May 13, 2025 • 46 mins
Please note that the stats mentioned in this episode are incorrect, the correct statistics on women in Canada are disclosed below.
Kimone shares her perspective on turning 40, including misconceptions about aging, finding contentment in different seasons, and practical wisdom for women navigating this significant decade of life.
• Kimone describes herself as a daughter of the King of Kings whose identity stems from her faith in Christ
• Working as a corporate event coordinator after transitioning from the nonprofit sector
• Faith plays a central role in how she approaches life's transitions and challenges
• Common misconceptions about women over 40 include being "past your prime" and decreased fertility
- According to Statistics Canada over 16,000 women between the ages of 40-44 gave birth in 2023.
- Over 75,000 women in Canada between the ages of 35-39 gave birth in 2023.
- Source: http://statscan.gc.ca
• Finding contentment comes from relationships with God and meaningful connections with people
• Importance of financial education and savings: "Save, save, invest"
• Practical advice: Pay yourself first before handling other expenses
• Embrace whatever season of life you're in rather than comparing yourself to others
• Your goal should be to become a better version of yourself, not to become someone else
Find more episodes of Diva Tonight on Buzzsprout
https:// divatonight.buzzsprout.com or email us at divatonight@buzzsprout.com
The information provided is from Statistics Canada https://statcan.gc.ca: (2003 Report)
Other information is from https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hi there, my name is Carlene and I'm the host of Diva
Tonight, the podcast for womenin their 40s who want to change
their perspective on life andjust perspective in general.
So tonight I have with me inperson my friend Kimone, and she
(00:26):
is going to share her ownpersonal journey with turning 40
, what it's like, and just lifein general.
So, Kimone, tell me a littlebit about yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Well, hello, it is a pleasure to be here with you.
Thank you so much for invitingme on your podcast, Carlene, and
a little bit about myself.
I am a daughter of the King ofKings, that is, I'm a faithful
believer in Jesus Christ and myidentity stems from that.
I was born in Jamaica and Igrew to adulthood here in Canada
(01:03):
.
I am a lover of people, plants,productions and I currently
work as a Corporate EventCoordinator.
I've been in that role foralmost two years now and
previously spent the four yearsprior in a nonprofit sector or
(01:24):
administration.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
So what was it like working in nonprofit versus
where you're working now?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
I loved working in nonprofit.
It gave me the opportunity towear different hats because it
was a smaller organization therewas just maybe three paid staff
and everything else wasvolunteer driven.
So it was a great experiencefor me to try different things.
However, the salary was not thegreatest, but I did love
(01:56):
working there because of thepurpose.
It was a Christian organizationand I really came into
alignment with the vision of myboss, who was the director and
also an evangelist of theorganization as well, so that
was great.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
That was a great thing.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
And, of course, you know you were helping people and
I could see the impact thatthat was going to make, because
it was in alignment to mybeliefs as well.
So it was great to my beliefsas well.
So it was great.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
You talk a lot about your beliefs and you you talk
about your faith.
You're obviously veryfaith-based in your lifestyle,
the way that you carry yourselfand the way that you speak.
So have you always been sofaith-oriented in your life?
You know you go to church andyou you read the Bible and you
(02:44):
practice a Christian lifestyle.
So has it always been that way?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Well, I grew up going to church and in a Christian
home.
However, I didn't alwaysbelieve in God for myself.
It was like secondhand belief.
So my belief system initiallystemmed from what my parents
believed and what I knew fromgrowing up to the understanding
(03:13):
of who God was and, mostimportantly, jesus Christ, the
son of God was on my own and Istarted believing that for
myself.
So there was always a form ofreligion or, I'd say, faith, in
(03:38):
my life, but I didn't alwayspractice or do those things that
were in alignment with what theBible says and what Christian
actually looks like.
That actually happens to me,where I came to believe it
firsthand through firsthandexperience from my own journey,
(03:58):
and where that led me and how Icould see that God came and
intervened and just kind ofpoured out his grace and led me
to a path that leads to life.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Wow, do you think that living a Christian
lifestyle is harder than youknow?
That it's easier said than done.
I think for me, like I'm morespiritual in my way of thinking
and I believe in God, but Ithink it's a different lifestyle
altogether.
Like you know what I mean Interms of, like, the way you live
(04:30):
your life, the decisions thatyou make, you probably think
things through in a differentway.
Like, and now that you know,getting back to the theme of the
show, we're focusing on womenin their forties, now that
you're in your forties, whatdoes that make you think about
in that way?
Like you know what I mean Doyou feel like you have a
different perspective now?
(04:50):
How do you feel at 40?
Okay, you know.
Okay, great, great.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Great, great, thank you.
Kelly yeah.
So give me a little grace.
You know, nerves got me so yeahforties.
Well, nerves got me so yeah 40s.
Well, I have to tell you, Ijust crossed over into the land
(05:14):
of the 40s.
Just maybe you know four months,so I don't have a lot of
experience being 40, but what Ican tell you is that I feel like
I'm on a journey to moreself-discovery as well as just
self-acceptance to having turned40.
(05:35):
Not that it just happened whenI turned 40, but on that journey
to 40, that was something thatwas progressively happening and
now kind of with that numberattached not that the number
changes who I am, but it justkind of has come with a little
shift in my thinking in thesense that you know what you're
getting older and justself-reflection of.
(05:58):
Do you know who you are?
Do you know what you want andwhat do you want your life to
look like now that you're on theother side of coming out of
your 30s and into your 40s?
You know you had asked me thereare some myths and some
misconceptions about women intheir 40s.
Those things to kind of bombardmy mind but to kind of be clear
(06:29):
headed about me and where Iwant to go, and not allowing
that number to be something thatidentifies me, but where I want
to go and where I want to be.
Some of the misconceptionsabout your past year prime it's
too late to make a career change.
You're less fertile.
You know there's possibilitythat your chances to conceive
decrease.
You should be married before 40.
(06:50):
You know, I'm a single woman inmy forties and I don't think
that there should be anypressure on those things.
So to answer your questionwithout going on too much longer
, I'd say, you know, justmonitoring myself and having a
lot of self-affection as I'mprogressing through this other
(07:10):
side into 40 and just trying tosee what possibilities there are
for my life and trying todesign the life that I want.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yeah, you talk about like the misconceptions about
women in their forties, and likeyou're a single woman, and I
can relate to that because Ithink it's not just society
pressures us, it's just familyto get the questions from family
, like when you plan to getmarried, and I think like, in a
lot of ways, we have to figurethose things out for ourselves,
(07:41):
whether it's now or never orjust the whole thought process,
right?
So I think you, like you saidyou've only been in your forties
for a few months, so I can'treally like say certain things
to that effect, but I don'tthink there's the emphasis.
I think it's just like when youturn 40, like you reflect, like
you always reflect at every ageand I think even at 39, was
(08:03):
reflecting.
I'm like, oh my gosh, this islike my last year of my 30s so
like when you're reflecting on,like your last year before you
turned 40, was there somethingin your mind where you're like
this is where I want my life togo now?
Were there things that you putmore focus into?
Speaker 2 (08:21):
well, just backtrack into what I just said about the
misconceptions about, like, notbeing married or not having any
children, because you're worried, you know, would I be able to
conceive after 40?
Just because of the statisticsthat you see and you hear in
those myths.
But actually I was reading, andmore than 100,000 American
(08:45):
women over the age of 40 givebirth and over 80,000 women in
Canada beyond their 40s givebirth as well.
( Correction over 16,000.
So I share those statistics.
To say that that was one of thethings maybe that I used to
think about occasionally.
It would cross my mind when Iwould hear certain things while
(09:08):
I was approaching becoming 40.
However, you know, I just sharethe statistics, so I know that
it's possible, so I don't try tofocus on those things.
But that was one thing that Ididn't focus on it.
But it did cross my mind aboutwhat happens when you get a
little bit older and you're kindof coming out of your thirties.
(09:29):
And then the other thing wasand it's just because you know,
sometimes you have people inyour life that have the best
intentions for you but they askthe question oh, is there anyone
in your life, is there someonespecial?
You know, when are we going tosee a ring on their finger and
all those different questionsthat come around sometimes as
you get older and more seasonedin life and people don't see
(09:53):
certain things relationally thatmaybe society has an
expectation for you to havehappening in your life at a
certain age prior to your 40s.
That was another thing as wellI wanted to see and I hoped that
in my 40s I would see afulfillment of the desire to be
(10:16):
married again.
It's just been four months, sothere's a lot of room for that
gentleman to enter into my lifewhere is he bring him out now?
Speaker 1 (10:30):
um, it's funny that you say that, because I had this
conversation with my cousin andI think when you're ready, you
ask for it, like she said to me,she asked God like to bring her
husband and she didn't expectthe response would be so quickly
because it was someone shedated before and he called the
(10:51):
next day.
