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July 11, 2025 31 mins

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What happens after you've escaped abuse? When survival is no longer your only focus, how do you rediscover joy and truly come home to yourself? This deeply personal episode explores the challenging journey from merely existing to feeling alive again.

The path back to yourself isn't linear, but it follows recognizable patterns that can guide your healing journey. Through honest reflection on my own experiences, I share seven practical steps that helped me reconnect with my authentic self after domestic violence. From the surprising power of nature walks to the unexpected healing that came from a tequila and twerk class, this episode reveals how seemingly small steps can create profound transformation.

We explore the critical importance of honoring your intuition after years of being told what to think and feel. You'll discover practical techniques for quieting the mental noise that keeps you stuck, moving your body to release stored trauma, and identifying the activities that bring you into a flow state. Most importantly, you'll learn how finding community with other survivors can lift the invisible burden of shame and isolation.

The journey from victim to survivor to thriver involves countless pivots—each one bringing you closer to the person you're meant to be. Each time you follow what feels right, you reclaim pieces of yourself that abuse tried to steal. Whether you're just beginning your healing journey or you've been walking this path for years, remember that everything you need to heal already exists within you. You deserve not just to survive, but to experience genuine joy, connection, and purpose.

Join our survivor community by connecting through the Facebook group linked in the show notes. Your healing journey matters, and you don't have to walk it alone.

Join the Sisterhood! www.thesurvivorsisterhood.com

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 OR text begin to 88788

Come join our community of survivors who are looking to meet someone just like you! See the behind the scenes work that goes into the sisterhood non-profit business, discuss DTS episodes, and of course find your survivor sister.

Give me a follow on IG: @thedvsurvivorsisterhood
or on TikTok: @thedvsurvivor

Ready to share your story? Send me an email with the main talking points of your experience and I'll reach out to book an interview.

dismissedtruestories@thesurvivorsisterhood.com

Give DTS a 5 star rating! It helps this podcast reach other victims and survivors who NEED these stories! Help us find each other, help us heal, and help us find safety. Love you, mean it.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hey girl, it's Elissa and welcome back to Dismissed
True Stories.
Dismissed True Stories is apodcast that not only amplifies
survivor voices, but it alsoleaves advice for victims who
are still stuck in abusivesituations to be able to escape
to.
And not only that, I break inwith sidebar commentary that

(00:38):
helps you decode your your ownexperiences in real time.
It's healing, it's validating,it's community, and I'm so
freaking glad that you're here.
Okay, so recently I've got acouple of videos that are doing

(00:59):
really well on social mediaright now.
So if this is your first timelistening, welcome to Miss True
Stories, or DTS as I sometimescall it.
This podcast is a space forsurvivors, by survivors, and we

(01:20):
are telling the stories herethat some people would rather
silence.
We hold this space, we laugh,we cry, I swear a lot and we
heal together, and I've beengoing round and round this week
trying to decide what it is thatI want to bring to you this
week on DTS, and I've thrown outnumerous ideas.

(01:42):
And then the other night I waslaying in bed.
It was like midnight and I justsat straight up because I was
like that's it.
I literally had an aha momentand something that's been really
heavy on my mind lately, butalso like the theme of my life
for this past year, is reallycoming back into my body, making

(02:08):
sure that I'm taking care ofmyself, labeling the things that
really make me happy as thingsthat I'm allowed to do, and joy
being something that isn't aforeign concept to me anymore.
It's something that I'm allowedto experience and, by the way,
this podcast is 100% part of myhealing journey.

(02:34):
I don't know that you realizehow much you're healing me just
by listening to me speakCommunication after leaving
abuse, for, like, I had torelearn how to have an entire
conversation.
I had to relearn how to makeeye contact.
I literally felt like a feralanimal.
I had to relearn how to take upspace.

(02:57):
That shit is hard and comingonto a podcast platform and
being like, nope, I'm going toshow up every week and I'm going
to use my voice.
That has been something thathas made me stretch and grow and

(03:21):
heal.
So thank you so much for beinghere, but I'm going to stop
talking about me now.
So today it's just going to beme and you, because I want to
talk about something reallyfreaking personal.

(03:42):
How do you find your joy againafter abuse?
How do you come home toyourself, because I know that
that's what so many of us areactually searching for.
We're not just trying tosurvive anymore, like we've
already done that.
We're trying to feel aliveagain.
We're trying to find our spark,our spunk.

