April 1, 2025 • 51 mins
Remember when conspiracy theories were just harmless fun? A time when speculating about JFK, aliens, or secret societies was a quirky hobby rather than dangerous political ideology? Those days are sadly behind us, as we now live in a world where fringe beliefs drive policy and shape our institutions.
In this episode, we explore one of the strangest conspiracy theories that bridges Victorian literature and modern politics: the Baron Trump novels. Written in the 1890s by lawyer-turned-author Ingersoll Lockwood, these forgotten children's books feature a wealthy young German aristocrat named Baron Trump who lives in "Castle Trump" and embarks on fantastical adventures guided by a mentor named "Don." The coincidental similarities to our current reality don't stop there—Lockwood also wrote a novel called "The Last President" featuring riots on Fifth Avenue and a character named Pence.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hammer.
That's where you get yourparachute pants from.
How else are?
Speaker 2 (00:03):
you going to do your squirrel flights?
That's true.
I mean, the big rivalry was thefact that he didn't get to do
the ninja rap in TMNT 2.
Was he supposed to?
No, oh, okay.
But, you know, in the back ofhis mind he always wishes.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Well, he was too busy doing.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Adam's Family.
Right, he was doing an Adam'sFamily groove.
I think it was called groove,that's a.
Wasn't he just going by hammerat that point?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
It was called the Adams groove, performed by the
time at just known as Hammer.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Boom Nailed it, I had that single.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
You are fucking sick, sir.
M Bison will be missed.
Your podcast destroyed myvillage.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
It killed my mother and father.
Well, for me it was a Tuesday.
Gentlemen, let's broaden ourminds.
Are they in the proper approachpattern for today?
Negative.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
All weapons Now Charge the lightning field.
Our goal will be to not fallinto these rabbit holes of fury
for the way that our world is.
(01:23):
Otherwise, we will never getthrough the pod.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Well, take your lead, sir.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Take my hand.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Guide me to the bed.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Welcome back to Dispatch Ajax.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Welcome back to that same old place that we laughed
about.
Well, I mean, we laughed aboutthat we laughed about, laughed
about, laughed about.
We laughed about, laughed about.
Nobody who listens to it.
Laughed about it.
I think we did, ha.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Ha Ah.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Ah, ah, that was strained.
Well, it always is.
I don't know why, but youreminded me of like John Saxon
from Enter the Dragon.
Just seemed like his cadence.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Oh, that's odd, that's an odd.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Well, I dream of John Saxon constantly.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Well, I guess every kid's tired of one good scare,
huh.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I don't have nightmares about Freddy from
Nightmare on Elm Street.
I have nightmares about JohnSaxon from Nightmare on Elm
Street.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Sheriff, there's a podcast coming to your town.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
It's a devil's podcast.
Oh, if that's John Saxon, I'mdead.
It's john pleasance and donaldsaxon.
Oh, the rosencrantzguildenstern.
It's called a saxon jackson.
Oh, now I'm interested youshouldn't be it was going to
star carl weathers, but he hadalready shaved his mustache once
.
It wasn't welly to do it again,so they replaced him with a
Donald Pleasance With a mustache, which is really bizarre.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Yeah, sheriff, I'm black.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
No, I'm not from England, as an African-American
man, you see.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
I can't do a Donald Pleasance.
I don't even know what thisvoice is.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
His American accents are terrible, so it's really
hard to wrap your head aroundthat one.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Yeah it's tough.
You know what else is tough,the world we live in today, and
so I'd like to talk a little bitabout it.
Turn it on its head a bit.
You know how about we do that.
Huh, We'll all enjoy ittogether, Will we?
No, we won't.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Good, good good.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
As Skip and I have said many times before on this
podcast, in the olden days, whenwe were young, conspiracy
theories were fun.
They sure were Granted.
They weren't about anything fun.
Presidential assassinations,child trafficking, mind control,
world domination, alienabduction, lizard people these
aren't fun things per se, but wetook them as just dalliances,
(03:42):
just hobbies.
Fun things to talk about,discuss, to think about, maybe
watch a silly documentary orread a fun book.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
You know, just enjoy.
And the most that would evercome of it was your friends
thought you were kooky and thenthey'd roll their eyes.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
You're kooky, but it was mostly just.
You know, I was having a goodtime.
We're just having some chucklesNow, not so much.
No good time we're just having.
We're having some chuckles now,not so much.
No, now we have posters incongress.
Brainwormed fringe cases arenow the head of health and human
services.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
We have q podcasters running the fbi not like q and
anonymous podcasters pro qpodcasters yes, who have been on
q podcast multiple times ifyou're talking about Kash Patel,
it's like 90 times.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah, and he's like I don't know what.
I don't know what that is.
I've never been on that.
But truth doesn't matteranymore.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
You can just say, yeah, I mean, how limp is the
Democratic Party that they saidthat in that in his confirmation
hearing and then didn't playthe audio of him saying the
exact opposite, because thattechnically would make him
guilty of perjury and hisnomination wouldn't have
happened.
But they just let it happen.
You know why?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Because we are cooked ?
Oh yeah, we are.
We are living in a fiery hellthat I don't see any way out of
currently.
It's just to see how bad doesit get they bake and we're
cooked.
Yeah, it's just to see how baddoes it get.
They bake and we're cooked.
Yeah, yeah, it's a shit piewe're all going to eat.
But let's go back to a bettertime.
(05:15):
Let's go back to a time whenconspiracy theories still causes
a little bit of tickle.
Oh, could, could, play thosefun keys that we like to hear so
like, so elegantly.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Like Quildor on the Cosmic Key.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Oh, Quildor, you're such a gentle lover.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I don't know why you're in this movie.
Go full Orko.
Yeah, why not Orko?
What was the problem?
Why not?
What's the problem?
Here, Is it because he's aghost with no face?
Is it because he has a ghostwith no face?
Speaker 1 (05:44):
is because he has a purple wizard hat, it's because
he's a ghost face killer.
It makes as much sense asfucking guildor why?
Not have billy bardy play orco.
Here's an idea.
Just excise the characteraltogether.
Yeah, why is he even in there?
Yeah, cut him out.
Oh, did you need someone to doscience?
Make up a new character thatisn't guildor, or or?
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Orville.
They have other characters theycould have used.
That's the whole thing.
They had as many characters aspossible to sell many toys, so
you're just going to makesomebody up that nobody gives a
shit about.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
You want to use a little person, that's fine.
Just put them out there, givethem a hat.
Give them a hat.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Let them do the job.
What the hell?
It's the Teenage Mutant Ninja,turtles 2, secret of the Ooze
problem.
It's like, if you're going togo, this cartoony and this dumb,
but you think Bebop andRocksteady aren't good enough.
Why did you make Razor and Canyou?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
get it, hold on.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Toka and Razor Toka there he did.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Oh, his brain is poisoned.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
I am cooked and melted at the same time.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
It's all vanilla pudding in there, folks, it sure
is.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
I both melted and cooked because I was in the
microwave.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Well, that is the secret of the ooze.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
David Warner in a microwave is the secret of the
ooze.
He was the scientist.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Oh, man Was David Warner.
He was also in Waxwork, right.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Both of them Okay, because I was trying to think of
Waxwork and Fright Night andTeam NT2.
Star Trek V.
Star Trek VI.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Let's all combine TNG .
Well, he was a Klingon.
Right, he was a Kling, but inStar Trek 5 he was the human
ambassador to Nimbus 3.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
We shall never discuss Star.
Trek 5 again is that the searchfor God?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
is that what they call that?
Speaker 1 (07:38):
God lives, man comes.
Is that what they?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
call that one.
Well, god lives, shat comes.
Oh yeah, just give him liveShatcombs.
Oh yeah, Just give him a Shathat, which means, well, you have
to go to either Vince McMahonor Sylvester Stallone's house
for that.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Do they?
Oh yeah, or Riverside Iowa,where they were selling them at
the gas station.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Where somebody would physically come and dump on your
head.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Yeah, you were there for the Shat Hats right.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I went with you.
Yeah, okay, just make surewe're on the same page.
Took a big shat all over thatplace.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
In case people don't know what a Shat Hat was, that
was a short-lived set of reallycheap berets that he was selling
to undercut the conventionfestival.
You know where the birthplaceof james t kirk is, in riverside
iowa so they have a festivalevery year with the parade and
whatnot, but he will neverattend.
But he was filming some realityshow at the time and then
(08:36):
wanted to like make fun of thefestival, so he put out these
shat hats.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Uh, just just supreme why would you undercut the
thing where you were beingcelebrated?
You know what I mean.
Like what a it's not evenlogical.
I mean, you know what?
Speaker 1 (08:50):
he is.
It's a dumb asshole.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
He's a dumb asshole All one thing Dumb asshole.
It's all one word.
You know when I was living inMedford, Oregon.
There's a parade there everyyear and famously in the 70s
Leonard Nimoy was the marshal ofthe parade, as Spock uniform,
makeup and everything it was theonly time he had ever appeared
(09:15):
as Spock, not in Star Trek, it'sthe one and only time.
I have no idea why, but he did.
Huh, that's fascinating yeah,there's a bunch of pictures of
him too.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
It's really cool yeah , today we're gonna try to veer
away from our mental doomscrolling of the current events
and talk about the ancient pasttalk about something light, like
David Icke.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Oh wait, no.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
He might vaguely come up today, but you're going to
have to search those particulartunnels to find him.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Did you see and this ties in, this isn't a tangent
Did you see that arepresentative in Congress has
created a subcommittee nowspecifically to investigate
investigations into conspiracytheories?
Speaker 1 (10:09):
I saw that that was a thing, but I haven't looked
into it.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
So their entire thing is that what they're looking
into very specifically.
They're investigating theWarren Commission.
They're investigating theinvestigations into Project Blue
Book.
They're investigating theinvestigations into Russiagate.
That's like everything you godown the list they have an
(10:35):
investigation of theinvestigation of the thing.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I'm sure it's full of our top people.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Top men.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
They're on the case.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Great, I'm sure a lot's gonna come of that.
Oh yeah, it's gonna be really,really good, just like those
epstein files.
That's one of them.
That's actually one of thethings they're tackling the
investigation into epstein,which is funny, because they
released the epstein files andthen nothing came out of it.
And so, yeah, pam bondy,instead of being like, well,
that's all there was, went afterCash Patel on social media and
(11:09):
was like you need to releasemore of this.
And it's like you did that.
This is you, you're theattorney general.
You released that.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
I feel like I heard it somewhere.
There were things they couldn'tresist because it would be what
was it detrimental to nationalsecurity?
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Oh yeah, even they, even they who say they're going
to tear it all down, eventhey're like no, we can't, we
can't release.
It's so obvious.
It's so obvious.
The Epstein report was mostlyredacted.
Yeah, of course it was.
Of course it was.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Yeah, again, it's mind melting, brain bending.
You have to dance around to seewhat you want to see bending.
You have to dance around to seewhat you want to see, exactly
because we are going to coverthe tale of little baron trump
and the last president.
Oh boy, indeed, it's gonna beso hard to not rant about this
(11:58):
very much so, and in fact, Itried to do a deep dive into
this.
