteed.
Yeah.
Um you're talking aboutmarriage.
I'm talking about marriage,yeah.
So yeah.
Your your worth as a humanbeing, your ability to give back
to the community and leave alegacy and all of those things,
it's not conditional onmarriage.
Yeah.
Uh and the last thing I want toshare with you guys is to have a
consistent spiritual practice,right?
(25:31):
Consistently making dua uh formarriage, for purpose and
meaning in your life.
For barakah.
For barakah to allow Allah toopen doors for you where you can
release those those passions andand things and and the things
that you're good at.
Yeah.
Right?
Like we talked aboutreliability, leadership, and
(25:51):
things like that.
SPEAKER_00 (25:53):
And ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for ruda,
for content in whatever whateversituation you find yourself in.
And if you if you want to prayfor the for marriage, also be
specific with your du'a.
Not you were.
I was I shared this uh multipletimes.
I was very specific.
I was like ordering a burger,you could say.
And Allah delivered subhanahu wata'ala.
(26:15):
So don't be shy with Allah.
Just open your heart to Him, noone's judging you.
And um, before we leave youguys, we uh like if you look at
the description of this episode,we are linking a PDF file of 10
practical steps you can do rightnow if you are single, if your
marriage maybe is not in theplan for you, 10 practical
(26:37):
things you can startimplementing today.
Let us know your thoughts onthis episode.
Um let us know how it left youfeeling.
We'd really love to read somecomments.
Yeah, and inshallah we'll seeyou on the next one.
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