October 3, 2025 • 31 mins
A mother of three children with special needs has been running for her life for nearly six years. Now, with her abuser scheduled for release from prison in November—a man who told a judge he's coming to find her—time is running out.
Sarah's story begins with profound childhood trauma. At nine years old, she lost her father to cancer, only to be sexually abused by a family friend weeks later. Her mother quickly remarried and left Sarah to navigate her grief alone, setting the stage for a lifetime of seeking love and safety in all the wrong places. This childhood betrayal formed the foundation for cycles of abuse that would follow her into adulthood.
What makes Sarah's case so disturbing is that she's done everything "right." She's filed police reports across multiple jurisdictions, testified in court, obtained restraining orders, and relocated her family repeatedly. Yet the system continues to fail her at every turn. The Address Confidentiality Program, designed to protect survivors like her, processed her application so slowly that her real address became public record—accessible to anyone, including her abuser who has a documented history of shooting a previous girlfriend.
Sarah's resilience shines through her determination to rebuild her life while protecting her children. She's self-published three books, including "Memoirs of a Mama on the Run," documenting her experiences and offering guidance to other survivors. Through social media, she shares her story, hoping to raise awareness about the gaps in our protection systems for domestic violence victims.
This powerful first episode of Season 3 challenges us to confront uncomfortable truths about how domestic violence cases are deprioritized and mishandled by authorities. Statistics show women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the two weeks after leaving an abuser than at any other time in the relationship, making these systemic delays potentially lethal. As we follow Sarah's journey, we're left asking: What happens when you follow every rule and it's still not enough to keep you safe?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The following episode contains first-person accounts
told directly by the survivor.
These are Sarah's livedexperiences, shared in her own
words.
Allegations and descriptionsare Sarah's perspective, unless
otherwise noted, with referenceto public records.
This episode discusses domesticviolence, stalking, threats
(00:20):
with weapons, child abuse andsexual assault.
These themes may be distressing.
Please take care whilelistening, step away if you need
to and know that resources areavailable.
In the US, you can call or text988 for immediate mental health
support.
Violence hotline at800-799-7233 or by texting START
(01:00):
to 88788.
If you are outside the US,please check local hotlines and
resources available in your area.
Hey and welcome back to seasonthree of Dismissed True Stories.
(01:21):
I'm your host, elissa and girl.
When I first sat down with thesurvivor whose story we'll be
telling this season her name isSarah I thought that we were
just going to record a singleinterview.
That's how a lot of thesestories come to light.
I'll spend a couple of hourswith a survivor talking about
(01:42):
their lived experience, but aone and done joke was on me,
because then, as Sarah istelling her story, she starts
dropping truth bombs on me, andI mean the kind of bombs where I
literally had to stop hermid-sentence and be like wait
(02:03):
what, literally had to stop hermid-sentence and be like wait
what?
So every conversation withSarah led to another door that I
needed to open, something elsethat I needed to know more about
.
I was absolutely captivatedwith her and another piece of
her life just would unfold anddemand to be told it.
(02:24):
Before I knew it, sarah's storyhad turned into this An entire
season, and I don't want tospend too much time in this
introduction to my introductionof season three.
So let's get into it.
Let's cue the transitionalmusic, because the truth is,
(02:51):
sarah's story is unlike anyinterview that I've ever had,
because when she first reachedout to me, she didn't call it
her story in my inbox.
She actually called it her lifeor death plea, and that, after
interviewing her, was absolutelyno exaggeration.
(03:13):
Her abuser, a man with adocumented history of
terrorizing and stalking her, isscheduled for release from
prison in just a few weeks andat his parole hearing he told
the judge that as soon as he isfree, he is coming to find her.
For nearly six years, sarah hasbeen running across cities,
(03:37):
across states and sometimes evenliving out of her car.
She is a mother of threechildren with special needs, a
survivor of domestic violenceand child abuse and betrayal at
the deepest levels.
She is also an author who haschosen to use her words and her
(03:59):
story as both a warning and acall to action.
And in interviewing Sarah Irealized that the goal of this
season is twofold One is to helpher find safety before her
abuser walks free, and two is toshine a light on the cracks in
(04:22):
our systems that make survivalfeel so impossible for many
victims.
But before we dive in, I needto be honest with you, and more
so with myself, more so withmyself.
(04:44):
This season has been one of thehardest things that I have ever
worked on and, as a survivor,listening to and editing Sarah's
story has opened up doors in myown memory.
It has triggered mesignificantly and forced me to
stare my own trauma in the face.
(05:05):
There were times where I criedafter logging off of an
interview, times where I had toremind myself to breathe.
I mean hell.
I have nearly redecorated andrearranged my entire house
because of an overwhelming needjust to move Sarah's story out
(05:27):
of my body, because duringinterviews I found myself
leaning forward into thecomputer screen, completely
captivated, almost like I wasabsorbing her grief and her fear
, grief and her fear.
And Sarah is incredibly braveand also a gifted storyteller.
(05:48):
So please, please, take care ofyourself.
While listening to this season,I've learned that I've needed to
wear two hats through thisprocess One as a survivor who
(06:10):
absolutely feels Sarah's fear inmy bones, and another as a
podcaster and a broadcasterdedicated to telling her story
with the clarity and the weightthat it deserves.
And that duality is theheartbeat of this podcast.
Dismissed true stories.
They're not just stories here.
(06:31):
We're telling lived experiences, all the raw, all the real, all
the emotional, all of thoseheavy emotions that come with
lived experiences.
But those stories, those livedexperiences, they also carry
(06:53):
validation and education and, ofcourse, the sidebar commentary
moments that help us all come upfor air and resurface from
those emotions together.
Sarah's story is not by anymeans easy to hear, but I
(07:15):
believe that is the point,because the cycle of abuse
thrives in silence and thisseason, like every season before
, we're breaking it One episode,one sentence and one story at a
(07:41):
time.
So let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Hi, my name is Sarah and this is my story.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Sarah and I spoke one time before sitting down to
record.
