October 31, 2025 • 45 mins
A fairy-tale start can hide a nightmare ending. Sarah thought she’d finally found steady ground: years of affection, travel across the U.S., a partner who bonded with her son and promised a safe future. Then pregnancy exposed the truth. The first assault wasn’t a warning—it was a line crossed, followed by contempt during a traumatic C‑section and a campaign to control her through access, threats, and the legal system’s delays.
We walk through the moments most people never hear: the lock changes that say you don’t live here anymore, belongings stacked like trash to humiliate, and the marks of control that appear after every move. There’s an RV bought by an unexpected ally, seven relocations, and hearts drawn in dust to remind her that hiding isn’t the same as safety. When a calm custody exchange lured her back for “one civil night,” it turned into hours of violence, strangulation, and a knife to the skin—followed by crocodile tears and a fake future meant to reset the cycle. She agreed to everything to survive the night, then chose action at first light, even as officials told her to wait weeks.
We don’t sanitize the fear or the system’s failures. We name the tactics—love bombing, isolation, strangulation, future faking—and call out how often abuse escalates during pregnancy. We also center what matters most right now: Sarah is days from losing housing and weeks from her abuser’s release. Shelters are full. The clock is loud. If you’ve ever wondered what tangible support looks like, this is it: sharing her story, contributing to relocation, and refusing to let indifference be the last word.
Listen, learn, and help Sarah get to safety. If this moved you, subscribe, share the episode with a friend, and leave a review—your voice helps more survivors find the lifelines they need.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
This episode of Dismissed True Stories contains
discussions of domesticviolence, strangulation, threats
with a weapon, and threats ofhomicide.
Listener discretion is stronglyadvised.
The stories shared here are toldfrom the firsthand perspective
of a survivor.
Some details have been changedor omitted to protect the safety
(00:21):
and privacy of those involved.
If you or someone you know isexperiencing abuse, you are not
alone.
You can call the NationalDomestic Violence Hotline at
1-800-799-SAFE.
That's 1-800-799-7233.
Or text DART to 88-788.
(01:04):
I'm your host, Elissa, and thankyou for coming back week after
week to support Sarah's fightfor safety and relocation.
As we are all well aware thather ex is to be released from
prison in just a few shortweeks.
So your listenership and yoursupport mean so, so, so, so
(01:25):
much.
Now, before we dive back intoSarah's timeline, I want to
catch you up on where she's attoday because earlier this week
we were on the phone and shetold me that her mom had just
given her the week prior atwo-week notice that she was
moving out of the apartment thatthey shared together and
(01:46):
probably leaving this date.
And that was it.
She really didn't give muchinformation.
She wasn't willing to.
There was no plan, no safetynet, no conversation about what
happens next.
Just, hey, I'm leaving and goodluck.
And Sarah, she was like, okay,I've I've been here before.
I know what this is like, butsomething about this feels
(02:09):
different.
Because she's not justsurviving, she's preparing for
what comes next.
And as I'm reflecting on theconversation that we had, I'm
like, maybe that's what scaresme about this situation the
most, because I do feel like hermom might be running away from
(02:31):
something.
But the fact is, and the truthis, that Sarah is still running
for her life.
And now in this episode, we getto share with you the real
reason why.
We get to tell you the story ofthe worst one, which that's what
we've nicknamed this person forthe purpose of this episode.
(02:55):
This next chapter isn't aboutsurviving on the outside, just
in the world in general.
It's about surviving someone whowanted to own her completely.
I was talking to her about likeour conversation that we had
(03:17):
yesterday, and I was like, dude,I don't know why I'm surprised
at any like new detail thatcomes to light, but this one
really pissed me off because Ido feel like she's just leaving
her high and dry.
And if you feel like it'sappropriate or you want to give
(03:38):
a little recap of what you toldme yesterday, like what your
situation looks like.
SPEAKER_01 (03:44):
Um so she wants to be able to move out of our place
by the first.
You know, I've fully financiallytaken care of her for the last
five years, but after losing myincome in February and not
really having any income sincethen, she is now tired of paying
my bills, she doesn't want to beresponsible for me, she doesn't
want to take care of me, shejust doesn't want to pay bills
(04:05):
at all.
She finally got to a point whereshe was like, all right, fine,
I'm gonna get a job.
And then she was acting allpissy and mad about it, like,
well, I have to work because youwon't.
And it's like, it's not that Iwon't work.
I've I've been applying forhundreds of jobs.
I've been trying to do TikTokfull time, I'm trying to do
everything I can to promote mybook.
(04:26):
I'm I don't know what else youwant me to do.
I'm literally giving you all myeffort.
SPEAKER_00 (04:30):
You're just like, well, sorry.
Yeah, after the first, you havenowhere to go, yeah.
unknown (04:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (04:38):
And the shelters are still telling me that they're
full, and they will call me ifthere's any openings, but as as
of this time, there's no way forme to get into a shelter.
SPEAKER_00 (04:49):
Now we're working together to kind of fundraise
very last minute.
We've been sharing your GoFundMeand the show notes of every
episode.
I do you did tell me that afterthe first episode premiered, you
got an anonymous$500 donation,which is fucking incredible.
That is gonna help so much.
(05:10):
Thank you so much to whoever didthat.
Because holy shit, you're anangel, you're an earth angel.
SPEAKER_02 (05:18):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (05:20):
But now we're like, we were on the phone yesterday,
kind of trying to brainstorm,like, okay, what now?
Like, what are we gonna do?
Um, I'm trying to fundraise foryou on the side.
Um, but our goal is we'regetting you the hell out by
Saturday.
That's what's gonna happen.
Exactly.
(05:41):
You're gonna be okay.
SPEAKER_01 (05:45):
It's all like so exciting and so stressful and so
up and down, like I'm sohopeful, but still so scared and
complicated how I feel.
SPEAKER_00 (05:55):
Today though, we had said, okay, we're gonna meet and
talk about I don't even know,like, what kind of name do we
want to give him?
The freaking big bad woof.
Like that's who we're talkingabout today.
SPEAKER_01 (06:12):
The worst one?
SPEAKER_00 (06:13):
The worst one.
That's a good name.
The worst one.
That's what we'll name him inthis episode.
Um it's like there's part of mebecause I already know so much
about this relationship that I'mlike, I don't even want to give
(06:34):
him any kind of attention.
But the people who are listeningwho are coming back week after
week to you know, to learn moreabout you, to listen to your
story, I know that we're gonnahear this.
But I also know that this is adifficult conversation for you.
So we'll tell what we can.
(06:57):
And I guess I'll I'll set you upto begin.
But you did meet him in thoseyears that we had just talked
about, where I had called itsurvival sex um in the past
couple of episodes.
You met him during that time.
You had already been throughboyfriend A, B, and C, and you
(07:18):
had reached a point where you'relike, I'm done.
Like, I'm so sick and tired ofbeing abused.
I just I don't want to do thisanymore.
And then walks in the worst one.
But but he's not the worst onefor the first couple of years.
SPEAKER_01 (07:38):
Yeah, I I thought my life was a fairy tale at that
point.
I was single for almost a yearafter boyfriend C.
I had really just told myself,I'm gonna focus on me, I'm gonna
focus on my kid, I'm going tofocus on whatever's in our best
interest.
I don't need a man, I don't, Ineed to be single, I don't need
a relationship, I just need tofocus on us.
(08:00):
He was a client at the time whenI met him, and he continued to
ask me, like, let me just takeyou on a real date.
And I was like, uh I don't knowabout that.
That doesn't seem like a goodidea.
Um, but he was persistent and hecontinued to ask.
So our very first date was aweek in Las Vegas.
SPEAKER_00 (08:22):
He took you on the date of all dates.
SPEAKER_01 (08:25):
Yeah.
We got a rental car, we drove toLA, we went to Santa Monica
Beach, Roscoe's chicken andwaffles in Compton.
We did the Hollywood strip.
We were in LA for a night, andthen we drove back to Vegas the
next morning.
We were staying at the HarrisCasino there on the strip.
It was just such a breath offresh air.
(08:46):
He was so different.
He always told me, like, youcan't judge me off of what other
people did to you.
Give me a chance.
Let me show you that I can bewhat they weren't.
Let me show you that I wouldnever do what they did to you.
For like the first four years,he was right.
There was like we got in anargument once, and I kind of was
(09:08):
testing him, like kind ofgetting in his face and blocking
the door because he wanted toleave.
And I was like standing in frontof the door, and I was like,
You're not leaving.
I'm not letting you go.
We needed to talk about this.
And I was just kind of trying tosee because you know, sometimes
things change in the heat of themoment, and I was kind of trying
to test him to see, like, areyou still gonna be that same
cool, level-headed, non-abusive?
(09:30):
He was very controlled.
One thing that a lot of peoplehave told me over time is that
narcissists usually wear thebest masks, they are everything
you want them to be, everythingthat you thought you dreamed of
until a certain point, and theneverything shifts.
It's like they do the best jobof convincing you that they are
(09:55):
somebody that they're not.
