July 1, 2025 • 41 mins
Oftentimes with DNA surprises, there is so much left unsaid. So many unasked questions. So many feelings are unspoken. In this week’s episode, Jennifer shares what life was like for her growing up without a father figure in her life, a fact she never really questioned throughout her childhood and adolescence.
After her mother passed, she decided to start asking questions. The first path to answering them was by taking a DNA test. Jennifer reveals what she uncovered after taking her DNA test, including a surprise ethnicity shift and a family who welcomed her with open arms.
Thank you for sharing your story, Jennifer.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I think my entire life I always gave my mom a lot of grace.
I didn't ever push it, obviously.
I just accepted it as what it was.
And I think I said that to myself and so many times as an
adult that I just believed it. I'm not going to know.
And that's OK, because I had a great life and it it didn't
(00:20):
matter, but it mattered. Welcome to DNA Surprises, a
podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA
discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis ourselves.
In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out
that I'm an NPE, a person who has experienced a non paternal
(00:43):
event. In other words, my biological
father isn't who I thought he was.
Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees and
donor conceived people and theirfamilies.
Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin
with a simple DNA test. This is DNA surprises.
(01:07):
Often times with DNA surprises, there is so much that is left
unsaid. So many unasked questions, so
many feelings unspoken. In this week's episode, Jennifer
shares what life was like for her growing up without a father
figure, a fact she rarely questioned throughout her
(01:27):
childhood and adolescence. But after her mother passed, she
decided to start asking questions.
The first path to answering themwas by taking ADNA test.
Jennifer reveals what she uncovered after taking that
test, including a surprise ethnicity shift and a family who
(01:48):
welcomed her with open arms. Thank you for sharing your
story, Jennifer. My name is Jennifer, I am 52
years old and I'm currently living in Fresno, CA.
I grew up with just my mom and Imy whole life.
That's all I knew. My mom never dated, she never
(02:09):
had a a husband she never got never married never.
It was just her and I and I had a good childhood.
We didn't have a lot of money but my mom always made sure I
had everything that you know I needed.
I wanted what other kids had. I never knew my dad was just my
mom and I, and I think when I was really young, I felt like it
was a bad thing. Like if it was some love story
(02:33):
that like when, you know, somebody died, I would have
heard about this. But I just heard nothing.
So as a kid, I was just thinkingthat just must not be a good
thing, you know? So I didn't talk about it.
My mom didn't talk about it. I didn't talk about it.
Ever, ever. So there was never a where's my
dad, who is my dad? Conversation.
(02:55):
It was just always unspoken. We talked about it probably 4
times my whole life. It wasn't like a conversation.
It was just a instance that it came up and then it was not
talked about anymore. The first time was I was around
7:00 and I came home with a school project, like a family
tree, and I had my whole mom's side filled out because I knew
(03:15):
my whole mom's side. And then I just put it on the
counter. I didn't do it.
And my mom came out. I remember exactly where he was.
I was in the backyard. She's like, do you want me to
help you fill out the rest of this?
And I just looked at her and I was like, OK.
And she told me the the name of who is to be my birth
(03:35):
certificate father. And she told me the name of his
mom. And those are the only two names
I remember. She might have given me more,
but I was 7. I don't remember and I turned it
in and we never talked about it again.
Skip ahead till I was about 16 and I wanted a driver's license
and I needed a birth certificateand I'd never seen my birth
certificate before and my mom said she didn't have one.
(03:56):
Well, I'm like, well you need togo get one 'cause I wanted to
get a driver's license. So we drove 2 hours to the town
where I was born from, where we where I grew up.
And she went to the records and got the birth certificate and we
went to visit one of her friendsand in fact, a friend that I'll
probably refer to later in the story.
And we were in her house and my mom had put the birth
certificate in the glove box. And so we went into the house
(04:19):
and I was 16 and I'm like, I think I forgot something in the
car. So I went out to the car because
I wanted to look at that birth certificate because I'd never
seen the name. So I saw like the first name,
the middle name, the last name. I was like, wow, I saw how old
he was when I was born. So I like was doing the math in
my head. I saw the occupation, just
whatever is on the birth certificate.
I was like, wow, that was the first time.
(04:42):
But we didn't talk about it. We got the birth certificate.
She's like, here's the birth certificate.
Go to the I got my driver's license.
We never talked about it. And then the third instance
didn't have anything to do with my mom in college.
I had a really close friend. I was a sophomore in college.
And you know, when you're 19, you sometimes have emotional
things about life. And I kind of was at a point
(05:05):
where I was like, who's my dad? You know, like I, I never, I
never knew. And so I had this friend and he
was so nice and supportive and he like even tried to, this was
way before Internet or Googling anybody.
And he, he kind of helped me andwe tried, but we didn't have
much luck. And, and then in Lake College, I
(05:25):
wanted to get a internship with the government and I needed to
do a background check. And so the person that my
contact was, he's like, you know, and I didn't have it.
I had a name, but he's, I didn'thave an address.
I didn't have anything. He's like, well, you need to ask
your mom. And I was like, I really wanted
this internship or else I would have been like, let's move on to
the next internship. I was like, OK, so I asked my
(05:46):
mom. It was a phone call, 'cause I
lived in another city and she's like, I don't, I don't know
anything. So I was like, OK, I asked, you
know, So I just told my contact,I'm sorry, I don't know
anything. I got the internship.
It was a great internship. But later that evening my mom
called me and said, are you OK? I'm like, yeah, I'm OK.
(06:08):
Never talked about it again for the rest of her life.
Like I, I was 22. I'm 52 now.
My mom died three years ago. OK.
And so did you do any research or anything in between any of
those times? I mean, I know Internet wasn't
as prominent, but like, were youtrying to find any records or or
(06:33):
anything once you had that actual name or did you kind of
let it go unspoken like it had been?
I let it go unspoken because I, I think probably once or twice,
once the Internet came along, I would punch in the name, but I
didn't find anything. And so I just let it go.
And then I have 4 kids and they're all in their 20s now.
(06:55):
And I said to them when they were young, I said, you know,
'cause I knew they would ask, you know, 'cause when I was a
little kid I didn't ask because I just thought it was a bad
thing. When I got to be a high school,
in high school where it would have been totally appropriate
for you to say, mom, what the heck, who is my dad?
I just didn't because I think I was protecting my mom because I
knew it just probably wasn't a good thing.
(07:18):
And then I went on to have 4 kids within six years.
I was busy, I was married. I, I just let it go.
So when my kids were, you know, school age and I think one of
them probably asked me, I'm like, look, I don't, I don't
know my dad. I never knew my dad.
Grandma and I never talked aboutit.
But if you want to ask grandma, go for it, you know, but I just
don't think they ever did. Or if they did, we never talked
(07:40):
about it. And so that's that's kind of how
it was left. And so over the years, probably
in these last four or five years, I had a really good
friend who said you should do adna test.
And I was like, no, I'm good. I don't want to do that.
And sometime it would go by and she'd ask me again.
I'm like, no, I don't, I don't think I want to do that.
(08:02):
And when my mom was alive, I pretty much in my mind decided
it wasn't going to do that. So then my mom passed away three
years ago and took the secret toher grave and my friend, same
friend gave me adna test for a Christmas present and I was like
are you kidding me? So it like sat on the counter
(08:23):
for like 2 weeks just staring atme and I was finally I was like
you know what this was just two years ago I'll just do it.
So I did it. I didn't know ancestry DNA from
anything else. I didn't know anything about
cinemorgans percentages. I knew nothing 0 So I when I
finally decided to to do it, I said, well, you know what?
(08:46):
Let me just see my other half what it is.
You know, my maiden name is the name of a city in France.
And so I always just was convinced I was French.
I just, I'm French. What did you believe from your
mom in terms of what your ethnicity was?
She never said I wasn't white, like she just never said that.
(09:08):
So I just assumed I was always Ialways would say I looked like
my mom too, but my mom was from a very small family.
So I had she had one brother andand, and the brother had red
hair. So my uncle had red hair.
I had a grandmother grandfather,my uncle, he was married and
they had one son. So I had one cousin.
(09:30):
I just a very, very small familyand they weren't a close family,
just a lot of family sibling dynamics.
When my grandmother was alive, we would visit and, and I feel
like I had a warm family after my grandmother passed away.
