June 21, 2024 • 32 mins
What happens when the weight of addiction and grief collide? In this emotionally charged episode of Dismissed True Stories, we explore the raw and powerful journeys of abuse and trauma survivors. Host Elissa, draws from her own experience, setting the stage for an intimate and heartfelt conversation with Savannah, a survivor whose life has been marked by profound loss and resilience. Together, they delve into the societal neglect that compounds trauma, emphasizing the crucial role of empathy in supporting those who are grieving.
Savannah bravely opens up about her harrowing experiences, from being held captive and enduring severe abuse to the chaotic normalization of violence in her life. Her story is a testament to the terrifying realities many survivors face daily. Despite these unimaginable ordeals, Savannah's path towards healing and resilience shines through, offering hope and inspiration. This episode reveals the complex nature of trauma and the persistent challenges that linger even after escaping abusive circumstances, underscoring the incredible strength it takes to rebuild one's life.
The journey to healing is slow and arduous, but it's also transformative. Elissa and Savannah discuss the pivotal moments that led to Savannah's decision to leave her abusive relationship, highlighting the indispensable support of friends and the long battle with emotional trauma. This episode is a call to action for listeners to support survivors by sharing their stories and fostering a community of empathy and understanding. Join us in recognizing the power of shared experiences and the slow yet vital process of self-love and recovery. Your presence and support make a world of difference.
Join the Sisterhood! www.thesurvivorsisterhood.com
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 OR text begin to 88788
Come join our community of survivors who are looking to meet someone just like you! See the behind the scenes work that goes into the sisterhood non-profit business, discuss DTS episodes, and of course find your survivor sister.
Give me a follow on IG: @thedvsurvivorsisterhood
or on TikTok: @thedvsurvivor
Ready to share your story? Send me an email with the main talking points of your experience and I'll reach out to book an interview.
dismissedtruestories@thesurvivorsisterhood.com
Give DTS a 5 star rating! It helps this podcast reach other victims and survivors who NEED these stories! Help us find each other, help us heal, and help us find safety. Love you, mean it.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This episode of Dismissed True Stories is
brought to you by Persephoneai.
Persephoneai is an innovativeand disruptive discreet app
where you can more securelystash your evidence of abuse,
make static notes, uploadattachments, import audio-video
files and even requesttranscription and language
(00:21):
translation.
Transcription and languagetranslation.
Then export your full evidence,report on your timeline, sos
the police or even use it incourt after your safe exit.
You are not alone, andPersephone is here when you
don't know who to tell.
Find Persephoneai on GooglePlay or the App Store.
(00:42):
In this episode, we will behearing directly from a survivor
as they recount their personaljourney.
Dismissed True Storiesrecognizes that discussion of
abuse and trauma can evokestrong emotional responses and
it may be triggering for somelisteners.
Listener, discretion is advised.
Hey, I'm Elissa and this isDismiss True Stories the podcast
(01:05):
.
This podcast was born from theidea that when I was a little
girl, I wanted to be a warreporter in the sense that I
just really wanted to talk aboutthe things that matter in the
world.
And when I ended up walkingaway from my professional
broadcasting career and into anabusive relationship, I realized
that victims and survivorsreally do fight their own wars
(01:28):
at home.
I volunteer with a localdomestic violence shelter in my
city and as I was putting on avigil for the lives lost to
domestic violence last year, Istumbled upon a story that will
forever stick with me.
I did the research to find thisvictim's family, since she is
no longer with us, and onesentence kept rattling around in
(01:52):
my brain Let them tell theirstory.
And while I haven't worked upthe confidence to get in touch
with her family just yet, I wantthis podcast to not only be
about the survivors who livedand escaped, but the stories
from the family members ofvictims who, unfortunately, are
(02:14):
no longer with us.
I sat on this idea for almost ayear before I decided to
randomly make a TikTok videoasking for survivors to come
forward and share their storiesof survivorship, and what
happened next was completely andtotally unexpected.
(02:35):
Women came forward sending metheir stories of survival,
telling me that they were sosick and tired of being quiet,
because what happens so often isthat survivors are silenced,
people aren't ready or equippedto handle their truth or
sometimes simply they just don'twant to make the time.
(02:57):
But now on, dismissed TrueStories.
We're making the time.
Welcome back to Dismissed TrueStories.
We're making the time.
Welcome back to Dismissed TrueStories.
I'm your host, elissa, and I dofeel that this episode needs an
additional trigger warning.
We will be talking about thedeath of a child and my mom
(03:37):
originally struggled with.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
It was a xanax um, but that ultimately was because
she was on anxiety medicinebecause my sister died.
It wasn't necessarily like thatwas her thing, it was more of
the addiction.
Hand in hand went in, with notthe proper protocols, but
instead of treating the traumaand anyone ever saying it wasn't
her fault and genuinely doingso, she did the best she could.
I don't know how she did it.
I look at her every day and Idon't know how she even is
standing there.
(03:58):
It was ultimately that lack ofsupport in society.
Just let her fall through thecracks and then you're labeled
an addict instead of somebodywho's grieving.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I love having conversations with other
survivors because it's sohealing for the both of us.
There are many times when wecan tell our story to someone
who has never been in an abusiverelationship and the terrified
looks on their faces when wetell them what has happened to
us is enough to make us justkind of revert, tuck our tail in
(04:38):
between our legs, go backinside of our shell and never
want to share the things thatwe've been through ever again.
But talking with anothersurvivor and telling them some
of the worst things that you'vebeen through, they don't bat an
eye.
They'll sit next to you and nodand snap their fingers and be
like, yes, girl, I totally getit and I relate and the best
(05:02):
part is is that they don't judgeyou.
I relate and the best part isis that they don't judge you.
I want this episode to be likethat warm hug that you feel when
you finally find a survivorthat you connect with.
Savannah and I interviewed twotimes for this episode and we
just never stopped talking afterthe first interview.
I call Savannah a friend, solet's get into it.
(05:25):
A conversation with my friendand fellow survivor, savannah.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Because it is.
It's a disease, it's a struggle, it's, but she didn't know she
was going to be an addict whenshe did it.
She just wanted to stop cryingand my uh, we were born at 28
weeks, so it was really reallyhigh risk, especially 30 years
ago, and she just unknownhemorrhage.
Hemorrhage of unknown origin isthe only thing.
I've gotten the story a fewtimes, as you know, and I'm sure
(05:54):
if I asked her she would justrepeat that exact phrase.
