January 27, 2025 • 60 mins
We all know the struggle of juggling life's many demands, but what if we told you that redefining sacrifice could actually empower you? Join us as we share our personal journey of transformation in 2024—where we moved from cautious beginnings to confidently embracing our voices. This episode is a heartfelt reflection on our podcast's evolution, tackling the challenges of communication and collaboration that ultimately strengthened our bond as a genuine sisterhood. We candidly discuss the trials and triumphs of forging friendships and navigating difficult conversations that matter to our community.
Discover the power of prioritization and the emotional impact of saying yes or no to life's many commitments, especially for women who often face greater expectations. Through moments of solitude and introspection, we have embraced internal growth and mental clarity, ultimately improving our health and well-being. As we reflect on the meaningful conversations of this season, we invite you to join us in fostering positive change within our community, looking forward to the new possibilities that 2025 holds.
Visit our IG page at https://www.instagram.com/dc_overcoffee/ to join the conversation!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Assalamu alaikum, welcome to Difficult
Conversations where we tackletaboo topics in a safe space
through empowerment andeducation.
Hello, how are you guys?
Speaker 2 (00:15):
doing today, we're good.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Almost with a deep voice.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I don't know, I'm just kind of feeling myself
today.
I don't know, I'm just kind offeeling myself today.
But I wanted to kind of juststart off today with a moment of
gratitude, because today is oursecond to last episode that
we're recording and just kind oftaking it in like how far we've
come.
You know from my laptop days,our first recording on my laptop
(00:43):
.
Do you guys remember that?
Yeah, it was my laptop, think,and it was like, yeah, and you
remember, we thought we couldjust record and on the laptop.
Yeah, and yeah, so I I just wantto like take it in like well,
we've come a long way.
How do you guys feel about that, like just reflecting on that
(01:05):
whole podcast journey, justsince it's what what's today.
Today is the 28th of decemberand we're looking back on 2024
and our journey so far as apodcast and as individuals I
think I think we've come a longway.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I think, um, if you were to go back and listen to
some of our episodes, itdefinitely shows.
You know, I think we're a bitwe were.
I mean, like every any project,we're a bit clunky at first and
trying to get our mesh and howwe, you know, talk about certain
things, and I think we've growna lot individually as a podcast
(01:45):
and you know, we do have a lotmore things planned.
But I think overall is one ofgrowth, of understanding, of
compassion and just workingtogether as a team, which I
really enjoyed this process withall of you which I really
enjoyed this process with all ofyou.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Yeah, I think we did mentally, emotionally.
Topics are changed over time,so we have grown in that sense.
I think we also kind of grownas an individual as we are on
this journey together in thelast four years.
Part of that is I think we area lot more outspoken to each
other on things that does arisein the process and things that
(02:31):
may come up or even trying to.
We're not like walking oneggshell as often as I thought I
would think by this time, but Ido say 2024, this year, 2024,
this year has been the mostgrowth for me, I would say in
the sense of I wanted.
I said something last year whenwe were recording season three
(02:57):
that I wanted to kind of take arisk on myself, and I feel like
I didn't take external risk asmuch as I wanted to.
I did take a lot of internalrisk, and I think internal risk
because did take a lot ofinternal risk, and I think
internal risk because ofaccepting a lot of vulnerability
in my within myself andallowing myself to be able to be
okay with certain things theway it is and not trying to
change or hope to be changed andbecause I think I've never
(03:22):
understood the concept of takingthings for face value until
2024.
So it's been a very interestingyear, I would say, for me, yeah
.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Yeah, I think for us as a team until this year, I
feel like we kind of finishednot, but like we were, you know
how like there's the, theforming, the storming and the
norming form.
I think um 2024 was a peak inthe climax of the storming, you
(03:54):
know, and like we were just likewe're like okay, we are done
playing nice, we're just gonnalike get our hands dirty and,
like you know, like get likefiguring it out, and then I
think we're just crossing overto the norming side now, which
is great because I feel like noweverybody we're on on all on
(04:14):
the same page and we're like insync and I feel like there's a
lot of trust that's built um,our friendships are solid now
versus, like you know, maybeyear one, um, and I think
there's like also like there'sreal sisterhood.
It's not just like, it's notjust work or it's not just you
(04:36):
know, we're not here just to dosomething and go home.
It's more of like, okay, we'rehere to actually better each
other, we're here to challengeeach other, we're here to push
each other, to annoy each other,um, all of that in between.
So I think, as as a team, um2024 was like real.
It was really pivotal becauseit got us face to face to things
(04:58):
that we needed to like figureout and then it got.
Also, it kind of showed us thethings that were really great at
and that works for us.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Yeah, I think it was definitely a make it, or also it
kind of showed us the thingsthat were really great at and
that works for us.
Yeah, I think it was definitelya make it or break it year,
because we were all goingthrough things individually, and
so I think we really had toanswer the question of like, do
we really want this project towork?
And if so, then what would thattake and how much time
(05:24):
commitment would that require?
Because initially we just, Ithink the first year we were
like, okay, this is an idea, doI want to be a part of this?
And then, second year, we'relike we at least for me like
really not sure if this is longterm.
Third year, we kind of pushthrough it.
And then, fourth year, we'relike, you know, certain
(05:47):
challenges, you know whetherit's communication styles or how
people, how the three of uswork, because we all work
completely differently when itcomes to tasks and stuff like
that.
And, you know, doing a projectwith just three people,
especially a podcast, we'retrying to talk about certain
things.
We're trying to, you know,really connect and talk about
(06:11):
things that are not reallytalked about in our community.
It's hard to do and I think wekind of went into it thinking
that it was going to be a loteasier than it really is.
Lot easier than it really is.
So, um, so, yeah, I think I doagree with you that, uh, we are
finally kind of at anequilibrium.
You know where we're like.
(06:32):
Uh, we can definitely uh do alot more things.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Yeah, I think what else do you guys do this year
that kind of had a little bit ofevolution within yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Individually, do you know?
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah, I would say this year is probably my hardest
year, like personally.
There was just a lot of thingsat the beginning of the year
that as a family we were goingthrough, whether it's business
or work and with kids, and youknow, my, my girl started school
(07:14):
and then I put my son indaycare full time and I feel
like I had, I had freed up somuch space, time for myself.
But then I had a lot of thingstoo that I was trying to do and
accomplish, whether it was thebusiness or whatnot, and it was,
(07:34):
I would say it was probably oneof the hardest years for me and
alhamdulillah, you know, myhusband and I, our relationship
got, you know, so much better,stronger, because of all the
stuff and you know that I don'treally want to go into in terms
of, you know, financial stuffwith the business and blah, blah
and all that stuff.
But I would say that now, beinghindsight, you know, being on
(08:01):
the other side of it, I learneda lot about myself.
I learned that I, becauseinitially, you know, in college,
I had did a, I wanted to dolike a what is it called?
Like a minor in business, causeI, I really wanted to do the
(08:21):
business thing and then, butthen I was always afraid because
I was like what if it doesn'twork out?
You know you really need a planB and so I did do a comfortable
, you know, um, I went into themedical field and Alhamdulillah,
you know it's been, it's beenreally stable, uh.
But this year I feel like Ilearned what it really means to
(08:42):
be in business for yourself,what all of that requires, what
sacrifices that you have to.
You know, what sacrifice thatyou have to make.
And now, when you bring kidsinto the mix, it kind of makes
it a lot harder.
So I've come to the realizationthat I really just want to be
home with the kids, realizationthat I, I really just want to be
(09:07):
home with the kids.
You know, and I think for a longtime I, I was fighting that,
the fact that, like you know, Ihad, I got this degree and I
want to be that independentperson and I, you know, I want
to make my own money and blah,blah and all that, all those
things that I thought that Iwanted.
You know, um, but now it's likemy kids are young and they need
me because I don't, and I diddrop down to like a 6 at the
(09:32):
hospital.
But even that, you know, it'slike whenever I'm out going to
work, they're like mommy, whereare you going?
You know, you've been gone forso long and so it's a lot of
guilt and you know all thatstuff that I'm definitely still
working through.
But it's one realization that Iwas like okay, this is where
(09:52):
you need to be.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
I have a question for you, Shiraz.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
You said something that kind of triggered me a
little bit Not in like anemotional aspect of it I think
it's the concept of sacrifice.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Because I hear that a lot and sacrifice is me like
compromising and in my head thisis what I understand it as like
compromising and restrictingand it just feels very the word
itself feels suffocating, yeah,and I wonder what that is for
you.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
So I think for me, sacrifice is like, once you have
decided what's important to you, you know, whether it's two
options that you have, whetherit's A or B, whatever option
that you choose, you aresacrificing the other, or you
are saying no.
When you say yes to something,you're definitely saying no to
(10:47):
something else, and so for meit's that not necessarily in a
negative way, that like, if youknow, if I have decided that,
yes, I want to be home more withthe kids, I wouldn't
necessarily, then you'resacrificing, like going back to
school and you know, furtheringyour career and you know, and
all that stuff, and for me thatwould be a sacrifice and that is
(11:08):
worth it.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Does that answer your question?
Yeah, kind of.
I mean, does that mean thatyou're compromising part of you
in order for something else towork?
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely yeah, yeah, because
that's it yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
I think like, yeah, yeah, it's definitely
uncomfortable, I'm not so thething is that the reason why I
bring I'm not the type of personwho says that you can have it
all.
Yeah, right, yeah, you could ifyou wanted to.
It just depends on how what alllooks like for you, right, and
the idea of sarcophising andlike it requires so much from
women to do it more than it isasked for men to do it, and
(11:50):
women usually sarcophize a lotlike, and I think that concept
and that's probably I'll talkabout how my year went, but
that's where I was like that's alot of that.
Languages was so much around it, and so that's why, when you
said that, you know, when youwant something like,
specifically, business, you haveto sacrifice a lot of your time
, your energy in order for youto make that work, which you do,
(12:13):
and you have to go through alot of work and time and energy
to establish and make itconsistently so that it can
maintain in the future.
I get to work with that.
My brain just thinks it's likeoh my God, this feels so much
work.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Yeah, go ahead.
I mean my understanding, but,I'm sorry, go ahead.
No, no, go ahead, because Ithink I completely understood it
differently.
Like that word sacrifice for me, and I think I understood it
the way when you explained it.
You know, because wheneveryou're making a choice between
two things, you're just droppingsomething else and that is a
sacrifice, and I think thelanguage you know that is a
(12:53):
sacrifice of, like, I'm choosingnot to do both at the same time
, because I'm choosing to givethe energy that I would give for
this thing to this thinginstead, because I want this to
thrive a lot more than you know,giving 50, 50 or whatever the
case is, and I think that waslike my understanding of it and
which is like for me, um, thatis I.
(13:17):
I don't find that exhausting, Ifind that like relief relief
yeah like I find I find it likeokay, you, you are choosing
what's important to you andprioritizing what's important to
you.
Does that make sense?
Like that's how I saw it,because maybe that's like maybe
there's a link, there's a,there's a definition attached to
(13:39):
it that's different for youthan it is for me.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
so maybe, yeah, I think there's a similarity for
how you guys define it as an owl, because I think for me, if so,
maybe, yeah, I think there's asimilarity for how you guys
define it as an I will, becauseI think for me, if I let go of
one thing, I already committedto that thing to go.
I don't have any hard feelings,or I don't.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Is it like a let go to pick up later or just let go?
Speaker 3 (13:58):
done.
No, for me, when I makedecision, I make decision
because the time that I spendtime trying to make those
decision is a lot longer than itneeds to be.
So when I make commitment tosomething, I show up a hundred
percent right.
There's no if and when.
Oh, what, what if?
What if I try that thatdifferently?
What if, what if I missed onthat one?
I wouldn't, I don't do that, Ilet it go.
(14:19):
That's good.
So, like my, whatever decisionis like if I want an iPhone,
I'll stick to iPhone.
I wouldn't go to Samsungbecause I know everything about
iPhone that I needed and whatiPhone would do for me, and kind
of tally based on that and thencommit to that tally and then
when I'm done with iPhone, thenI can move on to Samsung.
Right, so I'm more like thatthan I don't have.
(14:41):
Like I don don't have mydecisions, like I make it and
I'm okay with it.
That's why it takes me a longtime to make a decision, even
when we're trying to makesomething.
That's why I say I need time tomake connection.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Because you really sever, then that's what it is
For me you really sever.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
I have to, because for me it's like I don't make a
hasty decision, I don't make ahasty decision, I don't make
jump decision.