The kind of that was it. So your understanding is that
you're you're white, you believeyou're French based on your
(09:52):
maiden last name. And you decide to take a test
because you're like, OK, well, let me let me figure out my
ethnic background. So I sent it off my husband at
the time we went on vacation, wecame back from vacation and you
just remember exactly when you open that e-mail and see what
you see. And we had gotten home from
vacation. It was like 4 days later and
(10:15):
he's like, let's go out to dinner.
So I had just opened my e-mail and I saw it and I'll go to see
what I am, what other white I am.
I knew I was Irish and English and I was clearly stated, you
know, and I just no shock when Isaw that.
The first thing that came up wasmy close closest match was my
mom. And I was like, when did she do
(10:35):
this? Because she never told me.
But then I kind of was remembering when my mom had
passed away. At that point, it would have
been just like a year prior whenyou go through and you close out
people's credit cards and stuff.Like there was a recurring
charge for Ancestry DNA. I didn't even know what Ancestry
DNA was, but I called the place and said, look, this person's
(10:56):
passed away. Can you stop this charge?
And they did. So when my friend gave me an
ancestry DNA test, it never clicked in my mind, oh, that's
what my mom did. So honestly, when I got that as
my first thing, my mom had only been passed away for a year.
I was like, oh, so I, I'm so glad she did it now.
(11:17):
But when I first saw it, I'm like, oh, OK.
And so I started to see my mom's, the English, the Irish,
and then I see 18% indigenous Americas, Mexico, I'm like, what
the heck is that? And then 18% Spain, I'm like,
(11:41):
what is going on? And then it's like 5% Basque and
4% Portuguese. I'm like, how is that?
And I'm saying in my head, my maiden last name, you know, I'm
like, what's going on here? So I see that.
And then my husband says, let's go out to dinner.
So I closed it. We went out to dinner.
We came home. At the time, I was living in
(12:02):
Northwest Ohio. It was February.
It was freezing outside. And I'm like, just go inside.
I'm just gonna look. I need to look at something.
So I sit in the car and I'm likelooking at it.
And I'm looking at it. And I'm looking at it.
I'm like, what? What is this?
And so I came inside and I remember telling him, I'm like,
I don't think I'm the last name that I always thought I was.
(12:25):
And he's like, what are you talking about?
And so I told him he's like, oh,wow.
So I just sat there. So I had set it to private
because I just did, because I'm like, nobody needs to know what
I I didn't have any expectationsof finding.
I don't know what I was thinkingbecause I didn't know him.
So why wouldn't I see other things?
And so I said, well, screw this,I'm just going to UN private it.
(12:48):
So I pushed public and I had besides my mom won one close
match. Her name is Angela and it had
her first name, maiden name, married name.
And so a lot of people like her very, you know, just initials
and stuff. So she had it showed that we
shared 18%. What did Ancestry estimate that
(13:10):
your relationship was? So I didn't know what 18% meant
at all. Zero like like learned that
quickly that that was a lot. And it said that we weren't
going to be either first cousin or half sibling or I was going
to be her half aunt. And so we were on the high end
(13:31):
of of first cousin, the low end of half sibling and kind of
right where you're supposed to be to be her half, half aunt.
And so I saw her name, so I googled her name and luckily
she's a published poet and she has a website and there was a
picture and a little talking about her.
And I was so impressed with likeall her education and schooling
(13:54):
and her career. And it said her and her wife
live in Fresno, CA. And I was like, Oh no, 'cause I
assumed it was a mistake. It's got to be a mistake, you
know? Yeah, and she lives in the same
town as you. Right next to the town I grew up
in. Yeah.
And so I was like, wow, this isn't a mistake.
(14:15):
My husband, at the time, I showed him the picture, I said,
does she look normal? He's like, yeah, she looks
normal. But she's really smart 'cause
she's got degrees and she's, youknow, she's so smart.
And so there was that little envelope you can click on
ancestor DNA. And I clicked the envelope and I
just said to her, got this test as a gift.
(14:35):
I did it. I wasn't sure what to find.
I found that we're a close match.
Any, you know, I think I said something like any help would be
appreciated. Well, within like an hour, she
replied back and at first she just said hi, cousin, cause she
said she'd get a lot of notifications.
And I'm learning now you get a lot that are like 2 percent, 1%,
(14:56):
like so far removed, but I'm just really not that interested.
And then she's like, whoa, we'llshare a lot of DNA.
And I was like, I OK. And so she was kind of
explaining it to me and I was like, wow.
So she's like, you're probably the daughter of either my dad or
one of his two brothers. And she's like, my dad's a
(15:17):
retired firefighter. My other uncle is a retired
sheriff. And then my other uncle, he was
kind of tragically murdered whenhe was about 22 years old.
And so I was kind of doing the math and all three of those
people worked age wise. And we kind of just didn't know
(15:37):
it first. But then I said, well, what's
this Hap aunt? You know, like what?
So I'm doing that and she's, well, there's Grandpa Barney.
And I said, OK, I said, well, soI'm doing the math on how old
Grandpa Barney was and how my mom was.
And he was around 50 and my mom was 27.
And then the three brothers wereall in their early to mid 20s.
(16:00):
And I'm like, well, it makes kind of more sense for it to be
one of the three brothers. But in my mind, I kind of
thought that Grandpa Barney might have been the one, but I
didn't know. I didn't know for a while.
And we probably went for about 15 months to Angie and I became
fast friends. Like she so supportive, so nice,
(16:22):
just became the best of friends.And I appreciate every minute I
get to spend with her. Well, I learned along the way
that her dad, who when we first found out, was still alive, but
he suffered from frontotemporal dementia.
So she's like, I want you to meet my dad.
And we don't know what it is. And, and at the time his wife,
(16:43):
her, her parents divorced. She, she, so I'm 52, she's going
to be 50 this year. So we're relatively close.
In age. And in and in the town where I
was raised, I went to 1 high school in town and she went to
the other high school in town. It's just crazy how our lives
could have crossed paths. So anyway, we were talking about
who it could be and her dad was still alive and she wanted to
(17:06):
meet him because she we just didn't know.
So we met in Idaho. I came from Ohio, she came from
California, and we got to spend like four or five days together.
We got to see her dad. Unfortunately, about four months
later, he passed away kind of unexpectedly.
I think she thought we had more time and I thought we had more
time. But his current wife at the time
(17:27):
said no DNA test, not doing it, no.
And so we were both SAT like we were upset, like we were like,
we really just what's the big deal?
So we didn't do it and we regretted that.
Well, I also came to learn that her dad and the one uncle who is
still alive didn't have the bestrelationship.
(17:48):
So she's like, I, I didn't have a bad relationship with my dad's
family, but since my parents were divorced when I was very
young, I only saw my dad's on weekends and holidays.
And so when I saw extended family, it, it really wasn't
very often. And so she's like, we don't have
a bad relationship, we just don't really have a
relationship. And so after her dad died, she
(18:12):
reached out to her uncle, who isstill alive, and they talked for
the first time since a funeral many years ago.
And they talked. And then towards the end of the
conversation, she's like, oh, and by the way, I've met this
woman named Jennifer. And, you know, and so she told
him about me. And they were like, on board.
(18:33):
He's like, I'll do a DNA test. And so he did it.
Two of his three children did it.
And by far that helped us get towhere we finally figured it out.
But there was probably 15 months, year and a half almost
that we didn't know like it. We, we knew it was one of those.
And I was really getting, I was getting discouraged because I, I
(18:53):
knew I found the right family, but I didn't know if I'd ever
find exactly who, who it was. And so Grandpa Barney would be
104 this year, if he was still alive, so that he did the DNA
test. And it was clearly he was my
uncle or my half brother. And again, a lot of the DNA kind
of it's the same. Like, it doesn't really help you
(19:15):
much, but it helps. You need the story, too.
Yeah, because exactly. The center Morgans only tell you
so much. You need to know who met who
around this time. To your point.
Yeah, the story. So it gets you closer.
You know that he is not your father, so you're able to roll
him out, but you still don't quite have the information that
(19:39):
you need, right? So what happens next?
So Stan, her uncle, he took the test.
He was not the father, but he was something.
And then his two daughters took the test.
And so they came back as being either my half niece or a
cousin. So again, it wasn't the greatest
of help. Well, in the meantime here.