(04:07):
We want to laugh until we cry.
We want to be carefree, we wantto put down the weight of abuse
that we carry every day.
So how in the hell do we dothat?
And I don't have a formula forthis.
Okay, like I'm not going to sithere and lie to you, I don't

(04:31):
think that there is one way todo this, but I can tell you what
it's looked like for me.
So let's get into chapters,something that will be easy for

(05:19):
you to remember.
So, if you're taking noteswhich hell yeah, girl, if you
are, I'm proud of you I wouldsay step one get out of your
house, even if that's like yourcomfort space.
Do something that gets you out,gets you about and it's just a

(05:44):
little bit different from yournormal every day.
So one of the first things thatI did when I left abuse was I
started walking, and the thingis is that I think and I don't
want to get all woo-woo on you,but I think that we do live on
this planet for a reason, and Ireally do believe that there are

(06:06):
healing things about nature.
I mean, we're part of it andsometimes I think we really just
need to go back to somethingthat reminds us of who we are,
of what we are, a part of whatwe are, a part of it's grounding

(06:30):
, it's regulating, it helps youreclaim your nervous system in a
way that nothing else can.
And I've shared with you beforethat I have PTSD and I do have
flashbacks, and I haveflashbacks a couple of months
out of every year, and it's thesame couple of months every year
.
And when I first started havingthese flashbacks, girl, I did

(06:52):
not trust myself.
I did not trust my brain.
I didn't want to go into public.
I was so scared that I wasgoing to have a flashback and
freak out in front of otherpeople.
So I stayed home and I spiraledand I fell into a deep ass
depression.
I had suicidal thoughts.

(07:12):
I didn't feel like I had areason to get out of bed.
I was scared of myself becauseto me I was like how can I start
seeing something that I don'tremember?
How in the hell does thathappen?
So I had to dig my way out ofthis hole and I started walking

(07:39):
my dog just at a little trailnear my house and every single
morning I would go out there andI would see deer all along the
trail.
I would count them and I wouldsay good morning, good morning
babies, to the deer, to thebirds and even sometimes to the

(08:00):
spiders, no lie.
And eventually the deer becamethe thing that I would look
forward to in the morning and Ithink if I don't see a deer
today, it's not going to be agood day.
Like granted, I was already ina pretty low place so, but there

(08:21):
was something about being thatclose to these animals.
It just healed a little bit ofme.
It was the peace and the quietthat I needed and I did not
allow myself to be a part of anyother world except for that
world and that park on thattrail.

(08:41):
Step two shut out the noise.
Learn how to honor yourintuition, your gut feelings.
It's there for a reason.
Use it, babe.
I wasn't on my phone.
I put my phone on, do notdisturb.
I wasn't listening to music, Iwas listening to the birds and I
was just there with me and mydog and nature and the animals.

(09:05):
And that's the first step, Ithink, the part of survivorship
that allows you to come backhome to yourself, that says,
okay, it's safe to be in my bodyagain, come home.
And I don't think that you cando that if you're drowning out
your own voice.
You can do that if you'redrowning out your own voice.

(09:26):
We were groomed to ignore ourintuition, our own thoughts, our
own feelings and abuse.
We were told what to think, whoto be, how to act, how to dress

(09:47):
.
But, girl, it's still there.
We're multi-dimensional beings.
We are made up, there are somany different parts of us.
And that's just one part.
Think about it as if, like you,went and did leg day at the gym
a couple of days a week, youwould have some pretty damn
strong legs.
Right, because you've beenworking on that muscle, you know
how to flex that muscle.
Right, because you've beenworking on that muscle, you know
how to flex that muscle.
So, listening to yourself andyour intuition, you just have to

(10:10):
flex that muscle, babe.
Step three, I would say giveyour thoughts a place to live
other than in your mind.
This next part is I mean, Ithink about my own experiences

(10:31):
and I have to laugh because itis pretty funny the way that I
was able to figure this out.
But you got to get out of yourhead All those thoughts that
you're carrying.
They're heavy and they needsomewhere else to live, not in
your head.
Okay, give them someplace elseto live.

