When Friendships EXPLODE 💥Friendship Breakdowns Explained | Insecure ft. Nicole A. Belgrave - Different Spectrums Podcast ™️

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Attention Welcome to the Different Spectrums podcast.
We dive into the wild world of mental health discussions.
Get ready for profound talks, a sprinkle of humor and sarcasm,
and a touch of colorful language.
Just a quick heads up, our show reflects our individual
opinions, which may not align with the standpoint of the

(00:21):
podcast, our featured guests, orany related corporate entities.
Our mission? To illuminate through laughter
and satire because everyone needs a good chuckle.
Chill out and don't stress over the small stuff.
Legal troubles? No thank you.
Cancel culture, please spare us.We'd rather keep this space

(00:43):
lawsuit free, So buckle up, havea good time, and join us as we
navigate the vibrant realm of mental health on the Different
Spectrums podcast. Everybody we back again.
Hey, we're back on my life. I'm Spencer, Co Host and of

(01:06):
course we have our licensed clinical therapist, Nas.
Doctor Nas I just got freshly bullied by a bunch of teenagers
so feeling really good about myself.
Esteem. Guys there.
Yeah. Well, that's People's Choice.
Yeah, yeah, People's Choice. Words of you fucked up.
Anywho, remember, don't take us too seriously.

(01:29):
Or do that's completely up to you.
There you go. Also, don't forget to wrap those
likes for us. We'd really appreciate it.
So for today, we have a special,special guest.
Our next guest is a warm and grounded mental health counselor
who blends evidence based therapy with real life
compassion. Drawing on her Queen's

(01:51):
upbringing and cultural insights, she specializes in
trauma informed and integrative care and also brings the same
realness to her Instagram as at Ginger Ale Won't Fix This, Where
bacon at self-care go hand in hand.
Please welcome Nicole Belgrave. Hello.

(02:11):
Hello. Welcome East Coast.
Finest East Coast. Finest.
Yep, Apparently some people think the East Coast is in the
Midwest. You definitely thought they said
Eastern Time. How are you doing on the Eastern
Time? I'm doing pretty good on the
Eastern Time. The Eastern Time?
Yep. Yep, that doesn't cover a wide

(02:33):
range of states at all. Not on the East Coast.
It's fine. I'm disabled.
It's fine. Yep, that's it.
Any who we're going to be talking about the show Insecure,
We're going to be talking about transitions and changes as well

(02:53):
as just outgrowing people that we know.
Along with that, we're also going to be talking about how we
navigate the changes and outgrowing those people as well
as just addressing our friends as we are kind of moving along
in life. So, Nas, maybe before we get to
the show. They haven't come talk a lot
about relationships miscommunication and it's OK to

(03:17):
be different. People talk about this a lot
with couples and marriage counseling, vastly different
people after 1020 years and children and all that.
And so I think it's OK to recognize that.
But also what is all the baggagewhich we haven't fucking
addressed in years And now why do we hate each other?
Why are we, you know what's going on?

(03:37):
So today we're going to help you.
Nicole's going to help you try to help us navigate how these
conversations, this difficulty and maybe growing these
relationships or not letting them explode.
Like you talked about the metaphor that you gave in pre
production, like you're shaking up your pop bottle.
Who shakes up a pop bottle? A lot of us do without even

(04:00):
really realizing, right? Like often have we dropped the
bottle, forgot we dropped it, and then boom, we open it and
it's a mess. And a lot of the times when
we're bottling things inside andwe're not fully releasing and
addressing what we need to, that's what happens.
Like we explode. We experience these moments
where we're taking out all the things at once without really

(04:26):
giving ourselves time to like, let the air out a little bit
because we're so excited to drink that soda.
Yeah, it's like me after chill. You got to let it air out.
What do you mean? You said that was a fart joke.
You disagree. So fart joke.
Which is perfectly fun and better out than in.

(04:51):
I love this girls going with everything.
OK, really excited. Let's get into the podcast.
Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. There it is.
You got it. There, you got it.
East Coast. East Coast in the house.
Jeez. All right.

(05:13):
Some random rule you made-up. It wasn't random, I was setting
boundaries. Molly, you knew how much this
event meant to me. You saw me at We Got Y'all, You
saw me struggling and you decided your new relationship
was more important than doing meone little ass favor. *** you
stay needed one little ass favor.
Why are you doing this at my event right now?
Is it that serious? Hey, you don't got to do this

(05:36):
guys. We were just having a good time.
Yeah, I mean, I was over there wobbling with your shady ass,
meanwhile you were stabbing me in the back.
Stabbing you in the Molly. This is ODI, don't have time for
your drama OK? You keep starting shit, you keep
making up problems, you keep focusing on shit that I need to
fix when you need to fix your fucking self.
It's still you yourself. Nobody has more drama than you.

(05:57):
Isa. OK, you need to figure out your
shit and stop using people. Nathan, Andrew, me.
Who else guys? Let's not do this here.
See. You are so miserable.
If things don't work out with Andrew, it's not going to be
because of me. Girl fuck you.
Fuck. Me up Ben, stop fucking with
you. I should have.
Dropped your line ass a long time ago.
You're still the same selfish bitch you always been.

(06:29):
Shit come. On Let's Go.
Where'd? Your accent go.
I'm from Philly. Hey, it.

(06:51):
OK, girl, I'm. Going to.
Call you OK. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to

(07:18):
fuck shit up. That is the last thing that I
want to do between you guys. All of this will blow over.
Are you sure you don't want to ride with us?

(07:39):
Kelly's on the corner, no? I'm good.
I can. I can stick around.
No, I'm all right. You sure?

(08:03):
All right. Mom.

(08:44):
But you know I'm making it work.I don't.
Know why he's been all modest? His place is hella nice, yo.
Remember my first smelly ass apartment girl?
Yes. Can we forget it?
It had a window above a dumpsterbut it was really easy to take
out the trash. She had this.
One mystery stain on the carpet that kept growing.
We were all convinced it looked like a face.

(09:05):
It did good. Night that's Oh my God yeah, we.
Have fun at this thing. Spot the game nights, the wind
down. Oh.
My God, all those silly games weused to play, like what?
Mafia what? Was the other one Celebrity
Heights? What?
What is? That just the most fun drinking
game ever that I made-up. You just think of a celebrity.
You guess their height. You wrong you.

(09:26):
All right, let's do this. Yes, OK.
All right. Well, if you guys are tired, we
don't have to. No, no, I think they got to
experience it. Let's tell him what?
OK, I'm gonna go first. How tall is Bernie Sanders 57?

(09:46):
9. He's 5-6.
OK. I.
Win. Oh yeah, I'm drinking.
Bernie Sanders is 6 feet tall. Get the fuck.
Out of here, not. Possible.
He screams like a very short person.
I'm seriously rocked by this. I'm going to measure.
Him next time I see him. How are you?
Going to measure. Him I'm going to get up on.
Him in the same circles he's. Coming to get this drink, Bernie

(10:09):
Sanders turned up. Oh, that is not enough.
There's. Another bottle in the fridge.
I grabbed him. OK.
Who's next? What about?
I don't know how tall she is, but she fine as hell.
That's my guess. Fine feet 11.
Oh my God. Her body is unfair.
I feel like she did something great in another life.

(10:30):
She. Did something right in this
life. She did a whole lot of right in
this life because she looks blessed and highly favored.
I swear she looks like Jessica Rabbit.
She's. Black so Jessica Black Rabbit
looks. Like her.
And you know it's real because her thighs match match.
What each other like in color orcyan?
We're back in business. Actually, I think I'm going to.

(10:51):
Go. No, Hey, I got it.
Isa, hold up. Isa, wait.
Isa, Isa, hold up. I'm really sorry.
You saw that. That wasn't meant for you.
Yeah. No shit.

(11:13):
OK, but that's the way I've beenfeeling and this whole thing
feels so forced. I was trying to get us back to
where we were, but I didn't realize it was so hard for you
to be around me. And you say you're trying, but
it feels like I'm the only one who's putting in any effort by.
Inviting me to brunch and playing all drinking games.

(11:34):
Girl, we haven't even talked about what's really going on
because I. Didn't know you wanted to talk
about it, but OK, let's talk about the block party man.
This is. Bigger than that, we have been
off for months, yeah. I know, that's why I reached
out, but I can't be the only onewho wants to make this work,
Molly. I don't.

(11:56):
Know maybe who you are now and who I am now.
Just don't fit anymore. OK.

(12:18):
OK. I mean.
There really isn't much more to say.
Yeah. OK, I've been trying to pray
what you are. Could it be that I'm searching

(12:45):
too hard? I wish you come and find me.
Won't you come and find me? Hey.
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so go check them out. And we're back again.
We're back. Just like all my childhood
trauma for being abused from college students.
So it was nice. It's really nice when they pick
on you for being bald and weird and everyone's like, you're not

(13:49):
gay. No, that was a whole discussion
today. I.
Mean it's always a discussion. It's always never not a
discussion. I don't you should be used to it
by now but apparently bullying saying the truth it's.
OK, the one girl was like, you were talking about men's body
hair in our therapy session, andshe's like, I thought you were
gay. I was like, I don't remember
talking about men's body hair. How did that come up?

(14:14):
It is what it is. We're back in my life.
Tell yourself that any any you. It's hilarious.
Just so everybody knows, we havethis discussion every week.
Every. Pod.
It's not gay. That's usually the question that
we ask. And one week it's going to be,
you know what? Yes.

