April 15, 2024 • 29 mins
Navigating the minefield of marriage requires more than just mutual affection—it demands respect, trust, and understanding the psychological dance of ego and validation. This episode doesn't just skim the surface; we dig into the reasons why some partners may seek approval from outside their union, and how this pursuit can erode the foundations of a once-solid relationship. Our discussion also casts a critical eye over the pitfalls of overpraising one's spouse in public, exploring how such actions might inadvertently invite jealousy and temptation from others.
We examine how friendships can either fortify or fracture a marriage, and what happens to those left in the wake of unfaithfulness. We confront the tough questions about character and infidelity, echoing tales from the Reddit trenches that highlight the ongoing struggle against negative influences like Shaytaan. But it's not all about the struggle; our episode also extends a hand of support, providing resources and advocating for the power of open, educational dialogue.
Join us as we offer solace and solidarity to those grappling with these challenges, reminding everyone that they are not alone on this journey.
Visit our IG page at https://www.instagram.com/dc_overcoffee/ to join the conversation!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
As-salamu alaykum, Welcome to Difficult
Conversations where we tackletaboo topics in a safe space
through empowerment andeducation.
The information on this podcastis for informational purposes
only and should not beconsidered professional.
Mental health advice.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome back to Difficult Conversations.
Today we're going to talk aboutfailures in marriage and what
are some of the biggest thingsthat people are really shy
talking about it, which isearlier, I think, we talked
about finances, but in today'sepisode we want to talk about
(00:42):
what is cheating is like inmarriage and how can one know
and what are the conversationaround that and what are we, as
a Muslim, like in our community?
Talk about it.
I think we it's more revelant,revelance, prevalent, prevalence
, prevalence that's the wordprevalence than we think we are,
(01:04):
um, especially with the levelof the social media exposures,
um, so many differentaccessibility to do it, um, and
I think it's kind of talkingabout that conversation.
So I want to, first andforemost, ask you guys what is
your understanding aroundcheating and how do you have
those conversations with yourspouse or with yourself, or with
(01:25):
your community of supportsystems?
Speaker 1 (01:30):
I think, for me.
I feel like cheating is notjust, you know, having an
intercourse with somebody else asnatcher a husband or a wife.
I think there's little thingsthat we don't consider cheating.
It could be, like, you know,emotional cheating, you know,
looking at other people that arenot your spouse.
(01:51):
So, basically, when I thinkabout this, I think about the
ayah, when Allah SWT says don'tget close to zina right.
He just doesn't say don't dozina, it's just don't even do
things that lead to it.
You know they don't do zina,they just don't even do things
that lead to it.
You know, and you know, it'slike the gaze, the talking to
people that are not your spousein a way that violates that
(02:14):
sanctity that you've createdwith your spouse.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
So for me, all those things are things that I tried
not to engage in.
I mean, for me too, thecheating it's not just physical,
it's the emotional, the.
You cheat with everything.
You cheat with your ears, youcheat with your eyes, you cheat
with your body, you know,physically, you cheat with your
mind, you cheat with yourbehavior.
Right, I quit cheating withrespect, like I feel like, if
(02:50):
you are disrespecting ourmarriage, like in with like, for
example, you know, adi, nama,adi, amma, they have this thing
called work wife and workhusband, where they're like
kicking it out at work and likesharing your intimate um married
(03:12):
life detailed problems withthis specific person.
That's, that's cheating.
You know you are violating oursacred marriage and the things
that are going on and you know,in our marriage to not a
therapist, but someone thatcould have some, you know, like
there is like that that couldlead to something else, when you
(03:35):
become sorry about this.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
I'm sorry, I'm so excited.
So so I was watching this video, okay, I have to go.
I was watching this video, um,okay, I have to go.
I was watching this video and Ithink I don't know if we
mentioned this on a previousepisode.
So there was this guy.
Did I tell you about this?
Did I tell you guys about this?
So there was this guy, thislady, she was working at like
(03:57):
some kind of firm or something,and then there was a co-worker.
Was it on an episode or just ingeneral?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
No, we just had a conversation about it, okay.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
So the co-worker, the co-worker and she was new to
their farm or whatever.
Like, oh, like, he just startedfalling in love with her, okay.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
They're both single.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
No, it seems she's married, okay, and her husband
works at a different firm, okay,and um, so he like cracked up
this whole thing and he had afriend at the husband's firm.
So then he started, um, youknow, spurting out rumors that
he, him and the muslim girl werehaving an affair, and he
created this whole story tryingto uh get her divorced from her
(04:48):
husband.
So, husband, you see, hebelieved the whole story it's a
reddit story.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
It was a reddit story .
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yeah, he believed the story and they had problems,
blah, blah, blah and all thatstuff.
So I'm just happy he didn'tkill her.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
That guy sounds like a psychopath.
Who the the guy spreading therumor?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
yeah, yeah.
So anyway, he puts this redditup and he's like oh, you know,
I'm the cause of her divorce andI don't know what to do with
myself.
Like now, I'm a gansengalinaand he felt shame and guilty, so
now he's looking for empathyyeah, go go get yourself a
straitjacket.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
That that's what you need.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
So that just popped in my head, because this whole
thing, about work wife and, likeyou know, mixing with the
opposite gender and stuff likethat will let you realize the
wisdom right of our like valuesand you know certain ethos and
certain values that we hold asmuslims and how that like that
(05:49):
protects you from so much.
You know what I mean.
And working in, like havingworking in professionally or
whatever we see these things sooften, you know, especially um
the whole work wife thing andit's just, it's so so, so, so,
so normalized.
It's so normalized.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
And it's not, it's not healthy.
Or you know, for example, likeI've said this in the show, like
multiple times, that I see likerelationships with men and
women differently than you guys.
Like I have more, I've had moreguy friends in my lifetime than
you know, girls that arefriends Right, right, um so, but
(06:25):
even with that, I can tell youguys a story of like me working
at a specific um school districtwhere I was, you know, an admin
.
Like I would see these two umcounselors one is married, one
is single, and me and like thisother guy that's also part of
(06:47):
admin.
Like we would be like would yoube comfortable if your husband
came to work and this is how heinteracted with his coworker?
And they'd be like, no, it'snot, this is so.
And everybody was convinced thatsomething's going on because
you can't be that close and nothave an emotional attachment and
they'll call each other, notjust work wife, work husband,
(07:10):
but they'll be like, oh my god,he's my brother and he's I'm
like I don't, I don't touch myblood brother like that, not
someone else's husband, you knowwhat I mean.