I spent a while on Reddit and4chan and.
Tiktok to the point where I waslike I can't.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
There's too much it goes, it's too far gone.
Yep, it's too melted.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
It's even worse than our Mandela effect.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Just as a perfect example.
Random tweet as I'm looking,I'm also deep into X, the
everything app, the everythingapp.
It gives you syphilis, givesyou gonorrhea, I don't know what
it does.
Channel awards.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
It gives you Nazis, it gives you neo-Nazis, it gives
you white supremacists.
We got Nazi pussy.
We got white supremacist pussy.
We got white Nazi pussy.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
We got white supremacist pussy.
We got white nationalist pussy.
If you find bigger pussy.
Fuck it If you find biggerpussies than.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Elon Musk, fuck them, oh man.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Ah, Doge pussy.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Technically it's doggy Technically.
I'm not joking about this.
Elon named it after Doge.
Obviously yeah, but they don'twant it to seem illegitimate, so
the it's.
I know that's funny.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
I know Come on.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
So technically it's called Doggy, which is even
funnier.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
These are our political stylings of Doggy is
even funnier.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
These are our political stylings, uh, of doggy
.
They have hired snoop dog tocode, which is really bad.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Uh, probably not gonna go well have they really
no, but that would no that, no,that wouldn't I mean he was at.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
He was at like trump's inauguration, whatever I
know so like would you not besurprised that would happen.
But that's the sad part.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
No, it wouldn't.
That's why I was like, oh, didthat really?
Speaker 2 (13:43):
happen it could.
That's the.
That's why it's it wouldn't.
That's why I was like oh, didthat really happen it could?
That's why it's not even funny.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
You know what really happened, Alex Jones, on January
20th.
There's a picture of BarronTrump.
He's quite tall.
I think he's like.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
He's 7'8".
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
He's really tall and so he's standing over everybody
and they're showing picturesbefore he gets into Alex Jones'
atomic natural health defensesupplements Atomic.
In his little mini video.
His tweet says, or his ex-postrather fuck off.
Barron Trump towers over aninauguration crowd.
Ingersoll Lockwood would be soproud.
(14:21):
So I bet a lot of peoplethankfully a lot of people
probably didn't see that post,but if you're on X you're
probably getting shoved AlexJones post there anyway, whether
you want them or not.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
But if you're on X, you probably do Wow.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Some of us just want the fastest Chiefs news.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Go to Blue Sky, jesus Christ.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Unfortunately.
So the fastest chiefs news youknow.
Go to blue sky jesus christaccess.
Unfortunately, so few peopleare on blue sky.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
I've tried to like migrate all of my feeds over to
blue sky and half of them arenot on there I think you'd be
surprised as to how many were,but I understand that some of
the major ones, no, I just don'twant to move them, move them.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
But it's like what I'm trying to like find news,
that's what I'm on X for, oh GodX.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
What I'm on Twitter for.
It's like they're just notthere.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
You know, unfortunately, I still use
Twitter trying to find thesethings and it's brain melting,
yeah, but awful In the way ofbrain melting.
Let's talk about IngersollLockwood.
Ingersoll Lockwood, born in1841, died in 1918.
He was an American lawyer,diplomat and writer.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Are you sure that wasn't just how it defaulted in
the COBOL encoding system?
Was he actually born in 1891 orwhatever, or is it just how it
defaulted to that?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Is he still receiving social security checks?
Is what I'm asking socialsecurity checks.
Okay, man, you are peeling offthe band-aid with this one down
the road too far okay there arepeople who do believe or at
least god propose the theorythat perhaps baron trump is
actually ingersoll lockwood,gone to the past to write these
stories about himself and hisdad.
(16:05):
To play a joke, I don't know.
There are also other people whobelieve that Ingersoll Lockwood
God.
Who are these other people thatthey believe he might have been
Professor David Clementsbecause he looks a lot like
Ingersoll Lockwood and thatmaybe he traveled to the past to
write these?
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Oh, you mean like Vincent Fusco looks like JFK Jr,
that kind of thing?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Yes, yes, very similar.
But imagine you don't actuallyhave a real good picture of JFK
Jr Because you know it's just apicture of 1900 Ingersoll.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Lockwood, If you made up a name.
I mean, doesn't that sound likea bad writer making up a name
for like a character?
In like a sci-fi drama orsomething Ingersoll.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Lockwood Ingersoll Lockwood.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I would call bullshit if I didn't know that was a
real person.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
He's a professor of metaphysics at Miskatonic
University.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Both in Columbia and where I was living in Oregon,
they always had posters up forthe School of Metaphysics and
they had an address and I'm like, well, can you go there if it's
a School of Metaphysics, or isit just an idea?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Metaphysically speaking, you can.
So Ingersoll Lockwood he was awriter and he was these other
things as well.
He did write under thepseudonym, sometimes for his
nonfiction stuff Erwin Longman.
Now I think that's.
Is that even?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
which is better.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
That is such an AOL messenger screen name Hi, my
name's Erwin Longman.
Could you give me your age?
Sex location?
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Longman, get the fuck out of here.
I'm Johnny Big Dick and it'sfunny that this guy was born in,
like the you know, the 19thcentury, considering he just
sounds like a fucking 1998 AOLmessenger troll.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Yeah, well, we don't really know.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
In fact, if you look at it Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
No, I'm saying like maybe he traveled to the future,
maybe he founded AOL, maybehe's posting things.
Right now we can't possibly sayhe is AOL, maybe he's posting
things right now.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
We can't possibly say .
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Maybe he is AOL.
What is the world?
What is fact?
Nobody knows.
But what we can say is thatsupposedly in the latter half of
the 1800s, ingersoll Lockwoodtrained as a lawyer, just like
his father and uncles, and hewas a diplomat as well.
In 1862, he was appointedconsul to the Kingdom of Hanover
(18:27):
by Abraham Lincoln.
At the time he was the youngestmember of the US Consular Force
and served in that post forfour years.
On return, he established legalpractice in New York City with
his older brother, henry.
By the 1880s, lockwood hadestablished dueling careers as
both a lecturer and a writer.
(18:47):
In 1884, he married WinfredWallace Tinker.
She was an aspiring authorherself.
They divorced in 1892, so thatdidn't last long.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Also a made-up name.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Winifred Tinker Uh-huh, sure.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Winifred Wallace Tinker.
I mean like come on.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
That same year that they divorced, she married
Edward R Jones with anH-J-O-H-N-E-S.
Oh boy, I don't know who spellsher name that way.
I almost think it may be it's atypo in Wikipedia that no one's
corrected.
Who's going to check it?
Yeah, yeah, who cares?
He was also a lawyer and aliterateur by avocation.
(19:23):
Yeah, whatever, okay.
So Lockwood then spent hisretirement years as a recluse in
Saratoga Springs, where hepublished his last book, a
collection of poetry entitledVarying Mood or Jetsam Flotsam
and Ligon, in 1912.
I bet that was good.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Sounds like an easy listening adult contemporary
music album from the 90s.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Listening adult contemporary music album from
the 90s.
Yanni's latest coming in on thecharts at number three, varying
Mood or Jetsam, flotsam andLigon.
He died at age 77 in 1918.
He had no children or survivingrelatives and he would be
completely lost to the annals oftime if it wasn't for three
books he wrote, one in 1889, theother one in 1893, and the last
(20:10):
one in 1900.
These are the Barron Trumpnovels the Travels and
Adventures of Little BarronTrump and His Wonderful Dog
Bulger.
That was in 1889.
And Barron Trump's MarvelousUnderground Journey in 1893.
We will get to his other, mostfamous book at the end of this.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
The Kama Sutra.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
It's called the Bible .
Maybe you've heard of it.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
He wrote the Book of Mormon.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
It's a popular one.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
You can't really see it, but, but you can definitely
feel it, but you can definitelyfeel it.
So these books recount theadventures of little German boy
Wilhelm Heinrich Sebastian vonTrump.
Hitler, or has he, as he namedhimself, baron Trump?
Oh yeah, these were just likelittle adventure kids books,
(21:24):
although they were pretty long.
Author labors through 300 pagesof fantastic and grotesque
narrative, now and then strikinga spark of wit, but the sparks
emit little light and no warmthand one has to fumble for the
story.
They quickly were overshadowedby more compelling contemporary
children's books of the time.
Connecticut in King Arthur'sPort Connecticut.
(21:47):
Yankee in King Arthur's CourtIn King Arthur's Port,
connecticut.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Yankee in King Arthur's Court In King Arthur's
Port?
Yeah, all right.
Okay, I know what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
What do you think they really?
Speaker 2 (21:55):
did Check in.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Someone had to take Excalibur out and put it back in
that particular stone.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
A port in every storm , you know.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
So Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court and the
Wizard of Oz.
Those are both kind of booksthat came out completely
overshadowed, long remembered,probably will forever be
embraced, as opposed toIngersoll Lockwood's books which
who cares?
I was reading a story writtenby in Politico and the author
contacted you know someone whofocuses just on cataloging and
(22:28):
deep knowledge about late 1800skids books and she was like
Ingersoll Lockwood, who shedidn't know.
She had to look into it.
That's amazing.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
That was great.
That's usually how cults start,though I mean, or religions.
That's exactly what happened toJoseph Smith and LRH.
They were failed writers andthen decided to turn it into a
religion, so it's shocking thatthis didn't go that route.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Well, let's not go that far.
Let's not count our Trumpchickens before they've hatched.
Oh no.
So this follows the tale oflittle Baron Trump.
He's a bit of an aristocrat.
He's adventurous andintelligent little fellow,
precocious, curious, oftenarrogant.
He's restless, prone to get introuble and is said to have a
brain so big that his head hasgrown to twice normal size.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
It's just grotesque, not great.
Every kid wants to relate tothat.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Who wouldn't want to right?
If it suddenly becomes theleader, great, every kid wants
to relate to that.
Who wouldn't want to right?
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Suddenly become the leader Great.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Oh man, sometimes we'll talk about well probably
as much talk time.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Hector Hammond, slash the leader yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Yeah, I just saw the Captain America movie this week.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I already know what happens in it.
I haven't seen it, but I knowexactly what it does.
And wow, was that 15 years toolate?
Oh, seen it, but I know exactlywhat it does.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
And wow, was that 15 years too late?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
oh, everything's too late, too little too, too
nothing.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
It's one of the worst .
It's just it's so bland.
Yeah, it's a nothing burger.
That's what I've heard.
You know?
Ah, just read wikipedia, readthe plot synopsis.
You got it.
Yeah, there's nothing you needto see, not a single element.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It just sounds like they were like oh shit, we
forgot to mention all of thesethings, or we forgot to tie up
all of these weird loose ends.
Let's finally address them.
Way too late.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Yeah, and we'll try to set up for the next thing.
Right, just a little bit, justto plant some seeds maybe who
cares?
But who cares?
So he goes on adventures.
He often offends the natives,frequently flees from certain
(24:49):
entanglements with the localwomen he gets involved with and
continuously repeats thispattern in his adventures.
I'll give you a forgottenphilosopher of once reputed,
great renown but little, baron.