Right, and so I think it's whenyou're, when you're ready, like
everyone's asking you like whenit's gonna happen.
But I think we are, we're thepeople of our own journey in
life, like we make the decisions, like on who we date, when
we're ready to date, and maybewhen we're dating the wrong
person, it's preventing us frommeeting the right person.
(11:13):
Like you know, there's so manythings right.
Like I think it's likeself-reflection and
self-development too, like, andI think, like you talked about
like statistics, about women, soI didn't really bring up the
race thing, but you are anotherblack woman like myself and
we're both from the Caribbeanand I think I'm butterscotch,
okay so.
I'm good okay, so you'rebutterscotch and I'm caramel
(11:39):
okay so I always used to saythat I'm like I'm caramel.
I'm not exactly.
That was good.
That was good so as abutterscotch diva, um, okay, but
I mean that's not reallyimportant, but it is.
It sets the precedence for likepregnancy and like.
(11:59):
I think I just saw on the newsthis week that they're finally
doing studies on like how blackwomen like apparently we have
more issues during pregnancythan like not to say other races
don't have issues duringpregnancy, but they're starting
to look at that more.
So like, I mean moreconversations about it, more
(12:21):
studies, research, that kind ofthing.
I guess I don't know how muchyou looked into it, but
obviously we have other concernstoo.
You know what I mean.
Like once we.
There's the middle-aged thing.
I guess I don't know how muchyou looked into it, but
obviously we have other concernstoo.
You know what I mean.
Like once we there's the middleage thing.
Like you know, middle age islike all these things that we
have to look at more closely,right?
Speaker 2 (12:38):
So one thing I'd say to that, though.
Just you'd asked me earlier.
You know if I think differentlybecause of my faith, walk and
all of that, and I do, and so,like even this topic that you
brought up with, you knowdifferent statistics for women
of color, for black women.
I don't base my beliefs off ofthat, and so when I hear those
(13:04):
things, I feel like it's justanother thing for the emotion of
fear to creep into your lifeand to maybe even cause you to
move in a negative direction.
Or we just talked aboutrelationships, right, maybe
choose the wrong partner thatyou're going to spend the rest
(13:25):
of your life with because you'rein a hurry to marry, because,
oh, my goodness, look at thesestatistics I'm a black woman and
I'm trying to have a childlater, and already black women
have so many complications intheir pregnancy.
What's going to happen to me?
I need to hurry up, I need tofind someone, I need to get
pregnant.
You know you put all thispressure on yourself and which
may end up impacting younegatively.
(13:48):
Well, I say you know, because Ibelieve that there's a God and
that he has a way to protect youand keep you from things that
are told that this is howthey're going to be in society.
I don't subscribe to thosethings.
I believe that with God,anything is possible and he's
(14:10):
able to make me have a pregnancythat will carry full term with
as little complications aspossible.
But if I enter into the mindsetof something happening oh,
there could be all theseconvocations Fear may cause such
(14:33):
stress on my body that thosethings may come to fulfillment.
And so what I'm saying is I trynot to let that affect my
mindset and my perspective whenit comes to those things.
So I don't look at being awoman of color, I just look at
being a woman in the kingdom ofGod in this world, and that with
him anything is possible, and Ibelieve that for everyone you
(14:57):
know.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
I don't think I knew that in terms of like your
belief system because, like yousaid, the news, a lot of things,
are like in terms of negativeum information that we are
constantly I guess what's theword oversaturated with, or like
like it's always there, it's inthe.
If it's not on the news, it'son your news feed on Facebook,
(15:18):
it's on Instagram, and then youare.
You get to choose what youallow, right, and you're saying
your faith is possibly thereason why you have a different
mindset.
So, yeah, now that, like,you're thinking about this next
chapter in your life, do youstill want to have kids?
Is that something important toyou?
Like I know?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
yeah so for me personally, I kind of had to ask
my question that you're in yourmid twenties, you know, you're
thinking, you're seeing, you'restarting to see.
I find around that timeframe Iwas seeing a lot of my
girlfriends starting to getpartnered up and getting married
.
And then it was happening againwhen I was turning my thirties
(16:02):
and then now into my forties,and so I really had to sit down
with myself and just reflect andjust ask myself those difficult
questions Like if I can't havechildren, am I going to be okay
with that?
If I don't meet the right person, am I going to be okay with
that?
And so I personally came to aplace where I said you know, if
(16:24):
I am able to have children andbecause I meet the right person,
because I don't believe inintercourse and sexual intimacy
before marriage, so that wouldbe when I meet the right person,
that that would happen Then ifwe can have children and it
happens naturally, then I wouldbe overjoyed.
(16:46):
But if it happens so that wecannot conceive and I cannot
conceive and have a child, Iwill be more than content with
that, because I have beenblessed to have little people in
my life through my friends andfriends that are like sisters
and and siblings and othersaround me.
(17:07):
So I've had that exposure and Iknow that there's pros and cons
to both sides of the spectrum,to having kids and not having
kids, but I also know there'salso the gift in being able to
have them and being able toreturn them to their parents as
well, you know what I mean.
So for me, I kind of settled itwithin myself.
(17:28):
That's what I'm saying to younow.
I hope that still will be truewhen that day comes.
I believe it will be, but Ithink, you know, interesting to
see.
Yeah, I think sometimes we havethe these ideas about what will
make us happy, or when I finallyget this, I will, whatever,
(17:51):
fill in the blank, you know, butis that thing really going to
be what brings you contentmentand what makes you feel whole?
Or, you know, I believe somewomen, they believe that if they
can't have children, they'reless of a woman, and those that
do maybe feel more than or feelthat they fulfill their call as
(18:15):
a woman.
But it depends on what you'rechoosing to define you.
And so I think the area ofchildbearing could be something
as well where we're looking tofind fulfillment in something
but or someone, which may notnecessarily be the case, because
you know, if you've ever beenaround some moms, it is a joy
(18:39):
and they love their children,but it also comes with its own
set of disappointments, right,and so maybe initially that
person thought, oh, when I havethis baby, I'm going to be happy
, I'm going to feel fulfilled.
But then that doesn't happenright, and so I think that's
just another one of those thingswhere we just the next thing,
(19:02):
the next thing, the next thing.
But I think we may be able tofind the most joy in finding
contentment in every stage ofour journey.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
Diva Tonight Glamour for your ears.
This is 40, a femaleperspective.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Speaking of contentment, looking back on
your life so far, what are youmost proud of?
What makes you happy?
Come on, you know, like youwere just talking about looking
for happiness and maybe thewrong places, or just looking
like you know what I mean if Ilike it's, it's like me.
Oh, if I get this job, I mightbe happy.
It may not be the case, becauseyou don't know what those
(19:41):
people that you work with aregoing to be like.
Like all these things.
So for yourself and in yourjust thought process, like what
makes you happy now?
Like it doesn't matter aboutthe age thing, like you know,
what are the things that yourealize in your life so far that
make you happy?
Speaker 2 (20:00):
that they find contentment with.
I'd say not everyone may agreewith this but again, just
because of where I'm coming from, regarding my faith, the fact
that I have a relationship withJesus Christ and I have a faith
community has been so integraland so helpful in my life.
(20:23):
And I find the most contentmentwhen I'm able to connect with
God and the people that Ibelieve that he has gifted me
with in my life and it's notsuperficial things I've come to
understand, but it's the peoplethat make life worth living and
(20:45):
when you get to share momentswith those people as well.
Because you know, sometimes Ithink you know if I get that
outfit, you know that new outfit, I'm gonna look so great, I'm
gonna be so happy and you knowwhat?
I am happy, I get that outfit,but it only lasts for so long.
(21:05):
But those memories when I canreflect on the times when I was
maybe out to dinner with someclose friends and there were
some jokes shared and somethings that happened, some new
memories that were made, and youthink back on it in your times
of quiet or a moment ofloneliness, you think on that
(21:26):
and that makes you smile likethat is a really great gift, and
so I guess my answer tosummarize would be that where
I'm finding contentment now isin God and in the relationships
that I have with God and withthose that he has gifted me with
in my life.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Yeah, I like that for sure, Especially when you talk
about, like the memories thatyou have with your friends.
Like you know, we've had ourmemories where we like I
remember when we went to Ikeaand we tried on, like we tried
every bed in the showroom Causeremember I was like looking for
the great mattress.
And I don't know, I guess fromyears ago, like shopping at Ikea
.
I'm like, I don't know, I guessfrom years ago, like shopping
(22:07):
at Ikea.
I'm like I can't believe likethe best mattress is like the
most expensive one, right?
So like we have those memorieswhere I think back of like when
I used to work at Ikea and nowhow I'm like, wow, I had a
really good, you know deal atIkea.
Like you know how much I used topay for food and stuff you know
like you think back to thosememories, but no, it's fun, like
when we did that too.
