Inside the Mind of Vans Pro Skater Beatrice Domond: Morals, Grief, and Healing [Ft. Beatrice Domond]

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Attention Welcome to the Different Spectrums podcast.
We dive into the wild world of mental health discussions.
Get ready for profound talks, a sprinkle of humor and sarcasm,
and a touch of colorful language.
Just a quick heads up, our show reflects our individual
opinions, which may not align with the standpoint of the

(00:21):
podcast, our featured guests, orany related corporate entities.
Our mission? To illuminate through laughter
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Chill out and don't stress over the small stuff.
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Cancel culture, please spare us.We'd rather keep this space

(00:43):
lawsuit free, So buckle up, havea good time, and join us as we
navigate the vibrant realm of mental health on the Different
Spectrums podcast. Hey everybody, we back again.
Hey, we're back. We're live.

(01:03):
I'm your Spencer, your Co host, but I'm Spencer, your Co host
and that's our licensed clinicaltherapist.
Playing with the big boys now, sorry.
Context nobody understands. No context.
There's no context. Just a pervert.
That's fine. Play with the.
This song is so catchy, I'm going to be singing that shit

(01:25):
all day tomorrow. Yeah, literally.
That and Eight Mile are my favorite musicals.
Eight Mile, like Eminem. Eminem is that she considered a
musical. I considered a musical.
There's like. 5 songs in there he's rapping.
It's this song 2 times He forgotinto song in that movie.
I don't know we we win and the musicals in Detroit now calm

(01:49):
down. We we grown ass man in Detroit.
We. Know we're musical.
I don't. Know about that?
Y'all was over. He was over here singing on the
car. He was over there singing like
it was a lot of rapping. And singing might be a musical.
Oh shit, I guess we'll have a debate later.
This was a hell of a payment. I'm kind of fucked up right now.
I'm making a platform. I've been saying this for years.

(02:10):
I'm glad for the town in the world now.
You finally got it where people are going to let you say it.
So you can finally let her know.Hey Mouse, a musical swear to
God. Swear to God white people just
destroying movies for us man. God damn you Eminem.
Is this abuse? Don't take us too seriously.

(02:30):
Or do that's completely up to you.
There you go. Also, don't forget to rot those
likes for us. We'd really appreciate it.
Anywho, we have a guest for the show.
As you could tell, she's a street skater, designer and also
a barrier breaker whose DIY pathredefined what it means to ride.

(02:52):
She was also the first female skateboarder signed to Supreme,
as well as the first black female Vans rider with her own
pro shoe. And she's also transformed the
scene with visuals that are equal parts of gritty and
graceful. Please welcome Beatrice DuMont.
Thank. You Oh my God, that was I like

(03:12):
that was like probably like one of the best intros I've ever
had. Gritty and graceful.
I love. That appreciate it.
Thank you Chad GBT anyways. Gritty, graceful and also to.
Be honest, that's probably the most controversial thing you
say. All night.
Whoopsie, Daisy. No, it's going to definitely get

(03:34):
worse. Oh yes, you get really bad so I
mean. Any who's let's try to keep
those sponsorships for Beatrice.So the movie today we are
actually doing the Prince of Egypt, the star-studded cast
movie of Prince of Egypt. I had no idea of this many
people were in this movie, but once you IMDb things, you find

(03:55):
out a lot. So a lot of great cast members
in there, including Val Kilmer, Voldemort, Steven, Steve Martin
and then Martin Short like that already great.
And then a few things that we'regoing to be talking about.
We're going to be talking about speaking truth.
We're also going to be talking about things that you can't

(04:17):
Unsee and then also leaving yourcomfort zone and how that could
affect you possibly. And then we're also going to be
talking about smoke and mirrors and just how words have Nah,
it's anything before we get intothe show.
A lot of emotions in this. Obviously it's a lot of shit,

(04:39):
right? A lot of stuff when we were
kids, as you guys were talking about in the pre production, we
was watching this shit when we were kids.
Like God damn. There's a lot of there's a lot
of trauma in this. I wonder why some millennials
are so fucked up. Excited to get into multiple
things and started to poke around and Beatrice's brain
fucked in there. I.

(05:03):
Told. You it's going to get weird.
It's going to get more weird before it gets better.
It's like, oh shit, what's that?Directors that did Wednesday.
It's like a Tim, Tim Tim Burton joint.
It's a bit weird. I almost said Tom.
Burton, Tom Burton. That's his brother, Tom Burton.

(05:24):
Tom's actually black. So let's let's get to the
podcast, let's have some fun. Really excited for this season
and all the guests that we have on again, as a lot of you going
to notice a lot more Black and brown bodies this season.
Trying to be very intentional with who we have on the podcast.
Really excited about today. Let's get into it.

(05:45):
Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. They're zoned out.
Sorry. You guys say whoop, whoop.
Oh whoop whoop, sorry I didn't. Know I did not know.
You didn't. You didn't need to know.
Sorry, can I blame my dyslexia on that?

(06:05):
All right. I blame dislikes if you're not
paying attention. Can I blame my disability?
Yeah, I guess so. Disability card check.
OK, I. Can't walk, I have ADHD.
Let's let's OK. Let's do a bot.

(06:46):
Moses, look, fate has turned ourlittle misadventure into a great
opportunity. You know, Father will be so
pleased to put your back into itfaster.
And this is just the beginning. A gateway will open to the

(07:06):
entire new city of white limestone more dazzling than the
sun. And here a statue of heart.
Hurry to great column balls. Stop it.
There's nothing that we can do. Stop it.

(07:33):
Stop. Stop it.
Leave that man alone, Moses. Out of my way, out of my way.
Boom. Who did this up there?

(07:58):
It's him up there. Moses, Moses.

(08:27):
What's going on, Moses. Moses.
Let me go. No, wait.
You saw what happened. I just killed a man.

(08:48):
We can take care of that. I will make it so it never
happened. Nothing you can say can change
what I've done. I am Egypt.
The morning and the evening star.
If I say day is night, it will be written and you will be what
I say you are. I say you are innocent.
What you say does not matter. You don't understand.

(09:12):
I can't stay here any longer, Moses.
No. All I've ever known to be true
is a lie. I'm not who you think I am.
What are you talking about? Go ask the man I once called
Father Moses, please. Goodbye, brother.

(09:55):
Moses. Ramses.

(10:32):
Moses. Is it really Moses?
Where's Rameses? Look at you.
But look at you like what on earth you dressed as.

(10:55):
Oh, Rameses. It's so good to see you.
Excuse me, Your Majesty, We are compelled to remind you that
this man committed a serious crime against the gods.
We are loathed to bring it up, mind you, yet the law clearly
states the punishment for such acrime.
Deaf, we hesitate to say. It be still Pharaoh speaks.

(11:18):
I am the morning and the eveningstar.
Rameses. It shall be as I say.
I pardon forever all crimes of which he stands accused, and
we'll have it known that he is our brother Moses, the Prince of
Egypt. Rameses, in my heart you are my

(11:45):
brother. But things cannot be as they
were. I see no reason why not.
You know I am a Hebrew, and the God of the Hebrews came to me.
What He commands, that you let his people go commands.

(12:15):
Behold the power of God. Wow, impressive.

(12:40):
Very well, Moses. I'll play along.
Hotep Hoy give this snake charmer our answer.

(13:11):
By the power of rah mut nut takaneftis nakhmet sorbek sakhmet
sokka selka freshpu What anubis anukis sashmu neshat hemsut.

(13:48):
So you think you've got friends in high places with the power to
put us on the run? Well, forgive us.
These smiles on our faces. You'll know what power is.
When we are done. Son.

(14:13):
You're playing with the big boysnow.
Playing with the big boys now. Oh, that's pretty.
Every spell and gesture tells you who's the best.

(14:36):
Stop this foolish mission. What's the true?
Magician, give that exhibition how?
Pick up your silly twig boy. You're playing with the big boys
now. With

(15:10):
the big boys now play with the big boys.
Now by the might of Horace, you will kneel before us.
Kneel to us and all us. You put up a front, you put up a
fight. And just to show we feel no
spite, you can be our but first boy.

(15:32):
It's time to bow. Or it's your own wave.
You'll dig. Or you're playing with the big
boys. Playing with the big boy.
The play with the play with the play.
They love it. Hey everyone, before we get into

(16:04):
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(16:26):
your entire order. And with that, let's get into
the show. We're back again.
Hey, we're back. We're live playing with the big
boys now. Yeah, put some respect on it.
Very macho. Well, you said it.
Well, I'm tired of being called a woman on this podcast because
the way I send emails so. Same here I guess.

(16:49):
I guess I'm also a. Woman.
Yeah, because you sent most of the emails to be fair.
Yeah, I sent most of them to her, so she was just like, it's
a punctual so. Orderly.
It's just something down there. It's so together, so men can't
be together. We've learned that today and.
Oh feminine, to be together in orderly.
The energy, she's probably next to me, like you guys are least

(17:10):
gay, right? And I'm like, shut up.
I like women. I don't like them.
I mean, you guys do give up. No, no.
I don't care, it's fine. I'm comfortable, but maybe it's
something you saying that with guys, but I'm comfortable here.
I'm not. I'm not like because there's two

(17:30):
men on it. I'm like, no, like one of the
girls. Yeah, I'll take it.
Hey, girl. I got breasts.
Thanks. Same.
Mine are 8 cups. But you know what?
Hey, we're here. Little pop for.
You. He's trying to fuck them.
My little pop, little pop, you can't really tell, but all
right. What I'll do like in a rib cage?