SPEAKER_00 (09:57):
And you were convinced.
You were convinced for fouryears.
Did you and you felt safe withhim in those four years?
SPEAKER_01 (10:03):
Absolutely.
So I met him during the timeframe that I was getting my kids
back.
I had partial custody.
It was one instance where CPScalled me and they were like,
Hey, your son is at thehospital.
We need you to come up here, gethere as soon as you can.
And I'm like, Oh my god, whathappened?
(10:24):
And they're like, Well, we can'ttell you over the phone, just
please get to the hospital assoon as you can.
I'm sure as a mother you canunderstand that pit in your
soul, like, oh my god, my kid isin the hospital.
When I got to the hospital, myson had a hand-shaped bruise
around his neck.
His stepmother had choked himfor not knowing how to tie his
shoes.
(10:44):
All of my kids have had speechdelays, sensory issues, uh,
they're all on the spectrum.
So they're all special needs.
At that time, my my son neededsomebody to be understanding.
He needed somebody to help himprocess things.
And instead, he got cruelty, nocompassion, no understanding, no
(11:05):
patience.
And so I met the worst oneduring that time frame, and he
stood up to my ex-husbandFreddie, and he was like, Your
son is not coming back overhere.
If you want to see him, you cansee him over here, but he is not
going back to your house.
I will not allow it.
I'm gonna keep him safe.
(11:26):
So he really bonded with my son.
He taught him how to tie hisshoes, he taught him how to ride
a bike, he put him in ninjakarate classes, taught him how
to mow the yard, just reallyhelped build up his
self-confidence and helped givehim a voice, help him find out
what his interests were.
And for so long, I was so proudof both of them.
(11:49):
I was so happy for both of them.
I was so happy to feel like,okay, I actually have somebody
who really cares, really meanswhat they say, and is really
funny.
SPEAKER_00 (12:06):
That shows them love when you can look out your
window into the backyard and seethem working together on a
project or helping him mow theyard.
There's a feeling there, thewarm and fuzzies, the pride
where you're so happy that yourchild is getting that kind of
(12:26):
attention from another malefigure.
SPEAKER_01 (12:29):
We literally traveled all over the U.S.
We started in Vegas andCalifornia.
We went to Denver, we went toTexas, Branson, Missouri,
Chicago, Philadelphia, New York.
We traveled a lot and he paidfor everything.
He really stepped up in waysthat I had never seen before.
(12:51):
He was kind, he wascompassionate, he was building
this bond with my child, he wasproviding for us like nobody
else ever had.
His grandmother had given him ahouse and it needed a lot of
work.
So we started putting all of ourmoney into rebuilding his house.
When I met him, he obviouslyknew what I was doing because he
(13:15):
was a client first.
So he didn't have any problem orany judgment with it, but we
were also trying to get me outof that line of work.
Eventually, I got to a pointwhere I was really just seeing
one sugar daddy.
He never made me do anything.
He literally would pay me$300 anhour to go to his house and just
(13:36):
hang out with him.
And then the hour would be up,and he would say, Oh no, no, no,
no, you can't go.
I need another hour.
And then the hour would be up,okay.
Well, let me pay you for twomore hours.
Okay, let me pay you for threemore hours.
It became so much income fromhim that I was able to cut
everyone else off.
You know, I wasn't having sexwith him, I wasn't doing
(13:59):
anything for that money, I wasjust spending time with him.
From my point of view, I feltlike I was out of the business
because I wasn't ashamed or lowor small.
I I felt big, I felt powerful.
The agreement with the worst onewas that as soon as the house
(14:21):
was finished being rebuilt, thatI was gonna be done with him and
we were gonna move forward, thatwe were gonna get serious about
our family.
We wanted to have a baby, um, wewanted to, you know, solidify
that family bond and make it ourown.
We poured so much money intothat house.
(14:42):
I mean, literally newelectrical, new plumbing, new
floors, new walls.
Everything in that house wasbrand new.
We stripped it down to the bonesand rebuilt it back up.
I felt so invested.
I felt like we were really doingsomething big together.
This idea of being able to becompletely out of survival sex,
(15:04):
to be completely done withanything, you know, illegal.
I was gonna be legit goingforward.
I was gonna have the family andthe dream life and everything I
had always wanted.
When the house was finished, wemoved in in January, and then in
February, I found out I waspregnant.
(15:25):
We went to a Charlie Wilsonconcert for Valentine's Day, and
that's when I told him, hey, I'mpregnant.
At first, he was shocked andthen happy, and oh my god, I
can't believe this is happening,and things for the first couple
of weeks were great.
During all three of mypregnancies, I had hyperemesis
(15:46):
gravardium.
If you don't know what that is,it's basically like morning
sickness on crack.
It's very, very extreme morningsickness where it wouldn't even
just be in the morning, it wouldbe all day long.
Any kind of smell, any kind.
I was throwing up all day long,every single day.
I was constantly in and out ofthe emergency room.
They kept having to give mefluids because I was so
(16:08):
dehydrated and they wanted allthese extra prenatal
appointments to make sure thatthe baby was okay.
They kept telling me that thebaby was smaller than he was
supposed to be, that they werereally worried about him, which
I had the same issue with myprevious two pregnancies as
well.
Both my first two kids were fivepounds when they were born.
(16:30):
So it wasn't something that wassuper shocking to me, but it's
obviously still very concerning.
So I was stressed out, I wassick a lot, I I was miserable.
He was very supportive until Iwas about six months pregnant.
He started getting way distant.
He was very withdrawn, he wasn'tbeing as caring as he once was
(16:53):
before.
When I noticed that shift in hisbehavior, it made me start to
question like what's reallygoing on.
Eventually, one night he wasasleep and I went through his
phone, and that's when I foundout that he was cheating on me,
and it wasn't just cheating onme with random women, he was
(17:14):
paying for prostitutes and usingmy money to do it.
I had a really hard timedeciding how I even felt about
something like that becausethat's how he met me.
But I confronted him and I I wasjust like, look, I know what
you're doing, I know what'sgoing on.
Can we figure this out?
(17:35):
Can we make this work?
You mean everything to me.
Your bond with my son meanseverything to me.
This house means everything tome.
We are so invested in eachother.
This is just a temporary thing.
It's gotta just be because I'mpregnant and sick, right?
And he was like, you know what?
I don't even care.
I can do whatever I want.
(17:56):
I'm like, what do you mean youcan do whatever you want?
And he's like, That's what Isaid.
I can do whatever I want.
For whatever reason, I nervouslylaughed, and he lunged across
the room, he wrapped his handaround my throat, he strangled
me with one hand while beatingme over the head with another.
I was so frozen in that moment.
SPEAKER_00 (18:18):
I just I've seen this pattern before, and I know
what it's like to have some sortof unexpected blow-up, and for
your brain to not be able tocatch up and you freeze.
I think a lot of survivors knowthat feeling.
It's not like what I've shown inthe movies.
(18:38):
It's usually like no dramaticbuildup.
Sometimes it's just they decidethat they're pissed and they're
gonna act on it.
And the fact that Sarah waspregnant when this happened,
unfortunately, I'm notsurprised.
How many stories have I told onthis podcast in the past where
(18:59):
the abuse actually ramps upduring pregnancy?
I don't know if it's becausethis person feels threatened by
the attention or by your ownindependence or by the fact that
something is literally growinginside of you that they can't
own or dominate at the time.
And it's something that seems tobe only yours in their mind.
(19:23):
I don't know.
But what I do know is that oncethat line is crossed, you never
really get to go back to theversion of yourself that
believed that you were safe orthat something like that
couldn't happen to you.
How many months pregnant wereyou?
Six months pregnant.
SPEAKER_01 (19:45):
You know, I was very, very torn on he's been so
perfect for like four years, andmy son adores him, he adores my
son.
SPEAKER_00 (19:55):
So I really want to know what the psychology is
behind men who escalate likethat when their significant
other is pregnant.
Because that seems to be apretty common statistic.
SPEAKER_01 (20:10):
I'm still trying to wrap my head around it to this
day of like, was it just thefact that he wasn't ready to
have a child?
Was it that he was scared tohave a child?
Like, I sat in the shower cryingfor probably two hours until the
water ran cold and I had nochoice but to get out.
I just couldn't decide what todo.
How do I walk away knowing howmuch my son loves him?
(20:35):
Cope with the fact that he puthis hands on me when for four
years he swore he would never dothat.
SPEAKER_00 (20:41):
What happened after that?
I mean, did he just like go backto bed?
Did he leave?
SPEAKER_01 (20:47):
He just went on with life.
He didn't really care.
He never apologized, he neversaid that he was sorry.
He just he continued to get moreand more distant and more and
more cold.
I ended up having to have ascheduled c-section.
I had a c-section previouslywith my second son.
I literally felt everything.
(21:09):
I screamed bloody murder theentire time.
I was terrified.
I was awful.
It was very traumatizing andawful.
So I expressed to him and thedoctor, I don't think I can do
another c-section.
Like he was like, you know what?