Trump takes Don's advice and hefinds a map containing
directions to a hidden worlddeep in the earth.
Off to explore the unknown, youknow, he goes through dark
forest and different pitfallsthat require his cleverness and
his dog's intuition to passthrough.
Then he gets to the portalbelow, where he discovers a land
of giants with everything beinghuge.
Baron is curious about all this.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Oh, I'm sure.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Well yeah, he meets the giants, who are wise and
philosophical, and Baron findstheir ideas fascinating and
engages intellectually with themwith a poise beyond his years.
Giants are impressed by hisintelligence, but there is
internal conflict within thegiant society.
Baron uses his wit to prevent animpending civil war and as a
reward, he is bestowed with amagical key to unlock doors to
(25:35):
further hidden worlds deepwithin.
Using the key, he travels tothe land of frozen thoughts.
Here, everything seems frozenin time, with elements of the
mind like thoughts, ideas andconcepts, manifested in physical
space and appear frozen,suspended in the air.
I told you he was Gwildor.
Trump is amazed by the beautyhe finds, but the inhabitants
(25:57):
are forever deadlocked in astate of indecision and
overthinking.
They analyze and thenoveranalyze every action and
outcome to the point of completeparalysis.
Trump, of course, comes up witha way to free them from the
self-imposed standstill.
They are taught the importanceof action and how it must be
weighed against thought.
He reflects on how easy it isfor someone to get trapped in
(26:20):
their own mind as he travelsfurther in.
Next, he encounters the worldof shadows and echoes.
In this world, everythingexists in duality With
everything.
They're casting a shadow thathas its own life and will.
Now this is a tough one for him, because some of them shadows.
They be lying all the time Likebitches.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Shadows be like bitches and bitches be like
shopping.
I don't know, you know whatFacts be like shopping.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
I don't know.
You know what Facts be likethat.
So some of those shadows, theyhelp out travelers, but some of
them are just out to makemischief and deceive.
Trump uses his observationalabilities to decipher which to
believe and in doing so, winsthe day, all the while
contemplating what makes up aperson, what defines a person,
(27:08):
their actions, their thoughts,what others see of them.
After these adventures, theyreturn to the surface and have
grown as a people, and pup Baronis greeted by his family,
welcoming back as he plots hisnext adventure.
Oh, I forgot to tell you thathe calls his home Castle Trump.
Might make you think of otherthings.
(27:31):
At least he didn't say TrumpTower, he didn't say Trump Tower
.
But if you were to drawsimilarities between the two,
trump Tower and Castle Trump,that's about as close as you can
, kind of get.
That's true, but there are otherthings that he does in these
adventures.
So one of the first places hevisits in travel adventures is
the land of the toothless andnearly weightless wind eaters
who inflate to beach ball sizeafter a meal.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Toothless and balloons up.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah, they're very nice to Trump until he starts a
fire.
The wind eaters are intriguedby this and come close and then
promptly explode after the airthey have ingested expands
thanks to the flames, as CaptainGo-Wiz kind of the quote sort
of leader among them.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
This is like a Legion of.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Superheroes character Chases them.
Trump's dog Bulger bites one ofthe wind eaters until he
deflates like a puncturedballoon.
Pair escaped eventually leavingthe briefly betrothed Princess
Poo-Fah without a mate, andChief Zitw Zitwish and Queen
Fuyu, with many funerals to plan.
Yeah, If you also see the garbthat he wears, there's a one
(28:36):
might say a certain orientaltinge.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Oh, what do you know?
Orientalism, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Who would guess He'll meet?
The man hoppers, the roundbodies, the melodious sneezers
All right, a lot of stupid kidstuff Sounds like a Douglas
Adams thing.
Yeah, transparent folk, the antpeople, the happy forgetters,
okay, yeah, whatever.
So a lot of these, at least inMarvelous Adventures, are people
(29:06):
he meets underground becausehe's traveled to Russia, to
where he finds magical portal tosecrets and adventures.
Yeah, you can see a bit wherethis is going.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
So obviously these books were pretty much unknown
until they discovered the magicpee tape.
God, this also took me backinto some of that stuff that
popped up and Trump's differentexplanations for the pee tape
and how it could or could notexist and how they've changed
(29:40):
over the years.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Oh yeah, that's fun stuff.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
We'll call that fun.
That's what we're going to callit.
Yeah, that's right.
We could go down a rabbit holeabout that, but we don't have
time for that.
Baron, trump and trump's son'sname, baron.
(30:06):
And they discover magical stufffrom russia and they have cast
trump goes on all theseadventures.
And how can this all be sosimilar?
You know there's a lot ofsimilarities.
Oh, his quote mentor is nameddon.
You know all of these things?
And then you get further deepdown where there are some people
have gone on to say like oh man, these underground journeys
(30:29):
discover secret truthsunderneath the ground.
Oh no, maybe it's like thesubterranean government bunkers
and ancient lost worlds.
Oh, the Dums, yep the Dums,your lizard people at the center
of the earth, the hollow earthstuff.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
The Getty, the Getty Museum.
Yeah, the Getty Museumunderground complex or whatever.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Yeah, that leads to their own, yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Yeah, fun stuff.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
So then people started looking into some of
this.
I mean, you can't really lookinto it.
No, it's just kids' books, butyou're just pulling stuff from.
But they try to connect dots.
And where this takes anotherlevel of insanity but kind of
fun in a way, is with NikolaTesla.
(31:14):
So after Nikola Tesla's death,the FBI ordered that Tesla's
belongings and his paperwork andstuff be given to the National
Defense Research Committee atMIT, and the MIT professor that
was tasked with seeing ifanything in there was of value
and could be weaponized was oneJohn Trump.
John Trump is Donald Trump'suncle.
(31:35):
Supposedly, john Trump says hedidn't find anything of
significance or that could beused, but as we all know those
of us in the conspiracy worldTesla is always a super fun
figure, up until Musk named hiscompany after it.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Well, he didn't.
He didn't, he bought into Teslalater.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Yeah, Before he essentially stole the company
out from the two people who hadcreated the company and then
sued them, so that he could thenbe known as the founder of
Tesla, years after the fact.
Yes, which he did and wonSomehow Well, because of money
and power.
(32:15):
Yeah, money, yeah, because thisworld isn't fair.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Money is power.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Which is how all of this stuff works out.
So, if we all know, in the funtimes of conspiracy, you know
involved in free energy andanti-gravity and invisibility
and time travel whoa and cloningmagicians.
Cloning magicians all the timeit happened?
Are you trying to tell me thatyou saw it happen, that I'm not
(32:41):
supposed to tell you that ithappened?
Speaker 2 (32:44):
I.
I do not know to what you'rereferring, but don't tell me it
didn't happen.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
So John Trump.
He died in 1985, supposedly notbefore leaving Tesla's notes
and other implications thereinto his beloved nephew, donald
Trump.
Now, around the same timeperiod, donald Trump went by
many pseudonyms, such as JohnMiller and John Barron,
partially in homage to his uncle.
Supposedly he also used anotherpseudonym, one of John Titor.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Oh, fuck you, I knew it was going to be John Titor.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Yeah, titor, titor, I don't really know.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Whatever, whichever, Fuck, I knew that was going to
happen.
God damn it.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
And again, if any of you are fun loving conspiracy
having people who listened toplenty of coast to coast back in
the day.
John teeter is one of the morefamous supposed time travelers.
Came out around 2000, 2001.
He would speak of the events.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
He wished that he was from the far future and but it
wasn't that far in the future,it was like 2039 or some shit
like that.
Yeah, it wasn't super far.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
I mean, as far as we're concerned, are we ever
going to get that far into thefuture?
Yeah, that's a good point.
Trump used this to then go backand make certain moves, to then
buy just the right real estateat just the right time and
utilize his power and leverageat just the right moments to
(34:16):
become really famous, and thenuse it just the right time to
advance politically.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Then why did he go bankrupt so many times and why
did he completely botch his 2012presidential run, where he was
laughed out of the building?
What?
Speaker 1 (34:32):
I don't know what you're talking about.
If he had just taken that,sports almanac back in time I
found one fun thread that saidbecause of donald trump's time
travel is that's why we havethese different mandela effects
oh my god because those areripples from him going back and
forth to the to the past.
(34:53):
Some people even say that oneof some of his strange physical
features, with his body shape orhis hairline or his color skin,
the fact that he wears a timetravel yeah, yeah, yes.
Maybe that's what gave him hisweird mushroom-shaped penis.
Maybe it's all the time travel.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
The diapy president yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
He or somebody went back into the late 1800s to then
write books about what would be, but in a playful, only kind of
alluding way.
I couldn't find anybody tologically explain why that would
happen.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Especially since his family's name isn't actually
Trump.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Well, neither was the kid's name in the book.
It was Van Trump.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
But it wasn't Drumpf, which is his family name.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Wow, Okay.
Now see, he had to do thatbecause a distant ancestor made
this thing.
I mean, he probably went backand changed it to Drumpf to make
sure they would change it toTrump.
This is 17 dimensional chess,my friend.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Oh, that's right, centuries long time travel,
because people know howdimensions work.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Hey, it's all in Tesla's books right there.
Okay, he knows.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
It's all in the user manual for a Tesla.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
I was trying to research this for you guys.
I was trying to get deep inthere and by the time I got to,
what was this guy's name?
John Titor.
We'll call him a conspiracyenthusiast who likes to tie
different things into biblicalscripture.
Uh, he went by the went thename ezekiel 33 oh god, another
(36:34):
aol username.
He was tying these trump books,these little baron trump books,
these little fantasy kidadventures in the vein of alice
in wonderland into biblicalscripture as prophecy for the
you know the impending coming ofthe antichrist and how you know
trump is the savior and it'sall coming together and it was
(36:57):
all prophesied.
And how like they use this oneword in this sentence, and this
ties into the book ofrevelations, and, and there it
went on and on, and I'veRevelation is like the one thing
that doesn't fit in the Bible.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
It was fan fiction that they put in because they
thought it gave it a moreexciting ending, because you can
get into Yanaki and stuff andthe Dead Sea Scrolls and the
book of Job and all that kind ofshit, and nowhere in it does
the book of Revelation fit inand it's been pretty solidly
proven by historians, bothbiblical and otherwise, that it
(37:33):
was about you know, a veryspecific time during the roman
empire.
So stop using the book ofrevelation to prophesy anything
skip.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
I don't know if you've heard that the bible is
the word of God.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Though he didn't seem to write any of it.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
You mean Big G or Little Jesus G?
Is that what you're?
Isn't Trump Little G?
Speaker 2 (37:57):
He's Little T, he's got some serious street cred.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
And this all like might be even more washed away
If it wasn't for IngersollLockwood's one of his last books
.
He wrote you know what whogives a shit, who gives a shit,
who gives a shit.
It was called 1900 or the LastPresident.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Oh God.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
Yeah, this is a satirical novel about the last
president and how, during thetransfer of power, because of
this populist winning candidate,there's a revolt and the
Republic collapses.