So, as far as what happened,that's on the death certificate,
I don't know necessarily what,I don't know more or less it's.
She was born sick and wasseemed to be okay, but at that
point I don't know if it wassomebody, didn't have the
technology or whatever it wasbut she my mom was changing her
(06:16):
diaper and she started bleedingfrom her mouth I'm not sure and
got care flighted to Children'sin Dallas and got care flighted
to Children's in Dallas and mymom had to stay with me, because
you can't only put one personin a care flight and she was at
that point.
My parents were no longertogether, so she had to follow
(06:38):
the care flight and her vehiclebehind me.
And I can't imagine, I can't,and what's even worse, seeing
the lack of empathy she everwould have gotten Like how could
anybody have not told her itwasn't her fault?
How could anybody have let inher?
How could you call her anaddict after that?
It's just, it's not that she'snot, it's that it's not all she
(07:01):
ever was.
It's so hard when the worldfails good people and for so
long, and they never sayanything or speak up and they
never even realize it's nottheir fault, but hurt people,
hurt people.
And it's not that she was hurtby somebody, she was just hurt
by life.
And that's kind of where itstarted this conversation
(07:22):
highlights a very common theme.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I see in the stories that you send me how your
childhood can cause you to walkinto an abusive relationship
later on in life.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I don't think really she was consistently living with
me at all beyond the age 13,maybe 14.
It was a very from afar type ofparenting situation at that
point and I wasn't able to havehealthy relationships modeled to
me.
I wasn't, honestly, notnecessarily super sure of the
(07:56):
wrong kind of relationships atthat point, but I wasn't sure
what the right one looked like.
I wasn't sure or taught how tolove yourself first or how to
have grace with yourself or howto not let people treat you
poorly.
And so when I started dating myabuser at 15, I just kind of
fell straight into a very, verytoxic family dynamic.
(08:20):
And then I got pregnant at 16and I left as a junior in high
school and moved out of my dad'shouse, out of my window in the
middle of the night my stepdad'sbecause I was scared that I
would disappoint him.
And as an adult, looking backand knowing that as a child,
(08:41):
like an actual child, my biggestfear was disappointing somebody
and I literally lived in my carversus wanting to disappoint
somebody.
It just really shows me howunsafe and unstructured and how
conditional love was.
When did you start livingtogether?
Right like a month before mydaughter was born, so when I was
17.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Did you have anybody there for you during your
pregnancy?
No, just.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I did it alone.
Well, I did it with him, butultimately no, my mom was in a
halfway house um in Mississippi,eight hours away, and, and
anybody that I did have heturned away within a couple of
years.
Within two years was the firsttime he hit me.
I was so taken back by it, likeit did not register as abuse.
It was more of like a like acat fight, like you would fight
(09:26):
somebody in high school is howit felt internally to me.
It wasn't something that I sawas partner violence or abuse at
that point and it was what Ithought was going to be a
one-off thing.
And I went and let hisgrandparents know we were having
issues at the time and was toldthat unless there was a bruise
or a mark, the police wouldn'tbelieve me.
(09:47):
And I was explaining to themthat I wasn't calling the police
.
I was just really, reallyconcerned about what was going
on.
I thought he was strugglingwith some mental health issues
or some other things were goingon the lack of actual abuse
knowledge and the lack ofespecially emotional and mental
abuse knowledge that I had.
I knew you didn't.
Obviously you don't hit yourpartner.
(10:07):
You're not supposed to be fistfighting your spouse, but it
just didn't click that I wasbeing battered.
It's crazy how your brain justgets so used to absolute hell
and doesn't know any different.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
It's crazy how your brain just gets used to absolute
hell and just doesn't know anydifferent.
Brain just gets used toabsolute hell and just doesn't
know any different.
That is because we are so usedto living in absolute chaos, and
I think that's one of theanswers to the question of why
did she stay.
You just get used to living inabsolute chaos and that's your
(10:42):
everyday normal absolute chaosand that's your everyday normal.
Which brings me to what I wantto talk about in this episode
today.
Savannah and I have both beendiagnosed with CPTSD, which
stands for chronic or complexpost-traumatic stress disorder.
This basically just means thatwe have been through many
(11:04):
traumatic events that we did notprocess in the time that it
happened or soon after.
We have a bunch of unresolvedtrauma living in our body and a
lot of the times, at least forme, it comes back in panic
attacks, flashbacks and seizures, in panic attacks, flashbacks
(11:28):
and seizures.
So when it comes to thisconversation, it's just about a
lot of the things that happenedto her.
There's not really a timelineor a sequence of events, it's
just these are the things thathappened to me and they fucking
suck and I'm still healing fromthem, which is completely normal
and it made me kind of reflecton well, why haven't I
(11:49):
necessarily told my story allthe way?
I've told bits and pieces but,to be honest with you, I don't
think I could tell my story inchronological order.
There are so many blank spacesin my memory that I just don't
remember, or I have completelyrepressed, and some of the most
terrifying moments I onlyremember because I've seen them
(12:10):
in flashbacks.
And somehow I feel like, eventhough CPTSD can be quite
paralyzing for everyday life, Ithink that sometimes I'm the
lucky one because I don't haveto remember all of those
traumatic events.
Like a survivor who can telltheir story in a chronological
(12:34):
timeline, let's say Anyway,let's get to it.
And let me just give anothertrigger warning, because what
Savannah has been through isjust absolutely heartbreaking.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I mean, it's been six years and I realized, and was
pointed out to me this year,that it's not even necessarily
dates of traumas that you'reregistering, that I or I
register as that it's my body,literally.
I just don't function fromabout January until the end of
March, april, sometimes May,every single year, no matter
(13:08):
what's happening, no matterwhat's done I those months I'm a
different human.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Okay, and what is your body remembering?
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Okay, and what is your body remembering?
Between January I'm sorry,december of 2016 through March
of 2017 was the volcano when itfinally erupted.
I was pretty much held captivefrom October till then, and so
right about January to March iswhen it zeroed down and just
every single day was fightingfor my life.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Okay, this part can be a little confusing, but when
this takes place, savannah hadalready left her abuser and
entered another relationship, soshe was dating another guy and
co-parenting with her abuser.
Let's say quote unquoteco-parenting, because we all
know that that really doesn'thappen.
