May 31, 2024 • 20 mins
What does freedom feel like after escaping an abusive relationship? Join us on 'Dismissed True Stories' as I recount my personal journey of survival and healing, five years after leaving an abusive relationship. This episode unveils the non-linear and often unpredictable path to reclaiming one's life, emphasizing the strength and resilience required. As we explore the transformative power of sharing these stories, I reflect on the dual challenges and empowerment that come with helping others narrate their experiences. Discover how community plays an indispensable role in healing and the joy of finding freedom again.
Healing from trauma is a complex journey, demanding patience and self-love. In this episode, I shed light on the crucial steps to manage anxiety and regulate the nervous system, from deep breathing techniques to solo dance parties and connecting with nature. Learn how setting boundaries and practicing self-compassion are essential for releasing years of trauma. Through personal anecdotes, I celebrate small victories and the importance of joyful activities. Everyone deserves to reclaim their happiness, and sharing these stories helps survivors feel seen and validated. Tune in to understand the messy yet beautiful process of healing and the endless possibilities that come with reclaiming one's life.
Join the Sisterhood! www.thesurvivorsisterhood.com
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 OR text begin to 88788
Come join our community of survivors who are looking to meet someone just like you! See the behind the scenes work that goes into the sisterhood non-profit business, discuss DTS episodes, and of course find your survivor sister.
Give me a follow on IG: @thedvsurvivorsisterhood
or on TikTok: @thedvsurvivor
Ready to share your story? Send me an email with the main talking points of your experience and I'll reach out to book an interview.
dismissedtruestories@thesurvivorsisterhood.com
Give DTS a 5 star rating! It helps this podcast reach other victims and survivors who NEED these stories! Help us find each other, help us heal, and help us find safety. Love you, mean it.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This episode of Dismissed True Stories is
brought to you by Persephoneai.
Persephoneai is an innovativeand disruptive discreet app
where you can more securelystash your evidence of abuse,
Make static notes, uploadattachments, import audio-video
files and even requesttranscription and language
(00:21):
translation.
Transcription and languagetranslation.
Then export your full evidence,report on your timeline, SOS
the police or even use it incourt after your safe exit.
You are not alone, andPersephone is here when you
don't know who to tell.
Find Persephoneai on GooglePlay or the App Store.
(00:42):
In this episode, we will behearing directly from a survivor
as they recount their personaljourney.
Dismissed True Storiesrecognizes that discussion of
abuse and trauma can evokestrong emotional responses and
it may be triggering for somelisteners.
Listener, discretion is advised.
Hey, I'm Elissa and this isDismiss True Stories the podcast
(01:05):
.
This podcast was born from theidea that when I was a little
girl, I wanted to be a warreporter in the sense that I
just really wanted to talk aboutthe things that matter in the
world.
And when I ended up walking awayfrom my professional
broadcasting career and into anabusive relationship, I realized
that victims and survivorsreally do fight their own wars
(01:28):
at home.
I volunteer with a localdomestic violence shelter in my
city and as I was putting on avigil for the lives lost to
domestic violence last year, Istumbled upon a story that will
forever stick with me.
I did the research to find thisvictim's family, since she is no
longer with us, and onesentence kept rattling around in
(01:52):
my brain Let them tell theirstory.
And while I haven't worked upthe confidence to get in touch
with her family just yet, I wantthis podcast to not only be
about the survivors who livedand escaped, but the stories
from the family members ofvictims who, unfortunately, are
(02:14):
no longer with us.
I sat on this idea for almost ayear before I decided to
randomly make a TikTok videoasking for survivors to come
forward and share their storiesof survivorship, and what
happened next was completely andtotally unexpected.
(02:35):
Women came forward sending metheir stories of survival,
telling me that they were sosick and tired of being quiet,
Because what happens so often isthat survivors are silenced,
People aren't ready or equippedto handle their truth or
sometimes simply they just don'twant to make the time.