You have rioters on November3rd when they riot on Fifth
Avenue, which is just whereTrump Tower is, and just how
(38:47):
rioters might be angry onNovember 3rd, when the election
is, but not January 6th.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
No.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
And how they would be screaming death to rich men.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
That negates that right there then.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Yeah, but this leader , he appoints an advisor called
Pence onto his council.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
Well, unless they erect a gallows at this event,
then I don't think it mirrorsanything, to be perfectly honest
.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Yeah, it's one of all of these things where it's like
, oh, look at all these, itcan't possibly be coincidence,
it's all fitting together.
And how could someone, possibly150 years ago, write something
about Trump, trump, you know,and the presidency, and Pence,
and Fifth Avenue, and it's got.
It's got to all mean something.
It's got to all be connected.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
It's exactly what they do with Nostradamus for
centuries, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
You know what?
Nostradamus?
I think he has much morelegitimacy than which is
hilarious in Trump novels?
Speaker 2 (39:44):
It is no-transcript.
It is hilarious Because DutchThomas is full of shit, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
A lot of this is what we call apophenia, a term
coined by psychiatrist KlausConrad, which refers to the
unmotivated seeing ofconnections and a feeling of
abnormal meaningfulness betweendifferent things.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Oh, I thought it was a fetish for Christina Applegate
.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Is that as well?
Speaker 2 (40:07):
No, that's apiphilia.
Sorry, my fault.
What about the cadet's logic issound.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
What is the the woman from Iron man plays Pepper
Potts.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Oh, are you talking about Gwyneth Paltrow?
Speaker 1 (40:25):
Yeah, isn't her.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Her kid's name is Apple.
The one she has with the dudefrom Coldplay right Coldplay
yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
Chris Martin Would that be, or is it just Christina
Applegate?
Speaker 2 (40:39):
Well, so in your scenario, it's a sexual fetish
for a child, or I don't thinkthey're a child any longer, are
they.
I'm pretty sure they're stilltoo young for any of this
conversation.
Christine Applegate, for a longtime has been an adult.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
You know, nobody had problems when the Twilight books
came out and Jacob imprinted onBella's daughter.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Yeah, yeah.
Why did you do that, by the way?
Speaker 1 (41:07):
I'm a wolf guy.
What am I going to do?
Speaker 2 (41:10):
One of them wolf guys man.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Have you seen True Blood?
We can't help it.
I am a wolf man man, I'm a wolfman man Just a simple wolf man.
I have needs I gots to bite andgots to fuck.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
You could say the same thing about the vampires.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
I don't mess with them vampires.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
I don't fucks with them.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Nah man, they'd be sparkling all over the place.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
You can never get that out of the carpet.
That's why you don't invitethem in.
That's exactly right.
You have to leave them outsideso that you keep the glitter out
of your clothing.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Yeah, you don't want to get a glitter bum, that's
what they call that.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Like all over her chest.
Is that what you're saying?
It's an anal.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Thing.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Oh, you said bum.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Bum, not bomb.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
Yeah, you'll be shitting that out for like a
week.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
It's forever man.
That is hell.
Gets all up in them, guts.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
There are worse things.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
So as far as kind of a fun conspiracy that we can at
least have a little fun with, aslong as these people don't take
it as effing fact and run withit.
What's with these people?
What's with these mag idiots?
That's kind of fun.
It's kind of like when you seesomething on the simpsons.
So it's very similar when theywrote the book futility about
(42:37):
the ocean liner the titan, whosemeasurements almost directly
matched up with a Titanic, andit told the same story about an
unsinkable ship that sunk.
That doesn't mean it wasprophecy.
That doesn't mean someone wentback in time and wrote it.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
No, it just told a tale that was really likely to
happen because of corporategreed and idiocy and capitalism
and yada, yada, yada.
I think the biggest problem.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
I feel the same way, Ursula.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Ursula, it's okay, other people exist.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
We're not going to talk about Trump much longer.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Nope, going to go run down and yell at kids walking
in the park.
Now, you goddamn kids, you Goddamn, you're blown up, you
street urchins.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
I like to think that in her dog voice she actually
sounds like an Ebenezer.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Scrooge Only knows how to express herself through
anger.
That is sad, that that's athing.
But I mean, like it's so veryobviously out of left field, I
mean it is a weird coincidence,sure, but I mean, if you really
just even do a cursory look intothe family history and
everything, it doesn't make anysense whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
Exactly.
I have one more addendum, alittle fun one for us.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
I rather made my.
Speaker 1 (43:48):
We've been talking a lot about the X app and Tesla
and Lord Musk as we must nowrefer to him as Generalissimo
Musk.
Speaker 2 (43:56):
Yeah, Generalissimo Musk.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
I'm going to have the cars run on time.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
How has he never come up with a fragrance Just called
Musk?
Speaker 1 (44:07):
Shit You've spoken into existence, I bet.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
Oh, I topled it oh no , not tople.
Not tople, but topal.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
No, you topled it.
You're dancing on the roofright now.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
I've recited the nursery rhyme.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
So uh.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
I want to get more into topoling things, but we'll
get into that later.
Speaker 1 (44:37):
Just give it a topol.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Topol, topol it.
Yeah, there you go, you topol.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Topol I top tulped.
Tulped.
I tulped it Tulpa.
So recently some people gotexcited because it was believed
by some on the intertubes thatElon Musk got his name Elon from
a Wernher von Braun book, thathe wrote about colonizing Mars
(45:04):
and that the elected leader ofMars was given the honorific
title of Elon.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
Well, I mean, he was raised in South Africa during
apartheid and Werner Von Braunwas a Nazi.
So even if that isn't true,sure, whatever?
Speaker 1 (45:21):
Nazi begets.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
Nazi who gives a shit , isn't true?
Sure, whatever Nazi begets,nazi who gives a shit.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
It is true that Werner Von Braun did write a
book called Project Mars.
But that book even though inGerman it came out in 48 and 52,
and then there was a part of itpublished in 52 in English, the
part where they talk about theElon so he wrote kind of like a
technical manual.
Werner Braun did that ProjectMars.
(45:47):
If we were to colonize Mars,this is kind of how we would
have to do it technical,manual-wise, like we need this
kind of stuff and these rocketsand this area and blah, blah,
blah.
But then like his fantasticalbits about the possible future
civilization that would be onthis fictional Mars, that wasn't
released until 2006.
(46:08):
And the original German versionwas never released.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
So when Elon was born , yeah, 2006.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
So obviously like this was from long before.
In fact, errol Musk liked thename Elon because of its
biblical links.
In fact, errol Musk liked thename Elon because of its
biblical links.
It added that Errol Musk latersaid that the prescient
reference to a science fictionbook written by rocket science
Vernor von Bromberg, college ofMars, that was all fake.
In fact, elon was the name ofhis mother's grandfather and the
(46:38):
name itself comes from theHebrew origin of oak tree.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Okay, which is about as smart as he is, hey, knock on
wood.
Are you sure he wasn't namedafter the Eloy from Time Machine
?
Speaker 1 (46:51):
Well, he wasn't originally, but when little
Baron Trump used Teslatechnology combined with Musk
rockets to then break the timebarrier.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
Yeah, by going through the entrance into the
inner earth.
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Yeah, you high-fived a lizard person as you flew
through.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
Still, it all comes back to Nazis.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
All of it.
It does all come back to.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
Nazis.
It's powered by Vril and MadameBlavatsky was there.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Oh, Madame Blavatsky, you're everywhere, aren't you?
Speaker 2 (47:27):
How did you get in?
Speaker 1 (47:28):
here, future magic science.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
You have to chase her off of the broom, but then she
gets on a broom and flies away.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
Her name sounds like a vomit Like a certain type of
vomit.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
I think appropriately so.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
So there was also some suspicion, since the book
was published in 2006, that theword was an editorial flourish,
since by 2006, elon Musk washeavily involved in SpaceX.
And so that maybe when theperson was translating it they
kind of added that to, becauseoriginal manuscripts apparently
are gone and only in German, theonly ones that are found.
(48:04):
So there you go.
There's a little thing aboutElon's name, how it isn't
magical prophecy.
Shocker, yeah, shocker.
But uh, you know, just a littleMars-colored cherry on top of
our conspiracy shit sundae.
A lot of cherries areMars-colored, Prove it.
I can't, it must be true.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
God is dead.
Our minds are blown.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
Scientists and philosophers are stumped.
Yeah, so that's our littlejourney down what could be,
still be, might be, could be,would be, should be, fun
conspiracies, you know, back ina time when, oh, that's silly,
it's just silly.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
This is our little adventure into Cougar Town.
Conspiracies, cougar Town.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
Is that where John lives, conspiracy town?
Oh, I thought it was where in1988, when there was a split
between John Mellencamp and JohnCougar Mm-hmm, his doppelganger
Two distinct people who thenhad themselves combined into
John Cougar Mellencamp, mm-hmm,but they still functioned
(49:19):
separately.
Now, the Mellencamp, he wasquickly put down.
They couldn't have moreMellencamps running around.
But the Cougar, the melon camp,he was quickly put down.
They couldn't have more meloncamps running around.
But the cougar, the cougar camp, he's a wily creature.
He escaped into the night andsome say he still lives in
Cougarville to this day.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
You can hear his echoes, the echoes of his cries.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
Hmm, it sounds distinctly like rain on a
scarecrow.
Hmm, like teardrops in rain Ona scarecrow.
Speaker 2 (49:47):
He did.
On the scarecrow.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
I think that is.
That's Mandela out of existence?
Maybe John J Mellencamp,previously known as John Cougar,
johnny Cougar, john CougarMellencamp.
Wait, so wait.
Where's the Cougar coming from?
Speaker 2 (50:04):
Yeah, I know it's out of nowhere, I know.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
While John Mellencamp is known for his stage name,
john Cougar Mellencamp, he neverwent by just Cougar or Johnny
Cougar after his initial careeras Johnny Cougar.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
You can't say that AI yeah, that doesn't make any
sense.
No, don't ever look at the AIsummaries.
They're bullshit.
They don't make sense.
Speaker 1 (50:24):
Did you say they're real shit?
Speaker 2 (50:26):
Yeah, sure, yeah, why not?
Why not?
Speaker 1 (50:29):
It's real, real shit.
Speaker 2 (50:31):
It's real, real shit.
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Changed his name for marketing reasons.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
No shit.
Speaker 1 (50:36):
Yeah, surprise, surprise.
Well, all right.
Anyway, I put a cougar on that,one Skip.
What do you think about thiswhole little Baron Trump, last
president, the Elon of Mars,what?
Speaker 2 (50:47):
say you, I'd say, finally the country's going in
the right direction.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
Somebody and something we can all get behind.
John Cougar Mellencamp.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
Vive le cougar.
Vive le cougar, generalissimocougar.
Vive le cougar, generalissimocougar.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
Probably more of a colonel cougar.
I think that comes off thetongue right.
Speaker 2 (51:14):
I just imagined Diane Lane in a military uniform.
Ooh yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
I could literally fuck with that.
Speaker 2 (51:23):
Yeah, that ain't bad.
So we're going to move awayfrom all this.