(13:58):
However, he had asked her toride to the emergency room with
their daughter that they sharedtogether, and then after this is
when all of these events tookplace- my.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
So me and my abuser had split up and I was dating
the longtime term partner I hadafter that relationship and my
daughter that I share with myabuser was not feeling well and
we were what seemed to beco-parenting okay on the outside
no, given it only been a coupleof months, it's not like it was
.
He asked me to come sit withher or go ride to the emergency
(14:34):
room with her, something that Ididn't clock as being
potentially dangerous.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
So after this interview I call Savannah and I
say, hey, let's clear up a fewthings.
She said that after she tookher daughter to the emergency
room with her abuser, she endsup back at her abuser's house.
He then decides to startslipping her Tylenol PMs in her
(14:58):
drink and keeps her completelyknocked out for a long period
about three months.
She's super groggy, just sleepsall the time, completely
delirious and doesn't reallyknow what's going on.
Know what's going on.
Her partner at the time hadn'tbeen able to get a hold of her
(15:18):
and by the time she comes out ofthis coma, almost he's long
gone and she's stuck with herabuser In mid-March, dating all
the way back to right beforeHalloween, was how long I was
stuck with him, like in ahostage situation more or less.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
I did have a friend that didn't leave my side so
that I wasn't alone and I couldget messages to the outside
world.
I mean, there was activeconversations about him throwing
me downstairs, about him almostrendering me unconscious, him
hitting me so hard in the headthat he was getting up and
making sure I was breathing.
When I went to sleep, hell, hepushed me out of a moving pickup
(16:04):
truck going at least 15 milesan hour, maybe 20 in the pouring
rain.
Out of the car down a ditch,came back, got out of the car,
told me to get in the driver'sseat and he was going to walk
home.
What?
But it's almost so outlandishthat my brain like never really
even computed it.
Like you threw me out of thecar and then you come back to
(16:25):
get me and you get out and thencalled somebody to come get him.
So he beat me home.
Still, his favorite was to if Ileft, he was going to kill
himself in front of the kids, infront of whoever.
However, after a couple ofmonths of just trying to deal
with it.
It was only getting worse.
It was being woken up by beingused as a punching bag and he
(16:46):
worked nights.
So it would be randomly when hecame home or I would get things
thrown at me or hit for notwaking him up the right way.
Hell, my best friend remindedme the other day that I got hit
over french fries in aMcDonald's parking lot and
because I didn't order pizzacorrectly one day, I ordered it
(17:08):
through the app and I wassupposed to call.
Someone tried to unalive me sofrequently that I didn't
understand that's what it wasand I got drowned.
It wasn't even a kind of notrecognizing it situation.
I was so confused by the rolemodels in life I genuinely
(17:29):
thought that's how life was.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
She just skips over the part where she says I was
drowned and I let her go becauseit felt like this conversation
was just so healing for her tojust go and to get it all out.
So afterwards I sent her amessage, I'm watering my plants
and I'm like I can't believe shejust skipped over that.
(17:53):
But then again, like I can,because if chaos is normal, then
when you're explaining it tosomebody else it's just like meh
, it's just that thing thathappened.
So I was like hey, can youbreak this down for me, like
what exactly happened?
And here is the audio messagethat she sends me back.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Yeah, he for sure tried to drown me, actually in
the bathtub while my son wasbathing when I was seven months
pregnant and and that I mean andI have no problem talking about
it I'm completely honestlydesensitized to all of the
violent stuff he did.
It really truly doesn't get tome anymore.
The hard stuff I'm totally finetalking about Honestly, the
(18:39):
hard stuff I'm totally finetalking about honestly, it's the
emotional aspects that I haveproblems with.
But he tried to stab me withscrewdrivers.
He stabbed me with my keys.
He uh threw multiple pieces offurniture, like huge pieces of
furniture, like chester drawers,bookshelves.
Um, he tried to jump out of atree and break his neck to kill
himself.
He was going to hang himselfbut he didn't have a rope.
(19:05):
Uh, he talked the cops out oftaking him for a 72 hour psych
hold when he was threatening tokill himself online and
convinced the cops that I wasthe one doing it, even though
they found him with a box cutterin his hand.
He convinced them I was crazyand they left me with him.
Um, he tried to tell me he wasgoing to jump off of a
children's hospital in dallas,all kinds of stuff.
That's why when you and I firstkind of connected.
(19:27):
I was asking so much about,like, what stories to tell
because I have crazy, on, crazy,on crazy stories.
I, like my best friend, haswatched him pull me off of a
12-foot fence and kick me in theface with a steel-toed boot.
He threatened her life.
She tried to call the policeand pretend she wasn't bringing
a pizza.
At one point tried to catch ourhouse on fire with a grill
(19:48):
because I went to Walmart.
All kinds of shit.
All kinds of shit.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Okay, I feel like, as a survivor, an a podcaster, a
journalist, I should havesomething to say about this
situation, but, honestly, theonly thing that is coming to
mind is what the actual fuck?
How?
Speaker 2 (20:09):
long were you guys together?
10 years.
The last couple were on and off, so what?
Speaker 1 (20:14):
was the point in your relationship where you're like
I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Ultimately, having to respect and love myself just
more, not more than him, notmore than anything, just more
than I did.
And it was when somebody lookedat me and asked me what I would
tell a child in my samesituation, what would I give
them for advice, and when I knewthat that advice was not to
(20:41):
stay, I didn't have a choice.
It was at that point how do Iget out?
And that was a well-organizedcouple of months of planning and
trying to figure out, becauseit was every time I got out
somehow I got sucked back in.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Who was this person that finally said the thing that
made things click for you?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
It was my best friend .
She pulled me aside and told memy daughter was reading to her
and just asked a very nonchalantwhy do daddies hit mommies or
make them cry?
And I just want my mommy to beaway from it and okay, and
that's kind of.
I knew in that moment that thatwas the only thing that
(21:25):
somebody could have said to openmy eyes and it did.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
I just want to touch on that for a second, because I
think that that is so importantwhen you finally have somebody
that isn't afraid to saysomething about that other
person, that isn't afraid tocall things what they are and to
even kind of call you out,because that happened to me too.
(21:49):
I had a friend who hadwitnessed something and she
looked me dead in my eyes andsaid, girl, you got to go.
And that was what it took forme, because it was like, wow,
somebody finally sees andsomebody is finally
acknowledging this.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Yeah, she um, goodness that that girl went
through hell for me.
Um, she ended up moving in withme and pretending that she
didn't have anywhere to go sothat he let her stay, where she
didn't leave my side.