Just shut up and go in there andgo do it.
You won't even like hug me orhold my hand or like anything.
(21:32):
And he was like, quit being apussy, you're fine.
Go in there and go do it.
So I had the c-section and Istill felt everything.
And I was screaming and crying,and he's telling me, You can't
you can't be screaming likethat.
You need to shut up.
Well, so they're literallyslicing my stomach open and
(21:53):
pulling my organs out.
I'm telling the doctors, like, Ifeel everything.
I need more medication.
They told me that they had givenme as much medication as they
could, and that I just needed tobe strong and hold on.
They were trying to get the babyout as quickly as they could,
that once he was out, then theywould be able to give me more
medicine.
When they pulled the baby out,everything went black.
(22:16):
They completely put me to sleep.
I didn't even get to hear hisfirst cry.
I didn't get to see him.
They just immediately put me tosleep.
I woke up several hours later.
A nurse was shoving my newbornto my chest, trying to feed him.
And I'm looking around.
I can barely lift my head.
I can barely move my arms or mylegs.
(22:39):
I'm like out of it.
And I'm like, well, where is he?
And she's like, well, he left assoon as the baby was born.
Called him.
He said he was busy and he wouldbe up there eventually.
So I spent most of my almost allthe time that I was at the
hospital, I was there by myself.
(23:01):
When I got home from thehospital, he said, Alright,
look, if you don't want to behere anymore, that's fine.
The baby stays with me.
I wasn't gonna let that happen.
So I stayed and I tried to staysmall and not upset him.
And if the baby cried too much,then I was doing something
(23:24):
wrong.
It was one night where the babyhad gas really bad and he just
was miserable.
He took him to the emergencyroom, would not let me have the
baby, and I had to follow him tothe emergency room.
The doctor was like, Yeah, um,your baby has gas.
First time here.
(23:45):
And he was like, Well, yeah, butlike he's crying and he won't
stop crying.
And the doctor was like, Yeah,that's what babies do.
They cry.
He'll be okay.
Get some sleep, figure it out.
It'll be alright.
The baby cried too much for toolong.
I was doing something wrong, Iwas hurting him, I wasn't
feeding him enough.
(24:05):
I was always to blame.
I was it was the baby was just acouple of months old, and he was
being very cold and mean oneday.
He shoved me into the wall whileI was holding the baby, and I
was like, absolutely not, butI'm done.
I'm done, I'm done, I'm done.
My middle son ended up spendingthe night at a friend's house,
(24:28):
and so he wasn't there when Igot pushed into the wall.
I grabbed the diaper bag and thecar seat and I ran out the front
door and I got away as fast as Icould, and that's when he
started calling back to back toback.
I will scorch the earth to findmy child, bring him back, or
you're not gonna like whathappens.
SPEAKER_00 (24:51):
As a survivor and as a mother, I understand that
there is a particular kind offear that hits in this moment
because you're caught betweentwo unbearable choices stay and
risk your safety or leave andrisk retaliation.
That's the part that outsidersor people who haven't
(25:13):
experienced abuse don't reallyunderstand.
It's that you want to protectyour child, but the questions
start to loop in your head.
Am I safe?
How can my child be safe?
If I leave, will he take thechild?
Will anyone believe me?
(25:33):
And abusers know exactly how tokeep you stuck there.
Sarah said that he called her oror messaged her on repeat.
And they do, they flood yourphone with messages, threats,
apologies, please.
And it's just enough chaos tokeep your nervous system stuck
in survival mode.
(25:53):
It's strategic.
It's how they regain controlwhen they feel like it's
slipping away from them.
And you can't think clearlybecause they won't let you uh
think clearly.
Every message on your phone isanother jolt of adrenaline.
They want you to feel panickedand guilty and confused because
(26:15):
if you are panicking, thenyou're not planning.
And that's exactly how they keepyou trapped.
SPEAKER_01 (26:26):
So I drove over to his house.
I parked like a block and a halfaway so that I knew he didn't
like go down that street.
So he wasn't gonna be able tosee me or know that I was
sitting there waiting.
And I called 911 four differenttimes, and I waited over five
(26:46):
hours and the police never came.
So the next day, um she waslike, just go to the police
station.
Do not take no for an answer.
So I went up to the policestation, I waited another two
hours to talk to a detective.
(27:07):
He was very degrading, verydismissive.
And I insisted that I was notgoing to leave the police
station until somebody followedme to his house so I could
retrieve some of my belongings.
I waited like another hour and ahalf, and they finally got an
officer to escort me over there.
(27:28):
That officer was much nicer,much more understanding.
When we got to the house, thelocks had literally been changed
overnight.
And so I look at the cop and I'mlike, Well, what do I do?
And he said, Well, there's abrick on the ground right there.
Like, I can't do that.
And he was like, What thisaddress is on your driver's
(27:52):
license.
You have proof that you livehere.
You have photo proof that youlive here.
Like, you I can't tell you thatyou're not allowed to enter this
property by any means becauseyou live here.
You have proof that you livehere.
Okay, if you say it's fine, Iguess.
So I threw the brick and I'mhalfway climbing into the window
(28:15):
when he pulls up in thedriveway, and then he's
immediately belligerent.
Why are you letting this bitchbreak into my house and she
doesn't live here?
And what do you think you'redoing?
And so they end up handcuffinghim, detaining him, made him sit
on the grass, let me go throughthe house and get whatever I
thought that I needed, right?
SPEAKER_00 (28:38):
I cannot tell you how many survivors have a story
that starts like this.
You finally leave and thensuddenly the locks are changed.
The home that you paid for, thethings that you bought, the baby
clothes, the crib, the photos,all of it just out of reach.
Because once you walk out thatdoor, the abuser shifts from
control through fear to controlthrough access.
(29:00):
And it doesn't matter if it'syour toothbrush or your child's
blanket.
They're not really protectingthe things, they're punishing
you for leaving.
Sarah showed up that day with apolice officer trying to collect
what little she could, but hepulled up in the middle of it,
loud, erratic, refusing tode-escalate until he was cuffed
(29:20):
and on the ground.
And when she walked inside,everything she owned was piled
by the door like trash.
That image stays with me becauseit's not about the furniture.
It's about the humiliation.
It's about them making astatement that you don't get to
decide what is yours, or I do.
(29:44):
Some survivors walk intoshattered picture frames and cut
up clothes.
Others find out thateverything's been sold or given
away or moved or hidden.
And it's all retaliation.
Another way of saying if I can'tcontrol.
You out destroy the pieces ofyour life that make you feel
(30:06):
whole.
And that's the thing.
They don't always hit you tohurt you.
Sometimes they just takeeverything that I ever felt.
SPEAKER_01 (30:19):
So what's not and so every time we would move, he
would draw another heart in thedust on my truck, and that's how
I would know that he found meagain.
Seven different times we moved,and seven different times he
found me.
I started getting desperate on Idon't know where else we can go.
I don't have anybody else or anyother safe addresses I can go
(30:42):
to.
I don't know what I'm supposedto do.
And so I reached out to that oldsugar daddy, and I was like,
Look, this is why I cut you off.
This is why you haven't heardfrom me.
I got pregnant, I had a kid, andnow my life is in shambles and I
really need some help.
Can you please help me?
And so he bought me an RV and heput it in my name.
(31:06):
He spent$10,000 on an RV for me.
So then we started bouncingaround from RV park to RV park.
He didn't know that I had the RVyet.
I thought that that was gonna beour escape.
From my point of view, I wasthinking, well, if I'm gonna
keep having to bounce aroundwith my kids, it doesn't matter
how much we move around or wherewe go because inside is still
(31:30):
the same.
So I can give them thatstability, I can give them that
sense of feeling at homeregardless of where we are.
And so there was one day where Iwas supposed to go pick up the
baby, and I had pulled up to hishouse with the RV attached to
the back of my truck because wewere supposed to be moving from
(31:53):
one campsite to another.
Typically, when you rent acampsite, you can only usually
stay for like two weeks at atime, max.
I was getting ready to leavewith the baby, and I mentioned
that I was having issues withthe air conditioning.
And he said, Well, it's too hotfor you guys to sleep in that
camp or with no RB or with noAC.
(32:15):
And I'm like, Well, we don'treally have a choice, you know.
I I've tried calling differentpeople to get it fixed, but it's
too late in the day now, so I'mnot gonna be able to get it
looked at until tomorrow.
And he said, Okay, listen, whydon't you guys just stay here
tonight and then you can get theAC fixed tomorrow?
And I'm like, Yeah, I don't knowabout that.
(32:37):
And he's like, No, I promise,like, I'll make dinner, you can
just spend the night, and thenin the morning you can get your
AC fixed, and then you can be onyour way.
What I didn't know was that Iwould barely escape that night
with my life.
SPEAKER_00 (32:51):
So, what's not in this interview is the part where
Sarah tells me that this systemends up pulling her right back
in because he got a lawyer.
There's a custody hearing, andon paper, he's not trying to
take their son away.