(14:35):
All right. Yeah.
Got it out of me. All right.
It's better out than in. That's when the cold my.
Shirts. That's my.
Shirt. 'S gay.
Jesus Christ can't have nothing nice these days.
Let's be. Honest, if he said he was gay in
the shirt, you'd be like. Makes sense?

(14:57):
Makes. Sense I'm happy for him,
finally. Living your truth, that's all we
want. Is you to live your truth, you
happy bastard. There we go.
Anywho, we have a guest today. Yes, yes, Nicole, welcome to the
show. Nice to have you.
Thank. You for having me?

(15:18):
Of course, of course, for for our listeners, could you give a
little bit how'd you get into the mental health field and what
made you want to come onto this show?
Yes. So first and foremost,
representation, right? Like being able to bring
awareness to the fact that therapy is for everyone, but

(15:40):
therapy is not one-size-fits-all.
So representation, understandingculture, it truly matters.
And that is essentially what gotme into to wanting to do mental
health because growing up like growing up in a Caribbean
community, in a Caribbean household, there was not a lot

(16:01):
of conversation about tell me how do you feel, what's going
on, all the things. It was more so like, take it to
church, pray about it, drink some tea, drink some ginger ale.
You'll get over it all. You not really feeling that way,
You're fine. Pick up your big girl panties

(16:22):
and keep going. All the things.
So it's like, yeah, on one hand,maybe this is what we understood
as motivation. Also, it was an understanding of
how our generational trauma played a role because back then,
we probably did not have an opportunity to say, let me stop

(16:43):
and think how I feel before I stop doing something or before I
navigate through racism, before I navigate through slavery and
all the things. And now, thankfully, we're in a
space where we can actually address what's going on.
We can address how communicationplays a role and how things
impact us. We could address how our
upbringing has also so impacted us and how it helps us to

(17:07):
navigate through our own moral code, how we make decisions.
And that's what really got me here today, doing it for the
culture. The culture, you got a lot of
trauma, Girly, you got a lot of trauma or no, you're good.
I mean from my perspective. I'm.
Fine, I personally feel we all navigate through our own type of

(17:32):
trauma. Good answer, good answer, good
answer. She's like, I hate my parents.
I'm joking. That well, they're actually my
best friends, so there. You go.
Do you have other friends or? No, I don't.
I just, you know, just curious. You got other friends do you
have? Friends, right?
I do actually have friends, OK? There you go, it's.

(17:54):
Such a magical moment like I'm not.
Alone. Right.
I'm not alone, but let's be for real.
Like, navigating through relationships, especially
friendships during adulthood, come on difficult.
But it's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot to navigate
through. Like, gone are the days where

(18:14):
you're just friends with somebody because they're in your
class. Now it's like actual efforts to,
like, communicate, check in on people, remember people's
birthdays. Definitely.
Just fucked that up. Definitely just Smash is like,
that's my birthday. I'm like idiots.
Yeah, I was like, I was like, yeah, 22nd, right?
Yeah, it's a great day. And you're like, why?

(18:36):
Why? It's a.
Great day. He has risen.
Oh, OK. Came out of my mom, yeah.
It's Christ, the visual. But yeah, no, you're right.
So we all got complicated stuff.We're navigating relationships.
And then you said, right, you work in the high school too.

(18:57):
Yeah, so like full time I do work with high school kids for
low socio economic individuals and families.
And then part time on the side Ido see adults for my private
practice. OK.
Nice, nice. So you bring up like baking

(19:18):
cookies is your love language. What's your favorite?
What's your favorite cookie? So it depends on the season
because during the winter, my favorite cookie to bake is
snickerdoodles and all the people around me know when the
holidays come, look for a box ofcookies from me.

(19:41):
And then this like spring summerseason, I discovered like a
chocolate chip recipe that I've been able to kind of like make
it my way because I add like additional super dark chocolate
And they have been so busting like, and it's so much fun to be

(20:03):
able to bake because there's definitely a science behind
baking, but just being able to be present to say, first I'm
starting something and then I'm actually going to finish
something and then. Being able to enjoy it when
you're done and really being able to kind of like make it a
mindfulness moment. Like I think about all 5 senses

(20:25):
when I'm baking. Like I'm thinking of the texture
of what I'm using cuz the egg feels different from the flour,
right? But it's coming together to
create this thing that I know I'm about to eat.
And then I'm thinking about, usually I listen to music when
I'm baking or sometimes I need amoment of like silence.

(20:45):
So I'm listening to like my mixer go.
And then I'm looking forward to how sweet and delicious it's
going to be. So that's the taste and what
other sense we have the smell, smelling it when it's baking.
It's fire. That's the best part.
It's so fire. It's the fires fires.

(21:08):
Is. It a block.
Of. Oh no, it's fire.
No, yeah, it's it's so good. You smell it and you're just
like, yeah, maybe I'm not as depressed as I thought I was
knowing. How you cook you, It's going to
be literal fire. Yeah, well, we got to make sure
it's not burning. Yeah.
Don't burn, Yeah. Don't burn.
So now we do have to pay attention to make sure that we

(21:30):
got it in OH. OK.
Our fight, right? We got to look, so you make.
Sure, you think you're better than me, huh?
OK, what you mean you people? Wait a minute, that's our thing.
Hold on a minute, hold on a second.

(21:51):
So would you say that like you're the way you or the type
of cookies you make goes based off of your mood as well?
Like say for like the winter time, like you said, you do like
more snickerdoodle and stuff like that.
So then do you make sure that it's a lot more sweet?
It's a lot more just like tryingto get you a little bit more up

(22:14):
in the day while because you know, because we have those
times where it's like it's it's winter time and we get a little
bit more down on ourselves maybe.
You make them fancier, yeah. Fancier, a little bit more.
And then for the summertime, you're like, I'm gonna just keep
it clean and cool because you know what?
I'm feeling pretty good this one.
'S going to be hot girl summer. This one's I'm sorry.

(22:35):
This one's going to be naked. I'm sorry.
That, well, I feel like that is a good question that I haven't
really even fully thought about it because I know when I'm doing
it in the winter, I'm very intentional about the size.
So I tried to make at least, let's say like 40 cookies.

(23:00):
So I'm being mindful of like howmuch I'm actually scooping up,
like to roll it and what the snicker doodle, you have to like
dip it in like the cinnamon sugar and the smell of cinnamon
just reminds me of like Christmas, Thanksgiving, like
the holidays. So that's what that is for like
that season. But the chocolate chips, it's

(23:22):
like if I'm craving extra chocolate, I'm making them
bigger. So we're not getting 40 cookies,
we're getting maybe 24 because I'm like, yeah, I'm, I'm baking
them. But if I'm baking somebody else,
like I may make them a little bit smaller so they're a little
bit more bite size. But then like it doesn't get as
much chocolate in each one. Like it kind of varies.

(23:44):
So I think it just depends on like the day.
She likes them. She likes them thick.
And then the black on black this.
Blend the black is in the black there's odd chocolate over here
we healing over here we don't need any of the what is the
color of a regular cookie then there wouldn't it's still brown

(24:05):
it's not white yes well I. Mean it depends unless you have
like a vanilla or white chocolate there.
You go. I've seen some white one.
Yeah, you have. It'd be like.
A sugar cookie like a boring. Sugar Sugar cookies can hit the
spot there's. Racism.
Yeah, Nicole. Yeah.
Don't be. Racist against your cookies, all
right. Ass sland ass motherfucking

(24:27):
sugar cookies. Yeah.
Just. Not my fave, yeah.
It's fine, It's fine. There's.
So many jokes. I'm.
Not going to. Do it.
I'm not going to do it. I got jokes about other cultures
too, but I'm not going to go there.
I'm not getting her in trouble. So question about the cooking
though. So a lot of our folks right on
this podcast that listen or thatjoin us, they're mostly all

(24:47):
neural divergent individuals. Many of them have hundreds of
coping skills, regulation tactics, right?
You just explained some using the census did.
You develop this through like a familial thing, like
grandparents, mom vibe. Was this something you picked up
on your own? How did you pick it up?
The baking, it definitely was something that I picked up from

(25:08):
my mom because when I was younger she used to bake cakes
from scratch all the time. So like she used to also like I
believe when I was younger, maybe before I was born, she had
a moment where she was like selling the cakes just like for
fun, like she would decorate them, everything from scratch,

(25:29):
like frosting the actual cake oreven hot cross buns.
She'll make that all from scratch.
So for me, I saw her with her Philadelphia Cheesecake
cookbook, and that kind of inspired me to like start making
cheesecakes or like just baking for fun.

(25:52):
So I remember when I was younger, we used to go to like a
cake decorating class together and I used to decorate like
cakes and cupcakes. And in college, like every
Friday I would bake a cheesecakeand bring it in to school and
like just share 'cause I'm like I can't eat no my body though.

(26:15):
So girl, how's your. Sugar, how's your you got You
got bad blood sugar or no? What's how you you got diabetes
or no? So far I'm good, I'm healthy by
everything in moderation and also a fun fact that I learned
this summer. Actually, dark chocolate is
really good for you. It is actually good for your

(26:36):
heart health. It's good for like arthritis and
things like that. But you have to actually use the
like super high percentage dark chocolate, which isn't a real
bitter, Yeah, super bitter, likenot even sweet.
So the chocolate usually get outhere in America is the one that

(26:57):
has the added, yeah, milk chocolate.
It has added palm oil or like milk or like sugar.
That's what makes it like palatable.
But if you get like the real raw90% chocolate from like Granada
or from like the Caribbean, it'sactually good for you.