Um, she has had dressers thrownat her.
She had a bookshelf thrown ather.
He threatened her life numeroustimes.
She saw things that she shouldhave never, ever seen, but she
(22:29):
did not leave.
She sat there every day untilshe was there the moment I got
out too, and still is today.
But it was one of those thingswhere one person can make such a
difference, whether they knowit or not.
And it's not that they didanything specific, it's not that
they did anything, not evenadvice.
(22:49):
It's just being there.
It's being there and not beingalone.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
What about your healing part?
How about finding your personmoving on?
How has that looked for you?
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Hard A hell of a lot harder than leaving was,
honestly, and something I wish Iwould have known, but I would
do it again over and over andover, in a heartbeat, because
life is hard and it's supposedto be, but it's supposed to be
ups and downs and happy times.
And when I finally could evenlearn that an emotion was
something that had a beginningand an end doom, feeling
(23:32):
defeated, being sad, being angryyou're allowed to feel all of
them.
I did not understand that andI'm still working on it.
But feelings have a beginningand an end, meaning you're going
to move through it and you'restill going to be okay.
Um, I've.
It took a long time.
It took a long time for me toeven be able to completely think
(23:55):
straight without just breakingdown.
Um, but every single day Iwasn't waking up to somebody
looking me in the eyes andtelling me that they loved me,
and then them trying to end mylife.
I wasn't fighting activelyagainst anyone anymore.
I think that finding strength isfinding your will to live again
and not just be alive but toactually live, and learning what
(24:18):
that looks like and realizingthat life is supposed to be a
fun thing.
You're supposed to enjoy it.
It's not.
I mean, I think ultimately Ifelt like I was showing up every
day and just doing a part orplaying a role, but when you're
actually okay to just not beokay, it's when you finally
realize it's going to be okay.
When someone loves you for youis one thing, but when you start
(24:42):
loving yourself for you and youreally, really, really do, it's
a whole nother feeling.
Healing is hard, healing isslow, it is a process.
We're healing, we're not healed, but it's worth it.
It's worth it, it is, it iseven on the hard days.
(25:02):
I think it's so hard for peoplethat have never experienced it
to even.
I mean, I, I there's no way youcan comprehend like the amount
of mind games that your ownbrain plays on you for so long.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yes, the other day I was just telling Victor.
I was like, um, there's like Iwas just telling Victor.
I was like, um, there's likenothing has happened today to me
, but I'm not okay, like I feellike there's something sitting
on my chest, there's somethingstuck in my throat.
I feel like I want to cry.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I don't know why the amount of times I'm just like I
don't know my nervous system'son fire.
I know nothing is wrong, but Ican't make it stop yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
That's yeah, that's what I was telling Victor.
I was like I don't know, Idon't feel safe.
I know that I'm safe, but Idon't feel safe.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
I.
I texted my boyfriend the otherday and I was like I'm in the
dining room floor laying down Um, I'm having chest pains, I'm
not having a heart attack, um,I'm just scared.
And I'm not scared thatsomething's wrong, I'm just
scaring myself.
And he was like what is goingon?
And I was like I just needed tolet you know where I was in
case you came inside and didn'tsee me.
I'm like, I'm okay, I think,but my brain is telling me I'm
not.
No, because, like, why does itjust show up randomly?
(26:13):
One of the therapists at thedomestic violence center I did
do counseling at was explainingit to me in a way that your
nervous system is so activatedfor so long that it goes through
this process of like Ooh, thatwas not okay.
My nervous system's activatedand then it stays activated,
stays activated, stays activated.
So then it deactivates and yougo numb.
(26:35):
So when you start finally beingokay and your body's coming out
of fight or flight, you have tofeel all of the ouchies that
you numbed out.
And until you feel them andfeel through them, they don't go
anywhere.
So it's it's ultimately yourbody unfreezing or thawing out
and having to deal with all ofthe things that you didn't,
(26:55):
which is not fun because you'restarting to be okay.
The more okay you get, the moretriggers you're going to get,
because you're reactivating whatyour body did to make itself
survive.
When you have especiallycomplex trauma, your brain
chemically alters itself,ultimately to not hurt and feel
excruciating pain all the time.
So then when it's able to startshifting back, it feels like
(27:18):
excruciating pain because you'restarting to feel all those
things and you have to workthrough them the same way, like
for the longest time.
I thought you were justavoiding triggers was what to do
, but you have to trigger atrigger to heal it, especially
with CPTSD, because CPTSD onlyhas to do with the relationships
with other people.
(27:38):
So, no matter what, you can'theal it completely by yourself.
It's, it has to be, it doesn'thave to be one person.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Like when Victor and I I mean first year that Victor
and I were together was blissbecause we didn't live together.
But once we moved in together,oh my gosh, was I triggered by
everything, to the point where,like sometimes, I would sit in
my closet and cry because Ididn't want him to know that I
(28:07):
was triggered, cause I'm likeI'm triggered all the time Like
this is embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Yes, so you sat in the closet too.
I sit in the closets or likeunder cabinets or count under
counters.
I'm under my counter for noreason, Like my desk.
I have my corner, but it's likeI like small, confined spaces.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Yeah, like you're just used to making yourself so
small.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
I think so, and I think that the smaller the
radius, the safer.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
I can keep it Savannah and I get sidetracked
in this conversation about allof the things that we have in
common when it comes to ourhealing journeys and the things
that we did in abusiverelationships to just survive
and get by.
I am completely unashamed torepeat myself, but healing
absolutely happens in community.
(28:54):
You can hear how excited we areto be validated and seen and
heard and understood and just inlike company.
I truly hope that you are ableto find your survivor sister and
to have conversations like herand I have multiple times,
probably a week.
(29:15):
It's truly healing, there isnothing else like it.
It's truly healing, there isnothing else like it.
So if you could give any adviceto a victim or a survivor who
may resonate with your story,what would it be?
Speaker 2 (29:38):
You're not crazy, you're not weak, you're not less
than Most of the time theysought you out and they picked
you because you were that goodof a person.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
It wasn't your fault and you're worth fighting for.
Hey, I'm Alyssa, the host ofDismissed True Stories, and if
you like what you heard today,give me a five-star rating and
hit that notification bell,because I do upload every Friday
.
If you are a survivor or youknow someone who this podcast
(30:12):
episode may resonate with, I askthat you share this with them.
There is nothing quite likehelping a survivor or a victim
of abuse feel seen and heard andvalidated.