(17:50):
Anyways, Beatrice, welcome to the show.
So glad to have you here. One of the first questions I
want to ask to you is what how did you get started on your
skateboarding journey? How did you get to from being
into Florida to sending into you, you know, your tapes to now

(18:14):
you're like one of the first black women to be sponsored by
Vans who actually has their own shoe?
How did you get to this point? How did I do it?
Wow. Yeah.
I, I mean, you may tell you how it started.
Yeah, well, it started like this.
I was five years old. I don't know if you're familiar

(18:35):
with Pitcher Day. Yes, like after school.
We've had pitcher day before. Oh that's sick of shit.
Mine did not look like that. No, I mean, yeah, I'm gorgeous.
Anyway, wait a minute. I I had hair back then.
I was good looking back then. I was a.
Nice. Friend there, Arab man.
Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was good looking.
Oh, a nice bald 12 year old. Imagine the full beard.

(19:01):
Real talk, full beard, bald, 8thgrade real talk.
No, but so there's a one, there's a bunch of props and
you're able to pick one. Basketball, soccer, tennis.
I saw the skateboard and I was like, it just resonated with me.
I had no, I've never seen. I don't get, I've probably seen
like a tricks commercial and I probably watched an episode of

(19:22):
like Rocket Power at the time. So that's the only time that
I've saw skateboarding. And so I grabbed it, took that
photo and I thought I bought it all day when I was in school.
And I told my mom, like mom, like there's this, it's a
skateboard. Like it was so cool.
And she was like, oh, OK. And eventually her and my dad
end up getting me one. But like, you know, no shade to

(19:44):
Walmart. It was crappy and not the best.
But soon after my mom came through and got me like a real
board was like urethane wheels, titanium trucks and like, you
know, real, real wood and real bearings.
And I just took it everywhere I went.
It was the one thing that was like most consistent in my life.
I did a lot of sports. I did a lot of art programs.

(20:07):
The skateboard was just always there.
And then I think when I got to high school, which is so crazy,
when I tell the story, I'm like,how did I think so deep?
I guess I'm a deep thinker. But when I was 14, you know, I
love a lot of coming of age movies and you know, they're
always like, who am I going to be?
What am I going to do? And then when I turned 14, I was

(20:29):
in high school, I was like, all right, I'm going to be a pro
skater. That's what I'm going to do in
my life. That's what I'm going to be.
And I just like remember saying that and putting my skateboard
in the locker. And then every day from there, I
would like skate and just like research skateboarding.
Think about skateboarding. I lived and breathed
skateboarding in between like school, soccer, basketball, all

(20:53):
this other stuff. But the thing that really made
me stick about skateboarding is that I would put so much time
and effort into it, and I would get exactly what I would get
back. Whereas in school, I wasn't the
best and I'd worked so hard. Like with math, especially math,
I worked so fucking hard. And then like I would get the
test back. And it's like, you ever seen a
47? You ever seen a 30 on a test?

(21:16):
I've seen a lot of those. Spencer's probably seen a few of
those. Yeah, I'm.
I'm actually pretty smart, so. Yeah, he's like, you work really
hard on something and you're like, this is it?
Yeah, facts. You know, and it just was
especially when you're a kid, it's so like discouraging.
But with skateboarding, I would,I would give it time and I would
see the progression. So I was like, this is I like

(21:37):
this, like I like this. And then from there I just like
I learned. I self-taught myself in YouTube.
I would go online, look up how to Ollie, how to kick, flip and
just like watch the videos, go outside, go try the trick all
day, like after school until 9, you know, like I just realized
that like someone asked me to like, who taught you how to

(21:57):
skate? And I was like the Internet,
like literally YouTube I had yeah.
I was just, I grew up skating bymyself.
So it was just Youtubing myself,which now I find out I was like
this little. They're divergent.
Just playing with yourself all day and having the best time of
your life. I don't need any friends.

(22:18):
I know I got my skateboard. In YouTube.
But yeah, so and then from thereI just like figured out like
what the culture was like make videos, you send them in.
I was super shy. So I'm not really good at like
the whole aspect thing. I would just say my video and be

(22:40):
like, hey, hope you like my video.
And then wait for a response. And then only two people are
only three people responded, Bill from Supreme, Pontus from
Polar. But he was like, you skate like
Jeff Hostel. And I was like, who?
And it's like this Hawaiian guy with long hair.

(23:02):
I'm like, how do we skate? Like whatever.
And then I think Mike Sinclair from like Pig Wheels or
something. He was like, keep going.
You have like, he's like you have it.
But it didn't stop there yet. But I remember Bill just being
like, that's so sick. Like keep it up.
And I was like, shit. And then from there, I would

(23:22):
talk to him the most because he's, he's who I like.
I liked his videos. I liked what he was doing.
This was before he worked for something though.
He was like doing other stuff for Quicksilver Habitat in the
workshop. I just love that kind of stuff.
And then, yeah, from there, he just kept, I kept going.

(23:43):
And then I woke up one day and Ilived in New York City.
Sponsored by the best companies in the world.
Yeah. Sometimes shit works out.
Yeah, sometimes shit works out. Sometimes you put a lot of
effort, a lot of blood, a lot ofsweat, a lot of tears, a lot of
obsessiveness, but also passion.Yeah.

(24:04):
I assume Spencer going to ask you a boatload of questions
based on all the stuff you just said.
This is magnificent. Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm.
Looking. Forward to it.
Look at this. Yeah, I mean, being in such a
heavily male dominated sport that is skateboarding and
especially being a black woman in the sport as well,

(24:24):
unfortunately you can't pinpointa lot of skateboarders growing
up, especially like me. I love watching skateboarders
and stuff like that and I can handpick like a bunch of them.
But unfortunately you don't get a ton that are of the same as
complexion as you. And that's, you know,
unfortunate, but how did you really go about like just going

(24:47):
with the landscape that was so heavily not looking like you?
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of things that took play.
Like 1, I had my blinders on like literally like this.
I didn't see anything else but the skateboard in front of me,
let's do it and what I wanted toskate.
And two, I'm really good at likepuzzles.

(25:10):
So I would, I would be like nobody, I was like, OK, nobody
looks like I had no one to look up to.
I'm the first of myself to be where I'm at.
So I would see a black man skater like Kareem Campbell.
And then I would see Alyssa Steamer, a woman skateboarder,
still not me, but I would put them together and be like, I

(25:31):
could kind of see myself like that's me, you know what I mean?
He's black, he's tall. Like I'm pretty much I'm like
making this person in my head, which I'm I'm making myself, you
know, And then I would play games like like, I don't know if
you know who Chad Tim Tim is. He's like our ex pro.
We had the same birthday, January 7th.
I'm like, he has the same birthday and he's pro.

(25:56):
I'll be pro too. Like, you know, you sit like
that. I would just tell myself like I
could be pro too. We have the same birthday.
Like why wouldn't it? Why wouldn't it work out for me?
Like, I mean, I'm probably delusional in that way, but I
would just do that to myself. I would just kind of just like
nothing really mattered and I think I was just so like
sheltered. When I did go to the skate park,

(26:18):
I didn't have time to be subconscious.
My mom's in the parking lot waiting for me.
I have an hour. So we have so I'm just like I
don't have these obstacles in front of my house where I use
these skate. So I'm skating, I'm going to
fuck about anybody else because I have to leave in an hour.
They're here all all day, all night.

(26:38):
I have an hour, so I'm just going to make my hour count.
So I didn't care about anybody around me.
And plus like I had built in friends at home, my siblings, I
had friends in school kind of you know what I mean?
So I really, really looking for like I wasn't looking for like
community there in that way. I just went to skateboard, like,

(26:59):
you know, now I have friends andskating, which is really nice
and it's really cool to go skating with people and like now
I get to experience that Africa of it.
But growing up, I really didn't like, it's sad to say.
I didn't really care. It was just like I wanted to
skateboard. That's all I wanted to do, you
know? So that's pretty much how I
survived. I just didn't pay attention.
Didn't pay attention, but also so delusional that you reached

(27:23):
so far and you were making theserandom connections and you're
trying to piece together this puzzle to almost manifest you
becoming the individual that youare to to anyone to get to where
they're going to go. They have to dream so fucking
wildly. It's probably going to be
delusional. And for people that beginnings
of us, which are astronomically probably not people that are

(27:44):
going to make it to those places, you got to be a little
delusional. Oh 100% and plus I grew up with
my mom being so like you can do anything you want.
Like she never she was realistic, but she never
hindered a dream. Like I was never told like you
can't but anything is like oh that's awesome.