(20:02):
I gotten divorced and I moved toCalifornia from Ohio and I moved
back to my hometown area becauseI just needed a place that I was
familiar with. I hadn't lived here in more than
30 years, but I just needed somemore familiar to have like kind
of a landing spot. And Angie was here too, but that
was a great help and she was very welcoming for me to live
nearby. So Angie and I are gonna go on a
(20:26):
trip together and we were gonna go to Europe and we went last
summer for for almost 2 weeks just her and I It's amazing.
I had the best time my first time to Europe and I had thought
to myself, I'm like, OK, I just got divorced and I kind, I've
told a lot of my friends and stuff.
So on social media, I like kind of made a posting about that I
had gotten divorced. Well, then I was like, well,
(20:46):
we're going to go on this trip for two weeks to Europe together
and nobody knows who this woman is.
And so I'm like, well, maybe I should also mention my my
journey. So I made a post about because I
knew I would be posting picturesin Europe with Angie and like,
people are like, who is this person?
And so I made another post. And in that post I said, you
know, I've been on this journey and this is what I found.
(21:08):
And I'm hopeful that at some point I'll figure it out.
And one of my Facebook friends from a town I've a city I've
lived in two cities ago replied back to me, I'm a search Angel.
And I had said in my post how welcoming this family had been
to me. And I was so nice to meet them
and to get to know them. And she's like, you know, I'm a
(21:29):
search Angel. And you don't know how how lucky
you are that they've been so positive and accepting and
helpful because she's like, that's not always the case.
And I was like, wow. And so I messaged her.
I'm like, would you help me? And she's like, yes, I'll help
you. So I kind of gave her access to
my ancestry DNA and she got to work and she was just constantly
(21:51):
moving things around and changing things and stuff.
And so once Stan, who is Angie'suncle, took the test and his two
daughters took the test, it kindof started to solidify things a
little bit more. So she still had her, her Watto,
which is like, what are the odds?
And it wasn't exact and stuff. And then my oldest son took the
(22:12):
test and that kind of helped even more.
And a Long story short, one of Stan's daughters, I was visiting
her and we just sat across the table from each other for like 4
hours just talking. And she would be like, you look,
we look so much alike. I'm like, I know we look so much
alike and had the greatest visit.
Like the next day she called me and she said, do you do you
(22:36):
share? And she gave the name of this
woman. And I said, I don't know, let me
see. And so I'm looking, I'm like, I
don't see that person. And so then I asked Angie, I'm
like, do you have this person onyours?
She's like, yeah, I do. That's my grandma Helen sister's
daughters, something like that cousin.
And so Sarah says, I don't, if myself and Angie and Sarah's
(22:56):
sister all are related to this woman through their grandmother
and you're not those three brothers can't be, can't be the
one. And so it was that that we put
together. And so I, I real fast messaged
my, my search Angel friend and she started working on it.
And she's like, Yep, that's you can share less, but you're not
(23:19):
going to share 0. And so it turned out to be
Grandpa Barney so. Wow, I know.
OK, so you find this out. He's he was older than your mom.
What do you think of this information when you finally get
the answer? At that point, once time went by
(23:41):
and I learned more and more, I kind of thought like, I bet, I
bet, I kind of think it's Grandpa Barney, but I didn't
know for sure, you know? And I remember Angie, one of the
first times we were messaging back and forth and we would
share pictures and all of our pictures when we were young, we
definitely had a lot of resemblance.
And she showed me one picture ofof her dad and who who I learned
(24:02):
to be my half brother. And I'd never seen a photo of a
man who looked like me. There's just this one picture.
And she knows exactly what picture I'm talking about where
I'm like, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh.
It's just just amazing. She told me if there was a
Mexican Sanford and son, it would be Grandpa Barney.
(24:24):
And my mom loved her like junk, her treasures, her garage sales,
her estate sales, her auctions. My mom loved that.
So I always kind of thought, well, maybe that's kind of
something that's familiar, similar, you know.
And so to go back a little bit, when I first got this result
(24:45):
back, right when I got the test,within a week or so, my mom had
one really close friend who was there when I was born, like in
the delivery room there when I was born.
And I called her up and I said, Gemma, what's going on here?
I said I did adna test. I'm not like the person on my
birth certificate is not my father.
She's like, yeah, I know. I'm like, you never told me.
(25:09):
She's like, I just didn't say anything, but I was like, OK,
well, can you tell me some more information here?
And so she basically told me that it was someone that my mom
had married and he wasn't a goodperson and he had left and she
was still that last name. And so she really wanted to have
(25:29):
a baby. Really, really wanted to have a
baby. And so this is 1971 and she was
a single woman. And so she had a baby and she's
like, I don't know if your mom necessarily knew who who was,
you know, maybe that's why she didn't tell you.
But one thing that was kind of afunny thing that she recalled
(25:51):
was that when my mom was in labor, she asked her And anyone
who knew their relationship, this is just funny.
Do you do you see any black hair?
Do you see any black hair? And she never thought anything
of that until we started talkingabout this.
And she's like, well, how did she know that it was black hair,
you know? So she didn't share with her
(26:12):
friend. Yeah, I don't think she knew.
I think she said it was a time where you didn't really ask a
lot of questions. It just all of a sudden she was
pregnant and then she had a babyand it was you and you were
wonderful. And did it really matter where
you came from or need to know? You know, I, I just know that
knowing my mom, she didn't want to share me.
I know that she wanted a baby. She didn't want a husband.
(26:35):
She didn't want a boyfriend. She didn't want.
She just wanted me. I could see why she wouldn't
have shared. Yeah.
How did you feel about the fact that it wasn't the man on your
birth certificate? I mean, you didn't know him, you
didn't have a relationship with him, but in your mind you'd had
this name. Did any feelings come up when
(26:56):
you realize that it wasn't him? There were no emotional feelings
because I had no it. I had.
I never knew that. Sure.
Yeah. What bothered me was that that
was my maiden name through school, through high school,
through college. I was a swimmer growing up.
And so, you know, all the swim meets I would go to, and I was
(27:17):
always that name. And that name wasn't me.
That was the only thing. A lot of people are sad because
they had this wonderful relationship with this person
or, you know, and then they're like, well, now I have this dad
and this. I never had a dad.
So. And and I yeah, I feel like I
still kind of don't because I never knew the actual person
(27:39):
either, you know, you. Had this name, you thought you
were French and then you learn and you, you touched on this
earlier, but for people who don't maybe understand the, the
genetic makeup of certain regions, you wouldn't have
gotten a result that said you'reMexican.
It would say indigenous Spanish.You mentioned Portuguese and
(28:01):
some of these others. So through taking your test, you
discover you're Mexican. How does that hit you after
thinking you were French for so long?
So thinking I was French, I never shared that with anybody.
It was something totally internal in my mind.
I never went around telling people I'm French.
I I just in my mind as a. Kid a story kind.
(28:23):
Of a thing, sure. Yeah.
All I had, and so my actual lastname is, is very Mexican
Spanish. It got changed a little bit from
the journey from Spain to Mexico.
I always had pale skin and I always had dark hair.
So I very much looked like my white mother.
I don't think really anyone everthought I was Hispanic because I
(28:47):
was so much Irish and English inme.
I married an Hispanic man and I have 4 Hispanic children.
And his family was quite large. He was the oldest of six kids.
I was an only child. So I very much was welcomed by
that family. So I feel like I, I had that
experience. It wasn't like I was, you know,
completely a different, you know, the last 30 years I was
(29:08):
with. His Hispanic family, it means
something. So it was familiar to you?
Yeah, yeah. And so my ex-husband, he he kind
of laughed. He's like, I thought you were
Mexican, but he he was Guatemalan.
So still Hispanic, you know. So yeah, it was a lot.
But it was good to finally know.It was good to finally know.
I so thankful to my friend who'sthe DNA search Angel.
(29:30):
I didn't have to look for one. I had one right there in front
of me. And she was so helpful and we
finally figured it out. So this family has been so
welcoming, Stan and his wife, his kids, they're so nice and
we're kind of navigating the relationship and where it goes
and. If you come to learn about
(29:51):
Father Barney, Grandpa Barney. I call him Grandpa Barney
because he's my my close people.That's that's their grandpa.
Right. And they're your age, really
like your your half nieces and. My half nieces and their nephew.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so, So what?
(30:12):
What have you learned about Barney?
So he served in World War 2 in Europe.