(27:20):
And they make it into like a cocoa tea.
And that is supposed to like be so good for you.
And it's like. A sales pitch to like buy from
the Caribbean? Is this what is what it is?
I mean, you know, everything forthe culture, everything for the
culture, but it's something thatlike I recently did learn nice.

(27:42):
And because I love dark chocolate, I was like, wow.
So even more reason to eat dark chocolate because it's good for
you, but you have to actually like get the like raw 90% or
100% I. Love all of this, I love it all.
I'm holding back all the funny stuff.
I'm just also I'm Paul's girly. She's got the cutest dimples I

(28:03):
have ever seen. Oh my God, when I smiled just
like potato. Is that a hot dog?
No. Dimples in there, Just no.
Dimples, you know. Look like you just came out the
dirt. He.
Called you a potato. I called.
Myself a potato. He called me.

(28:24):
He called me a person. Jesus Christ, you're racist.
Oh, my God. Yeah, man, when I saw her smile
a second ago, I was like, did you?
Are those? Do you buy those?
Those. Are just there.
Some people do buy them, but. These.
Are real. Man, Get Me Out of here for

(28:50):
being perfect. Nah, Why?
We're just going to come back toit at some point.
I'm not going to talk about chocolate and be like, damn.
Always bet on black I. Love my, I love my dark
chocolate myself. Like, all right, all right.

(29:11):
I'm not talking about the candy.I'm like, OK, all right.
Jesus. All right, we're moving on.
Anywho, so you also talk about doing trauma informed care which
is just central to your work. What does it look like for you
in a session? Of doing like trauma informed

(29:35):
what? The hell does that even mean,
right? People always talk about it, you
see. Always trauma.
I'm trauma informed, you know What the fuck does that mean?
You going to give me trauma because you're informed about my
trauma? I don't know what you know
about. It.
I'm going to get you. Well, I feel like with trauma
informed care, before we even get into the trauma, we have to
have cultural competency becauseit's so important to understand

(29:59):
how we may bring up something orimpact somebody or they may be
navigating through something that they may perceive as
disrespectful because of their upbringing, because of their
culture. And when we're navigating
through trauma informed care, wewant to make sure that we are
identifying the tools that we can use to prevent putting salt

(30:23):
in a wound when we're opening itup, because it can take some
time to even process like all the things that do come up and
how many layers it adds to what we navigate through when we're
dealing with something that's traumatic, right.
And then when I think of trauma informed care, I think about how

(30:45):
we go back generations and in our upbringing or in my culture,
we typically call them generational curses.
But in reality, when we gather more information and we see how
history sometimes repeats itselfand we're understanding certain
patterns and family, and just like how the environment may

(31:07):
have impacted one another, we'reunderstanding how that curse may
have been trauma that somebody had to overcome, that somebody
has to navigate through. And we typically speak a lot
about resilience, right? Like resilience being such a
strength. And a lot of the times we're not
always addressing how resiliencewas nothing, like we had no

(31:30):
choice but to be resilient. We had to keep going and when
we're not addressing the things that have happened in the past
or the things that have happenedin our own life, we're going to
keep that cycle going. So this is what I understand
therapy or even trauma informed care to look like, being able to

(31:50):
address what the cycle is and what can we do to kind of
interrupt it got. It.
Yeah, as. Center was saying how does it
show up? Maybe with the kiddos that you
work with at the high school because they're going through a
lot of lot of changes, a lot of stuff, relationships, sports.
You talked about economic issues, poverty, black and brown

(32:11):
kids. This shit's all traumatic.
Let's be real. It's all traumatic.
Literally. And that's why I say like,
everybody navigates through their own trauma because before
I talk about the kids, just to give an example, even giving
birth to a child can be traumatic.
Some women don't even survive that.
Yeah. So imagine literally you coming

(32:34):
into the world and that's a traumatic experience or you're
getting born into a traumatic experience occurring in that
moment. Right.
But to bring it back to the kids, like, I truly enjoy all
the work that I do with the kidsand the adults, but being able
to see how, like, they sometimesmimic their environment.

(32:56):
And when they come to school, it's like they're navigating
through, is this from my environment or is this part of
my survival tactic? Right.
Like they're navigating through so many different changes and
challenges. And let's be for real.
The pandemic traumatic for so many people.
Yeah. We have to deal with so much

(33:16):
loss, grief. We're grieving the world that we
once knew it to be. Everybody was like in isolation.
And as we know, part of our development that socialization
is so important. So imagine how a lot of our kids

(33:37):
were impacted by that. So I'm in a space where we get
to really address the fact that even though the pandemic is
done, allegedly we're now back in person.
We're no longer wearing masks. We're all face to face and we're
all dealing with something. So they get an opportunity to

(33:59):
talk about just how social relationships impact them, how
school impacts them, how family impacts them, how culture,
environment, how making decisions, preparing for
college. All these transitions they get
to talk about in process and they are in a very unique

(34:19):
position because they're in a space where it's accepted to
receive support, is accepted to ask for help, it's accepted to
go to therapy. So it's like a space for that
actually opening up and it's so rewarding.
So just seeing how old that thatplays out.

(34:42):
Nice. Thank you.
So what would you say? Is something that you at least
one thing that you wish people knew about therapy the most that
they would never yes. Now you can stick to this with
like in American Journal or you can do talk about your culture
and like Caribbean culture too, especially since you know a lot

(35:05):
of older folks they just therapyis just not their thing.
They didn't grow up with that. So it's like, what would you say
was something that you would like people to know about?
Therapy maybe? Like what I'm about to say maybe
the most cliche, but this is thefirst thing that came to mind.
Therapy doesn't mean something'swrong with you.

(35:26):
Like a lot of people don't realize when you're coming to
therapy, you're here to process what's going on though.
You could be processing something positive.
You could also be processing something negative.
You could just be processing life period.
You could just it's a space to be able to have like a sound
board and have a space where you're literally saying this is

(35:50):
my undivided attention to myselffor these 45 minutes to an hour.
We don't get that a lot, you know, like we're in a space
where sometimes we have to be a little bit non negotiable with
the time that we are spending with ourselves to take care of
ourselves. And that's what therapy is in my

(36:10):
perspective and opportunity to take care of yourself.
And I tell everybody that I workwith, I'm not here to tell you
what to do. I'm here to work with you.
I'm like a compass to help you navigate through what decisions
you have and how is this decision going to impact you?
Because a lot of the times we'redealing with this sense of like

(36:33):
wanting to control what's going to happen in the future, when in
reality, we have to control what's happening where our feet
are. We have to be present where our
feet are. So that's like my little
beautiful. It does not mean something's
wrong with you. If you're in therapy, I'm.
Going to take this a bit furtheroff of Spencer's question and be

(36:53):
more specific. So what would you say to any of
the black men listening to our podcast today?
What would you say to them? Therapy is for everyone, and it
may not be one-size-fits-all, but it's a space where you can
maybe learn a little bit more about yourself.

(37:15):
And I know you know yourself, but maybe dive a little bit
deeper and see what else comes up.
Like it's OK to have a safe space to process all what's
going on because you carry a lotof weight of the world.
And there's a metaphor that I learned from like one of my

(37:35):
first jobs in the field, these bags, bags of rocks.
We have this mentality where we feel we have to carry this bag
of rocks up the hill by ourselves.
But in reality, there's people around us, people next to us, in
front of us, behind us, who wantto help us carry that weight.

(37:56):
And you don't know how much you do to somebody else when you
allow them to help you because you may be helping them with
something. You may be helping them with
their bags so you can walk up the mountain together.
It doesn't have to be something that you have to deal with alone
or in isolation. And even just being in this

(38:17):
field and seeing who I am today,I feel like I learned a lot
about myself as well. And I feel like that is one of
the most rewarding things about navigating through mental health
because it takes a lot of like understanding yourself,
understanding the kind of transference that can come up,

(38:38):
the self-awareness and knowing like you got to make sure you're
good in order to make sure anybody else is good.
The same way we have to go to adopt and file Wellness checks,
therapist got to make sure that our mental is good, right?
And it just goes to show that wedo not have to heal in

(38:59):
isolation. That's one of the biggest things
that I even learned from myself by healing is community.
And for Black men or just peoplein general, knowing that it's a
safe space to heal in community makes a big difference.
Last thing, and I'll kick it back to Spence, a lot of women

(39:22):
listen to us. She was close to 6570%.
What would you say to the women listening to us?
What would be your advice? Once you take a second and you
can gather your thoughts if you need a second, what would you
say your advice to these young women that are listening to us,
that are looking for some type of help?
A lot of them listen to us because of humor.
A lot of them listen to us because they're no divergent,
ADHD, autistic, anxiety, OCD, all that stuff, blah blah blah.

(39:45):
A lot of them just like to hang out with us and just talk shit
with like us talking to guests. But what would your advice be to
these these humans, these women on how to navigate the world?
Or what would be your advice is this adult that seems to have
some shit together. You're very well spoken as well
too, because you're able to likestep by step go through what
you're thinking. Some of the other therapists

(40:06):
cannot do that on this podcast. So you advice for them and trust
me, I will take that and and help out my other clients too.
But what would you talk to them about?
What would you say to them rightnow?
I feel like one of the first things that come to mind, or
there's like two things. The first thing is you did the

(40:28):
first step by seeking the resources, right?
Like this podcast is a resource.So even if it's for humor, even
if it's for information, you didsomething because you said, I'm
interested in maybe understanding this a little bit
better. You took that first step.
So give yourself credit for that.