(28:06):
And I grew up watching a lot of manifestation stuff like she she
also sat us down one day randomly and she was like, I
have this movie for you and it was a secret.
I forget what that is. My mother made me watch it and
read it. As soon as you said that, I'm
like the secret. She made me watch it and it just

(28:30):
clicked. And I was like, oh, it's that
simple, you know? And so I was at that very young
age, I was just very mindful of my thoughts.
And it's like, what I, what you think about, you bring about.
I thought about skateboarding and I thought about, you know,
my art and stuff like that. Like I just invested.
And also, yeah, my mom just set me up right.

(28:53):
Like I've always been super active.
I've always been into, like, it's almost like this.
I look back on my life now and I'm like, everything I do now, I
already did it on a smaller scale.
So it just feels like I'm doing it on a bigger scale.
Does that make sense? Yeah.
Yeah. Like, you know. 1% real quick, I

(29:15):
assume I want to give it a shoutout to moms, something like
that, a big role into this. Yeah, she's the best.
Like literally who, why I'm heretoday and like who I am today,
like, you know, it's like this. You know, when so my my mom
always told me this thing. She was like, she would always
call me beautiful and like you're and I was like mom, like

(29:36):
why she goes I'm telling you that now.
So when you're older, some lame ass dude doesn't come up to you
and tell you you're beautiful and then you're sold on the
first bed. You know you're worth already.
You know you're worth already. And I kid you not, that's true.
No one can tell me anything about myself because I already
know, like my mom told me that like her opinion matters more

(29:57):
than whoever the hell is trying to have my attention.
You know what I mean? That makes sense.
I'd love that. So yeah, stuff like that, she
would just teach me randomly throughout the day and I would
just I took in everything she said.
And listen to your mom, kids, because you want you too.
One day can be a supreme. Every time you say Supreme, I

(30:20):
honestly just think of Taco Bell.
I'm going to be real. It's just a supreme Taco.
I'm like. I don't see how.
That no supreme it's a you know,I'll get a Taco supreme, you
know, let me get some sour creamon that thing that's.
What makes a supreme, apparently, is tomatoes and sour
cream. It is the.
Cheesy cornea crunches. Hey, I love a cheesy.

(30:41):
But supreme? See how many times we can say
supreme today. On to the show.
So you actually made a a great ad with your grandma who's from

(31:02):
Haiti, Yes. Thank you.
And what was that like giving that and then also giving her
like your shoes, Like what was that moment like being kind of
full circle where you can come back and just be like, these are
the people that helped just raise me and be who I am today.
No, dude, it was so, it was so beautiful because that's my 7th

(31:23):
shoe on Vans, which is 7th's a close number to me because I'm
born in the seventh, you know? And so it was that and so, and
it happened to be like it was all owed to her.
Like it's more of like a dress shoe, the map of Haiti's in
there. And I've always told myself
like, I'm like, I don't know whyI think like this, but I do what

(31:47):
I have today, all I have is because she took the chance of
getting on the boat to America for me to have that between me,
like I would not be here if she didn't do that.
So to me, I really do. Like I do value her.
I love like I just actually got off the phone through just now
after before this, but we talk all the time.
But yeah, with that, it was justlike a full circle moment to be

(32:09):
able to come down there because I would visit her often and I'd
be like, Grandma, I'm in Vogue or Grandma got the cover of
juice and she's like, OK, but like trying to get a job and
like. Such a grandma.
Really like trying to make it like, OK, I'm just like, yeah,
I'm kind of doing OK, but I don't know how to explain it to

(32:30):
her, you know? Yeah.
And so for the crew to fly down to Miami, we shot the commercial
at her house. She had hair and makeup, fucking
crafties. And like my girlfriend at the
time was there and she met her like it was just, she knows I'm
OK. Like now I'm like, I'm working.

(32:51):
She's like, she's like I'm working.
She's like, ah, come back to Florida.
Like just move back to Florida. And now when I tell her I'm
working, she's like, OK, OK, OK,Like OK, Like where?
Because now she gets it. She saw like the whole like the
whole thing, like I, it was just, I think it's like now it
calms her heart to see like I'm successful and I'm doing what

(33:12):
I'm supposed to be doing. But also, it's just awesome to
like, because I was not, I wasn't born in that house, but I
was like, we lived there until we moved out.
Our grandma, my grandma wanted us to stay.
But my mom was like, she wanted to raise her kids how she wanted
to raise them. You know, it's kind of like in
Caribbean culture, everyone's raising your kids and they have

(33:34):
all these different ideals. And she wanted us to have the
ones that she was raising us with.
So we had to move. Yeah, me and my grandma.
Sad, but I don't think that would be a point today.
You know, if she has a different, she has a different
set of values, that makes sense.But yeah, but for her to like,
see, just like all of that, I think she's just really proud.

(33:56):
And like, I got her paid. She was psyched.
And yeah, it was just, this is acool moment, I think.
Can't imagine. Yeah, to be in that house with
like the bands people and I likelearn to like my first bike ride
in the backyard, my first, almost my first meal there.

(34:20):
Like my mom took me there when Iwas like, I was born there, you
know, like so it's just weird. And I have never and I I don't
know why I've always saved Miami.
I didn't know this shit was evergoing to happen, but I always
saved my emails. Like one day I'm going to do
something with like Florida because everyone's always like,

(34:40):
let's go back and shoot in your hometown.
And I'm like, no, that's back. I'm not a I'm not a basketball
player. I'm not a track star.
Like I don't want to do it that way, you know?
And I think this was a perfect way to do it.
You know how I did. It with my.
Grandma and being like, you know, yeah, just authentically
me. And it was just sick.
It really like it. It's one of the brightest joys

(35:03):
that I have in my in my career, yeah.
Well, I I don't know why this conversation is fucking me up.
I'm holding back tears just thinking about my own grandma
and grandpa. This is this is really good.
I love this. I'm not going to talk anymore,
but yeah, let's keep it alive. Yeah, I'm like whole doing my
best to keep my shit together right now.
Just your next question, so thisis just a question I just have

(35:27):
off the top of the Dome right now.
Do you have anybody that inspires you outside of
skateboarding that you really see?
Cause a lot of things that I've seen with you, and I don't know
if you take this bad, but Tyler,the Creator or somebody like
that who's taking something likemusic and things like that, but
has turned it into his own type of music, his own type of brand,

(35:48):
has done things with fashion andthings like that.
Do you have anybody outside of skateboarding that you really
see is just like an inspiration to you and maybe to move forward
to or just something else maybe then other than skateboarding?
Outside of skateboarding, I'm trying to think I don't.

(36:10):
Besides my mom, not really. It's just like most of my
inspiration comes from skateboarding because that's
what I know. You know what I know, But in
terms of people, no, maybe an item like like brick inspires
me, you know, and like color of buildings and like marble.

(36:34):
I love the different mixtures ofmarble.
For some reason. It's just like that inspires me
more like, but in terms of like people, maybe my friends, like,
like my friends who get up and go to work every day and who
make art, you know, other things.
Yeah. I think the people around me
mostly the outside of steam pointing.

(36:58):
Yeah. So it's not too much of
extracurricular things. It's mostly the things that are
in your life and grounding you that give you drive, passion,
meaning, value. Like that inspiration, that
creativity. Yeah.
I feel like Marvel, there's so many cool ass places around the
world. When you're in like the 16th
Chapel and all that stuff out inEurope, you're like, is this all

(37:18):
marble? This is all marble.
It's wild. Yes.
Or like a building. Like when I went to Milan for
the first time and I saw Duomo and it's like this massive
building that towers all over this like central Milan and
you're like crazy. They built that back in the day.
But that's inspiring. They can build that without AII
can fucking kick flip the stair.I'm, I'm actually, I'm kind of

(37:42):
scared to travel with you. I'm jumping off this bitch.
You do your thing, I'm going to Disney World, all right?
Just now I'm just chasing you with my fucking burrito.
No. Why is it that looks the kind
of. Beige, they call it.
It's that big black in. Italy, it's crazy.
A burrito in Italy is wild. Like you couldn't got anything

(38:03):
else. You got a burrito in Italy?
I don't know, I could have said anything.
Burritos. In Italy, how do you stick to my
Mexican roots? You know, you just talking about
your roots. I make my own burritos.
That's not what I got. Give me, give me that muscle
real. And you the challenge got some
Teresa. Like Teresa?

(38:26):
What are you talking? About awesome awesome.
I would love to know who who is your your Mount Rushmore of
skateboarders? Like who are your top four?
Top 4? In terms of like inspire,

(38:46):
inspire me, inspiring me, or like trick wise, like, oh,
they're gnarly. Or I would say inspiring.
Let's say inspire. Like they make me cry when they
skate. Like when they skate, yeah, this
is this is good. So it would be or like gets me
excited. It could be a mixture of all.
You can throw it in there. Everything your top four of all

(39:07):
time that you feel like. Those are my four favorite
skateboarders all time. Whatever that gives you that
Peter tingle from Spider Man. We're going to start with Alyssa
Steamer. She's from Florida and she's
just the best. It's crazy because now we're

(39:27):
friends and I have like her hover on my wall.
Life is weird, but. Life is wild.
Alyssa, I want to say Jason Dill, just the first time I saw
his Mind fell part, I literally cried getting to that Animal
Collective song. Yeah, it just moved me.
I'm like, holy shit, like this is what I want to do for people.

