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August 23, 2025 21 mins

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Domestic violence through narcissistic control is a heartbreaking cycle that requires understanding and intervention. This emotional discussion explores the patterns of abuse, manipulation tactics, and the complicated reality of why victims often stay with their abusers despite having loving support systems.

• Narcissistic abusers maintain control through mental manipulation, making victims believe they are the problem
• The cycle of abuse creates a sense of helplessness where victims make excuses for their abusers' behavior
• Family members and friends often feel powerless when watching loved ones trapped in abusive relationships
• Victims typically need to recognize the problem themselves before they can successfully leave
• Children of abuse survivors develop heightened awareness of these relationship dynamics
• Football season kicks off with Ravens dominating Commanders 30-3 in preseason action
• Weekly Tuesday football discussions coming with TJ covering all NFL games

If you know someone in an abusive situation, please continue to show them love and support. They need to know there are people who care about them and will be there when they're ready to leave.


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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Thank you All right.
Good afternoon, good afternoon,good afternoon.
How is everyone doing today?
What is going on?
It is a beautiful day,beautiful sunny day here, and I

(00:42):
just had to come on for a minutebecause, you know, I got
something on my mind and when Igot something on my mind I come
talk about it.
It's your boy, damon, and I'mhere with the dk and tree
podcast.
Well, before I get on thesoapbox, I just want to say, um,
ravens commanders played thegame today.
Um, man, did y'all even show uptoday?
I'm just saying, even thoughit's preseason, I'm just saying

(01:05):
I mean only scored three pointsand the Ravens, uh, blew you out
30 points to three.
Yeah, y'all need to.
Uh, yeah, y'all need to getbetter, do better, do better
Commanders, do better.
Hey, one person does have theirjob and that is um, what's his
name?
That, that is what's his name.
That's the kicker, tish, whereyou been.

(01:26):
Yeah, whatever, grandpa Earn isnot going to help you out on
this one.
Okay, I've been looking for youanyway.
Grandpa Earn is not going tohelp you out with this.
So it's all good.
It's all good.
Oh, yeah, I agree with you.
F the Chiefs, I am totally withit.
I am coming up there for thegame on the 28th with the Chiefs

(01:48):
.
I will be up there.
So I'm definitely coming upthere to see that.
But you know, I just wanted tocome over here and talk to these
Commanders fans for a littlebit, just for a little bit, and
say, hey, where they at, I meanit's preseason, but hey, why not
Just throw some shade?
Y'all took a L today, I mean aserious L, and I was there live
in the color, and they asked mehey, man, can you do something

(02:11):
about the Ravens fan?
Man, I'm a Ravens fan.
I can't help you with that, butit is what it is.
It is what it is.
So, again, I just wanted tocome on just mess with that one
for a little bit.
But I came on here for mylittle soap opera today, and my
soap opera is this I told you,when I run across things, or

(02:32):
when I see things, or ifanything comes up, it's really
not good for me, because of thesimple fact that I'm going to
talk about it.
Because, yeah, it's it.
Yes, football season is here.
They better get ready, and ifthey don't get ready, that's
just too bad.
That's just too bad.
So my soap opera thing isbasically this Narcissistic

(02:57):
people, narcissistic people andI wanted to come on here and
talk about that for a second,because here's the thing when
you're narcissistic or whatever,it really does not work out
good for you being narcissisticor anything like that.
It's crazy.
Oh yeah, I'm definitely ready.

(03:17):
Yeah, so you know beingnarcissistic and you know just
basically, like being inrelationships and stuff like
that being narcissistic and um,control.
Remember, I've said this wholething of domestic violence.
Domestic violence is bad allthe way around and when domestic
violence is bad, it's reallyreally bad.

(03:39):
So you know, you have to take anaccount of what somebody may be
going through, what someone hasexperienced, and then what
control someone has over someone.
And when you see it and you tryto help the person get out of
the situation, it's justsometimes the person is just not

(03:59):
ready.
You can kick them, you can saywhatever you want and they're
just not ready to get themselvesout of the situation.
But when narcissistic, it'slike you can see it, but the
person that's in the situationdoesn't see it.
Manipulation, absolutely.
And when you go through thatand you have loved ones that
just try to get you out of thissituation or just talk to you

(04:22):
and say, hey, this is not goodfor you, this is not going to be
bad for you and it's not goingto work out good for you,
especially if you have a goodcareer or something like that,
and you got somebody justcontrolling your life, just
trying to control your life andget your life, and it's just a
bad situation all around.
And me seeing something likethis and seeing how controlling