(40:49):
The second thing that I feel I would say is taking time to be
still and remember where your feet are.
A lot of the times when we're thinking, our mind is in so many
different places and it puts us in a space where we're trying to
control all these things all over the place.

(41:12):
When in reality, when we're reminding her ourselves of
what's happening right here, what's in our control, it gives
us so much more confidence and knowing that we can pour our
energy into that and start from there.
So yeah, I think that's what I would say.

(41:32):
Like, you're already resourceful.
You found this podcast, and you did something to make you feel
good. The next step is understanding
what's in your control. Love it.
Running into that. Thank you.
Thank you. Are you a sports fan at all?

(41:54):
So I like sports. I I appreciate sports.
I acknowledge sports. I haven't sat and watched a full
game in a little while. But you know, I'm here, You
know, go Giants, go Eagles, go Celtics, go Knicks.

(42:16):
Yeah, fair enough, Fair enough. You know, because it's one of
those things like you're in likea big city with like the major
sports teams, you know, it's just like sometimes, like a lot
of places they wish they could have like those teams, you know,
And it's like, it's always fun. Like my girl, she like she

(42:37):
doesn't watch sports on TV usually, but she loves going to
games. And so it's like, that's where
like you get, that's where she gets the most hyped.
Like she like, yeah, yeah. So it's always, you know, it's
always nice to just like kind ofsee like where like, you know,
especially guests in these bigger cities like I do, you
know, So wait, what do you do also to pass your time when

(43:01):
you're not doing therapy, when you're not making cookies, What
else do you like to do when? You're not just obsessively
listening to this podcast because you're the biggest fan,
right? Obviously that's what you're
doing. You just listen to us.
It's our, it's our sensual voices.
What you do in your free time? I'm so sorry.
No, no worries. What do I do?

(43:22):
That's a really good question because I feel like I add to the
list every time I, you know, think about it.
My newest hobby from I would sayfrom last year into this year
has been like building Lego flower bouquets.
That has been so much fun and ithas given me again, similar to

(43:46):
the cookies, you start something, you actually finish
it. So to see something at that and
feels good, it's something that you could do with your hands.
And it's kind of like kind of like mindful in a way, but
mindless at the same time. Because it's like an opportunity
to not have to think, just follow the instructions and do
it. Or like, you know, put on your

(44:06):
favorite show or a movie and you're just vibing.
And it gives me a good reason tostay home because sometimes
staying home is good. Being in a big city is always
something to do. So being able to stay at home
feels good. So I do, my leg goes, what else
do I do? I lately have been like trying

(44:28):
to work out a little bit more, so taking intentional walks in
the park has been like a lot of fun and I listen to my music
most of the time. Sometimes I'll let a friend call
and I'm chatting with them, but that feels so good because it's
an opportunity to do something for myself after a full day of
like showing up for others. I also.

(44:53):
What music do you listen to? I want I was.
About to say exactly that. So one of my fun things to do is
I, you know, I'm from the Caribbean.
I do listen to soca, dancehall, reggae.
Like that is a mood booster. Honestly, give me a soca song,
I'll find an affirmation in it because it's it's like it, it

(45:16):
just boosts my mood. Like I really love soca.
So that goes into like Carnival.Like I when I get the
opportunity to, I do attend Carnival in the Caribbean and
what not. It's so much fun.
It is really like fulfilling because it's like I'm doing
something for my culture and it's a part of my culture.

(45:37):
So I love it. And then also, if it's not soca,
it's like old school R&B. Lately I've been into like the
Jodeci, the John B, the Toni Braxton, the Cut close, like
randomly finding these old songsand I'm like, this is a vibe.

(45:57):
This is a vibe old. Ass songs sound good.
Right. I'm like, yo, I grew up in the
wrong. They were here.
Yeah, yeah. So.
That it it like it. Again, it depends on my mood.
Like if I need a mood boost, I'mprobably listening to Soca.
If I need a chill vibe, I'm probably listening to the R&B.

(46:18):
OK. And I like to dance, so that
goes hand in hand with the music.
Sometimes randomly we just got to bust and move.
Even if there's no music playing, just bust and move real
quick start. Dancing, just start.
Going like you like it really changes like how it does.
It does, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I feel like that's a little bit of like what I do other than

(46:42):
like. I got you.
So when did you so? So when did you realize you were
autistic? So that was a.
Joke, but no. But I have a perspective on
that. I have a perspective on that.
And like, you know, they call ita spectrum for a reason, right?
So I genuinely do feel all of usare on that spectrum.

(47:06):
So I feel like I came to that conclusion when I started
studying soon as. You put those Legos together
soon as you. Said Legos.
Do you like chicken Nuggets? The.
Dinosaur ones. Do you eat Krabby patties?
I actually. Love Krabby patties.

(47:29):
Oh shit, bam, is that a real? Thing they have everything in
New York. They got everything in New York.
And I haven't had like the real crabby.
I've only had like the candy crabby.
Oh, the. Candy carbs are crap.
Yeah, those are great. Those are great.
Right. Yeah, I discovered them from
when I was young and it's been awrap ever since.
Now you can find them at 5 below.

(47:51):
There you go. So last thing for me and then we
can get into the thing. Spencer, if you don't have
anything else to your friends, Iassume, right?
I mean, they got to love you, Greg, because you're big bacon
stuff. You're bringing the good vibes.
I mean, I feel like you're not atoxic friend.
I feel like you're showing up, helping friends.
I feel like they're like fat andhappy.
I feel like that's the vibe for your friends, you know?
What's the vibe you? Just call her friends Fat.

(48:13):
That's right. Hey, Fat.
Having a good we're all. We're all like we're.
All different sizes here. THAT, you know, we're all.
Fabulous. Fab.
But yeah, no, I really do feel what also makes the episode or
like the clip like super specialto me or just like Insecure in

(48:35):
general is the fact that like how our friendships develop in
your adulthood. And that just allows me moments
to like understand appreciation for them and also understand how
do I show up in these friendships.
Sometimes I'm the friend who is the listener and sometimes I'm

(48:58):
the friend who is the the sharer.
So there's moments where you're understanding like the balance
and how to most importantly pourinto your cup before you can
pour into any of their cups. So it's like you learn a lot
about yourself through your friendships.
You do. And yeah, so yeah, I love my

(49:21):
friends. They are amazing.
And they also understand, again,I want a healing journey of my
own. We all are, right?
And I learned you can't fully heal in isolation.
But they tend to understand whenI, like, am quiet.
Sometimes I need quiet time and that.
And they know when to be like, Nicole, you good because you're

(49:42):
a little too quiet. And I'm like, all right, let me
crawl out of my shell, crawl outof my like, hermit mode and I'll
pop back out. But yeah, OK, Like I, I
appreciate just where I'm at today with my friendships, with
my relationships in general, andjust learning so much about
myself, OK? So you're not just baking a ton

(50:05):
of cookies just to get everyone fat.
So you like the pretty one? I figured that's what you were
doing. No, all my friends are daddy.
All your friends are Baddie's girl.
We coming to New York? Well, I'm going to New York.
Yeah. Hold the fuck off.
I got my own Caribbean queen. OK, OK, so she.
Said Cookie. She had me.

(50:26):
I'm like, no. I feel.
Like a muffin, she said. Legos, you were like, wait a
minute. I.
Muffin my ass to make cookies, Andy.
Let me take my diabetes shot now.
Hilarious. He's just like, let's make
cookies and then eat Legos. Let's do this all right.
I just want to smell cookies andeat your legos.

(50:46):
Jesus Christ. Wow, fantastic spread you.
Got any more seasoning? Questioning?
No. I mean, I, I've heard the
carnival like this is just like I heard.
It's crazy. Yeah, yeah.
My my girl's aunt from Dominica,she was just here recently and
she like she hasn't like no filter all it's hilarious.

(51:09):
She's like the best is the best thing ever.
And she was just talking about like just like going to
carnival. She's crazy, just ass
everywhere. Since she described it, I was
like, tell me more, tell me, tell me.
Is it that? Chocolate.
Nicole's chocolate this is When do we?

(51:29):
Book our flights. I mean if you really trying to
go book early. Expensive What They're
expensive? I heard their carnival is
popping. We.
Might be going to Tobago in January, so that's going to be
pretty cool. But like I don't, I don't think
it's around that time, so. Tobago Carnival is definitely

(51:53):
next month in October so. There you go.
There you go, and. You're going to get like the
full vibe of the island. So that's going to be so much
fun, nice. And honestly, like carnival is
low key healing because as we know, we store trauma,
especially women, we store trauma in our hips.
So being able to move our hips is a release and.

(52:19):
I'm you're my kind of therapist.I need you to shake that, shake
that. I need you to talk that drama
out of you even. Thinking about the book The Body
keeps the Score, sometimes we got to shake and move.
All right, fair. I'm down with it.

(52:42):
I'm down. Look at all these women healing.
Look at all that trauma going away.
Where all these holes come? From Jesus Christ, how did I get
dollar bills in my hand? What the hell?
I didn't go to the bank. Anywho, let's why?
Am I burning right now? Let's get into the show.

(53:05):
We perverted this way. Too mad.
Yeah. She's such an innocent person.
I'm so sorry, Nicole, don't. Worry do your.
Prayers later, it'll be fine. Repent.
Just pray. Anywho, so we are doing the show
Insecure named by the great Iza Ray.