(22:28):
So it's like you said, it's thememories that you have with
your friends and, as someonewho's single myself, yeah, I
think it gives you more time toreflect.
We don't have to planeverything.
Like we can make certaindecisions like if you want to,
just yeah, tomorrow.
If you want to go on a drive,you want to to Niagara.
You don't really have to makesure that, okay, who's taking
(22:49):
care of the kids, who's pickingthem up from school, like all
these things.
Not to say that there'sanything wrong with that, but I
mean, like you said, like wehave a different perspective.
In that way, it just changesyour whole yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
It's true, and I'd say you know we get to embrace
whatever season we're in.
You know we're talking aboutbeing in our 40s and all those
things like that's kind of thetheme and the thread that we're
on this right so far in herforties, a wife in their forties
(23:25):
, a single parent in theirforties, wherever you are in
your forties or in your thirtiesor twenties or wherever, I
think what is important is getinto that place where you can
embrace the season that you'rein.
They're not.
It may not all be good, it maynot all be things that will make
you happy.
(23:46):
There may be some sad moments.
There may be, you know, somedepressing moments or moments
where you feel stuck or whateverelse.
It is fill in the blank, butembrace it, because life is made
of these ebbs and flows.
And you know, I don't know ifthis is someone else's quote or
(24:06):
anything, but I like to say youknow, if we never had rainy days
, we would never get to reallyappreciate those sunny days.
Look at us right now.
We live in Canada.
We're coming out of thestruggle of winter.
I would say it's a struggle,it's a fight because spring
tries to break through, but thenboom, here comes the winter
(24:30):
storms, when you think thatyou're in the midst of spring
and that's life right.
We get hit with those warm daysand you feel so great because
that sun is shining, you'regetting that vitamin D.
And then you get, bam, you'rehit again with those ice storms
that kind of isolate you andkeep you locked in, right, and
(24:51):
you can equate that with theseasons of our lives as well.
But we embrace that because weknow there's hope.
And there's hope because youknow, okay, winter's going to
end at some point and at somepoint there's going to be spring
.
And so it gives you that momentto move on.
So, yeah, embrace the seasonthat you're in.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Right, right, yeah, it's definitely is.
When you talk about the season,like the changes in life, like
ups and downs and ebb and flows,and I don't know I, I it's
interesting.
I was listening to a podcasttoday.
She said you shouldn't worryabout if you're doing it right,
if you're doing life right, likeif you're not.
(25:32):
Because I guess we like society, like I think it's in TV shows,
it's in books, movies, thiswhole idea of like when you're
in your twenties you finishschool, when you're in your
thirties you should be married,and like you, you know.
So all those things, justbecause they're doing it doesn't
mean that you're doing it wrong.
Like, we all have our own pathand like it's the people that
(25:55):
you, that you hang around with,that support you in your
decision and we're like push youto keep on that path, because
sometimes you fall off the pathor whatever.
Your interest is right.
So like, even, like, even withyou.
Like you went back to school, Idid yeah, right, and I did yeah.
Like you didn't do.
Like me, I didn't.
I, you know, I went touniversity in 2003 and then I
(26:17):
even changed my major when I wasat York and I graduated in 2008
.
And like, when you're 24, youdon't think about like, oh, the
stock market crashed, this meansI might not be able to find
work.
Like you know what I mean.
Like so, when I look back onthose things, certain things are
like wow, like you know what Imean, you don't think about the
impact, but like, even for you,like you went to school later on
(26:38):
in life.
How was that, like, what wasyour reason behind?
Finally study event planning,right, yeah I did so.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
As you say, we don't necessarily do things right or
by the books, according to maybewhat is the norm of society
always?
Our life doesn't always go thatway, it's's not always.
First comes love, then the babycarriage right, sometimes the
baby carriage comes becausethere was love and things get a
(27:11):
little bit out of order, and sowe know that that's a part of
life.
And so, yeah, for myself, I hadtried going to school for
higher education when I wasyounger, but I would try and I
just could not quite identifywhere I wanted to be and I just
felt like it was almost like awaste of time because I didn't
have a clear direction.
(27:32):
So I'd start a course and thenI wouldn't finish it part way
because I'd lose interest or trysomething else, and so I just
worked for a few years.
I did some upgrade in here andthere, but nothing that was to
get me a diploma or to finish acomplete program until maybe
about what was that like fiveyears ago now, where I had
(27:56):
worked in multiple positions indifferent roles over the years
and after that samenon-for-profit position that I
worked in that I shared aboutearlier the one with the low
salary.
It actually the salary was low,but it opened up a lot of
opportunities to me.
So sometimes it's really notabout the money in the position
(28:16):
that you're working in, butafter working there, I had
exposure to event planning in myrole and I thought, you know, I
really enjoyed doing that, andso when I thought about what my
next steps was going to be, Ithought, you know, I'm going to
go back to school and I'm goingto learn about this.
(28:37):
And I ended up doing it and Igot it was just a really short
program.
It was for a year, because I'dactually done another program
before that and so I was able tofast track it and I completed
it and within five years I endedup with two diplomas.
So I think it's just timing.
Again, it's a season when areyou?
(28:57):
Do you know yourself a littlebit more to make certain
decisions Right?
And so for me, I didn't fall inline with that.
In your 20s, you, you finishschool and then you buy a house
and all of that.
Right it was a little bit out oforder, but it was my personal
journey and I think that's whatwe all have to recognize as well
(29:19):
.
We're not comparing ourselvesto others.
We are comparing our youngerself to ourself now and our goal
, I believe, should be to get toour better self, the person
that we want to be, not whosomebody else is.
I think it's great to have amentor or to look up to somebody
(29:43):
in the position where you wantto be, so that you can kind of
order your steps to follow orunderstand the trajectory that
got them there, but I don'tthink our goal should be to be
that person.
Our goal should be to beourselves, but the better
version of ourselves.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Yeah, that is very interesting because I was
following your little Facebookpage.
You know what Like it's?
Yes, so I was looking at.
I know there's not a lot onthere, but I was looking at some
of your pictures.
I'm like, oh my God, come on.
Like you know, like yoursignature smile, it's always
smiling.
No, no, it's true, it's true.
It's like they say, smiles arecontagious.
(30:24):
But you know how you're talkingabout.
You're competing not withothers, but with yourself.
So there's a quote that youhave, that you've posted on your
Facebook, that says that so itis.
It's saying that you domanifest that or that's your
belief.
So obviously it's.
Yeah, like you said, there'snot a ton of stuff.
I can't like weed anything out.
You know, like some people goon there to find out, like, if
(30:45):
there's something interestingabout the person, or to get them
know them a little bit more.
But I think the one thing thatwas interesting is reading that
and then hearing you reiterateit.
So there you have it right, I'mnot very active on social media,
so I know, I know that's how,like you know, sometimes you
figure fine little things onthere.
(31:06):
As a researcher like I'm alwayslike looking prepared, well,
preparing myself, right.
So when you talk to people,like you find different things
about them and like looking back.
You said that five years ago,that's when you decided to go
back to school for somethingthat you enjoyed doing so when
you were younger, what did youlike to do?
Was it something similar Like?
(31:28):
Because they say I found with alot of people I've interviewed
that there was something thatthey enjoyed doing when they
were children that they stillenjoy doing now.
And it's like when you go backand you think what did they like
to do?
Like me, I love to read and Ilike talking, and so I'm just
(31:48):
like.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
You know what I mean.
So you're laughing, but it'strue I got in a lot of trouble,
right, You're in the right field.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Right, so there we go .
So like I could have been awriter, who knows.
But what did you like to dowhen you were a kid?
Was there something like yourfavorite subject, like what was
come on, like when she wasyounger?
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Yeah, I am not in that role right now, but I do
love to sing, I love music, andI think if I really search
through my memories, I can seewhere hospitality has always
been a part of who I am am justthat willingness to embrace
(32:30):
others and create comfortablespace for them, an environment
where they feel accepted andthat they can relax and have a
great experience.
You know, at the time I didn'thave different venues to host
things at, but even going backinto my twenties, I always
wanted to open my home and if Icould prepare something, even if
it was just crackers and cheeseand hot chocolate you know how
(32:50):
it is sometimes then I wouldwillingly do that.
So, yeah, I do love music.
I was a part of my church'sworship team for a few years and
so, yeah, the love of music hasalways been there.
But I can also see that heartthat I have for hospitality has
(33:10):
been a thread in my life as well.
So there you go.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Yeah, no, it's always like the things that you like
to do, like you always revisitthat if you need to, like look
at your career path and likewhere you're going and as we
talk about career, like, and nowthat you're in this role, like,
what have you learned about theindustry itself?
Working in that industry?
Oh, in the hospitality?
(33:36):
Yeah, working in hospitality,like I mean, it's different, you
know, like I have learned thatit is a small world.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
The world is not as big, or my world and Canada,
here in the city that I live in,is not as big as I thought it
was.