Like I don't talk to my bloodbrother like that.
That's weird.
Um, I think having that is.
That is like because, guys, Ithink some guys, um, most of the
time they think intercourse ascheating.
(07:31):
They don't think scrolling oninstagram and clicking on some
girl's booty is cheating.
That is the gateway to cheating, because the minute you allow
your brain to be okay withlooking at some girl's body and
admiring it, that leads toanother door.
Right now, let me just talk toher, let me just be friends with
(07:51):
her.
We're just friends.
I'm not doing anything.
You know, you've let shaitan in, yeah, you've let shaitan in,
and then you go, you go and then, before you know it, you're
there and you can't come back.
You know what I mean and I thinkalso the idea that, like, the
wisdom of it, not just keepingyour eyes, your gaze, lower when
you see the person in person,but when you're talking about
(08:14):
that person, when other peopleare talking about that person,
and I, you know, even for me,like when I was driving here for
this episode, I was kind oflike in the car talking to
myself about it and I was likeI'm really protective of my
marriage and I don't know ifthis is like.
I don't ever want to like talkabout marriage and stuff like
(08:36):
that out in public because youdon't want people to be like, uh
, you know, like, let me, let me.
Because I used to be so naive,I used to think people wouldn't
go out of their way to test shit, like, but no, oh, this girl's
husband is so cool, let me gofind out for myself.
(08:58):
You know there's that thing.
Or like this girl's wife is,this guy's wife is.
So you know, like, and it'sdon't don't overly praise your
relationships, because envy isthere, envy's there don't overly
like talk about so like someonecould be, oh mashallah, he's a
good person.
But if I'm like, oh, he's sohandsome and he's so smart and
(09:20):
he's so kind, all of the sudden,the things that I'm saying
about the stranger- is gonnastart to start imprinting in my
brain and then I'm going tostart comparing that person to
my husband.
And then my husband obviouslyhe's the real person.
He's real 100% of the time,versus this guy is a figment of
my imagination and he's onlyshowing me what I want to see.
(09:40):
So I'm going to be like, oh,this is better than this, so I'm
going to go here.
So I think, even when you'recomplimenting people I'm very
generous with my complimentswith girls, but with guys
mashallah, he's good.
He could be Brad Pitt when hewas 20 years old and super hot.
I'd be like he's good.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Good Mashallah, move on, it's keeping.
I good, move on, it's keeping.
I think it's good to havediscipline right and what you
guys are talking about isdisciplining yourself and one of
the things that people don'tunderstand about shaitan.
I always say this shaitan isthe most.
If you want to learn whatpatient looks like, you have to
be working with shaitan and tounderstand what that is, because
(10:19):
he's very meticulous about anyaspect of especially the
relationship, about marriage.
He loved divorces, he lovedbreaking relationships and I
think sometime I'm gonna try topush this on.
Men and women do it too, butspecifically with men.
For them, is is visualizationabout everything.
Everything is visual,everything.
(10:40):
The way that some.
It's specifically right now,the accessibility that I was
mentioning earlier access ofonline dating, access to
Instagram, access to social,different type of social medias
that already available, accessto things, because sometimes the
conversation you can feel likewhen something might not be
(11:01):
going like in your life ischanging, kind of a little bit
like let me see what's out there, right for them.
It's like let me just I'm notgonna do anything about it, I'm
just gonna see what's out there.
Even that idea is a shaitan.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
You know, actually the idea that men are visual is
a little bit misleading, and notyou, but there's that concept
that like, oh, you know if I'mjust good looking enough.
The thing is also, I was kindof when we were talking about
this topic, I was doing researchand like listening to like a
lot of interviews of likewhatever, whatever men that are
married and that cheated, andthe thing is that men are
(11:39):
egocentric, like they are drivenby their ego, their manhood.
They want to be the leader ofthe house, they want to be
valued, and the minute they feelnot valued and I'm not saying
this is the wife's fault, I'mjust saying this is the reality
of the situation when they feellike they might be, for example,
they might be the earners, theof the house, and then all of a
(12:02):
sudden they're not anymore likebecause they got laid off this
hasn't done to do with the wife,but like this is life right,
and then all of a sudden thewife is coming, going, having to
go to work, and like comingback and bringing them, and then
now their value they feel theirvalue, you know decrease, right
.
So they go to find someone thatsees like that, that doesn't
(12:24):
know them.
At their best.
They're an opportunist.
They're an opportunist, right.
So they go and they go to.
They are always attracted tothat person that makes them feel
the best.
But no matter how great of awife you are, you're not going
to be able to make your husbandfeel his best 24-7, right.
So because you're living in thereal world where there are kids
(12:47):
running around and you're likedishes that need to get done,
there's bills that need to getpaid, but this side chick or
this other person, she only seeshim for what?
30 minutes an hour, two hours.
They can live in that honeymoonspace for years because she's
not consistently getting hisreal 100 self or her real 100
(13:09):
self.
So in that space people tend tovalue they, they.
You can make that person feellike the center of the world.
She can make him feel like thecenter of the world, the center
of the universe, the mostimportant, smartest, big, best
person in the world, for twohours without feeling drained.
The wife is not going to beable to do that 24 7 because
(13:30):
even if she does it for twohours, for the eight hours she
might be distracted with otherthings, and that's probably a
lot of other things going on too, though you know what I mean in
her life, um, and in theirpersonal relationship.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
I think you, when you are in a relationship, you, I
feel like it's hard, it would behard not to realize when
there's a certain shift or whenthere's a certain um change in
dynamics, and I think, as acouple, that's where you have to
be super hyper vigilant interms of, okay, what changed,
you know, and how can we bringthis back, um and have that
(14:06):
conversation?
Speaker 3 (14:06):
yeah, and I think also a one thing.
I actually I saw this videoyesterday, um, from this
tiktoker, and she said it best.
She said I don't want a guythat's a nice guy to me.
I want a guy that's nice.
I don't want a guy that is likeum, that fears that.
I don't want a guy that's likekind to me or that's a good
(14:27):
person to me.
I want a guy that's god fearing.
I want a guy that's a kindperson.
That way it's not conditionedon you being and doing certain
things for him, for you to getthe best version of him or her.
You guys are not the onlypeople that cheat.
