December 26, 2025 • 42 mins
Episode Summary:
In this enriching episode of "Did She Really Say That?," Katrina van Oudheusden engages in a vibrant conversation with Kendra Cunov, a pivotal figure in the realm of authentic relating and embodiment. Kendra shares her insights into the importance of authenticity, embodiment, and the quest for wholeness among women. Together, they delve into how these concepts intersect with modern entrepreneurship, relationship dynamics, and personal growth.
Key Discussion Points:
Introduction to Kendra Cunov: Co-founder of The Collective and Authentic World with over 20 years of experience in facilitating intimacy and embodiment workshops.
Defining Wholeness: What it means for women today and how wholeness can be found through embracing our complete range of emotions and experiences.
Authenticity and Complexity: How "The Illusion of Authenticity" leads to incomplete narratives and the importance of embracing both positive and complex moments.
Women and Entrepreneurship: The pressures of “faking it until you make it” and balancing ambition with authentic self-expression.
Manifestation vs. Creation: How true creation comes from a foundation of reflection and understanding rather than attempting to mold life through forceful attraction.
Opening Conversations: The power of discussing vulnerabilities, setbacks, and the honest truths of relationships and personal development.
Guest Bio:
Kendra Cunov is a pioneer in the field of authentic relating and embodiment. She has co-founded significant communal projects like The Collective and Authentic World and has over two decades of experience working with individuals and groups worldwide. Her efforts focus on deepening people's understanding of true connection, authenticity, and self-expression, particularly among women navigating the modern world.
Recommended Resources & Links:
Kendra Cunov's Free Offer: Completion and Creation Course registration
Date: December 29th
Offer Code: Free with code “CC2026DSRST”
Details: Engage in guided reflection and set a grounded foundation for the new year.
Share this episode with a woman in your life who could benefit from a conversation about authenticity, wholeness, and growth. Join the discussion or engage with Kendra's offerings to start your journey of completion and empowerment for the new year.
Thanks for listening! If you are enjoying our podcast, leave a comment below. We love hearing from our fans and other female entrepreneurs! We are collaborating to make business better for every woman! Feel free to share this podcast on your favorite social platform. And if you are listening on any of the podcast platforms, we would love it if you could post a 5-star review. Please, help us get our message out! Together, we discover how each woman has the power to unlock another woman when we are open about what we are redefining as women in business.
About Your Host: Katrina van Oudheusden
Former Chef at Walt Disney World® Resort, Restaurateur, Speaker, and CEO of Truth Bomb Marketing. Katrina is a sought-after consultant for small business growth among female entrepreneurs.
She created a revolutionary business training method called ‘CreatHER™ Business Rewire’. Weaving together time, money, and business growth by preventing burnout and strengthening female leadership skills.
Alongside the CreatHER™ Planner, women are finally experiencing less stress in all areas of their lives. When the focus begins with HERself, women discover a freedom to dream big, increase revenue, and design a marketing strategy that works for them.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Well, welcome back audience to Did she really say that?
I'm your host, Katrina Venatusan, and I am super
excited for today's conversation.
Why? Because it's time we had this
conversation about getting in touch with yourself, being
authentic, right? What is the relationship you're
having? What does it mean to be a woman
(00:22):
today? These are some of the fun
questions we're going to ask because I have brought the
amazing Kendra with us. She's the founder of The
Collective, a global web of women devoted to embody, to
embody wholeness, and the she's also founded the Fierce Grace
Incubator. Is that correct?
Did I say that right? OK, she's shaking her head.
(00:43):
OK, so has been studying, facilitating, and most
importantly, which is I think one of the reasons why I am just
drawn to Kendra and having her here on this show was because
it's all about practicing the authentic, relating, the
embodiment of the practices and that deep intimacy work.
(01:03):
And she's been doing this for over 20 years, right?
So when you're working with somebody, you're ready to take
this next step into what Kendra and I are going to be talking
about. You want somebody that is not
only walking the walk, but talking the talk.
Would you say that's true? Absolutely.
Yeah. So she Co founded the authentic
(01:24):
world and has pioneered some of the most cutting edge
relationship work on the planet.I'm excited to dig into this.
Right. She has worked with thousands of
men, women and couples in the areas of embodiment, intimacy,
communication and full self-expression.
OK. She's worked with organizations
(01:46):
and leaders as well as men and women couples who know that
embodiment presents truth. Connection and integrity are our
truest access to points of success.
I would totally agree with that,right?
And this is both in business andin love.
So Kendra, thank you for being ayes and joining us here on this
episode of Did She Really Say That?
(02:07):
How Are You? Absolutely.
I'm happy to be here. Thank you.
Yeah. So how did you step into this
work? Like what was your kind of your
background or have you always been in this kind of share with
us a little bit, share with the audience this?
I mean, I don't want to be too long winded about it.
And I think anyone, you know, who's, who's worked for long
(02:28):
enough, they'll be kind of a circuitous path.
And it is one of the things I like to talk with my clients
about because I think a lot of times we can judge where we're
at and see someone where they'reat and be like, I'm so far.
And I always want to remind people like that all came over
time. You know, it wasn't like it came
fully formed. It was burst from my, my rib or
(02:49):
something. And, and so there's a couple
moments that I would point to and, and there is something
about relationship, both relationship with other humans
and intimacy in that way. But the way that's evolved into
this perspective just around everything is relationship that
(03:10):
I think is somewhat innate. And I remember, so I was raised
in a Buddhist monastery. I lived there when I was very
young, but then I also chose to go back when I was an early
adult. I left college and I lived in a
Buddhist monastery for about 3 years.
And I remember, I mean, it is a community so there is a
(03:32):
relational aspect, but the practice itself is incredibly
solo and there wasn't a lot of emphasis put on that.
And I just remember this one morning we would wake up at like
4:30 in the morning and we wouldgo to sit meditation and I was
watching everyone sort of arriveand I thought like, oh, I know
who that is. And I know their little routine
and I know how they do that and I know how they wait till the
(03:54):
last minute. And I know.
And I was like, what is this other thing that we're not
really talking about, this relational aspect.
And ultimately that's what drew me out of the monastery.
Like, I think it's part of what had it.
I'm like, I'm not a monk in someways.
I mean, I left the monastery also to be with a man.
And so there was that not the relationship I'm in.
(04:14):
And and that had its own journey, but there was something
in me that was really hungry to learn about relationship and
like understand what is going onin terms of actually diving into
working in this way. My ex-husband and his best
friend started a program called the authentic man program back
(04:35):
in like 2001, 2003. And it was really a program for
men who wanted to have better relationships with women, but
from the perspective of like genuine authenticity.
And because I was dating my now ex-husband at the time, he
invited me along with a group ofother women to come and kind of
(04:59):
be the female feminine like reflection for the men who would
come through the program. And that was my first
experience, like really steppinginto offering in this way.
And that just took me on a wholejourney.
I I could see that. I think as you know, and I've
(05:20):
seen that on both sides. I've seen women go through like
that intimacy, that time with itand then they bring a man in to
kind of mirror back and like there's this this sense of like
getting a sense of who you are through that mirror right.
Yeah, no judgement, nothing on there.
Just somebody like the other, the opposite the end of the
gang. Yes, just being there to
(05:42):
complete or close anything that's that's going on in that
relationship or those thoughts that you have.
It's, it's a beautiful thing I've seen.
I think it's beautiful. Probably not to the extent that
you've seen it, but I've seen elements of that throughout my
journey of being my own self development.
Well, and I just want to say on the other side, you know,
(06:02):
because in one sense I was thereas that reflection and that was
my role. But really early on, I got to
have this experience. Like it was so consistently
happened for me that they, they worked all men Friday, Saturday.
And then on Sunday was when we came in as women and we would
sit at the front of the room andthen all the men would walk in.
(06:25):
And this is just how how humans are, is I would consistently
see, you know, like one to threemen.
I'd be like, I don't like them. I would be, it's, it's like in
some way I can look back and realize it had nothing to do
with them. But I had a visceral response.
I didn't like. Maybe they introduced
themselves. I didn't like it or I just I was
like, I don't like them. I don't want to work with them.
Inevitably, I would end up working with them and I would
(06:48):
totally fall in love with them. Like from just like a deep heart
space. And it it was rather than just a
concept of understanding that this was my own projection and
judgement was like I got to havea really visceral experience
quite early on of the just the beauty of humanity and how I
don't know. And I think that also has really
(07:09):
served me and I'm like, oh, I love humans, right?
We're so quirky and we're so weird and we do stupid things,
but like, at our essence. Oh, I like, I love humans.
Yeah, and I would agree. I think I I can sit like I I was
just traveling recently and I just remember sitting at the
airport just being amazed. Yes, right.
(07:29):
Just airports for this. Yeah, I just sit there and just
watch humans just do their thing.
And I would just sit here and I'd giggle and I'd laugh and,
you know, I would just, it was, it's just being like at peace in
the noise. Yeah, kind of enough.