(39:49):
Like, that's probably the first time I saw a part and I was
like, this is what music doesn'tpeople, man.
You know how music can just be like his skate park makes me
feel like I'm listening to a song.
Great song there's. A little bit of the tism coming
out of you now I. See A Synesthesia A.
Little synesthesia there. OK.
I see a little bit little different.

(40:11):
Hey, sometimes you see nature, you see certain things.
For you, it's a park. For others, it could be nature,
right with me and Spence been tosome beautiful places around the
world and you sit there and you're just like, it's almost
spiritual. Yeah, it's like, whoa, I'm being
like touched. Like this is the craziest thing
I Yep I've ever seen in my life.I love it.
Yeah, so him. And then I'm going to go with

(40:35):
the Acapo, who skates for Baker only because I've seen him skate
in real life. And I love Milan.
He's like Melanie's and he can do.
I love when people skate plazas because it's just like, what can
I do in this tiny space? And he can do a fucking lot.
It's amazing to see. And he's like, so like humbling.

(40:58):
I think he's the first Melanie'spro skater ever, like for
American company. So yeah, he's super humble.
And then I'm going to throw SageEl Susser in there just because
he can jump over anybody. He can really probably jump over
like a four foot kid. I kid you not 5 foot kid.

(41:19):
He can only over anything. It's insane.
Like he's got massive pop. I just like that kind of
skating. I like, I like high jumps and
long slides and style. I could care less about like, I
don't know, like gnarly. I'm like more of like art.
I like the art of skating. It has to look good.

(41:40):
I rather, you know, ask you. You like the flow of it
sometimes looks like your transitions look like just
impeccable like oh shit, students going.
Like somebody's comfortable on aboard, like, yeah, yeah, you're
like watching a dance or something.
So I think I like that kind of skating more than like how many
stairs can we go, how many, how big the rail is or whatever.

(42:03):
How would you describe yours because I don't know nothing
about this world. So how would you describe
yourself? Is it this flow state?
Is it music? Is it poetry in motion?
What's the survive? You just jumping over little
kids and hitting them in the head?
What's what are you doing? Well, I can't.
Looks like the four foot kids out there bringing the three
foot kid. Yeah, he's out.

(42:24):
He's out. He's out.
He's you're fucking up the commercial kid.
He's just crying, bleeding shit.Supreme sponsored by Band-Aid.
You know what? What?
How do you describe your stuff? Because I feel like we're

(42:46):
talking a lot about this spirituality of it, like you
just fucking doing your thing. Is that the vibe?
I don't know. I mean, my mom she's, she always
said it was like, she's like my show.
When she watched my skating, shewas like, it's like you skate
like you have a cadence. So I'd always be like, mom,
these people are saying I have style.
Like I didn't know what that waslike.

(43:08):
It's just good style. And I was like, so I was like,
what do you think? Like you when I was like, you
think I she's like, yeah, but it's more of a cadence.
Like you just like rhythm. It's a nice dance.
Like you're just flowing. And I'm like, oh.
So that was the only time I asked someone for their opinion
on my skating. So like, what'd you think?

(43:28):
What do you think about it? So she said it was a cadence.
And then from there I was like, OK, I'll run with it.
But maybe I should update that answer.
Maybe I should ask. Maybe you can ask, or you can
just try to. Yeah.
Ask your friends. Ask your friends before you ask
any skaters I would assume. Yeah, I'll ask my friends.
Yeah, I mean, I would just say like, I'm, I'm comfortable on my

(43:52):
skateboard. I like it.
I feel like some people skating,they don't like it.
Let me do this when you're on your board, are you processing
things, thoughts, feelings and emotions and like, are you just
like super, super in the moment and you're just wiling out?
Zero. I was just reading I'm reading
this book now called on thoughts.
It's changing my fucking life because I just realized I

(44:16):
thought and thinking are two different things.
OK. You can have a thought like like
this scenario, can I? I'm going to go on a little bit
of tangent, but it goes it goes back to what I'm saying.
The scenario it's raining. You can have a thought it's
raining. The thing that makes that's like
the thought suffering is when you go, it's fucking raining.

(44:37):
My socks are going to get wet. I hate the rain.
My hair is going to freeze my meand my ex just to play in the
rain. The sinking starts to make the
suffering. You could just have a thought
and be like, it's raining. Correct.
And so I well, I was at the skate park today reading because
I was just kind of tired. I was like, I'm not going to

(44:58):
push it. My knee's feeling a little, it
was a little the temperature drops.
So I have metal in my knee. So I kind of like I feel it when
it, when it drops quick. So I'm like, I'll take it easy.
So I'm reading at the skate parkand I'm like, I'm like, you
know, comprehending when I'm reading and I'm like, whoa, like
that's why I love skating. Like I'm completely like just

(45:22):
always at the thought. It doesn't go past to the
thinking. And I only can now I'm going to
learn to do it in like without skating, but I've only done that
in skating where it's like, I'llhave a thought be like, this is
scary. It stops there, though.
This is scary. But then I'm just go do it.
You know what I mean? I stop the the thinking.
I never really think when I'm skating.

(45:43):
It's mostly like it's always quiet.
That's why I like skating. It's my mind's at my mind is at
ease. It's like it's the only time
it's quiet. It's always racing and chatting.
But when I'm skating, I'm clearly just thinking about me
and like what trick is going to come next, you know?
Bing bang, boom. It's completely dissociated from
the chaos and like, oh, this is scary.

(46:05):
I could get hurt. If I get hurt, then this happens
and this happens and this happens and this happens how I
pay bills. My mother think I don't want her
to be afraid, right? And so it spirals.
So yeah, you're right. You're having certain thoughts
and you're able to control them and be very mindful in the
moment and just joyful you're experiencing the now.
Like Kai was telling us last week on the podcast.

(46:28):
That's kind of cool. That's dope.
Yeah, I just realized that now because I read, I was, I'm
reading this book. But yeah, because I was like,
holy shit. Like, yeah, you have a, you have
a minute, you have like a million thoughts a minute.
The ones you grab and then the one is like, OK, you can grab it
and you don't have to dwell and think about it unless it's like,

(46:49):
all right, time to pay your car insurance, OK, you know, But
like when it comes, like you think about it, I thought like,
oh, that person was like, Cody was really mean to me.
Whatever, you know? Yeah.
I gotcha, so how did you grab itagain?
Can you show me how you grab it?I said.

(47:10):
It was a little little twist, maybe a little.
Cody. I'm done.
Oh damn, no, I'm Cody, motherfucker.
Love that you went with that. I was just thinking like you're
trying to do a trick and all of a sudden you're like, oh shit, I

(47:31):
forgot my car insurance. No, but that's how I got hurt.
I got hurt thinking about something I should have been
thinking about. Oh shit.
That was the first, yeah, that'show I could hurt my knee back in
2021. What did you get into that?
What was like? Yeah, like what is, what was
that injury like? It was horrible.

(47:52):
I mean, so I've played soccer all my life and I hyper extended
my knee, but I never had surgery.
I always just thought it was like my knee does that there's.
Nose behind your back. My knee just does that.
The guy from Family Guy? Just deadly.
Right. So I was just like, whatever.

(48:14):
So I went to Berlin. I just got out of a breakup and
usually I'm pretty good at like just it was my first real
breakup. I thought, now look back at it,
it wasn't, but it was the first one I like actually like
participated in. I no, this is perfect.
It was the first breakup I actually participated in because

(48:35):
usually I don't participate. I'm just like, OK, fine, bye.
But this one I participated, so I let you know.
I was thinking about it. I let it consume me.
I was sad. And then I went to Berlin to
skate on the trip and my head wasn't there.
I was just thinking about what had gone on.
I think I just stepped weird. My shit just buckled.

(48:59):
I fell to the ground, started crying.
And I was like, I usually don't cry, pretty tough.
And then I was like, what's going on This time?
I couldn't get up at all. Gross.
So I flew back from Germany to Paris, Paris to New York, and I
waited. I waited a month.
I was like, it usually heals in a month or two, it'll be back.

(49:21):
Three months went by. I still couldn't walk.
I was on European crutches, the ones with the clips on them,
walking around New York City. Beatrice No, no, no.
We need to pause. What?
What do you want? You got to take care of yourself
homie. Like.
Five months to fucking do that. I'm the only person.
Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah.

(49:43):
Go to the everyone listening to the podcast right now, please go
to the doctor. Oh, well, Amber Lynn, I went to
the doctor, but they only give me an X-ray and they're like,
OK, take these needles that are this big.
Take five of them because I'm prone to blood clots.
So I had to inject these needlesinto my ass so I don't get a

(50:03):
blood clot while I'm slot. Not PEDs, just the supreme nose.
This is not PEDs, but it sounds like this is your PED origin
story. No, this was a supreme trip, so
it. Wasn't mean PED sounds like
you're taking performance enhancing drugs.
You're taking needles in the ass.
You're on PEDs. Oh.
Yeah, I got blood cuts too when I was playing football.