(04:45):
someone or someone's using theirself to try to intimidate
someone else, like I am thealpha dog, I am this and you're
not going to do anything, and inpoint case in point case, we
see if they're out in thesetting and if the partner goes
and talks to someone and thenthe narcissistic person just

(05:07):
coming up hey, let's go, hey,let's do this, you're
controlling the whole area.
Yeah, when does it stop?
It doesn't stop.
This cycle has to be broken and, like I said, it's just bad
because not only does it messwith you mentally, it messes
with you physically too.
Generally, in situations likethat, the person really needs

(05:28):
some help to get out of thissituation.
It's not talked about enough.
What does the receiver do?
The receiver until somethingclicks that they have to get out
of this situation.
They have to get out of thissituation until something clicks
that they have to get out ofthis situation.
They have to get out of thissituation.
And seeing something like thatfirsthand I said this is not

(05:49):
talked about enough because,again, it goes on out here a lot
and a lot of people don't doanything about it whatsoever.
They just sit there, they takeit or whatever, because my
mental ain't all there.
Yeah, I get it.
And you know, that's just thething, because if someone is not

(06:10):
strong enough to get out ofthis situation, they're stuck
and then they start makingexcuses for this person's
behavior and it's really, reallysad.
And you see the excuses oh, itwas my fault that I did this, oh
, it was my fault that I didthat, and it's not.
It's never their fault.
And I don't know why theyprotect the abuser.

(06:32):
They always protect them.
You can have family membersthat can try to step in.
You can have loved ones try tostep in.
You can have friends that willtry to step in and they'll
defend the abuser versus knowing.
Like I said, just seeing thatyou, just seeing that it, just

(06:59):
it made me cringe because I sawit and I saw how it was and I
saw the intimidation and Ilooked at it and I was like this
is a bad situation.
But, like I said, he, theabuser, is trying to intimidate
other people like it's gonna bemy way or no way.
I will do something whenever Iwant and this person will not do

(07:25):
anything about it.
And what about my feelings?
That's just a selfish spirit.
Tish, I agree with you, it is aselfish spirit, it is.
But remember, this is anauseated person.
All about themselves, right?
They don't care what you think.
It's all about them.
So, again, you've just got to bestrong enough to remove

(07:46):
yourself from that situation.
If you're not strong enough toremove yourself from that
situation, it's a problem.
And what it is is that theydon't really see that it's a
problem for them because they'reso conditioned to being treated
that way and it's really,really sad and it upsets me,

(08:08):
because I have daughters and Inever want any of my daughters
to go through any situationslike that, going through some
man mentally, physically oranything abusing them, because
the end result is somethingcould happen to them where they
don't come back from.
So they need to walk away.
They have to acknowledge that.
Hey, this is not good for meand I need to step myself away

(08:30):
from this.
I need to get away from this.
I need to do better for myself.
I deserve better than this,instead of putting up with it.
But manipulation, and it's twosides of the street.
Men do it and women do it too,and when they don't get their
way, they manipulate you, theyuse you, they prey on things

(08:52):
that you know that's going tomess with you.
Or this is how I know he'svulnerable, or this is how I
know she's vulnerable.
Let me do this, let me do that.
And the cycle never endsbecause the narcissistic abuser
keeps them in that web wherethey can't leave.
And this is a cycle that really, really needs to be broken.

(09:15):
And the simple fact that whenthey run across someone that's a
man, they're not going tochallenge them.
Mental and verbal abuse is onthe same level as physical.
Oh, I totally agree with you,because if you get someone up
here, you got them.
It is with this, you get themhere, you got them.

(09:37):
It is with this you get themhere.
It's all over, because nowthey're defeated, because you
defeated them here, so noweverything else is just like oh,
maybe it was me, oh, maybe Iwas wrong.
Oh no, I walked into that wall.
No, you didn't.
And they get you to believe afalse sense that you're the
problem and they're the problemand it's a problem that needs to

(09:58):
be addressed.
And then when someone steps inor whatever, what's the first
thing that they do?
They take the side of theperson.
That's why I've learned to besolid.
Yeah, I get sometimes beingsolid, but being out of that
situation is much better, much,much better.

(10:20):
And, like I said, you just can'treason with them because they
feel as though it's always theirway or no way.
And, like I said, to see this,you know it really hurt me
because I have daughters and Iwould never want my daughter
treated in that type of mannerin any way, because, again, you

(10:43):
know it, just it just wouldn'tbe pretty, because of the simple
fact that I'm always going todefend my children.
I'm going to defend them andI'm not, you're not going to see
your children hurt.
I'm going to defend them andI'm not.
You're not going to see yourchildren hurt.
So what's the same thing asyour mom, your sister, your aunt
or anyone, cousins, anybody, ifyou know, anybody is going
through a situation.
They need to get out of it.

