How to Deal With F'd Up Parents - Happy Thanksgiving

Aloha LOVE Tribe,

I am trying a new experiment. Check it out.

I LOVE tech and AI and anything that can synthesize data points and help me become a better version of myself more efficiently and effectively.

This experiment does not remove or replace the absolute need for proof of work via testing assumptions through experiential learning.

I am going through some very intense (like gutwrenching buckle up buttercup WTF intense) challenges as a Mom, woman, friend, lover, and human and had a deep conversation over Pad Thai with a very special person in my life yesterday about parental forgiveness, shame, and LOVE.

This person has known me for decades and probably knows me, my history and my family more than almost anyone yet still has limited compassionate understanding of my internal operating system and what is like to live in my skin.

NO ONE can ever understand how others operate.

No matter how many books, podcasts, courses, degrees, hours of therapy, doses of psychedelics, expert status blah blah - no human can fully understand another and to claim so is BS and dangerous to human connection and peace.

So - I am doing a blended post with this experiment with writing and video because I seem to flow better when just talking and I hope it helps you along your journey of self-love, self-forgiveness, self-discovery, and compassion and empathy.

BELOW = PERPLEXITY


The Journey to Forgiving Our Parents: A Path to Personal Healing

The complex journey of forgiving our parents stands as one of life's most profound challenges and opportunities for growth. As adults, we come to realize that our parents were simply humans trying to raise other humans, carrying their own wounds and limitations.

 Understanding Parental Forgiveness

Forgiveness of our parents isn't about excusing harmful behavior or pretending everything was perfect. Rather, it's about releasing ourselves from the burden of resentment and creating space for healing[1]. This internal process allows us to move forward while acknowledging both the pain and the humanity in our shared story.

 The Psychology of Parent-Child Wounds

The Impact of Early Experiences
Our childhood experiences with our parents form the foundation of how we relate to others throughout our lives. Research shows that parental acceptance in childhood significantly influences our ability to forgive as adults[4]. When we experience rejection or hurt from our parents, these wounds can continue to affect us well into adulthood, influencing our relationships and emotional well-being.

Breaking Generational Patterns
"Forgiveness is the key to resolving the pain of the past and breaking generational patterns. Without it, nothing is ever laid to rest. The past still operates in the present"[1]. This profound truth highlights how unresolved parental issues can perpetuate through generations unless we actively work to heal them.

 The Benefits of Forgiving Parents

Personal Growth and Healing
Research indicates that forgiveness has numerous positive effects on individual traits, family relationships, and overall family environment[3]. When we forgive our parents, we:
- Experience improved mental and physical health
- Develop better relationship skills
- Break free from destructive patterns
- Create healthier boundaries
- Foster emotional maturity

 Steps Toward Forgiveness

1. Understanding Their Story
Take time to learn about your parents' own life experiences and challenges. Understanding the context of their behavior can foster compassion without excusing harmful actions[6]. Consider their own upbringing, struggles, and the societal pressures they faced.

2. Acknowledging Reality
Have realistic expectations about y