We're trying to keep it shortand sweet, so please make sure,
ladies and gentlemen, that youhave paid your taps, make sure
you've cleaned up afteryourselves to some sort of
reasonable degree, make sureyou're ready to get the fuck out
of here, because we're donewith it and we don't want to go
down too many more rabbit holes.
So don't forget to supportlocal comic shops in retailers
and from dispatch ajax we wouldlike to say godspeed, fair
(51:46):
wizard please go away.
Hammer.
That's where you get yourparachute pants from.
How else are?
Speaker 2 (00:03):
you going to do your squirrel flights?
That's true.
I mean, the big rivalry was thefact that he didn't get to do
the ninja rap in TMNT 2.
Was he supposed to?
No, oh, okay.
But, you know, in the back ofhis mind he always wishes.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Well, he was too busy doing.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Adam's Family.
Right, he was doing an Adam'sFamily groove.
I think it was called groove,that's a.
Wasn't he just going by hammerat that point?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
It was called the Adams groove, performed by the
time at just known as Hammer.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Boom Nailed it, I had that single.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
You are fucking sick, sir.
M Bison will be missed.
Your podcast destroyed myvillage.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
It killed my mother and father.
Well, for me it was a Tuesday.
Gentlemen, let's broaden ourminds.
Are they in the proper approachpattern for today?
Negative.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
All weapons Now Charge the lightning field.
Our goal will be to not fallinto these rabbit holes of fury
for the way that our world is.
(01:23):
Otherwise, we will never getthrough the pod.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Well, take your lead, sir.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Take my hand.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Guide me to the bed.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Welcome back to Dispatch Ajax.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Welcome back to that same old place that we laughed
about.
Well, I mean, we laughed aboutthat we laughed about, laughed
about, laughed about.
We laughed about, laughed about.
Nobody who listens to it.
Laughed about it.
I think we did, ha.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Ha Ah.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Ah, ah, that was strained.
Well, it always is.
I don't know why, but youreminded me of like John Saxon
from Enter the Dragon.
Just seemed like his cadence.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Oh, that's odd, that's an odd.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Well, I dream of John Saxon constantly.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Well, I guess every kid's tired of one good scare,
huh.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I don't have nightmares about Freddy from
Nightmare on Elm Street.
I have nightmares about JohnSaxon from Nightmare on Elm
Street.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Sheriff, there's a podcast coming to your town.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
It's a devil's podcast.
Oh, if that's John Saxon, I'mdead.
It's john pleasance and donaldsaxon.
Oh, the rosencrantzguildenstern.
It's called a saxon jackson.
Oh, now I'm interested youshouldn't be it was going to
star carl weathers, but he hadalready shaved his mustache once
.
It wasn't welly to do it again,so they replaced him with a
Donald Pleasance With a mustache, which is really bizarre.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Yeah, sheriff, I'm black.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
No, I'm not from England, as an African-American
man, you see.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
I can't do a Donald Pleasance.
I don't even know what thisvoice is.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
His American accents are terrible, so it's really
hard to wrap your head aroundthat one.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Yeah it's tough.
You know what else is tough,the world we live in today, and
so I'd like to talk a little bitabout it.
Turn it on its head a bit.
You know how about we do that.
Huh, We'll all enjoy ittogether, Will we?
No, we won't.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Good, good good.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
As Skip and I have said many times before on this
podcast, in the olden days, whenwe were young, conspiracy
theories were fun.
They sure were Granted.
They weren't about anything fun.
Presidential assassinations,child trafficking, mind control,
world domination, alienabduction, lizard people these
aren't fun things per se, but wetook them as just dalliances,
(03:42):
just hobbies.
Fun things to talk about,discuss, to think about, maybe
watch a silly documentary orread a fun book.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
You know, just enjoy.
And the most that would evercome of it was your friends
thought you were kooky and thenthey'd roll their eyes.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
You're kooky, but it was mostly just.
You know, I was having a goodtime.
We're just having some chucklesNow, not so much.
No good time we're just having.
We're having some chuckles now,not so much.
No, now we have posters incongress.
Brainwormed fringe cases arenow the head of health and human
services.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
We have q podcasters running the fbi not like q and
anonymous podcasters pro qpodcasters yes, who have been on
q podcast multiple times ifyou're talking about Kash Patel,
it's like 90 times.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah, and he's like I don't know what.
I don't know what that is.
I've never been on that.
But truth doesn't matteranymore.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
You can just say, yeah, I mean, how limp is the
Democratic Party that they saidthat in that in his confirmation
hearing and then didn't playthe audio of him saying the
exact opposite, because thattechnically would make him
guilty of perjury and hisnomination wouldn't have
happened.
But they just let it happen.
You know why?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Because we are cooked ?
Oh yeah, we are.
We are living in a fiery hellthat I don't see any way out of
currently.
It's just to see how bad doesit get they bake and we're
cooked.
Yeah, it's just to see how baddoes it get.
They bake and we're cooked.
Yeah, yeah, it's a shit piewe're all going to eat.
But let's go back to a bettertime.
(05:15):
Let's go back to a time whenconspiracy theories still causes
a little bit of tickle.
Oh, could, could, play thosefun keys that we like to hear so
like, so elegantly.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Like Quildor on the Cosmic Key.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Oh, Quildor, you're such a gentle lover.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I don't know why you're in this movie.
Go full Orko.
Yeah, why not Orko?
What was the problem?
Why not?
What's the problem?
Here, Is it because he's aghost with no face?
Is it because he has a ghostwith no face?
Speaker 1 (05:44):
is because he has a purple wizard hat, it's because
he's a ghost face killer.
It makes as much sense asfucking guildor why?
Not have billy bardy play orco.
Here's an idea.
Just excise the characteraltogether.
Yeah, why is he even in there?
Yeah, cut him out.
Oh, did you need someone to doscience?
Make up a new character thatisn't guildor, or or?
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Orville.
They have other characters theycould have used.
That's the whole thing.
They had as many characters aspossible to sell many toys, so
you're just going to makesomebody up that nobody gives a
shit about.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
You want to use a little person, that's fine.
Just put them out there, givethem a hat.
Give them a hat.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Let them do the job.
What the hell?
It's the Teenage Mutant Ninja,turtles 2, secret of the Ooze
problem.
It's like, if you're going togo, this cartoony and this dumb,
but you think Bebop andRocksteady aren't good enough.
Why did you make Razor and Canyou?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
get it, hold on.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Toka and Razor Toka there he did.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Oh, his brain is poisoned.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
I am cooked and melted at the same time.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
It's all vanilla pudding in there, folks, it sure
is.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
I both melted and cooked because I was in the
microwave.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Well, that is the secret of the ooze.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
David Warner in a microwave is the secret of the
ooze.
He was the scientist.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Oh, man Was David Warner.
He was also in Waxwork, right.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Both of them Okay, because I was trying to think of
Waxwork and Fright Night andTeam NT2.
Star Trek V.
Star Trek VI.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Let's all combine TNG .
Well, he was a Klingon.
Right, he was a Kling, but inStar Trek 5 he was the human
ambassador to Nimbus 3.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
We shall never discuss Star.
Trek 5 again is that the searchfor God?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
is that what they call that?
Speaker 1 (07:38):
God lives, man comes.
Is that what they?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
call that one.
Well, god lives, shat comes.
Oh yeah, just give him liveShatcombs.
Oh yeah, Just give him a Shathat, which means, well, you have
to go to either Vince McMahonor Sylvester Stallone's house
for that.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Do they?
Oh yeah, or Riverside Iowa,where they were selling them at
the gas station.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Where somebody would physically come and dump on your
head.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Yeah, you were there for the Shat Hats right.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I went with you.
Yeah, okay, just make surewe're on the same page.
Took a big shat all over thatplace.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
In case people don't know what a Shat Hat was, that
was a short-lived set of reallycheap berets that he was selling
to undercut the conventionfestival.
You know where the birthplaceof james t kirk is, in riverside
iowa so they have a festivalevery year with the parade and
whatnot, but he will neverattend.
But he was filming some realityshow at the time and then
(08:36):
wanted to like make fun of thefestival, so he put out these
shat hats.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Uh, just just supreme why would you undercut the
thing where you were beingcelebrated?
You know what I mean.
Like what a it's not evenlogical.
I mean, you know what?
Speaker 1 (08:50):
he is.
It's a dumb asshole.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
He's a dumb asshole All one thing Dumb asshole.
It's all one word.
You know when I was living inMedford, Oregon.
There's a parade there everyyear and famously in the 70s
Leonard Nimoy was the marshal ofthe parade, as Spock uniform,
makeup and everything it was theonly time he had ever appeared
(09:15):
as Spock, not in Star Trek, it'sthe one and only time.
I have no idea why, but he did.
Huh, that's fascinating yeah,there's a bunch of pictures of
him too.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
It's really cool yeah , today we're gonna try to veer
away from our mental doomscrolling of the current events
and talk about the ancient pasttalk about something light, like
David Icke.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Oh wait, no.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
He might vaguely come up today, but you're going to
have to search those particulartunnels to find him.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Did you see and this ties in, this isn't a tangent
Did you see that arepresentative in Congress has
created a subcommittee nowspecifically to investigate
investigations into conspiracytheories?
Speaker 1 (10:09):
I saw that that was a thing, but I haven't looked
into it.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
So their entire thing is that what they're looking
into very specifically.
They're investigating theWarren Commission.
They're investigating theinvestigations into Project Blue
Book.
They're investigating theinvestigations into Russiagate.
That's like everything you godown the list they have an
(10:35):
investigation of theinvestigation of the thing.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I'm sure it's full of our top people.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Top men.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
They're on the case.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Great, I'm sure a lot's gonna come of that.
Oh yeah, it's gonna be really,really good, just like those
epstein files.
That's one of them.
That's actually one of thethings they're tackling the
investigation into epstein,which is funny, because they
released the epstein files andthen nothing came out of it.
And so, yeah, pam bondy,instead of being like, well,
that's all there was, went afterCash Patel on social media and
(11:09):
was like you need to releasemore of this.
And it's like you did that.
This is you, you're theattorney general.
You released that.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
I feel like I heard it somewhere.
There were things they couldn'tresist because it would be what
was it detrimental to nationalsecurity?
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Oh yeah, even they, even they who say they're going
to tear it all down, eventhey're like no, we can't, we
can't release.
It's so obvious.
It's so obvious.
The Epstein report was mostlyredacted.
Yeah, of course it was.
Of course it was.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Yeah, again, it's mind melting, brain bending.
You have to dance around to seewhat you want to see bending.
You have to dance around to seewhat you want to see, exactly
because we are going to coverthe tale of little baron trump
and the last president.
Oh boy, indeed, it's gonna beso hard to not rant about this
(11:58):
very much so, and in fact, Itried to do a deep dive into
this.
I spent a while on Reddit and4chan and.
Tiktok to the point where I waslike I can't.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
There's too much it goes, it's too far gone.
Yep, it's too melted.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
It's even worse than our Mandela effect.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Just as a perfect example.
Random tweet as I'm looking,I'm also deep into X, the
everything app, the everythingapp.
It gives you syphilis, givesyou gonorrhea, I don't know what
it does.