She dives right into it and,after getting to know Sarah over
the past two months, I knowit's because she's lived a life
(08:19):
where she has never been heard.
You're going to hear Sarah saythat we've been running for
almost six years and as we'rerecording this, it's early fall.
Her abuser, the man that she'sbeen running from for six years,
is scheduled to release fromprison this November.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Right now things are kind of stressful.
We have been running from my exfor over five years.
We're almost at six years atthis point and he's getting out
of prison in November.
And when I went to his parolehearing a few months ago, he
told the judge that as soon ashe's released in November that
(09:05):
he's coming to find me and thathe wants his son back.
And the judge just told himwe'll just try to do it the
legal way this time.
Like I don't have a wholestring of police reports from
multiple cities, multiple states.
We've relocated again and againand again and he just refuses to
(09:26):
give up.
I found out after I startedrunning from him that he was on
parole for shooting his other exgirlfriend.
I truly, truly, truly believethat if we cannot afford to
relocate before he gets releasedfrom prison, that he's going to
be able to find me.
So the last time we relocatedto a new state, I had signed up
(09:47):
for the address confidentialityprogram for victims.
The problem with that is ittook them months to approve my
application.
So by the time I got myacceptance letter it was already
too late.
I already had an apartment andbills in my name because I
didn't have any other address touse.
So currently, if you, you know,if you look me up, you can find
(10:09):
my address and that makes itreally easy for him.
Yeah.
So I absolutely feel like assoon as he gets out, we are in
danger and we need to relocate,and we need to relocate ASAP, or
, you know, we may not survivethis next encounter with him,
(10:30):
because I didn't think I wasgoing to make it out of the last
encounter I had with him and bythe grace of God, I survived
and I'm able to be here to tellmy story.
But I want to be able tocontinue to tell my story and I
am afraid that you know, if wedon't get some sort of support,
(10:50):
that the only story I'm going tohave left is all my TikTok
posts of begging the world tosee my situation and understand
that this is serious and this iswhere I ask Sarah well, what
happened in your first encounterwith him?
(11:11):
So he held me hostage at knifepoint.
He told me that he was going tocut my scalp off and he said
that if I screamed he was goingto make sure my kids have
nightmares for the rest of theirlives.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
I know that's shocking to hear, but I do want
to challenge you to sit insilence for just a few moments
in Sarah's truth Now.
We won't be getting into thisspecific interaction today, but
we will dive into it later inthis season.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
You know, I've gone through every legal avenue.
I've made the police reports, Ihave gone to court, I have
testified, I have relocatednumerous times and he just
continues to terrorize me, nomatter what I do.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Let me pause right here for a second and explain
what Sarah is talking about,especially if you live outside
of the US.
Most states here have somethingcalled an address
confidentiality program and theidea is pretty simple Survivors
of domestic violence, stalkingor sexual assault can use a
(12:32):
substitute mailing address, likeusually a PO box managed by the
state, so that their reallocation isn't exposed in public
records or even on like voterregistration.
In theory it's a lifeline, butin practice it often takes
(12:53):
months to process applications,and survivors like Sarah can't
just sit around waiting forapproval.
They need to rent apartments,they need to set up utilities,
enroll their kids in school, allof which require a physical
address.
So by the time that Sarah gother acceptance letter, it was
(13:15):
too late.
Her real address was alreadytied to her name and once that
happens it's public.
Anyone, including her abuser,can find it.
So here's the terrifying realityfor victims like Sarah, who are
constantly on the run, orsomeone who is just leaving an
(13:40):
abusive partner and wants toapply for the Address
Confidentiality Program.
In theory, yes, it's great, andwhen it works it's perfect, but
leaving an abusive partner isstatistically the most dangerous
time for a victim.
Studies do show that women are70 times more likely to be
killed in the two weeks afterleaving than at any other point
(14:04):
in the relationship.
So when survivors do follow therules and the system still
moves at a snail's pace, thatdelay can literally be the
difference between life anddeath.
So can you explain your processright now?
Because you said that you'vebeen through every legal avenue
(14:25):
and throughout your story it'svery clear that you've tried
different jobs, different meansof having an income to be able
to relocate, but now you'retrying something a little
different.
What is that?
Speaker 2 (14:41):
I just published three different books.
Actually, the first book that Icreated it's called Rebuild
your Life a self-help guide formoms starting over, and then I
also created a matchingself-care journal that goes
along with it.
But my third book is calledMemoirs of a Mama on the Run,
(15:04):
and that's more of a in-depthlook into my life and how I
ended up in some of thesesituations and what led me to
being where I'm at now.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
You go live and you read parts of your book on your
TikTok, and then you also havechapters on your TikTok which
I've been going through over thepast couple of days, found
myself getting very frustratedfor you, even though I'm not in
this situation, because itdefinitely seems like it's just
(15:38):
one thing after the other, afterthe other, after the other, and
I'm sitting there listening,thinking when is she going to
get a break?
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Yeah, I've lived through probably 30 years of
probably enough for 10, 20people worth of lifetime full of
trauma.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
so it's a lot.
I wanted to put that littlepiece of conversation into the
podcast because I wanted tobring it full circle, to show
you that even when you gothrough every legal avenue, like
Sarah said, she made policereports, she had gone to court,
(16:20):
she had testified, she'drelocated numerous times and he
just continues to terrorize andcome after her, no matter what
she does.
And this is where my heartbreaks, as both a survivor and
an advocate, because Sarah hasdone everything that we tell
victims to do she's filed thereports, she's gone to court,
(16:43):
she's testified, she's followedthe rules, she's gotten
different jobs, she has pickedup her kids and moved again and
again and again, and still it'snot enough.
And the system tells us that ifyou play by the rules, then
you'll be safe.
But what happens when you doeverything right?
(17:06):
And you're still hunted, andyou're still hunted.
And this is the part thatpeople don't see.
Domestic violence isn'tprioritized in the ways that it
should be.