(02:57):
But now, on Dismissed TrueStories, we're making the time.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
First, let's start with resilience.
You never know how strong youare until being strong is your
only option, and bouncing backfrom adversity it has became a
huge hallmark of my character.
The strength I found withinmyself to endure and overcome
challenges amazes me to no end.
(03:25):
And then there's theempowerment and the reclaiming
control over my life again andmaking decisions for myself, as
myself again, and it's likerediscovering your own power,
piece by piece, and putting allthe pieces together and being a
superhero.
Each step towards independencehas a victory, and those
(03:46):
victories instill such aprofound sense of empowerment
and genuinely believing inyourself again, even if it's
just a little, is an incrediblefeeling.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
One of my most absolute favorite things of
seeing you recover from thehorrific abuse that you endured
was to see that light return toyour beautiful eyes.
I knew then that you werebeginning to turn the corner and
you were on the journey to heal.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
I believe we are coming up on our villain era.
I feel like all the survivorsare slowly transitioning to
becoming and embracing thevillain, and I love that for us.
I love that for us.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Hey, it's just me today.
I want to be completely honestand transparent this episode.
I feel like episode six is areally good place just to kind
of pause and take a breather andtalk about the healing journey,
because I've begun to noticethat while I'm doing interviews
with survivors I really justswitch into this mode where I'm
really just focused on gettingthe story and then afterwards,
while I'm editing, I start tounderstand just how messed up
(05:17):
the survivor situation was andthen it starts to weigh really
heavily on me because I'm like,wow, why didn't I see this?
In the moment it's kind of likeshame for not connecting.
But I think it's also thisalmost like survival mode that I
switch into, knowing that I'mgoing to have a heavy and hard
(05:37):
conversation, putting my wallsup and just focusing on getting
through the interview.
And I don't mean that as anydisrespect to any of the
survivors that I have spokenwith, because honestly I love
you all so much.
You are absolutely incrediblewomen.
Your stories have no doubthelped other women not only
(06:01):
identify if they're in anabusive situation, but to feel
seen and heard and validated,which I think is the number one
thing that we all need assurvivors.
You've heard me say it so manytimes, and I'm going to keep
saying it, that healing happensin community.
We truly do need each other.
(06:22):
I'm coming up on five years ofbeing away from my abusive
relationship and I'm telling youthere is something so special
about five.
I don't know what it is.
I just feel so different, somuch lighter and so much more
free.
I can't exactly put into wordswhat I am feeling, but all I can
(06:44):
tell you is that it's exciting.
It's exciting to move into thisdifferent chapter.
I've been in the house that welive in now for three years and
I've been terrified to touch it,to make it my own, to make
changes, to decorate the waythat I want to, because I'm
living with another man andwhile Victor if you follow me on
(07:07):
my socials, you've met himbefore is the most kind and
gentle man who would never makeme feel bad about my choices or
if I decide to put a differentcolor on the wall, it's still
intimidating and I think that'swhat healing for survivors is.
Overall.
(07:27):
It's intimidating.
It's the unknown, and I thinkthat's so triggering because in
our relationship there wasalways the unknown.
The only thing that we did knowis that our abuser was going to
abuse us.
Healing isn't linear and it'sdefinitely not an easy journey.
(07:49):
It is messy and just asunpredictable.
I like to control outcomes.
I like having that control, andI think that that's normal for
survivors, because we were soout of control before, and not
necessarily in our own actions,but we couldn't control somebody
else's.
I've noticed that women,specifically, are coming to this
(08:13):
place, where we all might beentering our villain eras and
it's so funny because we call ita villain era, but really it's
just us standing up for ourselfand setting boundaries and
learning how to love ourselvesfully and entirely, probably for
the first time in our lives.
There are some days that I feelso disconnected from this work,
(08:34):
and I know it's because it'sheavy.
It's a heavy thing to carry, toconstantly hear stories that
may remind you of your own, thatremind you that you didn't have
it that bad, and I'm constantlyin this place of telling myself
that we don't compare traumasand I know that deep down inside
(08:54):
that we don't, because traumais trauma is trauma.