(11:05):
But the thing of it is is theyhave to acknowledge that it is a
problem to get theirself out ofit.
And that's one of the biggestproblems that we have when
you're going through this withnarcissistic people, because
they're narcissistic, becausebelieve it has to be their way,
or no way, or you'll never benothing without me.
Oh, I'm this, I'm that, andit's a vicious, toxic atmosphere

(11:29):
and it's bad.
And, like I said, when I seestuff like that, you know I come
share my opinion and, like Isaid, it's bad.
They need to get their self outof it, they need help and if we
know they need help, hey, just,we just try, but again, until
they're ready, it's nothing wecan do.
And it's really, really sad.

(11:51):
You know, like I said, justseeing a situation like that it
it bothered me on the inside,but knowing there's nothing you
can do is even worse.
It's even worse because, again,I look at that as that could be
my mother, my aunt, mydaughters or anything like that,
and they are just being just,they're beating them down and

(12:18):
they're beating them down andthey're defeating them and they
feel as though that they can'tget over that defeat on their
own, or they're always feel asthough they're the problem.
No, you're not the problem,they're the problem.
You need to get rid of theproblem so you can do better.
And I even give something pastrelationships I've even been in

(12:39):
where someone was controlling me, manipulating me or whatever,
and someone brought it to myattention and they got me out of
it because they told me take astep back and look at it.
And I did and I took a stepback and when I started pushing
back, that's when we startedhaving all the problems Again.
I just if anyone's out there,anyone that can hear my voice if

(13:02):
you're in a bad situation, getyourself out of it, because I
don't like seeing news storieson the news of domestic violence
.
I don't, because we'renarcissistic people, at least in
domestic violence, becausethey're controlling the person,
whether it's physical, mental oranything.
They'll beat the person down tomake them feel as though
they're the lowest form on earthand they don't mean anything.

(13:25):
And I'm the only one that caresabout you.
And that's not true, becauseyou have a whole bunch of family
members out here that careabout you, that love you,
because you have a whole bunchof family members out here that
care about you, that love you,that's concerned with you, that
will go to back and go to warfor you.
Go to war for you?
Yes, leslie, they will go towar for you.

(13:48):
But until that person is readyto come out of their situation,
there's nothing we can do butjust stand by and just watch
this mess that's just folding infront of you.
Like I said, it bothered me alot.
It does Because, again, for thesimple fact that I have
daughters and I would never wantmy daughter to be treated any

(14:08):
way of the sort, none way of thesort, none.
So again, if you know somebodythat's going through that, until
they're ready to leave, there'snothing really we can do.
But we got to tell them westill love them, we love you.
That's not love.
What you're being shown overthere is not love, that's abuse

(14:31):
and you need to remove yourselffrom it.
But they just don't.
And I just don't understand why.
I don't understand why someonewould stay in a relationship
where someone's messing withyour mind, someone's physically
putting their hands on you.
I just don't understand why youwould put yourself through that
.
I don't understand and I don'treally care to understand,

(14:54):
because of the simple fact thatI believe there's always you can
get yourself out of it, thereis a better way and there is
someone else better than whatyou're going through.
Or for the simple fact, taketime for yourself, take a step
back, say, hey, you knowsomething, I need to relax, I
need to sit back, I need to fixmyself and then go back.

(15:17):
But to keep yourself in thatsituation, that's going to lead
to health problems, healthissues and God knows what else.
Because now you all stressed outbecause of all this other stuff
and just best believe there's alot more going on that we don't
see.
And that's the part, that'sreally the scary part.
Because we don't see that.

(15:39):
We don't see what's going on onthe other side of the door or
on the glass or in the vehicleor anything like that.
Only thing you see is when theypull off, when they take off.
If one person gets out, theother person gets out.
It's a vicious cycle and itneeds to stop.

(16:02):
It does, but they have to tryto remove theirself from that
situation.
That's my two cents on thematter.
Again, I just wanted to come onhere and just touch on that
really, really briefly, becausethis is heartwarming.
It's heartbreaking it isespecially when you see it in
person and there's nothing youcan do about it, at all Nothing,
and it just it broke my heart.