He's actually asking for 50-50custody and he's showing up calm
and collected and reasonable.
(33:13):
So when that exchange day came,she thought maybe things are
different now, maybe we can becivil, maybe he's grown.
And I get that.
Because when they're cordial,when they use the right tone,
when they smile, it's like yourbrain lights up with every good
memory that you've been tryingto bury to stay away.
(33:37):
And you want to believe thatyou're finally seeing the
version of them that you fell inlove with.
You want to prove to yourselfthat that person did exist, that
you weren't crazy.
Sometimes showing up isn't aboutreconciliation, though.
It's about recognition.
It's saying, I remember who youpretend to be, and I still wish
(34:00):
that person had been real.
And that's that's okay to wantthat.
And maybe that's why she showedup that day with the RV.
Maybe it was closure, maybe itwas hope.
Maybe it was both.
SPEAKER_01 (34:14):
Dinner was normal.
My middle son was very happy tobe back at the house.
He was happy to be around my exagain after dinner.
Kids went to bed.
We sat on the porch and wetalked for hours and we laughed
and we reminisced, and heexplained that he understood how
(34:37):
he let his feelings destroy ourrelationship, how he should have
been more of a man and notcheated and just all the things,
right?
After several hours of talkingwith him, I told him, you know,
I'm gonna go out to the RV, getsome clothes to change into, I
need to grab some diapers forthe baby.
I might straighten up for a fewminutes while I'm in there, so
(35:01):
it's ready for tomorrow when weleave.
And he said, Okay, no problem.
Well, while I was in the RV, hewas sitting on the porch going
through my phone.
And the next thing I know, thecamper door busts open, and he
immediately is waving my phonein the air, going, You're
talking to other guys.
And before I could even answerhim, he lunges at me.
(35:24):
He's choking me with both hands,throwing me around all over the
place, and he was like, Oh no,you tried to get me arrested
before.
I'm definitely going to jailtonight.
Here's my phone.
Take it.
Go ahead.
Call the cops.
Because I'm going to jailtonight.
And when I reached for thephone, he just started beating
(35:45):
me, and the RV had a U-shapedkitchenette table.
And so I was trapped in that.
And he was just on top of me,just blow after blow.
He turns around and he's like,What are you looking at?
I'm like, I'm not looking atanything.
Just please, just stop.
And he's like, No, you werelooking at something.
What are you?
(36:06):
Oh, you were looking at thoseknives on the wall.
So you thought you were gonnastab me, huh?
And I'm like, no, no, I I wasn'tlooking at that.
I'm I'm just begging andpleading, like, I would not do
that.
Can you can you please juststop?
So he grabs the knife on thewall and he was like, get up.
And he said, Go open your safe.
(36:27):
And so I opened the safe and hetook all the money that I had.
Then he threw me into theshower, climbed on top of me,
continued to pummel me.
I used to do kickboxing, so Iwas doing a pretty decent job of
protecting my face, but my earsand the back of my head and my
arms took a lot of beating.
(36:49):
As he's beating me, I startedtrying to push him off of me,
and I ended up touching theknife that was in his pocket,
not purposely, but just liketrying to trying to get him off
of me.
He said, Oh, you thought youwere gonna get that knife for
me.
Okay, I'm gonna show you exactlywhat I'm gonna do with it.
And so he he's behind me at thispoint, and he's holding this
(37:12):
knife to my forehead, and hesays that he's gonna cut my
scalp off.
And he says that if I scream,he's gonna make sure my kids
have nightmares for the rest oftheir lives.
In that moment, I really thoughtthat I was gonna die.
In my head, I'm wondering howmuch blood is there going to be?
(37:32):
What's gonna happen to the RV?
What's gonna happen to my body?
Are my kids ever gonna know whathappened to me?
Is he just gonna drive my trucksomewhere into the woods and
light it on fire?
Will I ever see my kids again?
Like, I I really thought that Iwas gonna die.
The next thing you know, he'slike, the baby's crying.
(37:55):
Get your ass up and go inside.
I thought I was about to justdie, and now you want me to go
take care of the baby.
Okay, so he orders me in thehouse at night point, and I'm
consoling my crying newborn,wondering what's gonna happen
next.
(38:15):
He's just standing there goingthrough my phone, going through
my phone.
As soon as the baby's calm, he'slike, put that baby down so I
can beat your ass some more.
I was like, No, please stop,like you don't have to do this.
He grabs my glasses off of myface and he twists them into
pieces, and he says, Put thatfucking baby down so I can beat
(38:36):
your ass.
So I put the baby down and hejust continued to beat me.
He ordered me back out to the RVat knife point again.
I'm just being tortured.
Beaten and tortured, and I wantto say this all started at about
10 p.m.
And then around like 4 a.m., 5a.m.
(39:00):
Then he stops and he's calm andhe's quiet, and then he starts
crying.
I'm so sorry, I can't believe Itook it this far.
I care about you, I love you, weshould get married, we can move
to Florida, we can be together.
I did the best that I could toconvince him that I was gonna do
(39:24):
whatever he wanted to do becauseI was still hostage, I was
terrified.
My kids were trapped inside hishouse to play the role, and
yeah, we should totally getmarried.
I would love that.
That that would be perfect.
And he's like, Okay, well, Ihave to go to sleep because I
have to get up and go to work inthe morning.
(39:44):
And I'm like, Okay, well, goahead and go to sleep.
Me and the kids are just gonnaleave so you can get some rest.
And he's like, Oh no, no, no,no, no.
You're staying here still.
He's like, Go inside so we cango to bed.
I tried to lay on the floor nextto the baby, and he was like,
Yeah, nope, that's not gonnawork.
So he makes me lay in the bednext to him, and he wraps his
(40:07):
arms around me so I can't moveor get out of the bed, and he's
kissing me on the back of myshoulder, and I love you so
much, and I can't believe we'regonna get married.
I love you.
I'm a ticking time bomb.
I cannot wait to get the fuckaway from him.
(40:28):
I'm just planning my escape.
How do I get me and my kids outof this safely?
And how the fuck do I get awayfrom him so he can never touch
me again?
So in the morning he gets up andhe's like he's got this look on
his face, like I fucked up.
I really fucked up.
(40:49):
You're still gonna be here whenI get off work, right?
I was like, Yeah, of course.
What time do you get off?
He's like, Well I get off atsix.
I said, Okay, we'll be here whenyou get off.
No big deal.
Like, okay, I love you.
I hope you have a great day.
I'll see you tonight when I getoff work.
So I took my kids back to myfriend's house, I asked her to
(41:12):
watch them, and then I went tothe police station and waited
two hours to talk to anotherdetective and I explained
everything from the beginning tothe end, and he says, Well, we
can take pictures of yourbruises and we can add it to the
file, but it's gonna be a fewweeks before a detective reaches
(41:35):
out to you.
And I'm like, What the fuck doyou mean?
You have his name, you have hisaddress, you have his place of
employment, go fucking get him.
And they're like, Well, ma'am,that's not really how this
works, and we have to do ourinvestigation first, and I'm
like, investigate these fuckingbruises, bro.
(41:55):
Like, do something.
So I'm like, cool, well, I don'tknow where the fuck I'm gonna go
because he keeps finding meevery time I move.
I don't have anywhere else safeto go.
So I started booking campsitesfurther and further and further
away.
Every step I take in that RV,I'm having flashbacks and
(42:17):
remembering what happened andhow I felt in those moments, how
scared I was, and I had to keepbeing a mom.
The stress and the paranoia wasreally getting to me.
Um, I started breaking out inhives.
I would wake up and one side ofmy face would be extremely
(42:39):
swollen, or my lip would balloonup.
The stress was eating me alive.
I said, you know what, we gottaget the hell out of Missouri.
Where am I gonna go?
SPEAKER_00 (42:49):
I can only imagine how many other survivors have
lived that, maybe notnecessarily being held by knife
point, but those nights whereyou're cornered, where you cry
until your throat burns, whereyou beg for it to stop, and then
suddenly they do stop.
And then it's like a switchflips, and they act like nothing
(43:10):
happened, and they climb intobed and they tell you they love
you, and then you lie therefrozen, numb, pretending to
sleep, pretending to breatheevenly, pretending to believe
it, or just pretending.
Because that's really the onlything that keeps you alive, that
keeps you safe.
Sarah said that he made hercuddle next to him, that he made
(43:33):
her comfort him after hebrutalized her.
And I can imagine doing the samething that she said.
I would say yes to a marriageproposal, wouldn't you?
Even if I didn't want to, butbecause I would understand that
maybe the wrong answer wouldkill me.
(43:56):
And that's the kind of survivalthat the world doesn't know how
to even talk about yet.
And when we first started thisepisode, I told you that Sarah's
mom had given her two weeks tofigure out her next move.
And Saturday, the 1st ofNovember, that deadline is here.
(44:19):
And she has just a couple ofdays left before she has to
leave.
And only a few more weeks untilthe man that she's been running
from walks out of prison.
And right now, Sarah is doingeverything that she can to stay
safe, but she can't do it alone.