But at the heart and the coreof it all, we are survivors and
we deeply and desperately needeach other for every step along
the way, I think, where a lot ofcreators mess up is that they
make life look so aestheticHealing after abuse.
(09:14):
Life look so aesthetic Healingafter abuse.
It's so pretty when in realityit's not.
Some days I can't get off thecouch, some days I absolutely
sob in the shower, and otherdays are absolutely beautiful,
and those are the days that Ilive for and the days that you
(09:38):
have to live for too.
Healing is messy.
Healing from abuse isn't easy,it's not linear and it's
definitely not something thathappens overnight.
The journey has its ups anddowns and sometimes it feels
like the path is clear and youhave all of your own answers.
You look up there's not a cloudin the sky, it's bright blue
and the sun is shining.
Everything feels like it hasfallen into place for you.
(09:58):
And then other days, like Isaid, I can't get off the couch
and the sky is full of fog and Ican't even see my own hands in
front of my face.
I feel lost and confused andjust absolutely drowning in my
own thoughts.
Lost and confused and justabsolutely drowning in my own
thoughts.
And for the longest time,probably about a year or two, I
(10:22):
thought that the hardest part ofhealing would be dealing with
the memories of the abuse itself, the moments of the fear, the
pain and the despair.
And don't get me wrong, thatshit sucks and the memories are
incredibly, incredibly hard toface.
They haunt you in your dreams,in your flashbacks, in your
(10:42):
emotional triggers, they makeyou question your worth and they
try to convince you that youare broken.
But for me, it turns out thatthe hardest part is something
else entirely.
The hardest part was the momentthat I began to question myself
, the moment that I began toopen the doors to self-awareness
and to ask myself questionslike well, why did I stay for so
(11:03):
long and what in the hell mademe think that I deserved it?
How did I let this happen to me?
It's so easy to have a monsterin your story, to blame them and
to be angry I mean, once youget to the point of allowing
yourself to be angry.
But then there's this otherpart where you get through your
(11:25):
anger and you start to maybe theword would be psychoanalyze
that other person.
You start to understand whythey are the way that they are,
all while questioning yourselfand starting to understand why
you are the way that you are.
And it's crazy because yourself-blame and your guilt from.
(11:47):
That situation can be veryoverwhelming.
All of a sudden, they're notthe monster in your story and
you are the monster inside yourstory.
You're the villain that youcan't quite shake off.
The villain is your ownself-doubt and your shame and
your guilt over staying for solong, over not loving yourself
(12:09):
and healing.
Healing means coming to termswith that.
It means recognizing thatstaying wasn't a choice made out
of weakness, but out of yourown survival.
And we stay because we believethat things will get better,
because we hope for change,because we're afraid and because
we love.
And none of that makes us weakor foolish.
(12:32):
It only makes us human.
So if you are struggling, ifyou feel disconnected from life,
I just want to give you a fewtips, a few words of
encouragement and let you knowthat you're not alone, because
when I was going through theprocess and I still am I really
wish that I had a survivorsister to tell me that I wasn't
(12:53):
alone and that everything wasreally going to be okay and that
things were going to work outfor me.
So let's talk about the thingsthat I do when I'm feeling like
I'm struggling or I'm feelinglike I'm really triggered.
One of the most crucial stepshas been regulating my nervous
system.
I made it number one prioritybecause I truly believe that
(13:14):
being present and in the momentand not in my head and worrying
about the past or the future hasmade me slow down.
Because when you've livedthrough trauma, your body is
constantly on high alert.
So let's talk about that for asecond.
When you've been through trauma, your body gets stuck in
survival mode.
As you probably know, you'reprobably still in it right now.
(13:37):
I know I am five years later.
I don't want to discourage youon your healing process because
it looks different for everybody, but some days it feels like
I'm just living my life with myfoot on the gas pedal and I'm
just constantly revving myengine.