You know you can flip that intothe best girl, the best you
know that fears allah is exactlyone of the biggest things.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
The biggest thing yeah, the person fears allah,
regardless of if that person, ifyour wife is present or if your
husband is present, you won'tdo anything I think that's what
I was trying to get out earlieris the fact is that the work of
Shaitan is very meticulous andvery plan-orientated and
specifically around when I wastalking about image and the
(15:10):
access, is that Shaitan works invery selective.
Like you look at it, you're likeI'm fine, and then next time
the thought doesn't go away.
It's going to constantlyrepetitively happen and you're
like, okay, I'm just going to doone more.
Look Right, that idea is whatkind of the gate of it, if we're
going to specifically talkabout religiously perspective,
is like shaitan works verypatiently and even though you
(15:32):
have the loyalty to Allah, youalso have to fight your nafs and
shaitan.
Right, and that understandingis the biggest thing.
If you have done the work ofyou saying I have a nafs that is
going to be against me and thenI also have to fight shaitan
and those tests is for you tofigure out how you can kind of
(15:53):
manage it and be disciplinedabout it.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
And there are certain things, like you know.
Say, you're having shahawar oryou're having um hard time with
your nafs or whatever.
If you're single, then you'rerecommended to fast.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
You know which will right, which will help with.
Same for married too.
Yeah, if you're having thestruggle.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Yeah, when it comes to if you're married, I think
it's a lot easier, like if youhave those thoughts or have you
know you have your wife there.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Yeah, you know, I mean, you know, just to go a
little bit further, right, right, I think when you, when people
cheat, they are not justcheating for physical no
physical interactions.
They're cheating becausethere's something missing within
them, within their marriage,and that is, if it's a girl or
if it's a guy, either they'renot getting the emotional
(16:40):
support that they need, thatthey're not getting the physical
support that they need, thatthey're not getting the physical
support that they need, thephysical intimacy that they need
, the emotional intimacy thatthey need, either they're not.
Something is missing that make.
That's making them stray, right, and again, that's not the
other person's fault,necessarily all the time, or you
know, it's the union, thesomething in the union is
(17:00):
cracking.
So when you, how, you, how doyou notice?
That is that, for example, what,how are you prioritizing your
marriage in that list of things,in the list of your to-do list?
Right, where is that at?
Okay, I have to take care of mykids, I have to take care of my
, my parents, I have to takecare of the house, I have to
take care of the bills.
(17:20):
Where is your marriage?
How?
What are you doing to take careof?
Because, if you, I have to takecare of the bills.
Where is your marriage?
What are you doing to take careof it?
Because if you eat junk foodall the time and don't go
exercise, you're going to getbig.
That's logic.
One plus one equals two.
If you are avoiding spendingquality time with your husband
and your wife, then yourmarriage is going to feel like
roommates eventually, mateseventually.
(17:47):
So, and also what?
What when you think of beingand I am, I'm really trying to
be very cautious about like howI speak, because it's a very
sensitive topic but marriage isjust like any other relationship
, in the sense that the more youinvest, the more you get.
The less you invest, the lessyou get, and then, at the same,
time exactly and thesurroundings around your
(18:08):
marriage impact your marriagejust like any other relationship
.
If you are surrounded withfriends, if you have friends
that are single, for example, orif you have friends that are
married but they're very, verytoxic in relationships, right,
that are like oh hey, I'm gonnago and I'm gonna do this with so
and so, and then I'm gonna comeback and cheat you.
(18:28):
Cheating is gonna be normal inyour mind if you have friend, if
you have a single, uh, friends,and they're like come on, hang
out with us, go out with us,party with us, you know, and
then when you're out there,they're not protecting you,
right, and they're.
If you're out there and they'relike oh, you know, be my
wingman.
But to be a wingman, that meansyou have to entertain someone
else.
They're not saying, oh, he'snot good, I'm not available.
(18:51):
It's not just you saying I'mnot available.
Your friends have to say you'renot available.
Your friends, even if you lookat a girl too long, your friends
have to be able to check you.
Yeah, like, you know what Imean.
You have to have those friends.
But if you are having friends,oh, you know, your wife is such
a blah, blah, blah.
Your wife is so naggy, yourwife is so this, or your, uh,
(19:12):
your husband is so this, yeah,your husband.
And then they're talkingnegatively about your wife or
your husband.
That's gonna sink into yourbrain too.
So your circle dictates howsometimes you feel about your
marriage too.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
So I think, let's I want to transition until we only
have a couple minutes left orso.
Um, what advice do we have if,say, you are cheated on and it
had happened?
Um, and you notice, or somebodycomes and tells you hey, you
know, I think your husband oryour wife is cheating or doing
such and such.
How would you guys navigatethat conversation hypothetically
(19:47):
?
I would say always therapy Ifyou feel like this is In the
moment, though like okay, sayyou just found out right now.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
I can't talk about hypothetically.
I'm not really good at that, Idon't.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
I'm yeah'm not really good at that, I don't, yeah,
it's really hard for me toimagine that scenario and kind
of talk about like, you know,maybe you two can, but I don't
know.
You go ahead.
I think I would first talkabout it, you know, and be like,
yeah, and at least be like, ok,because you can't, because
(20:25):
people can be shaytan as well,right, and they can come and be
like, oh, you know this and thisand this, so at least give him
the benefit of doubt and be like, hey, you know, I heard such
and such um, maybe you didn'thear, maybe you saw that way
there's like no shaytan, noother people, there's no other,
it's not other people tellingyou shit.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
It's like you saw or you found evidence on your own
so that way, what do you?
Speaker 1 (20:48):
do, still confront, still talk, still be like okay,
what happened?
What happened?
Speaker 2 (20:56):
I don't know.
Do you know?
That's the answer.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know how I got there.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
I don't know, I fell.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I landed right on her .
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Honestly, like what did you— I can just imagine that
conversation with you and yourhusband, right?
I want you guys to imagine thatconversation, actually, because
I can't imagine my future,because I'm very excited now.
Imagine that conversation.
How would it go, knowing whatyou know about your husband
right now and you having thisconversation with him?
(21:30):
God forbid, god forbid, everthis happens to both of you.
But knowing that thisconversation happened, how do
you think it would go?
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Okay, what happened Explaining?
And then, if I'm not satisfied,you bring a third party in on
both sides.
And then he was like what?
Speaker 2 (21:46):
What would he say?
Speaker 3 (21:47):
What would satisfy you Like.