(53:29):
And do you want to give us just like give us a little rundown
Yeah of the show. Like what is this show about?
I feel like this show was a verymonumental moment for our
culture, OK? Like just talking about
navigating through all the different lives and changes, the

(53:52):
different transitions and managing all types of
relationships as you're going through these changes.
And when you watch the show, depending on when you watch it
when he first came out or if you're one of them like me who
re watches it twice a year, it hits different in each season
that you're in. Like there's something in that

(54:14):
show that becomes so relatable. And then when you're watching it
again, you're like, wait, I didn't even think of it this way
in that moment. And then you may start to notice
how, like, certain things that each character does, you relate
to them. Like, maybe when I first watched
it, I was like, yeah, I feel like I'm relatable to ESA.

(54:35):
And then you reach a point whereit's like, well, I did that
thing similar to how Molly did it.
And then you're noticing how, like the other friends, like
Tiff and Kelly, they're like there, but they play very
monumental roles in being there.So I think that if that gives

(54:57):
you like an umbrella of what theshow is without like ruining the
show in case you wanted to watchit for yourself.
No, it's. Fine.
Yeah. But that show is definitely
talks a lot about like navigating through all the
things like being an adult in America, so.

(55:17):
One of my cool things I liked about the show because I watched
it when it first came out, right?
It was coming out weekly and they were doing like the behind
the scenes stuff with Isa and they were talking about it.
The wind downs and. They were yes, and they were
talking about the production of it and how they say, like a lot
of film in the industries shoot black folks in like these
horrible light in the wrong light.
So their their whole lighting and vibe is vastly different and

(55:39):
it captures more of the essence of them right, the culture, but
also just the skin tones. Everyone is so fucking gorgeous,
but also the lighting. I forgot how dark it is because
they have different like mood lighting.
It's, she explained in a much better way than I did.
But there was a lot of thought into production.
Yeah, very intentional with likethe lighting and like the

(56:01):
different scenes, like the colorcoordination and stuff, correct.
And I think it was also very intentional, highlighting, like,
areas in California and Inglewood, like, representing
different communities that were,like, rich in Black culture.

(56:22):
So bringing awareness to all of that as well.
I think she did an amazing job with that.
And also, like, you know, we tend to see shows or, like,
different stories with, like, individuals coming from a
struggle. Yeah.
But a lot of the families that were in Insecure didn't really
come from that. It shows that you know you can

(56:45):
still be Black and successful, so in.
Hustling, trying to get jobs, careers.
It looks like a more normal experience than in like, what do
you know? That mom was on crack, you know.
Again. Damn.
They. Got no Father Jesus Christ, so
it was nice to see. Highly intelligent, motivated,

(57:06):
successful, everyone's doing their own thing, badass suit and
tie. The women aren't just in like
super feminine things either, they have masculine vibes as
well. I enjoyed seeing the
emotionality of the men as well and just being heartbroken and
devastated. I enjoyed the way the nuances of
how they played all the gender roles.
Yes. Exactly.
And then even with the ending how things ended, it's like she

(57:33):
address like how things don't always have to look like cookie
cutter, like the happy ever after it looking perfect, like
she was able to address the factthat real things actually happen
in our lives and we have to maketough decisions.
What's? The main guy, What's the guy
that she dated right in the beginning of the show?

(57:54):
What's his name? Lawrence.
Lawrence. I think we all remember the
scene where we got to see Lawrence's ABS for the first
time. I think we all remember that
moment. Exhibit A Your Honor, on why we
may think somebody is hiding in the closet.
I. Think, I think we all remember
the feelings that we had in our lawyers.

(58:15):
It was. A very a very interesting
episode. It was very interesting.
I remember the episode, I just remember the.
The. Body biggest.
This motherfucker can sketch hisABS right now if he wanted to.
He's just like, yes I see that. Is it a?
Waterfall going down your ABS. I must draw them.

(58:38):
Is it that dark jogger they weretalking about here?
I'm done. No.
One, I noticed that nobody, nobody brought that up.
And somehow we get to that conclusion.
Anyhow, I'm sorry Dad. I'm sorry, Dad.
No, it's not. No, he's not.
He's finally being himself. Any who so we have in this first

(59:05):
scene, we have Iza and then alsoMolly and they're arguing,
right? They start to have an argument.
And then from that argument it escalated.
It started getting just a lot more deep cut into the into the
the the insults kept getting a little bit deeper and deeper and

(59:26):
deeper. And then somebody just yells out
there's a gun like of course, every time, every time.
And so so I haven't seen the full series, but with Isa, I'm
assuming that she put on this event, right?
She put on this event finally doing it.
And like you were saying before,like in the pre production, you

(59:48):
were saying how she's finally being successful, right?
ESA's finally being successful. And then Molly, she you know,
she might be maybe a little jealous or maybe she's not used
to ESA actually being successfulin this showing her own
insecurities, right? And name of the show.
Look at that. And so now we get this

(01:00:11):
transition and this change in dynamic with this friendship
because they're, they're just, they're different now, right?
And sometimes. When you have those differences,
it's hard to get over those differences because you have a
different mindset, they have a different mindset, and you want
to break out of that. So how would you say for your

(01:00:33):
adult clients, how would you sayhave you seen these transitions
and changes and how do you like to navigate those different
changes when you're in the recession with them?
Yeah. So one of my favorite things
that I like to do when we're navigating through like
friendships or just relationships in general is

(01:00:54):
talking about our love language.Because when we understand what
our love language is, we may have a better understanding of
how we show up for others in addition to understanding how we
want others to show up for us. So it helps us to understand
like, what are we prioritizing? Are we actually paying attention

(01:01:16):
to the love language of our friends or our like romantic
relationships or even our family, or are we leading
through our own love language? So it gives us an opportunity to
see like what do we need to do in order to actually communicate
what our needs are? So I think that's something

(01:01:38):
that's like really important, especially something that we've
seen in the scene with Insecure is like they had an opportunity.
They have tried to communicate what their boundaries are, but
in reality, they may have been communicating like their
expectations or their rules. They weren't really clear on

(01:01:59):
what the actual boundary is and like what the actual consequence
is if the boundary is being crossed.
And then also implementing this consequence for someone who you
were super close to. And they're now navigating
through their own transition of leaving their job, starting

(01:02:20):
basically becoming an entrepreneur.
And you're now navigating through your own relationship.
And you're trying to figure out how can I balance my friends and
my relationship because I reallywant this to work.
Yeah. It's.
Difficult. How do you balance if for your
high school students, how do youbalance your friends?
How do you balance your job, your responsibilities at home

(01:02:42):
maybe? How do you balance your school
work? How do you balance you being a
student athlete? There's a lot of things that
just balance. And I feel like a lot of
students your age, college age that I work with, right?
I feel like they're failing everything.
There's just so much failure. And adults, they feel like
they're failing everything because you, how do you balance
it? The answer is you probably

(01:03:02):
don't. The answer is you're probably
short end of the stick somewhere, and so how do you
navigate making sure no one's hurt about you?
Maybe not including them, or maybe you're too tired to talk
to them. It's very difficult to navigate
any of this shit at any point intime.
Yeah. And you bring up such a valid
point because I feel like we have the perspective of failure

(01:03:23):
because we're assuming that our balance has to look equal in
each and every area. So like even thinking about the
areas of Wellness, like we have these areas that some end up
being an autopilot, some end up being neglected and some end up
getting all of our energy because it needs our attention.

(01:03:44):
And our balance is going to lookdifferent in each season that
we're in. So there are going to be areas
that need a little bit more attention where there's others
that need to be on autopilot forthe moment and understanding
what works for us. Because when we understand how
one area impacts our life, we start to see how it trickles in

(01:04:07):
to other areas. So when we let go of the idea
that it has to be equally divided, it helps us to
understand. So what does it actually mean
for it to be balanced? For me, it doesn't mean that
you're failing because 1 area does not need as much attention
as another one. And then I would add up on that

(01:04:30):
as making sure that you're in consultation with your loved
ones or peers that maybe you're struggling or maybe I can't give
you time this weekend. Maybe maybe we can't talk on
Instagram today, Reg. Maybe it's long distance.
Your friend maybe. But then I'll make up for
tomorrow. So I talked about my couples.
It's OK if you sucked at it. Like maybe you just want to play
video games with your boys and then tomorrow, you know, you're
going to give some more time to your girlie and making sure that

(01:04:51):
that feels good and connected. Yes, exactly.
Communication, communication, communication.
And that's something that that'swhat therapy's about, right?
Like you're communicating or you're even learning.
What is your style of communication?
If we're not communicating what our needs are, what's happening,
how is anybody around us going to know how to support us or how

(01:05:15):
to meet us where we are? Because we're not my views.
Spencer probably was probably going to ask this, but I I
wonder there's so many scenes topick from insecure.
So why did you pick this scene? Right, because there's and I
told you like another awesome black woman wanted to do this
too. And I said, hey, someone else
already wanted this. So and then I ran back.