It's exhausting.
I just want to go, go, go, gogo Because, to be completely
honest with you, I felt like Iwasted so much time in an
(13:59):
abusive relationship and now I'mjust so behind on life.
I just got to keep going andeventually the car is going to
break down or it's going to runout of gas, and I don't want to
get to that point.
So I look at regulating mynervous system as learning to
hit the brakes, learning to slowdown and actually go the speed
limit, because this isn't theND500.
(14:21):
This is life and it's meant tobe lived in the present moment,
to let my body know that it'ssafe.
That's been a game changer, andthis might sound cliche, but one
of the most effective tools forme has been deep breathing.
I learned to check in withmyself, check in with my body.
Once, twice, three times a day.
(14:42):
I just take five minutes withmyself and I ask myself Liss,
how are you feeling, where doyou feel it in your body and
what do you need?
When I feel that surge ofanxiety, I just take a moment to
close my eyes and breathedeeply.
It seems so simple, but yet ittruly works.
And don't forget to touch grass.
All right, we tell each otherthat all the time, but we say it
(15:04):
for a reason.
We know that nature holds themedicine.
She is the cure.
And also I want to point outthe fact that I shake my ass.
I used to put on my headphonesand have solo dance parties in
my bedroom at like 3 am while myson was sleeping, and it felt
(15:26):
so good because I felt like Iwas just shaking off all of the
years of abuse and trauma.
I was just letting it go.
So go, be present, do the thingsthat bring you joy, because
it's not selfish.
It's not selfish to putyourself first Just one thing a
(15:46):
day.
Can you promise yourself that?
Because I promise you that evenone thing a day will make a
world of a difference.
And then there's self-love.
It's the real glow up.
It's the part where you startto see yourself not as the
(16:08):
victim but as a survivor.
See yourself not as the victimbut as a survivor, as someone
who is worried, worthy of loveand respect and happiness.
It's about treating yourselfwith kindness and compassion.
It's about looking in themirror and saying things like I
am enough, I am strong and Iaccept myself for exactly where
I am at.
(16:28):
Self-love means settingboundaries and saying no when
something doesn't feel right,listening to your intuition for
once, because I know if youwould have listened to that in
the very beginning of yourrelationship, you never would
have ended up there in the firstplace.
You have your own answers.
So surround yourself withpeople who light you up, who see
your worth, and remember tocelebrate your own victories on
(16:48):
this journey to healing, nomatter how small they are.
I mean, I celebrated myself forgetting myself contacts because
I could finally see.
And it's also about forgivingyourself for staying, for loving
, for hoping, because none ofthose things make you any less.
They make you resilient.
So if you're on this journeywith me, I want you to know that
(17:11):
you're not alone.
Healing is messy and it's hard,and it's not always pretty, but,
damn it, it is incrediblybeautiful at the same time, and
it's always worth it.
You are worth it.
So keep taking those steps, nomatter how small.
Take those steps, one at a time, in the opposite direction of
(17:33):
your abuser.
Steal yourself some moments ofpeace.
Please Remember to be presentand to love yourself fiercely,
because you're done playing itsmall.
You're done putting everyoneelse ahead of you.
Healing isn't just about movingon from the past.
It's about reclaiming your lifeand your joy.
(17:55):
It's about finding yourselfagain and realizing that you are
so much more than what happenedto you.
You're a survivor.
So until episode seven nextFriday, take care of yourself,
okay, because you deserve allthe love and happiness in the
world.
Xoxo, elissa.
Speaker 5 (18:22):
The one thing maybe two things that saved my life
and made my journey easier wasmusic and the gym.
They are not kidding when theysay brokenhearted people go to
the gym and once you know youcan't not know.
So once you get into a grooveand you're doing it for a while,
(18:44):
even if you quit and you goback, your body remembers the
good feeling.
It remembers that you took atime to love yourself, to give
yourself time, and that wasnever more important to me than
when I left my abusive marriage.