What about his answer?
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Well, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
No, I don't think I would, initially I don't think I
will talk.
I think I will retreat Becausefor me, and again I don't think
I'll talk.
I think I will retreat becausefor me, and and um again I don't
want to, but for me in mysituation right now I would go
into what went wrong mentality.
It's like, okay, where, what didI miss?
What did I miss?
Not self-blame, necessarily.
(22:17):
What was going on in in ouruniverse to, like, change the
course of this person'spersonality, who he is, to a
point where he's going down?
He went down this route, like,where, where, where did I miss
it?
Right, like.
And then, because, like I said,you marry, you, the person that
(22:38):
cheats is the person youmarried.
They don't, like you know whatI mean, unless something, yeah,
yeah happens it's.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
It's those habits that, like you, can't you, they
don't develop it out of thin air.
So you're like regardless oflike because when I was looking
through this.
So they're like oh, you know,there's different types of why
people cheat.
They can be opportunistic, theycan be um, the romantic that um
still loves his wife orwhatever, but then, you know,
(23:05):
has too like, is it love withsomebody else too, or has an ex.
That you know they haven'tforgotten, blah, blah and all
this stuff.
But in all those scenarios it'slike you don't you've already
had that in you.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
You don't just develop that in the, in the
relationship are you guys sayingthat there's traits within a
person that makes them to be acheater?
Definitely?
Speaker 3 (23:28):
100 once a cheater, always a cheater, at least
that's interesting if you have,if you like, if you don't fear
god, if you don't have value onyourself, if you are too
egocentric in the way that youthink you.
It won't happen to me like.
There's this quote and I alwaysapply it to everything in my
life which is from maya angelo.
She got it from an africanproverb which is I am a human
being and I think human is aliento me, which means that if a
(23:52):
human, any human being, doessomething, I have the capacity
within me to be able to do thatthing, no matter how destructive
or constructive.
So if any human being, any girl, any man, is able to cheat, I
am able to cheat too.
That way, I have to just guardmyself so that I am never in
that position where I am.
I'm tested, so I just make surethat I don't have an any.
(24:17):
I have clear, cut boundaries noaccess to anything like that and
if you don't think, if youthink that, oh, I'm too good to
cheat, I am too kind, I'm tooyou know, whatever and it kind
of goes back to the hypervigilance.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
You just have to be hyper vigilant, you have to be
hyper protective of you.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
And also it goes back to respect, right, you do you
respect yourself?
Do you respect yourself to notever put that label on you?
Because first it has to startwith you, right the cheater.
Like, do you respect yourselfto not ever be called a cheater?
You can call me whatever,whatever, but you won't call me
this.
Yeah right.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
I like that you put it back on the individual,
regardless who it is.
It's the respect and disciplineand aspect of that that you're
doing to yourself.
Is that worth it for you to dosomething like this?
Speaker 1 (25:11):
And I think having that it makes it a lot easier
and I think even that idea oflike there is a neat trait of a
person that I have to digestthat a little bit.
But I think it's like why youdon't agree, or it's not that I
don't agree.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
I think you haven't thought about it like, I haven't
thought about it like that, andbut I also think that a human
being can make a mistake,because, based on um, there's a
small uh stories that I want totell and that kind of maybe
validate.
What I'm trying to say is thatthere's's, you know, there's a
story about a story of a verysignificant scholar during the
(25:47):
Musa, and where two brotherswere traveling and then they
left their sister with him.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Yes, yeah, the abbot.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Yeah, so something like that can happen because of
Shaitan's work, right, I'm notgoing to always say blame on
Shaitan.
You also have to work on yourcharacter as a person and
explain that story for thepeople who might not know.
There's a story about thisscholar, who is a very
practicing religious person,where two brothers are going to
go off to war.
I think and correct me ifsomebody knows this story, but
(26:14):
anyway, this Alim, right, heworked really hard.
He's lived far away in kind ofseclusion and respecting, like
worshiping, allah, and then twobrothers left this girl and this
girl is staying in the house.
At first, this scholar, whenhe's watching this girl, he left
the food very distance at thegate of the door at first, right
(26:35):
?
So shaitan came to him.
How can you leave a single girlby herself without no
protection and why would you letsomebody else see her come out
of her own house to grab thatfood, right?
He's like well, okay, in thatcase I should move up a little
bit closer, but she's stillgoing to come out.
People are going to see her.
You're supposed to be herprotector, right?
(26:56):
This is Shaitan telling him that.
And then slowly, slowly, slowly.
I'm'm gonna make it short, butthis man get closer to this girl
and he does have an affair withthis girl.
And then now shaitan tells himthe brothers are never gonna
leave you alone for what youjust did, right, because he's
shaitan's been working so muchon this man and then you gotta
(27:17):
have to do something about it.
And then the brothers and thisman not the brothers, this man
murdered this girl because nowand then she's also pregnant at
the same time.
Now he's like what are yougoing to do with the body?
They're going to find out.
You did this.
So the man buried the woman andthe baby pregnant, but buried
(27:38):
her.
But when the brothers came backfrom this war, they ask about
their sister and they say yoursister died.
We don't know where she is, butshe's gone, or she died or
she's gone.
But anyway, the two brothersboth had similar dreams about
their sister and they knowexactly where she was buried to.
And then they found out thatthe man did this.
And so the man now is afraid ofwhat's going to happen to him.
(28:00):
The shaitan says bow down to me, otherwise I'll forgive you,
right?
And the man did it.
He bowed down and then now like, can you help me with these
brothers because they're goingto come kill me?
He's like well, I got what Ineeded, so good luck.
Even I fear Allah.
Even I fear Allah.
So good luck, deal with them.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
So yeah, so that's what I'm saying.
Shaitan has a way ofmeticulously working on people
to commit to specific things,and I'm not I'm not negating
Shaitan only, but as a humanbeing, you also should work on
yourself, your loyalty andself-respect, so that you'll be
able to respect the relationshipyourself and the relationship
as well.
So this conversation, it issomething that needs to happen
more often.
So this conversation, it issomething that needs to happen
more often and I think we justagain did a surface about this
conversation and it's somethingthat in deeply, like any other
(28:48):
educational aspect that you cando for yourself, is to take the
time to learn about this area aswell, because it happens and,
in this day and age, a lot morepeople writing their stories on
Reddit and talking about it, andwhich is why we brought it to
here too, to talk about about it, in a sense, because we hear so
much from other people as well.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
And then there are resources available to you.