In hospitality I find thatthere's so many people that you
didn't realize that you wereconnected to, that you become
connected to and then you seethem again.
It's like they're everywhereand it's like everybody knows
(34:06):
everybody, and it's just fromthe side that I've seen it from.
I know that others have seen itfrom a more negative light, but
even from my experience in theprograms that I did at school
and now to where I'm working,and I go to different networking
events and differenteducational series where you
(34:29):
have professional development, Ijust have really great
experiences because I just meetawesome people.
And I don't know if that's ablessing that has followed me,
which I'm grateful for, but it'sgreat.
I love this industry and Ibelieve that this industry has
some of the warmest people in itand I reciprocate that, and so
(34:54):
for me the experiences have beengreat in industry.
As you know, we were hit withCOVID and all that and that
really had a big impact on theindustry, but it's bouncing back
and better than ever and justit is one of those industries
that just connects people and,as I mentioned earlier when I
was telling you about myself,people are one of my passions,
(35:16):
and so it is great to be in aplace where you feel like your
gifts can shine.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
You said like it's really is a small world.
So one of my teachers at Humbersaid don't burn any bridges,
because you just never know whoyou're going to run into, which
is true or there might be a link.
So like, even like at the jobinterview, I remember one where
the person who was the HRmanager who was interviewing me
(35:42):
her husband works for thecompany I work for now.
I'm not going to mention names,but it's just like you said you
work for now.
I'm not going to mention names,but it's just like you said,
you just never know who you'regoing to run into.
Like you just have to keep thatin the back of your mind
because even though you're notworking with that person now,
you might run into them or theymight be able to help you, right
it's true, yeah, it's so true.
So I think, in the end, likewhen, as you reflect on your 30s
(36:07):
, what would you say to yourlike yourself?
You know, when you reflect backand you're like, oh, if I had
to do it again or if I had tochange things in terms of like
yourself and your 30s, whatwould you say to yourself now?
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Oh, my goodness, In my 30s, in my 30s, yeah, I.
(36:48):
First of all, I just want tosay how awesome wouldn't it be
to be ourselves in those seasons.
They've shaped us and given usthe character that we have today
, and so I wouldn't changeanything, because it's shaped
who I am.
But stay in that.
To answer your questionregarding what would I say to my
30 year old self, if I couldchange anything, it would be
(37:11):
financially save, save, save.
Try to keep what you have.
You don't have to spend it all.
Make sure you learn aboutinvestments.
That's one thing that timehelps with, because the earlier
you start investing, the greateryour return will be on your
(37:31):
investment later, and so that'sthe advice that I would give
anybody that's listening intheir thirties.
Right now save, save, invest.
Financial education is a gift,and for you to apply it in your
life, I think that will justtake you in places.
Like you know, we talk aboutwhat do we want for our lives,
(37:53):
and in this season and enteringinto your forties and whatever
age you're entering into, thething that I have at the
forefoot, the foremost of mymind, is that one day, I won't
have the same strength that Ihave right now, and am I
financially ready when that timecomes, and do I have all the
(38:14):
investments and do I have allthe savings that I'm going to
need for retirement?
So that's why it's key and so,yeah, come on, save, invest,
learn about financial practicesand apply them.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
That's what I would say, yeah, you know what.
That is good advice.
And I think, as, as women, wewe have to consider that like
even when you do have, like findyour person or you're like, you
still have to think about.
I think there's thatmisconception now, like as women
, I think we're stronger now andlike it's good when you have
that investment, like, and soeven for myself I, my mentor,
(38:52):
said to me like investment, likemoney's an art and a science,
like there's a system to followa lot of things and following
that system, or like if wedidn't learn it, like me and you
, like, obviously I didn't learnit from my parents, so I have
right, and then you just have toteach yourself.
So that's really good adviceBecause even when you say it,
(39:12):
it's reemphasizing in my mind,like what I want to work on in
this, in the season right, right, it's not even the season of
being 40.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
It's just the season of life, Like life right, of
course, and it's alwayssomething that we should be
working on.
Unfortunately, it's not evenbeen emphasized in school as
much you think you know we'relearning math and all these
different things that financialeducation is really key and, as
I just mentioned, the youngeryou are when you can get it.
(39:43):
Some people are blessed withparents that are just that
financially savvy and theyinstill it into them, and others
, naturally, are gifted withthat desire to save and keep and
understand that quickly.
But for those that are notgifted with that or doesn't have
that natural ability to do it,I think it's great to glean and
(40:08):
learn wherever you can, andthat's kind of what I've been
doing as well.
I've taken some financialclasses and those around me that
I see have that gift.
I just observe them and try tolearn from them, and so you know
education is not just fromschool, but it's the education
in life, right, and those aroundyou wherever you can get it
(40:29):
from, and application.
If we know things and we don'tapply them, what good is it for?
Speaker 1 (40:36):
us.
Yeah, I guess it's kind of likethat routine, like everyday
routine, like you know, likefitting that into your daily
routine or like a habit, right,Like it takes a while to grow a
habit a good one or a bad one,right?
I love how you put that.
The good or the bad habit right,I know we all have our bad
(40:57):
habits.
It makes me think about justthe constant reminder in life
that we have to give ourselves,and as women in our forties,
it's like save in life that wehave to give ourselves, and as
women in our forties, it's likesave, save, save.
Which is so true because lifehappens, emergencies come up,
things come up that we, we don'talways foresee, and it's always
(41:19):
like when you do the same thingover and over again, and it's
like being prepared or planningis so important.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
So it's true, and I'll just add one more thing to
that, because it's somethingthat I'm reapplying in my life.
If there's one thing that'skind of hit me back in the head
of that I should be practicing,and it's just paying yourself
first, you know right, you getthat paycheck and you're going
to pay your bills.
(41:43):
You know you put it on yourbudget.
Make sure one of those budgetitems is to pay yourself a
percentage from that salary,because no one's going to give
it to you.
I mean, if you're married,maybe you'll have help that way.
If you have wealthy parents orthere's some kind of
generational wealth, that'shelpful.
But unfortunately that's notthe case for all of us, and so
(42:06):
even taking that little bit andpaying yourself before you pay
the rest of the bills, it willgo a long way 10 percent.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
I think.
That's when one of the dragonssaid that I forgot his name but
yeah, 10 percent.
Like I think I don't know ifyou've seen it but he was
talking about his mom and he hadno idea that she had invested
money like since he was a kid.
And so when they called himdown to the like, the lawyer
called and he's like, oh there's, your mom set aside money for
(42:36):
you.
And he couldn't believe, likehe didn't say the amount, but he
was like shocked because shewas investing money for years,
like even though she was marriedand everything she was putting
money aside for him.
When he got older or anythinghappened to her.
So, right, you know what I mean.
So even at that time, yeah,just doing that like it's
important for, I guess, the yourfuture self, right, so that we
(42:59):
can retire comfortably, right,yeah, so now I think we don't
talk about it enough.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
I think the topic of money is so taboo.
Still, you know you would thinkthere's so many other things
that should really be keptprivate.
That is not, but something likemoney and sharing those
resources and those tips andthose things to help you to
(43:25):
become financially richer, andyou know it helps in life as
well.
And we don't talk about itenough or we feel like, oh, I
can't share with that personthat I'm struggling, that I'm
not sure how I should spend mymoney or how will I get more or
how can I cause it to increase.
You know, there's no shame insomething that you don't know
(43:48):
how to do.
I think we are here for eachother.
It's getting over ourselves aswell, and I think maybe that's
one of the things that come aswe become more seasoned in life,
to be in your forties, I'm notsure, but for me, I just
realizing like I like I can't betoo prideful about things that
(44:08):
I don't know and I don'tunderstand.
I have to be able to trust thatcommunity that I've built, that
I do trust to share thosethings with, and it'll make me a
better person in general, aswell, those are some insightful
words, some great advice.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
Right, and I could even take the that advice for
myself.
Like I think we all can,because we like when you're
changing your how do you saytrajectory or you're like the
way your life, you want yourlife to be, you need those
constant reminders.
And like you need to like, evenif you have a mentor or someone
that like you know, teachingyou about, like money, because
(44:48):
there are people who follow thesystem or did it and they have
advice to share Like, and Ithink sometimes we're in that,
in that mindset, where we don'twant that advice or we don't
want to be reminded.
Like it's kind of like yourparents scolding you for doing
something wrong and you're likeit's like being disciplined
right With everything in life.
So doing something wrong anyway, it's like being disciplined
(45:08):
right with everything in life.
So I think it's important tolook at that too, right, and,
yeah, it's a it's great thatyou've shared your experiences
in life and like your journeyand I think it'd be interesting
just to see, like at the end ofthe year, like right, how, how
you like, what your perspectiveis.
You know what I mean.
I think it's like a whole yearin 40s.