It is extremely healing andhelpful to the journey and the
process after abuse.
If you are a survivor andyou're ready to share your truth
, please follow me on my socials.
(30:33):
I've included them in thefooter of this episode.
Send me your story, the CliffNotes version, and I will get
back with you.
And, as always, thank you somuch for being here.
The world is truly a betterplace because you are in it.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Your life played out the way it did and you're the
amazing person you are andyou're as strong as you are and
were put where you were To helppeople that maybe don't have
that strength, that were beatendown too far.
You were put in the right,exact place To function at a
(31:18):
level Not only to survive but tothrive and help other people
thrive, and that is somethingnot even a handful full of
people in life can say.
You're doing incredible andyou're right.
It's messy and it sucks andit's not fun.
When you told me yesterday tosend you my favorite part of
(31:40):
healing, it took me forever tofind a favorite part, because I
don't like it.
Healing fucking hurts, butyou're doing not amazing for
life.
You're not doing amazing forsurviving Alyssa.
You're there, you're successful, you made it out, you're okay.
This episode of Dismissed True Stories is
brought to you by Persephoneai.
Persephoneai is an innovativeand disruptive discreet app
where you can more securelystash your evidence of abuse,
make static notes, uploadattachments, import audio-video
files and even requesttranscription and language
(00:21):
translation.
Transcription and languagetranslation.
Then export your full evidence,report on your timeline, sos
the police or even use it incourt after your safe exit.
You are not alone, andPersephone is here when you
don't know who to tell.
Find Persephoneai on GooglePlay or the App Store.
(00:42):
In this episode, we will behearing directly from a survivor
as they recount their personaljourney.
Dismissed True Storiesrecognizes that discussion of
abuse and trauma can evokestrong emotional responses and
it may be triggering for somelisteners.
Listener, discretion is advised.
Hey, I'm Elissa and this isDismiss True Stories the podcast
(01:05):
.
This podcast was born from theidea that when I was a little
girl, I wanted to be a warreporter in the sense that I
just really wanted to talk aboutthe things that matter in the
world.
And when I ended up walkingaway from my professional
broadcasting career and into anabusive relationship, I realized
that victims and survivorsreally do fight their own wars
(01:28):
at home.
I volunteer with a localdomestic violence shelter in my
city and as I was putting on avigil for the lives lost to
domestic violence last year, Istumbled upon a story that will
forever stick with me.
I did the research to find thisvictim's family, since she is
no longer with us, and onesentence kept rattling around in
(01:52):
my brain Let them tell theirstory.
And while I haven't worked upthe confidence to get in touch
with her family just yet, I wantthis podcast to not only be
about the survivors who livedand escaped, but the stories
from the family members ofvictims who, unfortunately, are
(02:14):
no longer with us.
I sat on this idea for almost ayear before I decided to
randomly make a TikTok videoasking for survivors to come
forward and share their storiesof survivorship, and what
happened next was completely andtotally unexpected.
(02:35):
Women came forward sending metheir stories of survival,
telling me that they were sosick and tired of being quiet,
because what happens so often isthat survivors are silenced,
people aren't ready or equippedto handle their truth or
sometimes simply they just don'twant to make the time.
(02:57):
But now on, dismissed TrueStories.
We're making the time.
Welcome back to Dismissed TrueStories.
We're making the time.
Welcome back to Dismissed TrueStories.
I'm your host, elissa, and I dofeel that this episode needs an
additional trigger warning.
We will be talking about thedeath of a child and my mom
(03:37):
originally struggled with.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
It was a xanax um, but that ultimately was because
she was on anxiety medicinebecause my sister died.
It wasn't necessarily like thatwas her thing, it was more of
the addiction.
Hand in hand went in, with notthe proper protocols, but
instead of treating the traumaand anyone ever saying it wasn't
her fault and genuinely doingso, she did the best she could.
I don't know how she did it.
I look at her every day and Idon't know how she even is
standing there.
(03:58):
It was ultimately that lack ofsupport in society.
Just let her fall through thecracks and then you're labeled
an addict instead of somebodywho's grieving.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I love having conversations with other
survivors because it's sohealing for the both of us.
There are many times when wecan tell our story to someone
who has never been in an abusiverelationship and the terrified
looks on their faces when wetell them what has happened to
us is enough to make us justkind of revert, tuck our tail in
(04:38):
between our legs, go backinside of our shell and never
want to share the things thatwe've been through ever again.
But talking with anothersurvivor and telling them some
of the worst things that you'vebeen through, they don't bat an
eye.
They'll sit next to you and nodand snap their fingers and be
like, yes, girl, I totally getit and I relate and the best
(05:02):
part is is that they don't judgeyou.
I relate and the best part isis that they don't judge you.
I want this episode to be likethat warm hug that you feel when
you finally find a survivorthat you connect with.
Savannah and I interviewed twotimes for this episode and we
just never stopped talking afterthe first interview.
I call Savannah a friend, solet's get into it.
(05:25):
A conversation with my friendand fellow survivor, savannah.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Because it is.
It's a disease, it's a struggle, it's, but she didn't know she
was going to be an addict whenshe did it.
She just wanted to stop cryingand my uh, we were born at 28
weeks, so it was really reallyhigh risk, especially 30 years
ago, and she just unknownhemorrhage.
Hemorrhage of unknown origin isthe only thing.
I've gotten the story a fewtimes, as you know, and I'm sure
(05:54):
if I asked her she would justrepeat that exact phrase.
So, as far as what happened,that's on the death certificate,
I don't know necessarily what,I don't know more or less it's.
She was born sick and wasseemed to be okay, but at that
point I don't know if it wassomebody, didn't have the
technology or whatever it wasbut she my mom was changing her
(06:16):
diaper and she started bleedingfrom her mouth I'm not sure and
got care flighted to Children'sin Dallas and got care flighted
to Children's in Dallas and mymom had to stay with me, because
you can't only put one personin a care flight and she was at
that point.
My parents were no longertogether, so she had to follow
(06:38):
the care flight and her vehiclebehind me.
And I can't imagine, I can't,and what's even worse, seeing
the lack of empathy she everwould have gotten Like how could
anybody have not told her itwasn't her fault?
How could anybody have let inher?
How could you call her anaddict after that?
It's just, it's not that she'snot, it's that it's not all she
(07:01):
ever was.
It's so hard when the worldfails good people and for so
long, and they never sayanything or speak up and they
never even realize it's nottheir fault, but hurt people,
hurt people.