Just observing of human nature with nothing judgement wise, but
just the pure like, who's going where?
(07:51):
Where are they going? We know, what are they going?
You know, why are they rushing? What's do it like, you know,
it's all these things that happen in the airport as people
are flying or coming and going. It's it's just a beautiful place
to just observe and watch. Yes.
So I love that. So let's dive into a little bit
around the work that you do and one of the things that you know,
(08:13):
we talked about, you talk about as wholeness, right?
You talk about just being whole and complete or what that looks
like. So we're going through so much.
I feel like as women in this world right now, What does
wholeness mean to women right now?
Like in this time and space, as we're kind of, I think almost
shifting, evolving, there's a lot of, I can't even put my
(08:37):
finger on, but there's a lot of shifting going, a lot of growth,
a lot of expansion with women right now.
And I think one of the things they are looking for is that
wholeness, that sense of self. Yeah.
I mean, I would agree with you. And it is, it's tricky.
I mean, partly because I think we are in the shifting part.
So the idea of putting a name, it's like we don't know yet
(08:58):
what's shifting because it's really in the transition.
I mean, there's a couple things I would say about wholeness.
And for a number of years I've worked almost primarily with
women, although I have, I still have one-on-one clients and
things like that, even though I started working with men and and
then I started shifting a littlebit more into wanting to hold
(09:21):
some mixed gender spaces. Partly I think because of this,
because I think that something is happening where men and women
are like all genders doing the work together, where there's
like an ebb and a flow. And something about that is
coming online. Like there's a real value to the
like all women's spaces, all men's spaces, or the sameness or
(09:45):
the safety we can feel. And then there's something about
seeing like women coming together and then seeing men do
some of the deep inner work. I mean, like, oh, so that's one
piece. I would say.
The other is to me humans, and I'll just say women, 'cause I, I
think that's a lot of who we're talking to here.
(10:06):
But we have, I really believe weactually have the full range
within us. You know, we're dark, we're
light, we're sad, we're angry, we're full, we're empty.
We, we have like the spectrum and, and so even beyond kind of
(10:29):
the individual personal wholeness, like all the parts of
me, it's exploring what it is toembody, like to actually express
all these different parts. And it's great 'cause I was just
talking about this morning with a group that I was leading
(10:50):
about. It's about a, an article
actually I wrote a number of years ago.
It's called the illusion of authenticity.
And one of the things that I talk about in there is really in
any moment, there's multiple things going on.
I'm feeling this way, I'm feeling that way, I'm feeling
this way, I'm feeling that way. Like there's, you know, there's
at least 3-4, maybe 10 differentemotions, different sensations,
(11:12):
different things my attention ormy thoughts are on.
There's a lot going on. And I do think sometimes more
for women than for men, like they're just just, you know,
like a like a broader awareness often.
And over time in our lives, likewe tend to prioritize some of
them more than others. And kind of like water that goes
(11:34):
in a groove, then that groove becomes more worn and the water
is more likely to go there. And then we call that authentic.
So if I'm having a lot of emotions, sensations, but I have
a tendency to focus on, you know, my embarrassment or my
sadness. Like I find a lot of women
(11:55):
process all their emotions through sadness because it's
more socially acceptable. A lot of men process all their
emotions through anger because, bless you, it's more socially
acceptable. And, and so, right, I mean, even
just taking that as kind of a cliche, that'll become more of a
worn groove. And so if a woman's feeling many
things, but one of them sad, she'll be like, I'm sad and like
(12:18):
crying and expressing and reallybeing in that.
That's my authentic expression and I'm not going to argue that
that's not authentic. I'm just going to say there's
other things also going on that that we don't have a habit of
giving them attention and air time.
And so sometimes it's not like, oh, suppress and deny that you
(12:38):
feel sad, but on purpose going, can you also feel something that
feels good in your body? Is there something beautiful you
saw this morning that again, without repressing and denying,
like I feel sad about this wouldopen something up.
And that just is a less worn groove.
(13:00):
And so we find more wholeness, not because 1 is better than the
other one is worse or that we should do one or we should focus
on the positive or any of the things that it's just like, oh,
can we start to explore more of the all of it.
And then in that way, I think the reason that I think that it
matters is, is partly there's a way that knowing our own
(13:25):
wholeness, I do think we feel more grounded in like the sense
of belonging in our own being, our own body.
But also we become more responsive to the moment.
Because actually any part of me can come online at any time, not
just the parts I'm most comfortable with or that I have
put more attention on. And then that, that feels, it's
(13:46):
like a sense of safety, right? Oh, I know that I can actually
pull up any part of me at any time.
Well, and then just kind of to have a total transparent moment
with our audience too. So I do remember, I think it was
about two years ago, it was liketransitioning from a New Year's
Eve into a New Year's Day. And it was such a weird
experience for me because I think, no, actually, no, not
(14:08):
thinking. I know that as a business owner,
as somebody that's been online and in the corporate space and
in the entrepreneur space, therewas a lot of suppressed
feelings, a lot of don't be thisway, be this way, don't do this,
do this. And so there was a moment three
years ago that was really profound for me because it was a
wholeness moment. It was a sense of deep sadness.
(14:31):
And what I mean by that is like everything that I had not let
myself feel came up and it came up through tears.
It came up through just wanting to huddle into myself.
But at the same time, I found myself like wanting to reach out
and talk to the people I loved the most and just get really
connected to them in that experience, right?
(14:53):
I was like, you know, I'm feeling a sad, but I don't feel
like it's a deep, like it wasn'ta depression sadness.
It was this experience of grieving, maybe letting him go
of my past self and all the things that I've been unable to
express and then stepping into this.
So there is that. I do agree that there is this
sense that we, we believe this is, you know, authentic, this is
(15:16):
authentic. This is we are.
But I also feel like we're stillas women, we're really doing the
work now to look at what does all of this mean?
Because that day, and it really was a day, it was like from wake
up to going to bed, but there was a sense that I wanted to be
by myself, but I also wanted people around me.
I wanted to cry, but I also wanted to like, just be with
(15:38):
like be an expression of it. So there is, I think, a lot of
miscommunication around what's your relationship with yourself,
what it actually looks like to bring forth self into the world
and not have it be labeled something in order to be fully
expressed. Would you agree with that?
(15:59):
Absolutely. I mean, even just with that
example, it's like going am IA sad person.
No, I feel sad. And maybe today, maybe it's
today or it's just like, oh, I feel sad and then I feel
hopeful. Yeah.
And then I want to be alone and then I want to be with people.
And, you know, we may or may notget to like flow moment to
(16:21):
moment with everything all the time, but spending more, putting
more attention on how we can do that or the moments when we can,
I do think gives us more room totouch on what's true in a given
moment. And I, I mean, I really love
that share because I think that,you know, if, if, if someone
(16:42):
wanted to kind of explore that in themselves, one way to start
would be like giving things in and in between.
And even whether it's writing itdown or saying it out loud, it
can be helpful because be often before we even express something
in our own minds, we think thesecan't coexist.
(17:05):
So I need to figure out what's true rather than, I mean, on the
call that I was leading today, it was like a woman who's really
clear she doesn't want to be with her ex, but she's also sad.
And so like, like, oh, I know this is the right decision and I
feel sad and I'm excited about this.
And I wish this were different. And, and to be able to just name
(17:25):
those as like, oh, this actually, it's like if I zoom
out, I'm looking at A at an ecosystem and there can be a
rock and some grass and an animal and a bird all at the
same time. Yeah.
Yeah. It it's not a silo experiment,
it's a collective experience. It's to be multi dimensional,
multi elemental, multi experiential in a lot of ways.
(17:49):
And I think we have been indoctrinated in some ways to be
like you're feeling this or you have to feel this or it's wrong
to to feel that and that you know it.
It puts on us this UN unreasonable expectation in
which then forces I think an inauthentic authenticity.
(18:10):
Yeah, I mean, I mean, even just to kind of make up a piece about
like being a little bit more in the corporate world there,
there's just some truth to that.There are things that are
acceptable and things that are unacceptable or that are going
to work or not work. But taking that in.
But then we start talking about things like authenticity and
living your truth. And people, again, they get
caught in something like, I can't stay in this job because
it's not my deepest purpose. And I think that even something
(18:34):
like this can be like, Oh, I, I don't, this is what I don't love
about it. And this is what I do.
And even though this may not be what I want to do forever, I'm
choosing to stay right now for for a reason, rather than
judging that and thinking if I've discovered that this isn't
my deepest purpose. Now I suddenly have to blow up
my life and leave my job and, you know, abandoned my family.
(18:55):
Or I mean, I really think peopledon't tell themselves the truth
because they're afraid that if they let any inkling of that
come in, then they have to act on it and it's going to blow
their life up. And I think that we can begin to
just be a little more honest with ourselves if we let it be
like the and of many things can be true at the same time.