(50:24):
Yeah, I got them a lot, yeah. Yeah, I got really aggressive on
my. Blood.
I got a lot of blood cuts. I got a lot of hair on my chest
now. PEDs, you heard it.
Here we get it now. How'd you do it?
I was just manifested it with the needle.
Germans are idiots. You have to take an MRI you
moron. X-ray.

(50:44):
Oh, you're fine. I'm like, I can't walk.
Wow. That's their fault that, you
know, something like 5 months. That's crazy.
But at the same time, if a hospital does say like, oh,
you're fine because if you I I've also been through some knee
injuries and I've had three ACL surgeries.
And so, yeah, yeah. You said does he drink?

(51:08):
Oh, she, she said she was at three.
I thought, she said. Do you drink?
No. Do you drink alcohol?
See. No, no, no, I don't drink.
What's that? I don't know you supposed to
like after the reconstruction orjust ACL?
Surgery, ACL surgery. I didn't have reconstruction.
So for, and for anybody that knows, if you do an X-ray, it

(51:32):
doesn't, the ACL doesn't pop up on there.
It doesn't. It's not.
That's why you have to have an MRI.
And usually they do that by saying like, oh, it's pretty,
you know, your knee is pretty big now.
I had it. They did not want to do an MRI
on me because my, because I havebig legs and they thought my
swollen legs were already like my normal legs.

(51:53):
Essentially they're like, they're fine.
You can walk on it. I'm almost sick.
Boy, I'm going to. Tell.
You what the man of course againM harsh MRA and they go oh shit,
you actually have a Toyota ACL are bad.
Whoops. So yeah, but yeah, I'm sick as

(52:15):
hell. I got that, you know, You know.
He got that. You know.
But I end up getting the surgery.
Anyways. That's a good pivot by
breachers. Anyways, I got this surgery.
Anyways, this man has a ass. Love this.

(52:36):
Conversation, it's great, it's great.
So what would you say is one of the biggest, like just skater
stereotypes nowadays? Because it's pretty different
from what it when I was like in high school and shit like what
was what? I'm old now.
Like what? What would you say is something

(52:56):
now that's just like a big stereotype for skateboarders?
I think, yeah, because I don't think we're people think we're
like, cool now it's cool. They're so weird.
So like I like, I realize I'm weird.
Like I'm obsessed over a piece of wood with wheels.
Like it's my favorite thing. It's still like nerdy, like like

(53:17):
I can tell you anything about skateboarding, like where it
comes from, like who's pro, who was P Rod's third truck
sponsored before this one? Like you don't need to know
those things. I don't need to know those
things. I wish I, you know, knew more
about accounting than that. But I just, I think people think
we're cool now, and I think people think we make a lot of
money. Does everyone make a lot of

(53:41):
money? Pardon.
Does everyone make a lot of money?
In skateboarding, yeah. I didn't think, I don't know.
I figured it was a no but. Got the Rob Dyrdek books?
Come on now. Yeah, we we all don't have a
fantasy factory. I don't have, you know, an MTV
show, but I think skaters are like the 8 girls now of like

(54:02):
downtown, but that's I just livein New York.
So I could be wrong. But someone people still think I
smoke weed because I skate like and people are asking for a
lighter. That's why I keep a lighter on
me now, because people assume I have a skateboard.
I have a lighter. No, it's because you're black.
Yeah. That OK, that's crazy.

(54:23):
I'm not going to be. Fair.
It could because I get asked if I smoke all the time and I'm
like. They never ask me.
They're just like, huh, yes, white men.
He. Doesn't.
Smoke. He doesn't smoke.
There's no way there's. No way.
Look, I feel safe with him. What?
Come here. Come here.
Well, I thought in my opinion, Spence was, I thought it was

(54:46):
just just a ton of white dudes and no women at all.
Right. I mean, obviously this this
spectrum has changed now, right?This is what larger diaspora I
would assume, yeah. Yeah, now it's new though.
It's it's fairly new in 2011, I would say.
Like I would make this joke where like women's skateboarding
is still, we're still in the 90sera of our of our.

(55:07):
Coming of age. Yes, like it's very new.
Like out of the I hate, I don't,I don't hate saying it.
It's just, it's interesting to say, like I'm the first of a lot
of things, you know, women's wise, because it's such a baby,
you know? Yeah.
So pretty. Cool isn't?

(55:27):
It it's cool sometimes that you're bad on it.
I don't like to think about it alot because it's it's stressful,
but like damn, like damn. I did a lot of first, a lot of
first this first up. But the Capricorn to me is like
I knew it. We love it.
We love it. The mental illness in me is
like. No, Oh my God.

(55:51):
Yeah, that's. The first no.
And you'll be the last 'cause you'll fuck it up, Nazir.
Yeah. No one will ever love it.
That's the other reason, that's one of the reasons why I work so
hard is so someone else that looks like making an opportunity
'cause they judge. Sadly they judge everyone based

(56:14):
off the first person, like you know, offense.
Like with white people, they getso many chances to be
themselves. When it comes to being a black
person, you get one chance to show the rest of the group.
So if I'm kind, nice, hard working, they're going to assume
all of them are like that. And at least for them, I don't

(56:37):
care if there are or not, at least for them to get their foot
in the door, they can have that opportunity.
And then from there they can terrorize them.
I think that'd be great. But I try to be I'm I'm just
naturally kind of mellow, but I just try to be like a good role
model for people to be like, allright, this worked out great.
Let's keep doing it again, you know, give other girls

(56:57):
opportunities to have a chance. Because it's really now I look
back on my career. It's like it was really insane,
you know, to how I got here. I don't even know how I got her
into that. Going to pivot us a smidge.
Yeah, in pre production you divulge something and I was
like, oh, can we share this? You said that you've been on

(57:19):
like this mental health journey and you've been working with
someone for like the past year on your mental health and you
found it like a legit dope ass therapist.
Shout out your therapist. Yeah, what the hell was that
like? Because I want to make sure we
put some respect on that. There's all these different
firsts that you talked about andyou said you kind of trip out
about it. So I figured that might be a
good segue. Were you scared or were certain

(57:41):
things going on? Was it that break up in the knee
issue that brought on some of these things like mental health
issues? Like how did the journey begin?
And then it sounds like you've come a long fucking ways in a
short time. It's magnificent.
It's awesome. Thank you.
Yeah, I've put in a lot of work.Some weeks I went twice a week.
But yeah, it stems from like my breakup with my girlfriend, my

(58:05):
most recent one, she was tellingme I should go.
I had a lot of like underlying things.
I didn't realize I need to deal with people pleasing.
It's like standing up for myself, things like that.
You know, I've, I've, I've like navigated my, my life in a way
where it was like, all right, itwasn't falling apart, but it was

(58:25):
like, I was just keeping it together with like duct tape or
something, you know, And I had, I had like a weird run once.
I like, it's so funny. Like when I wasn't pro, everyone
was like Turner pro, Turner pro.And then when I turn pro,
they're like, no, no, no. It's like what?

(58:46):
It's just interesting to see like people want you to do good
unless, until it's better than them.
So like that's like all that weird.
But that kind of took a toll on me because I wasn't ready for
that to be like, so like that push back.
So I started doing, I got into, I've met a couple of therapists.
They didn't really align with me.

(59:07):
I really need to suggest that you find someone that aligns
with you and things that, you know, represent you.
So that's important. Like my therapist is like a
black woman who's weird, who specializes in like LGBTQ stuff,
things like that, which is great.
But yeah, I started doing it andlike, at first it was just like

(59:28):
talking about like my breakup and going through that, which I
still have a lot of love for that person.
That was, that's a breakup that I'll never really like.
That's the real 1, you know, that I really care about.
Maybe hopefully whatever, it'll come back around.
But that one taught me like, OK,like there's more to life than

(59:49):
like, work. That makes sense.
Yes. Yeah.
And so, yeah, so she's been great.
We've been working through that.We finally, like, reached the
plateau. And now we can talk about, like,
my career and where I see myselfand like how I see myself, which
are questions I've never had before, you know what I mean?
So. Interesting journey, isn't it?

(01:00:10):
Yeah, super cool journey, Yeah. You said you had an ADHD
diagnosis from when you were a kiddo?
Or is that recent? No, that was a that was a kiddo.
That was when I was in middle school and then high school.
I got, I went to both. Doctor Levin, Michael Levin.
I wonder if you watch this. He's a great guy.
He has one or you talking about what?

(01:00:31):
We should watch his or he shouldwatch ours.
No, I hope he's on this how he sees this.
Oh, well, you'll, you'll spell the name for us later and then
I'll, I'll, I'll shoot it to him.
Like, look at you kiddo. Steve.
Their own. There you go.
Thank you for talking about that.
But it's ups and downs and therapies, right?
It's not all up, up, up, good, good, good, good.