I tell people I make calculateddecision and my decision is
always being calculated and thatway is that when I do make it,
I'm committed to it, right, 100%yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I think I also make calculated decisions, I just
make it faster, I don't.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
I'm a delay processor too.
I process things slowly and Iaccept things slowly, even with
relationship, love, things thatI like, hobbies.
When I like it, I like it, andsomebody recently told me this
is a sign of you having ADHD too.
What for you?
Yeah, oh, okay, it's apsychologist who said this to me
(15:43):
and she was just joking, but itprobably is.
Because I don't make mydecision easily and if I love
something, I love it 100% andI'm 100% there with that.
If I hate something, I hate it100%, the same way I like it.
That's the only time in my lifethat I can be black and white
on things.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
I think I live more in the gray with decisions black
and white on things.
I think I live more in the graywith decisions Like I will make
.
I can make a decision, but thenif, let's say, I make this
decision, I always have in theback of my head that like, okay,
if this doesn't work out, youcan always pick up the first
choice.
You know what I mean.
You can always pick up thefirst choice.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
And some decisions is not necessary that it's a done
deal, it be no, not now, right,it could be like maybe five
years later or ten years laterthat's probably have a decision
fatigue because I'm thinking,thinking and all angles and then
I decide yeah, I, I kind ofalso go plan a, plan b, plan c,
(16:39):
plan d, like I have a backupplan to my backup plan, because
that's why I'm able to like makeum calculated but quicker
decisions, because I say theseare my priorities, these are the
things that I want, this is theroute that I see, and the rest
that Allah right.
And then, if this doesn't workthough, I will go about this
(17:01):
this way if you know Mondaydoesn't work, I'll go do it.
Am I able to do it on Tuesday?
Or whatever.
You know, time wise, money wise.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
If I can't do it for $15,000?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
can I do it for $10,000, whatever, like figure
it out that way that so explainsyour love process even like in
our meetings because, like, bythe time I present it to you
guys, I already have like plan A, plan plan c.
So when you're like, oh, maybethis wouldn't work, but I'm like
, what about this one?
Yeah, and you guys think I'mlike bombarding you, but my
brain has already come up with.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Yeah, you just gotta let us time to process plan a.
Yeah, before you go to plan dor even marry, to type plan a.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
That's also the thing is that I feel like for me I'm,
my brain is a problem solver.
So I'm like, give me theproblem.
Why aren't you liking?
Like, give me the problem.
Why aren't you liking thisthing?
Give me the problem.
What's the problem?
What's the reason?
Right, let me figure out thesolution around, the reason why
you don't like it, and thenlet's get to the solution.
And then you guys are like I'mjust processing and I'm like
(17:58):
yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
I think, yeah, I think you probably process
instantly and I think mine islike a one to two day and hers
is maybe like a week processingtime.
A week processing time.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
But you know, the thing is that even with that a
week processing, I actuallyleave it that day Like we talk
about it and I leave it in thatmeeting and then I somehow
something triggers to pick it up, but I don't think about it the
whole time.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
So you don't process.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
So you're not taking a week to process, you're just
leaving it to say I'm leaving it.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I'm leaving it for now, but that's, and I'll pick
it up later.
But you're still not thinkingabout it.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
So much because I have a thought hold on a second
oh my god so because sometimeswe'll have conversations right
and you're like I'm gonnaprocess and come back to you
with it.
And then when we have theconversation, the following
meeting.
You are in the same space thatyou were the first time we had
the conversation.
I just picked it up that day.
(18:57):
How does that work?
Oh, my goodness, because you'renot taking a week to process.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
My brain has compartmentalized that because
there's other urgency.
That day happened Right.
So it's like, for example, wehave meetings, right after my
meetings I have another meeting.
Yeah, so that system hasalready prioritized itself.
Yeah, so because of if that'sall I did that day, then I will
(19:23):
process it right away.
Think about it, because urgencyand then priorities take place
for me, then my brain is kind ofokay.
This thing that you have tothink about, I think about it
later, at the end of the day,not that day though.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
You don't understand the joy I feel right now by
feeling so vindicated.
I feel so like I'm like, oh myGod, I'm not crazy.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
This feels so good, but I don't leave it, and what
I'm saying is that I'mre-explaining myself that.
So at evening when I'm going tosleep, I think about it then,
because now things are settled.
Oh, okay, so let you kind ofmisunderstand me a little bit.
Okay, so here, this is whathappens, right?
(20:06):
So we have a meeting and then Ihave another meeting, I have
another meeting and the wholeday is kind of booked up.
So my brain is kind of like putthis in a safe box and pick it
up later when you have time.
So I put it in a safe box andpick it up in the evening when
my head is laying down.
Oh, you're supposed to thinkabout this, how does this work?
So then I'll think about itagain night and morning when I
(20:29):
first get up, when I don't haverush of other things.
So then by the time we come toour meeting, I'm still confused
on.
There's other questions comingout for me now related to that
thing.
So that's why, when I come tothe meeting, you guys think that
I'm just thinking about it.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Then Is there other stuff coming that's already
confusing me and you guys arelooking for a solutions of if I,
if I came to a decision which Ihaven't kept, any no decision,
yeah, if that makes sense, okay,so now, now thinking ahead,
right?
Um?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
we haven't asked Bonnie how's her 2024 yes, no,
she didn't.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
No, no.
Oh sorry, you want to go, let'sgo.
No, no, no, tell us, tell us.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
I'm always, I have so much.
No, I'm kidding 2024.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Oh, I actually wouldn't ask any week, Only me
went Myself.
I was just like I said movingforward, let's do it.
I was just like I said what Ineeded to say 2025.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
2024.
For me it was a lot of likelearning.
I had a different experiencewhere I was kind of like I
learned that if I really wantedto, I could do it all.
Like that was this was the yearfor me.
That kind of made me feel likewell, like you're not you.
You talk about giving a hundredpercent all the time, or like
(21:49):
you talk about doing a lot ofthings, but you really don't do
a lot of things.
You could do so much more if youwanted to um, but then I used
to praise myself a lot aboutquantity of, like the things
that I do.
Now I'm more about like, okay,pat on the back, you can do it
now.
Focus on quality.
(22:10):
So, meaning that what isimportant to you, what do you,
what is what deserves your time,what deserves your energy, how
does this advance the way whereyou want to go in life?
Um, how does this advance?
Like, how?
Because I I think a lot aboutlegacy, a lot like that's I.
I think a lot about legacy, Ithink a lot about impact, I
(22:32):
think a lot about death.
Like what am I leaving behind?
Um, behind for my kids, behindus?
Like memory wise, you know,what do they remember me with?
You know, because I alwaysthink about, like, if I walk out
the house and like die in thecar accident, now, like, what is
the memory that they have withme?
Right, like, what do?
(22:52):
What is that you know?
So, um, and then also like withwork, like what is my impact?
What is like, is this pushingthe agenda that I want to push,
or whatever?
And um, so because of that, I'mfull 2024 helped me kind of get
to.
Okay, quantity is not the mostimportant thing, it's about
quality and the quality of workthat you produce, the quality of
(23:14):
people that you spend your youknow your time with um, the
quality of conversations youhave, um and the depth like
being scared, not being scaredto push the like.
Push the envelope a little bit,even if, or like, push the
conversation a little bit, evenif that means it might make me
(23:37):
uncomfortable or someoneuncomfortable, as long as that's
gonna get us somewhere, like,it's gonna drive us somewhere
better.
Um, I also learned in 2024actually, one of the biggest
lessons I learned is um, yourown healing is dependent on
yourself.
You can't expect the personthat did the damage to be
responsible for your, thehealing of you.
(23:59):
Like, you have to be able tokind of like, you have to be
able to do the work on your ownand heal yourself, because if
you leave, like because I am, Iused to be the kind of person
that, um, I like order in inthings, so, like if Apsharo
pissed me off or something, Ihave to have a conversation with
(24:20):
her and I have to be like hey,apsharo, this is how I felt,
this is how I received things,okay, and then she'll say you
know, this is how I felt this ishow I received things and even
if, like, we walk away likenever talking to each other, I
like that kind, the idea of likeunderstanding where or the
other person have each of thepeople having ability to say
what happened and understandwhat happened you know to a
(24:43):
certain degree.
But then, 2024, I realized,like not necessary, like it
really is not necessary to beable to have that conversation.
It's okay.
Like it's okay for you not tosay your piece and for that
person not to be there.
You can say it to your notebook, your journal.
You can have that conversationwith them in your notebook.
(25:04):
You can have that conversationwith them with your therapist.
You can have that conversationwith them with your therapist.
It doesn't have to be thatperson next to you and you
shouldn't expect them to comeback and kind of like, hey, you
know, have a reflective momentwith you to like address the
situation.
And I also had one of thebiggest conversations of my life
this year that made meunderstand one of the most
(25:26):
complicated relationships in mylife and I made me realize, like
how humanizing people is veryimportant, like everyone has a
story to why they do what theydo.
Everyone's truth is differentand just having the courage and
(25:50):
the bravery to be able to likepause, listen and like actually
listen, not for like vindication, not for um, like not for I got
you or like not for what, justlistening to why they, why not
even why they did what they did,but like how they processed it,
(26:11):
how they justified it, you know, and then being able to say
your truth honestly, withoutsugarcoating things and being
like, yeah, I can understand whyyou you or not even understand,
I can see, you know, that's howyou saw the situation, but this
is my, this is my, this is myreality.
This is how I experienced it.
And this is how I lived itRight and then letting them have
(26:34):
that and I know that soundslike oxymoronic to what I said
previously of not needing it,but when it does happen and you
know, like You're saying, thatsome relationships are necessary
to have it.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Yeah, are necessary to have it.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
And then also, I feel like for me I was able to have
that conversation in a healthymanner, this very important
conversation in my life with avery complicated person, but
very important person in my lifeBecause I was able to do the
work beforehand to not need thatperson's validation of the
situations that happened To notneed that person's acceptance of
(27:08):
like the wrongs that they did,I was like you accept it, you
don't accept it, cool, I'm good,you know.
But then when they were able toaccept it, I was like, okay,
cool, like that makes me feelgood, that makes me feel like
validated that can better therelationship but I didn't need
it you know what I mean so thatwas, that was what 2024 was for
(27:29):
me.
It was a lot of likeintrospection, a lot of like
rebuilding, and me it was a lotof like introspection, a lot of
like rebuilding and buildingrelationships.
It was a lot of growth and alsochallenging myself in the sense
of how do I show up at homewith my kids?
How do I show up in my marriage?
In my marriage, you know, likeme and my husband had a two-hour
(27:54):
long conversation in theairplane about how like our
communication style couldimprove and like how we disagree
and what we expect from eachother, and how like we can
deconstruct our idea of likehusband and a wife to fit the
person that we're married to,instead of like our imagination.
So all of that stuff.
(28:15):
So I feel like 2024, I was astudent, most of literally and
figuratively a student, and Ialso learned to ask for what I
want.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Close mouth, don't get fed, yeah, so clearly I mean
like, yeah, say it clearly whatyou want, not the other way.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah no, yes, yeah, clearly, both ways.
Yeah, uh, no, like being ableto.
If you, I wanted the promotion,I made sure I fight, I fought
for it.
I um wanted to make sure to getyou respected in the workplace
and to get my, my experiencevalued.
And I used to just be like, oh,you know what, I'm here for the
(28:57):
paycheck and like I'm justgoing to let you do you be the
Karen or whatever and I'm goingto move on.
But then I was like you knowwhat I don't like?
That I don't, I don't, I don't,I don't accept that.
I'm not gonna.
You know, I'm not your dancingmonkey.
I'm not going to say how highwhen you say jump If that
doesn't make sense for me.
Regardless if you're mysupervisor or not, you know what
(29:19):
I mean.
I'm all of these things.
So I feel like 2024 was a lot ofmoments of being assertive,
being a student and alsolearning that sometimes there's
beauty in silence, even thoughI'm talking a lot right now and
I'm not being silent, no.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
I?
I was smiling because Iremember, uh, I think closer to
the beginning of the year, thatjob that you had turned down.
Yeah, and then, um, and I doremember having that
conversation with you whereyou're like you know what I'm
about the paycheck and if themoney is high enough, yeah, you
know, I will apply for it.
So but one thing I was thinkingabout is you know, when you
(29:55):
have those conversations withpeople, are you saying you're
letting go of seeking thatconversation with certain people
that like, you're like you knowwhat, if this relationship
works, it doesn't you know whatI mean?
Like it's not really in myclose circle of people that I
(30:17):
want around me.
So even if we don't have thatconversation and close the loop,
then I'm okay with that.
Is that what it is?
Or is it more of like in likein general, close or not?