Yeah. And I think that goes back into,
(19:16):
like you and I, we talked about,you know, going into the world
of entrepreneurship as a woman taking on this, the
responsibility of a business andtaking care of the people we're
serving. And like, it isn't and a
continual. And there's this this marketing
lie out there that that follows us everywhere.
And it's this whole sense of fake it till you make it.
(19:40):
Yeah. So let's talk a little bit about
that because it is perpetual. It is like the one thing I keep
hearing is, oh, I'll just fake it until I make it because
there's this do be have. So you have to or be do have,
Yes. So you have to like be or fake
the way like that. Let's talk about that, share a
(20:00):
little bit about what your insight is around that.
Fake it till you make it. I, I, what a great inquiry.
I mean, again, even in this is it's just so valuable to
recognize that more than one thing can be true at the same
time. Like pretty much everything
that's out there, it's out therebecause there was a threat of
(20:21):
truth and then it got taken as the truth.
And now this is the, it's just going to be just like this, you
know? So is it true that a lot of
women would be served by saying,yes, I can do that and just
getting the job? Absolutely.
Men do that all the fucking time, you know, or we know the
data shows that one of the number one reasons women don't
(20:44):
get raises is because they don'task for them.
Yeah. Like, literally just.
And is that a certain kind of faking it?
Like, do I am I do I think I deserve this, as someone told me
I deserve this. Can I, you know, just, like, ask
for the raise. Right.
And so. So recognizing, I think it's
helpful when there's something like this to go, oh, this is
where the threat of truth came from.
And then this is how it kind of got warped or twisted in a way
(21:07):
that's not helpful because I think it's maybe Ray Bradbury
anyway, an author there. And there's that line about,
like, be careful what you pretend to be because you might
find out you become it. And I think that's the danger of
following that too far. Yeah.
You know, so, so allowing for the truth of like, yeah, like if
(21:27):
you think you can do that job and you you could get paid, like
go for it, absolutely say yes, Ican do that.
And then you will figure it out.I have so much faith in like all
the women listening to this thatyou will figure it out.
You are smart. That is their mantra.
I've met so many women that sayslike, you can put me in here,
I'll figure it out. Like that is literally what
comes out of their mouth every single time.
(21:48):
You put me in here, I'll figure it out.
Yes, I know. Just say yes, you know, so
absolute, so, so like that's on that side.
And then there is something about like and how, you know,
recognizing like, how do I need to carry what's true about me
forward so that I don't lose touch with something essential,
(22:10):
whether it's a part of your heart or a relational need or a
like not bypassing when you're treated in certain ways.
Like don't fake that something is really, you know, it's
hurtful or rude or this is a little different than what we're
talking about. And it again, it's the subtle
nature of these. So there's like fake it till you
(22:33):
make it. And then I will often instead
encourage people to imagine theyhad what they wanted, whether
it's like, imagine now you're inthe relationship that you
thought is that, you know, you wanted, you're being loved the
way you want to be loved. Or imagine you're, you got the
(22:55):
position you want or you're making the money.
Or you, you know, like, if you imagine that, what happens in
your body? How do you breathe when you
imagine you have that amount of money in the bank?
Or how do you breathe when you imagine that you're being loved
in the way that you always wish you were loved?
Or how do you, you know, how do you walk into the room if you
got that raise? And then to me, those things are
(23:18):
not fake. It's like, oh, that already
exists in your body. You have the capacity in any
moment, if your breath softens, if you take a deeper inhalation,
if you, if there's an exhale where you relax when you think
like, oh, I already did that or I'm already loved.
I don't have to prove like to get the job or to get the love.
Then bring your attention to that relaxed exhale more often
(23:39):
and you are being the person that you would like to be on the
other side of getting what you want to get.
And to me, that's different thanfaking anything.
I would agree. I think there is the sense of
that truest belief. Like you said.
It's like if I know I can go after it and do that work, then
go after it like 100%. The one thing I will say too is
(24:02):
make sure it brings you joy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, and this goes into like the personal work too, like the
inner work, it can get very heavy and significant.
I'm like, we gotta laugh at ourselves.
Like this shit is, it's too heavy.
But also we're weird, you know? Like, it's cute, it's funny.
(24:24):
Yeah, I mean, so if we we get into this, it's like, oh, we're
gonna go do this and I'm like, but are you enjoying it?
Are you laughing about it? Does it like light you up or are
you just doing it because you were told to do it?
Like there's like both sides of this, right?
There's the, and again, I love this whole conversation because
it's a constant. Like it's an improv.
It's everything is an. And with us, it's like there's
this and this and then there's this and this.
(24:45):
Like, and I hope what you're listening and what you're
hearing from us as you're tuningin and listening to this episode
with us is that you understand that there isn't an or there
isn't a, but there's just an andand that comes into what are you
creating in your life? Who are you inside of this?
And let's talk. This is going to lead into that
(25:07):
really weird conversation aroundthe manifesting, right?
So we're talking about this manifesting, we're talking about
creating. It still feels a little woo like
let's dive into this manifestingversus creating modality.
Yeah. I mean manifesting versus
(25:28):
creating. I also, I had a mentor who used
to say, I can't remember now theword that he used, but it was
like either the, the, the the gist of it was kind of like
either you're creating your lifeor you're at the effect of life.
And I remember I heard it and I was kind of like, yeah, and but
(25:51):
it's something I didn't say. And I was like, why isn't this
sitting right? And then later it trickled down
and I was like, oh, there is something about choosing what's
so without it being a hopeless, helpless thing and going, oh,
like, I, I mean, again, even in the example I gave earlier, it's
(26:11):
like I can choose a job for a lot of reasons and not like all
of them, but know why I'm choosing it.
Or for me, I think part of the way it perkled in is at that
time was like, my children were fairly young and I was like, OK,
well, I'm not creating having a child that doesn't sleep through
the night even though he's like 7 years old, you know, but I am
(26:32):
choosing being his mother fully.And so I am no longer like at
the effect, like, Oh, life is happening to me and poor me and
poor for me. It's really hard, but I also
choose this. And then and then inside that,
it almost becomes like, what am I creating within it?
But not like, oh, I create my entire universe.
You know, that's that's the workof the gods and that is not us.
(26:55):
So and, and then and then I think there is this nuanced
peace. I think people get really afraid
of admitting any fears or havingany doubt because like, oh,
that's the wrong energy. But in some way, almost when we
push things away too strongly, we give them more energy.
You know they become this twice.As twice as.
(27:17):
Much down in the basement that'sjust going to come and, you
know, bite us on the ass. So so I think that's tricky.
It's not. And this actually goes back to
that piece of actually telling more of the truth of the whole
story is like, I don't think it's that we don't tell a
positive enough story. I think it's that usually we
don't tell the whole story. And so the.
Complexity. Yeah.
(27:38):
The complexity of my childhood, the complexity of my career, the
complexity of being a woman, thecomplexity of being a mother.
Like, oh, this is the whole story.
I am neither villain nor victim,but I have been villain and I
have been victim and you know, and everything in between.
And then there is that it again,it's like the grain of truth.
So the example I gave before of if I imagine, let's just say
(28:01):
like, oh, I imagine I'm being loved exactly the way that I
always wished I could be loved. If and then something happens in
my body, I breathe differently, I move differently, like my
thoughts are kind of different. Something softens in my face
when I really feel this, you know, and, and then if I do, if
I be that, if I actually put some attention on how do I, how
(28:21):
do I make this a more consistentvisceral experience?
I think it actually does change the reality around me and it
does change how people relate tome.
So does it mean that now I've manifested my partner?
I don't know. I don't think it's linear like
that. Like I don't think there's this
one to one magnetism thing that happens there.
(28:41):
Totally is. This is the way we're supposed
to be told. You do A and gives you B and.
But like it literally there are ripples out into the energetic
field. I mean, this is where it gets
woo and this is where I do thinkit's true.
But it's like it is energy and I'm embodying a different energy
and that changes the energy around me.
And therefore I'm going to have a different experience of life
and people are going to relate to me differently.
(29:02):
And I don't know what the outcome of that is going to be,
but it's probably going to be good.
Yep. And I agree with that.
There is. And for those of you that are
listening in the audience, you know, we've talked about energy
before and the power of energy and that, you know, we are, we
are energetic beings. And so inside of that, we, we
attract where we kind of repel. Like it's both because we, you
(29:26):
know, you put out a signal in that energy and there's going to
attract another type of energy and bring back what it is to you
or it's going to repel somethingaway from you.
Yes. And you have to be understanding
that you're doing both at the same time.
Yeah. And kind of all the time, like
again, just because there's thatwhole idea of like whatever's
happening in your life, you attracted it.
And I'm like, no, not necessarily.
I mean, there's just a lot that goes on.
The world is, is, you know, there's a there's a lot going
(29:48):
on. But just like all, all the time,
there is some projecting, there is some receiving, there is some
repelling that like that is true, yeah.
