December 10, 2025 • 42 mins
We explore how to stop repeating painful cycles by clearing unconscious patterns, not just talking about them. Brianna Malia shares a story of betrayal, alchemical forgiveness, and the Clear To Create method that replaces old neurology with strategies that actually stick.
• conscious vs unconscious mind and why awareness alone fails
• clearing stored emotional charge to end therapeutic loops
• alchemical forgiveness without reconciliation or access
• reverse engineering goals and activating the RAS
• values-driven choices and clean yes or no decisions
• ADHD considerations and removing homework guilt
• raising frequency to attract aligned relationships
• the Extraordinary Love Index (ELI) as a starting point
• guidance for women in their 40s on trust, timing, and resourcefulness
Go take the Ellie. Let me know what came out of that for you. After you take the Ellie, you'll have an opportunity to connect with Riana
Check out her website at www.rianamalia.com
Thanks for listening to Diva Tonight! Please send a review of the show on https://divatonight.buzzsprout.com
I want to thank my Podcast Editor Sean McAndrew!
Thanks to Altered by Mom for sponsoring the music for the show
Follow Diva Tonight Podcast on social media!
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Diivaontheradio
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/diivaontheradio
TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/diivaontheradio
Twitter/X https://x.com/DivaontheRadio
If you would like to connect with the show, or share a review please send an email to Divaontheradio@gmail.com or send us a Text!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (00:02):
Hi, I'm Carlene, and this is Viva Tonight.
I have with me on Zoom BriannaMalia.
She is an identity architect forhigh achieving women, a
sought-after speaker, and thecreator of Where to Create
Method and Quantum PatternProtocol.
And I think you have a lot toyour resume in terms of the work
(00:27):
that you do with women.
So thank you so much for joiningme here on Zoom.
Yeah, of course.
Thank you for having me.
Yeah, no problem.
So for those that don'tunderstand what Claire to Create
is, could you elaborate on whatit is that you help women
achieve?
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (00:47):
So I'm going to back into that just so that there's
some context.
So on the surface, I am aneurosomatic practitioner, and I
use a combination of quantumtime release, evolved
neurolinguistic programming, andmaster trained in trauma
conscious coaching.
And I I only work privately withwomen.
(01:09):
So that's a lot of words thatnobody knows what any of that
is.
So what I really do is I helphigh-achieving women, heart-led
women rewire those subconsciouspatterns and recode their
nervous system so they canactually be clear to create the
life and love that's meant forthem.
So my tagline has always beenyour very best life, right?
(01:31):
And whether we've been bestiesfor 25 years or we met in the
coffee line yesterday, that ismy wish for you.
I want you to live your versionof your very best life.
And it's different for everysingle one of us.
But the truth is, is you cannotgo from being held back by past
pain and old stories and traumaand betrayal and disappointment
and childhood stuff and all thethings to just living your very
(01:54):
best life.
It doesn't work that way.
So we have to clear first.
We have to clear the story tocreate the life.
So many women that I work withsay, I just am so tired of
ending up in these samesituations and I want a
different story.
But if you want a differentstory, you have to stop telling
the old one, right?
It's one of the things that theysee the most.
People just get stuck in thestory.
It's like a therapeutic loop.
(02:15):
And that's a guarantee thatyou'll never actually move
forward and you'll never getwhat you want.
So we have to clear the cyclesto create the confidence.
Again, after a failed marriageor a relationship or a failed
business or whatever it is, wehave these stories.
And oftentimes, when asked, youknow, on the other side of this
(02:37):
work, you know, what are youdoing or not doing differently
than you're doing or not doingright now?
What will light you up?
What will give you purpose?
And oftentimes the answer tothat question brings tears
because they don't know.
And there's a sense of not beingable to trust ourselves, right?
Because I thought I knew, andlook how that turned out.
But those are all those oldcycles.
So we have to clear those tocreate that confidence again and
(03:00):
be able to trust ourselves.
And we have to clear thepatterns to create the
partnerships.
We all want aligned, genuine,wonderful partnerships, whether
that's romantically,professionally, in our
friendships, in our familydynamics.
But when we bring all that oldpatterns and all that old wiring
and all the old story, we don'tget those partnerships.
(03:21):
We get more of the same, whichis typically what we don't want.
SPEAKER_02 (03:24):
So when I hear you talk about the conscious and the
unconscious mind and clarity,that makes me think of
meditation and mindfulness.
And I just want to know how isthat different?
Because I've taken a mindfulnessworkshop twice.
And in order to get clarity tomove on, how does your program
(03:45):
work with helping me get clarityas a woman, you know, like
repeating the same habits, likeand changing that?
Great question.
SPEAKER_01 (03:53):
People ask me, you do hypnosis, do I have to
meditate, do I have to journal?
Nope, none of that.
Here's the difference.
So for anybody that's not fullyaware of the difference between
conscious and unconscious, I'mjust going to give a little
quick description in the bestway that I can.
So if you think about your body,everything from the neck up is
our conscious mind.
It is our critical faculties,it's what we everything we know
(04:16):
makes us successful.
It's our goal setter, right?
We use it all day long, whichmeans the rest of our body,
everything from the neck down,is our unconscious mind, the
other 90%.
And why that's important isbecause if the conscious is our
goal setter, the unconscious isthe goal getter.
It's the operating system.
It's, you know, it's the boss.
And most importantly, it is theliteral library of everything
(04:39):
we've ever experienced in ourentire life.
And that is all held at acellular level.
And what most people don'tunderstand is if that's not
released properly, thatenergetic weight that's held in
ourselves, then we see thingsmanifest in the body, like
anxiety and depression,overwhelm, autoimmune disorders,
illness, injury, disease.
And the beautiful thing aboutpart of this work is that we get
(05:01):
to tap into that other 90%.
Because here's the thing all ofthe things are beneficial,
right?
Journaling, meditation, therapy,talking to your friends, reading
the books, it all has benefit,but it doesn't solve the
problem.
It's kind of like going out intothe garden and plucking the top
off of the weeds, and they'regonna grow right back.
So we have to do it differently.
We have to tap into that other90%.
(05:22):
Because otherwise, what happensis you make some progress, you
get some clarity, you have someawareness, you have some aha's,
you're like, this feels good,and then life comes at you
because it always will, and youjust go right back to all the
old stories, the old ways ofthinking, the old strategy, the
old behavior, because you can'tsolve a problem with the same
mind that created it.
You just can't.
(05:43):
So there's nothing, it's notabout doing more.
Uh, you're not broken, there'snothing to fix, but we have to
tap into that other 90% so wecan actually clear and rewire
neurology and strategy andbehavior.
So the process in and of itselfis we tap into a lot of that,
which makes it painless andpeaceful also very fast.
SPEAKER_02 (06:04):
So your expertise in this work.
So I now understand what you'regetting at.
You said it's tapping into themind, right?
The unconscious mind.
So now that I'm hearing youexplain in more detail how you
help your clients, I'm like,wow.
So I just want to know what gotyou into this line of work.
(06:25):
Was there something thattriggered it?
Like you had a um, you know,you've been married in a person.
So was that something?
SPEAKER_01 (06:34):
Absolutely.
So there's so many layers,right?
And I think all of us have ourstory.
Yeah, we all have, yeah.
We all have our story, right?
I grew up in Minnesota mostly.
My parents met in Maui.
I was born in Maui.
They were married and divorcedwithin two years.
My father came to California.
My mom and I went back toMinnesota where she was from.
So he wasn't really around verymuch.
He had another family, popped inand out.
I was going off to college, 18,and he said, Listen, I never
(06:57):
helped you.
I never helped your mom.
I am gonna take care of room andboard freshman year.
I'm like awesome, amazing.
So I get to school, a couplemonths in, freshman year, living
in the dorms, doing all thecollege things, and I get a call
saying, Hey, listen, your billwasn't paid and your map's done.
All your loans are lost.
So I had to make a decision.
Do I leave school or do I tapinto something inside of me that
(07:19):
gets really resourceful?
So I got three jobs, I rented afive-bedroom house, I filled the
other four bedrooms, and Ifigured it out.
Now, was it a fun collegeexperience?
Nope.
But I made it work.
Fast forward not many yearslater, I got married at 23.
10 out of 10 do not recommendyour baby.
Don't get married when you're20.
(07:40):
My daughter's gonna turn 22 in acouple of months, and she's a
baby.
Like funny.
Yeah, wow.
But again, so underlying, Iwouldn't have been able to
articulate that I felt likethere was something wrong with
me and no one else was gonnalove me.
But there's residue of, youknow, father wounds and all of
those things.
(08:01):
So I decided that for sure, youknow, I didn't, I didn't want to
be an old cat lady by myself.
And so at this ripe old age of23, we got married.
And, you know, a lot of it isyou're just too damn young.
And you just you're you don'tknow who you are.
But all of that said, it was apretty lonely marriage.
We had our miracle child,Maddie, and and then when she
(08:24):
was six, we separated.
And I really thought, because itwas such a long time coming,
that it was gonna be pretty.
I mean, we we talked so muchabout having it be like not this
huge thing and just like reallycalm and good for Maddie and
keep the focus on her.
And it like the day after thatmediation conversation, it just
went crazy and it turned likewildly volatile and it was
(08:46):
horrible and it, I mean, it wasit was intense.
And mixed mix that with the factthat even in a situation or a
relationship or a marriage whereyou know it's not right and you
wouldn't want to stay in itanyway, you still have to mourn
and grieve for what you wantedfor your family, right?
You don't get married thinkingyou're gonna get divorced.
You don't get married and have achild and think that you're
(09:07):
gonna, you know, separate theirtheir life.
But so it was really intense andstressful and awful and just
horrible things happened.
And so about three years aftermy divorce, and let me let me
say, like during that time, Idid all the things I was
supposed to do.
I went to therapy, I talked tomy girlfriends, I did the Brene
Brown weekend workshop, like Idid all the things, and again,
(09:30):
kind of beneficial, but stayedin the story.
Every time you go to therapy,you talk about it, and every
time you do that, you arereinstalling traumatic neurology
because your body relives itlike it's happening.
So my father had been in andout, he had, you know, doing
whatever he's back in our livesa bit more, and he he came to
visit and he said, Listen, Ithink it's the perfect time for
you guys to move to California.