Speaker 2 (30:29):
You know, if we don't have that conversation, I can
live it.
Yes, for both.
Okay, let me explain.
So I feel like with anybody,regardless if it's my sister, my
husband with my kids, with astranger, you know I should be
able to say, okay, I'm good withyou, without like, I'm good, I,
(30:50):
I validate my feelings, right,I'm found, I can heal my own
wounds without needing them todo it, without needing them to
do it.
But then how important is thatrelationship for me after I did
that?
Because once you, if you'reconsistently expecting or
wanting or needing people tolike help you heal your wound,
then it's going to be a veryneedy relationship, right, it's
(31:11):
codependent, codependent.
So once you heal your wound,then it's going to be a very
needy relationship, right, it'scodependent, codependent.
So once you do your own healing, you're like okay, how
important is this conversation,how important is this
relationship for me?
To bring it up?
Then I can bring it up and belike hey, from a healed space,
not from a defensive space, notfrom a place of like you did
this and that and the other.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
So I and that and the other, yes.
So, um, I'm like, okay, coolnow.
I wanna let's talk about it.
Let's talk about you'reimportant enough for me, like I
could leave you like the otherpeople, in the sense that I
could have a very surface levelconversation.
I could have blah, blah, blahand we could keep it there.
Because that's what happened,that hurt me once, shame on you,
hurt me twice, shame on me,right.
So?
But your relationship isimportant to me, so I'll come
and address it.
This is how you made me feel.
I wonder who initiated thatconversation?
(31:55):
yeah, uh, I did okay, but it wasbecause I felt like there was a
narrative out there.
The person was understandingand I are we talking about the
same thing?
Yeah, okay.
Uh, the person wasunderstanding.
I was like you, it's so likefar removed from reality.
So like if we don't get a graspon it, like what actually took
(32:17):
place and what, what is whatreally happened, and like that
can only happen if you also havemy perspective on because we
were both there, right, like you, that can only happen if you
have my perspective and we canlike fact check each other.
You know, like, do you agreewith this thing?
Do you remember this happenedon this day on this thing?
Okay, cool.
So how do you think thisconversation went?
(32:38):
Okay, cool, what?
For me, this is how it went.
Okay.
So, were they receptive?
They were, yes, yes, they werereceptive.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
But I will say um, you're talking about the, the
conversation you had with thatimportant person.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Yes, okay, so they were sorry.
We just went.
What is going on here?
No, yeah, because I think the.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
The reason why I'm asking right this is she's
saying that is the mostimportant relationship in her
life and it's also the mostdifficult relationship as well.
And I and then she was talkingabout the healing process of
what's been happening for herthis year and I wonder part of
that healing, of continue towork on the healing aspect of it
, was the initiative being doneby her or the other person the
(33:23):
aggressor, not the aggressor perse.
Let's not call her that, no,let's not call them the
aggressor.
But for me to understand, ifyou initiate, it means that
there must be a lot of work thatyou have to do within yourself
to forgive part of the thingsthat you experience, to validate
you and to understand that yourvalidations from this person is
(33:46):
not needed.
If it's there, that's great,but if not, that's okay, yeah.
Person is not needed.
If it's there, that's great,but if not, that's okay, yeah.
So you're in a place of comfortto take that very courage space
to initiate the conversation,the hard conversation, because
it's not easy conversation tohave.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
No, what happened for me was that I I went to umrah,
yeah, and not even just went toumrah.
There was a lot of you knowthings that were happening for
me, as you guys know, this year.
Um, that kind of were like wow,like this, this is great.
Oh, this is great oh this isgreat right, so it's been an
incredible year for me and so I,every moment, I have a moment
(34:22):
of gratitude.
Yeah, so when I, when I'm beinggrateful, I'm not just being
grateful for, like, oh, you know, my, my husband, I'm really
grateful for all the people thatopened the door for me, all the
people that held the door openfor me, all the people that
thought of me on their way andthey grabbed me along the way.
So all this time when I wasdoing that, that person was
(34:44):
always there.
That was that person.
One thing I'll give them creditfor is I don't feel bad giving
them credit for my success.
In the sense that that personwas able to hold the door for me
.
That person never forgot me.
They had, they could have beenselfish with their life and, you
(35:06):
know, just left me and you knowjust, oh, not my problem, not
my monkey, not my monkey, not mycircus right, um, but they
brought me along the way alongthe journey and in that, uh, in
that, I was able to again getopportunities get, of course,
with my own hard work with myown efforts and so on and so
(35:28):
forth too, but I was able tonavigate the world in a better
way and to be able to get so.
Every moment that I had thatspace, it was a moment of like.
I want to recognize this person.
I've forgotten this person inthe sense that I just split the
two personalities of like thisperson that hurt me and this
person that was there for me anddoing those great things for me
(35:49):
.
And I started acknowledging thepositive things that this
person was able to do, becausetwo things could be right at the
same time.
So once I did that, I was ableto say okay, thank you, thank
you for this.
I want to let you know like Isee you, I see this and I'm
grateful for that, and I saidthank you for this.
And then, when I was in Umbra,I actually cried at Umbra and I
(36:11):
called everyone in my family andI said thank you, I'm able to
have this experience, I'm ableto be here because you guys
brought me along, you allowed meyou never forgot me, right, and
that led me to be able to belike, okay, seeing the person
again, not with just my lens andmy experience and my emotions
(36:31):
and my story, but what?
their side?
That there's not even just mystory, the other side of the
story that I always neglectedbecause the pain was too much.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
So anyway, long story short.
It's just kind of like I justwanted to kind of summarize what
you were saying and then maybeyou can have add more thoughts
to it.
It's kind of understanding thatyou're in a place of in your
life where you feel comfortableenough to identify.
Two things can be true at thesame time.
I can love this person so muchthat they have done so much for
me and be grateful for that, andthen I can still also talk
about the hurt that came alongwith that too, and those two
(37:06):
things doesn't have to beseparate, they can stay in the
same room.
And then that was the wholeaspect of the year and I think
for me, as someone who's beenseeing that relationship in the
way I have, and I think that'sincredible for both of you, it's
elevation in the relationshipand I think for you to be in a
place to identify the two thingscan be true at the same time.
(37:27):
That's a personal growth and Ithink that's an amazing thing to
even say that aloud to yourself.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Yeah, yeah, so that was 24, 24.
I think, um, I, and with us,specifically I I always say that
I'm not really good withfriendships, so, but I'm getting
better, you're forced to knowI'm getting better, uh, so, uh,
and I, I honestly always want tosay, like any opportunity that
I have, like I want to say thankyou, thank you so much.
(37:55):
I am.
You are one of those peoplethat I'm very grateful for.
You guys know my, my circle istighter than Don't say it.
Don't say it.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
Tighter than anything .
Speaker 2 (38:06):
So I have a very small circle, very tight circle,
and so I I grow because youguys allow me to, you guys make
the space for me too with yourtolerance, with your acceptance,
and I am able to go placesbecause of your support.
So, yeah, I'm very grateful,I'm very reflective.
(38:26):
I know that I'm always a bitharsh sometimes, but there's a
lot of love.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
I wonder where you got that from, but yeah, so
that's my 2024.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Definitely not me.
That was not for me.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
That's not for me.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Go ahead.
That's you the habit, so what?
Speaker 3 (38:44):
is 2024 did for me, I think for me I wouldn't talk
about any external success oranything.
I want to talk about internalexperiences that this year has
brought for me.
I feel like, mentally, thisyear was one of the better years
for me.
I don't know if a lot of peopleknow, but I struggle with
(39:06):
depression and it's hard.
So this year, alhamdulillah,was a better year for me and I
had a lot of clarity with Allahthis year and that clarity has
brought out so much easiness forme in many aspects of it and I
learned so much about myphysical health and mental
health and social health andfamily health, and a lot of that
(39:29):
was the year, as well as whatBonnie was explaining about her
own year.
And I think the other aspect ofthis year is that I've decided
to at the beginning of the yearI think a lot of people in my
life do know is like you know,when you're a Muslim girl,
everybody expects you to be aspecific way, live a specific
way and practice a specific way.
(39:50):
Way, live a specific way andpractice a specific way, and
that societal expectation,family expectation, your own
expectation kind of merge intoone and you're starting to view
the world from that point ofview and this year I decided
that two years ago I found outthat it's not.
It's sooner to get married, butit's not wajib, and that has
liberated me two years ago andthat experience continues to
(40:12):
liberate me this year, whereI've decided that at the
beginning of the year and thecontinues throughout the year,
that I've decided to de-centermarriage out of my life and not
prioritize marriage orrelationship in general and
living life for based on whatAllah has permit for me to be
and how to flourish in thatspace.
I don't, as like Bonnie wastalking about, I don't think
(40:35):
about legacy, I don't thinkabout what I am, what I will be
to people or to relationships,anything.
I think about how, what are thethings that I can do for me to
grow in my relationship withAllah more than anything else,
and I'm not doing the way I wantthings to be done in that sense
.
But I think my connection toAllah is so deep this year it's
(41:00):
like I feel like I call it theworld noise and I center Him and
I am like in that space.
And yesterday was a specificexample.
Yesterday I was home and Iworked a little bit half day and
it was loud noise from Allah.
Allah's telling me go to themasjid, go to the masjid, go to
the masjid.
And I was like, okay, it'sraining, I don't like to drive
(41:21):
in the rain and the weather isreally horrible and it's dark
outside and it's like foggy andI don't want to drive.
And so around Maghrib time wasit was like 4.20, I was like I
wanted to take a small nap.
Allah's like you need to go tothe masjid now.
And I was like, okay, I'm goingto go to the masjid, I'm going
to listen to Allah.
And so I went.
I drive, and the road was scary,people were driving horrible.
And so I got to the masjid andthere wasn't a lot of people and
(41:44):
I prayed a over there and Iwitnessed somebody.
Like it was a small, smallthing, right, I witnessed
somebody converting to Islam.
I didn't even plan for that andI was like, oh, so you're
telling me to witness somethingthat I'll get credit for.
Okay, so I'm glad I went and Iremember how much I missed
masjid, because I don't get achance to go that often because
(42:07):
of work, and part of the thingsthat I wanted to do better next
year we're going to talk aboutfuture is that I want to go that
often because of work, and partof the things that I wanted to
do better next year we're goingto talk about future is that I
want to go to masjid at leasttwice a week, not twice a week,
twice a month.
If, concretely, friday,specifically Friday evening, I'm
just going to go to Isha andMaghrib, pray Maghrib there and
then stay in Is.
(42:27):
I felt that was so helpfulbecause it was so amazing Like I
feel so calm in my heart and Ifeel so connected.
And I felt like when youdecided that the priority with
life is not what I can be orwhat I can do, it's what Allah
can allow you to do.
And I center that.
I feel like I don't have tochase this external world
(42:51):
success.
And and yesterday even thatwhen I was talking to my, my
actual therapist and some of thethings that she said to me.
She said the priority that youhave for yourself in day-to-day
are so, so heavy and so strict,like you have so much structure
and this structure it burns youout at the end of the day, where
(43:11):
it doesn't have the space to dothings and that's why you're so
tired at the end of the daybecause you're working so hard.
And I said, yeah, I do.
I think I work harder mentallyand physically sometime and that
shows, and so and I'm like, letme not do that.
And in that sense, like she wasencouraging me, she's like I
think you need to accept howcertain things are not really
(43:32):
necessarily as important thatyou feel like it is, and are you
able to separate thedifferences of your goals.
And I said, yeah, I think I needmore micro goals and a large
goal, because I think a largegoal feels very daunting to a
complete than micro goals.
And so micro goals is going tothe masjid twice a month and
(43:56):
creating Fridays to be for Allahonly, and so I think that's
been this year has been reallyinteresting.
I say that interesting everytime because interesting for me
has a mixture of challenges,ease and growth and surrender
and acceptance within me, andI'm also kind of in the sense
(44:17):
that this is also the year thatI've lost a lot of other friends
that I used to know and itbecame really the relationship
was not doing what it's supposedto do for me and I think
allowing to grieve that andbeing okay with that has been
great, because I feel likethat's what I was saying earlier
.
I'm accepting people andsituation for face valued,
(44:38):
versus trying to push my empathy, understanding and to be in
that space, and I think I wantto allow people to be who they
are, without me having thisexpectation for them to be
certain thing that they're notshowing me and hoping that
they'll change and things likethat.
And so it's been very, um, aninteresting year.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
That's amazing, that is amazing.
I just had a question.
No, I was just going to saybecause you mentioned, mentioned
and if, if you don't feelcomfortable to share, then
that's okay.