It's there. So I have a question for you as
we dive into this, and I know we're getting wrapped up here.
I can't believe we always have such amazing conversations, to
be honest. And they flow so effortlessly.
So one of the things, you know, as a podcast, you know, we're
(30:10):
about like, did she really say that?
Bold statements, things like that.
So has there ever been a moment coaching a client around
relationships, intimacy, something you've come across
where you've said something and they've either looked at you or
even done something like, did she really just do that or say
that kind of a moment? Yeah, it's funny.
I was reflecting on this and I don't know if I've really two
(30:35):
things come to mind. I mean, I do talk to a lot of
people about sex and pleasure and, and so it's maybe less the
people are like, like, did she really say that?
But I, I, it has been a, and I, and I will say like it doesn't
necessarily come naturally. I think sometimes people think
like, well, that just must be easy.
And I'm like, I'm actually pretty shy.
(30:56):
It's not, it's not just my, my natural state to like talk about
my, my own sex life or, but it is a deep value of kind of
demystifying and and being willing to talk about things,
especially, I mean in groups of women.
I think sometimes, like so oftenwe're making up thing with like
(31:16):
I've even had people in groups say I know I'm so far behind
everyone else in the realm of sex that I'm like, how?
Like I don't know that. What does that mean?
Right, and then more being like,Oh, I've only had one sexual
partner and and even that is like, and I imagine that
everybody else in the group has had a lot.
And I'm like, we don't know that.
So I do think creating like, like me going first as a leader
(31:40):
in the spaces that I hold opens it up for other people to say
things. And then and then rather than
these big abstract ideas, peoplego like, oh, this in, you know,
this is a truth and this is a truth and this is someone else's
experience. And this is, and I have seen
people have little responses to the kinds of, you know, the
(32:03):
kinds of things I'll say or likethe conversations that'll open
up like that. And then the other one that I
thought of that's not, again, it's not really a did she really
say that? But I remember when I was
leading an in person Group One time and I said something that
for me was a little off the cuffand I noticed that it actually
(32:24):
hurt the person. And then and I was Co
facilitating with two or three other people and there was a way
like we moved on to a different question or something.
We moved on and it just didn't sit right with me.
You know, it was like everythingwas kind of fine.
That word again, kind of fine. Right, is that do we want to
have like a kind of fine life? And then the truth is it was
(32:46):
also, it was an authentic relating course.
So I, I, I was like, oh, this isthe moment.
And so I came back and I was like, so literally to
demonstrate, you know, I went back to that person and I said,
it seemed like when I said this,that, you know, it, I maybe you
either felt hurt or it didn't sit right or you didn't like the
way I said it or, and I just want to check that out and made
(33:07):
it like a real moment. And so again, I don't know if in
the field, it was like, Oh my God, did she do that?
But I could feel the way that was like, oh, that's we don't do
that. You know, we're supposed to talk
about these things. We're supposed to teach about
them. You know, the relating happens
between the participants. It's not, it's not what we do to
go back and be like, hey, as theteacher, like, did I hurt your
feelings? I.
(33:29):
And I love that, you know, it just opened something up that
was so beautiful. Oh.
And I think when we do that as human beings and we go back and
we address a concern, it allows for the conversation to happen.
And I truly believe that everything can take place in a
conversation, right? There is the sense of
discovering to communicate what that actually feels and looks
(33:52):
like per each other, right? One of the things that I bought
him into, you know, for a way ofhaving conversations.
Like when you said this, it mademe feel like this and getting to
that feeling of what was there because there have been moments.
I mean definitely I was at a self development like course for
(34:16):
like 3 days and the person leaning it said something to me
that was it could have come across very offensive and I did
offend people that were in the room.
What was interesting for me is that's not my experience of it.
It actually, the way she asked the question and the way I heard
it was more of are we sure that's the truth?
(34:43):
Completely. And in that moment, I had a
thread that I needed to pull on.Like there was something inside
of me that said this isn't all this black and white.
There is a shade of Gray in herethat I need to get honest and
truthful with myself about. Yeah.
Because that trying to blame andshame something that had
(35:05):
happened. But it was a Co.
It was a Co experience. It wasn't a something forced
upon me experience and so to understand that and really
recognize my participation. Yeah.
And I willingness to participatewas a really different
experience for me because I there was no blame or shame.
(35:27):
It was just an acknowledgement that we we both participated and
with nothing but curiosity and not in a sense of control or
dominance or to make Barbie little or wasn't anything that.
And it just, if she had not asked the question the way that
she questioned it and in the manner in that moment that I
(35:49):
needed to hear it, I do not think I would have done the
deeper work. But in doing that, it freed up
all of us because I was able to open basically the closed door
or you know, the secret or whatever and say, is this really
a shame or is it just something that we experienced and let's
(36:10):
have it. So there's there is that sense
of moving in and out. And sometimes I think, and I do
appreciate you going back and saying your reaction like this.
Can we talk about that? It gives us the sense that we
didn't just get stepped over andthat we're getting, we're
getting a sense that something it we get a chance to be heard.
(36:34):
Absolutely. And and the way when you were
began sharing that story, just that piece of that a converse
that it opens up a conversation and in a conversation, I mean,
the truth about conversations iswe don't know what's going to
happen if they're a real conversation.
So it can be a little scary because we don't know.
But that's the that's also the beauty of the possibility of
(36:55):
relating is like, Oh, we don't know what's going to happen.
Yeah, I call it the dance. Yeah, Position dance.
Like let's dance, You lead, I'lllead, We'll dance, I'll follow.
Let's see where we go. Like.
Trip over your feet and we'll make it a move.
You know, like. I'll follow out of the face.
I'll do a crazy move real quick.You'll do a crazy move like it
just be in the dance. Of it, yeah, yeah, because it's.
(37:15):
The beauty of it and you don't like you said, you don't know
where it's going. And there's a sense of having
that trust and having that, thatspace that says that, you know,
we'll whatever it is, let's continue, you know, dancing and
find out until we find that thatflow and that that sense of
understanding each other and getting that, then we can
(37:36):
continue to move forward. Yeah, every dance has a stumble
every day. Even the professionals.
I'm a ballroom dancer audience. Even ballroom dancing.
We as professionals, we stumble.We'll skip, we'll slide.
Something will go wrong. A malfunction of some sort of
costume piece. I cannot tell you how many
times, but that is part of the dance.
(37:59):
That's such a great analogy. I love that.
Yeah, yeah. It happens.
So I want my audience to connectwith you because I I know that
there is such depth to who you are.
So I want to give them so you have a beautiful completion and
creation class that's coming up in the beginning of 2026.
So let's talk about this. Yeah.
(38:21):
I over the years, you know, you can see a lot of different
offerings that are about visioning the next year and how
wherever you like to do that. You know, if you've got a place
you like to do it, I say go for it.
But I did want to offer. One of the things that I saw
that seemed to be really missingwas reflecting on the last year.
And again, maybe the people in your audience really have like
(38:44):
deep processes where they take alot of time.
A lot of times people get almostlike caught off guard, right?
There's like the holidays and suddenly we're like, Oh my God,
it's New Year's. Like I need a resolution or I
need A and now it's a word of the year.
All right? You know, like, and, and like
somehow January is supposed to just start strong.
And I really started to feel just seasonally, at least here
in the Northern hemisphere, it'slike, oh, I really think January
(39:06):
is meant to be like the month oflaying a foundation.
And to me, to really lay a beautiful foundation requires
that we actually metabolize whathas been and not just try to
build on top of it. Like, I didn't like that.
So like, you know, forget what happened that year and it's why
I hold them as two separate classes.
So I believe it's December 29th.I always want to wait.
(39:29):
I mean, that's the other thing that happens is people get to
the beginning of December and they're like, you know, to heck
with this year. I'm on to the next year and I'm
like, oh, let's live it to the end.
Like we actually still have, we're going to go all the way to
December 29th. You know, kind of depends on
where the dates fall. Like last year was the 30th and,
and it's a two hour and it's really a guided journey into
(39:49):
reflection, celebration, completion, metabolization, and,
and what is the medicine that wecan take with us?
Like what are we really going tolet go of?
What do we want to celebrate? What's the medicine we can take
with us? And then there's a week in
between before the creation callso that there's really time to
be within that completion and tip over being into the new
(40:11):
year. And then coming at it from the
perspective of how do I create from devotion?
And and coming up with a vision from that point.
So anyway, I wanted to offer your listeners gift spot.
So there should be a code and and they can they can join for
free if they are so inclined. Yeah, absolutely.
And I would say take her up on this, right.
(40:33):
Kendra's got, I don't know if you guys have been listening by
swear, if you're driving in yourcar or if you're sitting
somewhere listening. She's got this just such a
soothing, peaceful call about it.
I remember saying something likethat to my business partner
after we first talked. I was like, I could just sit
there and listen to Kendra for hours.