That's good.
(45:30):
Come on A whole year.
I've had a whole year, right.
So I just turned 41 not toolong ago and I think it's like
yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Right, so happy belated.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Right.
Anyways, I'm Carlene and thisis Diva Tonight with Kimone
Clunis, and follow me onInstagram at Diva.
On the radio, it's Diva withtwo I's and if you want to send
a text, you can Divatonight.
buzzsprout.
com.
Tell me what you think aboutinvesting in your 30s, like you
(46:04):
know what your opinion is.
Thank you for listening.
I'm Carlene and this is divatonight.
Speaker 3 (46:12):
We'll be back.
Send us a message on instagramat diva underscore tonight.
Hi there, my name is Carlene and I'm the host of Diva
Tonight, the podcast for womenin their 40s who want to change
their perspective on life andjust perspective in general.
So tonight I have with me inperson my friend Kimone, and she
(00:26):
is going to share her ownpersonal journey with turning 40
, what it's like, and just lifein general.
So, Kimone, tell me a littlebit about yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Well, hello, it is a pleasure to be here with you.
Thank you so much for invitingme on your podcast, Carlene, and
a little bit about myself.
I am a daughter of the King ofKings, that is, I'm a faithful
believer in Jesus Christ and myidentity stems from that.
I was born in Jamaica and Igrew to adulthood here in Canada
(01:03):
.
I am a lover of people, plants,productions and I currently
work as a Corporate EventCoordinator.
I've been in that role foralmost two years now and
previously spent the four yearsprior in a nonprofit sector or
(01:24):
administration.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
So what was it like working in nonprofit versus
where you're working now?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
I loved working in nonprofit.
It gave me the opportunity towear different hats because it
was a smaller organization therewas just maybe three paid staff
and everything else wasvolunteer driven.
So it was a great experiencefor me to try different things.
However, the salary was not thegreatest, but I did love
(01:56):
working there because of thepurpose.
It was a Christian organizationand I really came into
alignment with the vision of myboss, who was the director and
also an evangelist of theorganization as well, so that
was great.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
That was a great thing.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
And, of course, you know you were helping people and
I could see the impact thatthat was going to make, because
it was in alignment to mybeliefs as well.
So it was great to my beliefsas well.
So it was great.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
You talk a lot about your beliefs and you you talk
about your faith.
You're obviously veryfaith-based in your lifestyle,
the way that you carry yourselfand the way that you speak.
So have you always been sofaith-oriented in your life?
You know you go to church andyou you read the Bible and you
(02:44):
practice a Christian lifestyle.
So has it always been that way?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Well, I grew up going to church and in a Christian
home.
However, I didn't alwaysbelieve in God for myself.
It was like secondhand belief.
So my belief system initiallystemmed from what my parents
believed and what I knew fromgrowing up to the understanding
(03:13):
of who God was and, mostimportantly, jesus Christ, the
son of God was on my own and Istarted believing that for
myself.
So there was always a form ofreligion or, I'd say, faith, in
(03:38):
my life, but I didn't alwayspractice or do those things that
were in alignment with what theBible says and what Christian
actually looks like.
That actually happens to me,where I came to believe it
firsthand through firsthandexperience from my own journey,
(03:58):
and where that led me and how Icould see that God came and
intervened and just kind ofpoured out his grace and led me
to a path that leads to life.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Wow, do you think that living a Christian
lifestyle is harder than youknow?
That it's easier said than done.
I think for me, like I'm morespiritual in my way of thinking
and I believe in God, but Ithink it's a different lifestyle
altogether.
Like you know what I mean Interms of, like, the way you live
(04:30):
your life, the decisions thatyou make, you probably think
things through in a differentway.
Like, and now that you know,getting back to the theme of the
show, we're focusing on womenin their forties, now that
you're in your forties, whatdoes that make you think about
in that way?
Like you know what I mean Doyou feel like you have a
different perspective now?
(04:50):
How do you feel at 40?
Okay, you know.
Okay, great, great.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Great, great, thank you.
Kelly yeah.
So give me a little grace.
You know, nerves got me so yeahforties.
Well, nerves got me so yeah 40s.
Well, I have to tell you, Ijust crossed over into the land
(05:14):
of the 40s.
Just maybe you know four months,so I don't have a lot of
experience being 40, but what Ican tell you is that I feel like
I'm on a journey to moreself-discovery as well as just
self-acceptance to having turned40.
(05:35):
Not that it just happened whenI turned 40, but on that journey
to 40, that was something thatwas progressively happening and
now kind of with that numberattached not that the number
changes who I am, but it justkind of has come with a little
shift in my thinking in thesense that you know what you're
getting older and justself-reflection of.
(05:58):
Do you know who you are?
Do you know what you want andwhat do you want your life to
look like now that you're on theother side of coming out of
your 30s and into your 40s?
You know you had asked me thereare some myths and some
misconceptions about women intheir 40s.
Those things to kind of bombardmy mind but to kind of be clear
(06:29):
headed about me and where Iwant to go, and not allowing
that number to be something thatidentifies me, but where I want
to go and where I want to be.
Some of the misconceptionsabout your past year prime it's
too late to make a career change.
You're less fertile.
You know there's possibilitythat your chances to conceive
decrease.
You should be married before 40.
(06:50):
You know, I'm a single woman inmy forties and I don't think
that there should be anypressure on those things.
So to answer your questionwithout going on too much longer
, I'd say, you know, justmonitoring myself and having a
lot of self-affection as I'mprogressing through this other
(07:10):
side into 40 and just trying tosee what possibilities there are
for my life and trying todesign the life that I want.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yeah, you talk about like the misconceptions about
women in their forties, and likeyou're a single woman, and I
can relate to that because Ithink it's not just society
pressures us, it's just familyto get the questions from family
, like when you plan to getmarried, and I think like, in a
lot of ways, we have to figurethose things out for ourselves,
(07:41):
whether it's now or never orjust the whole thought process,
right?
So I think you, like you saidyou've only been in your forties
for a few months, so I can'treally like say certain things
to that effect, but I don'tthink there's the emphasis.
I think it's just like when youturn 40, like you reflect, like
you always reflect at every ageand I think even at 39, was
(08:03):
reflecting.
I'm like, oh my gosh, this islike my last year of my 30s so
like when you're reflecting on,like your last year before you
turned 40, was there somethingin your mind where you're like
this is where I want my life togo now?
Were there things that you putmore focus into?
Speaker 2 (08:21):
well, just backtrack into what I just said about the
misconceptions about, like, notbeing married or not having any
children, because you're worried, you know, would I be able to
conceive after 40?
Just because of the statisticsthat you see and you hear in
those myths.
But actually I was reading, andmore than 100,000 American
(08:45):
women over the age of 40 givebirth and over 80,000 women in
Canada beyond their 40s givebirth as well.
( Correction over 16,000.
So I share those statistics.
To say that that was one of thethings maybe that I used to
think about occasionally.
It would cross my mind when Iwould hear certain things while
(09:08):
I was approaching becoming 40.
However, you know, I just sharethe statistics, so I know that
it's possible, so I don't try tofocus on those things.
But that was one thing that Ididn't focus on it.
But it did cross my mind aboutwhat happens when you get a
little bit older and you're kindof coming out of your thirties.
(09:29):
And then the other thing wasand it's just because you know,
sometimes you have people inyour life that have the best
intentions for you but they askthe question oh, is there anyone
in your life, is there someonespecial?
You know, when are we going tosee a ring on their finger and
all those different questionsthat come around sometimes as
you get older and more seasonedin life and people don't see
(09:53):
certain things relationally thatmaybe society has an
expectation for you to havehappening in your life at a
certain age prior to your 40s.
That was another thing as wellI wanted to see and I hoped that
in my 40s I would see afulfillment of the desire to be
(10:16):
married again.
It's just been four months, sothere's a lot of room for that
gentleman to enter into my lifewhere is he bring him out now?
Speaker 1 (10:30):
um, it's funny that you say that, because I had this
conversation with my cousin andI think when you're ready, you
ask for it, like she said to me,she asked God like to bring her
husband and she didn't expectthe response would be so quickly
because it was someone shedated before and he called the
(10:51):
next day.
Right, and so I think it's whenyou're, when you're ready, like
everyone's asking you like whenit's gonna happen.
But I think we are, we're thepeople of our own journey in
life, like we make the decisions, like on who we date, when
we're ready to date, and maybewhen we're dating the wrong
person, it's preventing us frommeeting the right person.
(11:13):
Like you know, there's so manythings right.
Like I think it's likeself-reflection and
self-development too, like, andI think, like you talked about
like statistics, about women, soI didn't really bring up the
race thing, but you are anotherblack woman like myself and
we're both from the Caribbeanand I think I'm butterscotch,
okay so.
I'm good okay, so you'rebutterscotch and I'm caramel
(11:39):
okay so I always used to saythat I'm like I'm caramel.