But, um, you said this year hasbeen good for your mental
health and like how you know,especially with you and your
depression and so on and soforth, and just for our readers,
(45:23):
like if were there specificthings that you are doing
differently to help you in thataspect?
Um, because I know that youthat certain changes also kind
of contribute to that, or was itjust a holistic change, that
kind of?
Speaker 3 (45:37):
contributed to that.
I think it's acceptance.
I've been working on my mentalhealth since 2020, like
everybody else.
It's acceptance.
I think the reason why I evenshare that today is that in our
Oromo community, in our Muslimcommunity, we don't talk about,
we have struggles and we tend tohave this projection of how
(46:00):
everything is perfect.
We're not.
And for me, it's been a journeyand this is the first year I see
clarity, like the whole year.
There's clarity.
It wasn't like hard year, itwas like easier.
It was kind of like, yes,there's days that things are
hard, but those hard daysdoesn't last.
(46:21):
It's more like shorter than itwas, prolonged, uh time.
So I wouldn't say it's onething made it.
It's been a journey.
That I think Allah, subhanahuwa ta'ala, made it easier this
year, I think is it could be thedua that I made in previous
Ramadan.
It could be, but I think it'slike it just felt clear.
It feels like the path is muchmore.
(46:41):
It doesn't have zigzag, it'sjust like I see the path and I'm
okay with that and I'm nottrying to make something work.
It's more like Allah got me, Igot it.
I love that, do you?
Speaker 1 (46:52):
think that, because when you were talking, I kept
thinking about that ayah, whereAllah says in the remembrance of
Allah, your heart finds easeand comfort, and you know, and
stuff like that.
Is there like specific thingsyou do that you?
I guess I have two questions.
(47:12):
One is that you know, are theredaily things that you do that
kind of help with that ease, youknow to kind of center your day
?
Things that you do that kind ofhelp with that ease, you know
to kind of center your day?
Yeah, um, and also, was there aspecific moment where, like
where it was really loud, whereAllah was telling you like just
let go, or was it like abuild-up of small things, okay,
(47:34):
that you're finding like okay,now I hear you so you might not
like this.
Speaker 3 (47:39):
Okay, it's fine.
Allah decided to secludecertain people for a reason, and
this is why I love Imamal-Ghazali work.
Imam al-Ghazali is likesomething that I embody, that
Allah has secluded me for thepast four years for a reason.
If I didn't have the seclusion,I don't know if that would be
the path that would help me.
If you live alone, you spend alot of time with your emotions,
(48:00):
your thoughts, your feelings,your understanding, your
perspective.
There's not like externalnoises, responsibilities or
things that you do.
Because you have more time withyourself, I feel like I talk to
Allah, like Allah is my bestfriend.
I was going to say the partthat you don't like is the
living alone part.
Yeah.
(48:21):
And so I really I talk to a lotin the car, in a house, and I'm
I talk like the same way I wasnarrating the experiences that
happened yesterday.
I talk to a lot, the same way.
I don't say I need to have aspecific time and have wudu and
pray, and I don't do that.
I just talk to him like anytimeI'm in the car.
Maybe people think that thisperson is talking to them.
(48:42):
I talk to Allah.
You see this happening rightlike I, my conversation is
embodied to that.
So daily I talk to Allah.
So it's not like I have zikrtime or I have the time that I
read Quran and sometimes I'm noteven consistent with zikr or
Quran but the conversation withhim.
When I'm driving, especially ifI notice it's raining, I take
advantage of that right.
(49:02):
If my if coming home from workbecause I take a longer route,
it's 30 minutes drive home, Itake advantage of that right.
If my day is really hard, I,before I even play anything
audio, I'm like you, just haveto have conversation, because
I'm not gonna call somebody ventabout it, about the day.
I don't do that.
I just vent to Allah and I justtalk to Him the way I would
talk to a person, mashallah.
(49:24):
So and I think that is again,I'm not romanticizing this it's
been a journey.
It's been the most difficultjourney to be, knowing that.
I'm not saying future is goingto be easy.
All I know is that regardlessgot me.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
That's what I know you know, the whole time when
you were talking, um, I kind ofwas just like realizing that is
my relationship, like I always,you know I I always say, like
you know, I don't feel like themost religious person in the
room ever, but I've always hadthat like very intense
(50:02):
connection since I was a kidyeah with allah, because I used
to talk to myself at at homewhen I'm washing dishes, but I'm
literally just like you know,and I'm just like talking to
allah.
Yeah, you know, this ishappening, I really need this or
something, and that's like it'sweird and I still, to a degree,
(50:25):
I always felt like shame aboutit Because I don't like I have
like literal monologues.
When I'm cleaning my house andJeylan walks down the stairs,
he's like who are you talking?
Speaker 3 (50:34):
to.
Speaker 2 (50:36):
I'm like I'm just thinking out loud leave me alone
, but I'm literally having theseconversations, and it most of
the time.
You know, when they say like,when you write something, read
it out loud.
It helps you understand.
Like, or helps you like writeit better and process it better.
I think, like saying it out loudand having that conversation I
think that's the bestconversation you can have is
(50:58):
because there is no judgment.
There is no judgment, there isno bias.
The answer is not like someoneis not like trying to like
listening to respond.
Right, you're just, you reallyhave this like complete
attention and just an ear, likethat's, and with the person that
could do it all, like thatcould fix it all, not person,
(51:18):
but you know what I mean.
Yeah, so I think yeah, I justwant to like comment on that,
like how freeing that is andlike how, like, yeah, like I
think yeah, because sometimespeople also, like you said, they
over complicate thatconversation.
In the sense like I have to bein this, I have to make udu, I
have to be in this, I have tomake udu, I have to be.
Yes, that's great too, but youcould also just talk to him.
Speaker 1 (51:42):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's been my year yeah, that's
beautiful.
I think when you like can feelallah swt's presence, you're
definitely less alone becauseeven now you know we have this,
not phenomenon, but, like a lotof people express, that even
when they have people aroundthem and you know they have a
big family and stuff like that,you could still feel alone.
(52:04):
I felt that you know.
Speaker 3 (52:06):
The thing is that I felt those experiences.
I felt that for a reason, and Idiscovered this year with
growth that there's a reason whyAllah is secluding you with
growth, that there's a reasonwhy Allah is secluding you.
Why not discover what thatreason is, instead of trying to
fulfill it with dunya things tomake you feel better?
(52:27):
Because unless you figure itout, whatever that is for you,
no matter what you put in thoseplaces, nothing is going to
satisfy you.
It's the same thing that I toldyou back in the day.
I think loneliness is for areason.
I think it's how do we embraceloneliness?
Because loneliness is meant fora lot.
You need to figure it out that,even in therapy I talk about
(52:47):
clients with that.
It's like what is it thatyou're trying to fill in that
place?
Because that place is meant fora reason and people can fill it
for temporary.
If you can be alone in the largefamily spaces that you feel
supposed to be safe in and youfeel alone in that space, you're
not fulfilled there.
(53:07):
What are you supposed tofulfill that right?
It's like asking yourself thatand I feel like whoever's
listening to this likere-evaluate what that means to
you.
Because I think the idea ofloneliness, the world's not
supposed to fulfill you at all.
The world's supposed to makeyou feel like nothing is
satisfying enough Except Allah,except Allah.
And that's when you feel likeyou're much more at peace.
(53:28):
And again, that peace issimilar to Iman it's not
consistent, it's not going to bereliable, it's going to go up
and down, but it's for you tokeep searching and keep working
on trying to find a place for ityeah, and I think the only
thing I would add to that isthat um to allah, and his dean
did tell us how to do that too.
Speaker 1 (53:50):
you know, like there's specific dua you can
make, there's quran that you canread, um, and if you, you know,
you can definitely talk to him,to Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala,
but there's also ways that hewants you to do that too.
I just want to put that outthere as well.
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (54:06):
I also wanted to just add to what the Habib was
saying and just the validationaspect of it.
Where, you know, I think it waslike 10, 15 years ago, there was
a research done on hospicepatients that have that are like
dying, hospice patients thathave, uh, that are like dying,
(54:27):
and, um, those that have, um,those that have faith and those
that are like that that don'tbelieve in anything, and there
was a lot of like their, theirpassing, and also even the
healing sometimes no, that's not, you know and the sick people
that are healing, those thathave faith, they tend to heal
faster, and those that are inhospice and dying tend to die
more peacefully because of theQadr Allah aspect of it, and
(54:51):
those that don't tend to, alwaysit gets to get a little bit
complicated, the sickness gets alittle bit complicated and the
death gets a little bit harderbecause they're like I have so
many unfinished business.
I have this to do I have thatto do.
Who's gonna take care of thisperson and that person?
And they're because god, thatallah part is not there.
There is that jinky that comesat the moment of death, right?
(55:13):
Um, and I also wanted to kindof add to the idea of you know,
just qatar, allah is not just inthe big, in the small and the
big things, it's also in thesmall things and the small
decisions.
Um, I think when we realize andI think, uh, for me, this has
(55:38):
they started dying when I was 10sorry, dark human, when I was
10, so I that that that Allahaspect somehow, I think that was
Allah's gift for me to be ableto go through everything,
because I always just processwhat I can and I think that's
also part of my fast processingthing is like I can, and I think
(55:59):
that's also part of my fastprocessing thing.
It's like I can only think aboutthe things that I have control
over, and then the rest is likeI just say, allah, if this is
good for me, let it happen.
If this is not good for me,don't let it happen.
If it doesn't work, it's notmeant for me, right?
And in that space of you knowthe conversation that you were
earlier mentioning, like thatconversation that you were
(56:22):
earlier mentioning of which iswhat, which is, you know, when
you put something else, becausewe I think this was like 15
years ago now that conversation,yeah, I think, um, you know, I
was in a really, really darkplace and Taibbi told me um, I
think you're feeling the wayyou're feeling because you have
something or someone in thisspace that was meant for Allah,
(56:42):
right, and when you, like youguys were saying when you take
that thing out, and you putAllah in everything kind of the
world is not.
you know, the universe is notheliocentric, it should be
Allah-centric right.
So, like when your world kindof revolves around the thoughts
of Allah, the relationship withAllah, what Allah needs, what
(57:02):
Allah not needs, what Allahwants from you and all of these
things and what you need fromAllah, and it kind of just goes.
Your need for people and yourneed for affirmations from
people, validations from people,from society, from family, kind
of goes away.
Yeah and um that, that thatfreedom also gets rid of that
(57:24):
loneliness, because lonelinesscome, loneliness is unexpressed
needs yeah right and expressedthere's a vacancy, that that
it's an echo of that vacancyyeah so once that's filled with
allah, then you know, um, yeah,anyway.
So I just I just want to kindof validate that and I just want
to talk about the you know,wise wisdom that you gave me 15
(57:45):
years ago applies for me too, sonow that we talked about 2024,
I'm sure unless you want to adda little bit more about your
2024, then we can go to 2025.
Speaker 1 (57:57):
No, I can save it for next time, alright so for 2025
individually.
I know, save it for next time,okay, alright, so for 2025
individually.
Speaker 2 (58:03):
I know that you mentioned a little bit about the
things that you wanted to do in2025.
By the way, I don't know whattime it is, so I think we're a
little over.
Okay, really fast everybody.
Speaker 1 (58:15):
I think we need another episode for 2025 yeah,
okay, then we'll do that, yeah,okay.
Well, well, it's been an amazingrecap yeah, I think it's a good
place to leave it.
Yeah, Like reflection, yeah,Thinking about the next year and
just being grateful and withall the challenges that we've
(58:36):
gone through this year,Alhamdulillah.
All the challenges that we'vegone through this year,
Alhamdulillah.
You know, I think sometimes youare tested with to see how
dedicated you are and how youknow, and sometimes you are
tested because Allah might wantto increase you in rank.
Yeah, you know.
So, Alhamdulillah for that.
This year.
(58:56):
It's like I said earlier, youknow it's definitely it's been a
challenge, but alhamdulillah,we are on the other side of it.
Speaker 2 (59:05):
Yeah, and I also wanted to kind of just wrap up
this episode by talking aboutour podcast and our season thus
far.
You know, this season we wereable to kind of push ourselves a
little bit harder and a littlebit deeper into topics that we
really found to be difficult andtaboo and, uh, things that we
wanted to be addressed in ourcommunity.
(59:26):
Uh, we hope we did them justice.
Um may Allah accept our duas andour niyyah for that, um, we
hope that you know they werebeneficial, or they were a
starting point for you guys andfor 2025, inshallah, may Allah
also help us make it better andbigger and help us have an
(59:53):
impact that is of substanceMeaningful and meaningful that
resonates with our audience.