(01:05:36):
She's like cool Doctor Zerk. It's fine.
And she had some other scenes that she wanted to pick.
And there's so many different scenes in these series, so many
different things. We I've wanted to do this a long
time ago. What?
Why did you pick this first scene to start us off?
Like why? Because this is this shit gets
intense right? Where this it gets?
Very intense. And I wanted to show an example

(01:06:00):
of what happens when we bottle alot of things inside.
We're sweeping a lot of things under the rug and we're not
fully addressing it until thingspop off.
And this was a perfect example of things popping off because
things have been off between Issa and Maoni for some time.
And every time it came to an opportunity to like have a

(01:06:21):
conversation about it or addressit, it was always something else
going on. So instead of being able to
address how the relationship was, everybody was getting
pulled in so many different directions.
And we don't want to fault anybody for that because this is
our real life. Our friends go through these
different changes where they maybe going through a new job, they

(01:06:42):
may be going through a new relationship, they're
experiencing life in that way for the first time.
So they sometimes need support or they sometimes need an
opportunity to communicate what their needs might be.
And we need the same thing too. So like I said earlier, the

(01:07:03):
community is healing. We heal in community.
We don't heal in isolation. And this was an opportunity for
them to figure out what is needed to heal what's going on.
Because right now the prioritiesare all over the place.
And that's what happens when we go through different shifts and
changes in our life. Our priorities may look a little

(01:07:24):
different from our friends, but does that mean they're no longer
our friends? Sometimes we meet people for a
reason and a season, sometimes they're not meant to be in the
next season of our life. Sometimes they're meant to be a
lesson and sometimes they're actually meant to see us through
for the long run. So it all depends on like what

(01:07:45):
you're prioritizing, what you understand your needs are in
your relationships, and also understanding like what is your
form of communication? How are you addressing your
needs and making your needs be known by the people around you
who care about you? So if you if you had any choice

(01:08:13):
of characters of who you think you also represented, like who
in this show do you think you are?
It depends on the. Season of.
My life, yeah, the season in theshow and the season of my life,
'cause when I first tuned into the show, I feel like I was
like, yeah, I'm ESA all the way down.

(01:08:35):
Like me and her go together, especially because I knew ESA
from when she did the awkward Black Girl series on YouTube.
So this was like, you know, thiscame from that.
So always was rocking with her, but I also noticed, like,

(01:08:57):
depending on the season that I'min, I may be more relatable to
Lawrence or even relatable to Molly because we're all
navigating through all these different shifts and we're now
understanding, like, what happens when we don't fully
address all the things that we need to address?

(01:09:17):
Because if we remember in the beginning, Lawrence was dealing
with depression. Horrible.
Depression. Yeah, exactly.
And as a black man, it was hard for him to the job.
Issues all the stuff. Because it's like he's no longer
a provider or he's trying to, he's waiting for like the best

(01:09:39):
opportunity to happen, not and feeling like if he settles for
anything less, it's not going towork out for him.
Instead of kind of like taking time to build himself back up to
get back to where he once was orto get back to where he needs to
be. And it's scary when we're

(01:09:59):
dealing with something like thatwithout even realizing exactly
what it is. And I think one thing that we
didn't really see for him was him going to therapy.
But at least in another season, I think if it was season 4 or
season 5, Molly is the one who actually went to therapy.
And I know I'm not talking to nobody about my stuff like you.

(01:10:23):
See her growing so much and withthe guy she grows and starts
being so type A and you're like she's starting to like take
coaching and advice her. I she was my favorite in the
show. ESA really pisses me off in the
show. I'm going to lie, I do not fuck
with her at all on the show. I literally even her.
It's her voice, it's her voice. The tism kicks in.

(01:10:45):
I just can't. I've always been a Molly fan
and. Then Lawrence, it goes up and
down. But always been a team.
Molly, Yeah. Lawrence, he was lost that time.
He was mom. She you saw her like growth, her
development because she was likestuck in her ways.
Like it has to look this way. I have to date somebody who's

(01:11:07):
like this, all the things. And then we saw the perfect
example of sometimes people comein your life for a reason or a
season. And we saw how she may have
thought she was meant to be withthis person, but in reality, it
wasn't what she wanted. And there was so many, like,

(01:11:28):
cultural aspects that impacted that relationship as well.
Yeah. The racial stuff too, right?
That was a very good twist to it.
Very much enjoyed her arc. I enjoyed the show in general.
I actually didn't get a chance to see the last season, so I
think I moved and then I lost cable and.
This. Whole thing.
So I need to go back and watch because there's, yeah, I didn't
see the last season. Absolutely.

(01:11:50):
He's it. I'll be something a lot so.
So this scene, you see things boom, boom, boom, boom,
escalate. They're, you know, swearing at
each other and bomb this, right?I mean, they're just fucking
going in on it. That's real shit.
I'm going to be real. That's what happens a lot in
relationships. I see it with the couples I've
done in my own life. Right.
You know what? Fuck you.

(01:12:12):
Yeah. How about that one?
And then you got to kind of sit with it afterwards and you're
like, Oh my God, what did I justdo?
Yeah. What's?
Your advice for people, because obviously we're, we're like,
yeah, address things earlier, talk about things sooner.
Hopefully there's trust. How would you navigate?
Working with them individually as a therapist right after that

(01:12:32):
clip, because now they've both done popped off.
Obviously Molly's sad as shit, Isa sad as they're both sad as
shit, right? You know they're acting really
tough, strong black women, both sad as shit.
And you see that as like the theseason goes on, right?
They're apart from each other, Spence, And then they just get
sadder and sadder and sadder. And then eventually they call
each other like girl I. Miss you and then?

(01:12:54):
They come back together. What would be your advice for
those two girlies that are obviously hurting?
Very strong and independent. What would you say I?
Would say like how would? You navigate it.
Right. Like I would say definitely take
a moment to like take a step back from all that's going on,
acknowledge that you both need space, but we're not taking

(01:13:18):
space to where like we're avoiding.
So there's a difference between taking time to cool off then
come back like a time out versusavoiding.
And from that scene, what we sawwas a lot of avoidance that
boiled over because there was noreal opportunity to fully
address all that was really going on.

(01:13:39):
So now where it's like they're throwing all these, like,
hurtful things at one another. And typically hurt people hurt
people. So both of them were
experiencing some type of hurt. So they're like, I want you to
feel how I felt. And that's not always the best
way to heal, but we're humans, so we do it.

(01:14:00):
But in order to address what's going on, like if they were in
therapy, I will acknowledge likewhat was the intention of what
just happened? Like were we intentionally
trying to hurt them or were we trying to be heard?
Because right now we have to look at our actual communication
skills, the active listening. Were we listening to understand

(01:14:23):
or were we listening to respond?This is where that goes out the
window where we're automaticallytalking about FUF that and all
of that stuff, right? Like we're we're those are
fighting words. So we're looking to fight in
that moment. But in order to understand what
was the intention of that interaction, we have to take a

(01:14:46):
moment to step away and understand where were our
communication skills. And one thing that I do always
encourage, even in like my individual sessions, is write it
down. The things that you have to say,
maybe write it down. Write down the bullet points so

(01:15:06):
you don't feel like you're missing a point when you're
having a conversation with somebody.
And also acknowledge the form ofcommunication because you may be
somebody who likes to text, right?
But somebody else may prefer being on the phone.
As we know, text doesn't have a tone.
And while we're on the phone, wecan't read somebody's body

(01:15:28):
language. So in order to meet in the
middle, we have to figure out like, what do we have to
address? And sometimes being able to say,
hey, we need to talk about this.Can we set time aside to have
that conversation is better thansaying, like, let's Duke it out

(01:15:49):
now. So we're both elevated and
escalated and we're basically trying to listen to respond, not
listen to understand, right? So I would definitely encourage
moments of like being able to take a step back.
It's OK to take the time out with the intention of coming

(01:16:11):
back together. Like I encourage the pool off so
you can talk in a space where y'all are both on the same level
and it's not like every octave is going up.
Like we're on a level 5 instead of trying to be on 11 level 10
and we're trying to be heard. Makes sense.

(01:16:34):
Makes sense. They're just so sad.
Everyone in this show, Spence isalways just so sad all the time.
And there's like these moments of great joy, but then there's
always like this deep pain that we never fully really get to
experience because the characters are very complex.
I just feel sad for them. Like they blow up on each other

(01:16:55):
and they're best friends and it's like, oh fuck, now what?
It's sad. Yeah, and then it's also like,
did you choose this man over me?Like over your friend, over your
sis, or like Danny? 'S Asian son of a bitch.
What happened it? Got me again.

(01:17:16):
Fucking. Immigrants, I'm sorry.
Jesus. Christ, so ruining America, you
know how it is especially goddamn it.
I'm so sorry. It was so well timed, the
racism, well timed racism is very, very good.

(01:17:38):
It's good. Well, it's not good well.
You keep on talking. I'm going to.
Stop. I'm going to stop.
It's not helping. Spencer, go ahead.
Please Take Me Out. OK.
Let me just take over for that craziness.
With that, I'm going to take a quick break.
I got to go grab some groceries.So we're going to pause the
podcast. Go.
Ahead. Go ahead, help Mama, I got.
To go grab these real quick, I'll be right back, yeah.
Do you think? All right, back again after a

(01:18:02):
short break. So jumping into the next scene,
Ease tries to reach out to Mollyand they're hanging out all
having a fun time. What it looks like a fun time,
drinking wine, playing games, all that fun stuff.

(01:18:22):
You know, Ezel wants to keep thenight going and then Molly's
hesitant about keeping the nightgoing.
She's like, wrap this up here. Let's wrap it up.
But she keeps it going and everything.
And then as things start going, they having their fun with the
game. Molly accidentally texts Isa

(01:18:46):
like, see, I'm putting up with her, like I'm doing my best,
doing my best here. And then like, I think you got
the wrong number. I think you got the wrong
person. And then she leaves and then
Molly follows and they have thisconversation, right?

(01:19:07):
Just like I don't think this is working out.
I don't think it was working outanymore.
I think it's done. I think it's over talking about,
you know, not talking about you students or just the people that
you see. But have you had these
conversations in your life before, Nicole?