I'm not exactly.
That was good.
That was good so as abutterscotch diva, um, okay, but
I mean that's not reallyimportant, but it is.
It sets the precedence for likepregnancy and like.
(11:59):
I think I just saw on the newsthis week that they're finally
doing studies on like how blackwomen like apparently we have
more issues during pregnancythan like not to say other races
don't have issues duringpregnancy, but they're starting
to look at that more.
So like, I mean moreconversations about it, more
(12:21):
studies, research, that kind ofthing.
I guess I don't know how muchyou looked into it, but
obviously we have other concernstoo.
You know what I mean.
Like once we.
There's the middle-aged thing.
I guess I don't know how muchyou looked into it, but
obviously we have other concernstoo.
You know what I mean.
Like once we there's the middleage thing.
Like you know, middle age islike all these things that we
have to look at more closely,right?
Speaker 2 (12:38):
So one thing I'd say to that, though.
Just you'd asked me earlier.
You know if I think differentlybecause of my faith, walk and
all of that, and I do, and so,like even this topic that you
brought up with, you knowdifferent statistics for women
of color, for black women.
I don't base my beliefs off ofthat, and so when I hear those
(13:04):
things, I feel like it's justanother thing for the emotion of
fear to creep into your lifeand to maybe even cause you to
move in a negative direction.
Or we just talked aboutrelationships, right, maybe
choose the wrong partner thatyou're going to spend the rest
(13:25):
of your life with because you'rein a hurry to marry, because,
oh, my goodness, look at thesestatistics I'm a black woman and
I'm trying to have a childlater, and already black women
have so many complications intheir pregnancy.
What's going to happen to me?
I need to hurry up, I need tofind someone, I need to get
pregnant.
You know you put all thispressure on yourself and which
may end up impacting younegatively.
(13:48):
Well, I say you know, because Ibelieve that there's a God and
that he has a way to protect youand keep you from things that
are told that this is howthey're going to be in society.
I don't subscribe to thosethings.
I believe that with God,anything is possible and he's
(14:10):
able to make me have a pregnancythat will carry full term with
as little complications aspossible.
But if I enter into the mindsetof something happening oh,
there could be all theseconvocations Fear may cause such
(14:33):
stress on my body that thosethings may come to fulfillment.
And so what I'm saying is I trynot to let that affect my
mindset and my perspective whenit comes to those things.
So I don't look at being awoman of color, I just look at
being a woman in the kingdom ofGod in this world, and that with
him anything is possible, and Ibelieve that for everyone you
(14:57):
know.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
I don't think I knew that in terms of like your
belief system because, like yousaid, the news, a lot of things,
are like in terms of negativeum information that we are
constantly I guess what's theword oversaturated with, or like
like it's always there, it's inthe.
If it's not on the news, it'son your news feed on Facebook,
(15:18):
it's on Instagram, and then youare.
You get to choose what youallow, right, and you're saying
your faith is possibly thereason why you have a different
mindset.
So, yeah, now that, like,you're thinking about this next
chapter in your life, do youstill want to have kids?
Is that something important toyou?
Like I know?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
yeah so for me personally, I kind of had to ask
my question that you're in yourmid twenties, you know, you're
thinking, you're seeing, you'restarting to see.
I find around that timeframe Iwas seeing a lot of my
girlfriends starting to getpartnered up and getting married
.
And then it was happening againwhen I was turning my thirties
(16:02):
and then now into my forties,and so I really had to sit down
with myself and just reflect andjust ask myself those difficult
questions Like if I can't havechildren, am I going to be okay
with that?
If I don't meet the right person, am I going to be okay with
that?
And so I personally came to aplace where I said you know, if
(16:24):
I am able to have children andbecause I meet the right person,
because I don't believe inintercourse and sexual intimacy
before marriage, so that wouldbe when I meet the right person,
that that would happen Then ifwe can have children and it
happens naturally, then I wouldbe overjoyed.
(16:46):
But if it happens so that wecannot conceive and I cannot
conceive and have a child, Iwill be more than content with
that, because I have beenblessed to have little people in
my life through my friends andfriends that are like sisters
and and siblings and othersaround me.
(17:07):
So I've had that exposure and Iknow that there's pros and cons
to both sides of the spectrum,to having kids and not having
kids, but I also know there'salso the gift in being able to
have them and being able toreturn them to their parents as
well, you know what I mean.
So for me, I kind of settled itwithin myself.
(17:28):
That's what I'm saying to younow.
I hope that still will be truewhen that day comes.
I believe it will be, but Ithink, you know, interesting to
see.
Yeah, I think sometimes we havethe these ideas about what will
make us happy, or when I finallyget this, I will, whatever,
(17:51):
fill in the blank, you know, butis that thing really going to
be what brings you contentmentand what makes you feel whole?
Or, you know, I believe somewomen, they believe that if they
can't have children, they'reless of a woman, and those that
do maybe feel more than or feelthat they fulfill their call as
(18:15):
a woman.
But it depends on what you'rechoosing to define you.
And so I think the area ofchildbearing could be something
as well where we're looking tofind fulfillment in something
but or someone, which may notnecessarily be the case, because
you know, if you've ever beenaround some moms, it is a joy
(18:39):
and they love their children,but it also comes with its own
set of disappointments, right,and so maybe initially that
person thought, oh, when I havethis baby, I'm going to be happy
, I'm going to feel fulfilled.
But then that doesn't happenright, and so I think that's
just another one of those thingswhere we just the next thing,
(19:02):
the next thing, the next thing.
But I think we may be able tofind the most joy in finding
contentment in every stage ofour journey.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
Diva Tonight Glamour for your ears.
This is 40, a femaleperspective.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Speaking of contentment, looking back on
your life so far, what are youmost proud of?
What makes you happy?
Come on, you know, like youwere just talking about looking
for happiness and maybe thewrong places, or just looking
like you know what I mean if Ilike it's, it's like me.
Oh, if I get this job, I mightbe happy.
It may not be the case, becauseyou don't know what those
(19:41):
people that you work with aregoing to be like.
Like all these things.
So for yourself and in yourjust thought process, like what
makes you happy now?
Like it doesn't matter aboutthe age thing, like you know,
what are the things that yourealize in your life so far that
make you happy?
Speaker 2 (20:00):
that they find contentment with.
I'd say not everyone may agreewith this but again, just
because of where I'm coming from, regarding my faith, the fact
that I have a relationship withJesus Christ and I have a faith
community has been so integraland so helpful in my life.
(20:23):
And I find the most contentmentwhen I'm able to connect with
God and the people that Ibelieve that he has gifted me
with in my life and it's notsuperficial things I've come to
understand, but it's the peoplethat make life worth living and
(20:45):
when you get to share momentswith those people as well.
Because you know, sometimes Ithink you know if I get that
outfit, you know that new outfit, I'm gonna look so great, I'm
gonna be so happy and you knowwhat?
I am happy, I get that outfit,but it only lasts for so long.
(21:05):
But those memories when I canreflect on the times when I was
maybe out to dinner with someclose friends and there were
some jokes shared and somethings that happened, some new
memories that were made, and youthink back on it in your times
of quiet or a moment ofloneliness, you think on that
(21:26):
and that makes you smile likethat is a really great gift, and
so I guess my answer tosummarize would be that where
I'm finding contentment now isin God and in the relationships
that I have with God and withthose that he has gifted me with
in my life.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Yeah, I like that for sure, Especially when you talk
about, like the memories thatyou have with your friends.
Like you know, we've had ourmemories where we like I
remember when we went to Ikeaand we tried on, like we tried
every bed in the showroom Causeremember I was like looking for
the great mattress.
And I don't know, I guess fromyears ago, like shopping at Ikea
.
I'm like, I don't know, I guessfrom years ago, like shopping
(22:07):
at Ikea.
I'm like I can't believe likethe best mattress is like the
most expensive one, right?
So like we have those memorieswhere I think back of like when
I used to work at Ikea and nowhow I'm like, wow, I had a
really good, you know deal atIkea.
Like you know how much I used topay for food and stuff you know
like you think back to thosememories, but no, it's fun, like
when we did that too.
(22:28):
So it's like you said, it's thememories that you have with
your friends and, as someonewho's single myself, yeah, I
think it gives you more time toreflect.
We don't have to planeverything.
Like we can make certaindecisions like if you want to,
just yeah, tomorrow.
If you want to go on a drive,you want to to Niagara.
You don't really have to makesure that, okay, who's taking
(22:49):
care of the kids, who's pickingthem up from school, like all
these things.
Not to say that there'sanything wrong with that, but I
mean, like you said, like wehave a different perspective.
In that way, it just changesyour whole yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
It's true, and I'd say you know we get to embrace
whatever season we're in.