Speaker 1 (01:00:01):
Yes, yeah, this has been difficult conversations see
ya assalamualaikum.
Join the conversation in thecomment section or on our
instagram page to share with uswhat you think.
We do not have all the answersand our biggest goal is to kick
off and get the conversationgoing.
May Allah accept our effortsand use us as catalysts for
(01:00:25):
change.
Mbc.
Speaker 3 (01:00:35):
All relation to MBC.
Assalamu alaikum, welcome to Difficult
Conversations where we tackletaboo topics in a safe space
through empowerment andeducation.
Hello, how are you guys?
Speaker 2 (00:15):
doing today, we're good.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Almost with a deep voice.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I don't know, I'm just kind of feeling myself
today.
I don't know, I'm just kind offeeling myself today.
But I wanted to kind of juststart off today with a moment of
gratitude, because today is oursecond to last episode that
we're recording and just kind oftaking it in like how far we've
come.
You know from my laptop days,our first recording on my laptop
(00:43):
.
Do you guys remember that?
Yeah, it was my laptop, think,and it was like, yeah, and you
remember, we thought we couldjust record and on the laptop.
Yeah, and yeah, so I I just wantto like take it in like well,
we've come a long way.
How do you guys feel about that, like just reflecting on that
(01:05):
whole podcast journey, justsince it's what what's today.
Today is the 28th of decemberand we're looking back on 2024
and our journey so far as apodcast and as individuals I
think I think we've come a longway.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I think, um, if you were to go back and listen to
some of our episodes, itdefinitely shows.
You know, I think we're a bitwe were.
I mean, like every any project,we're a bit clunky at first and
trying to get our mesh and howwe, you know, talk about certain
things, and I think we've growna lot individually as a podcast
(01:45):
and you know, we do have a lotmore things planned.
But I think overall is one ofgrowth, of understanding, of
compassion and just workingtogether as a team, which I
really enjoyed this process withall of you which I really
enjoyed this process with all ofyou.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Yeah, I think we did mentally, emotionally.
Topics are changed over time,so we have grown in that sense.
I think we also kind of grownas an individual as we are on
this journey together in thelast four years.
Part of that is I think we area lot more outspoken to each
other on things that does arisein the process and things that
(02:31):
may come up or even trying to.
We're not like walking oneggshell as often as I thought I
would think by this time, but Ido say 2024, this year, 2024,
this year has been the mostgrowth for me, I would say in
the sense of I wanted.
I said something last year whenwe were recording season three
(02:57):
that I wanted to kind of take arisk on myself, and I feel like
I didn't take external risk asmuch as I wanted to.
I did take a lot of internalrisk, and I think internal risk
because did take a lot ofinternal risk, and I think
internal risk because ofaccepting a lot of vulnerability
in my within myself andallowing myself to be able to be
okay with certain things theway it is and not trying to
change or hope to be changed andbecause I think I've never
(03:22):
understood the concept of takingthings for face value until
2024.
So it's been a very interestingyear, I would say, for me, yeah
.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Yeah, I think for us as a team until this year, I
feel like we kind of finishednot, but like we were, you know
how like there's the, theforming, the storming and the
norming form.
I think um 2024 was a peak inthe climax of the storming, you
(03:54):
know, and like we were just likewe're like okay, we are done
playing nice, we're just gonnalike get our hands dirty and,
like you know, like get likefiguring it out, and then I
think we're just crossing overto the norming side now, which
is great because I feel like noweverybody we're on on all on
(04:14):
the same page and we're like insync and I feel like there's a
lot of trust that's built um,our friendships are solid now
versus, like you know, maybeyear one, um, and I think
there's like also like there'sreal sisterhood.
It's not just like, it's notjust work or it's not just you
(04:36):
know, we're not here just to dosomething and go home.
It's more of like, okay, we'rehere to actually better each
other, we're here to challengeeach other, we're here to push
each other, to annoy each other,um, all of that in between.
So I think, as as a team, um2024 was like real.
It was really pivotal becauseit got us face to face to things
(04:58):
that we needed to like figureout and then it got.
Also, it kind of showed us thethings that were really great at
and that works for us.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Yeah, I think it was definitely a make it, or also it
kind of showed us the thingsthat were really great at and
that works for us.
Yeah, I think it was definitelya make it or break it year,
because we were all goingthrough things individually, and
so I think we really had toanswer the question of like, do
we really want this project towork?
And if so, then what would thattake and how much time
(05:24):
commitment would that require?
Because initially we just, Ithink the first year we were
like, okay, this is an idea, doI want to be a part of this?
And then, second year, we'relike we at least for me like
really not sure if this is longterm.
Third year, we kind of pushthrough it.
And then, fourth year, we'relike, you know, certain
(05:47):
challenges, you know whetherit's communication styles or how
people, how the three of uswork, because we all work
completely differently when itcomes to tasks and stuff like
that.
And, you know, doing a projectwith just three people,
especially a podcast, we'retrying to talk about certain
things.
We're trying to, you know,really connect and talk about
(06:11):
things that are not reallytalked about in our community.
It's hard to do and I think wekind of went into it thinking
that it was going to be a loteasier than it really is.
Lot easier than it really is.
So, um, so, yeah, I think I doagree with you that, uh, we are
finally kind of at anequilibrium.
You know where we're like.
(06:32):
Uh, we can definitely uh do alot more things.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Yeah, I think what else do you guys do this year
that kind of had a little bit ofevolution within yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Individually, do you know?
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah, I would say this year is probably my hardest
year, like personally.
There was just a lot of thingsat the beginning of the year
that as a family we were goingthrough, whether it's business
or work and with kids, and youknow, my, my girl started school
(07:14):
and then I put my son indaycare full time and I feel
like I had, I had freed up somuch space, time for myself.
But then I had a lot of thingstoo that I was trying to do and
accomplish, whether it was thebusiness or whatnot, and it was,
(07:34):
I would say it was probably oneof the hardest years for me and
alhamdulillah, you know, myhusband and I, our relationship
got, you know, so much better,stronger, because of all the
stuff and you know that I don'treally want to go into in terms
of, you know, financial stuffwith the business and blah, blah
and all that stuff.
But I would say that now, beinghindsight, you know, being on
(08:01):
the other side of it, I learneda lot about myself.
I learned that I, becauseinitially, you know, in college,
I had did a, I wanted to dolike a what is it called?
Like a minor in business, causeI, I really wanted to do the
(08:21):
business thing and then, butthen I was always afraid because
I was like what if it doesn'twork out?
You know you really need a planB and so I did do a comfortable
, you know, um, I went into themedical field and Alhamdulillah,
you know it's been, it's beenreally stable, uh.
But this year I feel like Ilearned what it really means to
(08:42):
be in business for yourself,what all of that requires, what
sacrifices that you have to.
You know, what sacrifice thatyou have to make.
And now, when you bring kidsinto the mix, it kind of makes
it a lot harder.
So I've come to the realizationthat I really just want to be
home with the kids, realizationthat I, I really just want to be
(09:07):
home with the kids.
You know, and I think for a longtime I, I was fighting that,
the fact that, like you know, Ihad, I got this degree and I
want to be that independentperson and I, you know, I want
to make my own money and blah,blah and all that, all those
things that I thought that Iwanted.
You know, um, but now it's likemy kids are young and they need
me because I don't, and I diddrop down to like a 6 at the
(09:32):
hospital.
But even that, you know, it'slike whenever I'm out going to
work, they're like mommy, whereare you going?
You know, you've been gone forso long and so it's a lot of
guilt and you know all thatstuff that I'm definitely still
working through.
But it's one realization that Iwas like okay, this is where
(09:52):
you need to be.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
I have a question for you, Shiraz.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
You said something that kind of triggered me a
little bit Not in like anemotional aspect of it I think
it's the concept of sacrifice.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Because I hear that a lot and sacrifice is me like
compromising and in my head thisis what I understand it as like
compromising and restrictingand it just feels very the word
itself feels suffocating, yeah,and I wonder what that is for
you.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
So I think for me, sacrifice is like, once you have
decided what's important to you, you know, whether it's two
options that you have, whetherit's A or B, whatever option
that you choose, you aresacrificing the other, or you
are saying no.
When you say yes to something,you're definitely saying no to
(10:47):
something else, and so for meit's that not necessarily in a
negative way, that like, if youknow, if I have decided that,
yes, I want to be home more withthe kids, I wouldn't
necessarily, then you'resacrificing, like going back to
school and you know, furtheringyour career and you know, and
all that stuff, and for me thatwould be a sacrifice and that is
(11:08):
worth it.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Does that answer your question?
Yeah, kind of.
I mean, does that mean thatyou're compromising part of you
in order for something else towork?
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely yeah, yeah, because
that's it yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
I think like, yeah, yeah, it's definitely
uncomfortable, I'm not so thething is that the reason why I
bring I'm not the type of personwho says that you can have it
all.
Yeah, right, yeah, you could ifyou wanted to.
It just depends on how what alllooks like for you, right, and
the idea of sarcophising andlike it requires so much from
women to do it more than it isasked for men to do it, and
(11:50):
women usually sarcophize a lotlike, and I think that concept
and that's probably I'll talkabout how my year went, but
that's where I was like that's alot of that.
Languages was so much around it, and so that's why, when you
said that, you know, when youwant something like,
specifically, business, you haveto sacrifice a lot of your time
, your energy in order for youto make that work, which you do,
(12:13):
and you have to go through alot of work and time and energy
to establish and make itconsistently so that it can
maintain in the future.
I get to work with that.
My brain just thinks it's likeoh my God, this feels so much
work.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Yeah, go ahead.
I mean my understanding, but,I'm sorry, go ahead.
No, no, go ahead, because Ithink I completely understood it
differently.
Like that word sacrifice for me, and I think I understood it
the way when you explained it.
You know, because wheneveryou're making a choice between
two things, you're just droppingsomething else and that is a
sacrifice, and I think thelanguage you know that is a
(12:53):
sacrifice of, like, I'm choosingnot to do both at the same time
, because I'm choosing to givethe energy that I would give for
this thing to this thinginstead, because I want this to
thrive a lot more than you know,giving 50, 50 or whatever the
case is, and I think that waslike my understanding of it and
which is like for me, um, thatis I.
(13:17):
I don't find that exhausting, Ifind that like relief relief
yeah like I find I find it likeokay, you, you are choosing
what's important to you andprioritizing what's important to
you.
Does that make sense?
Like that's how I saw it,because maybe that's like maybe
there's a link, there's a,there's a definition attached to
(13:39):
it that's different for youthan it is for me.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
so maybe, yeah, I think there's a similarity for
how you guys define it as an owl, because I think for me, if so,
maybe, yeah, I think there's asimilarity for how you guys
define it as an I will, becauseI think for me, if I let go of
one thing, I already committedto that thing to go.
I don't have any hard feelings,or I don't.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Is it like a let go to pick up later or just let go?
Speaker 3 (13:58):
done.
No, for me, when I makedecision, I make decision
because the time that I spendtime trying to make those
decision is a lot longer than itneeds to be.
So when I make commitment tosomething, I show up a hundred
percent right.
There's no if and when.
Oh, what, what if?
What if I try that thatdifferently?
What if, what if I missed onthat one?
I wouldn't, I don't do that, Ilet it go.
(14:19):
That's good.
So, like my, whatever decisionis like if I want an iPhone,
I'll stick to iPhone.
I wouldn't go to Samsungbecause I know everything about
iPhone that I needed and whatiPhone would do for me, and kind
of tally based on that and thencommit to that tally and then
when I'm done with iPhone, thenI can move on to Samsung.
Right, so I'm more like thatthan I don't have.
(14:41):
Like I don don't have mydecisions, like I make it and
I'm okay with it.
That's why it takes me a longtime to make a decision, even
when we're trying to makesomething.
That's why I say I need time tomake connection.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Because you really sever, then that's what it is
For me you really sever.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
I have to, because for me it's like I don't make a
hasty decision, I don't make ahasty decision, I don't make
jump decision.
I tell people I make calculateddecision and my decision is
always being calculated and thatway is that when I do make it,
I'm committed to it, right, 100%yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I think I also make calculated decisions, I just
make it faster, I don't.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
I'm a delay processor too.
I process things slowly and Iaccept things slowly, even with
relationship, love, things thatI like, hobbies.
When I like it, I like it, andsomebody recently told me this
is a sign of you having ADHD too.
What for you?
Yeah, oh, okay, it's apsychologist who said this to me
(15:43):
and she was just joking, but itprobably is.
Because I don't make mydecision easily and if I love
something, I love it 100% andI'm 100% there with that.