(09:50):
Come take over this familybusiness, come take over this
business that I've started.
And and I need to mention herewith an asterisk that I am an
island baby.
I like the beach and thesunshine.
So those 40 degree below zerodays in Minnesota, just not for
this girl.
And to be honest, I was tired.
So I was coaching.
I was I've been in personaldevelopment forever, but I was
(10:11):
also working and coaching withthe as for the practice
development for the largestindependently owned oncology
group in the Midwest.
And raising my baby Angel, andwe had horses, and you know, we
lived on this tiny littlefarmhouse, and it was it was
magical until it wasn't.
So I said, Well, my mom had hada surgery to fix something in
her neck, a disc, and theynicked a nerve and she couldn't
(10:33):
lift her right arm at thatpoint.
And she did nails for a livingher whole life.
So she couldn't work.
And I said, You know, I'm notleaving the horses, and you
know, this is a huge decision.
And he's like, Bring your mom,bring the horses, I'll have them
transported, we'll build a barn.
It's gonna be amazing andfabulous and wonderful.
And let me be super clear like Iknew that pit in my stomach in
(10:55):
that moment that it was therewas something not red.
And, you know, at the end of theday, it wasn't even like red
flags, it was like somebody tookout 10 billboards in Times
Square and it was screaming atme.
No, no, no, no, no.
And I just was like, nope, I'mgonna go in.
My two best friends that arelike my chosen sisters were both
like, we can't, you know, wecan't trust him.
(11:17):
Like, this is bad.
But I went anyway.
Got in the car, mama, baby girl,two horses, three cats, mood
crest country, didn't know asingle person here, other than
you know, my father.
And uh, but we got here and itwas it was a little fairy
tale-ish at the beginning, Ihave to say.
Like my parents were hangingout, we were all hanging out and
we making big family dinners,going up to the the mountain in
(11:40):
the weekends with the horses,and I was, you know, really
getting excited about takingthis studio and this family
business.
And I I was so proud of myselfbecause there hadn't been really
any movement, and I got acontract with Sky Mall magazine.
Do you remember Delta Airlinesused to have Oh my gosh, Delta
Airlines, don't bring me backthere 15 years ago?
And I was so excited that ourlike my candles and my towers
(12:03):
were gonna be in Sky Mall.
And I just felt really excitedabout it.
Again, pit in stomach,something's not right, don't
know what it is.
Maybe I'm just adjusting tobeing here and it's just all so
new.
Like six, seven months we'vebeen here, and it was December
1st, and we were getting readyto send the mailers out for
holiday season.
And this guy had come to pickthem up, and this guy had been
working there, you know, kind ofrunning the day-to-day stuff the
(12:25):
year before I was there.
So anyway, he came to pick upthe mailers because he had dealt
with it last year.
And all of a sudden, I hear allthis noise in the front.
And I I turn around and I wasgonna go out into the front of
the studio, and all of a suddenI am surrounded, guns pointed to
my head, federal agents, and I'mput in handcuffs.
SPEAKER_02 (12:41):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (12:42):
So needless to say, my baby girl, nine years old,
was supposed to be home fromschool with a new friend for the
first time.
My mom had gone to get them inlike 20 minutes, and I am
crying, and I don't know what'sgoing on.
And there is all of this chatterabout they've been watching and
investigations, and the guy thatwas there picking up the mailers
(13:03):
was a huge part of that.
But anyway, it was and we don'thave time to get into the whole
detail, but let's just say atthat point and what happened
after that.
Now I'm in California.
I have now no business, whichmeans there's no income.
I now have no this person thatI've had this fantasy of having
this relationship with, myfather, the biggest betrayal you
(13:25):
could ever imagine, right?
Who does that?
So now I have to make anotherdecision.
We could go back to Minnesota ina heartbeat, or I can keep my
promise that I made to my littlegirl because I moved around a
lot when I was little and it wasreally hard.
So we stayed and several hundredthousand dollars of debt later,
figuring it out and going intoanother industry and coaching
(13:47):
for real estate, doing all thethings.
But in that process of feelingeither so ragefully angry or so
devastatingly sad, back totherapy, writing him letters
that I never sent becauseclassic narcissist, you cannot
feed the fire.
And again, like I was eitherangry or sad.
Um, I couldn't really bepresent.
(14:08):
There wasn't a lot of joy.
I mean, it was always joy withMaddie, but I was so consumed by
this whole situation.
And, you know, for two years,every time I heard a noise, I
was certain someone was comingto get me because the DEA was
like, you know, you could loseMaddie.
We know that you weren't a partof this, but you're a part of it
because you're here.
And I mean, it just was insane.
So again, back in therapy for afew months and having that just
(14:30):
like you get to a point, acertain point, where you're just
like, I'm so sick of this story.
Like, I'm I don't want to talkabout it anymore.
But for most people, that's whatwe've been told that we have to
do to unpack it and work throughit and da-da-da-da-da.
Which I'm here to tell you thatis not actually.
So at some point in there, therewas somebody introduced me to
something that was a littlespark of then what became my
(14:54):
intellectual property, myframeworks, my methodology,
ultimately my life's work.
And in a matter of weeks, therewere things about me, parts of
me that I didn't recognize andall the best room.
And I fully forgave my father,but he doesn't get a seat at the
table.
I haven't spoken to him inyears.
He doesn't get access.
But I was able to literally, foran alchemical forgiveness, you
(15:19):
know, standpoint, be like, look,this isn't mine to carry.
And you know your actions nolonger get to control and
consume my emotions, mythoughts, my behavior, my
decisions.
And it just is so freeingbecause forgiveness isn't about
the person and it doesn'tjustify or let them off the hook
or make it okay.
It's about us, right?
(15:40):
It's that old saying, I'm gonnadrink this bottle of poison and
hope to God you die.
And it doesn't work out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So when we can actually forgive,and this is a big point of
contention, I will say, whenclients come to me, especially
post-divorce or whatever, andthey're like, or you know, or
family situation, they're like,I don't why would I forgive
them?
No way.
And I'm like, if you don't,you're there's there's really
(16:01):
not anything for us to talkabout.
And we go we do forgiveness worktogether in a way that number
one, then they understand that,but we do it in a way that
changes perception.
And it is so freeing becausewhen we don't forgive, then
that's we're we drink the poisonevery day.
And it does, it eats you alive.
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (16:19):
So I think I think understanding forgiveness too is
another thing.
I think for a long time I didn'tunderstand forgiveness because I
think some people thinkforgiveness means having a
relationship with that personthat caused you the pain in the
heart and you know, but that'snot what it is, and I think
that's the misunderstandingbecause I think a lot of people
(16:40):
can say, Oh, you well, you onlyhave one to have.
Like you have to have arelationship with your father.
You know what I mean?
All the people that make youfeel guilty for your decision,
right?
But I think the misconception islike forgiveness is for you so
that you can move on with yourlife because this is holding you
back, right?
SPEAKER_01 (16:59):
So yeah, and you know, that whole thing around,
of course, there's been peoplethat have said that to me,
right?
You know, like you you only youknow, he's he's you're so lucky
he's alive, you could still havea relationship with him.
And what I say to that is, youknow, family is DNA, yes, but
just because they're DNA to me,if it's not healthy and if it's
(17:21):
if it's not in integrity, thatdoesn't mean much to me.
My chosen family are not DNA,and they're more my family than
you know anything else.
So it is a it is a very bigmisconception in the world that
if you forgive somebody, thatmeans you're letting them off
the hook.
And when people can actually letthat misconception go, it
changes things for them, sure.
(17:43):
Then that led the deep dive ofand then the creation of the
work because honestly, I didthis, I created all of this
first for me because let me tellyou, I was so I felt so broken.
I was, you know, I had a couplerelationships after my I was
divorced for a long time, andthen I had, I don't even know if
I call one of them arelationship.
It was silly long distance, andthen one, you know, a few years
(18:06):
after I moved here, both ofwhich were so far from anything
that was okay.
But I was so certain that Ineeded to make myself small or
not let those things bother me.
Or I mean, it was it was crazy.
And I look back at that, and itwas again, when we talk about
(18:26):
gratitude, it has to be for allof it, right?
It can't just be for the goodstuff.
So had I not come here and hadthis horrific, traumatic
experience, none of this wouldhave happened.
And next month, we arecelebrating our two-year wedding
anniversary to the my greatestlove of my life.
He is the most loving,thoughtful, incredible,
(18:46):
generous.
I couldn't have handpicked abetter husband.
But, you know, we've beentogether six years.
We took it very, very slow.
We were both really focused onour children when we met, and it
just, I feel like we did itright.
And I was actually having aconversation with my media team
earlier, and we were talkingabout this because we were
talking about things that peopledon't necessarily say out loud,
(19:06):
but that you think about.
And so we were talking aboutextraordinary love, right?
And so when I share with you, Ihad these relationships that
were still the opposite of that.
And I knew that there werecertain things that I would
dream about of what I wished orthought extraordinary love
looked like and what I wouldwant for me.
And one of those things is mygift, my love language is gift
(19:28):
giving.
I love giving gifts, I lovesurprising people, I love
planning things.
And I always wanted somebody todo that for me.
So in my marriage and in thisother relationship, basically I
had to plan everything.
And then if it was somethingcoming up that was special, I
couldn't just, you know, dependon them to do anything about it.
I basically have to say, okay,let's do this, and then fine,
(19:50):
it's my birthday, it's whatever.
So my husband, who never, ever,ever in his previous marriage
had any a relationship like wedo in any way, shape, or form,
she really Could care less aboutany of his needs or desires or
wants.
So it's for him too, veryisolated, lonely marriage.
But you know, he's gonna he'straveling so much.
So he's working in London rightnow, Amsterdam next week, home
(20:13):
for two days.
And that last week of October,or the week before that, the
week of the 20th, he's gonna bein Dubai and Saudi Arabia for 10
days.
I'm in New York for a conferencefor 10 for five days, six days.
And we both come home on the25th.
Our anniversary is the 27th.
So a week or so ago, he said, orhe told me, or a couple weeks
ago, I got a calendar invite.
Well, I was in the middle of aclient session, I saw it pop up,
(20:33):
and it's a calendar invite frommy husband or three days away
for our anniversary.
And this is what I mean byextraordinary love and love
that's worthy of you and lovethat meets you where you are.