And it's not that she was hurtby somebody, she was just hurt
by life.
And that's kind of where itstarted this conversation
(07:22):
highlights a very common theme.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I see in the stories that you send me how your
childhood can cause you to walkinto an abusive relationship
later on in life.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I don't think really she was consistently living with
me at all beyond the age 13,maybe 14.
It was a very from afar type ofparenting situation at that
point and I wasn't able to havehealthy relationships modeled to
me.
I wasn't, honestly, notnecessarily super sure of the
(07:56):
wrong kind of relationships atthat point, but I wasn't sure
what the right one looked like.
I wasn't sure or taught how tolove yourself first or how to
have grace with yourself or howto not let people treat you
poorly.
And so when I started dating myabuser at 15, I just kind of
fell straight into a very, verytoxic family dynamic.
(08:20):
And then I got pregnant at 16and I left as a junior in high
school and moved out of my dad'shouse, out of my window in the
middle of the night my stepdad'sbecause I was scared that I
would disappoint him.
And as an adult, looking backand knowing that as a child,
(08:41):
like an actual child, my biggestfear was disappointing somebody
and I literally lived in my carversus wanting to disappoint
somebody.
It just really shows me howunsafe and unstructured and how
conditional love was.
When did you start livingtogether?
Right like a month before mydaughter was born, so when I was
17.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Did you have anybody there for you during your
pregnancy?
No, just.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I did it alone.
Well, I did it with him, butultimately no, my mom was in a
halfway house um in Mississippi,eight hours away, and, and
anybody that I did have heturned away within a couple of
years.
Within two years was the firsttime he hit me.
I was so taken back by it, likeit did not register as abuse.
It was more of like a like acat fight, like you would fight
(09:26):
somebody in high school is howit felt internally to me.
It wasn't something that I sawas partner violence or abuse at
that point and it was what Ithought was going to be a
one-off thing.
And I went and let hisgrandparents know we were having
issues at the time and was toldthat unless there was a bruise
or a mark, the police wouldn'tbelieve me.
(09:47):
And I was explaining to themthat I wasn't calling the police
.
I was just really, reallyconcerned about what was going
on.
I thought he was strugglingwith some mental health issues
or some other things were goingon the lack of actual abuse
knowledge and the lack ofespecially emotional and mental
abuse knowledge that I had.
I knew you didn't.
Obviously you don't hit yourpartner.
(10:07):
You're not supposed to be fistfighting your spouse, but it
just didn't click that I wasbeing battered.
It's crazy how your brain justgets so used to absolute hell
and doesn't know any different.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
It's crazy how your brain just gets used to absolute
hell and just doesn't know anydifferent.
Brain just gets used toabsolute hell and just doesn't
know any different.
That is because we are so usedto living in absolute chaos, and
I think that's one of theanswers to the question of why
did she stay.
You just get used to living inabsolute chaos and that's your
(10:42):
everyday normal absolute chaosand that's your everyday normal.
Which brings me to what I wantto talk about in this episode
today.
Savannah and I have both beendiagnosed with CPTSD, which
stands for chronic or complexpost-traumatic stress disorder.
This basically just means thatwe have been through many
(11:04):
traumatic events that we did notprocess in the time that it
happened or soon after.
We have a bunch of unresolvedtrauma living in our body and a
lot of the times, at least forme, it comes back in panic
attacks, flashbacks and seizures, in panic attacks, flashbacks
(11:28):
and seizures.
So when it comes to thisconversation, it's just about a
lot of the things that happenedto her.
There's not really a timelineor a sequence of events, it's
just these are the things thathappened to me and they fucking
suck and I'm still healing fromthem, which is completely normal
and it made me kind of reflecton well, why haven't I
(11:49):
necessarily told my story allthe way?
I've told bits and pieces but,to be honest with you, I don't
think I could tell my story inchronological order.
There are so many blank spacesin my memory that I just don't
remember, or I have completelyrepressed, and some of the most
terrifying moments I onlyremember because I've seen them
(12:10):
in flashbacks.
And somehow I feel like, eventhough CPTSD can be quite
paralyzing for everyday life, Ithink that sometimes I'm the
lucky one because I don't haveto remember all of those
traumatic events.
Like a survivor who can telltheir story in a chronological
(12:34):
timeline, let's say Anyway,let's get to it.
And let me just give anothertrigger warning, because what
Savannah has been through isjust absolutely heartbreaking.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I mean, it's been six years and I realized, and was
pointed out to me this year,that it's not even necessarily
dates of traumas that you'reregistering, that I or I
register as that it's my body,literally.
I just don't function fromabout January until the end of
March, april, sometimes May,every single year, no matter
(13:08):
what's happening, no matterwhat's done I those months I'm a
different human.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Okay, and what is your body remembering?
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Okay, and what is your body remembering?
Between January I'm sorry,december of 2016 through March
of 2017 was the volcano when itfinally erupted.
I was pretty much held captivefrom October till then, and so
right about January to March iswhen it zeroed down and just
every single day was fightingfor my life.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Okay, this part can be a little confusing, but when
this takes place, savannah hadalready left her abuser and
entered another relationship, soshe was dating another guy and
co-parenting with her abuser.
Let's say quote unquoteco-parenting, because we all
know that that really doesn'thappen.
(13:58):
However, he had asked her toride to the emergency room with
their daughter that they sharedtogether, and then after this is
when all of these events tookplace- my.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
So me and my abuser had split up and I was dating
the longtime term partner I hadafter that relationship and my
daughter that I share with myabuser was not feeling well and
we were what seemed to beco-parenting okay on the outside
no, given it only been a coupleof months, it's not like it was
.
He asked me to come sit withher or go ride to the emergency
(14:34):
room with her, something that Ididn't clock as being
potentially dangerous.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
So after this interview I call Savannah and I
say, hey, let's clear up a fewthings.
She said that after she tookher daughter to the emergency
room with her abuser, she endsup back at her abuser's house.
He then decides to startslipping her Tylenol PMs in her
(14:58):
drink and keeps her completelyknocked out for a long period
about three months.
She's super groggy, just sleepsall the time, completely
delirious and doesn't reallyknow what's going on.
Know what's going on.
Her partner at the time hadn'tbeen able to get a hold of her
(15:18):
and by the time she comes out ofthis coma, almost he's long
gone and she's stuck with herabuser In mid-March, dating all
the way back to right beforeHalloween, was how long I was
stuck with him, like in ahostage situation more or less.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
I did have a friend that didn't leave my side so
that I wasn't alone and I couldget messages to the outside
world.