You know we're talking aboutbeing in our 40s and all those
things like that's kind of thetheme and the thread that we're
on this right so far in herforties, a wife in their forties
(23:25):
, a single parent in theirforties, wherever you are in
your forties or in your thirtiesor twenties or wherever, I
think what is important is getinto that place where you can
embrace the season that you'rein.
They're not.
It may not all be good, it maynot all be things that will make
you happy.
(23:46):
There may be some sad moments.
There may be, you know, somedepressing moments or moments
where you feel stuck or whateverelse.
It is fill in the blank, butembrace it, because life is made
of these ebbs and flows.
And you know, I don't know ifthis is someone else's quote or
(24:06):
anything, but I like to say youknow, if we never had rainy days
, we would never get to reallyappreciate those sunny days.
Look at us right now.
We live in Canada.
We're coming out of thestruggle of winter.
I would say it's a struggle,it's a fight because spring
tries to break through, but thenboom, here comes the winter
(24:30):
storms, when you think thatyou're in the midst of spring
and that's life right.
We get hit with those warm daysand you feel so great because
that sun is shining, you'regetting that vitamin D.
And then you get, bam, you'rehit again with those ice storms
that kind of isolate you andkeep you locked in, right, and
(24:51):
you can equate that with theseasons of our lives as well.
But we embrace that because weknow there's hope.
And there's hope because youknow, okay, winter's going to
end at some point and at somepoint there's going to be spring
.
And so it gives you that momentto move on.
So, yeah, embrace the seasonthat you're in.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Right, right, yeah, it's definitely is.
When you talk about the season,like the changes in life, like
ups and downs and ebb and flows,and I don't know I, I it's
interesting.
I was listening to a podcasttoday.
She said you shouldn't worryabout if you're doing it right,
if you're doing life right, likeif you're not.
(25:32):
Because I guess we like society, like I think it's in TV shows,
it's in books, movies, thiswhole idea of like when you're
in your twenties you finishschool, when you're in your
thirties you should be married,and like you, you know.
So all those things, justbecause they're doing it doesn't
mean that you're doing it wrong.
Like, we all have our own pathand like it's the people that
(25:55):
you, that you hang around with,that support you in your
decision and we're like push youto keep on that path, because
sometimes you fall off the pathor whatever.
Your interest is right.
So like, even, like, even withyou.
Like you went back to school, Idid yeah, right, and I did yeah.
Like you didn't do.
Like me, I didn't.
I, you know, I went touniversity in 2003 and then I
(26:17):
even changed my major when I wasat York and I graduated in 2008
.
And like, when you're 24, youdon't think about like, oh, the
stock market crashed, this meansI might not be able to find
work.
Like you know what I mean.
Like so, when I look back onthose things, certain things are
like wow, like you know what Imean, you don't think about the
impact, but like, even for you,like you went to school later on
(26:38):
in life.
How was that, like, what wasyour reason behind?
Finally study event planning,right, yeah I did so.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
As you say, we don't necessarily do things right or
by the books, according to maybewhat is the norm of society
always?
Our life doesn't always go thatway, it's's not always.
First comes love, then the babycarriage right, sometimes the
baby carriage comes becausethere was love and things get a
(27:11):
little bit out of order, and sowe know that that's a part of
life.
And so, yeah, for myself, I hadtried going to school for
higher education when I wasyounger, but I would try and I
just could not quite identifywhere I wanted to be and I just
felt like it was almost like awaste of time because I didn't
have a clear direction.
(27:32):
So I'd start a course and thenI wouldn't finish it part way
because I'd lose interest or trysomething else, and so I just
worked for a few years.
I did some upgrade in here andthere, but nothing that was to
get me a diploma or to finish acomplete program until maybe
about what was that like fiveyears ago now, where I had
(27:56):
worked in multiple positions indifferent roles over the years
and after that samenon-for-profit position that I
worked in that I shared aboutearlier the one with the low
salary.
It actually the salary was low,but it opened up a lot of
opportunities to me.
So sometimes it's really notabout the money in the position
(28:16):
that you're working in, butafter working there, I had
exposure to event planning in myrole and I thought, you know, I
really enjoyed doing that, andso when I thought about what my
next steps was going to be, Ithought, you know, I'm going to
go back to school and I'm goingto learn about this.
(28:37):
And I ended up doing it and Igot it was just a really short
program.
It was for a year, because I'dactually done another program
before that and so I was able tofast track it and I completed
it and within five years I endedup with two diplomas.
So I think it's just timing.
Again, it's a season when areyou?
(28:57):
Do you know yourself a littlebit more to make certain
decisions Right?
And so for me, I didn't fall inline with that.
In your 20s, you, you finishschool and then you buy a house
and all of that.
Right it was a little bit out oforder, but it was my personal
journey and I think that's whatwe all have to recognize as well
(29:19):
.
We're not comparing ourselvesto others.
We are comparing our youngerself to ourself now and our goal
, I believe, should be to get toour better self, the person
that we want to be, not whosomebody else is.
I think it's great to have amentor or to look up to somebody
(29:43):
in the position where you wantto be, so that you can kind of
order your steps to follow orunderstand the trajectory that
got them there, but I don'tthink our goal should be to be
that person.
Our goal should be to beourselves, but the better
version of ourselves.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Yeah, that is very interesting because I was
following your little Facebookpage.
You know what Like it's?
Yes, so I was looking at.
I know there's not a lot onthere, but I was looking at some
of your pictures.
I'm like, oh my God, come on.
Like you know, like yoursignature smile, it's always
smiling.
No, no, it's true, it's true.
It's like they say, smiles arecontagious.
(30:24):
But you know how you're talkingabout.
You're competing not withothers, but with yourself.
So there's a quote that youhave, that you've posted on your
Facebook, that says that so itis.
It's saying that you domanifest that or that's your
belief.
So obviously it's.
Yeah, like you said, there'snot a ton of stuff.
I can't like weed anything out.
You know, like some people goon there to find out, like, if
(30:45):
there's something interestingabout the person, or to get them
know them a little bit more.
But I think the one thing thatwas interesting is reading that
and then hearing you reiterateit.
So there you have it right, I'mnot very active on social media,
so I know, I know that's how,like you know, sometimes you
figure fine little things onthere.
(31:06):
As a researcher like I'm alwayslike looking prepared, well,
preparing myself, right.
So when you talk to people,like you find different things
about them and like looking back.
You said that five years ago,that's when you decided to go
back to school for somethingthat you enjoyed doing so when
you were younger, what did youlike to do?
Was it something similar Like?
(31:28):
Because they say I found with alot of people I've interviewed
that there was something thatthey enjoyed doing when they
were children that they stillenjoy doing now.
And it's like when you go backand you think what did they like
to do?
Like me, I love to read and Ilike talking, and so I'm just
(31:48):
like.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
You know what I mean.
So you're laughing, but it'strue I got in a lot of trouble,
right, You're in the right field.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Right, so there we go .
So like I could have been awriter, who knows.
But what did you like to dowhen you were a kid?
Was there something like yourfavorite subject, like what was
come on, like when she wasyounger?
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Yeah, I am not in that role right now, but I do
love to sing, I love music, andI think if I really search
through my memories, I can seewhere hospitality has always
been a part of who I am am justthat willingness to embrace
(32:30):
others and create comfortablespace for them, an environment
where they feel accepted andthat they can relax and have a
great experience.
You know, at the time I didn'thave different venues to host
things at, but even going backinto my twenties, I always
wanted to open my home and if Icould prepare something, even if
it was just crackers and cheeseand hot chocolate you know how
(32:50):
it is sometimes then I wouldwillingly do that.
So, yeah, I do love music.
I was a part of my church'sworship team for a few years and
so, yeah, the love of music hasalways been there.
But I can also see that heartthat I have for hospitality has
(33:10):
been a thread in my life as well.
So there you go.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Yeah, no, it's always like the things that you like
to do, like you always revisitthat if you need to, like look
at your career path and likewhere you're going and as we
talk about career, like, and nowthat you're in this role, like,
what have you learned about theindustry itself?
Working in that industry?
Oh, in the hospitality?
(33:36):
Yeah, working in hospitality,like I mean, it's different, you
know, like I have learned thatit is a small world.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
The world is not as big, or my world and Canada,
here in the city that I live in,is not as big as I thought it
was.
In hospitality I find thatthere's so many people that you
didn't realize that you wereconnected to, that you become
connected to and then you seethem again.
It's like they're everywhereand it's like everybody knows
(34:06):
everybody, and it's just fromthe side that I've seen it from.
I know that others have seen itfrom a more negative light, but
even from my experience in theprograms that I did at school
and now to where I'm working,and I go to different networking
events and differenteducational series where you
(34:29):
have professional development, Ijust have really great
experiences because I just meetawesome people.
And I don't know if that's ablessing that has followed me,
which I'm grateful for, but it'sgreat.