Because you know, you've createda life.
A lot of people have beensuccessful in all these other
areas (20:50):
career, kids, maybe friendships, all the things
except this one piece.
And they're like, why can't I,why do I keep dating the same
person?
Why do I keep finding myself inthe same situation?
And it all starts here.
But mindset, affirmations,vision boards, none of it
matters if you don't take careof that internal neurology and
(21:13):
and clearing out all that stuffat an unconscious level because
otherwise it's just there.
And and you can't actually solvethe problem.
That makes sense.
SPEAKER_00 (21:22):
Diva tonight, glamour for your ears.
This is 40, a femaleperspective.
SPEAKER_02 (21:28):
No, it makes sense.
And I I understand it.
I I think it's just hard tograpple because um it's not
something that you hear aboutall the time.
But I think the one thing aboutthe mind is is just how it is
and how it works, and just thispractice that you've, you know,
you've mastered.
So, in terms of like how you'velearned how to teach this way of
(21:52):
thinking, what is yourbackground in that?
SPEAKER_01 (21:54):
Yeah, it's it's more about clearing all all the stuff
that doesn't serve you and keepsyou from being the true you, and
then replacing the old neurologyand strategy and behavior that
we blew out, because that'swhere a lot of this work fails
people.
And it's maddening to me becauseso much of this personal
development world is It is ayeah, where I'm dealing with
that now, yeah.
Right.
And it's all about awareness andclarity.
(22:17):
And that's great.
Those are the foundation piecesfor any kind of growth,
transformation, healing,whatever you want to call it.
But the problem is, is 99% ofpeople don't give you the skills
to go with the knowledge.
So people have these moments andthese aha's, and they're all
like we talked about earlier inour conversation.
But then the reason that they goback to where they started is
because the unconscious mindcan't fill in the blank.
(22:39):
So if you're gonna get rid ofall this stuff, you have to
replace it with something else.
Otherwise, the unconscious mindcan only go back to what it
knows.
So then in creating andreplacing all of that neurology
and then reverse engineeringyour goals so that you get to,
you know, install that on yourtimeline so your brain actually
gets to experience it as thoughit's happened, which ignites the
(23:00):
reticular activating system inyour brain to be laser focused,
looking for the people and theresources and the experiences
and the opportunities that youactually want in your life
instead of this continuous roundrobin of continuing to attract
and find yourself in the samesituations.
SPEAKER_02 (23:17):
So for me, like I just want to know why would
anyone want to do?
I think I'm sure other peoplehave asked you that, right?
Or just in like contested, like,no, I don't, you know, why is
this gonna be something that'sgonna help me stop this vicious
cycle?
SPEAKER_01 (23:33):
Yeah.
So just to be clear, this is notlike a coaching program.
This is not a group thing,there's no modules.
SPEAKER_02 (23:40):
This is not a program.
SPEAKER_01 (23:42):
So this this is not, and this is not for everybody.
This is not for the woman who ishas not done any work yet on
herself.
This is not for the woman who'sin crisis, who who needs that
that first piece.
I'm the woman that women come towhen they've done all the other
work.
They've read the books, they'vegone to the retreats, they've
done the therapy, and they'restill stuck because all of that
(24:05):
can't do this.
So it's really actually neverbeen a question that I've been
asked before.
Oh, it hasn't.
Oh, okay.
I just want to well on the flipside, what I get a lot is I've
done so many programs and had somany therapists, and I don't
know that I can be fixed.
What if what if I don't do it?
(24:25):
What if it doesn't work for me?
And what I say to them islisten, you know, you have a lot
of evidence because you startthings, you don't finish them.
So there's a wholeself-fulfilling prophecy that
what's the point?
I start journaling and I'mreally good about it for two
weeks and then I don't do it.
And then I start an exercisething, and then I start this
online course and I start thisthing and then I don't do it.
(24:46):
So I'm never gonna finishanything anyway.
So what's the point?
And why would I invest this muchtime and money?
Well, the only way it's notgonna work for you is if you
literally don't show up.
So this work is you and Itogether co-creating your life.
And when we talk about theclearing, right, the way in
which we do that that is uniquefrom probably anyone you've ever
met, because there's not verymany of us that do quantum time
(25:07):
release, but it's amultidimensional technique that
has been used for hundreds,probably thousands of years, so
that we actually can release allof that energetic weight and use
a combination of timeline workand alchemical forgiveness
without ever going back to anyconscious memory of anything
that caused the pain and traumain the first place.
So if you think about every oneof these negative emotions,
(25:29):
anger, sadness, fear, guilt,shame, and all of the limiting
beliefs and limiting decisionsthat we've made throughout all
our lifetime about ourselves,they each have their own ribbon.
So anytime in life after rootcause, which none of us have a
conscious memory of root cause,then every time we have a
significant emotional experiencewith anger, for instance, a
(25:50):
marble goes on the ribbon.
Sadness has its own ribbon,right?
So something happens today thatmakes us sad or angry.
It's rarely about the thingtoday.
It's the 40, 50, 60 years ofmarbles.
It's that charge, it's thatgestalt, it's that buildup.
That's what we get to release inquantum time release, right?
And when we release that in thatway, that is, you know, again,
(26:13):
painless and peaceful, it's anunconscious process.
There's no painful memories,there's no going back into
anything, then we get to have anew relationship with those
emotions.
And let me be super clear (26:22):
this is not about not having the
emotions or toxic positivity,like, well, I'm just gonna think
positive.
Okay, well, that doesn't work.
It's about creating newrelationships with the emotion
going forward.
And the magical feeling when wedo this particular work, and I
do a test with you in betweeneach emotion, and I say, okay,
(26:45):
now I actually want you to goback to a very specific event in
the past in which that emotionwas a problem.
And I want you to check and seeif it still has a charge, though
you may realize it does not.
And that's where I watchpeople's whole world change
because they're like, oh mygoodness, had you asked me about
that two hours ago, I would havebeen either like it would have
(27:08):
made me cry, or I would havebeen pissed off, or I would have
felt tightness in my chest, andmy hands got clammy.
The charge is gone.
It's like I cleaned out mypantry the other day.
And as a 49-year-old woman withperimenopause and some ADD
thrown in, like I love structureand I love organizing, I love
lists, I love all those things,but also there's piles that show
(27:29):
up all around me.
And then sometimes I'm like, Ican't, I can't, I'm shutting the
door.
SPEAKER_02 (27:36):
Wow, you must have read my mind.
I was gonna ask you somethingand you just brought it on.
So you have you said you havesorry to interrupt you.
Yes.
Okay, you said you have ADHD andperimenopause.
I have ADHD, which I talk aboutonly once on the show, but I
find that's one of the thingsthat makes it hard to complete
things because of you getdistracted so easily.
(27:59):
And so I'm wondering like, howdo you work with women like that
who are like, okay, I want to dothe thing.
I do, like I, you know what Imean?
But it's harder, it's easiersaid than done because people
don't understand like it'sdebilitating.
Like, oh, just write it in youragenda, just make a list.
And like, you know, so manypeople have heard that all
before, and I'm like, yeah, Ihave an agenda, I have a
(28:22):
graveyard agenda.
Like, you know what I mean?
But it's it's all in your mind,like you said.
But even when you clear yourmind, there's still some issues
like like myself that I have todeal with when it comes to uh
living a better life and beingaccountable and and and all the
things like you said.
SPEAKER_01 (28:39):
So yeah, but like again, like to to answer that
question a little bit, there'snothing for you to do to not
finish.
Yeah, yeah.
So you we're together doing thiswork.
Right.
Now, there are a couple ofthings that I have you do a
couple of different times, butit's it's an immersive
experience.
It's not like, oh, I have to domy homework and send my journal
(29:00):
into her tonight, and I don'twant to do it.
And then I didn't start it, andthen I beat myself up about it,
and then I was like, oh my god,you're such an idiot.
Why don't you just do it likeeverybody else does it?
And then like there's none ofthat.
It doesn't exist in this work.
SPEAKER_02 (29:11):
Yeah, yeah.
No, I understand the work, butfor those who are skeptics, like
I'm I'm a little bit of a I'malways I'm always in this
skeptics, I'm always gonna askthe questions.
I feel like I'm a lawyer.
I've always had to do thatbecause with people, like you
know what I mean?
You said uh the things in thepast.
But with that said, for someonewho's people wants to try this
because they've tried otherthings, and maybe they want to
(29:33):
do a little reading on it.
Like you have your own website,obviously, where you have
information about player tocreate, right?
Like the method itself.
But are there other things thatyou can read that kind of give
you the history behind it?
Or you know what I mean?
Because some some of us justwant the meat and potatoes.
We want the history, want, wewant to know, like just like
(29:56):
with mindfulness.
I know the doctor of mindfulnessis John Cabazin, is like the
godfather of mindfulnesspractice.
Like he's been doing this foryears.
You know what I mean?
So obviously there's a historythere with that.
So the same thing with this.
SPEAKER_01 (30:10):
So here's the thing: this is not, there's not like a
pamphlet on this.
This is not something that'staught at a school.
Like I didn't go to Jay Shetty'scoaching school, and he gives me
your modules now go out and be alife coach.
Like that's not um my websitedoes have so the method is the
clear to create method, theframework is the how, and that's
(30:30):
the quantum pattern protocol.
And that is that three-phase,nine-step process.
And so I I I you know, we divein deep on that of like what
that is and what that lookslike.
And there's, you know, there's amasterclass you can watch.
You can go to YouTube, you cantake the Ellie.
So one of the things I would saythat I always tell people to
start with is I've created adiagnostic that is so incredible
(30:53):
and so insightful.
I think every human should takeit, and it's called the Ellie,
which stands for theextraordinary love index.
And the question is, is what'sstanding between you and
extraordinary love?
And that doesn't just meanromantic love.
Like that starts here, right?
Yeah for so many of us.
And so what it does is it's it'snot a uh what Disney princess
(31:13):
are you quiz, right?
It's 40 questions.
And I ask that you just setaside like 10, 15 minutes so you
can actually answer thequestions thoughtfully, because
then what I do is send you a28-page personalized report with
insights in all nine areas thatkind of match with my framework.
And it tells you all about youimpact, trauma, communication,
(31:36):
fear, abandonment, dah blah,blah, blah, all the things.