(10:53):
So what does that look like?
Maybe it's journaling, maybeit's video diaries my personal
favorite Maybe it's therapy, butyou've got to get them out of
your head and give them a placeto live that isn't inside you.
If you need to write down all ofthe random shit, you know what

(11:16):
I did.
I, at the advice of mytherapist, got a whiteboard,
moved it into my room and it'scalled the parking lot, and all
the random things that are up inmy noggin, yeah, they go in the
parking lot and they stay thereuntil I decide to do something
with them.
A lot of them are ideas.
Some things are just thingsthat I gotta you know, I gotta

(11:40):
let them go.
Because, getting to the pointof having a thought, realizing
that it is a thought and thenalso taking the next step to say
you know what, if my thoughtsare passing cars on a highway, I
can either hitchhike and get inthe car with this motherfucker,
or I can just let it drive byme, buckle it up and let it go

(12:03):
beep, beep.
And that's what you got to do.
And I realized that that is somuch easier said than done.
Like, hear me out, I was notable to do that because I was so
in my head until I got on theright kind of medication, and
that in and of itself was afive-year process of me
advocating for myself.
But I finally did it and it didquiet my brain.

(12:28):
So maybe make a mental notethere, talk to your doctor, talk
to your therapist, see what youcan do there.
I am 100% an advocate forholistic healing.
I tried every holistic avenuethat I could and I still felt
like there was something missingand I went the medication route

(12:48):
.
And you know what?
I do not regret one single daythat I did that.
Just use it responsibly.
Step four move your body.
Whether that's dancing orworking out, hiking, bicycling,
just remember that the bodykeeps the score and it's your

(13:09):
job to literally shake that shitoff.
You gotta move.
Our body keeps the score.
It's not just the mental healthaspect of healing that we have
to worry about when it comes tohealing abuse.
It's the fact that our bodyremembers too, and a lot of the

(13:32):
times our body remembers thingsthat our mind might not like.
In my case, you got to let itout of your body too, and for me
that was shaking my ass,literally.
I took a twerking class.
I was telling my therapist thefirst session ever with this
woman.
I come in with my little fidgettoys because I don't want to

(13:55):
cry, because this is the firsttime her and I have ever met and
I know I'm going to beembarrassing and I know I'm
going to cry.
So I'm trying my best, right,I'm keeping my hands busy with
my little fidgets and all thethings.
And I was being honest with herLike I'm having suicidal
thoughts.
I am so low I can't like everyday is the same thing, I can't

(14:17):
get out of this.
And she goes straight shooter.
Thank God for her, because thisis what I needed to hear.
She said well, no wonder you'redepressed, you're stuck in your
house.
So what's one thing that youcould do to get out of the house
?
And for whatever reason, Iblurted out take a dance class

(14:41):
which I immediately regretted,by the way and to that she said
okay, that's your homework.
Okay, that's your homework.
So later on that night I openInstagram and I shit you not.
The first thing that pops up inmy feed is a tequila and twerk

(15:08):
class for Christmas time.
Drink tequila, come twerk,dress up as a Christmas
character.
And so I was like, holy shit,life is talking to me Like I
might as well do it.
And I did.
And, girl, I looked like afucking idiot.
Okay, I made a fool of myself,I fell on my ass, but I felt
good, I felt free, and I rodethat high all the way home.

(15:31):
And that same night I was likeokay, I got to keep this going.
I filled out an application tovolunteer at my local DV shelter
and they called me within 24hours.

(15:59):
So, no lie, twerking was athing that started my advocacy
journey.
I've literally never said thatout loud before, but it's so
true.
In that one ridiculous class itchanged my life.
It was the first time that Imoved for me and it reminded me
that my body is mine and Ideserve joy too.

(16:21):
So I'm going to ask you thequestion that my therapist asked
me what is one thing that youcan do?
Step five this is a difficultone, but giving yourself
permission and grace to pivotenough times to really find the

(16:41):
things that bring you joy andgiving yourself permission to do
those things over and over andover again.
The next thing is rediscoveringwhat makes you happy, or maybe
finding out for the first timehell, girl, I am not one to
judge you, do you boo boo?
And in finding out those thingsthat make you happy, even if it

(17:06):
doesn't make sense to anyoneelse, you know what?
One of the most ridiculousthings I did was decorate a tree
.
I was like why is the only treethat we decorate the Christmas
tree?
It doesn't make sense.
Like I have one of my favoritetrees ever in my backyard.
Like why can't I go decoratethat?
And you know what I did and Iloved it and it didn't make

(17:29):
sense to anybody else.
But you know what?
It made me happy.
Every time I look at it stillto this day, I'm happy about it.
It makes me smile.
So for me, where I started was.
I went back to who I was as akid.
Okay, like I loved dancing,always have I loved fashion and,

(17:56):
to be honest with you, thefashion piece.
I was so bullied for that in myschool and I was made fun of
for being sensitive, like thosetwo things about me.
I look at now and I'm like,okay, I use fashion as a self of
expression and I cry withpeople for a living.