Don't feel like if you oranybody you know are
experiencing this or goingthrough this.
There are resources in thecommunity and people that you
can go to to talk to them, butjust don't feel like you have to
suffer alone in anything.
So, this has been.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Difficult Conversations.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Join the conversation in the comment section or on
our social media pages.
We do not have all the answers,and our biggest goal is to kick
off the conversation and get itstarted.
May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaaccept our efforts and use us
for catalysts of change.
As-salamu alaykum, Welcome to Difficult
Conversations where we tackletaboo topics in a safe space
through empowerment andeducation.
The information on this podcastis for informational purposes
only and should not beconsidered professional.
Mental health advice.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome back to Difficult Conversations.
Today we're going to talk aboutfailures in marriage and what
are some of the biggest thingsthat people are really shy
talking about it, which isearlier, I think, we talked
about finances, but in today'sepisode we want to talk about
(00:42):
what is cheating is like inmarriage and how can one know
and what are the conversationaround that and what are we, as
a Muslim, like in our community?
Talk about it.
I think we it's more revelant,revelance, prevalent, prevalence
, prevalence that's the wordprevalence than we think we are,
(01:04):
um, especially with the levelof the social media exposures,
um, so many differentaccessibility to do it, um, and
I think it's kind of talkingabout that conversation.
So I want to, first andforemost, ask you guys what is
your understanding aroundcheating and how do you have
those conversations with yourspouse or with yourself, or with
(01:25):
your community of supportsystems?
Speaker 1 (01:30):
I think, for me.
I feel like cheating is notjust, you know, having an
intercourse with somebody else asnatcher a husband or a wife.
I think there's little thingsthat we don't consider cheating.
It could be, like, you know,emotional cheating, you know,
looking at other people that arenot your spouse.
(01:51):
So, basically, when I thinkabout this, I think about the
ayah, when Allah SWT says don'tget close to zina right.
He just doesn't say don't dozina, it's just don't even do
things that lead to it.
You know they don't do zina,they just don't even do things
that lead to it.
You know, and you know, it'slike the gaze, the talking to
people that are not your spousein a way that violates that
(02:14):
sanctity that you've createdwith your spouse.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
So for me, all those things are things that I tried
not to engage in.
I mean, for me too, thecheating it's not just physical,
it's the emotional, the.
You cheat with everything.
You cheat with your ears, youcheat with your eyes, you cheat
with your body, you know,physically, you cheat with your
mind, you cheat with yourbehavior.
Right, I quit cheating withrespect, like I feel like, if
(02:50):
you are disrespecting ourmarriage, like in with like, for
example, you know, adi, nama,adi, amma, they have this thing
called work wife and workhusband, where they're like
kicking it out at work and likesharing your intimate um married
(03:12):
life detailed problems withthis specific person.
That's, that's cheating.
You know you are violating oursacred marriage and the things
that are going on and you know,in our marriage to not a
therapist, but someone thatcould have some, you know, like
there is like that that couldlead to something else, when you
(03:35):
become sorry about this.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
I'm sorry, I'm so excited.
So so I was watching this video, okay, I have to go.
I was watching this video, um,okay, I have to go.
I was watching this video and Ithink I don't know if we
mentioned this on a previousepisode.
So there was this guy.
Did I tell you about this?
Did I tell you guys about this?
So there was this guy, thislady, she was working at like
(03:57):
some kind of firm or something,and then there was a co-worker.
Was it on an episode or just ingeneral?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
No, we just had a conversation about it, okay.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
So the co-worker, the co-worker and she was new to
their farm or whatever.
Like, oh, like, he just startedfalling in love with her, okay.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
They're both single.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
No, it seems she's married, okay, and her husband
works at a different firm, okay,and um, so he like cracked up
this whole thing and he had afriend at the husband's firm.
So then he started, um, youknow, spurting out rumors that
he, him and the muslim girl werehaving an affair, and he
created this whole story tryingto uh get her divorced from her
(04:48):
husband.
So, husband, you see, hebelieved the whole story it's a
reddit story.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
It was a reddit story .
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yeah, he believed the story and they had problems,
blah, blah, blah and all thatstuff.
So I'm just happy he didn'tkill her.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
That guy sounds like a psychopath.
Who the the guy spreading therumor?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
yeah, yeah.
So anyway, he puts this redditup and he's like oh, you know,
I'm the cause of her divorce andI don't know what to do with
myself.
Like now, I'm a gansengalinaand he felt shame and guilty, so
now he's looking for empathyyeah, go go get yourself a
straitjacket.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
That that's what you need.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
So that just popped in my head, because this whole
thing, about work wife and, likeyou know, mixing with the
opposite gender and stuff likethat will let you realize the
wisdom right of our like valuesand you know certain ethos and
certain values that we hold asmuslims and how that like that
(05:49):
protects you from so much.
You know what I mean.
And working in, like havingworking in professionally or
whatever we see these things sooften, you know, especially um
the whole work wife thing andit's just, it's so so, so, so,
so normalized.
It's so normalized.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
And it's not, it's not healthy.
Or you know, for example, likeI've said this in the show, like
multiple times, that I see likerelationships with men and
women differently than you guys.
Like I have more, I've had moreguy friends in my lifetime than
you know, girls that arefriends Right, right, um so, but
(06:25):
even with that, I can tell youguys a story of like me working
at a specific um school districtwhere I was, you know, an admin
.
Like I would see these two umcounselors one is married, one
is single, and me and like thisother guy that's also part of
(06:47):
admin.
Like we would be like would yoube comfortable if your husband
came to work and this is how heinteracted with his coworker?
And they'd be like, no, it'snot, this is so.
And everybody was convinced thatsomething's going on because
you can't be that close and nothave an emotional attachment and
they'll call each other, notjust work wife, work husband,
(07:10):
but they'll be like, oh my god,he's my brother and he's I'm
like I don't, I don't touch myblood brother like that, not
someone else's husband, you knowwhat I mean.
Like I don't talk to my bloodbrother like that.
That's weird.
Um, I think having that is.
That is like because, guys, Ithink some guys, um, most of the
time they think intercourse ascheating.
(07:31):
They don't think scrolling oninstagram and clicking on some
girl's booty is cheating.
That is the gateway to cheating, because the minute you allow
your brain to be okay withlooking at some girl's body and
admiring it, that leads toanother door.