Police reports are oftenminimized, especially if there
are no visible injuries.
Cases get passed from onejurisdiction to another when
(17:29):
victims relocate, and shelters,of course, are underfunded and
understaffed, and the waitinglist can stretch for months, and
one national study found thatonly about half of domestic
violence survivors who reach outfor shelter are able to get in,
(17:51):
and I can speak on this becauseI wasn't able to get in.
I slept in a shelter parkinglot in my car, and the other
half they're turned away becausethe beds are full.
Or you sleep in the parking lotBecause the beds are full, or
you sleep in the parking lot.
(18:12):
And as for legal protections, arestraining order is just a
piece of paper if there's noenforcement behind it.
So, as a survivor myself, Iknow the exhaustion of walking
out of court thinking I did it,I told the truth, I told the
truth, I followed the rules, butyet you're still walking to
(18:53):
your treatment or what happensafter the fact.
You own up to a lot of things.
You're very honest in yourstorytelling, but where I want
to start is kind of at thebeginning of your story, because
you wrote to me.
You said to be honest, I'vebeen abused my entire life,
(19:13):
raised by a narcissisticsociopath of a mother.
My father died when I was justnine years old and my mother was
remarried in less than a yearand was too busy with her new
husband to care about myfeelings of loss.
I acted out as a teenager,desperate for love and attention
(19:34):
.
My parents would say we buy youeverything you want.
Why are you like this?
The truth is I didn't needstuff.
I needed a mother.
I was grieving my father'sdeath and then sexually abused
by my family friend for months,and my mother was too consumed
in her new marriage to noticethe little girl that just needed
(19:54):
someone to be there for her.
Yep, my son is nine.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
And so this hit me where it hurts.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
To put my son in in your shoes and to look at him
and to realize how innocent heis, um, and that he's, he's just
a baby, like he hadn't even.
He hasn't even reached doubledigits yet, and neither had you
right can you?
Can you talk about your father?
(20:34):
Was he a safe person for you?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Absolutely, and I think that's the reason why I've
had such a hard time grievinghim, because my dad and my
grandfather actually were bothreally great men.
My grandparents have the cutestlove story.
My parents were high schoolsweethearts.
My dad was actually diagnosedwith cancer just a couple months
(20:57):
after I was born, so I grew upwith him in and out of the
hospital a lot With him, knowingthat he had a ticking clock on
his lifetime.
He was so dedicated to makingsure that I remembered him in
the light that he wanted me toremember.
He was very adamant aboutmaking sure that he passed down
(21:21):
the values and he just reallywanted me to be self-aware and
made sure that I always knew tostand up for myself.
He said never let anyone tellyou that you can't do something.
Always wear your heart on yoursleeve.
If you believe in something,fight for it and don't ever give
up.
Always stay true to yourself.
(21:42):
Always love yourself.
I was daddy's little girl, 100%all the way, so losing him at
nine was just earth shattering.
I don't really ever remember mymom being very comforting or
there for me at all.
Really, I just don't everreally remember any happy
(22:03):
memories with her before hispassing, so losing him was
extremely hard.
And then my mom moved anotherman into our house just six
months after he passed.
So the house we lived in wasactually an early inheritance
from my grandparents.
They bought that, built thathouse for us right after I was
(22:25):
born.
The agreement was that my momwas supposed to raise me in that
house and then I was supposedto inherit the house once I
became an adult.
But because my mother movedanother man in, six months later
my grandparents came and theywere like I'm sorry, but I
really don't support yourdecision.
I don't think this is right foryour daughter.
I don't think that this isacceptable and I don't want this
(22:47):
man living in this house.
You know, my stepdad was likewell, I don't care what you
think, and I'm going to be hereregardless and there's nothing
you can do about it.
And my grandpa said, ok, well,this house is still in my name,
so actually I can do somethingabout it and I don't want you
guys to live here anymore ifyou're not going to make him
move out.
And so they said, ok, well,we'll move out.
(23:07):
So they gave up that house thatI was supposed to inherit.
They moved on with theirrelationship.
I was just kind of left in thedust because they were so
consumed in their newrelationship.
They used to go to the casinoevery single weekend and I was
either left at home unsupervisedor I was left alone in the
casino unsupervised.
(23:28):
So I was spending a ton of timewith just myself, no support
system.
I began to search for love inall the wrong places because I
didn't have it at home.
I never had a support system.
Every time I would come to myparents and explain how upset I
was, or explain how I wasgrieving, or explain what I was
(23:50):
going through.
They would continue to tell meyou know, the world does not
revolve around you, it's notjust you going through this.
And I feel like I was reallysilenced for a lot of years and
I was told that my voice didn'tmatter.
I was told that it didn'tmatter how upset I was.
Acting out was the only way toget their attention.
(24:11):
They didn't care to spend anytime with me or talk to how
upset I was.
Acting out was the only way toget their attention.
They didn't care to spend anytime with me or talk to me
unless I was in trouble.
Again they would say you know,we buy you everything you want.
Why are you like this?
Well, because I need a supportsystem.
I need parents, I need helpprocessing all these things that
I've been through and my momstill says you know, I was there
(24:33):
for you, I've done nothing butsupport you your whole life.
It's like no, that's delusionalat best.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Do you think that the thing is that your, your dad,
was pouring into you?
Do you feel that he waspreparing you for a life with
your mom?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
um, I never thought about it that way.
I think he was more trying toprepare me for life without him.
I can't say that I feel like mydad really saw that this would
happen or who she would become.
(25:17):
Many years I just I've tried tobe able to forgive her as a
mother because, you know, shelost her husband.
I didn't just lose my dad, shelost her husband.
They were high schoolsweethearts.
They had been together 25 plusyears before he passed.
So I understood that that wasearth shattering for her.
(25:38):
I just never understood why shedidn't see how earth shattering
that was for me as well.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Do you talk to her at all now?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah, we actually currently live together and it's
made this whole processextremely painful and very, very
toxic.