But it breaks it down.
Like here's your score, here'syour trauma score, whatever.
Here's what this might mean,here's what it might feel like
and what you're experiencing inyour world right now.
Here's the cost of staying here,and here's some things that you
can start doing to help shiftthat for you.
And it's so insightful, it'sincredible.
(31:59):
And it it gives you insight thatyou've probably never had.
And I actually review all theresults, and it's it's
interesting to see the dataacross the board, but I would
love to gift your audience theability to take the Ellie.
So that's where I would saystart there.
SPEAKER_02 (32:15):
Oh, I'll take it.
I I'm I have an open mind whenit comes to that.
I think that's very interesting.
SPEAKER_01 (32:20):
Yeah, and as far as and I want to address your your
question on the skeptic thing,I'm not here to convince
anybody.
So I don't, it's like I'm when Ihave a call with somebody who's
interested in doing this work,and they're we're at the end of
that time, and and sometimes Imake the invitation for them to
do the work, and sometimes Idon't, because I only work with
(32:42):
people that I believe are atthat like line in the sand
moment where between now anddead, they want different,
they've done all this otherstuff and nothing changes.
So energetically, because it'ssuch a big exchange from me to
you and vice versa, this isn'tjust like it's an ad, it's a
it's by invitation to do thiswork.
So, but if I do make theinvitation and say, listen, I
(33:05):
fully believe that this work wasdesigned for you and this is
exactly what will help you getwhat you want in the world.
And then they're like, well,blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, look, I'm I haveno desire to convince you of
anything.
My intention for this call isfor you to leave better than you
came, and for you to leave beingable to make a clean yes or a
(33:26):
clean no decision.
Because here's the thing, andpart of this work is getting
clarity around values,non-negotiables, desires.
And I will tell you, mostambitious heart-led women, the
reason they never get what theywant, truly, is because they
don't have clarity in the way inwhich we get clarity.
It's like going to a restaurantand ordering a beverage, a
protein, a salad, and a salad.
(33:46):
And they bring you an iced tea,a pork chop, some carrots, and a
Caesar.
You wanted a glass ofChardonnay, a beautiful piece of
salmon, some roasted asparagus,and an arugula salad with figs
and goat cheese.
You see the difference.
Yeah.
That part of the clarity.
So before you can clear andcreate any of that, you have to
get that level of clarity.
So I teach people how to makevalues-driven decisions because
(34:08):
when you can make a clean yesand a clean no, you are out of
the middle, which is the devil,which is the maybe, which is
where all the friction, drama,noise, and decision fatigue
lives because we don't trustourselves, because these all the
stuff that has happened, andwe're like, well, is this the
right thing?
Is it not the right thing?
Is this a red flag?
Am I just being too picky?
And then you go back and forthand you do one of two things.
(34:29):
You make a decision based onfear, or you just you just don't
do anything at all and you getparalyzed.
So I usually when people havecome to me, they've seen me on
Instagram or they watched amaster class or they listened to
podcasts.
Those are my favorite calls, Iwill tell you.
My favorite clients in theentire world all have come from
podcasts, hands down.
Because if you've just spent 30or 40 minutes listening to me
(34:52):
and it resonated with you thatdeeply, that's a beautiful
conversation, right?
So I always want to leave andend with that when I'm on a what
we'll if we would call a salescall at the end of the day,
right?
Yeah, yeah.
If I have to convince you, it'sjust not this, we're not a good
fit.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_02 (35:12):
No, no, of course.
I I think that that's uh goes tosaid with anything.
Like if you don't believe inwhat you're actually doing, it's
not gonna serve you in any way.
Like, I mean, some things work,therapy works for some people,
other things work.
You know what I mean?
You have to put in the work atthe end of the day.
And I think society has taughtus that, oh, well, if there's an
issue, this is how you dealwith.
(35:32):
But with that being said, tobring everything all together,
because we're talking aboutwomen in their 40s, and we
didn't focus too much on that.
I realize you're 49.
You just turned 49 not too longago.
So, as someone who's, you know,going in like next year, you'll
be going into the next journey,like the next chapter of your
life.
What would you say to women intheir 40s, like to any one woman
(35:57):
who's listening right now, interms of what you've learned in
with your life, like in thisstage?
SPEAKER_01 (36:04):
So a couple things come to mind.
A lot of times when we're facedwith things that we don't know
how we can see the other side,we we we go to that place of we
don't have the resources, time,money, energy, support to be
able to do it.
The truth is most of the timeit's it's a simple lack of
tapping into yourresourcefulness.
(36:26):
So that's one thing.
The other thing that's soimportant is if you're listening
to this and you're on a walk oryou're in your car and you're
thinking, you know, I'm 45 yearsold, I'm divorced, or I've never
been married, whatever it is.
Like I never imagined being 45,and this is what life would look
like.
I imagined this, this, theother.
I want you to listen to me very,very carefully.
You're not too late, you're nottoo old, you're not too much,
(36:49):
you're ready.
And the thing that I would leaveyou with is just because it's
always been a certain way,literally does not have any
relevance of what it can be liketomorrow.
And the work that I do inside ofthis intense, it's it's fast.
It's it's weeks, right?
It's not months and years ofcraziness.
It's fast.
And it's it's forever becauseit's not a band-aid.
(37:12):
It's you know, and and again,backed, I just want to say, so
nobody says, Oh my gosh, are youanti-therapy?
No.
All of those things havebenefit, they do, but some of
them become more of a crutch.
And some of them you getattention when you stay in the
story from people, like, oh, I'mso sorry.
Like, you know what I mean?
So they all serve a purpose.
So I would never say don't dotherapy, because if you haven't
(37:32):
done any work, don't, you know,you gotta go do that before you
call me.
So it's that's not the point.
You gotta do those things, butthose things aren't the fix,
they don't heal you, they don'trelease the stuff, they don't
rewire the neurology, they don'tgive you the ability to step
into this new version of you,where you then get to to go to
that final step of claiming.
(37:53):
And that is where the magichappens because you get to own
it and you get to integrate itand you get to embody it.
And as you step into thisversion of you, you no longer
need outside permission.
Like you are so clear.
You own that powerfullytransformation, and this is
where you get to fall in lovewith yourself and trust yourself
again and confidently holdboundaries and expertly
(38:16):
communicate your needs andreally deepen the richness in
every single one of yourrelationships.
And then when you integrate thatinto your relationships, your
work, your energy, yourdecisions, then you get to
embody her and you live from herand lead from her and love from
her.
And you just get to shine inyour magnificence because you're
at a completely differentfrequency.
(38:37):
And the other thing I would sayas we wrap up is that one
frequency is important.
We didn't talk about it verymuch today.
For instance, for you, Carlene,what's your favorite music?
Oh, I love all kinds of music.
SPEAKER_02 (38:49):
I love classic rock.
My favorite genre.
Classic rock's good.
Classic rock is good.
Yes, I like RB.
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (38:57):
And what is the type of music you cannot stand?
SPEAKER_02 (39:00):
I don't like uh country too much.
I mean, I listen to a littlebit, but I also don't like hard
rock.
It's like metallic, like Robzombie, yeah, Metallica, like
Rob.
Yeah, I don't like Okay,perfect.
SPEAKER_01 (39:13):
So here's what I want you to imagine for a
moment.
Everything you want for yourlife, your future, your
relationships, your health, yourwealth, all of it is hanging out
up here on classic rocksatellite radio channel 111.
Okay.
Right now, you're kind of inthis low vibe and you're coming
from a place of fear, and it'sall the old story, and there's
some victim archetype there, andit's this always happens to me,
(39:35):
and blah blah blah.
You are stuck on that god-awfulMetallica station.
And not only can you not turn itoff, you can't turn it down.
It is just blaring.
And here's the truth that'sfact.
You cannot hear classic rock onthe Metallica station.
So, what do you have to do?
Well, you have to raise thefrequency, right?
When we turn the radio, wechange the frequency up to the
(39:56):
classic rock because we don'tget what we want.
We Get who we are.
And your job is to raise thatfrequency to that classic rock.
And so that's again a huge partof this work that we do together
really early on, because there'sall these parts and pieces that
change the game.
And, you know, it's not about ajournal or a worksheet or a it
(40:17):
just isn't.
So it's it's neuroscience mixedwith like a little bit of magic
and fairy dust and a lot of lovefrom me and a lot of lived
experience.
And I've helped hundreds ofwomen, but it's not even just
about the women.
It's about I see the ripple.
I see what is going to changegenerationally for their
children and grandchildren,their friend circle, how they
show up and occur in the world,how they get, you know, outside
(40:40):
of this work comes really amaster's in communication
because I'm going to teach youthe NLP model of communication.
It changes everything.
So it literally is the way tochange not only this person, but
everyone close to them.
And then that ripples into thecommunity, and then ultimately
the world.
It's a lot.
It's a lot of work.
SPEAKER_02 (40:57):
It's a lot.
It sounds like it's it's a lotto think about for sure.
And so we with this, where canwe find you?
I know you're you're uh RihannaMalia.com.
I mean you're also on Instagram.
SPEAKER_01 (41:09):
Yeah.
So Instagram, YouTube, LinkedIn,Facebook, all at Rihanna Malia
and Rihanna Malia.com.
And I encourage you all to go tothe website or to the bio and
LinkedIn, whatever.
Go take the Ellie.
I'm telling you, you're gonna beblown away.
So go take the Ellie.
Let me know what came out ofthat for you.
And you know, after you take theEllie, you'll have an
(41:32):
opportunity to fill out anapplication if you want to
schedule a call.
And if it's a fit, then that'smy gift to you to have that
conversation.
SPEAKER_02 (41:39):
Sure.
Well, thank you so much forbeing so insightful and sharing
your knowledge.
I know you definitely haveexperience with this.
I mean, the fact that you'vebeen on so many different
podcasts, and what did I missout?
You are you were named New YorkWeekly's Top 30 Empowering Women
Entrepreneurs to Watch in 2025.
(42:00):
So kudos to you, Diana.
I wish you all the best andhappy early anniversary, but
still early.
Thank you so much for being aguest on Diva Tonight.
And if you enjoy thisconversation, send me a DM or uh
follow the show at Diva on theradio, or you can follow the
show at divatonight.bussprout.com.