Right now, let me just talk toher, let me just be friends with
(07:51):
her.
We're just friends.
I'm not doing anything.
You know, you've let shaitan in, yeah, you've let shaitan in,
and then you go, you go and then, before you know it, you're
there and you can't come back.
You know what I mean and I thinkalso the idea that, like, the
wisdom of it, not just keepingyour eyes, your gaze, lower when
you see the person in person,but when you're talking about
(08:14):
that person, when other peopleare talking about that person,
and I, you know, even for me,like when I was driving here for
this episode, I was kind oflike in the car talking to
myself about it and I was likeI'm really protective of my
marriage and I don't know ifthis is like.
I don't ever want to like talkabout marriage and stuff like
(08:36):
that out in public because youdon't want people to be like, uh
, you know, like, let me, let me.
Because I used to be so naive,I used to think people wouldn't
go out of their way to test shit, like, but no, oh, this girl's
husband is so cool, let me gofind out for myself.
(08:58):
You know there's that thing.
Or like this girl's wife is,this guy's wife is.
So you know, like, and it'sdon't don't overly praise your
relationships, because envy isthere, envy's there don't overly
like talk about so like someonecould be, oh mashallah, he's a
good person.
But if I'm like, oh, he's sohandsome and he's so smart and
(09:20):
he's so kind, all of the sudden,the things that I'm saying
about the stranger- is gonnastart to start imprinting in my
brain and then I'm going tostart comparing that person to
my husband.
And then my husband obviouslyhe's the real person.
He's real 100% of the time,versus this guy is a figment of
my imagination and he's onlyshowing me what I want to see.
(09:40):
So I'm going to be like, oh,this is better than this, so I'm
going to go here.
So I think, even when you'recomplimenting people I'm very
generous with my complimentswith girls, but with guys
mashallah, he's good.
He could be Brad Pitt when hewas 20 years old and super hot.
I'd be like he's good.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Good Mashallah, move on, it's keeping.
I good, move on, it's keeping.
I think it's good to havediscipline right and what you
guys are talking about isdisciplining yourself and one of
the things that people don'tunderstand about shaitan.
I always say this shaitan isthe most.
If you want to learn whatpatient looks like, you have to
be working with shaitan and tounderstand what that is, because
(10:19):
he's very meticulous about anyaspect of especially the
relationship, about marriage.
He loved divorces, he lovedbreaking relationships and I
think sometime I'm gonna try topush this on.
Men and women do it too, butspecifically with men.
For them, is is visualizationabout everything.
Everything is visual,everything.
(10:40):
The way that some.
It's specifically right now,the accessibility that I was
mentioning earlier access ofonline dating, access to
Instagram, access to social,different type of social medias
that already available, accessto things, because sometimes the
conversation you can feel likewhen something might not be
(11:01):
going like in your life ischanging, kind of a little bit
like let me see what's out there, right for them.
It's like let me just I'm notgonna do anything about it, I'm
just gonna see what's out there.
Even that idea is a shaitan.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
You know, actually the idea that men are visual is
a little bit misleading, and notyou, but there's that concept
that like, oh, you know if I'mjust good looking enough.
The thing is also, I was kindof when we were talking about
this topic, I was doing researchand like listening to like a
lot of interviews of likewhatever, whatever men that are
married and that cheated, andthe thing is that men are
(11:39):
egocentric, like they are drivenby their ego, their manhood.
They want to be the leader ofthe house, they want to be
valued, and the minute they feelnot valued and I'm not saying
this is the wife's fault, I'mjust saying this is the reality
of the situation when they feellike they might be, for example,
they might be the earners, theof the house, and then all of a
(12:02):
sudden they're not anymore likebecause they got laid off this
hasn't done to do with the wife,but like this is life right,
and then all of a sudden thewife is coming, going, having to
go to work, and like comingback and bringing them, and then
now their value they feel theirvalue, you know decrease, right
.
So they go to find someone thatsees like that, that doesn't
(12:24):
know them.
At their best.
They're an opportunist.
They're an opportunist, right.
So they go and they go to.
They are always attracted tothat person that makes them feel
the best.
But no matter how great of awife you are, you're not going
to be able to make your husbandfeel his best 24-7, right.
So because you're living in thereal world where there are kids
(12:47):
running around and you're likedishes that need to get done,
there's bills that need to getpaid, but this side chick or
this other person, she only seeshim for what?
30 minutes an hour, two hours.
They can live in that honeymoonspace for years because she's
not consistently getting hisreal 100 self or her real 100
(13:09):
self.
So in that space people tend tovalue they, they.
You can make that person feellike the center of the world.
She can make him feel like thecenter of the world, the center
of the universe, the mostimportant, smartest, big, best
person in the world, for twohours without feeling drained.
The wife is not going to beable to do that 24 7 because
(13:30):
even if she does it for twohours, for the eight hours she
might be distracted with otherthings, and that's probably a
lot of other things going on too, though you know what I mean in
her life, um, and in theirpersonal relationship.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
I think you, when you are in a relationship, you, I
feel like it's hard, it would behard not to realize when
there's a certain shift or whenthere's a certain um change in
dynamics, and I think, as acouple, that's where you have to
be super hyper vigilant interms of, okay, what changed,
you know, and how can we bringthis back, um and have that
(14:06):
conversation?
Speaker 3 (14:06):
yeah, and I think also a one thing.
I actually I saw this videoyesterday, um, from this
tiktoker, and she said it best.
She said I don't want a guythat's a nice guy to me.
I want a guy that's nice.
I don't want a guy that is likeum, that fears that.
I don't want a guy that's likekind to me or that's a good
(14:27):
person to me.
I want a guy that's god fearing.
I want a guy that's a kindperson.
That way it's not conditionedon you being and doing certain
things for him, for you to getthe best version of him or her.
You guys are not the onlypeople that cheat.
You know you can flip that intothe best girl, the best you
know that fears allah is exactlyone of the biggest things.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
The biggest thing yeah, the person fears allah,
regardless of if that person, ifyour wife is present or if your
husband is present, you won'tdo anything I think that's what
I was trying to get out earlieris the fact is that the work of
Shaitan is very meticulous andvery plan-orientated and
specifically around when I wastalking about image and the
(15:10):
access, is that Shaitan works invery selective.
Like you look at it, you're likeI'm fine, and then next time
the thought doesn't go away.