Like there's this sense of that.So I recommend, you know, go
(40:55):
through the completion and creation.
Take the time to go through thatin the show notes, wherever
you're listening to this, there is a link for you to grab hold
of that. There is the coupon code or the
code in there that gives you free access, which I think is a
great blessing to a thank you for that.
But this is your opportunity to listening and actually, you
(41:18):
know, take action if you've beenon the fence and trying to do
everything on your own. I would say with Kendra, there's
that sense of community and thatcollaboration.
And then for women, I really feel like it feeds our soul when
we are surrounded by other womenCo creating our lives.
It gives us a permission to really breathe.
So honestly, Kendra, thank you so much for this incredible
(41:40):
episode. As always, you're an absolute
pleasure to listen to, to connect with, and to build a
friendship with. So thank you for that.
Yeah. Thank you so much.
It's really a pleasure to be here.
Awesome. So my listeners on did she
really say that? You know the drill and you want
to make sure you connect with Kendra.
Follow her on social media, let her know that you're here.
(42:01):
Let her know that you're following her.
Even if you don't take her up onthe offer, we all know that
there's another woman out there that could benefit from her.
So who do you know that needs tohear this conversation that
would absolutely love to take upKendra's offer and being in that
space of completion and creation?
(42:21):
This is your opportunity to support other women, support us
locally, support us, you know, anywhere you're at, and just
really help us lean into each other and be part of this
amazing collective. So with that, thank you all for
listening and joining, and we will see you on the next
episode.
Well, welcome back audience to Did she really say that?
I'm your host, Katrina Venatusan, and I am super
excited for today's conversation.
Why? Because it's time we had this
conversation about getting in touch with yourself, being
authentic, right? What is the relationship you're
having? What does it mean to be a woman
(00:22):
today? These are some of the fun
questions we're going to ask because I have brought the
amazing Kendra with us. She's the founder of The
Collective, a global web of women devoted to embody, to
embody wholeness, and the she's also founded the Fierce Grace
Incubator. Is that correct?
Did I say that right? OK, she's shaking her head.
(00:43):
OK, so has been studying, facilitating, and most
importantly, which is I think one of the reasons why I am just
drawn to Kendra and having her here on this show was because
it's all about practicing the authentic, relating, the
embodiment of the practices and that deep intimacy work.
(01:03):
And she's been doing this for over 20 years, right?
So when you're working with somebody, you're ready to take
this next step into what Kendra and I are going to be talking
about. You want somebody that is not
only walking the walk, but talking the talk.
Would you say that's true? Absolutely.
Yeah. So she Co founded the authentic
(01:24):
world and has pioneered some of the most cutting edge
relationship work on the planet.I'm excited to dig into this.
Right. She has worked with thousands of
men, women and couples in the areas of embodiment, intimacy,
communication and full self-expression.
OK. She's worked with organizations
(01:46):
and leaders as well as men and women couples who know that
embodiment presents truth. Connection and integrity are our
truest access to points of success.
I would totally agree with that,right?
And this is both in business andin love.
So Kendra, thank you for being ayes and joining us here on this
episode of Did She Really Say That?
(02:07):
How Are You? Absolutely.
I'm happy to be here. Thank you.
Yeah. So how did you step into this
work? Like what was your kind of your
background or have you always been in this kind of share with
us a little bit, share with the audience this?
I mean, I don't want to be too long winded about it.
And I think anyone, you know, who's, who's worked for long
(02:28):
enough, they'll be kind of a circuitous path.
And it is one of the things I like to talk with my clients
about because I think a lot of times we can judge where we're
at and see someone where they'reat and be like, I'm so far.
And I always want to remind people like that all came over
time. You know, it wasn't like it came
fully formed. It was burst from my, my rib or
(02:49):
something. And, and so there's a couple
moments that I would point to and, and there is something
about relationship, both relationship with other humans
and intimacy in that way. But the way that's evolved into
this perspective just around everything is relationship that
(03:10):
I think is somewhat innate. And I remember, so I was raised
in a Buddhist monastery. I lived there when I was very
young, but then I also chose to go back when I was an early
adult. I left college and I lived in a
Buddhist monastery for about 3 years.
And I remember, I mean, it is a community so there is a
(03:32):
relational aspect, but the practice itself is incredibly
solo and there wasn't a lot of emphasis put on that.
And I just remember this one morning we would wake up at like
4:30 in the morning and we wouldgo to sit meditation and I was
watching everyone sort of arriveand I thought like, oh, I know
who that is. And I know their little routine
and I know how they do that and I know how they wait till the
(03:54):
last minute. And I know.
And I was like, what is this other thing that we're not
really talking about, this relational aspect.
And ultimately that's what drew me out of the monastery.
Like, I think it's part of what had it.
I'm like, I'm not a monk in someways.
I mean, I left the monastery also to be with a man.
And so there was that not the relationship I'm in.
(04:14):
And and that had its own journey, but there was something
in me that was really hungry to learn about relationship and
like understand what is going onin terms of actually diving into
working in this way. My ex-husband and his best
friend started a program called the authentic man program back
(04:35):
in like 2001, 2003. And it was really a program for
men who wanted to have better relationships with women, but
from the perspective of like genuine authenticity.
And because I was dating my now ex-husband at the time, he
invited me along with a group ofother women to come and kind of
(04:59):
be the female feminine like reflection for the men who would
come through the program. And that was my first
experience, like really steppinginto offering in this way.
And that just took me on a wholejourney.
I I could see that. I think as you know, and I've
(05:20):
seen that on both sides. I've seen women go through like
that intimacy, that time with itand then they bring a man in to
kind of mirror back and like there's this this sense of like
getting a sense of who you are through that mirror right.
Yeah, no judgement, nothing on there.
Just somebody like the other, the opposite the end of the
gang. Yes, just being there to
(05:42):
complete or close anything that's that's going on in that
relationship or those thoughts that you have.
It's, it's a beautiful thing I've seen.
I think it's beautiful. Probably not to the extent that
you've seen it, but I've seen elements of that throughout my
journey of being my own self development.
Well, and I just want to say on the other side, you know,
(06:02):
because in one sense I was thereas that reflection and that was
my role. But really early on, I got to
have this experience. Like it was so consistently
happened for me that they, they worked all men Friday, Saturday.
And then on Sunday was when we came in as women and we would
sit at the front of the room andthen all the men would walk in.
(06:25):
And this is just how how humans are, is I would consistently
see, you know, like one to threemen.
I'd be like, I don't like them. I would be, it's, it's like in
some way I can look back and realize it had nothing to do
with them. But I had a visceral response.
I didn't like. Maybe they introduced
themselves. I didn't like it or I just I was
like, I don't like them. I don't want to work with them.
Inevitably, I would end up working with them and I would
(06:48):
totally fall in love with them. Like from just like a deep heart
space. And it it was rather than just a
concept of understanding that this was my own projection and
judgement was like I got to havea really visceral experience
quite early on of the just the beauty of humanity and how I
don't know. And I think that also has really
(07:09):
served me and I'm like, oh, I love humans, right?
We're so quirky and we're so weird and we do stupid things,
but like, at our essence. Oh, I like, I love humans.
Yeah, and I would agree. I think I I can sit like I I was
just traveling recently and I just remember sitting at the
airport just being amazed. Yes, right.
(07:29):
Just airports for this. Yeah, I just sit there and just
watch humans just do their thing.
And I would just sit here and I'd giggle and I'd laugh and,
you know, I would just, it was, it's just being like at peace in
the noise. Yeah, kind of enough.
Just observing of human nature with nothing judgement wise, but
just the pure like, who's going where?
(07:51):
Where are they going? We know, what are they going?
You know, why are they rushing? What's do it like, you know,
it's all these things that happen in the airport as people
are flying or coming and going. It's it's just a beautiful place
to just observe and watch. Yes.
So I love that. So let's dive into a little bit
around the work that you do and one of the things that you know,
(08:13):
we talked about, you talk about as wholeness, right?
You talk about just being whole and complete or what that looks
like. So we're going through so much.
I feel like as women in this world right now, What does
wholeness mean to women right now?
Like in this time and space, as we're kind of, I think almost
shifting, evolving, there's a lot of, I can't even put my
(08:37):
finger on, but there's a lot of shifting going, a lot of growth,
a lot of expansion with women right now.
And I think one of the things they are looking for is that
wholeness, that sense of self. Yeah.
I mean, I would agree with you. And it is, it's tricky.
I mean, partly because I think we are in the shifting part.
So the idea of putting a name, it's like we don't know yet
(08:58):
what's shifting because it's really in the transition.
I mean, there's a couple things I would say about wholeness.