(19:05):
You can do it.
Just know that I love you.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Hey, I'm Alyssa, the host of Dismissed True Stories,
and if you like what you heardtoday, give me a five-star
rating and hit that notificationbell, because I do upload every
Friday.
If you are a survivor or youknow someone who this podcast
episode may resonate with, I askthat you share this with them.
There is nothing quite likehelping a survivor or a victim
(19:39):
of abuse feel seen and heard andvalidated.
It is extremely healing andhelpful to the journey and the
process after abuse.
If you are a survivor andyou're ready to share your truth
, please follow me on my socials.
I've included them in thefooter of this episode.
Send me your story, the CliffNotes version, and I will get
(20:04):
back with you.
And, as always, thank you somuch for being here.
The world is truly a betterplace because you are in it.
Speaker 5 (20:37):
Thank you.
This episode of Dismissed True Stories is
brought to you by Persephoneai.
Persephoneai is an innovativeand disruptive discreet app
where you can more securelystash your evidence of abuse,
Make static notes, uploadattachments, import audio-video
files and even requesttranscription and language
(00:21):
translation.
Transcription and languagetranslation.
Then export your full evidence,report on your timeline, SOS
the police or even use it incourt after your safe exit.
You are not alone, andPersephone is here when you
don't know who to tell.
Find Persephoneai on GooglePlay or the App Store.
(00:42):
In this episode, we will behearing directly from a survivor
as they recount their personaljourney.
Dismissed True Storiesrecognizes that discussion of
abuse and trauma can evokestrong emotional responses and
it may be triggering for somelisteners.
Listener, discretion is advised.
Hey, I'm Elissa and this isDismiss True Stories the podcast
(01:05):
.
This podcast was born from theidea that when I was a little
girl, I wanted to be a warreporter in the sense that I
just really wanted to talk aboutthe things that matter in the
world.
And when I ended up walking awayfrom my professional
broadcasting career and into anabusive relationship, I realized
that victims and survivorsreally do fight their own wars
(01:28):
at home.
I volunteer with a localdomestic violence shelter in my
city and as I was putting on avigil for the lives lost to
domestic violence last year, Istumbled upon a story that will
forever stick with me.
I did the research to find thisvictim's family, since she is no
longer with us, and onesentence kept rattling around in
(01:52):
my brain Let them tell theirstory.
And while I haven't worked upthe confidence to get in touch
with her family just yet, I wantthis podcast to not only be
about the survivors who livedand escaped, but the stories
from the family members ofvictims who, unfortunately, are
(02:14):
no longer with us.
I sat on this idea for almost ayear before I decided to
randomly make a TikTok videoasking for survivors to come
forward and share their storiesof survivorship, and what
happened next was completely andtotally unexpected.
(02:35):
Women came forward sending metheir stories of survival,
telling me that they were sosick and tired of being quiet,
Because what happens so often isthat survivors are silenced,
People aren't ready or equippedto handle their truth or
sometimes simply they just don'twant to make the time.
(02:57):
But now, on Dismissed TrueStories, we're making the time.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
First, let's start with resilience.
You never know how strong youare until being strong is your
only option, and bouncing backfrom adversity it has became a
huge hallmark of my character.
The strength I found withinmyself to endure and overcome
challenges amazes me to no end.
(03:25):
And then there's theempowerment and the reclaiming
control over my life again andmaking decisions for myself, as
myself again, and it's likerediscovering your own power,
piece by piece, and putting allthe pieces together and being a
superhero.
Each step towards independencehas a victory, and those
(03:46):
victories instill such aprofound sense of empowerment
and genuinely believing inyourself again, even if it's
just a little, is an incrediblefeeling.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
One of my most absolute favorite things of
seeing you recover from thehorrific abuse that you endured
was to see that light return toyour beautiful eyes.
I knew then that you werebeginning to turn the corner and
you were on the journey to heal.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
I believe we are coming up on our villain era.