I thought that was amazing. I've been able to look through
photos and I was really fast, like taking pictures with my
phone of a bunch of photos and Ididn't really look at them, look
at them until later. And I was, I think I was on an
airplane and sometimes you're bored on an airplane.
I started going through my photos and I saw this one and I
(30:34):
don't know why I didn't see it when I saw it the first time,
but I I just saw myself. And so that was really cool.
And he was in a uniform, but, and he looks so much like one of
my three boys, like just the widow's peak, the everything.
And so that's kind of cool. He was married when I was
(30:56):
conceived, they got divorced within a few years later.
I don't know if it had anything to do with me or not.
I don't know who knows, But I just know that my mom, she
wasn't looking for a husband, she just wanted a baby.
And when I was about 3, we movedtwo hours away to another town
(31:18):
where I actually grew up and where my mom lived in the same
home until until she died. So yeah, there was a lot of
unresolved unsettling, like not knowing.
And so now that I know it didn'treally matter at that point,
like I just sure would have beengreat to have all these half
siblings that were like my age. But Stan's always been so sweet
(31:41):
to me whenever I see him. And he's about 18 years older
than me, but he and I are the only ones alive still that are
of that of that from his dad. That's just incredible.
So you went from not having any answers about who your father
was and and letting yourself kind of sit with that for a
really long time. Then you get your answers.
(32:04):
You know who he is. You still have unanswered
questions, right? Like from your mom, from Barney
about what happened. How are you?
Or maybe the question is, have you made peace with the fact
that you might not get an answerto those questions?
Because I think that that's something a lot of people in our
(32:24):
community, myself included, havehad sort of deal with is I I may
never know. I will never know the entire
truth, so to speak. I'm never going to know my mom
died with it. I guess I don't know.
I I it's hard to answer. I sometimes question myself, my
(32:48):
existence because I wasn't from a marriage, I wasn't from a
relationship, I just happened and how it could have easily
been someone else. I look at my 4 kids, I look at
myself and I said we're so luckyto be on this planet, like to be
alive, to have had the great lives that we live because it
(33:10):
was so chance. I think of who who ended up
being my dad. I mean, yeah, hard to say that,
but it's, you know, and at this point I do feel for my mom
because, you know, she's not here to defend herself or to
tell me what happened. But by not telling me and having
probably lots of opportunities. We spent a lot of time together
(33:33):
in her last few years when she was not doing well health wise,
she could have said something. But her good friend who's always
I referred to her as my auntie, she said, you know, Jennifer,
she might not have known. She might not have been able to
give you the answers you wanted or, or answered those answers.
So. Did you go through any period of
(33:55):
anger or frustration with your mom about this after you got
your answer or before? I think my entire life I always
gave my mom a lot of grace. I didn't ever push it,
obviously. I just accepted it as what it
was. And I think I said that to
myself and so many times as an adult that I just believed it.
(34:17):
I'm not going to know. And that's OK because I had a
great life and it it didn't matter, but it mattered.
I'm sure it mattered. You know, through life you
question that. It's just such a big thing of
who you are and where you came from.
And I'm related to these people that, you know, genetically were
(34:39):
related. But we really started off as
strangers. How lucky it was I to find them,
especially, you know, Angela, Angie, she's just, she's been
terrific. I asked her, I said, why did you
do a test? And she's like, oh, my wife did
1. And so I thought that would be
fun. And she's like, I did that in
2016 and I had my friend given me 23andMe instead of Ancestry
(35:00):
DNAI pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have done 2 and I would
have matched with anyone. I would have never have matched.
And so a lot of things fell intoplace that maybe it'll happen
for a reason at the right time in my life.
What made me sad was the time that went by that I could have
(35:21):
had a relationship with this family that has accepted me so
much. You know, like I said, I came
from a very, my mom had a very small family and it's, you know,
I was an only child. That's probably why I have 4
kids because I just wanted to, Iwanted I, you know, I wanted
that to surround myself with andthey're wonderful.
And so I, I know I made the right decision on that, but just
(35:44):
maybe the mistime, the mistime that I could have maybe had more
time, but honestly with the DNA tests that they haven't been
around for that long. So I mean, how much more time
would I have gotten? I don't know.
And maybe the right person wouldn't have tested and I
wouldn't know how to match, and I probably wouldn't have
revisited it after that. Yeah, it's all all the what ifs.
(36:07):
And to your point, like there's this lost time, but if your mom
didn't know, then you wouldn't have known.
Yeah, yeah, my kids are all think it's cool.
You know they're gonna. Ask what's their take away from
it? They learned they're more
Hispanic than they thought they were.
I know, I know they love their grandma like she was the
(36:28):
greatest grandma and they all love their grandma, but they're
like, oh, grandma when I told her like, oh grandma because I
just told him the truth. I didn't hide anything.
I said, look, this is what I found out.
It's just been it's been a journey and it's still evolving.
But it's nice to to know that. And I didn't know it was nice to
(36:50):
know that until I knew it. Yeah, it's really interesting to
hear your perspective. And there have been a few people
that I've spoken to, but for themost part, people really held a
belief and a relation, some sortof relationship, right, with who
they thought with their biological father.
So it's really interesting to hear your perspective where
(37:11):
there was no relationship attachment to who you thought
was your biological father, yourbirth certificate father.
But it's still been really profound for you to make that
connection and discover who it was.
Like you said, you didn't know it was missing until you found
it. What's next for you?
(37:32):
Just kind of just kind of continuing on here, like
figuring out what what the next steps in my life are going to
look like and where I'm going tolive.
I don't think it's going to be here forever where I'm living
now. It's kind of a transition, but
it's just figuring out what's next for me and fostering these
new relationships, which has been really special and very
(37:55):
appreciative of of that. What has been the most helpful
to you as you've navigated this?Your podcast listening No thank
you listening to all these stories all of our stories
intertwine. I get a little from one and a
little from another and a whole lot from some.
(38:16):
But it's, it's very comforting to know that there's other
people out there that, that are going through this.
And until two years ago, I didn't even know this was a
thing. I didn't know what an MPE was.
I didn't know what a DNA test I didn't know.
I don't want to do that. I'd tell my friend, you know,
just knowing there's other people.
And just also how prevalent it was maybe back in the 60s and
(38:40):
70s and we're all now finding this out now with the commercial
DNA tests or curiosity or hearing other people do it.
So then you do it to not not necessarily expecting to find
out what you find out. What advice do you have for a
parent who might be keeping adnasurprise from their child?
(39:04):
I would say probably what almostevery other person says is you
just need to tell them. You know, like just make sure
you know age appropriate and youdon't have to give them every
last detail, but you just need to tell them because they're
going to find out. They're going to find out.
Even if my mom would have say, Idon't know, I don't know the
truth. I don't know if she absolutely
100% knew who it was or didn't know, but I wish she could have
(39:27):
told me that other way. You know, like before she died,
I wished I would have heard it from her then have to go through
all this figuring it out to findout.
I always gave my mom a lot of grace and I don't think she
would have thought I would have been mad because again, we never
talked about it. So that was maybe why it was so
(39:47):
weird, you know, like all those age appropriate times when it
would have been normal to have this conversation.
We never had the conversation. So then I just let it go and
kind of wish towards the end I would have said something but
can't do anything about it now. Those are really good insights
just about wanting to be able toask those questions, you know,
(40:11):
before before it's too late. And I think that's a really good
thing for parents to think aboutif they're holding on to any
information like that. Give your kids the opportunity
to ask questions if you can, even if you don't know the
answer. What advice do you have for
someone who just uncovered Adna Surprise?
Oh gosh, just to be OK with maybe not finding out, you know,
(40:35):
and maybe not everyone's going to be embraced by a family.
That's exciting to hear that this is something that they they
didn't know and they found out. And just just be kind to
yourself and know that you mightnot find out everything.
So just be kind to yourself and patient and Share your story
with other people and get the support from other people, which
(40:55):
is important. Jennifer, thank you so much for
coming on the podcast and sharing your story.
It's just amazing how like you said, everyone's story is a
little bit different and yet there's these common threads and
I really appreciate you taking the time to share your unique
perspective and I wish you the best as you continue to bond
with your new found family and explore your new found heritage.
(41:19):
Thank you. Thank you.
Thanks again to Jennifer for sharing her story.