And for a number of years I've worked almost primarily with
women, although I have, I still have one-on-one clients and
things like that, even though I started working with men and and
then I started shifting a littlebit more into wanting to hold
(09:21):
some mixed gender spaces. Partly I think because of this,
because I think that something is happening where men and women
are like all genders doing the work together, where there's
like an ebb and a flow. And something about that is
coming online. Like there's a real value to the
like all women's spaces, all men's spaces, or the sameness or
(09:45):
the safety we can feel. And then there's something about
seeing like women coming together and then seeing men do
some of the deep inner work. I mean, like, oh, so that's one
piece. I would say.
The other is to me humans, and I'll just say women, 'cause I, I
think that's a lot of who we're talking to here.
(10:06):
But we have, I really believe weactually have the full range
within us. You know, we're dark, we're
light, we're sad, we're angry, we're full, we're empty.
We, we have like the spectrum and, and so even beyond kind of
(10:29):
the individual personal wholeness, like all the parts of
me, it's exploring what it is toembody, like to actually express
all these different parts. And it's great 'cause I was just
talking about this morning with a group that I was leading
(10:50):
about. It's about a, an article
actually I wrote a number of years ago.
It's called the illusion of authenticity.
And one of the things that I talk about in there is really in
any moment, there's multiple things going on.
I'm feeling this way, I'm feeling that way, I'm feeling
this way, I'm feeling that way. Like there's, you know, there's
at least 3-4, maybe 10 differentemotions, different sensations,
(11:12):
different things my attention ormy thoughts are on.
There's a lot going on. And I do think sometimes more
for women than for men, like they're just just, you know,
like a like a broader awareness often.
And over time in our lives, likewe tend to prioritize some of
them more than others. And kind of like water that goes
(11:34):
in a groove, then that groove becomes more worn and the water
is more likely to go there. And then we call that authentic.
So if I'm having a lot of emotions, sensations, but I have
a tendency to focus on, you know, my embarrassment or my
sadness. Like I find a lot of women
(11:55):
process all their emotions through sadness because it's
more socially acceptable. A lot of men process all their
emotions through anger because, bless you, it's more socially
acceptable. And, and so, right, I mean, even
just taking that as kind of a cliche, that'll become more of a
worn groove. And so if a woman's feeling many
things, but one of them sad, she'll be like, I'm sad and like
(12:18):
crying and expressing and reallybeing in that.
That's my authentic expression and I'm not going to argue that
that's not authentic. I'm just going to say there's
other things also going on that that we don't have a habit of
giving them attention and air time.
And so sometimes it's not like, oh, suppress and deny that you
(12:38):
feel sad, but on purpose going, can you also feel something that
feels good in your body? Is there something beautiful you
saw this morning that again, without repressing and denying,
like I feel sad about this wouldopen something up.
And that just is a less worn groove.
(13:00):
And so we find more wholeness, not because 1 is better than the
other one is worse or that we should do one or we should focus
on the positive or any of the things that it's just like, oh,
can we start to explore more of the all of it.
And then in that way, I think the reason that I think that it
matters is, is partly there's a way that knowing our own
(13:25):
wholeness, I do think we feel more grounded in like the sense
of belonging in our own being, our own body.
But also we become more responsive to the moment.
Because actually any part of me can come online at any time, not
just the parts I'm most comfortable with or that I have
put more attention on. And then that, that feels, it's
(13:46):
like a sense of safety, right? Oh, I know that I can actually
pull up any part of me at any time.
Well, and then just kind of to have a total transparent moment
with our audience too. So I do remember, I think it was
about two years ago, it was liketransitioning from a New Year's
Eve into a New Year's Day. And it was such a weird
experience for me because I think, no, actually, no, not
(14:08):
thinking. I know that as a business owner,
as somebody that's been online and in the corporate space and
in the entrepreneur space, therewas a lot of suppressed
feelings, a lot of don't be thisway, be this way, don't do this,
do this. And so there was a moment three
years ago that was really profound for me because it was a
wholeness moment. It was a sense of deep sadness.
(14:31):
And what I mean by that is like everything that I had not let
myself feel came up and it came up through tears.
It came up through just wanting to huddle into myself.
But at the same time, I found myself like wanting to reach out
and talk to the people I loved the most and just get really
connected to them in that experience, right?
(14:53):
I was like, you know, I'm feeling a sad, but I don't feel
like it's a deep, like it wasn'ta depression sadness.
It was this experience of grieving, maybe letting him go
of my past self and all the things that I've been unable to
express and then stepping into this.
So there is that. I do agree that there is this
sense that we, we believe this is, you know, authentic, this is
(15:16):
authentic. This is we are.
But I also feel like we're stillas women, we're really doing the
work now to look at what does all of this mean?
Because that day, and it really was a day, it was like from wake
up to going to bed, but there was a sense that I wanted to be
by myself, but I also wanted people around me.
I wanted to cry, but I also wanted to like, just be with
(15:38):
like be an expression of it. So there is, I think, a lot of
miscommunication around what's your relationship with yourself,
what it actually looks like to bring forth self into the world
and not have it be labeled something in order to be fully
expressed. Would you agree with that?
(15:59):
Absolutely. I mean, even just with that
example, it's like going am IA sad person.
No, I feel sad. And maybe today, maybe it's
today or it's just like, oh, I feel sad and then I feel
hopeful. Yeah.
And then I want to be alone and then I want to be with people.
And, you know, we may or may notget to like flow moment to
(16:21):
moment with everything all the time, but spending more, putting
more attention on how we can do that or the moments when we can,
I do think gives us more room totouch on what's true in a given
moment. And I, I mean, I really love
that share because I think that,you know, if, if, if someone
(16:42):
wanted to kind of explore that in themselves, one way to start
would be like giving things in and in between.
And even whether it's writing itdown or saying it out loud, it
can be helpful because be often before we even express something
in our own minds, we think thesecan't coexist.
(17:05):
So I need to figure out what's true rather than, I mean, on the
call that I was leading today, it was like a woman who's really
clear she doesn't want to be with her ex, but she's also sad.
And so like, like, oh, I know this is the right decision and I
feel sad and I'm excited about this.
And I wish this were different. And, and to be able to just name
(17:25):
those as like, oh, this actually, it's like if I zoom
out, I'm looking at A at an ecosystem and there can be a
rock and some grass and an animal and a bird all at the
same time. Yeah.
Yeah. It it's not a silo experiment,
it's a collective experience. It's to be multi dimensional,
multi elemental, multi experiential in a lot of ways.
(17:49):
And I think we have been indoctrinated in some ways to be
like you're feeling this or you have to feel this or it's wrong
to to feel that and that you know it.
It puts on us this UN unreasonable expectation in
which then forces I think an inauthentic authenticity.
(18:10):
Yeah, I mean, I mean, even just to kind of make up a piece about
like being a little bit more in the corporate world there,
there's just some truth to that.There are things that are
acceptable and things that are unacceptable or that are going
to work or not work. But taking that in.
But then we start talking about things like authenticity and
living your truth. And people, again, they get
caught in something like, I can't stay in this job because
it's not my deepest purpose. And I think that even something
(18:34):
like this can be like, Oh, I, I don't, this is what I don't love
about it. And this is what I do.
And even though this may not be what I want to do forever, I'm
choosing to stay right now for for a reason, rather than
judging that and thinking if I've discovered that this isn't
my deepest purpose. Now I suddenly have to blow up
my life and leave my job and, you know, abandoned my family.
(18:55):
Or I mean, I really think peopledon't tell themselves the truth
because they're afraid that if they let any inkling of that
come in, then they have to act on it and it's going to blow
their life up. And I think that we can begin to
just be a little more honest with ourselves if we let it be
like the and of many things can be true at the same time.
Yeah. And I think that goes back into,
(19:16):
like you and I, we talked about,you know, going into the world
of entrepreneurship as a woman taking on this, the
responsibility of a business andtaking care of the people we're
serving. And like, it isn't and a
continual. And there's this this marketing
lie out there that that follows us everywhere.
And it's this whole sense of fake it till you make it.
(19:40):
Yeah. So let's talk a little bit about
that because it is perpetual. It is like the one thing I keep
hearing is, oh, I'll just fake it until I make it because
there's this do be have. So you have to or be do have,
Yes. So you have to like be or fake
the way like that. Let's talk about that, share a
(20:00):
little bit about what your insight is around that.
Fake it till you make it. I, I, what a great inquiry.
I mean, again, even in this is it's just so valuable to
recognize that more than one thing can be true at the same
time. Like pretty much everything
that's out there, it's out therebecause there was a threat of
(20:21):
truth and then it got taken as the truth.
And now this is the, it's just going to be just like this, you
know? So is it true that a lot of
women would be served by saying,yes, I can do that and just
getting the job? Absolutely.
Men do that all the fucking time, you know, or we know the
data shows that one of the number one reasons women don't
(20:44):
get raises is because they don'task for them.
Yeah. Like, literally just.
And is that a certain kind of faking it?
Like, do I am I do I think I deserve this, as someone told me
I deserve this. Can I, you know, just, like, ask
for the raise. Right.