I feel like all the survivorsare slowly transitioning to
becoming and embracing thevillain, and I love that for us.
I love that for us.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Hey, it's just me today.
I want to be completely honestand transparent this episode.
I feel like episode six is areally good place just to kind
of pause and take a breather andtalk about the healing journey,
because I've begun to noticethat while I'm doing interviews
with survivors I really justswitch into this mode where I'm
really just focused on gettingthe story and then afterwards,
while I'm editing, I start tounderstand just how messed up
(05:17):
the survivor situation was andthen it starts to weigh really
heavily on me because I'm like,wow, why didn't I see this?
In the moment it's kind of likeshame for not connecting.
But I think it's also thisalmost like survival mode that I
switch into, knowing that I'mgoing to have a heavy and hard
(05:37):
conversation, putting my wallsup and just focusing on getting
through the interview.
And I don't mean that as anydisrespect to any of the
survivors that I have spokenwith, because honestly I love
you all so much.
You are absolutely incrediblewomen.
Your stories have no doubthelped other women not only
(06:01):
identify if they're in anabusive situation, but to feel
seen and heard and validated,which I think is the number one
thing that we all need assurvivors.
You've heard me say it so manytimes, and I'm going to keep
saying it, that healing happensin community.
We truly do need each other.
(06:22):
I'm coming up on five years ofbeing away from my abusive
relationship and I'm telling youthere is something so special
about five.
I don't know what it is.
I just feel so different, somuch lighter and so much more
free.
I can't exactly put into wordswhat I am feeling, but all I can
(06:44):
tell you is that it's exciting.
It's exciting to move into thisdifferent chapter.
I've been in the house that welive in now for three years and
I've been terrified to touch it,to make it my own, to make
changes, to decorate the waythat I want to, because I'm
living with another man andwhile Victor if you follow me on
(07:07):
my socials, you've met himbefore is the most kind and
gentle man who would never makeme feel bad about my choices or
if I decide to put a differentcolor on the wall, it's still
intimidating and I think that'swhat healing for survivors is.
Overall.
(07:27):
It's intimidating.
It's the unknown, and I thinkthat's so triggering because in
our relationship there wasalways the unknown.
The only thing that we did knowis that our abuser was going to
abuse us.
Healing isn't linear and it'sdefinitely not an easy journey.
(07:49):
It is messy and just asunpredictable.
I like to control outcomes.
I like having that control, andI think that that's normal for
survivors, because we were soout of control before, and not
necessarily in our own actions,but we couldn't control somebody
else's.
I've noticed that women,specifically, are coming to this
(08:13):
place, where we all might beentering our villain eras and
it's so funny because we call ita villain era, but really it's
just us standing up for ourselfand setting boundaries and
learning how to love ourselvesfully and entirely, probably for
the first time in our lives.
There are some days that I feelso disconnected from this work,
(08:34):
and I know it's because it'sheavy.
It's a heavy thing to carry, toconstantly hear stories that
may remind you of your own, thatremind you that you didn't have
it that bad, and I'm constantlyin this place of telling myself
that we don't compare traumasand I know that deep down inside
(08:54):
that we don't, because traumais trauma is trauma.
But at the heart and the coreof it all, we are survivors and
we deeply and desperately needeach other for every step along
the way, I think, where a lot ofcreators mess up is that they
make life look so aestheticHealing after abuse.
(09:14):
Life look so aesthetic Healingafter abuse.
It's so pretty when in realityit's not.
Some days I can't get off thecouch, some days I absolutely
sob in the shower, and otherdays are absolutely beautiful,
and those are the days that Ilive for and the days that you
(09:38):
have to live for too.
Healing is messy.
Healing from abuse isn't easy,it's not linear and it's
definitely not something thathappens overnight.
The journey has its ups anddowns and sometimes it feels
like the path is clear and youhave all of your own answers.
You look up there's not a cloudin the sky, it's bright blue
and the sun is shining.