If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, submit your
story at dnasurprises.com and besure to join me over on
patreon.com/DNA Surprises for early ad free access to
episodes. Until next time.
(41:43):
This episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, produced and edited
by me, Alexis Oursalt. It was mixed and mastered by
Josh Oursalt of Siren Recording Studios.
I think my entire life I always gave my mom a lot of grace.
I didn't ever push it, obviously.
I just accepted it as what it was.
And I think I said that to myself and so many times as an
adult that I just believed it. I'm not going to know.
And that's OK, because I had a great life and it it didn't
(00:20):
matter, but it mattered. Welcome to DNA Surprises, a
podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA
discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis ourselves.
In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out
that I'm an NPE, a person who has experienced a non paternal
(00:43):
event. In other words, my biological
father isn't who I thought he was.
Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees and
donor conceived people and theirfamilies.
Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin
with a simple DNA test. This is DNA surprises.
(01:07):
Often times with DNA surprises, there is so much that is left
unsaid. So many unasked questions, so
many feelings unspoken. In this week's episode, Jennifer
shares what life was like for her growing up without a father
figure, a fact she rarely questioned throughout her
(01:27):
childhood and adolescence. But after her mother passed, she
decided to start asking questions.
The first path to answering themwas by taking ADNA test.
Jennifer reveals what she uncovered after taking that
test, including a surprise ethnicity shift and a family who
(01:48):
welcomed her with open arms. Thank you for sharing your
story, Jennifer. My name is Jennifer, I am 52
years old and I'm currently living in Fresno, CA.
I grew up with just my mom and Imy whole life.
That's all I knew. My mom never dated, she never
(02:09):
had a a husband she never got never married never.
It was just her and I and I had a good childhood.
We didn't have a lot of money but my mom always made sure I
had everything that you know I needed.
I wanted what other kids had. I never knew my dad was just my
mom and I, and I think when I was really young, I felt like it
was a bad thing. Like if it was some love story
(02:33):
that like when, you know, somebody died, I would have
heard about this. But I just heard nothing.
So as a kid, I was just thinkingthat just must not be a good
thing, you know? So I didn't talk about it.
My mom didn't talk about it. I didn't talk about it.
Ever, ever. So there was never a where's my
dad, who is my dad? Conversation.
(02:55):
It was just always unspoken. We talked about it probably 4
times my whole life. It wasn't like a conversation.
It was just a instance that it came up and then it was not
talked about anymore. The first time was I was around
7:00 and I came home with a school project, like a family
tree, and I had my whole mom's side filled out because I knew
(03:15):
my whole mom's side. And then I just put it on the
counter. I didn't do it.
And my mom came out. I remember exactly where he was.
I was in the backyard. She's like, do you want me to
help you fill out the rest of this?
And I just looked at her and I was like, OK.
And she told me the the name of who is to be my birth
(03:35):
certificate father. And she told me the name of his
mom. And those are the only two names
I remember. She might have given me more,
but I was 7. I don't remember and I turned it
in and we never talked about it again.
Skip ahead till I was about 16 and I wanted a driver's license
and I needed a birth certificateand I'd never seen my birth
certificate before and my mom said she didn't have one.
(03:56):
Well, I'm like, well you need togo get one 'cause I wanted to
get a driver's license. So we drove 2 hours to the town
where I was born from, where we where I grew up.
And she went to the records and got the birth certificate and we
went to visit one of her friendsand in fact, a friend that I'll
probably refer to later in the story.
And we were in her house and my mom had put the birth
certificate in the glove box. And so we went into the house
(04:19):
and I was 16 and I'm like, I think I forgot something in the
car. So I went out to the car because
I wanted to look at that birth certificate because I'd never
seen the name. So I saw like the first name,
the middle name, the last name. I was like, wow, I saw how old
he was when I was born. So I like was doing the math in
my head. I saw the occupation, just
whatever is on the birth certificate.
I was like, wow, that was the first time.
(04:42):
But we didn't talk about it. We got the birth certificate.
She's like, here's the birth certificate.
Go to the I got my driver's license.
We never talked about it. And then the third instance
didn't have anything to do with my mom in college.
I had a really close friend. I was a sophomore in college.
And you know, when you're 19, you sometimes have emotional
things about life. And I kind of was at a point
(05:05):
where I was like, who's my dad? You know, like I, I never, I
never knew. And so I had this friend and he
was so nice and supportive and he like even tried to, this was
way before Internet or Googling anybody.
And he, he kind of helped me andwe tried, but we didn't have
much luck. And, and then in Lake College, I
(05:25):
wanted to get a internship with the government and I needed to
do a background check. And so the person that my
contact was, he's like, you know, and I didn't have it.
I had a name, but he's, I didn'thave an address.
I didn't have anything. He's like, well, you need to ask
your mom. And I was like, I really wanted
this internship or else I would have been like, let's move on to
the next internship. I was like, OK, so I asked my
(05:46):
mom. It was a phone call, 'cause I
lived in another city and she's like, I don't, I don't know
anything. So I was like, OK, I asked, you
know, So I just told my contact,I'm sorry, I don't know
anything. I got the internship.
It was a great internship. But later that evening my mom
called me and said, are you OK? I'm like, yeah, I'm OK.
(06:08):
Never talked about it again for the rest of her life.
Like I, I was 22. I'm 52 now.
My mom died three years ago. OK.
And so did you do any research or anything in between any of
those times? I mean, I know Internet wasn't
as prominent, but like, were youtrying to find any records or or
(06:33):
anything once you had that actual name or did you kind of
let it go unspoken like it had been?
I let it go unspoken because I, I think probably once or twice,
once the Internet came along, I would punch in the name, but I
didn't find anything. And so I just let it go.
And then I have 4 kids and they're all in their 20s now.
(06:55):
And I said to them when they were young, I said, you know,
'cause I knew they would ask, you know, 'cause when I was a
little kid I didn't ask because I just thought it was a bad
thing. When I got to be a high school,
in high school where it would have been totally appropriate
for you to say, mom, what the heck, who is my dad?
I just didn't because I think I was protecting my mom because I
knew it just probably wasn't a good thing.
(07:18):
And then I went on to have 4 kids within six years.
I was busy, I was married. I, I just let it go.
So when my kids were, you know, school age and I think one of
them probably asked me, I'm like, look, I don't, I don't
know my dad. I never knew my dad.
Grandma and I never talked aboutit.
But if you want to ask grandma, go for it, you know, but I just
don't think they ever did. Or if they did, we never talked
(07:40):
about it. And so that's that's kind of how
it was left. And so over the years, probably
in these last four or five years, I had a really good
friend who said you should do adna test.
And I was like, no, I'm good. I don't want to do that.
And sometime it would go by and she'd ask me again.
I'm like, no, I don't, I don't think I want to do that.
(08:02):
And when my mom was alive, I pretty much in my mind decided
it wasn't going to do that. So then my mom passed away three
years ago and took the secret toher grave and my friend, same
friend gave me adna test for a Christmas present and I was like
are you kidding me? So it like sat on the counter
(08:23):
for like 2 weeks just staring atme and I was finally I was like
you know what this was just two years ago I'll just do it.
So I did it. I didn't know ancestry DNA from
anything else. I didn't know anything about
cinemorgans percentages. I knew nothing 0 So I when I
finally decided to to do it, I said, well, you know what?
(08:46):
Let me just see my other half what it is.
You know, my maiden name is the name of a city in France.
And so I always just was convinced I was French.
I just, I'm French. What did you believe from your
mom in terms of what your ethnicity was?
She never said I wasn't white, like she just never said that.
(09:08):
So I just assumed I was always Ialways would say I looked like
my mom too, but my mom was from a very small family.
So I had she had one brother andand, and the brother had red
hair. So my uncle had red hair.
I had a grandmother grandfather,my uncle, he was married and
they had one son. So I had one cousin.
(09:30):
I just a very, very small familyand they weren't a close family,
just a lot of family sibling dynamics.
When my grandmother was alive, we would visit and, and I feel
like I had a warm family after my grandmother passed away.
The kind of that was it. So your understanding is that
you're you're white, you believeyou're French based on your
(09:52):
maiden last name. And you decide to take a test
because you're like, OK, well, let me let me figure out my
ethnic background. So I sent it off my husband at
the time we went on vacation, wecame back from vacation and you
just remember exactly when you open that e-mail and see what
you see. And we had gotten home from
vacation. It was like 4 days later and
(10:15):
he's like, let's go out to dinner.