Channel awards.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
It gives you Nazis, it gives you neo-Nazis, it gives
you white supremacists.
We got Nazi pussy.
We got white supremacist pussy.
We got white Nazi pussy.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
We got white supremacist pussy.
We got white nationalist pussy.
If you find bigger pussy.
Fuck it If you find biggerpussies than.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Elon Musk, fuck them, oh man.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Ah, Doge pussy.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Technically it's doggy Technically.
I'm not joking about this.
Elon named it after Doge.
Obviously yeah, but they don'twant it to seem illegitimate, so
the it's.
I know that's funny.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
I know Come on.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
So technically it's called Doggy, which is even
funnier.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
These are our political stylings of Doggy is
even funnier.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
These are our political stylings, uh, of doggy
.
They have hired snoop dog tocode, which is really bad.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Uh, probably not gonna go well have they really
no, but that would no that, no,that wouldn't I mean he was at.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
He was at like trump's inauguration, whatever I
know so like would you not besurprised that would happen.
But that's the sad part.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
No, it wouldn't.
That's why I was like, oh, didthat really?
Speaker 2 (13:43):
happen it could.
That's the.
That's why it's it wouldn't.
That's why I was like oh, didthat really happen it could?
That's why it's not even funny.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
You know what really happened, Alex Jones, on January
20th.
There's a picture of BarronTrump.
He's quite tall.
I think he's like.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
He's 7'8".
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
He's really tall and so he's standing over everybody
and they're showing picturesbefore he gets into Alex Jones'
atomic natural health defensesupplements Atomic.
In his little mini video.
His tweet says, or his ex-postrather fuck off.
Barron Trump towers over aninauguration crowd.
Ingersoll Lockwood would be soproud.
(14:21):
So I bet a lot of peoplethankfully a lot of people
probably didn't see that post,but if you're on X you're
probably getting shoved AlexJones post there anyway, whether
you want them or not.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
But if you're on X, you probably do Wow.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Some of us just want the fastest Chiefs news.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Go to Blue Sky, jesus Christ.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Unfortunately.
So the fastest chiefs news youknow.
Go to blue sky jesus christaccess.
Unfortunately, so few peopleare on blue sky.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
I've tried to like migrate all of my feeds over to
blue sky and half of them arenot on there I think you'd be
surprised as to how many were,but I understand that some of
the major ones, no, I just don'twant to move them, move them.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
But it's like what I'm trying to like find news,
that's what I'm on X for, oh GodX.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
What I'm on Twitter for.
It's like they're just notthere.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
You know, unfortunately, I still use
Twitter trying to find thesethings and it's brain melting,
yeah, but awful In the way ofbrain melting.
Let's talk about IngersollLockwood.
Ingersoll Lockwood, born in1841, died in 1918.
He was an American lawyer,diplomat and writer.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Are you sure that wasn't just how it defaulted in
the COBOL encoding system?
Was he actually born in 1891 orwhatever, or is it just how it
defaulted to that?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Is he still receiving social security checks?
Is what I'm asking socialsecurity checks.
Okay, man, you are peeling offthe band-aid with this one down
the road too far okay there arepeople who do believe or at
least god propose the theorythat perhaps baron trump is
actually ingersoll lockwood,gone to the past to write these
stories about himself and hisdad.
(16:05):
To play a joke, I don't know.
There are also other people whobelieve that Ingersoll Lockwood
God.
Who are these other people thatthey believe he might have been
Professor David Clementsbecause he looks a lot like
Ingersoll Lockwood and thatmaybe he traveled to the past to
write these?
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Oh, you mean like Vincent Fusco looks like JFK Jr,
that kind of thing?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Yes, yes, very similar.
But imagine you don't actuallyhave a real good picture of JFK
Jr Because you know it's just apicture of 1900 Ingersoll.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Lockwood, If you made up a name.
I mean, doesn't that sound likea bad writer making up a name
for like a character?
In like a sci-fi drama orsomething Ingersoll.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Lockwood Ingersoll Lockwood.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I would call bullshit if I didn't know that was a
real person.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
He's a professor of metaphysics at Miskatonic
University.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Both in Columbia and where I was living in Oregon,
they always had posters up forthe School of Metaphysics and
they had an address and I'm like, well, can you go there if it's
a School of Metaphysics, or isit just an idea?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Metaphysically speaking, you can.
So Ingersoll Lockwood he was awriter and he was these other
things as well.
He did write under thepseudonym, sometimes for his
nonfiction stuff Erwin Longman.
Now I think that's.
Is that even?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
which is better.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
That is such an AOL messenger screen name Hi, my
name's Erwin Longman.
Could you give me your age?
Sex location?
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Longman, get the fuck out of here.
I'm Johnny Big Dick and it'sfunny that this guy was born in,
like the you know, the 19thcentury, considering he just
sounds like a fucking 1998 AOLmessenger troll.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Yeah, well, we don't really know.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
In fact, if you look at it Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
No, I'm saying like maybe he traveled to the future,
maybe he founded AOL, maybehe's posting things.
Right now we can't possibly sayhe is AOL, maybe he's posting
things right now.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
We can't possibly say .
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Maybe he is AOL.
What is the world?
What is fact?
Nobody knows.
But what we can say is thatsupposedly in the latter half of
the 1800s, ingersoll Lockwoodtrained as a lawyer, just like
his father and uncles, and hewas a diplomat as well.
In 1862, he was appointedconsul to the Kingdom of Hanover
(18:27):
by Abraham Lincoln.
At the time he was the youngestmember of the US Consular Force
and served in that post forfour years.
On return, he established legalpractice in New York City with
his older brother, henry.
By the 1880s, lockwood hadestablished dueling careers as
both a lecturer and a writer.
(18:47):
In 1884, he married WinfredWallace Tinker.
She was an aspiring authorherself.
They divorced in 1892, so thatdidn't last long.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Also a made-up name.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Winifred Tinker Uh-huh, sure.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Winifred Wallace Tinker.
I mean like come on.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
That same year that they divorced, she married
Edward R Jones with anH-J-O-H-N-E-S.
Oh boy, I don't know who spellsher name that way.
I almost think it may be it's atypo in Wikipedia that no one's
corrected.
Who's going to check it?
Yeah, yeah, who cares?
He was also a lawyer and aliterateur by avocation.
(19:23):
Yeah, whatever, okay.
So Lockwood then spent hisretirement years as a recluse in
Saratoga Springs, where hepublished his last book, a
collection of poetry entitledVarying Mood or Jetsam Flotsam
and Ligon, in 1912.
I bet that was good.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Sounds like an easy listening adult contemporary
music album from the 90s.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Listening adult contemporary music album from
the 90s.
Yanni's latest coming in on thecharts at number three, varying
Mood or Jetsam, flotsam andLigon.
He died at age 77 in 1918.
He had no children or survivingrelatives and he would be
completely lost to the annals oftime if it wasn't for three
books he wrote, one in 1889, theother one in 1893, and the last
(20:10):
one in 1900.
These are the Barron Trumpnovels the Travels and
Adventures of Little BarronTrump and His Wonderful Dog
Bulger.
That was in 1889.
And Barron Trump's MarvelousUnderground Journey in 1893.
We will get to his other, mostfamous book at the end of this.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
The Kama Sutra.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
It's called the Bible .
Maybe you've heard of it.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
He wrote the Book of Mormon.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
It's a popular one.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
You can't really see it, but, but you can definitely
feel it, but you can definitelyfeel it.
So these books recount theadventures of little German boy
Wilhelm Heinrich Sebastian vonTrump.
Hitler, or has he, as he namedhimself, baron Trump?
Oh yeah, these were just likelittle adventure kids books,
(21:24):
although they were pretty long.
Author labors through 300 pagesof fantastic and grotesque
narrative, now and then strikinga spark of wit, but the sparks
emit little light and no warmthand one has to fumble for the
story.
They quickly were overshadowedby more compelling contemporary
children's books of the time.
Connecticut in King Arthur'sPort Connecticut.
(21:47):
Yankee in King Arthur's CourtIn King Arthur's Port,
connecticut.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Yankee in King Arthur's Court In King Arthur's
Port?
Yeah, all right.
Okay, I know what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
What do you think they really?
Speaker 2 (21:55):
did Check in.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Someone had to take Excalibur out and put it back in
that particular stone.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
A port in every storm , you know.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
So Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court and the
Wizard of Oz.
Those are both kind of booksthat came out completely
overshadowed, long remembered,probably will forever be
embraced, as opposed toIngersoll Lockwood's books which
who cares?
I was reading a story writtenby in Politico and the author
contacted you know someone whofocuses just on cataloging and
(22:28):
deep knowledge about late 1800skids books and she was like
Ingersoll Lockwood, who shedidn't know.
She had to look into it.
That's amazing.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
That was great.
That's usually how cults start,though I mean, or religions.
That's exactly what happened toJoseph Smith and LRH.
They were failed writers andthen decided to turn it into a
religion, so it's shocking thatthis didn't go that route.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Well, let's not go that far.
Let's not count our Trumpchickens before they've hatched.
Oh no.
So this follows the tale oflittle Baron Trump.
He's a bit of an aristocrat.
He's adventurous andintelligent little fellow,
precocious, curious, oftenarrogant.
He's restless, prone to get introuble and is said to have a
brain so big that his head hasgrown to twice normal size.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
It's just grotesque, not great.
Every kid wants to relate tothat.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Who wouldn't want to right?
If it suddenly becomes theleader, great, every kid wants
to relate to that.
Who wouldn't want to right?
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Suddenly become the leader Great.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Oh man, sometimes we'll talk about well probably
as much talk time.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Hector Hammond, slash the leader yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Yeah, I just saw the Captain America movie this week.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I already know what happens in it.
I haven't seen it, but I knowexactly what it does.
And wow, was that 15 years toolate?
Oh, seen it, but I know exactlywhat it does.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
And wow, was that 15 years too late?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
oh, everything's too late, too little too, too
nothing.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
It's one of the worst .
It's just it's so bland.
Yeah, it's a nothing burger.
That's what I've heard.
You know?
Ah, just read wikipedia, readthe plot synopsis.
You got it.
Yeah, there's nothing you needto see, not a single element.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It just sounds like they were like oh shit, we
forgot to mention all of thesethings, or we forgot to tie up
all of these weird loose ends.
Let's finally address them.
Way too late.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Yeah, and we'll try to set up for the next thing.
Right, just a little bit, justto plant some seeds maybe who
cares?
But who cares?
So he goes on adventures.
He often offends the natives,frequently flees from certain
(24:49):
entanglements with the localwomen he gets involved with and
continuously repeats thispattern in his adventures.
I'll give you a forgottenphilosopher of once reputed,
great renown but little, baron.
Trump takes Don's advice and hefinds a map containing
directions to a hidden worlddeep in the earth.
Off to explore the unknown, youknow, he goes through dark
forest and different pitfallsthat require his cleverness and
his dog's intuition to passthrough.
Then he gets to the portalbelow, where he discovers a land
of giants with everything beinghuge.