(01:00:51):
Or has it been all good, good, good?
Or has it been ups and downs, sideways hard days like we're
doing the mental health stuff right?
I kid you not, literally last Tuesday was probably the best
day we've had. It's been down every day for
like a year, almost a year. Yeah, last year it was like, it
was the first time I wasn't like, so sorry for crying this

(01:01:14):
week in an e-mail after I saw her.
Oh. My God, you precious.
I know I always feel so bad because I always realized my she
seemed to this is a lot, you know what I mean?
So I appreciate her like always listening to me and I'm more of
a listener than a talker. Unless I'm doing this like

(01:01:34):
podcast stuff or therapy, I tendto like to listen more to
people. I don't like talking about
myself. I'd rather have people talk
about themselves. So and there I talk a lot for
like an hour, you know? And so I always feel some kind
of empathy, like damn. Like we just send her a nice
little e-mail telling her thank you, you know what I mean?

(01:01:57):
Her listening to me like complain about the same shit for
like 6 months, literally the same shit.
Yeah. But last week, last week was
really good. It was nice.
And she was like, it was just nice.
We left like, laughing and I left happy.
Now's the first time in a while.Takes a while sometimes.
It does. It's like real work.

(01:02:17):
But it's cool to see it like working.
Yeah, hopefully you can build. Yeah, like this.
Week I was. Pretty, it was a good it's been
a good week like last I see her on Tuesday so it's like yeah,
yeah. And it was a nice week and I'm
like, I'll see you again tomorrow and we'll catch up.
But usually like before last week, during the week, I'd be

(01:02:40):
like, should I hit her up? It's here.
It's here again. One more time.
One more time like I just but yeah, it hasn't been like that.
It was nice it. Was awesome.
Love it. I kid you not, that little
segment there will do more for our listeners and followers than
anything else that we talked about today that will save more

(01:03:03):
lives. I'll be able to draw from that
and point you out and send people to that point in the
podcast to save lives, to let itknow that it's fucking tough and
difficult and therapy will not change you immediately.
And sometimes you will complain about the same shit over and
over for weeks, days, months, year.
And I have clients that send me things and tell me things all

(01:03:25):
the time and send me emails afterwards.
And sometimes they can't get thewords out, but I can just like,
kid, I know how you feel about me, kid, I just want you to know
and this and don't don't worry about it.
You don't have to say anything, kid, just I got you.
Yeah, I got you. And then I'll send them a text
with that Sully. I think.
I think it's some Sully from Monsters Inc, the big guy send

(01:03:47):
them just hugging the little girl.
And then they send me like the cry emoji and like, I'm going to
go to sleep now. And I'm like, it's fine, girl,
It's OK. So yeah, I love.
I literally just sent it to a client a second ago, but thank
you for that. I really appreciate you being
vulnerable about that. Of course, yeah.
I mean, I felt the same way. I'm like this shit's not
working. Like especially these day and

(01:04:09):
age, you think everything's likethis?
I personally am a problem solver.
Like I love when to get shit done.
Like if someone tells me a problem, I automatically think,
OK, how can we solve it so we don't waste any time, just time
and valuable. But so to go in there week after
week and spend my own money and talk about the same shit really
would irk me but really get on my nerves.

(01:04:32):
But it was worth it because now I'm like, I'm on the other side.
I'm truly on the other side of it.
And it's like dealt with. Like it's not going to come up
when I'm like mid trick, you know what I mean?
Or like I'm like having the bestday of my life.
And then I never process it. And it was like, here we go.
And it's like, deal with this. Agree.

(01:04:54):
So it's nice to like, put in thework and not have to stress that
it's like you pushed it down thecloset somewhere.
You know what I mean? Is that stuff I learned this
grief does not go away. Just comes up when you least
expect it. And it always comes in the time
where you're like, damn, I wish I would have doubled it.

(01:05:15):
Then it won't come when you're like sad going through it
because it's like, no, I'm goingto wait.
When you're living your life andyou're married and you're rich
and it's like, and then boop, it's like, deal with it.
Mid trick in the air. Literally mid trick in the air.
Oh shit, I forgot to deal with that.

(01:05:35):
Yeah, it's a real thing. Like I didn't know it was real.
I always thought it was like a movie people like I have to deal
with this. I'm like because like, watch TV.
Yes, I've watched TV. OK, I love a good like I love a
good montage. Oh, OK.

(01:05:56):
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Oh yeah, yeah, good
montage. Yeah, it ain't get it out.
Let's go. Like when like there's always
these shows like a character dies and they're like Oh my God,
so and so die and they prolong it for 4 episodes.
I'm like why aren't they over italready like.
Damn Beatrice, get over it you bitch.

(01:06:18):
But. Now it was like a parrot or
something. Fucking asshole.
Not normal. It's not real.
Now it's 6 episodes. I'm like, this should be 15.
They're not. Oh my God, let them deal with
it. Feel your pain baby, Feel it.
Feel the darkness. Exactly the chosen 1.

(01:06:40):
Yeah. Yeah, do it, Do it.
But yes. I'm sorry, are you getting some
of these Star Wars references that we just mumbled or no?
I do trust me, I I've hung out with men my whole life.
What's damn, what do you say? Like man the fuck I've hung out
with men. Yeah.
Same God damn, just. He's got sneakers in his
background. You have, oh, the I saw that

(01:07:02):
movie. The anxiety.
Yeah, I'm a little bit of a different man, right?
I'm still in the closet. So I'm still a therapist
professional. The closet's right next to him,
so he's always. The closet's a glass door, babe.
He's always right. It's a glass.
Door. It's a sliding door, Hun.
You can see it right? She's like, I see your true
colors, Nas, and it's the rainbow.

(01:07:24):
Do you have any more stuffed animals on the side right?
Join us oh. Shut up.
Join us, babe. OK.
OK. I'm coming how I need to stop
this? Already let's let's just get

(01:07:47):
into the movie. Let's get to.
Just choked on my Bahrain. It's actually I'm poor.
So this is Sam's Club sports drink.
It's a sports drink. Yes, yes, Sam's Club sports.
I just have one point. Were you born in 89?

(01:08:07):
Yeah. Oh.
Shit, oh shit, got your year. No way.
Yeah, you give 89 energy. I also give 69 energy.
No. That's such a perfect.
Not so. Slow.
It's not even funny because that's when the person born in

(01:08:28):
1989 would say. Damn she calling you around for
your fucking year? Dude I haven't taken my blood
pressure Med. This is wild.
Numbers matter. I can't.
Believe so. Is this the tism?
You're just like 89? Got it.
No, Are you? Really.
Born 1989. Yeah, why would I lie about
that? September 12th?

(01:08:50):
September 12th. Whoa, you're a Virgo?
Yeah, that's what they tell me. So that's so funny.
My my older brother is 89 and myyounger brother was born
September 12th. The numbers adding up.
This was meant to be. Do a conspiracy.
You would you would be interesting, but you do act old,

(01:09:12):
like an old guest. I'm 35, I'm old.
Yeah, but it's. Like I've also got a lot of PTSD
kiddo. Like this maybe been through
some shit. It's not been a good life.
Baby, don't do it. You have Scorpio on your chart.
Scorpio, I don't know what this means.
You're just saying words. You're not?

(01:09:33):
Then you're definitely not gay. How do you not let your horse?
No, I'm not. I'm definitely not gay, no.
No, yes. Just because I want to marry a
man doesn't. Make me gay.
Oh, never mind. All right, let's get.
I don't want to get dark. Let's get to the There's the
sponsorships going away. You felt it.

(01:09:54):
They were right here. And now she's like, they're
fading. Away I had, I had something I
wanted to say when I was like, I'm learning.
I'll just say everything I think.
So you don't have to. Well, yeah, you can.
PR yourself. PR yourself.
PR yourself PR What does that mean?
Public, I've done. This.
Wow, let's public rubber redacted just like all.

(01:10:15):
I'm not going to get into redactions right now because I
could talk about, OK, anyway, the Prince of Egypt, let's do
it, yes. Deliver us.
We're talking about Moses and God in this conversation.
Amen. I've been delivered just.
Amen. Oh my Hallelujah.
This is the third podcast in a row we're talking about him

(01:10:37):
being gay, just so you know someone.
Else saw it, huh? How they always do, They always
call it. It's a conspiracy against me,
sure. It is.
It's a gay agenda. It's the any who, some of the
first scene that we are going tobe talking about is Moses.

(01:10:58):
Moses and how he accidentally kills one of the Egyptians.
Yes, Sir. Accidentally does because he's
also whipping one of his people because he finds out Moses
through this whole thing, he thinks he grew up as an
Egyptian. He thinks that he is, you know,
a royalty. And then all of a sudden he

(01:11:22):
finds out that he is actually part of the Hebrew people and
that then yes, and Palestine. And then he also says that
during this whole thing, he seeshis people building these
monuments, these statues. And then he sees people

(01:11:42):
suffering, suffering. And through this whole thing,
he's just been internalizing everything.
And it's been, you know, kind ofgoing through his mind, and it's
been warping it. And finally, after he sees his
people being whipped, he finallysays, no, I do not want to.
You're not going to be doing this to my people anymore.
And so he tries to stop him and accidentally kills one of the

(01:12:07):
guards. And in doing so, Ramses, who is
pretty much like his brother, tells him.
Like, hey, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm going to be a king, OK, I'm
going to be the king and I, I'llmake sure that you will be
abscorned or you'll, you'll be free.