So I had just opened my e-mail and I saw it and I'll go to see
what I am, what other white I am.
I knew I was Irish and English and I was clearly stated, you
know, and I just no shock when Isaw that.
The first thing that came up wasmy close closest match was my
mom. And I was like, when did she do
(10:35):
this? Because she never told me.
But then I kind of was remembering when my mom had
passed away. At that point, it would have
been just like a year prior whenyou go through and you close out
people's credit cards and stuff.Like there was a recurring
charge for Ancestry DNA. I didn't even know what Ancestry
DNA was, but I called the place and said, look, this person's
(10:56):
passed away. Can you stop this charge?
And they did. So when my friend gave me an
ancestry DNA test, it never clicked in my mind, oh, that's
what my mom did. So honestly, when I got that as
my first thing, my mom had only been passed away for a year.
I was like, oh, so I, I'm so glad she did it now.
(11:17):
But when I first saw it, I'm like, oh, OK.
And so I started to see my mom's, the English, the Irish,
and then I see 18% indigenous Americas, Mexico, I'm like, what
the heck is that? And then 18% Spain, I'm like,
(11:41):
what is going on? And then it's like 5% Basque and
4% Portuguese. I'm like, how is that?
And I'm saying in my head, my maiden last name, you know, I'm
like, what's going on here? So I see that.
And then my husband says, let's go out to dinner.
So I closed it. We went out to dinner.
We came home. At the time, I was living in
(12:02):
Northwest Ohio. It was February.
It was freezing outside. And I'm like, just go inside.
I'm just gonna look. I need to look at something.
So I sit in the car and I'm likelooking at it.
And I'm looking at it. And I'm looking at it.
I'm like, what? What is this?
And so I came inside and I remember telling him, I'm like,
I don't think I'm the last name that I always thought I was.
(12:25):
And he's like, what are you talking about?
And so I told him he's like, oh,wow.
So I just sat there. So I had set it to private
because I just did, because I'm like, nobody needs to know what
I I didn't have any expectationsof finding.
I don't know what I was thinkingbecause I didn't know him.
So why wouldn't I see other things?
And so I said, well, screw this,I'm just going to UN private it.
(12:48):
So I pushed public and I had besides my mom won one close
match. Her name is Angela and it had
her first name, maiden name, married name.
And so a lot of people like her very, you know, just initials
and stuff. So she had it showed that we
shared 18%. What did Ancestry estimate that
(13:10):
your relationship was? So I didn't know what 18% meant
at all. Zero like like learned that
quickly that that was a lot. And it said that we weren't
going to be either first cousin or half sibling or I was going
to be her half aunt. And so we were on the high end
(13:31):
of of first cousin, the low end of half sibling and kind of
right where you're supposed to be to be her half, half aunt.
And so I saw her name, so I googled her name and luckily
she's a published poet and she has a website and there was a
picture and a little talking about her.
And I was so impressed with likeall her education and schooling
(13:54):
and her career. And it said her and her wife
live in Fresno, CA. And I was like, Oh no, 'cause I
assumed it was a mistake. It's got to be a mistake, you
know? Yeah, and she lives in the same
town as you. Right next to the town I grew up
in. Yeah.
And so I was like, wow, this isn't a mistake.
(14:15):
My husband, at the time, I showed him the picture, I said,
does she look normal? He's like, yeah, she looks
normal. But she's really smart 'cause
she's got degrees and she's, youknow, she's so smart.
And so there was that little envelope you can click on
ancestor DNA. And I clicked the envelope and I
just said to her, got this test as a gift.
(14:35):
I did it. I wasn't sure what to find.
I found that we're a close match.
Any, you know, I think I said something like any help would be
appreciated. Well, within like an hour, she
replied back and at first she just said hi, cousin, cause she
said she'd get a lot of notifications.
And I'm learning now you get a lot that are like 2 percent, 1%,
(14:56):
like so far removed, but I'm just really not that interested.
And then she's like, whoa, we'llshare a lot of DNA.
And I was like, I OK. And so she was kind of
explaining it to me and I was like, wow.
So she's like, you're probably the daughter of either my dad or
one of his two brothers. And she's like, my dad's a
(15:17):
retired firefighter. My other uncle is a retired
sheriff. And then my other uncle, he was
kind of tragically murdered whenhe was about 22 years old.
And so I was kind of doing the math and all three of those
people worked age wise. And we kind of just didn't know
(15:37):
it first. But then I said, well, what's
this Hap aunt? You know, like what?
So I'm doing that and she's, well, there's Grandpa Barney.
And I said, OK, I said, well, soI'm doing the math on how old
Grandpa Barney was and how my mom was.
And he was around 50 and my mom was 27.
And then the three brothers wereall in their early to mid 20s.
(16:00):
And I'm like, well, it makes kind of more sense for it to be
one of the three brothers. But in my mind, I kind of
thought that Grandpa Barney might have been the one, but I
didn't know. I didn't know for a while.
And we probably went for about 15 months to Angie and I became
fast friends. Like she so supportive, so nice,
(16:22):
just became the best of friends.And I appreciate every minute I
get to spend with her. Well, I learned along the way
that her dad, who when we first found out, was still alive, but
he suffered from frontotemporal dementia.
So she's like, I want you to meet my dad.
And we don't know what it is. And, and at the time his wife,
(16:43):
her, her parents divorced. She, she, so I'm 52, she's going
to be 50 this year. So we're relatively close.
In age. And in and in the town where I
was raised, I went to 1 high school in town and she went to
the other high school in town. It's just crazy how our lives
could have crossed paths. So anyway, we were talking about
who it could be and her dad was still alive and she wanted to
(17:06):
meet him because she we just didn't know.
So we met in Idaho. I came from Ohio, she came from
California, and we got to spend like four or five days together.
We got to see her dad. Unfortunately, about four months
later, he passed away kind of unexpectedly.
I think she thought we had more time and I thought we had more
time. But his current wife at the time
(17:27):
said no DNA test, not doing it, no.
And so we were both SAT like we were upset, like we were like,
we really just what's the big deal?
So we didn't do it and we regretted that.
Well, I also came to learn that her dad and the one uncle who is
still alive didn't have the bestrelationship.
(17:48):
So she's like, I, I didn't have a bad relationship with my dad's
family, but since my parents were divorced when I was very
young, I only saw my dad's on weekends and holidays.
And so when I saw extended family, it, it really wasn't
very often. And so she's like, we don't have
a bad relationship, we just don't really have a
relationship. And so after her dad died, she
(18:12):
reached out to her uncle, who isstill alive, and they talked for
the first time since a funeral many years ago.
And they talked. And then towards the end of the
conversation, she's like, oh, and by the way, I've met this
woman named Jennifer. And, you know, and so she told
him about me. And they were like, on board.
(18:33):
He's like, I'll do a DNA test. And so he did it.
Two of his three children did it.
And by far that helped us get towhere we finally figured it out.
But there was probably 15 months, year and a half almost
that we didn't know like it. We, we knew it was one of those.
And I was really getting, I was getting discouraged because I, I
(18:53):
knew I found the right family, but I didn't know if I'd ever
find exactly who, who it was. And so Grandpa Barney would be
104 this year, if he was still alive, so that he did the DNA
test. And it was clearly he was my
uncle or my half brother. And again, a lot of the DNA kind
of it's the same. Like, it doesn't really help you
(19:15):
much, but it helps. You need the story, too.
Yeah, because exactly. The center Morgans only tell you
so much. You need to know who met who
around this time. To your point.
Yeah, the story. So it gets you closer.
You know that he is not your father, so you're able to roll
him out, but you still don't quite have the information that
(19:39):
you need, right? So what happens next?
So Stan, her uncle, he took the test.
He was not the father, but he was something.
And then his two daughters took the test.
And so they came back as being either my half niece or a
cousin. So again, it wasn't the greatest
of help. Well, in the meantime here.
(20:02):
I gotten divorced and I moved toCalifornia from Ohio and I moved
back to my hometown area becauseI just needed a place that I was
familiar with. I hadn't lived here in more than
30 years, but I just needed somemore familiar to have like kind
of a landing spot. And Angie was here too, but that
was a great help and she was very welcoming for me to live
nearby. So Angie and I are gonna go on a
(20:26):
trip together and we were gonna go to Europe and we went last
summer for for almost 2 weeks just her and I It's amazing.