Baron is curious about all this.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Oh, I'm sure.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Well yeah, he meets the giants, who are wise and
philosophical, and Baron findstheir ideas fascinating and
engages intellectually with themwith a poise beyond his years.
Giants are impressed by hisintelligence, but there is
internal conflict within thegiant society.
Baron uses his wit to prevent animpending civil war and as a
reward, he is bestowed with amagical key to unlock doors to
(25:35):
further hidden worlds deepwithin.
Using the key, he travels tothe land of frozen thoughts.
Here, everything seems frozenin time, with elements of the
mind like thoughts, ideas andconcepts, manifested in physical
space and appear frozen,suspended in the air.
I told you he was Gwildor.
Trump is amazed by the beautyhe finds, but the inhabitants
(25:57):
are forever deadlocked in astate of indecision and
overthinking.
They analyze and thenoveranalyze every action and
outcome to the point of completeparalysis.
Trump, of course, comes up witha way to free them from the
self-imposed standstill.
They are taught the importanceof action and how it must be
weighed against thought.
He reflects on how easy it isfor someone to get trapped in
(26:20):
their own mind as he travelsfurther in.
Next, he encounters the worldof shadows and echoes.
In this world, everythingexists in duality With
everything.
They're casting a shadow thathas its own life and will.
Now this is a tough one for him, because some of them shadows.
They be lying all the time Likebitches.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Shadows be like bitches and bitches be like
shopping.
I don't know, you know whatFacts be like shopping.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
I don't know.
You know what Facts be likethat.
So some of those shadows, theyhelp out travelers, but some of
them are just out to makemischief and deceive.
Trump uses his observationalabilities to decipher which to
believe and in doing so, winsthe day, all the while
contemplating what makes up aperson, what defines a person,
(27:08):
their actions, their thoughts,what others see of them.
After these adventures, theyreturn to the surface and have
grown as a people, and pup Baronis greeted by his family,
welcoming back as he plots hisnext adventure.
Oh, I forgot to tell you thathe calls his home Castle Trump.
Might make you think of otherthings.
(27:31):
At least he didn't say TrumpTower, he didn't say Trump Tower
.
But if you were to drawsimilarities between the two,
trump Tower and Castle Trump,that's about as close as you can
, kind of get.
That's true, but there are otherthings that he does in these
adventures.
So one of the first places hevisits in travel adventures is
the land of the toothless andnearly weightless wind eaters
who inflate to beach ball sizeafter a meal.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Toothless and balloons up.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah, they're very nice to Trump until he starts a
fire.
The wind eaters are intriguedby this and come close and then
promptly explode after the airthey have ingested expands
thanks to the flames, as CaptainGo-Wiz kind of the quote sort
of leader among them.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
This is like a Legion of.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Superheroes character Chases them.
Trump's dog Bulger bites one ofthe wind eaters until he
deflates like a puncturedballoon.
Pair escaped eventually leavingthe briefly betrothed Princess
Poo-Fah without a mate, andChief Zitw Zitwish and Queen
Fuyu, with many funerals to plan.
Yeah, If you also see the garbthat he wears, there's a one
(28:36):
might say a certain orientaltinge.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Oh, what do you know?
Orientalism, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Who would guess He'll meet?
The man hoppers, the roundbodies, the melodious sneezers
All right, a lot of stupid kidstuff Sounds like a Douglas
Adams thing.
Yeah, transparent folk, the antpeople, the happy forgetters,
okay, yeah, whatever.
So a lot of these, at least inMarvelous Adventures, are people
(29:06):
he meets underground becausehe's traveled to Russia, to
where he finds magical portal tosecrets and adventures.
Yeah, you can see a bit wherethis is going.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
So obviously these books were pretty much unknown
until they discovered the magicpee tape.
God, this also took me backinto some of that stuff that
popped up and Trump's differentexplanations for the pee tape
and how it could or could notexist and how they've changed
(29:40):
over the years.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Oh yeah, that's fun stuff.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
We'll call that fun.
That's what we're going to callit.
Yeah, that's right.
We could go down a rabbit holeabout that, but we don't have
time for that.
Baron, trump and trump's son'sname, baron.
(30:06):
And they discover magical stufffrom russia and they have cast
trump goes on all theseadventures.
And how can this all be sosimilar?
You know there's a lot ofsimilarities.
Oh, his quote mentor is nameddon.
You know all of these things?
And then you get further deepdown where there are some people
have gone on to say like oh man, these underground journeys
(30:29):
discover secret truthsunderneath the ground.
Oh no, maybe it's like thesubterranean government bunkers
and ancient lost worlds.
Oh, the Dums, yep the Dums,your lizard people at the center
of the earth, the hollow earthstuff.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
The Getty, the Getty Museum.
Yeah, the Getty Museumunderground complex or whatever.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Yeah, that leads to their own, yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Yeah, fun stuff.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
So then people started looking into some of
this.
I mean, you can't really lookinto it.
No, it's just kids' books, butyou're just pulling stuff from.
But they try to connect dots.
And where this takes anotherlevel of insanity but kind of
fun in a way, is with NikolaTesla.
(31:14):
So after Nikola Tesla's death,the FBI ordered that Tesla's
belongings and his paperwork andstuff be given to the National
Defense Research Committee atMIT, and the MIT professor that
was tasked with seeing ifanything in there was of value
and could be weaponized was oneJohn Trump.
John Trump is Donald Trump'suncle.
(31:35):
Supposedly, john Trump says hedidn't find anything of
significance or that could beused, but as we all know those
of us in the conspiracy worldTesla is always a super fun
figure, up until Musk named hiscompany after it.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Well, he didn't.
He didn't, he bought into Teslalater.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Yeah, Before he essentially stole the company
out from the two people who hadcreated the company and then
sued them, so that he could thenbe known as the founder of
Tesla, years after the fact.
Yes, which he did and wonSomehow Well, because of money
and power.
(32:15):
Yeah, money, yeah, because thisworld isn't fair.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Money is power.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Which is how all of this stuff works out.
So, if we all know, in the funtimes of conspiracy, you know
involved in free energy andanti-gravity and invisibility
and time travel whoa and cloningmagicians.
Cloning magicians all the timeit happened?
Are you trying to tell me thatyou saw it happen, that I'm not
(32:41):
supposed to tell you that ithappened?
Speaker 2 (32:44):
I.
I do not know to what you'rereferring, but don't tell me it
didn't happen.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
So John Trump.
He died in 1985, supposedly notbefore leaving Tesla's notes
and other implications thereinto his beloved nephew, donald
Trump.
Now, around the same timeperiod, donald Trump went by
many pseudonyms, such as JohnMiller and John Barron,
partially in homage to his uncle.
Supposedly he also used anotherpseudonym, one of John Titor.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Oh, fuck you, I knew it was going to be John Titor.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Yeah, titor, titor, I don't really know.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Whatever, whichever, Fuck, I knew that was going to
happen.
God damn it.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
And again, if any of you are fun loving conspiracy
having people who listened toplenty of coast to coast back in
the day.
John teeter is one of the morefamous supposed time travelers.
Came out around 2000, 2001.
He would speak of the events.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
He wished that he was from the far future and but it
wasn't that far in the future,it was like 2039 or some shit
like that.
Yeah, it wasn't super far.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
I mean, as far as we're concerned, are we ever
going to get that far into thefuture?
Yeah, that's a good point.
Trump used this to then go backand make certain moves, to then
buy just the right real estateat just the right time and
utilize his power and leverageat just the right moments to
(34:16):
become really famous, and thenuse it just the right time to
advance politically.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Then why did he go bankrupt so many times and why
did he completely botch his 2012presidential run, where he was
laughed out of the building?
What?
Speaker 1 (34:32):
I don't know what you're talking about.
If he had just taken that,sports almanac back in time I
found one fun thread that saidbecause of donald trump's time
travel is that's why we havethese different mandela effects
oh my god because those areripples from him going back and
forth to the to the past.
(34:53):
Some people even say that oneof some of his strange physical
features, with his body shape orhis hairline or his color skin,
the fact that he wears a timetravel yeah, yeah, yes.
Maybe that's what gave him hisweird mushroom-shaped penis.
Maybe it's all the time travel.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
The diapy president yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
He or somebody went back into the late 1800s to then
write books about what would be, but in a playful, only kind of
alluding way.
I couldn't find anybody tologically explain why that would
happen.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Especially since his family's name isn't actually
Trump.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Well, neither was the kid's name in the book.
It was Van Trump.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
But it wasn't Drumpf, which is his family name.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Wow, Okay.
Now see, he had to do thatbecause a distant ancestor made
this thing.
I mean, he probably went backand changed it to Drumpf to make
sure they would change it toTrump.
This is 17 dimensional chess,my friend.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Oh, that's right, centuries long time travel,
because people know howdimensions work.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Hey, it's all in Tesla's books right there.
Okay, he knows.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
It's all in the user manual for a Tesla.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
I was trying to research this for you guys.
I was trying to get deep inthere and by the time I got to,
what was this guy's name?
John Titor.
We'll call him a conspiracyenthusiast who likes to tie
different things into biblicalscripture.
Uh, he went by the went thename ezekiel 33 oh god, another
(36:34):
aol username.
He was tying these trump books,these little baron trump books,
these little fantasy kidadventures in the vein of alice
in wonderland into biblicalscripture as prophecy for the
you know the impending coming ofthe antichrist and how you know
trump is the savior and it'sall coming together and it was
(36:57):
all prophesied.
And how like they use this oneword in this sentence, and this
ties into the book ofrevelations, and, and there it
went on and on, and I'veRevelation is like the one thing
that doesn't fit in the Bible.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
It was fan fiction that they put in because they
thought it gave it a moreexciting ending, because you can
get into Yanaki and stuff andthe Dead Sea Scrolls and the
book of Job and all that kind ofshit, and nowhere in it does
the book of Revelation fit inand it's been pretty solidly
proven by historians, bothbiblical and otherwise, that it
(37:33):
was about you know, a veryspecific time during the roman
empire.
So stop using the book ofrevelation to prophesy anything
skip.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
I don't know if you've heard that the bible is
the word of God.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Though he didn't seem to write any of it.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
You mean Big G or Little Jesus G?
Is that what you're?
Isn't Trump Little G?
Speaker 2 (37:57):
He's Little T, he's got some serious street cred.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
And this all like might be even more washed away
If it wasn't for IngersollLockwood's one of his last books
.
He wrote you know what whogives a shit, who gives a shit,
who gives a shit.
It was called 1900 or the LastPresident.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Oh God.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
Yeah, this is a satirical novel about the last
president and how, during thetransfer of power, because of
this populist winning candidate,there's a revolt and the
Republic collapses.
You have rioters on November3rd when they riot on Fifth
Avenue, which is just whereTrump Tower is, and just how
(38:47):
rioters might be angry onNovember 3rd, when the election
is, but not January 6th.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
No.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
And how they would be screaming death to rich men.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
That negates that right there then.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Yeah, but this leader , he appoints an advisor called
Pence onto his council.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
Well, unless they erect a gallows at this event,
then I don't think it mirrorsanything, to be perfectly honest
.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Yeah, it's one of all of these things where it's like
, oh, look at all these, itcan't possibly be coincidence,
it's all fitting together.