(42:22):
And thank you so much again,Rihanna, for sharing your
knowledge in this kind of feellike breathtaking kind of work.
Because I I feel like I'm, youknow, absolutely come up.
Yeah.
Go go dive in.
Go dive in, go peek around, gotry it out for sure.
All right, thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (42:40):
Diva Tonight with Carlene will be back.
Send us a message on Instagramat Diva underscore tonight.
Hi, I'm Carlene, and this is Viva Tonight.
I have with me on Zoom BriannaMalia.
She is an identity architect forhigh achieving women, a
sought-after speaker, and thecreator of Where to Create
Method and Quantum PatternProtocol.
And I think you have a lot toyour resume in terms of the work
(00:27):
that you do with women.
So thank you so much for joiningme here on Zoom.
Yeah, of course.
Thank you for having me.
Yeah, no problem.
So for those that don'tunderstand what Claire to Create
is, could you elaborate on whatit is that you help women
achieve?
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (00:47):
So I'm going to back into that just so that there's
some context.
So on the surface, I am aneurosomatic practitioner, and I
use a combination of quantumtime release, evolved
neurolinguistic programming, andmaster trained in trauma
conscious coaching.
And I I only work privately withwomen.
(01:09):
So that's a lot of words thatnobody knows what any of that
is.
So what I really do is I helphigh-achieving women, heart-led
women rewire those subconsciouspatterns and recode their
nervous system so they canactually be clear to create the
life and love that's meant forthem.
So my tagline has always beenyour very best life, right?
(01:31):
And whether we've been bestiesfor 25 years or we met in the
coffee line yesterday, that ismy wish for you.
I want you to live your versionof your very best life.
And it's different for everysingle one of us.
But the truth is, is you cannotgo from being held back by past
pain and old stories and traumaand betrayal and disappointment
and childhood stuff and all thethings to just living your very
(01:54):
best life.
It doesn't work that way.
So we have to clear first.
We have to clear the story tocreate the life.
So many women that I work withsay, I just am so tired of
ending up in these samesituations and I want a
different story.
But if you want a differentstory, you have to stop telling
the old one, right?
It's one of the things that theysee the most.
People just get stuck in thestory.
It's like a therapeutic loop.
(02:15):
And that's a guarantee thatyou'll never actually move
forward and you'll never getwhat you want.
So we have to clear the cyclesto create the confidence.
Again, after a failed marriageor a relationship or a failed
business or whatever it is, wehave these stories.
And oftentimes, when asked, youknow, on the other side of this
(02:37):
work, you know, what are youdoing or not doing differently
than you're doing or not doingright now?
What will light you up?
What will give you purpose?
And oftentimes the answer tothat question brings tears
because they don't know.
And there's a sense of not beingable to trust ourselves, right?
Because I thought I knew, andlook how that turned out.
But those are all those oldcycles.
So we have to clear those tocreate that confidence again and
(03:00):
be able to trust ourselves.
And we have to clear thepatterns to create the
partnerships.
We all want aligned, genuine,wonderful partnerships, whether
that's romantically,professionally, in our
friendships, in our familydynamics.
But when we bring all that oldpatterns and all that old wiring
and all the old story, we don'tget those partnerships.
(03:21):
We get more of the same, whichis typically what we don't want.
SPEAKER_02 (03:24):
So when I hear you talk about the conscious and the
unconscious mind and clarity,that makes me think of
meditation and mindfulness.
And I just want to know how isthat different?
Because I've taken a mindfulnessworkshop twice.
And in order to get clarity tomove on, how does your program
(03:45):
work with helping me get clarityas a woman, you know, like
repeating the same habits, likeand changing that?
Great question.
SPEAKER_01 (03:53):
People ask me, you do hypnosis, do I have to
meditate, do I have to journal?
Nope, none of that.
Here's the difference.
So for anybody that's not fullyaware of the difference between
conscious and unconscious, I'mjust going to give a little
quick description in the bestway that I can.
So if you think about your body,everything from the neck up is
our conscious mind.
It is our critical faculties,it's what we everything we know
(04:16):
makes us successful.
It's our goal setter, right?
We use it all day long, whichmeans the rest of our body,
everything from the neck down,is our unconscious mind, the
other 90%.
And why that's important isbecause if the conscious is our
goal setter, the unconscious isthe goal getter.
It's the operating system.
It's, you know, it's the boss.
And most importantly, it is theliteral library of everything
(04:39):
we've ever experienced in ourentire life.
And that is all held at acellular level.
And what most people don'tunderstand is if that's not
released properly, thatenergetic weight that's held in
ourselves, then we see thingsmanifest in the body, like
anxiety and depression,overwhelm, autoimmune disorders,
illness, injury, disease.
And the beautiful thing aboutpart of this work is that we get
(05:01):
to tap into that other 90%.
Because here's the thing all ofthe things are beneficial,
right?
Journaling, meditation, therapy,talking to your friends, reading
the books, it all has benefit,but it doesn't solve the
problem.
It's kind of like going out intothe garden and plucking the top
off of the weeds, and they'regonna grow right back.
So we have to do it differently.
We have to tap into that other90%.
(05:22):
Because otherwise, what happensis you make some progress, you
get some clarity, you have someawareness, you have some aha's,
you're like, this feels good,and then life comes at you
because it always will, and youjust go right back to all the
old stories, the old ways ofthinking, the old strategy, the
old behavior, because you can'tsolve a problem with the same
mind that created it.
You just can't.
(05:43):
So there's nothing, it's notabout doing more.
Uh, you're not broken, there'snothing to fix, but we have to
tap into that other 90% so wecan actually clear and rewire
neurology and strategy andbehavior.
So the process in and of itselfis we tap into a lot of that,
which makes it painless andpeaceful also very fast.
SPEAKER_02 (06:04):
So your expertise in this work.
So I now understand what you'regetting at.
You said it's tapping into themind, right?
The unconscious mind.
So now that I'm hearing youexplain in more detail how you
help your clients, I'm like,wow.
So I just want to know what gotyou into this line of work.
(06:25):
Was there something thattriggered it?
Like you had a um, you know,you've been married in a person.
So was that something?
SPEAKER_01 (06:34):
Absolutely.
So there's so many layers,right?
And I think all of us have ourstory.
Yeah, we all have, yeah.
We all have our story, right?
I grew up in Minnesota mostly.
My parents met in Maui.
I was born in Maui.
They were married and divorcedwithin two years.
My father came to California.
My mom and I went back toMinnesota where she was from.
So he wasn't really around verymuch.
He had another family, popped inand out.
I was going off to college, 18,and he said, Listen, I never
(06:57):
helped you.
I never helped your mom.
I am gonna take care of room andboard freshman year.
I'm like awesome, amazing.
So I get to school, a couplemonths in, freshman year, living
in the dorms, doing all thecollege things, and I get a call
saying, Hey, listen, your billwasn't paid and your map's done.
All your loans are lost.
So I had to make a decision.
Do I leave school or do I tapinto something inside of me that
(07:19):
gets really resourceful?
So I got three jobs, I rented afive-bedroom house, I filled the
other four bedrooms, and Ifigured it out.
Now, was it a fun collegeexperience?
Nope.
But I made it work.
Fast forward not many yearslater, I got married at 23.
10 out of 10 do not recommendyour baby.
Don't get married when you're20.
(07:40):
My daughter's gonna turn 22 in acouple of months, and she's a
baby.
Like funny.
Yeah, wow.
But again, so underlying, Iwouldn't have been able to
articulate that I felt likethere was something wrong with
me and no one else was gonnalove me.
But there's residue of, youknow, father wounds and all of
those things.
(08:01):
So I decided that for sure, youknow, I didn't, I didn't want to
be an old cat lady by myself.
And so at this ripe old age of23, we got married.
And, you know, a lot of it isyou're just too damn young.
And you just you're you don'tknow who you are.
But all of that said, it was apretty lonely marriage.
We had our miracle child,Maddie, and and then when she
(08:24):
was six, we separated.
And I really thought, because itwas such a long time coming,
that it was gonna be pretty.
I mean, we we talked so muchabout having it be like not this
huge thing and just like reallycalm and good for Maddie and
keep the focus on her.
And it like the day after thatmediation conversation, it just
went crazy and it turned likewildly volatile and it was
(08:46):
horrible and it, I mean, it wasit was intense.
And mixed mix that with the factthat even in a situation or a
relationship or a marriage whereyou know it's not right and you
wouldn't want to stay in itanyway, you still have to mourn
and grieve for what you wantedfor your family, right?
You don't get married thinkingyou're gonna get divorced.
You don't get married and have achild and think that you're
(09:07):
gonna, you know, separate theirtheir life.
But so it was really intense andstressful and awful and just
horrible things happened.
And so about three years aftermy divorce, and let me let me
say, like during that time, Idid all the things I was
supposed to do.
I went to therapy, I talked tomy girlfriends, I did the Brene
Brown weekend workshop, like Idid all the things, and again,
(09:30):
kind of beneficial, but stayedin the story.
Every time you go to therapy,you talk about it, and every
time you do that, you arereinstalling traumatic neurology
because your body relives itlike it's happening.
So my father had been in andout, he had, you know, doing
whatever he's back in our livesa bit more, and he he came to
visit and he said, Listen, Ithink it's the perfect time for
you guys to move to California.
(09:50):
Come take over this familybusiness, come take over this
business that I've started.
And and I need to mention herewith an asterisk that I am an
island baby.
I like the beach and thesunshine.
So those 40 degree below zerodays in Minnesota, just not for
this girl.
And to be honest, I was tired.
So I was coaching.
I was I've been in personaldevelopment forever, but I was
(10:11):
also working and coaching withthe as for the practice
development for the largestindependently owned oncology
group in the Midwest.
And raising my baby Angel, andwe had horses, and you know, we
lived on this tiny littlefarmhouse, and it was it was
magical until it wasn't.
So I said, Well, my mom had hada surgery to fix something in
her neck, a disc, and theynicked a nerve and she couldn't
(10:33):
lift her right arm at thatpoint.
And she did nails for a livingher whole life.
So she couldn't work.
And I said, You know, I'm notleaving the horses, and you
know, this is a huge decision.
And he's like, Bring your mom,bring the horses, I'll have them
transported, we'll build a barn.
It's gonna be amazing andfabulous and wonderful.