I had the best time my first time to Europe and I had thought
to myself, I'm like, OK, I just got divorced and I kind, I've
told a lot of my friends and stuff.
So on social media, I like kind of made a posting about that I
had gotten divorced. Well, then I was like, well,
(20:46):
we're going to go on this trip for two weeks to Europe together
and nobody knows who this woman is.
And so I'm like, well, maybe I should also mention my my
journey. So I made a post about because I
knew I would be posting picturesin Europe with Angie and like,
people are like, who is this person?
And so I made another post. And in that post I said, you
know, I've been on this journey and this is what I found.
(21:08):
And I'm hopeful that at some point I'll figure it out.
And one of my Facebook friends from a town I've a city I've
lived in two cities ago replied back to me, I'm a search Angel.
And I had said in my post how welcoming this family had been
to me. And I was so nice to meet them
and to get to know them. And she's like, you know, I'm a
(21:29):
search Angel. And you don't know how how lucky
you are that they've been so positive and accepting and
helpful because she's like, that's not always the case.
And I was like, wow. And so I messaged her.
I'm like, would you help me? And she's like, yes, I'll help
you. So I kind of gave her access to
my ancestry DNA and she got to work and she was just constantly
(21:51):
moving things around and changing things and stuff.
And so once Stan, who is Angie'suncle, took the test and his two
daughters took the test, it kindof started to solidify things a
little bit more. So she still had her, her Watto,
which is like, what are the odds?
And it wasn't exact and stuff. And then my oldest son took the
(22:12):
test and that kind of helped even more.
And a Long story short, one of Stan's daughters, I was visiting
her and we just sat across the table from each other for like 4
hours just talking. And she would be like, you look,
we look so much alike. I'm like, I know we look so much
alike and had the greatest visit.
Like the next day she called me and she said, do you do you
(22:36):
share? And she gave the name of this
woman. And I said, I don't know, let me
see. And so I'm looking, I'm like, I
don't see that person. And so then I asked Angie, I'm
like, do you have this person onyours?
She's like, yeah, I do. That's my grandma Helen sister's
daughters, something like that cousin.
And so Sarah says, I don't, if myself and Angie and Sarah's
(22:56):
sister all are related to this woman through their grandmother
and you're not those three brothers can't be, can't be the
one. And so it was that that we put
together. And so I, I real fast messaged
my, my search Angel friend and she started working on it.
And she's like, Yep, that's you can share less, but you're not
(23:19):
going to share 0. And so it turned out to be
Grandpa Barney so. Wow, I know.
OK, so you find this out. He's he was older than your mom.
What do you think of this information when you finally get
the answer? At that point, once time went by
(23:41):
and I learned more and more, I kind of thought like, I bet, I
bet, I kind of think it's Grandpa Barney, but I didn't
know for sure, you know? And I remember Angie, one of the
first times we were messaging back and forth and we would
share pictures and all of our pictures when we were young, we
definitely had a lot of resemblance.
And she showed me one picture ofof her dad and who who I learned
(24:02):
to be my half brother. And I'd never seen a photo of a
man who looked like me. There's just this one picture.
And she knows exactly what picture I'm talking about where
I'm like, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh.
It's just just amazing. She told me if there was a
Mexican Sanford and son, it would be Grandpa Barney.
(24:24):
And my mom loved her like junk, her treasures, her garage sales,
her estate sales, her auctions. My mom loved that.
So I always kind of thought, well, maybe that's kind of
something that's familiar, similar, you know.
And so to go back a little bit, when I first got this result
(24:45):
back, right when I got the test,within a week or so, my mom had
one really close friend who was there when I was born, like in
the delivery room there when I was born.
And I called her up and I said, Gemma, what's going on here?
I said I did adna test. I'm not like the person on my
birth certificate is not my father.
She's like, yeah, I know. I'm like, you never told me.
(25:09):
She's like, I just didn't say anything, but I was like, OK,
well, can you tell me some more information here?
And so she basically told me that it was someone that my mom
had married and he wasn't a goodperson and he had left and she
was still that last name. And so she really wanted to have
(25:29):
a baby. Really, really wanted to have a
baby. And so this is 1971 and she was
a single woman. And so she had a baby and she's
like, I don't know if your mom necessarily knew who who was,
you know, maybe that's why she didn't tell you.
But one thing that was kind of afunny thing that she recalled
(25:51):
was that when my mom was in labor, she asked her And anyone
who knew their relationship, this is just funny.
Do you do you see any black hair?
Do you see any black hair? And she never thought anything
of that until we started talkingabout this.
And she's like, well, how did she know that it was black hair,
you know? So she didn't share with her
(26:12):
friend. Yeah, I don't think she knew.
I think she said it was a time where you didn't really ask a
lot of questions. It just all of a sudden she was
pregnant and then she had a babyand it was you and you were
wonderful. And did it really matter where
you came from or need to know? You know, I, I just know that
knowing my mom, she didn't want to share me.
I know that she wanted a baby. She didn't want a husband.
(26:35):
She didn't want a boyfriend. She didn't want.
She just wanted me. I could see why she wouldn't
have shared. Yeah.
How did you feel about the fact that it wasn't the man on your
birth certificate? I mean, you didn't know him, you
didn't have a relationship with him, but in your mind you'd had
this name. Did any feelings come up when
(26:56):
you realize that it wasn't him? There were no emotional feelings
because I had no it. I had.
I never knew that. Sure.
Yeah. What bothered me was that that
was my maiden name through school, through high school,
through college. I was a swimmer growing up.
And so, you know, all the swim meets I would go to, and I was
(27:17):
always that name. And that name wasn't me.
That was the only thing. A lot of people are sad because
they had this wonderful relationship with this person
or, you know, and then they're like, well, now I have this dad
and this. I never had a dad.
So. And and I yeah, I feel like I
still kind of don't because I never knew the actual person
(27:39):
either, you know, you. Had this name, you thought you
were French and then you learn and you, you touched on this
earlier, but for people who don't maybe understand the, the
genetic makeup of certain regions, you wouldn't have
gotten a result that said you'reMexican.
It would say indigenous Spanish.You mentioned Portuguese and
(28:01):
some of these others. So through taking your test, you
discover you're Mexican. How does that hit you after
thinking you were French for so long?
So thinking I was French, I never shared that with anybody.
It was something totally internal in my mind.
I never went around telling people I'm French.
I I just in my mind as a. Kid a story kind.
(28:23):
Of a thing, sure. Yeah.
All I had, and so my actual lastname is, is very Mexican
Spanish. It got changed a little bit from
the journey from Spain to Mexico.
I always had pale skin and I always had dark hair.
So I very much looked like my white mother.
I don't think really anyone everthought I was Hispanic because I
(28:47):
was so much Irish and English inme.
I married an Hispanic man and I have 4 Hispanic children.
And his family was quite large. He was the oldest of six kids.
I was an only child. So I very much was welcomed by
that family. So I feel like I, I had that
experience. It wasn't like I was, you know,
completely a different, you know, the last 30 years I was
(29:08):
with. His Hispanic family, it means
something. So it was familiar to you?
Yeah, yeah. And so my ex-husband, he he kind
of laughed. He's like, I thought you were
Mexican, but he he was Guatemalan.
So still Hispanic, you know. So yeah, it was a lot.
But it was good to finally know.It was good to finally know.
I so thankful to my friend who'sthe DNA search Angel.
(29:30):
I didn't have to look for one. I had one right there in front
of me. And she was so helpful and we
finally figured it out. So this family has been so
welcoming, Stan and his wife, his kids, they're so nice and
we're kind of navigating the relationship and where it goes
and. If you come to learn about
(29:51):
Father Barney, Grandpa Barney. I call him Grandpa Barney
because he's my my close people.That's that's their grandpa.
Right. And they're your age, really
like your your half nieces and. My half nieces and their nephew.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so, So what?
(30:12):
What have you learned about Barney?
So he served in World War 2 in Europe.
I thought that was amazing. I've been able to look through
photos and I was really fast, like taking pictures with my
phone of a bunch of photos and Ididn't really look at them, look
at them until later. And I was, I think I was on an
airplane and sometimes you're bored on an airplane.