Our relationship has suffered alot since I published my book.
She seems very bitter, veryhurt, very dismissive.
(26:10):
When I decided that I wanted towrite my book, I sat down with
her and I said you know,something about this time
timeframe in my life is makingme feel like I really need to
process everything I've beenthrough, because I've spent so
(26:31):
many years in survival mode ofjust having to swallow and
bottle all these feelings sothat I could be a present mother
and not be consumed.
In the past We've, like you saidbefore, it's just been one
event after the next, after thenext, after the next, for so
long.
When I lost my income inFebruary, it was like everything
(26:52):
just started pouring out of me.
I didn't necessarily want towrite a book about my life.
It wrote itself.
I'm learning a lot more aboutmyself and I'm understanding
myself a little bit morerecently.
I've realized that, you know,my mother was truly my first
abuser in life.
You know, I've said things toher regarding my feelings and
(27:14):
she says well, I've done nothingbut support you for 36 years,
and it's like that tracks tracksyeah.
So how exactly were yousupporting me when you had an
affair with my husband andthought you were gonna move out
of state with my kids andconvince the world that I was a
drug addict and unfit parent andyou helped my husband hide my
(27:38):
children from me and my husbandhide my children?
Speaker 1 (27:44):
from me and and I bet you can tell this was the
moment that I realized Sarah'sstory couldn't be told in just
one interview.
Every time she spoke there wasanother truth bomb.
The betrayal with her motherwas something that completely
blew me away, and I knew that Iwas only scratching the surface.
(28:06):
I had set out to record asingle conversation, but it
became super clear Sarah's storyis bigger, deeper and much
heavier than that, and it's notjust one chapter, it's a
lifetime of abuse.
So to really understand how shegot here a mother of three on
(28:29):
the run, hunted by her abuser wehave to go back, back to the
little girl who lost her dad tocancer, the only person she felt
truly safe with, the onlyperson she felt truly safe with.
Back to what happened rightafter that loss, when Sarah was
just nine years old, becausewhat happened didn't just steal
(28:52):
her childhood, it shaped the waythat she came to understand
love, safety and trust for yearsto come.
Would it be okay if we gentlytouch on the period that you
mentioned, the abuse by a family, friend or neighbor, just
(29:13):
enough to understand how itshaped what came next when you
said that you started lookingfor love in all the wrong places
and eventually were going toget into your first relationship
.
How old were you?
I was nine, you were nine, soit was right after your dad had
(29:33):
passed away.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
Yeah, Like weeks weeks after he died.
So it was my dad's bestfriend's son.
Weeks after he died.
So it was my dad's bestfriend's son and we were going
to my dad's best friend's housea lot after he passed away.
Basically, the adults were justleaving us unsupervised a lot,
and the boy was bringing me intohis room with the door shut and
(29:56):
he had a bunk bed.
So he used to like hang thisblanket from the top of the bunk
bed so that it covered thebottom bunk and he would just
have me climb in there with himand it was more just like heavy
petting and kissing and sometouching.
It wasn't like full-on.
I'm trying not to downplay it,because it was abuse and I feel,
(30:23):
like a lot of women who havebeen abused especially if you've
been in way worse situationsyou're like, oh well, it wasn't
that bad.
No, it was bad, it wasextremely bad.
It's not okay, you know.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Just because I've experienced physical abuse
doesn't mean that I'm going togo look at someone who
experienced emotional abuse andsay oh well, yours wasn't as bad
as mine.
You know, I would never do that.
I would never do that.
Yeah, how long did it go on?
How did it end?
Speaker 2 (30:59):
It was not that long.
It was really just for a coupleweeks, a month or two max.
Once my mom started gettingserious with her new husband, we
stopped going over there asmuch.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
So essentially they were grieving together.
Yeah, yeah, but for me as amother and also getting to know
you, I'm like, okay, but whatabout you, sarah?
Speaker 2 (31:29):
I became an afterthought.
I became a burden and aninconvenience and too much to
deal with.
You know, then, once she gotwith her step my stepdad I don't
even want to call him that Thenthe conversation switched to.
The world does not revolvearound you.
My mom was just extremely she'salways been very emotionally
(31:49):
unavailable to me.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Did anything change in you afterwards, like how you
trusted adults or how you judgedlike safe attention?
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Absolutely.
I feel like it does reallyshape your perspective of what's
okay and what's not okay.
I didn't really know what washappening or why it was
happening.
I just knew that it washappening to me.
After the fact, I started tofeel like, well, that's one of
the only people who paysattention to me and wants to be
(32:22):
close to me.
So I feel like I startedassociating those type of
behaviors and relationships aslove and attention that I, you
know I wasn't getting.
I do think it shaped how I viewrelationships or my body, or
you know, I never respectedmyself the way that I should.
(32:45):
I just wish that somebody wouldhave told me you're beautiful,
you're worthy, you're deserving,you are loved.
And I never heard that.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
you know so Okay take away 36-year-old Sarah right
now and close your eyes andpicture 9-year-old Sarah.
I am coming to talk to herright now.
9-year-old Sarah, I want you toknow that you never deserved
that, that you deserved love andsupport and you deserved to be
(33:20):
guided and you deserved togrieve in any way that you felt
necessary to grieve, especiallyat nine.
And you are beautiful.
You are deserving.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
It's just again now.
As a parent looking back, I'mjust like how could you be so
careless, how could you be soselfish, how could?
Speaker 1 (34:05):
she be so selfish.
When Sarah talked about beingnine years old, it was
(34:26):
impossible for me not to hearthe child inside her still
asking why wasn't I protected?
And that's the question that somany survivors carry.
Whether you experienced abusein childhood or later on in life
, you learn that love can vanishovernight, that people can look
the other way or that abuse canbe mistaken for attention, and
it shapes everything thatfollows.
For Sarah, that grief andconfusion became the soil where
(34:50):
predators could take root, andat 16, she met the man who would
become her first husband.
He was older, he was in uniformand he promised her forever.