And there's a GoFundMe linked inthe show notes where you can
help her relocate.
(44:40):
And every share, every donation,every ounce of support helps her
take one step closer to safetyand to peace.
So if Sarah's story is moved to,please share this episode.
Next week, we're gonna check inwith Sarah.
It'll be after she is hopefullyon the road.
I'm gonna let her share what shefeels comfortable sharing.
(45:03):
We're just gonna kind of recapnow that she's brought her story
out into the world, how does shefeel?
And you come back just to havesome world talk with us.
But for now, this has beendismissed for stories.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for caring, and thankyou for helping Sarah find
safety.
(45:24):
Because today, and like everyepisode before, we're breaking
the silence.
One sentence, one story, and oneepisode at a time.
This episode of Dismissed True Stories contains
discussions of domesticviolence, strangulation, threats
with a weapon, and threats ofhomicide.
Listener discretion is stronglyadvised.
The stories shared here are toldfrom the firsthand perspective
of a survivor.
Some details have been changedor omitted to protect the safety
(00:21):
and privacy of those involved.
If you or someone you know isexperiencing abuse, you are not
alone.
You can call the NationalDomestic Violence Hotline at
1-800-799-SAFE.
That's 1-800-799-7233.
Or text DART to 88-788.
(01:04):
I'm your host, Elissa, and thankyou for coming back week after
week to support Sarah's fightfor safety and relocation.
As we are all well aware thather ex is to be released from
prison in just a few shortweeks.
So your listenership and yoursupport mean so, so, so, so
(01:25):
much.
Now, before we dive back intoSarah's timeline, I want to
catch you up on where she's attoday because earlier this week
we were on the phone and shetold me that her mom had just
given her the week prior atwo-week notice that she was
moving out of the apartment thatthey shared together and
(01:46):
probably leaving this date.
And that was it.
She really didn't give muchinformation.
She wasn't willing to.
There was no plan, no safetynet, no conversation about what
happens next.
Just, hey, I'm leaving and goodluck.
And Sarah, she was like, okay,I've I've been here before.
I know what this is like, butsomething about this feels
(02:09):
different.
Because she's not justsurviving, she's preparing for
what comes next.
And as I'm reflecting on theconversation that we had, I'm
like, maybe that's what scaresme about this situation the
most, because I do feel like hermom might be running away from
(02:31):
something.
But the fact is, and the truthis, that Sarah is still running
for her life.
And now in this episode, we getto share with you the real
reason why.
We get to tell you the story ofthe worst one, which that's what
we've nicknamed this person forthe purpose of this episode.
(02:55):
This next chapter isn't aboutsurviving on the outside, just
in the world in general.
It's about surviving someone whowanted to own her completely.
I was talking to her about likeour conversation that we had
(03:17):
yesterday, and I was like, dude,I don't know why I'm surprised
at any like new detail thatcomes to light, but this one
really pissed me off because Ido feel like she's just leaving
her high and dry.
And if you feel like it'sappropriate or you want to give
(03:38):
a little recap of what you toldme yesterday, like what your
situation looks like.
SPEAKER_01 (03:44):
Um so she wants to be able to move out of our place
by the first.
You know, I've fully financiallytaken care of her for the last
five years, but after losing myincome in February and not
really having any income sincethen, she is now tired of paying
my bills, she doesn't want to beresponsible for me, she doesn't
want to take care of me, shejust doesn't want to pay bills
(04:05):
at all.
She finally got to a point whereshe was like, all right, fine,
I'm gonna get a job.
And then she was acting allpissy and mad about it, like,
well, I have to work because youwon't.
And it's like, it's not that Iwon't work.
I've I've been applying forhundreds of jobs.
I've been trying to do TikTokfull time, I'm trying to do
everything I can to promote mybook.
(04:26):
I'm I don't know what else youwant me to do.
I'm literally giving you all myeffort.
SPEAKER_00 (04:30):
You're just like, well, sorry.
Yeah, after the first, you havenowhere to go, yeah.
unknown (04:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (04:38):
And the shelters are still telling me that they're
full, and they will call me ifthere's any openings, but as as
of this time, there's no way forme to get into a shelter.
SPEAKER_00 (04:49):
Now we're working together to kind of fundraise
very last minute.
We've been sharing your GoFundMeand the show notes of every
episode.
I do you did tell me that afterthe first episode premiered, you
got an anonymous$500 donation,which is fucking incredible.
That is gonna help so much.
(05:10):
Thank you so much to whoever didthat.
Because holy shit, you're anangel, you're an earth angel.
SPEAKER_02 (05:18):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00 (05:20):
But now we're like, we were on the phone yesterday,
kind of trying to brainstorm,like, okay, what now?
Like, what are we gonna do?
Um, I'm trying to fundraise foryou on the side.
Um, but our goal is we'regetting you the hell out by
Saturday.
That's what's gonna happen.
Exactly.
(05:41):
You're gonna be okay.
SPEAKER_01 (05:45):
It's all like so exciting and so stressful and so
up and down, like I'm sohopeful, but still so scared and
complicated how I feel.
SPEAKER_00 (05:55):
Today though, we had said, okay, we're gonna meet and
talk about I don't even know,like, what kind of name do we
want to give him?
The freaking big bad woof.
Like that's who we're talkingabout today.
SPEAKER_01 (06:12):
The worst one?
SPEAKER_00 (06:13):
The worst one.
That's a good name.
The worst one.
That's what we'll name him inthis episode.
Um it's like there's part of mebecause I already know so much
about this relationship that I'mlike, I don't even want to give
(06:34):
him any kind of attention.
But the people who are listeningwho are coming back week after
week to you know, to learn moreabout you, to listen to your
story, I know that we're gonnahear this.
But I also know that this is adifficult conversation for you.
So we'll tell what we can.
(06:57):
And I guess I'll I'll set you upto begin.
But you did meet him in thoseyears that we had just talked
about, where I had called itsurvival sex um in the past
couple of episodes.
You met him during that time.
You had already been throughboyfriend A, B, and C, and you
(07:18):
had reached a point where you'relike, I'm done.
Like, I'm so sick and tired ofbeing abused.
I just I don't want to do thisanymore.
And then walks in the worst one.
But but he's not the worst onefor the first couple of years.
SPEAKER_01 (07:38):
Yeah, I I thought my life was a fairy tale at that
point.
I was single for almost a yearafter boyfriend C.
I had really just told myself,I'm gonna focus on me, I'm gonna
focus on my kid, I'm going tofocus on whatever's in our best
interest.
I don't need a man, I don't, Ineed to be single, I don't need
a relationship, I just need tofocus on us.
(08:00):
He was a client at the time whenI met him, and he continued to
ask me, like, let me just takeyou on a real date.
And I was like, uh I don't knowabout that.
That doesn't seem like a goodidea.
Um, but he was persistent and hecontinued to ask.
So our very first date was aweek in Las Vegas.
SPEAKER_00 (08:22):
He took you on the date of all dates.
SPEAKER_01 (08:25):
Yeah.
We got a rental car, we drove toLA, we went to Santa Monica
Beach, Roscoe's chicken andwaffles in Compton.
We did the Hollywood strip.
We were in LA for a night, andthen we drove back to Vegas the
next morning.
We were staying at the HarrisCasino there on the strip.
It was just such a breath offresh air.
(08:46):
He was so different.
He always told me, like, youcan't judge me off of what other
people did to you.
Give me a chance.
Let me show you that I can bewhat they weren't.
Let me show you that I wouldnever do what they did to you.
For like the first four years,he was right.
There was like we got in anargument once, and I kind of was
(09:08):
testing him, like kind ofgetting in his face and blocking
the door because he wanted toleave.
And I was like standing in frontof the door, and I was like,
You're not leaving.
I'm not letting you go.
We needed to talk about this.
And I was just kind of trying tosee because you know, sometimes
things change in the heat of themoment, and I was kind of trying
to test him to see, like, areyou still gonna be that same
cool, level-headed, non-abusive?
(09:30):
He was very controlled.
One thing that a lot of peoplehave told me over time is that
narcissists usually wear thebest masks, they are everything
you want them to be, everythingthat you thought you dreamed of
until a certain point, and theneverything shifts.
It's like they do the best jobof convincing you that they are
(09:55):
somebody that they're not.
SPEAKER_00 (09:57):
And you were convinced.
You were convinced for fouryears.
Did you and you felt safe withhim in those four years?
SPEAKER_01 (10:03):
Absolutely.
So I met him during the timeframe that I was getting my kids
back.
I had partial custody.
It was one instance where CPScalled me and they were like,
Hey, your son is at thehospital.
We need you to come up here, gethere as soon as you can.
And I'm like, Oh my god, whathappened?
(10:24):
And they're like, Well, we can'ttell you over the phone, just
please get to the hospital assoon as you can.
I'm sure as a mother you canunderstand that pit in your
soul, like, oh my god, my kid isin the hospital.
When I got to the hospital, myson had a hand-shaped bruise
around his neck.