(01:19:30):
Like sending the text to the wrong person or no?
More of like, the more. I mean, everybody's done that.
Come on now. I didn't mean to send you that
picture. My bad.
Oh my God. Sorry, Grandma, I.
Swear to God so you're a different person.
I swear to God those. Are the hot buns you talked
about earlier, Nicole Jesus? Christ.

(01:19:52):
But have you had like these conversations maybe with friends
that you just, Yeah, outgrew or,you know, those friends that
you're just like, you're not seeing eye to eye anymore?
And we had those conversations. Maybe they were a little bit,
you know, maybe it didn't have to go to the point where you
accidentally, you know, message the wrong person.
And then they're like, oh, they don't like me.

(01:20:13):
You know, hopefully it wasn't that.
But you know, I never know life and.
To top that, exactly what he said.
And if you did, were you emotional like Isa or were you
caught off guard on the how it went like Molly?
Because Molly's like, what do you mean?
OK, Because I think Molly thought there was going to be a
dialogue within the dialogue happened.
So she was like. Expecting something kind of like

(01:20:36):
like kind of beg or something I don't.
Know we'll get into that in a second, but yeah, have you ever
had this experience? Because difficult conversations
are tough as shit. Yeah, I feel like, again,
navigating through like adult friendships can be something
that is uncomfortable and super tricky.
And I do feel like there are moments where we do have those

(01:20:56):
hard conversations a lot of the time.
I noticed that, like some of those friendships or
relationships, they feel like they kind of just like die out
without a conversation happening.
But when a conversation does happen, it helps you to kind of
like determine, is this something that I can entertain

(01:21:21):
moving forward or is it something that I may have
sometimes just like cut ties with?
And similar to how Isa was emotional, these do get
emotional. Like friendship breakups.
They hurt because this is somebody who like knows you like
breakups hurt like, but friendship breakups.

(01:21:45):
They are like you go from like talking to somebody every day or
that they know and everything about you to like not even
talking at all. Your friendship breakups suck.
I've had one big friendship breakup and it's worse than any
breakup I've ever had. Still painful.
Not going to let you pivot out of this.

(01:22:06):
Have you had any difficult conversations like this, Like
Spencer asked? You're very good at therapizing
things and pivoting and putting it back on us.
You're very intelligent, I get it.
You could just say yes or no. Have you been in that situation?
Or you just too lovely and you've never had to deal with
it, Everyone just loves you, No?Like we all deal with it.
So I have had to navigate through, you know, some

(01:22:27):
difficult conversations and navigating through just like the
before and after the before being like you processing,
reflecting like did I do something?
What was my role and what happened?
And then the after the actual grieving process of one, the
relationship's not the same anymore if it still exists,

(01:22:50):
right? And we're navigating through the
fact that like we no longer haveaccess to want once was.
And a part of it is also like acceptance to where you're in a
space where you're understandingthat maybe who you are now does
not work for that relationship anymore, Similar to what Molly

(01:23:17):
was trying to say. Like, I don't think who we are
right now is like in alignment with what's happening right now.
And it can. It is really difficult to
navigate through. Nicole, you'd be.
Terrible in Group therapy. I'm like, go ahead.
And Cher, you're like, you know what sounds really hard for you

(01:23:39):
bitches? But I'm fine.
I'm baking my cookies. Is that where the cookie came
up? You're like that one friend left
you and just cookies took over. Right I'm.
Sorry. Like I still also, you know, I'm
human, so I navigate through thethings as well.
But I think you're good because I'm on this like journey.

(01:24:05):
It just hits different where like I've gone through the
grieving process, I've gone through the the denial, the like
anxiety, anxiety exactly. And then now I'm like in the
space of acceptance. So maybe it sounds a little

(01:24:26):
different because of where I'm at now.
But also, you know, it's not linear.
So there may be a moment where I'm rewatching this scene and
I'm just like Dang I. Miss my friend.
Exactly, I didn't like that. Like what's that about I?
Know I miss you, baby girl. No wise man I'm sorry.

(01:24:52):
The dude I miss is like 65 all muscle.
I got to type FY Spence NFL athlete, you know, not real
talk. That shit sucks man it.
Is what it is. People going different
directions, things happen. I did my best to apologize for
some things, but they'll never be the same.

(01:25:13):
And so I just let things die after a while, which sucks to
not be part of someone's life. It is what it is.
But then you don't get to see their kids, you don't get to
send them messages, you don't get to talk about sports and the
whole thing. It is what it is.
I lost a deep deep close friend.My father would say they're not
your fucking friend if they'd let it go like this.

(01:25:34):
Which I agree with but I think it was 20/16/2016.
But then like a year later this some bitch walks into my life
and I guess right. Maybe it's a seasonal thing who
knows. Because without that person I
don't survive a lot of stuff. And then you need someone.
I always need someone everywhereI go.

(01:25:55):
Everywhere I go, I usually find a human to like connect with.
So you're right, there is maybe seasons, but sometimes you think
you find life partners and not in a gateway, Spence.
Sometimes you feel like you findlife partners.
And then you get really shocked when they're gone.
Sucks. And neurodivergent people don't

(01:26:17):
deal with like we get attached very hard.
Yeah. Yeah, and then when it's lost,
it sucks. So good scenes.
Spence, what other questions youhad about this scene?
The if you if you had a choice between picking between Molly

(01:26:40):
and ESA, who would you pick thatyou would want to therapize
with? Oh, yeah, tough one.
Yeah, I. Feel like ESA?
Why? Because there's a lot of stuff
that she needs to like, process and navigate through.

(01:27:05):
So she's not feeling like the person who has to constantly
like put things back together, 'cause I feel like that's what
she felt, her role, that's. What?
She said. Yeah, like she was the one
reaching out, doing the things, trying to make it go back to
what it once was. But in reality, maybe she needs

(01:27:28):
time to process, like, what was her role and what was going on?
And what can she do to kind of, like, take care of herself in
order to be present in that relationship?
And I say her, too, because I feel she was one of the friends
who kept it real and was like, you know, Molly, you can go to

(01:27:49):
therapy. Like you'll benefit from it, but
also sometimes we can lead by example.
Like just because you feel your friend can benefit from it does
not mean you may not benefit from it as well.
When you see the sadness in her eyes, right, that's a, that's a

(01:28:09):
hard moment for a lot of us thatare deeply empathetic or been in
that situation, that pain, that misery.
I'm pretty sure she felt rejected in that moment.
So that's why she shut down because she's reaching, she's
trying, she's trying to support her.
Definitely just got a dagger in her chest via that text message.
And she's like, whoa, I thought we were connecting.

(01:28:30):
I thought we're vibing. And then it's I think she was
already hurt. And then she said maybe we're
just different people. And I don't think that
conversation was supposed to go that South.
And obviously it did. And he said did put up, pulled
up her big girl leggings and shewas like, fuck this.
I'm done. I'm not going to sit here and
take more shit from you. Yeah, because that was her.

(01:28:52):
It's like in that moment, she's like, what else can I even say?
Because basically what she may have heard was we're no longer
good enough for us to be in a friendship.
And she was so accustomed to being the one fighting to give

(01:29:13):
me the invitation to brunch. So basically trying to get her
life together, navigating as an entrepreneur and all the things
to be told that she's just like kind of like that grieving
process. She went through all stages of
grief in that moment. And her saying OK was maybe not

(01:29:34):
exactly acceptance, but it was acceptance for now because I now
need to process what you just said to me.
Can't believe Molly in that. Obviously it's writing and
they're doing it knowing that they're going to to get them
back together. But in that moment, like, I
can't imagine being Molly Spenceand saying that, seeing the
other person like really just break down in front of you and

(01:29:57):
then you're just letting them goaway.
Like I would feel like the biggest piece of shit in the
world to have someone like sit there and pretty much start
crying. Yeah.
And then I think one thing too is we may have seen an example
of projecting even when they were arguing in the previous
scene, we are now seeing how Molly was the one being kind of

(01:30:20):
fake, right? She was faking the funk, saying
I'm trying. You see me trying, like
basically performing for her boyfriend in that moment instead
of actually trying to embrace and acknowledge where that
relationship was going. If she wasn't being fake in that
moment, maybe some things could have been avoided.

(01:30:40):
Maybe this conversation could have came up a little bit
earlier and maybe they could have gotten together earlier
than what they did. It's kind of cool seeing the
dude being kind of healthy thereand being like, hey man, it's
your best friend. Like you guys need to work some
shit out. Exactly.
First you need to work shit out.But also like why would I not

(01:31:05):
help your best friend? That's your best friend.
Max, I just kind of like seeing the dude being like, hey, man,
let's let's let's bridge the Gavin.
So we portraying the dudes to betrash or mean or or
disconnected. They have the most shows.

(01:31:26):
We portray the man as being verydisconnected.
And here you see this man tryingto be good for his girl, but
also just for their friendship without anything that he what's
he getting out of that? Maybe he's getting his
girlfriend to feel happier, but he's not getting some type of
money or or sexual benefit, right?
It's about making this thing work.
So it shows the nuance and like men are more complicated than

(01:31:47):
the shit they show on TV. It's intriguing.
So I got a question for you. Just spoil it.
I just need you to spoil it. Do her and Lauren stay together?
And now is that because I know they got back together for a
minute? Do they stay not together or or
no, they're just friends. Are they cool?