I started going through my photos and I saw this one and I
(30:34):
don't know why I didn't see it when I saw it the first time,
but I I just saw myself. And so that was really cool.
And he was in a uniform, but, and he looks so much like one of
my three boys, like just the widow's peak, the everything.
And so that's kind of cool. He was married when I was
(30:56):
conceived, they got divorced within a few years later.
I don't know if it had anything to do with me or not.
I don't know who knows, But I just know that my mom, she
wasn't looking for a husband, she just wanted a baby.
And when I was about 3, we movedtwo hours away to another town
(31:18):
where I actually grew up and where my mom lived in the same
home until until she died. So yeah, there was a lot of
unresolved unsettling, like not knowing.
And so now that I know it didn'treally matter at that point,
like I just sure would have beengreat to have all these half
siblings that were like my age. But Stan's always been so sweet
(31:41):
to me whenever I see him. And he's about 18 years older
than me, but he and I are the only ones alive still that are
of that of that from his dad. That's just incredible.
So you went from not having any answers about who your father
was and and letting yourself kind of sit with that for a
really long time. Then you get your answers.
(32:04):
You know who he is. You still have unanswered
questions, right? Like from your mom, from Barney
about what happened. How are you?
Or maybe the question is, have you made peace with the fact
that you might not get an answerto those questions?
Because I think that that's something a lot of people in our
(32:24):
community, myself included, havehad sort of deal with is I I may
never know. I will never know the entire
truth, so to speak. I'm never going to know my mom
died with it. I guess I don't know.
I I it's hard to answer. I sometimes question myself, my
(32:48):
existence because I wasn't from a marriage, I wasn't from a
relationship, I just happened and how it could have easily
been someone else. I look at my 4 kids, I look at
myself and I said we're so luckyto be on this planet, like to be
alive, to have had the great lives that we live because it
(33:10):
was so chance. I think of who who ended up
being my dad. I mean, yeah, hard to say that,
but it's, you know, and at this point I do feel for my mom
because, you know, she's not here to defend herself or to
tell me what happened. But by not telling me and having
probably lots of opportunities. We spent a lot of time together
(33:33):
in her last few years when she was not doing well health wise,
she could have said something. But her good friend who's always
I referred to her as my auntie, she said, you know, Jennifer,
she might not have known. She might not have been able to
give you the answers you wanted or, or answered those answers.
So. Did you go through any period of
(33:55):
anger or frustration with your mom about this after you got
your answer or before? I think my entire life I always
gave my mom a lot of grace. I didn't ever push it,
obviously. I just accepted it as what it
was. And I think I said that to
myself and so many times as an adult that I just believed it.
(34:17):
I'm not going to know. And that's OK because I had a
great life and it it didn't matter, but it mattered.
I'm sure it mattered. You know, through life you
question that. It's just such a big thing of
who you are and where you came from.
And I'm related to these people that, you know, genetically were
(34:39):
related. But we really started off as
strangers. How lucky it was I to find them,
especially, you know, Angela, Angie, she's just, she's been
terrific. I asked her, I said, why did you
do a test? And she's like, oh, my wife did
1. And so I thought that would be
fun. And she's like, I did that in
2016 and I had my friend given me 23andMe instead of Ancestry
(35:00):
DNAI pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have done 2 and I would
have matched with anyone. I would have never have matched.
And so a lot of things fell intoplace that maybe it'll happen
for a reason at the right time in my life.
What made me sad was the time that went by that I could have
(35:21):
had a relationship with this family that has accepted me so
much. You know, like I said, I came
from a very, my mom had a very small family and it's, you know,
I was an only child. That's probably why I have 4
kids because I just wanted to, Iwanted I, you know, I wanted
that to surround myself with andthey're wonderful.
And so I, I know I made the right decision on that, but just
(35:44):
maybe the mistime, the mistime that I could have maybe had more
time, but honestly with the DNA tests that they haven't been
around for that long. So I mean, how much more time
would I have gotten? I don't know.
And maybe the right person wouldn't have tested and I
wouldn't know how to match, and I probably wouldn't have
revisited it after that. Yeah, it's all all the what ifs.
(36:07):
And to your point, like there's this lost time, but if your mom
didn't know, then you wouldn't have known.
Yeah, yeah, my kids are all think it's cool.
You know they're gonna. Ask what's their take away from
it? They learned they're more
Hispanic than they thought they were.
I know, I know they love their grandma like she was the
(36:28):
greatest grandma and they all love their grandma, but they're
like, oh, grandma when I told her like, oh grandma because I
just told him the truth. I didn't hide anything.
I said, look, this is what I found out.
It's just been it's been a journey and it's still evolving.
But it's nice to to know that. And I didn't know it was nice to
(36:50):
know that until I knew it. Yeah, it's really interesting to
hear your perspective. And there have been a few people
that I've spoken to, but for themost part, people really held a
belief and a relation, some sortof relationship, right, with who
they thought with their biological father.
So it's really interesting to hear your perspective where
(37:11):
there was no relationship attachment to who you thought
was your biological father, yourbirth certificate father.
But it's still been really profound for you to make that
connection and discover who it was.
Like you said, you didn't know it was missing until you found
it. What's next for you?
(37:32):
Just kind of just kind of continuing on here, like
figuring out what what the next steps in my life are going to
look like and where I'm going tolive.
I don't think it's going to be here forever where I'm living
now. It's kind of a transition, but
it's just figuring out what's next for me and fostering these
new relationships, which has been really special and very
(37:55):
appreciative of of that. What has been the most helpful
to you as you've navigated this?Your podcast listening No thank
you listening to all these stories all of our stories
intertwine. I get a little from one and a
little from another and a whole lot from some.
(38:16):
But it's, it's very comforting to know that there's other
people out there that, that are going through this.
And until two years ago, I didn't even know this was a
thing. I didn't know what an MPE was.
I didn't know what a DNA test I didn't know.
I don't want to do that. I'd tell my friend, you know,
just knowing there's other people.
And just also how prevalent it was maybe back in the 60s and
(38:40):
70s and we're all now finding this out now with the commercial
DNA tests or curiosity or hearing other people do it.
So then you do it to not not necessarily expecting to find
out what you find out. What advice do you have for a
parent who might be keeping adnasurprise from their child?
(39:04):
I would say probably what almostevery other person says is you
just need to tell them. You know, like just make sure
you know age appropriate and youdon't have to give them every
last detail, but you just need to tell them because they're
going to find out. They're going to find out.
Even if my mom would have say, Idon't know, I don't know the
truth. I don't know if she absolutely
100% knew who it was or didn't know, but I wish she could have
(39:27):
told me that other way. You know, like before she died,
I wished I would have heard it from her then have to go through
all this figuring it out to findout.
I always gave my mom a lot of grace and I don't think she
would have thought I would have been mad because again, we never
talked about it. So that was maybe why it was so
(39:47):
weird, you know, like all those age appropriate times when it
would have been normal to have this conversation.
We never had the conversation. So then I just let it go and
kind of wish towards the end I would have said something but
can't do anything about it now. Those are really good insights
just about wanting to be able toask those questions, you know,
(40:11):
before before it's too late. And I think that's a really good
thing for parents to think aboutif they're holding on to any
information like that. Give your kids the opportunity
to ask questions if you can, even if you don't know the
answer. What advice do you have for
someone who just uncovered Adna Surprise?
Oh gosh, just to be OK with maybe not finding out, you know,
(40:35):
and maybe not everyone's going to be embraced by a family.
That's exciting to hear that this is something that they they
didn't know and they found out. And just just be kind to
yourself and know that you mightnot find out everything.
So just be kind to yourself and patient and Share your story
with other people and get the support from other people, which
(40:55):
is important. Jennifer, thank you so much for
coming on the podcast and sharing your story.
It's just amazing how like you said, everyone's story is a
little bit different and yet there's these common threads and
I really appreciate you taking the time to share your unique
perspective and I wish you the best as you continue to bond
with your new found family and explore your new found heritage.
(41:19):
Thank you. Thank you.
Thanks again to Jennifer for sharing her story.
If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, submit your
story at dnasurprises.com and besure to join me over on
patreon.com/DNA Surprises for early ad free access to
episodes. Until next time.
(41:43):
This episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, produced and edited
by me, Alexis Oursalt. It was mixed and mastered by
Josh Oursalt of Siren Recording Studios.
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