(01:12:28):
You won't be ever prosecuted forkilling somebody, right?
You'll, you won't pay for your sins, essentially.
And so he's like Moses, like, no, I don't want that.
And he runs away and then he goes to the desert.
But for this scene, Beatrice, what before we get into the
scene, actually can we talk about what about this movie

(01:12:51):
really talks to you? Because you talked about in the
pre production about how you actually watch this movie on the
plane all the time. Yeah, Yeah, you even have it
downloaded on iTunes like me. And you are the only two people
that actually have iTunes anymore.
Shots fired. 90s baby and what? So what?

(01:13:17):
What about this movie really spoke to you and wanted to talk
about it? I just think with this movie is
like it's a movie I watch over and over again.
I always learn something new. So that's always plus.
But I've also been so I've also been so interested in like the

(01:13:38):
Middle East and that era, like you're like, you know, Egypt,
Africa and that region of the world that is always just been
so interested about it. And so I don't know those those
are the two reasons. It's really because like, I
learned a lot watching this movie and I don't really like
cartoons, which is interesting. I'm not like a cartoon person.

(01:14:01):
I love real life, like real, like live action instead of like
animated. One of the only animated films I
care about. I also like that even like the
Aristocrats and Pokémon, it's like not much classic, but yeah,
so I don't know. I'm gonna need you to watch Moon
Night. Have you watched Moon Night?

(01:14:23):
Moon night I would like. Moon.
Oh well, Moonlight is awesome too.
We did a pile on that. That's fantastic.
How to fuck you up? Have you watched?
Have you seen Moonlight? I have seen it recently.
How to fuck you up? Shout out.
Yeah, no Moon Knight. So right, It's it's Avatar.
Avatar, it's the superhero character, right?
And it's all this Egyptian gods and all this stuff.

(01:14:45):
You will love it if you love allthe Egyptian stuff.
It it's. Live action.
Live action superhero. It's Isaac.
What's his name? What's the actor?
'S name Isaac Oscar Isaac. Oscar Isaac.
Awesome actor, gorgeous dude. I'm just saying it's you can say
people are good looking. OK?
It's 2025. Scratch my head too, because I

(01:15:06):
scratch my head too. I put my niece and my sister on
it. They're like, this shit is wild.
The music, the theatrics. But I mean, this is a couple
moments where I'm like crying init.
I think you would love Moon Night FY if you love this type
of stuff and live action superheroes.
It's magnificent. Great show and also just deals
with so many things that I was like, wow, they're actually

(01:15:27):
talking about this. Mental health, trauma, child
abuse, dissociative identity disorder, a lot of good stuff.
Yes, amazing, amazing film. But for this scene, Beatrice we
wanted to talk about. Just.
Speaking these these truths, what about this scene really

(01:15:49):
spoke to you when you wanted to,when we were trying to bring up
like what scenes we wanted to talk about?
Yeah, so that scene in particular always like, like I
said, I think I said this earlier where it's like it makes
you you can't Unsee what you know.
You know, once you have the knowledge of something, you

(01:16:09):
can't really go backwards. And that was, and that's
something he was dealing with his.
But his whole life, he watched that go down countless time, but
he felt no connection to it. And the moment he realized that
he was connected to it, he couldn't, like, not watch it go
down, you know? So.
Yeah. And him just being like, willing

(01:16:31):
to be uncomfortable with the situation, like leaving his
comparability or his, like, morals and integrity is
something I, I always watched and I was like, damn, is he
really about to leave? Like, he's like the Prince of
Egypt. He has everything.
And I always just struggle with that being like, damn, I look
kind of scary, you know? And then?

(01:16:55):
Do you relate to that at all? Do you relate to that just at
all, just speaking up, even though it could be somewhat
detrimental to you? Have you ever felt like that in
your life where like I can speakup here?
Or maybe have you felt the feeling of just like I should
have spoke up, I should have spoke up here and I should have

(01:17:15):
done that. I think everybody has that thing
in where we're like, I should have said this, but I didn't,
you know? Right.
I mean, there's lots of, I have,I think I have both moments
where I'm like, now as I get older, I'm, I'm, I'm like, I'm
just going to say what needs to be said and if it, whatever
comes with that comes with that.But that's also because I'm
like, there's a lot of factors towards that, if that makes

(01:17:39):
sense. Like not to get too deep or too
real, but like as a young black woman in America who's not rich,
who didn't have much resources, it's kind of hard to have
something to say and be able to stand on it on your own.
But as I got older, I have a bitof financial security.

(01:18:02):
I have people who love me. I'm securing my relationships
and friendships. I can say I have the privilege
not to say what's more on my mind, if that makes sense, You
know what I mean? Where it's like, I feel like
when I was younger, I didn't have much, I, I didn't feel like
I, I was safe, you know, to say what I because like, yeah, yeah,

(01:18:27):
I didn't feel like, yeah. But now it's like it's safe.
And I live in New York City, like people are gay here.
There's a lot of different type of people.
And I feel safe enough and I andI and if something were to
happen, I can take care of myself.
I don't rely on anybody to take care of me, you know what I
mean? So that's also a privilege to

(01:18:47):
have where I like now I could belike, that's not right and
whatever the consequences are, Ican take it.
Whereas like when you're young and you live in a small town
that is red and racist is not for your own safety.
Unless you have somebody speaking up for you, you can't

(01:19:08):
really say much. Just your own safety as a person
of color and a woman. So I think as I get older, I'm
I'm just, I'm, I'm actually justseeing that transition to myself
now where it's like, oh, I speakup now because I can, I have the
means to, no one can really not tell me to do that.
It's the the privilege is awesome to have.

(01:19:31):
The The thing is, as many peoplethat get that privilege or that
contentment, that safety don't still, they still don't say
nothing. Yeah.
They see this. Go ahead.
This Taylor Swift video on TikTok today.
This girl was like, you have allthe platform in the world,
although she I mean, she's like,that's like a star above.

(01:19:51):
She can easily help what's goingon right now, but she tends to
focus on the the dumbest shit that you could ever focus on
ever. Like it's some miniscule.
It's like, yeah, you she's afraid to lose her.
She's afraid to lose her comfortability.

(01:20:13):
That's why I'm not rocking with where it's like.
I'm one of the spaces where I'veknown what it had.
I know what it feels like to have everything I've ever
wanted. And it's it's nothing with that.
It's nothing. When you go to bed night with
yourself and you're just like, that's not it.
I can't, I mean. I appreciate something that you
said and then Spencer repeated it, but a lot of, you know, a

(01:20:36):
lot of things that are going on.This movie is very relatable to
the genocide which is happening in the world of people.
And I feel like there are a lot of people, a lot of Jewish
people that are not Zionists that are protesting in around
the world in New York. They're saying this is what in
Israel, right? They're like, this is enough.
And they're silencing and hurting those people and

(01:20:57):
arresting those people too. So I feel like this is coming.
This movie's a little bit full circle for a lot of shit that's
going on in the world right now.Lot of shit, lot of this cannon
fodder and polluting the media and perverting what people
think, right? Just to gain control and to kill
and to to kick people out of their land.
It's quite interesting on how this and this conversation's

(01:21:17):
happening today. I appreciate you saying what you
said earlier, the free Palestinething.
I do appreciate that. Surprised that you said that,
but that was pretty cool. Yeah, no, I stand on it.
I think it's important. I feel like, I mean, we have to
really come to reality. It's like, OK, Gucci is not
going to work with you. People are dying, people like.

(01:21:39):
Children. You know what I mean?
It's like, it's so that's why the phone is like, it's the, the
Internet and Wi-Fi is great for stuff like this.
So I can have a beautiful conversation with you too.
But it's also not good because you forget what people feel like
and look like until it's your own shit.
Like, it don't have to be my ownfamily for me to feel grief, you

(01:21:59):
know, and for other people, you know, facts.
I appreciate that about it. People need to, yeah, people
need to, people need to deal with that.
And it just it feels like it's like someone's dying macchiato.
So you know, someone's dying. You know, I'm going to Europe.
Like what? Like it's wild.
It's wild. And and it's like in the movies,

(01:22:21):
a great picture of that. Like it is you when the truth is
simple, which was God, the staffis simple when they're trying to
display all the you saw, you sawthe rigamarole he was doing,
poking at it, God knows where, turning off the lights sign.
It was a whole shit show to be eaten by the one scene.
We'll, we'll get to all that in the next scene.

(01:22:42):
We're going to get to all that. Yeah, yeah.
It's true, Yeah. Yeah.
What else you got, Spence? I mean, but what were you
feeling from the scene now? Oh yeah?
Shit, I forgot I got thoughts. Yeah.
Still talking about? Yeah, thank you.
Appreciate everything that Beatrice just said means a lot.