And how could someone, possibly150 years ago, write something
about Trump, trump, you know,and the presidency, and Pence,
and Fifth Avenue, and it's got.
It's got to all mean something.
It's got to all be connected.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
It's exactly what they do with Nostradamus for
centuries, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
You know what?
Nostradamus?
I think he has much morelegitimacy than which is
hilarious in Trump novels?
Speaker 2 (39:44):
It is no-transcript.
It is hilarious Because DutchThomas is full of shit, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
A lot of this is what we call apophenia, a term
coined by psychiatrist KlausConrad, which refers to the
unmotivated seeing ofconnections and a feeling of
abnormal meaningfulness betweendifferent things.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Oh, I thought it was a fetish for Christina Applegate
.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Is that as well?
Speaker 2 (40:07):
No, that's apiphilia.
Sorry, my fault.
What about the cadet's logic issound.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
What is the the woman from Iron man plays Pepper
Potts.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Oh, are you talking about Gwyneth Paltrow?
Speaker 1 (40:25):
Yeah, isn't her.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Her kid's name is Apple.
The one she has with the dudefrom Coldplay right Coldplay
yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
Chris Martin Would that be, or is it just Christina
Applegate?
Speaker 2 (40:39):
Well, so in your scenario, it's a sexual fetish
for a child, or I don't thinkthey're a child any longer, are
they.
I'm pretty sure they're stilltoo young for any of this
conversation.
Christine Applegate, for a longtime has been an adult.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
You know, nobody had problems when the Twilight books
came out and Jacob imprinted onBella's daughter.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Yeah, yeah.
Why did you do that, by the way?
Speaker 1 (41:07):
I'm a wolf guy.
What am I going to do?
Speaker 2 (41:10):
One of them wolf guys man.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Have you seen True Blood?
We can't help it.
I am a wolf man man, I'm a wolfman man Just a simple wolf man.
I have needs I gots to bite andgots to fuck.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
You could say the same thing about the vampires.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
I don't mess with them vampires.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
I don't fucks with them.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Nah man, they'd be sparkling all over the place.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
You can never get that out of the carpet.
That's why you don't invitethem in.
That's exactly right.
You have to leave them outsideso that you keep the glitter out
of your clothing.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Yeah, you don't want to get a glitter bum, that's
what they call that.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Like all over her chest.
Is that what you're saying?
It's an anal.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Thing.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Oh, you said bum.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Bum, not bomb.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
Yeah, you'll be shitting that out for like a
week.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
It's forever man.
That is hell.
Gets all up in them, guts.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
There are worse things.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
So as far as kind of a fun conspiracy that we can at
least have a little fun with, aslong as these people don't take
it as effing fact and run withit.
What's with these people?
What's with these mag idiots?
That's kind of fun.
It's kind of like when you seesomething on the simpsons.
So it's very similar when theywrote the book futility about
(42:37):
the ocean liner the titan, whosemeasurements almost directly
matched up with a Titanic, andit told the same story about an
unsinkable ship that sunk.
That doesn't mean it wasprophecy.
That doesn't mean someone wentback in time and wrote it.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
No, it just told a tale that was really likely to
happen because of corporategreed and idiocy and capitalism
and yada, yada, yada.
I think the biggest problem.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
I feel the same way, Ursula.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Ursula, it's okay, other people exist.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
We're not going to talk about Trump much longer.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Nope, going to go run down and yell at kids walking
in the park.
Now, you goddamn kids, you Goddamn, you're blown up, you
street urchins.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
I like to think that in her dog voice she actually
sounds like an Ebenezer.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Scrooge Only knows how to express herself through
anger.
That is sad, that that's athing.
But I mean, like it's so veryobviously out of left field, I
mean it is a weird coincidence,sure, but I mean, if you really
just even do a cursory look intothe family history and
everything, it doesn't make anysense whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
Exactly.
I have one more addendum, alittle fun one for us.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
I rather made my.
Speaker 1 (43:48):
We've been talking a lot about the X app and Tesla
and Lord Musk as we must nowrefer to him as Generalissimo
Musk.
Speaker 2 (43:56):
Yeah, Generalissimo Musk.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
I'm going to have the cars run on time.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
How has he never come up with a fragrance Just called
Musk?
Speaker 1 (44:07):
Shit You've spoken into existence, I bet.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
Oh, I topled it oh no , not tople.
Not tople, but topal.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
No, you topled it.
You're dancing on the roofright now.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
I've recited the nursery rhyme.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
So uh.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
I want to get more into topoling things, but we'll
get into that later.
Speaker 1 (44:37):
Just give it a topol.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Topol, topol it.
Yeah, there you go, you topol.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Topol I top tulped.
Tulped.
I tulped it Tulpa.
So recently some people gotexcited because it was believed
by some on the intertubes thatElon Musk got his name Elon from
a Wernher von Braun book, thathe wrote about colonizing Mars
(45:04):
and that the elected leader ofMars was given the honorific
title of Elon.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
Well, I mean, he was raised in South Africa during
apartheid and Werner Von Braunwas a Nazi.
So even if that isn't true,sure, whatever?
Speaker 1 (45:21):
Nazi begets.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
Nazi who gives a shit , isn't true?
Sure, whatever Nazi begets,nazi who gives a shit.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
It is true that Werner Von Braun did write a
book called Project Mars.
But that book even though inGerman it came out in 48 and 52,
and then there was a part of itpublished in 52 in English, the
part where they talk about theElon so he wrote kind of like a
technical manual.
Werner Braun did that ProjectMars.
(45:47):
If we were to colonize Mars,this is kind of how we would
have to do it technical,manual-wise, like we need this
kind of stuff and these rocketsand this area and blah, blah,
blah.
But then like his fantasticalbits about the possible future
civilization that would be onthis fictional Mars, that wasn't
released until 2006.
(46:08):
And the original German versionwas never released.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
So when Elon was born , yeah, 2006.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
So obviously like this was from long before.
In fact, errol Musk liked thename Elon because of its
biblical links.
In fact, errol Musk liked thename Elon because of its
biblical links.
It added that Errol Musk latersaid that the prescient
reference to a science fictionbook written by rocket science
Vernor von Bromberg, college ofMars, that was all fake.
In fact, elon was the name ofhis mother's grandfather and the
(46:38):
name itself comes from theHebrew origin of oak tree.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Okay, which is about as smart as he is, hey, knock on
wood.
Are you sure he wasn't namedafter the Eloy from Time Machine
?
Speaker 1 (46:51):
Well, he wasn't originally, but when little
Baron Trump used Teslatechnology combined with Musk
rockets to then break the timebarrier.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
Yeah, by going through the entrance into the
inner earth.
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Yeah, you high-fived a lizard person as you flew
through.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
Still, it all comes back to Nazis.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
All of it.
It does all come back to.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
Nazis.
It's powered by Vril and MadameBlavatsky was there.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Oh, Madame Blavatsky, you're everywhere, aren't you?
Speaker 2 (47:27):
How did you get in?
Speaker 1 (47:28):
here, future magic science.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
You have to chase her off of the broom, but then she
gets on a broom and flies away.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
Her name sounds like a vomit Like a certain type of
vomit.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
I think appropriately so.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
So there was also some suspicion, since the book
was published in 2006, that theword was an editorial flourish,
since by 2006, elon Musk washeavily involved in SpaceX.
And so that maybe when theperson was translating it they
kind of added that to, becauseoriginal manuscripts apparently
are gone and only in German, theonly ones that are found.
(48:04):
So there you go.
There's a little thing aboutElon's name, how it isn't
magical prophecy.
Shocker, yeah, shocker.
But uh, you know, just a littleMars-colored cherry on top of
our conspiracy shit sundae.
A lot of cherries areMars-colored, Prove it.
I can't, it must be true.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
God is dead.
Our minds are blown.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
Scientists and philosophers are stumped.
Yeah, so that's our littlejourney down what could be,
still be, might be, could be,would be, should be, fun
conspiracies, you know, back ina time when, oh, that's silly,
it's just silly.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
This is our little adventure into Cougar Town.
Conspiracies, cougar Town.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
Is that where John lives, conspiracy town?
Oh, I thought it was where in1988, when there was a split
between John Mellencamp and JohnCougar Mm-hmm, his doppelganger
Two distinct people who thenhad themselves combined into
John Cougar Mellencamp, mm-hmm,but they still functioned
(49:19):
separately.
Now, the Mellencamp, he wasquickly put down.
They couldn't have moreMellencamps running around.
But the Cougar, the melon camp,he was quickly put down.
They couldn't have more meloncamps running around.
But the cougar, the cougar camp, he's a wily creature.
He escaped into the night andsome say he still lives in
Cougarville to this day.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
You can hear his echoes, the echoes of his cries.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
Hmm, it sounds distinctly like rain on a
scarecrow.
Hmm, like teardrops in rain Ona scarecrow.
Speaker 2 (49:47):
He did.
On the scarecrow.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
I think that is.
That's Mandela out of existence?
Maybe John J Mellencamp,previously known as John Cougar,
johnny Cougar, john CougarMellencamp.
Wait, so wait.
Where's the Cougar coming from?
Speaker 2 (50:04):
Yeah, I know it's out of nowhere, I know.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
While John Mellencamp is known for his stage name,
john Cougar Mellencamp, he neverwent by just Cougar or Johnny
Cougar after his initial careeras Johnny Cougar.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
You can't say that AI yeah, that doesn't make any
sense.
No, don't ever look at the AIsummaries.
They're bullshit.
They don't make sense.
Speaker 1 (50:24):
Did you say they're real shit?
Speaker 2 (50:26):
Yeah, sure, yeah, why not?
Why not?
Speaker 1 (50:29):
It's real, real shit.
Speaker 2 (50:31):
It's real, real shit.
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Changed his name for marketing reasons.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
No shit.
Speaker 1 (50:36):
Yeah, surprise, surprise.
Well, all right.
Anyway, I put a cougar on that,one Skip.
What do you think about thiswhole little Baron Trump, last
president, the Elon of Mars,what?
Speaker 2 (50:47):
say you, I'd say, finally the country's going in
the right direction.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
Somebody and something we can all get behind.
John Cougar Mellencamp.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
Vive le cougar.
Vive le cougar, generalissimocougar.
Vive le cougar, generalissimocougar.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
Probably more of a colonel cougar.
I think that comes off thetongue right.
Speaker 2 (51:14):
I just imagined Diane Lane in a military uniform.
Ooh yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
I could literally fuck with that.
Speaker 2 (51:23):
Yeah, that ain't bad.
So we're going to move awayfrom all this.
We're trying to keep it shortand sweet, so please make sure,
ladies and gentlemen, that youhave paid your taps, make sure
you've cleaned up afteryourselves to some sort of
reasonable degree, make sureyou're ready to get the fuck out
of here, because we're donewith it and we don't want to go
down too many more rabbit holes.
So don't forget to supportlocal comic shops in retailers
and from dispatch ajax we wouldlike to say godspeed, fair
(51:46):
wizard please go away.
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