(18:17):
Now I get to hold space withsomeone because I'm an
emotionally intelligentindividual and not because I'm
too sensitive, dang.
So maybe the places where peoplemade fun of you or the things
that you were bullied for, orthe things that people didn't

(18:38):
quite understand about you,maybe those are the things.
Maybe those are the things thatreally do bring you joy.
Maybe those are yoursuperpowers do bring you joy.
Maybe those are yoursuperpowers, those things that
bring you joy.
That's your flow state.
It's literally like meditation.
It's when your creativity, it'swhen your expression just flows

(19:08):
.
Painting For me, this podcast,this podcast is my flow state.
I used to say radio was in myblood, and maybe it was, or
maybe maybe I just wanted to beheard.
My mom hosted Miss Ohiopageants.
My dad was a DJ, so I thoughtthis is just a natural path for

(19:32):
me.
I don't know what my personalanswer is, but I do know that
when I'm behind this mic, I amhome, and that's what I want for
you to go find that fuckingthing, whether it's painting,
whether it's running, whetherit's baking or literally

(19:54):
collecting rocks, if that bringsyou home to yourself, if you
can escape the world and be inthat one thing that makes you
feel like you, baby girl, that'shealing and that's what you do.
You follow that Step six, findyour community.
Follow that Step six, find yourcommunity.
When people ask you how you'redoing, be honest.

(20:15):
Domestic violence isn'tsomething to feel shame about,
even though I know we all do butyour support and your community
is going to come from the mostunexpected places and faces.
I want to talk about how findingcommunity helped me do an
entire one freaking 80 in myhealing journey and I'm not

(20:40):
being dramatic because damn,feeling seen and heard and
validated, that was somethingthat I hadn't really experienced
outside of therapy and that isthe entire reason, honestly,
that I started sharing my story,because when you realize that

(21:00):
you're not alone, it doesmiracles for your healing, for
your self-image.
It's like the survivor who Ifound, who I was lucky enough to
bond with and talk to.
She took the boulders off of myshoulders and said let me help
you put this down.
You don't have to carry thisanymore.

(21:21):
And the thing is is that itcame from someone totally
unexpected, somebody that I'dknown for years, somebody that I
had never been extremely closewith.
It's like when you find thatsomebody that's ready to talk,
like you are, that's ready tomeet you where you're at, that's

(21:44):
ready to talk about the healingjourney and everything that
you've experienced and be candidabout it and to not feel bad
and to say you know what?
Yes, maybe I didn't experienceexactly what you did, but I
totally understand that you'renot crazy, that they were shitty
, that you didn't deserve it,that your burden is my blessing

(22:05):
After that whole experience hername is Brandy.
After that whole experiencewith Brandy, I mean, she's still
, to this day, one of my bestfriends I couldn't just not
advocate, I couldn't just notstart something that helps other
survivors feel seen and heardand validated, because there've
been so many steps to my healingjourney right, but I wanted to

(22:28):
create what I needed and that'swhy I created the Sisterhood for
one.
If you've listened to a coupleof episodes of DTS, then you've
heard me talk about the survivorsisterhood Facebook group.
That's what that's for Just tohave another survivor sister to
walk alongside your journey with.
And I do my absolute best toconnect women who have either

(22:53):
been through some of the samethings or are choosing to heal
in the same ways.
The link to the Facebook groupis always in the show notes.
If you're ready for that, nopressure.
If you weren't, okay, I left in2019, so I've been doing this
healing thing for a couple ofyears.

(23:14):
I needed a guide and I didn'thave one, so I hope that's what
this podcast is for you.
I hope that DTS is helping youthe way that Brandy helped me.
And step seven the power of thepivot Giving yourself permission

(23:35):
to really lean into what feelsgood and trusting when you think
that life is talking to you, go, follow the things that feel
right.
Honor your intuition.
All of these steps are comingtogether for this final step.
Step seven allow yourself topivot.

(23:59):
Give yourself your secondmountain.
You deserve that.
My last notes here is givingyou permission to pivot and you
being able to give yourselfpermission to pivot, because
it's going to happen a lot.
I've pivoted more times than Ican count.

(24:21):
Okay, when I first left abusejust like from a career
standpoint, I'll take you on alittle journey.
Okay, when I first left abuse,I was cleaning Airbnbs and I,
honestly, I loved it.
It was so great Fulltransparency.
I loved it for a multitude ofreasons.

(24:43):
I could bring my son.
I didn't have to pay forchildcare, I couldn't afford it
anyway.
There's TVs, so I could bring acouple of his toys, I could
plop them down in front of a TVand I could do my thing.
Um, another reason was because,um, in the very beginning, I
did not have a place to shower,so I could do that there.