(16:25):
It broke my heart to see.
But you know, it's just theythat the person just has to move
on.
They have to get theirself outof it.
They have to do something.
They have to know that they arefamily members, they are
friends and everything thatloves them, and I mean love them
, and until they realize that, Ithink that's when it's going to

(16:48):
get better for the person.
But my prayers go out to them,you know.
But, like I said, I just I justwanted to come on here and talk
about that for a minute because,again, I'm really big on this
domestic violence stuff.
What up, bro, I see you upthere on TikTok.
Yeah, again, I it breaks myheart, especially, like I said,

(17:10):
having daughters.
It breaks my heart to see thatthat's going on and if any of my
daughters is listening to this,you heart, especially, like I
said, having daughters.
It breaks my heart to see thatthat's going on.
And if any of my daughters islistening to this, you know,
again, I would never see mychildren hurt by a man at all at
all, at all, but again untilthey're ready to get themselves
out of this situation.

(17:30):
It's really nothing you do.
We just got to stand behindthem and support them.
But we just got to keep tellingthem that's not healthy for you
, it's not good for you,especially when you have a good
head on your shoulders,especially when you have a great
career, especially when youhave a lot going for yourself
and this dirt bag is justmanipulating you.

(17:52):
And yeah, if the person hearsit, I quietly don't give a damn.
But what I'm saying is this itneeds to stop.
But that person needs toprotect herself at all costs.
Again, that's my two cents forcoming on here.
But you know other things.
Like I said, I touched onfootball and because football is
coming, football is coming,football is coming.

(18:13):
So start of the season is what?
Less than a week away.
And you know, every tuesday, meand tj, we come on and we talk
about a.
What happened in all the gamesstarts thursday uh, philly and
uh dallas.
Yeah, leslie, yeah, yeah, sheeagles fan, so TJ's Eagles fan,

(18:34):
so they repping their Eagles,but they're coming on.
And then next thing, you knowit come on Sunday All the games,
sunday night football, we be inBuffalo.
Oh, I got to give a shout out.
Two ladies I met today.
They were from Buffalo.
They was at the game today andwe said hey, hey, it's gonna be

(18:56):
on and popping when we get up inthere.
So they saying they're gonnacome on here if, if Buffalo
beats us, if Buffalo beats us.
They said they showed up.
I said well, when we beat y'all, because they know if, when we
beat y'all, y'all still show up.
So they said they're gonna comeon.
I appreciate them.
Another thing I ran across today.
It was a couple.
They were driving in the carand it was so funny.
So the guy had on Commandersand the lady had on Ravens.

(19:19):
So he rode and went and I gavethe lady a high five.
I said that's right, ravens allday.
So it was funny.
They told me she said hey, well, I got to give a shout out to
him because this is our firstdate.
Shout out to him because thisis our first date.
I said, wow, y'all went to agame together on the first date.
I'm not even mad at y'all, I'mnot even mad.
So it was just pretty cool tomeet a lot of cool people up

(19:40):
there and even the guys up inthe suites I was talking to some
of them today and what wasfunny, they were saying oh man,
you got to get these Ravens upout of here, man.
I said wait a minute, man, I'm aRavens fan.
Nah, I'm not getting them outof here.
I said we came in here tohandle our business.
So that's what we did.
We handled our business.
It is what it is, but it'spreseason.

(20:02):
You got to have fun with it.
But hey, like I said, at leastone person has their job and
that's the kicker, because hedid score the three points.
Well, he does have the job.
But again, came on here for thatlittle bit.
Please, if you know somebody ina bad situation, tell them to
get out of it.
Please get yourself out of itbecause, like I said, you know,

(20:22):
witnessing something like thisis really, really sad and it's
just, it's not talked aboutenough.
You know it's just sweepedunder the rug.
It's not talked about enough.
You know it's just sweepedunder the rug.
People act like they don't careor whatever.
But people actually do care,they do, and the person has to
realize that their family caresabout them.

(20:43):
So again, that's my two cents.
I came on just for that quickminute.
I appreciate each and every lastone of you listening all your
comments.
I appreciate you, even whenthis reaches you later.
I appreciate each and everylast one of you listening all
your comments.
I appreciate you, even whenthis reaches you later.
I appreciate each and everylast one of you that will listen
to this show.
Hey again, football week away.
Go Ravens, where you at Tish.

(21:05):
I know you want to throw somestealing stuff in here, but
again it's Ravens.
Hey, I rep my team all day.
Leslie reps our Eagles, tj repshis Eagles, tree reps our
Cowboys.
It's all good, but I'll tellyou one thing we all have in
common we don't like the Chiefs.
So, hey, I'm getting out ofhere.

(21:27):
I appreciate you all.
Hey, we will chit-chat a littlebit later.
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