I mean, there was activeconversations about him throwing
me downstairs, about him almostrendering me unconscious, him
hitting me so hard in the headthat he was getting up and
making sure I was breathing.
When I went to sleep, hell, hepushed me out of a moving pickup
(16:04):
truck going at least 15 milesan hour, maybe 20 in the pouring
rain.
Out of the car down a ditch,came back, got out of the car,
told me to get in the driver'sseat and he was going to walk
home.
What?
But it's almost so outlandishthat my brain like never really
even computed it.
Like you threw me out of thecar and then you come back to
(16:25):
get me and you get out and thencalled somebody to come get him.
So he beat me home.
Still, his favorite was to if Ileft, he was going to kill
himself in front of the kids, infront of whoever.
However, after a couple ofmonths of just trying to deal
with it.
It was only getting worse.
It was being woken up by beingused as a punching bag and he
(16:46):
worked nights.
So it would be randomly when hecame home or I would get things
thrown at me or hit for notwaking him up the right way.
Hell, my best friend remindedme the other day that I got hit
over french fries in aMcDonald's parking lot and
because I didn't order pizzacorrectly one day, I ordered it
(17:08):
through the app and I wassupposed to call.
Someone tried to unalive me sofrequently that I didn't
understand that's what it wasand I got drowned.
It wasn't even a kind of notrecognizing it situation.
I was so confused by the rolemodels in life I genuinely
(17:29):
thought that's how life was.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
She just skips over the part where she says I was
drowned and I let her go becauseit felt like this conversation
was just so healing for her tojust go and to get it all out.
So afterwards I sent her amessage, I'm watering my plants
and I'm like I can't believe shejust skipped over that.
(17:53):
But then again, like I can,because if chaos is normal, then
when you're explaining it tosomebody else it's just like meh
, it's just that thing thathappened.
So I was like hey, can youbreak this down for me, like
what exactly happened?
And here is the audio messagethat she sends me back.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Yeah, he for sure tried to drown me, actually in
the bathtub while my son wasbathing when I was seven months
pregnant and and that I mean andI have no problem talking about
it I'm completely honestlydesensitized to all of the
violent stuff he did.
It really truly doesn't get tome anymore.
The hard stuff I'm totally finetalking about Honestly, the
(18:39):
hard stuff I'm totally finetalking about honestly, it's the
emotional aspects that I haveproblems with.
But he tried to stab me withscrewdrivers.
He stabbed me with my keys.
He uh threw multiple pieces offurniture, like huge pieces of
furniture, like chester drawers,bookshelves.
Um, he tried to jump out of atree and break his neck to kill
himself.
He was going to hang himselfbut he didn't have a rope.
(19:05):
Uh, he talked the cops out oftaking him for a 72 hour psych
hold when he was threatening tokill himself online and
convinced the cops that I wasthe one doing it, even though
they found him with a box cutterin his hand.
He convinced them I was crazyand they left me with him.
Um, he tried to tell me he wasgoing to jump off of a
children's hospital in dallas,all kinds of stuff.
That's why when you and I firstkind of connected.
(19:27):
I was asking so much about,like, what stories to tell
because I have crazy, on, crazy,on crazy stories.
I, like my best friend, haswatched him pull me off of a
12-foot fence and kick me in theface with a steel-toed boot.
He threatened her life.
She tried to call the policeand pretend she wasn't bringing
a pizza.
At one point tried to catch ourhouse on fire with a grill
(19:48):
because I went to Walmart.
All kinds of shit.
All kinds of shit.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Okay, I feel like, as a survivor, an a podcaster, a
journalist, I should havesomething to say about this
situation, but, honestly, theonly thing that is coming to
mind is what the actual fuck?
How?
Speaker 2 (20:09):
long were you guys together?
10 years.
The last couple were on and off, so what?
Speaker 1 (20:14):
was the point in your relationship where you're like
I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Ultimately, having to respect and love myself just
more, not more than him, notmore than anything, just more
than I did.
And it was when somebody lookedat me and asked me what I would
tell a child in my samesituation, what would I give
them for advice, and when I knewthat that advice was not to
(20:41):
stay, I didn't have a choice.
It was at that point how do Iget out?
And that was a well-organizedcouple of months of planning and
trying to figure out, becauseit was every time I got out
somehow I got sucked back in.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Who was this person that finally said the thing that
made things click for you?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
It was my best friend .
She pulled me aside and told memy daughter was reading to her
and just asked a very nonchalantwhy do daddies hit mommies or
make them cry?
And I just want my mommy to beaway from it and okay, and
that's kind of.
I knew in that moment that thatwas the only thing that
(21:25):
somebody could have said to openmy eyes and it did.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
I just want to touch on that for a second, because I
think that that is so importantwhen you finally have somebody
that isn't afraid to saysomething about that other
person, that isn't afraid tocall things what they are and to
even kind of call you out,because that happened to me too.
(21:49):
I had a friend who hadwitnessed something and she
looked me dead in my eyes andsaid, girl, you got to go.
And that was what it took forme, because it was like, wow,
somebody finally sees andsomebody is finally
acknowledging this.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Yeah, she um, goodness that that girl went
through hell for me.
Um, she ended up moving in withme and pretending that she
didn't have anywhere to go sothat he let her stay, where she
didn't leave my side.
Um, she has had dressers thrownat her.
She had a bookshelf thrown ather.
He threatened her life numeroustimes.
She saw things that she shouldhave never, ever seen, but she
(22:29):
did not leave.
She sat there every day untilshe was there the moment I got
out too, and still is today.
But it was one of those thingswhere one person can make such a
difference, whether they knowit or not.
And it's not that they didanything specific, it's not that
they did anything, not evenadvice.
(22:49):
It's just being there.
It's being there and not beingalone.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
What about your healing part?
How about finding your personmoving on?
How has that looked for you?
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Hard A hell of a lot harder than leaving was,
honestly, and something I wish Iwould have known, but I would
do it again over and over andover, in a heartbeat, because
life is hard and it's supposedto be, but it's supposed to be
ups and downs and happy times.
And when I finally could evenlearn that an emotion was
something that had a beginningand an end doom, feeling
(23:32):
defeated, being sad, being angryyou're allowed to feel all of
them.
I did not understand that andI'm still working on it.