His stepmother had choked himfor not knowing how to tie his
shoes.
(10:44):
All of my kids have had speechdelays, sensory issues, uh,
they're all on the spectrum.
So they're all special needs.
At that time, my my son neededsomebody to be understanding.
He needed somebody to help himprocess things.
And instead, he got cruelty, nocompassion, no understanding, no
(11:05):
patience.
And so I met the worst oneduring that time frame, and he
stood up to my ex-husbandFreddie, and he was like, Your
son is not coming back overhere.
If you want to see him, you cansee him over here, but he is not
going back to your house.
I will not allow it.
I'm gonna keep him safe.
(11:26):
So he really bonded with my son.
He taught him how to tie hisshoes, he taught him how to ride
a bike, he put him in ninjakarate classes, taught him how
to mow the yard, just reallyhelped build up his
self-confidence and helped givehim a voice, help him find out
what his interests were.
And for so long, I was so proudof both of them.
(11:49):
I was so happy for both of them.
I was so happy to feel like,okay, I actually have somebody
who really cares, really meanswhat they say, and is really
funny.
SPEAKER_00 (12:06):
That shows them love when you can look out your
window into the backyard and seethem working together on a
project or helping him mow theyard.
There's a feeling there, thewarm and fuzzies, the pride
where you're so happy that yourchild is getting that kind of
(12:26):
attention from another malefigure.
SPEAKER_01 (12:29):
We literally traveled all over the U.S.
We started in Vegas andCalifornia.
We went to Denver, we went toTexas, Branson, Missouri,
Chicago, Philadelphia, New York.
We traveled a lot and he paidfor everything.
He really stepped up in waysthat I had never seen before.
(12:51):
He was kind, he wascompassionate, he was building
this bond with my child, he wasproviding for us like nobody
else ever had.
His grandmother had given him ahouse and it needed a lot of
work.
So we started putting all of ourmoney into rebuilding his house.
When I met him, he obviouslyknew what I was doing because he
(13:15):
was a client first.
So he didn't have any problem orany judgment with it, but we
were also trying to get me outof that line of work.
Eventually, I got to a pointwhere I was really just seeing
one sugar daddy.
He never made me do anything.
He literally would pay me$300 anhour to go to his house and just
(13:36):
hang out with him.
And then the hour would be up,and he would say, Oh no, no, no,
no, you can't go.
I need another hour.
And then the hour would be up,okay.
Well, let me pay you for twomore hours.
Okay, let me pay you for threemore hours.
It became so much income fromhim that I was able to cut
everyone else off.
You know, I wasn't having sexwith him, I wasn't doing
(13:59):
anything for that money, I wasjust spending time with him.
From my point of view, I feltlike I was out of the business
because I wasn't ashamed or lowor small.
I I felt big, I felt powerful.
The agreement with the worst onewas that as soon as the house
(14:21):
was finished being rebuilt, thatI was gonna be done with him and
we were gonna move forward, thatwe were gonna get serious about
our family.
We wanted to have a baby, um, wewanted to, you know, solidify
that family bond and make it ourown.
We poured so much money intothat house.
(14:42):
I mean, literally newelectrical, new plumbing, new
floors, new walls.
Everything in that house wasbrand new.
We stripped it down to the bonesand rebuilt it back up.
I felt so invested.
I felt like we were really doingsomething big together.
This idea of being able to becompletely out of survival sex,
(15:04):
to be completely done withanything, you know, illegal.
I was gonna be legit goingforward.
I was gonna have the family andthe dream life and everything I
had always wanted.
When the house was finished, wemoved in in January, and then in
February, I found out I waspregnant.
(15:25):
We went to a Charlie Wilsonconcert for Valentine's Day, and
that's when I told him, hey, I'mpregnant.
At first, he was shocked andthen happy, and oh my god, I
can't believe this is happening,and things for the first couple
of weeks were great.
During all three of mypregnancies, I had hyperemesis
(15:46):
gravardium.
If you don't know what that is,it's basically like morning
sickness on crack.
It's very, very extreme morningsickness where it wouldn't even
just be in the morning, it wouldbe all day long.
Any kind of smell, any kind.
I was throwing up all day long,every single day.
I was constantly in and out ofthe emergency room.
They kept having to give mefluids because I was so
(16:08):
dehydrated and they wanted allthese extra prenatal
appointments to make sure thatthe baby was okay.
They kept telling me that thebaby was smaller than he was
supposed to be, that they werereally worried about him, which
I had the same issue with myprevious two pregnancies as
well.
Both my first two kids were fivepounds when they were born.
(16:30):
So it wasn't something that wassuper shocking to me, but it's
obviously still very concerning.
So I was stressed out, I wassick a lot, I I was miserable.
He was very supportive until Iwas about six months pregnant.
He started getting way distant.
He was very withdrawn, he wasn'tbeing as caring as he once was
(16:53):
before.
When I noticed that shift in hisbehavior, it made me start to
question like what's reallygoing on.
Eventually, one night he wasasleep and I went through his
phone, and that's when I foundout that he was cheating on me,
and it wasn't just cheating onme with random women, he was
(17:14):
paying for prostitutes and usingmy money to do it.
I had a really hard timedeciding how I even felt about
something like that becausethat's how he met me.
But I confronted him and I I wasjust like, look, I know what
you're doing, I know what'sgoing on.
Can we figure this out?
(17:35):
Can we make this work?
You mean everything to me.
Your bond with my son meanseverything to me.
This house means everything tome.
We are so invested in eachother.
This is just a temporary thing.
It's gotta just be because I'mpregnant and sick, right?
And he was like, you know what?
I don't even care.
I can do whatever I want.
(17:56):
I'm like, what do you mean youcan do whatever you want?
And he's like, That's what Isaid.
I can do whatever I want.
For whatever reason, I nervouslylaughed, and he lunged across
the room, he wrapped his handaround my throat, he strangled
me with one hand while beatingme over the head with another.
I was so frozen in that moment.
SPEAKER_00 (18:18):
I just I've seen this pattern before, and I know
what it's like to have some sortof unexpected blow-up, and for
your brain to not be able tocatch up and you freeze.
I think a lot of survivors knowthat feeling.
It's not like what I've shown inthe movies.
(18:38):
It's usually like no dramaticbuildup.
Sometimes it's just they decidethat they're pissed and they're
gonna act on it.
And the fact that Sarah waspregnant when this happened,
unfortunately, I'm notsurprised.
How many stories have I told onthis podcast in the past where
(18:59):
the abuse actually ramps upduring pregnancy?
I don't know if it's becausethis person feels threatened by
the attention or by your ownindependence or by the fact that
something is literally growinginside of you that they can't
own or dominate at the time.
And it's something that seems tobe only yours in their mind.
(19:23):
I don't know.
But what I do know is that oncethat line is crossed, you never
really get to go back to theversion of yourself that
believed that you were safe orthat something like that
couldn't happen to you.
How many months pregnant wereyou?
Six months pregnant.
SPEAKER_01 (19:45):
You know, I was very, very torn on he's been so
perfect for like four years, andmy son adores him, he adores my
son.
SPEAKER_00 (19:55):
So I really want to know what the psychology is
behind men who escalate likethat when their significant
other is pregnant.
Because that seems to be apretty common statistic.
SPEAKER_01 (20:10):
I'm still trying to wrap my head around it to this
day of like, was it just thefact that he wasn't ready to
have a child?
Was it that he was scared tohave a child?
Like, I sat in the shower cryingfor probably two hours until the
water ran cold and I had nochoice but to get out.
I just couldn't decide what todo.
How do I walk away knowing howmuch my son loves him?
(20:35):
Cope with the fact that he puthis hands on me when for four
years he swore he would never dothat.
SPEAKER_00 (20:41):
What happened after that?
I mean, did he just like go backto bed?
Did he leave?
SPEAKER_01 (20:47):
He just went on with life.
He didn't really care.
He never apologized, he neversaid that he was sorry.
He just he continued to get moreand more distant and more and
more cold.
I ended up having to have ascheduled c-section.
I had a c-section previouslywith my second son.
I literally felt everything.
(21:09):
I screamed bloody murder theentire time.
I was terrified.
I was awful.
It was very traumatizing andawful.
So I expressed to him and thedoctor, I don't think I can do
another c-section.
Like he was like, you know what?
Just shut up and go in there andgo do it.
You won't even like hug me orhold my hand or like anything.
(21:32):
And he was like, quit being apussy, you're fine.
Go in there and go do it.
So I had the c-section and Istill felt everything.
And I was screaming and crying,and he's telling me, You can't
you can't be screaming likethat.
You need to shut up.
Well, so they're literallyslicing my stomach open and
(21:53):
pulling my organs out.
I'm telling the doctors, like, Ifeel everything.
I need more medication.
They told me that they had givenme as much medication as they
could, and that I just needed tobe strong and hold on.
They were trying to get the babyout as quickly as they could,
that once he was out, then theywould be able to give me more
medicine.
When they pulled the baby out,everything went black.
(22:16):
They completely put me to sleep.