(01:23:04):
So this scene, right, for a lot of you, I know that I'm very,
very visual and I see certain things.
So when he starts realizing this, he starts getting like
traumatized with every whiplash,with every lash and every sound,
you can hear it hitting his soul.
A lot of neurodivergent people, those things are like hitting
your soul or you hear or see something, listen to a story,

(01:23:25):
right? Or maybe you're reliving your
own trauma. You can almost feel the flinch.
I thought of that and then he has to do something, but then
when he springs into action, yousee him like trying to walk and
run, but he's stumbling. He's losing his footing, right?
I've I've been in those things right where you're going to do
something and it's courageous, but you also feel like you're

(01:23:45):
kind of losing your mind. You don't know what you're
doing. Maybe you want to speak up
during the presentation. Maybe you want to ask a question
in class. Maybe you want to talk to your
family about being a queer individual.
Maybe you're going to talk abouthow you're taking a different
job and you're going to do skateboarding with a non
affirming family instead of being like an engineer or
doctor, right? And then that's going to be very
difficult. You're going to feel this

(01:24:06):
intense emotion and feeling thatadrenaline and you're going to
stumble like he did. You're going to you're going to
stumble. And so don't lose faith.
Don't lose confidence. It's OK to stumble and to be
scared. Your voice will shake and crack.
Maybe you'll cry. Continue going on that path.
Like Beatrice said, be fucking locked in on that path.
If you've done your consultation, you've thought

(01:24:28):
about what you want to do, be locked in, go do what you got to
do, you'll deal with everything else and you'll seek more
consultation afterwards. That's what I thought in that
first scene. Been in that situation, been in
that situation where the guns get pulled out and like now it's
life or death. And I remember being woozy and
wobbly afterwards. But during, before and
afterwards, I remember puking. I remember a whole bunch of

(01:24:50):
other things I'm not going to mention that happened
afterwards. It's intense.
Yeah. It's intense.
Having the officer, you know, treating you a certain way,
pulling the gun on on you, too. This is separate from the other
gun issue and the ability to speak and to think right when
you're in that traumatized statethat he was for his people
getting ready to give up everything and tell his brother,

(01:25:13):
I can't do this intense. The next thing is I told
Beatrice, I said my so many of my clients will be like if you
only knew who I was. And that's what he's talking
about. He, you know, he's Hebrew.
A lot of my clients say if you only knew what I, what I, what
I've done in my life is you're my bad person.

(01:25:35):
I said, I know what bad people look like.
I've been around many of them. I've seen them.
You are not a bad person. You've done a few bad things,
right, but not a bad person. You have fucked up.
You're not a fuck up. You've made mistakes, but it
doesn't make everything that youdo, your entire existence a
mistake. Someone said do you the other
day, Do you think that all my loved ones who have passed would

(01:26:01):
be proud of me when they look atme?
I said they'd be proud of a lot of things, probably.
They'd probably be sad about a couple choices.
I don't think that you need to think about ending your life
because you no longer have any hope at all to, like, continue
on to do better. Do you mean to tell me that
you're not trying your best to do better as a person?

(01:26:22):
You're in therapy, you're takingaccountability, you're trying to
own up to the things and recoverthe relationships in which you
might have destroyed. That's a good person.
A bad person gives no fucks. They will see the atrocities
which you said they've and they will continue to allow it.
They know what's going on and they would continue to allow
them be silent because of money,comfort, finances,

(01:26:43):
relationships, sponsorships, whatever it is.
Maybe that's a bad person. Maybe they're just protecting
themselves. But, and if you're in my office,
if you're in a therapist's office and you said they don't
know, they don't know that I have anxiety or OCD or they
don't know that my family's likepoor as shit and got trauma

(01:27:03):
issues and my family's addicts, right?
If they only knew what I come from, my pedigree, they would
leave me. Is that you just judging
yourself? Cause a lot of my clients,
they're just judging themselves.I said that young woman that
you're talking to that family from what you've said, they're,
they're magnificent. And I think that's you shitting
on yourself, homie. And then a lot of my clients

(01:27:24):
will cry in that moment. I'm like, we got this dude.
Let's let's not everyone is going to throw you away.
So I wanted to make that very clear to everyone.
Listen to the podcast because this podcast is heavy
neurodivergent, ADHD, autistic OCD, all the stuff.
And also with about 70% of folkslistening are going to be women,

(01:27:45):
a lot of women of color. So I wanted to be very clear.
A lot of you will think that maybe you're not good enough.
What Beatrice said is right. You have that thought.
Don't continue to think on it. Don't continue to steal on it.
You need to do your best to pivot in a different direction.
Those are my thoughts. Just tying things together with
Beatrice said today. You good boss.

(01:28:06):
Yeah, actually, I wanted to do one thing, Beatrice, you brought
up. You brought up a quote from Earl
Nightingale. I wanted you to.
Could you recite that quote for us?
Yes, it's probably not verbatim,but I can read it to the top of
my head. It's but basically it's it's
everything that we everything that we take for granted.

(01:28:31):
It's like everything that we don't care care about is is for
free. And the things that we value is
like materialistic things, so like our mind, our body, like
our mind, our body, our soul. And those are things, those are
things we've given us for free. And those are the things that
are like our keys to the world. But we treat it with such less
value because you didn't pay $1000 for $2000.

(01:28:55):
But what is that even? You know, even humans make the
price of money what it means. So I just always thought that it
was so interesting. What?
Was that example you gave us Do you remember You gave us a
really good visual and example. Forget what it was is.
That the rain. Though.
They're trying to protect their phone when they fall.

(01:29:17):
Oh yeah. So yeah, like I've seen multiple
people like falling in the rain or like we were skating even.
Like we'll take a fucking concrete to the chin, concrete
to the elbow to save the camera.I'm on you.
It's 20,000, you know, whatever,20,000 dollars, $2000.
But like, you're priceless. You know, you're priceless once

(01:29:42):
you're like, once you're done and I feel like once you're
done, like destroying yourself, you can't get back, can't get it
back. I think teeth are really good
for that. People don't take care of their
teeth. The moment they got $10,000 in
the air, look at my teeth. Like you got those shits for
free. Now you spend $10,000 on teeth.

(01:30:05):
They were free bro. Like you should just take care
of them the first time. That always gets me.
So I'm like, yeah, people start to care about it once they like,
paid a bunch of money for it, but they came perfectly for
free. I think about human connection,
Spence. I think about we get this shit
for free. You can show up and have good
conversations with Beatrice whether you're listening or
talking. We can have fun, talk shit, hope

(01:30:27):
fun at each other. This is free, but yet we value
all the other things. Me and Spencer, I'm worried
about dollars and monetization, all this shit.
We're trying to make sure that you have a good time and you
said you felt comfortable. Everything that you've said.
You said a lot of affirming things to us today and we
appreciate that because we're trying to help people heal and
we know that you're going to help people heal.

(01:30:48):
We're doing this. It's free people like you guys
trying to make money and be famous.
If that happens, so be it, right?
Shall be done to provide, but we're trying to have fun.
Yeah, that's cool. I respect it.
I respect what you guys are doing and it's important.
It is not this. I've never did a pockets like

(01:31:09):
this before, to be honest, ever.I've done a lot.
You never will. You never will.
This guy we're. Going to be the top, the cream
of the crap, just so you know. We are the chosen ones.
Oh my God, that's a good note. Yeah, I want you to do this.

(01:31:33):
No shameless plugs. Yeah, it plugs, dude.
Where? Where can people find you?
Where can people buy your shoes?Oh, you mean you can buy them at
your local van store or any skate shop around the world,
even in Asia? They're there.
Yeah, there's a we have a fucking awesome store.
You can buy my board in New York, Korea or LA OK Or any of

(01:31:56):
your local skate shops and I'm. Going to get one.
I'll be sick. Thank you.
And yeah, I'm. Yeah, I'm trying to pick it up.
Oh, yeah. I'm on Instagram.
Really. That's the most place I prefer
people to look for me. I have a Twitter, but it's a
little dicey over there. So if you find it, you find it.

(01:32:21):
I didn't send you over there. You know I didn't send you over
there when looking for it. Let my people go, yeah.
Other than that on Instagram andthat's it.
Usually just Instagram and like yeah, I used, I used to talk.
Not anymore. I just watch videos but I don't
post anymore. Fair enough, fair enough.

(01:32:41):
Well, we just want to say thank you so much for being on and
actually being just so you right, being you.
That's that's all we want from our guests is to be themselves.
And you did that amazingly and you opened up a lot.
So I think a lot of people are gonna be taking this podcast and
just thinking about a lot of things, which I think is great.

(01:33:02):
So just wanted to say thank you for that.
I appreciate it. I appreciate it a lot.
I did not expect what I got it was.
Fun. Yeah, you didn't expect two men.
Yeah. No, I thought you were two
little ladies, 2 Asian ladies. Two Asian.
We're not going to get in that. We're not.
We're not getting cancelled. Nope.

(01:33:23):
Andy who? Thank you so much.
Pete Yeah. You thought you guys, I was
like, I'll get there. You were the weird ones.
It's like the Green Goblin mask.I'm just like, no, I can't do
it, please don't. No, I just like those are the 2.
That's the only thing that's poor opposite of both of you.
Jesus, don't do the accent, Spencer.

(01:33:45):
Don't do it. Anywho, thank you for coming on
the show with that. I'm Spencer.
That's not a different special podcast.
Yeah, All right, everyone, much appreciation, much love, and
remember to take care of yourselves.
Or don't. It's completely up to you.
Peace.

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