(01:32:08):
It's like Lawrence in the freezer, chopped up dead.
Like what's the vibe? Spoiler alert, they stay
together. They.
Do stay together. They get back together.
I shouldn't say they stay together.
They get back together. I know.
They get back together, but do they stay together throughout
the next season or so or no? Like for season 5, the way that
they leave it is they together, together have to watch.

(01:32:33):
You just have to watch it. I see.
Because I remember they got backtogether and all this stuff,
right. But obviously they stayed
together. But.
A really big thing happened thatled to them not being together
and then they got back to oh. I remember that.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm talking about yeah, I
just missed Season 5. I know all the other bumping and
grinding. I know that.

(01:32:55):
Bumping and grinding no. But like there was like an
actual big thing like in Season 5.
Oh, season 5, too. Oh, OK.
All right. Well, I'll see that.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if you want
me to spoil it or just. Spoil it girl.
OK. Spoiler alert again, when

(01:33:15):
Lawrence and Issa were on a break, he had got his ex
pregnant. Who So now Isa had to decide
that she want to still do this in addition to it being like a
long distance relationship because Lawrence moved to San
Francisco. Or is this something she can

(01:33:37):
handle? And in the beginning, she
decided this wasn't something that she can handle.
And that's when she got back together with Nathan.
But then Nathan again was still navigating through his own
mental health as well, which I appreciated about this show.
They acknowledged like, you know, him dealing with bipolar.

(01:33:58):
Oh. Yeah.
Yeah. And it ended off where it didn't
work out with them, but it worked out with Isa and
Lawrence. Like she had to make a decision.
And it wasn't a decision that happened like overnight.

(01:34:20):
It was. It was like in a span of two
years basically. OK, all right.
There you go. Black Love.
I I love this show. It's been over for a couple
years now, isn't it? Yeah, and they recently took him
off of Netflix, so I'm like. So now it's only on HBO and so

(01:34:43):
didn't she make another show? Issa 2 or no?
I thought she was in another show recently or she made
another show. So I feel like she produced a
couple of other shows. I think she did had the Black
Lady sketch show. She had what was it called?

(01:35:05):
There was. Something else?
It was something that's called. Like one of them days.
When she produced that movie, Yeah.
Or direct that movie When the. Lovebirds.
That was the one that she directed.
I know she's in. She's in that one.
That one she also did, I think it was called The Good Life or I

(01:35:28):
forgot the name of the show, butit was kind of like navigating
through like a couple of like successful young black
individuals in California and like navigating through their
life, like similar to how Baldwin Hills used to be.

(01:35:48):
They Yeah. I forgot the name of the show,
though. That's fine.
I just knew that she had some other stuff going on and I just
don't. There's so much shit on here, I
can't tell. She's got like a million things
that she's either written or been in a directed razor right
now. And she also made her own
Prosecco. She.
Did Black whim all them celebrities be making that look

(01:36:13):
I. Know see they would they want to
keep you drunk and happy. Buy my liquor make you drunk and
happy, but it. Definitely was for the culture
too, because like Isa has like adrink that she drinks in
Insecure and this like Prosecco that she made was like she was

(01:36:35):
able to like give the recipe to the drink that she typically
would drink in the show. Kind of so like, you know,
having the Prosecco with like a shot of I think she used to do
vodka, but I think she at that towards the end, she switched it
up to tequila or something like that.
So like there's like a actual recipe for it.

(01:36:56):
So I guess the question where I'm going now before we start
Skedaddle 9 here is are you going to open up a bakery or a
cookie company? What?
Survive? Because I feel like you got a
real side also that could get you rich Rich, you know, or it's
just a it's just a coping skill.But I hate to monetize things,
but you're good at it. Yeah.
Like literally everything you just said has gone through my

(01:37:16):
mind and I've been trying to figure out like, is this
something I do want to monetize or not?
Because I am a little weird about like charging, like
because I've been doing this fora while.
Like even when my friends asked,I'm just like just buy the
ingredients. And half the time I'm just like,
I'll just do it. Like I don't, I'm weird about

(01:37:37):
accepting money even though literally I made a cheesecake
last weekend and my aunt texted me like, do you sell these?
Because these are so good. And I'm just like, girl.
Start slinging Wait. Wait a minute.
Yeah, start. Start cooking that fucking yayo

(01:37:57):
and start selling this shit. Yeah, that's real drugs.
Don't do that. I'm.
Thinking, I'm thinking about it,we'll see.
Because you know, with the work that we do, it's tough, like
exactly. And then it's like, I do it full
time, then I do it part time after.
It's tough. What I want you want to be able
to do something where you don't have to think.
Girl, go private practice, work part time with that because

(01:38:21):
you're going to get way more money then do the cooking and
now you just live in your best world.
But then again, if you're working with four folks, black
and brown folks, they don't haveinsurance.
So it's hard to do private practice for like the at risk
folks. It's a very complicated dynamic
when you go into private practice.
It's very complicated. It's.
It's hard to like, navigate it, navigate mental health through
capitalism it. Is.

(01:38:42):
But I figured if you're good at it, and it sounds like you're
good at it, then you know, just think about it.
Just think about it. See, we'll see what happens
because. Some.
Social stuff do social work likedo like socials, like for your
baking and like maybe you could.Get some tips and.
Tricks, stuff like that, and youcan monetize it that way.

(01:39:03):
That takes a long time. I understand that's time
consuming too. Actually, you might be 1 of
something, Spence. Because like, kind of like,
yeah, like a baking, a baking bash or like, you know, like a
cookie cocktail hour. I.
Don't know man, just made some content you your vibe black

(01:39:24):
woman cooking and bacon because it's mostly the white girlies
bacon right? And so I'm telling you, you
might have a market for this kid.
Look. You can make it to where you
have a baked good and then try to see like what liquor or like
drink goes along with it and then be like, hey, try this out
and then boom, boom, boom, like,oh, a chocolate cake.
You could do like wine, like a dark wine or something like

(01:39:47):
that, like you know, or. She could do she could just be
baking and cooking in a time lapse and then just do the talk
voice over with some therapy shit.
Because. Now they got that stimuli right,
that Chism stimuli, and then also her voice.
You could get drunk and just bake I.
Don't know, you could. You could just.
Enjoy yourself girl, just I. Personally can't put the.

(01:40:08):
Bag of sugar in there it. Would not come out as but no,
like these are like actually really good ideas like it.
It leads you to have to step outyour comfort zone, which you
know, we tell our clients to do all the time and something I got
to navigate through myself as well 'cause like me recording

(01:40:28):
myself and then time lapse and then talking.
I was just like, I know. It's a lot Your your voice is
fine. Your voice is fine.
With those. Dimples Girl.
We're. About to make money?
We're. Not doing money now we're.
About to monetize the dimples now.
This is too cute. You are literally too precious,
my guy. You can.

(01:40:49):
Monetize feet you can modify. Oh my gosh.
Some bitch. You can do dimples we.
We're trying to gas you. I bet your feet look good too.
Y'all are a mess. All right, why do they take

(01:41:10):
that, anyhoo? That's the end of.
The. All right, Nicole, please give
us socials, things like where can people find you?
And are you taking on new clients?
If not, that's fine. Just, you know, hey, based in
New York, all that fun stuff. Yeah, definitely based in New
York. So if you're in New York and you

(01:41:31):
have insurance, you could check me out on Psychology Today.
You can type in Nicole Belgrave and you can see if I accept any
of your insurances. You can also find me at
nicolebelgravelmhc.com if you want to check out some of my
other speaking engagement and dabbling with my friend into

(01:41:56):
talking about podcasting. And also, we talk a lot about
playing Sims. I forgot to mention I love
playing. Yeah.
You're autistic. You're autistic.
So many. People love The Sims, yeah.
It's clear. No, it's done and my.
Girl, we're talking about this. She's like, yeah, all my friends
play Sims. I'm like, well, all our.
Friends are autistic. Start.
It's a it's a thing. Yeah, all of them.
When I was younger, like from when it was Sims 1 and now we're

(01:42:20):
on I think Sims 4. Yeah.
So yeah, like Sims, so much fun.But you can also most important
then find me on Instagram at ginger ale won't fix this.
There you go, find. Her a black girl baking on
Instagram. One of these days black girl
magic baking. Hey.

(01:42:43):
No, we need to see if that tag'savailable.
Black O magic baking. I feel that's good.
These dimples are real Baking company those.
Dimples at dimples. Dimples Bakery.
Hey, there you go. You just have like a :) two

(01:43:04):
dimples on the side. Oh wow. 2 words.
And a :) this is. The most fun I've had being
autistic today. This is marketing marketing.
Much appreciation to you. I'm so glad you came on.
Love everything about you, the way you present yourself that
carried yourself. As I told you during the little
break, I'm sure your students love you.
Continue to show up and do what you're doing and all the facets

(01:43:27):
of how you do it. Hopefully the baking is
continuously filling up your cupand your soul.
Obviously, you don't have to monetize it, but I mean, I just
figured that me and Spence wouldpush that because we just want
to see you be successful. Thank you and I appreciate you
both. Thank you for having me.
Thank you for the laughs and just for everything to feel so

(01:43:47):
light. It's like the perfect way to
start off the week. Yeah, you're welcome.
Awesome. So with that, I'm Spencer.
That's nice. Different special package.
Hi. Everyone much love and remember,
take care of yourselves. Or.
Don't. Completely up to you.
Peace.

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When Friendships EXPLODE 💥Friendship Breakdowns Explained | Insecure ft. Nicole A. Belgrave

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}When Friendships EXPLODE 💥Friendship Breakdowns Explained | Insecure ft. Nicole A. Belgrave