If I hate something, I hate it100%, the same way I like it.
That's the only time in my lifethat I can be black and white
on things.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
I think I live more in the gray with decisions black
and white on things.
I think I live more in the graywith decisions Like I will make
.
I can make a decision, but thenif, let's say, I make this
decision, I always have in theback of my head that like, okay,
if this doesn't work out, youcan always pick up the first
choice.
You know what I mean.
You can always pick up thefirst choice.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
And some decisions is not necessary that it's a done
deal, it be no, not now, right,it could be like maybe five
years later or ten years laterthat's probably have a decision
fatigue because I'm thinking,thinking and all angles and then
I decide yeah, I, I kind ofalso go plan a, plan b, plan c,
(16:39):
plan d, like I have a backupplan to my backup plan, because
that's why I'm able to like makeum calculated but quicker
decisions, because I say theseare my priorities, these are the
things that I want, this is theroute that I see, and the rest
that Allah right.
And then, if this doesn't workthough, I will go about this
(17:01):
this way if you know Mondaydoesn't work, I'll go do it.
Am I able to do it on Tuesday?
Or whatever.
You know, time wise, money wise.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
If I can't do it for $15,000?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
can I do it for $10,000, whatever, like figure
it out that way that so explainsyour love process even like in
our meetings because, like, bythe time I present it to you
guys, I already have like plan A, plan plan c.
So when you're like, oh, maybethis wouldn't work, but I'm like
, what about this one?
Yeah, and you guys think I'mlike bombarding you, but my
brain has already come up with.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Yeah, you just gotta let us time to process plan a.
Yeah, before you go to plan dor even marry, to type plan a.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
That's also the thing is that I feel like for me I'm,
my brain is a problem solver.
So I'm like, give me theproblem.
Why aren't you liking?
Like, give me the problem.
Why aren't you liking thisthing?
Give me the problem.
What's the problem?
What's the reason?
Right, let me figure out thesolution around, the reason why
you don't like it, and thenlet's get to the solution.
And then you guys are like I'mjust processing and I'm like
(17:58):
yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
I think, yeah, I think you probably process
instantly and I think mine islike a one to two day and hers
is maybe like a week processingtime.
A week processing time.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
But you know, the thing is that even with that a
week processing, I actuallyleave it that day Like we talk
about it and I leave it in thatmeeting and then I somehow
something triggers to pick it up, but I don't think about it the
whole time.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
So you don't process.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
So you're not taking a week to process, you're just
leaving it to say I'm leaving it.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I'm leaving it for now, but that's, and I'll pick
it up later.
But you're still not thinkingabout it.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
So much because I have a thought hold on a second
oh my god so because sometimeswe'll have conversations right
and you're like I'm gonnaprocess and come back to you
with it.
And then when we have theconversation, the following
meeting.
You are in the same space thatyou were the first time we had
the conversation.
I just picked it up that day.
(18:57):
How does that work?
Oh, my goodness, because you'renot taking a week to process.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
My brain has compartmentalized that because
there's other urgency.
That day happened Right.
So it's like, for example, wehave meetings, right after my
meetings I have another meeting.
Yeah, so that system hasalready prioritized itself.
Yeah, so because of if that'sall I did that day, then I will
(19:23):
process it right away.
Think about it, because urgencyand then priorities take place
for me, then my brain is kind ofokay.
This thing that you have tothink about, I think about it
later, at the end of the day,not that day though.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
You don't understand the joy I feel right now by
feeling so vindicated.
I feel so like I'm like, oh myGod, I'm not crazy.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
This feels so good, but I don't leave it, and what
I'm saying is that I'mre-explaining myself that.
So at evening when I'm going tosleep, I think about it then,
because now things are settled.
Oh, okay, so let you kind ofmisunderstand me a little bit.
Okay, so here, this is whathappens, right?
(20:06):
So we have a meeting and then Ihave another meeting, I have
another meeting and the wholeday is kind of booked up.
So my brain is kind of like putthis in a safe box and pick it
up later when you have time.
So I put it in a safe box andpick it up in the evening when
my head is laying down.
Oh, you're supposed to thinkabout this, how does this work?
So then I'll think about itagain night and morning when I
(20:29):
first get up, when I don't haverush of other things.
So then by the time we come toour meeting, I'm still confused
on.
There's other questions comingout for me now related to that
thing.
So that's why, when I come tothe meeting, you guys think that
I'm just thinking about it.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Then Is there other stuff coming that's already
confusing me and you guys arelooking for a solutions of if I,
if I came to a decision which Ihaven't kept, any no decision,
yeah, if that makes sense, okay,so now, now thinking ahead,
right?
Um?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
we haven't asked Bonnie how's her 2024 yes, no,
she didn't.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
No, no.
Oh sorry, you want to go, let'sgo.
No, no, no, tell us, tell us.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
I'm always, I have so much.
No, I'm kidding 2024.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Oh, I actually wouldn't ask any week, Only me
went Myself.
I was just like I said movingforward, let's do it.
I was just like I said what Ineeded to say 2025.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
2024.
For me it was a lot of likelearning.
I had a different experiencewhere I was kind of like I
learned that if I really wantedto, I could do it all.
Like that was this was the yearfor me.
That kind of made me feel likewell, like you're not you.
You talk about giving a hundredpercent all the time, or like
(21:49):
you talk about doing a lot ofthings, but you really don't do
a lot of things.
You could do so much more if youwanted to um, but then I used
to praise myself a lot aboutquantity of, like the things
that I do.
Now I'm more about like, okay,pat on the back, you can do it
now.
Focus on quality.
(22:10):
So, meaning that what isimportant to you, what do you,
what is what deserves your time,what deserves your energy, how
does this advance the way whereyou want to go in life?
Um, how does this advance?
Like, how?
Because I I think a lot aboutlegacy, a lot like that's I.
I think a lot about legacy, Ithink a lot about impact, I
(22:32):
think a lot about death.
Like what am I leaving behind?
Um, behind for my kids, behindus?
Like memory wise, you know,what do they remember me with?
You know, because I alwaysthink about, like, if I walk out
the house and like die in thecar accident, now, like, what is
the memory that they have withme?
Right, like, what do?
(22:52):
What is that you know?
So, um, and then also like withwork, like what is my impact?
What is like, is this pushingthe agenda that I want to push,
or whatever?
And um, so because of that, I'mfull 2024 helped me kind of get
to.
Okay, quantity is not the mostimportant thing, it's about
quality and the quality of workthat you produce, the quality of
(23:14):
people that you spend your youknow your time with um, the
quality of conversations youhave, um and the depth like
being scared, not being scaredto push the like.
Push the envelope a little bit,even if, or like, push the
conversation a little bit, evenif that means it might make me
(23:37):
uncomfortable or someoneuncomfortable, as long as that's
gonna get us somewhere, like,it's gonna drive us somewhere
better.
Um, I also learned in 2024actually, one of the biggest
lessons I learned is um, yourown healing is dependent on
yourself.
You can't expect the personthat did the damage to be
responsible for your, thehealing of you.
(23:59):
Like, you have to be able tokind of like, you have to be
able to do the work on your ownand heal yourself, because if
you leave, like because I am, Iused to be the kind of person
that, um, I like order in inthings, so, like if Apsharo
pissed me off or something, Ihave to have a conversation with
(24:20):
her and I have to be like hey,apsharo, this is how I felt,
this is how I received things,okay, and then she'll say you
know, this is how I felt this ishow I received things and even
if, like, we walk away likenever talking to each other, I
like that kind, the idea of likeunderstanding where or the
other person have each of thepeople having ability to say
what happened and understandwhat happened you know to a
(24:43):
certain degree.
But then, 2024, I realized,like not necessary, like it
really is not necessary to beable to have that conversation.
It's okay.
Like it's okay for you not tosay your piece and for that
person not to be there.
You can say it to your notebook, your journal.
You can have that conversationwith them in your notebook.
(25:04):
You can have that conversationwith them with your therapist.
You can have that conversationwith them with your therapist.
It doesn't have to be thatperson next to you and you
shouldn't expect them to comeback and kind of like, hey, you
know, have a reflective momentwith you to like address the
situation.
And I also had one of thebiggest conversations of my life
this year that made meunderstand one of the most
(25:26):
complicated relationships in mylife and I made me realize, like
how humanizing people is veryimportant, like everyone has a
story to why they do what theydo.
Everyone's truth is differentand just having the courage and
(25:50):
the bravery to be able to likepause, listen and like actually
listen, not for like vindication, not for um, like not for I got
you or like not for what, justlistening to why they, why not
even why they did what they did,but like how they processed it,
(26:11):
how they justified it, you know, and then being able to say
your truth honestly, withoutsugarcoating things and being
like, yeah, I can understand whyyou you or not even understand,
I can see, you know, that's howyou saw the situation, but this
is my, this is my, this is myreality.
This is how I experienced it.
And this is how I lived itRight and then letting them have
(26:34):
that and I know that soundslike oxymoronic to what I said
previously of not needing it,but when it does happen and you
know, like You're saying, thatsome relationships are necessary
to have it.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Yeah, are necessary to have it.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
And then also, I feel like for me I was able to have
that conversation in a healthymanner, this very important
conversation in my life with avery complicated person, but
very important person in my lifeBecause I was able to do the
work beforehand to not need thatperson's validation of the
situations that happened To notneed that person's acceptance of
(27:08):
like the wrongs that they did,I was like you accept it, you
don't accept it, cool, I'm good,you know.
But then when they were able toaccept it, I was like, okay,
cool, like that makes me feelgood, that makes me feel like
validated that can better therelationship but I didn't need
it you know what I mean so thatwas, that was what 2024 was for
(27:29):
me.
It was a lot of likeintrospection, a lot of like
rebuilding, and me it was a lotof like introspection, a lot of
like rebuilding and buildingrelationships.
It was a lot of growth and alsochallenging myself in the sense
of how do I show up at homewith my kids?
How do I show up in my marriage?
In my marriage, you know, likeme and my husband had a two-hour
(27:54):
long conversation in theairplane about how like our
communication style couldimprove and like how we disagree
and what we expect from eachother, and how like we can
deconstruct our idea of likehusband and a wife to fit the
person that we're married to,instead of like our imagination.
So all of that stuff.
(28:15):
So I feel like 2024, I was astudent, most of literally and
figuratively a student, and Ialso learned to ask for what I
want.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Close mouth, don't get fed, yeah, so clearly I mean
like, yeah, say it clearly whatyou want, not the other way.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah no, yes, yeah, clearly, both ways.
Yeah, uh, no, like being ableto.
If you, I wanted the promotion,I made sure I fight, I fought
for it.
I um wanted to make sure to getyou respected in the workplace
and to get my, my experiencevalued.
And I used to just be like, oh,you know what, I'm here for the
(28:57):
paycheck and like I'm justgoing to let you do you be the
Karen or whatever and I'm goingto move on.
But then I was like you knowwhat I don't like?
That I don't, I don't, I don't,I don't accept that.
I'm not gonna.
You know, I'm not your dancingmonkey.
I'm not going to say how highwhen you say jump If that
doesn't make sense for me.
Regardless if you're mysupervisor or not, you know what
(29:19):
I mean.
I'm all of these things.
So I feel like 2024 was a lot ofmoments of being assertive,
being a student and alsolearning that sometimes there's
beauty in silence, even thoughI'm talking a lot right now and
I'm not being silent, no.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
I?
I was smiling because Iremember, uh, I think closer to
the beginning of the year, thatjob that you had turned down.
Yeah, and then, um, and I doremember having that
conversation with you whereyou're like you know what I'm
about the paycheck and if themoney is high enough, yeah, you
know, I will apply for it.
So but one thing I was thinkingabout is you know, when you
(29:55):
have those conversations withpeople, are you saying you're
letting go of seeking thatconversation with certain people
that like, you're like you knowwhat, if this relationship
works, it doesn't you know whatI mean?
Like it's not really in myclose circle of people that I
(30:17):
want around me.
So even if we don't have thatconversation and close the loop,
then I'm okay with that.
Is that what it is?
Or is it more of like in likein general, close or not?
Speaker 2 (30:29):
You know, if we don't have that conversation, I can
live it.
Yes, for both.
Okay, let me explain.
So I feel like with anybody,regardless if it's my sister, my
husband with my kids, with astranger, you know I should be
able to say, okay, I'm good withyou, without like, I'm good, I,
(30:50):
I validate my feelings, right,I'm found, I can heal my own
wounds without needing them todo it, without needing them to
do it.
But then how important is thatrelationship for me after I did
that?