(25:06):
Um, a third reason was because,um, a lot of people who stay at
Airbnbs, they go groceryshopping and they would leave
their groceries in the fridgeand I would collect those and
take those home.
That's how I was feeding mychild and I.
And the last reason is becauseI could put my AirPods in and I

(25:29):
could listen to music and Icould shake off the literal shit
, the years of shit that I hadbeen through, and it felt so
good.
And then I ended up leavingcleaning and becoming a customer
service rep for that rentalarbitrage company that I was
cleaning for, and I did that fora year and a half.

(25:52):
But there was something aboutusing my voice, like getting
back into the broadcast industryor just doing something with my
voice.
That kept, I don't know.
It just kept like.
I felt like it was poking meall the time.
It was like, girl, you've gotlike wasted potential, you've

(26:22):
got like wasted potential.
So I left that and I startedvoice acting and I loved it.
I did books, I did commercials,I did explainer tutorials and
while it was fun and it wasgreat and I was reminded that I
do have talent, I wasn'tfulfilled.
It didn't feel right.

(26:44):
And so then I was asked by adomestic violence shelter to
voice a fundraising video forthem.
To voice a fundraising videofor them, a voice over
opportunity.
But in domestic violence, hellyes, I don't even care how much
you're going to pay me, I'mgoing to do it.

(27:06):
And so I did that.
They invited me to theirfundraiser.
They raised I think it was like$80,000 in one night and I was
like, wait, I want to be here,like I want to keep being in
these spaces.
I talked to them a little bitmore, shared my story.

(27:26):
They invited me back to give aspeech.
I followed that.
I gave my speech.
It felt so good.
Then I joined a coachingcollective and I was like, okay,
I want to help survivors ofdomestic violence, I want to
help them heal.
I did that for a year and thenI was like, wait, I don't think
I'm healed enough to do this.
I left that and through all ofthe ups and the downs and the

(27:49):
twists and the turns and thethings that felt right at the
time, but then I realized that Ijust had grown out of them, I
found my way here to thispodcast and I'm telling you I'm
not tired of it.
Yet I wake up excited.
I love doing this.
How many more times can I tellyou that being behind this
microphone feels like home?
Because it does.
And every time I pivoted I gotcloser to the woman that I'm

(28:14):
meant to be, the woman who isn'tafraid to take up space, the
woman who isn't afraid to walkthrough her front door anymore.
She's not coming home to abuse.
She's coming home to a safeplace where her dreams can
flourish, where she can actuallydream again.
How many times, since you leftabuse, have you sat and looked

(28:37):
around your environment and saidI'm safe, I'm free?
I never thought I would be here.
Life talks to you.
I swear it does.
You just have to learn how tolisten to it.
You just have to be okay withthe power of the pivot.
How to listen to it.

(28:59):
You just have to be okay withthe power of the pivot, lean
into whatever it is that feelsright.
Give yourself permission tochange and to grow and to evolve
.
You've been through it, buteverything that you need to heal
and to pivot, that's alreadyinside you.
You already possess that power,every single piece of it, and I

(29:21):
guess that's a wrap on thisepisode of Dismissed True
Stories.
Thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for listening, thankyou for supporting.
Oh wow, I know I say that everyepisode, but I really do truly
mean it and I referenced acouple of times in this episode
alone that you really arehealing me.
Thank you for being a part ofmy healing journey, because

(29:45):
every time that you listen, Iknow that there might be a story
that validates your ownexperience.
I may give some sort ofcommentary that helps you have
your own aha moment and decodeyour own story and experience.
We're helping each other.
You listening to me, youstreaming DTS, you're healing a

(30:08):
part of me that I lost in abuse.
Every single time.
So thank you so much everysingle time.
So thank you so much.
Now, next week, on DismissedTrue Stories, I've got a little
surprise for you.
I'm going to update you on somepretty exciting news for DTS
and open up about some thingsthat I'm doing personally in a

(30:30):
community in Buckeye Lake, ohio.
So you won't want to miss thatTune in next week on Dismissed
True Stories and I know that Iask you every week.
But if you have 30 seconds,please share this podcast.
It helps the message get out tothe victims and survivors who

(30:51):
really need this podcast.
It helps women who are stillstuck be able to leave and it
helps survivors heal.
Rate the podcast five stars.
Help push it out into the worldand remember the world is a
better place because you are init.
Thank you.
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