But, as you'll hear next time,that promise was just grooming
in disguise, and that is whereSarah's cycle of abuse begins.
(35:16):
I'm Elissa and this is Dismissed.
True Stories Season threecontinues next week, but before
you go, I have two quick asks.
If this episode spoke to you,please share it with someone who
needs to hear Sarah's story,because you never know who might
(35:37):
feel less alone because of it,and I would love to hear from
you too.
I've set up a voicemail whereyou can call and share your
opinions on this season.
Call 1-844-TELL-DTS to leave mea voicemail with your thoughts
about this first episode.
(35:57):
Your voice may even be featuredin a future episode of
Dismissed True Stories.
That's 1-844-T-E-L-L-D-T-S.
Together, we're breaking thesilence.
One episode, one sentence andone story at a time.
The following episode contains first-person accounts
told directly by the survivor.
These are Sarah's livedexperiences, shared in her own
words.
Allegations and descriptionsare Sarah's perspective, unless
otherwise noted, with referenceto public records.
This episode discusses domesticviolence, stalking, threats
(00:20):
with weapons, child abuse andsexual assault.
These themes may be distressing.
Please take care whilelistening, step away if you need
to and know that resources areavailable.
In the US, you can call or text988 for immediate mental health
support.
Violence hotline at800-799-7233 or by texting START
(01:00):
to 88788.
If you are outside the US,please check local hotlines and
resources available in your area.
Hey and welcome back to seasonthree of Dismissed True Stories.
(01:21):
I'm your host, elissa and girl.
When I first sat down with thesurvivor whose story we'll be
telling this season her name isSarah I thought that we were
just going to record a singleinterview.
That's how a lot of thesestories come to light.
I'll spend a couple of hourswith a survivor talking about
(01:42):
their lived experience, but aone and done joke was on me,
because then, as Sarah istelling her story, she starts
dropping truth bombs on me, andI mean the kind of bombs where I
literally had to stop hermid-sentence and be like wait
(02:03):
what, literally had to stop hermid-sentence and be like wait
what?
So every conversation withSarah led to another door that I
needed to open, something elsethat I needed to know more about
.
I was absolutely captivatedwith her and another piece of
her life just would unfold anddemand to be told it.
(02:24):
Before I knew it, sarah's storyhad turned into this An entire
season, and I don't want tospend too much time in this
introduction to my introductionof season three.
So let's get into it.
Let's cue the transitionalmusic, because the truth is,
(02:51):
sarah's story is unlike anyinterview that I've ever had,
because when she first reachedout to me, she didn't call it
her story in my inbox.
She actually called it her lifeor death plea, and that, after
interviewing her, was absolutelyno exaggeration.
(03:13):
Her abuser, a man with adocumented history of
terrorizing and stalking her, isscheduled for release from
prison in just a few weeks andat his parole hearing he told
the judge that as soon as he isfree, he is coming to find her.
For nearly six years, sarah hasbeen running across cities,
(03:37):
across states and sometimes evenliving out of her car.
She is a mother of threechildren with special needs, a
survivor of domestic violenceand child abuse and betrayal at
the deepest levels.
She is also an author who haschosen to use her words and her
(03:59):
story as both a warning and acall to action.
And in interviewing Sarah Irealized that the goal of this
season is twofold One is to helpher find safety before her
abuser walks free, and two is toshine a light on the cracks in
(04:22):
our systems that make survivalfeel so impossible for many
victims.
But before we dive in, I needto be honest with you, and more
so with myself, more so withmyself.
(04:44):
This season has been one of thehardest things that I have ever
worked on and, as a survivor,listening to and editing Sarah's
story has opened up doors in myown memory.
It has triggered mesignificantly and forced me to
stare my own trauma in the face.
(05:05):
There were times where I criedafter logging off of an
interview, times where I had toremind myself to breathe.
I mean hell.
I have nearly redecorated andrearranged my entire house
because of an overwhelming needjust to move Sarah's story out
(05:27):
of my body, because duringinterviews I found myself
leaning forward into thecomputer screen, completely
captivated, almost like I wasabsorbing her grief and her fear
, grief and her fear.
And Sarah is incredibly braveand also a gifted storyteller.
(05:48):
So please, please, take care ofyourself.
While listening to this season,I've learned that I've needed to
wear two hats through thisprocess One as a survivor who
(06:10):
absolutely feels Sarah's fear inmy bones, and another as a
podcaster and a broadcasterdedicated to telling her story
with the clarity and the weightthat it deserves.
And that duality is theheartbeat of this podcast.
Dismissed true stories.
They're not just stories here.
(06:31):
We're telling lived experiences, all the raw, all the real, all
the emotional, all of thoseheavy emotions that come with
lived experiences.
But those stories, those livedexperiences, they also carry
(06:53):
validation and education and, ofcourse, the sidebar commentary
moments that help us all come upfor air and resurface from
those emotions together.
Sarah's story is not by anymeans easy to hear, but I
(07:15):
believe that is the point,because the cycle of abuse
thrives in silence and thisseason, like every season before
, we're breaking it One episode,one sentence and one story at a
(07:41):
time.
So let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Hi, my name is Sarah and this is my story.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Sarah and I spoke one time before sitting down to
record.
She dives right into it and,after getting to know Sarah over
the past two months, I knowit's because she's lived a life
(08:19):
where she has never been heard.
You're going to hear Sarah saythat we've been running for
almost six years and as we'rerecording this, it's early fall.
Her abuser, the man that she'sbeen running from for six years,
is scheduled to release fromprison this November.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Right now things are kind of stressful.
We have been running from my exfor over five years.
We're almost at six years atthis point and he's getting out
of prison in November.
And when I went to his parolehearing a few months ago, he
told the judge that as soon ashe's released in November that
(09:05):
he's coming to find me and thathe wants his son back.
And the judge just told himwe'll just try to do it the
legal way this time.
Like I don't have a wholestring of police reports from
multiple cities, multiple states.