I didn't even get to hear hisfirst cry.
I didn't get to see him.
They just immediately put me tosleep.
I woke up several hours later.
A nurse was shoving my newbornto my chest, trying to feed him.
And I'm looking around.
I can barely lift my head.
I can barely move my arms or mylegs.
(22:39):
I'm like out of it.
And I'm like, well, where is he?
And she's like, well, he left assoon as the baby was born.
Called him.
He said he was busy and he wouldbe up there eventually.
So I spent most of my almost allthe time that I was at the
hospital, I was there by myself.
(23:01):
When I got home from thehospital, he said, Alright,
look, if you don't want to behere anymore, that's fine.
The baby stays with me.
I wasn't gonna let that happen.
So I stayed and I tried to staysmall and not upset him.
And if the baby cried too much,then I was doing something
(23:24):
wrong.
It was one night where the babyhad gas really bad and he just
was miserable.
He took him to the emergencyroom, would not let me have the
baby, and I had to follow him tothe emergency room.
The doctor was like, Yeah, um,your baby has gas.
First time here.
(23:45):
And he was like, Well, yeah, butlike he's crying and he won't
stop crying.
And the doctor was like, Yeah,that's what babies do.
They cry.
He'll be okay.
Get some sleep, figure it out.
It'll be alright.
The baby cried too much for toolong.
I was doing something wrong, Iwas hurting him, I wasn't
feeding him enough.
(24:05):
I was always to blame.
I was it was the baby was just acouple of months old, and he was
being very cold and mean oneday.
He shoved me into the wall whileI was holding the baby, and I
was like, absolutely not, butI'm done.
I'm done, I'm done, I'm done.
My middle son ended up spendingthe night at a friend's house,
(24:28):
and so he wasn't there when Igot pushed into the wall.
I grabbed the diaper bag and thecar seat and I ran out the front
door and I got away as fast as Icould, and that's when he
started calling back to back toback.
I will scorch the earth to findmy child, bring him back, or
you're not gonna like whathappens.
SPEAKER_00 (24:51):
As a survivor and as a mother, I understand that
there is a particular kind offear that hits in this moment
because you're caught betweentwo unbearable choices stay and
risk your safety or leave andrisk retaliation.
That's the part that outsidersor people who haven't
(25:13):
experienced abuse don't reallyunderstand.
It's that you want to protectyour child, but the questions
start to loop in your head.
Am I safe?
How can my child be safe?
If I leave, will he take thechild?
Will anyone believe me?
(25:33):
And abusers know exactly how tokeep you stuck there.
Sarah said that he called her oror messaged her on repeat.
And they do, they flood yourphone with messages, threats,
apologies, please.
And it's just enough chaos tokeep your nervous system stuck
in survival mode.
(25:53):
It's strategic.
It's how they regain controlwhen they feel like it's
slipping away from them.
And you can't think clearlybecause they won't let you uh
think clearly.
Every message on your phone isanother jolt of adrenaline.
They want you to feel panickedand guilty and confused because
(26:15):
if you are panicking, thenyou're not planning.
And that's exactly how they keepyou trapped.
SPEAKER_01 (26:26):
So I drove over to his house.
I parked like a block and a halfaway so that I knew he didn't
like go down that street.
So he wasn't gonna be able tosee me or know that I was
sitting there waiting.
And I called 911 four differenttimes, and I waited over five
(26:46):
hours and the police never came.
So the next day, um she waslike, just go to the police
station.
Do not take no for an answer.
So I went up to the policestation, I waited another two
hours to talk to a detective.
(27:07):
He was very degrading, verydismissive.
And I insisted that I was notgoing to leave the police
station until somebody followedme to his house so I could
retrieve some of my belongings.
I waited like another hour and ahalf, and they finally got an
officer to escort me over there.
(27:28):
That officer was much nicer,much more understanding.
When we got to the house, thelocks had literally been changed
overnight.
And so I look at the cop and I'mlike, Well, what do I do?
And he said, Well, there's abrick on the ground right there.
Like, I can't do that.
And he was like, What thisaddress is on your driver's
(27:52):
license.
You have proof that you livehere.
You have photo proof that youlive here.
Like, you I can't tell you thatyou're not allowed to enter this
property by any means becauseyou live here.
You have proof that you livehere.
Okay, if you say it's fine, Iguess.
So I threw the brick and I'mhalfway climbing into the window
(28:15):
when he pulls up in thedriveway, and then he's
immediately belligerent.
Why are you letting this bitchbreak into my house and she
doesn't live here?
And what do you think you'redoing?
And so they end up handcuffinghim, detaining him, made him sit
on the grass, let me go throughthe house and get whatever I
thought that I needed, right?
SPEAKER_00 (28:38):
I cannot tell you how many survivors have a story
that starts like this.
You finally leave and thensuddenly the locks are changed.
The home that you paid for, thethings that you bought, the baby
clothes, the crib, the photos,all of it just out of reach.
Because once you walk out thatdoor, the abuser shifts from
control through fear to controlthrough access.
(29:00):
And it doesn't matter if it'syour toothbrush or your child's
blanket.
They're not really protectingthe things, they're punishing
you for leaving.
Sarah showed up that day with apolice officer trying to collect
what little she could, but hepulled up in the middle of it,
loud, erratic, refusing tode-escalate until he was cuffed
(29:20):
and on the ground.
And when she walked inside,everything she owned was piled
by the door like trash.
That image stays with me becauseit's not about the furniture.
It's about the humiliation.
It's about them making astatement that you don't get to
decide what is yours, or I do.
(29:44):
Some survivors walk intoshattered picture frames and cut
up clothes.
Others find out thateverything's been sold or given
away or moved or hidden.
And it's all retaliation.
Another way of saying if I can'tcontrol.
You out destroy the pieces ofyour life that make you feel
(30:06):
whole.
And that's the thing.
They don't always hit you tohurt you.
Sometimes they just takeeverything that I ever felt.
SPEAKER_01 (30:19):
So what's not and so every time we would move, he
would draw another heart in thedust on my truck, and that's how
I would know that he found meagain.
Seven different times we moved,and seven different times he
found me.
I started getting desperate on Idon't know where else we can go.
I don't have anybody else or anyother safe addresses I can go
(30:42):
to.
I don't know what I'm supposedto do.
And so I reached out to that oldsugar daddy, and I was like,
Look, this is why I cut you off.
This is why you haven't heardfrom me.
I got pregnant, I had a kid, andnow my life is in shambles and I
really need some help.
Can you please help me?
And so he bought me an RV and heput it in my name.
(31:06):
He spent$10,000 on an RV for me.
So then we started bouncingaround from RV park to RV park.
He didn't know that I had the RVyet.
I thought that that was gonna beour escape.
From my point of view, I wasthinking, well, if I'm gonna
keep having to bounce aroundwith my kids, it doesn't matter
how much we move around or wherewe go because inside is still
(31:30):
the same.
So I can give them thatstability, I can give them that
sense of feeling at homeregardless of where we are.
And so there was one day where Iwas supposed to go pick up the
baby, and I had pulled up to hishouse with the RV attached to
the back of my truck because wewere supposed to be moving from
(31:53):
one campsite to another.
Typically, when you rent acampsite, you can only usually
stay for like two weeks at atime, max.
I was getting ready to leavewith the baby, and I mentioned
that I was having issues withthe air conditioning.
And he said, Well, it's too hotfor you guys to sleep in that
camp or with no RB or with noAC.
(32:15):
And I'm like, Well, we don'treally have a choice, you know.
I I've tried calling differentpeople to get it fixed, but it's
too late in the day now, so I'mnot gonna be able to get it
looked at until tomorrow.
And he said, Okay, listen, whydon't you guys just stay here
tonight and then you can get theAC fixed tomorrow?
And I'm like, Yeah, I don't knowabout that.
(32:37):
And he's like, No, I promise,like, I'll make dinner, you can
just spend the night, and thenin the morning you can get your
AC fixed, and then you can be onyour way.
What I didn't know was that Iwould barely escape that night
with my life.
SPEAKER_00 (32:51):
So, what's not in this interview is the part where
Sarah tells me that this systemends up pulling her right back
in because he got a lawyer.
There's a custody hearing, andon paper, he's not trying to
take their son away.
He's actually asking for 50-50custody and he's showing up calm
and collected and reasonable.
(33:13):
So when that exchange day came,she thought maybe things are
different now, maybe we can becivil, maybe he's grown.
And I get that.
Because when they're cordial,when they use the right tone,
when they smile, it's like yourbrain lights up with every good
memory that you've been tryingto bury to stay away.
(33:37):
And you want to believe thatyou're finally seeing the
version of them that you fell inlove with.
You want to prove to yourselfthat that person did exist, that
you weren't crazy.
Sometimes showing up isn't aboutreconciliation, though.
It's about recognition.
It's saying, I remember who youpretend to be, and I still wish
(34:00):
that person had been real.
And that's that's okay to wantthat.
And maybe that's why she showedup that day with the RV.