Because once you, if you'reconsistently expecting or
wanting or needing people tolike help you heal your wound,
then it's going to be a veryneedy relationship, right, it's
(31:11):
codependent, codependent.
So once you heal your wound,then it's going to be a very
needy relationship, right, it'scodependent, codependent.
So once you do your own healing, you're like okay, how
important is this conversation,how important is this
relationship for me?
To bring it up?
Then I can bring it up and belike hey, from a healed space,
not from a defensive space, notfrom a place of like you did
this and that and the other.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
So I and that and the other, yes.
So, um, I'm like, okay, coolnow.
I wanna let's talk about it.
Let's talk about you'reimportant enough for me, like I
could leave you like the otherpeople, in the sense that I
could have a very surface levelconversation.
I could have blah, blah, blahand we could keep it there.
Because that's what happened,that hurt me once, shame on you,
hurt me twice, shame on me,right.
So?
But your relationship isimportant to me, so I'll come
and address it.
This is how you made me feel.
I wonder who initiated thatconversation?
(31:55):
yeah, uh, I did okay, but it wasbecause I felt like there was a
narrative out there.
The person was understandingand I are we talking about the
same thing?
Yeah, okay.
Uh, the person wasunderstanding.
I was like you, it's so likefar removed from reality.
So like if we don't get a graspon it, like what actually took
(32:17):
place and what, what is whatreally happened, and like that
can only happen if you also havemy perspective on because we
were both there, right, like you, that can only happen if you
have my perspective and we canlike fact check each other.
You know, like, do you agreewith this thing?
Do you remember this happenedon this day on this thing?
Okay, cool.
So how do you think thisconversation went?
(32:38):
Okay, cool, what?
For me, this is how it went.
Okay.
So, were they receptive?
They were, yes, yes, they werereceptive.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
But I will say um, you're talking about the, the
conversation you had with thatimportant person.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Yes, okay, so they were sorry.
We just went.
What is going on here?
No, yeah, because I think the.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
The reason why I'm asking right this is she's
saying that is the mostimportant relationship in her
life and it's also the mostdifficult relationship as well.
And I and then she was talkingabout the healing process of
what's been happening for herthis year and I wonder part of
that healing, of continue towork on the healing aspect of it
, was the initiative being doneby her or the other person the
(33:23):
aggressor, not the aggressor perse.
Let's not call her that, no,let's not call them the
aggressor.
But for me to understand, ifyou initiate, it means that
there must be a lot of work thatyou have to do within yourself
to forgive part of the thingsthat you experience, to validate
you and to understand that yourvalidations from this person is
(33:46):
not needed.
If it's there, that's great,but if not, that's okay, yeah.
Person is not needed.
If it's there, that's great,but if not, that's okay, yeah.
So you're in a place of comfortto take that very courage space
to initiate the conversation,the hard conversation, because
it's not easy conversation tohave.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
No, what happened for me was that I I went to umrah,
yeah, and not even just went toumrah.
There was a lot of you knowthings that were happening for
me, as you guys know, this year.
Um, that kind of were like wow,like this, this is great.
Oh, this is great oh this isgreat right, so it's been an
incredible year for me and so I,every moment, I have a moment
(34:22):
of gratitude.
Yeah, so when I, when I'm beinggrateful, I'm not just being
grateful for, like, oh, you know, my, my husband, I'm really
grateful for all the people thatopened the door for me, all the
people that held the door openfor me, all the people that
thought of me on their way andthey grabbed me along the way.
So all this time when I wasdoing that, that person was
(34:44):
always there.
That was that person.
One thing I'll give them creditfor is I don't feel bad giving
them credit for my success.
In the sense that that personwas able to hold the door for me
.
That person never forgot me.
They had, they could have beenselfish with their life and, you
(35:06):
know, just left me and you knowjust, oh, not my problem, not
my monkey, not my monkey, not mycircus right, um, but they
brought me along the way alongthe journey and in that, uh, in
that, I was able to again getopportunities get, of course,
with my own hard work with myown efforts and so on and so
(35:28):
forth too, but I was able tonavigate the world in a better
way and to be able to get so.
Every moment that I had thatspace, it was a moment of like.
I want to recognize this person.
I've forgotten this person inthe sense that I just split the
two personalities of like thisperson that hurt me and this
person that was there for me anddoing those great things for me
(35:49):
.
And I started acknowledging thepositive things that this
person was able to do, becausetwo things could be right at the
same time.
So once I did that, I was ableto say okay, thank you, thank
you for this.
I want to let you know like Isee you, I see this and I'm
grateful for that, and I saidthank you for this.
And then, when I was in Umbra,I actually cried at Umbra and I
(36:11):
called everyone in my family andI said thank you, I'm able to
have this experience, I'm ableto be here because you guys
brought me along, you allowed meyou never forgot me, right, and
that led me to be able to belike, okay, seeing the person
again, not with just my lens andmy experience and my emotions
(36:31):
and my story, but what?
their side?
That there's not even just mystory, the other side of the
story that I always neglectedbecause the pain was too much.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
So anyway, long story short.
It's just kind of like I justwanted to kind of summarize what
you were saying and then maybeyou can have add more thoughts
to it.
It's kind of understanding thatyou're in a place of in your
life where you feel comfortableenough to identify.
Two things can be true at thesame time.
I can love this person so muchthat they have done so much for
me and be grateful for that, andthen I can still also talk
about the hurt that came alongwith that too, and those two
(37:06):
things doesn't have to beseparate, they can stay in the
same room.
And then that was the wholeaspect of the year and I think
for me, as someone who's beenseeing that relationship in the
way I have, and I think that'sincredible for both of you, it's
elevation in the relationshipand I think for you to be in a
place to identify the two thingscan be true at the same time.
(37:27):
That's a personal growth and Ithink that's an amazing thing to
even say that aloud to yourself.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Yeah, yeah, so that was 24, 24.
I think, um, I, and with us,specifically I I always say that
I'm not really good withfriendships, so, but I'm getting
better, you're forced to knowI'm getting better, uh, so, uh,
and I, I honestly always want tosay, like any opportunity that
I have, like I want to say thankyou, thank you so much.
(37:55):
I am.
You are one of those peoplethat I'm very grateful for.
You guys know my, my circle istighter than Don't say it.
Don't say it.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
Tighter than anything .
Speaker 2 (38:06):
So I have a very small circle, very tight circle,
and so I I grow because youguys allow me to, you guys make
the space for me too with yourtolerance, with your acceptance,
and I am able to go placesbecause of your support.
So, yeah, I'm very grateful,I'm very reflective.
(38:26):
I know that I'm always a bitharsh sometimes, but there's a
lot of love.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
I wonder where you got that from, but yeah, so
that's my 2024.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Definitely not me.
That was not for me.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
That's not for me.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Go ahead.
That's you the habit, so what?
Speaker 3 (38:44):
is 2024 did for me, I think for me I wouldn't talk
about any external success oranything.
I want to talk about internalexperiences that this year has
brought for me.
I feel like, mentally, thisyear was one of the better years
for me.
I don't know if a lot of peopleknow, but I struggle with
(39:06):
depression and it's hard.
So this year, alhamdulillah,was a better year for me and I
had a lot of clarity with Allahthis year and that clarity has
brought out so much easiness forme in many aspects of it and I
learned so much about myphysical health and mental
health and social health andfamily health, and a lot of that
(39:29):
was the year, as well as whatBonnie was explaining about her
own year.
And I think the other aspect ofthis year is that I've decided
to at the beginning of the yearI think a lot of people in my
life do know is like you know,when you're a Muslim girl,
everybody expects you to be aspecific way, live a specific
way and practice a specific way.
(39:50):
Way, live a specific way andpractice a specific way, and
that societal expectation,family expectation, your own
expectation kind of merge intoone and you're starting to view
the world from that point ofview and this year I decided
that two years ago I found outthat it's not.
It's sooner to get married, butit's not wajib, and that has
liberated me two years ago andthat experience continues to
(40:12):
liberate me this year, whereI've decided that at the
beginning of the year and thecontinues throughout the year,
that I've decided to de-centermarriage out of my life and not
prioritize marriage orrelationship in general and
living life for based on whatAllah has permit for me to be
and how to flourish in thatspace.
I don't, as like Bonnie wastalking about, I don't think
(40:35):
about legacy, I don't thinkabout what I am, what I will be
to people or to relationships,anything.
I think about how, what are thethings that I can do for me to
grow in my relationship withAllah more than anything else,
and I'm not doing the way I wantthings to be done in that sense
.
But I think my connection toAllah is so deep this year it's
(41:00):
like I feel like I call it theworld noise and I center Him and
I am like in that space.
And yesterday was a specificexample.
Yesterday I was home and Iworked a little bit half day and
it was loud noise from Allah.
Allah's telling me go to themasjid, go to the masjid, go to
the masjid.
And I was like, okay, it'sraining, I don't like to drive
(41:21):
in the rain and the weather isreally horrible and it's dark
outside and it's like foggy andI don't want to drive.
And so around Maghrib time wasit was like 4.20, I was like I
wanted to take a small nap.
Allah's like you need to go tothe masjid now.
And I was like, okay, I'm goingto go to the masjid, I'm going
to listen to Allah.
And so I went.
I drive, and the road was scary,people were driving horrible.
And so I got to the masjid andthere wasn't a lot of people and
(41:44):
I prayed a over there and Iwitnessed somebody.
Like it was a small, smallthing, right, I witnessed
somebody converting to Islam.
I didn't even plan for that andI was like, oh, so you're
telling me to witness somethingthat I'll get credit for.
Okay, so I'm glad I went and Iremember how much I missed
masjid, because I don't get achance to go that often because
(42:07):
of work, and part of the thingsthat I wanted to do better next
year we're going to talk aboutfuture is that I want to go that
often because of work, and partof the things that I wanted to
do better next year we're goingto talk about future is that I
want to go to masjid at leasttwice a week, not twice a week,
twice a month.
If, concretely, friday,specifically Friday evening, I'm
just going to go to Isha andMaghrib, pray Maghrib there and
then stay in Is.
(42:27):
I felt that was so helpfulbecause it was so amazing Like I
feel so calm in my heart and Ifeel so connected.
And I felt like when youdecided that the priority with
life is not what I can be orwhat I can do, it's what Allah
can allow you to do.
And I center that.
I feel like I don't have tochase this external world
(42:51):
success.
And and yesterday even thatwhen I was talking to my, my
actual therapist and some of thethings that she said to me.
She said the priority that youhave for yourself in day-to-day
are so, so heavy and so strict,like you have so much structure
and this structure it burns youout at the end of the day, where
(43:11):
it doesn't have the space to dothings and that's why you're so
tired at the end of the daybecause you're working so hard.
And I said, yeah, I do.
I think I work harder mentallyand physically sometime and that
shows, and so and I'm like, letme not do that.
And in that sense, like she wasencouraging me, she's like I
think you need to accept howcertain things are not really
(43:32):
necessarily as important thatyou feel like it is, and are you
able to separate thedifferences of your goals.
And I said, yeah, I think I needmore micro goals and a large
goal, because I think a largegoal feels very daunting to a
complete than micro goals.
And so micro goals is going tothe masjid twice a month and
(43:56):
creating Fridays to be for Allahonly, and so I think that's
been this year has been reallyinteresting.
I say that interesting everytime because interesting for me
has a mixture of challenges,ease and growth and surrender
and acceptance within me, andI'm also kind of in the sense
(44:17):
that this is also the year thatI've lost a lot of other friends
that I used to know and itbecame really the relationship
was not doing what it's supposedto do for me and I think
allowing to grieve that andbeing okay with that has been
great, because I feel likethat's what I was saying earlier
.
I'm accepting people andsituation for face valued,
(44:38):
versus trying to push my empathy, understanding and to be in
that space, and I think I wantto allow people to be who they
are, without me having thisexpectation for them to be
certain thing that they're notshowing me and hoping that
they'll change and things likethat.
And so it's been very, um, aninteresting year.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
That's amazing, that is amazing.
I just had a question.
No, I was just going to saybecause you mentioned, mentioned
and if, if you don't feelcomfortable to share, then
that's okay.
But, um, you said this year hasbeen good for your mental
health and like how you know,especially with you and your
depression and so on and soforth, and just for our readers,
(45:23):
like if were there specificthings that you are doing
differently to help you in thataspect?
Um, because I know that youthat certain changes also kind
of contribute to that, or was itjust a holistic change, that
kind of?
Speaker 3 (45:37):
contributed to that.
I think it's acceptance.
I've been working on my mentalhealth since 2020, like
everybody else.
It's acceptance.