Everything feels like it hasfallen into place for you.
(09:58):
And then other days, like Isaid, I can't get off the couch
and the sky is full of fog and Ican't even see my own hands in
front of my face.
I feel lost and confused andjust absolutely drowning in my
own thoughts.
Lost and confused and justabsolutely drowning in my own
thoughts.
And for the longest time,probably about a year or two, I
(10:22):
thought that the hardest part ofhealing would be dealing with
the memories of the abuse itself, the moments of the fear, the
pain and the despair.
And don't get me wrong, thatshit sucks and the memories are
incredibly, incredibly hard toface.
They haunt you in your dreams,in your flashbacks, in your
(10:42):
emotional triggers, they makeyou question your worth and they
try to convince you that youare broken.
But for me, it turns out thatthe hardest part is something
else entirely.
The hardest part was the momentthat I began to question myself
, the moment that I began toopen the doors to self-awareness
and to ask myself questionslike well, why did I stay for so
(11:03):
long and what in the hell mademe think that I deserved it?
How did I let this happen to me?
It's so easy to have a monsterin your story, to blame them and
to be angry I mean, once youget to the point of allowing
yourself to be angry.
But then there's this otherpart where you get through your
(11:25):
anger and you start to maybe theword would be psychoanalyze
that other person.
You start to understand whythey are the way that they are,
all while questioning yourselfand starting to understand why
you are the way that you are.
And it's crazy because yourself-blame and your guilt from.
(11:47):
That situation can be veryoverwhelming.
All of a sudden, they're notthe monster in your story and
you are the monster inside yourstory.
You're the villain that youcan't quite shake off.
The villain is your ownself-doubt and your shame and
your guilt over staying for solong, over not loving yourself
(12:09):
and healing.
Healing means coming to termswith that.
It means recognizing thatstaying wasn't a choice made out
of weakness, but out of yourown survival.
And we stay because we believethat things will get better,
because we hope for change,because we're afraid and because
we love.
And none of that makes us weakor foolish.
(12:32):
It only makes us human.
So if you are struggling, ifyou feel disconnected from life,
I just want to give you a fewtips, a few words of
encouragement and let you knowthat you're not alone, because
when I was going through theprocess and I still am I really
wish that I had a survivorsister to tell me that I wasn't
(12:53):
alone and that everything wasreally going to be okay and that
things were going to work outfor me.
So let's talk about the thingsthat I do when I'm feeling like
I'm struggling or I'm feelinglike I'm really triggered.
One of the most crucial stepshas been regulating my nervous
system.
I made it number one prioritybecause I truly believe that
(13:14):
being present and in the momentand not in my head and worrying
about the past or the future hasmade me slow down.
Because when you've livedthrough trauma, your body is
constantly on high alert.
So let's talk about that for asecond.
When you've been through trauma, your body gets stuck in
survival mode.
As you probably know, you'reprobably still in it right now.
(13:37):
I know I am five years later.
I don't want to discourage youon your healing process because
it looks different for everybody, but some days it feels like
I'm just living my life with myfoot on the gas pedal and I'm
just constantly revving myengine.
It's exhausting.
I just want to go, go, go, gogo Because, to be completely
honest with you, I felt like Iwasted so much time in an
(13:59):
abusive relationship and now I'mjust so behind on life.
I just got to keep going andeventually the car is going to
break down or it's going to runout of gas, and I don't want to
get to that point.
So I look at regulating mynervous system as learning to
hit the brakes, learning to slowdown and actually go the speed
limit, because this isn't theND500.
(14:21):
This is life and it's meant tobe lived in the present moment,
to let my body know that it'ssafe.
That's been a game changer, andthis might sound cliche, but one
of the most effective tools forme has been deep breathing.
I learned to check in withmyself, check in with my body.
Once, twice, three times a day.
(14:42):
I just take five minutes withmyself and I ask myself Liss,
how are you feeling, where doyou feel it in your body and
what do you need?