Maybe it was closure, maybe itwas hope.
Maybe it was both.
SPEAKER_01 (34:14):
Dinner was normal.
My middle son was very happy tobe back at the house.
He was happy to be around my exagain after dinner.
Kids went to bed.
We sat on the porch and wetalked for hours and we laughed
and we reminisced, and heexplained that he understood how
(34:37):
he let his feelings destroy ourrelationship, how he should have
been more of a man and notcheated and just all the things,
right?
After several hours of talkingwith him, I told him, you know,
I'm gonna go out to the RV, getsome clothes to change into, I
need to grab some diapers forthe baby.
I might straighten up for a fewminutes while I'm in there, so
(35:01):
it's ready for tomorrow when weleave.
And he said, Okay, no problem.
Well, while I was in the RV, hewas sitting on the porch going
through my phone.
And the next thing I know, thecamper door busts open, and he
immediately is waving my phonein the air, going, You're
talking to other guys.
And before I could even answerhim, he lunges at me.
(35:24):
He's choking me with both hands,throwing me around all over the
place, and he was like, Oh no,you tried to get me arrested
before.
I'm definitely going to jailtonight.
Here's my phone.
Take it.
Go ahead.
Call the cops.
Because I'm going to jailtonight.
And when I reached for thephone, he just started beating
(35:45):
me, and the RV had a U-shapedkitchenette table.
And so I was trapped in that.
And he was just on top of me,just blow after blow.
He turns around and he's like,What are you looking at?
I'm like, I'm not looking atanything.
Just please, just stop.
And he's like, No, you werelooking at something.
What are you?
(36:06):
Oh, you were looking at thoseknives on the wall.
So you thought you were gonnastab me, huh?
And I'm like, no, no, I I wasn'tlooking at that.
I'm I'm just begging andpleading, like, I would not do
that.
Can you can you please juststop?
So he grabs the knife on thewall and he was like, get up.
And he said, Go open your safe.
(36:27):
And so I opened the safe and hetook all the money that I had.
Then he threw me into theshower, climbed on top of me,
continued to pummel me.
I used to do kickboxing, so Iwas doing a pretty decent job of
protecting my face, but my earsand the back of my head and my
arms took a lot of beating.
(36:49):
As he's beating me, I startedtrying to push him off of me,
and I ended up touching theknife that was in his pocket,
not purposely, but just liketrying to trying to get him off
of me.
He said, Oh, you thought youwere gonna get that knife for
me.
Okay, I'm gonna show you exactlywhat I'm gonna do with it.
And so he he's behind me at thispoint, and he's holding this
(37:12):
knife to my forehead, and hesays that he's gonna cut my
scalp off.
And he says that if I scream,he's gonna make sure my kids
have nightmares for the rest oftheir lives.
In that moment, I really thoughtthat I was gonna die.
In my head, I'm wondering howmuch blood is there going to be?
(37:32):
What's gonna happen to the RV?
What's gonna happen to my body?
Are my kids ever gonna know whathappened to me?
Is he just gonna drive my trucksomewhere into the woods and
light it on fire?
Will I ever see my kids again?
Like, I I really thought that Iwas gonna die.
The next thing you know, he'slike, the baby's crying.
(37:55):
Get your ass up and go inside.
I thought I was about to justdie, and now you want me to go
take care of the baby.
Okay, so he orders me in thehouse at night point, and I'm
consoling my crying newborn,wondering what's gonna happen
next.
(38:15):
He's just standing there goingthrough my phone, going through
my phone.
As soon as the baby's calm, he'slike, put that baby down so I
can beat your ass some more.
I was like, No, please stop,like you don't have to do this.
He grabs my glasses off of myface and he twists them into
pieces, and he says, Put thatfucking baby down so I can beat
(38:36):
your ass.
So I put the baby down and hejust continued to beat me.
He ordered me back out to the RVat knife point again.
I'm just being tortured.
Beaten and tortured, and I wantto say this all started at about
10 p.m.
And then around like 4 a.m., 5a.m.
(39:00):
Then he stops and he's calm andhe's quiet, and then he starts
crying.
I'm so sorry, I can't believe Itook it this far.
I care about you, I love you, weshould get married, we can move
to Florida, we can be together.
I did the best that I could toconvince him that I was gonna do
(39:24):
whatever he wanted to do becauseI was still hostage, I was
terrified.
My kids were trapped inside hishouse to play the role, and
yeah, we should totally getmarried.
I would love that.
That that would be perfect.
And he's like, Okay, well, Ihave to go to sleep because I
have to get up and go to work inthe morning.
(39:44):
And I'm like, Okay, well, goahead and go to sleep.
Me and the kids are just gonnaleave so you can get some rest.
And he's like, Oh no, no, no,no, no.
You're staying here still.
He's like, Go inside so we cango to bed.
I tried to lay on the floor nextto the baby, and he was like,
Yeah, nope, that's not gonnawork.
So he makes me lay in the bednext to him, and he wraps his
(40:07):
arms around me so I can't moveor get out of the bed, and he's
kissing me on the back of myshoulder, and I love you so
much, and I can't believe we'regonna get married.
I love you.
I'm a ticking time bomb.
I cannot wait to get the fuckaway from him.
(40:28):
I'm just planning my escape.
How do I get me and my kids outof this safely?
And how the fuck do I get awayfrom him so he can never touch
me again?
So in the morning he gets up andhe's like he's got this look on
his face, like I fucked up.
I really fucked up.
(40:49):
You're still gonna be here whenI get off work, right?
I was like, Yeah, of course.
What time do you get off?
He's like, Well I get off atsix.
I said, Okay, we'll be here whenyou get off.
No big deal.
Like, okay, I love you.
I hope you have a great day.
I'll see you tonight when I getoff work.
So I took my kids back to myfriend's house, I asked her to
(41:12):
watch them, and then I went tothe police station and waited
two hours to talk to anotherdetective and I explained
everything from the beginning tothe end, and he says, Well, we
can take pictures of yourbruises and we can add it to the
file, but it's gonna be a fewweeks before a detective reaches
(41:35):
out to you.
And I'm like, What the fuck doyou mean?
You have his name, you have hisaddress, you have his place of
employment, go fucking get him.
And they're like, Well, ma'am,that's not really how this
works, and we have to do ourinvestigation first, and I'm
like, investigate these fuckingbruises, bro.
(41:55):
Like, do something.
So I'm like, cool, well, I don'tknow where the fuck I'm gonna go
because he keeps finding meevery time I move.
I don't have anywhere else safeto go.
So I started booking campsitesfurther and further and further
away.
Every step I take in that RV,I'm having flashbacks and
(42:17):
remembering what happened andhow I felt in those moments, how
scared I was, and I had to keepbeing a mom.
The stress and the paranoia wasreally getting to me.
Um, I started breaking out inhives.
I would wake up and one side ofmy face would be extremely
(42:39):
swollen, or my lip would balloonup.
The stress was eating me alive.
I said, you know what, we gottaget the hell out of Missouri.
Where am I gonna go?
SPEAKER_00 (42:49):
I can only imagine how many other survivors have
lived that, maybe notnecessarily being held by knife
point, but those nights whereyou're cornered, where you cry
until your throat burns, whereyou beg for it to stop, and then
suddenly they do stop.
And then it's like a switchflips, and they act like nothing
(43:10):
happened, and they climb intobed and they tell you they love
you, and then you lie therefrozen, numb, pretending to
sleep, pretending to breatheevenly, pretending to believe
it, or just pretending.
Because that's really the onlything that keeps you alive, that
keeps you safe.
Sarah said that he made hercuddle next to him, that he made
(43:33):
her comfort him after hebrutalized her.
And I can imagine doing the samething that she said.
I would say yes to a marriageproposal, wouldn't you?
Even if I didn't want to, butbecause I would understand that
maybe the wrong answer wouldkill me.
(43:56):
And that's the kind of survivalthat the world doesn't know how
to even talk about yet.
And when we first started thisepisode, I told you that Sarah's
mom had given her two weeks tofigure out her next move.
And Saturday, the 1st ofNovember, that deadline is here.
(44:19):
And she has just a couple ofdays left before she has to
leave.
And only a few more weeks untilthe man that she's been running
from walks out of prison.
And right now, Sarah is doingeverything that she can to stay
safe, but she can't do it alone.
And there's a GoFundMe linked inthe show notes where you can
help her relocate.
(44:40):
And every share, every donation,every ounce of support helps her
take one step closer to safetyand to peace.
So if Sarah's story is moved to,please share this episode.
Next week, we're gonna check inwith Sarah.
It'll be after she is hopefullyon the road.
I'm gonna let her share what shefeels comfortable sharing.
(45:03):
We're just gonna kind of recapnow that she's brought her story
out into the world, how does shefeel?
And you come back just to havesome world talk with us.
But for now, this has beendismissed for stories.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for caring, and thankyou for helping Sarah find
safety.
(45:24):
Because today, and like everyepisode before, we're breaking
the silence.
One sentence, one story, and oneepisode at a time.
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