And so. So recognizing, I think it's
helpful when there's something like this to go, oh, this is
where the threat of truth came from.
And then this is how it kind of got warped or twisted in a way
(21:07):
that's not helpful because I think it's maybe Ray Bradbury
anyway, an author there. And there's that line about,
like, be careful what you pretend to be because you might
find out you become it. And I think that's the danger of
following that too far. Yeah.
You know, so, so allowing for the truth of like, yeah, like if
(21:27):
you think you can do that job and you you could get paid, like
go for it, absolutely say yes, Ican do that.
And then you will figure it out.I have so much faith in like all
the women listening to this thatyou will figure it out.
You are smart. That is their mantra.
I've met so many women that sayslike, you can put me in here,
I'll figure it out. Like that is literally what
comes out of their mouth every single time.
(21:48):
You put me in here, I'll figure it out.
Yes, I know. Just say yes, you know, so
absolute, so, so like that's on that side.
And then there is something about like and how, you know,
recognizing like, how do I need to carry what's true about me
forward so that I don't lose touch with something essential,
(22:10):
whether it's a part of your heart or a relational need or a
like not bypassing when you're treated in certain ways.
Like don't fake that something is really, you know, it's
hurtful or rude or this is a little different than what we're
talking about. And it again, it's the subtle
nature of these. So there's like fake it till you
(22:33):
make it. And then I will often instead
encourage people to imagine theyhad what they wanted, whether
it's like, imagine now you're inthe relationship that you
thought is that, you know, you wanted, you're being loved the
way you want to be loved. Or imagine you're, you got the
(22:55):
position you want or you're making the money.
Or you, you know, like, if you imagine that, what happens in
your body? How do you breathe when you
imagine you have that amount of money in the bank?
Or how do you breathe when you imagine that you're being loved
in the way that you always wish you were loved?
Or how do you, you know, how do you walk into the room if you
got that raise? And then to me, those things are
(23:18):
not fake. It's like, oh, that already
exists in your body. You have the capacity in any
moment, if your breath softens, if you take a deeper inhalation,
if you, if there's an exhale where you relax when you think
like, oh, I already did that or I'm already loved.
I don't have to prove like to get the job or to get the love.
Then bring your attention to that relaxed exhale more often
(23:39):
and you are being the person that you would like to be on the
other side of getting what you want to get.
And to me, that's different thanfaking anything.
I would agree. I think there is the sense of
that truest belief. Like you said.
It's like if I know I can go after it and do that work, then
go after it like 100%. The one thing I will say too is
(24:02):
make sure it brings you joy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, and this goes into like the personal work too, like the
inner work, it can get very heavy and significant.
I'm like, we gotta laugh at ourselves.
Like this shit is, it's too heavy.
But also we're weird, you know? Like, it's cute, it's funny.
(24:24):
Yeah, I mean, so if we we get into this, it's like, oh, we're
gonna go do this and I'm like, but are you enjoying it?
Are you laughing about it? Does it like light you up or are
you just doing it because you were told to do it?
Like there's like both sides of this, right?
There's the, and again, I love this whole conversation because
it's a constant. Like it's an improv.
It's everything is an. And with us, it's like there's
this and this and then there's this and this.
(24:45):
Like, and I hope what you're listening and what you're
hearing from us as you're tuningin and listening to this episode
with us is that you understand that there isn't an or there
isn't a, but there's just an andand that comes into what are you
creating in your life? Who are you inside of this?
And let's talk. This is going to lead into that
(25:07):
really weird conversation aroundthe manifesting, right?
So we're talking about this manifesting, we're talking about
creating. It still feels a little woo like
let's dive into this manifestingversus creating modality.
Yeah. I mean manifesting versus
(25:28):
creating. I also, I had a mentor who used
to say, I can't remember now theword that he used, but it was
like either the, the, the the gist of it was kind of like
either you're creating your lifeor you're at the effect of life.
And I remember I heard it and I was kind of like, yeah, and but
(25:51):
it's something I didn't say. And I was like, why isn't this
sitting right? And then later it trickled down
and I was like, oh, there is something about choosing what's
so without it being a hopeless, helpless thing and going, oh,
like, I, I mean, again, even in the example I gave earlier, it's
(26:11):
like I can choose a job for a lot of reasons and not like all
of them, but know why I'm choosing it.
Or for me, I think part of the way it perkled in is at that
time was like, my children were fairly young and I was like, OK,
well, I'm not creating having a child that doesn't sleep through
the night even though he's like 7 years old, you know, but I am
(26:32):
choosing being his mother fully.And so I am no longer like at
the effect, like, Oh, life is happening to me and poor me and
poor for me. It's really hard, but I also
choose this. And then and then inside that,
it almost becomes like, what am I creating within it?
But not like, oh, I create my entire universe.
You know, that's that's the workof the gods and that is not us.
(26:55):
So and, and then and then I think there is this nuanced
peace. I think people get really afraid
of admitting any fears or havingany doubt because like, oh,
that's the wrong energy. But in some way, almost when we
push things away too strongly, we give them more energy.
You know they become this twice.As twice as.
(27:17):
Much down in the basement that'sjust going to come and, you
know, bite us on the ass. So so I think that's tricky.
It's not. And this actually goes back to
that piece of actually telling more of the truth of the whole
story is like, I don't think it's that we don't tell a
positive enough story. I think it's that usually we
don't tell the whole story. And so the.
Complexity. Yeah.
(27:38):
The complexity of my childhood, the complexity of my career, the
complexity of being a woman, thecomplexity of being a mother.
Like, oh, this is the whole story.
I am neither villain nor victim,but I have been villain and I
have been victim and you know, and everything in between.
And then there is that it again,it's like the grain of truth.
So the example I gave before of if I imagine, let's just say
(28:01):
like, oh, I imagine I'm being loved exactly the way that I
always wished I could be loved. If and then something happens in
my body, I breathe differently, I move differently, like my
thoughts are kind of different. Something softens in my face
when I really feel this, you know, and, and then if I do, if
I be that, if I actually put some attention on how do I, how
(28:21):
do I make this a more consistentvisceral experience?
I think it actually does change the reality around me and it
does change how people relate tome.
So does it mean that now I've manifested my partner?
I don't know. I don't think it's linear like
that. Like I don't think there's this
one to one magnetism thing that happens there.
(28:41):
Totally is. This is the way we're supposed
to be told. You do A and gives you B and.
But like it literally there are ripples out into the energetic
field. I mean, this is where it gets
woo and this is where I do thinkit's true.
But it's like it is energy and I'm embodying a different energy
and that changes the energy around me.
And therefore I'm going to have a different experience of life
and people are going to relate to me differently.
(29:02):
And I don't know what the outcome of that is going to be,
but it's probably going to be good.
Yep. And I agree with that.
There is. And for those of you that are
listening in the audience, you know, we've talked about energy
before and the power of energy and that, you know, we are, we
are energetic beings. And so inside of that, we, we
attract where we kind of repel. Like it's both because we, you
(29:26):
know, you put out a signal in that energy and there's going to
attract another type of energy and bring back what it is to you
or it's going to repel somethingaway from you.
Yes. And you have to be understanding
that you're doing both at the same time.
Yeah. And kind of all the time, like
again, just because there's thatwhole idea of like whatever's
happening in your life, you attracted it.
And I'm like, no, not necessarily.
I mean, there's just a lot that goes on.
The world is, is, you know, there's a there's a lot going
(29:48):
on. But just like all, all the time,
there is some projecting, there is some receiving, there is some
repelling that like that is true, yeah.
It's there. So I have a question for you as
we dive into this, and I know we're getting wrapped up here.
I can't believe we always have such amazing conversations, to
be honest. And they flow so effortlessly.
So one of the things, you know, as a podcast, you know, we're
(30:10):
about like, did she really say that?
Bold statements, things like that.
So has there ever been a moment coaching a client around
relationships, intimacy, something you've come across
where you've said something and they've either looked at you or
even done something like, did she really just do that or say
that kind of a moment? Yeah, it's funny.
I was reflecting on this and I don't know if I've really two
(30:35):
things come to mind. I mean, I do talk to a lot of
people about sex and pleasure and, and so it's maybe less the
people are like, like, did she really say that?
But I, I, it has been a, and I, and I will say like it doesn't
necessarily come naturally. I think sometimes people think
like, well, that just must be easy.
And I'm like, I'm actually pretty shy.
(30:56):
It's not, it's not just my, my natural state to like talk about
my, my own sex life or, but it is a deep value of kind of
demystifying and and being willing to talk about things,
especially, I mean in groups of women.
I think sometimes, like so oftenwe're making up thing with like
(31:16):
I've even had people in groups say I know I'm so far behind
everyone else in the realm of sex that I'm like, how?
Like I don't know that. What does that mean?
Right, and then more being like,Oh, I've only had one sexual
partner and and even that is like, and I imagine that
everybody else in the group has had a lot.
And I'm like, we don't know that.