We've relocated again and againand again and he just refuses to
(09:26):
give up.
I found out after I startedrunning from him that he was on
parole for shooting his other exgirlfriend.
I truly, truly, truly believethat if we cannot afford to
relocate before he gets releasedfrom prison, that he's going to
be able to find me.
So the last time we relocatedto a new state, I had signed up
(09:47):
for the address confidentialityprogram for victims.
The problem with that is ittook them months to approve my
application.
So by the time I got myacceptance letter it was already
too late.
I already had an apartment andbills in my name because I
didn't have any other address touse.
So currently, if you, you know,if you look me up, you can find
(10:09):
my address and that makes itreally easy for him.
Yeah.
So I absolutely feel like assoon as he gets out, we are in
danger and we need to relocate,and we need to relocate ASAP, or
, you know, we may not survivethis next encounter with him,
(10:30):
because I didn't think I wasgoing to make it out of the last
encounter I had with him and bythe grace of God, I survived
and I'm able to be here to tellmy story.
But I want to be able tocontinue to tell my story and I
am afraid that you know, if wedon't get some sort of support,
(10:50):
that the only story I'm going tohave left is all my TikTok
posts of begging the world tosee my situation and understand
that this is serious and this iswhere I ask Sarah well, what
happened in your first encounterwith him?
(11:11):
So he held me hostage at knifepoint.
He told me that he was going tocut my scalp off and he said
that if I screamed he was goingto make sure my kids have
nightmares for the rest of theirlives.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
I know that's shocking to hear, but I do want
to challenge you to sit insilence for just a few moments
in Sarah's truth Now.
We won't be getting into thisspecific interaction today, but
we will dive into it later inthis season.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
You know, I've gone through every legal avenue.
I've made the police reports, Ihave gone to court, I have
testified, I have relocatednumerous times and he just
continues to terrorize me, nomatter what I do.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Let me pause right here for a second and explain
what Sarah is talking about,especially if you live outside
of the US.
Most states here have somethingcalled an address
confidentiality program and theidea is pretty simple Survivors
of domestic violence, stalkingor sexual assault can use a
(12:32):
substitute mailing address, likeusually a PO box managed by the
state, so that their reallocation isn't exposed in public
records or even on like voterregistration.
In theory it's a lifeline, butin practice it often takes
(12:53):
months to process applications,and survivors like Sarah can't
just sit around waiting forapproval.
They need to rent apartments,they need to set up utilities,
enroll their kids in school, allof which require a physical
address.
So by the time that Sarah gother acceptance letter, it was
(13:15):
too late.
Her real address was alreadytied to her name and once that
happens it's public.
Anyone, including her abuser,can find it.
So here's the terrifying realityfor victims like Sarah, who are
constantly on the run, orsomeone who is just leaving an
(13:40):
abusive partner and wants toapply for the Address
Confidentiality Program.
In theory, yes, it's great, andwhen it works it's perfect, but
leaving an abusive partner isstatistically the most dangerous
time for a victim.
Studies do show that women are70 times more likely to be
killed in the two weeks afterleaving than at any other point
(14:04):
in the relationship.
So when survivors do follow therules and the system still
moves at a snail's pace, thatdelay can literally be the
difference between life anddeath.
So can you explain your processright now?
Because you said that you'vebeen through every legal avenue
(14:25):
and throughout your story it'svery clear that you've tried
different jobs, different meansof having an income to be able
to relocate, but now you'retrying something a little
different.
What is that?
Speaker 2 (14:41):
I just published three different books.
Actually, the first book that Icreated it's called Rebuild
your Life a self-help guide formoms starting over, and then I
also created a matchingself-care journal that goes
along with it.
But my third book is calledMemoirs of a Mama on the Run,
(15:04):
and that's more of a in-depthlook into my life and how I
ended up in some of thesesituations and what led me to
being where I'm at now.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
You go live and you read parts of your book on your
TikTok, and then you also havechapters on your TikTok which
I've been going through over thepast couple of days, found
myself getting very frustratedfor you, even though I'm not in
this situation, because itdefinitely seems like it's just
(15:38):
one thing after the other, afterthe other, after the other, and
I'm sitting there listening,thinking when is she going to
get a break?
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Yeah, I've lived through probably 30 years of
probably enough for 10, 20people worth of lifetime full of
trauma.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
so it's a lot.
I wanted to put that littlepiece of conversation into the
podcast because I wanted tobring it full circle, to show
you that even when you gothrough every legal avenue, like
Sarah said, she made policereports, she had gone to court,
(16:20):
she had testified, she'drelocated numerous times and he
just continues to terrorize andcome after her, no matter what
she does.
And this is where my heartbreaks, as both a survivor and
an advocate, because Sarah hasdone everything that we tell
victims to do she's filed thereports, she's gone to court,
(16:43):
she's testified, she's followedthe rules, she's gotten
different jobs, she has pickedup her kids and moved again and
again and again, and still it'snot enough.
And the system tells us that ifyou play by the rules, then
you'll be safe.
But what happens when you doeverything right?
(17:06):
And you're still hunted, andyou're still hunted.
And this is the part thatpeople don't see.
Domestic violence isn'tprioritized in the ways that it
should be.
Police reports are oftenminimized, especially if there
are no visible injuries.
Cases get passed from onejurisdiction to another when
(17:29):
victims relocate, and shelters,of course, are underfunded and
understaffed, and the waitinglist can stretch for months, and
one national study found thatonly about half of domestic
violence survivors who reach outfor shelter are able to get in,
(17:51):
and I can speak on this becauseI wasn't able to get in.
I slept in a shelter parkinglot in my car, and the other
half they're turned away becausethe beds are full.
Or you sleep in the parking lotBecause the beds are full, or
you sleep in the parking lot.
(18:12):
And as for legal protections, arestraining order is just a
piece of paper if there's noenforcement behind it.
So, as a survivor myself, Iknow the exhaustion of walking
out of court thinking I did it,I told the truth, I told the
truth, I followed the rules, butyet you're still walking to
(18:53):
your treatment or what happensafter the fact.