And let me be super clear like Iknew that pit in my stomach in
(10:55):
that moment that it was therewas something not red.
And, you know, at the end of theday, it wasn't even like red
flags, it was like somebody tookout 10 billboards in Times
Square and it was screaming atme.
No, no, no, no, no.
And I just was like, nope, I'mgonna go in.
My two best friends that arelike my chosen sisters were both
like, we can't, you know, wecan't trust him.
(11:17):
Like, this is bad.
But I went anyway.
Got in the car, mama, baby girl,two horses, three cats, mood
crest country, didn't know asingle person here, other than
you know, my father.
And uh, but we got here and itwas it was a little fairy
tale-ish at the beginning, Ihave to say.
Like my parents were hangingout, we were all hanging out and
we making big family dinners,going up to the the mountain in
(11:40):
the weekends with the horses,and I was, you know, really
getting excited about takingthis studio and this family
business.
And I I was so proud of myselfbecause there hadn't been really
any movement, and I got acontract with Sky Mall magazine.
Do you remember Delta Airlinesused to have Oh my gosh, Delta
Airlines, don't bring me backthere 15 years ago?
And I was so excited that ourlike my candles and my towers
(12:03):
were gonna be in Sky Mall.
And I just felt really excitedabout it.
Again, pit in stomach,something's not right, don't
know what it is.
Maybe I'm just adjusting tobeing here and it's just all so
new.
Like six, seven months we'vebeen here, and it was December
1st, and we were getting readyto send the mailers out for
holiday season.
And this guy had come to pickthem up, and this guy had been
working there, you know, kind ofrunning the day-to-day stuff the
(12:25):
year before I was there.
So anyway, he came to pick upthe mailers because he had dealt
with it last year.
And all of a sudden, I hear allthis noise in the front.
And I I turn around and I wasgonna go out into the front of
the studio, and all of a suddenI am surrounded, guns pointed to
my head, federal agents, and I'mput in handcuffs.
SPEAKER_02 (12:41):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (12:42):
So needless to say, my baby girl, nine years old,
was supposed to be home fromschool with a new friend for the
first time.
My mom had gone to get them inlike 20 minutes, and I am
crying, and I don't know what'sgoing on.
And there is all of this chatterabout they've been watching and
investigations, and the guy thatwas there picking up the mailers
(13:03):
was a huge part of that.
But anyway, it was and we don'thave time to get into the whole
detail, but let's just say atthat point and what happened
after that.
Now I'm in California.
I have now no business, whichmeans there's no income.
I now have no this person thatI've had this fantasy of having
this relationship with, myfather, the biggest betrayal you
(13:25):
could ever imagine, right?
Who does that?
So now I have to make anotherdecision.
We could go back to Minnesota ina heartbeat, or I can keep my
promise that I made to my littlegirl because I moved around a
lot when I was little and it wasreally hard.
So we stayed and several hundredthousand dollars of debt later,
figuring it out and going intoanother industry and coaching
(13:47):
for real estate, doing all thethings.
But in that process of feelingeither so ragefully angry or so
devastatingly sad, back totherapy, writing him letters
that I never sent becauseclassic narcissist, you cannot
feed the fire.
And again, like I was eitherangry or sad.
Um, I couldn't really bepresent.
(14:08):
There wasn't a lot of joy.
I mean, it was always joy withMaddie, but I was so consumed by
this whole situation.
And, you know, for two years,every time I heard a noise, I
was certain someone was comingto get me because the DEA was
like, you know, you could loseMaddie.
We know that you weren't a partof this, but you're a part of it
because you're here.
And I mean, it just was insane.
So again, back in therapy for afew months and having that just
(14:30):
like you get to a point, acertain point, where you're just
like, I'm so sick of this story.
Like, I'm I don't want to talkabout it anymore.
But for most people, that's whatwe've been told that we have to
do to unpack it and work throughit and da-da-da-da-da.
Which I'm here to tell you thatis not actually.
So at some point in there, therewas somebody introduced me to
something that was a littlespark of then what became my
(14:54):
intellectual property, myframeworks, my methodology,
ultimately my life's work.
And in a matter of weeks, therewere things about me, parts of
me that I didn't recognize andall the best room.
And I fully forgave my father,but he doesn't get a seat at the
table.
I haven't spoken to him inyears.
He doesn't get access.
But I was able to literally, foran alchemical forgiveness, you
(15:19):
know, standpoint, be like, look,this isn't mine to carry.
And you know your actions nolonger get to control and
consume my emotions, mythoughts, my behavior, my
decisions.
And it just is so freeingbecause forgiveness isn't about
the person and it doesn'tjustify or let them off the hook
or make it okay.
It's about us, right?
(15:40):
It's that old saying, I'm gonnadrink this bottle of poison and
hope to God you die.
And it doesn't work out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So when we can actually forgive,and this is a big point of
contention, I will say, whenclients come to me, especially
post-divorce or whatever, andthey're like, or you know, or
family situation, they're like,I don't why would I forgive
them?
No way.
And I'm like, if you don't,you're there's there's really
(16:01):
not anything for us to talkabout.
And we go we do forgiveness worktogether in a way that number
one, then they understand that,but we do it in a way that
changes perception.
And it is so freeing becausewhen we don't forgive, then
that's we're we drink the poisonevery day.
And it does, it eats you alive.
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (16:19):
So I think I think understanding forgiveness too is
another thing.
I think for a long time I didn'tunderstand forgiveness because I
think some people thinkforgiveness means having a
relationship with that personthat caused you the pain in the
heart and you know, but that'snot what it is, and I think
that's the misunderstandingbecause I think a lot of people
(16:40):
can say, Oh, you well, you onlyhave one to have.
Like you have to have arelationship with your father.
You know what I mean?
All the people that make youfeel guilty for your decision,
right?
But I think the misconception islike forgiveness is for you so
that you can move on with yourlife because this is holding you
back, right?
SPEAKER_01 (16:59):
So yeah, and you know, that whole thing around,
of course, there's been peoplethat have said that to me,
right?
You know, like you you only youknow, he's he's you're so lucky
he's alive, you could still havea relationship with him.
And what I say to that is, youknow, family is DNA, yes, but
just because they're DNA to me,if it's not healthy and if it's
(17:21):
if it's not in integrity, thatdoesn't mean much to me.
My chosen family are not DNA,and they're more my family than
you know anything else.
So it is a it is a very bigmisconception in the world that
if you forgive somebody, thatmeans you're letting them off
the hook.
And when people can actually letthat misconception go, it
changes things for them, sure.
(17:43):
Then that led the deep dive ofand then the creation of the
work because honestly, I didthis, I created all of this
first for me because let me tellyou, I was so I felt so broken.
I was, you know, I had a couplerelationships after my I was
divorced for a long time, andthen I had, I don't even know if
I call one of them arelationship.
It was silly long distance, andthen one, you know, a few years
(18:06):
after I moved here, both ofwhich were so far from anything
that was okay.
But I was so certain that Ineeded to make myself small or
not let those things bother me.
Or I mean, it was it was crazy.
And I look back at that, and itwas again, when we talk about
(18:26):
gratitude, it has to be for allof it, right?
It can't just be for the goodstuff.
So had I not come here and hadthis horrific, traumatic
experience, none of this wouldhave happened.
And next month, we arecelebrating our two-year wedding
anniversary to the my greatestlove of my life.
He is the most loving,thoughtful, incredible,
(18:46):
generous.
I couldn't have handpicked abetter husband.
But, you know, we've beentogether six years.
We took it very, very slow.
We were both really focused onour children when we met, and it
just, I feel like we did itright.
And I was actually having aconversation with my media team
earlier, and we were talkingabout this because we were
talking about things that peopledon't necessarily say out loud,
(19:06):
but that you think about.
And so we were talking aboutextraordinary love, right?
And so when I share with you, Ihad these relationships that
were still the opposite of that.
And I knew that there werecertain things that I would
dream about of what I wished orthought extraordinary love
looked like and what I wouldwant for me.
And one of those things is mygift, my love language is gift
(19:28):
giving.
I love giving gifts, I lovesurprising people, I love
planning things.
And I always wanted somebody todo that for me.
So in my marriage and in thisother relationship, basically I
had to plan everything.
And then if it was somethingcoming up that was special, I
couldn't just, you know, dependon them to do anything about it.
I basically have to say, okay,let's do this, and then fine,
(19:50):
it's my birthday, it's whatever.
So my husband, who never, ever,ever in his previous marriage
had any a relationship like wedo in any way, shape, or form,
she really Could care less aboutany of his needs or desires or
wants.
So it's for him too, veryisolated, lonely marriage.
But you know, he's gonna he'straveling so much.
So he's working in London rightnow, Amsterdam next week, home
(20:13):
for two days.
And that last week of October,or the week before that, the
week of the 20th, he's gonna bein Dubai and Saudi Arabia for 10
days.
I'm in New York for a conferencefor 10 for five days, six days.
And we both come home on the25th.
Our anniversary is the 27th.
So a week or so ago, he said, orhe told me, or a couple weeks
ago, I got a calendar invite.
Well, I was in the middle of aclient session, I saw it pop up,
(20:33):
and it's a calendar invite frommy husband or three days away
for our anniversary.
And this is what I mean byextraordinary love and love
that's worthy of you and lovethat meets you where you are.
Because you know, you've createda life.
A lot of people have beensuccessful in all these other
areas (20:50):
career, kids, maybe friendships, all the things
except this one piece.
And they're like, why can't I,why do I keep dating the same
person?
Why do I keep finding myself inthe same situation?
And it all starts here.
But mindset, affirmations,vision boards, none of it
matters if you don't take careof that internal neurology and
(21:13):
and clearing out all that stuffat an unconscious level because
otherwise it's just there.
And and you can't actually solvethe problem.
That makes sense.
SPEAKER_00 (21:22):
Diva tonight, glamour for your ears.
This is 40, a femaleperspective.
SPEAKER_02 (21:28):
No, it makes sense.
And I I understand it.
I I think it's just hard tograpple because um it's not
something that you hear aboutall the time.
But I think the one thing aboutthe mind is is just how it is
and how it works, and just thispractice that you've, you know,
you've mastered.
So, in terms of like how you'velearned how to teach this way of
(21:52):
thinking, what is yourbackground in that?