When I feel that surge ofanxiety, I just take a moment to
close my eyes and breathedeeply.
It seems so simple, but yet ittruly works.
And don't forget to touch grass.
All right, we tell each otherthat all the time, but we say it
(15:04):
for a reason.
We know that nature holds themedicine.
She is the cure.
And also I want to point outthe fact that I shake my ass.
I used to put on my headphonesand have solo dance parties in
my bedroom at like 3 am while myson was sleeping, and it felt
(15:26):
so good because I felt like Iwas just shaking off all of the
years of abuse and trauma.
I was just letting it go.
So go, be present, do the thingsthat bring you joy, because
it's not selfish.
It's not selfish to putyourself first Just one thing a
(15:46):
day.
Can you promise yourself that?
Because I promise you that evenone thing a day will make a
world of a difference.
And then there's self-love.
It's the real glow up.
It's the part where you startto see yourself not as the
(16:08):
victim but as a survivor.
See yourself not as the victimbut as a survivor, as someone
who is worried, worthy of loveand respect and happiness.
It's about treating yourselfwith kindness and compassion.
It's about looking in themirror and saying things like I
am enough, I am strong and Iaccept myself for exactly where
I am at.
(16:28):
Self-love means settingboundaries and saying no when
something doesn't feel right,listening to your intuition for
once, because I know if youwould have listened to that in
the very beginning of yourrelationship, you never would
have ended up there in the firstplace.
You have your own answers.
So surround yourself withpeople who light you up, who see
your worth, and remember tocelebrate your own victories on
(16:48):
this journey to healing, nomatter how small they are.
I mean, I celebrated myself forgetting myself contacts because
I could finally see.
And it's also about forgivingyourself for staying, for loving
, for hoping, because none ofthose things make you any less.
They make you resilient.
So if you're on this journeywith me, I want you to know that
(17:11):
you're not alone.
Healing is messy and it's hard,and it's not always pretty, but,
damn it, it is incrediblybeautiful at the same time, and
it's always worth it.
You are worth it.
So keep taking those steps, nomatter how small.
Take those steps, one at a time, in the opposite direction of
(17:33):
your abuser.
Steal yourself some moments ofpeace.
Please Remember to be presentand to love yourself fiercely,
because you're done playing itsmall.
You're done putting everyoneelse ahead of you.
Healing isn't just about movingon from the past.
It's about reclaiming your lifeand your joy.
(17:55):
It's about finding yourselfagain and realizing that you are
so much more than what happenedto you.
You're a survivor.
So until episode seven nextFriday, take care of yourself,
okay, because you deserve allthe love and happiness in the
world.
Xoxo, elissa.
Speaker 5 (18:22):
The one thing maybe two things that saved my life
and made my journey easier wasmusic and the gym.
They are not kidding when theysay brokenhearted people go to
the gym and once you know youcan't not know.
So once you get into a grooveand you're doing it for a while,
(18:44):
even if you quit and you goback, your body remembers the
good feeling.
It remembers that you took atime to love yourself, to give
yourself time, and that wasnever more important to me than
when I left my abusive marriage.
(19:05):
You can do it.
Just know that I love you.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Hey, I'm Alyssa, the host of Dismissed True Stories,
and if you like what you heardtoday, give me a five-star
rating and hit that notificationbell, because I do upload every
Friday.
If you are a survivor or youknow someone who this podcast
episode may resonate with, I askthat you share this with them.
There is nothing quite likehelping a survivor or a victim
(19:39):
of abuse feel seen and heard andvalidated.
It is extremely healing andhelpful to the journey and the
process after abuse.
If you are a survivor andyou're ready to share your truth
, please follow me on my socials.
I've included them in thefooter of this episode.
Send me your story, the CliffNotes version, and I will get
(20:04):
back with you.
And, as always, thank you somuch for being here.
The world is truly a betterplace because you are in it.
Speaker 5 (20:37):
Thank you.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.