You own up to a lot of things.
You're very honest in yourstorytelling, but where I want
to start is kind of at thebeginning of your story, because
you wrote to me.
You said to be honest, I'vebeen abused my entire life,
(19:13):
raised by a narcissisticsociopath of a mother.
My father died when I was justnine years old and my mother was
remarried in less than a yearand was too busy with her new
husband to care about myfeelings of loss.
I acted out as a teenager,desperate for love and attention
(19:34):
.
My parents would say we buy youeverything you want.
Why are you like this?
The truth is I didn't needstuff.
I needed a mother.
I was grieving my father'sdeath and then sexually abused
by my family friend for months,and my mother was too consumed
in her new marriage to noticethe little girl that just needed
(19:54):
someone to be there for her.
Yep, my son is nine.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
And so this hit me where it hurts.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
To put my son in in your shoes and to look at him
and to realize how innocent heis, um, and that he's, he's just
a baby, like he hadn't even.
He hasn't even reached doubledigits yet, and neither had you
right can you?
Can you talk about your father?
(20:34):
Was he a safe person for you?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Absolutely, and I think that's the reason why I've
had such a hard time grievinghim, because my dad and my
grandfather actually were bothreally great men.
My grandparents have the cutestlove story.
My parents were high schoolsweethearts.
My dad was actually diagnosedwith cancer just a couple months
(20:57):
after I was born, so I grew upwith him in and out of the
hospital a lot With him, knowingthat he had a ticking clock on
his lifetime.
He was so dedicated to makingsure that I remembered him in
the light that he wanted me toremember.
He was very adamant aboutmaking sure that he passed down
(21:21):
the values and he just reallywanted me to be self-aware and
made sure that I always knew tostand up for myself.
He said never let anyone tellyou that you can't do something.
Always wear your heart on yoursleeve.
If you believe in something,fight for it and don't ever give
up.
Always stay true to yourself.
(21:42):
Always love yourself.
I was daddy's little girl, 100%all the way, so losing him at
nine was just earth shattering.
I don't really ever remember mymom being very comforting or
there for me at all.
Really, I just don't everreally remember any happy
(22:03):
memories with her before hispassing, so losing him was
extremely hard.
And then my mom moved anotherman into our house just six
months after he passed.
So the house we lived in wasactually an early inheritance
from my grandparents.
They bought that, built thathouse for us right after I was
(22:25):
born.
The agreement was that my momwas supposed to raise me in that
house and then I was supposedto inherit the house once I
became an adult.
But because my mother movedanother man in, six months later
my grandparents came and theywere like I'm sorry, but I
really don't support yourdecision.
I don't think this is right foryour daughter.
I don't think that this isacceptable and I don't want this
(22:47):
man living in this house.
You know, my stepdad was likewell, I don't care what you
think, and I'm going to be hereregardless and there's nothing
you can do about it.
And my grandpa said, ok, well,this house is still in my name,
so actually I can do somethingabout it and I don't want you
guys to live here anymore ifyou're not going to make him
move out.
And so they said, ok, well,we'll move out.
(23:07):
So they gave up that house thatI was supposed to inherit.
They moved on with theirrelationship.
I was just kind of left in thedust because they were so
consumed in their newrelationship.
They used to go to the casinoevery single weekend and I was
either left at home unsupervisedor I was left alone in the
casino unsupervised.
(23:28):
So I was spending a ton of timewith just myself, no support
system.
I began to search for love inall the wrong places because I
didn't have it at home.
I never had a support system.
Every time I would come to myparents and explain how upset I
was, or explain how I wasgrieving, or explain what I was
(23:50):
going through.
They would continue to tell meyou know, the world does not
revolve around you, it's notjust you going through this.
And I feel like I was reallysilenced for a lot of years and
I was told that my voice didn'tmatter.
I was told that it didn'tmatter how upset I was.
Acting out was the only way toget their attention.
(24:11):
They didn't care to spend anytime with me or talk to how
upset I was.
Acting out was the only way toget their attention.
They didn't care to spend anytime with me or talk to me
unless I was in trouble.
Again they would say you know,we buy you everything you want.
Why are you like this?
Well, because I need a supportsystem.
I need parents, I need helpprocessing all these things that
I've been through and my momstill says you know, I was there
(24:33):
for you, I've done nothing butsupport you your whole life.
It's like no, that's delusionalat best.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Do you think that the thing is that your, your dad,
was pouring into you?
Do you feel that he waspreparing you for a life with
your mom?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
um, I never thought about it that way.
I think he was more trying toprepare me for life without him.
I can't say that I feel like mydad really saw that this would
happen or who she would become.
(25:17):
Many years I just I've tried tobe able to forgive her as a
mother because, you know, shelost her husband.
I didn't just lose my dad, shelost her husband.
They were high schoolsweethearts.
They had been together 25 plusyears before he passed.
So I understood that that wasearth shattering for her.
(25:38):
I just never understood why shedidn't see how earth shattering
that was for me as well.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Do you talk to her at all now?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah, we actually currently live together and it's
made this whole processextremely painful and very, very
toxic.
Our relationship has suffered alot since I published my book.
She seems very bitter, veryhurt, very dismissive.
(26:10):
When I decided that I wanted towrite my book, I sat down with
her and I said you know,something about this time
timeframe in my life is makingme feel like I really need to
process everything I've beenthrough, because I've spent so
(26:31):
many years in survival mode ofjust having to swallow and
bottle all these feelings sothat I could be a present mother
and not be consumed.
In the past We've, like you saidbefore, it's just been one
event after the next, after thenext, after the next, for so
long.
When I lost my income inFebruary, it was like everything
(26:52):
just started pouring out of me.
I didn't necessarily want towrite a book about my life.
It wrote itself.
I'm learning a lot more aboutmyself and I'm understanding
myself a little bit morerecently.
I've realized that, you know,my mother was truly my first
abuser in life.