SPEAKER_01 (21:54):
Yeah, it's it's more about clearing all all the stuff
that doesn't serve you and keepsyou from being the true you, and
then replacing the old neurologyand strategy and behavior that
we blew out, because that'swhere a lot of this work fails
people.
And it's maddening to me becauseso much of this personal
development world is It is ayeah, where I'm dealing with
that now, yeah.
Right.
And it's all about awareness andclarity.
(22:17):
And that's great.
Those are the foundation piecesfor any kind of growth,
transformation, healing,whatever you want to call it.
But the problem is, is 99% ofpeople don't give you the skills
to go with the knowledge.
So people have these moments andthese aha's, and they're all
like we talked about earlier inour conversation.
But then the reason that they goback to where they started is
because the unconscious mindcan't fill in the blank.
(22:39):
So if you're gonna get rid ofall this stuff, you have to
replace it with something else.
Otherwise, the unconscious mindcan only go back to what it
knows.
So then in creating andreplacing all of that neurology
and then reverse engineeringyour goals so that you get to,
you know, install that on yourtimeline so your brain actually
gets to experience it as thoughit's happened, which ignites the
(23:00):
reticular activating system inyour brain to be laser focused,
looking for the people and theresources and the experiences
and the opportunities that youactually want in your life
instead of this continuous roundrobin of continuing to attract
and find yourself in the samesituations.
SPEAKER_02 (23:17):
So for me, like I just want to know why would
anyone want to do?
I think I'm sure other peoplehave asked you that, right?
Or just in like contested, like,no, I don't, you know, why is
this gonna be something that'sgonna help me stop this vicious
cycle?
SPEAKER_01 (23:33):
Yeah.
So just to be clear, this is notlike a coaching program.
This is not a group thing,there's no modules.
SPEAKER_02 (23:40):
This is not a program.
SPEAKER_01 (23:42):
So this this is not, and this is not for everybody.
This is not for the woman who ishas not done any work yet on
herself.
This is not for the woman who'sin crisis, who who needs that
that first piece.
I'm the woman that women come towhen they've done all the other
work.
They've read the books, they'vegone to the retreats, they've
done the therapy, and they'restill stuck because all of that
(24:05):
can't do this.
So it's really actually neverbeen a question that I've been
asked before.
Oh, it hasn't.
Oh, okay.
I just want to well on the flipside, what I get a lot is I've
done so many programs and had somany therapists, and I don't
know that I can be fixed.
What if what if I don't do it?
(24:25):
What if it doesn't work for me?
And what I say to them islisten, you know, you have a lot
of evidence because you startthings, you don't finish them.
So there's a wholeself-fulfilling prophecy that
what's the point?
I start journaling and I'mreally good about it for two
weeks and then I don't do it.
And then I start an exercisething, and then I start this
online course and I start thisthing and then I don't do it.
(24:46):
So I'm never gonna finishanything anyway.
So what's the point?
And why would I invest this muchtime and money?
Well, the only way it's notgonna work for you is if you
literally don't show up.
So this work is you and Itogether co-creating your life.
And when we talk about theclearing, right, the way in
which we do that that is uniquefrom probably anyone you've ever
met, because there's not verymany of us that do quantum time
(25:07):
release, but it's amultidimensional technique that
has been used for hundreds,probably thousands of years, so
that we actually can release allof that energetic weight and use
a combination of timeline workand alchemical forgiveness
without ever going back to anyconscious memory of anything
that caused the pain and traumain the first place.
So if you think about every oneof these negative emotions,
(25:29):
anger, sadness, fear, guilt,shame, and all of the limiting
beliefs and limiting decisionsthat we've made throughout all
our lifetime about ourselves,they each have their own ribbon.
So anytime in life after rootcause, which none of us have a
conscious memory of root cause,then every time we have a
significant emotional experiencewith anger, for instance, a
(25:50):
marble goes on the ribbon.
Sadness has its own ribbon,right?
So something happens today thatmakes us sad or angry.
It's rarely about the thingtoday.
It's the 40, 50, 60 years ofmarbles.
It's that charge, it's thatgestalt, it's that buildup.
That's what we get to release inquantum time release, right?
And when we release that in thatway, that is, you know, again,
(26:13):
painless and peaceful, it's anunconscious process.
There's no painful memories,there's no going back into
anything, then we get to have anew relationship with those
emotions.
And let me be super clear (26:22):
this is not about not having the
emotions or toxic positivity,like, well, I'm just gonna think
positive.
Okay, well, that doesn't work.
It's about creating newrelationships with the emotion
going forward.
And the magical feeling when wedo this particular work, and I
do a test with you in betweeneach emotion, and I say, okay,
(26:45):
now I actually want you to goback to a very specific event in
the past in which that emotionwas a problem.
And I want you to check and seeif it still has a charge, though
you may realize it does not.
And that's where I watchpeople's whole world change
because they're like, oh mygoodness, had you asked me about
that two hours ago, I would havebeen either like it would have
(27:08):
made me cry, or I would havebeen pissed off, or I would have
felt tightness in my chest, andmy hands got clammy.
The charge is gone.
It's like I cleaned out mypantry the other day.
And as a 49-year-old woman withperimenopause and some ADD
thrown in, like I love structureand I love organizing, I love
lists, I love all those things,but also there's piles that show
(27:29):
up all around me.
And then sometimes I'm like, Ican't, I can't, I'm shutting the
door.
SPEAKER_02 (27:36):
Wow, you must have read my mind.
I was gonna ask you somethingand you just brought it on.
So you have you said you havesorry to interrupt you.
Yes.
Okay, you said you have ADHD andperimenopause.
I have ADHD, which I talk aboutonly once on the show, but I
find that's one of the thingsthat makes it hard to complete
things because of you getdistracted so easily.
(27:59):
And so I'm wondering like, howdo you work with women like that
who are like, okay, I want to dothe thing.
I do, like I, you know what Imean?
But it's harder, it's easiersaid than done because people
don't understand like it'sdebilitating.
Like, oh, just write it in youragenda, just make a list.
And like, you know, so manypeople have heard that all
before, and I'm like, yeah, Ihave an agenda, I have a
(28:22):
graveyard agenda.
Like, you know what I mean?
But it's it's all in your mind,like you said.
But even when you clear yourmind, there's still some issues
like like myself that I have todeal with when it comes to uh
living a better life and beingaccountable and and and all the
things like you said.
SPEAKER_01 (28:39):
So yeah, but like again, like to to answer that
question a little bit, there'snothing for you to do to not
finish.
Yeah, yeah.
So you we're together doing thiswork.
Right.
Now, there are a couple ofthings that I have you do a
couple of different times, butit's it's an immersive
experience.
It's not like, oh, I have to domy homework and send my journal
(29:00):
into her tonight, and I don'twant to do it.
And then I didn't start it, andthen I beat myself up about it,
and then I was like, oh my god,you're such an idiot.
Why don't you just do it likeeverybody else does it?
And then like there's none ofthat.
It doesn't exist in this work.
SPEAKER_02 (29:11):
Yeah, yeah.
No, I understand the work, butfor those who are skeptics, like
I'm I'm a little bit of a I'malways I'm always in this
skeptics, I'm always gonna askthe questions.
I feel like I'm a lawyer.
I've always had to do thatbecause with people, like you
know what I mean?
You said uh the things in thepast.
But with that said, for someonewho's people wants to try this
because they've tried otherthings, and maybe they want to
(29:33):
do a little reading on it.
Like you have your own website,obviously, where you have
information about player tocreate, right?
Like the method itself.
But are there other things thatyou can read that kind of give
you the history behind it?
Or you know what I mean?
Because some some of us justwant the meat and potatoes.
We want the history, want, wewant to know, like just like
(29:56):
with mindfulness.
I know the doctor of mindfulnessis John Cabazin, is like the
godfather of mindfulnesspractice.
Like he's been doing this foryears.
You know what I mean?
So obviously there's a historythere with that.
So the same thing with this.
SPEAKER_01 (30:10):
So here's the thing: this is not, there's not like a
pamphlet on this.
This is not something that'staught at a school.
Like I didn't go to Jay Shetty'scoaching school, and he gives me
your modules now go out and be alife coach.
Like that's not um my websitedoes have so the method is the
clear to create method, theframework is the how, and that's
(30:30):
the quantum pattern protocol.
And that is that three-phase,nine-step process.
And so I I I you know, we divein deep on that of like what
that is and what that lookslike.
And there's, you know, there's amasterclass you can watch.
You can go to YouTube, you cantake the Ellie.
So one of the things I would saythat I always tell people to
start with is I've created adiagnostic that is so incredible
(30:53):
and so insightful.
I think every human should takeit, and it's called the Ellie,
which stands for theextraordinary love index.
And the question is, is what'sstanding between you and
extraordinary love?
And that doesn't just meanromantic love.
Like that starts here, right?
Yeah for so many of us.
And so what it does is it's it'snot a uh what Disney princess
(31:13):
are you quiz, right?
It's 40 questions.
And I ask that you just setaside like 10, 15 minutes so you
can actually answer thequestions thoughtfully, because
then what I do is send you a28-page personalized report with
insights in all nine areas thatkind of match with my framework.
And it tells you all about youimpact, trauma, communication,
(31:36):
fear, abandonment, dah blah,blah, blah, all the things.
But it breaks it down.
Like here's your score, here'syour trauma score, whatever.
Here's what this might mean,here's what it might feel like
and what you're experiencing inyour world right now.
Here's the cost of staying here,and here's some things that you
can start doing to help shiftthat for you.
And it's so insightful, it'sincredible.
(31:59):
And it it gives you insight thatyou've probably never had.
And I actually review all theresults, and it's it's
interesting to see the dataacross the board, but I would
love to gift your audience theability to take the Ellie.
So that's where I would saystart there.
SPEAKER_02 (32:15):
Oh, I'll take it.
I I'm I have an open mind whenit comes to that.
I think that's very interesting.
SPEAKER_01 (32:20):
Yeah, and as far as and I want to address your your
question on the skeptic thing,I'm not here to convince
anybody.
So I don't, it's like I'm when Ihave a call with somebody who's
interested in doing this work,and they're we're at the end of
that time, and and sometimes Imake the invitation for them to
do the work, and sometimes Idon't, because I only work with
(32:42):
people that I believe are atthat like line in the sand
moment where between now anddead, they want different,
they've done all this otherstuff and nothing changes.