I love this industry and Ibelieve that this industry has
some of the warmest people in itand I reciprocate that, and so
(34:54):
for me the experiences have beengreat in industry.
As you know, we were hit withCOVID and all that and that
really had a big impact on theindustry, but it's bouncing back
and better than ever and justit is one of those industries
that just connects people and,as I mentioned earlier when I
was telling you about myself,people are one of my passions,
(35:16):
and so it is great to be in aplace where you feel like your
gifts can shine.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
You said like it's really is a small world.
So one of my teachers at Humbersaid don't burn any bridges,
because you just never know whoyou're going to run into, which
is true or there might be a link.
So like, even like at the jobinterview, I remember one where
the person who was the HRmanager who was interviewing me
(35:42):
her husband works for thecompany I work for now.
I'm not going to mention names,but it's just like you said you
work for now.
I'm not going to mention names,but it's just like you said,
you just never know who you'regoing to run into.
Like you just have to keep thatin the back of your mind
because even though you're notworking with that person now,
you might run into them or theymight be able to help you, right
it's true, yeah, it's so true.
So I think, in the end, likewhen, as you reflect on your 30s
(36:07):
, what would you say to yourlike yourself?
You know, when you reflect backand you're like, oh, if I had
to do it again or if I had tochange things in terms of like
yourself and your 30s, whatwould you say to yourself now?
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Oh, my goodness, In my 30s, in my 30s, yeah, I.
(36:48):
First of all, I just want tosay how awesome wouldn't it be
to be ourselves in those seasons.
They've shaped us and given usthe character that we have today
, and so I wouldn't changeanything, because it's shaped
who I am.
But stay in that.
To answer your questionregarding what would I say to my
30 year old self, if I couldchange anything, it would be
(37:11):
financially save, save, save.
Try to keep what you have.
You don't have to spend it all.
Make sure you learn aboutinvestments.
That's one thing that timehelps with, because the earlier
you start investing, the greateryour return will be on your
(37:31):
investment later, and so that'sthe advice that I would give
anybody that's listening intheir thirties.
Right now save, save, invest.
Financial education is a gift,and for you to apply it in your
life, I think that will justtake you in places.
Like you know, we talk aboutwhat do we want for our lives,
(37:53):
and in this season and enteringinto your forties and whatever
age you're entering into, thething that I have at the
forefoot, the foremost of mymind, is that one day, I won't
have the same strength that Ihave right now, and am I
financially ready when that timecomes, and do I have all the
(38:14):
investments and do I have allthe savings that I'm going to
need for retirement?
So that's why it's key and so,yeah, come on, save, invest,
learn about financial practicesand apply them.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
That's what I would say, yeah, you know what.
That is good advice.
And I think, as, as women, wewe have to consider that like
even when you do have, like findyour person or you're like, you
still have to think about.
I think there's thatmisconception now, like as women
, I think we're stronger now andlike it's good when you have
that investment, like, and soeven for myself I, my mentor,
(38:52):
said to me like investment, likemoney's an art and a science,
like there's a system to followa lot of things and following
that system, or like if wedidn't learn it, like me and you
, like, obviously I didn't learnit from my parents, so I have
right, and then you just have toteach yourself.
So that's really good adviceBecause even when you say it,
(39:12):
it's reemphasizing in my mind,like what I want to work on in
this, in the season right, right, it's not even the season of
being 40.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
It's just the season of life, Like life right, of
course, and it's alwayssomething that we should be
working on.
Unfortunately, it's not evenbeen emphasized in school as
much you think you know we'relearning math and all these
different things that financialeducation is really key and, as
I just mentioned, the youngeryou are when you can get it.
(39:43):
Some people are blessed withparents that are just that
financially savvy and theyinstill it into them, and others
, naturally, are gifted withthat desire to save and keep and
understand that quickly.
But for those that are notgifted with that or doesn't have
that natural ability to do it,I think it's great to glean and
(40:08):
learn wherever you can, andthat's kind of what I've been
doing as well.
I've taken some financialclasses and those around me that
I see have that gift.
I just observe them and try tolearn from them, and so you know
education is not just fromschool, but it's the education
in life, right, and those aroundyou wherever you can get it
(40:29):
from, and application.
If we know things and we don'tapply them, what good is it for?
Speaker 1 (40:36):
us.
Yeah, I guess it's kind of likethat routine, like everyday
routine, like you know, likefitting that into your daily
routine or like a habit, right,Like it takes a while to grow a
habit a good one or a bad one,right?
I love how you put that.
The good or the bad habit right,I know we all have our bad
(40:57):
habits.
It makes me think about justthe constant reminder in life
that we have to give ourselves,and as women in our forties,
it's like save in life that wehave to give ourselves, and as
women in our forties, it's likesave, save, save.
Which is so true because lifehappens, emergencies come up,
things come up that we, we don'talways foresee, and it's always
(41:19):
like when you do the same thingover and over again, and it's
like being prepared or planningis so important.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
So it's true, and I'll just add one more thing to
that, because it's somethingthat I'm reapplying in my life.
If there's one thing that'skind of hit me back in the head
of that I should be practicing,and it's just paying yourself
first, you know right, you getthat paycheck and you're going
to pay your bills.
(41:43):
You know you put it on yourbudget.
Make sure one of those budgetitems is to pay yourself a
percentage from that salary,because no one's going to give
it to you.
I mean, if you're married,maybe you'll have help that way.
If you have wealthy parents orthere's some kind of
generational wealth, that'shelpful.
But unfortunately that's notthe case for all of us, and so
(42:06):
even taking that little bit andpaying yourself before you pay
the rest of the bills, it willgo a long way 10 percent.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
I think.
That's when one of the dragonssaid that I forgot his name but
yeah, 10 percent.
Like I think I don't know ifyou've seen it but he was
talking about his mom and he hadno idea that she had invested
money like since he was a kid.
And so when they called himdown to the like, the lawyer
called and he's like, oh there's, your mom set aside money for
(42:36):
you.
And he couldn't believe, likehe didn't say the amount, but he
was like shocked because shewas investing money for years,
like even though she was marriedand everything she was putting
money aside for him.
When he got older or anythinghappened to her.
So, right, you know what I mean.
So even at that time, yeah,just doing that like it's
important for, I guess, the yourfuture self, right, so that we
(42:59):
can retire comfortably, right,yeah, so now I think we don't
talk about it enough.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
I think the topic of money is so taboo.
Still, you know you would thinkthere's so many other things
that should really be keptprivate.
That is not, but something likemoney and sharing those
resources and those tips andthose things to help you to
(43:25):
become financially richer, andyou know it helps in life as
well.
And we don't talk about itenough or we feel like, oh, I
can't share with that personthat I'm struggling, that I'm
not sure how I should spend mymoney or how will I get more or
how can I cause it to increase.
You know, there's no shame insomething that you don't know
(43:48):
how to do.
I think we are here for eachother.
It's getting over ourselves aswell, and I think maybe that's
one of the things that come aswe become more seasoned in life,
to be in your forties, I'm notsure, but for me, I just
realizing like I like I can't betoo prideful about things that
(44:08):
I don't know and I don'tunderstand.
I have to be able to trust thatcommunity that I've built, that
I do trust to share thosethings with, and it'll make me a
better person in general, aswell, those are some insightful
words, some great advice.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
Right, and I could even take the that advice for
myself.
Like I think we all can,because we like when you're
changing your how do you saytrajectory or you're like the
way your life, you want yourlife to be, you need those
constant reminders.
And like you need to like, evenif you have a mentor or someone
that like you know, teachingyou about, like money, because
(44:48):
there are people who follow thesystem or did it and they have
advice to share Like, and Ithink sometimes we're in that,
in that mindset, where we don'twant that advice or we don't
want to be reminded.
Like it's kind of like yourparents scolding you for doing
something wrong and you're likeit's like being disciplined
right With everything in life.
So doing something wrong anyway, it's like being disciplined
(45:08):
right with everything in life.
So I think it's important tolook at that too, right, and,
yeah, it's a it's great thatyou've shared your experiences
in life and like your journeyand I think it'd be interesting
just to see, like at the end ofthe year, like right, how, how
you like, what your perspectiveis.
You know what I mean.
I think it's like a whole yearin 40s.
That's good.
(45:30):
Come on A whole year.
I've had a whole year, right.
So I just turned 41 not toolong ago and I think it's like
yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Right, so happy belated.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Right.
Anyways, I'm Carlene and thisis Diva Tonight with Kimone
Clunis, and follow me onInstagram at Diva.
On the radio, it's Diva withtwo I's and if you want to send
a text, you can Divatonight.
buzzsprout.
com.
Tell me what you think aboutinvesting in your 30s, like you
(46:04):
know what your opinion is.
Thank you for listening.
I'm Carlene and this is divatonight.
Speaker 3 (46:12):
We'll be back.
Send us a message on instagramat diva underscore tonight.
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