But feelings have a beginningand an end, meaning you're going
to move through it and you'restill going to be okay.
Um, I've.
It took a long time.
It took a long time for me toeven be able to completely think
(23:55):
straight without just breakingdown.
Um, but every single day Iwasn't waking up to somebody
looking me in the eyes andtelling me that they loved me,
and then them trying to end mylife.
I wasn't fighting activelyagainst anyone anymore.
I think that finding strength isfinding your will to live again
and not just be alive but toactually live, and learning what
(24:18):
that looks like and realizingthat life is supposed to be a
fun thing.
You're supposed to enjoy it.
It's not.
I mean, I think ultimately Ifelt like I was showing up every
day and just doing a part orplaying a role, but when you're
actually okay to just not beokay, it's when you finally
realize it's going to be okay.
When someone loves you for youis one thing, but when you start
(24:42):
loving yourself for you and youreally, really, really do, it's
a whole nother feeling.
Healing is hard, healing isslow, it is a process.
We're healing, we're not healed, but it's worth it.
It's worth it, it is, it iseven on the hard days.
(25:02):
I think it's so hard for peoplethat have never experienced it
to even.
I mean, I, I there's no way youcan comprehend like the amount
of mind games that your ownbrain plays on you for so long.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yes, the other day I was just telling Victor.
I was like, um, there's like Iwas just telling Victor.
I was like, um, there's likenothing has happened today to me
, but I'm not okay, like I feellike there's something sitting
on my chest, there's somethingstuck in my throat.
I feel like I want to cry.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I don't know why the amount of times I'm just like I
don't know my nervous system'son fire.
I know nothing is wrong, but Ican't make it stop yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
That's yeah, that's what I was telling Victor.
I was like I don't know, Idon't feel safe.
I know that I'm safe, but Idon't feel safe.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
I.
I texted my boyfriend the otherday and I was like I'm in the
dining room floor laying down Um, I'm having chest pains, I'm
not having a heart attack, um,I'm just scared.
And I'm not scared thatsomething's wrong, I'm just
scaring myself.
And he was like what is goingon?
And I was like I just needed tolet you know where I was in
case you came inside and didn'tsee me.
I'm like, I'm okay, I think,but my brain is telling me I'm
not.
No, because, like, why does itjust show up randomly?
(26:13):
One of the therapists at thedomestic violence center I did
do counseling at was explainingit to me in a way that your
nervous system is so activatedfor so long that it goes through
this process of like Ooh, thatwas not okay.
My nervous system's activatedand then it stays activated,
stays activated, stays activated.
So then it deactivates and yougo numb.
(26:35):
So when you start finally beingokay and your body's coming out
of fight or flight, you have tofeel all of the ouchies that
you numbed out.
And until you feel them andfeel through them, they don't go
anywhere.
So it's it's ultimately yourbody unfreezing or thawing out
and having to deal with all ofthe things that you didn't,
(26:55):
which is not fun because you'restarting to be okay.
The more okay you get, the moretriggers you're going to get,
because you're reactivating whatyour body did to make itself
survive.
When you have especiallycomplex trauma, your brain
chemically alters itself,ultimately to not hurt and feel
excruciating pain all the time.
So then when it's able to startshifting back, it feels like
(27:18):
excruciating pain because you'restarting to feel all those
things and you have to workthrough them the same way, like
for the longest time.
I thought you were justavoiding triggers was what to do
, but you have to trigger atrigger to heal it, especially
with CPTSD, because CPTSD onlyhas to do with the relationships
with other people.
(27:38):
So, no matter what, you can'theal it completely by yourself.
It's, it has to be, it doesn'thave to be one person.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Like when Victor and I I mean first year that Victor
and I were together was blissbecause we didn't live together.
But once we moved in together,oh my gosh, was I triggered by
everything, to the point where,like sometimes, I would sit in
my closet and cry because Ididn't want him to know that I
(28:07):
was triggered, cause I'm likeI'm triggered all the time Like
this is embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Yes, so you sat in the closet too.
I sit in the closets or likeunder cabinets or count under
counters.
I'm under my counter for noreason, Like my desk.
I have my corner, but it's likeI like small, confined spaces.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Yeah, like you're just used to making yourself so
small.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
I think so, and I think that the smaller the
radius, the safer.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
I can keep it Savannah and I get sidetracked
in this conversation about allof the things that we have in
common when it comes to ourhealing journeys and the things
that we did in abusiverelationships to just survive
and get by.
I am completely unashamed torepeat myself, but healing
absolutely happens in community.
(28:54):
You can hear how excited we areto be validated and seen and
heard and understood and just inlike company.
I truly hope that you are ableto find your survivor sister and
to have conversations like herand I have multiple times,
probably a week.
(29:15):
It's truly healing, there isnothing else like it.
It's truly healing, there isnothing else like it.
So if you could give any adviceto a victim or a survivor who
may resonate with your story,what would it be?
Speaker 2 (29:38):
You're not crazy, you're not weak, you're not less
than Most of the time theysought you out and they picked
you because you were that goodof a person.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
It wasn't your fault and you're worth fighting for.
Hey, I'm Alyssa, the host ofDismissed True Stories, and if
you like what you heard today,give me a five-star rating and
hit that notification bell,because I do upload every Friday
.
If you are a survivor or youknow someone who this podcast
(30:12):
episode may resonate with, I askthat you share this with them.
There is nothing quite likehelping a survivor or a victim
of abuse feel seen and heard andvalidated.
It is extremely healing andhelpful to the journey and the
process after abuse.
If you are a survivor andyou're ready to share your truth
, please follow me on my socials.
(30:33):
I've included them in thefooter of this episode.
Send me your story, the CliffNotes version, and I will get
back with you.
And, as always, thank you somuch for being here.
The world is truly a betterplace because you are in it.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Your life played out the way it did and you're the
amazing person you are andyou're as strong as you are and
were put where you were To helppeople that maybe don't have
that strength, that were beatendown too far.
You were put in the right,exact place To function at a
(31:18):
level Not only to survive but tothrive and help other people
thrive, and that is somethingnot even a handful full of
people in life can say.
You're doing incredible andyou're right.
It's messy and it sucks andit's not fun.
When you told me yesterday tosend you my favorite part of
(31:40):
healing, it took me forever tofind a favorite part, because I
don't like it.
Healing fucking hurts, butyou're doing not amazing for
life.
You're not doing amazing forsurviving Alyssa.
You're there, you're successful, you made it out, you're okay.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.