You know, I've said things toher regarding my feelings and
(27:14):
she says well, I've done nothingbut support you for 36 years,
and it's like that tracks tracksyeah.
So how exactly were yousupporting me when you had an
affair with my husband andthought you were gonna move out
of state with my kids andconvince the world that I was a
drug addict and unfit parent andyou helped my husband hide my
(27:38):
children from me and my husbandhide my children?
Speaker 1 (27:44):
from me and and I bet you can tell this was the
moment that I realized Sarah'sstory couldn't be told in just
one interview.
Every time she spoke there wasanother truth bomb.
The betrayal with her motherwas something that completely
blew me away, and I knew that Iwas only scratching the surface.
(28:06):
I had set out to record asingle conversation, but it
became super clear Sarah's storyis bigger, deeper and much
heavier than that, and it's notjust one chapter, it's a
lifetime of abuse.
So to really understand how shegot here a mother of three on
(28:29):
the run, hunted by her abuser wehave to go back, back to the
little girl who lost her dad tocancer, the only person she felt
truly safe with, the onlyperson she felt truly safe with.
Back to what happened rightafter that loss, when Sarah was
just nine years old, becausewhat happened didn't just steal
(28:52):
her childhood, it shaped the waythat she came to understand
love, safety and trust for yearsto come.
Would it be okay if we gentlytouch on the period that you
mentioned, the abuse by a family, friend or neighbor, just
(29:13):
enough to understand how itshaped what came next when you
said that you started lookingfor love in all the wrong places
and eventually were going toget into your first relationship
.
How old were you?
I was nine, you were nine, soit was right after your dad had
(29:33):
passed away.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
Yeah, Like weeks weeks after he died.
So it was my dad's bestfriend's son.
Weeks after he died.
So it was my dad's bestfriend's son and we were going
to my dad's best friend's housea lot after he passed away.
Basically, the adults were justleaving us unsupervised a lot,
and the boy was bringing me intohis room with the door shut and
(29:56):
he had a bunk bed.
So he used to like hang thisblanket from the top of the bunk
bed so that it covered thebottom bunk and he would just
have me climb in there with himand it was more just like heavy
petting and kissing and sometouching.
It wasn't like full-on.
I'm trying not to downplay it,because it was abuse and I feel,
(30:23):
like a lot of women who havebeen abused especially if you've
been in way worse situationsyou're like, oh well, it wasn't
that bad.
No, it was bad, it wasextremely bad.
It's not okay, you know.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Just because I've experienced physical abuse
doesn't mean that I'm going togo look at someone who
experienced emotional abuse andsay oh well, yours wasn't as bad
as mine.
You know, I would never do that.
I would never do that.
Yeah, how long did it go on?
How did it end?
Speaker 2 (30:59):
It was not that long.
It was really just for a coupleweeks, a month or two max.
Once my mom started gettingserious with her new husband, we
stopped going over there asmuch.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
So essentially they were grieving together.
Yeah, yeah, but for me as amother and also getting to know
you, I'm like, okay, but whatabout you, sarah?
Speaker 2 (31:29):
I became an afterthought.
I became a burden and aninconvenience and too much to
deal with.
You know, then, once she gotwith her step my stepdad I don't
even want to call him that Thenthe conversation switched to.
The world does not revolvearound you.
My mom was just extremely she'salways been very emotionally
(31:49):
unavailable to me.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Did anything change in you afterwards, like how you
trusted adults or how you judgedlike safe attention?
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Absolutely.
I feel like it does reallyshape your perspective of what's
okay and what's not okay.
I didn't really know what washappening or why it was
happening.
I just knew that it washappening to me.
After the fact, I started tofeel like, well, that's one of
the only people who paysattention to me and wants to be
(32:22):
close to me.
So I feel like I startedassociating those type of
behaviors and relationships aslove and attention that I, you
know I wasn't getting.
I do think it shaped how I viewrelationships or my body, or
you know, I never respectedmyself the way that I should.
(32:45):
I just wish that somebody wouldhave told me you're beautiful,
you're worthy, you're deserving,you are loved.
And I never heard that.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
you know so Okay take away 36-year-old Sarah right
now and close your eyes andpicture 9-year-old Sarah.
I am coming to talk to herright now.
9-year-old Sarah, I want you toknow that you never deserved
that, that you deserved love andsupport and you deserved to be
(33:20):
guided and you deserved togrieve in any way that you felt
necessary to grieve, especiallyat nine.
And you are beautiful.
You are deserving.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
It's just again now.
As a parent looking back, I'mjust like how could you be so
careless, how could you be soselfish, how could?
Speaker 1 (34:05):
she be so selfish.
When Sarah talked about beingnine years old, it was
(34:26):
impossible for me not to hearthe child inside her still
asking why wasn't I protected?
And that's the question that somany survivors carry.
Whether you experienced abusein childhood or later on in life
, you learn that love can vanishovernight, that people can look
the other way or that abuse canbe mistaken for attention, and
it shapes everything thatfollows.
For Sarah, that grief andconfusion became the soil where
(34:50):
predators could take root, andat 16, she met the man who would
become her first husband.
He was older, he was in uniformand he promised her forever.
But, as you'll hear next time,that promise was just grooming
in disguise, and that is whereSarah's cycle of abuse begins.
(35:16):
I'm Elissa and this is Dismissed.
True Stories Season threecontinues next week, but before
you go, I have two quick asks.
If this episode spoke to you,please share it with someone who
needs to hear Sarah's story,because you never know who might
(35:37):
feel less alone because of it,and I would love to hear from
you too.
I've set up a voicemail whereyou can call and share your
opinions on this season.
Call 1-844-TELL-DTS to leave mea voicemail with your thoughts
about this first episode.
(35:57):
Your voice may even be featuredin a future episode of
Dismissed True Stories.
That's 1-844-T-E-L-L-D-T-S.
Together, we're breaking thesilence.
One episode, one sentence andone story at a time.
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