It's going to constantlyrepetitively happen and you're
like, okay, I'm just going to doone more.
Look Right, that idea is whatkind of the gate of it, if we're
going to specifically talkabout religiously perspective,
is like shaitan works verypatiently and even though you
(15:32):
have the loyalty to Allah, youalso have to fight your nafs and
shaitan.
Right, and that understandingis the biggest thing.
If you have done the work ofyou saying I have a nafs that is
going to be against me and thenI also have to fight shaitan
and those tests is for you tofigure out how you can kind of
(15:53):
manage it and be disciplinedabout it.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
And there are certain things, like you know.
Say, you're having shahawar oryou're having um hard time with
your nafs or whatever.
If you're single, then you'rerecommended to fast.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
You know which will right, which will help with.
Same for married too.
Yeah, if you're having thestruggle.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Yeah, when it comes to if you're married, I think
it's a lot easier, like if youhave those thoughts or have you
know you have your wife there.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Yeah, you know, I mean, you know, just to go a
little bit further, right, right, I think when you, when people
cheat, they are not justcheating for physical no
physical interactions.
They're cheating becausethere's something missing within
them, within their marriage,and that is, if it's a girl or
if it's a guy, either they'renot getting the emotional
(16:40):
support that they need, thatthey're not getting the physical
support that they need, thatthey're not getting the physical
support that they need, thephysical intimacy that they need
, the emotional intimacy thatthey need, either they're not.
Something is missing that make.
That's making them stray, right, and again, that's not the
other person's fault,necessarily all the time, or you
know, it's the union, thesomething in the union is
(17:00):
cracking.
So when you, how, you, how doyou notice?
That is that, for example, what,how are you prioritizing your
marriage in that list of things,in the list of your to-do list?
Right, where is that at?
Okay, I have to take care of mykids, I have to take care of my
, my parents, I have to takecare of the house, I have to
take care of the bills.
(17:20):
Where is your marriage?
How?
What are you doing to take careof?
Because, if you, I have to takecare of the bills.
Where is your marriage?
What are you doing to take careof it?
Because if you eat junk foodall the time and don't go
exercise, you're going to getbig.
That's logic.
One plus one equals two.
If you are avoiding spendingquality time with your husband
and your wife, then yourmarriage is going to feel like
roommates eventually, mateseventually.
(17:47):
So, and also what?
What when you think of beingand I am, I'm really trying to
be very cautious about like howI speak, because it's a very
sensitive topic but marriage isjust like any other relationship
, in the sense that the more youinvest, the more you get.
The less you invest, the lessyou get, and then, at the same,
time exactly and thesurroundings around your
(18:08):
marriage impact your marriagejust like any other relationship
.
If you are surrounded withfriends, if you have friends
that are single, for example, orif you have friends that are
married but they're very, verytoxic in relationships, right,
that are like oh hey, I'm gonnago and I'm gonna do this with so
and so, and then I'm gonna comeback and cheat you.
(18:28):
Cheating is gonna be normal inyour mind if you have friend, if
you have a single, uh, friends,and they're like come on, hang
out with us, go out with us,party with us, you know, and
then when you're out there,they're not protecting you,
right, and they're.
If you're out there and they'relike oh, you know, be my
wingman.
But to be a wingman, that meansyou have to entertain someone
else.
They're not saying, oh, he'snot good, I'm not available.
(18:51):
It's not just you saying I'mnot available.
Your friends have to say you'renot available.
Your friends, even if you lookat a girl too long, your friends
have to be able to check you.
Yeah, like, you know what Imean.
You have to have those friends.
But if you are having friends,oh, you know, your wife is such
a blah, blah, blah.
Your wife is so naggy, yourwife is so this, or your, uh,
(19:12):
your husband is so this, yeah,your husband.
And then they're talkingnegatively about your wife or
your husband.
That's gonna sink into yourbrain too.
So your circle dictates howsometimes you feel about your
marriage too.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
So I think, let's I want to transition until we only
have a couple minutes left orso.
Um, what advice do we have if,say, you are cheated on and it
had happened?
Um, and you notice, or somebodycomes and tells you hey, you
know, I think your husband oryour wife is cheating or doing
such and such.
How would you guys navigatethat conversation hypothetically
(19:47):
?
I would say always therapy Ifyou feel like this is In the
moment, though like okay, sayyou just found out right now.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
I can't talk about hypothetically.
I'm not really good at that, Idon't.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
I'm yeah'm not really good at that, I don't, yeah,
it's really hard for me toimagine that scenario and kind
of talk about like, you know,maybe you two can, but I don't
know.
You go ahead.
I think I would first talkabout it, you know, and be like,
yeah, and at least be like, ok,because you can't, because
(20:25):
people can be shaytan as well,right, and they can come and be
like, oh, you know this and thisand this, so at least give him
the benefit of doubt and be like, hey, you know, I heard such
and such um, maybe you didn'thear, maybe you saw that way
there's like no shaytan, noother people, there's no other,
it's not other people tellingyou shit.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
It's like you saw or you found evidence on your own
so that way, what do you?
Speaker 1 (20:48):
do, still confront, still talk, still be like okay,
what happened?
What happened?
Speaker 2 (20:56):
I don't know.
Do you know?
That's the answer.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know how I got there.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
I don't know, I fell.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I landed right on her .
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Honestly, like what did you— I can just imagine that
conversation with you and yourhusband, right?
I want you guys to imagine thatconversation, actually, because
I can't imagine my future,because I'm very excited now.
Imagine that conversation.
How would it go, knowing whatyou know about your husband
right now and you having thisconversation with him?
(21:30):
God forbid, god forbid, everthis happens to both of you.
But knowing that thisconversation happened, how do
you think it would go?
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Okay, what happened Explaining?
And then, if I'm not satisfied,you bring a third party in on
both sides.
And then he was like what?
Speaker 2 (21:46):
What would he say?
Speaker 3 (21:47):
What would satisfy you Like.
What about his answer?
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Well, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
No, I don't think I would, initially I don't think I
will talk.
I think I will retreat Becausefor me, and again I don't think
I'll talk.
I think I will retreat becausefor me, and and um again I don't
want to, but for me in mysituation right now I would go
into what went wrong mentality.
It's like, okay, where, what didI miss?
What did I miss?
Not self-blame, necessarily.
(22:17):
What was going on in in ouruniverse to, like, change the
course of this person'spersonality, who he is, to a
point where he's going down?