So energetically, because it'ssuch a big exchange from me to
you and vice versa, this isn'tjust like it's an ad, it's a
it's by invitation to do thiswork.
So, but if I do make theinvitation and say, listen, I
(33:05):
fully believe that this work wasdesigned for you and this is
exactly what will help you getwhat you want in the world.
And then they're like, well,blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, look, I'm I haveno desire to convince you of
anything.
My intention for this call isfor you to leave better than you
came, and for you to leave beingable to make a clean yes or a
(33:26):
clean no decision.
Because here's the thing, andpart of this work is getting
clarity around values,non-negotiables, desires.
And I will tell you, mostambitious heart-led women, the
reason they never get what theywant, truly, is because they
don't have clarity in the way inwhich we get clarity.
It's like going to a restaurantand ordering a beverage, a
protein, a salad, and a salad.
(33:46):
And they bring you an iced tea,a pork chop, some carrots, and a
Caesar.
You wanted a glass ofChardonnay, a beautiful piece of
salmon, some roasted asparagus,and an arugula salad with figs
and goat cheese.
You see the difference.
Yeah.
That part of the clarity.
So before you can clear andcreate any of that, you have to
get that level of clarity.
So I teach people how to makevalues-driven decisions because
(34:08):
when you can make a clean yesand a clean no, you are out of
the middle, which is the devil,which is the maybe, which is
where all the friction, drama,noise, and decision fatigue
lives because we don't trustourselves, because these all the
stuff that has happened, andwe're like, well, is this the
right thing?
Is it not the right thing?
Is this a red flag?
Am I just being too picky?
And then you go back and forthand you do one of two things.
(34:29):
You make a decision based onfear, or you just you just don't
do anything at all and you getparalyzed.
So I usually when people havecome to me, they've seen me on
Instagram or they watched amaster class or they listened to
podcasts.
Those are my favorite calls, Iwill tell you.
My favorite clients in theentire world all have come from
podcasts, hands down.
Because if you've just spent 30or 40 minutes listening to me
(34:52):
and it resonated with you thatdeeply, that's a beautiful
conversation, right?
So I always want to leave andend with that when I'm on a what
we'll if we would call a salescall at the end of the day,
right?
Yeah, yeah.
If I have to convince you, it'sjust not this, we're not a good
fit.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_02 (35:12):
No, no, of course.
I I think that that's uh goes tosaid with anything.
Like if you don't believe inwhat you're actually doing, it's
not gonna serve you in any way.
Like, I mean, some things work,therapy works for some people,
other things work.
You know what I mean?
You have to put in the work atthe end of the day.
And I think society has taughtus that, oh, well, if there's an
issue, this is how you dealwith.
(35:32):
But with that being said, tobring everything all together,
because we're talking aboutwomen in their 40s, and we
didn't focus too much on that.
I realize you're 49.
You just turned 49 not too longago.
So, as someone who's, you know,going in like next year, you'll
be going into the next journey,like the next chapter of your
life.
What would you say to women intheir 40s, like to any one woman
(35:57):
who's listening right now, interms of what you've learned in
with your life, like in thisstage?
SPEAKER_01 (36:04):
So a couple things come to mind.
A lot of times when we're facedwith things that we don't know
how we can see the other side,we we we go to that place of we
don't have the resources, time,money, energy, support to be
able to do it.
The truth is most of the timeit's it's a simple lack of
tapping into yourresourcefulness.
(36:26):
So that's one thing.
The other thing that's soimportant is if you're listening
to this and you're on a walk oryou're in your car and you're
thinking, you know, I'm 45 yearsold, I'm divorced, or I've never
been married, whatever it is.
Like I never imagined being 45,and this is what life would look
like.
I imagined this, this, theother.
I want you to listen to me very,very carefully.
You're not too late, you're nottoo old, you're not too much,
(36:49):
you're ready.
And the thing that I would leaveyou with is just because it's
always been a certain way,literally does not have any
relevance of what it can be liketomorrow.
And the work that I do inside ofthis intense, it's it's fast.
It's it's weeks, right?
It's not months and years ofcraziness.
It's fast.
And it's it's forever becauseit's not a band-aid.
(37:12):
It's you know, and and again,backed, I just want to say, so
nobody says, Oh my gosh, are youanti-therapy?
No.
All of those things havebenefit, they do, but some of
them become more of a crutch.
And some of them you getattention when you stay in the
story from people, like, oh, I'mso sorry.
Like, you know what I mean?
So they all serve a purpose.
So I would never say don't dotherapy, because if you haven't
(37:32):
done any work, don't, you know,you gotta go do that before you
call me.
So it's that's not the point.
You gotta do those things, butthose things aren't the fix,
they don't heal you, they don'trelease the stuff, they don't
rewire the neurology, they don'tgive you the ability to step
into this new version of you,where you then get to to go to
that final step of claiming.
(37:53):
And that is where the magichappens because you get to own
it and you get to integrate itand you get to embody it.
And as you step into thisversion of you, you no longer
need outside permission.
Like you are so clear.
You own that powerfullytransformation, and this is
where you get to fall in lovewith yourself and trust yourself
again and confidently holdboundaries and expertly
(38:16):
communicate your needs andreally deepen the richness in
every single one of yourrelationships.
And then when you integrate thatinto your relationships, your
work, your energy, yourdecisions, then you get to
embody her and you live from herand lead from her and love from
her.
And you just get to shine inyour magnificence because you're
at a completely differentfrequency.
(38:37):
And the other thing I would sayas we wrap up is that one
frequency is important.
We didn't talk about it verymuch today.
For instance, for you, Carlene,what's your favorite music?
Oh, I love all kinds of music.
SPEAKER_02 (38:49):
I love classic rock.
My favorite genre.
Classic rock's good.
Classic rock is good.
Yes, I like RB.
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (38:57):
And what is the type of music you cannot stand?
SPEAKER_02 (39:00):
I don't like uh country too much.
I mean, I listen to a littlebit, but I also don't like hard
rock.
It's like metallic, like Robzombie, yeah, Metallica, like
Rob.
Yeah, I don't like Okay,perfect.
SPEAKER_01 (39:13):
So here's what I want you to imagine for a
moment.
Everything you want for yourlife, your future, your
relationships, your health, yourwealth, all of it is hanging out
up here on classic rocksatellite radio channel 111.
Okay.
Right now, you're kind of inthis low vibe and you're coming
from a place of fear, and it'sall the old story, and there's
some victim archetype there, andit's this always happens to me,
(39:35):
and blah blah blah.
You are stuck on that god-awfulMetallica station.
And not only can you not turn itoff, you can't turn it down.
It is just blaring.
And here's the truth that'sfact.
You cannot hear classic rock onthe Metallica station.
So, what do you have to do?
Well, you have to raise thefrequency, right?
When we turn the radio, wechange the frequency up to the
(39:56):
classic rock because we don'tget what we want.
We Get who we are.
And your job is to raise thatfrequency to that classic rock.
And so that's again a huge partof this work that we do together
really early on, because there'sall these parts and pieces that
change the game.
And, you know, it's not about ajournal or a worksheet or a it
(40:17):
just isn't.
So it's it's neuroscience mixedwith like a little bit of magic
and fairy dust and a lot of lovefrom me and a lot of lived
experience.
And I've helped hundreds ofwomen, but it's not even just
about the women.
It's about I see the ripple.
I see what is going to changegenerationally for their
children and grandchildren,their friend circle, how they
show up and occur in the world,how they get, you know, outside
(40:40):
of this work comes really amaster's in communication
because I'm going to teach youthe NLP model of communication.
It changes everything.
So it literally is the way tochange not only this person, but
everyone close to them.
And then that ripples into thecommunity, and then ultimately
the world.
It's a lot.
It's a lot of work.
SPEAKER_02 (40:57):
It's a lot.
It sounds like it's it's a lotto think about for sure.
And so we with this, where canwe find you?
I know you're you're uh RihannaMalia.com.
I mean you're also on Instagram.
SPEAKER_01 (41:09):
Yeah.
So Instagram, YouTube, LinkedIn,Facebook, all at Rihanna Malia
and Rihanna Malia.com.
And I encourage you all to go tothe website or to the bio and
LinkedIn, whatever.
Go take the Ellie.
I'm telling you, you're gonna beblown away.
So go take the Ellie.
Let me know what came out ofthat for you.
And you know, after you take theEllie, you'll have an
(41:32):
opportunity to fill out anapplication if you want to
schedule a call.
And if it's a fit, then that'smy gift to you to have that
conversation.
SPEAKER_02 (41:39):
Sure.
Well, thank you so much forbeing so insightful and sharing
your knowledge.
I know you definitely haveexperience with this.
I mean, the fact that you'vebeen on so many different
podcasts, and what did I missout?
You are you were named New YorkWeekly's Top 30 Empowering Women
Entrepreneurs to Watch in 2025.
(42:00):
So kudos to you, Diana.
I wish you all the best andhappy early anniversary, but
still early.
Thank you so much for being aguest on Diva Tonight.
And if you enjoy thisconversation, send me a DM or uh
follow the show at Diva on theradio, or you can follow the
show at divatonight.bussprout.com.
(42:22):
And thank you so much again,Rihanna, for sharing your
knowledge in this kind of feellike breathtaking kind of work.
Because I I feel like I'm, youknow, absolutely come up.
Yeah.
Go go dive in.
Go dive in, go peek around, gotry it out for sure.
All right, thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (42:40):
Diva Tonight with Carlene will be back.
Send us a message on Instagramat Diva underscore tonight.
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by Audiochuck Media Company.
The Brothers Ortiz
The Brothers Ortiz is the story of two brothers–both successful, but in very different ways. Gabe Ortiz becomes a third-highest ranking officer in all of Texas while his younger brother Larry climbs the ranks in Puro Tango Blast, a notorious Texas Prison gang. Gabe doesn’t know all the details of his brother’s nefarious dealings, and he’s made a point not to ask, to protect their relationship. But when Larry is murdered during a home invasion in a rented beach house, Gabe has no choice but to look into what happened that night. To solve Larry’s murder, Gabe, and the whole Ortiz family, must ask each other tough questions.