So I do think creating like, like me going first as a leader
(31:40):
in the spaces that I hold opens it up for other people to say
things. And then and then rather than
these big abstract ideas, peoplego like, oh, this in, you know,
this is a truth and this is a truth and this is someone else's
experience. And this is, and I have seen
people have little responses to the kinds of, you know, the
(32:03):
kinds of things I'll say or likethe conversations that'll open
up like that. And then the other one that I
thought of that's not, again, it's not really a did she really
say that? But I remember when I was
leading an in person Group One time and I said something that
for me was a little off the cuffand I noticed that it actually
(32:24):
hurt the person. And then and I was Co
facilitating with two or three other people and there was a way
like we moved on to a different question or something.
We moved on and it just didn't sit right with me.
You know, it was like everythingwas kind of fine.
That word again, kind of fine. Right, is that do we want to
have like a kind of fine life? And then the truth is it was
(32:46):
also, it was an authentic relating course.
So I, I, I was like, oh, this isthe moment.
And so I came back and I was like, so literally to
demonstrate, you know, I went back to that person and I said,
it seemed like when I said this,that, you know, it, I maybe you
either felt hurt or it didn't sit right or you didn't like the
way I said it or, and I just want to check that out and made
(33:07):
it like a real moment. And so again, I don't know if in
the field, it was like, Oh my God, did she do that?
But I could feel the way that was like, oh, that's we don't do
that. You know, we're supposed to talk
about these things. We're supposed to teach about
them. You know, the relating happens
between the participants. It's not, it's not what we do to
go back and be like, hey, as theteacher, like, did I hurt your
feelings? I.
(33:29):
And I love that, you know, it just opened something up that
was so beautiful. Oh.
And I think when we do that as human beings and we go back and
we address a concern, it allows for the conversation to happen.
And I truly believe that everything can take place in a
conversation, right? There is the sense of
discovering to communicate what that actually feels and looks
(33:52):
like per each other, right? One of the things that I bought
him into, you know, for a way ofhaving conversations.
Like when you said this, it mademe feel like this and getting to
that feeling of what was there because there have been moments.
I mean definitely I was at a self development like course for
(34:16):
like 3 days and the person leaning it said something to me
that was it could have come across very offensive and I did
offend people that were in the room.
What was interesting for me is that's not my experience of it.
It actually, the way she asked the question and the way I heard
it was more of are we sure that's the truth?
(34:43):
Completely. And in that moment, I had a
thread that I needed to pull on.Like there was something inside
of me that said this isn't all this black and white.
There is a shade of Gray in herethat I need to get honest and
truthful with myself about. Yeah.
Because that trying to blame andshame something that had
(35:05):
happened. But it was a Co.
It was a Co experience. It wasn't a something forced
upon me experience and so to understand that and really
recognize my participation. Yeah.
And I willingness to participatewas a really different
experience for me because I there was no blame or shame.
(35:27):
It was just an acknowledgement that we we both participated and
with nothing but curiosity and not in a sense of control or
dominance or to make Barbie little or wasn't anything that.
And it just, if she had not asked the question the way that
she questioned it and in the manner in that moment that I
(35:49):
needed to hear it, I do not think I would have done the
deeper work. But in doing that, it freed up
all of us because I was able to open basically the closed door
or you know, the secret or whatever and say, is this really
a shame or is it just something that we experienced and let's
(36:10):
have it. So there's there is that sense
of moving in and out. And sometimes I think, and I do
appreciate you going back and saying your reaction like this.
Can we talk about that? It gives us the sense that we
didn't just get stepped over andthat we're getting, we're
getting a sense that something it we get a chance to be heard.
(36:34):
Absolutely. And and the way when you were
began sharing that story, just that piece of that a converse
that it opens up a conversation and in a conversation, I mean,
the truth about conversations iswe don't know what's going to
happen if they're a real conversation.
So it can be a little scary because we don't know.
But that's the that's also the beauty of the possibility of
(36:55):
relating is like, Oh, we don't know what's going to happen.
Yeah, I call it the dance. Yeah, Position dance.
Like let's dance, You lead, I'lllead, We'll dance, I'll follow.
Let's see where we go. Like.
Trip over your feet and we'll make it a move.
You know, like. I'll follow out of the face.
I'll do a crazy move real quick.You'll do a crazy move like it
just be in the dance. Of it, yeah, yeah, because it's.
(37:15):
The beauty of it and you don't like you said, you don't know
where it's going. And there's a sense of having
that trust and having that, thatspace that says that, you know,
we'll whatever it is, let's continue, you know, dancing and
find out until we find that thatflow and that that sense of
understanding each other and getting that, then we can
(37:36):
continue to move forward. Yeah, every dance has a stumble
every day. Even the professionals.
I'm a ballroom dancer audience. Even ballroom dancing.
We as professionals, we stumble.We'll skip, we'll slide.
Something will go wrong. A malfunction of some sort of
costume piece. I cannot tell you how many
times, but that is part of the dance.
(37:59):
That's such a great analogy. I love that.
Yeah, yeah. It happens.
So I want my audience to connectwith you because I I know that
there is such depth to who you are.
So I want to give them so you have a beautiful completion and
creation class that's coming up in the beginning of 2026.
So let's talk about this. Yeah.
(38:21):
I over the years, you know, you can see a lot of different
offerings that are about visioning the next year and how
wherever you like to do that. You know, if you've got a place
you like to do it, I say go for it.
But I did want to offer. One of the things that I saw
that seemed to be really missingwas reflecting on the last year.
And again, maybe the people in your audience really have like
(38:44):
deep processes where they take alot of time.
A lot of times people get almostlike caught off guard, right?
There's like the holidays and suddenly we're like, Oh my God,
it's New Year's. Like I need a resolution or I
need A and now it's a word of the year.
All right? You know, like, and, and like
somehow January is supposed to just start strong.
And I really started to feel just seasonally, at least here
in the Northern hemisphere, it'slike, oh, I really think January
(39:06):
is meant to be like the month oflaying a foundation.
And to me, to really lay a beautiful foundation requires
that we actually metabolize whathas been and not just try to
build on top of it. Like, I didn't like that.
So like, you know, forget what happened that year and it's why
I hold them as two separate classes.
So I believe it's December 29th.I always want to wait.
(39:29):
I mean, that's the other thing that happens is people get to
the beginning of December and they're like, you know, to heck
with this year. I'm on to the next year and I'm
like, oh, let's live it to the end.
Like we actually still have, we're going to go all the way to
December 29th. You know, kind of depends on
where the dates fall. Like last year was the 30th and,
and it's a two hour and it's really a guided journey into
(39:49):
reflection, celebration, completion, metabolization, and,
and what is the medicine that wecan take with us?
Like what are we really going tolet go of?
What do we want to celebrate? What's the medicine we can take
with us? And then there's a week in
between before the creation callso that there's really time to
be within that completion and tip over being into the new
(40:11):
year. And then coming at it from the
perspective of how do I create from devotion?
And and coming up with a vision from that point.
So anyway, I wanted to offer your listeners gift spot.
So there should be a code and and they can they can join for
free if they are so inclined. Yeah, absolutely.
And I would say take her up on this, right.
(40:33):
Kendra's got, I don't know if you guys have been listening by
swear, if you're driving in yourcar or if you're sitting
somewhere listening. She's got this just such a
soothing, peaceful call about it.
I remember saying something likethat to my business partner
after we first talked. I was like, I could just sit
there and listen to Kendra for hours.
Like there's this sense of that.So I recommend, you know, go
(40:55):
through the completion and creation.
Take the time to go through thatin the show notes, wherever
you're listening to this, there is a link for you to grab hold
of that. There is the coupon code or the
code in there that gives you free access, which I think is a
great blessing to a thank you for that.
But this is your opportunity to listening and actually, you
(41:18):
know, take action if you've beenon the fence and trying to do
everything on your own. I would say with Kendra, there's
that sense of community and thatcollaboration.
And then for women, I really feel like it feeds our soul when
we are surrounded by other womenCo creating our lives.
It gives us a permission to really breathe.
So honestly, Kendra, thank you so much for this incredible
(41:40):
episode. As always, you're an absolute
pleasure to listen to, to connect with, and to build a
friendship with. So thank you for that.
Yeah. Thank you so much.
It's really a pleasure to be here.
Awesome. So my listeners on did she
really say that? You know the drill and you want
to make sure you connect with Kendra.
Follow her on social media, let her know that you're here.
(42:01):
Let her know that you're following her.
Even if you don't take her up onthe offer, we all know that
there's another woman out there that could benefit from her.
So who do you know that needs tohear this conversation that
would absolutely love to take upKendra's offer and being in that
space of completion and creation?
(42:21):
This is your opportunity to support other women, support us
locally, support us, you know, anywhere you're at, and just
really help us lean into each other and be part of this
amazing collective. So with that, thank you all for
listening and joining, and we will see you on the next
episode.
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