He went down this route, like,where, where, where did I miss
it?
Right, like.
And then, because, like I said,you marry, you, the person that
(22:38):
cheats is the person youmarried.
They don't, like you know whatI mean, unless something, yeah,
yeah happens it's.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
It's those habits that, like you, can't you, they
don't develop it out of thin air.
So you're like regardless oflike because when I was looking
through this.
So they're like oh, you know,there's different types of why
people cheat.
They can be opportunistic, theycan be um, the romantic that um
still loves his wife orwhatever, but then, you know,
(23:05):
has too like, is it love withsomebody else too, or has an ex.
That you know they haven'tforgotten, blah, blah and all
this stuff.
But in all those scenarios it'slike you don't you've already
had that in you.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
You don't just develop that in the, in the
relationship are you guys sayingthat there's traits within a
person that makes them to be acheater?
Definitely?
Speaker 3 (23:28):
100 once a cheater, always a cheater, at least
that's interesting if you have,if you like, if you don't fear
god, if you don't have value onyourself, if you are too
egocentric in the way that youthink you.
It won't happen to me like.
There's this quote and I alwaysapply it to everything in my
life which is from maya angelo.
She got it from an africanproverb which is I am a human
being and I think human is aliento me, which means that if a
(23:52):
human, any human being, doessomething, I have the capacity
within me to be able to do thatthing, no matter how destructive
or constructive.
So if any human being, any girl, any man, is able to cheat, I
am able to cheat too.
That way, I have to just guardmyself so that I am never in
that position where I am.
I'm tested, so I just make surethat I don't have an any.
(24:17):
I have clear, cut boundaries noaccess to anything like that and
if you don't think, if youthink that, oh, I'm too good to
cheat, I am too kind, I'm tooyou know, whatever and it kind
of goes back to the hypervigilance.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
You just have to be hyper vigilant, you have to be
hyper protective of you.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
And also it goes back to respect, right, you do you
respect yourself?
Do you respect yourself to notever put that label on you?
Because first it has to startwith you, right the cheater.
Like, do you respect yourselfto not ever be called a cheater?
You can call me whatever,whatever, but you won't call me
this.
Yeah right.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
I like that you put it back on the individual,
regardless who it is.
It's the respect and disciplineand aspect of that that you're
doing to yourself.
Is that worth it for you to dosomething like this?
Speaker 1 (25:11):
And I think having that it makes it a lot easier
and I think even that idea oflike there is a neat trait of a
person that I have to digestthat a little bit.
But I think it's like why youdon't agree, or it's not that I
don't agree.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
I think you haven't thought about it like, I haven't
thought about it like that, andbut I also think that a human
being can make a mistake,because, based on um, there's a
small uh stories that I want totell and that kind of maybe
validate.
What I'm trying to say is thatthere's's, you know, there's a
story about a story of a verysignificant scholar during the
(25:47):
Musa, and where two brotherswere traveling and then they
left their sister with him.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Yes, yeah, the abbot.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Yeah, so something like that can happen because of
Shaitan's work, right, I'm notgoing to always say blame on
Shaitan.
You also have to work on yourcharacter as a person and
explain that story for thepeople who might not know.
There's a story about thisscholar, who is a very
practicing religious person,where two brothers are going to
go off to war.
I think and correct me ifsomebody knows this story, but
(26:14):
anyway, this Alim, right, heworked really hard.
He's lived far away in kind ofseclusion and respecting, like
worshiping, allah, and then twobrothers left this girl and this
girl is staying in the house.
At first, this scholar, whenhe's watching this girl, he left
the food very distance at thegate of the door at first, right
(26:35):
?
So shaitan came to him.
How can you leave a single girlby herself without no
protection and why would you letsomebody else see her come out
of her own house to grab thatfood, right?
He's like well, okay, in thatcase I should move up a little
bit closer, but she's stillgoing to come out.
People are going to see her.
You're supposed to be herprotector, right?
(26:56):
This is Shaitan telling him that.
And then slowly, slowly, slowly.
I'm'm gonna make it short, butthis man get closer to this girl
and he does have an affair withthis girl.
And then now shaitan tells himthe brothers are never gonna
leave you alone for what youjust did, right, because he's
shaitan's been working so muchon this man and then you gotta
(27:17):
have to do something about it.
And then the brothers and thisman not the brothers, this man
murdered this girl because nowand then she's also pregnant at
the same time.
Now he's like what are yougoing to do with the body?
They're going to find out.
You did this.
So the man buried the woman andthe baby pregnant, but buried
(27:38):
her.
But when the brothers came backfrom this war, they ask about
their sister and they say yoursister died.
We don't know where she is, butshe's gone, or she died or
she's gone.
But anyway, the two brothersboth had similar dreams about
their sister and they knowexactly where she was buried to.
And then they found out thatthe man did this.
And so the man now is afraid ofwhat's going to happen to him.
(28:00):
The shaitan says bow down to me, otherwise I'll forgive you,
right?
And the man did it.
He bowed down and then now like, can you help me with these
brothers because they're goingto come kill me?
He's like well, I got what Ineeded, so good luck.
Even I fear Allah.
Even I fear Allah.
So good luck, deal with them.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
So yeah, so that's what I'm saying.
Shaitan has a way ofmeticulously working on people
to commit to specific things,and I'm not I'm not negating
Shaitan only, but as a humanbeing, you also should work on
yourself, your loyalty andself-respect, so that you'll be
able to respect the relationshipyourself and the relationship
as well.
So this conversation, it issomething that needs to happen
more often.
So this conversation, it issomething that needs to happen
more often and I think we justagain did a surface about this
conversation and it's somethingthat in deeply, like any other
(28:48):
educational aspect that you cando for yourself, is to take the
time to learn about this area aswell, because it happens and,
in this day and age, a lot morepeople writing their stories on
Reddit and talking about it, andwhich is why we brought it to
here too, to talk about about it, in a sense, because we hear so
much from other people as well.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
And then there are resources available to you.
Don't feel like if you oranybody you know are
experiencing this or goingthrough this.
There are resources in thecommunity and people that you
can go to to talk to them, butjust don't feel like you have to
suffer alone in anything.
So, this has been.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Difficult Conversations.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Join the conversation in the comment section or on
our social media pages.
We do not have all the answers,and our biggest goal is to kick
off the conversation and get itstarted.
May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaaccept our efforts and use us
for catalysts of change.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.