I think the reason why I evenshare that today is that in our
Oromo community, in our Muslimcommunity, we don't talk about,
we have struggles and we tend tohave this projection of how
(46:00):
everything is perfect.
We're not.
And for me, it's been a journeyand this is the first year I see
clarity, like the whole year.
There's clarity.
It wasn't like hard year, itwas like easier.
It was kind of like, yes,there's days that things are
hard, but those hard daysdoesn't last.
(46:21):
It's more like shorter than itwas, prolonged, uh time.
So I wouldn't say it's onething made it.
It's been a journey.
That I think Allah, subhanahuwa ta'ala, made it easier this
year, I think is it could be thedua that I made in previous
Ramadan.
It could be, but I think it'slike it just felt clear.
It feels like the path is muchmore.
(46:41):
It doesn't have zigzag, it'sjust like I see the path and I'm
okay with that and I'm nottrying to make something work.
It's more like Allah got me, Igot it.
I love that, do you?
Speaker 1 (46:52):
think that, because when you were talking, I kept
thinking about that ayah, whereAllah says in the remembrance of
Allah, your heart finds easeand comfort, and you know, and
stuff like that.
Is there like specific thingsyou do that you?
I guess I have two questions.
(47:12):
One is that you know, are theredaily things that you do that
kind of help with that ease, youknow to kind of center your day
?
Things that you do that kind ofhelp with that ease, you know
to kind of center your day?
Yeah, um, and also, was there aspecific moment where, like
where it was really loud, whereAllah was telling you like just
let go, or was it like abuild-up of small things, okay,
(47:34):
that you're finding like okay,now I hear you so you might not
like this.
Speaker 3 (47:39):
Okay, it's fine.
Allah decided to secludecertain people for a reason, and
this is why I love Imamal-Ghazali work.
Imam al-Ghazali is likesomething that I embody, that
Allah has secluded me for thepast four years for a reason.
If I didn't have the seclusion,I don't know if that would be
the path that would help me.
If you live alone, you spend alot of time with your emotions,
(48:00):
your thoughts, your feelings,your understanding, your
perspective.
There's not like externalnoises, responsibilities or
things that you do.
Because you have more time withyourself, I feel like I talk to
Allah, like Allah is my bestfriend.
I was going to say the partthat you don't like is the
living alone part.
Yeah.
(48:21):
And so I really I talk to a lotin the car, in a house, and I'm
I talk like the same way I wasnarrating the experiences that
happened yesterday.
I talk to a lot, the same way.
I don't say I need to have aspecific time and have wudu and
pray, and I don't do that.
I just talk to him like anytimeI'm in the car.
Maybe people think that thisperson is talking to them.
(48:42):
I talk to Allah.
You see this happening rightlike I, my conversation is
embodied to that.
So daily I talk to Allah.
So it's not like I have zikrtime or I have the time that I
read Quran and sometimes I'm noteven consistent with zikr or
Quran but the conversation withhim.
When I'm driving, especially ifI notice it's raining, I take
advantage of that right.
(49:02):
If my if coming home from workbecause I take a longer route,
it's 30 minutes drive home, Itake advantage of that right.
If my day is really hard, I,before I even play anything
audio, I'm like you, just haveto have conversation, because
I'm not gonna call somebody ventabout it, about the day.
I don't do that.
I just vent to Allah and I justtalk to Him the way I would
talk to a person, mashallah.
(49:24):
So and I think that is again,I'm not romanticizing this it's
been a journey.
It's been the most difficultjourney to be, knowing that.
I'm not saying future is goingto be easy.
All I know is that regardlessgot me.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
That's what I know you know, the whole time when
you were talking, um, I kind ofwas just like realizing that is
my relationship, like I always,you know I I always say, like
you know, I don't feel like themost religious person in the
room ever, but I've always hadthat like very intense
(50:02):
connection since I was a kidyeah with allah, because I used
to talk to myself at at homewhen I'm washing dishes, but I'm
literally just like you know,and I'm just like talking to
allah.
Yeah, you know, this ishappening, I really need this or
something, and that's like it'sweird and I still, to a degree,
(50:25):
I always felt like shame aboutit Because I don't like I have
like literal monologues.
When I'm cleaning my house andJeylan walks down the stairs,
he's like who are you talking?
Speaker 3 (50:34):
to.
Speaker 2 (50:36):
I'm like I'm just thinking out loud leave me alone
, but I'm literally having theseconversations, and it most of
the time.
You know, when they say like,when you write something, read
it out loud.
It helps you understand.
Like, or helps you like writeit better and process it better.
I think, like saying it out loudand having that conversation I
think that's the bestconversation you can have is
(50:58):
because there is no judgment.
There is no judgment, there isno bias.
The answer is not like someoneis not like trying to like
listening to respond.
Right, you're just, you reallyhave this like complete
attention and just an ear, likethat's, and with the person that
could do it all, like thatcould fix it all, not person,
(51:18):
but you know what I mean.
Yeah, so I think yeah, I justwant to like comment on that,
like how freeing that is andlike how, like, yeah, like I
think yeah, because sometimespeople also, like you said, they
over complicate thatconversation.
In the sense like I have to bein this, I have to make udu, I
have to be in this, I have tomake udu, I have to be.
Yes, that's great too, but youcould also just talk to him.
Speaker 1 (51:42):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's been my year yeah, that's
beautiful.
I think when you like can feelallah swt's presence, you're
definitely less alone becauseeven now you know we have this,
not phenomenon, but, like a lotof people express, that even
when they have people aroundthem and you know they have a
big family and stuff like that,you could still feel alone.
(52:04):
I felt that you know.
Speaker 3 (52:06):
The thing is that I felt those experiences.
I felt that for a reason, and Idiscovered this year with
growth that there's a reason whyAllah is secluding you with
growth, that there's a reasonwhy Allah is secluding you.
Why not discover what thatreason is, instead of trying to
fulfill it with dunya things tomake you feel better?
(52:27):
Because unless you figure itout, whatever that is for you,
no matter what you put in thoseplaces, nothing is going to
satisfy you.
It's the same thing that I toldyou back in the day.
I think loneliness is for areason.
I think it's how do we embraceloneliness?
Because loneliness is meant fora lot.
You need to figure it out that,even in therapy I talk about
(52:47):
clients with that.
It's like what is it thatyou're trying to fill in that
place?
Because that place is meant fora reason and people can fill it
for temporary.
If you can be alone in the largefamily spaces that you feel
supposed to be safe in and youfeel alone in that space, you're
not fulfilled there.
(53:07):
What are you supposed tofulfill that right?
It's like asking yourself thatand I feel like whoever's
listening to this likere-evaluate what that means to
you.
Because I think the idea ofloneliness, the world's not
supposed to fulfill you at all.
The world's supposed to makeyou feel like nothing is
satisfying enough Except Allah,except Allah.
And that's when you feel likeyou're much more at peace.
(53:28):
And again, that peace issimilar to Iman it's not
consistent, it's not going to bereliable, it's going to go up
and down, but it's for you tokeep searching and keep working
on trying to find a place for ityeah, and I think the only
thing I would add to that isthat um to allah, and his dean
did tell us how to do that too.
Speaker 1 (53:50):
you know, like there's specific dua you can
make, there's quran that you canread, um, and if you, you know,
you can definitely talk to him,to Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala,
but there's also ways that hewants you to do that too.
I just want to put that outthere as well.
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (54:06):
I also wanted to just add to what the Habib was
saying and just the validationaspect of it.
Where, you know, I think it waslike 10, 15 years ago, there was
a research done on hospicepatients that have that are like
dying, hospice patients thathave, uh, that are like dying,
(54:27):
and, um, those that have, um,those that have faith and those
that are like that that don'tbelieve in anything, and there
was a lot of like their, theirpassing, and also even the
healing sometimes no, that's not, you know and the sick people
that are healing, those thathave faith, they tend to heal
faster, and those that are inhospice and dying tend to die
more peacefully because of theQadr Allah aspect of it, and
(54:51):
those that don't tend to, alwaysit gets to get a little bit
complicated, the sickness gets alittle bit complicated and the
death gets a little bit harderbecause they're like I have so
many unfinished business.
I have this to do I have thatto do.
Who's gonna take care of thisperson and that person?
And they're because god, thatallah part is not there.
There is that jinky that comesat the moment of death, right?
(55:13):
Um, and I also wanted to kindof add to the idea of you know,
just qatar, allah is not just inthe big, in the small and the
big things, it's also in thesmall things and the small
decisions.
Um, I think when we realize andI think, uh, for me, this has
(55:38):
they started dying when I was 10sorry, dark human, when I was
10, so I that that that Allahaspect somehow, I think that was
Allah's gift for me to be ableto go through everything,
because I always just processwhat I can and I think that's
also part of my fast processingthing is like I can, and I think
(55:59):
that's also part of my fastprocessing thing.
It's like I can only think aboutthe things that I have control
over, and then the rest is likeI just say, allah, if this is
good for me, let it happen.
If this is not good for me,don't let it happen.
If it doesn't work, it's notmeant for me, right?
And in that space of you knowthe conversation that you were
earlier mentioning, like thatconversation that you were
(56:22):
earlier mentioning of which iswhat, which is, you know, when
you put something else, becausewe I think this was like 15
years ago now that conversation,yeah, I think, um, you know, I
was in a really, really darkplace and Taibbi told me um, I
think you're feeling the wayyou're feeling because you have
something or someone in thisspace that was meant for Allah,
(56:42):
right, and when you, like youguys were saying when you take
that thing out, and you putAllah in everything kind of the
world is not.
you know, the universe is notheliocentric, it should be
Allah-centric right.
So, like when your world kindof revolves around the thoughts
of Allah, the relationship withAllah, what Allah needs, what
(57:02):
Allah not needs, what Allahwants from you and all of these
things and what you need fromAllah, and it kind of just goes.
Your need for people and yourneed for affirmations from
people, validations from people,from society, from family, kind
of goes away.
Yeah and um that, that thatfreedom also gets rid of that
(57:24):
loneliness, because lonelinesscome, loneliness is unexpressed
needs yeah right and expressedthere's a vacancy, that that
it's an echo of that vacancyyeah so once that's filled with
allah, then you know, um, yeah,anyway.
So I just I just want to kindof validate that and I just want
to talk about the you know,wise wisdom that you gave me 15
(57:45):
years ago applies for me too, sonow that we talked about 2024,
I'm sure unless you want to adda little bit more about your
2024, then we can go to 2025.
Speaker 1 (57:57):
No, I can save it for next time, alright so for 2025
individually.
I know, save it for next time,okay, alright, so for 2025
individually.
Speaker 2 (58:03):
I know that you mentioned a little bit about the
things that you wanted to do in2025.
By the way, I don't know whattime it is, so I think we're a
little over.
Okay, really fast everybody.
Speaker 1 (58:15):
I think we need another episode for 2025 yeah,
okay, then we'll do that, yeah,okay.
Well, well, it's been an amazingrecap yeah, I think it's a good
place to leave it.
Yeah, Like reflection, yeah,Thinking about the next year and
just being grateful and withall the challenges that we've
(58:36):
gone through this year,Alhamdulillah.
All the challenges that we'vegone through this year,
Alhamdulillah.
You know, I think sometimes youare tested with to see how
dedicated you are and how youknow, and sometimes you are
tested because Allah might wantto increase you in rank.
Yeah, you know.
So, Alhamdulillah for that.
This year.
(58:56):
It's like I said earlier, youknow it's definitely it's been a
challenge, but alhamdulillah,we are on the other side of it.
Speaker 2 (59:05):
Yeah, and I also wanted to kind of just wrap up
this episode by talking aboutour podcast and our season thus
far.
You know, this season we wereable to kind of push ourselves a
little bit harder and a littlebit deeper into topics that we
really found to be difficult andtaboo and, uh, things that we
wanted to be addressed in ourcommunity.
(59:26):
Uh, we hope we did them justice.
Um may Allah accept our duas andour niyyah for that, um, we
hope that you know they werebeneficial, or they were a
starting point for you guys andfor 2025, inshallah, may Allah
also help us make it better andbigger and help us have an
(59:53):
impact that is of substanceMeaningful and meaningful that
resonates with our audience.
Speaker 1 (01:00:01):
Yes, yeah, this has been difficult conversations see
ya assalamualaikum.
Join the conversation in thecomment section or on our
instagram page to share with uswhat you think.
We do not have all the answersand our biggest goal is to kick
off and get the conversationgoing.
May Allah accept our effortsand use us as catalysts for
(01:00:25):
change.
Mbc.
Speaker 3 (01:00:35):
All relation to MBC.
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